#buff astrid real
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Listn hear me out. I may b tipsy but Hiccup is givin me some MAD bi wife energy yea?
#lemme sketch smth up real quick#buff astrid comin yalls way hold on#OI OI OI#hiccup horrendous haddock iii#httyd#astrid hofferson
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i started this last Thursday and then forgot about it whooopssss
AHHHHH EPISODES 3 AND 4
GONNA TALK ABOUT BOTH HERE, I JUST FINISHE UTEHKJTNLKNA
SPOILERS AHEAD
i love this
first of all, is the fin and jake stuff on prismo's tv like a re run? i THINK fin looks slightly younger but im not sure. So still no jake confirmation (plus i think prismo's state is a result of jakes death so idk)
ok so first thought is that fionna and cake when they first get to oo reminds mne so much of season 1 fin, super reckless; however they dont really know whats going on so its kind of understandable that they harm innocent people
honestly poor astrid like she was rude but at the same time she cant be older than 12 due to the cities age she just wanted to adventure :(
ok apart from the translator thingies advancing since we last saw them in season 1, im gonna move onto episode 2
i was SO sure that scarab was gonna be prismo's boss but if he isnt, WHO TF IS??? will we get to see them???
fionna struggling to adventure in the skirt is so real i love her for that
(also cake struggling to shape shift back to normal makes so much sense i love it)
OK SO WE FINALLY KNOW WHAT THAT FUCKING RED BEAM WAS!!!! ALSO CONFIRMATION THAT NORMAL AAA WAS IN SIMONS HEAD WHOOOO
simon being a stubborn little dude is so real for him like he has seriously given up on his life (if that wasn’t evident enough by him wanting to be ice king again)
also the pattern of the episodes being named after characters continues, so i wonder who will be next; because of the intro im fairly certain that we will see ooo 1000+ and buff baby fin but whoooo knowwwwsssss
#adventure time#fionna and cake#simon petrikov#adventure time fionna and cake#fionna and cake spoilers#adventure time spoilers#fionna campbell#cake the cat#prismo#so hyped for new episodes tmrw#alicemation ramble :3
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Me whenever I see art of Astrid looking buff or larger in general: Great, but do you also treat REAL fat people with respect?
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RIDERS OF BERK | HTTYD SERIES | BREAKING DOWN HICCUP
Blog Post Series : Breaking Down Hiccup
Title : Portrait of Hiccup as a Buff Man
Ep/Season : Episode 8, Season 1 (Riders of Berk)
Premise :
Following a proud Viking tradition, Stoick and Hiccup pose for a portrait which will hang on the walls of the Great Hall. However, much to only Hiccup’s chagrin (it seems) some “minor” modifications were made depicting a very different him. At the same time, the great treasure map left by the son of Hamish the 1st was discovered. Many have failed trying to decipher its codes, yet harder they try still. Upset by the portrait and trying to prove that he is more than his make, Hiccup embarks on a journey to find the elusive treasure. Something that even Stoick the Vast himself failed attempting.
THEME & MESSAGE
THINGS ARE NOT AS THEY SEEM
I felt really bad for Hiccup. At the start of the show, you can see him get super excited about the portrait, loving that he gets to take part in Viking history / culture.
Stoick has grown a lot too. He accepts Hiccup for who he is. After all, he has proven himself many times to be a worthy heir and son. And we know Stoick loves him.
However, the painting was exaggerated and Hiccup’s built and size was way larger in proportion to the actual fact.
Yet, no one seems to mind it, except him. It must’ve been confusing and degrading to find that everyone else, including Stoick, loved the work. Even comments like “now that’s the son of a chief,” echoed through.
Common, even Astrid simped over buff Hiccup.
So, Hiccup then goes on this rant, where he believes that his father loves the painting more than his real self.
And the “am I worthy enough” debacle starts brewing in Hiccup’s mind.
So, there he goes, leading the team on an adventure to find the treasure.
What ticked Hiccup off was, that his father couldn’t succeed in this treasure hunt and knowing that the “clues are so complicated that only a brilliant mind can decipher them,” meant that if Hiccup could, then all insecurity about his capabilities would be quashed, i.e., doing something even the strongest Vikings couldn’t do.
Hiccup manages to breakdown the riddles and find the treasure in an afternoon, of course w the help of the dragons and the riders, but the fact remains, he is and will always be the brains of the operation.
Stoick is reprimanded by Gobber for what he said to Hiccup about the painting, pointing to Stoick’s obliviousness and how it had affected Hiccup’s perception about himself.
I love that Gobber is like a check and balance for them. No doubt that Gobber has helped Stoick parent Hiccup. No doubt there.
Then, we have Stoick’s over-protective parent personality seep out, knowing that this adventure was dangerous, nearly even fatal and that he could actually lose his son, which made him realise that he would not want buff Hiccup, or stronger Hiccup, he just wanted Hiccup.
I love how just like the perception we have of Hiccup, the story is also nothing like we expect it to be. Hiccup admits that he knew his father accepts him, it was a question of whether Hiccup accepted himself.
Nothing was sweeter than to see Stoick run to his son and Hiccup running to his dad when the adventure ended.
Parents aren’t perfect. Stoick is far from it. But the most important thing about being a dad, is showing up. Sure, they fail. Stoick did, big time. But he makes up for it and thankfully, Hiccup has a big enough heart to forgive his dad.
COMMENTARY
This episode was heart warming. For an adventure story, I enjoyed the pacing. It made sense why they were quicker. With Hiccup’s mind and the ease of transport the dragons provided (and that of fire and safety) they could manoeuvre in and out of the dangerous bits of the exercise w ease. I also love how the story panned out and how, sometimes it really takes the least of the herd to do something spectacular.
Definitely one of my top favourite episodes in the HTTYD Series Universe.
#hiccup haddock#httyd#toothless the dragon#vikings#astrid hofferson#histrid#riders of berk#Dreamworks dragons#httyd stoick#httyd meme#httyd fanart#httyd fandom#httyd character breakdown#father and son relationship#finding yourself#being true to yourself#underdog story#Astrid simping over hiccup#nothing is as it seems#breaking down hiccup
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what sort of hobbies do you think the characters would have had before the fayz?
i love this question!
sam - obviously surfing, but i also think he liked playing the occasional casual game of soccer or basketball. general athletic stuff. and of course i think he likes playing video games. idk. he probably really likes the wii. he kills at wii sports!
quinn - i think he’s a collector of obscure 1960s and ’70s memorabilia, particularly underground comix like the work of robert crumb. real quirky stuff! he also probably makes youtube poops and memes. weirdly i think he’d be fairly good at tennis
astrid - i know canonically she’s a runner (according to hunger) but tbh i always pictured her as a fairly dedicated swimmer. she likes solving puzzles and reading (mostly nonfiction but some literary classics, too)
caine - i think he might’ve picked up some bougie hobbies from his parents, like maybe constructing a ship in a bottle? or maybe that’s too geeky for him, idk
lana - an avid collector of cosmetics, specifically cheap dime store stuff (some of which might not have been paid for). i also thinks she loves reading horror books, specifically anything from stephen king. also running, of course
howard - i feel like he collects movies and anime on vhs. i like to think of him as kind of a movie buff lol. i also think he likes to swim, mostly bc it’s cosmically funny to think of astrid and him sharing a hobby
orc - you know i had to include him of course 🤪 i think he likes to go a few rounds on a punching bag in his garage on occasion. and pulling up grass by the handful
thank you for the ask!!! i really appreciate them! feel free to send more!!
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ᯓ★ concise overview
my name is marcellien eleanor, most friends address me as acel, but you can unleash your nickname creativity on me. my pronoun preference is she/her, i'm riding the enfp wave and sagittarius sun, in case that floats your astrological boat. if your account's got an mdni warning, no worries—i've got the legal age green light.
ᯓ★ table of interests
͙͘͡★ games, particulary focused on pubgm, pokémon unite & kartrider rush+
͙͘͡★ music, ruel, rixton, nana ou-yang, fur, astrid s, slchld, taylor swift, niki, indonesian old songs & 2nd gen kpop group songs
͙͘͡★ kpop, mostly girlgroups but my top picks are red velvet, aespa & riize
͙͘͡★ movies & series, i'm a film buff with a soft spot for psychological horror, crime-heist & romcom for genres, and a penchant for asian movies, thai series, also i'm a laid-back fan of superhero movies too
͙͘͡★ animanga/hwa/hua
͙͘͡★ cats ᓚᘏᗢ
ᯓ★ note before following
you might find me blabbering about my real-life stuffs, rp and most of the time hype my faves. i often delete my tweets and private my account for no serious reason, please don't take it personally and there's no complusion in making friends so if i happen being insensitive or if we don't vibrate on the same frequency, you're more than welcome to break the mutual, because i will do the same.
ᯓ★ forbear from engaging if
you align with pro-israel views, lgbtq+ community or religions anti, clout chaser, racism, anti of my faves
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺
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choose violence ask game: 2, 12, 17, and/or 25 👀
2. A compelling argument for why your fav would never top or bottom.
Essek Thelyss would never top or bottom because he has no interest whatsoever in penetrative sex. Clothes on, no touching, telepathic sex only.
12. The unpopular character you actually like and why more people should like them.
I think Wulf is only "unpopular" in the sense that he's less popular than Astrid, and only because he got less canon attention. But, to me, he's literally everything. Here are a few examples of why you should like Wulf more
Buff wizard! Look at those arms, look at those back muscles, look at those thighs!!!! Is he just buff? Does he multiclass? Up to you, but he hunky no matter what!
Men 👏 get 👏 pegged 👏
My wretched big puppy doggy 🐶
Free real-estate, make that lack of canon content work for you!
Bi, poly, demi, ace, trans, nonbinary, whatever you want! He's got it!
Tattoos!!!!
Constant flirt
Was one of the volstrucker guarding the beacon and what the fuck is up with that?? Knows wristpocket???? Does he know other dunamancy spells? Did Essek teach him? Did he steal them? What's going on?????????
Goth
The Raven Queen gives her bloodiest assassinations to her sexiest followers
Covered in blood with the biggest, sweetest brown eyes
Creepy or wet? Get you a man that can do both!!
He's the commit attrocities guy!
Would kill for you. Please let him kill for you. He's so good at it. Let him be good for you.
Speaking of: good girl
Big boy/little wolf
Just wait until his hair grows out. Then you'll all. You'll all see.
17. There should be more of this type of fic/art.
There should be more esswulf fic that I didn't write and more esswulf art that isn't blumenshadow. Please feed me. It's a good fucking ship and I will die on this hill.
25. Topic that brings up the most rancid discourse.
If there is rancid discourse, I have already left the building and will never know which is the worst.
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questions and answers
He had meant to be rude. And it had not worked even a little bit. Eodwulf is sure that anyone else would have been offended. Hell, he’s even sure that the other members of this weird group were absolutely offended on behalf of their friend. But Eodwulf can’t say he has ever met a person like this.
There was no malice, no ill intent, no anger.
When you work with Trent you have to be aware of every little shift in the mood. The slightest twitch of an eyebrow can mean the weather is about to turn foul. Eodwulf knows what to look out for. It had been his intent to rev this weirdo up and it had backfired spectacularly.
Damn.
No meat. No booze. And balls of steel, apparently. Eodwulf had never seen anyone talk to Trent like that. And while Bren‘s—Caleb‘s—words of wanting to kill Trent outright had been more than Eodwulf would ever admit to his mentor, it somehow felt less crazily reckless than to call Trent Ikithon, Archmage of Civil Influence for the Cerberus Assembly and one of the most powerful mages in the Empire, a fucking fool.
To his face. With a smile. In a complete sincere manner.
Eodwulf doesn’t want to replay the words in his head over and over again but his dumb brain has latched onto them and he can’t stop. Only this time it’s not one of Trent’s lessons that forces him to obsessively repeat something until you have internalized it to the point where you can cite it in your sleep.
No.
“Pain doesn’t make people. It’s love that makes people.“
Eodwulf has it on repeat in his head the whole way back to the tower and it is still going when he lies down hours later to sleep.
“What are you“ had not been meant as a serious question when Eodwulf had asked it. But by the time he finally falls asleep he feels like it has become a very vital question indeed, because who or what would dare to speak to Master Trent Ikithon in a way like this with an honest smile on their face.
*
Because for some reason his thoughts have decided to betray him, Eodwulf’s brain makes his tongue and lips form the words again when they see the Mighty Nein the next time. This time, Astrid and Eodwulf have been invited to dinner—Trent has very specifically not been invited, you could say he was uninvited with quite a few flowery words in a strange accent.
And as soon as Eodwulf sees Caduceus he remembers the weirdly polite scratching of a chair, the wide smile that indicates that this is a person Eodwulf possibly can not force to lose their composure through careful placed rudeness. And his mouth betrays him.
“So. What are you, really?“
Caduceus blinks mildly surprised before his unfamiliar features shift into a warm smile that has Eodwulf feel quite a lot of inappropriate things he didn’t expect to find in a place like this.
“Gardener. Maker of fine tea. A decent cook. Keeper of graves“, Caduceus lists of and he uses his long fingers to count the things that are important to him about himself.
“Very powerful cleric“, Jester chimes in from the right. She has Astrid next to her in a chair and Eodwulf is pretty sure that Jester has started to put flowers in Astrid’s hair. But surely he must be mistaken. Who in the Nine Hells are these crazy people?
“Oh, yeah. Well, that too, I suppose“, Caduceus says, his smile still warm like honeyed wine.
“Huh“, Eodwulf says because he can’t for the life of him think of something else to say. But Caduceus is yet again pulling out a chair for him so Eodwulf straightens his shoulders and sits down next to Caduceus. Across the table from him the angry one throws herself into a chair and stares at him.
There’s no fear there either, but she can be easily angered, something Eodwulf is good at. He gives her a canine smile and she holds up her middle finger.
This group is full of people with an enormous lack of self preservation.
And they are so loud.
Eodwulf almost doesn’t hear it when Caduceus turns to him to ask him a question.
“Huh?“, he says again, like a fool.
“And what are you, was what I wanted to know“, Caduceus says, his lazy grin open and honest. There is no malice in his words. He actually wants to know.
Eodwulf thinks “Murderer, wizard, protégé, spy“ but he doesn’t say any of these things. “Maker of graves“ comes to mind, but it seems like too dark of a joke to make.
“Enthusiastic about both meat and booze“, he says in the end and Caduceus laughs.
“Yeah, as are most of my friends.“
The implication these words bring is probably only in Eodwulf’s mind but it makes him swallow and look away to find Astrid’s eyes. But Astrid now has pink flowers in her hair and a look of absolute confusion on her face as Jester rattles of compliment after compliment about various of Astrid’s features.
Eodwulf can’t help but look at Bre—Caleb. And he sees that there is a soft, barely noticeable smile on his old friend’s face as he watches the scene unfold.
What am I, indeed, he thinks.
*
Trent’s orders have been clear. Get close to the group called the Mighty Nein to find out what they are working on with Lady Vess DeRogna.
Eodwulf allows himself to think that Caduceus might have been right. Maybe Master Ikithon is indeed a fool.
Because being in the presence of these people is like nothing Eodwulf has ever experienced and it makes him think, wonder, question—
“Here we are again“, Caduceus says after, yet again, Astrid and Eodwulf have been invited for dinner. Eodwulf wonders if this group just wants to make it very easy to spy on them, or if they have an agenda of their own—but it’s hard to believe that there might be any coherent agenda behind anything these people do.
He has watched the buff one called Yasha try and play what looked like a harp made of bone and when the angry one, Beau, told her that she looked hot playing the harp Yasha had torn two of the strings which had led to a whole scene of apologies and various tries to fix the harp.
Jester has drawn dicks on pretty much every surface this magical mansion has and she delights in the fact that Caleb brings the dicks to life in various colors. At some point he made glowing sparkles shoot out of one of the dicks Jester had drawn and Jester had laughed as if this was the best joke she had ever witnessed.
Eodwulf notices Astrid’s eyes on Jester.
Eodwulf also notices that while there seems to be no agenda or efficiency behind anything, they are still being watched.
Beau and Fjord look at them. And Eodwulf is pretty sure Caduceus watches everything as well, but he does it without crossing his arms and glaring so much.
“Looks like it”, he answers. Caduceus offers him tea and Eodwulf’s first instinct is to decline, but then he remembers that “maker of fine tea” had been very high on the list of descriptors so he takes the cup he is offered while somewhere in the background people start screaming something that sounds like “FLUFFERNUTTER”.
Eodwulf tries the tea. He’s not a fan of tea, but this tea is absolutely delicious and he finds himself impressed.
“I believe this one comes from the Hollburns’ graves. Those remains made the tea grow quite fast, it was impressive.”
Eodwulf blinks at his tea and then at Caduceus. For a second his brain wonders if this statement should register as a threat, but it had been delivered with such honest delight and a sense of pride that Eodwulf discards that feeling.
“What?”, he asks.
Caduceus points at the tea.
“Oh, well, my family grows tea on those graves we’re keeping. In case you wanted to ask me again what I am. Or—hm, I think I already mentioned that I am a keeper of graves?”
Caduceus trails off and looks thoughtful and Eodwulf stares at him.
“Keeper of Graves. That make you a follower of the Matron?”, he asks.
Caduceus looks at him and smiles.
“Not quite. My family serves Melora. But we are descended from a champion of the Raven Queen.”
Eodwulf can’t help but wonder if this was some kind of weird joke. But his goddess usually isn’t one for joking.
Eodwulf considers for a second, then he pulls out the raven feather pendant from under his cloak.
Caduceus nods.
“So”, he says and smiles widely. “What are you?”
Eodwulf snorts.
“For real?”, he says.
Caduceus’ smile widens.
“For real.”
*
It feels like this has become a sort of game.
“What are you?”
“Moral compass. Middle sibling. Eccentric. Amateur flute player.”
Eodwulf finds that through this question he himself posed the first time, he’s been forced to think more about himself than he feels comfortable with.
“What are you?”
“Decent chess player. Dog person. Sportsman. Only child.”, are the things he says out loud.
“Self-made orphan. Patriot. Volstrucker. Torturer.”, are the things he thinks to himself.
Eodwulf has the impression that Caduceus is somehow aware of the things he doesn’t say.
*
“So. This is the crew you’re running with now?”, Eodwulf asks Bre—Caleb one night before the Mighty Nein will leave with Vess DeRogna to who-knows-where. Neither Astrid nor Eodwulf did get very far with their planned infiltration work. Eodwulf is not even sure how hard they even tried.
It’s very easy to get swept away by the chaos and the weirdness and the complete lack of fear that the group displays when it comes to him and Astrid. They are dangerous people in a lot of ways.
The Mighty Nein are also dangerous people in a very different way. A way that Eodwulf doesn’t know anything about.
“This is my family, ja.”
He says it, just like that, without looking at Eodwulf.
Family.
The word tastes bitter in Eodwulf’s mouth as he leans back in his chair and crosses his arms.
“Weird people”, he says. Caleb huffs.
“You can say that, yes. But they grow on you very quickly”, he answers quietly and with a small, fond smile that makes something inside Eodwulf ache. For a long time Eodwulf pitied Bren for breaking, for not making it, for failing, for being locked away and discarded. Now he realizes that maybe, in a very macabre sort of way, Bren becoming Caleb through failure was the better end of the bargain.
It feels blasphemous to think that.
“The pink one is especially weird”, Eodwulf finds himself saying and he takes a big swig of whiskey from his flask before handing it to Caleb.
“Ja, I noticed that you seem to have a... uh... particular kind of interest in him. And, if I may add, he in you.”
Eodwulf takes the flask back after Caleb drinks. He contemplates the different sorts of feelings inside his gut as the words sink in. Then he tucks it all away very carefully, just as he learned through many years of being in Trent’s presence.
“Still don’t know what he is”, Eodwulf says. Caleb snorts and shakes his head.
“His people are called Firbolg”, he provides.
“Not sure that’s what I mean. Not anymore, at least.”
It seems dangerous to admit that. Caleb turns his head and looks at Eodwulf with a shimmer in his eyes that Eodwulf can’t read. Many years ago he was able to read Bren like an open book, but Caleb is another book entirely.
“You deserve to have some nice things, you know. You deserve friends. A chance of—hm. A chance of peace. A chance for redemption, if you want it.”
Eodwulf gets up and tugs away his flask.
“Pain doesn’t make people. It’s love that makes people. Pain is inconsequential, it’s love that saves them.”
Eodwulf understands the truth in these words now. Bren was broken, Caleb is being healed. Eodwulf doesn’t think that there’s anything left in him that can be saved. Or should be saved.
“Good luck on your journey tomorrow. Don’t die”, Eodwulf says and he leaves Caleb behind.
What are you, he thinks. A sentimental fool.
*
Astrid sits next to him on one of the balconies of her house and looks up at the stars above them. The Mighty Nein have been gone for six days and it has been very quiet.
They sit in silence and share a bottle of whiskey, passing it back and forth instead of words. It’s been like this for many many years that they’ve allowed themselves to just be. Today though, Astrid breaks the silence.
“I’m going to be the one who kills him.”
She says it quietly, without remorse, without indicating that this is a scandalous statement. She says it just how other people would say “I’ll go to bed soon.”.
Eodwulf stops breathing for just a moment. Then he inhales the cool night air and turns his head to look at her.
“Could kill you for treason”, he says. She looks at him and cocks her head slightly, the analyzing gaze of a murderous spy meets its equal in silence.
“I’d love to see you try”, she says. Eodwulf grins. It feels reckless.
“Don’t die”, he says, the same thing he’s said to Caleb before. Astrid regards him for a long moment and Eodwulf takes another sip.
“Will you help me or try to stop me?”
Eodwulf considers this for a moment. Would he try to stop Astrid should she try to kill Trent? No. Would he help her? He doesn’t know that either.
“Can’t you just wait for Bren to do it for you?”
“I won’t lose to him again.”
Eodwulf snorts.
Always so competitive.
“That’s some fucked up shit, Astrid.”
“Shut up, Arschloch.”
Eodwulf grins before getting up to stretch. He puts his hands on the railing of Astrid’s balcony and wonders what Caleb’s new family is up to.
Making a new family never came to mind before. It sounds like something out of a fairy tale. While he contemplates the question whether he would help Astrid kill Trent Ikithon, a slow, familiar voice pops up in his head.
“Hey. Uh—Jester told me to send you an update. We’re still alive. Hope you’re good. Got a new question for you. What will you become?”
The rustling of Astrid’s clothes as she stands up as well somehow tells him that she received a message in her head as well. She steps beside him and puts her hands on the railing next to his.
“They’re persistent”, she says quietly.
Eodwulf nods and inhales.
He doesn’t know what he will become. He didn’t even know that was a question to be asked. The path is clear. It always was.
Pain doesn’t make people.
“Not going to answer?”, she wants to know.
“Don’t have an answer yet.”
It’s unclear to him whether she means her own question or the message Caduceus just sent him.
He answers the sending spell with a simple “I don’t know.”. It takes a few minutes before another message comes in.
“That’s good. Uncertainty is good. It’s the first step in a better direction. I’m going to kill a dragon now. Wish me luck. Good night.”
“I’ll keep you posted on the answer to that question of yours. I’ll see you tomorrow”, he says and leaves Astrid behind on the balcony. Eodwulf thinks about something he hasn’t thought about in a very long time. A priestess in his Matron’s temple once told him: “Death is the only certainty in life.”.
He thinks that Caduceus would agree.
And Eodwulf hopes that the next time he sees that weird, reckless man, he’ll have an answer for him.
#cadwulf#blumengrove#caduceus clay#critfic#critical role#eodwulf#cr spoilers#fanfiction#caduceus#text#screeching into the void#this got a bit out of hand#but i just wanted to get some stuff out of my system
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httyd characters ranked by how much proof there is that they’re considered attractive in-universe:
Eret - gratuitous scenes about his arms, an entire plot point was about how hot he was. definitely hot in-universe
astrid - like half the characters won’t shut up about it. Ruff, who is the most objective literally has a scene complaining about how perfect astrid is and how hot she is. definitely hot in-universe but dreamworks is cowards and didn’t give her the buffness we know is key to that.
tuff - Astrid spent like 5 minutes making sure Tuff knew he absolutely wasn’t hideous at all. That’s weird & specific and I think about this every day. Who approved those lines. tell me your thought process. Also once he flirted with Astrid and she literally was left gobsmacked. he’s hot in-universe
fishlegs - snotlout has multiple episodes where he’s waxing poetic about how hot he thinks Fishlegs is. Even though the scene is weird heather also waxes poetic about him, but its kinda “hes so sweet and nice” which we all know is code for kind of dorky and not that good looking. ouch man. it’s okay we all know you’re the real dream nerd boy <3
heather - all the boys are literally are in love with her within a minute of meeting her but unfortunately not proof bc she’s like the only new girl they’ve seen in ages. dreamworks seem to love assigning “liked bc only girl” to the women in their franchises? :/
ruff - unfortunately there’s no canon proof she’s hot. Fishlegs & Snotlout chasing after her bc she’s the only girl was cruel, wrong, bad. dumbasses. She knows she’s hot and we know it too.
hiccup - literally no proof he’s attractive in-universe. Girls (only 2) were only interested in him bc he stopped a war. This own wife straight up thinks he looks like a dude with a mop on his head?
snotlout - rip man
dagur - tbh I forgot him and honestly I guess he’s probably considered hot in-universe bc he randomly got married to mala out of nowhere but I never actually watched them interact so idk what’s going on. N/A need more information
#I feel the need to make posts everyone will hate like once a month <3#Yes this sucks I’m so funny you’re all welcome#I just wanted to make the hiccup joke <33333#Me writing posts: oh everyone is going to HATE THIS#incredible show stopping#Shit post#Httyd
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ok I see where you're coming from with wanting caleb's friends to have a real check-in with him but keep in mind he hasn't LET them—he deflects/redirects every time they ask (to the point of manifesting the beauyasha date); plus in this episode (if I'm remembering right) veth gave physical comfort, many of them asked how he was doing, and they were literally on the run + scrabbling to keep yeza, luc, and marion safe the whole episode. give it some time! I'm sure they'll talk once things settle
We've been giving it time since the dinner. Since then, Veth has done nothing prominent but "you should get laid, Caleb, get it on with Astrid". Now she cuddled with a Caleb at breaking point?? Excuse me for not being excited for her for doing a bare minimum with his noticibly broken friend. Beau asked him a few times if he was ok and proceeded as if nothing, as if there was nothing there. Caleb didn't manifest the date, Beau asked him for help and he accepted. It was like a night or two after Beau asked him if he was ok that the date happened.
When you care about someone, specially when that someone is literally having a breakdown in front of you as you speak, you should at least try to comfort him. What did they do? Jester said they should get tattoos with it and Veth suggested maybe using the crystals to give him a buff with his powers, AND JOKED WITH "what part are you feeling bad about? Endangering my family? Your friends? This place?" And stuff.
I get it, sometimes we gotta be patient or have hope, but I'm complaining exactly because of that. Because I've been patient and having hope, week after week, expecting a conversation, anything more than a simple "are you ok? Great, cool". I agree a person needs to want the help, and today was the perfect situation for them to stop and talk. Beau prefered to make out with Yasha than to sit down and have a talk with his "empire sibling". I'm disappointed, and I have not much hope left, honestly.
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Dear Mr. Fantasy
Summary: Sometimes when he sleeps, Dean sees flashes of other Dean Winchesters, in other universes. His dreams lately have been filled with himself in a thousand forms, a thousand different versions of what could have been. Dean likes to think that they’re made of the same star stuff, but whatever the cause, he feels the connection.
Warnings: SEASON 15 SPOILERS, bit of angst.
Author’s Note: Inspired by Traffic’s “Dear Mr. Fantasy” and the header image; prompt given by @thoughtslikeaminefield. Love you. @cabin-fever-bang prompt fill. So many thanks to @cracksinthewalls and @there-must-be-a-lock for exceptional editing and motivation. Also love both of you.
Word Count: 2157
ItMightHaveBeenIntentional’s Masterlist
Dear Mr. Fantasy
Sometimes when he sleeps, Dean sees flashes of other Dean Winchesters, in other universes. His dreams lately have been filled with himself in a thousand forms, a thousand different versions of what could have been. Dean likes to think that they’re made of the same star stuff, but whatever the cause, he feels the connection.
Some have been vastly different (he spent an entire day lost in thought about a female version of himself who was apparently a rodeo queen by day and monster hunter by night).
Some are so similar that the lines between his actual self and the other blur to the point of confusion; is he dreaming about himself or a different Dean who made one different choice twenty years ago?
He can always tell the difference, eventually. A scar in the wrong place, an absent friend or loved one still around or maybe someone gone who shouldn’t be. In one universe, someone neglected Baby (couldn’t have been Dean, had to’ve been Sam) to the point where she pulls slightly to the left.
Dean spends the morning after that dream with a muscle tick in his cheek and a suspicious, side-eyed glare for Sam that he never bothers to explain.
But there’s one particular Other Dean, a favorite one his mind drifts to during rare peaceful moments. Daydreaming when he should be researching, drifting off when a particular song plays on the radio while he’s working on Baby, even washing his hands sometimes will pull him back to those dreams.
Unsurprisingly, his favorite alternate world has no monsters. It’s not that he isn’t aware of monsters in this dimension, that he doesn’t hunt them. No, in this other world, there’s no magic, no terrifying creatures of the night at all. He can feel the lightness of this world, steadiness that comes with not having to worry about whether a vampire is going to make this evening walk your last or a wendigo is going to join you on your camping trip.
Dean has a theory that this world was a test world, one where Chuck decided to just let things evolve as they would with very little interference. Humanity still has its issues: war, plague, famine, politics, streaming services that have lived long enough to become the villain.
But no monsters.
Chuck has left this world more or less alone, and Dean is pretty sure he knows why. In God’s eyes, a world without monsters is stale. This alternate world is a world without supernatural conflict, without apocalypse-level struggle, without life and death and good and evil and all that high-stakes, cursed-destiny crap Chuck literally eats for breakfast.
Boring. This world is a snoozefest for Chuck, and Dean’s okay with that.
In fact, he loves it.
He’s been rooting for this world for a while now. He still dreams of it sometimes, so he knows somewhere deep inside that it’s still around. He knows all the worlds will be destroyed eventually, wiped away by Chuck’s callous cruelty. But this one…
Dean’s not the sentimental type, not really, but if he could send it a greeting card, it’d be that cat from years ago on the motivational poster, clawing onto a tree branch.
Hang in there, baby.
He must have done something right for once, because he drifts off and finds himself back there again. He’s a little older in this universe, and he suspects his other self is in denial about beginning to need glasses. A shame, too. A mechanic’s gotta be able to see what he’s doing, and the eyestrain headaches his other self suffers every night would probably clear up completely if he’d just go get his eyes checked.
But they both know he won’t.
He sees better with his hands than his eyes these days. At forty-eight years old (none of that years young bullshit, either; he’s old, and he’s goddamn earned it), he’s spent his entire life in a garage working on one motor or another, same as his dad before him, and so on.
It’s honest work, clean despite the grease, and Dean himself has used his own money to help put at least a couple of generations of little Winchesters through college or wherever their hearts took them, starting back with his brother. Dean and his dad both feel pride over Dr. Winchester, the history professor. Might not make as much as a mechanic, but he’s happy and settled, and really, what man could ask for more?
The best part of this Dean’s day, the best part of his whole life, is her. He’s known her for nearly three decades and loved her just as long.
He was a twenty-year-old punk, learning his way through the art of motorcycles. He’d spent his life so far working on muscle cars, something he would never completely tire of, but now he was in absolute heaven. Dad’s buddy Danny Elkins had agreed to take Dean on, and Dean had taken to bikes like it was meant to be.
Four months into his new life, Danny’s daughter brought her dad lunch, and, for the first time in his life, Dean wondered whether there might actually be a woman who could pull his attention from an engine for longer than a night or two.
It was more or less instant attraction for the both of them, kinda like the movies that she loved to watch. Unlike those movies, however, there was no disapproving father to contend with or prove himself to.
“She’s a big girl and can crack your skull just as good as me,” he’d told Dean. “Pretty sure she’s settled on ya, so just make sure you’re worth it.”
So that’s what Dean did.
Tonight’s dream finds the older Dean alone in the garage, and the sun is at the tail end of setting. Splashes of indigo and orange paint the horizon, framing her approach in a wash of colors blending into shadows that hold no danger.
“Figured you’d forget dinner tonight, what with your new toy. Thought we could share, and you could show me what you’ve been up to.”
She doesn’t really care about the bikes, the cars, any of it. She only cares that it matters to him, and whatever keeps him running is something she wants to be a part of.
Surrounded by motorcycles in various states of repair and assembly, they speak quietly of their day, sharing the tiny details and separate moments that make up their simple life. She feeds him a bit of meatloaf with her fingers, and he eagerly returns the favor by sucking a smear of mashed potatoes from the corner of her mouth.
She sets the dinner containers aside, twisting to the side to reach for the apple cobbler she made yesterday, when he realizes he can’t stand even that bit of separation between. He’s been without her all day; that’s too much to ask of any man.
“C’mere,” he says.
Dessert forgotten, she settles astride his lap, arms linked around his neck, smiling that serene combination of lips and eyes and cheekbones that makes his heart twist and his groin swell same as the first time she turned them on him thirty-odd years ago.
They’ve sat like this a thousand times, and he prays silently he’ll get at least a thousand more. When they were kids, crazy and hungry for every experience, she’d come into the garage in her little tank top, her tiny shorts showing off her new ink, heels fit to kill someone (how she never broke an ankle has always been a mystery and a miracle, in both Deans’ opinions).
She scrubs a thumb over his bearded jawline, humming deep in her chest. She’s swapped the tiny skirts for jeans, although he thanks his lucky stars every day that fashions have moved from bootcut back to skinny. Harder to get off quick, but damn does he love the lines of her legs in ‘em.
They press foreheads together as an old Traffic song plays over the radio, swaying gently, always in sync.
“Dear Mr. Fantasy, play us a tune,” he half-whispers, half-sings, breath warm on her cool cheek.
“Something to make us all happy,” she answers in kind, eye closed. She slides her nose alongside his, runs her chin over his wiry beard, smiles into his kiss as it buffs her face red.
Perhaps in remembrance of their long-past youth, she’s chosen her smallest tank-top, one she’d normally never wear without at least a button-up over it, and he drops his head to rub his cheeks over the bare skin over her collarbone. Her legs link behind his back, anchoring her as she leans back to allow him more access.
God, what she can still do to him. The salt of her skin, the fragrance of her perfume that he picked out for her on their first anniversary that she’s worn religiously ever since, the silk of her hair that he tangles between fingers that still tremble with eager nerves.
Older Dean and worn-out, monster-plagued Dean sigh together, content down to their bones. This life is it for both of them. She is it. One Dean still can’t believe his amazing luck after all these years, and the other aches at the simple, total happiness he feels honored to witness.
“Dean.”
The older man runs a reverent hand down his wife’s arm, twining his fingers with hers. He kisses her knuckles, a few more crinkles lining his eyes as he smiles.
“Dean, wake up.”
The scene before him begins to fade as she takes his face between her hands, kisses his temples, the spot between his eyes, the corner of his mouth. For just a second, this Dean (the “real” Dean, as Chuck put it) feels those kisses, looks deep into her eyes and feels that warmth and light that she brings to the other man’s life.
I love you, she whispers, and he allows himself to believe for one moment that she’s talking directly to him.
“Dean, come on, Cas has a lead.” Sam’s voice finally breaks the dream wide open, and Dean reluctantly opens his eyes. “We gotta go check it out. Get dressed.”
“Yeah.”
He sits up slowly, feeling each of his forty-one years with an ache that no longer surprises him. He swings his legs over the side of his bed, rests his elbows on his knees, and drops his face in his hands. If he concentrates hard enough, he can still feel her phantom caress, her thumb against his cheekbone, her lips on the corner of his.
I love you.
Dean scrubs at his face with hands that get a little older and a little more scarred every day. Warrior’s hands, a testament to his hunts and battles. If he squints a little (maybe he needs an eye exam, too) he can imagine they’re different sorts of scars: burns from hot engines, cuts and scrapes from tools and every-day hard work rather than knives and punches.
He inhales, gathering strength, putting on his mental armor piece by piece. A knight, riding off to save the world from the devouring dragon. He reaches over and grabs his jeans, sliding them on and standing in a smooth motion that is accompanied by only one or two pops and cracks.
I love you.
Dean doesn’t know how this is all going to end. He knows how he won’t let it end: him against Sammy, to the death and all that biblical Cain and Abel crap. But beyond that, he’s going to fight to save his brother, all of his little patchwork family, because they’re all he has in this world.
He wonders briefly if his other self’s wife exists in this world, or if she’s just an anomaly, a one-time figment of Chuck’s imagination. He’s pretty sure it’s the latter; a man can only get that lucky once in a thousand lifetimes, and that other Dean is that one in a thousand.
This Dean could search a lifetime and never find her. She’s already been found, and maybe, just maybe if he and Sam can get their act together and bring the final beatdown on Chuck in enough time, he can save her. He can’t have her, but he could save her world, leave her safe and happy with his other self.
“Let it be enough,” he says aloud, not sure if he’s coaxing himself or the universe. He says it again, one more time for luck.
It has to be enough.
…
“Dear Mr. Fantasy” by Traffic
Dear Mister Fantasy, play us a tune,
Something to make us all happy.
Do anything, take us out of this gloom.
Sing a song, play guitar,
Make it snappy.
You are the one who can make us all laugh,
But doing that you break out in tears.
Please don't be sad if it was a straight mind you had.
We wouldn't have known you all these years.
#cabin fever bang prompt fill#supernatural fanfiction#Supernatural fanfic#supernatural fic#supernatural#SPN#spn fic#spn fanfic#spn fanfiction#dean winchester#chuck#angst#what if#somewhere out there#the one#dear mr. fantasy#let it be enough#Sam Winchester
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how differently things could have gone if beau had prioritized finding the dynasty's spy. Matt kept dangling the potential right there in front of Beau with Dairon being in Rosohna, trying to find a link between the CA and the Dynasty. But Beau was fascinated by and gave her number one priority to the portals to the abyss/the angel of irons. If they had discovered he was the traitor before the dinner party/helping with veth's spell the m9s reactions probably would have been much different
Oh yeah, definitely, although I think it’s a lot more than just the dinner party and the spell that turned them around on him.
I should note that I 100% think Beau made the right choice - Dairon was addressing the CA/Dynasty link which freed Beau up to focus on the immediate issue of the portals, which turned out to be a significant problem - war is bad, but a world-devouring sealed evil deity is worse. In fact, Beau focusing on the Angel of Irons cult is I think a big part of what pushed the Mighty Nein to more seriously suspect that there were conspirators between the two sides as early as they did (since it was Beau’s investigative skill plus Jester’s scry that led them to Vence, who was clearly from the Empire). And of course Yasha’s link to the cult of the Angel of Irons likely would have surfaced anyway - Obann would have still been in Rosohna whether or not the Mighty Nein knew about him already, and might have run into Yasha, setting off a very similar path towards Bazzoxan.
I think that Caleb could have figured out the spell without Essek - he was getting very close and Nott was helping, and Essek was part of the final push but didn’t have to be. It might have taken longer, but he could have requested help from Yussa or perhaps Allura if he were truly stuck. The spell is specifically in Caleb’s wheelhouse of transmutation and Caleb has +10 to arcana and access to several buffs between himself and the clerics (Fortune’s Favor, Guidance, Enhance Ability).
The three main things I think would have changed both in terms of the Mighty Nein’s fortunes, and how they dealt with Essek, are:
1. Once they found out they might have been much more hesitant to ask Essek for teleportation, which would have changed several of their encounters. They would have been much more reliant on access to Nicodranas; it would have taken them longer to get to Uthodurn; they might not have headed into the Empire at all, which they did in part at Essek’s encouragement (although then again they might have because of the attack on Zadash, but they might have heard of it much later if Jester hadn’t been regularly scrying on Yasha). Basically, the Angel of Irons cult might have gotten much farther had Beau not been on the case.
2. They would have been more hesitant to share information with the Dynasty as they would have known their handler was dirty, which could have again helped the Angel of Irons cult. If they decided to go public with the information they either would have to have spent a lot of time and energy trying to gather proof (which helps the Angel of Irons cult), or they would have really risked their relationship with the Bright Queen by claiming her spymaster was, in fact, a spy himself. Alternately they might have confronted Essek in Rosohna, which would have been much harder to do.
3. Finally, character development! If this came out before Caleb had personally faced Ikithon and spoken with Astrid I think his response would have been very different and much harsher. The same goes for if this happened before Fjord set on his path towards becoming a paladin (compare his response to Yasha in episodes 69 and 70, shortly after his first visitation from The Wildmother, to his behavior since coming clean to the group), or Beau becoming an expositor. The arc during which Yasha was under Obann’s control and immediately after was a time of huge growth for everyone in the Mighty Nein, but especially those three - who are coincidentally the most politically astute of the group. The only comparable growth period for the group is the one immediately following Molly’s death and the rescue of Fjord, Jester, and Yasha.
If I may go on a slight tangent, the earlier period was when they truly solidified as a group - Caleb realized he wasn’t going to run and started showing affection to people other than Nott, Beau hit her turning point of trying to actively be a good person, Jester started to develop a more serious side, Nott openly said she loved the group, Caduceus had just joined which changed the overall dynamic drastically towards a more introspective and honest bent, Fjord’s dueling issues regarding both control and his sense of duty started to come to a head, and Yasha’s commitment was tested and changed as well. The latter period with the Angel of Irons was when they realized that they were a family and when they started to make real headway on some of their most difficult personal issues.
Now imagine if Caduceus’s conversation about trusting people and being trusted in episode 70 (the famous ‘I don’t mean to raise my voice’) wasn’t about Yasha being mind-controlled, but about a willing if slightly unwitting betrayal by Essek?
And that’s not even considering that Essek considered them friends at this point and confessed, vs. earlier on when he would have teleported away or fought back. It would have been interesting, for sure, but I think this might have been the best possible scenario, coming at a time when Essek felt guilty and overwhelmed and out of his element and at a time when the Mighty Nein were able to treat him with kindness.
Also, writing this made me realize we should all shout out to Beau for both uncovering the initial Angel of Irons and for being the catalyst for figuring out Essek (it was her prompting that led Caleb to send in Frumpkin). She’s deserved the Expositor title for a long time.
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CASTLE KEEP: An Analysis
Few movies resonate as deeply with me as Castle Keep.
It is truly sui generis.
It’s a deceptively simple story:
In the waning days of WWII, eight walking wounded American soldiers occupy a castle in Belgium, a token sign of force as the war rages past them.
The castle belongs to a noble family who owned it for generations and stocked it with a vast collection of priceless rare and irreplaceable classical art.
The current count wants to keep his castle and his collection intact, but he also wants a son to carry on the family name and tradition.
He is, unfortunately, impotent.
And even more unfortunately, the castle is located in the Ardennes forest, on the road to Bastogne…
Now, those raw elements are more than enough to fuel a perfectly good run of the mill WWII movie, with plenty of bang-bang-shoot-em-up and some obligatory musings on the meaning of it all.
And I’m sure that’s the way they pitched Castle Keep.
But director Sydney Pollack and screenwriters Daniel Taradash and David Rayfiel (adapting the eponymous novel by William Eastlake) delivered something far more…well…phantasmagorical is as apt a way of describing it as any.
Because despite being solid grounded in a real time and a real place and a real event, Castle Keep moves out of the realm of mere history and into a much more magical place.
Not so much fact, as fable.
And as fable, it gets closer to the Truth.
. . .
Before we analyze the movie, let’s set the contextual stage.
First off, understand the impact WWII movies still had on audiences of the 1960s and early 70s.
For those who lived through the war years, it occurred scarcely more than 20 years earlier, a period that seems like forever to teenagers and young adults but flies past in the blink of an eye when one reaches middle age and beyond.
Not only were WWII movies popular, they were relatively easy to make. A lot of countries still used operational Allied and German equipment up through the 1960s (Spain’s air force stood in for the Luftwaffe in 1969’s The Battle Of Britain), and for low budget black and white films or pre-living color TV, ample archival and stock footage padded things out.
Most importantly, WWII was a shared experience insofar as younger audiences grew up hearing from their parents what it was like, and as a result there was some degree of relatability between the Greatest Generation and their children, the Boomers.
But the times, they were a’changin’ as Dylan sang, and the rise of the counter-culture in the 1960s and the civil rights, feminist, and ant-Vietnam War movements (and boy howdy, is that a hot of history crammed into one sentence but you’re just gonna hafta roll with me on this one, folks; we’ll examine that era in greater detail at some point in the future but not today, not today…) led to younger audiences looking at WWII with fresh eyes and to older film makers re-evaluating their own experiences.
So to focus on WWII films of the time, understand their were 3 main threads running through the era:
The epic re-enactment typified by The Longest Day (1961), The Battle Of The Bulge (1965), Patton (1970), and ending with A Bridge Too Far in 1977
The cynical revisionism of The Dirty Dozen (1967), Where Eagles Dare (1968), and Kelly’s Heroes (1970)*
The absurdity of How I Won The War (1967) and Catch-22 (1970)
Castle Keep brushes past all those sub-genres, though it comes closest to absurdity.
. . .
While released in 1969, Castle Keep started development as early as 1966 (the novel saw print in 1965). Burt Lancaster, attached early on as the star, requested Sydney Pollack as director.
Pollack, an established TV director, started making a name for himself in the mid-1960s with films like The Slender Thread and This Property Is Condemned; he and Lancaster worked together on The Scalphunters prior to Castle Keep.
While his first three films were well received, Pollack’s career really took off with his fifth movie, They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? and after that it was a string of unbroken successes including Jeremiah Johnson, The Way We Were, The Three Days Of The Condor, Tootsie, Out Of Africa, and many, many more.
In fact, the only apparent dud in the barrel is Castle Keep, his fourth movie.
Castle Keep arrived at an…uh…interesting juncture in American (and worldwide) cinema history.
The old studio system that served Hollywood so well unraveled at the seams, the old way of doing business and making movies just didn’t seem to work anymore.
Conversely, the new style wasn’t winning that many fans, either.
For every big hit like Easy Rider there were dozens of films like Candy and Puzzle Of A Downfall Child and Play It As It Lays and Alex In Wonderland.
As I commented at the time, it seemed as if everybody in Hollywood had forgotten how to make movies.
It was a period rife with experimentation, but the thing about experiments is that they don’t always work. While there were some astonishingly good films in this era, by and large it’s difficult for modern audiences to fully appreciate what the experimental films of the era were trying to do -- and in no small part because when they succeeded, the experiments became part of the cinematic language, but when they failed…
Castle Keep is not a perfect film. As much as I love it, I need to acknowledge its flaws.
The Red Queen brothel sequences feel extraneous, not really worked into the film. Women are often treated like eye candy in male dominated war films, but this is exceptionally so. Brothels and prostitution certainly existed during WWII, servicing both sides and all comers, but the Red Queen’s ladies undercut points the film makes elsewhere.
Their participation in the penultimate battle shifts the film -- however briefly -- from the absurd to the ridiculous, and apparently negative audience testing resulted in a shot being inserted showing them alive and well and cheering despite a German tank blasting their establishment just a few moments earlier.
Likewise, an action sequence in the middle of the film where a German airplane is shot down also seems like studio pressure to add a little action to the first two-thirds of the movie.
Apparently unable to obtain a Luftwaffe fighter of the era, Pollack and the producers opted for an observation aircraft, then outfitted it with forward firing machine guns, something such aircraft never carried.
Once the airplane spotted the American soldiers at the castle, it would have flown away to avoid being shot down, not return again and again in futile strafing runs while they returned fire.
It’s action for the sake of action, and like the Red Queen scenes actually undercuts other points the film makes.
. . .
But when the film works, ah, it works gloriously…
Pollack used a style common in films of the late 1960s and early 70s: Jump cuts from one time and place to another, with no optical transition or establishing shot to signal the jump to the audience.
Star Wars brought the old school style of film making back in a big way, and ya know what? Old school works; it was lessons learned the hard way and by long experience.
Still, Pollack’s jump cuts add to Castle Keep’s dreamy, almost hallucinogenic ambiance, and that in turn reinforces the sense of fable that permeates the film.
For as historically accurate as Castle Keep is re the Battle of the Bulge, as noted above it is not operating in naturalism but rather the theater of myth and magic.
Pollack prefigures this early on with a dreamy slow motion sequence of cloaked riders galloping through the dead trees of the Ardennes forest, jumping a fence directly in front of the jeep carrying Major Falconer (Burt Lancaster) and his walking wounded squad.
It’s a sequence similar to one in Roger Vadim’s "Metzengerstein" segment of 1968’s Spirits Of The Dead, and while it’s unlikely Pollack found direct inspiration from Vadim, clearly both drew from the same mythic well.
The sequence serves as an introduction to the count (Jean-Pierre Aumont) and Therese his wife (? Niece? Sister? Nobody in the movie seems 100% sure what their relationship is, but she’s played by Astrid Heeren) and the fabulous Castle Maldorais.
The castle is fabulous in more ways than one. While the exterior was a free standing full scale outdoor set and some large interior sets were built, many of the most magnificent scenes were filmed in other real locations to show off genuine works of art found in other European castles.
This adds to the film’s somewhat disjointed feel, but that disjointed feel contributes to the dream-like quality of the story.
. . .
As mentioned, Maldorais is crammed to the gills with priceless art, and the count doesn’t care who prevails so long as the art is unmolested.
The same can’t be said about Therese, however, and as the film’s narrator and aspiring author, Private Allistair Piersall Benjamin (Al Freeman Jr.), notes “We occupied the castle. No one knows when the major occupied the countess.”
The count, as noted, is impotent. To keep Castle Maldorais intact for future generations, he needs an heir and is not fussy about how he obtains one. Therese’s function is to produce such an heir, and if the count isn’t particular about which side wins, neither is he particular about which side produces the next generation.
Despite being the narrator and (spoiler!) sole American survivor at the end of the film, Pvt. Benjamin is not the focal character of the film, nor -- surprise-surprise -- is Lancaster’s Maj. Falconer.
Falconer is evocative of Colonel Richard Cantwell in Ernest Hemingway’s Across The River And Into The Trees, in particular regarding his love affair with a woman many years his junior.
Falconer wears a patch over his right eye, the only visible sign of wounding among the GIs occupying the castle.
Several military movie buffs think they found a continuity error in Castle Keep insofar as Maj. Falconer first appears in standard issue officer fatigues of the era, but towards the end and particularly in the climactic battle wears an airborne officer’s combat uniform.
This isn’t an error, I think, but a clue as to Falconer’s personal history.
An airborne (i.e., paratrooper) officer who lost an eye is unfit for combat, and if well enough to serve would be assigned garrison duty, not a front line command.
Falconer figures out very early in Castle Keep the strategic importance of Castle Maldorais re the impending German attack and very consciously makes a decision to stand and fight rather than fall back to the relative safety of Bastogne.
Donning his old airborne uniform makes perfect sense under such circumstances.
If the count is impotent invisibly, Falconer is visibly impotent -- in both senses of the word -- and sees his chance to make one last heroic stand against the oncoming Nazi army as a surer way of restoring his symbolically lost manhood than in impregnating Therese.**
. . .
Before examining our focal character, a few words on the supporting cast.
Peter Falk is Sgt. Rossi, a baker. Sgt. Rossi’s exact wounding is never made clear, but it appears he suffers from some form of shell shock (as they called PTSD at the time).
He hears things, in particular a scream that only he hears three times during the movie.
The first time is after an opening montage of beautiful works of art being destroyed in a series of explosions. When a bird-like gargoyle is blow apart, a screech is heard on the soundtrack, and we abruptly jump cut to Maj. Falconer and Sgt. Rossi and the rest of the squad on their way to Castle Maldorais.
For a movie as profoundly philosophical as Castle Keep (more on that in a bit), Sgt. Rossi is the only actual philosopher in the group. His philosophy is of an earthy bent, and filtered through his own PTSD, but he’s clearly thinking.
Rossi briefly deserts the squad to take up with the local baker’s wife (Olga Bisera, identified only as Bisera in the credits). This is not adultery or cuckoldry; Rossi sees her bakery, knocks, and identifies himself as a baker.
“And I am a baker’s wife,” she says.
“Where’s the baker?”
“Gone.”
And with that Rossi moves in, fulfilling all the duties required of a baker (including, however briefly, standing in as a father figure for her son).
The baker’s wife is the only female character who displays any real personal agentry in the film, Therese and the Red Queen and her ladies are there simply to do the bidding of whichever male is present.
This is a problem with most male-oriented war films, and especially so for late 60s / early 70s cinema of any kind; for all the idealistic talk of equality and self-realization, female characters tended to be treated more cavalierly in films of that era than in previous generations. Olga Bisera’s character appears noteworthy only in comparison to the other female characters in the movie.
Pvt. Benjamin, our narrator and aspiring author, is African-American. There is virtually no reference made to his race in the film, certainly not as much as the references to a Native American character’s ethnicity.
Today this would be seen as an example of color blind casting; back in 1969 it was a pretty visually explicit point.
Again, it serves the mythic feel of the movie. At that time, African-American enlisted personnel would not be serving in an integrated unit.
While Castle Keep never brings the topic up, the film -- and Pvt. Benjamin’s narration -- indicates these eight men are bottom of the barrel scrapings, sent where they can do the least amount of damage, and otherwise forgotten by the powers that be.
With that reading, Benjamin’s presence is easy to understand. As the apparently third most educated member of the unit (Falconer and our focal character are the other two), he probably would not have been a smooth fit in any unit he’d been assigned to.
Whatever got him yanked out of his old company and placed under Maj. Falconer’s command probably was as much a relief to his superiors as it was to him.
Scott Wilson is Corporal Clearboy, a cowboy with a hatred of Army jeeps and an unholy love for Volkswagens.
Volkswagens actually appeared in Germany before the start of WWII but once Hitler came out swinging those factories were converted to military production. Nonetheless, the basic Beetle was around during the war, and commandeered and used by many Allied soldiers who found one.
Clearboy’s Volkswagen provides one of the funniest bits in the movie, and one that plays on the mythical / surreal / magic realism of the film. Clearboy’s obsession is oddly touching.
Tony Bill’s Lieutenant Amberjack tips us early on to the kind of cinematic experience we’re in for. Under the opening credits, Amberjack is asked if he ever studied for the ministry; Amberjack says he did.
“Then why aren’t you a chaplain?”
-- and Amberjack bursts out laughing.
Amberjack does not go with the others to the Red Queen -- “That’s for enlisted men” -- and while he enjoys playing the count’s organ, by that I mean he literally sits down at the keyboard and plays music.
But as we’ll see, Castle Keep is not the sort of movie to shy away from sly hints. Amberjack’s specific “wound” is never discussed, so it’s open to speculation as to why he’s assigned to Maj. Falconer’s squad.
(Siderbar: Following a successful acting career, Bill went on to produce and direct several motion pictures, sharing a Best Picture Oscar for The Sting with Michael and Julia Phillips.)
Elk, the token Native American character in every WWII squad movie, is played by James Patterson. Elk doesn’t get much to do in the film, though Patterson was an award winning Broadway actor. Tragically, he died of cancer a few years after making Castle Keep.
Another character with little to do is Michael Conrad’s Sergeant DeVaca. Most audiences today remember him for his role in Hill Street Blues.
Astrid Heeren (Therese) gets a typically thankless role for films of this type in that era. She possessed a beautiful face that’s so symmetrical it gives off an unearthly, almost frightening vibe. A fashion model in the 1960s, she appeared in only four movies -- this one, The Thomas Crown Affair, and two sleaze fests -- before quitting the business.
As noted above, no one is ever quite sure what her exact relationship to the count is. Towards the end it’s speculated she’s his sister and his wife, but since the count is impotent, does that really constitute incest?
Whatever she is, it’s clear the count considers her nothing more than an oven in which to bake a new heir, and in a very real sense she possesses less freedom and personal agentry than the ladies of the Red Queen.
At least she survives at the end of the film, pregnant with Falconer’s child, led to safety by Pvt. Benjamin.
Finally, Bruce Dern as Lieutenant Billy Byron Bix, a wigged out walking wounded who is not a member of Falconer’s squad.
Bix leads his own rag tag group of GIs, equally addled soldiers who proclaim their newly found evangelical fervor renders them conscientious objectors. They wander about, singing hymns and scrounging for survival, until the penultimate battle of the film.
Falconer, trying to recruit more defenders from the retreating American forces, dragoons Bix and his followers into singing a hymn in the hopes of luring some of the shell shocked GIs back to the keep.
Bix agrees -- and is almost immediately killed by a shell, not only thwarting Falconer’s plan but also raising the question of whether this was divine punishment for abandoning his pacifist ways, fate decreeing Falconer and his squad must stand alone, or pure random chance.
Dern, as always, is a delight to watch, and he and Falk get a funny scene where they argue about singing hymns at night.
. . .
So who is our focal character?
Patrick O’Neil was one of those journeymen actors who never get the big breakout role that makes them a star, but worked regularly and well.
He worked on Broadway, guest starred on TV a lot, starred in a couple of minor films (including the delightful sci-fi / spy comedy Matchless), but spent most of his movie career supporting other stars.
Castle Keep is his finest performance.
He’s supposed to be supporting Lancaster in Castle Keep, but dang, he’s the heart and soul of the film.
O’Neil plays Captain Lionel Beckman, Falconer’s second in command, a professor of art and literature whose name is well known enough to be recognized by the count.
Besides Falconer, Beckman is the only character explicitly acknowledged as having been wounded; this is revealed when Falconer mentions Beckman won the Bronze Star (the second highest award for bravery) and the Purple Heart.
Beckman is enthralled by Castle Maldorais; he and the count strike up a respectful if not friendly relationship.
He sees and appreciates the cultural significance of Castle Maldorais’ artistic treasures and futilely tries to share his love of same with the enlisted men.
He also understands how little Falconer can do at the castle to slow the German advance, and makes the entirely reasonable suggestion that perhaps it would be best for the squad and the castle to retreat and let the treasures remain intact.
Lancaster reportedly wanted to make Castle Keep a comment on the Vietnam War, but the reality is there’s no adequate comparison.
History shows the Nazis were a brutal, aggressive, racist force determined to conquer all they could and destroy the rest.
Beckman is not a fool for wanting to spare the castle and its art, and that’s why he’s vital as the film’s focal character.
He sees and feels for us the horror at what appears to be the senseless waste about to befall the men and the castle. His voice is necessary to express there are ideals worth fighting for, and there are times when not fighting is the best strategy.
But Maj. Falconer is shown as a good officer. While he maintains an aloof attitude of command, he’s interested in and concerned about the men under him, he’s willing to be lenient if circumstances permit, and he keeps them openly and honestly informed at all times of the situation facing them.
He figures out the meaning of the flares seen early in the film, anticipates what the German line of attack will be, but most importantly realizes more will die and more destruction will occur if the Nazis aren’t resisted.
He and Beckman’s difference of opinion is not simplistic good vs evil, brute vs beauty, but a deeper, and ultimately more ineffable one over applying value in our lives.
Falconer and Beckman represent two entirely different yet equally valid and equally human points of view of when and how we decide to act on those values.
Falconer by himself cannot tell the story of Castle Keep, he needs the sounding board of Beckman, and only Beckman can bridge the gap between those opposing values for the audience.
. . .
Before we go further, a brief compare & contrast on an earlier Burt Lancaster film, The Train (1964).
It touches on a theme similar to Castle Keep: As Allied armies advance on Paris, the Germans plan to move a vast collection of priceless art by rail from France to Germany. Lancaster, a member of a French resistance cell, doesn’t see the military value of stopping the train, but when other members of his cell decide to do so in order to save French culture, he reluctantly joins their efforts.
The film ends with the train stopped, the French hostages massacred, the art abandoned and strewn about by the fleeing Germans. Lancaster confronts and shoots the German officer responsible then leaves, dismayed and disgusted by the waste of human life over an abstract love of beauty.
The French resistance fighters who died trying to stop the train did so of their own fully informed consent; they knew the risks, we willing to take them, ad faced the consequences.
The civilian hostages massacred at the end had no knowledge, much less any say in the reason why their lives were risked. Lancaster, in successfully derailing the train to prevent it leaving France, also signs their death warrants when the vengeful Nazis turn on their victims.
The Train proved a critical success and did well at the box office, yet while it raises a lot of interesting points and issues, it ultimately isn’t as deep or as humane as Castle Keep.
The Train ends with a bitter sense of futility.
Castle Keep ends with a bittersweet sense of sacrifice.
. . .
All of which brings us to the screenplay of Castle Keep, written by Daniel Taradash and David Rayfiel off the novel by William Eastlake.
I read Eastlake’s book decades ago and remember it to be a good story.
The screenplay kept the basic plot but built wonderfully off the complexity of the novel, reinterpreting it for the screen.
It’s one of the few cinematic adaptations of a good literary work that actually improves on the original.
Taradash was a classic old school Hollywood screenwriter with a string of bona fide hits and classics to his credit including From Here To Eternity (1952), Picnic (1955), and Hawaii (1966). He also scripted the interesting misfire Morituri (1965), about an Allied double-agent attempting to sabotage a German freighter trying to get vital supplies back to the fatherland.
I suspect Taradash was the studio’s first choice for adapting the book, and as his credits show, an eminently suitable one.
But when Pollack came on as the director, he also brought along David Rayfiel, a frequent collaborator with him on other films.
Rayfiel’s career as a screenwriter was shorter than Tardash’s but more intense, vacillating between quality films and well crafted potboilers. Rayfiel and Pollack doubtlessly shaped the final form of the screenplay, and despite what appears to he studio interference, turned in a truly memorable piece of work.
As I said, Castle Keep is truly sui generis, but there are other films and screenplays that carry some of the same flavor.
The Stunt Man (1980; directed by Richard Rush, screenplay by Rush and Lawrence B. Marcus off the novel by Paul Brodeur) bears certain similarities in tone and approach to Castle Keep. It represents an evolution of the cinematic style originally found in Pollack’s film, now refined and polished to fit mainstream expectations.
True, it has the advantage of a story that hinges on sudden / swift / disorienting changes, but it still managed to pull those effects off more smoothly than the films of the late 1960s did.
As I said, some experiments work…
Castle Keep’s screenplay works more like Plato’s dialogs than a traditional film script.
Almost every line in it is a philosophical statement or question of some sort, and underlying everything in the film is each character’s quest for at least some kind of understanding if not actual meaning in life.
As noted, Sgt. Rossi is the most philosophical of these characters, though his philosophy is of a far earthier, more pragmatic variety than that of the count, Falconer, or Beckman.
All the major characters have some sort of philosophical bent, even if they’re not self-aware enough to recognize it in themselves.
The dialog is elliptical, less interested in baldly stating something that in getting the audience to tease out its own meanings.
Pollack directs the film in a way that forces the audience to fill in many blanks.
Early in the movie, Falconer and the count find themselves being stalked by a German patrol. They take refuge in a gazebo, duck as the Germans fire the first few shots --
-- then we abruptly jump to the aftermath of the firefight, with Falconer and the count standing over the bodies of four dead Germans.
Falconer, seeing they’re all enlisted men, realizes they wouldn’t come this far behind enemy lines without an officer.
There can be only one destination for the officer, one goal he seeks…
Pollack then visually cuts away from Falconer and the count to Therese in the castle, but keeps the two men’s dialog going as a voice over.
In the voice over, we heard Falconer stalk and kill the German officer as he approaches the castle…
…and without ever explicitly stating it, the audience comes to realize the count and Therese are not allies of the Americans, that they are playing only for their own side, and that their values are alien to those of both the Allies and the Germans.
The count is using Therese -- with or without her consent -- to produce an offspring for him, and if the Germans can’t do the job, let the Americans have a go at it…
This theme provides an undercurrent for Beckman’s interactions with the count. Beckman would like to believe the count’s desire to keep the war away from Castle Maldorais is just a desire to preserve the art and beauty in it, but the count’s motives are purely selfish.
He doesn’t desire to share his treasures with the world but keep them for his own private enjoyment.
The works of art are as good as gone once they pass through Castle Maldorais’ gate.
Later, at the start of the climactic battle for the castle, the count is seen guiding German troops into a secret tunnel that leads under the moat to the castle itself.
Falconer, having anticipated this, blows up the tunnel with the Germans in it. Through Falconer’s binoculars, we see the Germans shoot the count in the distance, his body collapsing soundlessly into the snow.
A conventional war film would show his death in satisfying close up, but Pollack puts him distantly removed from the Americans he sought to betray, and even the Germans he inadvertently betrayed.
It shows him going down, alone, in a cold and sterile and soundless environment, his greed for beauty scant comfort for his last breaths.
The film portrays the Germans as mostly faceless, seen only in death or at a distance, rushing and firing at the camera.
The one exception is a brief scene where Lt. Amberjack and Sgt. Rossi patrol the forest around the castle.
Amberjack, playing a flute he acquired at the castle, catches the attention of a German -- a former music student -- hiding in the nearby bushes.
The unseen German compliments Amberjack on his playing, but says if he’ll toss him the flute he’ll fix it so it plays better.
And the German is true to the word. Unseen in the bushes, he smooths out some of the holes on the flute and tosses it back to Amberjack.
Amberjack thanks him --
-- and Sgt. Rossi shoots him.
“Why did you kill him?”
Amberjack demands.
“It’s what we do for a living,”
says Rossi, ever the philosopher.
. . .
Castle Keep isn’t a film for everyone.
It offers no pat answers, no firm convictions, no unassailable truths.
It’s open to a wide variety of interpretations, and the audiences that saw it first in 1969 approached it from a far different worldview than we see it today.
It isn’t for everyone, but for the ones it is for, it will be a rich meal, not a popcorn snack.
Currently available on Amazon Prime.
© Buzz Dixon
* I’d include M*A*S*H (1970) in this group even thought (a) it’s set in the Korean War and (b) it’s really about Vietnam. Except for the helicopters, however, M*A*S*H uses the same uniforms / weapons / vehicles as WWII films; for today’s audiences there’s no discernable difference from a WWII-era film. It was a toss-up between putting this in the cynical revisionism or absurdity class, but in the end M*A*S*H is just too self-aware, too smirking to fit among the latter.
** Falconer’s relationship with Therese and (indirectly) the count and the castle also harkens back to a 1965 Charlton Heston film, The War Lord, arguably the finest medieval siege warfare movie ever made. Like Falconer, Heston’s Norman knight must defend a strategic Flemish keep against a Viking chieftain attacking to rescue his young son held hostage by the Normans; complicating matters is Heston’s knight taking undue advantage of his droit du seigneur over a local bride which leads to the locals -- whom the Normans are supposed to be protecting from the Vikings -- helping their former raiders. Life gets messy when you don’t keep your chain mail zipped.
#Castle Keep#Sydney Pollack#Burt Lancaster#war#World War II#movies#movie stars#philosophy#morality#ethics#art#beauty#Daniel Taradash#David Rayfiel#screenwriting#writing
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I NEED TO SLEEP MORE FREAKING HTTYD
lmao it’s not a big deal! i just didn’t think i could narrow it all down without a fandom to stick to, lol. thank you for asking! 💖💖💖
send me a fandom and i’ll tell you…
the first character i ever fell in love with: Gobber, actually!!! don’t get me wrong, Hiccup was my die-hard fave by the end, but Gobber made me laugh so hard in the first ten minutes, and he stuck with me all throughout the film
a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: ahhhh i really like ‘em all, so i guess Astrid??? don’t get me wrong, i still like her, but in comparison to Hiccup, Toothless, Stoick, Snotlout, etc. she experienced very minimal growth. her character simply can’t stand up to the demands of the franchise without depth. real depth. she’s meant to be one of the main players, but she doesn’t feel like it at all, and it makes any scene with her feel frustrating, unnecessary, and unsatisfactory.
a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: Hiccstrid. don’t get me wrong, the two of them are fantastic as friends!! Astrid could still be General Hofferson, Astrid could still be the chief’s right-hand Viking, that doesn’t have to change!! Astrid could still be one of Hiccup’s biggest supporters, and Hiccup could still be there for Astrid to fall back on when she’s been strong too long. but the entire ship, as a romantic concept, is just a massive, unforgivable disservice to Hiccup’s character. dragons are his passion. dragons are his whole life. hell, we see his relationship with Astrid suffer, numerous times, because of his obsession with dragons, and it’s not played for laughs, it’s not written off as a harmless joke. he genuinely does not love Astrid as much as he loves dragons. why are we supposed to believe he does?? and why should he have to?? why did he need a romantic partner??
my ultimate favorite character™: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, babes!!!! the man loves dragons, books AND blacksmithing, i’m honestly not sure what more you want. oh, also, he’s got a tough relationship with his dad and i love that because who doesnt in this day and age
prettiest character: Toothless, of course!! his design is just so sleek and gorgeous !!! also, Hiccup from HTTYD1, but like, in terms of pure aesthetic appeal ???? red hair + green eyes + freckles is my favorite Look, just in a visual sense, not a sexual one. and we ALL know one (1) Hiccup the Third wore the Look best.
my most hated character: Valka.
my OTP: Hiccup + happiness
my NOTP: Hiccup/Toothless,,,,,,,,,,,, one,,,,,,,, is a dragon,,,,,,,,,,,, one,,,,,,,,, is a man,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, please,,,,,,,,,,, not again,,,,,,,,,,, i’m not,,,,,,,,,, strong enough,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
favorite episode: there were all those television and Netflix spin-offs, weren’t there,,,,,,,,, let me think,,,,,,,, oh Portrait of Hiccup as a Buff Man !!! Hiccup & Stoick centric episodes are,,,,,,,, how do you say,,,,,,,,, good shit,,,,,,, also Thawfest was really funny, and When Lightning Strikes was GOOD !!!! oh my god and The Zippleback Experience was hilarious, any episode where Hiccup is Stressed are just so funny. OH and Enemy of My Enemy!!! y’all have no idea how long ya girl emrys was WAITING for a Dagur redemption arc. ((spoiler, the first second i laid eyes on him in Twinsanity, i wanted him to be Hiccup’s friend and i held out hope for literal YEARS. good things come to those who wait!!!))
saddest death: Y’ALL 😭😭😭 ALREADY 😭😭😭 KNOW 😭😭😭
favorite season: can i,,,,,,, just say How To Train Your Dragon tbh ???? i honestly haven’t watched the television series in ages, but iirc, S4 of Race to the Edge was pretty good
least favorite season: mmmm can i say httyd2. can i. can i please. can i say it.
character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: Valka ofc. and i don’t care for Heather. at all.
my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: SNOTLOUT lmao also Viggo Grimborn !!!! he was such a good villain oof what a SNAKE
my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: TOOTHLESS 💖💖💖
my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: mmmm i dunno actually ? i don’t typically ship “nasty” ships lmao i typically either ignore canon ships or passively ship them.
my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: ahh, Toothless and the Light Fury weren’t nearly as cringe as i expected lmao. oh oh hang on a hot sec can i throw in a platonic ship here too because,,,,,,,,,,, Hiccup & Mala,,,,,,,,,,,,,, think abt it, they both love dragons so fiercely, they’d just work wonderfully as partners ????? i want to see them go on an adventure to like,,,,,, help free a captured dragon or something really basic like that, i would give literally my right arm for a Hiccup & Mala friendship episode. they’re so similar, they’d just really play off each other beautifully.
thanks again for asking!! 💖💖💖
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10 and 11?
10. if you could take away one character’s powers and give it to another, who would that character be and what power would you give them?
i would give cigar's post-torture power to astrid. i just think it'd be interesting if she could see people's "roles" in the game of the fayz in the heavily symbolic way he does. she could have a direct hand in manipulating events so people's destinies line up with what her brother wants. plus, she'd maintain a direct connection to little pete, which would affect her heavily. maybe she could be a foil to brittney, then, only instead of being a servant of a dark and malevolent alien virus, she'd be her little brother's conduit to the fayz. if she has to be deeply traumatized to access that power, like poor cigar, then that would maybe provide an interesting contrast to her genius intelligence; she'd have to try to achieve her goals and do what she knows is right despite her own mind, her greatest weapon, betraying her.
11. what kind of books, movies, and tv shows do you think the characters would like?
sam: i think the last books he read was like in 4th grade, like hatchet or dear mr. henshaw...i don't think he's a big reader at all, he's too busy surfing! as for movies and tv, i think he just kind of watches whatever? he and quinn probably watch shows like wipeout and survivor together. i can picture sam and connie watching romantic comedies like when harry met sally... and you've got mail together as a mother-son bonding activity pre-fayz.
astrid: @thegoneseriesanalysis had the excellent idea of her secretly enjoying the children's animated movies she puts on for little pete due to their black-and-white morality 🥺 also she probably likes courtroom dramas...and i'm stuck on her really liking the sopranos. she'd totally identify with dr. melfi. and, of course, her canon enjoyment of watching brain surgery on tv, lol. and documentaries!!! as for books, i think she reads tons of nonfiction--lots of books on science and biology. i think she kind of reads anything she can get her hands on, but i like to think she also likes dipping into classic american/english literature like the scarlet letter and moby-dick. real morally weighty, hefty stuff. i can picture her really liking mark twain, for some reason
quinn: like sam, i don't think he reads, really. he might pick up a superhero comic occasionally. i think he mostly likes watching tv and movies. game shows and high-energy, low-substance stuff. he probably prefers comedies. i can picture him liking adam sandler. but i also think he has a penchant for slightly weirder stuff; maybe '70s sci-fi like logan's run or westworld.
edilio: i think he likes reading casual stuff, adventure novels, maybe. paperbacks you'd get at the airport. i think he also might like short story anthologies. as for movies, indie movies, definitely. i think he likes more abstract, thoughtful stuff with slightly obscure symbolism, stuff he can really think about and ponder. i also think he also secretly likes watching spanish daytime soaps with his mom.
diana: '90s/'2000s "chick flicks," definitely, but with a semi-ironic, cool sense of detachment--stuff like mean girls, 10 things i hate about you, legally blonde. stuff she might scoff at, but also genuinely enjoys. i don't think she reads much, aside from magazines. reality tv, stuff that's pure escapist fluff whose characters she can mock and deride for being superficial/stupid. i also think she likes teen dramas like degrassi and dawson's creek.
caine: i hate to admit it, but i think caine would read the catcher in the rye (a genuinely good book that's often misinterpreted, don't @ me) and over-identify with holden caulfield (🤢). he probably reads a lot of high-class literature but doesn't digest a whole lot of it, he just reads it because it makes him look classy/smart. he likes movies like the wolf of wall street and american psycho, probably.
drake: slasher films, the bloodier and more misogynistic the better. fight club appeals to him for all the wrong reasons. probably reads a lot of stephen king, especially his more cynical stuff under his richard bachman pen name (like rage and thinner).
howard (also orc, kinda): i like to think howard's kind of a secret movie buff; he'll watch action movies and criticize them readily, but still enjoys them. i think he likes fight club, but understands it's meant to be satirical (still enjoys the more superficially pleasing violence of it, though). stuff like the matrix and district 9. probably reads, but it's mostly comics--the lighter stuff, but also heavier stuff like watchmen. and i have this fixed idea that he likes shounen anime, with a special attachment to neon genesis evangelion (he relates to shinji, though i don't think he'd ever admit it).
of course, he can also enjoy a light low-brow comedy; i think him and orc absolutely love beavis and butt-head and watch it all the time. also, both of them enjoy the sopranos--howard for similar reasons as astrid, understanding the deeper themes but also liking the violence, and orc just liking people getting beaten up (and also subconsciously relating to tony's depression).
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pls more info for your dnd au
Tiefling duo twins. Tuffnut (bard) distracts with jokes, acting, or song/music, while ruffnut (rogue) picks pockets. its too bad both of them are super prone to well going prone and also getting down to 0 hp, they stick out as blue/green tieflings.
Snotlout is a barbarian, i haven’t decided what i want him to be, i was thinking half-orc/quarter orc, just for flavor. He is buff, and being barbarian means his constitution is really good, he wears little armor and has gotten struck by lightening a lot. Snotlout is shirtless 24/7, refuses to wear a shirt, will wear ear muffs and a scarf but will not cover the goods
Fishlegs summons his spiritual weapon which becomes a glock after the gang decides stealing is better than just talking something out and they end up killing someone, oops. His real spiritual weapon is a hammer, a ham, or just a bigger book. As the only healer, the twins and Hiccup stress him out cause they all get hurt.
Ruffnut gets the most NPC’s, Astrid has taken to personally protecting Hiccup, and Fishlegs writes to his deity about his day and is here to spread the word, Snotlout is horny for all npc’s but no luck. he has purposefully drank poison for show and wasn’t poisoned so he has the twins respect
#httyd#dnd au#ruffnut thorston#tuffnut thorston#tiefling#snotlout jorgenson#fishlegs ingerman#my art
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