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tracybirds · 4 years

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Fluffember Day 20 - Kiss

I am sooooo not a romance writer and I was fully expecting this prompt to be filled by platonic kisses all around (bc that’s epic too!!) and yet I found myself caught in a thunderstorm while on a walk yesterday and this song came on and I was hit with Pen and Ink feels and so ta da

Fluffember prompts from @gumnut-logic as per always ;)

Enjoy folks!!

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They had been agreed from the start. Their feelings couldn’t get in the way of their working relationship – International Rescue and the lives they saved had to come first. It was during a hushed conversation in FAB1 that they had decided to keep things casual and strictly between the two of them. Easy, without the risk of hurting each other, no need for anyone else to know. Only, Gordon had surprised her. They weren’t supposed to fall for each other.

And now Lady Penelope had to suffer through a formal dinner and dance of her own making. She was the one who had insisted on a black-tie dress code and the one who had kicked up a fuss when Scott had initially denied her invitation on the grounds that International Rescue couldn’t just shut down for twelve hours. It was meant to be a nice time for society to gather, for the enigmatic Tracy brothers’ appearance to distract the elite from her intelligence gathering on select members in attendance.

And then Gordon, hopelessly cheerful and brilliant Gordon, had arrived in that tuxedo. Gordon so rarely wore tailored clothes on Tracy Island that she had forgotten how a well-fitting outfit could emphasise one’s lines and create an angled jaw that was thrown back just so as he laughed, drawing everyone’s attention towards him. He hadn’t even had the decency to wear a black cummerbund, but instead a golden silk was wrapped around his waist.

She couldn’t bring herself to look at him directly, certain that everyone in the room would feel the electricity passing between them.

“Nice party, Lady Penelope.”

The unexpected voice from behind her made her jump, and she scowled at the broad man leaning casually against the wall. Virgil should never have been able to sneak up on her, and admittedly if his brother hadn’t been doing such a fine job of distracting her, he never would have.

“Thank you, Virgil. Have you tried the canapés – they are truly divine.”

“I have, thank you very much,” said Virgil with a grin. He looked smug, as though he knew something she didn’t.

“Yes, well,” she said. No need to rise to his bait after all.

“Gordon’s looking good, all spruced up,” said Virgil slyly. “It’s not often we can get him out of his beach wear or wetsuits.”

Lady Penelope sniffed. “It’s a pity none of you brushed up his etiquette before bringing him here. A gold cummerbund at a black-tie event, I’ll never live it down.”

If anything, Virgil looked even more delighted by her comments.

“If you’ll excuse me,” she said loftily. “I have guests to whom I must attend.”

“Later, Penelope,” he called after her.

She hurried off to find something to critique or to hide herself away. It would be merely efficient if she managed to do both simultaneously.

She made it to the kitchens without incident and exhaled slowly, head in her hands now she was able to shut out the party.

“Lady Penelope?”

She looked up sharply and groaned inwardly as she caught sight of Alan.

“Are you okay?” He certainly sounded like the earnest teenager she knew and loved.

“What are you doing back here?” she scolded, hoping to distract him from his concern and side-step the issue of her losing control around Gordon’s baby brother of all people.

“John and I have a bet going,” he confessed. “Whoever can steal the most pigs-in-blankets gets to skip the next five parties.”

“I didn’t think you hated my parties quite so much, Alan.”

“Well,” said Alan, wrinkling his nose. “They’re just kind of boring, aren’t they?”

Lady Penelope has nothing to say to that. Even she can admit that her dinners are not to a fourteen-year-old’s tastes.

She might have garbled her excuses and made her escape if Gordon’s laugh hadn’t floated down into the kitchen at that very moment, as though taunting her.

“Gordon likes your parties,” said Alan, watching her closely.

“Well, that’s gratifying,” said Lady Penelope. “I could hardly host an event and have people walk away having not enjoyed themselves.”

“He hates getting all dressed up, hates having his motion restricted,” said Alan, slowly. “But he was so excited for this evening.”

Lady Penelope hardly dared to breathe. The facts were harder to brush off when they had been laid out in front of her by a teenager with too much wisdom in his eyes.

Alan grinned at her, bright and sudden. “Makes you wonder what he was so excited for,” he said before cheerfully swiping the aforementioned pigs-in-blankets.

“Seeya!”

“Good evening, Alan,” Lady Penelope sighed.

She waited a few more minutes, trying to collect herself, but Gordon kept laughing and suddenly it wasn’t enough to hear him through the walls.

She spun on her heel and pushed open the doors, intent on returning to the Lesser Ballroom where she had last seen Gordon. Her heart let out a high-pitched keening when she realised he was no longer there. Scott sidled up next to her, oblivious to her disappointment.

“Glad we came, Lady Penelope?” he asked.

No! she wanted to cry. This wasn’t meant to be so hard.

“I’m as thrilled as always, Scott,” she said. “You boys certainly know how to put on an act.”

“Comes with the territory,” said Scott. “And besides, we learned from the best.”

Lady Penelope angled her head slightly, acknowledging the compliment.

“Are you glad you came, Scott?” she asked.

Scott grinned. “Yeah, I was just being a bit of a hardass. Gordon was pissed.”

“Oh?” she asked weakly. If yet another of Gordon’s brothers wants to discuss him with her, she’s not so sure she can keep her emotions to herself anymore.

“Yeah,” said Scott, airily. “Yeah, he yelled at me for at least twenty minutes straight. And then he got John to run the numbers on our last stretch of significant downtime so he could get Virgil to sign off on medically enforced downtime.” Scott looked down at her with a smile. “Between the two of you, I never stood a chance.”

Lady Penelope sucked in a breath. ‘The two of you’, the simple phrase connecting Gordon and herself as though it were nothing. As though it didn’t mean everything.

Scott leaned down to whisper conspiratorially in her ear.

“It’s not often Gordon fights for something, he’s a pretty laid-back guy,” he said. “But do you know what I’ve noticed?”

“No?” squeaked Lady Penelope.

“Whenever he fights, it’s always for you.”

And then Scott Tracy – world class arse – is walking away, hands in his pockets. He’s even whistling.

She’s so caught up in the indignity of the moment, pink splotches on her cheeks and mouth open, she fails to spot John walking over to her until it’s too late.

“Pig-in-a-blanket?” he asks mildly.

“Oh, no you don’t, John Tracy,” she exclaims, whirling around to face him. “You don’t get to come over here and offer me a pig-in-a-blanket as though I can’t see exactly what you’re trying to do.”

“And what’s that?” he asks. He pulled the tiny sausage off the toothpick and chewed carefully.

“You’re going to lose your bet, you know” she said.

“You’re sidestepping the question,” he said, but he didn’t press further.

Penny didn’t say anything, she’d never been able to hide anything from John. John had a way of piercing her shields and plucking her vulnerabilities from her core and examining them under the light of day. He didn’t say anything either, but looped her arm through his and walked her to a quiet alcove cast in shadow.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

John smiled. “You already know,” he said.

And Lady Penelope found that she did.

Gordon.

He was leaning against the wall, and he pulled her close as soon as she was in reach.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey yourself,” she said softly. She exhaled carefully, resting her forehead on his chest.

“Hey, you’re okay,” said Gordon, his hands rising to her shoulders. He held her as she sucked in shuddering breaths, trying to regain a semblance of control.

When she stilled, he gently pressed a kiss against her temple.

“Want to tell me what that was about?” he asked, pulling away and searching her face.

“This party, it was too much,” she whispered. “I thought I could handle it, pretending like always, but then your brothers, and your laugh, and that stupid cummerbund –”

“Hey, I look sexy in this cummerbund,” complained Gordon.

“It’s a black-tie event, Gordon, that means black.”

She smiled though, which she knew had been his main objective. He always managed to make her smile.

“What if we stopped,” she said tentatively. Gordon stiffened, but didn’t pull away.

“Stopped what, exactly?”

“All this… hiding.”

Gordon did pull away at this, eyes wide.

“What about your evil enemies waiting to tear us apart?” The levity in his voice masked the uncertain look in his eyes.

“And what of yours?” she whispered. “What if a hurricane takes you from me? What if I’m kidnapped and buried alive on foreign soil? Just once, I’d like to explore a ‘what if’ that makes us happy.”

“And that is?”

“What if it turns out to be the best adventure of our lives?”

Gordon leaned down and kissed her. She could feel the twitch of his lips smiling against her and she could help but laugh as he picked her up and whirled her around.

“Feeling brave?” he asked her, as he gently placed her back on her feet.

Penelope thought of what Scott had said, the two of them.

Gordon bowed and offered her his hand.

She took it.

The world never stood a chance.

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #penelope creighton-ward #gordon tracy #pen and ink #with special features from!#virgil tracy #alan tracy #scott tracy #john tracy #and the high end elite of planet earth #but they don't say much xD #fluffember 2019 #sometimes i fic #fic

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queen-scribbles · 5 years

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Adi: Strawberry, Apricot, Sky, Periwinkle, Lavender? Tavi: Peach, Lime, Fuschia, Bubblegum? Charity: Strawberry, Starlight, Fuschia, Rose? Khellin: Scarlet, Mint, Cyan, Lavender?

ADI

Strawberry: What does your oc look for in a close friend?

Similar interests, fun to spend time with, good person, usually outgoing but that one’s not a requirement(she and Aloth get along really well)… Really, she could be friends with just about anyone who isn’t, like, a vile heartless monster. She’s really outgoing and open-minded.Apricot: How does your oc feel about stuffed animals?

She may still have several from her childhood sitting on her bed back in Ixamitl that she still loves very much. Maybe. It’s just possible.Sky: What’s the best dream your oc’s ever had? Did they tell anyone about it?

She was in an unending library and had literally forever to read as much as she wanted. There were several thought-lost/destroyed historical texts in there, along with whole volumes on languages and cultures that had died out before her grandparents were born. Also, a teapot that was always full of her favorite apple spice tea. I’m pretty sure that’s one she would have told Lottie about, since Lottie’s one of the few who would appreciate it as much as she did ;)

Periwinkle: What’s your oc’s dream job? Do they have any chance of achieving it?

Dream job would be researcher or historian who travels around investigating various ‘local legend’ type phenomena, to see how real they are and what the story is behind them(probably with Kana as her assistant. For reaching tall stuff.) To an extent she does that during the game events? So I guess her odds are decent. And that’s pretty much what she would do in a world where she didn’t always stick around to play Roadwarden.

Lavender: What outfit is your oc least likely to wear? How many layers do they need to feel comfortable?

Something ugly. She likes cute clothes and won’t apologize for that. xD BLame her father being a tailor or whatever you want, she much prefers things in complementary colors that look good over “”””functional”””. Other people can do as they wish, but cute is a high priority for her. And one layer is usually good, unless it’s really cold.

TAVI

Peach: What’s your oc’s comfort outfit?

Bare feet, comfy pants, shirt with the sleeves hacked cut offLime: What’s your oc’s comfort zone with physical affection?

She needs a good bit of space at first as she warms up to you, but once she gets there, pretty much anything goes. Holding hands, snuggling,standing close enough to touch, cuddling while you sleep etc etc

Fuschia: What does it take to make your oc really blush?

Oh, it takes alot(h) *cough* A lot. (sorry, I made the typo and couldn’t resist bc it’s mostly true :P) Tavi’s usually pretty open and upfront about what she wants and has almost too much self-confidence, so she’s really, really, REALLY hard to embarrass(a fact which frustrates Khellin to no end when they’re kids) She does get a little shy and blushy with a certain wizard during the mutual pining stage, but she’s not ashamed of or embarrassed by hardly anything regarding her love/sex life(or really lack thereof on the latter–she and Aloth are romantically involved but they don’t Sleep Together until Deadfire)

Bubblegum: Describe your oc’s ideal aesthetic bedroom setup in as much detail as you want.

OOH. Big, comfy bed with the quilt her grandmother made for her(one of the only possessions she lost in the fire that she genuinely misses; it was really soft and comfortable), a spot to keep her weapons and armor, worktable along one wall for the whittling(yes, she wants that in her bedroom. Fight her). Two windows for sunlight, but they have to creak so if anyone tries sneaking in that way she’ll hear them. Ditto for the door; it has to be creaky. At least half a wall of bookshelves + a good-sized desk for Aloth(bc her dream bedroom is theirs, not hers. join me in having emotions). The walls are probably either teal or sunflower yellow, depending on how big the room is and how much light it gets. Fireplace with a couple chairs and a loveseat. She would probably only have one medium-sized armoire for her clothes; she doesn’t have a lot.

CHARITY

Strawberry: What does your oc look for in a close friend?

Good heart, animal lover, easy-going, enjoys spending time together but not clingyStarlight: Would your oc decorate with fairy lights or tiki torches? Why?

Probably fairy lights. She’s more into the natural aesthetic of them looking like stars while also feeling sort of magical.Fuschia: What does it take to make your oc really blush?

Now? Getting caught in a really blatant, passionate PDA with her very-nearly-almost husband(i need to write their wedding, I really do). Previously, Edér vague-flirting with her would do it, as would anyone hinting at there being more to their relationship than Fake Courtship.Rose: What’s something your oc wishes they could forget? Is it a bad memory dulled by time, or a happy memory tainted by it?

Her sister dying. She doesn’t want to forget her sister, but the circumstances of her death were very painful for Charity(her sister caught that vorlas farmer illness that went through Readceras, Charity was… fourteenish at the time and still only an apprentice healer, but she was the best they had and she tried everything but her sister still died), and if she could lose the memory of that utter helplessness that would be nice.

KHELLIN

Scarlet: What’s your ocs’s love life like?

Bold of you to assume he has one. :P I kid. He’s a very quiet, insular person, so he definitely has to have a good rapport with someone before he even starts thinking about them romantically. He’s maybe danced around the edges of something with a couple girls in the Living Lands, but he’s like the definition of that quote about prospective partners having to compete with his solitude rather than another person, so nothing every came of those(And real talk, with my love of the Uptight Loves Wild trope, I’m seriously tempted to change my plans and have him fall for Xoti instead of Maia *cough* ). He doesn’t actually have any love life to speak of prior to Deadfire.Mint: Would your oc ever plant a garden? If so, flowers or veggies? Would the garden flourish or die?

He… might? It’s not outside the realm of possibility. He is an outdoorsy type, but it’s more the hunting/exploring outdoorsy type. If he did it would be veggies, bc he’s a very practical person. It would probably do alright, assuming the weather didn’t get too crazy and animals stayed away.Cyan: Has your oc ever traveled? Do they like to relax or plan out their vacation days down to the hour?

Sort of? The move from Old Vailia to the Living Lands wasn’t exactly by choice, but I doubt he would have stayed, with all the memories and someone clearly out for his family’s blood. In Tavi’s canon, he’s pretty content to stay in tLL and just go on forays into the wilderness there; there’s definitely plenty to do and see. In his own canon, he does get a bit of wanderlust, hence traveling with Odema’s caravan. He doesn’t really plan it out, though. He’s figuring he’ll see what things are like in this Gilded Vale place, but probably move on rather than hang aroiund.Lavender: What outfit is your oc least likely to wear? How many layers do they need to feel comfortable?

Ostentatious formal clothes. He’s much more comfortable in a simple shirt and trousers, or the hide and fur armor he wears to hunt. There’s no appeal in clothes that feel like you can’t move for fear of getting them dirty.

#adela tecali #tavi illani #charity #khellin illani

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dork-cresswell-blog · 7 years

Photo

screams i love him and rereading this app gave me so many feels i died. have at it babes.

♔ INTRODUCTION

HELLO!! I’m Snow, I’m 20 years old and I’m from the (GMT)+3 timezone. I use she/her pronouns.

♔ ACTIVITY

I’m active in one other rpg currently, and I have college to keep me a bit busy at times ( a BIT lmao) but I always make time for rp, and I can safely say I’ll be online 6-7/10 of the time.

♔ HOW DID YOU FIND US?

A whiiiiile back through the hp rp tag.

♔ HOW ARE YOU?

Nervous? And excited!! And very giddy bc i fell in love with the character I’m applying for and I can’t wait for the chance to play them in this verse ekbfuceos Ikwdcn!!!

♔ WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?:

Weirdly enough I never thought of this before, but I suppose – Neville Longbottom. Or Severus Snape. I can’t decide.

♔ ANYTHING ELSE?

nope

IN CHARACTER

♔ DESIRED CHARACTER

Dirk Cresswell.

♔ FACE CLAIM

My absolutely number one choice for dirk would be Ezra Miller. He just has the exact look I had envisioned for Dirk while writing him out in my head, especially in Perks – the easy-going attitude, the dramatic hand gestures, the charming smile, the confidence, and the slightest touch of flamboyance. If the admins can’t see him working, I could go for landon liboiron, who shares similar qualities with Ezra but isn’t quuuite what I’m looking for – in a pinch, Xavier Dolan could work for me, but he doesn’t have nearly enough smiley gifs tbh he needs to be less emo (still pretty tho my GOD) or nico Tortorella, who has the confidence and positivity but not, er. The gait, I suppose? I dunno, but I’m really hoping Ezra works for you guys, he’s really the best choice I could think of!! (for some reason Miles Tiller just doesn’t click?? With me?? At all??)

♔ REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

I love, love, love building characters up from scratch. Writing out a character from the ground up and layering them with complexities, with virtues and vices and faults, with feelings and insecurities and demons of their own, I love it. It’s the most exciting thing I could think of, and I love writing characters with blatant, intriguing contradictions – the elegant lady with a lion’s roar, the honest man who is a hypocrite as well, the boy who both craves and hates the idea of affection, at once – I love exploring their nuances, seeing how they play out, how their traits push and pull at one another and make the character whole, alive and breathing as though they were real. I guess you could say it’s my passion. It’s also why I tend to choose characters who were barely canon, or who were ocs of the roleplay. It gives me a wonderful amount of freedom to be creative, and I like to take full advantage of that.

Dirk Cresswell strikes me as someone who is confident and arrogant and a little flamboyant, but hardly with the self-esteem to match. he’s petty and competitive and a little dramatic, but he’s also rather clever, intelligent, and competent. He is kind, and loyal, and unforgiving. Betrayal is a sin, an unforgivable sin, and yet what he does with Aversio is not betrayal to his friends – protection, justice, It Has To Be Done. He gives it a hundred names, a hundred reasons, and learns to shoulder the guilt and adjust to the weight of it and keep moving. (he is yet to forgive himself for it, but he was never deluded enough to think justice was easy to come by. If the price for their safety is to taint his relationship with them, then he is willing to pay such a price.)

(the thought occurs to him, once – would it be betrayal if he were to simply severe ties with them, if there were no friendships for him to forsake, if he were not forced into a conflict of loyalty and justice? would he have to betray his friends if they were simply no longer friends? The thought is dismissed with a wry abruptness – perhaps a braver soul than him could go through with such a thing, perhaps a better man than him would do it. Dirk is content, for now, with reminding himself of why what they’re doing is important, why Aversio is the only way.)

He is an arrogant boy with an inferiority complex. He is driven by his emotions – he loves and he loves fully, with an open heart, but he never trusts with the same ease, he was a boy who was shown love and taught not to trust it. in his veins thrums a desire for justice, for fairness, for equality, it beats and it burns like a second heart, it keeps him awake some nights and it keeps him moving. It drives him, this keen sense for right and wrong.

Dirk is not an idealist, however. He is an optimist, though his optimism is not born of naivety – it is not born of ignorance, of innocence, he knows of tragedy and he knows of prejudice and of oppression, but seeing the best in life and the best in people is what he chooses to do, what has helped him past the dreary days when he’d thought there would be no light at the end of the tunnel.

to further show how I envision him to be, I would like to expand on some of his traits:

+ TALENTED:

Dirk’s magical talents were difficult to miss, even to those who really, really tried, and it was not entirely for the considerable amount of bragging on Dirk’s part – though, arguably, that was a large part of it – but his hands, deft with potions and charms and defensive spells, where quick to catch people’s attention, and keep it. his exceptional dueling skills had not gone unnoticed, either, not by his teachers, and certainly not by his pureblooded schoolmates, who have repeatedly tested his abilities first hand.

+SOCIABLE:

Dirk is That One Kid that knows everyone, and who everyone knows. He joined every extracellular activity the school had to offer at one point or another, he never missed a chance to hang out and have fun, and he was always interested in meeting new people and making new friends. His easy humor and confident attitude drew people to him and relaxed them in his company, his optimism and cheeky remarks making him an uplifting presence to have around. He is secretive, however, keeping his emotional troubles and inner demons far away from preying eyes, even those he considers close, preferring to pull a cheery grin upon his lips than admitting to the guilt than is slowly chipping away at him from within.

-TRUST ISSUES:

Dirk has been shown love and taught not to trust it. a parting gift, from his mother, one could say. he finds difficulty – immense difficulty – in sharing his troubles, or his secrets of any kind, with anyone. he loves and he cares about his friends and there is very little he wouldn’t do for them, but trust is something that is difficult to come by, for him, and it is something that frustrates his friends to no end.

-ARROGANT:

Dirk has an exaggerated sense of his own abilities. He is talented, yes, anyone would be hard pressed to deny that, but he tends to – overestimate, what he can do. It could also be put down to his perfectionist nature, that he would bite off more than he could chew and simply expect himself to rise up to the challenge.

It is also important to note, however, that as sure as he is of his own capabilities and talents, he is never sure of himself. Of Dirk, of his own self-worth and of his own self-esteem. He is an arrogant braggart with an inferiority complex.

♔ PREFERRED SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS

SEXUALITY: gay, and not particularly interested in hiding it.

SHIPS: tbh I’m all about chemistry. I don’t particularly mind if no romantic interests cropped up along the way, i’m more interested in exploring dirk as a character first and foremost. If a romantic interest does come along I would absolutely be down to explore that as well – I would also be interested in plots that don’t necessarily end happily for either character tbh lmao angst is my natural scent like fucking slather me in it okay. (side note: I love. Unlikely pairings. Very much.)

♔ CREATE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

Mockblog: dork-cresswell.tumblr.com (I posted the kinda sorta long history/bio section in the mockblog, I hope it would be considered as part of the application as well? Thank you :) )

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

Is there, like. Is there a potion to just. Make pureblooded bigots stop being so bigoted? Or make them disappear, or something, I’m not picky.

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

Sal, definitely. Did you see her swing that wretched bat of hers? You don’t want to get in the way of that, it’s absolutely sick. you’ll love it. And I suppose some food would be good, for the object, wouldn’t it.

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

When to take a bloody break. I can never do that. Sal’s always breathing down my neck about it, but I can’t bloody well help it, okay? Somethings just have to get done.

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

That I’m a braggart. Because I’m not, and anyone who says that is a bloody liar, okay? I just like to let people know I’m better than them. Sometimes. At some things. It’s not bragging if it’s true, is it?

(ooc: That he isn’t good enough. That he is lesser, that he is a disappointment. His perfectionist attitude is largely due to survivor’s guilt – he blames himself, in part, for what had happened to Robert, and had subconsciously spent the years following trying to make up for what he’d ‘done’, or hadn’t, as it were.)

WRITING SAMPLE

darkness. that was the first thing he was aware of. and soft covers – softer than the ones he had at his apartment. a distinct feeling of annoyance…

“–et up already!”

ah, yes. little sisters, he’s been told, were angels. it’s a good thing he doesn’t believe everything he’s told anymore. he buries his face further into the pillow, and tries not to think of why he made his way here in the middle of the night. “leave me alone.” he mutters, a little petulantly.

“dirk, it’s getting late. get up.”

“i can’t.” he groans, perhaps more wounded than he really was. “you’ll have to go on without me. i have reached the end of my tether, i can only further hold you back.”

“dirk.”

“i’ve lived a fulfilling life, i have no regrets. you have to promise me you’ll do the same.”

“dirk.”

“no.” he waves her away, burying his face further into the pillow, though that’s only to hide the growing grin upon his face. “i know it’s hard, but you can live without me, Sal, i believe in yo–” and the world flips, suddenly, upside down, light assaulting his eyes as his head hit the floor with a loud thud.

there is a moment of silence. from his place on the floor, he blinks. “why would you do that.”

“you were being dumb again.”

he sits up on his elbows, blinking up at her again. “you pushed me off the couch.” he repeats. “what kind of sister does that?”

she rolls her eyes, though there’s a hint of a smile pulling at her lips. she throws him a bottle of soda and he catches it. “go wash your face.” she says, sitting down beside him and opening a bottle of her own, evidently not expecting him to get up and go wash. “you’re gross.”

“thanks.” he deadpans, sitting up and leaning his back against the sofa. “i feel so loved.”

the room is silent, then, save for the sound of bottles clinking, the caps popped off and the bubbles hissing away. she adjusts herself for a moment, and dirk waits for the inevitable.

“well?” she asks, and she doesn’t have to add anything, she’s asked him this a hundred times: what’s going on? why did you come here in the middle of the night? why were you screaming in your sleep? why are you scared? why are you hurt? can’t you tell me, your sister, am i losing you too?

he doesn’t say anything. he never says anything. he is afraid his lips would open and his sins would all come spilling out, that he would tell her everything, everything, that she would not understand. That she would look at him and see something vile, something scary. that she would never want to look at him again. he says nothing. he can’t afford to lose her too.

“oh, i see.” she says, a lilt to her tone that would have suggested lightness, in a less dreary moment. “you can’t tell me, again.”

the air grows heavy between them, thick with secrets he can’t not keep. ‘i killed someone’, he wants to say, desperately, but doesn’t. he brings the bottle to his lips and takes a long swig instead.

he is not a murderer. he is not Dark, he is not a bad person, he is not a criminal. he knows this, he knows, and he knows they’re all just doing what has to be done, that Aversio is the only way, that fighting fire with fire is all that seems to work.

he knows this. he knows what they’re doing, and he knows why they’re doing it, and he knows why it’s important.

but some nights he needs to remember. some nights he seems to forget.

she rests her head against his shoulder, her hands wrapped around his arm. he only lasts a beat, or two, before he turns and envelopes her in his arms as well. he holds her tightly, his mouth pressed into a thin line, careful not to say a word or more would spill.

this is what he’s doing: murder.

this is why he’s doing it: she is here. she is here, and alive, and whole, and unharmed. she will stay this way, and he will make sure of it.

#{ app }#{ bio }#{ eurbfueribu im so emo h e l p }

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