#because he hates the thought of all those fae being gross and touching and hurting each other's bodies dsalkfsa
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Is the Raven Prince averse to touch and afraid of pain because of what Davix and Olphix did to him when he was a child?
Hi anon!
The Raven Prince is touch averse in every universe. He has definitely gone through some things that made that worse, but those things aren't the same in every universe, and he'd be touch averse regardless of those things. The degree of severity might shift, he's just never been very drawn to this kind of intimacy.
I see it as more inherent to him as a person, in the same way that he rejects his human flesh simply because he prefers to be a bird, and prefers to be in the sky. Therefore at least in when he is a bird shifter, a big part of his touch aversion is specifically being touched while he's in the form that he likes least and has the most dysphoria over. He's the shifter that says most often - out of all of our shifters - that he is an animal first 'I am only a raven' 'I'm just a raven' than any of our other shifters (Julvia, Gulvi, Fenwrel, etc.)
Imho, the Raven Prince's issues with touch come down to issues with his body, and in fae stories, this is specifically because he identifies as a bird first and foremost and is kind of always craving to be back in that form, and I think sees living in human form as a detraction and not a bonus. It's also why he shifts so much more often than any of the other animal shifters in any of his stories. He's always very quick to return to raven form.
As a human, I'm still noodling on his touch aversion, but I think it will be something he's always had. Some of it will likely be exacerbated due to trauma, but he's the kid who never wanted to hug extended family. I think honestly even in scenarios where the Raven Prince picks up a partner, he never sees that partnership as something with a lot of physical affection of any kind, and doesn't really identify with that kind of intimacy as being like...wanted often.
I'd say a fair bit of that is also neurodivergence + sensory overload issues.
#asks and answers#the raven prince#corbyn prince#underline the silver#the nascent diplomat#fae tales#fae tales au#the raven prince is a tough one but i really think his issues with his body in human form#would be related to sensory processing issues around anything tactile#he's always been a very neurodivergent character#even in his best incarnations he's particular and he has special subjects (see: tRP introducing magic to Gwyn in TND and how excited he is)#his dislike of things like war and physical battle#all root back into his issues around touch tbh#which kind of makes me a little amused when i think about it him and the fact that he's so good at avoiding war#because he hates the thought of all those fae being gross and touching and hurting each other's bodies dsalkfsa#administrator gwyn wants this in the queue
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Writing Prompts
A lot of these are Au related! And some of them hint at violence/gore, so please be aware of that.
“Don’t move. They rely on sight.”
“I knew it was you!”
“Please tell me that’s not my soulmate.”
“Did you seriously get yourself stuck in a chair?”
“I am so sorry that the words on your arm are so stupid.”
“Prepare for canon fire!”
“Look out!”
“That’s gross... Cool! But still gross.”
“That was my kill!”
“Are you from the Northern Empire?”
“Well I’m not sure weather to be offended or relieved- my wanted posture looks nothing like me.”
“That is NOT how you hold (weapon).”
“Well... this is awkward...”
“Can I kick his ass?”
“HOW ARE THEY SO HOT??? HOW DARE THEY!!!”
“Be quiet! They’ll hear you!”
“Did you steal from that couple?”
“That thing has a curse on it. I’d be careful.”
“I didn’t realize it was a shrinking potion, I swear!”
“I knew (mythical creature/cryptid) were real!”
“Can you get me out of this thing?”
“I have never met you, but I know someone who needs help when I see one.”
“I left you guys alone for FIVE MINUTES!!!”
“That looks painful.”
“Yikes... Glad that’s not me.”
“We’re gonna have to cut it off before it spreads to other parts of their body.”
“And where, exactly, have you been?”
“HOW DID YOU PISS OFF ALL THE GUARDSMEN?!”
“I said distract them, not knock them out!”
“For the last time!!! That is not edible!”
“That man is crazy.”
“They’re going to burn them at the stake!”
“Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting.”
“You’re rescuing me?”
“I never knew the outside world so... big.”
“Put the fire out before we’re noticed!”
“This rescue mission is gonna kick my ass.”
“I... I think they’re still alive...”
“Are you sure they aren’t infected?”
“That’s a brutal looking scar.”
“How did you manage to pull that off?”
“Put down the (weapon)... I’m not gonna hurt you.”
“Well that isn’t normal.”
“What are you?!”
“Dragon bonding isn’t for everyone.”
“Who the hell thought this was a good idea.”
“I am no longer giving a fuck.”
“I want to give up, but I have someone worth pushing onwards for.”
“This storm came out of nowhere!”
“That was dangerous and reckless! But... it was impressive...”
“Who the hell is stupid enough to do that?”
“Can you see anything?”
“Is that what I think it is?”
“I haven’t had meat in years.”
“Was that a gunshot?”
“Can we keep it?”
“Well. This is unexpected.”
“Why are you covered in mud?”
“I have never been held like this...”
“Don’t touch me! You stink! What the hell was in that swamp?!”
“What is... kissing?”
“That’s disgusting. Don’t stop.”
“Aww... what a cute dog...! Wait... THAT IS NOT A DOG ABORT ABORT ABORT-”
“Can I have a hug?”
“How do you live like this?!”
“You’ve never been in a real battle, have you?”
“The Chief will decide your fate.”
“You know I was expecting you to be bigger.”
“Barricade the doors!”
“This is a strange ritual.”
“I don’t think this is a regular maze...”
“Is that blood?”
“There’s a hole in the floor.”
“What the hell was that? Did you hear that?”
“Zombies aren’t supposed to be smart!”
“Is that a ship?”
“Get the hell out of my way.”
“Did you just (physical attack such as punch or kick) me?!’
“They’re weakened by silver.”
“I really wish I had my holy water right now.”
“Well that backfired.”
“I’m so hungry... Can I feed off you a little?”
“YOU DARE OPPOSE ME?”
“Please help me, this man has been following me and I don’t want him to know where I live.”
“Is that really you?!”
“Has it really been three centuries?”
“Are you sure you’re human?”
“That was an alien- That was an alien- THAT WAS AN ALIEN-”
“We SHOULD NOT SPLIT UP!!”
Is it just me or is the floor moving?”
“How the hell did someone get in here?”
“Well, this is awkward... Can I have my payment now?”
“Since when were you so smart?”
“They’re right above us.”
“It’s almost like it can see into my soul.”
“BUGS DON’T GET THAT BIG HERE-”
“I hear growling...”
“DO NOT THROW THE BABY”
“Is that a threat or an offer?”
“I have so many pictures of them being an idiot.”
“The clock has less than hour left.”
“HAVE YOU EVER WATCHED A HORROR MOVIE?!?!”
“Was that you?”
“I think I’m going crazy.”
“We have to go- a scout discovered our shelter, the hive is coming.”
“It’s so damn hot.”
“I... I can’t remember...”
“Aww that’s so cute how much is i-... nevermind.”
“Did you just eat an alien egg?”
“You do realize they’re siblings right?”
“How are you so cute?”
“I am in debt to you, and until that debt is paid I will be you loyal servant.”
“Are you... Are you riding a dragon?”
“You’re under arrest.”
“Here, drink this.”
“Potion making is sensitive, so please be quiet whilst I work.”
“Has thee never seen a Vampire?”
“That was not rad at all.”
“I think it’s dead.”
“You go first.”
“You treat me as if I’m not a litterall demon from hell.”
“I will protect until my dying breath.”
“Don’t worry, you’re safe now.”
“It’s an honor to meet you.”
“You’re not from around here, re you?”
“What? Never seen a hybrid before?”
“That is not how you use that.”
“Did you know different flowers have different meanings...? The ones I gave you are quite unique in meaning.”
“Your family is... interesting...”
“If you’re not gonna eat grubs then you’re gonna starve. It’s all that’s out here.”
“That’s not human.”
“Stop standing there staring and help me!”
“I’m too short...”
“Was that an insult?”
“Keep up!”
“Don’t look behind you.”
“You have to jump! You have to trust me!”
“Is this it?”
“I can’t believe my soulmate is a human-”
“Well that was weird.”
“Have you ever exercised?”
“Don’t test my patience, pet.”
“How am I going to tell [Name] about this...?”
“It’s a match made in heaven!”
“Be careful, they’re sensitive!”
“So this is a fruit...”
“When I feel bad I go beat the shit out of someone. It works.”
“DID YOU PULL THE LEVER I SPECIFICALLY ASKED YOU NOT TO PULL?!”
“In DnD we call that rolling a one.”
“[Name] is gonna kill me!”
“Rest in pieces.”
“Hurt them and I make your life hell on Earth.”
“So he’s a dumbass-”
“Someone shoot me-”
“Give it back! That’s private!”
“It was so obvious! I’m such an idiot!”
“Is that all you have?”
“The expedition was successful.”
“There were no survivors.”
“I thought I lost you.”
“Stop! Stop! There’s a cat!”
“Why am I here again?”
“Having detachable body parts is actually a convenience when you’re a cyborg.”
That’s a big ass [Animal]”
“Do you know what you’re doing?!”
“Did you seriously have to pick the lock? When I have the keys?”
“They’re dangerous.”
“And that’s my que to leave.”
“You are my greatest treasure.”
“I seriously hope you’re not thinking of doing what I think you are thinking of doing.”
“WHY THE HELL ARE YOU NAKED?”
“Is... is that a dwarf?”
“You’re as odd as your friends said.”
“There is no need for violence!”
“All I wanted was a doughnut-”
“Why are the barn lights on?”
“They got into ANOTHER fight?!”
“You’d think living with a family of sorcerers would teach them something.”
“Thank goodness most dragons aren’t venomous.”
“Nagas are quite fickle creatures.”
“Satyrs are not to be trusted.”
“You walked into the faery ring, you belong to the fae now. I can’y help you.”
“Go ask them out! They look cute!”
“Angels aren’t supposed to fall in love... but how was I supposed resist you?”
“I thought humans were bigger.”
“Your highness is a royal pain in the ass.”
“That hurt.”
“I am not looking forward to this at all.”
“I do not like caves. I don’t like cavbes at all.”
“MOSS!!!!”
“This town seems abandoned.”
“The radiation levels aren’t too high here.”
“Put your masks on.”
“You know you shouldn’t give your name to strangers, especially a fae in the forest.”
“I never realized how big the ocean was.”
“I have an idea- it’s dangerous, crazy, and reckless, but it might just work.”
“Is this your child?”
“I’m surprised Cerberus likes you.”
“Hellhounds aren’t usually friendly.”
“That’s a big meal for one person...”
“Werewolves aren’t fans of silver.”
“The dumbest myth about us vampires is that we hate garlic.”
“What brings you to my territory, little human?”
“Don’t bare your fangs at guests! It’s rude!”
“I’m only protecting you because I made a promise.”
“That was a terrible attempt at a prank. Let me show you how it’s done.”
“You do realize demons can sense emotions right?”
“You foolish human! You could have gotten hurt!”
“Watch your step.”
“It’s called a secret entrance for a reason.”
“Did you just... kiss me...?”
“My soulmate is a dumbass but I love them.”
“This jackassery will not stand!”
“Unless you have a death wish I’d leave those sirens alone.”
“Swim with me?”
“Have you never frolicked before?”
“You’re fired!”
“Does this armor make me look fat?”
“Your soulmate is a Naga?”
“Gargoyles are cranky in the morning.”
“That little fucker is at it again-”
“I don’t remember the last time I laughed like that.”
“Elves are usually attractive... but them... they’re ethereal..”
“I think I’m in love with a snake man.”
“Are orcs usually this big?”
“Confess? And risk ruining what i have with them? I’d rather drink bog water that a Satyr bathed in!”
“Are all humans this attractive or is it just you?”
“Guns are so odd... They only do their job after they’re fired...”
“Are you usually this full of yourself?”
Do you have any idea what you just did?”
“I wasn’t expecting to meet my soulmate when I snuck into Area 51.”
“Turn off the lights!”
“I won’t let you go, not again.”
“That’s so dangerous...! When are we doing it?”
“You humans are so fragile, yet you are the apex species of your planet.”
“IT’S NOT WORTH IT! GET BACK IN THE CAR!”
“Don’t look back!”
“They’re attracted by (heat, sound, etc.).”
“It looks dangerous.”
“Don’t touch it-”
“Careful it’s soup.”
“Did... did that thing just speak?”
“It’s a boat! Oh my god it’s a boat- we’re saved-”
“Keep your distance.”
“I will not hesitate to leave you behind.”
“THEY’RE SIBLINGS?!”
‘I am slightly worried... never mind I am very worried.”
“THEY’RE CHOKING!”
“It’s too damn hot to do anything.”
“Stop singing!”
“Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, kid.”
“That is one ugly ass [Animal/baby/clothing item].”
“I’VE SEEN THIS IN A HENTAI BEFORE!”
“Please shut your trap before I stuff it- shit that sounds sexual-”
“Is that- Is that a fucking cat?”
“That is not what the mean when they say; ‘smash that like button’“
“Where did you learn to drive?”
“Oof.”
“I’m know I’m stupid but I’m not THAT stupid.”
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Titans Remembered
Title: Titans Remembered
Artist: Midnight Silver
Author: Klove0511
Rating: T
Warnings/Spoilers: Brief, non-graphic attempted bestiality; referenced animal sacrifice, hurt Dean
Summary: Following a string of missing people and livestock mutilations, Sam and Dean stumble on a case where the monster has a personal beef with them. When Dean gets himself in trouble trying to do everything himself, Sam must come to the rescue and remind him that they're better as a team.
A/N: Written for the 2020 Wincest Reverse Bang, and inspired by the wonderful art of Midnight Silver Go check out the art post and give them some love!
Art: Tumblr
Story: on Ao3
Dean glanced at the clock for the fifth time in two minutes. He was bored, and he wished he'd pushed harder to go with Sam to interview the witnesses. Their interview styles complemented each other, and sometimes that got them more information than they would get alone. Besides, it got him out of research. He sighed and clicked open a new browser window. Something wasn't sitting right about this case, but he couldn’t figure out what. He’d learned to trust his instincts, though. He mentally reviewed what they knew from the news articles that had brought them here and away from their research on the Darkness. Four missing people in the last two weeks, with multiple more over the last three years, unrelated and having nothing obvious in common. A rash of livestock mutilations in the same time period that included a wide variety of animals from the usual cows to pigs and sheep. Their working theory was a demon, but Dean's gut said they were on the wrong track there. There weren't enough other demonic omens, and while cattle mutilations were a common sign, other types of livestock were usually left alone. It was possible that the animals were unconnected, but he doubted it. Rubbing his hands down his face, he groaned and mentally ran through the list of monsters they knew about. No bodies, no full moon and no missing hearts said it probably wasn't a werewolf. No reports of seeing double or people suddenly acting weird, so not a shifter. No throats torn open, not a vamp. Just missing people and dead animals.
He clenched his jaw and bounced his knee in frustration. The information he had to work with was too vague. Lots of things took people. Ghosts—not likely because as far as they could tell the victims hadn’t gone to a common location, demons—still possible, though Dean thought it unlikely, and even just...people. He hoped it wasn't people. Remembering finding Sam locked up in a cage was a bad memory he had no desire to relive any time soon. In any case, the missing people were an angle that he felt wasn't going to give him any leads in the motel room since they’d already scoured the police reports for useful information. Maybe Sam would turn something up in his interviews. Instead, Dean turned his attention to the animals. He flipped through photos of the dead livestock and shuddered. He may not be a fan of animals in general, but nothing deserved to die like that. Nothing obvious in the photos to point to a bad guy though. Next he ran through the police reports. Huh. No farmers had reported missing animals. That was interesting, and he was surprised Sam hadn't mentioned it when he'd been selling Dean on the case.
They had been all found out in the woods, by hikers. But, if no livestock had gone missing, then where did the animals come from? What the hell were a couple pigs and a sheep doing in the forest? Twenty minutes of digging later, and he had a sick feeling that he knew what had happened to the missing people. He always hated learning they were too late to save the victims; it was the only possible upside to missing persons cases, the hope that maybe they weren't too late for a rescue. At least they could end whatever did this and prevent anyone else from being first transformed and then eviscerated.
He ran through the list of monsters again. The numbers of things that could shapeshift themselves was disappointingly large, but the number of things that could transform others was a lot smaller. Witches, if they were powerful enough, though they weren’t seeing any other signs of witchcraft. Possibly some varieties of Fae, but the lore was pretty sketchy on them. And finally, gods. Mythologies were rife with gods that turned people into anything from a spider to a flower, and Dean was pretty sure he was still just in the Greek pantheon. The question was: which god? And, maybe more importantly, why these people? What earned them a spot on the sacrificial altar? If he could answer that, then he might have a leg up in figuring out which god was behind this.
Two hours later, Dean rubbed at his tired eyes. He really hated research. But he had an answer. A horrible, no good, very bad answer. Sam was in danger. They both were.
Sam loosened his tie and wiped a sheen of sweat from his forehead. It was humid and uncomfortably warm for an early April day, even this far south. He thought of Dean in the motel air conditioning, probably day drinking and enjoying the Magic Fingers instead of actually researching, and he had to fight an unjustified flare of resentment. It had been Sam's idea to split up, and he'd been the one to offer to go out in the heat and interview people. Sure, he'd expected Dean to fight him on it—either to go together or to switch and get himself out of research duties—but he hadn't, and Sam was stuck with a miserable job. He was wearing his Fed suit, and the cheap material didn't breathe at all, trapping body heat and sweat alike, which combined with the heat and humidity left the suit drenched, hanging heavy on his tall frame. He longed for a shower, and he didn't even care that Dean would try to join him. The heat always made Dean horny, and if it got Sam out of his suit sooner rather than later, then he was on board no matter how gross he felt.
Besides, unless Dean had gotten a lead there wasn't much else they could do today. Tomorrow they'd hit up the morgue and local farmers, follow the animal angle and see if it led anywhere. The families of the victims had been frustratingly unhelpful. Everyone had been perfectly polite and happy to talk, but no one had said anything that seemed remotely useful, just things like Jeremy loved to go rock climbing, or Rebecca had been spending a lot of time at the gym lately. Boring trivia about their lives that probably wasn’t relevant. Not that he hadn't paid attention, because the stupid trivia had a nasty habit of becoming relevant as soon as you stopped paying attention to it. Still, he wasn’t seeing a common thread among the victims yet, which meant they were stuck on this angle.
Sam was hit with a wave of heat as he opened the Impala’s door. The car was sweltering, and Sam winced as he tried touching the steering wheel. It burned, and he grit his teeth before turning on the car and driving back to the motel, hoping he’d manage to not drown in his own sweat before he got there.
He blamed the truly excessive heat for the fact that he didn't immediately notice something was wrong when he opened the door. Instead, he tossed the keys on the small kitchenette counter and shrugged off his suitcoat, slinging it over the back of a chair. He noticed Dean wasn't on the laptop but that there were enough notes and general chaos to indicate he'd actually been working. Sam assumed he'd stopped for a nap or a shower or a session with the Magic Fingers, and his gaze traveled to the bed, looking for Dean. He found a lion instead.
An actual, honest to God, much bigger than Sam, African male lion. Napping on the bed. Sam froze, wondering if he should go for his gun. Then he wondered how a lion had gotten into the locked motel room and what the hell had happened to Dean. He was debating his options for not getting eaten by an apex predator when the lion blinked awake, and Sam's heart jumped into his throat. Given their line of work, he was not a man easily scared, but seeing a big cat not ten feet away brought new meaning to the word intimidating. Except... the lion had startling, unnatural green eyes. Familiar eyes. In a flash of horror, everything clicked into place--the lion, Dean's apparent absence, the animal mutilations and missing people. He managed to keep the panic out of his voice when he breathed, "Dean?"
Dean watched his brother eyeing him warily. Sam was on the couch with his laptop, relaxed enough to have removed his tie in addition to the suitcoat, but the tension in his shoulders told Dean he was far from relaxed. It was fair, he supposed. Sam had no way to know if he really was Dean or if he was just a remarkably calm lion, and Dean had no way to tell him. In between guarded glances, Dean was pretty sure Sam was still researching the case, probably trying to retrace Dean’s search history to figure out where he would have had a run in with the monster of the week.
He watched his brother work from his place on the bed. He’d adapted well enough to walking with four legs, but in the small motel room his bulk was a hindrance. He wasn’t going to admit it, but he was missing a lot of the grace he’d learned to associate with cats. So, he stayed put. No need to let Sam see him faceplant off the side of the bed because he got tangled in the comforter. Again. That said, he was going to have to figure something out soon. The only reason he’d gone into the woods alone in the first place was so he could deal with the monster without putting Sam at risk. Now that he was a freaking lion, Sam was left to try to figure out the whole case on his own, definitely putting himself at risk. Dean’s plan had backfired, and what he really wanted to do now was load Sam into the car, turn tail, and run.
It wasn’t something they did, abandoning cases. But Sam had just recovered from his near miss in Idaho, and they had just moved things between them to the next level. When Dean thought of those pictures of animal entrails, he felt sick imagining them belonging to Sam. So he was going to do his older brother duty and make sure they got their asses out of here before they both got killed.
Maybe he could distract Sam into forgetting about the research. It would be a temporary fix, but it could buy him some time. And Sam did look pretty hot in his Fed suit, with just the top few buttons left open. There was a trickle of sweat that had made its home in the hollow of his throat, and Dean decided that he really didn’t care if he was a lion or not. He was going to go for it.
Getting up and very carefully hopping off the bed, he crossed the short distance to Sam, not caring that he knocked over a lamp in the process (seriously, just how long was his damn tail anyway?) He nosed at the laptop briefly before pressing his huge paw in and shutting the damn thing. Not wanting to crush Sam, he moved the paw to the side, steadying himself against the couch as he leaned in, roughly licking up the sweat from Sam’s neck.
Sam didn’t react at all until Dean started nuzzling significantly lower, at which point he squawked indignantly and shoved Dean’s nose away from his pants. “What the hell, dude?” he yelled, using the laptop as a shield. “For a second, I thought you were going to eat me.”
Dean gave Sam his best leer, trying to communicate silently that “eating” had definitely been part of the plan. It must have worked because Sam responded with disgusted outrage.
“At least I know it’s really you,” Sam said.
Sam frowned at his brother, then at the closed laptop. He didn't understand how Dean could behave this way. Well, no, he did. It was Dean. But still. Sam was trying to help, to turn him back before he got killed or before he couldn't BE turned back. That was the last thing he'd managed to read before Dean had closed the laptop and decided that he wanted to give inter-species sex a try. Shape shifting spells almost always had a time limit, and they were never long. And at the end of the time limit, your carriage didn't turn back into a pumpkin. He needed information. What had turned Dean? What the hell were they hunting? And how long did he have before he needed to consider whether or not he had any latent furry kinks he wasn't aware of? Because not being with Dean wasn't really an option. He needed to fix this, soon.
The internet history had been confusing at best. Mythologies and animal mutilations, which told Sam that Dean clearly thought they were dealing with a god of some sort. But the websites had been across a dozen pantheons, and he hadn't spotted any that contained a god that liked to kidnap people. All of them liked animal sacrifices, so that was equally unhelpful. Then again, he was still working from the theory that the people had been taken, and the animals had been sacrificed, and it was all separate but related. His eyes landed on his brother, in all his lion glory, and Sam knew exactly what Dean had been looking for.
The problem was that there were still dozens of possibilities. He scanned the reports of the animal killings again. Their throats had been slit, and the entrails removed and scattered. Ritualistic sacrifice. He was surprised he hadn't noticed it before. Then he reviewed the missing persons reports and his own notes. There had to be something here that linked everyone, that pointed him to the deity behind this. If he cross-referenced missing people and animal mutilations over the last three years, they had almost a dozen victims, more or less evenly split by gender. Age wise they clustered in their 20s and 30s, and the ones he’d gotten information on today were all fairly active. His notes indicated at least two had enjoyed hiking. So, possibly they had all gone hiking in the woods where the animals had been found, encountered this pagan god, and then been transformed and killed.
He yelped when Dean nuzzled his feet. The lion just blinked innocently at him, but he knew better. Dean was being distracting on purpose, and he knew Sam had ticklish feet. "Why are you like this?" he asked, frustration coloring his voice. He loved Dean, but sometimes the pull of being an annoying older brother seemed to overshadow everything else, and the new dynamic to their relationship hadn’t helped. "You do realize you could be stuck like this. Forever."
An impassive stare met him.
Sam sighed. "I'm trying to save you. Save civilians. Just because you're out of commission for research at the moment doesn't mean this monster is going to stop, and it's our case. It's our job to stop it. I know you know that. So, what the hell? Why are trying to keep me from working this?"
Nothing, of course. Sam wasn't sure what he was expecting, because obviously Dean couldn't answer him. He'd just hoped for...something. Any sort of reaction. Maybe it was time to make an alphabet out of pieces of paper and see if Dean could still read.
He shook his head. "I'm going to work this case, and I'm going to figure out how to change you back. And you can be as distracting as you want, but it's not going to change my mind." He picked at his fingernails. "I realize you're probably just worried that I'm going to get transformed too and then we'll both get killed. But give me some credit. We've faced off with a lot of scary things before, and we're still here."
Dean was torn between rolling his eyes and giving in to the urge to whip out sad kitten eyes and see how they affected Sam. That speech had been so sappy. So Sam. His stubbornness was going to get them both killed someday. He huffed a dramatic sigh and rolled his eyes, probably a beat too late to seem natural. Sam knew they were hunting a god, but he hadn't figured out they were hunting a god with a personal vendetta against them. Dean had only suspected when he'd gone into the woods, but his first meeting with her had proven him unfortunately right.
Dean consulted his map and drew his gun. He had to be getting close to the first site where the animals had been found. It had been months ago, so he didn't expect there to be any evidence remaining, but at least he knew it was a hunting site for their monster. His prime suspect was Hera. She had a hard-on for turning people into animals, and she was known for being particularly nasty when she was mad. And Dean suspected that she'd been mad ever since Zeus had died two years ago, which lined up well with when the killings had started. It was admittedly thin evidence, but they'd gone into hunts with less.
He heard a stick break to his left, and he froze, eyes searching for movement in the trees. Everything was quiet and still, eerie in its silence. Like the world was holding its breath. There was a tap on his shoulder, and he knew he was screwed.
"Dear Hunter. You will make such a tasty meal," a woman's voice breathed into his ear. She sounded amused, pleased to have found him.
"Don't do this," he said, pitching his voice low and threatening to cover the fear eating at his guts.
"But why not, little Hunter? You and yours killed my husband. I will enjoy making you pay. Your goddess cannot protect you from my wrath."
He laughed with false bravado. "Do you even know who I am?"
She laughed in turn, a light, lilting sound. "Of course I do, Dean Winchester. And I know you killed my husband." The lightness of her tone dropped a stone of fear deep into his stomach. He was so screwed.
Warm magic wrapped around his mind, and then his body was in agony. He screamed as his bones rearranged themselves, and it came out as a mangled roar. He fell, writhing to the forest floor as he grew, stretching and gaining muscle mass until he felt massive, heavy and powerful. The fur growing in everywhere itched, but he couldn't do anything about it because he just hurt too much.
But he had to move. Hera was coming for him, and he couldn't let her. She knew who he was, so she would definitely be going after Sam next. Groaning, he pried open his eyes, searching the forest for the matriarch of the Greek Pantheon. He found her, but he wasn't expecting the look of horror on her face. As he struggled to his feet, she turned and ran, vanishing among the trees.
It made no sense, but he was grateful for the reprieve, especially since he felt himself losing the battle with consciousness.
She was still out there, and she was hunting them. Dean didn't know or care why she hadn't finished him off when she could, but he wasn't about to let the opportunity to make a clean getaway slip by.
But deep down, he knew it was a futile effort. They weren't made to run away. It wasn't in the Winchester blood to run from a dangerous situation, and that had been true not only of them and their dad, but even their grandfather. Sam wasn't going to leave. So, Dean was going to have to figure out how to keep him safe. Which, considering he was a feline of unusual size might not actually be that difficult.
Sam watched Dean process his words, and he swore he could see the thought process happening. First derision, then fondness, and finally acceptance. Good. He pulled out some scrap paper and started making letters. "Now that we're on the same page, can you please tell me what the hell we're hunting?"
It took longer than it should have, because apparently, despite having good eyesight, being a lion hampered Dean enough that reading was difficult unless the letters were very big. Which was how Sam ended up surrounded by pieces of paper and a lion squinting comically at each one before picking up four and handed them over one at a time. H-E-R-A. Immediate recognition of the name made Sam curse and turn on Dean. "You tried to take on Hera by yourself? What the hell were you thinking, Dean?" He scrubbed a hand down his face and sighed. "According to the lore, even Zeus was scared of her when she was pissed."
If it was possible for a lion to shrug, that's what Dean did. At least his obnoxious behavior made more sense now.
"Dude, I love you, but you cannot keep doing shit like this. I'm not broken. And if you want us to pass on a case because the monster might, I don't know, have a personal vendetta against us, then I'd appreciate it if you actually talked to me about it. Like the adult you supposedly are."
Dean had the decency to look properly chagrined.
Sam moved to the bed and settled himself against the headboard. "At least now I have a place to start." He gave Dean a serious look. "I'm going to fix this. I promise."
Dean had been napping pressed against Sam's legs for an hour when Sam finally struck gold. His shout woke Dean, who was just as scary when startled in lion form as he was in human form. At least he couldn't use a gun like this. "So, get this, a number of the Greek gods are reportedly weak to the things they consider sacred. Basically, they treat the thing with so much respect that it becomes lethal to them if used as a weapon. In Hera's case, most of those things are not especially useful unless we’re poisoning her, like apples and pomegranates. We can probably get our hands on some willow to use as stakes, but the real kicker is this: while she's mostly associated with cows and peacocks, she is also sometimes associated with lions."
Dean's still sleepy, confused eyes met Sam's, and they stared at each other for a moment before Dean's eyes widened in understanding.
"Yeah. We just need to get you close," Sam said, grinning.
A grumble from Dean made Sam look up from his laptop again a minute or two later. Dean's face looked concerned, and it took a while for Sam to figure it out.
He was quiet but confident when he said, "I'm still working on that part, but you aren't going to be a lion forever. You'll get to drive your Baby again, I swear." He laughed at Dean's disgruntled huff. "I can't wait to find out how you fit in the backseat, though. And no bitching about the fur later. It's your fur."
Dean produced more angry rumbles, but Sam swore he looked amused too as he dropped his head onto his massive paws. It was still astonishing just how big he was like this. Sam wasn't used to being the small one in their relationship, but lion Dean dwarfed him with a body over seven feet long, not including his tail. Frankly, it was a miracle the crappy motel bed was able to withstand the combined weight of both of them. The amount of muscle packed on his feline frame was ridiculous, and Sam figured he must weigh over 500 pounds. He certainly wasn't going to bet against his brother in the upcoming fight.
In the end, they were forced to go with their usual plan of “kill the monster and hope for the best” to try to turn Dean back. It wasn’t ideal, but Sam hadn’t been able to find any lore about undoing a transformation, and he wasn’t willing to wait anymore. When they loaded up, Dean fit in the backseat, barely, and he growled the entire trip out to the woods where Hera had been killing people and where they hoped she would still be.
"You realize this is your own fault, right? If you hadn't decided to try to hunt a literal Greek god by yourself, then you could've driven," Sam said, tone dry even as he laughed in his head at Dean's grumpy face.
Dean didn't dignify that quip with a response, which took more self-control than Sam would have usually given him. When he was human again, he was going to make sure Sam knew that he'd chosen to be the bigger brother. Literally, for once. He smirked and chuckled at his own joke, which came out as more of an annoyed growl. Whatever. Maybe Sam would stop giving him a hard time about running off on his own if he thought Dean was pissed.
The woods were dark and hopefully deserted other than their target. The last thing they wanted was to stumble across a pair of horny teenagers using the woods to get some privacy. They stuck to the path at first, which helped them avoid making extra noise from the dry underbrush but left them open and visible in a way that Dean did not appreciate. However, he was loving his new super-powered eyes that let him see in the almost pitch-black forest. Sam had insisted on taking point with a flashlight, but Dean could see into the dim areas on each side of the path almost as well as he had in the daylight. His nose told him that there were nocturnal animals out and about, but he couldn't see movement. Either they were close, or the opossums and foxes all recognized him as a predator that could eat them if he really wanted to. Not that he was sure he could catch anything like this.
He'd adapted well enough to running and walking on four legs. It was just how this body moved best. But anything more coordinated was going to be interesting. He hadn’t done too badly once he’d gotten out of the motel room, but he’d been trying to project confidence for Sam's sake. Besides, he needed to believe in his ability to do this or else he was going to get them both killed. Sam wasn't defenseless, but he didn't have the mass and raw power that an oversized lion or a god did. He did, however, have a willow stake and a familiarity with how his body was supposed to move that Dean was currently lacking.
They crept along as silently as Sam could manage, which to Dean seemed excessively loud, until Dean heard leaves shifting in the distance. He gently bit the bottom of Sam's jacket and tugged backward, a signal Sam had decided they should use on the ride over. Sam immediately froze and killed the flashlight. Dean strained his ears for any sounds, easier now that Sam wasn't drowning everything out just by walking. There was definitely something in the woods ahead of them and to their left. Bigger than the rodents he heard scurrying through the underbrush. He moved around Sam, crouching lower to the ground on instinct as he prowled, leaving the path behind him. He didn't see movement ahead yet, but the noise was still distant, farther than he could see through the foliage.
He paused and made a soft noise to signal Sam to follow, then continued on. While he'd felt clumsy in the motel, he didn't feel that way now. Even though lions were made for the open plains, he felt comfortable moving through the trees silently, closing in on his prey. He heard Sam click the light back on, knew his brother couldn't navigate the undergrowth safely without it. Luckily, Sam was intelligent enough to hang back enough that Hera might not see him coming even if Sam alerted her to their presence. They continued on that way for several minutes, Dean's pace slowing as they approached.
Finally, he stopped completely, crouching in the low bushes and watching Hera move around a small clearing, brightly lit by the moonlight that hadn't been able to filter through the trees. She had a pair of goats in front of her, tied up on a simple stone altar. Sam and Dean hadn't found any teenagers, but it looked like maybe Hera had. Slowly she circled them, monologuing like a James Bond villain. She seemed unaware that she might have company.
"--filthy teenage boy! He isn't even faithful to you; did you know that?" She spat the words at the pair, shaking her head in disgust. "And you just let him do as he pleases. You are both disgusting. May your sacrifice to the goddess Hera cleanse and purify you both." With that, she pulled a wicked looking knife from thin air and raised it in preparation to slit the first goat's throat.
Dean, already tensed to pounce, leapt from the undergrowth and tackled Hera to the ground, claws and teeth swiping furiously at the goddess. She screamed in pain but fought back, throwing Dean across the clearing. He flew into a tree trunk with a sickening thud and felt something crack. He growled as he picked himself up, whimpering when he put weight on his front left leg. She had managed to get him with that knife after all. Hera was facing him, giving him all of her attention. Good. At least the kids weren't in immediate danger now. There was movement behind her that caught Dean's eye, and he spotted Sam creeping across the clearing, willow stake in hand and poised to strike. He frowned when he saw Dean limp closer to Hera, but then his face set in determination and he gripped the stake tighter. Dean just needed to keep her attention on himself, and he'd give Sam the opening he needed. Easy.
He growled, quiet at first as he tested it, lowering the pitch just a touch to be more threatening, and then he let it grow in intensity and volume until the noise filled the clearing. The goats on the altar struggled against their bonds frantically, and even Hera's eyes widened slightly in fear. Lowering his head, he stalked toward her, ignoring the pain in his leg and keeping his gait as steady as he could. It only took a couple steps to get to within striking distance, and Sam was close, almost close enough to make his move. Dean tensed and leapt at her, catching another swipe from her blade as she tried to fend him off. The pain just made him roar, mouth wide and baring his teeth as he lunged for her neck. He landed with his paws on her shoulders, but she didn't go down. Not that he'd planned on that. Instead of pushing her away and down, he pulled her to him, exposing her back to Sam's stake.
Sam stabbed her, and Dean watched her eyes go wide in surprise, then soften with just a touch of grudging respect. And then she was gone. Nothing happened for a moment after her limp body slid out of Dean's grip and they both landed hard on the ground. Then Dean's world exploded in pain once more.
Sam watched helplessly as Dean writhed and his body shifted back to human form. Hera was dead, and the curse was broken. They had done it. He hated seeing Dean in pain, but that didn’t stop the relief he felt. He got to have his brother back.
Twin groans of pain from the altar drew his attention to the newly transformed teenagers tied up there. He freed them and giving them a brief explanation of what had happened. They were scared and confused, but they at least seemed to believe him when he said it was over and they’d be ok.
With the victims relatively dealt with, he turned back to his brother. Dean was human again, laying on the ground, thankfully fully clothed. He was panting, which didn't surprise Sam. The transformation process looked like it hurt, and besides that, Dean had taken a few good hits in the fight. It was a normal reaction to pain, and he reminded himself of that as he jogged across the clearing. Of course, that did little to quell the worry blooming in his chest as Dean continued to lay on the ground without trying to get up.
Sam slid into a kneel beside his brother and immediately spotted the blood that hadn't been visible during the transformation process but was now coloring Dean's arm a dark red. "Dean?" he said, reaching out to turn Dean onto his back. That's when he saw the second knife wound, a deep cut in Dean's abdomen that had already turned his shirt into a sticky mess. "Shit." Sam shucked his flannel overshirt quickly and pressed it to the wound, pressing Dean's hands over it. "Hold pressure there, ok? We're going to get you to a hospital, and you're going to be fine." He could hear the panic lacing his voice, but he hoped Dean couldn't. At least they weren’t far from civilization this time. Hera had set up shop deep in the woods, but thanks to a proliferation of parking lots in the state park, they were only about half a mile from the car.
"Can you walk?" he asked.
Dean nodded, shaky. The lack of smartass remarks worried Sam, but he didn't have time to dwell on it. He pulled Dean to his feet and together they trudged to the Impala. Sam made good time installing Dean in the back seat and driving to the hospital, a story about how they'd been mugged at knifepoint ready for when they arrived at the emergency room.
Hours later, Dean blinked awake in a hospital bed, wrapped in a comfortable pain medication haze. Sam was in the chair next to him, passed out and snoring. Dean smiled softly as he eyed Sam, looking for signs that he'd been hurt too. His little brother looked intact, at least, and Dean felt sore but not like he'd been on the brink of death for once.
They ended up releasing him from the hospital that afternoon with a prescription for the good painkillers and strict instructions to rest. He would, while they drove. Holding his hand out for the keys, he smirked when Sam shot him a bitchface.
"You just got out of the hospital. No. I'm driving," Sam said.
"Oh, come on, Sammy. It's barely a scratch. I can drive," he said, even as he grinned wide and dropped his hand, moving to the passenger side without Sam having to make another argument. It had been for show anyhow; he was still exhausted and was looking forward to a nap. He caught Sam's worried face and felt his smile softening into something fond. "Seriously, Sam. I'm ok. You did good last night."
Sam's face contorted briefly until it was a mask, hiding the concern that Dean knew was still there, but he nodded at Dean and got in the car. Mentally, Dean groaned. Sam was going to mother hen him to death for the next few days, he just knew it. If he was lucky, he might still get to have some “thank God you’re alive sex” when they stopped for the night. So long as he played his cards right. Dean settled into his seat, smiling as Sam turned on the car and pulled them out of the lot. Sam might be on the wrong side of the car, but this was how things were supposed to be. Him, Sam, and the Impala, driving off into the sunset.
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1x06 - Food For Thought
Written by: Pamela Pinch
Directed by: John Fawcett
Original Air Date: October 24, 2010
Food for thought, indeed. I love this episode a lot. I think this is also the only episode written by Pamela Pinch in the entire series. Sad. Anyway, let’s begin.
Bo and Kenzi follow Lauren to make a house call for a Fae with food poisoning. Kenzi contracts the same illness--a fatal supernatural disease that will kill her within a day. The others do whatever they can to save her.
Side note.
I swear, I could make an entire blog just out of complaining about Lauren. But I will suppress my instincts. And I will not.
Kenzi hates Lauren for seemingly no reason (or at least, we can only guess at what the reason might be), and Bo tries to tell her that Lauren is more interesting than she seems. Is she?
“Just TRY not to break anything.” At what point have Lauren and Kenzi ever interacted enough such that Kenzi has revealed to her a propensity for breaking stuff and that Lauren is valid in being annoyed about? At WHAT POINT? Lauren is literally just saying this out of NOWHERE to be rude.
This is one of my favorite episodes in the first season. Not much moves in terms of the overarching plot, but character-wise, a couple things are happening. One, Kenzi’s family dynamic with other characters like Dyson and Trick becomes more solidified. Two, Bo and Lauren team up and deepen their bond. If you’ve read literally any of my previous posts it should not be hard to guess which of those things I care more about. (It’s the former.)
The premise of the episode is simple, which I like, if kinda gross. Kenzi gets sick, and the others must find a way to save her. Bo is the hero type, the kind of person who desperately needs to take action to solve her problems rather than be passive. As the protagonist, her actions need to move the story forward (or at least, the overarching story, though she needn’t be the protagonist of every individual episode). As the main character, the show often dictates that she be at the center of the action. As such, she immediately hits the pavement on a quest for the cure to Kenzi’s illness.
Joining her in this quest is Lauren, whose science-y knowledge proves crucial to breaking into a facility and obtaining an antidote. Lauren is instrumental in helping Bo save her closest friend, and appears to do so selflessly, with no ulterior motives. As a result, Bo is deeply touched. They tag team, they go on a mission together, and they bond. Bo trusts her a bit more now. On top of that, Bo is finally able to stop from killing a human in the middle of one of her feeds, thanks in no small part to Lauren’s treatments. Since Lauren has been on that journey of recovery with her, they also bond a little more over that. All of this is a build up to show us that Bo and Lauren have established a bond of trust by this point, and to show us that Bo now has several compelling reasons to care about and be grateful to Lauren. This is build-up that will have a payoff several episodes down the line, and we’ll see about that when we get there.
But because Bo is the hero, the Fixer, the action-taker, the one stricken with main character syndrome…while she’s out desperately trying to find a way to save Kenzi, sick Kenzi is left without her and someone else needs to take care of her while she’s…you know…scared, suffering, and dying.
Dyson primarily fulfills this role. In previous episodes, we have seen Dyson and Kenzi slowly build a friendship. When we begin the show, Kenzi is totally alone. She has virtually no relationship with her biological family and no friends of note. In the first episode, she chooses Bo as her family, accepts her into her circle of caring. Next, expanding outwards from this, naturally, comes Dyson, Bo’s love interest. Kenzi accepts him because Bo accepts him. Then, in her mind, Dyson betrays her trust by hurting Bo, but Dyson proves to Kenzi that he is a friend to both her AND Bo, so they make up and are cool after all. That’s where we leave them off when we start episode 1x06.
Do I think it was wrong of Bo to abandon Kenzi’s bedside to go off and find the antidote? No, not at all. Obviously, the antidote was necessary to save Kenzi’s life, which ultimately takes precedence over her immediate emotional needs. And saving Kenzi’s life is what Bo cares the most about. But I do find it incredibly interesting that this happened, because it sort of establishes a pattern in their relationship. A deliciously not super fun one. When the chips are down, Bo will always go to the ends of the earth to make sure Kenzi is physically okay. But in Kenzi’s most vulnerable, desperate emotional moments, is Bo always there to comfort her? Is she even often there to comfort her? I’m excited to keep watching and find out.
The good thing is that Dyson and Kenzi get a fantastic opportunity to deepen their bond instead. We even get this little moment with Trick, where we use an earlier scene to establish that Trick has this ancient artifact that is more valuable to him than almost anything in his possession, only to later show us that he is instantly willing to give it up just for the chance to prolong Kenzi’s life by a few hours.
I think the gravity of this is easily overlooked, given how forgettable those Trick scenes are by themselves. But let’s remember that Trick is like this gajillion year old Fae grandpa in a universe where humans are viewed on the same level as like…pet fish…and he was willing to give up one of his most valuable possessions to barely prolong the life of a human girl he hasn’t even known for that long. Trick, also, proves in this episode that Kenzi means something to him, and it’s pretty cute because we see that Kenzi cares about him too.
You often get the sense that while Kenzi cares deeply about the people around her, she isn’t sure if they return her feelings. There’s a vague mistrust. She’s a bit baffled by Trick’s caring about her as much as she is touched by it.
Kenzi is traumatized. Well, obviously. Specifically, she has trauma relating to hospitals, illness, and death. We don’t know why, at least not at this point. The show doesn’t bother giving us any flashbacks or tidbits of backstory as a way of explaining why Kenzi is freaked out by hospitals or why graveyards make her feel calm. I find this rather unique and refreshing. We don’t really need to know the details, at least not right now. What’s much more important is that we see the trauma that series Kenzi lives with in the present, and moreover, how she deals with it.
Her discomfort being in a hospital gradually turns to fear as she becomes trapped there herself, and we see her latch on to Dyson as the only beacon of safety and familiarity there. When she wakes up, she not only finds herself alone (the one thing that terrifies her the most), she witnesses a woman die before her eyes.
This is clearly very triggering for her and culminates in a panic attack. Kenzi reverts to survival mode at this point.
I find it poignant that she is aware that leaving the hospital may shorten the time she has left, but that she would literally rather die alone on the street than stay another second in there. Alone. Kenzi. Would rather die. Alone. She even says so. “I’d rather die in a ditch.” She’s that desperate to get out of there. What exactly did happen to her in a hospital way back when?
The graveyard scene is phenomenal. How does Dyson know to find her there, anyway? Did I miss that part, or just forget? It’s been some time between rewatching this episode and writing this, so maybe.
Kenzi doesn’t say much about herself, as usual, just that she used to come here a lot when she was a kid because “sometimes you just need a place to think, you know?” Graveyards are usually quiet and, depending on how you feel about them, peaceful. Maybe Kenzi grew up in a large, hectic household. An abusive, loud, stressful household. Maybe she has dead family members and friends that meant more to her than the ones she was living with. Who knows? I like that Dyson just sits and listens to her. He doesn’t try to pry, he doesn’t try to tell her what to do or strongarm her back to the hospital. Instead, he offers her a safe alternative and leaves the decision up to her. Kenzi agrees and asks if they can stay there a while first, because it’s nice. “Unless,” she says, “you have somewhere to be?”
There’s no resentment or maliciousness in that question. It’s genuine. She’s kinda used to people having somewhere else to be and something better to be doing.
Of course, he doesn’t. He doesn’t have anywhere else to be but there with her, supporting her. It’s a great character and relationship moment for them both.
I don’t have much else to say about this episode, though that was quite a lot.
Back to the beginning, as far as why Lauren and Kenzi don’t like each other, I have a few ideas. Mainly, I think they don’t like each other because the other doesn’t like them. Though, of course, that brings up a chicken and egg scenario, and I’m sure they’d both assert that the other disliked them first.
But beyond that, I think there’s something about Lauren’s air, her attitude, and her STEM academic background that doesn’t sit right with Kenzi. That and, of course, her general mistrust of doctors, which this episode establishes. Kenzi sniffs out Lauren’s elitism right away and it offends her to the core, since she grew up on the street and has no education except for the one she got there. In Kenzi’s defense, she has valid evidence for feeling this way about Lauren. If I remember correctly, “Just try not to break anything,” isn’t the first passive aggressive insult Lauren has lobbed at Kenzi’s intelligence, much less Bo’s, and it won’t be the last. Lauren’s dislike of Kenzi might be similarly rooted, if on the opposite end of the spectrum. Lauren is a careful, methodical person. Perhaps Kenzi’s seemingly off-the-hook, carefree attitude rubs her the wrong way for whatever reason. Or, gasp…maybe Lauren is bitter that Kenzi, a fellow human, enjoys such a relatively free existence and more equitable relationship with her Fae friends, while Lauren is, you know, no heavy spoilers, but, forced to bow to the whims of her Fae masters.
Love this episode. Next time, we have “ArachoFaebia,” another Andras episode, which I love slightly less, and probably won’t have much to say about.
#lost girl#bo dennis#kenzi malikov#bo and kenzi#lauren lewis#1x06#doccubus#dyson and kenzi#lauren and kenzi
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Birds and Bees
Sex ed for Elain, courtesy of Feyre and Azriel. Mildly NSFW.
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“Your sister’s agitated about something.”
Feyre looked up from her book, heaved a dramatic sigh, and said, “Nesta’s always agitated about something. What is it this time?” Azriel’s mouth quirked into what was almost a smile.
“While that’s true, I was actually referring to your other sister, and I don’t know what’s bothering her.”
Feyre shot to her feet, book falling to the floor forgotten. “Elain? If Lucien did something to upset her, I’m going kill him. Is he with her?” It had only been a few weeks since Elain had started accepting the bond, and everyone was still a little on edge. Though even Nesta had to admit she had never seen Elain so radiant. Lucien had been so sweet and gentle with her, always giving, never taking. A gentle brush of a finger on the back of her hand, cupping her cheek in his palm, presenting her with small gifts. A new plant she’d never seen before that one of his friends in the Summer Court had sent him. The little painting of bluebells that he’d asked Feyre to make that now sat on her dressing table. A beautiful, delicate silver necklace with a calla lily design. Even his sharp-featured face had eased, somehow, his one russet eye softer. But Feyre had been protective of Elain since they were children and old habits die hard.
Azriel’s smile solidified as he watched his High Lady struggle to control her instincts. “No, he’s not with her. Fortunately for him, evidently. She’s alone in the kitchen garden.” Feyre shot him a glare at his amusement and half-scurried through the townhouse and out the back door, vaguely aware that the shadowsinger was following. Sure enough, Elain was pacing a little among her plants, fingers brushing lightly along the leaves, lovely brow slightly wrinkled in consternation. Feyre paused at the doorway and studied her sister. Her beauty had always been delicate, ethereal, fragile even. Now, with the power of the bond glowing through her, it was stronger, still refined, but somehow felt eternal. Her growing joy and confidence had diffused throughout the house over the past weeks, and Feyre hated to see her backsliding into self-doubt. “Elain? Are you okay?”
Elain turned to her, wrung her hands, and then threw herself into one of the iron garden chairs with uncharacteristic vehemence. “I don’t know what to do!” She stared down at her lap, color staining her cheeks.
“About what?”
“Lucien!”
Feyre’s temper sharpened. “What did that fox-faced bastard do?”
Elain looked up, startled. “Nothing! Oh, no, he’s been wonderful.”
“Okaaaay…Now I’m confused.” Feyre slid into one of the other chairs, Azriel claiming a third, and they gave Elain their attention. “Are you unhappy with him in some way? Is he making you uncomfortable?”
“No, no. It’s me. I think I’m doing something wrong. Or not doing something.” She took a breath and blew it out in frustration. “It’s just…” There was a long pause while Elain studied the pattern in the wrought iron table. “Well, we’ve….kissed….and held hands….and now I don’t know what else to do.”
“Oh. OH.” Feyre and Azriel exchanged looks. “Um, have you talked to him about this?”
Elain just shook her head. Azriel started to say something, then stopped. He and Feyre had a brief conversation with their eyes, and then he said gently, “Males like being talked to, you know. We want to know how to make you happy.”
“But I don’t KNOW what I want!” she wailed. Once, that tone would have set Feyre’s teeth on edge but today she just felt sympathy for her. “What else is there to even do? I mean, I know you and Rhys don’t just kiss, right?”
“Ummm…No. No we don’t just kiss.”
“So what do you do?”
“Elain,” Azriel asked, his deep voice soft, his face unreadable, “do you not know about sex?” Feyre’s face lit up with sudden understanding and she almost laughed.
Her sister turned a charming shade of magenta. “I do too know about sex. It’s what animals do when they breed. But I’m not ready to have a baby and I don’t know…” Her voice trailed off.
Feyre had never seen her sister quite like this. Elain had always been modest, but she had always turned in on herself, kept her fears or insecurities internalized. For her to be willing to ask, to even talk about such matters, let alone with the passion in her voice…But where to begin? “You don’t have to have a baby if you have sex. You can take a contraceptive tonic so you won’t get pregnant.”
Her brow furrowed. “But…why would you have sex if you weren’t trying to have a baby?”
“A lot of reasons. Because it feels good. It’s a way of giving each other pleasure, of learning about each other. It brings you closer and makes you vulnerable to each other.” She noticed Elain’s alarm at the idea of being even more vulnerable. “In a good way, really! But if you’re not ready to actually have sex there are, er, other things you can do to give that same pleasure.”
“Like what?” Elain looked from Feyre to Azriel, almost desperate.
Clearly it was time to break it down to the basics. “You know how animals mate, yes?”
“The male gets on top of the female and grunts for a few seconds?” Azriel coughed and started rubbing his upper lip vigorously while Feyre bit the inside of her cheek until she tasted blood to keep from laughing.
“Yeeeesss….and when he does that,” Feyre thought quickly. Better to use anatomy terms or slang? Anatomy terms sounded more educational. “When he does that, he puts his penis in her vagina. Do you know what those are?”
“It’s what males and females pee out of, right? Isn’t that kind of…gross? How does that feel good?” Her brown eyes were wide, her mouth slightly parted as she stared at them. Feyre had never seen her sister so eager for knowledge. Trust sex to bring Elain out of her shell of propriety. The woman who could hardly bear to wear pants.
“You don’t pee out of your vagina, actually, but it’s what babies come out of. The male puts his penis the female’s vagina and kind of…moves it around. And there are nerves in there to make you feel good. Though sometimes the first time can hurt a little bit.” Azriel gave her a look that clearly said, ‘Not helping.’ “But if you’re not ready for that part of it, he can use his fingers or his tongue instead.”
Elain blanched. “His tongue? Down there? Isn’t it…dirty?”
Feyre looked to Azriel as if to say, “Your turn.” He shot her a glare that promised death by shadows at some point in the near future before answering. “No, Elain, it’s not dirty. It’s often very, er, pleasurable. For the male. Well, and hopefully the female.” Elain looked profoundly skeptical. “It allows us to taste you, and it’s very intimate. Most males enjoy learning what feels good to you, what you like. There are other ways of kissing, and touching too, that can also be…appealing.” Azriel gave up at that point; he had never struggled like this for words. The three of them sat in silence for a while, Elain’s expression one of careful consideration, Feyre’s torn between humor and horror at having to explain this to her older sister.
“Does Nesta know all this?” Elain finally asked. Azriel coughed again and raised his eyes to the sky, clearly hoping one of his brothers would swoop down and save him. Or a meteor.
“I would imagine so.” Given that she had opened the library door the other day to find Nesta’s hand down Cassian’s pants, both of them too involved with each other to even notice her brief intrusion; but she wasn’t about to tell Elain that.
“How did you learn it all? Are there books?”
Feyre’s mouth acted before her brain did. “Well, for me it was trial and error, mostly.” Azriel hummed to himself and jiggled his foot while looking fixedly at a spot about 3 feet above Elain’s head. “Though I’m sure there are books too, if that would help.” She started to rise, hoping fervently that this was the end of it, but she heard Elain murmur something and sat back down. “What was that?”
Elain raised her head, expression almost sorrowful. “Isaac. Isaac Hale. Was that how you learned?” Feyre nodded, her chest tight. She didn’t know if Isaac had survived the Hybern invasion. Honestly, she hadn’t even thought about him since they’d returned to Velaris. “Did you love him?”
“Isaac? No.”
“Then why?”
Feyre knew what she was asking. “He was my only release.”
Elain looked away. Feyre had never been ashamed of Isaac, of finding what snatches of brightness she could in a life that had been hell for her, but she knew her family had judged her for it. Even the sister sitting in front of her now, who had always been so kind, had been embarrassed by her. She shook her head at the memory, and Elain caught the movement.
“I’m sorry.” The words were so quiet Feyre would never have caught them without her Fae ears. “That we didn’t understand. I didn’t understand. Nesta said you were debasing yourself and I…I didn’t realize what it meant to you. Why you did it. I don’t know why Nesta said those things, why she was so hateful.”
Tears stung Feyre’s eyes. They had talked so little of those years before she shot the wolf and the world fell apart. She reached out and took her sister’s fingers in her own. Those beautiful, delicate fingers that yet were calloused from gardening. She rubbed her thumb across the backs of them. “It’s okay. I think Nesta always resented me a little.”
Elain shook her head. “No. She didn’t resent you, she resented what you showed her about herself.” There was nothing to say to that. After a minute, Elain squeezed Feyre’s fingers and withdrew her hand, sitting back in her chair. “I still don’t know why I want something more. Why this isn’t enough. It was always enough…with Graysen.” Feyre didn’t know how to respond. Was Elain feeling the pull of the mating bond? Was it just that she was maturing, was ready? Why had they assumed she would somehow know about this? Feyre thought back to her own first bumbling explorations with Isaac. The kisses more rough than tender, the quick thrusts, the brief bursts of pleasure that didn’t leave her sated. It had gotten better as they had experimented with each other, but even she didn’t know why they continued past the first time. Desperation, she supposed. Or boredom. Elain and Nesta had had each other, so she had sought out Isaac because he was kind to her, he didn’t judge her. But when Nesta had thrown Isaac in her face, it had never occurred to her that Elain didn’t really comprehend the accusations.
“How did I not know anything about this this?” She waved her hand through the air. “About sex and love and this…this ache for something more?” Elain’s voice was plaintive and it cut Feyre to the core. They always had seen Elain as so fragile, and had never thought to help her to find her strength, only to shield her with their own. For there was strength in this knowledge, in understanding what it meant to give and receive pleasure. Feyre had never really considered this before, that in protecting her they were weakening her. Sheltering her was crippling Elain as sure as Feyre’s illiteracy had crippled her. Azriel and Lucien alone out of all of them had recognized this, had sought to find that inner framework of steel to build on.
She opened her mouth to try to find words to convey some of this, but there was a sound and they all turned to see Lucien and Rhys in the doorway. Rhys’s amused expression told Feyre he’d heard most of this conversation through the bond but clearly he had not warned Lucien. The latter looked wary at the emotional currents running through the garden. “Everything okay with my favorite ladies?” he asked, smiling cautiously at Feyre as he came over to give Elain a gentle kiss on the cheek.
Azriel stood up abruptly. “I’m late for something incredibly important,” he said, then shot into the sky, wings flapping hard. Lucien and Feyre exchanged a glance, both remembering when he had said the exact same thing to her once, a lifetime ago. She stood more slowly and headed over to her sister’s chair, bending over to give her a hug.
“We should have taught you,” she whispered in her ear. “We should have explained.” She gave Lucien’s shoulder a quick squeeze, then joined her mate as they walked into the house. A glance back showed Lucien pulling up a chair next to Elain, leaning in to hear about her day. She in turn was smiling back, a flower turning to her personal sun, his gravitational pull too strong for her barriers to resist.
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