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cyborb · 4 months

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there have been some asks sitting unanswered in my inbox for an embarrassingly long time so I'm just going to go through and answer a bunch of them at once haha.

Sada and Turo / Paldea

now that the dlc is out I can play around with my own version of paldea's story and the professors (that I may or may not actually talk about), but they won't be in the rainbow rocket stuff with supersymmetry. "officially" at least. maybe I'll draw something for fun, but I don't intend them to actually be in rr like the rest. they're more interesting to me within the story of paldea, especially with the ai aspects and ... other things going on there.

but to the anons who sent me these: those ideas are cool and honestly you should pursue them yourself!

Lusamine

absolutely yes. in the base universe, her "unification" with nihilego kills her pretty quickly. iota lusamine is luckier since her nihilego seems to prefer keeping her around for longer. slow-acting vs fast-acting poisons, I suppose. by the time lusamine is picked up by rr, it's been about 6 months since she became jellyfish. who knows how much time she has left but her mental (and physical) state will continue to deteriorate along the way. an unsurprising consequence of willingly jumping into the mouth of a parasite

possibly? I haven't given that much thought tbh. considering lillie and guzma's proximity to lusamine when she goes motherbeast, they'd both be lucky to make it out alive hahaha. but I could see all three of them trying to help people and pokemon in the UB-overrun world too

honestly, no clue. I don't even think she knows, and she definitely doesn't care. who needs regular pokemon when she's got ultra beasts now! if lillie is still around she might have taken in a few of them herself though.

Other AU stuff

I've actually made a post about team galactic here!

one fun fact about each of them:

maria/mars is giovanni and ariana's first child, and she ran from her home in kanto when she was 16 to become a pokemon trainer and get away from her parents. sorry silver (she hasn't contacted him in a while).

juno/jupiter makes traditional (hisuian) style pokeballs as a hobby despite the fact that they absolutely are not practical to actually use anymore. but they look nice

sterling/saturn helps run the in-universe equivalent of pokemon showdown because he's a nerd. he enjoys simulated battles more than the real thing most of the time

great news: the rainbow rocket invasion all his fault!

by that I mean the choice of the base universe for invasion wasn't entirely arbitrary; rainbow rocket didn't just Show Up and hope this universe had what they wanted. beforehand, someone from rainbow rocket (either giovanni or archer, maybe even colress) scouted things out, and approached faba for information about the general state of the world and necrozma in particular. faba essentially sells out the universe (and aether's work with necrozma) in exchange for the promise of power and whatever tantalizing rewards the rr emissary offers haha. it's possible some of this involves planting a device to let rr come back to the right universe when ready too. what faba is up to when everything is going down in rr is not something that I've thought about, but he definitely gets found out for his actions leading up to it. oops!

unfortunately probably not. the rr stuff is happening on the other side of the planet and I can't think of a situation which might result in them getting to meet up. I'm not enough of an expert on the two of them to say how such a meeting would play out either, but it would definitely be... interesting considering their own universe's version of the other person has been dead for several years.

rose would probably be the least upset about it but cyrus wins the award for most upset (he has control issues). lysandre absolutely would have the most violent response to it though

Compliments

while I'm not going to share the collection of complimentary messages I've gotten over time, I want everyone to know that I really appreciate hearing that you enjoy my ideas and art! it's encouraging and I'm glad people like my pokemon playground hahaha. and that applies to tags too! it's always great to see... I don't always get around to actually answering the stuff in my inbox (whether it's actual questions or otherwise) but rest assured I do see it!

#not art #asks #rr supersymmetry

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tordenvejr · 2 months

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Hello Vic! How are you doing? 🫰🏼

I need a little help from you - I do not think I have ocd, but I do obsess over washing hands and keeping things hygenic. Tidy? No, my house is always messy, but I wash my hands toooooo often to the point where if strong hand creams didn’t exist I would have shed several skin layers by now 😀 My immediate problem rn is that i am on a vacation with my family - even worse, I am sharing a room w my parents - and let me tell you, their lack of hygiene just get on my nerves. My mom has definitely noticed I struggle w this and it’s kinda easier to voice my anxiety over hygiene with her. My dad on the other hand has no idea and isn’t the most open minded person, I doubt he has even heard that some people struggle w stuff like this. I can ignore some stuff but when after 3 days of being here I hear my dad ask my mom which one was the soap (my mom had lots of other products on counter) I knew I wanted to pass away ! My mom asked “you haven’t washed your hands yet?” Don’t think he even replied which I am afraid means that yeah he hasn’t. Sounds so comical and ridiculous but it is really bothering me.

Thing is, before, I lived w them for 18 years and nothing happened, never occurred to me they wouldn’t even wash hands considering I was tought basic hygiene. So I wish I could just switch my brain to that state but can I.

Idk how I do not lose my mind. I do not think that something bad will happen if I don’t follow these hand washing obsession BUT it just irks me to know somebody is so unhygienic let alone someone who doesn’t wash their hands for so long 🥲🥲🥲 even if I didn’t have this problem it’s natural to be upset about my dad being ultra white person. So idk how to 1. Deal with people I am sharing the room with not being as hygienic as me 2. One of them not even following basic hygiene (would have been better if I had spoken up the 1st time I found out abt this- but I hate confrontation, especially with family I guess)

Vacation ends in 10 days but knowing they have touched my phone and my belongings and that I cannot just exist in a sterile world or in a world aWay from them does not make me happy. I know I have to address the root cause of hand washing obsession but this is the situation I am dealing w atm. So idk how to remain calm, ignore this, because voicing my anxiety and asking them to follow basic hygiene just seems ridiculous. :(

Sorry for such a long text 🫠

hi 🌟 i'm doing good, but i've been sleeping so fucking shit the past days i feel like a little snail around the house zzz

assuming you don't have ocd (you can look into the pure o subtype and reflect a bit over the cycle of obsession > anxiety > compulsion > relief > obsession. sometimes it isn't the belief of something bad happening it can also be an intense discomfort or a "sense" of something being off/wrong/not right); if it's a general annoyance and discomfort of lack of hygiene, keep your belonging on you, get a mini hand sanitizer if you can from a kiosk or store, air out, store your food away from theirs in the fridge and try to handle it yourself. it's up to you if you want to/are ready to express this discomfort/boundary with them, but it isn't ridiculous or unfounded. it's quite a fair request of the people you're in near proximity to, to exercise regular hygiene, such as washing their hands - and you aren't responsible for their reactions, though i understand you will be around them. i hope the next days will be better for you!

#answered

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dojae-huh · 1 year

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Haha yes, perfume is too literal even for a non-english speaker like me. And idk if it’s personal taste but i just don’t find perfume to sound beautiful. When you pronounce it, it doesn’t has a nice ring to it. And the font.. it’s really easy to make serif fonts look tacky nowadays because a lot of companies and designers promotes modernity, simplicity, elegance, cleanliness with sans serif (it’s basically just more popular nowadays but with reasonss). Not that you can’t use serif but look at the huge serif of the perfume font. It’s making it too crowded and it doesn’t help that the designer puts the letter very near to eo. Is it intentional? It’s way too sharp, looks like fork to me. The M and E is the worst. M reminds me of the mummy movie. Honestly this looks similar to the font I’ve made in my typo class. Especially the serif part. I still hate my font from back then with passion. (This is just just my analysis on the font, no hate intended tho i do hate the font🥲)

But the best part is I think it’s the only thing i find to be annoying. The bottle reminds me of lego people which cracks me up every now and then but honestly it could work with better typography. For the logo I think they want to give the imagery of love. And for the other promotional stuff, I don’t analyse it (photography and filmography is still a mystery to me) but I like them so far. Especially starting from blotter papers ( my fav is doyoung’s). I don’t remember much about tge bunny moon video. I like jungwoo’s the most for the musical film poster. It looks like coming of age movie poster. And his expression fits the quote very well. Something about sharing this love story with just us? Haha too lazy to open twitter now. And of course we’re getting lots and lots of doyoung. This promotion is getting me to be interested in jaehyun and jungwoo more as an individual artist and tgeir personality as well. I’m opening my senses to you jaehyunnnnn

You are right, the chosen font is too "toothy" for a love theme. Here what a font library gave me for "perfume". Mostly flowy, "handwritten" fonts to resemble spirals of aroma in the air and hint at a "personal touch".

Another direction is "clean", "classic", "sophisticated".

People react to lines, lines have character. Fonts is a difficult science to master (I suck at them, personally), but that's precisely why you shouldn't trust your inhouse "all-rounder" designer and hire a pro.

The bottle is generic, it's passable. I thought that there was an opportunity to tie the space/Moon theme in - make the bottle circular with rounded grooves or a narrow crescent on top to resemble a shape of the spacesuit helmet. Stylised enough to not be literal, just a hint at the shape.

I don't know if SM will really go for "homesickness" as fans proposed (at this point, looks more like they won't), however, space travel indeed has a strong association with it. Lovers separated by a journey is a long-lasting trope (a sailor/warrior and his wife, a knight and his ladylove).

I don't much like the bottle on the black cover because the cover is ultra masculine and dominant, meanwhile the rest of the image we are presented with is not.

The photographs and the videos are pretty good (except those pictures with weirdly angled limbs, from the "we sell clothes" series, the bar was lowered there). SM has a roster of good specialists it can contact quickly. I've watched a video with a Japanese MV maker, where he said the usual time frame is two weeks for everything, from the concept to the shooting. Therefore, they can do what they already know well quickly.

I think the problem with the logo and the fonts is that noone in SM (or, rather, among those who worked with DJJ) is aware of the problem. The logo had to be created quickly to handle it to the companies who prepared invitation cards and the bottle sculpture, who did the 3D rotating model for IG, that's why, I suspect, it was done by an inhouse designer.

The idea of the logo is not bad, I agree that it evokes "love knot" association. It looks OK in a small size and in 3D with moving reflections. Both hide the mistakes in lines and distances. It's like a circular shape with uneven wobbly edges against a proper circle. The circle is a perfect shape, the wobbly thing is not.

For me it's Jungwoo - Doyoung - Jaehyun.

Woo's is indeed like a scene from a drama, like he is looking at someone, they are having an intimate dialogue in an empty classroom. This Woo instantly resembles the Woo in his first MV cameo. (I guess they aimed for it).

Doyoung portrays "commitment" well, he looks like he waits, in pain, for someone. Stoic, but sad. Jaehyun is his romantic self, however, we saw better pictures with this angle, and the pose doesn't reflect "passion" well.

Still, it's just posters for socmed. It's appropriate quality for the task, with a lot of attention to details (the text, the phrases), so no complaints (the main font doesn't match the words well, but it's the album title's font, so it's just a passed down mistake).

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flamma-nocturna · 3 years

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-to all who find this, hi! name's Vo, short for Violet, and I'll be your host for my lovely little dumpster blog!

-you can also call me C4, Petrichor (Pet for short), or Cell

-all info about me is in the blog bio! (tho i still think i should make a carrd or smthn-

-i post hella inconsistently, but im usually around here from around 10am-1am est, if ya care (unless i say im inactive of course h-)

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My Sideblogs

-Just Shapes & Beats- @long-live-the-boss (returning!!)

-Pokémon- shhh.. coming soon!! (..probably)

-Vent blog- @demon-in-my-head. bc i can't keep putting that crap here.

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-please read this before following! and if you do follow, drop a like here to let me know you read this, pls!!!

-this will be edited when new stuff is added, so check back here every now and then!

-last edited- 6.10.2021

-all other info (sona ref, blog icons, tags, likes, uncomfies, dni's, etc.) is under the cut!

Sona Refs

-updated!!!!!

-click the image for better quality, if needed! ^-^

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Blog Icons

-current icon and past ones, just so you know if you've seen me before!

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Personal Tags

Some topics may have multiple tags!!

-Art tag- vo's art gallery, my art

-OCs i draw or talk abt will be tagged as original character, along with oc: [name of the OC]

-Me talking/rambling- vo yaps and yaps

-all asks will be tagged as [url of the asker] (or anonymous, if it came from an anon)

-^^^ i pretty much do this to be organized (and out of habit), but if ya don't wanna be tagged, do tell me!!

-Any music pieces or WIPs I post- vo's tunes, original song

-all albums will be tagged album, along with [the album's title]

-all singles will be tagged single, along with [the single's title]

-Reblogs (if at all)- rebloggle

-Things I consider important (or just straight up are important, like huge vital info posts or smthn)- important

-Vents- vent

-all my vents will only stay here for some time before being moved to the vent blog

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Likes & Hobbies

-Drawing (duh)

-Music (mainly listening, but ive been dabbling in making!)

-Designing OCs!! Hell yeah!

-srsly i have a lot plz ask id love to show them off-

-also do share your ocs w/me please i love seeing them-

-Games! Hella games!

-Space/astronomy is v nice

-B/ugs are p cool, too

-So are aliens/extraterrestrials

-And robots-

-Secretly a sucker for picrews and those lil quizzes n stuff. likely wouldn't do them publicly tho,,,

Current interests (in no particular order)-

💜Pokémon (ultra beasts especially h- 💜💜💜)

💜Just Shapes & Beats

Drawn to Life

Project Arrhythmia

Splatoon

Hollow Knight

💜Transformers

Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask

Portal/Portal 2

probably some other stuff, i can't remember rn...

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Things I'm NOT okay with

-NSFW (bruh for the love of all that's holy and not, no horny around here)

-IRL Current Events (news, politics, drama, etc.) (only SOMETIMES it'd be ok)

THOUGH, that DOES NOT mean I won't ever reblog important posts. I absolutely will, if I see it.

-Certain media followings (please don't try to outright send me/show me these i beg you-)

H*zbin H*tel or H*lluva B*ss (pain)

Fr*day N*ght F*nkin (fear)

MC*YT stuff (i.e. Dre*m smp, etc.) (yeesh)

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Don't you even look at me if you:

are racist (including and especially wh*te supr*macist)

are any form of lgbtq+ phobic (from homophobic to biphobic, from transphobic to aspecphobic, etc.)

are a n*zi or support them

support tr*mp

are prejudiced against certain religious people(s) (antisemitic, islamophobic, etc.)

are xenophobic

do/fetishize/support (r*pe, p*dophilia, inc*st)

or are, in any way, shape, or form, a huge piece of shit, akin to the aforementioned.

^And if you even dare to cross my path, I will have you blocked/reported on sight.

#new home here we goooo #vo does things #night of the violet flame

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thedispatched · 3 years

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Ok so I finally read the soompi post defending Lucas and I wanted to share my thoughts:

They presented some strong points, but their bias is also pretty obvious and they always land with such bold assumptions that just don't make sense. It makes me a bit skeptical.

Anyway, I'll start with the information they got from the ooooshiiim account and the twitter prediction account:

The user ids they represented are def real, that can be easily confirmed by going to websites that translate user handles to ids.

But them comparing one manga character to lucas and assuming that somehow that disproves OP 1's claims is hilarious LMAO. The description of the fictional character would literally fit most male idols, idk how they went like "oh this guy severely resembles lucas, another evidence yay!"

As with the Instagram account, I can't seem to find it?? If, say, it's really OP, did they happen to find the soompi post and decided to delete the Instagram account/change the username? This is also poses the possibility that the Instagram account isn't actually real, but I guess we'll never know.

I also wish the soompi lumi provided a link to the account and some more elaboration on how their cyber investigator found it through the twitter acc's digital footprints. The manga part is very elaborate but most else is just pretty vague which I find a bit questionable?

The said fabrication of the chat records: doesn't the gaps depend on what version of WeChat it is? I searched for "wechat screenshots" and some gaps can indeed be as big as the ones in the chat records.

It would also have been better if they highlighted the gap inconsistencies/misalignments they are pointing out because personally I don't see it(but maybe it's just my eyes bluffing).

I don't have much to say about the schedule parts since I don't follow their schedules closely and I'm too lazy to search for it, but I guess what those fans said do make sense.

The voice messages: I don't have much to say either since I don't speak korean. But last time I heard the alleged voice message and the bubble one lumis are using as proof, they didn't sound alike. But then again, I don't know korean.

The sasaeng photos: I guess it also kinda makes sense. But I feel like the fan who said they got the same photo OP 1 had provided should have just showed a screenshot of her conversation with the sasaeng she claims to be selling them, I mean, the photo is already out, so what difference of not specifying which photo it is/not showing the screenshots of her conversation with the sasaeng would make?

The ring part: the soompi lumi's argument also seems pretty valid. It really does not look like his finger.

The OP 2 part: I don't know mandarin or cantonese so I can't really comment on the nuances the fans are trying to point out. I don't understand the red boxes though, were those part of the original photos OP 2 provided or are they highlights of the misalignments lumis are trying to point out?

The OP 3 part: Oh they can definitely be a guy, but it's also possible that they didn't use their actual gender in the account(I myself do that all the time, for privacy reasons). But once again, we will never know which is true.

The photo is indeed very questionable. Why is the background blurred? Why are there plushies everywhere? Why is there a reflection of what seems like a man in the glass when they're supposedly alone? But there seems to be a door and a small hallway reflected on the glass too? It looks clean and hotel-like. And the one who took the photo seemed to be sitting right besides him based on the photo's angle. If it's taken by a sasaeng staff as fans have claimed, how did the sasaeng staff secretly took a photo like that while literally sitting besides lucas and with other people around them(like the "man in the glass") without the other people in the dorm questioning what the fuck is that staff doing? But another explanation I can think of(if the photo really came from a sasaeng staff) is that a member took the photo(with Lucas being aware of it) and somehow the sasaeng staff managed to get it?

With OP 3's chat records, again I don't see the gap mistakes or misalignment they are pointing out, I again tried to look at WeChat examples on the internet and the difference between the size of the messages and the dates is a normal thing, so is the gap between 2 messages vs the gap at bottom of the chat. And the "difference" between the two s's in lucas's username they are pointing out is honestly ridiculous. The photo is taken from an asymmetrical angle, of course the sizes would look unequal.

The sleeping photos: the plushies' textures don't look the same, dorm plushie looks more rough while the plushie Lucas is sleeping with looks softer and fuzzier. And if it was taken by a sasaeng in the wayv dorm as fans have claimed, how the hell is the sasaeng within such a close proximity? There's so many people in the dorm and I doubt they'd be all asleep at that time to not notice that a sasaeng is right besides their sleeping member literally photographing him.

The jacket and photo receipts: Oh I've seen this on another article. I'm convinced with the debunking of the jacket part, and receipts are everywhere in the internet. I guess it isn't impossible that OP 3 might have just took the receipts somewhere online.

OP 4's surfing video: Yes, same pose, but different angles? That does not look exactly the same as the one he showed in his socials. But that black spot is definitely questionable.

OP 4's WeChat records: Oh another questionable one. Especially the imbalance in the color value. But once I again I think it would have been better if they provided the links to the other debunk posts they included because man I can't see the cutting traces in the chats that they are pointing out.

OP 1's second post: again I think the difference in wechat date layouts depend on the version? And why did most koreans themselves didn't question the difference in OP 1's wechat? Like if korean wechat really don't look like that, wouldn't they point it out?

"their account creation dates and account activity all falls within the same time period." Um no?? 2015, 2019, 2018 are same time periods??

In conclusion, as I said before, I think the soompi lumi presented strong points that really make you question the credibility of the allegations, but their intense bias towards lucas makes them quite questionable, too. And the way they treat every debunk post like the absolute divine truth is pretty off-putting.

I'm convinced not everything in the allegations are true. I'm just curious about the severity of his actions. Maybe he dated them, but maybe he wasn't an asshole? But if that's the case why would they try to ruin his image if he treated them right? Or maybe he really was an asshole but some of the story isn't true? Ah I'm still so confused of what to think but I believe there has to be some truth in the story, but just how bad is the truth???

thank you for sending me your thoughts! it's always interesting to see what other people think. (and sorry for the late reply!)

i'm not gonna say much as i've talk about my thoughts on the post already.

i agree about the manga, it's absolutely ridiculous how comparing one manga character to lucas debunks their claims. that's just one example of one of the far fetched assumptions that made me lean more towards not believing the article.

part of me also wondered if they created the ig account for their article but like you said, we’ll never know.

even if it doesn’t look like his finger in the messages, I’m pretty sure he mentioned winwin in the texts ??

I know some people blur the background of photos for either aesthetic, or mostly for privacy reasons.

I honestly don’t know how people are seeing a man in the reflection. It’s a literally blob. You can’t make out any (person) shape.

The jacket and receipts is the only thing I took away from that article that I actually kind of believed. I talked about this with another anon. That is super easy to fake, but the photos were also originally blurry so a “blur” around the words would be hard to solidify as evidence unless the photo is in ultra hd or something lol. But to me this is the most believable to be fake.

I once saw a twitter thread pointing out how the messages weren’t photoshopped and explained why they looked “misaligned” or whatever but I can’t remember what it said exactly besides auto translations. I won’t be able to find it again because it was so long ago :/

Someone can correct me if I’m wrong but wechat is more of a China thing? Like not a lot of people outside of China/non-Chinese use it. You’re right about why Koreans didn’t point it out, but I don’t think they’d know if they don’t use it ??

You asked a lot of questions and pointed out a lot of things that are something to think about, but I don’t think anyone has a clear answer unless you have an extreme bias.

I also wondered the severity of his actions. I think this whole thing is a mix of truth and lies. We all want to know the truth and the worst part is we never will. Like you said, how bad is the truth?

(I might edit this later and add some stuff 😅)

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temeraire · 3 years

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oh my godddd there's this person in a fandom i frequent who has taken to projecting themself HARD on a father/son duo who, in canon, have no hard feelings towards eachother until a certain twist in the story. before then they got along and were even friends. but they've decided instead that the son is trans and the father is super transphobic so they hate each other, and like okay you're projecting i understand everyone does it me included but stop bringing it up to people who dont share in your ultra-specific-self-projected-headcanon any time they say something that differs from it. i typically don't care about what other people want to hc, but when they refuse to let other people not share in it i just have to be like ok you die now.

(i should probaby specify i don't care that they hc a character as trans, it's more that they've decided a character is transphobic and won't let anyone not see them that way. fuckin i'm trans too i don't want that shit in my fiction, especially when it was put there by a fan who won't let me ignore that they put it there.)

ohhhhhhh that is. the fucking WORST like yeah everyone can have their own hc and its good that they have room to project and presumably work thru some stuff but GOD thats (a) insensitive and (b) straight up rude to like, insist that other people have to play by their rules and adhere to their personal headcanon with (i assume) no actual basis in canon whatsoever

#ANON I FEEL STEAMED ON YOUR BEHALF #anonymous #ask

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footprinting · 4 years

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Tarawera 2020 ✨

"So Emma, how does it feel to have so many people you care about running this weekend?".

In an immensely thoughtful few seconds, Nico zoomed right into the heart of everything.

We were in Rotorua to run Tarawera. Friday had been filled with festivities. Saturday was to be the big one. We had a rare few minutes chilling at our shared house of dear friends, in between one activity to another.

It had been a whirlwind of a week. A week previously I had hopped on a plane to see my sister in Perth - and more specifically, her with her newborn wee girl. Winnie was 11 weeks when I visited. She's perfect. We had precious days together just being, and besotted by this tiny niece. After four days: back to Wellington. Sleep. Drive up to Napier. My brother had arranged for all of us to see Elton John at the Mission, in particular for my Mum. Spectacular. It was a colourful rainbow of joyfulness and festivities - no black t-shirts to be seen - and we immersed ourselves in the warmth and music and drank it all in from the grassy field. Then a through the night drive from Napier to Rotorua, arriving at 2am. Sleep. Up again. The weekend was ready to begin. A few of us headed down to the expo and squeals of enthusiasm welcomed people from far afield, with a particular highlight being Marieve from Canada. We leapt and hugged and exclaimed that this could barely be real. It was a feeling that was to continue. Family had shone bright that week. Treasured friends radiated that same meaningful brightness.

Its been three weeks since that weekend. I keep trying to write a race report. When I think of the weekend the numbers and details fade away. It's the feels that stay with me. Love. So much love. Highs. The highs that were stratospheric. Lows. When I hear someone had to quit from the event, or when my heart falls to my feet with worry for someone else who's not doing well. Thankfulness. For all the helpers. Bewilderment. At learning to accept help. And then: more love.

No pain. No pride. No rah rah rah I'm amazing. I read a book about ultra running this week. It missed a point. It was about pushing and striving and being hard. But nothing of what it means to build a family of people who gravitate toward these same meaningful journeys we go on. And that's the real story I want to tell. Nor is the photo of a medal or a jump or a selfie. It's of a torn up hand, raw; holding two gifted daisies in wonderment from two cheering kids.

(Here's the disclaimer that you're going to need a coffee, an Ultra IPA, or a big swig of electrolyte to last the distance on this read. Settle in!)

Friday was magic. Zooming around the race check in and expo and seminars and friends was like a trail running Disneyland. I could feel myself getting nervous for Chris and for Rachel, both in for the big dance of 💯 with me. Marieve called BS on my thinking: "Hey! You're racing tomorrow! Look out for you too!". She settled my mind for the better. Strong friends know to look out for strong friends. We found quiet oases of time. We had prepared a lot back in Wellington, and this helped gift us spare hours and relaxing. Bed. Early. Reasonable sleep -- never excellent the night before -- and we woke before the 3.50am alarm.

Saturday started with a series of familiar steps. Shower. Coffee. Bircher muesli. Whispered conversation. Our bags for the day re-checked. Out the door we went. In the dark we walked the fifteen minutes to our 5am bus. The drive reminded us the scale of the journey ahead of us. Winding roads took over an hour to the start line. It rained. We were grateful for this: not too hot, and the first rain for this scorched town since Christmas. The start line was a colourful blur of people, many focused on toilet logistics. We assembled on the start line. We were ready. We look into each others eyes, Chris especially, and with Rachel, we grasp each other with meaningful words. We set off.

I was calm. It was surreal, being back in this field, where I had been three times previously. Always a finish line to amazing days. This time was the beginning. We wound ourselves around fields and the trail. Two figureheads were clapping and cheering on the edge of a high up field: Paul, the race founder / beautiful human and Kerry, previous winner / coach extraordinarre / comedian and these guys are two of the biggest hearts around. Both have been gateway drugs for us into trail running and I admire them immensely. "Hey Paul! Hey Kerry!" I yahooed up at them. They both returned with a HEY! EMMA! and Kerry yells "Right folks, run with her today, she's the cheeriest runner around!". On we weave in this dreamlike but focussed state. They are new trails we're running when we get past the fields. Beautiful. I see great whirlpools of deep water alongside the weaving track. It's going to be warm today but we're still comfortable. We get into the foresty road after 5 or so kilometres. I'm excited about this section. My legs start moving more easily, eager to settle in to some happy miles.

And then. Kilometre 9 or 10. On a piece of gravel barely the size of a fingernail. I'm flying. I go down. I'm up and running again before I dust myself off. The guys around me got a fright, as much as I did. "I'm getting the fall out of the way for today!" I jest. Adrenaline keeps me going. It stings. My sunglasses are done for, the front of my clothes dusted up. I wash myself off a bit at the next aid station. This is a return of a shakiness that's bugged me since the end of last year, a previous fall on a trail. It's ok. I recalibrate. I'm feeling ok and I know I'll be fine, alongside the need to be careful.

Kilometres 10 through 35 tick along happily. It's flowing and beautiful. Never boring. The light is already rising over the trees. My phone is purposefully tucked deep inside my bag. I absorb it all instead. The flowy paths. The cheer and vibrancy of the aid stations. The banter. People ask me sometimes what I do not to get bored when I run. So many hours! They say. But this was all encompassing. Connected. I dove into conversations in my mind that I needed to have, and occasional ones with trail friends.

At kilometre 35, Tarawera Falls, it gets a bit more technical, and again going through Tarawera Outlet. It is magestic at the Falls. Those deep, dark whirlpools. I run past one amazing vista after another. At the fifth or sixth jaw dropping viewpoint I relent. It's time to get a picture. The trail running fairies will give me demerit points if I don't capture this magic. And so I do. On we go. Each of these aid stations is such a lift. People! Colour! A hive of activity and people looking deep into your eyes offering help.

Through Tarawera Falls to Humphries Bay to Lake Okataina, kilometres 35 to 58, is the most technical of the day. Gorgeous, tricky, playful trail. I'm slower than usual here. I charge my watch during this section; biffing it into my bag in it's entirety with the charger. I hear it chirrup with each kilometre. But I don't need to see the pace. People are slowing, tired, grumbly sometimes. One person behind me audibly swears every time she hits a tree root. Which is very often. Loudly. Distracting. I zoom on a bit to get ahead. I'm ticking along and managing energy all ok. I realise here that my time goals have galloped on. I won't hit the number I had in mind. And that's ok. I make peace with it. The day is more important. Later I reflect on this: was I not hungry enough? How much more could I have done? But I'm at ease. It's ok. I settle in. I'm more than half way, relaxed, and I've still got some work to do.

I see the sign indicating an aid station up ahead, cruising into Okaitaina at kilometre 58. For the people that have run Tarawera: we recognise this aid station sign in a nanosecond. It is magical. The simplicity of red lettering on white background simply saying 'Aid Station, 200m' brings with it floods of endorphins, a feeling of possibility, and the knowledge that people will be on the other side of that sign. I am floating now, skipping along the end of the trail as I reach it. There's something more here though. A megaphone. A women in a wedding dress yahooing at me through the megaphone. Hallucinations??Nope. This could only be Lesley, spectacularly inspiring fearsome badass lady and coach extraordinarre Lesley! We each leap and embrace and squeal and then she runs in her wedding dress to help me with what I need, talking to me through the megaphone the whole time. What do I need? How am I feeling? Hurry the heck up she says, we'll sort you right out! In a blur of joy I'm getting my stuff, being covered in sun lotion by a lovely lady. ("This reminds me of looking after kids", she says with handfuls of sun lotion and I say it must be my childlike glee). I see a really special colleague at my left elbow, who's supporting a friend. I ask how her day is doing, how her friend is doing, and before I know it I'm being chased right out of the aid station by Lesley. Chop chop she says, get right out of here! On I go to chase the next hill, the last 2 minutes a blur of people and wondrousness and noise and hilarity. That was the first aid station all day of supporters (alongside volunteers) and I realised even more then how much I valued their company.

I head into Western Okaitaina Walkway. The next section is the longest of the day, 16-17 kilometres. It will be a slog. Except it's not. Not too bad. I had literal nightmares after I ran this twice the first year, the first ultra ever and in a tropical cyclone, an apocalypse of mud that was neverending. I would wake for years later being right back there, skiing in ankle deep sludge. I'd remember the feeling of standing in the shower afterwards, all my clothes on and even shoes, the mud still stuck on me. Now? It's a beautiful winding trail. Birds chirrup as do cicadas. There's dense bush and flowy trail. Sure, it takes work. But it's special. And I'm grateful for the tree cover and a reprieve from baking sun. It could be hotter, or more barren. I get it done.

Afterwards someone says to me: you couldn't have a constantly negative attitude running ultras, could you? The positivity must help. And it does. Positivity alongside realism. Sometimes you get tired. You problem solve. You keep on. You're in it for the big picture. You embrace the ups and downs. I realise here what I've got Chris into, and Rachel too, each running their own days behind me. I feel guilty. They'll be so tired. It's so long. I'm tired too. I'm doing the maths on the course and I'm already seeing it will run a little long. But there's work to do: I focus on keeping my feet flowing and running within my abilities. I recognise some of the trail, and always find new bits I'm seeing as if for the first time. Each brings with it sets of memories. And onwards I go.

I reach Miller Road, after 17k through the up and over of Western Okaitaina Walkway. "Heck am I happy to see you!" I exclaim, and I'm not the first that day to say so. I fill myself up with ginger beer, being careful to keep things simple with food, I'm getting closer to the finish line now (at 75k) but there's still a long way to go. I see a couple of running heroes waiting for a friend of theirs: one heckles me, one heckles him for heckling me and with kindness. It feels good to run downhill on the gravel road. I belt it a little bit. These legs still work. My mood has stayed mainly high for the day. There'll be wobbles every so often. But all solvable. I see so much of the beauty. I feel so bloody lucky to be out here. The only thing I have to do is keep moving.

I come into Okaitaina campground where we camped last summer, and on next to the magnificent new boardwalk around the lake. My feet have been scratching at me. You don't mess around with these things: if it's almost a problem now it will be a problem in a few kilometres and then a Very Big Problem a few kilometres after that. I had meant to change my socks at Okaitaina before I sped out of there like a racecar in a highly tuned pitstop (led by Lesley in a wedding dress). I have spares in my bag. So I take a seat at the next opportunity, peel off my shoes and socks, wipe off my feet, and luxuriate in the ridiculously amazing fresh socks. Plus a quick message to Chris (I love you and I hope you're having an amazing day and here is where I am and things are good) and my friend who'll be waiting to join me (I'm running late I say, I'll be there as soon as I can!). A selfie is a must to a group of girlfriends. And: all this takes 7 minutes. Seven. The best. Could I have kept on without it? Of course. Might it have bitten me later by not changing? Likely. Was it worth it for my mind? Hell yes.

Off I zoom (lol - off I creak) further around Lake Okaitaina, then Okaitaina township, then into Tennant's Track, then on to Blue Lake. I'm always in awe of the thousands of hours volunteers are investing into the event. And so many marshalls sitting on corners are doing exactly that through here. I notice and I thank them and I keep on. Tennant's Track is pretty cut up and rooty, and there's lots of concentrating happening. I pop out near Blue Lake - and there are supporters! - yay! Maybe it's 20 kilometres to go now, and this is all feeling more possible. Around Blue Lake I go, maybe slower than ever, with a highlight being when I hear Stu Milne at my elbow. "Gidday Emma!" he says, as he speeds into view. Holy shit! my blurred mind exclaimed, Stu - you're winning the miler?? It wasn't far off: he was the pace runner for the first placed 100-mile runner, and the two of them floated along these smooth delightful trails at a speeding pace that I'd run a fast 10 kilometres in.

I come into the Blue Lake aid station, again to familiar faces, and again so grateful for the people that give up their weekends to help us in ours. There's a photo Julia took of me coming in here and I'm full beam, OMG PEOPLE and in realising the end is nigh. I know the trail from here and I am already looking forward to seeing more people I love. The sun is low as I run through the Redwoods. The light is very special. It's paradise. Still very hard. But there's no doubting it's special here. I look down at my watch and I know that there are more hills to come. But on we go. We got this. Bending around corners and over hills. Onwards. Through here there is a cluster of three people, of an adult and two kids. Each kid gives me a single daisy. Great job! they say. I almost lose it in a flurry of emotion. I high five them and thank them hugely. I promise to carry the daisies with me. They are in my palm for a long time, and then in my pack pocket. These are the things I remember.

On and on deep into the Redwoods. And then. We're getting there. The aid station is further than I remember. Now I can see the cars and hear the music with the people. With this there will be 7 kilometres to go. I am already anticipating seeing Kate's face, her energy as we run together for that last bit, what it means to share that time after she's been waiting. I get there. I see her! But hang on: there are more people. Abi is also going to run. Jaime, Nico, Richard and Julia are all there too. What's happening?? They are there to cheer and yahoo, especially. This lifts me so high that I feel like a whole new person, a new day, a new run. Off we set in our trio. "Tell me everything about your day!! How are you?? I can't believe you're here after already running the 20 today!!" I say, I want to know everything and hear everything and drink in their own achievements of what they've done. (Also fun tip: asking questions is a super great way of getting your breath back a tiny bit). Along we gallop, them steering me in the right direction and cautioning me of all the various bumps and dangers and mile markers of how far to go. I feel cocooned and accept the help. I feel like the luckiest ever.

There's more.

Lindsay and Mel are on a corner. They leap up and down. They have their running shoes on. They are here to join us. We are now a fivesome.

The sun is reaching the lake now and the water is ablaze with pink, reflecting the glowing skies. The light is otherworldly. It's like a storybook. And with these Queens. The best.

Michelle joins us in a field. All these people have already crushed a race of their own - and are running, again, a quietly planned flourish to end this shared day. We're collecting people! Then Mal. Jaime. Nico. The pace is getting faster and faster, we're almost there, and faster still when they tell me the beer tent is closing. (Jokes. But it helped). Nine of us round the corner into the finishing chute. We're there. I leap over the finish line and in the background you can see people. The crew. My loves. Hands held up high in cheers. We did it.

Kerry is on the finish line commentating, a book end to the day. He was there at the beginning and here he is on the finish line. I thank him. This is not a day of sleep for him, nor much even in the month prior. He's a cornerstone to many peoples journeys and has been part of mine in recent years. We share words. I thank him for making friends on that bus all those years ago on the first Tarawera: You think you've come for a run, he said, but you are going to stay for the people.

Around the corner into the aid tent I go and I want to zoom right out to hang with these cherished people (and to lay horizontal in the grass). Want do you want to do now? I say. And I realise there's nothing else to do. Nothing we have to. But to be. And they spoil me like heck, with those minutes and those hours following being about sharing in the day. Of all our days. I get a shower. We go out for dinner. I get a nap. We go back out to that majestic last aid station.

My voice is scratchy from so many hollers and cheers at the 2am cheer party. This is the final aid station where we spend over two hours. I see Marieve in her last few kilometres, and Rachel, and then Chris. CHRIS! We run the end of his day together too, a story all of it's own, and a very meaningful one. He finishes. We leave the finish line as the sun comes up. It's been more than 24 hours since we woke the day previously.

What a day it had been, in between.

It's never about the day. It's about everything that comes before it, and the learnings, and the relationships that flourish to make it what it becomes. That's what keeps us going back. And that - I don't say this lightly - changes lives.

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zinnia-apologist · 7 years

Text

All It Takes Is A Fall

Author: Kendall McIntosh (BittersweetNSour, Eskay64)

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Characters: Arena Tycoon Greta, Zinnia

Content Warnings: Survivor’s guilt, suicide urges

Summary: In the aftermath of an Ultra Wormhole opening up above the Battle Tower and Anabel getting dragged in, Greta - Anabel's girlfriend up until the incident - deals with her grief very poorly. It takes a surprise visit from Zinnia to stop her from doing something drastic.

~ [Serebii] ~ [Fanfiction.net] ~ [Archive Of Our Own] ~

It had been a month since the sky ripped open above the Battle Tower, and a huge black beast came out of it and wreaked havoc. Nobody was sure what it was; not even Noland, the one Frontier Brain that actually held a Pokédex, nor anyone that the various picture-taking bystanders at the base of the tower brought the photographs to for identification.

But it really didn't matter. It came, it caused massive damage, and it left, right back through the wormhole in the sky.

And now Anabel was gone because of it.

Greta had been waiting in the lobby when it happened, watching Anabel's latest Gold Symbol challenge on a big screen. For dramatic effect, she had just recently decided to start moving all such challenges to the roof of the building. And of course, that put her right in the way of the alien creature's destruction, when it came. Her and her challenger both.

Anabel had been on the losing side of her challenge, and as per Battle Frontier regulations, she had only brought three Pokémon up with her. She hadn't planned on using two of them anyway -- she called on the favor of Raikou and a Latios for the sake of a battle, but Legendary Pokémon rarely allowed themselves to be legitimately caught by humans, instead simply coming as called as a temporary ally. And by the time the strange black creature appeared, the two Legendary Pokémon had already come to fight and left in defeat, leaving Anabel with a wounded Snorlax, an Alakazam, and her starter, an Espeon who rarely battled anymore. Greta knew Anabel was in no shape to face a creature like that, especially one that -- at least based on its appearance -- seemed to be Dark-type.

Truth be told, Greta doubted she stood a chance against whatever it was either. But it didn't matter. She had to be there to help her childhood friend, her rival, her girlfriend, in this crisis. So, as soon as she possibly could, she made her way through the panicking crowd and toward the first elevator to the top.

She didn't make it in time.

They were gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A month since that happened, right down to the day. The Battle Tower was closed to everyone except Scott, the remaining Frontier Brains, and anyone who had volunteered to help clean up the damage and maintain the building, which had become a memorial to Anabel. Greta had unrestricted access to it.

So now she was on the roof, standing on the edge, looking down.

The events of that awful day kept playing in her head, over and over and over. Seeing the beast come out of the sky, rushing to the elevator, watching in agonizing pain as the floor number sloooooowly rose to the top, the doors opening to a wrecked roof.

Too slow. Too slow. TOO SLOW.

It was her fault, she thought. She insisted. She should have been there, she was so close, but it didn't matter. Her girlfriend was presumed dead. Even if she wasn't, Greta would never get to see her again.

They'd been together since the beginning. Her Umbreon was from the same litter of Eevee as Anabel's Espeon; Greta could have gotten a starter Pokémon two years earlier, but wanted to wait until her first friend, her best friend, her favorite person, got hers. They'd traveled all across Kanto, Johto, Sinnoh, and Hoenn together, and been there for each other's worst points -- and Greta, having depression and borderline personality disorder, had a lot of worst points. Somehow, Anabel had always managed to keep her going strong without even trying -- whether it was words of encouragement, or sending pictures of Umbreon plushies captioned "saw this and thought of you!" on bad days, or sharing a laugh poking fun at Lucy's obsession with snakes. Somehow, Anabel always had a way of making her happy when it mattered.

Until now. She was gone.

It should have taken me! She kept insisting to herself. They can all live without me! They all deserve better than someone who can't save someone who actually matters, then keeps obsessing over her when she's gone. Real useful, aren't I?

She inches closer to the edge, clinging with one hand to the railing. All it takes is a fall, she tells herself. All it takes is a fall, and then if Anabel's dead, I can see her again. And if she's not… the others deserve better anyway. Scott deserves better! Nobody would even remember me -- who talks about Greta anyway? Nobody, nobody does, nobody cares, nobody would care if I--

"Pretty night tonight, huh?"

Greta yelps and whips around, almost toppling off the edge before catching herself instinctively. Behind her is a very short girl, with black hair cut into a bob not unlike her own, and wearing a cape and an ankle brace with a strange marble-like stone embedded in it.

"Wh-who are you?! H-how did you get up here?" Greta's voice trembles. Nobody was supposed to know she was here!

The mysterious girl smiles and hops up onto the railing beside Greta, sitting down and kicking her feet over the side. "They don't have a Battle Tower where I'm from. There's plans, sure, but they haven't actually started building it yet. Gotta say, it's pretty darn impressive!"

Greta just gives her a confused look. Not only did the girl avoid both of her questions, she didn't even seem to acknowledge the fact that she was about to jump off!

"...L-listen, whoever you are… I, uh, y-you shouldn't be here. It's off limits. Frontier Brains and authorized personnel only, g-got it?"

The mystery girl just shrugs. "You left the doors unlocked behind you. Thought it was safe to follow you. I like high places, y'know?"

Well, that answered one question. Next time, lock the doors to the stairwell.

"Well, um… it… it's not safe here. L-listen, just leave!" Greta shouts.

The girl sighs. "You can't climb up here specifically because it's dangerous and then tell someone else not to, that's just hypocritical. Nope, I'm staying riiiight here, so you're just gonna have to get used to the company!"

Greta groans. It wasn't supposed to be like this! She can't do it now that someone's watching her! She climbs back over to a safer position, only now realizing just how badly she's shaking. "O-okay, I'm… I'm safe. You happy now?"

The girl smiles again. "Better! But I'm still staying."

Greta sighs, trying to calm herself. "...I-if you say so. Can I… at least get your name?"

The girl kicks her feet idly. "I'm Zinnia! You're Greta, right? The Arena Tycoon?"

Greta nods. "Th-that's me, yes." Calm down. Just. Calm. Breathe. Breathe…

"Nice to meet you!" Zinnia spins around and hops back off the railing, leaning against it. "Soooooo… what's on your mind? I'm gonna play therapist for a bit, if that's okay."

Somehow, Greta doubted it mattered if she said it wasn't okay.

"I… lost someone. Really close to me. You might have heard about it on the news, it was… it was the girl who ran this building before."

"Mmmmm… can't say I really keep up with the news." Zinnia shrugs again. "But still, sucks that someone died. It'd suck even more if someone else did, y'know?"

"I…" Greta starts to say something, but realizes she doesn't actually have a response. This whole situation was catching her incredibly off guard. She fumbles for words. "I… I… don't think therapists usually say stuff like that…?"

"Well, guess we know why I don't have a license, then! But whatever, that's not the point. I… well, I know how you feel, Greta. I lost someone close to me too. But you know how she would have wanted me to respond to it? She'd want me to keep fighting! For the people we haven't lost yet!"

Greta spends several seconds in silence. When she speaks again, she's very quiet, almost whispering. "I… guess so. And… she might not actually be dead either…"

Zinnia beams. "Well, that's even better! Keep fighting until you find her, just like I'm gonna keep fighting until I find my Aster again! And if I don't… well, wherever she is, I'm gonna do everything I can to protect her. You do that too, okay?"

Greta pauses. After a moment, she slowly nods her head. "I… okay. I will. For Anabel."

"For Anabel!" Zinnia smiles. She extends her arms in an invitation for a hug. Greta hesitantly accepts, but when she does, it's an eternity before she lets go.

"Hey… I'll keep a look out for her, okay?" Zinnia whispers. "For Anabel, I mean. I travel a lot. If I see her, I'll tell her someone's looking forward to seeing her again. Got it?"

"Thank you… thank you, Zinnia."

They finally break the hug. Greta gazes out over the Battle Frontier one last time, then turns back around to start climbing back downstairs. Astonishingly, Zinnia is already gone, as stealthily as she came.

Greta promised herself she wouldn't disappoint her.

#fanfiction #pokemon #pokemon emerald #pokemon oras #greta #arena tycoon greta #zinnia

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