#back on my acab bullshit
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bloody kisses — part one: less than zero
pairing: shane morrissey/tim rockford
rating: E (18+) mdni
word count: 5k
content: vaguely takes place in the 00s, age gap (shane is 23, tim is 40), internalized homophobia, hurtful names (fairy boy, faggot, queer as a slur, etc), a gay porn magazine, lots of references to peter steele of type o negative (and his playgirl issue), male masturbation, acab, some angst, if i missed anything lmk!
dividers: @saradika-graphics
beta: @chronically-ghosted (ily ♥)
summary: shane has been in denial about himself for a while. newly single and with the help of one of his favorite singers, he opens his eyes to a new venture he could possibly take: the cop he sees on a semi-regular basis, detective tim rockford.
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The kid was a fucking regular at this point.
Tim just happened to be in the station every time the kid got caught. Maybe he was doing it on purpose, who knows.
And God help him, Tim sorta liked the little shit.
“Don’t you ever get tired of coming here, Shane?”
“I told you, my name is–”
“I’m not calling you that and you know it,” Tim sighed exasperatedly, rubbing a large hand over his face. “Why did you steal the magazine?” Tim’s voice was almost bored when he asked.
Shane stayed quiet, picking at the chipped black nail polish on his fingernails. He was looking down, chains jingling from how quickly he was bouncing his leg. Was he nervous? Tim didn’t think the kid was ever nervous. Or, well. Acted like it, at least.
Shane Morrissey, twenty-three, twenty-four next month, was found at a convenience store stealing an issue of Playgirl Magazine. Tim wasn’t judging, but his reading on the kid veered off in, well, the other direction. He had the vibe that Shane could go either way; either aggressively straight, or trying to cover something up.
“Look, I really don’t care why, kid. I’m not going to… judge you, or something–”
“Whatever, old man,” Shane sneered, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away from him. “Can I just get my community service and go?”
Tim quirked a brow and crossed his own arms over his chest, standing tall behind the chair pushed into the interrogation table. Tim had asked Ron to turn the microphones in the room off. Tim knew the kid better than anyone here, and he knew Shane wouldn’t talk if he knew he was being recorded. Or he’d go off about aliens or “drones” or whatever other bullshit he came up with next.
Shane wasn’t an idiot, Tim knew that. Shane knew that. He just had a hell of a wall put up.
Tim sighed and pulled the chair out. He spun it around so he could sit on it backwards, arms perched on the top. “Kid,” Tim started. “Listen, I’m not going to do anything. It’s a fucking magazine and this is New York City. Your little theft is pretty far down the list of my priorities right now.”
Shane actually looked a little offended, looking at Tim incredulously.
“I’m going to let you off with a warning this time. And to be honest, I don’t want to see you back in here anytime soon, okay?”
“Aww, kicking me out? Thought you liked our little chats,” Shane batted his eyelashes, an exaggerated pout on his lips. He rolled his eyes after that and rested his chin in the palm of his hand, bored.
“I said I didn’t wanna see you back in here, Morrissey.”
Shane looked at him, big brown eyes squinted accusingly.
Tim reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet, digging out a business card. He slid it across the table until it was next to one of Shane’s hands. He didn’t really know why he was offering this to Shane. Well, he did, but he couldn’t really say, ‘I see a lot of myself in you,’ without Shane taking it the wrong way. This wasn’t one of Shane’s normal petty crimes. Shane didn’t strike him as the type to steal this sort of thing. He’d vandalize the side of a building or go on joyrides. Things that were mostly just annoying. This magazine was… different.
Tim had his fair share of this sort of thing. He got into being a cop because he got caught when he was in his twenties. He was angry at the world because people didn’t accept him, so he lashed out. He got the feeling that Shane was the same way. Things were different in the 80s, so hiding this part of himself worked for Tim. He didn’t want Shane to feel like he had to.
“If you wanna talk, give me a call, okay?”
Shane rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to say something, but Tim held up a hand to cut him off.
“I know, you don’t want to call a cop, but I promise I’ll be off duty. I’ll just be Tim when you call, not Detective Rockford.”
Shane blinked at him before a giggle bubbled out of his mouth. “Your first name is Tim?”
It was Tim’s turn to roll his eyes. He sighed heavily and got up, pushing the chair back in. “Or don’t call me, whatever, kid. I’m just saying, if you need someone to talk to about… anything, just. I’m all ears, alright?” He kept things vague on purpose. Once he was back at the interrogation room’s door, he turned back around. “Seriously, I don’t wanna see you back in here again, alright?”
Shane raised his eyebrows, eyes wide as a mocking facial expression crossed his features. “Whateverrr,” he sighed, standing from his own chair. He looked down at the business card on the table and picked it up as the door clicked shut. He rubbed his thumb over Tim’s name before stuffing it in the pocket of his leather duster.
He hastily left the interrogation room and made his way toward the exit, but was stopped by a secretary.
“Shane Morrissey?”
Shane cringed as he froze, staring at the older woman. He glared a little, but raised his arms in defeat. “Yeah? What?” He bit back at her.
“Detective Rockford said you had personal items,” she said sweetly, rolling her chair to the wall of lockers behind her.
Shane raised a brow. “I didn’t bring anything–”
“Here you go, sweetie. Don’t go getting into trouble now!”
Shane sighed and grabbed the black plastic bag from her. “What did this old man give me–?” He gasped as he looked inside the bag, cheeks burning. It was the magazine he’d stolen. The Playgirl magazine. He squeezed his eyes shut and got out of the station like a bat out of hell.
Honestly, the only reason he’d stolen it was because Peter Steele was on the cover. He was in that convenience store for a pack of smokes and saw the frontman’s face on the cover, bare chest on full display, with a large hand cupping the cock in his underwear.
He’d been staring at the cover for a few minutes too long, because the convenience store clerk waved his hands in front of his face. “You gonna buy somethin’, man?” The clerk’s name tag said “Dante” and he looked very bored.
Shane shook himself out of it and looked up, the bright red of the magazine piercing the corner of his eye. “Uh, yeah,” he cleared his throat, digging into his baggy pants to pull out his wallet. “I’ll get a pack of reds,” he mumbled, pulling out a couple greasy bills.
Dante didn’t bother asking for his ID and just turned around, digging into a drawer below the case of cigarettes for the key to open it.
Shane’s eyes were like a magnet, pulling directly back to the magazine. He looked at Dante’s back for a second, and quickly rolled up and stuffed the magazine into one of the deep pockets of his leather duster.
Dante pulled out the pack of cigarettes and locked the case shut again. He sighed as he tossed the pack onto the counter. “That’ll be ten bucks,” he said, voice monotone.
Shane handed him a ten dollar bill and turned to leave.
“Hey!”
He turned back, standing in the doorway just as the bell dinged above him, and saw Dante’s bored face now looking angry. “The fuck you doin’, man? Put that back!”
Shane raised his brows and looked down, the magazine poking out of his pocket. He looked back up at Dante’s face and booked it, running as fast as his legs would take him.
His lungs burned as heavy boots thundered along the concrete, chains and jewelry clanging against each other. He turned down an alley and gasped for air, leaning against a dirty wall with his hands on his knees. He waited until his breathing was back to normal and checked his surroundings. When he figured the coast was clear, he took a step out of the alley.
“‘Scuse me.”
Shane whipped his head around and saw a cop standing there. “What?” He frowned, voice having a little more bite than was probably necessary, but well, Shane hated cops.
“You just come from a convenience store down the road?” The cop pointed his thumb in the direction behind himself.
“No. Can I go back to what I was doing?”
“What were you doin’?”
“None of your business, pig,” Shane rolled his eyes and turned to leave, but the cop grabbed his arm and cuffed him. “Hey! Fuck off!”
“No can do, kid. Clerk called about a kid matching your description with a, uh… well, an interesting magazine in his pocket,” the cop grumbled, tugging on the Playgirl poking out of Shane’s pocket.
Shane’s cheeks burned in embarrassment and shame, eyes squeezing shut. “Fuck.”
“C’mon, fairy boy.”
“I’m not–!”
“Yeah, yeah.”
Before Shane knew it, he was in the back of a cruiser and was headed toward the station.
He couldn’t even look at the magazine now. Shane laid in his bed, in the middle of his messy bedroom, and stared at the ceiling. The bright red of the magazine cover was just out of sight. The heavy guitars and vocals from his shitty speakers pierced the silence of his room, soothing his anxious thoughts. His mind drifted off to Detective Rockford. Or Tim, he guessed. He leaned over his bed and dug through the pile of clothes he’d discarded when he got home.
Tim’s business card now in hand, he laid his head back against the pillow and stared at the embossed text. The first thing that came to mind was Tim’s gravelly voice saying, “If you wanna talk, give me a call, okay?”
What would he even say to someone like Tim? Tim was a cop. He wasn’t exactly Shane’s first pick in literally any scenario.
Shane sighed and tossed the card onto the pile of clothes. He looked over to his left at the magazine laying next to him on his wrinkled sheets. Peter Steele’s come hither facial expression stared back at him.
He’d had these… thoughts for a while now. Feelings he had no answers for. He wasn’t gay. He couldn’t be. Shane liked women, he liked pussy. He did.
Did he?
He picked up the magazine and started looking through it. Of course, there were photos that went along with the cover, of The Green Man standing in front of a mirror without a shirt. He stuck his large hand down the front of his pants, lips parted and eyes closed. Shane adjusted how he was laying, feeling a minor stirring in his pelvis. Obviously Shane was looking at the woman Peter was heavily making out with on the next page.
The photos started to get a little more risqué as he went. They started out pretty tasteful, with Peter laying on a bed, fully clothed, and a hand gripped around his cock through his jeans. But they quickly became… less tasteful.
Shane stared at a photo of the singer sitting in a chair, completely naked, with a large hand wrapped around an equally large, hard cock. Shane’s own cock twitched in his boxers as he felt a light sheen of sweat at his hairline.
“What the fuck,” he whispered to himself. He slammed the magazine onto his sheets and stared at his tented underwear. There was a small wet spot where there was precum already gathering. He started to breathe unevenly and worriedly looked up at his ceiling. He couldn’t even hear the music in his room from the rushing of blood in his ears.
He leaned over his bed and frantically searched for Tim’s business card. He didn’t even know what he was thinking, but he was terrified. He grabbed the landline on his nightstand and stared at the bland text on the white background.
He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. He couldn’t call Rockford when he had a fucking boner.
An image of Tim’s face flashed behind his eyelids and he gasped, cock twitching in interest. His eyes snapped open and he frowned. “What the fuck?”
He looked down the tent in his boxers and felt betrayed. It was bad enough that he was hard when thinking about a man, but a cop? He couldn’t fucking believe it.
“This is bullshit,” he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. He refused to entertain his dick at all.
But his dick wasn’t listening, hard and starting to throb underneath the thin material.
He sighed in defeat and looked up at the ceiling of his bedroom. “One time,” he breathed. “I’m doing this one time. No one ever has to know.”
Before he knew it, his boxers were thrown onto the messy pile on his floor and his hand was curled around his cock. He moaned at the relief he felt, thumbing the head teasingly. He shut his eyes, Tim’s face appearing behind his eyelids again. He groaned. Whether from frustration or arousal, he couldn’t tell and honestly didn’t care at this point.
He slowly built up a rhythm, stroking himself steadily. He bit his lip and sunk further into his sheets, feet planted flat on the bed. He started fucking his fist, lifting his hips off the bed. The cool air coming in through the window gave him goosebumps all over and made him whine weakly. He was thankful the music was turned up enough that he couldn’t hear himself.
“Good boy.”
Tim’s voice whispered in his ear. His imagination started to run wild, imagining Tim sitting on his bed and watching him.
“Show me how you get yourself off, baby.”
Shane groaned, the steady beat of his fist on his cock speeding up. The cool metal of the jewelry he wore on his hands had grown warm, giving him a delicious friction. It grounded him, telling him it wasn’t actually possible for it to be Tim’s hand around him.
“Want me to touch you?”
Shane nodded to himself, eyes shut in bliss. “Please,” he whispered. He slowly removed his hand and gripped himself with his left hand. It was a little awkward, but it was enough for him to imagine that it was someone else. That it was Tim.
“Fuck,” he huffed, rubbing the head with his thumb. “Gonna–”
“Come for me, Shane.”
Shane nodded to himself and sped up his left hand. Precum dribbled out of the tip, easing the way as he fucked his fist. It felt like only a few seconds had passed, completely lost in his own world. And maybe it had been only a few seconds.
“F-fuck!” He whimpered, balls drawing up. He groaned, stroking himself through it as he came hard, thick white cream covering his hand.
He came down slowly, panting hard as he kept his eyes closed. Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked down at his chest. He was completely covered in his own spend and he felt heavy. That was probably the most intense orgasm he’d ever had alone.
He picked up Tim’s business card and shut his eyes in defeat.
“Fuck.”
One Week Later
Shane had no idea how he got to this point. He was laying on the concrete outside of a club downtown. His face was throbbing and he was exhausted. The faint sounds of people shouting kept him conscious as he rolled onto his back. His vision was blurred and the buildings towering over him started to spin.
“Hey! Get the fuck back up! I ain’t done with you.”
Shane groaned and tried to look up at whoever was yelling at him, but his body felt too heavy. That didn’t last for long, though, because the next thing he knew, he was being hauled up by a man twice his size.
“You gonna try that shit again, faggot? Huh?” The brute’s breath smelled like shit as he spat in Shane’s face. Shane twisted his face in disgust, his head pounding even more with all the yelling.
“Nah,” Shane smirked, eyes barely open. “I’ll suck your cock before I do that again.”
The brute squawked in disgust and punched Shane square in the jaw. Shane laughed shakily, suddenly feeling more alive than dead. He was past the point of feeling any of the pain.
“Aww, c’mon, you don’t like it when someone sucks your cock?” He taunted.
“Alright, break it up, you two,” the bouncer for the club barked, pulling the brute off of Shane. Shane sagged against the wall he was pressed up against, head hanging low. “You okay, kid?”
Shane snapped his head up, but groaned in pain before he could react. He could’ve sworn that it was someone else’s voice for a second…
“Kid?” The bouncer shook his shoulders and handed him a plastic water bottle. “I said, are you okay? You got somewhere to go? Someone you can call?”
Shane drank from the bottle with shaking hands and looked at the bouncer, eyes half-lidded. The man was big, had dark skin, a beard, and thick ropes of hair cascading down his back. He was really handsome, in Shane’s opinion. He didn’t have the energy to fight with himself about it right now.
“Y-yeah. There a phone nearby?” He croaked, licking his dry lips. The bouncer nodded and hauled Shane up onto his feet. Shane lost his footing at first and fell into him, gripping onto the man’s thick waist.
“C’mon, man,” the man grunted, basically carrying him to the club’s phone. Thankfully, the bouncer brought him to a quieter area of the club. “Can you call them yourself?”
Shane’s throbbing head moved to look up at the bouncer. He nodded slowly, opening and closing his eyes like a cat falling asleep.
“I’ll be in the hall if you need me, okay? I’ll get you another water.”
Shane hummed and picked up the club’s phone, gently pressing it to his ear. He dug into his duster pocket and pulled out Tim’s business card. It was all rumpled up and dirty, but he could still read the numbers, surprisingly. He’s pretty sure it takes him far too long to dial the numbers, but the faint sound of the phone ringing tells him he actually did it.
Tim picks up on the third ring.
“This is Rockford.”
A shiver travels down Shane’s spine at the familiar gravelly voice.
“Th-thought you were ‘just Tim’ with me,” he says weakly, a faint smile on his face.
“Morrissey? Didn’t think you’d actually call me, shit. Are you okay?”
“Peachy,” he grunted. His voice sounded pinched when he said it, his face curled up in pain again. He’s pretty sure the brute split his lip because that’s throbbing now too.
“Where are you, Shane? I hear music.”
“C-club downtown. Got–” he paused, swallowing around a lump of pain in his throat. “Pissed someone off.”
“Shit, kid. Do you need me to come get you?”
Shane groaned in pain as an answer and nodded, even though Tim couldn't see him. The bouncer came back, putting another plastic water bottle in front of him. Shane made eye contact with him and nodded in thanks. “Can you–” He gestured to the water bottle, asking for the large man to open it for him.
“Is someone there? Give them the phone, kid.”
Shane didn’t answer and just handed the phone to the bouncer. He didn’t hear the one-sided conversation and just laid back in the swiveling office chair, the now opened bottle in his hand.
The bouncer hung up the phone and chuckled down at Shane. “You got friends in places I didn’t think you would, man.”
Shane smiled, eyes shut. “We’ve got history,” he said vaguely.
“I’m sure you do. He’ll be here soon.”
Shane had no idea how much time passed, but the sound of Tim’s low, soft voice in his ear woke him up. When he opened his eyes, Tim’s tired, handsome face greeted him, making him smile softly.
“You came,” he said softly, genuinely a little surprised, and tried to stand on wobbly legs.
“‘Course I came, kid. Said I’d help you out. You okay coming back to my place?”
Shane hummed and wrapped an arm around Tim’s broad torso, fingers fiddling with the tank top’s material. He was wearing one underneath a button-up. He probably just got off work.
“Take that as a yes,” Tim sighed. He looked to the bouncer, and nodded in thanks. He led Shane out to his Caprice and buckled him into the passenger seat. “Keep drinking that water, okay?”
Shane mumbled in response and lolled his head against the back of the seat.
“Don’t fall asleep on me, kid, Jesus.”
“Hit ya real hard, didn’t he?” Tim grunted, pressing a wet washcloth against the cut on Shane’s cheekbone.
“More of a lovetap.”
Tim sighed and cupped Shane’s face in a large hand to hold him steady. Shane held his breath, eyes glued to the focused expression on Tim’s face. He studied every detail, never getting a chance to be so close to him before.
“Why were you at the club, Shane?”
Shane sighed and looked down at Tim’s broad chest underneath the tank top. He’d taken off the dress shirt when they walked in the door of Tim’s apartment. They were sitting at the bar in Tim’s kitchen, Shane’s chunky boots on the bar of the stool Tim was sitting on. He looked at the slacks pulling at Tim’s thick thighs and forced himself to look elsewhere, inadvertently giving Tim room to clean up the blood on his split lip.
He hissed in pain at the sting and mumbled, “Wanted to get out of my apartment.”
Tim gave him a look that said, ‘That’s not what I meant and you know it.’
Shane rolled his eyes and shrugged. “I dunno,” he sighed.
“That was a part of downtown I didn’t think I’d find you in, to be honest,” Tim said softly. He picked up another damp washcloth and cleaned up some of the dirt on Shane’s neck. “Couple more blocks and you’d be in the… more colorful side of town.”
Shane froze, eyes wide. “What are you saying?” He asked defensively, eyebrows furrowed.
“‘M not saying anything, kid. Just making an observation,” Tim shrugged back. He removed his hands slowly and nudged Shane’s chin with the knuckle on his index finger. “There ya go. Lookin’ good.”
Shane blushed a little and looked away. He crossed his arms over his chest and mumbled, “Thanks for getting me.”
Tim smiled softly. “Sure, kid. You got anyone to let them know where you are?”
Shane shook his head and didn’t say anything.
Tim nodded and didn’t press any further. “Well, I’ve got a couch if you want somewhere to sleep for the night. Sorta late now.”
Shane turned up his nose at first, but deflated, too tired to keep the mask on. He didn’t say anything else and just walked over to Tim’s couch. He laid down on his side, facing the back of the couch and hugged himself.
Tim’s eyebrows turned down in concern, but he left it alone for now. He got up and took his shoes off, quietly making his way into the kitchen. He got Shane some water and left it on the coffee table.
Tim looked at Shane’s sleeping form one last time before he turned and went to bed.
Shane’s entire body ached. He turned his head and groaned in pain.
“Awake?”
Shane opened his eyes and immediately shut them, the light from the window blinding him. He tried again, looking over at Tim standing in his kitchen. He was wearing that same white tank top from the night before and some plaid pajama pants. His normally put-together hair was ruffled and starting to curl. Shane’s heart pounded at the sight.
“Sorry, I know it’s bright. Want something to eat?” Tim asked gently, holding up a pan and spatula.
Shane turned his body but couldn’t, legs getting all tangled in a blanket. When did he get that? He looked down and noticed his jacket and boots were off. He looked up at Tim and raised a brow.
“Oh, sorry. Didn’t want you getting dirt on my couch,” Tim grumbled, turning back to his cooking.
Shane felt… something in his stomach. Were those butterflies? He didn’t get butterflies in his stomach. Least of all for a cop.
“You like eggs?”
Shane looked up again and nodded.
“Think this is the quietest you’ve ever been around me, kid,” Tim chuckled, cracking an egg into the pan.
“Sorry,” he croaked, voice still scratchy from sleep.
“Don’t be, it’s alright,” Tim hummed. He transferred the eggs onto a plate and grabbed a fork, bringing it over to Shane. He sat on the edge of his coffee table and handed the younger man the plate. “Eat, please.”
Shane looked at the plate of scrambled eggs and almost cried. He couldn’t remember the last time someone did something like this for him. He took the plate and started eating quietly.
“How you feeling?” Tim asked softly, taking a drink of his coffee. He held the mug in both hands between his thighs, Shane’s eyes glued to the sight.
“‘M alright. Sore,” Shane mumbled around the eggs.
“I’m sure you are,” Tim snorted. “I mean how are you feeling, kid.”
Shane shrugged, chewing silently. “Fine.”
Tim sighed and got up, walking back to his kitchen. Shane frowned to himself as he finished off his eggs. He set the plate down on the coffee table and stood up. He really was sore, but pushed through it as he walked into Tim’s kitchen.
“You wanna know why I was at that club?”
Tim froze at his opened refrigerator and slowly turned toward the younger man. He shut the fridge door and gave Shane his attention, leaning against the counter to the bar.
Shane shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He kept his eyes downcast as he spoke, staring at the hole in his sock. “I was at that club because I wanted to… I dunno, see more people like… like that.”
Tim crossed his arms over his chest, listening intently. “Like what?”
“Like–” Shane sighed in frustration. “Gay people,” he mumbled. “Got the address mixed up, so, this–” he gestured to his face. “Was the result.”
Tim smiled internally. There it was.
“I felt– I’ve been,” he paused, looking for the words. “I don’t really know. I don’t,” he sighed in defeat.
Tim hummed in response, unsure if Shane wanted his advice or not.
“If you’re gonna be a dick, I can just leave. I don’t wanna hear what you have to say,” Shane frowned, looking up at Tim with a hard expression on his face.
“How do you know what I was gonna say?” Tim replied, shrugging easily. Shane stared at Tim’s bulging biceps, the tank top revealing more skin than he’d ever seen.
“Well–! You’re,” Shane frowned, cheeks warm. “You’re a cop. You guys are always saying shitty things to guys like me.”
“Sure, some–”
“Don’t ‘not all cops’ me, Tim.”
Tim’s eyes widened at the response. Not necessarily the words, but the fact that Shane actually called him by his name. “Alright, I get it,” he said softly. “I know you’ve had a lot of bad experiences with cops, I’m sorry.”
Shane huffed in response, but didn’t retort.
“I mean it, though. I wasn’t going to judge you, Shane,” Tim said, stepping closer to him.
Shane’s breathing picked up, looking at Tim’s large hand on the bar’s countertop. “You weren’t?” He asked shakily.
“No, kid,” Tim chuckled. He cupped Shane’s face and gently rubbed the pad of his thumb along the split in his lip. “You can’t keep getting into trouble over this sort of thing. There are other ways.”
The air left Shane’s lungs, big brown eyes staring at Tim’s handsome face. He was so close now, Shane had no idea what to do. “L-like what?” He breathed shakily. He stared at Tim’s lips, subconsciously licking his own.
Tim looked over Shane’s face, trying to read his body language. Not yet. He took his hand away and grabbed a glass, filling it with water. “Talking about it, for one,” he said quietly.
Shane exhaled a heavy breath and looked down. His heart was pounding so hard in his chest he thought he was going to pass out. Was Tim about to kiss him? He looked at the back of Tim’s head, eyes looking over the curls intently.
“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Shane said quietly. “Not right now anyway.”
Tim turned around, face unreadable, and handed Shane the water. “What do you want to do now, then?” He asked, leaning against the bar’s countertop again.
Shane set the glass down and stepped closer into Tim’s space, eyes glued to the older man’s lips. He looked up at his eyes, then back down at his lips. He surged forward and pressed his mouth to Tim’s, kissing him roughly.
Tim grunted into it, arms raised at his sides. It took a second for his brain to kick in and he pulled back, turning his head to the side slightly.
Shane’s cheeks burned and he felt like an idiot. He turned away and grabbed his jacket that was hanging over the back of one of Tim’s dining room chairs.
“Shane, wait,” Tim started, but Shane ignored him, roughly pulling his chunky boots on.
“Don’t,” Shane snapped. “I’ll be out of your hair.” His face was hard and left no room for argument. He stormed over to the door of Tim’s apartment, heavy boots thundering loudly across the hardwood flooring.
The last thing Tim saw was Shane’s retreating form and the sound of his front door slamming, the sound echoing throughout the apartment.
#shane dio morrissey#dio morrissey#dio morrissey au#dio morrissey fic#dio morrissey fanfiction#shane morrissey#tim rockford#tim rockford au#tim rockford smut#tim rockford fic#tim rockford fanfiction#pedro pascal cinematic universe#pedro pascal characters#oaksfics
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Things I need to see in Stranger Things Season 5
I saw someone else's post and disagreed so hard, had to make my own 😅
- Eddie alive in some capacity and a saving him arc
- Erica being allowed to be/feel vulnerable (maybe in a sibling heart to heart, she's so strong all the time!)
- Addressing trauma for literally anyone and everyone
- Single, thriving Nancy
- A triumphant return to life for Hopper (who does not go back to being a police officer, 'cause acab)
- The Harringtons: some details, anything really
- Will having untainted fun times with friends other than Mike (like everytime we catch that boy getting a break it's always chained to bad tinglies)
- More ladies relationship/friendship moments that don't have a 'thinking bout boys undercurrent,' i.e. Max helping El feel good in her clothes, Nancy and Max shooting, Karen Wheeler supporting her daughter through sexist bullshit, Joyce loving El, etc
- Most unlikely wish: Everyone being mostly on the same page. Like I want the walkies to be in use. Sure break into teams, but let's have everyone trying to check in, let's have the teams actually aware of the other groups intended goals. I just need the heist movie level cohesion
-Coward gay ending of Steve and Eddie packing up the car to move out of Hawkins (to whatever city Robin is going to college in?) as 'roommates.' Bonus points if it has a road trip vibe ('neither of us has ever seen the ocean')
-Kids going to college epilogue, or a 'where they are now' esque thing
#stranger things season 5#stranger things wishes#stranger things#steddie#steve Harrington#the party#eddie munson lives#max Mayfield#nancy wheeler#erica sinclair#joyce byers#will byers#mike wheeler#karen wheeler#robin Buckley
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I've gotten a load of new followers over the past few weeks so let me make certain stances clear (not ordered by importance)
Free Palestine
I'm pro choice. Abortion on demand for anyone who wants it
ACAB. Police abolition.
BLM
Anti racist
I'm a socialist
I'm a feminist but I have zero patience for choice feminism, liberal feminism, girl boss feminism, or any of that "change your mind about patriarchy to help women" bullshit
Anti Capitalist
Anti military
Land Back
Trans rights are human rights. All of them.
I support Gay rights in general
Anti colonial
Anti imperial
Anti war
As far as I'm concerned if the government is taking my money I expect to be getting something out of it (Public transport, free education, safety nets)
Yes COVID is still real, please get tested regularly and get your shots and wear your mask (I wear mine all the time. It's been years. I have not stopped)
I support Jewish people so I point out antisemitism where I see it
That's all I can think of at the moment. Don't bother arguing in my inbox/DMs/Notes if you want to get snippy.
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Ryme City Sylveon
This is Vivi. He’s my Sylveon partner.
Not enough people talk about the Ryme City Incident.
I don't blame 'em. Hell, Ryme City doesn't wanna talk about the Ryme City Incident. Enough near-world shattering crises happen across all the regions on a semi-annual basis that, honestly, our little spat must have seemed comparatively minor. The bullshit with Chairman Rose and Galar literally happened like not even a year later, and what happened here quickly became history. Doesn't change the fact that I've had to take years of therapy just to get to the point where I'm comfortable talking about it, or at the least blogging about it. So... hey, here we are.
I was a Sylveon.
I'd like to talk about that, at least, in the best way written words can allow.
It lasted maybe ten minutes, fifteen tops? I didn't even want to attend the damn parade, but my job had me stationed downtown and it was a big city holiday, so I brought Vivi (the Sylveon in question) with me, found a table at a cafe whose name I can't remember, and decided to just relax. The floats go up, and next thing I know, R Gas is flooding the streets, and my normally sweet and bubbly partner is going fucking feral. I try to calm him down, and then-
I remember recovering from the disorientation. Being on all fours, and the ribbon-feelers in my view. I remember panicking, stumbling on unfamiliar legs. I remember the feedback loop from my own panic as a feeler touched my own head. I remember seeing Vivi's reflection in a tinted window, but not my own, and it all fucking registered then and there. "Holy shit, I'm a Sylveon. I'm Vivi." No, I'm not dreaming. Yes, this is real. I remember just staying stock still, not moving, not doing anything, in utter disbelief at what I was looking at. That lasted maybe a few minutes before I hear someone saying to get out of the gas, I turn and see it's an Arcanine. How the fuck do I understand what an Arcanine is saying? Oh right, I'm a Sylveon, that would explain it. What the fuck is going on!? We crowded around a clear part of the sidewalk, the Arcanine, who I presume is a RCPD Officer, and is just as disoriented as I am, is just trying to keep us in order, asking us if we remember our names, our homes, that sort of thing. Normally I'm an ACAB sort of guy, but bless this dude in particular, he tried so hard.
And then it hits me, "Wait, what the hell happened to my Vivi." I'm in his body, but I don't know what happened to his mind. And frankly, that scares me more. There's no universe where this is okay to begin with, but definitely not if it cost me my actual Sylveon. I'm cognizant enough to not begin screaming for him like he's lost. I recognize I am him. But I still miss him.
As I'm putting all that together, I think the gas finally starts wearing off and... This is where words kind of fail, but, I sensed him, I feel his mind or consciousness or whatever rubbing against mine, and the sheer relief we felt, and then the confusion, and then just... acceptance. Joy. Love.
The Love.
We take that shit for granted.
I will repeat myself.
We take that shit for granted.
If you have a Sylveon partner, I guarantee whatever amount of love and adoration you feel for it is not even a fraction of a fraction of the love it feels for you. I'm not even trying to undersell you. I'm sure you love your partner dearly. Sylveon really is a somewhat unique case. Eevee has to love you in order to evolve into a Sylveon. And when you return and reward that love in kind, It's just...
I'm crying as I remember this.
For maybe a few minutes, I felt and truly understood just how much Vivi loves me. How much it dominates his being, his soul, his very fucking essence. I felt literal Infinity Energy channeled in the form of Love. And no, it wasn't anything untoward. I don't wanna marry my Sylveon or anything and he doesn't wanna marry me. But he was so ride-or-die that his consciousness taking a back seat to my mind and soul piloting his body didn't bother him in the slightest. Shit, it excited him, because he realized he got to share his feelings for me in a way that would have otherwise been impossible, and sweet Arceus did he share.
And then Mewtwo broke the spell, and it was over. Our minds split apart and I had my body back. We just stood and stared at each other. Vivi eventually got brave enough to grab me with a ribbon and...
We hugged for a long, long time when we got home.
How do you answer that? How do you live after feeling love like that, raw and unfiltered, and having it sheared away? Knowing your Pokémon loves you in inexpressible, infinite, uncontrollable ways that makes your own love for it in return pale in comparison? In the aftermath, there were some days where I just couldn't look Vivi in the eyes because I felt like I didn't deserve him.
I can't. Match. That.
And there was fucking nothing I could do about it. It depressed me for years and still does. What could I do? What, leave him? Push him away? Resent it? Fuck no. Those feelings are a fucking gift and it took me a long time to understand that fully. He wouldn't have that love if my own pitiful-in-comparison love didn't spark his evolution. Not a day goes by I wish 5/10 didn't happen. But in the same vein, I appreciate that it did. Howard's vision was misguided, flawed to its core, and despicable. Being my Sylveon was terrifying, wondrous, and beautiful. I'm almost certain I'll never feel love like that in my life ever again, and I'm resigned to live with it. But I am happy, overjoyed even, to know it's there, directed at me and no one else.
I love my Sylveon. And he - capital "L"- Loves me.
#unreality#pokemon irl#pkmn irl#Detective Pikachu#I think about the climax of that movie a lot#Like half the humans in the city easily were pokemon for a hot minute#And it's just kinda glossed over#You could have a sequel based on dealing with the aftermath of that shit alone#Art by Jingo824 on Reddit/FA
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Disco Elysium Swap AU Headcanons!
I wanted to think of a swap Disco Elysium AU that was still sensitive to the themes of the game, and thus preserved the racial bias that Kim faces in the police force. He would not be able to get away with as much as Harry did, because of course, Harry is white.
KIM
Kim’s breakdown began with the death of Eyes, his partner, obviously. Eyes, however, had been his shield from the rest of the 57th. Eyes was his Jean, but he was also Eyes’ Jean. They both supported each other through shitty times. Eyes was the one most likely to get promoted, and if he was promoted, it forced the Captain to promote Kim too because Kim was the competent of the two of them, and not promoting Kim as well would show his racial bias. Kim, treated as an outsider, was able to glimpse the world through Eyes, figuratively and literally, which is why Kim’s Esprit De Corps equivalent is called ‘Eyes’.
When Eyes died, Kim was not assigned to a new partner, and is still waiting for a new one, because they were preparing to get rid of him. That is the reason why Kim is sent to Martinaise in this AU, because the 57th expects him to fail, and are going to use the opportunity to demote him or dishonorably discharge him from the RCM. Depending on the ending in this Swap Game, Kim can absolutely be forced to leave the RCM if Harry does not ask him to join the 41st.
Kim’s breakdown is not at all like Harry’s. He’s come into work late a few times and his solve rate is not as good as it was. He has started drinking and doing more drugs, and this is eating into his savings, meaning he’s no longer able to care for himself as he once was able to. His appearance has degraded as a result. He’s a bit scruffier, less well groomed, he cuts his own hair because he can’t afford the barber. Because he is no longer ‘model’, he is seen as a delinquent foreigner, and perceived as a troublemaker in his precinct, despite no real evidence for it. He’s also more involved in the punk scene in his free time. (His Superstar Cop equivalent is Punk or ACAB Cop.)
Kim’s signature is still Authority, but it comes from a different place. Original Kim’s authority comes from his composure, poise, and self-assurity. This Kim’s Authority comes from a place like Half-Light. He appears like a man with nothing left to lose, so if you don’t obey him, who knows what will happen?
Kim’s amnesia can either come from a head injury (most likely) or an excessive drug binge (least likely) or some other medical event. Kim doesn’t have objects talk to him or anything like that, but he does get uncanny ‘hunches’ that are usually right.
HARRY
I read Harry in canon as being OSDD/DID(?), ADHD, and BPD coded, so my interpretation of Swap Harry comes from a place like that, but can be interpreted without that.
Specifically, the OSDD comes into play where the old host was starting to become too self-destructive about Dora, so, only a year into this Harry’s breakdown, the system split a new host, and the old host fused with Half-Light, who holds all the Dora sad. This means there is also some layer of amnesia, but that’s normal OSDD stuff.
Otherwise, Harry responded to his breakup with Dora, instead of begging her to come back, to prove her wrong or prove himself better than her, or at least appear better than her, so she’d eventually come back and see how wrong she’d been (it hasn’t happened yet.) It’s not that he is fully sober or anything like that, but he’s just better at containing and managing, and especially hiding his drug habits. He is a chronic liar, and extremely good at reading people and telling them what they want to hear.
He’s a can-opener not because of amazing insight, but because he’s able to bullshit his way through any conversation.
It’s a point that Harry has absolutely done way worse than Kim at work and is still considered to be fascinatingly competent. Functioning at ALL makes him seem amazing. His legend has not been diminished by any habits, and his cases solved are more around 215 when the game starts. He wants to get 500 before retirement. He’s actually reached the never-before-seen status of Triple-yfreitor, and is very proud of it. He is also far more condescending to Jean and is way more in control of the 41st than in canon.
He’s kind of oblivious to social problems, and starts the game as a centrist, but can be guided to the left or the right by the player. He would say that Kim isn’t trying hard enough to be accepted by his precinct, and that they just need to have the right conversation, but if he bonds enough to Kim, he will ask him to join the 41st. Without Harry singing his praises to the rooftops, Kim will not remain in the RCM.
Overall, Swap Harry Du Bois is morally dubious because he is far more prideful and far surer in his abilities. He kind of still talks like a gym teacher and is a little condescending to Kim, but is willing to stick anything out, because of his ‘Yes, and’ attitude from a Drama signature. He does not talk about the Skills to anyone although he desperately needs therapy.
feel free to add to this and if this gets popular, I might draw art/comics for this au.
#disco elysium#disco elysium au#de swap au#disco elysium skills#disco elysium swap au#disco elysium swap#kim kitsuragi#harry du bois#harry dubois#harrier du bois#disco elysium headcanon
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Perfect Paradise Ch.7 Wō Men Zài Zhè Li, Zài Zhè Li Deng Ni
Summary: We are here waiting for you.
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"Wài sheng nü!" Aunt Fei held out her arms and gave Emma a hug strong enough to rival Grandpa's. "Wài sheng!" She repeated the embrace with Hugo while giving Louis a fist bump. "You've gotten so tall!"
"A yí Fei," Hugo gave a broad grin.
"Thank you for having us on such short notice, Fei." Juleka accepted her own hug.
"You kidding? Buó Buo Wang loves meeting Mèi Xù's family." Fei chuckled good-naturedly. "I swear sometimes he's more grateful about restoring Shīfu's school than I am."
Hugo shifted uncomfortably.
Louis leaned in and asked Emma, "Mèi Xù?"
"She means Papa."
"Oh."
"Awwww," Rose's eyes sparkled as she grasped Fei's hands. "That's so sweet!"
Fei felt her grin widen at Rose's sincerety. "Never change, Rose. Now c'mon, we don't want to leave Buó Buo waiting!"
Emma and Louis' faces were plastered to the window as the Tsurugi car drove itself through Shanghai's streets. Never getting enough of the city their Grandma grew up in.
The cityscape blurred past Hugo's eyes. He forgot Papa gave Aunt Fei the money she needed to rebuild her dad's school as a "birthday present".
It took some convincing. Aunt Fei was as stubborn as Maman when she wanted to be. But if Hugo was remembering this right, she agreed to train Papa once the school was open.
That's probably why Monarch's involvement with Wu Shīfu's death didn't drive a wedge between her and Hugo's parents... His fists clenched at the thought of how close they were to losing yet more family to this... this... this bullshit.
"I hear Ladydragon has been getting into trouble with the cops," Louis stage whispered to Emma as he spotted street art of the shapeshifting superhero.
"Lòng Nǚshì is a servant of the people," Aunt Fei supplied. "If a law is not just then she sees no reason to uphold it."
Aunt Juleka nodded solemnly. "ACAB."
Aunt Fei grinned.
They pulled up to the Thousand Delights. Their Grunkle's restaurant closed for the day.
"Buó Buo!" Aunt Fei called. "We're here!"
"Kids!" Grunkle Wang rolled up to them in his wheelchair and stretched out his arms. The chair was decorated so that it looked like it was wearing a chef's uniform too. Rolled up sleeves on the sides and an apron string tied at the back.
Each of them bowed to him in greeting.
"So good to see you," Grunkle Wang smiled. "Shame Marinette could not come."
"Yeah, a real tragedy," Emma muttered under her breath.
"I'm sure she has a thousand things on her plate and is trying to do them all at once, like usual Buó Buo," Aunt Fei answered.
Emma couldn't quite smother her laughter.
"I mean, she's not wrong," Louis observed.
"Maman is really busy!" Hugo defended her with more than a hint of indignation.
"Buó Buo, this is Juleka and Rose. Family of Mèi Xù and Meì Mei's,"
Juleka blushed. "Oh, we're- that is-"
Grunkle Wang reached out and clasped her hand. "An honor to meet family from France. You are very welcome in our home."
Rose eyes shone. "It's great to finally meet you. Marinette always said you were her favorite part about visiting Shanghai. Well, you and Fei."
Juleka laid a hand on her girlfriend's shoulder. "Thanks, Wang Shīfu. But we already-"
"Nonesense! You are our guests. I insist you stay here."
"Buó Buo, this place isn't as big as it used to be," Fei reasoned.
Juleka started to nod.
"Which is why they'll be staying at my school."
"Exact-" Juleka did a double take.
Wang Shifu grinned. "Yes. That way they are still under the family's roof, no?"
"Well..." Juleka trailed off.
"We'd love to stay with you!" Rose beamed.
-------------------
Hugo glanced through the photos of his family on the walls of his room. It was... smaller than he was used to. And his family looked so big. He wasn't sure how they managed to fit everyone into such a space.
Still, they looked happy. Hugo wished he could've met his great grandparents. His hand hovered over a photo of what he thought was Grandma Sabine standing next to them. Hard to tell with her looking younger than he was.
Odd. The soft pressure at his chest for a time he never knew.
Hugo shook his head of the feeling as he made his way downstairs.
"-this is wise, Renren."
"I promised Mèi Xù."
Hugo blinked. "Aunt Fei?"
"Placing yourself between an unbalanced Yin-Yang could have grave consequences."
"Then it's a good thing this is something they both agree on."
"... Your sense of duty is commendable, Renren."
Hugo walked closer. His Mandarin was rusty and the voices were muffled but that sounded like...
"I know you're just looking out for me like you always do, Mei Shi. But they're family. I can't just tell them 'no'."
Aunt Fei jumped as she saw him standing outside her door. "Hugo!"
"Sorry! Didn't mean to startle you, A yí Fei. Do we have guests?"
"What? Oh, no. I was just talking on the phone with a friend. Let's head downstairs and see if Buó Buo needs help in the kitchen. If I know him he's gone all out again."
Aunt Fei placed an arm over Hugo's shoulders as they passed Grunkle Wang's elevator. The prospect of helping in his Grunkle's famous cooking almost enough to distract Hugo from what he'd overheard.
Almost.
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Louis breathed in the smells of a five star chef's cooking and tried to keep his mouth from watering.
Rose wasn't trying at all as she stared at the first course. "Ooh! Marinette soup!"
Emma narrowed her eyes suspiciously at the creamy purple bowl.
Hugo rolled his eyes from across the table and picked up his spoon.
Grunkle Wang grinned as Aunt Juleka and Aunt Rose started scarfing down the Marinette soup as politely as possible.
"Mmmm!" Aunt Rose mumbled, mouth too full for words.
"This is amazing," Aunt Juleka praised before following her girlfriend's example.
Emma's eyes went wide as she had her first mouthful. Her second quickly following.
Hugo smirked as he blew on his spoon to cool it down.
Louis savored the warmth of it's flavor. He usually didn't like creamy soups but the texture of this one was just right.
"There's a reason it's stayed on the menu all these years," Aunt Fei grinned as she swallowed. "It's very popular with the clientele." Her smile lessened. "Or at least it was..."
Grunkle Wang waved this away as he rolled up to his plate. "It will blow over once the newest scandal comes along. Then they will not find my soup suddenly 'disagreeable'."
The salty flavor was suddenly bitter in Louis' mouth. From the way Hugo's spoon stopped halfway he felt it too.
Emma looked down at her empty bowl. "Is it because...?"
"No," Grunkle Wang shook his head. "Enough of that. It's time for the second course!"
Aunt Fei stood up. "Buó Buo, let me."
"I can do it," he tried to wave her off.
"Buó Buo you did most of the cooking. Let me."
Grunkle Wang chuckled as he adjusted his position. "So I did."
Louis wasn't easily distracted from the thought of his parents' divorce hurting his Grunkle's restaurant. But the food did it's best. There weren't even any carrots in the stir fry.
He couldn't eat cooked carrots. And no white rice either. Which he recalled was something Aunt Rose was supposed to avoid.
There was brown rice though. Which Louis noticed Hugo trying to drown in sauce.
Hugo's eyes briefly met his gaze before flitting away. So he hadn't forgotten either.
The adults talked about how their jobs were going or asked his siblings how school was. All while Louis separated his food and separated his thoughts.
-----------------------
Emma left her contacts in their case and took out her glasses.
Ugh, she was definitely leaning towards glasses. Emma hadn't slept well. A fact she blamed on the jetlag.
Absolutely nothing to do with her parents being so ridiculously famous that their relationship status put family business in jeopardy. Nope. Not at all.
...
Of course if it came down to it Papa would just-
Emma slapped her cheeks to wake herself up and derail that particular train of thought. She really needed to stop trying to solve everything with money.
The comb ran down her hair to smooth it out before she tied it into her ponytail.
Money did solve a lot of things though. Like getting the elevator installed or finding a wheelchair model that Grunkle Wang could maintain without relying on Aunt Fei. Reconfiguring the kitchen-
Emma stood abruptly and, making sure she was presentable, marched towards the door.
Money doesn't solve friendship problems though.
Her brothers and Aunts were waiting for her downstairs.
And it definitely didn't solve family problems no matter how much she wished it did.
"Alright!" Aunt Fei grinned. "First stop: breakfast."
--------------------
Emma greedily finished her jianbing as they walked up to the Shanghai Museum... "Wait. Who-"
Hugo's big eyes and stupid grin was her answer.
She hid the fond smile that threatened to peak out behind what was left of her breakfast. Trying not to roll her eyes. No, really.
"Keep close. This place is fu- freaking huge," Aunt Fei stated.
Emma did roll her eyes at that. Only for her to stare up at the massive crisscrossing stairs connecting the museum's levels. Families and other tourists milling inside.
Aunt Fei led them to the Gallery of Ancient Chinese Paintings.
Hugo's eyes still trying to bug out of his head.
Louis was trying to avoid touching anyone. Thankfully it wasn't that crowded.
"This is a recent addition. I thought all of you might appreciate it. Being from Paris and all," Aunt Fei said that last part like she was about to let them in on a joke.
Hugo muttered appreciatively to himself as he gazed at the paintings. No doubt able to tell what dynasty they were from. Nerd.
"...and this one is..." Hugo jerked.
Oh, his eyes can get bigger!
"Hēi Māo!"
Emma blinked before actually looking at the painting that had Hugo enthralled.
It was a man wielding a long staff. His black robes tied around his waist with the sash trailing behind him like a tail. His short hair denoting his criminalized status. A cat-like mask atop his head.
Hēi Māo. The Black Cat.
"Piáo Chóng!" Hugo exclaimed again.
The woman was similarly dressed to her partner except with less armor and more spots. Her hair denoting that she was at least well off.
The Ladybug's yo-yo twirling around Piáo Chóng.
"I thought the Miraculous wielder's were more well hidden?" Aunt Rose asked.
"These paintings are ancient. Far older than anything found in Europe that relates to the Miraculous," Aunt Fei explained. "Even so they were donated to the museum by an old family. I doubt the painter, or painters, ever meant for their work to be observed by the common people."
Emma stared at these ancient predecessors to the heroes of her city. Feeling strangely connected to the legacy of the Miraculous. Even though it was Hugo who was rattling off their names and what villains they had fought.
Aunt Rose nudged Aunt Juleka and pointed to a painting of Purple Tigress' predecessor. Aunt Juleka blushing for some reason.
"You certainly know more about the Miraculous lore than I do, wài sheng," Aunt Fei praised.
Hugo beamed. "Yeah, Papa taught me everything... I know." His face fell a little as he stared at the image of Húdié, the Butterfly. "Papa didn't know much so he taught himself so he could teach me."
Emma remembed that. It was one of the few fights her parents had before the big one. She couldn't say why.
Aunt Fei froze as she moved to put a hand on Hugo's shoulder. Head tilting up as though she was listening to someone.
"In broad daylight?" she muttered.
Louis looked up at her in confusion. "A yí?"
"Sorry!" Aunt Fei snapped to attention. "I have to take care of something real quick! Be right back!" She gestured to Aunt Rose and Juleka to watch them as she practically sprinted down the stairs.
Emma blinked. Aunt Fei's sudden departure reminding her uncannily of the times her parents would vanish due to 'something important'. "Must be a grown up thing," she muttered. Yes, absolutely nothing suspicious about that.
Louis was talking quietly to Hugo so Emma decided not to interrupt that. Aunt Rose and Juleka were keeping one eye on her brothers and another on the paintings.
Emma turned and- Blond hair in a green suit turned a corner on the other side of the museum. "Papa?"
He definitely looked like her Papa. And it was only the gallery right across from them. She had her phone with her... "Going to the restroom. Be right back!"
Her Aunts nodded to show they heard.
It could not be Papa, Emma thought as she went down and up the stairs to arrive at the same level. But y'know, opposite. In which case it would be slightly less embarrassing without an audience.
Emma turned a corner and to her surprise there he was. "Papa!"
Papa grinned and held out his arms for a hug. Which Emma accepted. Weird, he was wearing cologne.
"Hey there, Em!"
"What're you doing here? I thought you needed to stay in Paris for paperwork reasons?"
"True, but I couldn't just leave my darling daughter like that now could I?"
Emma rolled her eyes. "Papa!"
Papa grinned as he moved away from her play shove.
He felt lighter too. Not a lot. But enough that it seemed like the suit was hiding some weight loss. Was Papa eating enough?
"Oh!" He snapped his fingers. "Before I forget, I wanted to ask you. Have you seen my brooch?"
Emma's brow furrowed. O...kay? "A brooch?" Papa wore plenty of rings and sometimes earrings but she didn't remember him ever having a brooch.
He rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah I seem to have forgotten where I put it. It's silver. Shaped like a fan or a fancy flower." He stepped closer with a friendly smile. "You haven't seen it?"
Emma suddenly felt the chill of the museum air against her back. "Felix?"
Felix's charming smile melted into something sharper as he glanced at the other patrons. "I just want what your father stole from me."
Emma backed away from him and closer to the open space of the foyer. "I don't know-"
Felix's hand snaked out and clasped itself around her wrist. "Think! Adrien isn't that good at hiding things!"
"You're hurting me!" Emma cried out. The bones of her arm felt like they were sliding together with the force of his grip. Which didn't budge no matter how much she pulled at it.
"Just tell me-"
A flash of pink and Felix was sent hurtling across the gallery floor. Thankfully missing the exhibits. Patrons screaming in shock and fear.
Emma stumbled back as Pigella stood between her and the impersonator.
"Alright, fuck-face!" Pigella cracked her knuckles. Despite her short stature she radiated Fnd Out energy. "You got two choices. I beat your ass senseless and call Pagasus to dump you into a nice cozy French prison cell. Or you get the hell out of Shanghai."
Felix sneered condescendingly at her. No easy thing to pull off with him holding a black eye.
In answer he pulled something out of his coat and smashed it on the floor. Smoke billowing out of it. Eliciting another round of panicked screams.
"Remain calm!" Pigella held her arm over Emma as though worried Felix might try for her again.
But when the smoke cleared Felix was gone.
"Stupid supervillains and their fucking smoke bombs," Pigella muttered.
"Emma!" Aunt Juleka was on her in a flash. Looking over her for injuries.
She could see Hugo and Louis hovering worriedly behind her.
"Are you ok?"
"I- I- I-"
Breathe Emma.
Breathe.
Emma took a shakey breath.
"I'm... o-okay."
Aunt Juleka hugged her close. Emma burying her tears in purple and black.
#Perfect Paradise#ml au#ml fanfic#emma dupain cheng#hugo dupain cheng#louis dupain cheng#rose lavillant#juleka couffaine#fei wu#felix graham de vanily#ml#miraculous ladybug
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The Masterpiece That Is Queer as Folk
Well, right before a reboot is set to come out, I finally got around to watching a show I first heard about (albeit without knowing the name) when it came out while I was like, eight years old. I then got in huge trouble for even mentioning to my parents that a friend had told me about a show with two boys french-kissing in a shower (okay, eight would’ve been way too young to see it, but still, fundie Christian memories ✨).
And, I fell hard for this story. I genuinely think this is one of my favorite stories ever, definitely favorite TV show, with writing to parallel MXTX’s levels of wringing the most potential out of every little detail. The writing is of a consistently high quality throughout its five seasons, without a single weak season (although there was the occasional weaker plotline), which is something I don’t think I can say for pretty much any other completed TV series I’ve seen. I love, love, love this story, and those of you know have been following me for awhile know how rarely I say that.
It’s explicit, often gratuitously so, but honestly that’s part of its charm and message: it’s loud and unashamed of itself, even when that makes it crass. It’s tired of being shut up inside a closet and it’s going to make it your problem if you choose to watch (and in doing so, mimic the journeys of its characters learning to feel and love and grow into human beings without apologies).
Brian, Justin, Hunter, Ben, Michael, Debbie, Emmett, Ted--they were all fantastic characters with complexity to boot. It seemed like many of them could be stereotypes--particularly Brian or Emmett--but to call them stereotypes is blatantly wrong. There was just so much intricate complexity woven into each character’s psyche. If anything, it seemed almost like taking back the stereotypes by infusing them with humanity (one of the major themes: learning how to be human). It was existentialist, philosophical at parts, and genuinely moving.
Brian could be seen as a stereotypical promiscuous gay man, but he is really a wounded child. Melanie can seem like a typical “butch” lesbian, but she has the arguably biggest and most sentimental heart in the series. Debbie is the voice of reason and moral compass, but also can get too caught up in her beliefs that she is a good person and hurt those around her. Ted seemed like a typical “loser” character whom I actually struggled to like through the first two and a half seasons... before his descent into addiction, which felt like one of the most humanizing portrayals of addiction I’ve seen. Ben and Hunter are both HIV positive, and neither of them are characterized by their illness or have their arcs primarily be about suffering and death porn.
Admittedly, some parts haven’t aged super well. but without some of those elements (namely, the age difference between Justin and Brian), I’m not sure the story could have pulled itself off with the same poignant psychological insight, the same provocative themes, and the same character depth. So, that one I’m giving a pass on a literary perspective. Other parts that didn’t age super well are that really aren’t any trans or bisexual (although it seems like Hunter is bisexual, though the idea is never really labeled) or nonbinary characters, plus almost everyone is very white. It’s a very outdated understanding of sexuality in some ways (although in other aspects, the show is quite forward-thinking in others--for example, it says “acab” before it was cool).
So let’s break down Hamliet’s thoughts on different themes, motifs, plotlines, and symbolism. I’m going to start with Justin and Brian’s relationship, because it really did form the beating heart of the show in encapsulating, without fail, the main themes of each and every season.
Brian and Justin: Being Human Means Growing and Grieving (Season One)
Brian: Look, I don't believe in love. I believe in fucking. It's honest, it's efficient. You get in and out with a maximum of pleasure, and a minimum of bullshit. Love is something that straight people tell themselves they're in, so they can get laid. Then they end up hurting each other, because it was all based on lies to begin with. If that's what you want, then go and find yourself a pretty little girl, and get married.
Justin: That's not what I want. I want you.
Came in skeptical about this relationship, left convinced.
Through season one, Justin and Brian’s issues build into the tragic finale through the themes of growth and loss that run through each episode of the entire season. Growth is what makes us human, but growing, living, always ends in death eventually.
At first glance, Brian seems to be the character who goes after everything he wants... but he actually is running away from what he wants. Justin is the one who actually goes after what he wants: he is super clingy to start with, to the point where it’s a bit cringe--but also, surprisingly earnest and honest.
Brian has the opposite problem to Justin’s clinginess: he’s dead inside and pushing everyone away from him. Brian acts like he owes nothing to anybody and desperately has sex with every man he can, and makes a “big spectacle of everything” (as Debbie tells him), all in a childish attempt to feel something, anything at all. He wants to be human. He wants to be alive. But he doesn’t feel like he’s either of these things. His refusal to grow up is not so much a rejection of maturity so much as it is a rejection of his life in general: how can you grow, when you were never alive in the first place?
Justin’s clinginess, while initially a flaw, is actually what makes the relationship perfect: Brian would never grow if he was not relentlessly pursued by someone who also asked things of him (Lindsay and Michael, while great friends, rarely ask things of Brian, while Justin does). Justin's childlike faith in humanity in some ways (and, admittedly less-charmingly, black and white way of thinking) helps Brian experience those things for the first time. The irony of course is that Justin seems like he wants to grow up--have sex, move out of his home, getting a fake ID--while Brian claims he wants to stay young, yet before Justin avoids anything actually innocent. When he finally starts opening up to Justin and his innocence, he’s confronted with what he’s been avoiding the entire season: grief.
Brian needs to grieve his own nightmare childhood and his own issues, or else he can’t ever grow or feel human.
To be human is to accept loss, accept that you aren’t superman, that you can’t control things. Literally the entire season is about the writers handing Brian challenge to grieve after challenge to grieve and him denying it until it smashes into the head of innocence (Justin).
Firstly, Brian is tasked with whether or not to pull the plug on Ted when he’s in a coma, a choice that he thankfully doesn’t have to make when Ted wakes up. Then, Brian’s father tells him he’s dying and Brian finally tells him he’s gay (with horrifying results). His father dies (symbolic again of one symbol of his nightmare childhood passing away), and Brian doesn’t cry, which everyone points out is odd. Brian also ruins his relationship with Michael, and refuses to grieve it, pretending it’s all fine. While they do reconcile, Justin and Michael do more work to bring them back together than Brian does (speaking of, the scene where everyone leaves in disgust, telling Brian off for his cruelty at Michael’s birthday party, but Justin tells Brian “someone’s gotta help you clean this mess” was clearly a double-meaning and a genuinely heartwarming moment). Then, Brian struggles with signing away his parental rights to Gus to help Melanie and Lindsay, and does so in a bold moment without much grief. Brian treats Justin terribly on and off, but doesn’t grieve it because he tells himself that’s just who he is.
However, Justin in season one, despite being a portrayal of innocence, also treats other people pretty poorly. (Brian is largely the exception.) His father is the worst, but Justin is also a brat with an immature understanding of love and people. He does his best to alienate his mother early on. He antagonizes people when he doesn’t have to in order to show off and prove he deserves to exist (like outside of Babylon when he tells everyone he gave Chris Hobbs a handjob, a moment where Brian warns him directly that he’s now “made a real enemy”). Justin’s brattiness is clearly coming from a place of pain and repression, so to be clear there is no moral equivalence there: he only humiliates Chris because Chris has been humiliating him throughout the series.
Justin also tries to convince Brian not to sign away his parental rights at first, which hurts Melanie and Lindsay, because Justin projects his own parental issues onto the situation without considering that Brian is not his father and the people involved are so different the two situations shouldn’t be compared. Plus, if anything, Justin puts too much responsibility on others, and is challenged to accept that he cannot control other people and how they feel or act towards him (Daphne falling for him, Brian, trying to win his father’s approval by considering business school despite his father’s hatred of him, etc.) This idea of putting too much responsibility on others is childish and normal for someone his age, and makes Justin and Brian very similar while also having contrasting ways of handling their relationships (clinging vs pushing away).
This all culminates in the finale where Chris tries to murder Justin right when he and Brian seem to finally be happy at Justin’s prom. It’s only then, when Brian sits bloodied in a hospital waiting room, that we see him finally give in, grieve, cry, in the same place he and Justin named his son in the first episode.
Justin’s lost a sense of innocence. Brian realizes that he is not the island he pretends to be, and that being human hurts.
Justin and Brian: Being Human Means Accepting the Worst of Yourself (Season Two)
Michael to Brian: I think you're afraid to let anyone know you love them. That you have feelings. That you're human like the rest of us.
Throughout the second season, Brian hides the best parts of himself (literally not allowing anyone to know that he visits Justin every single night he’s in the hospital). Brian also self-sabotages himself by demanding Justin hide the best parts of himself (loving Brian) with their semi-open arrangement that fails epically, and Justin leaves him. But part of the reason is fails is also that Justin starts becoming more like Brian, even imitating Brian in word and action when he sleeps with a virgin, and... big surprise, neither of them like Justin becoming more like Brian. Justin doesn't want to be Brian, and Brian doesn't want to be Brian either.
Despite Brian’s narcissistic persona, the dude basically embodies the concept of “methinks thou doth protest too much.” See: him pissing on art of himself as a hero. After, Justin demands a real apology for that--directly telling Brian that his vague “sorry” isn’t good enough, and Brian gives i. A few episodes later, this scene then repeats after Justin starts his affair with Ethan with almost the exact same dialogue, but this time Justin is the one giving a vague apology, and Brian isn’t strong enough to ask for a specific apology.
Justin: I’m sorry.
Brian: For what?
Justin: You know what for.
The point is again that Justin is becoming more like Brian, and it’s not a good thing.
As long as Brian hides the best parts of himself, their relationship is doomed. It’s not a coincidence that after the first time Justin tops him, after Brian literally lets Justin inside, Brian immediately panics and starts causing problems. Brian doesn’t acknowledge Justin’s birthday besides literally hiring him a hustler to symbolize how he’s pushing Justin into another person’s arms (Ethan). To highlight this, we have Ben and Michael’s birthday celebration as a foil, where Ben is upset over his declining health and behaves terribly. However, Ben apologizes, and Michael tells him a major theme:
Ben: There’s no excuse for it. There’s no excuse at all.
Michael: Sure there is. You’re human.
The point is that Brian and Justin are human too, as much as Brian tries to deny his own humanity. Human beings make mistakes. And that becomes a major motif of the third season.
Justin and Brian: Being Human Means Accepting the Best of Yourself (Season Three)
When we see Justin and Brian in the opening of season 3, Brian is still so defensive over Justin despite Justin publicly humiliating and leaving Brian that Brian punches his best friend, Michael, for suggesting that he shouldn’t have saved Justin’s life. This again ties into Brian’s self-hatred: he expects Justin to leave him, even feels he should. But Brian finds it easier to fight someone else on Justin’s behalf than to fight himself to keep Justin; numerous characters comment that Justin left because Brian didn’t fight for him, and they’re right.
Brian and Justin are still stuck on each other, and shown through their indulgence of illusions (fantasy vs reality is another motif throughout every season). Brian literally hires a hooker to dress up as Justin, and Justin focuses on Ethan who is whom Justin thinks he wants Brian to be, only to discover that Ethan is Justin at his worst: brought to life by art, yes, but a cheater, and a liar.
As viewers, we recognize issues all along: for example, during a sex scene, Ethan directly tells Justin “don’t be nervous;” this stands in sharp contrast with Brian, who had previously told Justin that he was clearly “terrified” when they first got together. Brian acknowledges Justin’s fears; Ethan pretends they don’t exist. Ethan wants an illusion; Brian wants the real thing.
We also see the “real you” aspect of Brian and Justin’s relationship foiled with Ben and Michael’s struggle over Ben’s HIV. Michael almost wishes he has HIV to relate to Ben more, and this plotline climaxes in Michael holding a needle to his arm, contemplating giving himself it to be more like Ben, and this line:
Ben: I don’t want you to be like me!
There are other relationships in the show, even nonromantic ones, that emphasize that Brian can’t accept the best of himself. Brian refuses to accept any thanks for saving Ted’s ass, because he’s still denying the best parts of himself. Both our good and bad traits make us human: Brian needs to accept the best of himself, and Justin needs to accept the worst.
Brian and Justin finally face each other while having sex with other people in Babylon’s backroom, but lock eyes and it’s clear who they wish they were with. They have to accept themselves at their best and at their worst to be able to accept each other at their best and worst.
Fortunately, that’s precisely what happens. When Justin decides to win Brian back by interning at his company, he gives him a sincere compliment that Brian can only smile at (ie, Justin confronting Brian with the best of Brian’s traits):
Justin: I've already learned more than I would in an entire semester of school... Which says a lot about you, actually.
Brian: About me?
Justin: Yeah. They say the tone of the workplace is established from the top. So it's a great compliment to you that you have such a dedicated and hardworking staff.
And Justin is then able to show Brian that yeah, he knows Brian’s worst traits. And even with his worst self, he still thinks Brian’s best traits make him worth it, and that Brian can actually become better, grow.
Justin: If you had any brains at all you would never have let me leave. You would've told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life. That I would live to regret it. That what you gave me was worth a thousand--a million times more than anything he had to offer. You would have told me that you loved me, and that you would go on loving me even after I was gone.
Brian then confronts Justin on his worst traits:
Brian: That is so like you! You don't hear what you want, so you leave! Try standing up for yourself for a change!
Aaand then Justin is able to admit his best traits:
Justin: I decided you should take me back... even though I’ve made a few mistakes, I think you’d be making an even bigger one not to give me a second chance.
In other words, when they get back together, they’re able to see each other as fully human.
When they get back together, Justin and Brian are able to pretty much save the world by stopping Stockwell. Debbie outright states the season’s main theme after Brian gets fired for sabotaging Stockwell (such a smallscale Trump it’s almost eerie):
Debbie: it's your innate goodness.
Brian: *laughs*
Debbie: we all know good from evil and you’re no different.
Again, the “you’re no different” line emphasizes that Brian is human despite his denials thereof, and being human is not just about fucking and being selfish--it’s about love and community and a long arc towards justice. And then Brian finally becomes the hero Justin and Michael have always believed him to be and gives up literally everything he owns--everything except the people who love him, honestly--to stop Stockwell. Not only that, but no one except his closest friends will ever know he is the one who saved the town.
The idea of accepting the worst/best of yourself is also foiled in the finale when Ted reunites with Blake. Ted cared for Blake because Blake brought out the best in Ted--his generosity and kindness and belief in goodness of humanity--but was destroyed by the worst (Blake’s addiction). At the rehab where he once dropped Blake off, Ted finds himself a patient, and Blake as his counselor--showing Ted that there is a future, that the best in you is never dead no matter how far you’ve sunken. You can always find it again.
Justin and Brian: Being Human Means Accepting Help (Season 4)
Season 4 at its core is about learning to be weak and ask for help. Ted needs help finding a job. Ben needs help processing rejection of his manuscript. Brian needs help keeping his apartment. But none of them want to feel pitied, and so they flounder.
One of the ways people can need others is to need others to forgive them. Obviously we have Blake and Ted, Ted and... everyone after his addiction, Debbie forgiving herself for the way she treats Vic, and Brian and Justin forgiving each other and therefore forgiving themselves.
Obviously this was first set up in Season 3, when Brian forgave Justin for leaving him, but it’s further expanded on by repeating a lot of season two’s elements... in a way that doesn’t feel repetitive but instead shines a light on just how much growth the characters have undergone.
Justin’s brief foray into vigilantism is clearly paralleled with his foray into gogo dancing in season 2: both Brian warns him about, but Justin insists he can take care of himself only to get way in over his head. With gogo dancing, the boss sexually assaulted him; with the vigilantes, Justin ends up realizing that Cody is not that different than Chris Hobbs--he’s cruel, he’s hateful, he’s violent, and he only wants to use Justin for his own pride. But instead of how Justin allowed his guilt over needing Brian’s help for school to drive them apart after the gogo incident, this time Justin allows himself to get closer to Brian after realizing Brian was right. Justin also doesn’t forgive Chris Hobbs (nor really should he), but he does realize the pointlessness of revenge.
Brian then needs help but resorts to I can take care of myself when he’s diagnosed with testicular cancer. He lashes out at Justin and refuses to tell Justin what’s really going on. Brian’s lashing out becomes particularly cruel where he essentially tries to force Justin to leave him... only for Michael to show how much he’s grown by intervening and mediating. When Brian comes home sick to find Justin cooking soup for him, Brian falls to the floor and is literally struggling to get up from a fetal position (hello, obvious symbolism):
Brian: I’m all right!
Justin: You're not all right.
Brian: Then why are you asking me?
Justin: So I can tell you what a motherfucking piece of shit you are for not telling me! For shutting me out! For thinking that you could handle this on your own! And most of all for thinking that I would leave you! Why would you think that? 'Cause you had a ball removed? 'Cause you're no longer perfect? Well, believe me, Mr. Kinney, that is the least of your imperfections! And if I wanted to leave you, I've had plenty of better reasons.
Brian: Well, maybe you should have.
Even though it’s framed as an argument, it’s actually Brian finally opening up. The look on Justin’s face when he realizes that Brian has finally told him the truth that he’s not been able to admit the entire series--that Brian hates himself, that he thinks he doesn’t deserve any love--was stunning. He said some pretty cruel things to Justin, yet Justin forgave him. Sometimes, that’s the best help someone can give--even the only help.
Brian and Justin: Being Human Means You Can’t Control Others (Season Five)
Brian: My mother was a frigid bitch. My father was an abusive drunk. They had a hateful marriage, which is probably why I am unwilling or unable to form a committed long-term relationship of my own. The fact that I drink like a fish, abuse drugs, and have more or less redefined promiscuity doesn't help... much. As a result, I've lost the two people in my life that mean most to me.
Season 5 is all about everything changing and the resistance people have to change, but that doesn't mean the love that grounds it goes away. Melanie and Lindsay break up for a bit, Debbie leaves the diner only for a copycat to take over, Babylon changes when Brian buys it... and then when it explodes.
Season 5 really explores the limits of change and what can and cannot change. Brian in particular has always used being gay as an excuse for why he doesn’t feel human, when his issues are far more complex than that. His being gay won’t change and shouldn’t (despite what the homophobes scream out their cars in certain gutwrenching scenes), but his attitude towards himself and others and towards his own sexuality can and should and does.
Despite not feeling human and supposedly being very “live and let live,” Brian is actually something of a control freak, as becomes increasingly obvious in season 5. He lashes out at Michael for marrying Ben and setting up house, at Ted for pursuing a monogamous long-term relationship, at Justin for wanting commitment. Everyone moves on, but Brian is terrified of losing the only ways he feels alive... and he’s still stuck in a childish, egocentric mindset that he controls the world. (Justin has his own issues with control this season; namely around his mother’s new relationship, Michael and Ben struggle regarding Hunter leaving, etc).
Brian: Before you and your husband tied the noose around your necks he was perfectly happy! But now, he's a defector, just like the rest of you!
Michael: He was never perfectly happy! Waiting for years for you to say "I love you, you're the only one I want."
Brian: That's *not* who I am!
Not only that, but there’s certainly irony in Brian claiming he “accepts” (his term) Michael’s choice for domestic life, but he clearly does not. The concept of “home”, which has been a motif for Brian and Justin’s relationship since the very first episode where Justin points out he’s not able to go home and hence he stays with Brian, and how Brian negotiates their semi-open relationship in season two with the idea that he wants to “come home to” Justin, comes up again in this same scene where Brian confronts Michael and blames him for Justin moving out:
Michael regarding his house with Ben: It's a home!
Brian: It's a farce! It's a freak show!
Michael: ... (Justin) didn't leave because of (me). He left because of you. Who wouldn't?
Again, there’s irony here. The “farce” and “freak show” are comments Lindsay’s parents have lobbed at her marriage to Mel throughout the show. Yes, Brian, resident gay stud of Pittsburgh, has some serious internalized issues that brush up against homophobia and that just boil down to the same issues driving many of the show’s antagonists: control. Wanting to be God, not human.
Brian needs to accept the limits of being a human being. You cannot control others. When you love them--to truly love someone--you don’t even try. You give them free will. You love them. You support them. I’m sure you can see the parallels between the general portrayal of the Prop 14 supporters who are using religion throughout the season to try to control others and claim it’s love when it’s blasphemy to call that love.
As usual, Debbie is the voice of decency, not only by yelling at the religious protester “JESUS THINKS YOU STINK!” but also by saying to Brian:
Debbie: your problem is he left you. He left you, and he moved on. Only he didn't. You and he just made different choices, that's all. Doesn't mean that you don't still love each other.
Everything reaches a head when Babylon--symbolic of not just the gay community in QAF, but of Brian’s entire life--literally explodes. That scene is horrifying, disorienting, brilliantly shot and nauseating (like, I almost threw up, and it’s not gory at all--it’s just devastating, and the pure emotion hit me like a sack of bricks).
Justin and Brian choose not to control each other, which is actually a sign of love. About the finale, it has its own section below.
The High Cost of Living
Justin: time will inevitably leave its mark... we should accept our mortality with dignity.
One of the things about growing, and growing up, is that you inch closer to death. There is no growing up without wrestling with mortality.
Brian in particular is called out by the narrative constantly. By episode 4, Ted forces Brian to be his power of attorney, to make the final decision whether he should live or die, because Brian needs to make the same damn choice. It’s the central choice Brian will have to make in the series: does he want to live? Because if he wants to live, he has to grow. And the rest of the remaining five seasons constantly ask Brian to think about what that means, holding his feet to the fire and forcing him to grow.
The concept of aging is brought up in terms of this as well. From the start, Brian is terrified of turning 30 (oh boy, I feel ya there, Brian). He’s even suicidal at the thought, because he can’t fathom being older which has dual meaning for his character: firstly, that he’s stuck in adolescence emotionally, and secondly that he’s afraid to take charge of his own life. If he does, he’ll have to take responsibility for things. Being forced to take responsibility for not just Gus, but Justin, Lindsay, Michael, and other moments... it was good. Being young isn’t demonized either: in some ways, Brian being with Justin is a symbolic (literary please I’m not talking real life problematic elements) way of Justin meeting Brian at that age emotionally, and them growing together. Debbie even says that they are “pretty evenly matched” maturity-wise. It’s also a real-world psychological fact that people who experience trauma as children can become emotionally “stuck” at that age, unable to move past it.
All of this ties into the PTSD motif with both Brian and Justin suffering from the disorder post-Chris’s attack. PTSD can make you feel like you’re not really living, which the show displays. A psychiatrist tells Brian:
It's like a fairy tale, Rapunzul or Hansel and Gretl, but the cage is his mind, and it's up to you, the handsome prince, to release it.
This applies to more than just Justin’s repressed memories of the attack; it applies to their entire relationship over the course of the show. They have to escape their cages of trauma and terrible coping mechanisms in order to fully, truly live. Justin is as much the handsome prince to Brian’s trapped Rapunzel as Brian is a prince rescuing Justin--for the entire show.
In season 3, Justin even directly tells Brian that the latest comic based on Brian is about: "It's about thawing his cold heart, bringing him back to life. It's about their love. It's about commitment." Those elements give life.
Season 4 is where the motif of life and death really picks up again, when Vic dies and Brian is diagnosed with testicular cancer. Brian contemplates letting himself go out in a blaze of glory, young and handsome, but in the end goes through with the treatment (which involves removing a testicle) after spending time with Lindsay and his son Gus, with Michael, and with Justin telling him that he loves him again.
The finale of Season 4 has Brian breaking his collarbone and still insisting on finishing the bike ride. Brian is literally in front of a graveyard on the path when Michael shows up next to him and insists that if he’s going to do this, they’re going to do it together. They come to the finish line hours after everyone else has finished, and Brian, in agony, decides he’s close and enough and wants to stop.
But then he sees Justin waiting for him over the finish line, along with Debbie who loves him like a mother, and Ben (Michael’s newlywed husband) and Hunter. And he’s motivated to push forward and finish well, despite the pain because the people who love him want him to live.
The Scarf and Art as Life
That bloodstained scarf Brian buys himself for his thirtieth birthday becomes a beautiful symbol of not just Brian and Justin’s relationship, but Brian’s life, which is forever tied to Justin. Brian at first buys the expensive scarf to indulge himself (as he starts the series doing in spades), then uses the scarf to get off and simultaneously flirt with dying via autoerotic asphyxiation, and then finally uses the scarf to dance with Justin. But the scarf becomes soaked with Justin’s blood after Chris’s attack, and yet Brian continues to wear it.
He can’t take it off, because it’s their lives in a symbol. When Justin starts to remember what happened, he uncovers the scarf on Brian. When they make love for the first time after the attack, the camera focuses on the scarf lying beneath their feet.
Justin’s life is his art, which Brian directly says in the first season, and which Debbie emphasizes by telling Justin as he wrestles with whether or not to go to Dartmouth for business like his father wants or to pursue his art (his own life):
Debbie: you don't have the power to get [your parents] back together. But you do have the power to fuck up your own life. So make sure you think twice before you do it.
Chris’s attack almost steals Justin’s life and his art (literally, though the damage to his brain and hand) from him. When Justin struggles with his recovery and considers dropping out of art school and Brian buys him a computer so he can do digital art, he reacts angrily:
Justin: You can tell everyone you fixed Little Justin's problems? Well, you can't fix this. No one can.
In season 2, Brian pissing on Justin and Michael’s comic is really symbolic not just of the injustice he did to Michael and Justin’s lives, but also symbolic of how he feels about himself (as Debbie says, they literally based the hero on Brian, because “you’re their hero”).
At the end of the series, when Justin goes to New York to pursue his art fulltime, it’s symbolic of him being fully alive--and symbolic of Brian being so as well. Why? Because Brian’s life is tied to Justin’s, forever and always. If Justin lives freely and succeeds, then Brian will as well. Brian telling Justin to go was him choosing to live fully and freely for the first time.
Religion, Fathers, Mothers, and Sons
Justin: I've caused them enough pain.
Brian: It's bullshit. They cause their own pain just like everyone else.
There are so many parental relationships in the series, and they span from the horrific to the beautiful. Debbie is the mom I want to be, and good religious rep... in contrast to, say, Brian’s family, which is horrifying. I mean, Brian’s dad legit telling his son “it should be you who’s dying” when Brian tries to finally tell him he’s gay after his father’s terminal diagnosis was a moment I audibly gasped in horror.
Brian’s mother, however, while horrifically homophobic, cold, and emotionally and verbally abusive, was still very humanized in that it’s clear she has no one to love her and be kind to her. Brian’s kindness is to not take her faith from her. I also liked the priest character, because he was upfront that he never taught anything but God’s love, and God was whom he answered to. He also pointed out to Brian that he has someone he can always count on and have around: God. For Brian, that person is Justin (the religious motif is emphasized also by the fact that Justin tells Daphne “I met God” after meeting Brian the first time, and by the scene in the final season when Brian prays with Debbie for Michael to survive his injuries--although, as both say, they aren’t asking God so much as they’re “telling” (which btw is actually biblical lol). But the point is that Brian then goes and tells Justin the truth finally: that he loves him).
Debbie moms everyone in the group, and helps Jennifer learn to be a better mom to Justin as well. But Debbie can herself grow as well: she projects her fears and trauma over Vic’s illness onto Ben and Michael, and allows her own insecurities to ruin her relationship with her brother.
Justin’s father is terrible, but Jennifer is instead well-intentioned and flawed, fairly complex. She at first blames Brian for Justin’s injury, and Brian ironically chooses to believe her (that it’s his fault) over Justin (who directly says “it’s not your fault” multiple times while embracing him). Again, this is symbolic of Brian’s childishness (believing a parent over an equal), but what helps is how Jennifer grows and apologizes to Brian, asking him to help Justin instead. By showing Brian that growing doesn’t always mean turning into a miserable, angry bastard, Jennifer actually gives Brian a good example of how to stop being an asshole.
Parents can grow, because parents are human.
Injustice
Ben: Your children lead privileged lives, and you dare to laugh at my son's misfortune.
By the end of season one, the relationships we’ve been following all reach significant moments: Blake runs away from rehab and thereby from Ted, and he has to face that he cannot save Blake. Michael moves to Portland with David, taking a risk that ultimately doesn’t work out. And Brian finally makes a good choice, coming to Justin’s prom. The couple that made the best decision for each other in that episode? They’re the ones that end up in the worst tragedy, when Chris attacks Justin. It’s wrong, it’s infuriating, and it’s devastating.
It’s also unfair in another element: the narrative has been challenging Brian to grieve, but Justin being the one actually to almost die seems horrifically wrong--and that’s the point, and what makes it powerful. Justin did nothing wrong insofar as learning to grieve goes, but he pays the price. In this, the show calls out a double standard in society, shows us how unfair it is. The innocent, the childlike sunshine, pays the price for society’s bigotry, for adults inability to healthy process emotions, for all of it--burdens they should never take on.
The motif of injustice comes up again and again throughout the show: Lindsay’s parents paying for her sister’s three weddings yet calling Lindsay’s marriage to Melanie not “real.” Hunter being targeted at school for having HIV after being abused physically, mentally, and sexually his entire life, the pursuit of justice for the murder of Jason Kemp, Michael and Ben not being able to legally marry, the issues around adoption... we also never really find out who attacked Babylon. These plotlines are seldom resolved with feel-good bows (with the exception of Jason Kemp’s murder), because there’s still work to be done in the world.
Love: An Unconstrained Risk
One of the main symbolic messages of the show, especially when taken in the context in which it was made (early 2000s, before same-sex marriage was legal in any state in the USA), is that love can’t be easily defined or put into a box, but love is powerful and life-giving. The fact that most of the romantic relationships in the show were, obviously, queer, highlights this. The romances also weren’t limited by age--we have younger, older, and elderly people falling in love--or by health.
Whether or not legal marriage was allowed, the love and commitment Melanie and Lindsay have is real. Ditto for Ben and Michael. Despite the weird, even creepy on the outset age differences between Emmett and George (and to a lesser degree Justin and Brian), both of these relationships ended up being really beautiful. Love isn’t even defined by time or broken by death: it goes on and on. That’s one of the main messages of the ending--that time and space have little say in the love Brian and Justin have for each other. Love will not, cannot be constrained by forces manmade or intrinsic to the universe. (That said, I still would have liked to see them actually get married, because there was foreshadowing for it... but the ending is well-written.)
Love also comes with risks, which itself is a theme that ties in with the concept of being in the present moment (another theme). Marriage is a risk for Lindsay and Melanie, Ben and Michael, Brian and Justin, Debbie and Horvath--and not choosing to marry is a risk as well in the latter two cases. Moving to Oregon with David only for it not to work out for Michael was a risk, as was choosing to love Ben despite the fact that people were warning him about Ben’s HIV positivity. Vic moving out with Rodney was a risk. Tucker and Jennifer was a risk. Ted falling for Blake was a risk that seemed to not pay off, but then later did.
There is no love without risk, and the tides may not run smoothly, but it doesn’t make it any less real and eternal. This applies to an extent to self-love as well. Drew coming out, Melanie and Lindsay giving themselves permission to get married, Brian really only learning to love himself through loving and caring for Justin.
The idea of love as a risk is honestly most fully embodied in Michael’s character as well, particularly in the motif of fantasy vs reality. Michael’s major issue early on was his unrequited love for Brian, which made him leaving with David a good choice for his character... even if it was obvious the relationship was doomed. Why? Because David clearly loved the idea of Michael more than Michael himself, and Michael loved the idea of David and the white picket-fence life (which he genuinely wants and does get) more than the reality of who David was. With Ben as a husband and Hunter as their son, it was hard, riskier than staying in reveries.
The Finale
Which is again why the finale works from a literary perspective even if my taste is to like things neatly wrapped up. Instead of marrying, they commit to loving each other without full guarantees, because they both still have a little more growing up to do (honestly, QAF is a bildungsroman). Brian’s finally saying the words “I love you” was progress; the proposal was less so because it was made out of fear, out of I can’t risk losing you, rather than a full maturation. But you have to risk in love. I honestly think the implication is that Brian and Justin will end up together for real, probably married, since it’s still abundantly clear that what they want is each other, and they are forever each other’s life; we don’t necessarily need to have it spoonfed to us to see the narrative implication.
I mean, really. The narrative showed us at the start of season five that Brian made room for Justin to move in even while not expecting him to come back from LA (showing a part of him does know they’ll be together), called out the fact that Brian didn’t return the rings, they promised to visit, and how. many. times. did the series have Brian fantasize about going to New York for some fancy life, while Justin’s fantasies were always about ending up married with the love of his life? It’s pretty clear their goals do align--there’s just still more growing to do first. Yes, no future is guaranteed, but the hint at an off-screen happily-ever-after so blatant I’d barely call it a hint. We even have, back in season 4, Vic’s post-death pseudo-spiritual visit to Brian’s dream, where he tells Brian he was lucky to get four more years after his almost-death, but “you’ll have a lot more than that.”
Also again, season 4′s finale can be seen as symbolic of where it’ll end up. Michael and Brian move towards the finish line, Brian, because he’s crippled in pain and literally broken, is running hours later than everyone else. But with Michael pushing him towards the finish line--where Michael’s husband and son wait alongside Brian’s partner in Justin... well, it’s clear they’re still pushing towards that line by the end.
And finally, all the foreshadowing of an off-screen married happily-ever-after ending for Brian and Justin in season 5: Justin going to LA and coming back, despite Brian thinking he won’t. Hunter leaving, and then returning. (Let love go, and it’ll come back.) Someone remarks that it is “magical thinking” that Melanie and Lindsay would get back together, and Emmett responds “Well, you never know.” Lo and behold, they do get back together, despite reaching the lowest of the low in their relationship and doing things to each other that could honestly be seen as unforgivable. Blake and Ted reunite at last, because it had always been “right person, wrong time” for them, and it was finally time. I kind of don’t think the main relationship of the entire series is supposed to be the exception.
Being Yourself
Michael: ...being different is what makes us all the same. It's what makes us family.
Of course, another main theme throughout the show was that of being yourself. It’s pretty expected for a queer show, but QAF gives it a unique twist in how it emphasizes this (not just in season 3). But starting in season one, Brian tells Justin he’ll go on to meet lots of other guys, and Justin replies that he doesn’t want other guys: he wants Brian. The rest of the show is precisely about Justin discovering what that means. The end is Justin still wants Brian, but he doesn’t want Brian to deny himself completely--that’s actually Justin showing that he really loves and wants Brian as he is.
But, the show also emphasizes that no person is an island. People do need each other, and the things we do with our lives do affect others. See again: Brian choosing to go through with his cancer treatment for the sake of his loved ones, Hunter desperately needing Ben and Michael as his parents, and how when the community bands together, they’re really able to accomplish the unbelievable, even the miraculous (taking down Stockwell, rebuilding Babylon).
Stuff I Didn’t Love
The season 3 plotline with Brian’s nephew accusing him falsely was a retread and not a good idea: the idea that kids often lie about that is just not particularly helpful (because it’s not true), and the plotline/challenge for Brian’s character was done much better with the sexual harassment suit from Kip in season one.
The season 4-5 plotline of Lindsay cheating on Melanie and the ensuing custody battle was another retread of Melanie cheating in season one and while it did ultimately not ruin their characters (which it could have done; to their credit the writers made it work), it wasn’t exactly the best choice of writing either.
Emmett and Ted had no chemistry so I could never buy them as anything more than filling space, which I think was the point in the end, but for a few episodes it seemed to be taken too seriously as something to root for when it... wasn’t.
Overall Impression
I’m drawn to stories about existentialism, stories that explore nuance and empathy, stories with themes like what it means to be human, stories that aren’t sanitized for the sake of a moral message (biggest fear for any reboot right here). Maybe it’s again the fundie upbringing, but I constantly feel like I have to earn the right to exist and struggle with accepting both the best and worst aspects of myself, and media that explores questions more so than hammers a message appeals to me (because I actually feel like the messages of these media pieces comes across stronger). Queer as Folk is all of those things, plus some really tight writing and excellent symbolism for any literature nerd to salivate over (most shows never use symbolism anymore! Never!)
In some ways, certain aspects make it very much a product of its time, but in other ways, it’s timeless. It’s really an artistic masterpiece that reminded me of what I love about humanity and life itself, that makes absolutely no apologies for its stance on love as something powerful (another thing missing in modern media: the concept that love wins), that doesn’t give us simple answers for what it means to recover from trauma as individuals and as a society, that doesn’t write literally any single character off as a one-note person who can never change while at the same time acknowledging how hard, long, and winding changing is, and what can and cannot change in a human.
On a personal note, realizing, after I’d finished the show, its connection to a genuinely traumatic childhood moment that actually, years later, helped me escape me a cult adds another piece of sentimental value. And @our-mathematical-universe, you were right when you nagged me to watch this over the past few years.
10/10
#qaf#queer as folk#queer as folk us#britin#brian kinney#justin taylor#emmett honeycutt#michael novotny#ben bruckner#hunter novotny-bruckner#hunter montgomery#lindsay peterson#melanie marcus#debbie novotny#vic grassi#blake wyzecki#ted schmidt#qaf meta#hamliet reviews#queer as folk meta#britin meta#qaf us#qaf 2000
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Chapter 6: Safe Room
Words: 848
Summary: A moment of reprieve
Of course, surviving this nightmare was hard. What was harder than that? Trying to navigate the RPD with all of its bullshit puzzles and asinine methods of keeping certain areas locked off.
If the physical exhaustion of looking for the most outlandish and scarce looking keys didn’t get to you, the mental exhaustion would.
“You know, maybe if this place had stayed a museum, I probably wouldn’t mind all the bizarreness of the layout.” You said.
You, Evie, and Leon were currently taking a breather. Elvira laid near Leon’s feet as he sat by a table, leaning back against the back of the metal chair. You were seated across from him with your head resting atop your arms, reminiscent of your school days.
Leon had nodded in agreement with you. “I’ll admit: reading about how they converted this place from a museum sounded cool at first but now it’s such a hassle to do anything.”
“Add in the fact that the Chief Irons is a homicidal monster, it just sounds like he was giving keys to free game. It’s all fucked.” You let out an exasperated breath, pulling out your inhaler.”I can’t wait to get out of here.”
“We’re almost there, Y/N.”
You lifted your head up and stared at the rookie. “Hey…”
He turned his attention to you.
“How’d you end up in all this, anyway? I mean, I know you’re a rookie and all but…you still seem….I dunno, fresh-faced? Everything about Raccoon City seems so new to you.”
“Yeah…I guess. I thought about a change of scenery. I graduated from the academy and my girlfriend broke up with me.”
“No!” You stared at him with a wide-eyed expression.
“Yeah. Told me ACAB through text.” He joked, earning a laugh from you.
‘You have a really nice laugh.’ He thought. “No, we were just…growing apart and I guess I didn’t wanna accept it.”
A silence filled the room.
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”
“Don’t be. I needed a reality check. At least she was mature enough to know when it should end.”
“Does she know you’re here?”
“No. If she did, she probably would’ve stopped me. Might have even told my parents. Everyone was talking about how dangerous Raccoon City was and how it was getting worse and I just thought…I’d come here to help.”
You softly shook your head. “I really hate that this was your first day. No one deserves to have a first day on the job like this.”
“So…what about you?” He asked.
You shrugged. “Nothing much about me. I grew up here with my…nannies and Evie. Only remarkable thing about me is that my mom works for the pharmaceutical company that caused all this shit.”
“Well…I wouldn't have said that.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. I mean…there’s something special about you. The way the infected animals don’t seem to wanna harm you and rather…they protect you.”
While it was a compliment, it didn’t really make you feel better. Whatever it was…had some aspects of your mother’s name written all over it. You had simply believed you were adopted but now you’re having second thoughts about it all.
Your mother never did tell you why she adopted you. Why out of all the other kids, she chose you. You thought adopted parents went out of their way to love and nurture their kids but your mother wasn’t like that.
Material things? Yes. But someone to take pictures of you and your date for the prom? Someone to come to your school events and support you from the audience? Someone to tell you that second place isn’t all that bad? You didn’t really have that from her.
Why were your nannies better parental figures than the mother that adopted you? The woman that CHOSE you.
“I don’t think whatever’s going on with the infected animals is gonna be good in the long run.” You responded. You let out a half-hearted laugh. “Can you imagine me applying for a job now? Do you have any special skills? Oh yeah, I can befriend animals infected with this virus that destroyed my hometown, isn’t that neat?”
Leon let out a chuckle. “I’m sure it won’t be that bad.”
You sighed, casually placing your hand on the table. “Yeah…honestly after all of this…I can’t imagine how hard it’s gonna be trying to get back to any semblance of normal.”
Then Leon did something that surprised you. He had straightened his posture and reached across, gently taking your hand into his. You couldn’t help the heat that began warming your cheeks.
You couldn’t help but stare down at your joined hands. However, Leon gently called out to you. “Hey.”
You looked up at him with a shocked expression more familiar on the faces of lovestruck teens. Whether he noticed or not was a complete mystery. You only focused on his eyes.
Those gorgeous eyes of his.
“You and I are gonna get through this. We’ll stick together.”
A casual whine from Evie caught both of your attentions, earning a chuckle from Leon.
“Yes, and you too Evie.”
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i dont know how to share my confidence on anything honestly around here you know how it is. but its over. we won tabarnac. the communists win. i told opirg today. you dont need to dig very far to see how game over it is. we have world peace by christmas and i believe it for real. gg guys.
peace and love on planet ottawa! peace and love on turtle island! peace and love in palestine! we have negotiation tables in qatar again monday morning!! did that 20 million year old fossil in washington need a slap from his buddy justin or did this not even need to happen?
there are a lot of doors everywhere. there are a lot of keys everywhere. people love to just leave their keys everywhere, especially still in the ignition in this stupid city and im the biggest thief here. de toute facon comme jte disais..
the iron dome has security measures. i have good reason to believe i am aware of a particular security vulnerabilty on the israeli side and ive been telling everyone to change their passwords forever you know how crazy it is out there.
i shared a particular code with an antizionist mensch that has been coming to the solidarity demonstrations held every weekend in ottawa since netenyahu and his genocidal regime escalated the situation to a war months ago last october. i shared other strategic victory plans with the pym and they all know where to find each other.
ill go bug embassy security about nonsense at 3am on my way back from the bar if anyones around. its warm as shit out here this month idk they might be out for a smoke or something. its not like the palestinians have much of an equivalent but im in the market so yall know exactly where i wanna go.
long story but my favourite tree in town survived the two years of peace i gave canada and the rest of the world from my bullshit! i think qatar or some other gulf state is building its embassy around it. i want to convince them to save this thing and integrate it into their design so bad. her name is grandmother acab!! forreal guys. if theres another close favourite its the apple tree near the aviation museum that fruits like a maniac. im just too shy to bug the ppl at city hall about it if they already offered it to another gulf state in that alley (the japanese and south korean embassies arent far either, its just behind global affairs lmao).
i wanted to play more concerts in that field with my friends. as far as i can tell mitski and lady lamb are interested in playing there again. i need to hit them up when shit gets less crazy again. i dont even know if they realized this was communist bullshit and theyre americans lmao.
its been left to fallow for sooo long and its one of my favourite spots in town. ive offered to kill suicidal friends there before idk. its very sacred to me. and im so glad the bulldozing hasnt started yet really. the shit they did down by the marina and the path down to the kichi zibi (ottawa/great river) from the north end of lowertown hurt me sooo much my god. i was scared i lost so much more behind the mint too dear lord.
sorry for making the good news so long and silly tonight. i need to hustle more responsibly lol. ily all. if i dont see you again good morning good afternoon and goodnight bozos! this truman show with the rcmp bugging my life needs to stop already. check out lady lamb! sound of the summer!
with solidarity and friendship,
audrey, jeanne, and friends
miigwetch
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Every once in a while I talk to my dad about cops bc I've been slowly trying to radicalize him and not understanding ACAB is one of his last holdouts, well I have a new topic to research and if there's any truth to it I'm gonna be so shocked.
He spent his 20s living in one of the poorest areas of Toronto and he says that back then if police removed a homeless person from an area, they were not only to let them keep their tent and any other gear but also to give them a bus pass and some cash (which the city provided as part of the police dept's budget) to help them get set up somewhere else in the city (presumably somewhere less conspicuous?).
It's entirely possible he's either falling for some PR bullshit, misremembering shit that happened decades ago, or otherwise talking out of his ass, but I'll be digging around for a while to find out.
Now obviously still ACAB but like, if there's any truth to this claim at all then I can kinda understand why my own mindset is so alien to him. If that's what you remember from your 20s and you've been sitting first in an office and then the granny flat in his sibling's house he retired to without personally being at a major protest or anything, and only seeing what's on the (exceedinly biased) news, I can see why you'd think police brutality is its own thing as opposed to ALL policing being brutality.
Compensating them for having to relocate is a lot less than anyone hired by city govn't probably could or should do to help an unhoused person imho but it at least engaged with the framework that the homeless person is ALSO a community member and their safety is as much the job of police (on paper... we all know what they're really hired to do) as the safety of the people in the houses, which is something every interaction between police and unhoused people where I currently live actively rejects and denies.
It's degrading and offensive to ask someone to move solely because you either assume their presence is bothering others or because someone had the fuckin audacity to complain about them being there, but the fact that police usually destroy the unhoused person's property (including medical equipment!!) and oust them from a relatively safer location to an even more unsafe one when being homeless already makes a person so vulnerable is a big part of what makes it so heinous.
My opinion is and will remain that police protect the properth of the rich, not human life, and I will always oppose it on that basis. But was there ever a time when policing wasn't the job your high school bully gets so he can have entire demographics to torment with impunity?
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Finding hidden messages in W.BG codes
Hi everyone it’s me, Captain Numbers, back again by popular demand with more numbers. Today we’re searching for hidden messages in the numeric codes in WOE.BEGONE.
I received an anonymous* tip a little while back that there might be SECRET MESSAGES in the door codes and other numbers peppered throughout the series, and I decided to investigate. Mostly they were gibberish (or I couldn’t figure them out - codes are not really my strong suit), but three stood out to me:
Episode 46: Door code 3852911. If you convert the numbers to letters based on position on a telephone number pad, the first four numbers spell FUKC. And the last bit is 911! Might be nothing but I thought that was fun. FTP ACAB etc.
Episode 26: Door code 1943522. Same cipher, you can get 1943 LAB, which could be a reference to Los Alamos. Seems more plausible given the podcast has referenced Ars Paradoxica in the past.
Episode 53: This barely counts since the Mikes explicitly discuss this in the podcast, but the door code 0118999 is a reference to British sitcom “The I.T. Crowd”.
And finally, the moment my hard work paid off. The best secret message in the WOE.BEGONE numeric codes. In episode 49, The Princess Daffodil Experiment, the Mikes spy on an unknown individual to attempt to discover the code to his safe. They manage to catch eight digits of the code, 54556453, although they can’t be sure that’s the full safe code since they were momentarily distracted by Rubik’s Cube Bullshit. Using the telephone cipher, this code spells:
KILLMIKE
Thank you and goodnight.
*I mean, I know who it was.
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My live reactions while listening to Batman: Unburied
Listening to Batman Unburied. It’s SO good. Bruce Wayne is a forensic pathologist and his parents are alive and he’s trying to catch a cannibal called the Harvester except it’s all in his head. Back in the real world Bruce Wayne is “dead” and Barbara is the real main character other than Bruce. Batman is not batdad in this, which is fine, but it’s weird that Barbara is a character but Dick is not.
WAIT FUCKING WAIT IS THAT JUSTIN MCELROY? THE MCELROYS ARE IN BATMAN UNBURIED?? WHAT???
I’m loving DC deciding to put Riddler in more stuff instead of the Joker. Joker’s overused.
Why did riddler saying “it’s mr.nigma” sound like he introduced himself as Mr.Ligma lol.
“Ace has mostly stayed by the window waiting for master bruce.” Awww Ace.
LOVING riddler in this. He’s so funny. Also loving that this is Barbara focused. And they got a diverse cast.
So Bruce was actually getting better and healing from his parents death only to feel super guilty when he realized it and decided to push everyone away. Unburied has been reminding me of BTAS. Bits and pieces of things happening here have happened in BTAS before. The forgetting he’s batman, the psych evaluation with a lightshow,referencing gray ghost, living in an alt reality in his head where his parents were still alive, and now Batman feeling guilty he’s moving on from his parent’s murder while dating vicki.
There’s griffin and travis on Ep 4!
The conversation between bruce and his parents at the beginning of ep 5 OH MY GOD! YAY! I love this; it’s SOOOO good!
So Hugo Strange is the real villain! Now Bruce gets to beat up the Mcelboys.
Ep 6 riddler. dude. He’s so silly. “Ah hoy hoy! You need me on the fairway. You need me for luck. But once you have me, you’re well and truly fucked.” Silly man! I love the riddler in this! “The improbable jawline beneath the cowl.” this man truly did play riddler gay (and we wouldn’t have it any other way.) i love riddler in this SO MUCH.
WHOA TWIST! RIDDLER DIDN’T STAB GORDON!
“This city and its cartoon bullshit”.
Strange is DEAD? Did his own guy kill him?! The cannibal dude? No, not that? Strange isn’t behind everything?
WOAH batman’s doing the thing his subconscious Brucie does. HOLY…REALLY?! Is that new or has this batman always done that?
So it’s MadHatter? No, not him either.
Something about batman villains cursing is so funny.
BATMAN APOLOGIZED? Like it was nothing!
Dude! Connecting cannibalism with eating the body of christ.
Wow they’re bringing in all the villains except joker here. There’s ivy!
He doesn’t know ivy’s name?
This is a new backstory for her i think. Her dad makes bioweapons? And he fucking tested them on her! That’s so fucked up! Wow this guy sucks so bad, he even killed his wife bc she cared about her daughter.
She had a girlfriend named Alex in college in this! neat. (i think this ivy and stiefvater’s swamp thing would get along) uh oh i think something bad is going to happen to Alex. Ok she’s fine she just didn’t like Ivy killed a guy. Ivy can’t kiss anyone in this universe. Huh.
So bc bruce tried to protect this tree, that’s what led to ivy and strange working together.
Obv he chooses vicki. He can always catch the bad-people later.
AH fuck! Batman is compromised! AH what a cliffhanger right before the last episode.
“Leaping lords, gray ghost!” GRAY GHOST HAS HIS OWN ROBIN??? NAMES POLTERGEIST!!??!? AAAHH!
“You chose a world where we were disappointed in you” OOF
OUGH there’s Bruce feeling guilty he’s moving on from his parent’s death! In his own words! “It’s not just about you anymore. I LIKE it.” YES YES YES YES. “we don’t have to be the first thing you think about when you wake up” T_T
NOO ALFRED’S BEEN COMPROMISED!
“I have something you don’t. I have a dog.” LOL
YOU CAN’T KILL OFF ISLEY!
Bruce apologizes AND TELLS ALFRED HE LOVED HIM!!!!!
The final message of unburied: ACAB.
Looks like ivy’s still alive. And she got back together with her ex.
Why does bruce interrupting riddler’s dinner sound like a date and flirting?!
overall review: 10/10
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MK12 has been out for a while now, but I'll throw spoilers under the cut anyway. Long story short, I did not care for the last third of the story. Longer story below the cut.
I was pretty engaged in the first two acts, or at least the first half.
Shang Tsung's new backstory is great, a con-man elevated by "Damashi" with promises of power and greatness. Sorcery combined with alchemy and a claw weapon reminiscent of Scarecrow is top notch. Plus, Alan Yee channels Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa's smarmy deviousness excellently.
Glad Kronika is never coming back
Kung Lao's intro chapter was fine. I like the new status quo with him and human Raiden. Madame Bo is fun (hope she becomes a kameo). The Lin Kuei test was good.
Human Raiden is serviceable but boring.
Johnny is a mixed bag. On the one hand, he gets some of the funniest lines of the game and the Johnshi bits were excellent. The development of their friendship was top notch. On the other hand, he leans way too heavily into the younger Johnny we saw in the 2nd timeline. When Cristina was introduced I was like, "Whoa! Johnny has a new love interest? What's the story there?" But after she leaves, they don't do anything with her. They get divorced off screen, and I feel like that hurts Johnny's story. Some of his intro dialogues are borderline "fuck my ex-wife" sitcom level shit. He has one where he threatens Nitara if she goes near her, but that's it. There honestly seems to be something there with Cristina that the writers overlooked. She fell in love with Johnny before the fame, when he was John Carlton. It would've worked as the setup for a real arc for Johnny, where he has to learn that there's more to life and himself than the action movie star. It would serve as a nice echo of his development between MK9 and MKX. I'll be honest, as much as I like BladeCage, I wanted Johnny and Cristina to work things out.
While we're on the subject of intro dialogues, does the frequent use of the words male and female rub anyone else the wrong way? Maybe it's because our world is plagued by transphobes and their bullshit rhetoric, but I do not trust when those words replace man and woman in sentences where they shouldn't be. It makes dialogue sound less organic.
Baraka and Repile as heroes? Ashrah's return? Syzoth/Ashrah? Perfect. Amazing. No notes (except for a major one that I'll get to in a minute).
While I agree that Kitana was a bit underutilized, she still works. Love her.
Also loved how they used Mileena in the story, and she has some pretty good intros. So glad we got to see her with the heroes and on good terms with her family. Mitanya/Tanleena is also a very cute ship.
Li Mei was fine. She has a great new moveset. ACAB tho
Does anyone else think it's weird that they changed Quan Chi from an actual demon to a person of color, and then gave his white skin an origin story? His role in the story works, though he and his titan counterpart become second fiddles to Shang Tsung in the second half of the game. Sean Krishnan gives a good performance, but I do miss Ronald Banks.
Oh, General Shao. How the mighty have fallen. While Ike Amidi is a good actor, that voice does not work for Shao. It works for characters like Atrocitus because it's a very brutish voice. It lacks subtlety. There were times it was okay in MK11, but they doubled down in 12 and it does not work. General Shao gets one or two moments where I believed this was an accomplished war hero who genuinely believes what he's doing is right, but they are few and far between. The truth is, I don't think Netherrealm Games respects Shao Kahn, and that's a shame.
While we're on the subject of voices, let's get to Sub-Zero. While Kaiji Tang works for a character like Sanemi, it really doesn't work for Bi-Han. There is not a hint of subtlety in his try-hard edgelord presence.
Kuai Liang as Scorpion is... okay. Liu Kang really did give him Hanzo's moves, outfit, powers, name, wife, and position, and then made him a young Hanzo's mentor. Daisuke Tsuji was a great choice to play him, tho.
Glad Smoke is back and that's he voiced by Yuri Lowenthal, but there isn't a whole lot there. He's almost as boring as Raiden.
So, I know Jerrod being a part of Ermac has been a thing since MK9 and Netherrealm is finally doing something with the concept, but I don't care for it. It's not bad, and it works in the story, but I feel that giving Ermac the soul of a major character detracts from him being his own character. Ermac stops being Ermac and instead becomes a second life for Jerrod.
Pretty boy Havik and his hair still makes me laugh.
Darrius sure does exist.
The less said about Nitara Fox the better.
Glad Motaro and Sareena returned. Goro still seems way too short.
The writers did well with Sindel, making her a noble queen but one who holds grudges and has a temper is many steps above Twindel. Shame she died tho.
Liu Kang gets a B- for this new timeline. Matthew King continues to nail it out of the park with his performance, the Fire God has some spectacular fatalities, and there's a lot of interesting stuff in this new status quo. There's just a lot to nitpick with the third timeline.
So, my main gripe with the story starts at the Titan Shang Tsung reveal. The reveal itself is perfect. Aftermath's alternate ending being canon in another timeline and using him as the villain behind the scenes is an idea worthy of two chef's kisses.
However, it's to this story's detriment. He usurps the narrative significance of the current timeline's villains and their plot. Had they saved Titan Shang Tsung for the very end and as the antagonist for the next game, it would allow better focus on our current timeline villains and given more heroes screentime. Baraka, Ashrah, and Reptile disappear half-way through the game. Mileena and Sindel get to shine (before the latter becomes the sole heroic casualty), but the rest of our heroes only get a handful of moments. This is especially bad because from chapters Kenshi to Syzoth, the group dynamic was so strong that I missed this team working together during the second half of the game.
While there is something commendable in going so big as Armageddon 2.0, the fusion fighters feels gimicky and the Titanic Deadly Alliance just feels... eh. Honestly, most of the minions don't feel like they come from the same timeline as the Dark Raiden and Twindel that we fought earlier.
And then the Deadly Alliance just gets beaten. The diner scene that follows feels weaker because A, not all of our heroes are there, and B, Geras' warning that Liu Kang will have to sacrifice the life he's grown accustomed to doesn't pan out because he can just hang out with them any time he wants. If "the realms are in good hands" is meant to tie back in to that "sacrifice", then it falls flat because it doesn't connect.
Then there's the end credits teaser, which is a dud. What makes Titan Havik any more threatening than the other two titans that we just defeated? If Titan Havik is a teaser for an Invasions event, whatever. If he's set up for MK13, then every criticism
But if they were dead set on having Armageddon 2.0 in MK12 and if they wanted to set up the next game, Titan Havik wasn't the one to go with. You know who they should've had step through that portal?
The return of the OG Shao Kahn empowered by Blaze would've knocked the socks off of everyone. It establishes that the Midway timeline still exists (even if everyone is dead in it), puts Shao Kahn back in a place of honor, and would be WAY more hype for MK13.
Anyway, those are my many thoughts.
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I was watching @yolobegone s last stream and saved some of the funniest clips. But the stream seems to have completely disappeared somehow? Like the vod is gone and there are some people who I *know* were there in the chat and are now pretending that they don't know it ever existed (*cough* toby *cough cough*). So like. Sorry for destroying your fucking joke or whatever 🙄 but I'm transcribing this for posterity. (and maybe a teenie bit of pettiness)
--
Melanie: -and can you please, like. Not show up in my place of work?
(reading chat, mumbling under her breath) 'm just getting groceries, they were just shopping, wha- (clearer again) if I want you to drive over to the next town to go shopping?
(to the camera) honestly? yeahhh. like...what's even so great about fuckin Walmart, yanno? like, go to fucking target or something. the prices are better anyway to be 'h'. an' to my manager, if you are watchinnnn. no ya aren't. haha.
I just- I just prefer to keep these two parts of my life separate, yanno?
(loudly chewing gum while reading chat) I- WHAT?! (accidentally chokes on the gum and spends the next few minutes almost dying. I can promise you that however funny you imagine this scene in your head, it cannot beat the real deal) NO I DON'T NEED A FUCKING NAME FOR MY SUPERMARKET-SONA
--
Melanie: so I just wanted to clarify again that, like. I definitely didn't kill that cop. I don't even know what a cop is, yanno? I mean, acab and anarchy and stuff. but also. murder. bad. probably. no like, definitely murder bad.
(reading chat) Even obnoxious customers?
(chews gum pensively) Well, there was that one Karen. Like, at the Walmart yan- no, I'm not- No. You know what. I'm not even gonna acknowledge that like. Walmart-sona shit. What fucking bullshit . Anyway there was that fucking Karen- and-
NO I AM NOT A FUCKING MURDERER OKAY! (reads chat) THAT DOES NOT SOUND LIKE SOMETHING A MURDERER WOULD SAY (accidentally bangs left arm against bedpost) OH FUCK IM STILL NOT FUCKING USED TO HAVE THIS FUCKING ARM BACK I SWEAR TO GOD IF THIS HAPPENS ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO SAW IT OFF AGAIN AND THIS TIME IT BETTER STAY THAT WAY!!
AND DON'T EVEN START-
--
Melanie: Alright! 3 - 2 - 1 aaaaand...
(sighs) I should've expected that.
My Walmart-sona is now officially called... Su- (takes a deep breath) Superwholock.
So, if you see Melanie - head to toe in black, great style, uhm...yeh. Don't be weird. But like, it's cool if ya want ta tell me about my self-mutilation in excruciating detail as long as. yanno. MY FUCKING MANAGER IS NOT IN EARSHOT. DO YOU KNOW HOW AWKWARD THE REST OF MY SHIFT WAS?!
And talking of ma manager. If- (looks so fucking sad) if you see Superwholock. In Walmart. Working. Wearin' that stupid blue lil vest. Just- just don't, okay? please.
(Ends stream)
So like. Most of the stream was once again the "is self-mutilation onstream morally reprehensible" discourse like always 🙄 but there were some golden nuggets in this pile of horseshit.
She did also mention that she would be opening her PO Box soon, so maybe gifts stream soon????
(also plz include me in the joke next time :((((
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[Oh yeah. New chapter. I’ll try to condense this all down to one post and be concise over my usual multi-post mess, so all of my ramblings are under the cut.]
[Starting off with some fun humor:
Man, Krillin. Come on. These guys are just trying to live their lives as Frankenstein monster zompies. Leave em alone. I guess it really is ACAB out there...
All jokes aside, I would love Toyotaro’s/Toriyama’s humor more if it was down this route all the time. Miss me with all the sexist and fan service-y shit plz.
Wait. Krillin. You’re in West City. Your badge says SCPD which I imagine stands for SCPD. Aren’t you out of your jurisdiction? #defundthepolice yeesh.
HE PULLED HIS FUCKING GUN ON THEM. GOOD GRIEF KRILLIN FUCKING CHILL. Bad cop Krillin. I can’t believe this.
Gamer Goten still using Nimbus is so far the best thing about this chapter. :’3
The practically cousins bit is cute. But lmao does everyone just simp over Trunks? Trunks is the cool older kid, I guess. 🙄 Goten is right there, Fyler. He’s adorable and a sweetheart. I will say it seems that so far Goten is the focus but we’ll see if it stays that way.
Oh boy. I hate you already Beta 7.
Fyler is the new Videl? She may be a simp, but it look slike she at least has some brains. :’3
JK. Goten got his one quick fight with Beta 7 and we’re back on the Trumai bullshit 😒. Say you have a favorite of the two without saying you have a favorite, Toyotaro/Toriyama/whoever is writing this shit these days.
I have a love hate relationship with Mai being the brains of this whole operation. Love because we do stan smart ladies. Loathe because it feels like that’s really the only role they’ll seriously give women in this series outside of housewife. Kale and Caulifla and to a very small degree 18 sort of break that mold, but what are the odds we see the former two again? We will at least see 18 in action again when Cell Max shows up but it’s always a supporting role for her. I also still don’t forgive them for the damsel in distress shit they did with Mai last chapter, and I sense another scenario on the horizon.
Side note: I’m both laughing at Trunks and feel bad for him because he thinks Mai asked him to the dance because she likes him, but she actually just wants to activate her trap card. :’3 RIP kid.
AIGHT. I half rescind my last statement. Didn’t see this before posted. I hope she does get that squatty shit on her own lmao. I mean. I still have big X to doubt, but then again, it does seem like the writers take the month to gather intel about what their fans want, so maybe they’ll choose something worthwhile this time.
Damn. Stone Cold. I’m really surprised they didn’t have her get all gaga over Trunks now that she suddenly saw Future Trunks in him when he saved her. But. For the moment, them’s the ropes, Trunks :’3
Daw. Fylah ur rude. You should feel lucky being at the dance with this sweetpea.
Also, what is her collar? What kind of 1950s ass dress is she wearing?
Or I guess American 50s was the choice of style, looking at least at the dresses and some hairstyles. Goten is still rocking his bowties :’3
Mai didn’t get the memo. She heard it was Warrior Princess themed. Trunks looks pretty spiffy tho can’t lie.
Look, I ain’t the biggest fan of Mai and really don’t see the need for bringing her and the Pilaf gang back at all but...she really did not come to play at this dance. xD
I take back my cool kid comment. Trunks is just a SIMP.
omfg. Is that the female android Hedo made to be his date to the dance. Fucking 🤣 I’m getting Rosie vibes from the Jetsons or some shit I CAN’T
Why is it only “Don’t tell your mother, GOTEN”? Like...I guess Bulma has more knowledge of the Red Ribbon Army but this just feels more like the dated old “Everyone’s scared of Chi Chi” bs. Though, they try to push the everyone’s afraid of Bulma, too, so why. Why is it always Chi Chi that gets treated like a monster and horrible person when, especially in Super, we actually get to WATCH Bulma be a terrible person? Ugh. 🙄
Dino droid. :’3 Bobo what did they do to you ;-;
Goten looks like Gohan in the Cell saga here. Idk if that callback was purposeful but. Here it is.
🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ I hate it. I take it back. I hate the humor. All of it.
Aw that’s cute tho. And mama isn’t scared of him that’s really sweet. The zombies were the best part of this arc. 10/10.
With all that said, that’s about the end. Hedo vows to get out of prison to make the ultimate android and I assume this will lead into the events of Super Hero. It’s hard to say if they’re going to have him break out like he did in the movie or just wait out his three month sentence (the reason I say this is because it seems strange to go into detailing him getting the reduced sentence if he’s just going to bust out before anyway). So, will we see a time skip and go into Super Hero, or will we get something else in between? I mean. Frieza’s still out there doing...whatever the fuck he’s up to. Broly is featured in the Super Hero movie, but we never got that movie adapted to the manga. I’m pretty sure the time has passed to do that since they gave Frieza a new form, but who knows. The writers aren’t exactly known for consistency. I’m leaning more on the time skip, but who knows. I would rather see what the hell they were going to do with Frieza and his bullshit (and have Vegeta finally get to kill his fucking ass but I know that won’t happen), but I’m guess we won’t get to until the next arc.
Overall, though, the mini arc was fine. As I’ve said, it was nice to see Trunks and Goten get to be normal teenagers and take the Saiyaman helm. It was nice to get more context to what happened with Hedo before Super Hero, I suppose. Goten got a little more time to shine in the last chapter, which is nice. Plenty of goofy moments and inconsistencies, but I’ve come to expect that at this point in trudging through this series. My biggest hope for the Super Hero arc, at least where Goten and Trunks are concerned, is that they don’t just end up treated as comedic relief with a failed fusion. I’m not holding my breath, but who knows. Maybe they’ll get a bigger role since they were involved in this whole sleuth story.]
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I just found out that you can stream Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego on Paramount+ which is really just fueling my current desire to read all of the Ivy/Carmen fic. Like, the Netflix version was cool and all, but it completely revamped all of the characters and I’m quite emotionally attached to the 1994 characters. So, my plans for the week clearly involve watching old episodes and possibly writing fic. Because the world need more fic about a 20 year old cartoon.
The idea:
By this point, Ivy would be in her 40s and Carmen would be in her 60s (roughly) and maybe Carmen retired from pulling off random heists some time ago because eventually, it stopped amusing her. But the widespread theory is that surveillance technology just got too good and too pervasive for her to avoid. No one has seen Carmen Sandiego in a decade. She’s fucked off to her island in the South Pacific and contented herself with scuba diving and maybe writing detective novels (idk). And Ivy’s moved on from being a detective and she owns her own CrossFit gym or something where she never talks about her time chasing after Carmen. Not catching Carmen was her one regret and she doesn’t like revisiting it.
But Carmen sees all of the “you can’t wear anything with a rainbow on it to a World Cup match” bullshit (no really, they’ve been stopping people because the Qatari government is freaked out by gay people or something) and she decides to steal the World Cup trophy. She succeeds, of course, and leaves one of the One Love armbands the Europeans were going to wear but got forbidden from wearing (cf Qatar hating gay people) in its place along with a calling card.
Zack, who made a fortune with an app he developed, gets asked to consult with the police to catch Carmen. Ivy burned some bridges when she left Acme, so she doesn’t get a call. But Zach says he might have been the brains, but that Ivy was always the one who really understood how Carmen thought, so the police reluctantly ask Ivy for help. She says fuck that because ACAB, it’s no longer 1994, and she’s not that naive, but the lead detective has dirt on her of some sort, so she reluctantly agrees. And part of her is still trying to prove that she’s good enough to catch Carmen.
Cue lots of chasing Carmen around and almost catching her and flirting while they’re doing it. And Ivy feeling very reluctant to actually catch Carmen. But the detective is constantly looking over Ivy’s shoulder so she has to do what he wants. Ivy keeps getting closer, but Carmen keeps evading her at the last second. It feels kinda like old times, except the flirting becomes obvious and Ivy can’t ignore it or ignore how good Carmen still looks.
They end up in a small room together and Carmen asks Ivy why she’s doing this when she seems conflicted and Ivy admits that the detective is basically blackmailing her. Carmen isn’t all about that because if they’re going to play this game, then it’s going to be because they both want to play. Carmen devises a dramatic way to make the detective stop.
She launches her plan. The detective is thwarted. But in the process, Ivy catches her. Carmen says something about getting caught being worth it as she’s hauled off.
Ivy thinks that Carmen only got caught because she was trying to help her, and that doesn’t seem fair. She concocts a plan to break Carmen out of jail. Zack figures out what’s going on and offers to help Ivy. She accepts his help and they break Carmen out of jail. They’re about to go their separate ways when Ivy demands to know why Carmen helped her. Carmen says she’s kept an eye on Ivy for years, just to make sure she was ok (and it comes across as sweet more than stalker-y) and she couldn’t let Ivy be blackmailed by that creep. Ivy impulsively kisses Carmen. They get interrupted and have to flee in different directions.
Ivy goes back home to her gym and is bummed but there’s nothing she can do about it because no one knows where Carmen has gone and it seems like she’s about to drop off of the map entirely again. But one day, about a month later, Ivy is coming into the gym super early to open up and Carmen is there inside waiting on her. Ivy is surprised because she thought she’d never see Carmen again. Carmen says something about not being able to stay away. They kiss again. The end.
We’ll see if I ever actually write it.
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