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#but like. also. i shouldnt delete stuff from my fic just for the 1% of assholes who will say mean things about it
clenastia · 2 months
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i dont know why the running joke of this chapter is kakashi fearing for his kidneys. where did that come from. WHY did that come from.
i should probably cut that in editing it's a little ridiculous.
except it makes me giggle every time so maybe i should leave it there.
#girl's mind fanfic#clena's writing progress#just have to write ONE more conversation and the whole chapter is done. but DAMN if editing wont be a bitch#still wondering if i should cut jiraiya's 3-page infodump#because while most people dont mind#some people keep commenting saying that my fic is too wordy and i keep adding unnecessary things#and like. they're 1% of reviews but i have the emotional fragility of a china teacup#i cry when i get those sorts of reviews and they ruin my day even tho i get twenty comments who love my rambling#but like. also. i shouldnt delete stuff from my fic just for the 1% of assholes who will say mean things about it#but also i dont want to cry when someone inevitably says something mean about it.#most if not all of said assholes are on fanfiction dot net so technically i could just stop cross posting#except there are people on that site who DO like my rambles so#ugh. why am i such an emotionally sensitive crybaby. my life would be so much better#if i didnt have such thin skin#i'm 90% certain that jiraiya's 3-page infodump is going to get LONGER with editing cause i'm gonna turn it from infodump into#an actual conversation. so who knows how many pages it'll be by the end. the chapter's already 6500 words#which is double my average chapter length#and i DO like the info he presents even if it maybe ISNT strictly required for progressing the story. probably only the last paragraph is#ugh. i wish people would just never say mean things ever. then i wouldn't have a problem with anything xD
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clumsyclifford · 3 years
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bella I would love a directors cut on literally any of the rilex you’ve written, but specifically it’s always her, and you, and me, or for these days you’ve been stuck in my brain 💙
OHHHHHH those are some CHOICESSSSSS lucy. fuck yeah. let’s get into it. ill link them both here but we’ll take em one at a time
it’s always her, and me, you
these days you’ve been stuck in my brain
here’s a cut for convenience cos i KNOW i’m gonna go long here.
okay! let’s start with the rilisex fic.
it’s always her, and me, and you
so like it says in the ao3 notes, this fic came from realizing just how frequently rian and alex kiss each other like, all the time? just? casually? for funsies? this was another one of those situations like i mentioned where the hook aka first line (“Rian's no expert, but he doesn't think normal friends kiss this much.”) just appeared in my head and i was like heyyy that’s a GOOD first line. i have to build from that line. that’s the hook, that’s the summary, that’s the core. 
something i discovered upon searching through the editing history of the doc: i had originally sort of intended to go a direction with this where in some other circumstance, rian would see alex giving jack a super casual friendly kiss and he’d get all sad/jealous and be like sure why SHOULDNT alex kiss jack after all its just a thing he does with his FRIENDS. but the fic ended up going a different way and honestly? im glad. i like this way better.
the role of singin in the rain in this fic actually has a HILARIOUS backstory because the night i originally wrote that conversation in the tour bus kitchen, i went into the club and said the following
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and then. the next day. rian streamed with ricky, and i asked if he’d ever seen singin in the rain, and he ANSWERED ME and said he hadn’t. so first of all i had already written the scene and i then had to rewrite it to make it so rian wouldn’t have seen it but also!!! i literally asked rian fucking dawson if he’d seen a movie for the sole reason of using that information for fanfiction!!!! and he provided me with the information i needed!!!! whole thing is just fucking hysterical to me. ANYWAY.
ANYWAY, the other reason why sitr has such a big role in the fic is because megs and i watched the movie together while i was in the middle of working on the fic, so it was extremely fresh in my mind. in fact i can probably show you this: i had this comment left for myself when i was kind of trying to figure out if i could make a real metaphor of sorts with the sitr ot3 and the Big Three of this fic. some of this ended up in rian’s wild musings in the hotel scene but i did conclude that it wouldn’t really have worked and that was definitely true but anyway. fuck it, director’s cut, here’s the kind of shit i leave for myself to refer to
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so that’s part of the reason why it became such a puzzle piece of this fic, but real talk, it’s also just because i love singin in the rain it’s one of my favorite movies lmao
briefly gonna also touch on lisa and why she’s in this fic because i realize that rian/alex/lisa is an interesting approach to rilex! first of all, i love lisa. i love alex and lisa. and it occurred to me that there was really no reason to split lisex up just to make rilex happen. plus there’s this tweet that really just pushed me over the edge of being like yeah, rilisex is extremely plausible. so that’s that on that.
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as for the scene in the hotel room while they’re watching sitr, there is a small piece of that scene - from when alex starts kissing rian’s shoulders etc to “it would defy the laws of nature not to” - that i actually wrote before anything else in that scene. that small piece got stretched out and edited quite a bit from how it started but it did function as a sort of foundation around which i built the rest of the scene, because that small section sort of ~came to me~ absolutely out of nowhere, and i really liked the Vibe it had and i wanted to include it. i THINK that was the only piece of this fic that i wrote Out Of Order - for the most part this was written chronologically.
ALSO!!! omg this is exciting, this fic actually has a deleted scene!!!!!! i hate cutting scenes but i also hate having scenes that are less than 1k and this one didn’t really contribute much to the fic. i can probably share it here right? sure why not ! hopefully you can read this. it originally took place after the scene where alex and rian call lisa for the first time. the question of “what gets left into interview videos and what gets cut” is also just interesting to me as a (fic) concept in general so...eyes emoji, but here’s my mini-exploration that i cut from the original fic. enjoy lol it’s silly <3
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oh! also one more thing!! the very final scene was included for two reasons. the first reason being that when i write getting-together fics, i really prefer to add on a scene After they Get Together because i love to write domestic established relationship stuff and i think that’s a satisfying reward for a reader who’s just slogged through all the mutual pining and bullshit to get the characters together. but the OTHER reason is that i got an anon (here it is!) and i read that ask and was immediately like well shit. now i have to fucking include this. for the anon and for myself. so you can thank that anon for that last scene. (also i wanted to include merrikat especially since i had to cut their little moment in the interview scene above.)
so....................whew. i think i’ve bled that fic dry. holy shit that’s a lot of Stuff. OKAY! let’s move on.
~
these days you’ve been stuck in my brain
so!!! THIS fic was the breakthrough after (what felt like) a long bout of writer’s block. long for me was maybe two weeks, but i am the kind of person who is always writing, and two weeks was a long time to go with little to no inspiration/motivation to write anything. i had also been in a weird narrative headspace because i’d been binge-watching disney shows (jessie > austin and ally > girl meets world) and i don’t know how well i can explain this but the way those shows are written is a lot snappier and cares way less for realistic and consistent character development or plots or relationships, and so i was stuck between caring a lot about including those things in my fics but also being unable to conceptualize them in writing because my brain was in Disney Writing Mode. does that make sense? this is rhetorical so let’s go with yes. so anyway. i was in a slump
actually what i ended up doing was basically googling something like “au prompts tumblr” or something and just scrolling through posts. i saw something about soulmate telepathy and i actually tried to write something totally different before i wrote this one, but the first attempt was a different concept and then the direction i took it was like......it wasn’t quite right and i realized that i was kind of writing dark disney style? there is really no way for me to explain what i mean by that because it seems really obvious to me but that’s just because i’m inside my own head so just take my word. 
anyway. attempt #1 of soulmate telepathy rilex went poorly, and this fic was attempt #2. i kinda took the soulmate telepathy thing and changed it as i saw fit and i also went back to skim helen’s telepathy fic because obviously she’s the pro and then i tried not to steal her ideas. and as i was writing it i kinda realized i was doing the whole quirky funny best friend character with jack and also doing the whole “somehow this not-very-dramatic situation with teenagers is treated as The Most Dramatic Thing Ever and that’s totally normal and nobody finds it strange” disney trope with rian and alex being soulmates and i was like (deep sigh) i have to accept that no matter how much i try to fight this, this fic is going to be tainted with disney. and that’s life
on top of that i will add that the real-life rilex were extremely inspiring during the two-day period during which i wrote this fic, because that was when the once in a lifetime video came out and in the brief pre-video livestream rilex were Beyond Married and that definitely helped in the writing of fic rilex!
hmmmm what can i tell you about this fic itself.................honestly, i don’t think there’s much to tell! rian is a band kid because in real life rian was a band kid and he’s staff manager at rita’s just like he was in real life. there is truthfully not a lot to unpack here that i can think of!
oh here’s something i guess: rian and alex go on a date in this fic! that is because watching So Much Disney made me realize that i often forget the fact that people just. go on dates. sometimes. look i clearly do not have an active romantic life but i also really liked the idea of alex and rian going on a date despite not knowing if they’d be soulmates or not and liking each other organically just by getting to know each other, rather than being victim to the whole soulmate thing. like i wanted them to build a connection so that they would want to be soulmates. and then the audience would want that for them too. stakes!! very important.
i can tell you i had a mild crisis over the title of the fic because i am not a fan of the word brain and i didnt wanna use that sticky lyric for the title when it had a word i hated but it was objectively a much better title option than the other one i had, which was “sticky just like the song in my head” but i obviously decided on the former and it has not upset me nearly as much as i expected it to so that was the right decision imo
so! i think that’s all on that! sorry (?) that it got so long although then again i don’t know what’s to be expected in a director’s cut for two long fics but thank you for asking me about these, i love them both so very much rilex is so supremely underrated but so very important
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kalypsichor · 4 years
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and they were quARANTINED [a beatles fic] - ch 1
summary: George takes a shit. Ringo braves a trip to the tescos and loses a bit of his soul. John harrasses the general public and Paul’s just trying to get them home before they kill each other. All while a virus tears the world apart.
warnings: CRACK (not cocaine), geo’s bad potty habits, ringo’s copious use of emojis
so, this is different... but i’ve always been a crack fic writer at heart. this is the result of being quarantined myself due to COVID-19. i’ve been seeing so much fear and frustration and hatred that i just wanted to write about it kinda cathartically. enjoy!
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Unfortunately, George doesn’t realize that they’re out of toilet paper until after he’s taken a shit.
“Fuck,” he mutters. “Ringo?”
No answer.
“Ringooooooooo. RINGO!!!”
George’s legs are starting to lose feeling. He bounces them up and down a bit and the motion almost makes him drop his phone in the toilet.
“RICHARD FUCKING STARKEY!”
There’s the sound of footsteps and then a pause before Ringo answers.
“What’s up?”
“What took you so long?”
“Had my headphones in. Sorry I couldn’t be at your beck and call, O Lord of the Loo.”
“SHUT up. Look, do we have any more loo roll?”
A pause. “Why, are we out?”
George rolls his eyes so hard he sees stars. “No, I’m askin’ for the banter.”
“I’ll go check. Don’t move!”
George can almost see the shit-eating (heh) grin on his mate’s face as he walks away. With a sigh and some choice curse words that would make Louise cry, George pulls out his phone again. Opens Twitter. Sees yet another tweet from that spraytanned clown across the pond. Closes Twitter and contemplates deleting it. After about three rounds of this, Ringo comes back and knocks on the door.
“We’re all out. Got you some tissues, though.”
Krishna help me. George tips his head back against the wall and thumps it a few times for good measure.
“Thanks,” he says flatly. “Could you- ?”
The door opens just a smidge before he can finish talking there’s a flying blur of Kleenex box, a blinding pain in the side of his head, and a sickening crACK—
***
“I’m really sorry,” Ringo says for the millionth time, hovering over George as he examines the spiderweb of cracks on his phone screen. George huffs. He wants to be mad, he really does, but Ringo’s face is doing that stupid thing where his eyes are very, very blue and droopy and his teeth are worrying his bottom lip and it’s obvious that he’s genuinely remorseful and—fuck, he’s got it bad.
“It’s fine,” George insists, even though he can hear his bank account having a fit. “Piece of shit phone, anyway. And look, it still works!” Very shittily, his brain adds, but that’s what you get with a five year old phone.
The older boy’s eyes still have an unconvinced, sad look about them and George wishes he could kiss it away. No homo, though.
“How can I make it up to you?” George’s brain does a slutdrop into the gutter. “I’ll… I’ll get the groceries! How ‘bout that?”
“NO!” Scrambling off the couch, George just barely misses smacking noses with Ringo. “What about the… the virus?”
“I’ll wear a mask and all. Wash hands for twenty seconds, stay six feet away from people… am I missing anything?”
“Yeah, the quarantine bit.”
Ringo snorts and puts a hand on George’s arm. “Quit your worrying, Geo. I’ll be fine. Haven’t John and Paul been out all day?”
***
John and Paul want to go the fuck home. They’d walked all the way to a new art gallery opening only to find out it was cancelled (“Why didn’t you check Google?” “Why didn’t you?”). And now, both being tired as hell from their long trek, they couldn’t even flag down a single cab to take them home.
“This is the worst thing ever,” John cries, flopping his entire body down on a park bench. Paul rolls his eyes and lifts up John’s stupidly long legs so he can sit down as well.
“People are dying, John.”
“I feel like I’m dying.”
“John.”
“Okay, fine, maybe I’m being dramatic. But this stupid… thing… is fucking up all our plans!”
“It’s not fucking Voldemort, you can say the name.”
“Alright, fine. Coronavirus. CORONAVIRUS. You happy, Paul?”
A woman hurrying by shoots them a wide-eyed, nervous look and crosses the street, tugging a little boy by the hand.
“... bitch.”
“Jesus, John.” Paul pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’d do that too if some rando was shouting in the streets.”
“Yeah, but she didn’t hafta shoot that nasty look at us… did you see that? Paul?”
“Hold on, hold on.” His phone is vibrating in his pocket and he fumbles to pull it out. “Your stupid legs are in the way.”
John huffs and makes a show of wiggling said legs, almost kicking Paul in the face. Still, he tucks them to his chest (flexible, Paul thinks and then instantly regrets) so that Paul can take out the buzzing rectangle.
--
bongo: do u or john want anything? 🤔🤔
bongo: like groceries
bongo: going to tescos
Shouldnt you be quarantining?
bongo: ur literally at an art museum 😂
It’s a gallery
And it got cancelled :/
bongo: oop sorry m8 thats tough
bongo: srsly tho whaddaya want
We need more vegetables. Carrots, etc
--
“Tell him to get cornflakes,” John says, peering over Paul’s shoulder. He’s sat up and practically draped over Paul’s lap. Paul sighs and shoves his legs off, ignoring the indignant squawk the other boy makes when he almost falls off the bench.
--
Also that cornflake cereal stuff
bongo: k
bongo: tell john i said hi
Heyyyyyy rich wots up
Paulie’s being a bitch he pushed me :((((
Why is his auto caps on lsdnfol
--
“Give it back!”
“Ow! Ow stop hitting me Jesus fuckin-”
--
Sorry that was john
bongo: yeah i could tell lmao
bongo: where are u guys??
Stuck at some park. Can’t get any cabs home
bongo: well duh coronavirus 😷😷😷
bongo: bad time to be a cabbie man 😔
Yeah yikes
Pick up some rice for george too
And hand sanitizer
bongo: ill try but twitter says handsan itizer is going fast
bongo: what the fuc why did it space like that
Lol
bongo: oh also
bongo: geos being a mother hen and making me wear a face mask
bongo: u know where they are?
Second drawer down in the bathroom, behind the rubber gloves
bongo: … how did u reply SO fast
Uh i know where things are in our flat? Like a normal person?
bongo: thats sus but ok
bongo: wow theyre actually here
bongo: okay imma head out before it gets dark
What’s after dark? Zombies?
bongo: u never no
bongo: *no
bongo: FUCKING *KNOW
Nice
Okay stay safe ritch
bongo: 😘🙃👍🏼✌🏼✌🏼🌈🌟🥦🥦🥦☮️
***
Ringo has never seen this many people at Tesco in his entire life. Two grown men are having a full on argument in the pastries. A harried-looking dad almost knocks Ringo into a rack of Twinkies, pulling along two screaming kids with one slung on his hip. And… is that person actually wearing a Hazmat suit??
“This is insane,” Ringo mutters to himself, slightly muffled due to the face mask. He just needs to find the loo roll and then he’s going to yeet outta here ASAP.
Okay, hygiene aisle… here we g—what the—
The entire aisle is empty.
It’s like a goddamn Old Western. Just add a cow skull… cue the tumbleweed… and it would be perfect.
Not for the first time that day, Ringo sends a prayer to whoever is listening above. There’s got to be something left. He walks down to the end of the aisle. Walks back. Jumps a couple times to check if there’s anything on the top shelf. Sincerely hopes no one just saw him do that. Finally, shoved at the very back behind a couple of Always boxes, Ringo digs out a dusty as shit six-pack of toilet paper.
Well. It’ll have to do.
As he’s walking to the check out lines, a woman drops her bottle of hand sanitizer. It rolls across the floor in a perfect arc and Ringo scoops it up before it can get too far.
“Oops, you dropped this!” He says cheerily, handing it to her. Well, trying to. The woman makes a strangled noise in the back of her throat, physically flinches away from his outstretched hand, and almost drops the rest of her groceries. Before Ringo can react, she’s disappeared behind the produce aisle.
Ringo’s arm falls to his side. He stares at the space where she was just a second ago and holds in a scream.
“More for us, I guess.”
***
By the time Ringo reaches the flat, he’s ready to never see another person again. He trudges right past George in the kitchen, dropping the groceries on the table with a thwack. John hums a greeting to him in the living room and offers him a biscuit.
“No thanks,” Ringo says. He faceplants into the couch.
Something clinks onto the coffee table. Well, coffee table is one way to put it; it’s more of a hunk of stone from back when Paul thought he was going to be the next Michelangelo and get really into classical sculpture. It now sits in the living room and primarily holds George’s textbooks, plus takeout for whenever they don’t feel like cooking (which is all the time), so you can see how that panned out for Paul.
“Tea for you,” George says. He plops onto the floor between the couch and the table and runs a friendly, comforting hand through Ringo’s hair. Ringo practically purrs, leaning into the touch, and George feels his heart melt and trickle through his ribs. “You okay?”
“I’ve lost all faith in humanity,” Ringo mumbles into the cushion. John reaches over and pats him on the back.
“Don’t worry, Ringo. There won’t be any humans to have faith in soon.”
George throws a packet of sugar at John who dodges it, snickering. Ringo groans and tries to sink even deeper into the couch.
And that’s when they hear Paul scream.
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i was going to crunch the numbers on just how much writing ive done this year but uh, yeah my laptop isnt gonna be coming back from this latest woopsie-daisy. i guess i shouldnt be so obsessed with the numbers anyway...
but tbh having the option taken away from me has only made me more obsessed with knowing the answer so im just gonna guess 🧐
my writing resolutions for 2018 were to at least double the word count on my big project (which, at the time, was like 11k), and to reach 100 kudos on ao3 (i think i began the year with 50 kudos exactly). well i blew my first goal out of the park by writing around 55k words this year, not including the many brainstorming notes i took. i did delete some stuff from 2017, but thats just the nature of editing. i dont expect to keep a lot of what ive written. in addition to this, i also wrote something like 15k words among a few fanfics and easily another 10k spread out among random other little ideas and bits and songs (again not including notes and deleted snippets). so thats a hell of a lot of writing for someone so disorganized and sporadic (me) and im proud of that.
now, i did end up posting one fanfic this year, which helped my numbers, but even still i ended the year with 98 kudos, 2 short of my goal. but i got close enough so hey, im not complaining. i really was not in any mind to write fan works anyhow since i was more focused on my own stuff, and look how well i did there!
im not sure i have new goals yet. with my laptop busted im kind of uncomfortably adrift until i can acquire another setup. i suppose 50k more words on the big project is a respectable target, but at the same time i feel my attention divided. ive dipped my digits into multiple sauces, as it were. so i think my 2019 goal will be this:
1. reaching 100k word count on the big project (factoring in any deletions)
2. a general 30k combined word count for my many smaller projects and random interests
i wont be focusing on ao3 anymore because im just not in fandoms that way anymore, but thats not to say i’ll never post another fic on there ever again. its simply not an imperative. right? yeah? is that how you use that word? ok
thank you for your time, this has been 2018 In Review
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