As another non-split aroace, you're so correct for saying that we're treated as the punching bags of both aro and ace communities. Like if y'all can accept and support straight aros and aces but are hostile towards aroaces, you're just aphobic. Yes even if you're aro/ace yourself. Aro spaces nowadays literally have the same attitude towards aroaces that exclusionists used to have towards asexuals, that we're weird freaks bringing purity culture into their "safe" communities just by existing and therefore need to be pushed out. And ace spaces still act like we're the bad guys and need to be pushed out of their "safe" communities because we can't romantically love other people, which makes us heartless monsters apparently. It's just exhausting. I've never seen aroaces being so hostile towards non-ace aros and non-aro aces, we're always trying to uplift their voices and bring awareness to their issues. But the moment we try to talk about our own issues in aromantic or asexual spaces we're told to shut up and let them speak over us because we somehow have it better than them. Not to mention the pressure to split your experiences into aro vs ace and prioritise one part of your identity over the other if you want to be taken seriously in those spaces. Like sorry but for some of us our aroaceness is interwined not split. But we're still aros and aces, still a part of your community. Stop trying to push us out of our own communities on the basis of aphobic stereotypes.

Honestly I've been kinda biting my tongue on it for a while because I understand why Aro and Ace ppl have been trying to separate the communities. it can be frustrating to constantly be paired with an identity that you don't relate to - but i feel like so many ppl have taken it way to far. They've taken the relatively understandable stance of "Aromantic and Asexual are not the same identity" and pushed it to the extreme of "Aro and Ace are so completely different they have nothing in common and NO overlap" and the worst part is i don't think anyone has particularly noticed.

Idk I was most active in the aro and ace communities when we still kinda shared communities. the idea that aro and ace were separate was still a thing (hell, aroaces were the ones helping to push that distinction. we wanted people to recognize our aro identities too, yknow.) but we recognized the overlap and similarities and supported each other... now it just feels like im seeing post after post reminding people not every aro or ace person is aroace and that people shouldt tag aro posts as ace and vice versa and "no ace people cant relate to aro experiences" "no aro people cant relate to ace experiences" because "They are so different they are completely not the same and don't have any overlapping problems at all" and as an aroace it sucks!

it sucks feeling forgotten in my own communities.

It's almost feeling like they are blaming us for there being this idea that people are are Ace must also be aro and people who are aro must also be ace. Like they know they cant get mad at the allos so they get mad at aroaces and act like we are the reason allos think this way. It's like aroaceness is only brought up to talk about how "Not everyone is aroace" or "aroace characters are so much more prevalent in media (Proceeds to only talk about ace characters)" or how aroace ppl must have an identity that means more to them - how their aro or ace identity must be more important or effect them more because they can't possibly intertwined and overlap and "hey you tagged your post with aro and ace tags but obviously its only about aromanticism/only about asexuality so remove some of those tags because it's annoying me" or worse I see aromantics being acephobic or asexuals being arophobic and it's like.... where do i fit in?

people think aroace ppl ran both communities as 1 community and they say it was bad and that we need to separate - but from my perspective it was two communities who worked together. the only difference now is that aroace ppl are getting pushed to the side. thrown under the bus. "you dont need rep you have tons of rep. society loves giving aroace rep!" and "not everyone is aroace. you're experience isn't universal and so you shouldn't talk about it" Aroace voices just got smaller. we got quieter. because our own communities decided we were privileged. we were more accepted than they were. or worse that we were actually the real freaks for not feeling both sexual and romantic attraction. we weren't palatable enough - there was nothing that could be used to normalize us. and besides, it was easier to just only fight for one set of rights, right?

and part of me understands it. it sucks. it sucks to always be a footnote. but guess what - aro and aces and aroaces are footnotes of the queer community. we're stuck here together and instead we're fighting over who's the more important footnote. we are all in the same boat and we're acting like we're not and trying to sink the ship forgetting we're all on it together.

to fit into society, what must one do? How must one act? how must they feel? must they be like everyone else, with the same wants and desires? do they have to be raised the same?what norms do they have to meet? so often in the media are we told that its love that makes us human, and our want for someone to spend our life with is was drives us forward, and what defines our humanity. ‘we are not just featherless bipeds’ they say ‘we are loving creatures who want to love’, but what if we love wrongly? in a way that society doesn't accept? what if we dont love at all and dont want to? Do we just have to accept our place as outcasts of society? but what if, furthermore, we simply dont know how, because its been buried along with our past, and will never be found again. how does one cope with a past that they cannot even come to terms with? and what if ones wants and desires are so hopelessly pointless that theyve been buried too?      there are many things i dont know, and there are also things i do not wish to know. However, some of the things i do not know and do not want to know are things that society thinks are important, and some of the things i am, society shuns.       though its become more acceptable in recent years, being gay in most societies is still a problem. they wish for gays to be like them, to fit in their box, and assimilate into their standards so that its more palatable for them. many heterosexual people who advocate for gay rights want this too, saying that were just like them, and we shouldnt be treated differently, but always there is the question of kink at pride, with many people arguing that it isnt family friendly, so it shoudnt be allowed. but families arent friendly to gays, often shunning or kicking out their non hetnorm children, casting them out, treating the like lesser beings, abominations, broken. this experience is so common that “queer people dont grow up as ourselves, we grow up playing a version of ourselves that sacrifices authenticity to minimize humilation and prejudice. the massive task of our adult lives is to figure out what parts of us are really use, and which weve created to protect ourselves.” - alexander leon.      this is what ive done, raised a false personality, one that i cant separate myself from, so that i can try and be safe, and try and resemble normalcy, so now im left to suffer until i become to be in a place that is safe for me to live who i truly feel to be. this is the acceptance that so many ally advocates call for, but this isnt acceptance; its assimilation. its telling queer people that we have to fit in with everyone else, and to drop whatever part of us that doesnt. not only does this hurt the community as a whole, but it removes entire portions from it, ranging from the aspec community to the swaths of people who use neopronouns, discounting and invalidating their feelings and opinions, telling them that not only will they not be accepted, but that they dont even belong, because they do not fit in with that the heteronormative precident calls for.      but the worst of it is that so many people within the community just accept that we have rights, not looking around them and seeing that just because they have rights, doesnt mean the work is done and that its party time the struggles of so many communities are undercut because rights for some of us were secured, but rights aren't all thats needed. acceptance, especially for those pushed furthest out, have yet to be fully achieved.      for some groups, like the aspec community, acceptance has only just begun for some parts of the community. seeing someone whos ace portrayed in the media is a rare occasion, but someone whos aro? rarer, and more often malicious. they see as as inhuman, lacking our sense of humanity, and decided for us that we dont belong in the respectable parts of society, pushing us out and treating us very, very poorly. its because of this that certain things were created.       the aesthetic of voidpunk was created by and aro, and describes the aro experience of society better than i could. it is defined as “a subculture among dehumanized groups that is normally described as the rejection of the human identity, and embracing being nonhuman. Both go along with applying those concepts to one's self, as a way of getting back at the dehumanization society has applied to them… It is exclusively for groups and individuals who face dehumanization from society”. while it is open to far more than just people on the aspec, it helps explain just to what extent we are not valued by the society at large, explaining that we are dehumanized, and for what? simply because we don't feel the same as everyone else, so we cannot be human.