#but now ive experienced it im like FUCK i wanna kiss them again so bad
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Unrelated to anything I've ever posted here but I have nobody on this blog and I wanna Talk in my tags
#i had my first kiss on sunday AAAAA#ik im a 23 yr old loser that JUST kissed someone#but now ive experienced it im like FUCK i wanna kiss them again so bad#i dont wanna simp to any of my friends LMAO theyre gonna get annoyed of my shit real quick and also this is Private Thoughts#im so fucking down bad for this person legit like i caught myself daydreaming abt sex w them LMFAO that has NEVER happened abt anyone ive#been talking to before. and like we're not even in a relationship but we both like each other and theyve called me their girl so im like AA#so its damn near a relationship. but im like this is so fucking early like im not even saying i love them yet bc i dont but like#what if i marry them lmao#im so fucking down bad for them i cant function literally im watching a HORROR MOVIE for class a couple briefly kissed and i was like#omfg i wanna kiss them so bad. like im 99% sure im HORRIBLE bc it was awkward the first kiss but they were so sweet abt it#ANYWAYS i think thats rant over i just wanna kiss them so bad rn and theyre asleep i think they didnt reply to my last text lmfao
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I got live‘sies so its time to appreciate‘sies some brackrond‘sies detailies
Not rly bc but i live how it looks like were zooming up, and then back down the lodge before and after santafee prologue
Why tf is crutchie su confused when he wakes up
Jack proceeds to sleep with one of just drawings wtf
He waves his hand infront of crutchie like „ur eyes closed yet??“
Al playing and leaning on the rail ahhhh ahshwksmdnxlxl (in case u didnt know: i love albert)
Race laughing and slapping specs
Everyone just deads in their tracks and teams up when Albert gives his coment that went to far
Finch scratching his head is so real
DID BIRD FLY TWEETY BOY JUST LEAN IN FOR A GOODMORNING KISS
AND DID GINGER MF JUST REFUSE BIRD FLY TWEETY BOY HIS KISS??
The slap on his chest like „not now honey“ 😭swejfcizp
Ike and mike arent in the same thibgy thing. For fucks sake thank god cuz its been bothering me for a while how they only get mentioned in the same context. I hate it when they do that. Wait nvm that looked like mush but it actually was mike.
Naw sniper can be so adorable
Did i mention i fucking love jojo
Smalls snd finch sharing a room ™️
Crutchie is so done w jacks bullshit
LMAO BUTTONS COMBING HIS HAIR
Albert posing infront of the „mirror“ is so me tbh
Ive mever seen anyone struggle this mutch to out on a hat as blink. All those tbh thats smt that could be me prolly
Specs babe what r u doing on the floor
Race shaking his jaket is so overdramatic and its perfect
Mush and henry are a duo I didn’t know I needed.
Why is mush acting like hes in a circus lmfao
Tommy struggling with the pants is everything
Elmer just took his cap off, put it in his pocket, and the magicaly made it apear in his other hand???
Who is tommy saluting at
Naw specs is like a big brother to livesies blink and it breaks my heart in the best way possible
Albert jumps in the middle like when i slide through the kitchen on my socks lmfao
Tbh sniper just wanted to move too
Sky. What was your thought process when you looked at darcy‘s ass instead of Katherine‘s even tho you knew this was gonna be in the proshot?
BUTTONS WTF??
Finch is such a mood istg
Snipe honey ily but you are being a little creepy
HENRY YOU JUST PUT ON THE JACKET HOW DID IT GO OFF U AGAIN?
I demant to know what jojo is doing
Ok smalls just sitting there dangling their feet is everything
BUTTONS ALSO LOOKED AT DARCY INSTEAD OF KATH WTH ?? HER ASS CABT BE THAT BAD /j
Kath awkward queen
Darcy going „alright“ like „okay thats enough, im done— your dONE“
HES SO PROUD 🥹
Specs. Going down backwards are leathers. This are stairs. Please watch where you’re goibg
RACE TOO IS EYEING DARCY INSTEAD OF KATHERINE
Istg romeo and jack r the only ones eyeing kathering wtf is thos?
RACE LOOKS AT CRUTCHES SO KNOWINGLY LIKE AN INSIDE JOKES UNDER BROTHERS LMFAO I LOVE THAT. THEYRE MAKING FUN OF JACK TOGETHER AHSHWKENFN
Ok so elmer actually looked at kath but he honestly just looks angry
Tommy boy save me, youre the only normal person here!
Nvm
Race wtf is your deal??
OKAY SOMEONE HELP ELMER I THINK HES HAVING A SEIZURE
How is blink STILL bot done?!
Jacks just talking to the air
Every single one of finches facial expressions. Like i can’t even count them all.
Hes so done lmfao
Mush? Wtf? Stop? Please?
You wanna share with the class tommy? We wanna laugh too
Buttons just watches like he just gave up like,,, ah whatever you do you
Mush is becoming a poledancer??
WJEN DID SPECS GO BACK UP THERE WTF
Race slapping buttons on the cheek like a grandma💀💀💀
We all agree that albert is that one friend where the whole friendgroup thinks he’s the token straight friends but hes everything but that, its just that he doesn’t talk about it a lot. And there’s that one friend (i wonder who/j) that knows fron experienced how thats just so fucking wrong
Elmer is like „😒😒😒—oh shit thats my cue- IM HAPPY“
So i got aprox two seconds into it and now in tired so see u lmfao
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Hi! So happy to see that you’re back! Can I request something about the reader being experienced and taking Sapnap’s virginity?❤️
hi hello, heres this, i made this very praise heavy bc i feel like he would be very into being praised
You had been with sapnap for around six months now and you guys hadnt done anything more than make out, you figured it was just because he was scared until he came out and told you some pretty shocking news.
“So you know how ive been putting off us sleeping together?” he says anxiously, “its because well...ive never...yknow” he blushes and looks down. Its hard to believe someone as attractive as him had never been with anyone, especially with how good he was at kissing.
“Thats okay, we can take it as slow as you want to. I dont mind waiting until youre comfortable.” you said to him, lifting his chin for him to look at you. “And if youre never ready or decided its not for you ill support you, i love you for you and i dont need sex to be happy.” he smiles and takes your hand.
“Actually...i think im ready to try it if you want to.” he says with a brighter blush covering his face.
“I promise ill take it slow and dont hesitate to tell me if you get uncomfortable with anything or if you want to stop.” he nods as you lead him to your shared room. You push him back to sit on the bed before moving to sit in his lap, “we can start with what we normally do okay?” he nods and captures your lips in a soft kiss, your hands moving to thread through his long hair, tugging softly. He lets out a soft moan and grips your hips and you begin to rock them against him. He lets out another soft noise before you pull away, moving to bite and suck at his neck roughly, causing him to buckle his hips into yours.
“Patience baby boy, wanna make you feel good first. Want this to be good for you.” he hums as you dive back to nip at his neck, his hands moving to your hips to guide them. You giggle before moving off of him, sinking to your knees in front of him. “Is this okay?”
“More than okay sweetie, please make me feel good.” he looks at you with pleading eyes as you slowly undo his belt and unbutton his pants. He whines as you go slowly before tugging them down, palming him over his boxers as he ruts his hips into your touch before you tug his boxers down. He lets out a hiss as the cold air hits his member before you take it in your hand, pumping it slowly as he grips the sheets. You lick the tip softly before taking him all the way in your mouth, gagging slightly as he hits the back of your throat. He lets out a loud moan and throws his head back, one hand moving to your hair.
“F-feels so good please dont stop.” one hand tugs at your hair, begging to guide you up and down his length while the other one grips the sheets roughly. You let him take control, him starting to fuck your throat softly, rutting into you to chase his own pleasure. You tug away from him when he starts to twitch in your mouth.
“No no no baby boy, dont want you cumming to fast.” he whines as you stand up, making a show out of taking off your clothes, causing his mouth to water. “Youre overdressed,” you say as you finish taking everything off, moving to straddle his hips again before tugging his shirt off. “Much better.”
“p-please ...please ride me need to be inside you so bad.” you chuckle at his words before pushing him onto his back and standing up.
“Lay back on the bed and get comfy, want this to be good for you.” he nod and shifts to lay his head on the pillows before you move back on top of him lifting yourself over him before sinking down slowly. He lets out a guttural groan and shoots his hands to your hips. Once youre all the way down you throw your head back and roll your hips, letting out a moan.
“Feel so good inside me, so deep.” he whines and buckles his hips into you, causing you to moan again and place your hand on his chest. “No baby, let me take care of you.” he nods as you start to ride him, letting out whimpers and moans as you do so. He continues to beg and moan below you, already growing close from the new sensation.
“G-gonna cum baby, fuck youre so tight.” you let out a louder moan at that and tighten around him before he spills inside you, throwing his head back and gripping your hips tight enough to bruise. You move for a little longer before he starts to whine from overstimulation. You move off of him and whine as the loss of being full, his eyes glued to the sight of his cum dripping out of you and running down his thighs. You move to lay next to him, giving him soft kisses.
“You did so well for me honey, such a good boy.” he smiles at the praise and gives you another soft kiss.
“Did you finish?” you shake you head, not minding that you didnt. You wanted this to be about him so you were okay with not getting off.
“No, but i dont mind, i wanted to make this about you, i can finish myself off later.” you say with a shrug, earning a frown from him.
“Could i maybe...go down on you?” he looks a little nervous, as if you would tell him no. you smirk and move his chin to have him face you.
“Does the baby wanna clean up his mess? Make me feel good?” he blushes and nods. “Then do it my pet, go get your reward.” he eagerly moves between your legs and you swear there has never been a more angelic sight than the one you have right now. He learned a lot that day and you were very content after he finished you off. What a way to lose his virginity.
#sapnap#sapnap x reader#sapnap smut#sapnap x reader smut#dream smp#dream smp smut#dream smp x reader#dream smp x reader smut#mcyt smut#mcyt x reader smut
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Rodrick heffley: Keep quiet
tw: possession and degrading
~~~~~~~~~
"I cant believe she would do that to you!" you say with a short giggle, you look at Rodricks adorable face and my smile grew bigger knowing that the only time hes genuinely happy and laughing is around you. "I was so totally shocked when she bit me, my dick hurt for like the following week." He stroked his fingers through his semi-short hair and continued on his painful story on how he lost his virginity.
You and Rodrick have been talking for 2 and a half months now, you and him have an extreme connection despite the fact that you are totally opposite. You like to wear softer colored clothes and get good grades in school, and Rodrick well... doesn't. He doesn't give a shit what people think or say about him and just goes the way he wants to, Thats what you've always adored him, you were jealous of that.
Sometimes you question how your friends with a guy as corrupted as him.
But when ever you converse the words just spill out of you, it actually feels like hes engaged and actually willing to hear more and learn about you. You've never experienced anything like that before. Speaking that most of your exes just used you for sex.
Whenever your around Rodrick, you feel like yourself. What ever you are scared to be in front of everyone else you show it to him and he strangely accepts it. Obviously, you would even consider him your best friend or 'pal' But lately ... the way he touches you isnt very 'pal-like' . Although it may seem like something small, he would massage your knee and work his way down your smooth thigh, stopping right before he reaches your inner thigh; slowly massaging that area and leaves you wanting more of him.
It could be when your hugging and he lowers his hands from your waist to your hips.. Stuff like that may not seem large but it speaks louder and clear that theres sexual tension in the air.
Rodrick finished up his tragic v card story and you both giggled, Rodrick then abruptly stopped laughing and his once loud laugh turned into a snarky smile. "What's with the smirk." you say smiling nervously not knowing what he will do.
"Are you a virgin?" He says, "Nah." You respond back to him. "Ive only had sex with 2 people though."
Yea you weren't a virgin (at all) but man when you had sex it was just beyond awful, terrible. Butterflies grew in your stomach as you watched him bite his cheek in amazement.
"Wow, Little miss Y/N getting freaky in the sheets." he teased, you droopily looked down at your swinging feet hanging off your bed and sighed before admitting, "Well it wasn't exactly good.. if fact it was absolutely dreadful." , "Well i wanna hear this to see if its just as bad as mines."
You adjusted yourself to lean against the white headboard, looking at Rodrick who was seated at the end of the bed. You wrapped your arms around your pillow and started reminiscing on how you lost your virginity at the ripe old age of 17.
"Well it was a party that was at some random guys house.. gee I dont even remember his name... I think it was like tony or something like that.","We were in this small group with other people in our grade, we were bored so we decided to play 7 minutes in heaven.." , "and it was my turn to spin the bottle, sadly."...
flashback
~~~~~
(skip if you dont like the extra length.)
You anxiously spun the bottle, hoping that it would stop on your crush, Luke Hannington. The bottle spun and everyone watched in awe.
You felt your heart drop to your stomach as the bottle started to decelerate and fixate on a person.. tense but hopeful , you look up at the person the bottle focused on.
Luke.
You tried to hold back your sheer excitement and joyfulness, but it quickly came to a halt after seeing your crushes nonchalant, monotone, bored face. 'He was probably hoping for someone hotter' you think yourself pathetically.
Everyone sneakily snickered and whispered in each others ears after seeing his disappointed face and disgusted eyes.
You felt like bursting into tears after feeling the way you did. You felt hideous.
"So ill set the timer, the closet is on your left sweetie." The host said, obviously trying to hold back her sneaky remarks until you get in the closet.
He quickly gets up and speed walks to the closet, you followed, fondling your fingers and biting the skin off your lip.
You got to the closet, atleast he was sweet enough to hold the door open for you.
You sat down on the carpeted floor, hassling all the jackets and coats off of you. Luke frantically searched for the light so we can actually see in this closet and took a seat after.
He closed the door and minutes later you heard it lock from the otherside, "Begin, lovebirds!"
The only thing that began was the pure awkwardness and his uncomfortable glances. "So um.." You tried to start a convo but failed at it miserably, nothing you were doing was working, he would always give this stupid uncomfy look or mess with his collar. You were milliseconds away from kicking the door down and leaving this stupid party.
"Im sorry." he said noticing your frustration, "I dont think your ugly or anything.", "Ive had sex before, but not with strangers."
Stranger. Neat.
Tension arosed in the closet after he asked out of no where, "Have you ever been fingered before?" ,"I think im a pro if i say so myself."
You nodded your head no, "Im a virgin..","Ive always wanted to though.." You tried to say seductively hoping to make him hard. "Open your legs." He sternly demanded, you obeyed and did just that.
He pulled off your cotton panties and felt you up and down, then awkwardly slid a finger in. You gasp surprised, hoping he would've given more foreplay. "Um.." You moan as he fingered you in an accelerating pace , rubbing your left lip thinking it was your clit.
You felt second hand embarrassment for him, Luke Hannington doesn't know where the clitoris is?
You were drying out and getting turned off by his loud grunts and heavy breathing, actually thinking he was doing something. "Somebody lied to this man.." You said in your head. "No way do i actually have to fake an orgasm for this psychopath to stop."
You prepped yourself and tried replicate the girls off of pornhub, "Oh yes!" you moaned as you shook your legs frantically, a smile grew upon his face as he went faster. "Im gonna-" You dramatically puff your chest up faking an intense orgasm.
He stopped and swiped the sweat off of his forehead, "Good right?" , "Great, i bet you i wont even be able walk straight!" You moan, you cheesily snapped your fingers and giving him finger guns to throw him off your awful acting. The timers alarm rung, "Finally." You thought to yourself.
You stood up and walked out of the closet just fine.
You got back to the group who were snickering and giggling like a bunch of pre-schoolers.
~~~~
end of flashback
"Bad but not as bad as mines." He chuckled competitively, "Whatever." You threw a pillow at him. "Ive been cursed with the spell "awful sex." ever since that night." You dramatically say, "Is that so?" , "No guy has been capable of making you cum.. making you scream?" His voice lowered, looking into your eyes with a hot confused look.
"Yea pretty much." You sneakily adjust your skirt so he can see your soft thighs and a sliver of your panties. The room went silent as he looked you up and down, examining your body and its crevices , he licked his lips struggling to control the urge to squish and carress your thighs. He quickly looked down hoping you didnt notice how long he was staring at your body, so hungrily.
"Hey um.. y/n" He said scooting closer to you.
Your breath became heavy and palms began to sweat as you watched him scoot in closer.
"Have you been feeling it too?" his soft deep voice lowering into a erotic whispering tone. "F-feeling what?" You stumble trying to think straight, his eyes were fixated on your lips, he wanted them badly.
"You know.." "The tension?" He slowly rubs your thigh with his huge hands, maneuvering them up your skirt but stopping right before he hit, you know what. You hated that. You nod slowly to his question.
"You told me you never came before?" He questioned, "No.. never." You responded back. He put a stray hair behind your ear, then smoothly rubbed his thumb over your bottom lip.
"Can i be your first?"
You nod needily.
Biting your lip before going in for a deep passionate kiss. He wrapped his hand around your waist , scooting you up onto his lap. His hands adventured up your skirt again , grabbing your ass and slapping it. You gasp at the loud sound it made.
"My parents are home Rodrick!" You whisper yelled pulling away from the kiss.
Rodrick continued kissing your neck and ear, gripping your firm ass cheek, not giving a fuck about what anyone says. Like usual.
"Baby i truly don't give a shit, just keep it down." He sternly said.
"Mmm ok.." You moan and roll your head back as he made out with that sweet spot on your neck.
He roughly pinned you down and kissed you more this time exchanging tongue. He pulled away from the compelling kiss leaving a small train of spit
He pulled your panties off smoothly and stared at the sight to see. "Have you ever been fingered before?" He jokingly teased giving a little lightheart to this hot and spicy situation.
He trailed his hands up and down your wet pussy, looking for that spot.
When he finally got his hands on it you let out a small gaspy squeal, "Its right here?" You nod, breath getting faster.
"Yes daddy right there please~" You cry out, "Daddy?" He smirks, He slowly rubs his fingers around your clit. "Im your daddy now?" Rodrick bites his lip, "Then i guess your my little slut then."
"Are you my little slut?" He asks you, he picks up his pace sending a small tingle down your spine, he giggled mischievously knowing that its gonna be hard for you to respond. You try to catch your breath but moans and shrieks keep cutting your words off.
"Are you my little.. slut?" He slipped in two fingers and fucked your tight hole and worked your g-spot, so much to a point where you had to grasp one of your plushies to keep from screaming. "Alright I guess ill have to make you say yes."
Your eyes roll back as you felt his mouth attach to your clit, swirling his tongue all around your sensitive clit. For the first time you actually wanted to cum..
"I think im gonna-" You bite into a pillow to cover the loud noise you were gonna let out.
Right before you were about to have an intense orgasm, he stopped. Edging you and all your senses. You whined like a little bitch.
"Shut the fuck up." He said unbuckling his pants, "Your gonna take this dick and your gonna like it, alright? alright." He said stroking his rock hard twitching dick before aggressively sliding in.
"My parents- ah-" , " I swear if you mention your parents one more time im gonna throat fuck you." He said in a pissed off tone.
He threw your legs over his shoulders and slid a pillow under you. Rodrick continued to fuck up into you, hitting that one spot again, and again, and again; and just to torture you, he rubbed your clit you were experiencing bliss, euphoria.
Rodrick swiftly took your legs off his shoulder and spread them wide open so he could get a deeper fuck, "stupid slut your legs are trembling." , "You really like me fucking you hard, hitting that spot just perfectly even when your parents are just sitting in their room ; feet away? " ,"Now when i ask this again, i want a response."
"are you my little slut?" He whispered into your ears, you moaned loudly and threw your head back, "Yes!", "Yes daddy, im your slut." ," I want your parents to fucking hear." He looked you deep in the eyes waiting for your response.
"Yes daddy im your slut.." You moaned loudly.
He grasped on your waist and pounded deep into you, the claps of your skin, the loud moans, at that point you forgot you even HAD parents.
He kept fucking into your tight cunt relentlessly, hitting every single spot perfectly. Humanly impossible.
"Cum whore i know you wanna." Rodrick says, you open your mouth but no moans come out.. that was it . You were actually gonna cum... Your legs began to shake and tumble , it felt like a large sneeze but in your stomach. "Im gonna-" You could barely get out.
You released yourself onto his cock, "Fucking hell." He said as he couldn't bare to last any longer. He pulled out of you and came onto your tired cunt.
"Damn baby." He groaned putting his softening dick away. "was it good?" He hopefully said, "It was amazing." You responded back excitedly.
That stupid curse is gone, yay!
Everything was good until you heard loud footsteps seconds away from your door.
~~~~~~~
Authors note:
This is a pretty long story but i actually enjoyed writing these ones, rodrick was my first story on this book (and my most popular) so you know i had to do the mf again🙄 pegging and femboy kink coming soon⚠️
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Tease-Rhink fic
Rhett and link are making out furiously. Its been a long day between the day at work where link teased him immensely like his tongue so close to rhetts nipple right on camera and everything.. and then the car ride home where link really got rhett going with a hand running up his thigh his eyes blazing whispering naughty thoughts he had on his mind into the thin air and soon rhetts pulling over and their heating up the windows. There seemed to be no other choice than kissing. a hand job not offering the kind of release theyre after tonight it was gonna just be red hot sex rhett and link didn't care where or how but it was gonna be some deep penetration thats one way of clearing the air between them. Rhett was pulling links pants off. Shaking them.. link was looking so good. Like a meal and rhett was hungry!! They were kissing feverishly. Hurry rhett, link moaned deeply. Rhett growled as the pants were keeping them from each other. The tiny space making it harder. Rhett got them off and shoved links legs up. Bo i gotta get up inside you before i burst. Come do me. Link almost cried out. Ohhh i wana taste your cum so pull out before your done. Link moaned. His glasses were fogged. And adjusted them glasses once before rhett moved and took them off. I know you wana cum leave these off I wanna see them eyes. Then rhett grabbed links dick and pinned it to his stomach as link was bent in half. Open that entrance bo. Link opened his puckered hole as wide as he could. Rhett shoved
his dick in and let link get used to his size. Uhhhh link groaned and licked his lips. This was the first time both the 40 year olds had tried this it was a time neither of them would soon forget. I know you wana fuck me link groaned start moving rhett. Rhett did he put his all into the fuck. Slow movements. Link was in 7th heaven. Gosh rhett i did not know how big you really are. Ive seen it before sure. But just how big you are when your inside it feels like im shoving an Eggplant inside. Not that ive tried that before. Shut up link. Rhett groans his lips wet his mouth open. His cock sheathed in the amazingly hot flesh of links ass. Is there anything more pleasurable on this earth than doin this with you now? Rhett moans. He starts to speed up and moves with fevor. Devouring link with his eyes and dives in with a kiss his lips suctioning to links as his cock is pushing into the hole and his tongue fucking him. Link groans with pleasure and rhett dives in again hes never experienced links tongue its magical and makes him hard. Link is hard against rhetts belly. The cops could catch them out for parking illigally but they wouldnt care cause this moment called for action. Even A truck beeping behind them as they were kissing at the stop light didnt phase them. They are so desperately needing each other tonight they both knew what had to be done. Yeahhh rhett. Yeah right there bo. Keep moaning for me link i want to hear them pretty little moans seep into my skin. Look how hard you made me i want you to choke my dick with your ass. Ohhh yeh your so deep, I wana cum. Cum bo
rhett hisses but i could fuck you for hours. Links heart flutters his orgasm uncontrollable. It reaches a peak then he sighs and cums so hard over rhetts chest. Good job bo. but rhett doesn't stop hes on a mission for pleasure. Hes not even joking. This might be the only time they do it hes got an itch that needs rubbing thats doin link. Rhett closes his eyes and goes to town links arms go over his head and his head tilts up. His cock keeps cumming it doesnt stop. Its the best and deepest fuck hes had. Link doesnt want to let go of this feeling. Rhett slams like his life depends on it. His tongue delving into links mouth. His own dick ready to shoot but he holds it back. Cum rhett...i gotta feel your warm cream Links naughty thoughts are bad he reaches around and puts two fingers up inside rhett... and seeks that pleasure of doin that to his best friend. Rhett rewards him cumming possibly the most hes ever cum. Oh god link why did you do that! Rhett growls. I didnt want to cum yet.
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man behind the sun
Note: repost from my old blog. also pls let know if u liked it :)
Warnings: just fluff like honestly ive never written anything angsty
Sometimes you found it odd how a small group of people could live every waking moment with each other, go on missions and still want to hang out afterwards. It didn’t really matter in this moment, the moment you were experiencing could show anyone just how much they care and need each other.
Tony had decided to have a pool party for no particular reason. He said it was a celebration for finishing a grueling mission, but everyone knew that he just wanted to party so no one said anything. The guys were fooling around in the pool with the different kinds of floaties and occasionally they’d play a rough game of tag or something, while the girls huddled around Sharon and talked about her growing baby bump.
“I can’t believe you’re pregnant,” you said as you took a sip of your drink. Sharon looked up from her bump and gave you a small smile.
“I can’t believe you’re not,” she joked back, rubbing her belly, “how long has it been with you and Bucky?”
“Coming up three years,” you sighed, looking down at your drink. Everyone always teased you about how you and Bucky were the perfect couple, the epitome of love and how they couldn’t wait until you got married and had babies. It was all fun and games until you realised that Bucky hadn’t even mentioned anything about marriage and it made you a little anxious in thinking where the relationship would be going. To keep your mind at bay, you chalked it up to the fact that Bucky still might not be ready but a little part of your mind feared that he really didn’t want to get married. Ever.
“Has he hinted at any proposal?” Nat question, her face twisted in confusion.
“Nope,” you said shrugging.
“It’s okay. Steve didn’t propose to me until last year, four years, it took the man four years,”Sharon quipped up, hoping that she could ease your anxiety.
“I’m not so much on my toes,” you lied as you sipped your drink.
The girls moved on from the subject much to your relief but you couldn’t stop thinking about your future. You watched as Wanda placed her hand on Sharon’s belly and giggled when she felt movement and never have you wanted to be a mother such as in this moment. Turning your gaze over to the pool, you watched Bucky goof around with his friends and you couldn’t stop yourself from thinking about having a little boy that Bucky could play games with in the pool. Or a daughter that would be sitting next to you as you gossiped with the girls. A smile formed on your face when you imagined them running around the apartment yelling as their father chased them around pretending to be the bad guy. You stopped the silly fantasies from continuing as you noticed Bucky walking towards the table.
Bucky caught your gaze and smiled at you to which you mirrored. He walked around you, standing facing your back as he placed a wet hand on your shoulder. You gasped as he chuckled and in response you tried to send him the meanest glare possible but it was quickly replaced with a lovesick expression when you placed your hand over his.
“You wanna come play with us?” Bucky asked, looking down at you, eyes never leaving yours. You looked towards your friends and they all nodded for you to go with him.
“Okay sure, let me just get ready,” you said as you leaned forward to place your glass on the table.
“Don’t take too long,” he said before leaning down and pecking your cheek. You watched Bucky jog back to the pool and couldn’t help but to watch his back muscles. A small groan was about to leave your mouth when Bucky dove into the water but before a sound could be made Natasha cleared her throat. You whipped your head towards the girls and saw they all had sly smiles. Your cheeks began to heat up as you realized they caught your shamelessly checking out your boyfriend.
“If he doesn’t propose soon, I’m gonna kick him in the balls,” Nat stated.
“I’m with you on that,” you muttered.
“Y/N! C’mon!” Bucky yelled, stopping the game with the boys much to their annoyance.
“Alright!” You yelled back while standing up and taking off your cover up. Wanda and Sharon let out whistles as Nat cat called you.
“Seriously, if he’s not gonna propose, I will,” Sharon remarked, giving you a wink.
“Sharon, you’re married to Steve,” you giggled.
“Hoes before bros,” was all she said before your name was called again.
The rest of the day was spent playing all sorts of games with the boys and you swore half of the games were made up on the spot because the rules kept changing.
The day was coming to an end when the air turned chilly and when Sharon stood up and called Steve over, letting him know that she and the baby were ready to head out. Soon after you and Bucky decided to head back home as well.
“Are you okay?” Bucky asked after a few moments of driving in silence. You seemed a little off since the talk with the girls and he was starting to get worried. You nod, answering his question with an action instead of words. Bucky decided not to press any further and changed the topic to Sam doing something stupid.
Once back at home and in your bedroom, you walked slowly to the balcony and watched the sun set. It was one of your favorite things to witness. Bucky made his way towards you, putting his hands on the railing and leaned forward, capturing you between his body and the railing. He sighed and watched the sky turn different hues of orange and blue.
“Bucky?” You asked after a moment of silence.
“Mmhmm,” he responded, his face chin resting on your shoulder.
“Do you- do you ever think about marriage?” He doesn’t answer immediately causing a wave of anxiety to flood your senses. You noticed that he had lifted his head from your shoulder and backed away from you a little.
“What?” You asked, scared that you said something wrong and triggered him in a way that you don’t want to.
“Nothing, just… wait here, okay?” He looked at you, your body facing him now. You nod, giving him the answer he needs before he disappeared into your bedroom. Turning back towards the sky you braced yourself for the worst possible outcome. In the silence, you heard a drawer being opened, things being pushed aside and then the drawer slammed shut.
“Y/N,” Bucky said so quietly it could have been a whisper. You turned around and saw him holding something behind his back, shifting nervously from one foot to another. He slowly brings his hands into view and opened them. You gasped as you saw the little black velvet box resting on his palms and your heart began to race..
“I’ve had it for five months now… I just didn’t know how to ask or if you even wanted me to,” Bucky says as he walks closer towards you.
“Of course I wanted you to,” you say, placing a hand over your heart.
“Just not like this,” he mumbled.
“This is fine,” you whisper shyly. Bucky takes a look at the box and then back at you and he knows that now is the perfect time. As Bucky gets down on one knee, he slowly opens the box to reveal the most beautiful and simple ring you’ve seen. The hand that had been resting over your heart was now covering your mouth, covering the biggest smile. Both you and Bucky are grinning like fools and your hand falls to your side as he takes the ring out of the box.
“Will you marry me, Y/N?” Bucky asks through the unshed tears threatening to spill.
“Yes,” you breathed out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You jumped a little as Bucky took your left hand and slid the ring onto your finger.
The moment the ring was on, you cupped his face and brought him up to your level and kissed him with so much passion and love. Bucky’s arms wrapped themselves around your waist as yours around his neck and your legs around his waist when he picked you up.
“Thank god you said yes,” Bucky said after breaking apart, leaving little room between the both of you. You gave him a quick peck on the lips and then stuffed your face into the nook of his neck.
“Of course I would,” you said, though it was muffled. You glanced at the ring behind his head and couldn’t believe that he had actually proposed to you. Bucky leans his head back so he could be face to face with you again, leaving small kisses all around your face and you giggled as you felt his stubble scratch your cheeks.
Eventually Bucky let you back down and as you untangled yourself from him, you had another glance at the ring. Bucky took your head and kissed your knuckles and suddenly the smile that was glued to your face was gone.
“You idiot!” You shouted, yanking your hand from his grasp.
“What?” Bucky asked, so confused on how your mood suddenly changed.
“You’ve had this ring for five months!” Bucky chuckled and lifts his hands up in mock surrender.
“I wanted it to be perfect,” Bucky defended.
Truthfully as cliche as it was to get proposed to on a balcony at sunset, it was pretty perfect. But then you realized that with the amount of love you had for Bucky, anything he could have done would have been perfect.
You started to walk towards the bedroom, leaving a smiling Bucky on the balcony. He turned to face you and saw that you had extended your left hand, letting the diamond shine in the last rays of sunlight. Bucky takes your hand as you lead him back inside….to officially seal the deal.
fuck im just gonna tag mutuals i guess cause idk: @supersoldierslover @marvelmom @sniktlogan @aubzylynn @captainpunk @capbuckybuchanan @4theluvofall @sebashtiansatan @soldatbarnes @papi-chulo-bucky
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K. I know alt stands for ASSITANT language teacher
But 2 things. 1) assitants fucking DO THINGS
2) the way they sell this job is like youre a teacher.
Constantly in this job i am treated like a clown.
And im gonna tag this and im probably gonna receive the same comments i get irl from rose tinted glassed ‘japanese people can do no wrong’ people
Thus far ive worked in 4 junior highs and 3 elementarys
Most of the teachers no matter where they are just seem so incompetent
Its no big deal that the teachers arent fluent in english - isnt that literally why alts are here??? So why don’t they ever take advice?!???
Im so fucking sick of being told how to speak my fucking language.
And not the ‘speak slower’ ‘speak simpler’ thats fine and ill accept criticism on my ability to communicate to people learning english as a second language. Not that.
Grammar, pronunciation, sentence structure - and what sounds natural
I hate the videos that are made for classrooms. And the fucking books
“A native speaker wrote it” - k no. Having worked here i know exactly how that went down. A japanese person wrote it, then went to either a business kiss ass ‘japan can do no wrong’ person. Or. Bullied someone into saying it was good by doing that annoying ass thing japanese people do
Where they ask the question over and over with “ok?” At the end. Cause they dont want an answer - they just wanna be told that theyre right or to do whatever they want. And they do not plan on receiving any answer besides “youre correct”
Its awkward cause ive literally been annoyed at my friend in the past for complaining about having a job where she does nothing and gets paid. Now i feel bad because i HATE going to work to sit and do nothing. But honestly - it has more to do with the fact that of all of my schools - only 1 has given me a nice place to sit.
Not a table that they store junk on and pretend to be surprised by me everytime im there like “oops sorry theres all this stuff (but like youre not a real person and we hate that youre here so just be happy we tolerate your existance and tell is your happy to have giant things all over your desk literally sticking in your face)”
Not the extra desk behind the printer that blows dust in my face as it goes off every 20 seconds
Not the desk under the aircon blowing on me/ in the corner next to the coldest window/door
Not a literal broken chair
Not a desk in the path of the class files where teachers have to constantly get to the spot directly behind me
And i was also that person thatd say ‘well if you dont like it - quit - theres plenty of people who WANT that job’
But like it fucking sucks. Cause i have experienced REALLY good teachers who actually team teach with you. I have had one school where i worked full time and got to see my students more than once a month - hence being able to actually get to know them and want them get better. I have been at a school with wonderful staff who welcome me into the school like im an actual person - not like ‘oh is today already the day we let the rat in the school to make the children smile again. Ugh.’
It fucking sucks. I linger on the hope of being able to work at a good school with good teachers full time
I cant find a better job because im a ‘beginner’ and corona
And im stuck getting treated like shit
I AM NOT a kiss ass. Never have been. It kills me to have to work with people who dont want me around
Most of the teachers i work with ARE NEVER PREPARED like wtf why??? Why dont you EVER plan ahead??? When im not prepared its because i have to wait to get instruction from you - you get to chose what you do
And they do basically nothing (not all like ive said ive worked with good teachers)
But most just
Read the book OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. The students memorize the book passages - they have no clue about the context and if you ask them the same exact question but with a different subject like “do you have any shoes” instead of “do you have any bags” theyre lost. The teacher can get them to answer by saying the exact phrase from the book - but they dont know what theyre saying or how theyre actually answering. They just have it memorized
Then some teachers will have “conversation practice” where they take those exact sentences out if the book - put them together to form an awkward ‘conversation’ and then the students just read it.
Ooohhh look at them. Having a conversation!
Play fucking bingo.... why? They dont even make the students repeat the words for pronunciation practice - why the fuck do you play bingo everyday
Sing songs. UGHHHHH yea that could be fun if these 60 year old teachers would stop forcing shit from the 1940s on the teenage students. I cant decide if music too old for 30 year olds is worse or teachers who take japanese songs that have been translated into english is - lol you fucking hate english so much you cant find ONE english song to sing??? WHY are you teaching english?! - god forbid you let the students choose
Teachers who just give the students the day date and weather....??????????? Cool. Youve managed to ensure they cant come up with the simplest of fucking English questions on their own. Do you carry around those cards to look like you do a lot at your job when you dont? Oh yea probably
Because being in a school watching teachers is the way i learned that japan values looking busy over being productive. If you look stressed and busy all day - you are better than a person who got shit done but looked relaxed.
Why do you use the recordings when i am in the class?????????????????????????????????? THATS LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON YOU APPARENTLY HAVE ME THERE
K and like i said. I have worked with good teachers. In their classes the students are better at english (hur hur funny how that works) those teachers encourage the students to talk with me. Those teachers let the students try to come up with answers and questions on their own. Those students try and ask the teacher when they dont know how to say something to help with translation.
The shit teachers on the other hand - will jump in and stop a student who looks excited to try and trying to figure out how to say something. What does this teach them? Dont try. Just stay silent - the japanese teacher will just talk in japanese again soon - no need to try.
Jumping off that. Students who are good at english or go to juku - will dumb themselves down in classes with shitty teachers. Theyve learned its not good to know more or even nearly as much english as the teacher - pretend you dont understand. Pretends you don’t know how to say things - itll make my stupid teacher feel good. So. If i try to talk or do anything in those classes, even the students who understand will stop trying.
Speaking of just going back to japanese. WHY IS MOST OF ENGLISH CLASS IN JAPNESE???? Most of the teahers will jump at ANY chance to switch back over into japanese. English is just sprinkled into the class. Then they pretend to wonder why the students dont try and why theyre bad at english
And things ive been told in the last year
Dont ever be upset about anything ever
Lol yea just that for one
K but dont ever be upset about teachers doing ANYTHING because theyre just so GOSH DARN BUSYYYYYYYYY
Lol like intially i thought that was why ASSISTANT was in my title. I THOUGHT we were supposed to make them less busy by helping out with planning and grading and blah blah
Nope cause
‘Oh offer to help them! BUT dont be upset when they decline because theyd have to explain to you ANYTHING and.....’
So. Im a child?! I cant be trusted to do anything without proper instruction
Well yea exactly cause
“Oh! Hes probably your babysister haha! Japanese people are so nice! They usually have one teacher look out for you and help you with stuff - besides the head teacher- lol theyre kinda like your babysitter!<3”
K. So like. I need a bachelors degree for this job. Let me say again I NEEDED A COLLEGE DEGREE FOR THIS JOB. i had to move ACCROSS THE WORLD by myself. I have to ge able to fill out federal documents and find a house and pay my bills and follow foregn laws and figure out my way in a foregn country - but i need a BABYSITTER at work?!?!?!?? If im a minute late ill be docked an hours pay. If i do ANYTHING that slightly upsets ANYONE and japanese ppl are offended by EVERYTHING - i am liable for all reprucussions. But. I need a BABYSITTER.
Cant be trusted to be in a class alone (dont be offended its because your not a certified teacher) that would make sense except that YALL THROW ALTS IN WITH THE SPECIAL NEEDS STUDENTS ALL THE TIME - thats supposed to be an EXTRA certification on top of teaching. but Im too fucking stupid and untrustable to do anything with regular students alone, but because you dont like dealing with spefial needs - i can teach them alone.
You dont actually read their hw or check for correctness and most of their tests are just for fun it seems - but i cant be trusted to grade those either
You do the exact same lesson everyday and i only see each class once a month - but dont let me create any activity or lesson for them. Also dont tell me your plans until class is starting and then change it throughout the class and act surprised when idk what the fuck youre doing because you changed your mind while talking at them in japanese
Speaking of changing. I hate teachers who constantly change how they do shit. And again. Get annoyed at me when i cant follow their flow. Do i say hello first or do you? Are we even saying hello today? Am i asking how they are or are you? Are we letting them answer? Are we answering? Whose asking the day date and weather? Are we asking them for the day date and weather?? Whose saying goodbye? Are we saying goodbye? Which bingo version have you chosen today? Are they repeating the words? Yes? No? Am i saying each one twice? Do i have to spell out the fucking word today? Fast? Slow? What hell are you putting me through today
And when they ask me to take charge of an activity. But then change their mind. But then no no you go ahead please take charge. K no just kidding ill tell you and them what to do. Actually no you can keep going please be in control. K no too much english i wanna hear more japanese ill be in control - hey everyone thank the alt for doing that activity with you (me and the students look at each other visibly confused)
These teachers will ask me a question and no matter how i answer its wrong. I always answer shortly initially because... of course. But theyll tell me to GO ON!!! theyll keep doing that. So ill start answering questions with substance - then theyll cut me off - so i go back to answering shortly but NO! CONTINUE!!! im constantly caught confused exactly what they want me to say and now i barely ever tell stories to the students. I stare at the jte the whole time trying to guage by their face if i should keep talking or make it short. Its also awkward cause sometimes they jump in to translate and other times they want me to just keep talking in english with no translation. Regardless whatever way i choose is never correct and they always look at me like im an idiot
Yesterday a teacher did one of the things inhate that prompted this I WANNA WRITE ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE THIS JOB
Hes a sub. Hes supposed to do the same lessson as the other teachers. He is NEVER prepared. And he does everything bad. So when he didnt have the stuff for the activity he said he wants the students to have conversations with me. GREAT! thats what im here for! Lets do it. So then he shows them videos he has of other students talking with an alt at another school for 5 minutes. Um.... k. Then we open the book to a page of 3 example convo starters. Except. Japanese teachers dont seem to understand that the book is meant to be EXAMPLES. he says ah like this but maybe change. Good ok! I think were on the right track. Lets read these examples and get to it. Nope. He has them have the example sentences with their partner saying its good practice.
No. Its not. Theyre just reading the book and then when they finish saying
“Do you know any good restaurants around here?”
“Yes i do! Theres a curry place over there”
“oh i love curry!”
Theyre not gonna make up more at the ......
Theyre just gonna talk in japanese about other shit.
Then he says ok lets have conversations. Finally
Nope.
He has the class repeat after him together as a unit to me “do you know any good restaurants around here?”
GFFEIWBAKDHWNDGDIEBS RAGEEEE
I said ive had convos in class before may i try like before
He feigns confusion
I ask a student “what kind of food do you like?”
She says sushi
“What kind of sushi”
The students in this class were excitable and chimed in each time.
This time (as usual because they dont know the fish names in english) She begins talking with the kids around her trying to figure out what the english word is for the sushi she likes
But the teacher jumps in and shuts it all down
Because the students are just way too shy to talk in front of the class. Their english is too bad. They cant.
Its extra aggrivating because the teachers at this school range from good to decent - except him. That was a second year class. The last time i was at this school the first years had a introduction 1 on 1 test - with me. And i was to ask them a question at the end. With the other 3 teachers when i asked the question if they didnt understand. I would try saying it in another way. If they still didnt understand - i would answer my question as an example. If they still didnt understand i would give them answers like
“What tv do you like” “do you like anime?” Wait for yes or no “do you like youtube” wait for yes or no (and so on)
If they still didnt understand (very few got here) the japnese teacher would translate the question)
And. If they still didnt understand. We would give them an answer and coax them into repeating after us.
If they didnt. Then they didnt get the point for answering the question.
This teacher. Him being the 4th teacher to do this test with me. Would IMMEDIATELY translate the question if the student didnt answer quickly after me asking it once and then talk to them in japanese and tell me their answer or make one up to me with something like “oh ahah they dont know when yet. So he doesnt know. Maybe he ate breakfast before school!” And then would shoo the student away and call in the next.
^^^ and this is how most teachers are
They sit during class. They play unrelated videos. They spend half the class acting like theyre too confused about their plan to even teach the class (but if i try to do ANYTHING like talk to a student while they sit in front of the class rummaging through their folder going “うーん」 「じゃ」「じゃあー」「そして」「それから」「えーとー」 theyll instruct SOMETHING or play some recording over and over) have i mentioned how they never seem to want to talk in english or listen to students talk in english in english class?? Most of the time theyre just having aside conversations about nonsense in japanese. They read everything themselves despite me being there - in a way where they really just wannt hear themselves talk in english.
Just in general. I hate when teachers talk about me in front of me and dont tell me what the fuck theyre saying. And it’s annoying when students ask them stuff in japanese about me and then the students look at me waiting for me to respond/the teacher to translate their question- but the jte doesnt translate. Or they ask a question that im not in charge of the answer for so even though i understood the question they asked the jte i cant answer them because its not my decision and the jte doesnt wanna look like the asshole that gives them an answer they dont like so they just dont respond so that i look like the dick whose ignoring the students
They do this with regular questions too. Sometimes i hear the whole question and understand. So when the students look to me and the jte goes silent - i answer - then the jte gets all out of sorts because 1) they wanted me to look like an asshole who doesnt wanna talk to the students 2) they deemed the questions not important and didnt want it answered 3)ew! The alt knows more japanese than i thought and she knows what im doing and thats a little embarrassing also what else have i said in front of her today that she might have understand - awkward 4) oh no if students know she understands some japanese they might ask her stuff and i wont be the only means of the alt and students communicating 5) that awk silence just showed the students that i didnt plan to translate something to her and i wanted to blame her and say she doesnt wanna answer that but now i was made a liar of
These arent personal queations btw. For example a student asked why does the guy in one peice eat a lollypop in the america version instead of smoke a cigarette?
This is an incomplete liste. Just. Honestly being an ALT is draining.
I feel like im at a restaurant again just waisting my life away waiting tables.
I actually really like english so being forced to listen to people who are supposed to teach it - purposely teach it wrong and force me to use it incorrectly hurts
I hate watching people suck at their jobs....and be rewarded for sucking at their job
I hate feeling like an outsider in my workplace.
I wanna feel like a real teacher.... not a clown
I hate doing something where nothing i say, do, or feel matters.
That last one. I hate that i can be treated like shit in my workplace AND get in trouble for not thanking people FOR treating me like shit. Not just take it. Take it with a smile!!!
I try to focus on the good things... but its just so damn hard cause ther far and few between and honestly i just wanna feel like im actually an educator to my students and like i can actually be a teacher with the ones who like me and come talk to me and stuff. But its not like i have have a teacher student relationship with them - i cant be part of their school activities. I cant go to their school events. I wont be at the school with them for more than a year.
Even at good schools when the teachers like that you talk with the students - i always feel this vibe of ‘keep it superficial’ dont become an adult they would trust. Its like you can feel them watching - ready to jump in when they think the student should stop petting the stray before they get fleas
I have a lot of teachers i remember fondly. Who id talk to when i saw them even when i didnt have their class anymore. Id tell kids in grades below me that they were lucky if they got them. When i hear about things happening at the school after i leave im happy to hear they got something good. Teachers who helped me understand something better or were just nice to the obvious loser in the class or made me laugh
I wanna be one of them....
Not the police man that came into school a couple times. Or the guy with the birds. Or the nice lunch lady who let you take food when you didnt have money and pay it back the next day.
I wanna be a teacher with a name.
Or at least. Do one of the only things im actually good at
So this job is unfulfilling
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Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged.
I was tagged by: @eurazba thanks buddy for this lol
Let’s go!
LAST:
Last drink: Idk man I just work up probably water at 4 am when I got woken up by the trash people...again
Last phone call: My dad
Last text message: well if we are doing texts it was @chanyodels about my stupid friends ( @minseoksmelaningoddess ) :) love you
Last song you listened to?: KoKoBop just stopped playing lol
Last time I cried: When my friend triggered me so bad that i was stuck on the couch unresponsive for 10 minutes and I cried without meaning too (its fine it was sekai related)
HAVE YOU EVER:
Dated someone twice: lmao no (#rip #imsalty #andLonelySomeoneHelp)
Been cheated on: Nope
Kissed someone and regretted it: I have never been kissed
Lost someone special: Ok I could go super deep with this and that would be depressing so we will stick with yes, a lot
Been depressed: Yeet
Been drunk and thrown up: No, alcohol is icky <= same
IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU:
Made a new friend: Yeppers
Fallen out of love: Nah
Laughed until you cried: Ye, many a time
Met someone who changed you: Yees
Found out who your true friends are: Sure???
Found out someone was talking about you: idk man
GENERAL:
How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: At least 20 probably, Ive gotten to meet quite a few mutuals and a lot of my friends are on here
Do you have any pets?: 2 doggo 2 kitteh (but not with me at college)
Do you want to change your name?: Nah
What time did you wake up this morning?: *clears throat* 3:45, 5, 6:30, 7:15, 8, 8:30, 9:15, 9:30 then I gave up
What were you doing last night?: Working on my coding project, crying over chinese, trying not to die, eating way too many pillsbury cookies
Name something you cannot wait for: Idk when they are gonna do it but EXO doing something. Like their tour. Im also pretty damn excited for my dance performance in November and getting to meet Adam Savage and Michael Stevens in noovember
Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes, multiple toms multiple times
What’s getting on your nerves rn?: People in general
Blood type: A negative
Nickname: ok so andrew calls me trash, potato, sehun stan, exhoe, one track, fam, and a bunch of other shit. There is a squad that calls me Hun and Hunnie for a reasom *cough* @official-willis , but also i am similar to sehun, some people say my queen to me to trigger the fuck out of me. But I dont have any based off my name
Relationship status: Single as fuck but idk?????
Zodiac sign: Virgo
Pronouns: she/her
Favorite tv show: shhhhhhhhhh too many
College: South Henrietta institute of technical difficulties (thats the meme title my dudes I just made it but its RIT)
Hair colour: Brown
Do you have a crush on someone:Yes, i usually have lots and they vary from friend crush to real crush. Currently I can think of over 10
What do you like about yourself: I can draw super well and get super motivated sometimes. I learn dances super fast which is lit
FIRSTS:
First surgery: They had to cut a muscle in my mouth in like 7th grade
First piercing: none
First sport you joined: Track (lol i died)
First vacation: Canada
First pair of sneakers: dude idk they probably lit up tho
RIGHT NOW:
Eating: Nothing but im gonna make a sandwich in a while
Drinking: Water?
I’m about to: finish this post then my coding project
Listening to: EXO The 4th Album THE WAR repackage: Power
Want kids: currently no but someday probs
Get married: As long as we are cute as shit and get along yes otherwise no. But this is complicated I have a lot of feels. But you bet your ass I would marry Sehun or Jongin so hard
Career: Student currently but Game Design
WHICH IS BETTER:
Lips or eyes: Eyes
Hugs or kisses: Dude fuck if I know
Shorter or taller: Taller for people, shorter for class times
Older or younger: I dont really care but im used to everyone being older than me so that
Romantic or spontaneous: Romanticccccccccc
Sensitive or loud: ?
Hook up or relationship: Relationship
Troublemaker or hesitant: Depends on the situation, more often than not hesitant.
HAVE YOU EVER:
Kissed a stranger: no
Drank hard liquor: nope
Lost glasses/contacts: dont need them
Sex on first date: again... havent even held a hand
Broken someone’s heart: idk man
Been arrested: No
Turned someone down: no
Fallen for a friend: yes... so much
DO YOU BELIEVE:
In yourself: for certain things yeah
Miracles: ok this could be an essay. I would say i hope in miracles. I definitely have likely experienced a few such as finding exo when i needed them, making certain friends, stuff like that
Love at first sight: No? I=yeah no
Heaven: yes?
Santa Claus: Ok no but fuck yes
I Tag:
the aforementioned @minseoksmelaningoddess and @chanyodels as well as @exo-trashbean and I think we will do some followers so
@ratedmformadip @adajjau if they wanna do it
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❤️vday update (cw: 🎀relationship tmi stuff, k*nks⛓️)
our online orders are due to arrive today! it’s all the stuff we’re gonna use for the scene on vday. we wanna open it all up and make sure it’s all there and correct. and...maybe test out some of the items lol.
kinda bad timing bc I have a lot of drs/errands during the day and in the night the weather is due to drop again which means I’m likely gonna flare up. we’re preparing/planning for it though. he’s gonna take my flare up essentials to his place and get some easy to handle foods and have all the supplies needed for play and clean up. he wants to cook this dish for me but idk. i’ve not been into eating much, and not rlly wanting foods that require alot of chewing bc of how badly the head i gave him fucked w my TMJ.
we’re hoping to at least get to try out some of the ties and ropes since he’s been practicing the knots i taught him. and we know for sure the toys we got for him will get tested out. YES! he’s already prepping like oh fuuck i love him. for me, there’s a few things i won’t be able to handle until my hip is feeling better. which if i flare up tonight, i’m sure the last thing i’ll want is to use the more intense toys. i wont be able to handle getting gagged or spanked. but he says he’s down for switching or subbing so we might try them on him. and we’ll still be able to do non-penetrative sex and intimacy sharing.
he won’t tell me which items he picked off my special wishlist, as he wants that to be part of my vday surprise. im so excited i cannot stop giggling every time i think abt it. and like we’ve been working each other up verbally. oof. i think my favorite pastime has to be leaving him speechless bc he talks more than i do (which is a lot lol) so seeing him reduced to stuttering is just *chef’s kiss*
and then he just comes right back w something he says that’ll get me so geared up and then i’ll be a blushing mess too lol. it’s just. wow. u guys don’t understand. before him, i had the most awful track record. the sexual partners i had, the relationships, everything was totally unhealthy and awful. and w him ive found my true love. which i didnt think was a real thing before. it’s astounding how perfectly he matches my energy and how rare it is to find someone who gets u and shares the same kinks and has no argument against yr hard limits. someone who will do the most filthy fucking degrading shit to u, but still hold u in high regard and respect u and be willing to put in the work.
the scene is growing into including more things from our list of special kinks. i finally admitted to myself and to him that this is still sometimes hard for me. i still struggle w fearing he’ll realize im trash and wanna walk away. that’s prob bc i never got therapy for what i went thru during my years as a sex worker. my past traumas keep trying to rear their ugly heads and it’s hard to fight those repressed emotions and intrusive thoughts/images.
i just have to keep reminding myself how far i’ve come. i wasn’t even able to fuck w the clothes off when we first started out. i was a complete mess from my traumas. experiencing repression on top of repulsion. i wasn’t able to do anything sexual without an extremely difficult crash afterwards. things are so different now. i’m vocal abt everything i need/want/expect and not afraid to say no to things and not afraid to ask for things. i’ve never felt more safe, heard, understood, loved, or cared for by another person in all my life. im able to be my authentic self bc i trust him. bc he earned that trust and works every day to ensure i feel nothing but love from him. even when he’s in the dominant role. even when he isn’t able to speak. i just feel so fucking loved ik this is like so corny but eh whatever im a corny person! i love my man!
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tagged by @kokokysoo for one of those “get to know me” memes! (under the cut cuz its so long)
RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (idk how many people ill end up tagging and dont feel obligated!!)
THE LAST:
1. Drink: water but like i think my flatmates put vodka in the ice cube trays so?? not sure exactly how much is accidentally Not Water
2. Phone Call: uhhhhh a study abroad program advisor
3. Text Message: my older brother tryna convince me that i’ll make friends eventually lmao
4. Song you listened to: i actually stopped writing this to grab a sweater but then TT came on and i instinctively dance to it now so that happened
5. Time you cried: almost last night but like... not enough feelings to actually cry yet just wait
6. Dated someone twice: never even dated someone once, bro...
7. Kissed someone and regretted it: i never regret giving my dog kisses but sometimes my cat swipes at me :/
8. Been cheated on: gotta have a boyfriend first to get cheated on
9. Lost someone special: yup
10. Been depressed: only since i was 12 years old l m f a o
11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i hate puking so i never go past being tipsy
LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:
12. red!
13. millennial pink fight me
14. rose gold fight me again
IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends: yyyes but i sure would like to make some more Here, at my Current University
16. Fallen out of love: mmm not Love but definitely Like? i stopped Liking someone who i had a crush on
17. Laughed until you cried: so frequently it’s worrisome
18. Found out someone was talking about you: um did u mean middle and high school? i was such a petty bitch tho i put em in their places after crying in my room alone lmfao
19. Met someone who changed you: yes yes yes! dallon is the first who comes to mind he’s... no words
20. Found out who your friends are: ummm i dont know?
21. Kissed someone on your facebook list: ...my mom??? lmao
GENERAL:
22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them except a few who ive just added bc we’re all transfer students to the same university this year and im Desperate
23. Do you have any pets: yes!! 2 cats, Harry and Kai (shut up ok i’ve always liked that syllable in chinese) and one dog, Lady my perfect cuddle angel baby
24. Do you want to change your name: honestly... sometimes yeah? but only because it’s so boring when it’s translated into chinese/korean so maybe i’d just change my names in those languages idk
25. What did you do for your last birthday: probably just went out to dinner w/ my family, but when i got back to my old college my friends and i went to a store in Queens it was such a good day...
26. What time did you wake up: like... noon probably lmao #depression
27. What were you doing at midnight last night: rewatching exo next door and gettin emotional over ksoo
28. Name something you can not wait for: THE POWER OF MUSIC BITCH LESS THAN 12 HOURS NOW
29. When was the last time you saw your mom: a couple weeks ago when she and my dad helped me move in to my apartment
30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i didnt have fucking depression! anxiety is easy to deal with for me but depression isnt
31. What are you listening to right now: walk on memories
32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i have a 2nd cousin named Tom he’s like 50 years old
33. Something that is getting on your nerves: ......so much
34. Most visited website: netflix/facebook/tumblr
35. Mole/s: one on my back, one on my neck, one under my left boob... i think that’s it
36. Mark/s: mostly bruises on my shins bc im clumsy; also some shaving scars from like 3+ years ago (one of em bled for 4 days while i was in china!)
37. Childhood dream: typical american kid stuff like ballerina and movie star
38. Hair color: medium brown i guess? it used to be lighter but it’s been getting darker as i get older
39. Long or short hair: i just cut it short again so it’s just touching my shoulders when dry (it’s wavy-curly so it’s a bit longer than that in reality)
40. Do you have a crush on someone: yeah can i have uhhhhhhhh byun baekhyun? no one irl tho
41. What do you like about yourself: ive got a great complexion that has really calmed down in the past few years! and i love my eyes ive got gorgeous eyes and a nice smile and a cute body and ive been doin self-love the past year can u tell?
42. Piercings: just regular ear piercings that i only got... a year ago...
43. Blood type: i never remember but maybe O? whichever one is the most common i think idk tho
44. Nickname: lulu is a nickname, ummm ive had a few friends call me em or ems which is cute
45. Relationship status: chronically single and repulsive to the male population, perhaps?
46. Zodiac: sun in pisces/leo rising (fun fact when i was little a kid asked me my sign so i said pisces and he called me fish poop so i cried) (he was probably a gemini the fuckin asshole), year of the tiger
47. Pronouns: she/her
48. Favorite tv show: pushing daisies, 30 rock, scrubs, grey’s anatomy but only up til the 8th season then it’s bad
49. Tattoos: i actually almost got one a few weeks ago but then i lost my job :/ i wanted to get “je ne regrette rien” tattooed on my hip bone real small
50. Right or left handed: right - i used to be able to write pretty well with my left hand but alas...
51. Surgery: yyyup wisdom teeth removal, eyelid surgery to get rid of some bumpy things, broken arm when i was like 1.5 years old, and im getting lasik next summer probably
52. Piercing: ya already asked ya doofus
53. Sport: my dad made me play basketball in middle school i got 2 technical fouls bc i had anger issues so i stopped playing basketball. i got Decent at ballet tho!
54. Vacation: we havent really had the money lately
55. Pair of trainers: i just bought 2 new pairs bc i ruined my only pair in seoul and had to throw them out (they got soaked in the rain and then mildewed n all) (side note: they’re so expensive?? the adidas and nike were as expensive as the new balance which is Silly so i just bought adidas and nike)
MORE GENERAL:
56. Eating: nothing rn but i need to go get dinner...
57. Drinking: did we not already go over this
58. I’m about to go: either to the dining hall or to a nearby restaurant im honestly not sure
59. Waiting for: exo to move in next door to me only to discover that one of them is my childhood best friend-slash-first love and another has fallen in love with me and my clumsy but lovable personality :)
60. Want: byun baekhyun (im kidding kind of, um i want to make friends here and be less anxious about my classes and life in general)
61. Get married: yeah one day but so far no one i’ve met is Vibing with that seeing as no one will even ask me out im not Super Hopeful :/
62. Career: chinese major/korean minor at a university um hopefully after i graduate someone will hire me and give me money to do something i dont completely hate but we’ll see
WHICH IS BETTER:
63. Hugs or kisses: i literally would not know so i will say Hugs because they’re the only things ive experienced! and i could use a really long hug rn
64. Lips or eyes: ...eyes... but lips r important too cuz i cant even look at a photo of amy schumer anymore w/out staring at her terrifying lips
65. Shorter or taller: taller but someone around my height would be ok too (.....im just sayin im like the same height as bbh...)
66. Older or younger: older bc im not about to go dating a freshman or a high schooler lmfao
67. Nice arms or nice stomach: arrrrrrrrms
68. Hookup or relationship: never had either but i think i’d prefer a stable relationship to some extent?? we just dont know
69. Troublemaker or hesitant: im a troublemaker when im comfortable w/ people/places but other than that hesitant
HAVE YOU EVER:
70. Kissed a stranger: no
71. Drank hard liquor: yeah it’s nasty :/ but it does the trick
72. Lost glasses/contact lenses: somehow no
73. Turned someone down: ya this one guy hit on me when i was walking thru myeongdong but he was a) a stranger b) 25 years old c) from egypt so like it was never gonna happen buddy
74: Sex on the first date: gonna need a first date before i can even answer (the answer would be no i am not down w/ that)
75. Broken someone’s heart: probably not, ill dont think im capable of doing that plus im still so young that realistically it just hasnt been a possibility
76. Had your heart broken: not really, my silly crushes have all been resolved easily bc i never talk about them and then i notice things i dont like about the person and stop liking them like that
77. Been arrested: no but a friend of mine got arrested for trespassing on a roof in nyc last year lmao
78: Cried when someone died: yeah
79. Fallen for a friend: sort of? briefly? it never went anywhere it was silly
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
80. Yourself: i try to most days but it’s rough
81: Miracles: i mean im not a non-believer but i also don’t actively wait for them to happen or really put much stock in them
82. Love at first sight: im not sure because bbh hasnt seen me yet so how would we know??
83. Santa Claus: not anymore i think when i was 8 i sorta stopped
84. Kiss on the first date: never even had a first date or a first kiss ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
85. Angels: um yeah actually! proof they exist - byun baekhyun do kyungsoo kim jongdae kim jongin the list goes on,,
OTHER:
90. Current best friends: dallon, lilli, ida, stephanie, aria!
91: Eye color: light green. i have Gorgeous eyes!!!
92: Favorite movie: a taiwanese movie called Secret, i rly liked ksoo’s movie Hyung, Chicago the Musical... there are more but im drawing a blank
i guess ill tag... no one but if ur reading this and u wanna do it feel free to say i tagged u! i love learning about u guys it makes me feel less alone
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