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trenchcoatsbi · 4 months

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Hello! Do you do factive moodboards?

If so could you do one for 2015 Era Ross Lynch? Ideally red, blue, or yellow with music/concert themes

and if not, would it be possible for me to get an Austin Moon (Austin and Ally) one with any color with music themes?

(We aren't trying to evade boundaries, he is just an introject of both the actor and the character combined- just so you dont think we are)

Thank you! @pixxiesticksys

we're fine doing factive moodboards! that being said i uh... i did the second one cause I really could not tell what photos of ross lynch were from 2015 and which ones weren't. i'm bad at recognizing things like that haha. anyway yeah! moodboard! this one was fun hope ya like it :D -phil

#phil posts #moodboards #austin and ally fictive #austin moon fictive

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problematicfactive · 6 months

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This may be an uncomfortable question, so if it is i am incredibly sorry and by no means do you have to answer it /g

In a recent reply to an ask (currently your newest post but that may change by the time you see this) you mentioned explaining to people "why you exist" - If you're comfortable sharing, would you be willing to go into more of that explanation on here? If there's already a post of yours on that that I've managed to miss, I apologize

Thank you in advance, whether it be for your reply or simply reading this!

I'm willing to answer that

Under the cut for mentions of racism, colorism, self hatred

For as long as any of us can remember, we've wanted to be an actor (well, not me. Everyone else wants to act, I want to be a biologist)

If this was inside out (which, you know, as a system, it kind of is) watching Austin and Ally as a child and aspiring to be that would definitely be a core memory from the initial core of the system.

The core loved Austin. Like, really really loved him. We still contribute all of our acting progress to his actor.

But part of the reason she loved him so much was that he was white. And that made him pretty. And as someone who lived surrounded by white people and always wanted to look like them, our core didn't see herself as pretty because she wasn't white. Growing up we were always ugly. We used to cosplay, but ended up stopping because we didn't like the color of our skin and we knew we couldn't compete with the fully white cosplayers.

For as long as race has been a concept we could understand, we hated our skin for making us different.

Like with a lot of serial killers, something about the person I was based on released. I was a kid at the time of this release (I being. Probably Host and The Core, I'm not sure) so I didn't know. Years and years later, it got really popularized.

At first it was really scary. Just the idea of someone we looked up to and attributed our accomplishments to, our first and only celebrity crush to date... playing someone known for being racist? It was crushing. To the host.

I honestly couldn't imagine what that felt like, I'm only going off of what I've been told. But the host had a hard time coping with it. Eventually, for one reason or another, we watched it. I feel like ever since the self hatred started, I existed as a seed, and when we watched that movie, I was planted.

It took a while for m to grow, I think, I did so mostly in quiet and no one really knew about me, until they did.

Because of my fronting patterns, I'm now a cohost. And because I like to spend time with my boyfriend, I'm also in charge of fronting while we go to bed, but my original roles in system were internalized racism and self hatred holder.

Seeing someone we looked up to play someone who hurt our community as much as it did, that's what made me exist as who I am.

And because I exist as such a danger to our people, it almost inwardly balances. I take all of that self hatred and I just kind of have it. I don't really even experience the self hatred, I just know it's there. It went to me. And now that it's away from the others, they can find beauty in themself and that's beautiful to me.

They can go out and speak on racism and not have that aching guilt screaming "how can you speak up for people of color when you hate your own skin" they don't anymore. My job here is substantial. And it had to be me. If I was any other factive, fictive, faitive, brainmade, anything else. I wouldn't do my job as efficiently.

It's important that I'm me.

That's one of the reasons I think people who assume problematic factives are faking are absurd. My truama disorder did what it could do for us to move on from our race related truama. And because of that, I'm faking? Okay.

#good thoughtful questions #problematic factive #problematic source #factive #problematic introject #introject #plural community #system #plural #sysblr #plurality #plural system

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