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calypso-finale · 1 year

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Seventy Four. Part 2

Throwing the blanket at Wadz because he is the least bit helpful, he didn’t help at all “nice new blanket for you” I said “I tried” he defended “you said you was going to be sick too, how is that even helping? Because it wasn’t” Wadz picked up the blanket “I will take this out then” nodding my head “I’m sorry” Oakley apologised “don’t be, it happened. I’m just happy to have you out. I’m happy you’re ok, I’m happy you’re here with me. That is all I care about” pressing a kiss to his forehead “appreciate you though” smiling at him “and I appreciate you, go to sleep. You need to rest; you look so tired” he really does “how is Aziel?” He mumbled “he is ok, kept asking if he can come and that he is going to play outside and he drew a picture for papa, and then he told me he loves me. He was being him” Oakley smiled “is grace good though? First time she is staying over without us isn’t it” he got a point “she seems content, I told her that we may stay over but we will see but you seem really unwell so they may keep us here for longer” he cleared his throat “go to sleep please” the door opened “that was some serious sick you know” Wadz isn’t going to let Oakley sleep, he’s going to keep talking “can’t help it” sitting down on the chair “how you feel though, you feeling like you better or?” Oakley is laughing “hurts to laugh bro but I felt fine before, right now I’m in pain. That’s all I feel is soreness and pain, I can’t move because it feels tight on my back, I’m just going to rest. I see Rylee side eyeing me” I giggled, he knows I was “yeah you rest, me and Rylee can finish off the talk we was doing” I groaned out “I can’t lie but I’m tired but for you, I’ll remain awake” Wadz dragged a chair along “I always wanted to ask these things, it’s mind blowing that your parents are who they are, and I wonder how life is?“ Wadz is intrigued “it’s very erm, weird. The feeling is scary to me because when I was five and they would be shouting in my face and shouting that they want to see my parents on the red carpet that was scary. And really I did see my mother but then I didn’t see her at the same time, she was generally busy, if she had me she would be working to build Fenty” Wadz is impressed “why is it you don’t take that on? Fenty” he is like an interviewer “because it comes with rules and one of them would be Oakley, and I won’t let that go. I thank her for giving me my inheritance but to give her what she wants it will be her way of making my relationship with Oakley pressured, parents don’t think they are like that, but they are” Wadz nodded his head understanding what I mean.

Wadz and I are still talking, he’s a good guy and he isn’t weird like most of them “I can’t lie Rylee, oh my days when I found out who you was, I said man you are stupid. I told him I didn’t like it, even to the point of when you fell pregnant but then I got to know you and I am so impressed how you are. How you are locked in emotionally and how you make my bro happy, you ain’t like that other girls what you see, I am happy for him and for you. I just think it’s a shame with your family but like any family they want you to have this standard, you come from rich, so you marry rich, now some roadman from west but my guy has the nicest heart, and this is what gets me. They see money but not the heart” I cooed out “why haven’t you found anyone? You’re a good guy” he shrugged “I ain’t got game” I snorted laughing “neither did he” I pointed at Oakley “he was stiff, but he had this weird charisma that I did like about him” Wadz laughed “oh man, stiff. I can’t lie but I did like your sister” my eyes widened “no way!” I spat “I did but then I was like hell no, that age gap would be even worse but I kept seeing her but she was of age but still, like I left that alone on god. But it was weird because like I had your cousin in my DMs, Majesty?” Raising an eyebrow “say what?” I am shocked “she was in my DMs, saying that Rylee is with Melo guy, she does drugs I blocked because I thought a fanpage, then Oakley said nah that’s her family, but I never bought it up to you” I am shocked “hello” the door opened “doctor here” he waved “oh hi” I smiled “how is Oakley?” He asked “asleep, he’s tired. How did the surgery go? I’ve been wondering about it, you took time” the doctor is smiling at Oakley “well you can stay for the night, no reason to rush you out” Oakley is awake, I didn’t know “ok” he said “so we removed the cancer and it was a wider excursion then we assumed, we had to take some healthy tissue in fear it could spread but we do need to do radiotherapy under the arm area to destroy any cancer cells. This is a five year plan though, it’s something we will need to monitor Oakley, it’s not just you had surgery and it’s gone. Other than that we are happy with the outcome” Oakley isn’t happy “we have taken a skin graft, just to help the skin heal too on your back, you’re going to feel pain, pulling, soreness for a few days” Oakley turned his face away “this is the best outcome Oakley, cancer will be there with you we just need to keep an eye on it, five year plan. I will check on you tomorrow” the doctor smiled at me before leaving.

It’s hard and he’s just seeing the bad “bro this is good” Wadz said “good? How is it good, five year plan and I could still die please get the fuck out” shaking my head “Wadz don’t leave, Oakley. You’re hearing what you want to hear, don’t attack Wadz. He is being positive and you’re not, he said that the surgery went well what more do you want to hear?” Oakley clenched his jaw “I’ll always be scared that it will be my last, I can’t be bothered. I really can’t!” He spat “then go to sleep and wake up in a better mood” waving him off “just go and leave” he said to me “ok Oakley, whatever. You’re hard done by now and want everyone to go” I said, Wadz sniggered “I want you to fucking all go, and I’ll knock you out if you laugh again” Wadz stopped laughing then “go home” he looked at me “no I won’t go home, make me go home because you’re feeling a type of way, we love you! We are here for you! Stop taking it out on us! I am so sorry that you’re going through this, I wish it was me so then you didn’t have too” his face dropped “don’t say that” he said “then what do you want? I’m sorry it’s you, stop taking it out on others, Wadz let’s go and get some air. Let him wallow” getting g up from the chair “I don’t want it to be you, don’t say that” I pointed at the door “let’s go” Wadz got up “ignore him, he wants to be alone he can be” Wadz is looking at him like he deserves attention “Lee” Oakley said my name, looking behind me “I’m sorry, Wadz you go outside. Let me speak to you one time” I sighed out “I’ll be out” I said to him “oh alright” poor Wadz I know he is confused, the door closed, and I turned around, he placed his hand over his eyes as he sobbed out “I don’t want this anymore” I sighed out “Oakley” making my way over to him “stop it” moving his hands away from his face “look at me, lovey look at me. Don’t cry, I know it’s hard and we want to be there for you” wrapping my arms around his head “it’s just going to be none stop! I don’t have the time to be stopping, I can’t. I need to heal and get on with things, I can’t do no five year plan, I have my own shit I worry about” I hate to see him cry “don’t think about money, please” I hope he isn’t thinking of money, money is nothing to me “I got you” he shook his head “I just have a-lot of shit you know. I’m sorry” he sniffled, he needs to stop stressing about nothing, money is nothing.

Oakley got up from the bed, pulling his top down “fuck” he heaved out “I know, let’s go home baby and then you can rest. I know you’re sore, but I need to help you get your jacket on, they have given us pain killers too” placing the jacket around him “pain” he said, Oakley has decided that he wants Wadz to record some parts of this journey, so he is here with a GoPro so we don’t really see it but he is doing it “just like moving and stretching is hard” zipping up the jacket “I know, you can rest then. I’m so happy you’re leaving, I know Aziel will be happy to see you” he smiled a little “I need to pee” opening the door for him “thanks” he shuffled into the bathroom, closing the door and leaving it a little open so he can come out easily “how you feeling?” Wadz asked, I smiled “erm, relieved. I’m happy he is coming out but it’s just the start really, but I have hope, it’s positive because it was caught early but it’s still a journey. I am trying” Wadz smiled at me “he will get through it” I am praying for him hard; I hope god listens to my prayers. Oakley made his way out of the bathroom slowly as ever “I’ll just get the car around, you both good?” Wadz asked “yeah we will be ok, we will slowly walk” zipping up his duffle bag “you know when they took me to the room downstairs, I was laid out and all I thought of was you, what you doing at the moment. I just want to get better for you” turning to him “sorry about earlier, I just find it hard to hear about five year plan when I need to get back to work” he always worries about work “don’t worry about it, let’s just go home and rest. Be careful with Aziel he may try and jump on you” I pointed; he will end up hurting him.

Clearing my throat as I zipped up my case, I packed my own case since Robyn doesn’t want to know what I am doing and why I am going to London. She doesn’t agree so whatever, I just feel I need to go and check in on her and then not only that I am going to probably do some music over there and maybe help some other artists, Imani is ok she got her mind in gear right now and doesn’t need me around, but she knows I am one phone call away “hello” answering the call “you going today then?” Herb asked “yeah, jet will be leaving in an hour, you can meet me after. I am going to check in on Rylee first so it’s nothing major, you can just you know, relax” picking my case up and placing it on the floor “tell that nigga Central Cee he owes me for my fucking time, that nigga just postponing shit, we all got bills you know. Hope niece is ok though, have a good trip, sounds like you going to be there for a while” Emi rested her hand on my leg as she came over to me “probably a few weeks, I got business there. Not just Rylee like Robyn likes to make it seem. I will talk to you later though” disconnecting the call “fat momma” picking her up “I can’t believe you’re going to London for a few weeks, this is crazy” she laughed “It’s for work too, but I also feel I need to check in on our daughter that has closed us off, that isn’t her. She loves to fly into LA all the time, I don’t care what you say. You hear that Emi, if you aren’t playing game your mom will cut you off” Robyn kissed her teeth “you know what Chris do what you like, you do that anyways” I smiled at her “you right, you got all the kids home, what else you want?” I asked, “my husband!” she spat “right” I just said “well Emi, I will see you soon” kissing her cheek “you are so fucking annoying” I have to laugh “don’t miss me too much, and I am telling you now I have work, but you won’t accept that” I have to laugh because she doesn’t hear herself.

Herb is going to join me here a week later, but I love London. This place brings me great joy, I just can be myself. Robyn wants me to be mad at Rylee and I am not, I really can’t be mad at my kids, I mean I get hurt but I am not mad with them, and I don’t take shit to heart, I personally feel like there is something off with Rylee and that something is really off because she has just shut down. She doesn’t post and then Oakley has been just weird, he doesn’t do all this posting private life shit, just the whole thing is weird. I got the address off Google and going there my damn self, I don’t need permission, I mean really if they aren’t in then they aren’t, but I am going there hoping they are. The home was on the blogs with what they bought so I got it off there, and in pictures that is a pretty home really. The area is nice already, so I am waiting to see this huge British mansion “just here” my driver pointed but then stopped at the gate “this was my daughter’ taste, this is her all over” I said to myself laughing, if this was down to him he would be living in an apartment still because he prefers them the most really “I will get out and go to the buzzer” I said, it is best I speak because they may just be funny about it, I don’t know really what is happening here or why she has done what she has done but it is something I want to know why, I am confused. I pressed the buzzer and waited, looking around the area and it is very nice, very British I would say, I am happy for her really. Sighing out, she might not be in so maybe I need to call her “dad?” she said, oh she is here “you going to let dad in?” I said to her, she is silent but then the gate opened.

I am not even sure how long I will be here, but I told the driver to wait here, and he won’t mind, he is getting paid anyways. I am stood outside the double doors just waiting for her to open the door really, she finally opened the door and I had to do a double take “what you doing here?” she said to me, she is holding Aziel that clearly asleep “to see you” I added “but why?” I rubbed my chin “because I care” my daughter looks not the same girl I left her, this isn’t normal “I want to come in” now I am going to push for it “if he is fucking with you Rylee, I am telling you” Rylee shook her head “I am just shocked you’re here” she put her head down and then looked up at me ready to cry “come in, don’t mind me” stepping into the home and this shit is huge “he is asleep, I am taking him upstairs. Come up” she said, nodding my head. Who is this girl, how can she be so different from when I last saw her, she is not her at all “you want me to carry him upstairs for you?” I asked “no, I just want you to stay silent please, just watch outside the door and yeah” this is so weird, and I don’t like it, there is something really odd in this home and I don’t like it. I would tell her she is making me uneasy, but I am the adult here. Following behind Rylee, I mean this is weird and I don’t know what to say. Rylee went into her what I assume bedroom, I just stood outside not knowing what to do or say but I will just stand back really “are you sure you want him in bed with you? What if he hurts you when he wakes up” peaking my head around because I am just nosey like that, oh Oakley is in bed, let me not look “I want too” he said “well just try to lay on your side, if not maybe the couch will be best for you to be on, we can try this” peaking around again, Rylee put Aziel into the bed, Oakley as his back to the door so he can’t see or know I am here “I will check on you in a few” she said “you sleep, you’re tired too” he said to her “I just really want you to sleep, I will have a nap” I am flabbergasted with all this “Grace needs to be here, you tell her she moves in. I need you” Oakley said to her “I will sort it out, just rest now. I am here for you” what has fucking happened, I don’t know what to say or think.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfic #fanfiction #Chrianna Fanfic #Chrianna Fanfiction

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riverswum · 3 years

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surely rewatching fma:b will fix all my problems

#bro . i’m so emotionally unwell rn #i need to see the elric brothers #fullmetal alchemist

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davids-cartoon-corkboard · 4 years

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Do you think that if Shredder!Raph will occur in rottmnt, the aftermath might result in Raph inheriting some of Shredder’s rage even after saved? Maybe that is how the crew is going to implement Raph’s trademark temper throughout previous generations and maybe even make him have to step down due to it, making Leo the new leader?

Short answer: “Inheriting the rage of a centuries-old demon" is a dope-ass idea, so if you’re a writer I would definitely encourage you to use that in your own stuff. But I think that if Raph’s temper worsens throughout the show, it should be because of his own character development and not a magical effect. However, a Shredder!Raph scenario could contribute to said worsening temper by inflicting emotional/psychological damage instead. :)

Long answer ahoy!

Looking at “Many Unhappy Returns” from the Shredder’s perspective makes it very clear why he does what he does. Like, he’s been dead for five hundred years, and then something went wrong with his resurrection. He’s waking up with no idea where he is or what’s going on and oh shit those guys are pointing weapons at him, that’s a threat!

Note that he doesn’t even bolt for them immediately, he does a warning stomp and screech (back off!) before starting to approach.

Those other guys are yelling, that’s also a threat,

and they’re closer so he’s gonna attack them first, actually. (None of the Foot wind up even comically injured, suggesting that flailing them around was an intimidation tactic rather than genuine Murderous Intent.)

And then the first group attacks, so of course he’s going to retaliate.

And then suddenly he’s somewhere else, with other threats (the animatronics), and then the first group that attacked him is back, so he’s gonna fight them again.

And these jerks just keep following him? He’s not going to ignore that. And WOW that’s a lot of bright lights and loud noises, which are also threats, what the fuck is going on?!

And then this tiny human girl chucks a giant metal box at him, holy SHIT?! Sure, the Shredder is a dangerous antagonist, but at this point I wouldn’t call him a “bad guy”, he’s literally just responding to what’s happening to him.

In summary, the Shredder was stressed tf out because he didn’t know where he was or what was happening, he retaliated against perceived threats, and quite possibly wouldn’t have attacked the turtles in the first place if they hadn’t just rushed in without understanding the situation.

Gosh, doesn’t that sound familiar?

So yeah, I’m waiting for Rise to give us that good good Shredder!Raph content.

As for the possibility of Leo taking over afterwards... no, but also yes, sort of? On the one hand, we know that Leo does have leadership capabilities, and it would be a waste for the narrative to not explore that. On the other hand, Rise has broken from the status quo in many ways, and it would also be a waste for the show to do a complete 180 and return to Leo Being The Leader™.

Consider how the “leader” role has influenced Leo in past iterations: his perfectionism wears on him and his brothers, any failure tanks his self-esteem, he feels isolated from the rest due to taking on such a large share of responsibility, being an authority figure grinds everyone’s gears, etc. It’s just bad for his mental health.

No doubt all this responsibility will also wear on Rise!Raph as the story progresses and the stakes get higher. It will be bad for him as well. But if Raph steps down, Leo will once again suffer from the weight of this role. So if neither option is quite correct, if neither brother can shoulder the burden of leadership alone, then the solution is just... for neither of them to shoulder the burden of leadership alone. Sure, Raph will probably remain leader in title and in spirit, but Leo taking on a sort of “deputy” role makes sense from a strategic standpoint, and would be good for his character development.

Here’s how I think it could go down:

The Shredder!Raph scenario will be different from the Shredder!Draxum scenario. The Shredder was starved for mystic energy the first time around, so he immediately chewed Draxum up and spit him out. But Raph could be compared more to a battery than a meal; it will take a while for the Shredder to drain him. And at this point the Shredder could be back in “evil samurai” mode, and thus will understand the value of holding Raph hostage.

Y’all who have followed my blog for a bit know about my “Raph is a system” theory; that when he was little, he got separated from his family and pursued by some cryptid hunter. This trauma formed Savage Raph, who is able to handle “being lost/alone/threatened” when Host Raph cannot. “Pizza Puffs” didn’t give us a lot of info about who I’m calling “Red Raph”, but he made his presence known when Host Raph was sort of... "emotionally alone”? In that his brothers were dying a little bit and too stoned to care.

So if Raph is trapped inside a living cage, scared and helpless and hurt and exhausted, his family unable to help him... he’s not going to be able to handle it.

Or, rather, Host Raph isn’t going to be able to handle it.

These two can, though.

I’m imagining a scene in the mindscape where the Shredder says something like “Your pathetic family cannot bear to strike you down, and so there is nothing that can stand in m- wait, why are there three of you OW FUCK-” Red and Savage will mentally kick his ass long enough for the other turtles to rip off a chunk of the armor so Leo can portal it into another dimension or something. Shredder gets K.O.’d since he’s not whole anymore, and the battle is won.

Since the armor didn’t drain Raph as severely as it did Draxum, he won’t become as weak as Draxum did. However, it will still take him some time to recover. Raph trusts Leo in serious moments as of “Many Unhappy Returns”, and he already took charge when Raph wasn’t available back in “Man vs. Sewer”. So Raph will be like, “Hey Leo, can you handle the Mad Dogs for a bit? Just long enough for me to get back on my feet.” And Leo will be like, “Sure bro, I’ve got this.”

He does not, in fact, “got this”. Leo’s ego has caused trouble before (”Shell in a Cell”, “Minotaur Maze”), and being in charge will no doubt go to his head. This has the potential for both comedy and seriousness, leading to wacky mishaps and genuine danger. Being the leader is hard work and it’s not always fun, but someone has to do it and Leo will have to put the others before himself for it to get done. Once Leo realizes this, he could bond with Raph by asking for his advice on leadership. Sometimes Leo will follow the advice and sometimes he won’t, sometimes that will work out and sometimes it won’t, laying the foundation for the idea that there are situations where it will be better for one or the other to lead, rather than having one lead all the time. But that will only happen for a few episodes, because Raph will heal quickly and he’ll be the leader again and everything will be fine!

Everything will not, in fact, be fine. Raph is the strongest in the family, the tank, the one who can take a hit so the smaller ones don’t have to... the idea of being hurt, of being weak, scares him because his family is also in danger if he’s unwell. So I don’t think he’ll acknowledge to anyone, not even himself, that getting possessed hurt him emotionally as well as physically. And when a wound isn’t acknowledged, it doesn’t get tended to, and when a wound isn’t tended to, it gets worse.

That he’s a system will add another layer of complexity to this. The Shredder!Raph incident would make all the alters aware of each other via mindscape shenanigans, but it would also leave them with the fear of not being in control, so I think they’ll come in conflict with each other for a bit. They’ll argue with themselves, switch, and lose time more often, enough that it impedes their ability to function and the other characters start to notice something is wrong.

Host Raph will convince himself that Everything Is Fine and try to get things “back to normal”, which probably means he’s just straight-up not going to acknowledge that he's a system. He’ll rationalize that he’s always “gotten weird” from time to time, so it’s nothing to think too hard about... right?

Savage Raph will be on high alert because they just survived a near-death (a near soul-destroying) experience. He’ll probably take the front and go overboard fighting some villains that Host Raph could have ordinarily fought on his own. It might also take a while to convince Savage Raph that these “sewer monsters” who keep following him around really don’t mean him any harm.

Red Raph will get snappy (pardon the pun) about the more social aspect of “not being in control”; that Host Raph asked Leo to be in charge and then Leo started being an egotistical dumbass. And when Leo does make the right decisions, Donnie and Mikey might side with him over Raph, and that will also grind his gears.

Mix all that together and you have a recipe for a capital b Breakdown.

So yeah, I can definitely see how the Shredder!Raph incident and its aftermath would worsen all three of their tempers, trauma will fuck up your emotions real bad. Perhaps Host Raph loses faith in himself and tries to step down and get Leo to replace him as leader... only for Leo to be like “Bro I cannot do this full time I will one hundred percent have my own Breakdown if that happens.”

The life lessons here are that Leo learns to offer support by sometimes taking the leader role; not to benefit his own ego, but because he wants to help Raph. And Raph learns to accept support by letting Leo be in charge sometimes; not because he’s weak or incapable, but because he can’t always be a Staunch Immovable Rock and he needs to let himself rest by trusting Leo.

And then the Raphs can work on communicating, cooperating, letting their allies know about them, digging into their trauma, etc. now that they have some breathing room.

(Do you think the Hidden City has therapists? Steven Universe and Mao Mao both have therapists can we BLEASE get one for Raph.)

#Anonymous #rottmnt #rottmnt theory #rottmnt raph #rottmnt leo #rottmnt shredder #shredder!raph #savage raph #red raph #there's like 1800 words here holy shit #if anyone wants to do fic for this u have my blessing to go hog wild #the 'raph is a system' theory

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diary-of-deadweight · 4 years

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BNHA headcannon: Bakusquad being the readers overprotective friends:

It’s not that they undestimated you or your abilities to kick ass, they’ve seen you in action before and knew you could handle things when the situation got out of hand.

You were the last one to be pulled into the Bakusquad and were then dubbed by everyone (except Bakugou) the youngest of the group.

Surprise surprise even the emotionally constipated tsundere himself was overprotective of you also.

He wouldn’t admit t when confronted but you could see through his bullshit.

“Did you just-“

“No dumbass, you just have shitty reflexes!”

Tbh he’s the type of guy who’d fight the fucking ground when he saw bruises, cuts and scraps upon your being.

Needless to say Kiri would try and pull him away before he makes a scene while Mina, sero and Denki cheered from the sidelines as you just look on like:

Aizawa didn’t turn a blind eye to this at all, yes it was good to have people who you could rely on when the time would call for heroes to team up with others but then again if they keep doing this type of shit how were you going to learn and improve on being a better hero in the future?

They’d tone down their protectiveness when they see that you were visibly discomfited by being babied by people your own age and would only defend you during class trainings with class 1-B or stimulations.

Your teamwork was absolutely perfect, there was no weakspot to pinpoint anywhere, you six were practically unbeatable thanks to Bakugous stratisric thinking and leadership that you swore it would make even the pros a little jealous.

There did come a time where their over activeness was permitted.

You had over used your powers during training that Aizawa ordered Bakugou to take you to recovery girl, knowing damn well that the others were gonna follow like sheep to make sure that you were ok.

Overbearing friends be like

When you finally came round you were immediately scolded by Bakugou for being a dumbass and overdoing it whilst the rest of the squad gave you a group hug that blossomed a welcoming warmth within your chest.

You couldn’t help but be greatful for Jess dumbass that you were lucky enough to call your friends, they got you out of some tough situations in the past and you were still thanking them to this day.

They helped you on your journey of becoming a amazing hero that the more further down journey road you went the more tears pricked your eyes and the more wobbly your bottom lip quivered.

Seeing this only panicked the group as they tried to get to the bottom of what caused your tears whilst sero and Denki clashed with Bakugou, thinking he was the one who made you cry to which he obliviously denied wholeheartedly that you knew you had to step in or else it’d get worse somehow.

“Guys!” They turned their attention to you, silenced at last, “Bakugou ain’t the reason I was crying.” You said between fits of laughter.

They looked at you with their brows raised, your rolled your eyes at them playfully, comemerating this moment to memory.

“I’m just reminiscing of our time together and how you guys had taken care of me whenever I was unwell, wether that’d be mentally or physically, I also hope we stay in touch even after all this is over,” you gazed over at Bakugou for the next part, “even if a certain someone becomes number one by then.”

The vermillion eyed male scoffed at your comment before ruffeling your hair with a calloused hand.

“Of course we will you fucking idiot, who knows what you’ll do without me.” He said gruffly making you smack his bicep playfully as a chorus of laughter filled the air.

Yeah they maybe protective over you but you wouldn’t want it any other way, it just meant that they cared deeply about you and your well being to throw themselves halfhazardly into the line of fire so you wouldn’t get hurt. You would do the same for them if they actually let you.

Don’t even get me started about how’d they act when you tell them about a person you’ve been crushing on.

Big bros Bakugou, Sero, Denki, Kirishima and Big sis Mina are about to interrogate a bitch and see what their motives were with their sweet little (y/n). No fuck bois/girls/whoever’s aloud.

You could only pray that your future s/o makes it through the interrogation.

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nadziejastar · 5 years

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Xemnas: Tron is a digital entity, so why would he be any different? He obeys the rules of this world. Sora--what about you?

Sora: Me?

Xemnas: Your heart, memories, your data, and your dreams. The bits and bytes that have made up your life so far--can you say for sure they are not just copies of someone else's?

Sora: Yes! My memories and feelings belong to me.

Xemnas: You had better check.

Haha, yeah I’d love it if it was retconned to just be a false memory, though I agree it is unlikely. It honestly sounds more plausible too, ya know? It could have been a memory planted using the Datascape. Or it could even have been something poor Isa’s tormented mind concocted in order to block out his trauma.

It’s kind of funny that the song playing in the background of the Subject X scene is “Eternal Moments”. That was basically Lea and Isa’s theme in BBS. It played during the scene where they met Ven. Lea told Ven they were friends and to get it memorized. Lea said he wanted to live forever in people’s memories, and Isa said he’d never forget Lea. Lea met Ven one time, but he still remembered him 10 years later. But with Subject X they aren’t even sure if their memories of their “friend” are even real. Yeah, such a close friend...

Xemnas: Make certain the box's contents match what's on the label...since you have been chosen.

Sora: Chosen for what

Yong Xehanort: You think this is the realm of dreams, but there, you are mistaken. Data does not dream, cannot dream. This world is real. You haven't the slightest idea where you are--that you have already wandered off the path.

I still think Subject X was just a tweaked version of Isa’s backstory. After Saïx said he might have just imagined Subject X he didn’t sound that concerned about it or the fact that he probably wasted his life following Xehanort for nothing. He just said he “awakened to a new purpose”. Oh well, I’ll just focus on becoming stronger, lol. Whatever. We all know people don’t just randomly “awaken to a new purpose”. Xehanort assigns them their purpose.

Who knows. Maybe the “imaginary” person was supposed to be Lea originally. If Isa was Subject X, his memory would have been extremely fragmented. Maybe Xehanort was able to convince him that Lea never existed. He was just someone Isa imagined. Or his memory of Lea was just created in the Datascape or something. Roxas’s final straw was finding out that his best friends never existed---they were just data. Maybe that was the final straw to break Isa mentally. That’s when he “awakened to a new purpose”. In other words, Isa went to the Realm of Seep, then Saïx (Xehanort’s heart and mind) took over.

Had she been moved? Had we simply imagined her? Lea and I knew there was only one way to be certain. And so we stand before the castle gates today, not as trespassing children but in order to become Ansem the Wise’s newest apprentices.

I dunno. But I just cannot get over the fact that even in canon, Saïx/Isa thought that he imagined this girl. And it was not mentioned once, but TWICE! He thought he might have been imagining her even when they were kids, LOL! Honestly, I almost thought this girl was purposely written to seem retconned and shoehorned in at that point. It was one of the worst exposition dumps I’ve ever seen. EVER. Hey remember that girl we were reaaaally close friends with, but never mentioned until JUST now? The one we joined the bad guys for? Are you sure she really existed, bro?

I was so baffled that the game was telling me in one breath that this girl was sooo important to Isa that he sacrificed everything for her. Yet in the next breath…he wasn’t sure if she even existed. I mean, what the hell!? How are those two things compatible? That makes him seem very…mentally unwell. He was voluntarily doing icky jobs for Xemnas—so many that even Mr. Dirty Work Assassin Axel couldn’t keep up (yikes). He became Xemnas’s right-hand man! He sold his soul! All for someone who…might have been a figment of his imagination. It still makes it sound like he was mind-controlled. Nobody in their right mind would act that way.

When Roxas was having his “7 Days” experience, he saw a lot of things that nobody else could. He saw Naminé, for instance. He fell off the clock tower, but then later thought he must have imagined it. Roxas’s “hallucinations” were never treated as something casual like with Isa/Saïx and Subject X. His friends became very worried about him. It was a pretty big plot point.

There actually might have been a connection to Naminé. Subject X is mentioned while Ansem is brought to the Haunted Mansion and looked at the window that Roxas saw Naminé in. I’m sure Roxas had doubts whether Naminé was real or if he just imagined her. If Isa was being experimented on, drugged and/or tortured, he’d be in a similar mental state to Roxas.

I dunno. I just don’t think it makes very much sense that BOTH Lea and Isa repeatedly spoke to some imprisoned girl, they both decided to free her, risked their lives becoming apprentices for her, gave up their morals for her, then they BOTH thought they imagined her later. If Isa thought he imagined her, speaking to Lea (who also spoke to her) should dispel those doubts. But when Saïx said that he thought he might have imagined her, Lea didn’t exactly refute him.

When I first played KH3, I just could not fathom how something that stupid became canon. I think it must have had some basis in the original story. Because there was no reason to include a detail like that. None whatsoever. Unless it was to explain why no one ever bothered to mention her before, lol. That’s honestly what I thought at first. But I think it had to be more than just that.

Let’s ignore the fact that Isa gave up his life for this girl. Even if it was dark, it’s still very abnormal to have an interaction with someone and then later question if it was real. You’d usually have to be on drugs to have an experience like that. Like LSD or DMT or something. And LSD is a hallucinogen that was frequently used in real life mind control experiments.

Or you’d have to be very mentally and emotionally stressed out to the point where you lose touch with reality. That’s what happened to Roxas when he was looking for Xion. Plus, he was already affected by Sora, so he was dreaming and seeing visions a lot. It makes a lot more sense for Roxas to imagine seeing Xion because he already was close to her. Lea and Isa had no reason to imagine a total stranger. That’s just bizarre.

Roxas sat down next to him like usual, and opened his mouth. “Today… I went to the beach on a mission.” He took a bite of his ice cream. “I think I saw a girl who looked a lot like Xion…”

Axel stared at Roxas. Roxas’ eyes were a little glazed.

“But, maybe it was my imagination… I don’t really know. To be honest, I'm not even sure today's mission really happened.” Roxas bit his ice cream again. “I feel like I just woke up from a dream or something.”

It looks like Xion’s disappearance has had a deep effect on Roxas.

Roxas kept speaking, without looking at Axel. “This is gonna sound crazy, but you know how we promised each other we’d all go to the beach?“

“Yeah.”

I couldn’t help but notice Axel’s reaction on Day 276. Roxas said he thought he might have imagined seeing Xion because he wanted to see her so badly. In the novel, it made it seem even more like Axel could personally relate to how Roxas felt. It seemed like Axel knew what it was like to lose touch with reality just because you wanted to see someone really badly.

“Well, I think I only saw her there because I wanted her to be there.”

Roxas looked unwaveringly toward the sinking sun.

I should—resign myself, shouldn’t I… Definitely.

Axel stood up leisurely, and stretched wide. Then he said, “…Shall we go look for her?”

“Huh?”

After Roxas said that, Axel looked away with a deeply troubled look on his face. It definitely looked like he was remembering going through something similar to what Roxas was going through. He was thinking that it was probably a bad idea to suggest looking for Xion. But I think he knew exactly what Roxas was feeling, so he suggested it anyway.

Roxas finally looked at Axel. Axel smiled at him.

“Tomorrow, after our missions, let’s look for Xion before we come here.”

“Mm… yes, let’s do that!” Roxas nodded, and stood up like Axel. Then he smiled.

I wonder when the day will come that the three of is will go to the beach… Axel thought suddenly, seeing that smile, and to deny the next thought that floated up, he stared at the sun.

He knew that they were never gonna get to go to the beach. But he hid that from Roxas. Destiny Islands was where Roxas and Xion remembered the sound of the waves. It was special to them. And the equivalent for Lea seemed to be the image of a sunset and eating ice cream.

“We’ve gotta make it to the beach next year,” Olette murmured, watching the sunset.

Hayner leaned forward. “Yeah. Better get jobs the second vacation starts.”

Next year… Right. Next year there would be another summer vacation. This one was almost over, but they’d have next year to try again. Letting his mind wander, Roxas found that the perfectly obvious fact cheered him up.

Roxas saw the ghost train that nobody else did on Sunset Hill. Roxas was able to see it because he missed the trip to the beach, and DiZ knew he really wanted to see it. And Roxas said he imagined that he saw Xion because he wanted to see her. They promised to go to the beach together. I wonder if there was a connection to Axel knowing they’d never get to go to the beach that day, and saying he really wanted to see someone on Sunset Hill, where the ghost train appeared. In the novel this scene where Naminé goes with Axel actually took place on...the beach.

Axel still hadn’t reported that Xion was with Riku, even to Saïx. As to why, he was asking himself the same question.

That’s why I could suggest to Roxas that we look for her, though. That’s resolution, and resignation, and then what? Friendship? Axel’s mouth twisted, remembering that word.

I’m still unsure somehow. I’m worrying over what is the best thing to do. Will I find the answer someday?

There had to be some backstory to how Lea could use dark corridors, even as a a human. I definitely think Axel had been in Roxas’s shoes before, searching desperately for a friend, which is why he went to search for Xion with him. I definitely don’t think he was that obsessed with finding a random girl he wasn’t sure existed. It had to be somebody else. After the test subjects were released, maybe Lea was so depressed that Isa was missing, he had weird dreams or hallucinations. He wanted to see Isa so badly it led him to open a dark corridor to Twilight Town.

Donald: Uncle Scrooge!?

Sora: Er, who?

Goofy: He’s Donald’s uncle—a business typhoon! Before the Heartless showed up, he traveled the worlds on a Gummi Ship with the King. He was helpin’ to set up a traffic system.

Donald: A transit system!

I think Isa was Subject X and was probably taken to Twilight Town after Ansem discovered the experiments. Perhaps King Mickey was the one who suggested that Isa would be safe in Twilight Town. The King probably was aware of its existence. After all, he and Scrooge must have went there, since sea-salt ice cream is sold there. It must have been a part of his business transit system. So, it’s very possible we would have gotten backstory of how sea-salt ice cream existed in Twilight Town, like it does in Radiant Garden. And the ice cream may have been another reason Twilight Town was special to Axel.

Riku: Let’s go.

Axel: Go where? It’s not like we have homes to return to. We don’t exist, remember?

Naminé: Yes, it’s true. We may not have homes. But there is someplace I want to go… And someone I want to see…

Axel: Same here.

In the manga, Axel was even trying to teach Naminé how to use the corridors of darkness while they were talking on Sunset Hill, right before they had the conversation about wanting to see someone. And dark corridors can only be opened by people with very strong sentiments, like hatred or…wanting to see someone very badly, like the Beast. It doesn’t prove anything, but I did find interesting because it was a little bit random.

Kairi: Who are you?

Axel: Axel. I happen to be an acquaintance of Sora’s. Why don’t we go see him?

Kairi: …Sora?

Axel: We’ve got something in common, Kairi. You and I both miss someone we care about. Hey, I feel like we’re friends already.

In KH3D, Lea also used the dark corridors while looking for Isa. Mickey told him that was reckless.

Axel: Somehow I just knew you’d be here. I tell ya, Kairi, you’ve got a lot of guts, jumping right into the darkness like that.

In KH2, Axel said that he knew Kairi would be in Twilight Town and that she had a lot of guts jumping into the darkness like that. She and Axel had a lot in common because they both wanted to see someone that they missed very badly. Maybe they also had a lot in common since they both just jumped right into the darkness to see the person they missed.

So basically, I think Axel was desperately searching for someone in his past and that led him into being an organization member. But it definitely wasn’t Mystery Girl X. And I think Isa was desperately wanting to see someone that he thought he might have imagined. But it wasn’t Mystery Girl X.

#kh saix #kh isa #kh

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