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cottoncandyjester · 3 years

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my guy, my dude...what would happen if the yandere oc's got rejected by their darling...would shit go down?? How'd they react??

It's funny cause I think some peeps forget that these ocs would absolutely hurt you to get what they want lol they are such lovable yanderes

Warning this story contains: murder, yandere behavior, kidnapping, self harm, torture, blood

Theodore

"w-what do you mean no... you can't say no my sweet angel" he said softly now staring at you as you stared at him with eyes full of hate. He had you backed into an alleyway, your rejection caused him to lose it a bit so he ended up cornering you whole you two were out on a 'date'

"get away from me you freak!" You shouted trying to push him away, he doesn't understand he confessed that he loved you and you lashed out, why was this happening? He loved you so why weren't you obedient to him..you were supposed to be his submissive little spouse.

"stop it, please..angel I don't like this stop saying such hurtful things" he said softly as he covered your mouth with his hand while the other reached into his pocket. "Stop. Please stop struggling, You're behaving irrationally. You aren't mentally well you need me to take care of you" he whispered as he felt you try to kick him in the groin but he moved his hand from your mouth catching it only to hear you scream.

"SOMEONE H-" theo stabbed your side with a needle watching you wince from it before everything started spin as you started to become limp in his arms. "That's right angel, trust me. I know best"

Hikaru

"the fuck did you say bitch? Did your ugly ass say no?!" He snapped at you. He invited you to his house hoping you would accept his invite to stay the night and drink expensive wine clearly wanting to bring you to bed. He even went to touch you but you pushed his hand from your thigh.

You rejected him and he doesn't do rejection, you were his from the moment he saw you. Hikaru pushed you down on the couch his eyes spiraling with hate as he climbed ontop of you now choking you.

"you should be begging to be mine! Ugly bitches like you don't really have a reason to say no. I'm perfect so you must clearly be touched in the head or some shit, that's fine cause no matter what you're mine" he hissed out with a low snarl as he watched your face grow paler and paler as you clawed his arms trying to stop him but your vision got spotty

"that's right pig, just sleep."

Axis

Tears poured down axis' cheeks as he watched you kindly reject his confession that he poured his heart out just so you know how he feels. He painted you something that he had spent an entire month on and you just said no. Axis dropped the painting feeling his mental state just plummet as you walked towards the door to leave.

"please, don't leave... don't leave me alone.." he whispered out as he felt his entire body shake as his only thoughts were about staying with you. Axis completely broke down, pulling out a knife from his pocket and slitting his own stomach open causing you to turn around and rush to him.

"w-we need to get you to a hospital! You're bleeding so badly! Axis!" Your frantic screaming made him so happy as he leaned against you as blood poured from the fresh wound and he smiled as you huffed him close while calling for help, you're so warm and sweet to him

"if you leave, I'll kill myself y/n and it'll be all your fault" he whispered in your ear now clinging to you getting blood all over you as well as a weak soft laugh escaped him as you felt your blood run Cold.

Salem

You couldn't even reject him, the moment he saw you he had stolen you away. You woke up only to be tied up to a bed as salem watched you sleep. He grinned once you woke and licked his lips

"w-where am I? Please let me go!" You snapped and he tilted his head to the side like a confused child. "Go? Hmm go go go...nope!" He said happily before moving ontop of you and started to undress you but your thrashing around caused him to get annoyed

"don't make me eat you~" he sang out as he leaned down licking your neck, in his eyes you either become his lover or his next meal either way was good in his eyes. "Flesh Soo soft, yummy" he hissed out before biting your shoulder feeling you wince under him before he pulled back licking the fresh blood with a soft giggle.

"all mineeee~"

Prince

"you're kidding right..?"

His tone came off incredibly empty, he invited you on a date and you said no. He's been trying to get with you for months, doing it the right way but you still said no. Prince chuckled as he ran his fingers through his hair, this wasn't right..no no no he could get anyone he wanted so why were you so difficult to obtain.

"yeah, no I can't let ya just leave. So sorry" he said with a sweet smile as he walked towards you while you backed away. His eyes spiralled with insanity it was hard to see this was the same person as before laughing and joking with you

"sorry babe, but this is really gonna hurt but i promise I'll make it better" you felt your back hit a wall before prince punched you in the face making you feel pain before your vision got spotty.

"damn, did I hit you too hard? That's gonna leave a Mark" he mumbled as he shook his hand as you passed out.

Yuki

"oh, yuki. Why are you here?"

"date."

Yuki stood infront of your house eyeing you seeing that you were in pajamas which confused him since he swore you two had a date today. "Yuki, don't you remember..I said we should stay friends. You're great bu-" yuki shuddered at your words. No, that wasn't right you two were already dating and he wad supposed to take you on a date.

at least thats how he remembered it. You were his lover from the moment he saw you, you two started dating as soon as he met you. "No." He said softly as he stared at you blankly watching your face twist with confusion. "What do you mean no?" You stated only for him to step closer to you his hand pressed against the door preventing you from closing the door

"we have a date"he said softly in a tone of frustration as he calmly took off his scarf only to see your eyes panic. "Yuki, I said no" you stated firmly but when he reached for you, you of course tried to turn to run but he wrapped the scarf around your throat pulling both ends to choke you

"shh, just rest..kay?" He whispers out though as he loosened his grip he could only feel annoyance, why does this keep happening? Why can't you ever remember your dates with him? Oh well. He'll just have to use that drug to block your memories and try again..this time you'll say yes.

Rocket

"you're a great guys, but do you understand now...I see you as a friend" you said and rocket forced a grin before pulling you into a hug. You were so glad he understood and hugged him back only to feel him start to squeeze you, his large arms locked around you as you wheezed tapping his shoulder telling him to stop.

"y'know, snapping someone's spine is really easy I heard! I haven't tried but it must be easy yeah? So..how about that date?" He spoke in your ear with a cheerful tone.

"o...kay... please. " You wheezed out and he let go now scooping you up into his arms before he took off his bandana off using it to gag you.

"awesome!"

Scarlett

"I'm glad you understand so well scarlett, we are much better as friends" you said as the girl placed tea infront of you with a smile. She invited you to her place for tea after you rejected her confession. "Of course dear, some people aren't suited for each other" she said softly as she slipped her tea watching you do the same.

"and some people make mistakes, as humans we can get so confused we aren't sure what we desire" she stated calmly as she watched the homemade drugs she put in the tea work, you were sweating bullets and panting softly.

"oh sweetie, you dont look too well." She said with a smile as you laid back on the couch closing your eyes feeling everything spinning.

"I'll nurse you back to health my darling"

Yuuta & yuuji

Yuuta hummed as he buckled the gag around your mouth before pressing a button in the center of the ball gag hearing it beep. "Careful, if you try to release your teeth from that Ball it could explode would hate for you to lose your jaw" the older twin said before he kissing your temple as yuuji ran his fingers through your hair hugging you from behind.

"it's just until we can trust you my sweetheart. I mean you said no to our date, how cruel. So we just had to swipe you away and take you home"

You struggled lightly against the ropes as you sat in the chair but it was impossible. The two moved infront of you both of them holding hands as they stared at you.

"be our pet.." yuuji started with a smile

"...or die painfully" yuuta ended with an annoyed huff.

Rin

"I don't understand why you're crying, clowns are supposed to be funny." The male said as he placed the crown he made on your head, the intestines dripping blood on your face as you stared at your family that laid on the ground cut open.

Rin hummed softly unsure what it will take to make you smile until he took out a real heart before squeezing it so hard it squirted blood everywhere. "Y/n you make my heart burst with love!" He cheers out before hearing only your crying and screams which caused him to pout.

"yeah that was a bad joke, it's not even my heart. Hmm let's see, oh! I know!" He cheers now reaching into the body and grunting at he took out the stomach and showed it to you "I can't stomach being without you!" He cheers out laughing at his own joke.

Your screaming and sobbing was getting old now, the male sighs as he crawled towards you nuzzling his face against your stomach. "baby, im trying my best here. You have to work with me I mean you don't seem to be enjoying my show...tell me y/n what do you wish for me to do to make it better?"

"l-let me-"

Rin covered your mouth with his hand, the blood smell was making you dizzy and you started to cry more. "I can't do that my little star. You know I can't so stop asking" he hissed out before he pulled back and gasped with joy

"oh I know!" He said as he rushed off rolling a large ball covered in human skin before he hopped on balancing on one foot holding his arms out as the ball rolled. "Huh? Impressive right?" He cheers out only to sigh

"you're not being any fun y/n, you need to stop sobbing. It really was cute the first time but now it's annoying."

#yandere imagines #yandere #yandere ocs

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luvdsc · 4 years

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i think its always so weird to meet someone your age who grew up completely different from you? i feel like thats when you really notice the difference and omg youre so brave haha i would never dare to go on a motorcycle 🤧 id rather just walk hehe oh, my parents told me similar stories!! even tho they grew up there and everything, they barely recognise the city anymore which is kind of sad to think about :( and, yes, that was my first time meeting my grandparents!! it was kind of weird (1/4)

because i had never met them before, but it was really exciting and great to meet them for the first time!!! and, NO, i have never visited farms before for school lmao we dont really farms around and SAME, my relatives just had chickens everywhere!! it was so weird and funny afsadfa and, no, there are barely any asians around me 🤧 its weird because i just always grew up feeling incredibly out of place at times and i dont know, i felt so at home in vietnam 💕 and i LOVE b99 too!! (2/4)

ive only watched the first five season of it tho because the other seasons arent available here!! but ive watched b99 soooo many times now that its truly insane haha and, yes!! you should definitely watch rpdr 🤧 its sooo dramatic and fun sdfsdfs oh, sad to hear that the ghibli films arent available in your country :( i hope they will be soon because the ghibli films are truly great! and, yes, the heir is the one with krystal!! whatd you think of it? and youre right, asian dramas are a (3/4)

whole new level of drama, but i feel like that makes it soo great? and, yes, id take that money any freaking day!! i mean couldn't they just use that freaking money and elope or something like that?? and im trying to get into painting because i used to do it a lot more when i was younger and i wanted to pick it up again!! what about you? and the last book i read was all the bright places!! im looking for books to read!! youve got any recs ? have a great night/day too 💕💕(4/4)

✿ ✿ ✿

ooo yeah i get it! i really love meeting new people and learning about new cultures and differences in growing up! and it’s also really cool to hear about the similarities too :’) the motorcycle was a wild ride, literally, but i was like “when else will i get to experience this?” jaslkjfdhasaf i did enjoy walking around though because it’s so beautiful 💕 omg yeah it’s really sad to see that so much has changed in the city that it’s unrecognizable for them, but meanwhile, the villages have basically stayed the same after all these years ): and that’s awesome!!! i hope you had a good time with your grandparents 💛

ahh i think i’m just used to seeing farms if we drive a bit outside of the cityscape, and quite a few of my school field trips were to farms, but omg you should visit one sometime maybe! it’s really fun meeting all the animals and interesting to learn about how to run a farm. did you get to collect eggs from the chickens in the morning? that was the fun part for me LOL and oh gosh, i can’t even imagine ): i hope you get to visit vietnam again soon 💛💛 do you want to move elsewhere after college? or will you stay in your hometown?

omg well season 6 and 7 are just as amazing and funny as the previous seasons!!! they won’t disappoint :’) i see all the memes from rpdr and i’m like yes, i must watch this. ah yeah, unfortunately, i have to go through those sketchy websites to watch studio ghibli. i’ve never watched it before i came to college surprisingly aksdjfhlkasjdf one of my suitemates made me watch a few with her when she found out LOL omg it’s been so long, but i remember thinking “damn they’re supposed to be high schoolers????” aslkdjfhalskf i also really like rachel in the drama and the actress that played her, so i watched fight for my way because of her :’) also i liked the friendship between the two main characters’ mothers! and minhyuk was such a good friend, and i thought the on air radio confession between krystal’s character and his was really cute akjdsfas

omg i think they’re a bit too dramatic for me asjkldhfalsjkdfas like if some guy grabbed my arm real hard like that, i’d be like “get tf off me now before i pepper spray you” oh, but i really liked age of youth!!! i preferred the actress from the first season for eunjae though. and yes!!! also they were barely in a relationship to begin with? as yuta says, i can find love but i can’t find money. omg i love painting! what subjects do you like to paint the most? which medium do you use? i’ve been busy with painting for my quarter project and working on my coding assignments for class rip. and oooo i just searched for that book and found its pdf online; i’ll bookmark it to read later! ahhh i haven’t read a book in so long, but i really love fangirl by rainbow rowell and any poetry books by lang leav! i hope your week has been going well, honey bee 🌸

#asks #latetaektalk

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typicalmidnight · 5 years

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iron man 2 running commentary

okay so watching iron man 2 for the first time and i have a feeling im gonna have lots of commentary to share so it will all be under the cut! i’m gonna keep updating it as i watch!

*starts watching iron man 2 without watching iron man first cause it’s not on netflix and is only 2 minutes in but completely confused*

*questions my intelligence because i was able to understand the other marvel movies without watching other ones first*

*wonders if somehow i haven’t seen enough tony stark on tumblr to understand but i’ve somehow seen enough of other things to understand other movies*

*cue suprised and upset anon* sorry anon!!

okay anon!! help me pls! is the guy in the very beginning of iron man 2 someone from the first movie, and if he is who is he?? or is he new in this movie? edit: nevermind i looked it up

omg the first scene we see iron man is so cooool i love it!

holy sh*t he just landed on a stage omggg *freaks out so much because WOW*

im not even 7 minutes in yet but WOW IM SHOOK

i litterally just watched that first scene of tony/iron man in awe the whole time

“the possibility of world peace” BAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAA there’s a whole lot in store for the world, and i can guarantee it wont be peaceful lol

the stark expo is year long?!?!!?!!??? wow....

oooh oooh oooh that’s happy!

tony with kids awww

OMG THATS PETER PARKER RIGHT

STAN LEEEE OMG AWWWW

wait what did tony do??

AHHHHH pepper!!

does tony like pepper yet?? are they dating??

god tony. his sense of humor omg.

pepper isnt impressed lol

tony is so savage we stan a queen lol

you’re right, it isn’t canada cause we’re AWESOME and dont have ppl trying to get rid of iron man

rhodey!! i know who that is!

litterally everything tony says is amazing

oooooh whats tony up to?...

world peace? dream on tony

did he just say f**k you to tony stark? UM NO YOU DID NOT

oof the scenes with this bad dude are boring

wait i take that back HE JUST CUT A TV IN HALF!!

“wake up, daddy’s home” god i love tony

i think im getting too excited about everything lolll

tony insulting that robot arm thing gives me life

whats that thing in tony’s chest?? im guessing it has something to do with him being iron man and was part of the first movie

im confused about the relationship between pepper and tony

oooh shes ceo congrats to her!!

is this actually good tho?? the look on her face isnt great

oh okay its good she was just suprised

are those like fake documents or something?

OMG ITS NATASHA!!! AHHHHHHHH I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHE’S LIKE MY FAVE MCU WOMAN OTHER THAN MJ

i got way too excited there and hit my wrist on my wall and now it hurts

wait he doesn’t know nat yet??? HOW?!

also ummm natalie rushman?? that name kinda suits her?? ish idk

NATASHA IS A QUEEEEEEN!!!! I STANNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i also got so excited about nat that my eyes started to water

“i want one” okay tony nat could knock you out in a second and she for sure doesn’t need a man! also PEPPER!!!!!! LIKE WHAT ABOUT HER!

its the grand prix! it looks just like it does in cars 2!! lollll i was super shooketh about that when i made the connection

OMG ITS NAT AGAIN YAY!

WAIT is tony gonna drive that race car??? is he gonna race??? OMG i hope he does

also my wrist still hurts

wait pepper is suprised?? tony you didnt tell pepper? TONY YOU DIDNT TELL PEPPER??? TONY COME ONNNNNN

OMG TONY WHY PEPPER IS CONCERNED NOW

also is nat working for tony or something

oof its 12 am i should sleep i have school tmrw

haha bish that reporter lady left cause ur boring and nobody cares about you

AHHHH TONY’S GONNA RACEEEE

omg tony is racing tony is racing TONY IS RACING TONY IS RACING!!!! TONY PLS DONT DIE OR SOMETHING

hello my name is leea and i’m a huge drama queen that loves and cares so much about tony stark

OMG ITS THE VILLAIN GUY ACKKK TONY IS GONNA DIE

im still super dramatic lol

and also 100% convinced tony is gonna die even tho i know that wont happen

IM GETTING SO MUCH ANXIETY FROM JUST WATCHING THIS AHHHH

THE VILLAN GUY IS GOING SOMEWHERE ONTO THE TRACK OR SOMETHING ACKKKK

i hit my elbow and my head (not too hard dont worry) and the elbow is the same arm that i hurt my wrist so now my arm hurts from my elbow to my hand

WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING HE JUST WALKED ONTO THE RACE CAR TRACK

i litterally pressed play and then pressed pause two seconds later ooooof

peppers face omg she is shooketh lol

WTF IS HE DOING??!!!!!! also wth is he wearing on his chest?

OOOOOOOOOMG he has his slicy electricity weapon thingies TONY IS GONNA DIE AHHHH

HE JUST HIT A CAR OMG I HOPE THE PERSON IS OKAY

^big example of me being a drama queen and innocent and sweet at the same time

HAPPY HAS WHAT IM ASSUMING TO BE IRON MAN SOMETHING

TONY IS ABOUT TO DIE!!!

i paused it right before he hits the car omg the suspense!!!!!

ANXIETY LEVELS RIGHT NOW

OMG TONY NOOOOOOOO

IM BREATHING SO DEEP AND FAST RIGHT NOW IM PANICKING FOR TONY (it’s called hyperventalating. future me remembered the word lol)

dude WHYYY would you take off your helmet??!!!!

there is a dude coming to kill you and i think a helmet would help protect you idiot!!

OMG THERES A CAR COMING AT THE VILLAIN GUY

WHAT IF IT HITS HIM AND THEN HITS TONY

THEY JUST EXPLODED OMG

i just choked because i was like WHAT JUST HAPPENED

there are cars exploding behind him and this dude just doesnt care!!

why have i started saying dude?

owww my wrist hurts

typing hurts

owwww

its actually really not that bad im dramatic

is pepper gonna save tony????

does the case have the rescue armor ive read about?????

HE JUST TRIED TO KILL TONY

*facepalms* tony WHY did you just hit him on the head with whatever that was??? what did you think it would accomplish??????? this dude just sliced your car in half and tried to kill you, do you think you can take him out by hitting him on the head??? just get tf out of there!!!

OMG HES GONNA KILL TONY

i just hit my head again (not hard it fine)

OMG DID HE JUST HIT TONY

I THINK HE JUST HIT TONY

IM NOT OKAY

AND I DONT THINK HE IS EITHER

AHHHHHHHHHHH

okay i’m going to bed cause its almost 1 am and i have school. anyway, this is the 100th comment which is kinda good to leave off at! i’ll finish watching tmrw and keep posting!

okay i’m back! about to start watching the movie!

ahhhhhh poor tony!!! i’m only a few seconds in but already panicking for him!!

omg hes getting ready to kill tony!! and tony is just lying on the ground!!!

pepper and happy come save him! ! ! ! ! !!!!!!!

or nat!!!!

ahhhhhhhhh tonys gonna die!!!!!!!!!!!!!

with every second i freak out moreeeee

oh thank GOD tony moved!!!

that car just exploded omg tony almost diedddd!!!

AHHHHH TONY IS ON FIRE

how tf is he so calm!!!!????!?!?!?!?!?

i mean hes not that calm but way calmer than any normal human should be in this situation

is he just like used to people trying to kill him??

OMG thats soo saaaaaaaddddd

OKAY HERE COMES PEPPER AND HAPPY

please run over him!!!

OMG THEY ALMOST HIT TONY

but they hit the bad guy yay!!!

awww tony is bleeding!

well i mean thats kinda expected lol

oof tony is mad

OMG PEPPER IS SO PISSED

shes acting like a mom lol

OMG THE GUYS WEAPONS ARE POWERING ON

THEY’RE ALL GONNA DIE

TONY JUST GET IN THE CAR

OMG THE DOOR

TONY GET IN THE CAR AND HAPPY GET TF OUT OF THERE!!!!

tony just GET IN THE CAR

OMG THE AIR BAG

HE JUST CUT THE WINDOW

THIS SCENE IS SO INTENSE OMG

okay pepper i love you but JUST GIVE TONY THE CASE

tony your armor is taking WAY TOO LONG to get on!!!

AHHHHH LOOK AT THE ARMOR!!!!!

ITS SO OLD

like not old

but compared to his current suit

the “it’s nanotech. you like it?” one

its nothing

AHHH HE HIT TONYS ARM

AHHHH TONYS GONNA DIE

AHHHH PEPPER IS SCREAMING

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#drama queen much? #yes thats me

AHHH COME ON TONY

love how i’ve only gotten 3 more minutes into the movie and i’m already at 47 comments

OMG HE JUST WHIPPED TONY TO THE GROUND

omg poor tony!!!!

can everyone just leave my dad alone PLEASE

YAY TONY!! NOW THE BAD GUY IS ON THE GROUND!!!

oh thank god tony is okay hes not dead he won for now

eww he just spat out a bunch of blood

“you loose” how??? like what???

ooooooooooh wait no is tony gonna get in trouble.......

i forgot to say this yesterday but this whole scene with the guy on the track and stuff and the exploding cars in kinda similar to cars 2

i guess you cant have a racing scene in a movie without a car exploding tho

what is up with that guy with glasses?? like hes weird i dont trust him

why arent there subtitles translating whatever language they are speaking in (french? idk)

ya its french

ofc tony talks about the technology lol

and critcizes the bad guy’s

tony this guy tried to kill you WHY are you sitting down next to him??!!?

that guy is weird and kinda creepy

okay just f off senator dude nobody likes you, your opinion isnt valid, and i wanna punch you

“these suits exist now”????? wtf b*tch no they dont!

wait what ever happened to nat??

pepper is really responsible shes great i love her

what does that note say???

omg is that a bomb or something??!

why do guards always help prisoners escape like seriously

is that guy gonna take his place or something??

also he kinda looks like haymitch from hunger games

omg wait WTF WAS THAT

ALSO GUARD WHAT THE HELL

i was right! it was a bomb!

why did they throw him in a truck??

omg why are they in an airport?!

are they gonna help him escape??!!

why is there a table and people....

is that glasses guy sitting at the table?

i was right it is glasses guy!

i didn’t trust him from the start

why is he helping him tho...

friend? fan? what is going on?!!!???

YAYYYYY theres nat!!!

“erratic behaviour”??? what are you talking about???? he just saved himself from being killed how is that erratic?????!!

awwww poor tony

i beleive in you tony, and i love you, but no honey, you don’t know exactly what you’re doing you need help!

“software sh*t” aaaaaaaaaaahahahahhaahhaaaaa

make iron man look like an antique? ya no way is that gonna happen

is nat his assistant or something im a bit confused

aww tony is like so depressed i feel so bad for him!!

stannnnn nat

back on watch? what does that mean...

omg tony is so drunkkkkkk nooooo

ohhhhh tonyyyyy noooo come onnnn

you’re so drunk dude stopppp

god tony you’re so drunk pleaseee

wait why is rhodey fighting him anyway?

wow this is my 101 comment today and i’ve only watched 20 mins today

omggggg people are recordingggg this isn’t gonna end well

*sighs* oh god tony dont yell at them whyyyyy

omg tonys in the fire place!!!

omg that just happened. they just fired at each other.

also just saying tony, he does have what it takes to be war machine cause he continues to be...

ohhhh is tony okay??

im confused tho why did they start fighting in the first place?

okay i just looked it up, it was because he was being irresponsible and drunk, and putting people at the party in danger, and he wouldnt stop

ngl its getting kinda tiring to keep updating this but i’m gonna keep going cause i want this record for myself, and i’m not gonna quit something

ok i’m gonna continue the movie tmrw cause its prob gonna be a snow day (lol i left off at 111)

#iron man 2 #lovely special

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kristens-chaotic-life · 4 years

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Just Breathe...Update 3

Well I wonder how long this one will take me to write...if I go the rate of my last one it will be awhile. But we will see what happens. (Update its only taking me 2.5 days so far, and I might actually finish it tonight) And I have a good feeling this will be just as long if not longer than my last update. Personal Growth...my mental health. Something really important. And there is so much to be said here.

**And just kinda a heads up now that I’ve written a good 3 pages here...this entry is mostly discussing my journey through counseling and talking about how I have an amazing therapist. As well as how important it is to get the help you need (and deserve!)

***Adding now that I finished this: To some people this entry might seem silly, or weird, or you are wondering why I wrote this. Maybe it doesn’t make sense to some. Or maybe it doesn’t seem like there's personal growth here. But that's ok. I found it to be harder to put down into words than I expected it to be. There's so much more to be said here. So it turned more into my story, my journey. And if maybe one person who reads this can relate, or feel like they aren’t alone, then this blog served its purpose <3

I want to start with sharing something I posted on my facebook back in July:

I have seen a lot of people mention lately about being diagnosed as having anxiety and not knowing what to do about it, or having doctors who do not seem to care about helping. Or people who will tell you its all made up and you need to just deal with it. Or the misconception that if you have anxiety you must also have depression. That isnt true either! But not getting your anxiety under control can certainly lead to that! Sure most people have some sort of anxiety, but some people might need a little extra help managing that, and that's totally ok!! Get the help you need, so that you can be YOU! Not the same thing works for all people. Some might find help in medications(scripts or natural alternatives, I currently use a combo, very low dose med in combination with CBD) or sometimes having a counselor/therapist does wonders or maybe you need both! I can say 100% talking to a therapist/counselor has made a world of difference in the level of anxiety I feel on a day to day basis and managing it. Why am I saying this? Maybe there is someone out there too afraid to reach out, because they are embarrassed or they are being told their anxiety "is not that bad". (I know some people who have been turned away from help because they aren't "that bad" because there are a lot of places who won't consider seeing you unless you are literally mentioning self harm or can't even care for yourself anymore). There are other options ❤ I would be glad to point anyone in the right direction to find one of those places! Just know you are not alone ❤ and that you should not ever feel bad about needing a little extra help! And if anyone ever wants to talk Im here! Do not settle if what your doctor is telling you or giving you doesn't work or help. Keep looking!

(For the record, I am fine. I have not, nor ever been depressed, never considered self harm, and have not been concerned about my ability to take care of myself or children. Just had been an anxiety filled mess! But with the help of an awesome therapist/counselor and an amazing office I have been able to manage it! Other than your normal things that come up and cause anxiety of course lol)

Alright, So I know that I’ve always had a little bit of anxiety. I feel like pretty much everyone does.. Some are able to control it and some need some help. I used to think I handled it pretty well. I remember having a few episodes of social anxiety where I’d be at a grocery store and get overwhelmed if it was too busy and being like screw this I’m out. Abandon cart and get the hell out of there. This still happens some but I don’t abandon cart since it typically has a child in it lol. I checkout whatever I got and call it a day, and come back when I can. But a few years ago I got into a weird phobia that was overtaking my life. When I had episodes I would be in total panic mode and seriously could not function. I’d shut down anywhere from hours to days where I would do nothing other than tend to this fear. The specific fear is irrelevant so I’m not getting into what it was over. I’ve opened up to a few people about what it was. But really this can apply to a lot of fears or phobias. Finally I decided to seek help in helping me deal with this. My friends didn’t know what to say to help. Zach didn’t know what to say to help. I was embarrassed to talk to people about it. But I was miserable. So I started counseling. I’d say this was a little over 2 years ago when I started my counseling journey. Prior to that I did see my family doctor and they put my on zoloft, and just kept upping my script to see if it would help. I started seeing a therapist, and she was great. We talked things through, worked on some strategies to deal with what was going on. After a couple months things were fine. Or so they seemed. I was discharged from the office. A few months later things got worse again and I went back to the office. Also started seeing someone there and having him in charge of my meds instead of my family doctor. That change made a big difference. We stopped my zoloft and switched over to a low dose of buspar. I finally had someone that listened when I said hey this medicine is not helping me. We keep bumping up the script and all that is happening is I’m getting killer migraines! This is not ok. So that switch made a huge difference. Shortly after that the therapist I was seeing left. And I was switched to someone new. This created a huge panic in me. I had been talking to someone that knew me, knew what was going on, seemed to be helpful and just like that gone, and I’d have to start over. For me trusting someone is pretty hard. And being able to be open is a challenge. So then they told me who they were putting me with, now I didn’t know anyone else in the office so I didn’t have a preference really. But they said we will put you with Chad.. I just kinda looked at them and was like ummm...soo...if this doesn’t work can I switch please? The thought of telling everything that was going on with me to a male was just not something I feel like I could do. And they were like oh he’s great, you will really like him. I remember leaving that day feeling lost. Super uncertain how things would go. I did not have a positive outlook on this at all. I was at a place where I needed someone I could be comfortable with and change is not my friend. I remember calling my best friend Gen and being like man..Idk about this. How can I talk about everything I was talking about before with some guy? The first time I was on my way in to see him I talked to Gen again, pretty freaking out and nervous. Let me go back for a second, I was nervous my first time seeing my previous therapist as well, but not like this. So after leaving my first appointment I called Gen back. I just remember saying I think this is really going to be helpful! I was seriously amazed. I left feeling refreshed, having someone with a different perspective on things, I felt comfortable, he prayed with me, and I was actually looking forward to going back. Now I honestly can’t tell you the last time we discussed my initial issue of what brought me in. As that has been something that I have learned to deal with, I can recognize when I’m about to have panics over that and I have my things I do to just keep peace with that. But after handling that other things that were causing me stress and anxiety would come up. I feel like now I’ve been working on so many other things in my life. I really do believe that going to counseling has helped me grow in so many different areas. Spiritual, mental, personal. Because of what was going on first, I was able to open up about more things...there were way more things going on in my life other than just that 1 weird thing! Just learning how to control my emotions in general is huge. How to respond to situations better. Reminding me to focus on breathing because that helps regulate the emotions. I cannot tell you how often I am told to do this. Seriously all the time. Because it's so easy to get caught up in whatever it is that is stressing me out or causing me to panic, that after I’m told that I realize yea, my breathing is ALL over the place. Maybe one day I won’t have to be reminded LOL but seriously that will probably be a while. But I’m trying. I can say that I respond to certain things better now in most cases. If I don’t I can recognize later, like ok yep. I messed up there. I do have quite a few times where I get caught up, feel like I can’t deal and ask for help. Or need extra help talking through things. Maybe too often. But I think I’m getting there. Sometimes just talking it through I can pick out if I’m being ridiculous or if something really is an issue. And he is always helpful. I have never once felt judgement. Just support. Sometimes the reassurance that I’m being given I really do need. And it is so helpful. Being reminded to have compassion for myself. Knowing that it is ok to make mistakes sometimes, and not beat myself up over it. Just having someone recognize the changes in my life, that I am growing. That is nice to hear. Because sometimes it's hard to see that myself. Hearing the words I’m proud of you, I don’t think I knew how much that could mean until hearing it more recently, especially being said about these types of things(growth). That reminds me that I really am growing as a person. I do credit a lot of my spiritual growth to counseling as well. I am reminded often to pray. When I’m struggling, pray. I know I mentioned that in my last one, but really it has been a huge part. I think that bettering myself mentally has also given me more motivation to do better physically as well. I think it all connects back to my mental state of mind. I needed to put in the work to get better there to get other areas of my life right. And Chad has been a huge part in that and helping me be the person that I really want to be, and know I can be.

I’ve been asked how in the world can you just open up to someone like that? And let them know so much that's going on in your life. Honestly, now usually it's easy. I don’t even think about it for the most part. But it took time. And trust. You have to trust the person sitting across from you. You have to not feel judgement. If I wasn’t able to open up about so much so that he could know who I am then I wouldn’t have been able to grow like I have. It used to be very scary, and sometimes still can be. He knows so much more than I ever told my first therapist, and because of that I’ve been able to work on so much more! It really is a good feeling. And it's good to have that person that can tell when something is going on. I still remember there was one day I was definitely anxious. I don’t even remember what it was over anymore. But I knew I actually did not want to talk about whatever it was. I was going to just try to let it go. And not too long after I had been there he was like “your anxious, how come” and in my head I’m like dang it. I was trying so hard to not let that show! But of course that's a good thing, and I’m glad he’s able to call me out on that kinda stuff so that it can be talked about and it doesn’t build. I am so grateful that I have such an amazing therapist that I am able to talk about everything, and who is there for me and helping me along this journey to be a better person. I know that there is still a lot of work to be done. And that I will never be done growing. There are a lot of things I’m not great at and need to improve at. But I feel like a lot of people close to me have noticed or commented on my growth in one way or another. And that is encouraging too.

For the longest time I was silent. I didn’t share what was going on with me. I for sure didn’t tell people I was going to counseling. And so often. I didn’t want that judgement from people. Up until this past summer most people had no idea that's what I was doing. I just had “appointments”. But I’m not ashamed of it. It has done so much for me! And I feel like it could be so helpful for so many people. I also feel like I’m able to respond to some of my friends better too when they are struggling. I’m able to share what I’ve learned in dealing with things with them. Sometimes when my friends will be telling me what's going on with them and how overwhelmed they are with their lives, or their anxieties or just feeling down, I joke that they need a Chad. Sometimes they will be like well, I don’t think I could do that. I never thought I could either. I didn’t understand it. But really, it's helpful :) And asking for help is OK! You don’t have to go through whatever it is you are going through by yourself. Some people feel like just because maybe you have a great support system you don’t need that extra help either. But that's not true either. I have AMAZING significant other, friends and family who are there for me and support me. But they didn’t understand what I was dealing with, or why, or how to respond to me and help me. Not that they didn’t want to. They just didn’t get it. And that’s ok! That’s why I made the choice to do what I did. And get help for me. And it is doing wonders for me. I am in the best place mentally that I have been in a long time. And I look forward to continuing to grow, and learning how to deal with things better.

For those of you who might feel awkward about thinking about asking for help, please don’t. And don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I might be a hot mess sometimes and struggling to deal with my own stuff, but I’m always able to listen to a friend who is in need or hurting.

And remember, BREATHE : ) (note to myself as well ;) )

**I do want to add a few thank yous in...because there are people who have contributed greatly to allowing me to work on these things. Zach for being patient with me while I get myself together, and go through this stuff because I can’t always explain it and I know that's frustrating. His mom for helping with the kids, not only sometimes while I had the appointments so that I could actually go alone sometimes so I could be more focused, but for just helping with them in general when things are crazy because having someone else around can make things so much less crazy! My parents for loving me, supporting me and being understanding of my struggles. Stephanie for also helping with the kiddos, either watching them or doing the shuffle. As well as listen to me vent, even if I’m not making much sense. Gen for always being there for me and listening to all the craziness of my everyday life, and helping to calm me down. I am also super thankful for the bond I have formed and is growing with Christy, April and I and our growing friendship and that we are able to talk about certain things together, it truly is wonderful. Of course Chad for being so great at what he does and helping me get to this point, and honestly going above and beyond to help me. And last but not least, I thank God that I have ALL of these people, that I was led to this place and be able to work on getting my life better, and for continuing to work in my life. **

#breathe #anxiety #counseling #mentalhealth

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