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sunsetsimon · 3 months

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hi an update after my appointment,

I DO NOT HAVE CANCER!!!!!!

holy shit i can’t even explain how good it feels to be able to say that. after wrestling with this for months i finally have the answer.

without getting too specific about it, in my last experience, i had lumps in my right breast in february 2022 that my doctor was concerned about and wanted me to get checked. my scans came back clear of malignant lumps, but there definitely were cysts in my breast tissue that were causing me pain. because of my symptoms they didn’t feel it was necessary to remove them and they eventually went away.

november 2023, right as i’m moving apartments, i notice that i have another painful lump in my right breast. i figured it must be the same cyst situation from before, so i decided to wait on it before starting to freak out. the pain continued to grow, expanding into my armpit region and i was experiencing a lot of soreness and shooting pains. i already don’t wear bra’s, but it became extremely uncomfortable and i had to move up in size to be able to continue to wear them.

one day months later as i was about to shower, i noticed that my nipple looked really weird. like, you know how as they harden they shrink and become perkier? (those with puffy nipples like me - you get it). only half of my right nipple was hard, and it looked oddly shriveled and wrinkled. this is when i started to realize that this could actually be something serious.

so i got my referral from my primary and just had my screenings today. NO CANCER. but there is abnormal tissue growth, nothing serious but it will still continue to cause me pain and soreness. (apparently this is a common thing for people with breasts)

she said it could be hormonal, as she noticed some of the same on my left breast. we’re not sure what happened with my nipple as i haven’t really experienced that again, but i’ll continue to keep an eye on everything for any changes.

i feel good knowing that as of now, it’s nothing. but with the history of my aunt, grandma, and great aunt all developing breast cancer, i should still always be on pretty high alert, especially since im not in the best health.

so yeah, trust yourself when you think something isn’t right about your body.

thank you so so so much to all who sent me kind words and thoughts, kept me in your prayers and good wishes. i am so grateful to have people who care about my wellbeing. you gave me the strength to stop being so consumed by fear and push through. i’ve even been able to write a tiny bit! i love and appreciate you all so much, seriously. and i miss you all too!

now that i’m able to have this major weight off of my shoulders i feel like i can take a deep breath again.

i hope you’ve been taking care 💗 i should have a new post for simon out soon!!

#from sun

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mariejordans · 4 months

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i honestly don’t even know where to begin with this post, so i guess i’ll start with hi! sorry, i’ve been gone so long, though probably most of you didn’t even notice i was gone lol. sorry for not giving any warning to my absence, and i am especially sorry to the mutuals who have reached out to me that i haven’t responded to. i was and still am struggling with anxiety and depression and towards the new year it was getting to be a bit much for me, so i decided to take a mental health break from social media.

i’d honestly been contemplating coming back, but today i received a dm from someone with a link to a post that was accusing me of bullying and creating fake accounts to bully other people in this fandom. first of all, i would like to emphasize that this is not true. attached below is a screenshot of all the blogs that i own (EDIT 2/9/24: i have since deleted the screenshot for my own privacy and i believe that since i made this post, there has been more than enough evidence to clear my name.) milfsociety is my main account, which i have linked before on this blog and many of my mutuals also follow me on my main, and the rest of them are just me saving my old usernames or other sideblogs that i rarely use, but all of them have been inactive for two months at least.

i do NOT condone bullying ever, and to be continually accused of it by this person is very disheartening. it started with this post (seen below) that i made back in november after seeing a post discrediting marie as the main character of gen v. i admit that my language was probably a bit harsher than was necessary, but honestly my intention was not to send hate to op (which is why i never tagged it with any gen v related tags) but to defend marie. it also wasn’t meant to be solely specific to this one person but as a general post because at the time, there were lots of accounts discrediting marie and to be honest, i was just kinda venting bc of how sick of it i was. (also, just to mention, i have intentionally left out their username because the last thing i want is to send hate to this person.) this was the only post i made on the topic and later i heard that apparently op blocked me afterward (which does not offend me in the slightest since i have since done the same thing) so this honestly should have been the end of it.

i honestly hadn’t given this post a second thought until a little under a month later i received this ask out of nowhere, accusing me of ableism and bullying. i replied to this ask, which i will link here. honestly this ask came as a complete shock to me, because i had honestly forgotten all about my previous post.

i responded to anon and in the reply i apologized to their friend for my hurtful comments and expressed that it was never my intention to attack anyone, especially anyone with a disability, which i did not know about when i initially made the first post. i also explained my side, stating why i made the post in the first place, which i still stand by. originally, i had linked their post in my reply, which in hindsight was a mistake that i regret and i should’ve known better. again, my last intention ever is to spread hate and negativity or to bully anyone, so i deleted the link when i was asked by a third party. this person has also since deleted that post about marie entirely.

shortly after i posted the reply, i guess i can only assume that whoever anon was told them about the reply. i’m honestly not sure if they’ve ever actually read this reply or not, but they made a response to my reply, accusing me of harassment and bullying. honestly, it really confused me at the time, since i’d only made two posts in reference to them, and one was a reply to an ask, but we ended up having a third party account who was mutuals with both of us acting as a mediator to settle things and i genuinely wanted to move on from the situation. we both had each other blocked and it seemed to me that anon was just trying to instigate more drama between us, so i thought it best to just leave it at that. i was also going through some mental health issues at the time (unrelated to this situation even though it didn’t help) and had been considering taking a break from tumblr, and so i thought it would be best to just go inactive for a while.

this is honestly the first time i’ve used tumblr in the two months since i’ve been gone, so i have no idea what else has been happening regarding any other blogs and this person, but apparently i am being named as the sole instigator here and i just wanted to once and for all clear up this issue and my name. i’m honestly not sure if this person will see this post or if they’ll even accept it as truth. i can’t force them or anyone to believe me as i really don’t know what else i’d have to do to prove that i don’t have any other secret accounts other than making this post.

i will probably continue to be inactive on this account as i think it is in everyone’s best interest. i never wanted to contribute or start any drama in this fandom, but i feel like i am partially responsible in how this situation has turned out, so i would also like to apologize to you all as well. i’ve never had an account of mine get as big as this one has (thank you to everyone who liked and supported my silly little ramblings!) and i can honestly say i have had the best time interacting and fangirling with you all about this show and these characters that i love so much and i will continue to enjoy and love gen v and marie from afar!

goodbye for now,

rose (aka mariejordans)

#gen v #heronamedhawks #update this user is actually a racist transphobic piece of shit so please block them and do not give them any more of your attention

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golden--doodler · 9 months

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This post was long overdue! I can’t believe I haven’t done this sooner, but here’s part two of the very first post I made on this lovely site, random Bob’s Burgers facts that no one asked for but I’m sharing/reminding everyone of because I can:

—Apparently, when Gene was a toddler, Bob had to watch him, and he somehow managed to eat a fern under Bob’s watch. Where did this fern come from? Who knows? ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯ Bob was very worried and thought Gene would die or get really sick, but he was fine. Gene has an iron stomach for real. This tidbit is as mentioned in Season 3, Episode 15, O.T. The Outside Toilet.

—Gene is the only Belcher with visible ears, and they’re adorable 🥰 I still don’t know how Bob’s hair manages to completely cover his, but it does.

—Real life fact, but 9/3 is not only Bob and Linda’s anniversary, but also Loren Bouchard and his wife’s anniversary! That’s where he got the date from. How adorable.

—Linda’s birthday is June 3, making her a Gemini. Tina’s birthday is March 30, making her an Aries. Gene is a Sagittarius, making his birthday sometime in either late November or December. I like to say his birthday is December 19, because that’s one of my friend’s birthdays :3

—Linda’s high school was called Cardinal Genarro High School, and one time, there was a pumpkin carving contest. Linda didn’t want Gayle to feel bad for losing to Linda’s amazing pumpkin, so she tried smashing her own pumpkin. Gayle followed her, though, and because of a series of events, they ended up destroying the entire table, which they swore to keep secret until well into adulthood (Season 12, Episode 3, The Pumpkinening).

—Linda’s hometown is a made-up town called Hunkawtaway.

—Linda once had Jury Duty on St. Patrick’s Day and wore a green blazer to court.

—Tina’s favorite flowers are Gardenias, as revealed in Season 5, Episode 11, Can’t Buy Me Math.

—Tina owns cat pajamas as seen in Season 4, Episode 9, Slumber Party, and that’s very important to me.

—Gene has brown eyes, which he most likely inherited from Bob. In the comics, Tina’s eye color is revealed to be blue, which she might have inherited from Linda.

—According to Gene in Season 11, Episode 2, Worms of In-Rear-Ment, Louise has always wanted to see Machu Pichu.

—Louise has apparently seen “Game of Thrones”. I wonder what she thought of it. Funnily enough, in the Season 4 Wharf Horse two-part season finale, Bob mourned the fact that he’d never find out how the show ended.

—As seen in Season 11, Episode 14, Mr. Lonely Farts, Gene normally hates being alone and thrives off the energy of other people. My poor boy had a whole panic attack when he was accidentally left home alone. However, he ends up using the opportunity to do a rave in Louise’s room with all of her toys, which she usually tells him not to do. It’s also revealed in that episode that Linda has a secret cracker stash, which he infiltrates.

—According to Season 13, Episode 18, Gift Card or Buy Trying, Gene might not like himself a whole lot. He rants about his former friend, Mitchell, saying that he’s loud, can’t really play music, and has no idea how annoying he is, and then comes to a realization, saying they’re exactly the same, so those things might be how he views himself.

—In Season 13, Episode 21, Mother Author Laser Pointer, it’s shown that Bob and Linda used to read Snail & Newt books to the kids when they were young, which is based off the real life Frog & Toad series. It’s so sweet they did this T_T

—Teddy’s favorite color is yellow! Mine is too :D This was revealed in Season 4, Episode 16, I Get Psy-Chic Out of You.

—Teddy’s full name might be Theodore J. McGillicuddy.

—Jimmy Pesto called Jimmy Jr. “Pepper” as a nickname in Season 1, Episode 10, Burger War, a nickname that’s not been repeated since.

—According to Season 3, Episode 20, The Kids Run the Restaurant, Mr. Fischoeder was married for a week. He had a real Grunkle Stan moment.

—As seen in Season 9, Episode 19, Long Time Listener, First Time Bob, Bob loved listening to a radio station with a DJ named Clem when he and Linda first started getting the restaurant off the ground. I think Bob listening to the radio at night and jamming out is very endearing. The same episode also revealed Bob’s hatred for Sweet Potato Fries.

—In Season 9, Episode 16, Roamin’ Bob-Iday, it’s revealed Bob occasionally succumbs to severe burnout from working at the restaurant, but despite that, cooking will always be his favorite thing to do.

—As revealed in Season 7, Episode 7, The Last Gingerbread House on the Left, Bob used to build gingerbread houses with his late mother, Lily. In the same episode, he made mini gingerbread versions of his family, which is the cutest thing ever. He’s the best dad for real.

#bobs burgers #this was so much fun!#i’ve been wanting to make a part two of that post for so long #i tried my best to say some niche or more interesting facts that most wouldn’t know right away #i think the gingerbread fact is my favorite 🥲#i hope you guys enjoy reading these facts as much as i enjoyed writing them

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gayciegaybrams · 6 months

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swiftbridgers masterpost/timeline

DISCLAIMER: though the events of this timeline are accurate to real life, swiftbridgers is a completely satirical conspiracy theory that i made as a joke in december of 2022 before completely forgetting about it until may of 2023, i am very aware that both taylor and phoebe have boyfriends that are 6’5” and could squash me like a bug

that being said, please enjoy:

It all starts with a song.

A song called sidelines.

A song about a man named Paul Mescal that was used in a TV show starring a man named Joe Alwyn.

At the time of the songs release, these two men had (alleged) fiancés named Phoebe Bridgers and Taylor Swift, and these (alleged) fiancés have a song together, that song is called Nothing New.

Although, in December of 2022, the news that Phoebe and Paul have broken up is revealed by the one and only Daily Mail, which resulted in a lot of tweets like these:

As at the time of the news breaking, Paul and Joe had just recently been on Variety’s Actors on Actors together, and about a month earlier it had been announced that Taylor and Phoebe were going on tour together in May of 2023, which gave us the first real photos of them together, which fans have affectionately nicknamed the “prom photos”

(keep May 2023 in mind, the bulk of this will take place in May)

Time-skip to March, 2023

On March 27th, Phoebe presented the innovator award to Taylor at the iHeartRadio awards, and not too long later Taylor posted about the release of Phoebe’s band boygenius’s album, the record. Unfortunately I can’t find screenshots of this anywhere, so this ask I sent to Jaime the other day and my memory are the only evidence I have

On April 8th, 2023, news broke that Taylor and Joe had split up after having been together 6 years. Some time later, on a date I have apparently completely repressed from my mind, news came out that Taylor was dating Matty Healy of the 1975.

I can’t remember if this was before or after the news broke, but whenever it was, I sent this to the discord

And so it began

May on Eras brought us a months worth of content revolving around the following:

Taylor backing away from Phoebe whenever she got within a certain distance of her, them staring longingly into each others eyes while singing the most devastating song you’ve ever heard, and most importantly, MEMES!!!

At the last show of Phoebe’s run on Eras, Taylor wore one of Phoebe’s Catbird necklaces, (and continued to do so pretty much until Travis Kelce entered the scene). In Taylor’s tweet about the MetLife shows she says, “@/phoebe_bridgers, I’ll miss you out here my dude, thanks for the duets and the dressing room heart to hearts 💕”

Since Taylor stopped wearing her jewelry, the only public interactions between the two have been via Phoebe’s Instagram Story (she posted “Slut!” on 1989 TV release day and Back to December on Taylor’s birthday) and that one time they went out to dinner in October or November.

so uh. yeah. there you have it! the complete swiftbridgers timeline. the seth meyers interview was left out on purpose because it doesn’t really link to all the rest of this. please refer to the powerpoint if you haven’t already!!

#olive.txt #taylor swift #phoebe bridgers #swiftbridgers #this is my magnum opus

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zahri-melitor · 9 months

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Not to continue belabouring this point (hah) but the following extra timeline datapoints have emerged in the great “where the fuck does JLApe fit in”:

- Titans #9 is happening approximately simultaneously with Nightwing #38 (Dick recovering from Blackgate)

- the LAST scene of Titans #9 is immediately followed by the event of #10-12

- Titans #10-12 apparently happens AFTER No Man’s Land? Since Dick’s back and nobody’s surprised

- there is therefore a time skip partway through Titans #9

- Grodd is here for this event (#10-12) and comments that his mental powers have recently had a downturn, so this is AFTER JLApe

- we still have the Other Flash Situation going on but I haven’t read Flash over this period to work out how that falls out (and Donna saw Flash’s face back in #9)

- Kory’s yelling at Dick that he’s ignored her for 4 months and Kory, given everything above, he’s been ‘ignoring’ you due to having been IN NO MAN’S LAND for the last 6 months of 1999!!! So either he’s been communicating with you or he’s out here helping Slade (??!!) post the Luthor rebuild starting in November?

Look at this point I really do think I’ve pinned the event date down, and it’s RIDICULOUS because Bruce especially should not be participating in JLApe. But the Batman Annual probably occurs RIGHT before Dick gets called by Bruce to enter NML. Why this never comes up when Dick goes in (with the implication that Bruce has been on radio silence for the last 6 months?)

Comics. Comics, man.

#z canon read throughs

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gffa · 1 year

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hey there! i don’t know if you’ve already been asked this already, but i just saw your post about ‘what’s the niche sw lore that you know back and front, mine’s the in-universe calendars and such, since they don’t know about yavin’

…and, like, oh my gosh. for the last couple months i’ve wanted to write a sort of long, backstory fic about mon before andor, and i’m… struggling, as i have absolutely no idea what to use as a marker for years and dates and such, especially since it isn’t the easiest thing to search on google, and bby isn’t something she would know about at the time.

if it‘s not too much trouble, where could i find out more about these in-universe calendars/could you explain it/them? as a new ish fic writer, i’d honestly be forever in your debt lol

Hi! So, this sent me on a bit of another deep dive down some rabbit holes as best as I could and while I’ve covered Coruscant Reckoning Calendar years in this post, there is still a bit more I can offer. So, the thing about Star Wars lore is that there are multiple continuities and we, as fans, absolutely should take what we want from each of them or none of them, carve out the juicy bits, and measure what’s canon in our hearts. But there’s a difference between what a given continuity/canon has taken into account versus that fans aren’t beholden to the same rules, so! I suggest you just do what’s right for your fic, whether that’s sticking to the Andor continuity, mixing and matching, or rejecting it all to substitute your own worldbuilding. That said, here’s what The Clone Wars shows us: In the episode “Deception”, when Rako Hardeen is going back to his room, there are posters on the walls along the way, including one for a Sy Snootles concert:

Cleaned up image is from the trivia gallery on starwars.com. Bottom row’s translation of Aurebesh translation from Wookiepedia: “FRI–SAT 12–4“ (Supposedly, there’s also a mention of “Fri” on a poster in the background of “Missing in Action”, but I haven’t found it and I’ve been down this rabbit hole long enough. It’s another poster, though, so consider it in the same vein as this one.) WHICH MEANS: They apparently use Mon / Tues / Wen / Thurs / Fri / Sat / Sun in the GFFA. Are these abbreviations for “Friday” and “Saturday”? Or is the GFFA version just “I’m going to a concert this Fri”? (Supplementary material says “Friday”, including Rebel Journal by Ezra Bridger using the full word.) Probably it makes more sense to use “Friday” (posters abbreviating for space’s sake makes perfect sense), but I kinda like the twee-ness of “Fri”, it feels sufficiently ridiculous enough to be Star Wars. I love when SW is ridiculous, okay!! So why do you see “Taungsday” or “Centaxday” in fic a lot? Because there’s another calendar called “Galactic Standard Calendar” that was used in Legends and has been mentioned in Star Wars: Build the Millennium Falcon for Disney/Lucasfilm canon, but I would be super hesitant to call that hard canon. (Wookieepedia includes it, which I think is fair! Just that I personally would not rely on such a source to be consistent with other SW media in the Disney/Lucasfilm continuity. But it can be very useful if you’d rather go with the five-day week that the Galactic Standard Calendar establishes, though, it doesn’t match up with the posters we see in TCW.) One thing that’s going to cause a snarl: If that “12–4 “ on the poster means 12/4 as in December 4th, then the way the dates are written is different from how they are on the C.R.C. post, which was “7956.901.3“ (which works out to be November 25th or October 27th, if you follow the math on that first linked post), so maybe they use both “329th day of the year” and “11–25″, “November 25th”. For a Mon story in particular, she’s from Chandrila, which is a Core World, so I would expect that she probably uses the C.R.C., especially given that she’s spent so much of her life on Coruscant from such a young age. You can just write the numbers or you can use the days/months, if you want, pick whichever feels more natural for your story! Or mix in the Galactic Standard Calendar info if you want, too!

#mon mothma #andor #meta #calendar

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greyias · 2 years

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I posted 1,641 times in 2022

That's 280 more posts than 2021!

277 posts created (17%)

1,364 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@storyknitter

@commander-krios

@queen-scribbles

@greyias

@aearyn

I tagged 1,041 of my posts in 2022

Only 37% of my posts had no tags

#dracula daily - 75 posts

#gif - 70 posts

#lmao - 56 posts

#theron shan x jedi knight - 46 posts

#twitch stream - 33 posts

#going live - 29 posts

#grey's silly swtor tag - 27 posts

#swtor spoilers - 26 posts

#oc: greyias highwind - 26 posts

#signal boost - 25 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i'm convinced this is a budgetary decision and they just mix for surround sound and say 'screw it' to the 90% of devices listening in stere

My Top Posts in 2022:

Pictured: a dog that has never been fed ever in his whole life

109 notes - Posted April 20, 2022

The Twitterpocalypse: A Summary

(as of today 11/18/22)

143 notes - Posted November 18, 2022

I absolutely adore @caffeinatedrogue's art, and was so lucky to be able to snag a commission slot and get this gorgeous piece of art of Theron Shan and my Jedi Knight. Thank you so much!

244 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

🐦 Afternoon Update: Idiot Unplugs Things

How foolish of me, to think that the frenetic pace of things would somehow slow down. If you haven’t already backed up your account/data at Twitter. Um. You should. If that is indeed still functioning behind the scenes.

Because like, apparently the moment I hit post this morning, our local genius who wants to start a colony on Mars, who knows all things in the universe, does what any smart person would do, made this announcement.

See the full post

402 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Twitterpocalypse -- The Final Countdown(?)

*cracks knuckles*

All right. I had thought we were done. I had thought about retiring these, as the last one got a bit out of hand. I had planned on doing other things tonight, but it appears, my people need me.

And this genuinely might be the last one (at least from me). So let's see if I can sum up what's happened since our last episode, and see how many screenshots I can artfully arrange together before Tumblr breaks.

On Tuesday, things were already starting to break.

Wednesday:

Twitter 1.0 is dead. Long live Twitter 2.0!

It's just like the nineties, because it's EXTREMEly HARDCORE

See the full post

3,680 notes - Posted November 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #putting this under a cut #no surprise what number one post was (the one that got wayyyyy out of hand)#but okay #i'm laughing #and feel kind of bad #that i'm somehow in my own top 5 reblogs #(although i guess that might be due solely to the dashpocalypses)#it's like when twitch starts suggesting to me that i might enjoy streams from me #like i feel i might have taken a wrong turn somewhere in how i use these services 😂#at least 2 out of the 5 top 5 posts wasn't related to gd twitter #i take solace in that #gif #(which shouldn't count towards my top 5 tags because i'm tagging for accessibility reasons :( )

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m0e-ru · 1 year

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art summaries from this year and the last !! 21-22 !!

and here's some more commentary for 2022 because i will be more annoying this year

January - not a lot happening. i was asking for art reqs and NO ONE had ideas

February - MOEL SEKIYU TUMBLR BRANCH TOHRU ADACHI BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION?

March - 3/20 YEAH WAHOOO YEAAAH

April - lots of messing around this month. my merch came in the mail though !!!

May - PXDN ERA but i answered the teddie in a dress ask from like. two months prior

June - * didnt post this anyway i was messing around with csp. i really like the marker

July - * DIDNT POST THIS EITHER but one idol's stage costume looked like sho colors. it was funny in the moment

August - * DIDNT FUCKING POST THIS EITHER I HAVE NO IDEA anyway i just think theyre very important

September - * HOW MANY BIG PIECES HAVE I NOT BEEN POSTING HERE WHAT THE FUCK WHERE DO I EVEN SHARE THEM ANYWAY MAKING THIS WAS REALLY SAD CHIZUSAN WAS RETIRING AND DELETED HER SOCIALS ohh right my mimbot

October - I was trying out watercolors (the brush) and MARIE HALLOWEEN 2022 !!!

November - pocky day :] except it's jagariko

December - new year's art !! ive been wanting to draw blorbo to sogabe's new year art from the manga so here it is !!! sorry for no christmas holiday art

and here’s the love letter ive been meaning to write all the way back in august. it’s a bit personal but also vague . I am speaking from a soapbox next to a quiet intersection and pouring my heart out

im happy to see how ive improved throughout the years, and in some aspects stayed completely the same apparently. ve been jumping around 1000 brushes and 10000 more art styles ive never stayed consistent because I wanted something new and all I had was myself ! so apparently it became whatever happened here.

It’s true I had a lot more steam last year when it came to pumping art out but I think im also glad I did less art this year in a way. I’ll admit a lot of last year was fueled by chasing people and a way to reach the top and get my voice heard I felt like I was fighting for my life but im not too sure how it looked like from the outside. It’s also been fueled by spite which made me incredibly tired and something im glad I stopped utilizing this year. That I learned my boundaries and maintained them as peacefully as I am now.

Sure im a lot more tired but I think the pace im taking is a bit better in it’s own way too. I really wish I could’ve done more this year but when I look at it from afar I guess im still chasing things, too. Maybe not something new and I never really aimed for fame or anything. Maybe I just wanted to keep what I already have?

2021 I’ll confess was also a pile of shit and I guess 2022 was the year of my digging it all away and I’m not done yet. But as long as there’s progress that’s good enough for me. I’m glad I’ve been able to do all these things than not do them at all. But sometimes I wish I could relearn the restraint I had from before.

I never wanted to put a dark stain on the things I love so as long as I ground myself and remind myself why im here I can see the light and remember why I love theses things. I’m speaking in a very vague manner and I am relating this to my time in fandom as cheesy as it sounds, but also personally, I guess.

Imagine it like im talking on a soapbox right now when I say im really glad for the time I’ve spent here—while all of it isn’t the best that could’ve happened and the fault of my own shortcomings—I still treasure it. I love all the people I’ve met and the community I’ve formed and I guess there’s this fear of losing things since I’m afraid I can’t get them back, that I haven’t learned how to even connect better anymore. I really dont want this to sound like someone died lol but I really am genuinely grateful for all the time ive spent with people and how they considered me their friend and how theyre my friend and how they just moved on to other things and im stuck in a box ive put myself in that makes it so hard to be heard I stopped talking anyway.

To those who met me this year, or last year, or the year before that, or knew me before this gas station, and still are here somehow: thank you. For your kindness, for your tags, for your asks, for your replies, for your messages, for your discords, for your writing, for your art and for everything you’ve offered me. I always mean my gratitude from the bottom of my heart and I want to stop being afraid that it doesn’t show.

If this year brings more “Mim” then so be it. I’m happy you find joy in the silly nickname and all the love behind it no matter how silly it is. And even if I drift away or we all drift apart, I treasure every memory and sometimes cry over it at night. I wish 2023 would be nice to all of us and the years after.

#kommento #arttag #// sorry for the sob story when i said id pour my heart out i didnt think id get that far #// well even if you dont read it . it's like a sealed letter you can keep like a lucky charm or something i like to think #// that theres a lot of love inside it's just radiating #// sorry just prepping for the horrors now that the holiday season is over im really distressed #// but i thank you all for the year and that i hope you get better that i get better no matter how little that better is #// i just hope it's a lot.#// and i will literally keep saying the same thing 100000000000 times and mean it every single time

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singull · 2 years

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I posted 1,803 times in 2022

That's 1,404 more posts than 2021!

62 posts created (3%)

1,741 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@enberlight

@the-geek-cornucopia

@commander-krios

@5ummit

@ediediaz

I tagged 1,433 of my posts in 2022

Only 21% of my posts had no tags

#dracula daily - 285 posts

#video - 233 posts

#lmao - 222 posts

#marvel - 149 posts

#mcu - 147 posts

#star wars - 108 posts

#moon knight - 106 posts

#moon knight spoilers - 89 posts

#house of the dragon - 72 posts

#personal bloggity - 65 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#but seriously tho parsing through what media i can still stand and what i can’t deal with due to the grief has been…it’s been something

My Top Posts in 2022:

BAHAHAHA, all my top 5 posts are like…text posts, most of them about me grieving. Snipped them so they’re not so looooong.

so my dumbass fumbled my glass dip pen and broke the tip off. D; ordered 2 new pens, but they haven’t been shipped yet. i wanna write in my journal with colorful ink again. Dx

anyway…at work the coffee company we were working with before opted to leave and we replaced them with a new company and ever since the new peeps started, the more i have realized just how much the burnout and anxiety i’ve been feeling about work has been related to the former crew we were working with bahahaha. i won’t go into details, but the company we were working with before wasn’t managing their coffee shop with us very well (despite the fact that apparently this was their busiest location like…????), the recent baristas just…weren’t great, and my boss and i were constantly having to answer for their bullshit (non-consistent hours, poor service, bad attitudes from baristas, etc).

i legit did not realize how much their fuckery was messing with me until they were gone for good. like a gotdamn weight lifted off my shoulders. i no longer feel so much anxiety about coming into work.

2 notes - Posted November 18, 2022

i think what really gets me about the friendship breakup and how it went down and why it is going to be so difficult for me to get over it is because she basically stole my ability to say goodbye.

Read more at link.

5 notes - Posted February 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#singull’s year in review 2022 #personal bloggity

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ferdiesnini · 7 months

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Happy 64th birthday Daddy!

I’m a day late posting this year. I didn’t get to buy a cake yesterday. The thing is, my body clock makes it so that I’m awake in the wee hours, and asleep during the day.

I talked to Meann from 12 midnight up to about 3:30 in the morning. It started with us greeting you a happy birthday and then reminiscing about the past. Remembering the cake you got her for one of her birthdays as a grade schooler and how you barred her from going out the front door because the cake was outside. How you allowed me to go through so that I can light the candle and how you carried the cake inside afterwards.

How you’d always say “mukhang masarap yan ah” when you see us eating something to signify that you want some, and how you’d say “di masarap!” after finishing a plate of food, even if nasimot lahat.

I got to sleep for about an hour and then woke up to help your son in law get ready for the day. After he left for work, I looked through the cakes for sale on the food app in the but not a lot of options since it was early and so I decided to get back to it in the afternoon. I fell asleep afterwards. So when I woke up, it was almost 5pm and the only thing I could think of is dinner. Remembering I still have a salad bowl which I purchased the night before, I was covered for the night and was completely disoriented and forgot that I was thinking of getting a small cake for you, or maybe even a slice. Since it’s only me and my husband at home, cakes usually don’t get finished unless I eat most of it, which at this stage and in my age, wouldn’t really be a good idea. I’m trying to get back to eating healthier. Remember how stick thin I was growing up even when I ate like a construction worker? I’m still a foodie, but after passing 30 I started gaining weight. It is very hard to get back to how I weighed before. Can you imagine, I’m at 70kgs right now. That’s me after losing 2kgs Dad. I hope to go back to at least 56, hopefully 52.

Should we just share the cake I’ll surely receive for my birthday in several days? Unless I lose my fight with cravings later and ultimately purchase a slice, or a small cake— we’ll share that one, okay? Anyway, if you see the cake I’m sure you’ll say “mukhang masarap yan a!” Hehehe.

Oh, also… I’m not 100 percent sure but the baby girl who lives across from us, Lily— I heard it was her birthday last night (she was talking to her grandpa). So you might share the same birthday. Even with that my brain didn’t compute to remind me that it was November 9 and I was supposed to get you a cake. But anyway, what’s important is that I remember now.

We love you Dad. Still waiting for you. Happy 64th birthday Daddy!

⭐️🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑🌒🌓🌔

November 15 Update

It’s my birthday today. It’s 7:20 in the evening and from our side of the family, it seems only Meann remembered it’s my birthday. Mom sent a picture of Tita Jane’s only daughter’s wedding but forgot to greet me. It’s alright though.

I woke up this morning with the sounds of activity in the kitchen. I realized it was my husband preparing his birthday surprise but decided to stay “asleep” to allow him to proceed with his plans. At some point, something fell so loud that I can’t just ignore it and had to wake up. By the time he approached with the cake, I turned my head towards him and he protested that he wasn’t ready yet 🤣 cos apparently, there’s still several things he haven’t set up yet.

He then proceeded to go back to the kitchen and handed me two bouquets of flowers.

And then brought in a sturdy paper bag with the word “switch” on it. Under it is an apple with a bite.

It’s an apple product. I wondered if he got me an apple watch because it’s the only thing in the apple store that I can think of that I don’t have yet. Although, I never really asked him for one or hinted at it, especially since I very much prefer the cheap version of it that I can get online for like, a thousand peso. If that breaks I wouldn’t feel so disheartened. But a watch that costs almost as much as an older version of an iphone or macbook— I don’t really think it’s worth it.

I opened the bag and I found a box for an iPhone 14.

He bought me a second phone because I whenever we go out, I would have to switch my simcard out of my iphone to get internet connection. Now my second sim has a new permanent home.

He also played some birthday music on TV via Spotify

And at some point we slow danced to it together. Not specifically the song on the picture but some other song in the playlist— that is also about birthdays.

And as promised, I share with you my cake Daddy.

It is a mocha chiffon cake with some buttercream frosting. Do you remember how I would always bake a mocha chiffon cake on everyone’s birthdays when I was a junior and senior in high school?

My husband asked me to lunch this coming weekend to celebrate my birthday. We’re inviting Mom and the siblings. David asked me to also invite my friends but I’d rather not. I realized one of them, the one I was closest to in senior year— never really appreciated the amount of affection I have for them, and my efforts to help them by sending information when they need it, were basically made to look ridiculous. Imagine how much effort I placed on writing them long letters back in the day after graduating high school, and her talking to one of our male classmates, you know him, the one I used to have a crush on, to basically make it seem like I just have a lot of things to say for no reason. Based on what she told us that she said to him— when the guy asked why I “was like that” when I sent a message to a group chat to tell him off after questioning her sexuality and surmising that maybe she was a lesbian, she replied that she doesn’t know, that I just write long things and it’s just that I’ve always been like that, I write paragraphs.

When the truth was, she complained to me and our other friends about him commenting on and questioning her sexuality. I basically defended her. And she knew hours before I sent that message that I will defend her, that I’ll take care of it— just like I always did for all of them cos they couldn’t confront people unless I start it. Anyway. I’m just tired of them at the moment. I told my husband I’d just see them next year.

Sorry for complaining to you on our birthday week hehe. Anyway, that’s where I am now.

I love you Daddy. I thank you and Mommy fo having and raising me.

My hopes are always the same. We still wait for you. Happy birthday to us, and Cha.

Nov 16 update:

Apparently Mom sent me a greeting yesterday which I didn’t receive. So I told Meann to have it resent to me tomorrow since it’s still my birthday anyway (my Chinese calendar birthday, that is.)

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 11 months

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Following from this post, I have finally watched the Gavin Osborn DVD, and oh, that was great fun. Definitely worth the price (that was fairly cheap, for just the digital download). A few things:

- I counted at least four specific Daniel Kitson-isms in there, and joke stealing has never looked so adorable. It was of course not actually joke stealing, because they weren’t things Daniel Kitson personally invented. Just little comedic turns of phrase he likes to use, that Gavin Osborn peppered into his set.

I’ve never heard him do this when Daniel Kitson is actually around. When he’s doing stuff with Kitson, they sound very different from each other, Gavin pretty much lets Daniel Kitson do his banter, and then Gavin will just sit back and react to it. He always sounds awkward when doing his own talking bits, which they occasionally call attention to, joking about how Daniel Kitson can talk and Gavin Osborn can sing but neither is good at the other’s job.

But apparently, when he’s doing his own thing, Gavin Osborn can do the between-songs “banter” just fine. Even made a joke at one point about how John Hare, who was backing him up on the piano, is uncomfortable with the with the talking bits. Meaning Gavin Osborn, by comparison, is the comfortable one. And he did come off as the comfortable one, but he sounded a lot like he’d studied Daniel Kitson like student studying a textbook to achieve that. He threw in several little comments that sound like the way Kitson talks, and do not sound like the way Gavin Osborn talks, normally.

My favourite, because it was by far the most out of character for him and just so utterly unnecessarily awkward, is he told the audience to sing along to one bit, and when they did sing, he called them “Pavlovian bitches” (with, to clarify for his sake, an amount of irony that gets that word just over the borderline into “kind of acceptable, I guess”). Gavin Osborn definitely did not come up with that idea by himself. Before today, I had never heard anyone besides Daniel Kitson call an audience “Pavlovian bitches”. I hope that after today, I never hear anyone else do that again. I certainly hope Gavin Osborn never tried it again. But I’m glad I got to watch Gavin Osborn try to make it work, because the attempt was fucking funny. It’s not in his wheelhouse.

Since I haven’t seen any other live Gavin Osborn performances that aren’t tied to a comedy show, I can’t tell whether the Kitson-isms are things he throws into his shows all the time, or whether he’s specifically pulled them out for a comedy crowd. This was apparently recorded at something called the Go Faster Stripe Festival, which would be mostly comedy, and at one point he mentioned that Simon Munnery would be on right after him for the same audience. Gavin Osborn also mentioned, vaguely apologetically, that he’s not a comedian. Suggesting that he may have been self-conscious about performing to a crowd that had gone out that night to see Simon Munnery, and had studied Daniel Kitson like a textbook to figure out how to impress them. Like I said, adorable.

- Having said that, I’d like to apologize for having said in my previous post that Gavin Osborn doesn’t have more humour in his repertorie than most folk singers. He does. He’s not a comedian, but he is a vaguely comedic-like musician. He has some jokes. And he pulled out every joke he had for the Simon Munnery crowd.

- This concert was recorded in November 2015, which was a turning point in Gavin Osborn’s career. His pre-2016 albums all had various songs about how he wanted to be more political, he cared about the issues and did some activism stuff when he was young, but now he’s older and has a family and is so caught up in the everyday aspects of being a husband and father that he doesn’t get into politics the way he used to. Then, like many people, he took a sharp turn toward the “guess I can’t ignore politics anymore” because of everything in 2016. In 2017, he released an album where every song was explicitly political, most of them specifically anti-Brexit.

This included the song Was It You, a song that I think I might have previously mis-attributed as being about his reaction to the Brexit referendum, but it wasn’t that. It was his reaction to the 2015 general election, when David Cameron won their majority. It’s a similar thing, though – the Tory majority was what set the country on the path to a Brexit referendum.

I think Was It You is probably my favourite song Gavin Osborn’s ever done. Political frustration is such a common topic in music (and in any other type of art) that it feels like it’s all been said before, and of course I enjoy hearing people say it all again because that’s how art works, but it feels special when someone finds some small corner of uncovered ground. And while I’m sure Gavin isn’t the only person in the world to ever cover this ground, he’s the only person I’ve ever heard explain the exact phenomenon walking around in public and realizing that according to poll results (either surveys that are done all the time, or official polls at election time), some proportion of the people around you are fucking terrible. It makes you suspicious of everyone. Election results can shake your faith in all humanity and make you slower to trust anyone. That’s something I’ve felt so much, and I’ve never heard anyone besides Gavin Osborn specifically explain it.

Was It You wasn’t released on an album until 2017, but here he is playing it in 2015. The song sounds a little different than the album version. Less developed, musically. Not unfinished – all the lyrics were there. But I think he hadn’t yet figured out exactly how he wanted it to sound. In this version he rushes through it a bit. I think this version is not quite as good, from a purely musical perspective, as the version on the album. But I really like having this alternate version. It’s faster and more raw and angry and I enjoyed hearing it a lot.

Anyway, I found it interesting that he introduced the song by saying this is the political section, and ended it by saying that’s the end of the political section, let’s draw a curtain around that. Because at the end of 2015, he was right on the cusp between his “I care about the issues and I feel guilty for not getting involved, but I’m not a political person anymore” era, and his “Well, everything’s fucked and I guess the least I can do is write a furious political album about it” era. He had one song that would end up on that album already written, and was playing it live. But he still wasn’t enough of a “political musician” to just play it, without half-apologetically cordoning it off in the “political section”.

- The DVD had multiple introductions to songs for which I’d only previously heard the song itself. And what I learned from that is a lot more of Gavin Osborn’s songs are autobiographical than I’d previously thought. Including his song about putting a note in someone’s shopping back when he worked in a supermarket, which I’d been sure was a story he’d made up to be prototypical painful indie stuff.

- On the subject of his songs being autobiographical, there’s an outtake where he plays Charlie’s 18th Birthday and gives it an introduction, so I finally have an answer to what I was confused about in a previous post, which is whether that song really was about Gavin Osborn’s friend, or whether that’s something he made up on a radio station to avoid saying it’s the central song in his and Kitson’s Ballad of Rodger and Grace show.

Turns out it’s the former, so my second theory is correct. Gavin didn’t write those songs around that show. The Ballad of Rodger and Grace started with two songs Gavin Osborn had already written (Charlie’s 18th Birthday and Rodger’s Inventing Again), both of which were about people he actually knew (his friend Charlie and a guy who shopped in his local hardware store), and then they wrote a longer story about those two people and made the show around that. That means that on the episode of the Listening Club from January 16, 2007 (can be found under the LC tab at this archive), when Gavin Osborn plays Charlie’s 18th Birthday and Daniel Kitson gets really excited about and says he’s never heard that song before but he loves it and he has to put on another song so he can turn off his mic and talk to Gavin about how great that song is, that was all true, and we actually are hearing the beginning of the seed that grew into The Ballad of Rodger and Grace.

- For some reason, he also introduces Charlie’s 18th Birthday by telling us how much he likes Taylor Swift, and not ironically, and not that he likes indie covers of her songs, and people who say those indie covers make the songs meaningful are wrong because they were always meaningful. I said in my previous post that I’ve never disagreed with Gavin Osborn about anything, and I guess it had to happen sometime. In fact, I’m glad it happened with this. There can’t be someone who agrees with me about everything. I’m glad to know the issue on which I disagree with Gavin Osborn is Taylor Swift, and not, say, abortion rights.

- We got an expanded story about his Jamie Cook song, how after that album came out the real Jamie Cook reached out to him on MySpace, because that’s what they did back then. And a couple of times he’s crossed paths with the real Jamie Cook since then. Was a lot of fun to hear, about another song I like. So this seems like a good time to remind people: Gavin Osborn wrote a better version of Ted Lasso in 2006. Give the man some royalties, Apple.

youtube

- In 2018, Daniel Kitson told this story on stage about how he has a friend who’s a musician (he doesn’t say Gavin Osborn’s name because it was after the year when he’d decided to stop giving the real names of everyone in all his stories, but it’s Gavin Osborn), and that friend keeps doing this thing during his gigs where he’ll ask the audience to sing along to certain parts of his songs, and it sounds good when all put together but to an individual member of the crowd it kind of ruins the song. Kitson explained this on stage, and said he needs to tell his musician friend that it's a problem, but doesn’t want to hurt his feelings.

I was quite sure that story was about Gavin Osborn before, I’m even more sure now that I’ve seen this DVD and seen that he does, a couple of times, ask the audience to sing along to certain parts. And they were fun. They looked like fun. Sorry you don’t like audiences having fun, Daniel.

Gavin, honey, you’re a perfect angel just the way you are. Don’t you listen to that Daniel Kitson about anything - including, maybe, whether it's a good idea to call your audience Pavlovian bitches. You tell your audience to sing along to stuff if you want to. It sounds nice, and everyone likes to have a sing once in a while.

#Youtube

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noonaishere · 1 year

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So I was sitting here, thinking to myself, wondering how long I’ve been working on this fic [also: I was thinking about this LAST week, I just forgot to type up this post. I feel like that’s just… this whole thing in a nutshell] and I decided to go through my phone to find screencaps and go through my gdocs to find the earliest document that’s associated with this coming fic...

And… I had forgotten that - originally - I was planning on doing a Choose Your Own Adventure-style Otome fic. It’d have each member of Ateez be one of the personality types you see in Otome games, and you’d read through it and click links and choose who you’d end up with in the end. I read a really great CYOA story on Twine a long time ago and I’ve been wanting to do one since then, though I haven’t had an idea that I felt was befitting it.

So I looked up the main Otome personality types and tried to fit each Ateez member to each type and then sort of ran out of ideas/was too busy with work, and so I just put it in a folder marked “fics” which has all fic ideas that I’m kicking around (some come to fruition, some don’t). The document is called “Otome Character Archetypes” and the date on that document is Jun 5, 2021.

Anyway, I recall kind of thinking about the idea for a while after that and then forgetting about it. My Jaehyun fic was still updating, and while I wanted to start a new fic so I had something for when that one was done, I think I might have been also working on some original stuff as well.

At some point I scrapped the Otome idea since I didn’t feel like I grasped the personality types enough to be able to write it well, and created a new doc called “Ateez smau idea.” It’s creation date is November 7, 2021. (I don’t really use this anymore - the last time I opened it was February of last year lol - because I made a better, more organized “book bible” kind of thing at some point.)

Then I got this comment that sort of blew my mind.

And I was like… YO, what IF there were two couples trying to get each other together, our favorite (or at least my favorite) fic chaos but doubled?

…

What if it was two fics?

So I started writing notes like, immediately-- AND I DELETED THE ORIGINAL DOCUMENT LIKE A FOOL. I KNOW I made posts about it in April and May, but I guess I copy/pasted the text out of the first documents and deleted the remains as I got everything together and made it make sense? Which - I now realize - I need to STOP. DOING. Since I don’t fucking journal about what I’m doing at all, I need to keep the docs themselves to know when I did things 😫😫😫😫😫

I don’t have the original version of the one side of the fic (it’s two fics. I’ll explain when it’s ready to come out. I don’t know why I do these things), but a file called “Notes from first draft” has March 8, 2022 on it. So I had to have written the first draft of it before then; somewhere in between January 19th and March 8th, because those are the dates of luvvvx’s comment and the day I apparently had enough of a first draft to read it and make notes about additions. The first drafts (of each side of the fic) had to have been very bare bones though, because the doc has a lot of smaller points in it that are intrinsic to the plot and that I know I decided on early on in the writing process.

So I started somewhere between: January 19th and March 8th, 2022.

…And now it’s over a year later since I started the missing doc of the first draft, and I missed BOTH anniversaries of starting the fic (the comment and the first doc).

When I first was like, “When did I start this?” I thought maybe I could make a little post about it and be like, “Congratulations to STILL NOT BEING DONE” and it would be a lark and kind of funny since I’ve been working on this for so long, but I MISSED BOTH OF THEM. I had two and I missed them.

So yeah, idk what this is.

Happy missed anniversaries I guess 🎉

#anyway: guess what’s getting very close to finally being finished #I'm hoping to finish it with this April Camp NANO #because I want to BE. DONE.#I wanted to be done so much sooner #but between work and the burnout that CAME from work #omg #I could tell I was finally starting to recover because I can look at any writing I have without feeling like I don't want to do it #because all of it felt like WORK #I still have some days when I don't want to write at all (which is STILL weird because I LOVE writing)#but they seem to be getting less numerous and it seems to be getting easier #now I just need to finish this so I can write original work and upload it on patreon lol #and I might make that CYOA at some point #I have a new doc for it lolol #it'll just be like a cute thing I think #I will also be printing out this post and putting it in the new hobonichi I ordered #I feel like this counts as 'journaling' lolol #ad then I won't have to go on a hunt for documents in the future lolol

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chiefmilesobrien · 2 years

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I posted 5,094 times in 2022

That's 1,842 more posts than 2021!

30 posts created (1%)

5,064 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@questbedhead

@axolola

@spockpandasaurus

@therealcryptidismygender

@peanutworm

I tagged 243 of my posts in 2022

#historical sewing - 4 posts

#but like - 4 posts

#huh - 3 posts

#idk - 3 posts

#like - 3 posts

#uncaptioned - 2 posts

#historical costuming - 2 posts

#but - 2 posts

#wild - 2 posts

#queue of themyscira - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#i wonder if part of it is the tree leaves haven’t completely come in so it’s normally a really shady spot in july/august and it’s not now

My Top Posts in 2022:

I just want to make it 100% clear

I'm not celebrating the death of Elizabeth - I don't know her or anyone who knows her personally, anyone I know who acts like that is in a parasocial relationship, and if that's bad for regular people to have with celebrities, it's still bad if they're a head of state. Anyway, anyone who knows her personally I'm sorry for in the abstract way that like I'm sorry for other people hurting who have nothing to do with me but they're still people and I feel bad that people are hurting.

I'm absolutely celebrating the death of the Queen, because she represents colonialism (not that I and normal people haven't been complicit in it and don't need to work to decolonize ourselves) and the other horrible things that people have done in the name of the Queen and the British Monarchy. Also I find the fact that she's also apparently the head of the Church of England extremely concerning, especially since there is officially no Divine Right of Kings in England since they killed Charles I. She literally represents religious terror alongside colonialism

6 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

Okay, I’m still baffled by the fact that I could just… run for MP in the UK AND NOT HAVE TO GIVE UP MY CITIZENSHIP or move to the UK?

Also that I could be an elected official in Canada aND THE UK AT THE SAME TIME AND THIS ISNT A PROBLEM?????

7 notes - Posted November 2, 2022

See the full post

10 notes - Posted August 18, 2022

I tried making a modern kirtle (aka shorter skirt, more my measurements wearing a bra, washable) out of some remnant dark green wool I had

I made a dirndl

I'm so sad.

18 notes - Posted March 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Btw, despite Canadians paying the most for internet, one of Canada’s three telecom companies has been down since about 5am EDT this morning, meaning that debit and banking has been down all day (and people can’t work and have no cell service), and they refuse to give an ETA on fixing it.

This company is currently trying to merge with another of the big three. You can imagine how thrilled people are at the idea of going to two companies with the scale of this nationwide outage.

Also, since 2017, all phones are supposed to be able to call 911 regardless of their service or if they have a SIM card, and they’re not currently working. 911 in most large (Ontario) cities seems to be working, except for rogers customers.

Also this happened last year in April for about 4 hours.

24 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Rip to the fact that my sewing got less notes than my social commentary #Which wasn’t even hugely reblogged lol #Love that my longest tag is clearly abt something in my backyard lmao

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hawkbitalpha · 2 years

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[REPOST, 2021] - "Kyle Rittenhouse as a symptom, not a cause"

(This was originally posted to my WordPress blog "Thoughts of the Free" in November 2021.)

Alright, overly long Steam break over. Let’s get the ball rolling on this blog.

Ever since I first heard the Kyle Rittenhouse trial was underway, I’ve been going out of my way to laboriously avoid any of the discourse surrounding it. That includes the fact that I also haven’t watched the trial at all. Now, why is this? Because, right after the Rittenhouse case first hit the news, I looked into the details of the killings, and figured that he had a strong enough case for self-defense to get off from at least those charges – I knew the outcome of this trial would, more or less, be a foregone conclusion. He ended up getting off on all of them, of course, but my overall take on him remains unchanged. This is for one simple reason:

The legal part of this case is a discussion I find to be extremely uninteresting. Whether Rittenhouse was too young to legally own a gun, broke state crossing laws, or met the legal threshold for self-defense, I don’t care. So, for everyone on both sides of the discourse who apparently went to law school and passed the bar exam in the last year since his killings, save your opinions about the court case for someone who actually gives a damn. (I will just stonewall you if you try to go there anyway.)

No, folks, the ideological part of this discourse is what really clicks with me. What happens to one Kyle Rittenhouse is effectively irrelevant to me, but since he’s the center of attention, let’s use him as the symbol of a larger issue, and dig in.

To start off, let’s get one very clear, but often-ignored fact out of the way: 93% of the BLM protests, by all measurements, have been peaceful. The fact that this known statistic has been out there for more than a year now, while the “common knowledge” of the right-wing mythology remains that “BLM and Antifa” are “burning American cities to the ground” as we speak, is a testament to how detached from reality one already has to be to think traveling to another city to “defend property” with armed force is a solid idea. There has never been a mass protest movement in the entire history of the world that didn’t involve some degree of violence (see: the 60s Civil Rights Movement and the many race riots associated with it, a la the “long, hot summer” of 1967; or, for analogues to Antifa: the Black Panthers or Deacons for Defense & Justice), meaning that anyone willing to give justification to armed opposition to BLM will also have to explain why they would justify brandishing guns against those civil rights protesters of days past. If you actually do want to be the one to defend the anti-protest actions of both Kyle Rittenhouse and the Klan in the same argument, though, be my guest.

Anyway, let’s keep riding this train of thought. What have we heard from Kyle Rittenhouse’s fans ever since he had his episode in Kenosha? That the people he killed deserved to die anyway, that “angels guided his bullets” (yes, that’s an actual quote from The Hake Report), that he’s a precious boy who deserves to be shielded from the media, that this case is so clear-cut that it shouldn’t even have gone to trial (that’s not how the legal system works), and so on. In more blunt words, for putting himself in a position to harm members of the political group that they don’t like, the American right-wing is celebrating this kid as a national hero, just as they have before with, among others, convicted killer Derek Chauvin (who, might I remind everyone at home, was so unambiguously in the wrong that he was a cop who managed to be convicted of murder) and the many rioters who attempted to overthrow the government at the Capitol at the start of this year.

Now, really, tell it to me straight: what does this all-consuming bloodlust say about the state of affairs of the Republican Party and company? Because I can tell you the message it broadcasts to me.

The common mantra about political discussions is that it’s alright to have disagreements of opinions as long as you both agree on what’s true, but here, we face another problem entirely: the American right-wing disagrees with the facts, andreality itself.What’s true, let alone what’s a correct belief, is only secondary to crushing what the divisive media has told them is their opposition (“owning the libs”, as it were in internet parlance), even if they have to spin a narrative to create the opposition themselves. So, naturally, if you take it all the way and kill your political opponents, who cares, as long as you’re convinced that you’ve just done good in the process?

The easiest way to get more Kyle Rittenhouses is to stay locked in this perpetual cycle of consuming rage piece after rage piece. For years, my dad would tell me to never listen to the media, because they’re out to divide us… and yet, he lets them do it. So many people, just like him, say they believe in looking beyond the media to the truth, only to gladly let their favorite TV host, online/alt media personality, Facebook influencer, or what-have-you get them stuck in a confirmation bias-laden, one-sided information silo.

So, to bring this meandering piece to a close, I want to ask a direct question to Kyle Rittenhouse’s fans: why, exactly, are you defending him? Is it on your own initiative, or is it because you’ve been told by your favorite source of confirmation that it’s the righteous thing to do? Once you’ve answered, I want you to ask yourself the same question about any other topic you may be focused on at the moment. Vaccines/COVID might be a good one to start. Be honest with yourself when you do.

This message goes for everyone reading as well. When you find yourself making a point, try to ask yourself the big question: “How did I learn this?” I know from experience that it can be hard to apply this rule to yourself on a regular basis, but trust me, it’ll make for a much healthier participation in politics, a field that’s already diseased enough as it is, both figuratively and literally.

…Oof, it’s now 2:25AM. I think that’s my cue to end this here. That’s all from me here.

PS: If you think Rittenhouse and his family are going to be able to launch an entire legal counter-campaign against the media for “slander”, I advise you to look into how hard it is to actually prove slander under the law.

PPS: Rittenhouse’s verdict wasn’t the only one that came out today. A disgraced Kansas City cop wasalso convicted todayfor the blatantly-unjust 2019 killing of Cameron Lamb. Just a little positive news on which to end this post of exasperation.

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emptylookingeyes · 2 years

Text

Alcoholic 1

6/27/2022

I’m surprised I haven’t dedicated a whole post to my alcoholism yet. I guess now is better than never. I never thought I’d ever turn out to be an alcoholic. Honestly, I try to not think of myself as one, because I probably am not one. Although I think others would beg to differ. I always thought being an alcoholic is drinking too much, like daily or something. But it seems that there’s other ways to be considered one ? Apparently for me, I fall under the “drinking beyond my ability to control it to the point of harm” category. Admittedly, I do intentionally drink to the point where I’m only increasing the intensity of my darkness and doing it for negative purposes. I drink for the sole purpose of getting drunk, although isn’t that what you’re supposed to do ? I don’t know, I’m new to this.

It all started last year during the summer, where I was just drinking a few bottles of wine that was lying around. As an anorexic, I’m very lightweight, so I would get pretty tipsy just from one bottle (375ml). Then I noticed I was crying more and in this “mindset”. I set a date to where one day a month, I would down a whole bottle to intentionally feel that way again and again. Eventually in October, I acquired an old bottle of champagne. That night was when I truly got drunk for the first time. I couldn’t walk correctly, things were blurry, I felt numb, and my head was confused. I tried to call Nirvana to tell them something important, because of course it’s only when some people are drunk that they are “brave” enough to say things they wouldn’t when sober. I ended up texting them all messed up past midnight and they were responding me trying to help me through it via drinking water and such. I intentionally didn’t drink water or even eat before. I wanted to feel the effects of it all as much as I could. I did this again and again since then. I did the same with vodka for multiple nights in November and December, and soon bourbon. I still have more bottles of bourbon to go through. I recently just got sake, soju, and more champagne also for the right occasion. I regret that I forgot to get vodka and more. But that’ll be until next time.

So yeah, many nights in the last half year of me just getting drunk intentionally, posting regretful instagram stories, sending drunk messages, leaving drunk voicemails, and so on. All doing so in a dark room with just emo music playing. If everyone else gets to have fun, why can’t I ? Anyways, that’s pretty much it. Am I trying to recover from being an alcoholic ? Not really. There are times where I try to stay sober for a long time and have hit maybe up to 3 weeks sober, but I still have bottles in my closet just waiting for me. It’s inevitable that I’m going to drink. I’m only dooming myself sure, I think I’m going to stay an alcoholic because it’s all I have left. I’m already a nobody, but at least I can be a nobody that drinks.

-Effy

#alcoholic #alcoholism #reckless #darkness #drunk

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