BG3 NPC Social Media Headcanons
This is the final part, but I might do a part 4 if I get requests for other NPCs!
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Barcus - King of tutorial vids. He has tutorials for everything. He's so smart but so humble and makes things so easy to understand. Almost no selfies, but he has a few with Tav if they're dating.
Rolan - even more pretentious than Gale. They're social media rivals. Constantly making response vids to each other "well actually-ing." Lots of selfies. He's pretty and he knows it. Sibling shenanigans. Lifestyle king. Selfies with Tav if they're dating that are surprisingly sweet and tender. His siblings tease him endlessly. Lots of vomit and eggplant emojis from them. For how smart he is, he can't figure out how to delete them or block them.
Kar'niss - Horror king. Super weird content. Heavy metal and punk music. Fashion advice for drider. Anti-drow propaganda and drider advocacy. Unintelligible comments. If he's dating Tav, there's a LOT of solo Tav pics, mostly candid. He also has the advantage of 8 extra legs so he gets a lot of awesome angles for selfies. Captions are disturbingly devoted, really verging on creepy. Also a million fibre-craft videos and pictures. He goes through a sweater phase three times a year. It's strangely wholesome compared to everything else.
Raphael - OnlyFans. That's it.
Orin - body horror. Constantly being suspended for TOS violations and harassing people with weirdly sexual threats.
Gortash - Worse than Gale, Astarion, and Rolan COMBINED. MLM (multi-level marketing, you animals) mastermind.
Ketheric - exclusively passive-aggressive "parent of a no-contact child" memes.
Aylin and Isobel - That weird couple that shares social media accounts. Just the most disgustingly adorable coupley posts. Everyone hates them but is also super jealous. Power-couple goals.
Mol - She's too young to even have a social media account but somehow has one and it's a thriving online business????????????????? How?????? Go play outside.
The Emperor - Only MLM content. Occassional weird thirst traps. Mindflayer advocacy but make it toxic af.
Nere - he has one follower and its his mom.
Withers - the weirdest shit you've ever seen. All caps grandpa poster. He's the WORST at selfies. None of his pictures are in focus or centered. Constantly trashing on the Dead Three and responds to criticism with "get thee good" or some archaic bullshit.
Volo - tabloid central. Nothing he says can be trusted, yet he has a million followers who all believe his word to be gospel.
Elminster - total foodie blogger, especially cheese. He has an entire video series dedicated to cheese. Wrecks Gale at every opportunity. Shockingly good at photo-editing, will occasionally leave comments on other people's pictures of the SAME picture, but touched up better. It would be more insulting if he weren't actually really good.
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Part 1 here!
Part 2 here!
Part 4
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GUYS
I have over 200 hours in Baldur's Gate 3 and I'm just now learning VOLO ISN'T A BARD.
THIS VOLO RIGHT HERE
YES THIS DUDE WHO SHOWS UP IN YOUR CAMP AFTER YOU RESCUE HIM *TWO* DIFFERENT TIMES BECAUSE HE'S OFF GALIVANTING AND EMBELLISHING STORIES AND GETTING IN TROUBLE WITH THE LOCALS IS *NOT* A BARD.
HE'S A MUTHAFUCKIN WIZARD.
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32 and 44 for the tav ask
Slowly but I keep going on Tav ask !!
32. What's your Character's experience with and opinion of Volo?
Not the best impression as a result (but hey, new eye is helpful!)
44. Asker wants Blogger to choose a question from the list. (44) ->
-> 26. What was your favorite enemy? Did your Character have any memorable fights or moments in combat that were ripe for headcanons and interpretation? (26)
Minthara actually has the best laugh!!
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