dazai approaches life with the idea that wanting anything is pointless because it will be taken from you

chuuya keeps losing everyone important to him and yet he keeps going, he finds new friends, he keeps living as his own person

in a way, chuuya's life is like a confirmation of dazai's bias; any time he has something good, someone important to him, a connection, it gets taken away from him

and yet unlike dazai, he doesn't give in to despair

and i think that might be one of the reasons dazai finds him interesting enough to care about. because chuuya actively challenges the way he sees life itself just by doing his own thing. he doesn't go out of his way to talk dazai into seeing value in life, and i think this is the sort of language dazai has an easier time speaking

"Does Shen Qiao even like Yan Wushi?"

I feel like it may be relatively easy for people to pick out "what does Yan Wushi like about Shen Qiao / what does YWS get out of yanshen." but I think a criticism/line of thought I see around is people struggling with "well what does Shen Qiao get out of all of this?" and like, "does SQ even like YWS, what with how YWS annoys him and gets him angry all the time."

But I think that actually is the crux of their relationship, lol. Because if you think about it, to everyone else, Shen Qiao is this lofty ideal, this untouchable immortal/仙, maybe even this obstacle or goal to conquer or shoot down.

Who else treats him casually and teases him and pokes at him to get emotional reactions out of him because they like that about him?

If he wants to seek people who treat him with respect and reverence, he just has to step out into the city square - hell, he just has to travel out and random people he meets are likely to treat him with that sort of dazzled awe or reverence too (we literally see this happen several times in the course of the novel).

So yeah, I think joking not joking, YWS makes him angry and feel Emotions and he likes that, YWS is enrichment for him, YWS pushes his buttons and his boundaries but reframing that it's pushing him out of his comfort zone and like hardening him off to the elements and realities of the world like a gardener with plants out of the greenhouse. But also, YWS treats him like a person, like a man, and not like Shen-daozun, Shen-daozhang, Shen-zhangjiao. To Yan Wushi, Shen Qiao is Shen Qiao. (and he loves to tease the shit out of him hehe (￣▽￣) )

CONVERSELY! This also gives Shen Qiao a space to *be* Shen Qiao. With Yan Wushi, he does not have to be Shen-daozun, Shen-daozhang, Shen-zhangjiao. He does not have to always be magnanimous and generous and a bastion of righteousness. These are in his nature, yet, but it's not ALL of his nature - he is, after all, still a man, a human, with human emotions -- including the full breadth of human emotions. Yes Yan Wushi annoys him and he shows it, but it's specifically BECAUSE of that that they are closer than him and anyone else in the world. He can "be himself" around Yan Wushi, he can get worked up and be petty and be snippy, and it's fine and won't cause catastrophes or undesired splashdown sociopolitical effects.

But also, he (lets himself?) get worked up by Yan Wushi - they HAVE that level of intimate understanding with each other where they can be like this and not have feelings hurt in any irreparable way. This isn't something that SQ does (lets himself do?) with just anyone, which we see throughout the novel reflected in his internal narration and comportment. So really, the fact that he DOES get annoyed with YWS shows that they are on a different, more "real" level with each other than SQ is with anyone else.

And like, they didn't get there in a day, sure, but imo we definitely see through the novel how they get there, so imo, the yanshen relationship is incredibly justified.

(I also say this bc I think literally every "I've connected the two dots" moments I've had in my reread, I would metaphorically flip the page only to be met with that connection I'd made spelled out on the page by MXS lmao. Like... yeah okay MXS *shakes your hand* you know your stuff. oh and also because I do think there may be some level of skepticism about yanshen esp from SQ's side floating around lol, but like... MXS did the legwork! yes chapter 45 happened, yes YWS never "apologizes" with words, but that doesn't mean that they don't share a deep mutual understanding of themselves and each other by the end, nor that they haven't moved past the events of literally 83 chapters ago, 96 if you count the extras -- a whole literal two-thirds of the novel ago. Like, I know we piss on the poor here and many educational systems around the world are in shambles these days, but work on developing reading comprehension skills, pls :') )

(lmao rip this post got long AGAIN. well, hopefully at least some people are reading all of this lol.)

hello petz5 nation i am once again on the verge of tears bc of akane tendo

"i know we shouldn't be killing rhea and i personally am against it and my gut tells me this is wrong but i'll do it anyway because nobody else uses logic on this route anyway!"

having a moment about my gender rn and i'm just like ugggggh @ my brain do we have to. like can we just not

Idk if anyone’s read a little life but I just reread it and I have so many thoughts okay… I’m gonna spoil the fuck out of it and just say what I gotta say!!

Ok for starters it definitely isn’t for everyone, and if it’s too much for someone to read and it would send them spiraling that is so deeply understandable! and like yeah pls PLS don’t read it if it’ll ruin your mental health like you are so much more important than a lesson on a page!!! But like the argument that it’s suffering simply for sufferings sake is simply untrue to me bc there’s so much to unpack in that book, and so many lessons,,,, 4 starters I think the reason it’s so descriptive is that we’re supposed to be transported into a mindset of someone deeply traumatized, and whether it’s to the same extent as Jude or not, the point is that some people are traumatized to the point it’s unspeakable, and what does that inability to speak on such a huge part of your life and your psyche DO to a person?? And I think we as the reader are taking on what Jude (standing in the place of many traumatized ppl) is terrified of people thinking of him - that he’s a burden, that his pain is too much blablabla, and it IS. And we’re meant to care for him and to sit and witness that pain anyway bc it’s through that witnessing process that people heal. I think a major part of why Jude ultimately doesn’t fully heal is bc he is so fixed in his self image, and so unshakably reluctant to disclose his past that he just constantly has to sit with himself and hear the echo of his own opinions of himself, and they’re awful fucking horrific feelings. And I don’t think it would have the same effect without his suffering being so relentless, as in I don’t think it was for no reason. Like it’s so bad you eventually feel numb to it, and we go through what Jude goes through, and we bury it and we can’t even comprehend it anymore, and that’s why it’s just so fucking ingrained and impossible to speak of and consequently let go of. Sigh anyways idk if this is making sense 😹😹 I’m going through a little life phase as u can see and I really disagree when people say it’s so much pain for no reason or “trauma porn” like yes it’s ABSOLUTELY not for everyone and it’s a violently disturbing read… but not for no reason. there’s so much to learn from witnessing Jude’s suffering, and I don’t think yanigahara was just torturing him for fun or for the sole purpose of upsetting or disturbing the reader … BASICALLY … my key takeaway is that we all need each other. We need to bear witness to each other’s pain, and the same way that not everyone’s gonna be able to read this book, not everyone’s gonna be able to bear witness to your pain, but SOMEONE will, and someone will love you behind all of it, and letting someone witness what you’ve buried is never pointless, or for nothing, in fact it’s necessary

i think the reframing of girls disliking pink and other stereotypically feminine things as internalized misogyny that you should overcome by the time you're an adult woman is an immense feminist loss

feel free to disagree with me on this word vomit but: i dont think hori is the best friend for shuu - at least, not to begin with. she has character development that is worth talking about. she is a very good foil to him, but i feel like people often forget that hori and shuu work together because they are both sides of the same coin.

i feel like her and shuu suffer from the same issue - neither one is willing to admit that they actually mean something to each other.

i think this is actually more obvious in hori. Perhaps just my bias talking, but when i read the light novel, hori seems to look at shuu most of the time with something of an invisible eyeroll. he is only ‘fun’ when it benefits her camera. one could argue that this viewing of shuu as someone only interesting when hori views him as photogenic or when he is attempting to do something ridiculous, is perhaps more demeaning than hori being referred to as a pet. pet implies a level of affection, that seems condescending, but still maintains that level of admitting to a form of affection - even if it isn’t necessarily appropriate.

their relationship mirrors a motif i have been talking about a lot lately in relation to shuu - the relationship of a wild animal and a wildlife photographer.

im not saying she doesn’t care for him - whilst in re she claims she wants him to be fun and interesting again, i understand that she does genuinely care for shuu. but in a sensec their friendship is sort of passively parasitic, and whilst we might blame shuu for that, when viewed through the lens of a photographer and a wild animal - one’s existence becomes the other’s plunder. it is symbiotic in a sense. where am i going with this? idk. word vomit!

i think hori is difficult to characterise accurately because of her lack of canon characterisation, but i think often, we criticise shuu more than hori, when really the narrative around them makes a point of them being direct parallels. shuu’s gain from their friendship, prior to :re, seems somewhat more genuine.

I don't have much to say about Magne other than there was an Attempt, but. That time when Twice and Toga got angry with Overhaul for misgendering her was already indicative of what I'm going to get at in a sec, and obviously it was especially relevant because it was a direct show of respect and support from people who very clearly cared about her (and who called her big sis already as it was!!) (×2 imo because Twice was intentionally written to be the readers' insight into the LOV, and the character with whom they were supposed sympathise with the most at/since the beginning, so it's especially important that the first one who spoke up was him), but the story's progression (especially in recent years) is what most assures me that despite a rather poor execution (definitely not the best, but also certainly not the worst) Horikoshi did mean well with her. "People bound together by the chains of society always laugh at those who aren't" :(

anyway finally finished girls to the front. obviously had a lot of opinions about it. i have a lot more respect for the day-to-day lived realities of riot grrls and the underground community fostered. but like. man. is the music so secondary. my main critique of riot grrl is it took many of those bands growing out of the movement amd growing up to hit something truly, artistically great (music-wise).

hm. i think i am going to stop going to counseling. he does not understand me. he pathologizes things that are not pathological.

not going to write out the essay forming in my head but it’s so crazy to me like i know my vision of dennis is not universal and is mostly influenced by me thinking it’s fun to woobify him with fellow tumblrinas but it’s like…..how are people watching the whole show and thinking he is actually cold hearted angry and calculated and a genius potentially a secret serial killer and that this extends to his relationship with the gang…like idk it’s just funny to me…..there is so much in the show that goes against that

I will always remember the day I was explaining my uncle why I typed him as an ENTP and when explaining his functions he said "oh no I think i'm way more this Ti thing than the Ne thing INTP makes more sense to me"

and he kept disagreeing with me for like half an hour AND HE KNEW NOTHING ABOUT MBTI WHILE I KNEW A LOT AND KNEW WHAT I WAS SAYING

and that whole discussion just showed me why i was exactly right in typing him as an ENTP

clone wars era obi-wan funniest guy ever bc "inside, he still feels like a padawan" from the rots novel and "oh, so you have kenobi's arrogance" from maul's fight w ahsoka are both lines that i think not only apply to him but describe him very well even tho they seem like they contradict one another . and basically the way i see it, around his loved ones (esp anakin) he feels like he's not done enough bc of how the loss of ppl hes cares about weighs on him (qui-gon, and later w satine). the "i think i may not be good enough" mindset is bc he thinks he's failed before and will fail again

but around his enemies he's a little bastard who can and will pour salt in the wound over how he cut off your legs. snark man central. he'll be disarmed and beaten up yet still find it within his loving heart to make fun of you. maybe a bit of it is a front but also i think he does have a genuine bit of ego to him in the specific regard of "i am a skilled duelist and i know this" and you can see it shine through the best around ventress, maul, and grievous

basically what im trying to say is that obi-wan can be a bit overconfident in his own abilities when he fights but he's the complete opposite when it comes to being a teacher and a friend and how best he can meet the expectations of the ppl he cares about

GIVE US A KITTEN UPDATE PLS TT

i kept it :)

ik i said i was going to find a good home for her (it’s her for now bc i think it’s a girl but we don’t know yet until we take her to the vet 🥹) but after not finding anyone that wanted her plus arguing with some ppl and family members over it (i’ll rant in the tags about it) i decided to try my best and give her that home myself even though ive never had cats, only dogs my whole life and don’t know the first thing of dealing with cats so it’s gonna be an interesting journey lol

thankfully my dog is obsessed with her and she also warmed up to him quickly so now they spend day and night playing, i have an old play cushion from when my corgi had her babies so they play on it all the time bc if i leave them on the couch for too long they scratch it 😭

vid of them playing under the cut 💗

i can tell twitter users are slowly going to make this website so, so much worse, and eventually do the impossible and make it go up in flames