#but I cant post it because its WAY too personal | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bigothteddies · 8 months

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I have the funniest post imaginable in the drafts but I can’t post it :(

#unimportant thoughts #it’s funny it’s so fucking funny #(only to me)#but I cant post it because its WAY too personal #reveals WAY too much about my personal relationships #its WAY too obvious about who its about #and it would reveal WAY too much about my feelings to the people that it is about !#but i promise you #its so funny #its so fucking funny i want to post it so bad #(*has humor as a coping mechanism*)

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arsenicflame · 8 months

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since we all appear to be talking about izzy 'calling the police' on stede id like to offer my silly little two cents:

its not like the navy wasn't actively looking for him anyway??????

at most, izzys actions sped up badminton catching up with stede, but its made very clear that badminton wanted Stede dead well before this, and was willing to use whatever he could to find him- whos to say jackie wouldnt have cut a deal on her own? that any other pirate thats seen them being unsubtle in a port wouldn't take the opportunity to make a quick buck over a guy who is Nobody and holds no influence that could lead to any consequences for them?

in reality izzy is probably the only person who would receive negative repercussions to selling out stede, given his personal connection with ed- any other pirate would probably have gotten away unscathed, anonymous. they likely wouldnt have even been present like izzy was. izzy had personal stakes, anyone else would have taken the money and ran

the way i see it, with or without izzy the events of episode 10 probably would have happened in some degree, izzy just expedited the timeline

#like ok. i dont exactly support izzys actions but i honestly dont see it as that big of a deal??? to our characters i mean #idk i just. its a dick move!! but i struggle to see it as any more than that #its the actions of a desperate man who made a stupid decision to get his.... ed. out of what he saw as a bad situation #whether it is or not i cant say! but you cant deny ed drastically changed in the time he was on the revenge #in a way that could be concerning from the outside #(i saw a good post kinda comparing it to your friend ending up in a cult and. yeah. excellent description from an outside perspective)#idk theres a lot of. undertones in the way people say 'calling the police' and also they always say ed too and its like. no! izzy tried to #get ed out of there! he set the navy on everyone BUT ed. and its not like the navy really cared about the crew. only stede #i am not the person to talk about why 'calling the cops' is a bad take but the posts are out there. ive seen them.#izzy did what hundreds of pirates did to save their own hide- including hornigold himself (but honestly that was worse because he actively #turned hunter. not just a guy with a tip)#also side historic note that uhh. the navy was casually in Nassau. what exactly was the situation there??? was shit occurring. w #we know it did in history #idk #nyxtalks #ofmd #izzy hands #israel hands #spanish jackie 🤝 izzy: girlbosses for selling stede out to the British/Spanish for their own gain #idk i think thats the one thing he did 'wrong' but ita still very sympathetic to me #its not like izzy dibbed in a guy nobody cared about #'hey hey ill sell you information about this pirate please let me sell you information' ' i mean i guess we are supposed to be doing that'#badminton had an active vendetta against stede and kinda seemed like. he would stop at nothing to get him???#given. the whole 'id rather let blackbeard go and kill Stede than take a huge pirate into custody' thing

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mbat · 6 months

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i checked back in on dan and phil because people said they were uploading to their gaming channel again and i havent watched them in years really and i still have good omens brainrot going on so you can imagine that im just mixing old and new fixations and making the obvious connection here

that connection being crowley dan and aziraphale phil. i just had to say that

#obligatory 'this is not making any comment on the nature of their relationship' because its not my or anyones business lol #its literally just how they act and also theyre british #and you cant rly have one without the other can you #good omens #my post #when the fuck was the last time i tagged dan and phil on this blog. i guarantee it had to be 2016 #what the fuck even did i have as the tags. i dont want to know #dan and phil #it is also not lost on me that phil has a video on his channel where they mention good omens at least once. if they do more idk #do i want to tag more. gosh i probably should not ajfjsjd #i know for a fact i am not the first person to make this connection its way too obvious

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yaoianime · 2 months

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Soon im rly gonna do it

#🕸️#sui mention #< in the tags tho cuz it feels nicer to talk abt this in tags than in the post itself cuz to me posts are like talking normally but tags are #like whispering? talking you can tune out if you want but whispering is rather more voluntary to say it doesnt matter however #every single year passes and i wish i didnt live in each and every one of them i feel disconnected dissatisfied empty disappointed every day #it can be a small part of a day or a bigger but its still there clenching onto me like and never letting go im tired of it theres always a #wall between me and otyer ppl im unsure if i put it there or was it put there by other ppl but its there and even if anyone tries to reach #into it do i understand how even if close are we really far away it makes me understand just how much of an abnormality i am and how much i #cant ever be like them no matter how much i try and climb and crawl until i bleed its exhausting its maddening #almost everything i do is shaped by spite i wear one bracelet for years out of spite i dont smoke out of spite i dont shave my hands not #only because im normal abt body hair but also out of spite the more i know ppl the spiteful i get only way for me to truly like someone is #to keep them at a lenght outside that wall if they get in then theres only two choices for them to dislike me or even hate my entire being #or me to shove them back out without ever letting them get in #coworkers say im a nice kind person but im not its all just a facade to make my life easier and to suit myself im hateful but i dont believe #its entirely my fault after all they will to my face make fun of. laugh at. and hate everything of me they would see in other ppl that dont #hide it deep within like i do and then it rly hits me how different abnormal foul disgusting and unnatural i am #im hit with his every talk that goes on too long every word that keeps going every touch every expression every comment made on my behalf #its exhausting to live this way i fear im near my limit i havent reached it but who knows when i will #i sometimes dream of doing it and leaving behind a note wishing nothing but painful suffering to everyone i ever knew irl but i dont want to #do that to my best friends and my dog but who knows how long its left before the thread breaks #thats all like comment and subscribe if you personally would do me a favor by taking me out back and shooting me

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aiming-for-phantoms · 1 year

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Hot take but I just read a long post about someone being so upset and angry about the way the other people on empires treat Jimmy Solidarity (pranks, making fun of him, ect) and people in the replies were agreeing and talking about how distraught it makes them and all I can say is you should really stop watching his/others' Empires videos if its making you that upset because I can guarantee that its all in good fun and the man is having a perfectly okay time. He's having fun with his friends, they just like to rag on him. My friends like to rag on me too and it's totally fine, I enjoy it. You're projecting and you're, like, WAY too invested if it's upsetting you like that. You're turning him having fun with his friends into something it's not.

Stop using his videos to make yourself miserable :| Go watch something else instead of being self destructive and then whining about it online when there's not even anything wrong or mean really happening :| I'm so serious when I say that this is chronically online behavior and you need to go talk to a professional because that is Not Normal.

#not to tumblr subtweet or whatever but what the fuck guys #get offline. genuinely #he is having fun with his friends. he is having a good time.#they were like “its giving me flashbacks to middle school” DUDE. STOP WATCHING. HIS VIDEOS GO AS HE WANTS THEM TOO. HE EDITS AND CHOOSES WH #AT TO POST. YOU ARE PROJECTING AND YOU'RE BEING A DICK. HE AND HIS FRIENDS ARE GOOFY IN A WAY THAT WOULD PERSONALLY MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.#LIKE OKAY SURE!!! IF YOU DONT LIKE IT THEN THATS OKAY AND YOU DONT HAVE TO BE IN THAT SITUATION. BUT YOURE BEING A DICK BY COMPLAINING ABOU #T IT AND WHINING ONLINE ABOUT HOW HE INTERACTS WITH HIS FRIENDS. IT IS PLAYFUL AND ENJOYABLE FOR HIM BECAUSE IF IT WASNT HE'D NOT BE DOING #IT BECAUSE HES AN ADULT AND HE WOULD TELL HIS FRIENDS (IN PRIVATE WHERE YOU CANT SEE IT) THAT WHAT THEYRE DOING IS UPSETTING HIM #you are being parasocial my guy #also stop using his videos to hurt yourself dude what??? that is not healthy???#sorry for ranting. im sure ill get upset people in asks again. thats fine #idrc because im a fucking adult and i recognize that a grown ass man wouldnt be behaving like this and having a villain arc in minecraft #because he was genuinely mad at his friends :| and that you need to do something if seeing it is upsetting you and that its unhealthy that #people agree with you and theyre basically enabling you/encouraging you by acting like its normal to be so upset over something innocuous #rant over #aim.rant #aim.txt #jimmy solidarity #solidarity gaming #solidaritygaming #mcyt

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snickerdoodlles · 16 days

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there's a point at which someone's fear of being a dick wraps back around to them just being a dick anyways

#im side-eyeing those who reblogged my post on ethnocentrism and missed the point #but im also thinking about the tags i saw on being too scared to comment on fic #the first is being ~too scared~ to write cultures other than their own #(1. my point was people should be learning *as they watch the show* not just when they write #2. i just. jfC. stop saying youre too scared to *try* to write from another culture/POV different from your own as tho its a *good* thing)#the second is just annoying/frustrating because being too scared to participate in community is how community's die #i dont want to be dismissive of cancel culture because i do know the stories and there is always indv cases of a person ready to be a dick #but like. its just *not* a thing most people have to be worried about. very likely you're just not big enough to have that concern.#anxiety's no joke but like. u dont just accept the anxiety as the excuse. you have to challenge it. i've been there but u cant feed it.#and i dont want to sound dismissive of that anxiety but im really frustrated with seeing people throw that excuse around #without considering how their fear-based attitudes/actions come off in turn #such as not showing fandom creatives any appreciation for fear of saying the ~wrong~ thing #which comes off as creatives' stuff seeming to be ignored completely or otherwise very discouraging silence #when the only rule for tags/comments is to treat others the way you wish to be treated and apologize if you accidentally tread a toe #and being more worried about accidentally stepping on a theoretical persons toe than interested in showing actual people gratitude #like? pretty sure im not the only one side-eyeing that like ''have u really considered this feeling/logic????''#again: its not saying that anxiety isnt a dick or easy to dismiss but i am saying maybe challenge it or at least reflect on it #i just #blahh #the commenting thing is way more mild than the other but tags arent for that conversation and i need a much better brain space for that one

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i-like-books-and-women · 20 days

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Little rant into the void because I don't wanna bother anyone's dms but

I'm so sick and fucking tired of people coming to be months after I've done something that upset them or hurt them and telling me about it like I'm supposed to remember it. Like okay you weren't a fan of a joke I made. Valid I see and respect that boundary. But why the fuck are you telling me months after? Like why is this a fucking thing? If you don't want to or are too nervous or self conscious to say something in the big group that's understandable. Text me about it in a timely manner so we can talk about it. Don't fucking act like I'm supposed to be a mind reader. You laughed at the fucking joke at the time how was I supposed to know you were hurt and upset? You literally reacted like it was any other a okay to make joke or comment I've ever made. I'm open to criticism on things I've said, hit me with your boundaries and tell me if I've crossed them. That's how communication works in a healthy relationship. But why do we have to play the game where I get a fucking text block months after something happened saying that it really hurt you and listing every other instance where it came up again where you also didn't say anything? You can't just not say anything about it for months and then blow up that's not fucking fair. I'm not a mind reader and I shouldn't he expected to be one.

Anyways that's my Saturday evening update. How's everyone else's day been?

#girl i swear to god i mustve been a puppy murderer in a past life or some shit because this has happened way too many times #idaf about “well im not confrontational” dont have friends then #you cant be in healthy productive relationships and not know how to set up and adress boundaries #like yeah i do feel bad i hurt you but when you bring it up like that im more pissed than sorry #just tell me when i do something wrong its not that hard #i hate this game #vent #vent post #like does this count as having toxic friends?#and shit like this makes me feel like everyone has a secret club where they all talk shit about me #and like talk about what a horrible person i am and how they all hate me

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anotherpapercut · 7 months

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people acting like there isn't still very much an active stigma against cannibas and cannibas users is going to be my joker origin story

when i go to the doctor they still put cannibas use under the tab "substance abuse". not even just substance use. it is fully assumed that people who use cannabis, even as a prescription medication, are abusing it. just because you're friends with a couple of dumbass stoners doesn't mean that we've abandoned the idea as a culture that weed is a bad and scary and dangerous and highly addictive drug that will ruin your life if you use it once

#idk what its like in other countries but in the us and especially in red states fear mongering about weed is alive and well #'it ruins lives' -direct quote from a library board member making it so we can be fired for testing positive even w a prescription #i just take umbrage with posts about addiction that go out of their way to mention weed which we all learned in 6th grade is addictive #but dont also mention that this true of all prescription drugs and that a person can be dependant on a drug for health reasons???#yeah i get anxious and cant go a day without weed. because i use it to treat my anxiety and pain. i also get anxious without my wellbutrin #but people arent lining up to make posts about it?? and like you CAN obviously become addicted to prescription drugs its super common!#so i kind of feel like it would be far more useful to say 'this is true of ALL drugs. including weed caffeine and prescriptions'#you should always research ANY drug you take. prescription or not. find out about addictiveness + side effects + other drug interactions #and you should talk to someone if you feel anxious about your relationship to drugs. prescription or not #there have been many times where i was prescribed way too many drugs at once and it made me feel anxious and uncomfortable #so i talked to my doctors and consolidated several and it actually made them work a lot better #locked reblogs because i KNOW people are going to read this is 'so you should never ever talk about negative consequences of weed'#and im pretty sure the people who follow me will be able to understand thats obviously not what im saying #but as soon as it leaves my blog whos to say. but anyway like. I think we should talk more about addiction to all substances #and not just the ones that were already covered in DARE #I feel like at this point everybody has heard all of the negative possibilities with weed use at least once #and that's not necessarily true of caffeine and even like. benadryl lmfao #I might delete this in 10 minutes if I psych myself out akbdjznsjf

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brightokyolights · 2 days

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Why is being a living exisiting human being so very confusing 🙃

#my brain is genuinely the worst place on planet earth ahaha!!#anyways the story that is bringing this on is actually nice i suppose but im exhausted so. let me just get into it and perhaps the dilemna #will make itself more aparant.#basically i hate interacting with people. its exhausting. like genuinely just takes so much brain power and social battery from me. even for #simple things. anyways so im telling someone this in my usual jokey way “im being tortured and kept outside of my home where i could be #chilling with a book“ so the other person is like oh you cant stay inside forever and ever. but then goes on to say from interacting with me #theyd never have guessed that i have such a hard time with talking and hanging out with people. that i never make someone feel like im tired #them or dont wanna talk to them etc. and internally im screaming because like. that is something i stress out so much about because i strugg #le so much with my responses and tone etc etc. thats why its so exhausting for me because im just constantly focussed on what im Supposed to #be like. the other part of me was kind of pleased in a way because i feel so painfully awkward that it stresses me out that people can see #right through me and think that i hate them when its not that i just. hate human interaction because its so tiring. so hearing that was like #oh so no one can even tell and i am stressing. for nothing. dw though this info will not help my brain learn to stop stressing out though #lmao. anyways final point i suppose is that the person also says that even if i am 'awkward' i sort of use it to my advantage and it doesnt #come across in an unsavoury way. anyways idk what to do with all this info. because the way i feel on the inside is so. and i worry a lot #about people seeing that on the outside. but part of me sort of wants it too because i just feel like absolutely no one fucking knows me?#and while i guess that was maybe my goal i also hate it? i shall rb a quote after this. anyways. idk what im saying. i dont fucking know. im #just so tired. so fucking tired.#le text post

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inf1nyxw0rlds · 5 days

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i love complexity. except of course if it's about me . hope that helps

#transmission #what i mean is i love acknowleging nuance and intricacies but i hate when i cant neatly compartmentalise myself #i want to know WHY im xyz! a distinct reason! and etc #i was thinking deeply the past few days on why i suddenly got so mad bc i do Not usually talk that way publicly #bc i dont want to be hypocritical in that. i purposefully usually speak in a way where i make myself overly clear and #try to avoid making people feel ashamed in any way. because i KNOW how it feels right #but digging further i think its like. its a rage inducing cycle of mockery in the infinite fandom. the normies make fun of the weirdos #and the weirdos make fun of the normies because hey fuck you too. and ppl who enjoy infinite casually arent inherently wrong #but when they fill the tags with complsints and criticisms on a source material they havent delved into much #it irritates a lot of the people who HAVE because while an opinion is fine critiquing something seriously does mean understanding it #on a bit deeper of a level i think?#and thats what always got me personally #but we just have this system of you suck youre wrong and i think its also because infinite has taken so much shit that #we are VERY protective and defensive. like yeah if people spend years ripping into the thing that you like that happens #idk in just pondering. the ponderer...#i like to analyse not just fiction but how ppls brains work in general and irl stuff #mostly personal dissection bc im obsessive about myself. not in a fun way but more an endless interrogation and rumination way #the disorder fr #not wanting to hurt ppl and make them feel judged bc you know what its like vs carthasis of dunking on ppl who dunk on you #thats what i think it is for me #one of the reasons i wasnt posting for a long time was caring too much abt other people so if im getting the itch again #im gonna keep an eye on it #anyway

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apollo-zero-one · 1 month

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Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....

#I had SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I SQUANDERED IT!! weak ass third grade PUSSY! Your life could have been SO SICK!!#or you could at least be addicted to cocain or something interesting like that!! Boring ass goody two shoes always just staying home doing #NOTHING bitch make a REAL FRIEND go to a God Damn PARTY live a little instead of just hiding in the closet eating saltine crackers for years #waiting for it to be quiet outside before you ever even toed the line #mentally ill self-isolating motherfucker #you could have shrugged it off you could have GROWN A PAIR and FOUGHT BACK but you just ran and cried for mommy #victim complex little bitch baby always whining and exaggerating and making shit up fucking LIAR I am you and I KNOW what you did and I know #you knew it wasn't the truth and you regretted it the moment it came out of uour mouth but once you'd said it you just swallowed it back and #doubled down incriminating or discrediting others with your lies. For why? Because you didn't like them? You could have ruined someone's #life you wouldn't have hesitated mayhe you did and don't even remember because you cant keep your mouth shut with your pants ablaze #manipulative little shit and to WHAT END? Pity? Sympathy? Attention? Entertainment?? What was even going on in your stupid ugly head?#This is a callout post for my third grade self that possessed demon ass evil nine year old. That kid drowned anthills in olive oil and #poisoned a wild animal once. That kid cut plants just to see if they oozed. That kid modified her whole ass personality on a dime for a boy #she had a crush on. INSTANTLY dropped a LIFELONG CULTURAL ALLEGIANCE (thats what football teams were like back then in our town) because he #said he had the opposite allegiance??? What the fuck? girl had NO integrity none zip zilch.#No empthy either that kid looked at everyone else on earth like they were friggin space aliens and she was the only one with Real feelings.#bitch literally thought like 'I have Feelings they just have Reactions' bitch what the fuckkkkk #that nine year old was fucked the hell up!!!#and for literally NO REASON!! No cause!! Just born fucking evil and weird. jesus fuck.#Evil ass bitch caused her autistic brother months of nightmares and then laughed about it and wrote poetry about how evil he was because he?#was a kid??? Normal sibling rivalry taken way way way too far defamatory ass statements #and this girl had NO CONSEQUENCES because she could lie and manipulate her way out of ANYTHING she had the baby eyes and the helpless charm #and played dumb soooo well . read people like some calculative evil AI scanning their faces for microexpressions and overanalyzing each word #choice like holy shit. its not That Deep. pretentious shit trying to play 5D chess on a checkers board.#Manipulating shit just to see what happens?? zero awareness?? no asking just skipping straight to testing for yourself??#'What happens if I step on this' it fucking breaks 'what does that taste like?' it's not fucking yours to mess with 'if I hit this person #how will they respond?' they'll be upset use your goddamn judgement you are NINE not TWO do you even care a little about any other person??#Are you just living in some other reality???#callout post for the fucking demon child inside of me #im so goddamn problematic I'm so so so deeply mentally disturbed and broken for no reason

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jackie-shitposts · 2 months

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heyy just wondering if you're gonna make any more random Carmen stuff? i love your crack vids, and if you aren't gonna make anymore Youtube stuff thats totally fine! just love your content. thanks Jackie!

thanks for loving my stuff! but im normal about carmen sandiego now so no more videos (frantically shoving 6 videos worth of notes behind my back so you cant see them)

#in case it wasnt obvious this was sarcasm #yes i will be doing more carmen!!#though the gap between now and my last video is only 2 months #like. come on ive gone way longer without posting #this isnt a dig at this specific anon as they were very sweet about it #but as a person who creates videos for youtube its so frustrating that i cant go more than 2 weeks without posting #otherwise i will get a million comments asking 'whens the next video? why havent you posted? do you not like carmen anymore?'#and then when i finally DO post its like 'oh wow i thought you died lol. i cant believe youre alive. you still like carmen??'#i have a fucking life outside of carmen and youtube! you arent happy about it and im certainly not happy about it either!#youtube audiences specifically are so awful about this because of youtubes awful design of rewarding a constant stream of low quality vids #and ppl cant tell the difference between lower and higher quality so ppl are expecting weekly 10min+ videos from me! i am 1 fucking person!#i never get this kind of shit from ao3 man #woah. got a little too real there. sorry guys #quick look at the funny man falling from a rooftop onto his car

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the-kneesbees · 2 months

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#i just want this whole thing to be over #i know its mean to push him away like this #but the way our relationship was going. i was just so uncomfortable with the whole thing #i feel so awful because i know im the only person he really has to talk to #but i cant be that for him #its too much #it isnt fair to either of us if things stay they way they were #i still want to be friends but. not in the way he wants. i really cant be that close with someone ive only known a few months #it just doesnt work that way for me #i feel so awful for doing this but theres nothing i can do that would make anything any vetter #i really cant describe how uncomfortable the whole situation made me feel.#it sounds horrible and a bit ridiculous but being that close with him made me feel so shitty.#i hate this it really sucks.#vent #sorry ive been posting so much about this its just. a whole thing right now.#ill delete this later but right now im gonna go watch a movie and probably cry

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myriadsystem · 3 months

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#i cant do it i cant any more im worn out!! and i know i have no right to be!#ive been worn out for a long time. i know everyone has. i know i cant take a break from the internet because Palestine still needs coverage #and now with the *drama* happening on tumblr. i dont want to tag it i dont want o be delet but you know the one #feels fucked to even have to call it drama but im one blog. im one little blog and im gonna be devastated if i get got for speaking out #ive had one blog removed by an authority figure it was soul crushing and i only had that one for like 3 years #this is over a decade of my life. if its gone my soul goes with it so i cant risk speakin out in any way that matters or is too conspicuous #but its all just too much. i need to go grocery shopping and it feels hard and bad. i try to come to my one safe place on the internet #to give me courage but its just post after post about more bad news. i saw a photo of a group of soldiers smiling and laughing #about murdering diabled people and taking their walking aides. i know the captions were people saying how horrible those soldiers were #and the active participation in ending diabled lives those soldiers had to take those photos and im just. why was it posted at all #we know the worlds bad. we know. why are you giving these people more publicity. i dont want to see that sickening smile #i just cant any more. i cant deal with anything its all too much its too much on a personal note and its too much internet wide #but i cant complain about it because im not the one being actievly genocided or harrased and i also cant leave because the people who are #need as much support as they can get and i want to support. i want to help #idk idk im crying im stuck i just wanna be able to get groceries but everything real life and internet is too fucking much

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