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aerimomo-mellon · 3 years

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Skz as Boyfriends!

Paring~ SKZ x Reader

Genre~ informative lol

A/N~ yep it was requested! Enjoy 친구 <3

warnings? none. (idk mention of bed related things haha)

SKZ M☁List II Main M☁List

시장……..

✿ Bangchan

We all know this guy and you all have read enough of him I think, to know what imma say. (But for special purposes why not..)

This guy is really really serious about relationships and you are probably the one because he just can’t help loving everything about you.

The fact that he is yours even with all the responsibilities and work he has as a leader and idol is a miracle itself. Therefore consider yourself LUCKY to have the most caring and loving man anyone could have.

Dates- He likes movies hence movie nights and date to the theater are often. If not then he likes taking you to a sports event or the beach cause yeah. ( that vibesssssss you know? )

PDA = 3/10 why?, because as mentioned earlier he is responsible for many important things and he doesn’t want to have any misunderstandings about you and dislikes hate in general. That 30% I gave him was because he would only do PDA if really needed.

In Bed things? Umm not often actually but once in a while yes WHILE he would like it I’m sorry I mean LOVE it..

Con? Yep time! Sorry girl but that time you need, it’s hard for him to fulfill every time.

Cute extra info- Doesn’t mention it but secretly likes when you poke his dimple and say he’s cute.

✿ Minho

There are these majority conceptions, as I said majority but not all cause there are stays who know that he is a sweet guy deep deep down.😉

If you’re his s/o he will give every bit of him to you and expects the same for you. I would categorize him as a boyfriend wo acts like a mom lol. It maybe hard to digest that information but trust me this feeling I have from my gut I can say that he is also very caring. Although he might not say things like I will be there whenever you need me or even I miss you, care for you, but he doesn't need to say this anyway. As action speak more than words our Minho is the same.

Dates- He likes to balance it between what you like and what he likes as well. If you are a new couple he straight up asks what you prefer. Plus point he likes to take you to cat café if you like cats too.

PDA = 0.5/10 why? honestly speaking this guy literally hates to express his feelings. That .5 is literally him agreeing that he is yours and that's it. (when someone asks that is)

In Bed things? I personally think it depends on his mood and not yours. Yup. Somedays he wants you a lot and somedays he likes his space. I'm not saying he hates cuddling but more than that on days he is either tired or stressed he likes to keep that little limit to what happens next.

Con? Attention... you would literally take his cats away from him to get his attention.

Cute extra info- likes it when you call him and yourself Appa and Eomma to his cats.

✿ Changbin

Changbin being the puff/ strong guy(sorry that sounded disturbed lol) We all know how babied he likes to be.

Him as a boyfriend is just very natural, I mean from the way he takes you on a fancy date to even putting nail polish on your left hands. Everything is very genuine and he loves it. The Boyfriend to always apologize first.

I find him as someone to take attraction and the next step which is relationship very seriously. ( the person to be very calculative, it can beat Chan honestly..)Knowing that he is afraid to hurt people in any kind of way, to hurt you even as an accident breaks his heart.

Dates- Our Dwaekki loves taking you on dates with loads of food or snacks. A typical Korean restaurant or even food stalls, he loves seeing you eat than to be broken when you might have some kind of sickness due to eating problems.

PDA = 5/10 why? Because he likes your opinion. He is okay with either if you insist on a particular one but slightly leans on less public knowing. Holding hands and probably hugging you wouldn't be a huge problem for him.

In Bed things? he loves it anytime honestly... if he is horney he is getting what he wants and when you are same goes to you.. you'll get what you want..

Cons? Too much aegyo which makes you do things you don’t necessarily want to. (Stay blessed)

Cute extra info- Praise him! (x100) loves it when you say things like " my boyfriend is so strong.." or even " those arms mmm..."

✿ Hyunjin

I mean do I need to say how into he is with this??? Damn this man is the most prepared man a girl could have. The type to know everything about relationships... from trending couple fashion to even special not important but cute couple events..( that he probably found randomly scrolling through google)

He knows your anniversary, birthday, your moms birthday, dads and basically your whole family knows him too. He also keeps track of your monthly cycle too cause he likes being responsible for you..

He is the type to get jealous very easily BUT wont admit it when you ask. Likes to braid your hair while learning from YouTube.. Likes to buy you so many colorful cute hair accessories. (loves your hair..)

Dates- we all know this guy is fancy so he likes fancy dates but he can also be the complete opposite.. Fancy~ maybe to a art restaurant or even on a fancy boat cause why not.. Normally though~ likes to take you to an art museum or at night to take you on the roof for star gazing..

PDA = 2/10 why? I've probably given hints on my fictions with Hyunjin about this in particular. He prefers keeping this in private and that 20% is with his members (barely)

In Bed things? This guy couldn’t be more romantic lol. Loves being prepared for this buys every thing you both need… and yeah loves it.

Cons? He buys Kammi more hair clips than you sorry….

Cute extra info- likes when you get mad when he cut his hair lol. I apologize to all the stays I know he is cute every time but that long hair just hits different….

✿ Jisung

The craziest boyfriend you could have and will only have. You would low key love your relationship with this man I’m telling ya…

You two would have so much fun like toddlers. He is honestly the cutest, funniest, talented etc.. man you get all in one.. ahaha..

Likes to buy you the most stupid things that actually works for a daily living..( that thing he bought to watch on his phone while laying down 😵)

likes to joke around and talk to you a lot.. gurll listen to him he loves it. He likes to value your problems as well so listens to you too.

Dates- likes to watch anime so you two usually have this anime night cuddle sessions but if he were to plan something outside he would prefer to take you to the amusement part lol.

PDA = 8/10 why? honestly he likes showing you off cause he is fond of you. Basically doesn't care what others think... his parents know you, members, friends outside the group, and stays know you exist lol.. 20% i kept for a reason because he doesn't like it when things get out of handle so he wont do anything to the extent..

In bed things? yes he likes it but that turns up into a tickle fight or even a complete cringe but cute moment..

Cons? He might be very sensitive leading to him being upset and you having to apologize...

Cute extra info- loves it when you kiss his cheeks or just play with them in general..

✿ Felix

I had to bring this up at some point lol.. stays probably know the video where he says his clothes are boyfriend material lol...and yes i agree hands down!

A boyfriend material in his own way ahaha.. i mean we all know he loves to be cared for and loved. That Bangchan! spoiled little youngbok.. i personally feel or think two ways. Either he likes being cared for by you or he takes care for you since now he gets to be the older one..

Felix likes speaking in English so if you know English he would speak both languages as well. Likes to give you blowjobs cause he fell in love with you lol..

Dates- Shopping malls, window shopping, UNO on a picnic lol all these are his favs and so are yours .. Personally speaking he likes to take you to places where he can take lots of pictures of you..

PDA = 4/10 why? I don't know haha yup its just a feeling where I'm in between of two opposite thoughts.. I fell like he shows you to his members and family but not more than that.. (Olivia is most likely to love you)

In bed things? Likes being pampered and loves it when you lead.. happens pretty often actually..

Cons? yes! he like being touchy and so do you but he does it too much which beats ya.. and jealous really easily! and he lets you know that..

cute extra info- compliment him on his freckles and he will blush literally a tomato 🍅..

✿ Seungmin

Sweet really sweet.. he is the typical Korean boyfriend you'll get haha even better than that.

He just likes to talk to you or even look at you all day and keep that puppy smile on him.. The type to sing you a song to sleep or whenever you ask him to. likes to hear you sing too.. attempts to make you laugh but ends up, giving up.

He likes kissing your eyes when they are closed.. or when you just fell asleep after the song likes to give your eyes quick pecks..

Dates- He likes walks and that's why you go on evening walks and return when it's dark.. likes holding your hands. He likes grocery shopping with you, takes you to the rooftop to talk about life and its shitty problems.. Basically effortless things that make your relationship happy for what it is.

PDA = 1/10 why? I mean do I need to tell you this? he is like Minho but just a little bit more obvious.. Prefers to express his love when you two are alone..(that's it)

In bed things? umm yes but no.. i mean he gives in to your begs but I feel like Seungmin is just too into cute cuddling and these things are only when he is very desperate ..

Cons? not much but maybe ignoring you when you ask if he can buy you ice Cream for the fifty-sixth time..(but gives in anyway)

Cute extra info- He likes when he sees you in his clothes.. but doesn't say it and acts like he doesn't..

✿ Jeongin

Baby, baby, Baby..... he is our baby boyyyy but his savage ass towards his Hyungs just breaks it all hahaha…

Jk he is actually really cute, caring, sweet and likes to be protective. It may not suit him but yes he likes scolding people if done wrong to you..

You might be older or younger honestly he doesn’t care.. he is very respectful to you either way. He loves you and is very shy too which you find cute.

Dates- Asks you for your opinion or his Hyungs. He still is very inexperienced so he doesn’t know but sometimes likes it when you two spend time on the swings of some random park with fruit juice 🧃..

PDA = 0/10 why? Cause no no no no not even to his members haha he is just too shy and likes to keep his relationship in its own boundaries.

In bed things? Nope please! I’m sorry stays but I just can’t with Jeongin… (no further details he is just so precious to me)

Cons? He understands very late.. like you trying to say you want to cuddle, kiss etc.. without words he won’t get it. Just fucking be straight forward with our baby.

Cute extra info- honestly everything is cute about him so I can’t fit it here sorry… stays use your imagination here…

끝…

#skz bang chan #skz leeknow #skz minho #skz changbin #skz hyunjin #skz jisung #skz felix #skz seungmin #skz jeongin #skz headcanons #skz x reader #skz imagines #skz fanfic #skz as boyfriends #skz fluff #skz angst

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sunriseintropicisle · 3 years

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Things that makes me happier

I gave up posting number in front of my post title, initially it was to mark whether I reach the goal of posting a writing every week, which made me had to post 52 writings for the year of 2021, and by this point I am pretty sure I am not gonna reach that number so yes, we can forget it.

So I personally feel like recently I am in a better state of being, and have lots of idea coming up in my head. While I still religiously write on my handwritten journal, I feel like writing, in case my nonexistent reader would like to know, or give some inspirations. Lol, like who you are.

No, really, I am just really believe in sharing, and I would love to know if my mundane knowledge or experience be insightful even to only one other person. Because I myself found multiple times that a knowledge/sharing that someone posted online impacted me greatly - hence I am just thinking about the other me who may be seeking the things I am about to say/share.

Things that makes me happier are:

Intermittent Fasting

I have been doing IF for 2 weeks now, and yeah, it makes me feel good. I started initially because, duh, like everyone else, I wanted to lose weight. Some might want to kick me in the ass for saying such thing, and assure me that I have normal body and yada yada. And, as straight forward as it is - I just want to be as skinny as possible. Hahaha. Maybe it is something to do with me very sold into the standard beauty, or maybe it’s got to do with something in the past - I was quite cheeky.

However, even though I always say that I want to lose weight, over the years I have never really made the effort. Some days I took it hard some days it just a normal day, me eating this and that and whatnot. But then I have noted the intention of me wanting to be so skinny, on top of those beauty standard I believe have huge impact in me and a quite hard time in the past for being cheeky is because it simply makes me feel lighter, not holding anything within my body. Because for the context and some TMI, I have a not so good digestion, so yeah. There was a period of the time that I often I feel stuffed and bloated - which felt so uncomfortable, that I can’t stand working while sitting because I felt my stomach is getting on my way.

I tried IF a while back, and it worked for me, so now I decided to try it again now. Intention achieved. I believe it was because the time window for eating that pool all the food I eat in a day to be only consumed for certain times (I do 7 hours, my best convenience). I used to eat on times where, looking back, I was not really hungry, you know. Like breakfast - turned out (I don’t know why I forget about this) that I am not a breakfast person. All through high school I don’t remember myself sitting, eating breakfast in my uniform.

But then I just picked up a habit of eating breakfast while my stomach is actually not really ready for it, which end up making me feel bloated that last long all through lunch and pretty much for the day - and then without me knowing the new day has begin, and the cycle starts all over.

So yeah, IF had helped me to be to schedule my eating time which made my digestion works better I guess, and no more me having a bloated stomach constantly.

Quitting Social Media

Finally I succeed in cutting myself with social media. This, I also had tried in the beginning of the pandemic I guess - went on without social media for weeks and at that time I really felt the benefit and all, until I came back to social media and can not disconnect ever since. Even though I have been wanting to detox myself, but at the same time I felt really dependent on it.

It took me one lows moment of life to finally be able to went cold turkey about disconnecting. It was when I felt frustrated on Twitter news where every day it seems like there were a bad news - people died, people lost jobs, people complaining, the news about our incompetent and corrupt government and so on. Without me realizing, it took a toll on myself. Other than that was me who checking in Linkedin constantly at the time and seeing my friends’ profile whose climbing up the corporate ladder, while I was unsure and questioning whether I am in the right place (sounds like the problem of these days youth who lives in their own bubble, yeah?).

So one Friday where I had one of my breakdown, I went MIA for the weekend to the people who are close to me, as well as to my social media. It’s only been 2 weeks now, but it is safe to say that I can reclaim myself within these times, suddenly lots of thinking came up to me, as if all these times the bad news maybe somewhat oppress it or something. And, I also feel more certain about what is going on my mind/heart.

I believe quitting social media has its downside as well, as like I really am not having an update on the news (90% of my news source is Twitter - how sad yet could not be truer for most of us), I completely blind on our Covid update I even think that Covid is slowing down in the territory. Yeah, as expected you lose win some as well as you lose some, but for now at leas, I decided to win for myself.

Olympic 2020

I have never watched Olympic before, as far as I remember. Nor that I care about it. But this time is different. I believe the fact that we are on privilege to be in the safety of home have a huge part in me having the opportunity to watch the Olympic - thanks for that. For almost two weeks I was hooked to my TV, even one time I was on my TV from 6am to 10pm and watched all the games they aired.

To have the company to watch was a big advantage as well. As now I have my sibling in the house, I teamed up with my sister to watch the Olympic, we both did not know that we enjoyed it so much that we invested in each game we watched. We cheered for athletics, we scream for badminton, we gasped for weightlifting. It was a very fun experience. For almost two weeks I change my work station in front of the TV and so did my sister.

On top of that, what made Olympic special and very intrigued me was the diversity of the athletes. I guess I just did not exposed to such diversity as it was presented in the Olympic. I was presented with some very foreign countries whose name I hardly heard, or the people whose features were different one another.

Questions like why some sports dominated my a certain race while other sports dominated by others also popped out in my head. And not to mention my awed to each of these Olympian athletes when they perform their sports, I always wonder what it takes for them to be there right now - how many years of training, how much tears were sacrificed and relationships had to be let go. There were just so many elements of the Olympics that made me really drawn and invested in it.

Youtube

Surprise, surprise.

Well, my attraction to Youtube recently was different because of the previous para - Olympic. Because of getting really drawn into the Olympic athlete, I was searching lots of reference videos. And as we all know how we are being spied and we are mere a number for these big tech companies, they get to know me better know and present me with more content that I love (or else I had never discovered).

I am not sure what I searched previously, but Youtube chose that I now an avid cultural researcher, jk. Yeah, I watched a lot about something culture-related on Youtube because it is funny, looking back, I was once really attracted to be a global citizen and what not (what a flavor of youth!!), traveling the world, meeting people from other countries, make impact in the NGO (before long I know the NGOs are mostly funded by big corporations as well, heart breaking reality for me).

What I am saying is that the savvy man-made tech of Youtube has made me rediscover my old interest about culture! And I just actually learn that you can learn a lot from Youtube’s comment section, which debates often open up you to things which are (1) people can comment based on data and have every intention to educate other people; and (2) people more often be ignorant, and how much you are on the right stance, with the wrong people, you can still be, yeah wrong.

Somehow the lesson I gained in the Youtube’s comment section was really grounding to me to realize these polar of people, and in the end what you can do is only simply be you because after all, people really will hold on to their own opinion and belief.

Jigsaw Puzzle

RECCOMENDED 100/100. Damn, wasn’t it a good choice when one day I decided to try out jigsaw puzzle to entertained myself while waiting my partner to reply my chat message?

On the one of the breakdown moment I mentioned I believe that I had to have distraction and I thought of either a puzzle or a coloring book. I ended up buying both, but I am positive that I am more drawn to jigsaw puzzle. I first ordered a 1500 piece puzzle and when it first came, I kind of secretly afraid that I will give up. Also my mother being my mother and she was pessimist that I would finish the puzzle.

But one time I was just playing by myself, not expecting anything or even asked anyone to help me (afraid that I put too much task on other people), yet my sister helped me out, and a while after my mom helped we out as well. Resulting in the puzzle finished in 3 days. Soon after I order new puzzle, and so did my sister. Her order came first and it was a 1000 pieces puzzle, which we finished in 2 hours (boo, it turned out to be too easy), and now we are opening up our 3rd puzzle and tried to work on it.

I am just really happy that I discovered it, it is really great way to bond and filling time. And every time I successfully put the pieces together - that just very satisfying feelings! I believe I will have more and more puzzle to come in the near future.

I hope one of the thing above will work out for you and make you happier as well as it had affected me. 🤗

#mentariwrites #mentaridaily #happier #puzzle #lockdown

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bizarropurugly · 6 years

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Dame’s Eating Problem(s)

okay so I’ve been wanting to make this post for like ever now but kept getting too tired to write it but basically this post is going to be a detail on my difficulties with eating and food

so tw for disordered eating, and food obviously, and vomiting too, and unsanitary stuff too, there might be ableist language, suicide and self harm, body image and/or dysphoria probably? I think that covers it

let’s get this show on the road below cut

So to start with, I have digestive issues, a tender mouth, sensitive teeth, and autism. This makes eating hard enough already.

I am sensitive to grease, sugar, dairy, spiciness, and salt. Which kind of sucks because I actually need a lot of salt in my diet due to my vasovagal syncope and chronic low blood pressure, but it burns my mouth so brutally I swear I even bleed. Some other examples of problems I have would be eating a candy bar in one sitting makes my teeth ache, or fighting between puking and shitting myself to death over most fastfood because they use so much fucking grease.

It’s very possible I have irritable bowel syndrome but I have hangups with getting any of that checked out, mostly that THAT particular area of my body, I am actually too shy and embarrassed over to want to risk any kind of... examination of it... haha... and with all my other problems it takes a back seat.

Then there’s the autism, which is almost unpredictable in what will set off my gag reflex sometimes. I know for certain peanut butter*, mushrooms, and anything with legs (such as some shrimp and DEFINITELY any squid) are guaranteed triggers.

(*Small amounts of peanut butter in things like packed candy bars or puppy chow are fine. Small amounts, though.)

And then sometimes I just get tired of eating something and will come close to puking on just the thought of eating it. This mostly happens with meat, potatoes, pastries, and whatever you’d consider shit like waffles and pancakes. Vegetables and fruits seem to be safe for the most part, but unfortunately they’re not very filling and their acidity / fructose content can trigger my OTHER digestive issues.

I’m guessing it’s an autism thing because it’s primarily about the textures that I don’t want to feel when I get tired of a food, hence why it tends to be with... squishier, sometimes slimier stuff I guess.

Usually food intolerance comes from the fact I have very few options of “safe” food and eat the shit out of any I find, and ultimately make myself hate it temporarily from that being the only thing I ever eat. Sometimes, though, this is permanent, such as with peaches, pears, chili, goulash, pineapple, and at times beef stew specifically of the Dinty Moore line.

This is a backdrop for how my troubles began. I kind of ignored this, like, aggressively for a long time, particularly because of being abused by adults over it? I had no explanation and everyone thought I was being a picky brat - in fact being called picky was a trigger for me as a kid because it was always in such a brutally negative fashion that implied I was a lying spoiled piece of shit because I would shit my pants or throw up over some adult’s stupid fucking idea of “kid friendly” food like tacos and peanut butter sandwiches.

So I just... didn’t eat. A lot. It got worse over time. I was so tired of fighting about food, and I was tired of not knowing what was going to hurt me, that I just straight up forewent eating, often. Very often.

By high school, I was probably only eating lunch twice a week. When I graduated high school I was down to like 95-98 pounds.

But it wasn’t just that, actually. It got worse, if you can believe it!

What this did was pave the way for me to get worse as my depression, anxiety, and other untreated mental illness took their toll on me in high school. Years of ignoring my hunger pangs / being used to them left me with no realization of just how bad my mental health was, because not eating was normalized to me.

It came to be that even when I had food that I liked and knew was safe, I couldn’t eat it. My body was completely rejecting anything I tried to eat. And I didn’t notice for a while because it “wasn’t” interfering with my life, because it was all par for the course. Starving was par for the course. Like, my mother worried about me moving out on my own because she knew I had to be pushed to eat, otherwise I’d go the whole day and not notice.

I can’t remember when I realized something wasn’t right. I do remember a particular moment in my favourite restaurant, which I didn’t get to go to often because we are poor and it’s a steak place, and I think it was my 18th or 19th birthday, and I had my most favourite things to eat in the world in front of me and... couldn’t eat it.

In fact, I threw up for my hubris in trying to make myself eat it.

And I started crying, because I was hungry, I was SO hungry, and this was my favourite food, and it wasn’t fucking cheap, but... I couldn’t eat it. My body wouldn’t let me, and on top of that, I fucking THREW UP on the table. I felt so ashamed and like a horrible person, because of course wait staff has to clean that up, and I was so weak and tired and just wanted to eat my fucking steak and go home...

(This was when I learned to never, ever, EVER push it if I’m feeling this way lol)

And this kept going on, actually. The explanation was never found until I actually got help for my mental health, but only after urging from my best friend after confessing to them a suicide attempt.

I don’t remember how we went about trying to find the cause before I came in about depression. I remember that I was literally wasting away for like... 5 or so years. It wasn’t just the depression that made me fall asleep in class or in the halls between class. I was always cold, too, cold and weak, and could often be found wedged underneath a radiator at school. I got so small and tired and miserable. My mother says I dropped towards 80 pounds before I finally got help.

I kind of really hate it because I used to be strong, but I was beat down. It was beat out of me, verbally, emotionally. Bullies nobody did anything about, teachers proud of embarrassing me, everyone around me thinking I was obnoxious and retarded, having no actual friends. I used to be able to carry classmates twice my size and take down football players. Now I really am a sack of shit, now in a more literal sense.

When I fell through the mire, I lost it all. The muscle and the wile and the flexibility. Started failing my classes, when I had previously been among academic elite. None of those kids thought I was smart enough for it either and couldn’t wait to position themselves as better than me when I literally fucking DYING, STARVING TO DEATH, TRYING TO KILL MYSELF.

....But that’s a tangent. Sorry.

Anyway, once the problem was actually found, and I got put on medication, it was like magic. I could eat again!! I could seriously eat again and not be afraid of throwing up or wasting food or anything!!

And by god, did I eat.

A common side effect of psychiatric medication that they don’t seem to explain very well is that your appetite increases. In my case, where I was literally starving, that was like going from 0 to 100 overnight. And I get why it’s a side effect - difficulty eating is a very common symptom of depression and anxiety! - but nobody told me how intense it would be, let alone that I should be careful.

You know how you’re not supposed to feed a starving animal a full bowl of food right away or else they’ll make themselves terribly sick because they’re stupid as hell and will gobble it down in seconds?

Basically, that. I gobbled and gobbled and gobbled everything my fucking hands could snatch, even my not safe foods. Didn’t care that I was shitting my brains out because I could FINALLY EAT AGAIN. I was so excited to EAT AGAIN.

Well, by starving myself, I had completely destroyed my metabolism. Experts have said it over and over again, starving puts your body in panic mode, and it relegates everything to storage.

So now I’m fat. I eat the same as I did before the troubles really got going, but because I went through several years of NOT eating, I have completely fucking screwed my body up. I’m fat, fat as hell.

And I’m pretty sure it’s not my “normal” weight because when I finally sit up out of the fucking mire and get to exercising and eating on a normal schedule, I lose weight, or at least change fat to muscle pretty easily.

But I’m wracked with stress and little to no feeling of control on my life. My mental health is spiraling again and I’m not eating, let alone eating right, again, and certainly I don’t have the energy to properly exercise myself.

Back when I first started my job things were better and I was excited because I was losing weight and feeling a little healthier because I was on a regular schedule, but now...

My executive dysfunction is also being a fucking pain in the ass because it keeps waving a metaphorical to-do list in my face and saying, “No!! you can’t exercise now!! look at all this stuff you need to do!! you have so many things to do!! there’s so many things and they need to be done and you can’t do anything ever without doing all the things right now!!”

The consequences are worse now, though. I have to actually drive and be at work and be an adult, which takes a LOT of my energy, and if I don’t eat? I pass out. More vasovagal syncope bullshit combined with the chronic low blood pressure. It was one thing falling asleep in high school, but now I have much more I need to do in a given day thanks to life being, you know, life.

Sunshine and One Eye keep me from letting myself wither, right now. I have to have a job and go to it in order to take care of them. If I didn’t have them, I’d probably quit my job and move back in with my parents and basically fade away.

Sometimes it’s a curse because I really, really don’t want to live, I don’t want to sustain myself. I’m... really fucking tired, I am beyond tired.

And I have to force myself to eat, but it’s rarely anything worthwhile anymore. It’s almost always snack food because it’s just so hard to eat anything right now, let alone something fulfilling. It takes me months to go through a bag of pretzels or something because I’m so unwilling to eat. I don’t even buy actual food now, no butter or bread or soup or meat, because I’m so unwilling to eat that it ends up expiring without ever being used. I cleared out my freezer recently and had food in there that expired in 2015. The only thing my fridge has is juice, soda, and milk for cereal for breakfast (the only dairy I’ll be able to eat for the next 12-24 hours unless I’m feeling less sore for once and want an ice cream cone lol).

So. Uhhh.. I guess that’s it. That’s my problem. Ruined metabolism brought on by starving because depression which was easy to do because I fucked up my eating instincts from a childhood of Angry Stomach vs Angry Adults, and now I’m heading right back in that direction again.

And I fucking hate it because all my life I’ve been skinny but strong-ish and smol but now I’m just a weakling blob and none of my favourite clothes fit.

#eating --//#disordered eating ---//#suicide --//#ableist slurs --//#food --//#bad brain business #dame disability chronicles #new tag I'm gonna use for writing about my disabilities...#...when I get around to the other posts

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archerwindsor · 4 years

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A Calorie is a Calorie, Really?

For many years, I believed that I can lose weight by eating lesser calories than my body can burn. I thought its all about calorie calculation. I admit I was so wrong! A calorie is NOT a calorie. LOL, you might be thinking that work from home and Corona lockdown has affected my logic. Yes, I really mean it when I ask that question, “A Calorie is a Calorie, Really?” To make my point clear let me say in a simplified manner, “A calorie is not just a calorie but each calorie has a totally different meaning to our body.”

No, A Calorie is not just a Calorie

Let’s take carbohydrates, fat, and protein in the same number of calories. These are indeed equal in terms of their energy content. But they do not have the same effects on our bodies. Our body processes carbohydrate, fat, and protein in a different way, hence their effect on our body is different. Let’s see how are they different –

Our body processes the food we consume and it needs the energy to digest and process the food. The amount of energy required to metabolize or burn fat, carbs, and protein is different. More energy is required to process protein than carbs. This means that 1000 calories a day from a high protein diet adds fewer calories to the body than 1000 calories high carb diet. Hence proved :D.

Therefore, 1 calorie from pudding is NOT equal to 1 calorie from fruit.

The entire calorie counting system is defective and misleading. You can never lose weight by consuming fewer calories but yes, you can lose weight by consuming fewer calories from carbohydrates or fats alternatively.

I am not saying don’t count calories at all. I certainly do count calories! I count calories that I am consuming from fat, carbs, and protein. I use an online calorie counting tool to make sure I am eating in proportion. It helps me to be more disciplined in my eating habits. Check out this link about the tool Myfitnesspal…..

The refined carbs get digested rapidly and cause high blood sugar. They make us hungrier soon and we crave and end up eating more carbs. It’s a never-ending vicious circle.

So now, what to do?

Eat more calories from fat. Fats like pure ghee can be used with meals to keep us full so that we don’t crave sooner than usual time.

Eat more calories from protein; it helps our body in innumerable ways to build muscles.

Go for whole carbohydrates instead of refined ones.

Do we need to repeat the best mantra to control calories….. Stay away from all kinds of sugars. Read our post on kinds of sugars here…

Do share with us if you agree with me about all calories not being equal ones.

You may also like reading –

Quick Weight Loss Products

Priyanka’s Weight Loss Story

Best Tummy Toning Exercises

Top Exercises To Lose Weight

Top Reasons For Not Losing Weight

Butter Or Margarine: Which Is Better?

16 Foods Which Make You Fat

A Calorie is a Calorie, Really? published first on https://olimpsportnutritionuk.tumblr.com/

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restoringbalance8-blog · 7 years

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Imperfection and a journey

Originally I was not going to post any information on here that was untrue: I do not want to reproduce someone else’s blog on health giving out information like ‘coconut oil is bad for you!’ because A) That’s not true and B) Even though it makes sense in their article, the facts are shallow and therefore extremely misleading, and C) 99% of the time the author (lol @ Stuff.co.nz ) have no good sources.

Which is why I was waiting till I knew for certain that hormone imbalance and balancing is a thing, by trialling out different methods to balance my hormones and looking at the results. But, all good things take time, and I’m super impatient so instead, I’m going to write about the things I’m doing to help balance my hormones and the reasons behind taking certain actions (according to my readings). In future posts, I will write about the results of certain actions (e.g. certain foods, herbs, exercise...) and hopefully, it will become helpful to anyone who reads this!

So, here goes nothing.

Hormone imbalance is usually the reason behind ‘why am I doing this, this and this and I still feel tired/overweight/hungry/fatigued/emotional/numb?!?!?’

Hormonal imbalance is becoming more and more frequent in the population as modern lifestyles subject us to a lot of toxins (think pollution, inorganic foods, additives, preservatives... basically anything un-natural). The population as a whole is seeing a rise in oestrogen dominance and excessive cortisol production. Oestrogen is primarily a female-associated hormone- an increased level of oestrogen will give people a more feminine appearance or outlook- e.g. boobs (or moobs), more emotionally sensitive, stored fat around hips and lower abdomen, etc. Cortisol is a stress hormone which is being excessively produced with the modern stresses of life- increased workload and what not.

However, men are becoming more oestrogen dominant, giving them moobs or lower sperm counts. Women are having increased levels of oestrogen on top of their already oestrogen dominant nature, which is a concern since an imbalance of hormones is associated with fertility issues, unhealthy weight gain or inability to lose excess weight, water retention/bloating excessive mood swings, especially around ovulation/period time. Excruciating period pain a cause of hormonal imbalance- this is abnormal (well it is VERY common, but it’s not the way things should be... if that makes sense). Pretty much, an unhealthy increase of oestrogen is making the fun characteristics of the female not so fun by swinging them to an extreme.

Personally, I am concerned with excessive oestrogen dominance and general hormonal imbalance with my inability to lose excess weight on my lower abdomen. I eat healthy like a crazy person, and I work out like an even crazier person- so I don’t really know why I don’t have that highly coveted 6-pack yet. It is most likely that my competitive and high-performance personality causes a lot of stress in my body and therefore, excessive hormone production. The female body is like an intricate and delicate clock- more so than a male’s (a male’s hormones is a lot less complex since they don’t have to make babies). There are a lot of things that contribute to hormone imbalance or balance, as seen in the picture below. I will list some lifestyle choices that I am undertaking to help (hopefully) balance my hormones!

1. Going off the pill- even though the pill didn’t seem to affect my weight, mood, or anything really, I felt a bit unnatural taking a small pill every morning that prevented my period- it scared me that something that small is so powerful in its effects, and even though having no period is great- if I’m gonna do this whole hormonal balance thing, the first step is probably getting off synthetic hormones

2. Less exposure to plastic water bottles and plastic- reusing your plastic water bottle is really bad as the plastic leeches toxins which the body recognises as ‘xenooestrogen’ (oestrogen outside the body) and releases aggressive oestrogen in the body.

3. No dairy or cheaply raised meats - I didn’t have to change this one as I have been dairy free and vegetarian for 4 years, but cows and factory-raised chickens are fed synthetic hormones in order to reproduce faster, which is then reproduced in their animal products. If you do eat meat, eggs or dairy- organic and free farmed is definitely the way to go.

4. No soy- Ok I cheat on this one quite a bit because there is nothing like a good soy latte.. but I’m slowly switching to almond milk and coconut milk which I am growing to like very much. They say that if you’re skinny or old you can probably have soy, but I am neither (yes I’m slim but by no means skinny). This is because soy contains oestrogen. Fermented soy like Tamari sauce and Tempeh is given the OK.

5. Increasing veggies, fat and protein intake. Cruciferous veggies like cabbage, bok choy, broccoli sprouts, cauliflower and kale are very good for detoxifying oestrogen. I am loving sauerkraut... it tastes so good on top of lentils and since sauerkraut is fermented cabbage, it is not only PROBIOTIC (good for gut health and digestion) but cruciferous (good for helping reduce antioxidants and linked to lowering cancer risk, hormone imbalance etc. etc.) In sum, eat your veggies people!

6. No parabens in skin lotions and using more natural products in general. I’m good at this one because in Year 10 I read something about how parabens are linked to breast cancer and I was obsessive even when I was 14 years old so I cut parabens out of my life 4eva. Tailor Skin Care has been my natural skincare saviour recently as I have only just discovered that moisturiser is essential in preventing gnarly pimples/redness, and Tailor ingredients make my skin all glowy and nice. Highly recommend!!

7. Eating heaps of vitamins! Vitamin A, C and Bs are just so good for you! Berries, Carrots, seaweed (I like CeresOrganics roasted seaweed- also very good for iodine supplementation- a hormone essential for metabolism), oranges and all the citrus fruits.... eat da rainbow pretty much

8. Omega 3s and healthy fats- chia seeds, salmon if you eat it, brazil nuts and raw nuts in general (I am loving MotherEarth $4 DeluxeNatural nuts atm- best price I can find for raw nuts and also such a filling snack, helping me not buy Midnight Espresso cake lmao), coconut products---- looooving coconut oil for frying!!, extra virgin olive oil, AVOCADO: a little bit unattainable with $5 avocados as the norm in this Wellington winter :( but I eat them when I can.

9. CHOCOLATE!!!! Dark of course- gotta avoid sugar as much as possible. The higher percentage, the better. I am loving Pana chocolate (expenny as $7 for a small bar but SO yum and so so so good for you). Add cacao to your smoothies for a perfect antioxidant boost. Cacao also helps reduce oestrogen and cortisol receptor binding- whatever that means- which pretty much means less weight gain and less stressy moments so it's a win-win.

10. Less hard physical exercise. Not to be confused with LESS exercise!! This one is hard for me- as I’m a go hard or go home kinda person. The good ol’ brain, apparently, cannot tell the difference between physical stress and emotional stress, and in women stress (whether it be emotional or physical) leads to an increase in aggressive oestrogen and cortisone (the stress hormone) production, leading to weight gain- since “in the old days” this response was necessary for survival. So I’m changing up my exercise routine from doing 6x hard workouts per week, into 2x hard workouts per week (like boxing or BodyPump). Every day in between I am trying to do something easy like BodyBalance, Yoga, Zumba, a small 20-30 minute HIIT Gym workout, or a 30 min run. So far, I have not put on any more weight from working out less hard, but I’m really intrigued to see how this goes. I am trying to go to Yoga more as taking an hour to relax works wonders on balancing hormones, hence lessening weight gain. It’s no wonder you never ever see a fat yoga instructor!

11. Eating clean in general. Eating clean makes me feel so good. Even though cake tastes amazing, it makes my stomach miserable and my mental clarity is significantly worsened, so eating clean is really necessary for me to feel on peak performance!

12. Taking deep breaths, especially at work or uni. Helps reduce cortisone production.

13. Less coffee. The last two weeks have been super hectic and I have been having one espresso a day- and my first day (today) without coffee has not been fun. Coffee is a stimulant and stimulates hormone production including cortisol, etc.

14. Sleep... I usually have a good sleeping pattern but recently I’ve been out of whack. Sleep is essential for producing hormones, which is critical for balancing hormones and ensuring that excess production of oestrogen and cortisol is prevented. Remember we are not trying to eliminate certain hormones- but balance them so that our bodies work efficiently and better.

15. Herbs and natural remedies. I am still researching this, but I’ve heard that basil, siberian ginseng and liquorice tea are very good in helping to balance hormones, including blood sugar levels and insulin. So I will probably buy these in the next couple of days.

It is all so complex, but I’m getting used to it!

just eat your veggies

-K

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