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cto10121 · 4 months

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Twilight Clown Takes—Part 4

What is it about YouTube and its breeding ground for Twilight clownery???? Some of it is very basic clownery, too. Also, the fake outrage on behalf of the Quileutes by engaging in racist interpretations of the text is…something else. Regardless, there I came upon the feast, and so I shall eat.

“The Wolves Are Savage” and Other Racisms

What.

You mean those same books that described the vampires in the same way as beasts, who not only growl and roar and snarl, but literally cannot smell blood without going literally crazy like sharks? The same books that described vampires as almost entirely solitary creatures who don’t usually form covens (because then they would turn against each other in competition for their human prey? The same books that had nothing but evil red-eyed vampires (James, Victoria, the Volturi) until the very last book of the series where we are introduced to sympathetic non-vegetarian vampires (Garrett, the Amazonians, etc.)?

Meanwhile the werewolves keep their reason and intelligence intact while they’re in their wolf forms and do not suffer from bloodlust. Their dangerousness comes from their youth and inexperience in shifting—the oldest of the pack is Sam at 18 and he was literally the first and only one to do it without help.

The books adore the Cullens. But it makes it damn clear that they (and the Denalis) are the exceptions that prove the rule. Otherwise Twilight vampires are sociopathic beasts and, as Edward explicitly said in book one, the Quileutes are right to keep their distance. And no, this wasn’t by accident or ~bad writing. Meyer is deliberate in her framing, as well as her characterization of the wolves.

Tfw your accusation of racism is racist

Bella asked Jacob if he could stop being a werewolf because she mistakenly thought him and his wolf buddies were literally killing people. When she learned otherwise, she was literally, “Oh, no, Jake, I’m fine with you turning into a giant wolf. That doesn’t bother me at all.” (This is near VERBATIM, not even joking). Bella is a monsterfucker, after all. She’s just not into that kind of bestiality.

Tfw your accusation of racism is racist

Yes, because imprinting is something the wolves 100% have control over and it’s something they can reject. There is nothing random about imprinting at all.

Otherwise—once again—the wolves have vastly more control over their wolf forms than the vampires over their thirst (the Cullens and Denalis excepted). And of course, their body counts are close to zero—compare them to the Cullens and Denalis. Only Sam has injured another human and that was by accident. Even the hothead Paul has no kills or injuries, whereas his counterpart Emmett has at least three.

MORMONISM OMG

Because Mormonism is the only religion that values and reveres close family ties. Only Mormonism supports the patriarchal family and believes in the organization of society through the familial unit. Only Mormonism is heteronormative and actively homophobic. No other culture or religion gives a fuck.

(Also, the Prodigal Son??? Literally the most common and basic Biblical allusion ever. Literally every major writer has alluded to it, including Shakespeare. It is not just a Mormon thing, oh God 😭😭😭😭😭😭 This kind of clownery eats itself).

Bella Hate Dumb Round ♾️

Bella turned down Mike and told him explicitly that it would hurt Jessica’s feelings if she went with him to the dance. She did go to La Push with him and her friends and was happy that it was “so easy” to please Mike. She rescued Angela from having to answer Jessica’s annoying questions about Eric by changing the subject. She helped Angela and Jessica find dresses and explicitly enjoyed their girls’ night out in Port Angeles. She had zero opinion on Lauren until she overheard her shit talking Bella (literally) behind her back. She listened to Jessica’s date with Mike and was glad it went all right.

Bella being mean to her friends is clownery so easily debunked—at worst, she is not particularly close to any of them except Angela. If she was reserved or distant with them, it was because she hates any and all attention to herself, period. It was her first day at a new school where everyone knew each other, and was already overwhelmed with introductions and learning her schedule and teachers’s and classmates’s names. The behavior Edward notices in Midnight Sun does not go against her character in Twilight at all and is a continuation of this self-abnegating tendency.

Edward literally went to Italy to get himself killed by the vampire elite and explicitly said that he could not live in a world where Bella did not exist. Before that, he basically admitted that when he wasn’t hunting Victoria he curled up into a ball and let the despair take him. Meanwhile Bella did not consider suicide (though ~just barely) because of Charlie and Renée. After her one week coma period she did make an effort at keeping up appearances, which included getting all A’s even in her weakest subject, Calculus.

It’s disgusting, all right: A male character who cannot live without his woman. What kind of a message is that sending to our poor impressionable boys???!!!!!

Didn’t Edward literally stop murdering child molesters and pedophiles because his conscience got to him that it was, indeed, still murder? And didn’t at least one clown still complain about how Mormon it was of him to care for human life? Now the clowns insist Edward doesn’t care about humans and humanity at all.

Even if Edward did care only about Carlisle’s disappointment, it wasn’t because he considers himself his perfect son. If anything Edward suffers from the same kind of self-esteem issues as Bella—in New Moon, he flatly denies Aro’s praise/assertion that his self-control puts Carlisle to shame. Edward thinks of Carlisle because he loves Carlisle like a father and thinks the world of him. He did save him from permanent death, after all.

#twilight #twilight clownery #twilight clown takes #anti anti twilight #damn the vitriol toward mormonism is incredible #i’m an atheist so all religions are bollocks to me #we don’t even know how observant meyer is #because honestly a lot of twilight goes against the religious conservatism

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