#but now i just have to juggle the fact im a miserable loser
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honestly i am one of the most alone people on earth. i really think i am.
#no relationship experience. ever. not even once in my life#no friends. and i dont even like to say this bc theres a lot of people who have been kind and amazing and very important#but i kind of mean#like a CORE group of friends. the ride or dies. the besties. the people you message first when something happens. BASICALLY YOU GET THE IDEA#not just friends but really a support system and someone really close or whatever. and i dont even dream one day in my life to have an irl f#irl friend#im sorry but my circumstances... literally prevent me from making any irl friends#DEFINITELY NOT NOW. ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT NOW#my life is honestly kind of sad and pathetic#i was coping okay with the fact i am a loser before all of this came down#but now i just have to juggle the fact im a miserable loser#and also the absolute worst nightmare inducing horrifying circumstances out of my direct control#okay.#i dont really let it show how i feel to anyone#im not a very emotional person nowadays i guess? other than fear#but i am living through the absolute worst time in my life#and i go through it completely alone#ooooooooooooooooooookay#its fine honeslty its fine. i will go to sleep and then wake up and then just try to live#just how ive been living since february#my life and my suffering just doesnt really matter especially not now#but sometimes i do stop and think#about just. me#and my life#my biggest coping mechanism used to just be. loving myself and being proud of my work#now i just think i am a complete piece of shit just like everyone around me. and i dont deserve to even create anything#i always carry immence guilt#I AM NOT WELL
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