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arabela25 · 2 years

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@balkan-ballad ✨twinsies✨

#I had a very mediocre day at work #it wasn't bad per se #but it wasn't good or particularly fun #but came home to my esc cd and bonus sticker #and I wad like ahhh julija already got her tote bag #it looks huge on my phone but it is *on* my phone and I still have a case over it that is black but sheer #so you can definitely still see it but it is more discreet #also I really overthought my styling for this picture #oh no people can't see me wearing my old purple sweater #but oh no I'm wearing pijamas from that bigoted lady's property what if some think I don't believe trans people deserve basic human rights?#(very dumb. I don't assume that from the random people I see walking around in the merch)#ANYWAY #oh and about my cd. I wasn't expecting it today?#like I got a notification saying 'your item as left the warehouse' or whatever and then nothing for days #and then last friday it was like 'your package is in portugal now' but no other updates #but it got here sooo

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quinn-pop · 7 months

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to be apart

#ghghh i guess i write fanfic now??? i'm not really proud of anything so far so i wasn't gonna post abt it but i really wanted to draw this #kirbyposting #my art or something #magolor #kirby #to be apart #i dont really know how to tag this it may as well be a shitpost #kris where the fuck are we #oh yeah i haven’t drawn much in the past month because well. my number one priority is sewing #but i finally realized what i wanted this fic to be like and then the hyper focus kicked in #we’ll see how it goes i guess #i can’t say it’s particularly good but it’s a lot of fun to do and it feels really really good to be writing again so that’s enough for me

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sundial-bee-scribbles · 9 months

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idk what to caption this one tbh

#my art lol #vocaloid #vocaloid fanart #utatane piko #piko utatane #piko vocaloid #eyestrain tw #blue #glitchy #pink #this was all mostly a test and i'm not superrrrr proud of it? wasn't gonna post it either but eh why not #made this w/ the desktop vers of ibispaint and maybe thats why it seems a little rushed cause the. time limits #congrats buddy you overlayed so many effects on this i cant see shit. SKHDJGHSKJGH. this is a little too overboard i think yeah #based off those ideas a while back abt a particularly glitchy piko. blingus tutorial helped but i mightve also fucked it up 😅#i need to test out more stuff w/ the synths themselves but im lazyyy and not very good... but i really wanna see to what extents i can brea #the voices. its fun. even if it blasts out my ears in audacity for final edits but shhh.#chromatic aberration

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oveliagirlhaditright · 3 months

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And Connor actually got talked about in "Note from the Underground"!

I feel like Connor/Dawn shippers will enjoy that panel. LOL

But even more important to me than that... in some official Buffy media, we actually have Angel telling Buffy about Connor. Hallelujah!

How I wish we'd gotten this in one of the shows, but whatever. I'm now more than glad to see it here.

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travisdermotts · 11 days

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"no memories at the arena" girl i think bunts knocking over a glass divider and trevor "small and loud" zegras have something to say about that

#it was short time and it wasn't a particularly good time but man it was fun #yotes

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tyrannuspitch · 2 months

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i think. i should read more comics.

#space viking tag #i'm just not particularly interesting in the reincarnation plotline and that's what everyone always recommends so idk where to start #idk. i mean. maybe i shouldn't. i haven't really vibed with any non-mcu stuff i've encountered so far #including aoa which is often regarded as like. the peak of marvel loki. it was good! but it wasn't rlly for me.#i have a soft spot for toa bc it's whimsical and charming and prequelesque but i also have so many complaints #idk. hmmm.#i should probably look for some thor-centric stuff but i also dk if that will do aaanything i'm interested in #bc i *like* him in context with loki and i like going teehee he's not so heroic after all he's actually extremely LIKE LOKI #and i get a strong impression that his appeal in comics is much more straightforward like... they're playing it all straight #he just Is A Hero and the complexity is that he USED to be a bully. while i prefer BOTH of those things to be much much greyer #idk.......#at least when i'm engaging w/ stuff even if it is frustrating it keeps me thinking abt thor which i always on some level enjoy <3 #i've felt so unfocused and untethered since like. november :-: i need my obsession back!!#it's even fun just to like. see their little faces.#comics thor is not rlly my boy but he's the root of my boy so w/e i see him on some like marvel postcard or whatever in a shop #i still get to go teehee it's my little guy :)#but i'm not a merch person at all interestingly enough. if i buy an object i WILL forget it exists within a week #maybe not if it had a practical function?#but i feel like over time that would fade into visual noise too like oh these are just my. oven gloves or whatever.#anyway what was i talking about

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doctorbrown · 6 months

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DOCTOBER '23 ⸺ 「 27 / 31 * THUNDERSTORM 」

April 6, 1986

Rain slams against the windowpane of the living room of the Brown estate and Marty can't help the way his head snaps to the window to make sure it hasn't been knocked clear off. Once, the rain pelting the earth might have been an easy to ignore white noise in the background, however after all their trips across time and far-too-close-for-comfort encounters with lightning, the storm feels like a great beast coming to collect what it's owed after being slighted.

They've cheated death and tempted fate far too many times, and it must be soon that their luck runs out.

With the way the wind howls and screams and roars around the house and the way the building shakes with each clap of thunder that sounds like he's right up there in the heavens, three feet away from the creature parting the clouds, it isn't hard to imagine something straight out of a comic book descending upon them.

❝Don't worry,❞ Emmett says, setting two mugs of steaming hot cocoa down on the table, ❝the glass will hold. And in case the storm knocks out the power, I've installed a backup generator that's strong enough to power a good portion of the house. I originally installed it as a failsafe for the laboratory, as I've had some unfortunate incidents in the past where I've caused the aptly named brownout across town, much to the chagrin of my neighbours, but with so much of the house relying on electricity, I figured why not?❞

Thunder booms in both their ears and lightning streaks across the sky, drowning the world in blinding white. Emmett settles down in one of the reclining chairs as Marty gingerly reaches for his cocoa.

The silence between them is charged and it takes only a glance to know that Marty is contemplating saying something—likely something personal, what with the way he draws into himself—that he's turning over and over in his head. Emmett doesn't need to remind him that he will never be judged for anything he tells him in confidence, nor does he attempt to pry the information out of him.

Although, he has an inkling of what might be on his best friend's mind.

❝Hey Doc, after all the time-travelling we did, do you ever feel weird about thunderstorms? They never used to bother me, but I... I keep thinking about the Clock Tower and I keep thinking about you in the DeLorean getting struck by lightning and—I thought you died, Doc. That everything I did was for nothing and I just got you killed again in the end.❞

Emmett frowns, watching as Marty's fingers curl around the cup he knows is still too-hot to the touch. This isn't something he's entirely surprised to hear; after everything they've been through, it was only natural that he develop an aversion to thunderstorms.

His own feelings on the natural phenomenon have certainly changed over the years. What started out as scientific interest in the natural phenomenon has since shifted to something he fears he doesn't know how to name. His feelings are gnarled and tangled, a messy web of complex things that cannot be picked apart so easily.

He remembers all too well the way he nearly choked on his own heart when it leapt into his throat after the first near-miss with the lightning.

He remembers the certainty of thinking he was going to die when the second bolt hit, sending him and the DeLorean hurtling through time. The subsequent suffocating guilt upon realising that he'd been thrown a century back in time, the time vehicle rendered inoperable, thus leaving Marty stranded with no way to return home.

He remembers the surprise at seeing the marks twisted and snaking up his arms towards his shoulders. The way the thunder barked its laughter over his head, taunting him as he dangled from the Clock Tower.

❝I think I understand exactly what you mean. It's a perfectly natural reaction to feel that way, Marty, after everything we've been through. Sometimes I think about those nights and the way lightning has become a key player in my inventions.❞

The parallels to Frankenstein are not lost on him.

❝I couldn't explain this to my parents, you know? They just keep asking me if something happened because oh you never used to be scared of storms before, Marty, what's wrong? They'd never understand without the whole picture and I can't exactly tell them about the time machine because then I'd have to bring up that and boy, Doc, if I could just forget that whole thing with my parents, I would.❞

Emmett feels the next sudden clap of thunder rattle around his bones and Marty jumps.

❝This all happened a few short months ago. With a little more time to process it and the events not so fresh in our minds, things will be easier. It will get better, Marty. In time.❞

The overhead lights flicker and Emmett pulls a worn-out deck of cards from his pocket; the very same they'd salvaged from the garage, still without the Ace of Spades and the Seven of Hearts. A smile slowly spreads across Marty's face and he's reaching for the deck the moment the cards are set down.

❝You wanna play—❞

Emmett returns the smile with a knowing one of his own. ❝Deal us in, Marty.❞

#doctober 2023 #&; a great idea can change the world 「 hc 」#i am particularly attached to the idea of some thunderstorm related nervousness stemming from their time travel adventures #on both their ends #and it won't be forever but right now marty's like oh god this all just happened and it makes him think about doc nearly dying #and doc's got some things of his own; he's had the ten years in the past to help with it but also he wasn't exactly addressing any of that #at the time due to other more pressing matters #anyway i love them.#and i hc they definitely played cards for fun back at the lab and marty's stupid good at some games #also doc speaking from some kind of a place of experience with time healing certain wounds

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maddy-ferguson · 7 months

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i was so ahead of the curve the curve became a sphere is literally me i skipped a grade and now my friends from high school are done with school and are getting their first jobs and stuff and i'm in school with people who were born two years after me. like i lost three full years lmaooo

#but i'm not that mad or sad about it because i don't mind not working like AT A JOB i'm even considering going into academia which would #mean even more years but like we'll see because i will have spent EIGHT YEARS in university when i'm done since it's five years to like. do #anything actually do something. only three more years to go yay #year 1: depressed year 2: not as depressed but i failed the classes i needed to pass to do the thing i wanted to be doing so i was kinda #stuck but i didn't know what else i wanted to study so i was like. i'll just do this get through my three years and then i'll do something #i like better. because i could have theoretically. except. i did not love it and i wasn't particularly good at it. also was still depressed #for like the entire first semester and my first year i passed for like my first semester so during my second year i had classes for year 2 #during one semester classes for year 1 during another semester. it's actually easy but i don't know if that'll make sense the way i wrote #it. year 3 was 2020-2021 so covid and like i was saying the other day i was NOT working like i was kind of for the first semester but. oh #my god. my favorite class i learned like 60 pages like what we had to learn was 60 pages long and then you had to do like an essay or #whatever idk. no it wasn't even an essay but i czn't explain. i got like. a 3.5. OUT OF 20 #so i was like yeah i'm not doing this anymore this is obviously not working for me so for the rest of the year (oh yeah we had class online #fully from november to well april when it ends) i was like. rewatching grey's anatomy and whatnot. that's when i rewatched grey's. also ahs #my not working semester in 2021 is also when i watched dawson's creek! because that's when they put it on netflix.#fun fact #good times honestly? but yeah #also i think about some of the things i learned a lot like it's very good to know i'm glad that i know it #i Am bitter but it's for other reasons #and like i say: brf slt #rory dropping out of yale is kinda so me if i had ever dropped out😁 which is why her graduating on time is very annoying and boring. her #ass should not have graduated on time...

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softersinned-arc · 10 months

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@koschyei said: ❛ You know, this is an interesting and efficient method of murder. I need to write this down. ❜

The smile on her lips doesn't meet her eyes, and she tries to ignore the churning in her gut; she knows better by now than to trust anyone, let alone another politician, but she wants to, and badly. She can feel it in him, some sort of power that is at once old and incomprehensible to her, and there is a part of her that wants to sit at his feet and learn, and another part of her, a greater, a louder part of her, that wishes there were some way to sink her fingers into his chest and rip it out of him to keep for herself.

She has been powerless before and has learned to survive, even to thrive, in spite of it, but it did nothing to dull her hunger. She imagines power sometimes like an organ and she imagines what it would feel like to tear the power from another person and swallow it hole, blood staining her teeth, magic burning her tongue. She is a creature of want above all else. She always has been.

"I'm afraid I'm little help to you when it comes to the Anchor's power." Not technically a lie, but certainly not the truth. Astoria's left hand pulses a gentle, glowing green, and she thinks, not for the first time, that her blood sounds different now that it's been infected by the Fade.

But it was not the Anchor's power, this time; it was her own, and a power she understands plenty well. One need not tamper with the blood as a whole when one can tamper with the things that make it, and there is plenty of water in blood. To manipulate. To move. To boil. Not technically blood magic, but she knows enough by now of the chantry to trust that not technically blood magic is hardly a solid defense. She takes in a deep breath and immediately regrets it as the euphoria of battle fades and she feels the sudden and sharp pain in her chest that means her ribs have broken again.

The dead men at her feet steams like cooked meat, their skin reddened and bursting from the heat that had poured out of her and into them. Around them, the snow has melted enough to reveal the hard, barren ground beneath it. Had she known Koschei was near, she would have been more cautious, but the Venatori had caught her by surprise. Astoria tucks her hands into her sleeves and shrugs apologetically.

"If I knew better how it worked, I would use it better. Unfortunately, much of Solas' research into rifts is beyond me. I never received a formal training in magic and I'm afraid the theory seems rather muddy compared to what I learned at the augur's knee." She raises her eyebrows, retracts her left hand and holds it out to him, palm up, as if in invitation. (In challenge.) "Though if there's knowledge in Buyan that has yet to cross the Wilds, that could guide me, surely you would know it...?"

#koschyei #i. here's the truth from my red lips. ( answers )#(inquisitor astoria's the worst i think they'd have a lot of fun together)#(basically !! her magic is going fucking haywire with the anchor and her control over it is unpredictable at best)#(and she has a particular gift with water - so when she's particularly scared or angry her magic bursts out of her)#(often in doing things like boiling the blood in someone's body via the water in their blood etc etc)#(every time this explosion of magic happens / every time she uses the anchor there's a good chance she undoes something in her own body)#(so she's regularly re-healing old scars that suddenly opened up or bones she'd fixed after breaks during the blight)#(i read your verse info and i wasn't sure if no one knows he's a mage or specifically that he's immortal but either way)#(i think the only Vibe she's getting from him is. nervous laughter. what the fuck.)#(probably not dissimilar to what she feels around kieran and she chalks it up to 'i really do not need to know everything')#(if you want me to change anything or would prefer something else lmk!)

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beansnpeets · 2 years

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I’m too excited about my mushroom series to not give you guys a sneak peek, so here’s one of my mushroom shots from today!!

#my photography #today was the first day i got out to shoot mushrooms this year #very excited #i found quite a few actually #i wasn't expecting to find as many as i did #these were particularly beautiful #cannot wait for the rest of the season #wayyyy too much fun #sprocket came with me it was good

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irregularjohnnywiggins · 1 year

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So, just started Boneland.

...man, Alan Garner really did look at all the edgy 'all of the Rugrats are dead, Majora's Mask is Link trying to come to terms with his own death, Spirited Away is about child prostitution' theories and said 'hold my beer', didn't he?

#alan garner #boneland #the weirdstone of brisingamen #the moon of gomrath #I mean I wasn't exactly surprised by it #I came into Garner via Elidor and The Owl Service #weird esoteric magical realism is what I expected from this #but it's something else to seriously consider the idea that the Morrigan may just be someone who sexually abused one of your main cast #I mean it's good #i like it #Garner's one of those writers who can conjure a phrase that sticks in my head for years #(particularly thinking about 'she wants to be flowers but you make her into owls. you mustn't be surprised if she goes a-hunting')#so I'm going to have fun with it

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iamnotawomanimagod · 1 year

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#I've talked to two people IRL who were like 'oh my god Wednesday was so good and so deep and so well written'#and I'm like 'pls watch more TV'#look Wednesday was cute but it wasn't like groundbreaking storytelling on any level #I've seen so many better and more well-written shows in the past year alone and I just #I don't understand how that show became so popular #I thought it was cute and fun and aesthetic but it wasn't like.......anything particularly novel #outside of those factors #Idk I guess I'm just spoiled by other really good TV lol

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autisticchangeling · 1 year

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“You’re a weak and pathetic person because you don’t want people commenting on your appearance in ways I personally find funny”

No?? If you enjoy playfully mocking your friends and family in ways that are genuinely appreciated by all, including the person being mocked, then have at it, but people saying that they personally would be uncomfortable with that and that it feels rude to them are not being pathetic, they’re just being people with different boundaries than you.

Also, don’t make me point at the sign again (Something being culturally accepted as good does not make it actually good or immune to criticism. Something being funny also does not make it good or immune to criticism)

#Saw that post about Irish people making fun of other people's outfits again #and like #Yes the post is funny #Yes I'm sure some or all of those were in good humour #and the people in the notes who are made uncomfortable by it probably do not have the full cultural context for it #but at the same time #I think it's fine if people aren't comfortable with others making jokes about their appearance and clothing?#And it doesn't make them 'pathetic americans'#idk I just get particularly bothered by anything that boils down to 'me making this joke about you that makes you uncomfortable #is a sign that you are weak and bad actually'#and I wasn't about to say all this on the post so I'm just rambling about it here instead

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beefyandbloody · 2 months

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Random thought but wrestling is so much more fun for me now than when I was watching it like five years ago, it no longer feels like putting up with a bunch of bullshit to see two matches and one promo that I actually enjoy. Now I watch dynamite and think wow that was a good episode more or less every week when five years ago I was surprised when I actually enjoyed raw in its entirety. It just feels so good man

#i remember watching mlw fusion on youtube when there was a particularly bad segment on raw or smackdown #if it wasn't for the tumblr fandom i would have switched over to impact but the liveblogging and shitposting was still fun #anyway with all their flaws i am so thankful for aew for putting on good wrestling and satisfying my blood thirst #the deathmatches just hit different idc how others bitch about someone bleeding every week i fucking rejoice when theres blood #opinions(tm)

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shadowtraveled · 2 months

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"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

#dungeon meshi spoilers #mithrun #dungeon meshi #this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme #half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is #someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality #his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though #he says he tried to see the worst in them.#hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on #wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore.#but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once #snakes #long post #severe problems #meshy

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inkskinned · 7 months

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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

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