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carols-writting · 8 months

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HEHEHEHE HIHIIII!! HOPE YOURE DOING ALRIGHT!

I was thinking of the monkey boyz (Macaque & Wukong ^_^) with a gender natural autistic s/o (romantic plspls), on a way sometimes they stim so hard that they almost faint from running out of breath, infodumps AANDD enjoy cuddling them a lot principally from sensory seek on their fur.

If it is not too much i would also love to see how they would help their s/o on a meltdown for comfort reasons but that one is completely optional, do only if you’re comfortable doing!!

THAATSS IT!! have a nice day :D

HOW SUN WUKONG AND MACAQUE REACT TO A AUTISTIC READER

fluffy + romantic

•---------••---------••---------••---------••---------•

scenario: reader is autistic. they stim very hard, infodumps and loves to cuddle w them cause their fur is silly. theres also a meldown comfort

reader: they/them pronouns used, no physical appearance established, a request

warnings: autistic meltdown but its well handled (i hope) + ableism mention in the macaques section (not him being ableist)

authors note: hai!!1! im doing fine, just a bit lazy to go to school but i can sleep all day anyway. im comfy on doing the meltdown one but i wasnt sure what u feel comforted by, and how u handle ur meltdowns so i hope i got it right ^_^ i also loved to make this request cause its easier to me normalize autistic people in a romantic relationship. im autistic but i have some internalized ableism, imagine myself dating w a allistic is hard cause i feel like they wont truly like me. maybe because im childish, dramatic or just overly weird. anyway, ty for the request >w<

•---------••---------••---------••---------••---------•

SUN WUKONG

- hes allistic, but he mostly gets u!!1!

- and if he dosent? he still respects u anyway

- after all, u cant be separated of ur autism

- you ARE autistic, u dont HAVE it

- so if he loves u, he automatically loves ur autism

- after some weeks dating u, he undertands urs negative sensory triggers

- and ur positive sensory triggers

- (he asked to u the infos about it and never forgot about any of them)

- so, everytime u stim very hard for positive reasons

- he finds it very cute

- he still gets worried sometimes about u passing out

- but not enough for him to "ban u" from stimming

- after all, for positive or negative reasons, u still need to do it so u can feel better

- he loves the concept of stims

- hes not a big fan of social norms

- he didnt had much social interactions for centuries, after all

- so when u show to him so clearly that u are happy

- it makes him confident about his actions if he somehow caused it

- about infodumping

- he totally loves it!!1!

- he loves to see u stim.

- he loves to see u sound exicated.

- he loves the fact he knows u are happy.

- the infodumping can be weird or useless

- but he will hear it anyways cause its U saying it

- and if its related to u, he loves it <333

- ur infodump can be about snails and he will hear it (honestly? same. i would love to learn about those little guys)

- or even the creation of boxes (again, same)

- and he will ask some questions about it

- he loves to see u happy

- about cuddling

- hes touch starved, so... x2

- he will be extra clingy if he finds out u like the texture of his fur

- hes like "THEY LOVE MY FUR!!1!"

- i already did a headcanon of him and macaque + a clingy reader, so i wont enter in details

- but he will MELT if u caress or play w his fur

- it feels so heavily to him

- both because he likes the sensation and because u are enjoying it

- now, finally meltdown comfort

- i would say that a loud and crowded place triggered it, cause me guess thats a universal trigger to autistics (but u can change the situation if im wrong)

- idk how u react to it, loud and emocional or quiet and emocional (like me :3 ^_^ >w< :D)

- but he will quickly notice it

- again, he knows about urs negative sensory triggers, so hes always watching u when he knows a meltdown is possible to happen

- he immediately (gently) grab ur sleeve and guide u to a quiet and lonely place

- if u need physical touch to calm down, he will tightly and firmly hold u until u dont need it anymore

- or just slightly and loosely hold u, if u need it

- u can freely play w his fur

- and if u dont like physical touch, he will give u space until u dont need it anymore

- if u have a comfort item or sensory, he will give u the item or something w the sensory u like

- like ur favorite plushie or a blanket

- he will talk to u if u need when u are in ur meltdown or if u want when u calm down

- and he will also force himself to stay quiet if u need it or want it

- anyway, hes a supportive bf who loves u

- hes so wife material :3

MACAQUE

- hes autistic!!1!

- me thinks, level of support: level 2

- so he fully gets u!!1!

- even if ur symptoms are different or the opposite of ur, he still can understand where it comes from

- i mean- hes not a big talker

- but if u are? he gets it

- talk about ur interests and give space to others talk about theirs are very comfy!

- he definitely remember urs negative and positive sensory triggers

- yall had a conversation before yall was even dating

- u was his friend and he wanted to know how to comfort u + he was curious about how ur brain works

- and he dosent mind ur stimming at all

- he LOVES when its for a positive reason

- means that u are happy!!1!

- and that u feel safe enough around him!!1!

- sometimes he joins u

- well, only after yall are dating for some months

- he was alive for centuries and centuries

- old people wasnt very kind w the different, yk?

- i feel like he mainly stims by jumping and shaking his fists when its for a positive reason

- stumping his feet and cracking his fingers when its a negative reason (not projecting... ofc not hahaha)

- about infodumps

- he LOVES them

- his especial interest is learn in general

- especially about histories or animal facts

- so tell him about those things and he will ask so many questions

- ofc, he still loves infos out of that

- and he will still ask questions

- things that matter to him or not

- questions he want to know the answer or not

- only because he love to watch u be exicated

- CAUSE HES EXICATED TOO!!1!

- wooo!!!1! learn >w<

- about cuddles

- he also loves them!

- sometimes the autism is tisming and he dosent feel like touch

- but he warns u about that

- but usually he loves it

- other touch starved mf

- he loves his fur texture too so...

- he gets it

- he also will melt if u play w his fur

- its so comfy to him

- now, finally, meltdown

- same scenario

- loud and crowded place

- now, he have six ears + he was constantly looking at u

- so he notices very quickly

- he gives his sleeve and tell u to hold it

- but if u cant see in urs meltdowns, he gently hold ur sleeve

- and he guides u too a quiet and lonely place

- again, if u want pressure, he will hug u tightly

- or loosely if u prefer

- yes, u can play w his fur

- if pressure overwhelms u, he will give u space

- sensory itens or ur comfort object? he will buy to u if needed.

- hes not a big talker

- so stay quiet is his speciality if u need it

- but this mf will be so fucking talkative if u need it after of or while u are having a meltdown

- he does not stf until u feel better.

- anyway, he loves and likes u so much

- u are the person he loves, so dont worry about being annoying for urs autistic symptoms

- material wife fr fr.

#lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk sun wukong #sun wukong x reader #sun wukong #lego monkie king #six eared macaque #macaque x reader #lmk macaque #headcanon #x reader

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leon-on-the-froggy-chair · 5 months

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Felt like rambling aimlessly today.

Because bro. Words can't even begin to describe how much Resident Evil means to me. I was just talking about horror games and the essence of them with friends and theres just SOMETHING about Resident Evil that the roots of my very soul have buried themselves into. There is no me without RE (badum tss). As funky as that sounds its something thats been so greatly important to my development in a way I don't think anyone could really understand. This was the thing that was there no matter what I was going through, its the lens through which I learned to view the world as a kid and still sort of do (autism moment), its the thing that made me undertand myself as a person and find my identity, it's essentially the thing that raised me where my parents didn't. And its funnier that it was introduced to me by my parents. And by extent it's characters are so greatly fucking important to me, and of those Ada especially. She was really the first character i could relate to and my first character-focussed hyperfixation. And she honestly got me through a lot and her character taught me a lot as a kid.

And on that, I can't begin to explain how much i CRIED playing RE4R's Separate Ways. I know theres criticisms but it just made my inner child so fucking happy to finally see her character treated with the respect and attention she deserves. And the soundtrack carried so much important nostalgia I cried every time I opened a typewriter lmao. The whole remake got me really bad actually. THE most important game to my childhood got remade this year and delivered everything younger me and current me could've ever wanted AND MORE. They showed me a new rendition of a character I previously disliked that I now deeply relate to and who's arcs have taught me a new perspective on my real life and who is also getting me through a lot, much like Ada did all those years ago. This is a very long way of saying Ada and Luis are deeply engrained in my soul. But seriously. I know its probably in some way sad or comes off deeply out of touch with reality but the impact of these games and especially RE4 Remake currently is inexplicable.

And I have known people who've talked about how "new fans" ruin the games or characters for them. And I've seen a lot of people get pissed about kids getting into the games. But idk, first of all I'm happy more people are into the games (creepy or otherwise gross people excluded). And I don't think theres a world where someone could truly detatch me from these characters or this franchise. I've been through a lot with this special interest and idk that serves to have made it even more important to me.

#silly ramblings #on that last bit #its funny to think there might be new people who'll attach to this franchise the same way i did as a kid #Bc I'll tell you what i could NOT relate to anyone around me growing up bc RE was my thing and not whatever my peers were into #actually i deadass got made fun of for it like by teachers and shit bc my autistic ass obviously talked about it often #funny stuff good times #all those mfs who made fun of me are Leon simps on tiktok now and im actually happy about it lmao like NOW YOU SEE THE APPEAAALL #leon and ada were my first ever crushes actually fun fact #side note im cooking an ada analysis and oh boy am i gonna be scared to share it #resident evil

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whatifwekilledgodandwebothgirls · 3 months

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Alright alright im done crying now and since i did a book review of the symposium im doing a book review of alcibiades so buckle up . Yes , i am aware no one cares about this , but its fine . First i gotta say this is marginally worse than the simposium but in a woerd way . Its still good , dont get me wrong , but i like the symposium better . I dont know if its just because i like long peices of text , which the simposium had but this one lacks , or because its simply lacking in content . The messeges are alright , nothing shocking so far , very aproachable , very understandable very easy . You can tell its written with a goal to educate people of all intelligence . Its an easy book thats what im saying . Now

This decked me in the face with a steel chair

( trans: i belive , son of clenias , that you wonder despite the fact that i fell in love with you first, im the only one who continues to while the others have left , and continiusly pester you , while all these years i havent even greeted you )

Right off the bat , this is very different from the simposium . We are getting explicit proof that alcibiades and socrates are in a romantic relationship. First i thought that the book was imidietly worse that the for stating it so obviously, because i quite liked the ambiguity in the simposium, but then i undertood that the two books , despite being difrent , complement eachother perfectly and present a natural chain of events.

First off all in the simposium it is made clear that alcibiades got rejected because he had nothing to give to socrates besides hollow beuty and socrates had nothing to give to alcibiades, since the knowlage he belived he had wasnt real ( one thing i know i know nothing and so on so forth ) . Now we are getting a more in-depth explanation as to how they ended up together despite that little talk . Basically from what i gather since socrates doesnt like being a teacher because he doesnt know shit he used the maieutice ( or however the fuck its spelled ) because he belives that to gain knowledge one must first undertand that they are lacking it and second ask themselves questions to try to get it . He didnt think he could give knowlage to alcibiades then because he didnt think alcibiades desired to learn . He couldn't make him a good man , but he could later help him grow and learn so he could make himself a good man , all of those things needed alcibiades willing to put the work in , and not relay on socrates to just snap his fingers and turn him good , like he expected in the simposium .

( trans: speak , my dear , and i will listen)

Now the word for word translation is a little different. That little " ωγαθέ " litterally translates to " good " , but since both men use it generously and plenty throught the dialogue, i can only assume it was a common pet name of the time . Its worth noting that calling people good ( καλε μου , καλη μου ) is also a pet name in todays greece , or maybe 50 years ago greece , that ive deeply assosiated with posh , high class very polite ladies and gentlemen. I dont know why but ive only heard it used in that uper society politeness, and when i first read alcibiades saying it it fit like a glove

Socrates also tends to pamper alcibiades with compliments all throught the text , and making a lot of attemts at flattery , which i think serve the purpose both to showcase that socrates is an admirer of beauty, to show that goodness and virtue are to be praised , but also because he is being so unbelivably annoying that without those little compliments to keep him on his good side , alcibiades would have puched him in the face . He calls him brave ( also tranlated as virtius ) beutiful , smart , beutiful again , like a bunch , and overall slaps a pet name next to his name any time he mentions him

( trans : no , by our mutual friend zeus , who protects both me and you , in whose name i would take a fake vow . If you have such teacher , say it )

( trans : by zeus i didnt ignore it , but i knew clearly i was being wronged )

Now zeus is mentioned a lot in this text . Thats not entirely true . Zeus is mention a lot by alcibiades in this text . In the instance socrates talks of him , he uses an epithet and not his actuall name , praises him , and very clearly states the importance and nessecity of the vow . He is being very cerful and very poilite. Alcibiades just short of does whatever . He contantly says by zeus , for no aparent reason , and as an awnser to anything and everything , just casually sprinkles it i converastion. Now im not sure if this is blashemy , or if im just entirely mistaken , but its really highlighting the fact that alcibiades doesnt cae and never has cared much about being proper to the gods. It reminded me of that one line from the simposium, where alcibiades vowed something to possidon for abseloutely no reason and socrates hot mad at him in a very casual way , in the way he would scold a ten year old for having candy before dinner . He knew alcibiades saw blasphemy as a part time sport , he was used to it and he didn't bother yelling at him much , since the act was bound to repeat its self regardles . Similarly here , alcibiades very casually and normally takes gods name in vain , for no serious reason , and socrates is too used to it to react .

And finaly , the wholy grail

( trans : socr :you will speak to them ( the people of athens ) and this , which is right ?

Alc: i have to )

Socrates asks alcibiades if , later in the week during his political speach , when he adresses the people of athens , he will talk to them about matter that are moraly right and wrong . To me , this is the most crutial part of the dialoge , this is the backbone of the wntire consept and the translation does not do this justice . He asks if he will speak of right or wrong , and alcibiades replies " ανάγκη " . " i must " i have too " or more litterally " out off need "

Now at first i was confused when i read alccibiades , out off all the people in the world , talking about wanting to be morally good . Alcibiades has always been a cunt . He is a genuengly horrid human being . And then i thought about it a bit and realised that when he is speaking to the people , he really is not. Reading a single speach of his that thucides has written and tgen comparing the image he portrays with his biography makes my point obvious . He uses morality to get what he wants constanly. In sparta , whils convincing the king to provide his shelter he didnt go the petty route , even if he could have . He didnt go the " i hate them and want revenge " route . He could have pulled it off . But he didnt attempt . No , instead he made himself apear virtius , apear good , saying he is just trying to regain his home , painting himself as a wronged man who is trying to undo his enemies wrongdoings . He used moral superiority to convince constantly and then turns around and fucks someones wife , because in privet he has abseloutely no need for morals .

Need is such a strong word . If you dont get what ypu need you will die , the fact that the author chose that in particular is inane to me . This is the part when it bacame obvious that alcibiades doesnt care about goodness , but cares a whole lot about greatness . He doesnt care about morality , but he would do anything to be gonsidered a great leader and get power . Socrates made sure he understood that to be great you first need to be good , but in turn , alcibiades understood that goodness is a tool for him to use to get what he trully wanted , a means to an end , not a final goal. He cannot reach true power without being good , and so he is forced into a road of virtue that doesnt fit him . He is a camilion in this instance , like plutarch called him in his biography , he puts on a virtus persona so he can gain influence and get things his way , even when later admiting to his true nature , to the fact that sometimes to him moral acts are not desirable , he frazes it strangely , never completely addmiting to it ,saying its improper to share such thoughts . He is the pinical of diplomacy, he used morality as a sield and as a front , as is visible in his later life in which he convices people to act on whats right and then privetly acts like a complete degenerate .

Now do i think that in some part he actually desired morality just for the sake of it ? Yes lf course , but its very obvious from the way he was raised that socrates failed to convince him to desire it for himself , not just for his work as a politian

#or not . im dont have a degree or anything. i aslo am kind of stupid so i might be wrong #honorable mentions : alcibiades saying he had been tought grammar gymnastics and music but not mentioning learning math . did he just never #learn math . he made a point of only being tought these three . did he not know math thats fucking hilarious good for him #thats all i have to say #alcibiades #socrates #socrates/alcibiades #ancient greece #philosophy #alcibiades I

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bear-remn · 5 days

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— ⋆✮ Deadly Eyes ✮⋆

n/t: finally!! i hae delivered this fic so much better and with a (what i think it is) good narrative, i hope you enjoy and support this fic, i appreciatte every interaction with my page. and btw, i'm chaging the tone of my fic to make it a little more serious and deep, but im keeping the storyline.

tw: this chapter is mention and use of drugs.

sinopsis: second day od school at the academy of kirari and mako, dealing with the sakamakis.

⋆༺ chapter two ༻⋆

mako was taking notes in her room, from the past day when she skiped classes to discover that ayato was a vampire, she barely sleep since, too scared one of them came into her bedroom and suck her blood while she's asleep, thats why she locks every door she past, her bedroom and bathroom too. she´s lucky one of her classmates let her borrow their notes, she was´nt the best when it comes to grades and really wants to be a good student, kinda hard when you live with six vampires that can kill you anytime.

a knock on her door interrup her hand writing "yes? who is it?" mako ask, but panic invade her instantly, the idea of ayato coming again and suck her blood, play with her like she was nothing, it make's her sick "its me, reiji" mako get up and walked to the door, her hand doubt a little before open it, wondering why did reiji, a vampire, would come to her room at this hour, but she didnt wanted to belive they were all like ayato.

"hey, whats going on?" she ask when she opened the door, looking at the dark haired man, thinking of his elegant way of dressing is, so different from ayato´s, why did she even think of him? reiji looked her up and down and then give her a cold glanze "may i come in? i have an important item to give you" even if he asked for permission, it sounded like an order. mako didnt move but somehow, her body moved aside, but she didnt do it, it was like the air moved her. reiji come into her room and the door closed by itself, mako felt chills.

"i am well inform of the scene ayato made in school, and the reason why you skipped class so no need to treat me like an equal anymore, you should know your position by now" mako was silent for his words, there was something so inhuman about his way of speaking, the way he treated her... so cruel.

"a good master take care of his food, but you´re not just food, you´re a bride so your blood is whorty of keeping it" reiji leave on mako´s desk a juice box of berries "since we all will be drinking from you, i have to assure your blood does not lose its quality, and dont get sick, it´ll be a problem, do you undertand?".

mako was speechless by his words, a bittersweet moment.

"dont make that face, doesnt look good on you" mako wasnt sure what ace reiji was talking about, she was just standing in silence "do you understand? i ask".

"yes... i understand" mako said, remembering that they, as vampires, can kill her at any time.

"dont stay up so late, sleep well miss mako" on a blink, reiji dissapear from mako´s view.

she walked towards her desk and take the box juice, opening it and drinking it, the flavor was sweet and cold, refreshing, but the situation made her nauseous.

she just cotinued taking notes while drinking the box juice.

...

the next day mako show up at kirari´s room early, she was already dress with the school uniform, her backpack on one shoulder. she knock two times before but she didnt have any replies so she knock again but stronger while asking "kirari-chan? are you up?" no answer until she heard footsteps approaching the door, where finally kirari opens up still in pijamas.

"oh, hey..." kirari looked confused while she rub her eye, like if she just got up "sorry... what time is it?" mako thought kirari was cute, confused all the time "there's still an hour left before classes start so... just wanted to come and hang out a little" kirari smiled instantly and step a side to let mako come in "come here... you" the door close behind mako.

"why you're up so early? we still can nap you know.." kirari ask and sit on the edge of the bed "i dont like sleeping too much" mako responded as she sits on kirari´s desk chair.

"why not? its better sleeping than being with those weirdo´s is innit?" kirari put her hair on a bun and start making her bed and closing some drawers she left opend yesterday.

"you right on that" mako wasnt sure i kirari knew about the sakamaki's being vampires, but she did'nt wanted to tell her yet, at least, she wanted her to discover it by herself.

"anyway..." kirari trow herself on the bed and smiled at mako "you smoke?".

the question surprise mako.

"no..?" mako hesitated wrinkling her nose "i have never tried before, but im not interested".

"damn.. respect" kirari take out some cigarettes under her pillow and take one "do you mind if i smoke here?"

"no, its ok"

"thanks"

while kirari smoke, mako wonder i that was the thing that gave her that unusual smell that reiji always talk about.

"since when you smoke?"

"i dont really remember... probably at the beginning of my adolescence"

as kirari smoked, she was thinkign of some topic to talk about to not get mako bored, kirari is an akward person, she knew it but mako was her only option to have a friend in this house.

"in school, wanna hang out too? people there doesnt talk to me for some reason and... they like... avoid me for some reason?" kirari give mako a weird look, for her, mako looked like a little lamb, lost and cute, she didnt have a bitch resting face, instead she have a nice expression all the time, just as her personality.

"really? i think your company is very pleasant" mako smiled at her comment.

"yeah.. were you able to talk to someone tho?"

"i think so..?" she tried to remember someone, but she didnt talk to them, they talk to her but not on a way people wanted to be friends with her "actually, something really weird happend to me, some girl stop me in the hallway and said some things.."

"what kind of things..?"

"something about me and reiji being together, even when i said that we werent in a relationship she insisted"

"what?" mako was intriged.

"yeah... and some boy wanted to snitch on me for smoking in school"

"did you smoke in school? you could get in trouble"

"oh, dont worry, im very careful" kirari appreciate her concern "but the boy was pretty"

"the one who wanted to snitch on you?"

"if you saw him, you would get it" mako felt curious of kirari´s taste when it comes to a romance.

"what did he look like?".

kirari got up and walked towards the window, smoking there while trying to remember him, but her memory wasnt good when it comes to people.

"he was like... tall and with brown hair" mako make a face to kirari in sign for her to continue talking "i dont remember much, but his voice was good"

"your taste is awfully simple" kirari left out a little laugh.

"ouch, what about you? whats your taste?" mako think about it before answer that question.

"i´d say i like... pretty men"

"what ya mean pretty man? whats pretty for you?" kirari put out the cigarette and throw it out the window to walk towards her wardrobe.

"um.." she tried to find an example of her taste, but the only person that come to her mind was "kanato perhaps" kirari turns to her with the uniform in her hands.

"who?"

"you know, kanato"

they both looked at each other in silence for a few seconds.

"again, who?"

"kanato sakamaki"

"what?! you like one of these weirdo's? even worst, one of the weirdo's we live with?" kirari mouth was wide open for the surprise.

"nononono i dont like him" she responded fast while turning around so kirari could get dress "i just think he is very pretty physically but i have never talked to him yet"

"damn girl, you like them femenine"

kirari dressed fully and put on a brown sweeter, the weather was geting a little too cold for her.

"im done" she announced to mako so she can turn around again and keep talking.

"dont you think one of these boys we live with are... idk.. cute or something?" kirari keep silent while she put some stuff in her bag.

kirari doesnt really have a type, she only liked one perosn before and it wasnt a boy... so she could'nt tell if the sakamkis were her taste or not, she just liked people for other reason more than just a physical appeal.

"idk, i mean-" a knock on the door interrumped her sentence and follow by it the door opened showing reiji, well dressed and impecable as always.

"good evening, we'll be waiting for you both in the entrance" reiji looked at them up and down, analizing every part of their uniforms, looking for something to fix "your hair looks better up, keep it like that" he said to kirari who just give him a thump up "we be leaving in five minutes, hurry" and with that said he dissapear from their sight.

they just looked at each other, shrugging their shoulders.

...

already on their way to school, kirari and mako sat together, chatting and making some jokes about a serie both liked.

"i hate ross, he is the actual villain if you pay close atention to it"

"i dont like him either, he is just... so egothistical, rachel deserved better"

"rachel deserved joey, no one can change my mind and its a universal feeling bc i say so" mako put her hand together in front of her, like if she was praying.

"amen" kirari laugh at this but she got shushed instantly.

"shup up, i can't sleep with this much noise" the girls looked at shu, who was with his earphones on and some music can be heard if your're silent for a moment, which made them confused, how can he hear them if he was listening to music?

"we all can hear your stupid conversation over here, talking as if you both were fucking alone" subaru's voice sounded angry, really pissed, his eyes were closed and his arms and legs crossed.

"ok...sorry we'll keep it down" mako apologized no wanting to make any kind of argument, after all, they were the ones in charge and could, literally, kill them out of anger o just because they wanted. kirari just rolled her eyes, she was so done with them.

they are brothers but they dont talk to each other like normal brothers do, they keep silent and just mind their bussiness ignoring the rest, it was so off putting for kirari and mako.

"before we arrive, drink these now" reiji give stawberry juice boxes to mako and kirari. they both took it, mako directly begin to drink it while kirari just put it on her pocket, reiji notice this and glare at her in disbelief "i asked you to drink it before we arrive the academy"

kirari glare back at him.

"why tho?" reiji's glare became dark and scary, he hated being challenged in any kind of way, and worst, if he was challenged by a human.

"everybody like that juice, even your kind" kirari wasnt sure what he meant by that but she didnt like his tone. so dismissive and unfriendly, she felt like a little girl being ordered around.

"what ya mean my kind?"

"just drink it like i said, it'll keep your mind focus on class" mako was quiet, she knew why he gave them the juices.

"its really good actually" she said to kirari, wanting to evade a posible argument between them. reiji appreciated the support.

"I'm not thirsty"

"i know you dont eat before coming to school and I haven't seen you eat at the academy, so I know you won't eat anything until you get home. drink the juice so you don't pass out in the middle of a class, that would be a problem for you and me, and even worst it may affect you academy record" kirari felt a little intimidated, not only because of his words, she felt a strange sensation because of the way he looked at her, his eyes were deep and a little hypnotizing, as if just with his look he convinced her to do what he asked.

"ok.. dont make a big deal about it" she start drinking her juice box in silence until they arrive school.

...

the classes were calm for both girls, they met each break and explored some areas of the academy they didn't know and studied together in the library to kill time during a long break. when they separated for their last class, kirari went to the bathroom to take opioids so she can relaz for the rest time in the academy.

but she freaked out a little to see nothing on her little silver box, she was pretty sure she left some for today but maybe she was wrong, or someone took it, it was probably the first explanation. quickly she take her phone of her bag and called her dear dealer so they can meet right after classes.

"hello? who is it?" her dealer anwser her call.

"hey, its me kirari" she could perfectly hear him get excited, she knew he had a crush on her for some reason.

"heeey watcha doing gorgeous?" kirari smiled for his change in his tone, even if she wasnt interested, it was nice to have someone that treat her like that in a respectfull way, he didnt crossed the line and make their relation unconfrotable, she appreciated that "just wanted to say hi" kirari heard a loud laugh, making her laugh as well "you are terrible at lying sweetheart, c'mon, tell papa what you need and i'll make it happen for you" kirari smile wide.

"i need some opioides, or something new it would really help me"

"everything for you, tell me when and i'll go" she tought for a moment, she didnt wanted the sakamaki's to see her buying drugs, so maybe the enter of the school or the mansion wasnt her best option.

"what about the south exit of the city? I leave school in two hours and I think I can get there in 30 minutes if I get a car"

"i can send you a car, you know i'll do anything to give you some good shit"

"thaks buddy, you are the best"

"i know baby, see ya later then"

"yeah, see ya"

kirari sigh and headed to her last class, anxious for the class to end.

and when it came the moment, kirari had many excuses to say if reiji asked why she wasnt going with them to the house, even if he didnt belive her, she didnt wanted him or them to know. and while all of the brothers including mako got into the car, she stayed out, waithin for them to go without noticing her. but no.

"c'mon, dont make us wait for you" reiji spoke, making her nervous.

"i'll stay, i have some stuff to do, im waiting for a classmate" reiji looked at her, as if he was reading her mind or her soul, either way she was creep out.

"i can tell when you're lying, why would you?" she tensed up for his comment, why he was so good making people nervous? or was he just hot?

"ok sorry... im waiting for an old friend, i'll go to the house later so dont wait for me" reiji remaind silent, thinking his next words, kirari hated this kind of silence, so tense and so weird.

"alright, go, but shu will acompany you, he is in the academy and didnt listen to me when i told him we were goin home, make him go with you, i'll expect you two at the manor" kirari was spechless, why that guy of all of them? she couldnt remember his face. "take care" she didnt have the opportunity of saying something and the car just go.

"fuck, which one is shu?"

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tsams-confessions · 2 months

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saw two anons talk about Earth and I gotta say- idk what is the "hate woman" talk others anon see? what exctly is "hating all fmale character" when at least ppl here in tumblr is like "ah- she can do better" or "I dont like her vibe :/" even people who gives actual good points are talked down to "you hate her because she is a famale character" and makes me sad, because maybe there is "fans" who need to chill, but so far most people are maybe dissapointed? not interested? or want her to be better? and is that hate? Earth fans- please undertand- if people dont like her, they dont hate woman, they just dont like her. ok? and if someone is being way too rude? thats an asshole, not a fan. a real fan respect others likes and opinions.

#sun and moon show #the sun and moon show #tsams #sams #tsams confession #< block this if you dont want to see these #mod 1blood

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secret-sunflower · 1 year

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Accepting versus Undertanding

Lately Ive noticed alot of people accepting things but not understanding them. In general life but also particularly in some areas.

For example, alot of close friends, who know I am autistic, accept it.

But not all of them understand it. I may stim in front of them, and they accept it. I might not look them in the eye or ramble about my characters, and they accept it. I might not understand something during conversation and get upset and they accept it.

But alot of the time, people don't understand it. They might accept Im upset because someone said something that I interpreted as not nice, but alot of times they dont understand why it affected me. They just say sorry and explain their side and thats it.

Or I might have a meltdown and not be able to speak. And they accept that but they dont understand why I need to stop talking about that topic and have space, they don't understand how my brain doesnt quite do what it's supposed to.

I find this is the same with alot of things. I used to do things because they were 'right' and avoid things that were 'wrong'. I used to accept things. But now I find it important to understand what makes things right or wrong. If I accidentally hurt my friends feelings, its important I dont just apologise and move on, but understand why I hurt their feelings. Its very important to do that, because it makes it easier to understand what is really right and wrong (and also what is in that annoying 'grey area'! /Half joke).

I think alot of people should do that within themselves. It makes it much easier to understand people. Even though it can be very uncomfortable and for me, very confusing and sometimes even painful, it is better in the end because its easier to understand others. And that makes it easier to understand yourself.

🌻🌻Cozy thoughts, Sunflower 🌻🌻

#actually autistic #asd #autismspectrumdisorder #autism community #autismjourney #autistic

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goji-pilled · 2 years

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i see in tags sometimes mention of mami and kyoko being trans. is that main DW canon or a side thing? does it add to them undertanding oktavia's identity struggles? well oktavia might understand theirs too if they still have them. or if their in the past and she sees you can get thru it and get comfortable. it could be part of their three-way bond.

i wonder how kyoko's father would have handled her being trans. good or bad. he was kinda shown being being kind and whatever before he snapped so it could go either way. maybe he would start uneasy but ok but then it become a thing after the witchcraft acusation?

maybe mami's parents were understanding and helped her adjust young? so she was already presenting as a girl when the accident happened? is presenting the right word? passing? idk i'm still learning the right words sorry

Yes thats dw canon but it doesnt have any deeper ties to Oktavia's struggles (because a good chunk of those struggles represent my own struggles and I'm a transman and not a transwoman so I don't quite feel like it's my place to talk about their steuggles and stuff either) I just like the trans Mami and Kyoko headcanon lol

With Mami because. Idk I saw pmmm and knew she had that trans swag lmao

With Kyoko its because of the time I had a bit of a rough time and said how sometimes I question my own trans-ness, only to get misgendered and be like "Mhm. Yeah. Definitely trans." and someone sent an ask where they were like, "I bet Kyoko has that same thing going on as you. "Am I really trans?" *gets misgendered by her dad* "Yeah definitely trans"" and since then I was 100% sold

(Particially because whenever I have these moments now I think of that ask and it cheers me up a bit dnshekwh,,,)

As for the other thing.... Kyoko definitely didn't out herself to her family. Like her dad is. Well. Her dad. An abusive piece of trash, so there's no way she could openly be trans when he was alive.

But I'd like to think Mami's parents were supportive.... as a little bit of a nice thing,,,

#felix answers #domestic witches #(?)#but yeah i just think trans people are neat #<he said because he is trans

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ovinetanuki · 2 years

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i sat at that womans funeral and promised myself i would never be so horrible. i watched her die a little day by day for months, feeding her and cleaning her even though i knew it didnt matter, and said to myself i would never end up like that. i wanted so badly to be different and to do better, but the truth is I'll never be better. i look and act just like her, its encoded in my dna and i hate it so much.

you're so selfish, you're so manipulative, you're so disrespectful, you're so mean, you're so rude, you're so dismissive

i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, i know i fucking know, godammit i'm not that stupid i fucking know! you dont think I've peiced that together by now? you dont think ive figured that out? you dont think i look back at every stupid, shitty thing ive ever said and done and want to die? im sorry. ive said it so many times its not even a real word anymore. i could say it a hundred times, a million times, i could say it until the universe succumbs to entropy and it would still never be enough to say how sorry i am. no amount of apologies or grovelling will ever be enough.

its so infuriating seeing your own psychotic, warped behavior playing out in real time and knowing that its stupid, knowing thats its wrong, knowing thats its Not Normal and not being able to do a damn thing about it. never being able to see past your emotions because you are your emotions and your feelings take up every atom in your body. sitting there vibrating with rage and hatred and clamping your mouth shut because you know anything that comes out will be the most vitriolic, evil thing you can imagine. being so good at burying your thoughts that you dont have any left. repressing your feelings so much that you physically cant cry anymore.

i want to be better but there is no better version of me to return to. no one can make me better because no has what it takes and i would never expect anyone to. my only solution is to disappear. and i dont mean that in a "oh woe is me im such a pissbaby and i want everyone to pity me and everyone should feel sorry for me" kind of way, i mean that in a "ive seen this exact story play out a dozen times and know how it fucking ends because I'VE FUCKING SEEN IT BEFORE."

im so tired of hiding and pretending to be something im not. im tired of trying make other people understand. people never undertand, and it doesnt matter how much i try to explain it or how many times i say it, they never fucking understand. im tired of hurting and hurting other people.

im tired of people telling me i dont care. it makes me want to rip thier throat out so then maybe they can feel an ounce of how much it hurts. i wish i didnt care. i wish i could stop caring. I would delete everything, EVERYTHING and burn it all to the ground and feel nothing at all. I'd throw it all down the drain and laugh while everyone flopped around in the ashes trying to find something to save. i care so much its killing me. i care so much that i cant eat and i cant sleep and i cant think. say i dont care one more time and I'll show you what happens when i dont fucking care.

im so sick of it. it makes me want to vomit.

#vent

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cherryjuiceblues · 7 months

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can i ask you out ,love? would you mind? you're just too lovely and sweet. 👉 👈

(also this is not me trying to find out your preference when it comes to dating or anything pls dont take it like that!! if thats sth private to you pls dont answer this question! ignore it i'll undertand!

YOU'RE SO CUUUTE 🥹 of course u can 😋 <33

#thank you for being considerate !!#i appreciate you <3 #i know i'm queer that's for sure :D #anon

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corpsegold · 8 months

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got a self help book for narcissism lol. its pretty good actly. did the tests inside, got a score thats just a bit over the "woopsie ur a narc" boundary. Feel ok about it tho. Met a woman during a bender a while ago and was talking to her about it all. She was significantly worse than me. Going through the questionnaires made me realise which aspects of it are issues and which ones arent. Theres a lot of overlap with autism and addiction. After the questionnaires it goes straight into talking about childhood emotional neglect which was kinda mind blowing. Feels validating

I feel less like its the end of the world now. I know that I'm not inherently a bad person, its just gonna be more difficult for me to be a kind person than it might be for other people. Its nice to see what things I need to learn how to manage, and that it could be way WAYYYY worse. It feels good to be able to undertand myself. Its like I need to put a lot more effort into securing and regulating my self esteem. Like eating properly, or sleeping well, I gotta try to manage that, and then itll be easier to be nice to people and not want to die

being a narc doesnt really change anything. I always had these issues. Like getting the label just means I understand why, and its not all the end of the world. I can be more sensible about myself now and hopefully make less chaos.

the book said that like. when youre a child you make these barriers to block of emotions, and thats why you cant have compassion for yourself as an adult, or for anyone else. You find it really hard to empathise because those parts are locked away, but theyre still there and you can get back in contact with them, it just takes loads of work and is really painful. Which is neat tbh

I've felt like I only have 75% of a soul for a long time. Its nice to think that I'm still a whole person inside, its just that parts are locked away. When I was reading the emotional neglect stuff, bits of memories were coming back. It was weird to notice that a tiny part of me felt an impulse to cry over it, but it was really easy to quash. It was like there was a placeholder emotion there. There was an emotion, like a subdued tension, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was like actually feeling the wall.. kind of like "oh yeah I have feelings about this but I'm actually genuinely not feeling them right now" like I didnt have to. It wasnt hard or anything. It wasn't really numb either. Just muted. placeholder

So yeah I've definitely got some narcissistic pathology that gets in the way of being functional, but it could be WAYYYYY worse. Its nice to feel like its not my fault for once? idk if that makes any sense. Its nice to understand that I might never get to be happy, but I can maybe find moments of peace. Its unrealistic to be able to live the life I want to, or to ever be satisfied, but I can get better at regulating and be a nicer person, and then existing might not be so painful

I think its going to be a long road of practising listening and gratitude and keeping things simple. None of those come naturally to me AT ALL. and then maybe it'll be possible to not have to always use myself as a map to understand the rest of the world or other people. Or to not always have to see myself through a lens of success and failure. If that's all that I know how to do, and I use myself as a map, then it makes sense why I'm like this . but mb it wont always have to be this way

#crazy stuff

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