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ihave-toomanyfandoms · 3 years

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Etho faces his mortality and meets god

The fic I wrote for the hermbi life server’s very beloved last life high school AU.

Also cross-posted to ao3 here!

***

“TA-DA” Bdubs shouted with a dramatic flourish, pointing at a vaguely car-shaped lump of metal on the side of the road. “What do you think?”

Etho glanced back and forth between the road and his friend, who was bouncing on the heels of his feet.

“What exactly is that?” He asked cautiously, already dreading the answer.

“My new car, dummy!” Bdubs answered, grabbing Etho by the arm and pulling him along. He placed a hand on the hood. “I named her Lulu.”

He gave the car an almost loving pet and then gestured for Etho to take a look. He started making a slow round around it, feeling Bdbus eyes on him every step of the way. Lulu didn’t look any less like a hunk of metal up close than from a far. Etho was by no means an expert on the subject, but he was pretty sure that a car wasn’t meant to have this many holes. He was also pretty certain that they were supposed to have more than one wheel rim.

“Bdubs, where did you get this?” He asked, still trying to discern if the car was actually just a really weird shade of brown or just dirty.

“Craigslist!” Bdubs answered with a proud grin. “She was a real bargain too.”

“What did you do, sort by cheapest and buy the first one?” Etho wanted to know, taking a step away from the car again. Bdubs grin slid off his face.

“No.” He muttered, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Etho raised an eyebrow. Bdubs turned his head away, not meeting his eyes.

“Bdubs.” Etho said after a moment of silence and Bdubs threw his arms in the air with an exasperated sigh.

“Okay, well maybe I did sort by that, but she wasn’t the cheapest. Besides, it doesn’t matter.” He leaned back against the hood and looked up at Etho with wide eyes. “What do you think?”

“It looks like it’s dying.” Etho stated and had to stifle a laugh when Bdubs eyes nearly bulged out of his head.

“Etho!” He shrieked, jumping off of the hood. “Take that back, right now!”

“I’m sorry, Bdubs, I’m just telling the truth.”

“If you don’t take that back right now, I’m never giving you a ride.” Bdubs threatened, voice dangerously low. “Never. Not to school in the mornings. Not to Dairy Queen. Not even to the hospital. Never .”

“You would rather leave me bleeding out on the side of the road?” Etho asked, cocking his head to the side. Bdubs met his critical gaze.

“ Yes. ”

“Alright.” Etho sighed. He was willing to take a lot of risks, but this was one he would have to refuse. Especially since Bdubs sounded dead serious. “I’m sorry I said your car looks like it’s dying.”

“Good. Now apologise to her, too.”

Etho felt his eyebrows disappear into his hairline.

“I am not apologising to the car .” He protested, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“If you want to walk to school for the next three years, be my guest.” Bdubs said with a sweet smile. “Otherwise, apologise to Lulu.”

Etho turned towards the car with another heavy sigh. The things he did just to sleep a few minutes longer.

“I’m sorry, Lulu.” He said, awkwardly petting the roof of the car. “I’m sure you still have a long life ahead of you.”

“Very good!” Bdubs exclaimed, clapping his hands together. He walked around to the drivers’ side and peered over at Etho. “Now, where do you wanna go?”

Etho shrugged, blindly searching for the door handle on the passenger side.

“Dairy Queen?” He asked, patting around for a few more seconds. He finally looked down and realised that it was missing.

“Dairy Queen it is then.” Bdubs said, sliding into his seat. A second later the passenger door opened from the the inside. Etho looked down and saw Bdubs draped over the middle console, his arm barely scraping the door.

“The passenger side only opens from the inside.” He said with a crooked grin, before sitting up in his own seat again. Etho shook his head and pulled the door open before getting into the car. Or rather he tried getting into the car. He hit his head on the roof when he went to sit down and then had to discover that his legs wouldn’t fit into the small space between the seat and the dashboard. He got out again, hit his head a second time on his way up and tried to squeeze one of his legs in first, but now he couldn’t lean down far enough to actually reach the seat. Grumbling, he got out once again, narrowly missing the roof this time, only to promptly bang both of his knees against the dash when he somehow folded himself into the front seat. He looked over at Bdubs who was watching the display with an amused glint in his eyes.

“It certainly fits you.” Etho said through gritted teeth as he reached over to shut the door. His knees were pressed against his chest.

“What do you mean?” Bdubs asked warily, fumbling around with his keys.

“It’s small.”

Bdubs elbow collided with his ribcage and Etho laughed.

“Seriously though, this is really uncomfortable.” He added, desperately trying to stretch out at least one of his legs but to no avail. He could already feel them cramping up as well.

“There should be a handle somewhere to make the seat go back.” Bdubs said and leaned over, fumbling around the underside of Etho’s seat. “Aha! Here, you just pull-”

The sound of cheap plastic snapping cut him off.

“Oh.” Bdubs said flatly and straightened up again. There was a thin black piece of plastic in his hand.

“Are you serious?” Etho asked, glancing over at Bdubs, who just shrugged and threw the piece into the backseat.

“You’ll just have to get used to it.” He replied with a grin, adjusting the back mirror. “And buckle your seatbelt.”

Etho seriously doubted that he would need it with how little space he had to move around, but complied anyway. Bdubs gave him a satisfied nod and turned the key in the ignition. The car jumped forward and Etho was suddenly very glad he had taken his friends’ advice.

“ Merde!” He called out as his knees hit his chin. The car came to a spluttering stop. Bdubs glanced over at him, a light dusting of pink on his cheeks.

“Sorry, she’s a bit twitchy.” He muttered and turned the key again.

“Yeah, I noticed.” Etho gritted out and braced himself when the car jumped to life again. For a split second it seemed like the engine would give up again, but then something else clicked and they started moving forward.

“See? Just a bit twitchy.” Bdubs said, patting the steering wheel. “I just need to get used to her a bit more.”

Etho doubted that one could get used to an engine that sounded like it was going to fall apart any second but kept his thoughts to himself. He had to admit that he was a little bit nervous. He normally trusted Bdubs with his life, but he had only gotten his license last month and the way he gripped the steering wheel like his life depended on it didn’t exactly fill him with confidence.

“Is there a radio on this thing?” He asked, breaking the tense silence.

“Yeah, but I don’t think it has an AUX or anything.” Bdubs answered, waving his hand in the direction of the radio. “Honestly, I haven’t really bothered with it yet.”

“I’ll see if I can get it to work.”

Etho leaned forward slightly, studying the buttons closely. The pain had rubbed off of some of them. He pressed the one that might have said CD once upon a time and was immediately rewarded with a blaring beat that made the speakers rattle. He jerked back, his ears ringing.

“Hermitgang, Hermitgang, Hermitgang, Hermitgang, Hermitgang, Hermit-”

“What is that?” He shouted, but Bdubs just shook his head. Etho hit the pause button a few times but either he had managed to hit it perfectly on beat or it was simply broken. He tried the eject button instead. The CD seemed to skip a few beats, a grinding noise coming from the radio before the music continued.

“ Hermitgang, Hermitgang, Hermitga-”

Etho turned the radio off and looked over at Bdubs. They shared a glance in the moment of silence that followed, before they both burst out laughing. Bdubs hands visibly relaxed on the steering wheel.

“I think the CD is stuck.” Etho said when he calmed down again, relaxing back into this seat. “Maybe I could - putain de merde!”

Bdubs took a hard left, sending Etho tumbling to the right, his elbow painfully colliding with the door.

“Sorry.” Bdubs said cheerfully, accelerating as they pulled out onto the main road. “What were you saying?”

“I said I could try and - the light, THE LIGHT!” He shrieked, grabbing onto his seat as Bdubs hit the breaks at the last second, coming to a stop just inches away from the car in front.

“What is going on with you?” He asked, giving him an incredulous look. “I’ve got everything under control.”

Etho stared at him with wide eyes and was about to respond when the light turned green and Bdubs hit the gas pedal, making both the car and Etho’s stomach lurch forward. He grabbed onto the handle above the window, his nails digging into the palm of his hand. Bdubs pulled out into the left lane and Etho turned his head towards the road again, staring straight ahead. He watched the next intersection approach and realised with horror that they would have to turn right. He glanced over at Bdubs, who seemed completely oblivious to this fact.

“Bdubs, we need to turn right.” He murmured and immediately cursed himself for saying something, because Bdubs merged right without a second glance and then turned the corner without slowing down at all . Etho was thrown around yet again and if he hadn’t been holding onto the handle he was pretty sure he would have been knocked over to the driver side. His heart was hammering in his throat and it didn’t get better when he looked over at Bdubs, who did not seem to realise that he was driving like a maniac, a serene smile on his face as he took another hard left. Etho’s head hit the window.

“ Je vais mourier.” He muttered under his breath, once again grateful that Bdubs did not understand a single word of French. “ Tu vas me tuer.”

“What?” Bdubs asked, looking over at him and Etho just shook his head, tightening his grip on the handle. He was surprised that he hadn’t ripped it off yet.

“Dude, relax.” Bdubs said with a laugh and he was still looking at Etho, why wasn’t he looking at the road? “I’m not that terrible at driving.”

As if to purposefully contradict his statement he immediately slammed the breaks and Etho couldn’t keep a scream from escaping him as he squeezed his eyes shut. His mind supplied him with a helpful vision of him hurtling through the windshield and he snapped them open again, just in time to see them come to a step at a red light.

“Seriously, you need to calm down.” Bdubs chuckled, nudging Etho with his elbow. “Or you’re gonna make me nervous too.”

Etho didn’t dignify him with a response, just took a deep breath and stretched out his fingers a few times. The light turned green and Bdubs set the car into motion again, a little more gentle this time. Etho was about to let go of the handle again when he suddenly accelerated again, crossing the line at the next intersection just as the light turned red.

Etho closed his eyes and started praying, trying to think of anything but the fact that he was currently strapped into the passenger seat of a madman, who was happily going ten over the speed limit in a car that was only held together through sheer power of will.

By the time they pulled into the parking lot Etho had convinced himself that none of this was actually real, that he had actually died and gone to hell and that this was his punishment for hacking into his middle school's IT-system and changing every single admin password to yourmom .

The engine came to a spluttering halt and he heard Bdubs open and shut the door. He slowly blinked his eyes open and stared up at the bright Dairy Queen logo in front of him. There was a knock against the window and he jerked upwards, hitting his head against the roof. He heard Bdubs laugh, the sound muffled through the closed door and the blood rushing in his ears. He fumbled for the handle and pushed the door open, a rush of fresh air hitting him in the face. Grunting, he pushed his legs out of the door and heaved himself out of the car. His knees were shaking so bad that he had to steady himself against the door. Bdubs frowned, looking him up and down.

“Etho, are you alright?” He asked and Etho had to hold back a hysterical laugh.

“Yeah.” He breathed, straightening out his back. “It was just a bit cramped.”

He let go of the door and took a wobbly step forward. Bdubs raised an eyebrow and then suddenly started laughing.

“What?” Etho asked, taking another unsteady step. Bdubs didn’t respond, just turned his head away and took a few deep breaths.

“What?” Etho repeated and watched as Bdubs turned back towards him, only to keel over with laughter again.

“The look on your face.” He wheezed and Etho crossed his arms in front of his chest, feeling his face flush red. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Well, you were driving like you were trying to kill us!” He said, his voice still a bit hoarse from screaming. His knees were starting to get back to normal though.

“You certainly sounded like you were about to die.” Bdubs chuckled, sending himself into another fit of laughter. “I think you actually started praying at some point.”

“I am aware.” Etho gritted his teeth. Bdubs just continued laughing, holding his stomach and taking laboured breaths.

“If you tell anyone about this, I am going to kill you.” Etho threatened, but it only made Bdubs wheeze harder. Etho stared at him for another minute or so until he finally calmed down again, wiping tears from his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Etho.” He coughed, bumping their shoulders together. “I’ll try to be a bit more gentle next time. Can’t have you quivering in fear every time I drive you somewhere.”

“Whatever.” Etho grumbled, pushing past Bdubs. He silently vowed that he would never let anyone else see him like this. He would never hear the end of it otherwise.

#last life smp #last life high school au #last life fanfiction #bdoubleo100 #ethoslab #my writing #hermbi my beloved #this au is so dumb but I love it so much

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