reading the strands of lover boy and the scene lists i wrote this year so many beautiful sex scenes that will probably never see the light of day

June 6th, 2022

Today was a free day, ours to do with whatever we wanted. So, obviously, Beia and I finally slept in. I woke up at 10 to find the weather was grey and moist once more (frowny face). The evening before, we had made reservations at this adorably expensive brunch place, Far’s Dreng, so, after killing time in the morning for a few hours, we met with Tessa and Alice and walked over for our 12:15 reservation. Immediately, I loved the vibe of the restaurant. It was what I could only describe as uniquely Instagrammable and quirky, with fake plants in macrame hangers dangling down from the ceiling all around and above us. The menu was very pricey, so I readied my wallet (lol). There was a menu of smorebrod, the open faced sandwiches which are very popular over here, where they recommended, for a satisfying meal, to order at least two (for like $10 each). The rest of the menu had sandwiches and waffles and other brunchy things. I ordered the Chevron sandwich, this delicious grilled panini type thing with sun-dried tomatoes, pesto, and gooey, creamy goat cheese. I, again, keep saying stuff like this, but I think it may have been the best sandwich I’ve ever had. I then got the best waffle I’ve ever had in my life- named the “Love Waffle-“ it was crunchy yet doughy, and covered in the syrup of a berry I’d never heard of before with some raspberries and blueberries on top. I also had a matcha latte. I’d definitely say it was all worth the price. It was some damn good brunch.

Afterwards, we killed some time as the rain picked up by doing some shopping. Beia had set up a tattoo appointment for today and Tessa and I had agreed to tag along as emotional support, so we walked around filling the time until the appointment came. We ducked into one store where Alice tried on some cute clothes and bought something. Afterwards, we popped in to a few souvenir stores- so far on this trip, I have been on a very unsuccessful hunt to find quality Christmas ornaments. These souvenir shops were also kind of a let down in that regard- can’t find a single ornament that says “Copenhagen/Kobenhavn” or has anything resembling the city on it! It’s all little dolls on ornament hooks, a few with a (kind of wimpy) Danish flag on them. Luckily, I found a few other cute things to bring back home, and a souvenir pencil for my boyfriend. 

By the time we were finished with the stores, it was time to head out for Beia’s tattoo appointment at this place called “Betty Zoo Tattoo.” Alice wanted to do more shopping, so we parted ways and the remaining three of us made it to the studio, descending a small flight of stairs and opening the door to this adorably decorated clean-looking studio that smelled of flowers, had plants everywhere, and was covered in aesthetically pleasing art. By this point, I could tell Beia was getting a bit nervous, so I tried my very best to reassure her (which probably came across as awkward, but oh well lol). Her appointment, however, went super smoothly! Her artist came down, she airdropped her tattoo design to the artist, the artist made a few adjustments so that the tattoo would fade well, and they got to the chair! Her artist (whose name I’ve forgotten) diligently went to work tattooing the tiny thin-line windmill design Beia came in with on the back of her lower leg, not saying a word the whole time. Meanwhile, Tessa and I sat on the couch and kinda shared space to peek over at the artist in work. All in all, it really only took about 15 minutes to complete! I didn’t get to see the outcome at this point, because the artist immediately wrapped it. Beia got up, reeling a bit from adrenaline, and asked about payment only to find out that the shop only accepted cash or MobilePay (Denmark’s equivalent of Venmo/Cashapp, that didn’t allow anyone with an American phone number to sign up on it). So, we needed to go find an ATM for her to use. She took a break before setting out to find an ATM, feeling a bit shaken up still. I’m honestly so surprised by how trusting her artist was to let her walk out the door without paying to go find an ATM. Eventually, we followed as she went all the way back by Norreport station to use one of the ATMs we had been passing by daily. She got her cash, and we walked another 15 or so minutes back to complete the transaction. 

Once her tattoo process was finally wrapped up, we were all a bit snackish. Wanting to spend some more time exploring Nyhavn, we headed that way and found an Espresso House (which seems to be their equivalent of Starbucks?) to grab a quick bite at. Normally I would get a coffee, but I wasn’t feeling the need for caffeine, so I ordered a chocolate croissant (they are SO good over here) and this delicious toasted bagel (which had warm veggies on it… definitely an interesting choice). We sat to eat and chat, mostly about our pets- finding out that Tessa and Beia also have family cats. As I ate, I looked up and noticed something odd in the shop’s rafters- a pigeon had managed to sneak in to the cafe! The employees seemed to have noticed it about when I had, so they took a broomstick and started trying to get the pigeon down. All this accomplished, however, was making the pigeon scoot a couple feet away from them to the left. Oddly enough, as far as I can tell, the employees gave up trying to kick it out after this? As we finished our snacks and left, the pigeon was still there. Lucky bird, I guess. 

Anyways, we went back out into the street only to find that, between us and some of the stores I wanted to shop at, was a marathon! To cross the street, we had to climb on this terribly shaky about 20-foot-high temporary metal bridge they had set up. I could feel every tremble of the metal all around me, and sat there hoping that they designed the flimsy metal panels under my feet to withstand someone plus-sized lol. Definitely kicked my fear of heights into action. 

Anyways, Nyhavn was understandably super crowded with people watching the marathon either from the sidewalk or from a restaurant table. So that made it a bit less fun to explore. 

As we walked amongst the crowds, I noticed a few touristy shops to pop in to for souvenirs. Frustratingly, still no luck with finding a Christmas ornament! How frustrating. Shopping was otherwise uneventful, and it seemed it was only the streets and restaurants crowded with people there for the marathon event. After shopping, we sat down at a restaurant right next to (what a classmate had said was) one of the oldest running tattoo shops in the world, which I thought was neat. Seemed like a small hole in the wall type place, almost literally (we peeked down through the windows and it looked like it was only one room!). Anyways, we sat at one of the few open tables, I had an overpriced beer, and I did some tarot readings for Beia and Tessa with the new tarot deck I had gotten the other day. They went well! I’m always pleasantly surprised when I do readings for people and they resonate or are otherwise super accurate. I’m not really the best tarot reader out there, and I don’t practice nearly enough (it’s no fun reading tarot for yourself), but I love when I do get to read for others. Almost lost some cards while shuffling, which wasn’t great.  

After beer and tarot, we stood up again to see if there were any other interesting stores nearby, finding that most of Nyhavn seemed to have places for food or drink and not a whole lot else. That was alright, though, because we had made plans with Dane and the others in the “introvert group” to meet up once again at Bastard Cafe for another night of drinks, delicious fries, and board games! So, after wrapping up our second exploration of Nyhavn, we headed straight to Bastard Cafe. We were the first there, so we grabbed a long table outside. I was going to try to order some food and drink through their mobile app, but wasn’t seeing what I wanted, so I and a couple others went inside to order. We got some more delicious salt and vinegar fries with truffle mayo (thanks to Beia, this time) and I ordered some wine that was supposed to taste like Pina Colada. It kind of did! It was really more of a Sangria, but that’s alright. 

By the time food and drinks arrived at our table the others had made it. Dane went to go search out some games- the first game of the night was to be Cards Against Muggles, a Harry Potter parody of Cards Against Humanity. Admittedly, I wasn’t super hyped for this. I like CAH-style games, to an extent, but where we were sitting was very loud and I’m never excited to have my turn as the card czar and try to speak up over both our table and everyone else outside to read peoples’ card submissions. I also know next to nothing about Harry Potter. I mean, I know my house and I’ve watched most of the movies, but if you ask me who tf Neville Longbottom is I don’t think I can answer. The game played alright. I think most of us felt about the same about it. Funny enough, as we asked each other our houses, I noticed that there were more Hufflepuffs than anything, and that the four of us had grouped together on one end of the table unknowingly. But yeah, other than houses, I don’t really know anything and others were in the same boat, so the game died kind of quickly, sending Dane in search of some other good games for a group of 8ish. 

He came back with another CAH-style game, Cards Against Disney. This game played quite a bit better, either because more of us understood Disney references than Harry Potter references, or because a good handful of us were getting somewhat tipsy, myself included. I had gotten a delicious fruity Rose after the sangria, but it sure hit harder than I expected it to! Needless to say I got no other alcohol after that one. As for the game, we had a reasonable amount of fun. Some of us just weren’t into it. I think, once you reach a certain age, that’s kind of how playing CAH-style games goes. For me, the novelty of this type of game kind of wore off around when I was 18. Although I gotta say, for a game about Disney characters/movies (and that was probably sponsored by Disney), it was EXTREMELY raunchy. I was so expecting it to be a family-friendly game because Disney is notorious for their “Wholesome, family-friendly” brand (which is why they’ve canceled one of my favorite cartoons in the whole world just for having just one same-sex couple), making it quite a bit hypocritical to have a card game available with jokes about extremely gross, taboo topics. I mean, Disney’s hypocrisy aside, it did make it more interesting than if it wasn’t raunchy, I guess.

Anyways, the Disney game eventually sort of died out as well. Eventually, we said f it, and went in search of Secret Hitler. Those of us familiar with the game liked it a lot and wanted to play again and teach Jacob and Brandon how to play, as they hadn’t been with us for the first visit to Bastard Cafe. And we had a blast. Brandon’s facial expressions were so funny when handing out the Chancellor plaque/making policy decisions in the game, Jacob was just as funny, I’m glad they made it this time! There were some good rounds. I wound up with the role of “Fascist” more in the rounds we played then I probably ever have when playing the game back home. There was a round where all of the girls who were playing wound up with fascist cards, I think Beia was the Secret Hitler that round- which wound up pretty hilariously. Every time the guys would accuse us of being fascists (which happened often because Alice has like no poker face), I’d accuse them of being sexist, even though (especially Brandon) was basically on to us. I think somebody accused me of being the Secret Hitler and wound up dead in the game because they were wrong. If I remember right, us gals won, though. It was a blast. However, we didn’t play too many more rounds after this because we were all getting a little tired, and the cafe was only really open for another hour anyways. 

We headed home around 10PM, right as the sun was setting. The sky above was so gorgeous. I still find their sunrise/sunset times so strange, though, and struggle to picture what it’s like in the winter, when the opposite is the case and there’s only 5-6 hours of daylight. Regardless, it’s been surreal walking around at what I’d consider to be night time with a bright blue sky or a sunset overhead (plus knowing that the sun just comes right back at 3-4AM).

Once we made it back, I relaxed and spent some time working on blogs and journals again. I’ve started falling behind, so I have a feeling these blogs are going to start being more than a day behind. Maybe I shouldn’t be typing so much for each day………………. Nah.

ndbdbdhd i saw ur 4 picrews and u said u made headcanons for them and i’m curious so if u wouldn’t mind pls info dump ur headcanons for them on me <3

Sjdhd YES I'd be glad to!! There weren't alot at first but I'll def be adding to them as i make this post so here goes

Ok so fr ref these r the four from this adorable picrew, credits go to them

I haven't named em so for now their names r Stars, Skull, Heart, Dots after their lil speech blurbs

They're all Japanese just cuz I associate this kinda manga-ey art style w Japan

They're chilhood besties and hang out regularly, despite their personalities being completely different.

Heart and Skull r twins but not the identical kind

Stars

He's half English

He was actually inspired by a character from Mo Dao Zu Shi named Nie Huaisang.

If u just met him on the street u'd think he was kinda harmless and unassuming but really he's very smart and calculating. He's not evil but he is,,, morally ambiguous.

He's v calm and chill unless u offend him/his friends. He'll take revenge in some unfathomably roundabout, clever way so you don't even realise he's doing it, and he'll be totes normal looking and like nothing is wrong.

His family owns a big hotel in uptown Tokyo so he's the sugar daddy of the group.

His parents r the really competitive-and-projects-on-their-child kind, so he went to a bunch of extra curriculars and is like, creepily good at everything. Sometimes he's even good at things he's never learnt.

He's the top of his class at college, where he's majoring in History with a minor in Japanese lit

The other three are pretty sure he sold his soul to be good at everything (they're right), but he's their bestie and pays for everything so they don't care

He's Pansexual and is single atm

Heart

Heart didn't go to college and is a waiter at a restaurant, but he has some other, very irregular source of income and no-one knows what it is except Skull.

It doesn't happen often, but he sometimes disappears for hours at the weirdest times.

He's actually a hired assassin, but he only kills like, rich assholes who r exploiting others, and only accepts payment if whoever's paying can actually afford to pay. If they can't, he works for free. Think Robin Hood but murder.

His family was poor so he always hated people who exploited others for money. Star's fam is a very honest and kind rich family that helped his fam out often, and he doesn't attack those kind.

He had secretly dreamed to be an assassin since he was a kid. At first it was just a kid's fantasy but as he grew he started taking it seriously. He began at 19.

He's a really fun, outgoing and bubbly guy. He's v popular, everyone likes him. And he's not the assholey kind of popular. He's just really friendly and warm to be around. Which is why noone even thinks of "assassin" being his other job

Despite his popularity, his two friends, his twin and his parents are the only people he really cares about. He's a crazy loyal, ride or die kinda guy for these five.

He's an amazing painter, but he never learnt professionally cuz he would much rather do whatever he wants on a canvas for fun. His art style is very impressionistic and Monet. Draws a lot of nature

He's trans and ace+aro

Skull

He's a Fine Arts major in college, the absolute top student. The red stuff on his face is paint i promise :) He mostly paints in classical styles like baroque.

He's bi and has a boyfriend whom he loves very much. He's planning on proposing soon!!

He's very intimidating and has "stay away from me" energy. People find it hard to believe he and Heart are related, but they're actually extremely close.

There's a rumours that Skull is a mafia gang leader, that he once killed someone, etc. None of these are true, of course.

He does help his brother plan his murders tho. He's really good with planning and organising, Heart is not. He shares the same hatred as Heart. They're a duo, always working together, Skull planning and Heart carrying it out.

His boyfriend knows all this and just reminds them to be careful.

The only people who can get him to laugh regularly are his boyfriend and Heart. The besties can too but less often.

He doesn't even genuienely smile around other people. If anyone else asks him to smile his does this rlly intimidating smile like in the picrew.

He loves his boyfriend, brother, and the two besties alot. He's not very obviously affectionate, but the others know his little subtle displays of love. He's just really bad at showing emotions.

Similarly, he's not very romantic. Not in the aromantic sense, he's just awkward. Luckily his boyfriend is very cheesy and it's helping him come out of his shell.

However, he's a sentimental drunk

He and Heart often talk about their parents like they r dead, or really far away. They all live within cycling distance of each other, but they find this funny.

He cries at happy endings, and if anyone other than these three sees they will be killed

Dots

Dots is non binary :)

They have a girlfriend. They just started dating but they're v happy!

They're like, the most normal of the four, considering one friend sold his soul, one is an assassin, and the other a criminal mastermind. Dots is just a tired college student.

They're a computer animation major with a graphic design minor. They're doing well academically, not the top but still high

Their dream is to start their own animation company.

They're not very talkative but everything they say is hilarious and they're a sassy sarcastic lil shit. Easily the funniest of the four.

Theyre actually really kind and nice, they're a lil withdrawn but polite and friendly.

They cry at sad+happy endings. They cry at bittersweet endings. They are a crier. They do not try to hide it.

Their taste in music is just. Everything. From bubblegum pop to screamo metal to alt to 70s country.

Knows every single band/artist out there.

Is a surprisingly good singer. Their parents were music teachers so knows how to play all kinds of instruments

Either stays up for 3 days straight or is passed out like a dead body. No in between

Estranged from their fam and is now roommates w Stars

Wow this got. Real long. It's also literally just me projecting intensely onto fictional ppl so yeah.i hope u liked that!!! Odkdnsk does this mean i have OCs now wow.

Thanks fr the ask this was actually really fun!!!

What are your favorite and least favorite animes? Why do you like/dislike them?

oh god here we go lmao 🤠👍 prepare for an entire novel as always lol

my favorite animes atm are Naruto, Dragon Ball, Attack on Titan, and Claymore. Overall, my favorite genre of anime is shonen (and in case you dont know what that is, its basically shows that are marketed to young boys. it'll have shit like superpowers and poorly written female characters). My least favorite genre is Shoujo (marketed at young girls). I honestly don't hate the entire genre, I just hate how much romance is in there since im pretty romance-repulsed. If there were more Shoujo series like Claymore, I'd probably be in love w/ it. I'll start talking about these shows individually, starting w/ Naruto.

1. Naruto.

Honestly, the only reason I started watching Naruto was because my friends peer pressured me into doing it, and it actually differed from what I expected it to be story-wise. The beginning of the show started off amazing; it had excellent world building, magic systems, interesting characters, and it attempted to address how messed up the whole shinobi system is. But then Naruto got on the front page of Shonen Jump, and everything went down from there. It started to focus more on cool fight scenes than the actual plot. I wont get too much into that, because you can literally find entire blogs dedicated to dissecting that, but Naruto killed itself w/ its own popularity. That said, I love the characters and world building and I can look past most of its flaws anyway.

Would I recommend reading/watching it? Yes, but only to say you did it for bragging rights. Don't go into watching Naruto if you want deep looks into imperialism and militarized governments, because you will get the complete opposite of that :P Also the best way to watch it is to watch it with friends.

2. Dragon Ball.

I only started watching DB about a month ago, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I think its a garbage series. The fight scenes have little to no weight to them, because no matter what, the protagonist of that episode will always succeed in some way. For example, when Goku (a 12 y/o boy) was fighting Giran (a 10ft tall godzilla man) and was getting his ass beat until Goku just... randomly grows back his tail that was cut off earlier and wins. We are never told why he grew back his tail, and i think he only gets it back so he can have a cool fight scene in a later episode. Goku can literally be battling genocidal gods and he will still always win. The show also goes out of its way to sexualize/show a female character being harrassed. Every. Fucking. Episode.

That said, it is a fun show, and I really enjoy watching it. Like Naruto, I really love the characters and the world they are in, I just hate the way it was handled, and its painfully obvious that DB was made by a bunch of old men in the 80s. Unlike Naruto, however, I really appreciate how simple it is. It doesn't force a narrative about space genocide or whatever being bad, and I'm very thankful because that kind of narrative would be absolutely botched in this kind of series. It's also nice to have a show that doesn't take itself too seriously. Shows like AOT are amazing and important, but those shows can be overwhelming with their heavy subject matter. I would only recommend watching DB if you want to see some really good art/character design. Don't take the show seriously, and you'll have a good time.

3.Attack On Titan.

This anime was actually the first I've ever seen! I saw the very first episode when it aired in 2014, so I'm definetely biased in that regard, but I still try to look at this show in the most objective way I can. This show does almost everything right. The pacing, the characters, the art, the plot, you name it. It takes a concept that looks silly on paper and turns it into this grueling story about war, politics, and the trauma of being a soldier. It never treats it's characters like they're only one-dimensional, or like they are there just for one purpose only. These characters feel human in a way Naruto and Dragon Ball could never be. But there is one thing that has me concerned about this show, and its about the weirdly anti-Semitic undertones it has.

You probably heard the controversy already, but it really effected the way people on the outside of the fandom view the series. The show is heavily inspired by European culture, specifically that of Germany, and there are an ethnic group of people called The Eldians in the show that are pretty anti-Semitic in this kind of setting. The Eldian people have the capability of turning into Titans, and the Titans are what divided the world and killed millions. As a result, another group of people started doing the shit the Nazis did to Jewish people, basically making the Eldians into this weird allegory for the holocaust??? Which was kind of a shock to me when I first realized that was the angle they were going for. I genuinely did not expect that considering what the series started off as. The foreshadowing is there and all, I just didn't think they'd use real-world events as inspiration.

Now, this actually has the complete opposite problem Naruto and DB had. Naruto and DB had amazing ideas and concepts that went to shit, AOT's whole holocaust narrative was trash from the beginning.

The show could have easily had a different kind of social/political commentary without even going near the holocaust narrative. It comes off as kind of a half assed idea that people put way too much effort in, so it's kind of in this weird grey-area between "modern anime masterpiece" and "what the fuck were they trying to get across with this show?". If you asked me what the moral of the show was, I wouldn't be able to tell you.

Now, because of the fact that the Eldians can literally turn into man-eating beasts, this makes the comparison of Jewish people and Eldians very racist, and it doesn't help that Japan is still full of legitimate Nazis, making the whole situation look even worse. Since I am not Jewish, I wont speak for other Jewish people. There is a very heated debate on whether the show is racist, and frankly I don't think it's within my right to say if it is or isn't. What I will say, is that I really loved the show and appreciated the social commentary it provided, and I think a lot of people would benefit from watching it, but I think it's also important to listen to Jewish people's views on the show. For this reason, I specifically avoid reblogging AOT stuff, but I do love that show and I wont hate on people who do reblog stuff from it. It's definitely not a light watch, but it does provide a lot of thinking material.

4. Claymore.

This. Show. Was. Amazing. But. Underrated.

First off, this is a shonen show that is led by a majority female cast and a female protagonist, and all of those women are badass swordwielding lesbians and I love it. Second, the art style is beautiful. Third, the story is really interesting from so many angles, so much so I am not even going to mention what its about because you dont need to know, you just need to watch it and see what happens. The first season was an absoloute ride of a show, and if you love shows like AOT or Berserk, you'll love Claymore. Honestly, this show was what AOT should have tried to be. It also has its fair share of militarized imperialist commentary, but this is the only show on this list that actually fucking critiques imperialist ideals and has a main character that actively refuses to participate in that kind of oppressive system, choosing to fight it all together.

But the show got fucking cancelled right before the first arc even finished. You can thank shows like Naruto for that 🙃🙃🙃

10/10 Would reccomend, but just be prepared to be left on a major cliffhanger. You can try reading the manga, but it's kind of hard to follow since all of the warrior girls look the same.

1. What’s been the best day of your life so far and why?

Hard to decide, I had so many great days.

2. Describe your first kiss, who was it with, what was it like, where was it etc?

It was with my best friend at the time, in my parents garden. It was early morning after a night spent talking, her lips were really soft.

3. What’s your biggest regret? I know we all say we don’t regret things but obviously it’s how we learn, from our mistakes. So what’s something from your past you wished you could have changed?

I could have handled a break up better. I ended up hurting someone I cared for.

4. When was the last time you laughed so hard that tears fell from your face and what was it at?

With my husband, yesterday night. We were actually making fun of someone we know.

5. What is the craziest thing that you have ever done?

Moving in with a guy I barely knew in a city 400km away from all my family and friends.

6. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?

Nothing comes to mind rn.

7. Do you have any scars and if so, how did you get them?

I have my arms covered in scars. All of them are from self harming.

8. Where would you like to be in 10 years?

In another house, maybe abroad.

9. What are your views on drugs and alcohol?

I’m for the free of choice. I’ve tried drugs only a few times and not drinking atm.

10. What are your views on religion?

Brainwashing shit.

11. Have you ever thought about ending your own life? If so, why?

Yes, more than once. I tried, twice, when I was 21 and going through a lot. The second time I almost succeeded and woke up in the hospital after being unconscious and intubated for a week.

12. Write 5 facts people might not know about you.

- I am bipolar, borderline and have a schizoafective disorder.

- I dream about Satan and the end of the world on daily basis.

- When I was little I used look for little animals to bury and exhume after a while to see how decomposition works.

- I’ve been into witchcraft and rituals since I was 16.

- I write backwards like Leonardo Da Vinci.

13. What’s your zodiac sign and do you think it fits your personality?

I’m a Scorpio and it fits perfectly.

14. Pinpoint a moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

When my storyboard teacher remembered me from my online test because it was a perfect score.

15. Discuss your first love.

We were young and trying too hard.

16. Put your ipod on shuffle and write 5 songs that pop up. Explain why each song is on there.

- Don’t mess with me - Brody Dalle. It’s from the soundtrack of a game I love.

- Distance - 4bidden. It relaxes me.

- As the rain comes down - 0K(ill)’s. Because I’m working on their new videoclip.

- 8-MQ 16.10.2001 - 0K(ill)’s. Because it’s inspired by an Italian female serial killer. The title is composed by her initials and date of death.

- Rock and Roll - Gary Glitter. It makes me want to misbehave.

17. Name somewhere you’d like to move or visit.

Iceland.

18. What’s your earliest memory?

My dad taking me to Collodi.

19. What are your views on mainstream music?

It’s heartless and all about making money.

20. What are your highs and lows of this past year?

High: starting officially my character designer career. Low: my mother in law and old dog passing away in less than a month.

21. What are your strongest beliefs?

I believe in being direct and honest. Do no harm but take no shit.

22. Who are you closest to in your family?

My dad maybe.

23. How important do you think education is?

It’s fundamental.

24. What’s one of your favorite shows?

My 600lbs life XD

25. How have you changed in the past 2 years?

I’m more secure of myself and my capabilities.

26. Name 5 people who are famous who you find attractive.

- Tom Hiddleston.

- Mads Mikkelsen.

- Hugh Dancy.

- Michael Fassbender.

- Matthew Good.

27. Name your favorite movie and what it’s about.

3 Iron, in the mood for love. Because they’re sad but huntingly beautiful.

Stoker because psycho killers turn me on.

The fountain because is eternal and heartbreaking.

28. Who is someone who fascinates you and why?

I am fascinated by fictional characters. Like Hannibal Lecter. Yeah, again psycho killers.

29. What kind of person attracts you?

Intelligent people.

30. What’s a problem that you have recently had or are currently having?

My body is giving up on me xD

31. Name something that you miss.

The lake.

32. Share 5 goals you want completed in the next 30 days.

- Doing at least 15 designs.

- Double up my workout time.

- Completing my very first song.

- Take that online course I’ve been postponing for lack of time.

- Get a hold of a camera and go shooting.

33. What’s been the highlight of your month and the lowest point?

Highlight: doing a shit ton of sales on my shop. Lowest point: I don’t recall one, it’s been a pretty good month so far.

34. What’s something that you’ve done in the past that you would never do again?

Being the side chick.

35. What is you’re biggest insecurity & why?

Not being good enough. It can be traced back to my mom being a terrible mother.

36. What were the last 3 songs you listened to and what did they mean to you?

- Natacha Atlas - GAFSA. Because it’s in the soundtrack of 3Iron.

- Morcheeba - Over and over again. I find I’d perfectly fitting.

- Portishead - Wandering star. Because it remembers me of someone from my past.

37. Do you have a toy that’s really special to you and if so what is it, how did you get it etc?

I had a plush of a rhino called Mr. Turkelton [Scrubs reference] that was so dear to me. It’s with my ex, we bought it together and he kept it. Still miss him tho.

38. Have you lost anyone close to you to death?

My mother in law. She was more of a mom to me than my own mother.

39. What is your purpose in life?

Being happy and create beautiful things.

40. When was the last time you cried and what was it over?

I do not remember, but I guess it was during my mil’s funeral.

41. If you got to spend an entire day with your favourite celebrity what would you guys do?

I would love to spend a day with the Mass Effect’s cast playing the game!

42. If you could only listen to one artist for the rest of your life, who would you choose and why?

Tool. Because I’m a masochist.

43. What are 3 traits that you like about yourself and what are three that you dislike about yourself? Personality wise.

Likes:

- Being open minded.

- Being stubborn.

- Being so will powered.

Dislikes:

- Being insecure.

- Being so unable to handle rage that I keep extremely calm until the moment I explode and get cruel and violent.

- Being unable to let go of things that enrage me.

44. Can you cook? If so what are your favorite dishes to make?

I’m pretty good at it. I love to make fresh pasta.

45. What was the last decision you regretted making?

Drinking that glass of milk, now my stomach hurts.

46. Who’s opinion of yourself do you value the most?

Mine. And then my husband’s. I don’t care of no one else’s opinion.

47. What’s the nastiest thing you’ve ever said to another human being and what drove you to say it?

I demolished a guy who was in love with me telling him exactly what I knew it would break him. I did it because he tried to act like I was his property and then got aggressive when I didn’t act accordingly.

48. What’s the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to YOU? Or something that’s hurt you above anything else and why?

Nasty things don’t get to me, I don’t listen to what people say, especially when it comes from someone I don’t care for or I despise. The things that hurt me the most was saying goodbye to someone I was not ready to let go.

49. You can ask your favourite celebrity 3 questions and she’s taken a magical truth pill so she will 100% answer honestly, what do you ask?

Maybe some technical stuff, Idk. I have no ‘favorite celebrity ‘ so...

50. What mark would you want to leave on this world after you are gone?

I don’t care about leaving a mark in a dying world tbh.

51. What makes you most angry?

Liars, incoherent people, delusional people, copycats.

52. Who do you think is a really underrated artist and what do you love about them?

There are a lot of really underrated artists out there trying their very best and being bashed by online algorithms. Support the artists you like!

53. What are the main qualities you look for when thinking about a significant other?

Intelligence, honesty and having moral values.

54. What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?

The first that comes to mind is waiting at home for me to return with a hot bath ready and a bed full of rose petals. It’s a cliche,Iknow. But I was young and in love.

55. What is one of your favorite memories?

I have so many, but thinking about the past makes me feel bittersweet.

56. What do you do when you really want to impress someone?

I just act normal, if they’re impressed, good. If not, it’s ok.

57. What are your 3 favourite animals and why?

- Snakes: They’re so fascinating.

- Crows: they’re extremely intelligent.

- Sharks: natural born predators.

58. What’s the nicest present you’ve ever received?

A trip to Paris and a trip to Disneyland.

59. People always go around saying ‘oh I’m their biggest fan’, but what does being a truly big fan of someone mean to you?

Idk, I just like people. I don’t obsess over them.

I obsess over things I like, but not over some individual I don’t know.

60. Have you ever wanted to change anything about your life? If so, what?

I want more money XD

61. What is something you feel like you are really good at?

Drawing. Hopefully making music, but it’s way to early to say.

62. What is something you feel like you can get better at?

Drawing, there’s always room for improving.

63. What is something you feel like you are really bad at?

Hiding when I despise someone. And bowling.

64. If you were given $3,000,000 to put towards 3 charities/foundations ($1 mil each obvs), what would you choose and why?

Wildlife protection, animal shelters, planet’s preservation.

65. What’s one thing someone has done for you that was really small but made a huge impact?

My roommates came back from Xmas holidays one day earlier to have dinner with me because I was alone. And another brought me Xmas dinner a few days before.

66. What do you do when you can’t sleep?

I work :/

67. What’s something that’s on your bucket list?

Make a nice home studio.

68. If you could change 3 things within your government, what would they be and why?

I would actually change the opponent party. They’re dreadful.

69. What’s your favourite holiday and why?

Xmas, because it feels like happiness.

70. What’s the kindest thing a stranger has ever done for you? Even if it’s TINY like holding a door open for you, something that you rememer even though they were a complete stranger.

A stranger helped me when my nose was bleeding like crazy and I was alone in a mall. He also bought me an orange juice.

71. Who’s your favorite cartoon character?

Motoko Kusanagi.

72. What’s the first song that comes to your mind while reading this and why?

Reptile - NIN. Don’t know why.

73. Put the 7 deadly sins in order of the one you commit the most to the least.

Wrath - Lust - Pride - Sloth - Greed - Gluttony - Envy.

74. What would you like to be the first dance song at your wedding?

I’m already married and we danced over Christian Woman by Type 0 Negative XD

75. Have you ever been told you look like a famous person, if so, who?

Someone told me I look like Butterfly from Death Proof and like Amy Lee from Evancescence.

I really don’t see it.

76. What’s one thing you can not live without?

Art. And music.

77. What is the most selfless thing you have ever done for someone?

Going away.

78. Do you hate someone.

No, I dislike a lot of people, I think the world would be better off if some of them would die, it I do not hate them.

79. What are 3 things that have happened in your life that you’ve never forgotten? Big or small, just things you know you won’t ever forget and still seem crystal clear now.

- Almost dying.

- Getting married.

- Signing for my very first house.

80. What comes first to you out of friendships and relationships, and why?

They’re equally important.

81. What’s your favourite children’s tv show/movie?

Muppets: a Christmas Carol.

82. What song makes you cry the most?

Together we will live forever - Clint Mansell.

83. What’s the funniest film you’ve ever seen?

Operation Petticoat.

84. What’s something crazy that you’ve always wanted to do?

Trying human flesh.

85. Has anything ever happened to you that you just can’t forgive?

A lot. Just, a lot.

86. What’s your biggest fear?

Being abandoned.

87. What is your favorite food?

Red meat, pistachio ice cream.

88. Least favorite food? Why?

Celery.

89. Have you ever felt ashamed about something? If so what was it & why?

Not that I recall of.

90. Do you keep a journal? If so what mostly goes in it? Random thoughts, feelings, stories?

I always keep a journal, I write in it pretty much everything, dreams, feelings, ideas, thoughts.

91. When was the last time you said something nice to someone & what made you do it?

This morning to my husband, because he deserves it.

92. How do you feel when someone says something mean/disrespectful towards your fave celeb?

Couldn’t care less? Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, even if it’s a shitty one.

93. What’s the saddest story/one that’s touched you the most that you’ve ever heard on the news?

Milena Quaglini’s.

94. If you were told you were going to have 3 daughters, what would you want to name them?

Violante, Lavinia and Artemisia.

95. Do you have a middle name and if so, what is it?

I have two. Valeria and Maria.

96. How did your name get chosen? What’s the story behind it?

My dad found it in a sci-fi book back when he was a teenager. It was the name of the first baby girl born on the moon.

97. What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for each of your faves e.g. waiting in line for hours, getting up early to see them on tv etc?

I watched a streaming reunion in the middle of the night on N7 day.

98. Are you a virgin?

No.

99. What are the stories behind your tattoos/piercings and if you don’t have any, would you like any?

I have wings because I’ve always been obsessed with winged figures and angels.

I have a lot of movies/books quotes because they all means something to me.

I have cherry petals because of Hagakure.

The snowflake is the reminder of a very important person.

The moth is for my self destructive tendencies.

The witch is a homage to me.

The strawberry is a silly Adventure Time reference.

The snake is a biblical reference to both Lilith and Satan.

The Santa Muerte and the black goat are both linked to my beliefs.

100. Do you want to say something to the world?

Stop being stupid, stop making stupid people famous, open a book.

April 20th-April 26th, 2020 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from April 20th, 2020 to April 26th, 2020.  The chat focused on Only In Your Dreams! by Tuyetnhi Pham.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Only In Your Dreams! by Tuyetnhi Pham~! (http://oiydcomic.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace until April 26th, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Discussions are freeform, but we do offer discussion prompts in the pins for those who’d like to have them. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic! Whether you finish the comic or can only read a few pages, everyone is welcome to join and chat with us!

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 1

1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic?

2. What has been your favorite moment in the comic (so far)?

3. Who is your favorite character?

4. Which characters do like seeing interact the most?

5. What is something you like about the art? If you have a favorite illustration, please share it!

6. What is a theme you like that the comic explores?

7. What do you like about the comic’s story or overall related content?

8. Overall, what do you think the comic’s strengths are?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

5. I like how distinctive the character designs are! The mcs are both very unique and recognizable

8. It doesn't take itself too seriously, but it also explores some real neat concepts

the story is full of personality

carcarchu

the comic's not loading for me shakes fist at wifi, gonna try again tomorrow but i just wanted to say the look of the site is really cute!

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Got the chance to read it So here are some of my thoughts: 1. I like the romantic atmosphere that the comic starts off with warm colours and it gives a vacation ad sensation? 2. My favourite moment is in the pink strange dream world, the colours contrast to the reality of Cara. 4. Fave moment: When that mystery guy shows up and he had corny lines like a romantic parody. It seem so fantastical. 5. I like the colour palette choice of brown tones, shades of pinks. 6. I think the theme is about expectations (it's not clear atm), how Cara is distancing from real relationships and prefer to indulge. 7: I like how the creator shows Cara looking scared of confronting things. It sets an interesting tone of uncertainty. Is she hiding something?(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'm super curious about the situation of Cara not remembering her past dreams with Richie, and how that ties into the theme.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

1. I like how I don’t know what to expect. I also like how the premise is relateable; the idea that you are scared of imperfection making you have high standards in life hit close. 2) Every single time we’re treated to....Tuyetnhi’s lovely use of expression. Also the end part of episode 2, because that’s when I realized it’s going to get dark. 3) A tie between Ana and Richie. Ana because she makes me laugh with her blunt assertions (which...aren’t wrong) and Richie because he’s so flamboyant and extra. I love how much personality they all have. 4) Hands down Richie and Cara. They have a really hilarious dynamic going on. 6) The idea that people seek perfection through their dreams instead of facing reality. Also I really liked how it tackles society’s fixation on everyone to find someone....maybe Cara doesn’t need that and needs to focus on herself first? 7) That I won’t know what to expect. I came into this thinking it was going to be a classic romcom, and then I get hit with implicit horror and trippyness. I have a feeling Tuyetnhi is hinting at some darker aspects of the story we have yet to see. 8) Good lord the expressions. They really do the story justice and make me turn the page every time. Also the colours are beautiful.(edited)

(Whoops sorry keiiii)

7) two moments actually!

The fact that their wide eyed sweaty expressions matched made me laugh really hard

And also Cara’s quick acceptance of the situation was so unexpected and hilarious I took a double take. Also props to the colour dissonance; that looks like meme material right there!

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah. I want to make it clear that Cara is like "This is really not my day." lol

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Well....you portrayed that sentiment perfectly

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Omg yes the wide eyed expressions were also making me laugh! Well that was an expression I didn't expect coming into the story(edited)

I was wondering if that was suppose to be serious or humorous?

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

both LOL

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I see the horror you got going there Tuyetnhi Reminds me of...I dunno Jojo?

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

well............ yes and no lol

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

But I can’t wait to see what’s going to happen

Although...if we’re going by the silhouette....is she scared of herself?

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

C:

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I like that sense of not knowing what's happening? :)(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

that will be coming up in Ch. 3 soon

so please wait till then thank u lol

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

So far it's tough to choose a fave character right now since I feel the story has just started its first segment. I would like to wait until more content is shown before I can make a firm choice? (I'm analytical, I like to go over OCs flaws and strengths once I know more about them)(edited)

I'm curious to learn about her ex crush, since we only get a glimpse of how Cara precieve him. But what is Dean really like? *Drum rolls(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

you got.... good questions

it will be rewarded.... later on LOL

mariah (rainy day dreams)

1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic? I really liked the colors and island vibe. And this was even before Animal Crossing came out and I started hardcore living that island life I just love a good, soft pink to purple gradient generally speaking so the opening of the story was like falling into a comfy brain pillow for me. 2-4 I'm just gonna answer these ones kind of all together because they thoughts on then are all kind of threaded together into one big thought. After having read through the archive I really liked the scene with Ana and Cara. When I first read it I was like "dang, she's giving Cara such a hard time," but after having read the scenes where Cara just refused to admit to Richie she doesn't know what's going on I really retroactively appreciated Ana's willingness to call Cara on her bullshit XD I think it's a really good foil trait to have for a protagonist who seems dead set on avoiding confrontation even though it seems like doing so is most likely just gonna come back to bite her later. I imagine we aren't going to see Ana for a while though unless Cara is able to use her Phone A Friend card in the dream realm XD I am also looking forward to seeing more of the Cara doppelganger and how she and Cara interact with each other going forward. That feels like an exciting and drama filled mystery

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic? I also love the atmosphere. The color choices are just so beautiful. 2. What has been your favorite moment in the comic (so far)? Ana pointing out Cara's BS hahahaha. 3. Who is your favorite character? Definitely Ana. She's so down-to-earth from what I can tell, someone I'd want to be friends with. 4. Which characters do like seeing interact the most? Probably Ana and Cara. I like to see good friendships depicted, especially in a romance. 5. What is something you like about the art? If you have a favorite illustration, please share it! In general, everything is so soft and pretty. I also really appreciate the fact that all the characters have larger noses. If I had a favorite panel, it would be at the beginning, the sunset beach waves. 6. What is a theme you like that the comic explores? So far, I'm not sure about themes, but I like the talk about the pressure parents give to their children to get married. 7. What do you like about the comic’s story or overall related content? There's a lot of mystery, so I'm looking forward to learning about Cara's dreams, Richie, and the key. 8. Overall, what do you think the comic’s strengths are? The visuals are really nice. I can't stop gushing about the color choices and the pretty atmosphere.(edited)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

The way Cronaj sums up their thoughts on OiYD, I'm agreeing with the statement on Ana and Cara! Esp friendship part

Deo101 [Millennium]

I'll answer the questions hopefully later this week, but this song reminded me of the comic!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4z5ecLCvSQ(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

@Deo101 [Millennium] damn that’s a good song

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Oooo

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

He's definitely hot and extra

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

lmao

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

My joke idea is that Cara is secretly in a reality show starring Richie and her and the bonds they play out is meant for a live broadcast. But she's clearly not agreeing to this(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oh god. i don't think that's good for Cara's mental state lmao

Feather J. Fern

Also I have to say, I do love how the first cover is literally Cara being the meme of "Oh no he's hot"

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

fjdkalfdjdklfj

Feather J. Fern

Also I finally started it, while a bit late, I have to relate to Cara being an accountant.

Also I think my favourite panel is "Welp that worked"

Also I have to appreciate picking a pink that doesn't grate on the eyes.

https://gyazo.com/71fe22ea6ac2ebf6b3d85531c66bf8ed Another really good panel

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I enjoyed making that one LOL

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

that face is one of my favourites not gonna lie

Feather J. Fern

I really like the surrealness of the story, can't wait to see what happens next

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

same! I feel like something is about to happen

I'm also wondering how Richie would react to the real world

like....the ex. And her parents.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

soon™️

Feather J. Fern

More like everyone reacting to Richie XD

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Yeah pretty much

Like can Richie handle the world?

More like

Can the world handle RICHIE

RebelVampire

I like that the beginning really contrasts the dream and Cara's reality pretty quickly. I kind of feel it catches that feeling of coming out of a dream to face reality which kind of sucks, and also plays into the themes of dream vs. reality and expectation vs. reality. It's very easy to idealize things, whether as a route of escapism or just because it sounds appealing. But the reality of things generally is always different, and I like that we're seeing this full force in the comic through Cara's perspective. And the contrasts between the two really enhance those topics. My favorite moment in the comic so far is probably when Cara meets what I assume is Dean. Cause I really loved that both parties were kind of at fault, and I also liked how quickly that convo devolved into a grumpfest, because that felt very realistic. My favorite character right now is definitely Richie, because he is ridiculous and sympathetic at the same time. I adore his exaggerated personality, while at the same time feel sorry for him since for him the memories are clearly there and like...I would not want to be in the shoes of someone where the person they loved no longer remembered them. As for character interacting the most, Cara and Richie because that entire premise of one person remembering and the other not makes for a really tense and awkward situation. It's hard to tell where it's going to go. What I like about the art is the palettes of color chosen, since there's some beautiful scenery as well as fantastic contrasts when needed to make certain moments pop (like dream vs. reality).

As for the story content, what I actually like the most is that Cara is a flawed protagonist. I've read a lot of stories where the protagonist is always 100% right in the relationship and is just eternally the victim because society pressure. But Cara has a lot more going on, since she's clearly been at fault in some interactions, and while we can sympathize with people pressuring her into relationships, she also maybe takes it too far by being avoidant of basically every relationship. However, since she has these traits, I'm more invested into her personal dilemmas since she'll actually make mistakes when dealing with stuff. Which I think this is the overall strength of the comic. Cara is just a damn good protagonist who is easily likeable but isn't perfect and whose imperfections are not just brushed off so easily.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

;_; .... thank you.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I love the story so far! When I first started, I figured it would be some sort of awkward story where Richie comes into the real world and he has to figure out how to, like, act natural, and hilarity ensues. But holy cow, Cara losing her memories, and the slide into somewhat of a horror angle - it's not something I expected (though admittedly I could have read the synopsis lol), but it's definitely something I like!(edited)

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 2

9. Do you think the people around Cara were right to try and pressure her into a relationship? Overall, what do you think the comic has to say about relationships and the themes regarding relationship pressure?

10. Is what Cara experiencing dream or reality, and where is the line between them in this case? Additionally, why do you think her dreams have the potential to become reality as opposed to other people? Also, what is the overall message underlying these themes?

11. Is Richie really just a dream Cara dreamt up, or is there something more to him? If he somehow makes it to Cara’s world, do you think he’ll be able to adjust to that reality? Also, can he win Cara over?

12. What do you think the Cara imposter is about, and what does this have to do with the entire situation? Do you think Cara will eventually remember her dreams? Lastly, what do you think Cara has in store for her as the story continues?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

9. I personally don’t think it was great of the people in Cara’s life to pressure her like that. Sure, they mean well, but it’s most likely bringing Cara’s self esteem down by a lot. I have a feeling that her dreams/reality colliding together is partially motivated by that; the pressure of pleasing society has made her....subconsciously take drastic measures?

10. I’m actually not sure! Maybe there’s a supernatural explanation to it, or it could all just be a dream. Dreams have a way of showing a person’s innermost desires or fears, so maybe Cara’s desires and fears are coming alive in response to external stress factors. So perhaps she opened a portal of sorts between the realms in some way (there’s a key!!!!).

11. Oh I’m thinking they might end up together. But the realist inside me thinks...perhaps what Cara needs isn’t romantic love, but more independent love and being able to love herself. What DOES worry me, however, is the fact that Richie seems...a bit desperate for Cara to like him. Is there a condition to his love after all? If so, that means that it’s possible he’s forced in some way to love her or make her love him. And that’s not really conducive to romance, is it?

12. Ah...the thing that makes me mystified the most. Cara seems to have a negative view of herself, since she told her to get out in the end of chapter two. However, Cara #2 seems to be pretty helpful; knocking on the door to tell her to get out of the house (which Richie has her in), so in a way letting her out. While our Cara seems to dislike her a lot, I think the key to the story would be our Cara needing to accept this double Cara to be really free. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t! But from what I can see from the story and like I’ve said earlier...maybe Cara needs to be able to find love within herself. Love for that Cara double, and enough love to become independent and not bend to society’s overwhelming pressure for outside romance. I hope she finds that as the story comes along, and know that it’s okay to not be ready for love.

As for Richie...hmm. He’s dealing with an amnesiac heroine, and adjusting to the real world. I’m sure it’s going to lead to some hilarious hijinks, but hopefully he can manage! He seems up to the task

RebelVampire

I think whether people were right to pressure Cara is a tricky gray area. On the one hand, no, they were wrong. Nobody should be forced into a relationship. But on the other hand, if you know a person is actively self-sabotaging, isn't it more correct to speak up? So to me this is maybe a situation of good intentions with bad execution. However, I do think overall the comic does say pressuring people into relationships sucks and plz don't do that cause that's how you make ppl run further away. I think it's both, because a dream is reality in a sense. I think many of us have had dreams that caused real emotional affects, whether negative or positive. So the line between them is merely the fact effects are limited. Cara have may have just found a way to cross that line and make a dream a tangible thing that has more consequences. As for why her dreams, I don't know. Maybe she's just super good at dreaming. I do think as the overall message though is that dreams are good but not when we get lost in them, because then we idealize and reject "reality" in ways that aren't healthy. I do think Richie is primarily something Cara dreamt up, but kind of not maybe. Like sure maybe Cara is idea creator, but something else was involved in making the physical reality of that idea. As for Richie adjusting to Cara's world, I'm sure it will be laughably hilarious. I do think he can sort of win Cara over, at least in the sense of being friends. Cause how can you hate Richie? I'm taking a shot in the dark and saying Cara imposter is the embodiment of Cara's missing memories but since they're just memories, all they can do is imitate. As for Cara remembering, I feel like it will be yes but I kind of want it to be no. I like the idea of them having to reform a relationship entire from scratch.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Oo good impressions! I wish I have more to say but it would affect the story LOL. Enjoyed reading everyone's theories tho!

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Ok my turn, let's see what my head theories are: 9: I felt the same annoyance as Cara but it's a mixed feeling, Even though, people shouldn't pressure a lady on her love life, she also has a problem with being in relationships. Or I remember one quote from the story was how she 'ditched her dates by rushing to the bathroom.' although I don't know her circumstance, I do know she has issues to settle too. Relationship pressure is real, especially as a young person grows older. 10. From the comic visuals, it feels much like it's her escapism dream. The only clue I got, is that her holding a literal 'key' connecting both worlds, is evidence that both world could collide. So far, we haven't seen other people's dreams, or whether this is an unusual occurrence in the world? It seems to be a message about idealistic relationships. Since Cara seem to turn away real ones, it manifested? 11. I'm curious about Richie's character too. He seems like a powerful imagination, enough to sway the lead, so he's more than a simple figment. I wonder if his submissive, flirtatious (?) personality was build in him. He doesn't seem to have a 'life' outside his dream house, or so far. 12. I'm not sure whether the 'Other Cara' might be trying to help her or is that.. actually a shadow side? I don't want to say too much, but it's interesting to see where the story goes.(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Oh! You make a good point about Richie; I never thought about that! Do you think maybe he's simply a part of Cara and eventually gains his own sentience/personality?

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Hehe I like analyzing dreams :3 In dream theory, I feel he could be? I was more skeptical whether he should be treated as a real character or something else.(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

man this does make me want to look up dream psychology

i have a feeling...Tuyetnhi is using some theories from that

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Hmmmm dream psychology you say?

I guess you can say there's some elements of that, but it's not a major chunk of it if that makes sense lol

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 3

13. What are you most looking forward to seeing in regards to the comic?

14. Any final words of encouragement for the comic?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

13. Maintaining the will power to finish OIYD! so I can see it as its end lmao. As a passion project but also something that I want to invest in when I have the time, I hope ya'll looking forward in reading Ch. 3 very soon lol.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

13. I really want to see how both Cara and Richie will develop as characters. Whether Cara will figure out for herself what being both independent means....and whether she does want a relationship for herself and not for other people. Likewise with Richie, I want to see if he'll be able to be his own person...and whether he's real or not. I have a lot of questions that I want to be answered, and I can't wait to keep reading.

14. Tuyetnhi, good luck on the webcomic. It's hard to start one and even harder to pull off a good one, and I know yours is a good one. I really look forward to reading more from you. You're amazing (edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

thank you

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

13. I'm interested in learning more about Cara's conflicts, why she is hesitant about having a real relationship vs her dream one? I love the unexpected dark twist that the story seems to be going. 14. I want to say, no pressure and take your time to complete the chapter. Just know you have my support and willing to read when it is ready. Good luck

RebelVampire

I'm looking forward to more Richie being Richie. Because he is an adorable person. And also because I'm waiting for some 'reality' culture shock. My final words are that this comic has a strong themes game going on and an intriguing premise, so it'll be fun to see where the comic is in a few more chapters since I'm pretty sure we're in for a wild ride.

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Only In Your Dreams! this week! Please also give a special thank you to Tuyetnhi Pham for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Only In Your Dreams!, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

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Could u talk abt whatever oc pf yours you feel like sharing? Id love to hear

YES YES THANK YOU ANON

I’m gonna go w Tim bc I’ve been thinking abt them (and their friends Albin and Winny) quite a bit lately

Anyway I’m gonna ramble abt how they came to Be since they’re a really important character to me fgdfgfdgd

I’ve had them for a really long time now, I think I made them when I was like 10-11ish?? They started as a Dark R@yman variant oc bc I saw a lot of different designs (a few canon, a few fanmade) and I assumed ppl were just making their own versions and wanted to Join In. Over the years their design and name changed, however naming them “Timothy” came quite early in their development?? It was for this really silly plotpoint in this au/fanfic I was developing at the time, kinda based on the beta for R*yman one where he was a kid named “James”, which could be shortened to “Jim” and bc Tim was an Evil Clone, naming them “Tim” seemed perfect to 12ish yr old me

Anyway back in 2015ish there was this one blog going around and “critiquing” (read: mocking) fancharacters for the series bc you know Cr*nge Culture, and bc of that I got really scared that I’d be the subject of one of their posts so I left the fandom, but since I had Tim for a long time and grew really attached to them, I decided to turn them from a fan character into their Own character and looking back I’m really happy I did

Here’s their Info:

Tim is kinda tall and lanky, about 23 years old, has shaggy purple hair, pale skin, and yellow eyes. Also they have sharp teeth. They’re nonbinary, and use they/them pronouns. They’re almost always seen wearing this old and baggy lavender hoodie that’s a Major comfort item to them

They’re trying to cope with and recover from a shitty childhood, and bc of that shitty childhood they’ve got a Lot of issues. They’re trying to get better though

Among the few times that they’re not seen wearing their hoodie is when they’re at work, at this cafe called Timmy’s (and no, they Do Not own the place they just Work there. Please stop asking they’re so, so tired). They want a different job but currently this is the best they can do atm

Their two best (and only) friends are Winny and Albin. They met Winny through work and found out that she lives in the same apartment building as them, and they met Albin one night after a particularly shitty day at work, where he was in a fight with a few people (and p much losing). Tim ended it and Albin decided that they were friends right then and there. A short while later they became roommates

Tim has also befriended many of the stray cats that roam by their place, they love cats but can’t really keep one in their apartment :/ 

Tim, Albin and Winny occasionally do urbexing bc abandoned buildings are Cool and sometimes they take photos that are either funny, Cursed or both bc those are fun

I’m gonna try and have ref sheets for not only Tim, but Albin and Winny for artfight this year!!

Player Profile: Hang

avid modder, occasional TO and montage video producer from Germany top 12 in the Jawbreakers Stunfest Qualifier (artwork of Drop by Kagu)

What names do you go by?

I used to go by Troke for the entirety of April. Which was based on a dumb coincidence where I talked to Neer and had one of my usual mobile spelling errors and I wrote "I'm having ha troke" instead of "having a stroke".

I wanted to go away from "Hang Boy" since quite some time as I specifically wanted to get rid of the "Boy" and just "Hang" felt wrong and was still associated to Hang Boy anyway. But I guess I'm back to that now.

Reason to why I wanted to rid myself of "Boy" was as simple as me linking my online persona to my OC (By choosing her for profile pictures on basically any platform) which then of course lead people to believe she is a male based on the thought "Hey this is Hang Boy. So the profile picture must also be Hang Boy".

The name Hang Boy btw occurred just as I started my first step into the internet, when I was a big fan of the Binding of Isaac. So i needed an online name and I ventured through Isaac related things. Which was when I came across the Tarot card "Hanged Man". So I just took that and adjusted a bit.

How do you feel about your performance in this tournament?

Was pretty okay. I didn't expect to get far into it. Although I'm a bit sad I didn't make the Top 8 picture. Only needed one win more as well.

However I would have been disappointed in everyone else, if they allowed for me to reach Top 3. So good that didn't happen.

What was your strategy preparing for and competing in the tournament?

I haven't played Blaze in weeks. The only times I played recently was to get some recordings for a Toxic montage. Right before the tournament I was more worried to finish my Isaac run. Which I did win!

And during the tournament was pretty much just "Turn some nice music on, jam to it, play some Nitro, do some silly cuff shenanigans, do dumb parry grab down throws so the viewers can laugh over something".

I did "fly" with Nitro in one match but sadly it wasn't streamed so only Hellraiser was able to see the glory of Flying Cuff™.

Which was your hardest match of the tournament?

Hellraiser I suppose. He did kick me out of it. I never really played him or saw him play and he didn't fall for my aggressive playstyle, so it was a tough time.

What surprised you most about the tournament?

Cherry's second place finish. I know he's good, I think he's underrated even.

But second place is a really good finish. Even more so beating JawDrop since, in my opinion, he has some of the craziest tech and can be really really confusing to play against.

(Yea he also has weird lag even tho he lives in France but whatever :p)

Is there anyone you didn’t face that you wish you did?

I would have wanted to play Defur if possible. To some degree I see his entrance as a sort of meme entry. But jokes aside and game aside, I can only take my hat off to this man and his effort for the tournament scene.

Sadly didn't get to play Daio. It feels like a tradition to face off against him in FellowsTV hosted tournaments. Which always goes the same way tbf. He counters my playstyle hard, I'm annoyed to play against him, don't bother changing my playstyle in order to win, get demolished. But the tradition counts!

I'd put Neer in the same boat. Hate playing against him but it just kinda has to be.

How did you get into Lethal League?

A friend bought it for me. We played a couple of games, he had to leave. I went into QM, found Garu, got absolutely demolished, he friended me and pulled me into it.

I specifically remember seeing his Latch corpse juggles and thinking "Man this is so cool, I want to be able to do this too". So right of the bat I started to play for the style, which is what I still go by.

Style > Efficiency

It feels bad not having paid for LL nor Blaze but I bought LL for a bunch of friends so guess that checks out.

What's your current Lethal League experience?

450+ hours in LL 340 hours in Blaze (As of now. 26.4.2019) And a giant bunch of hours of community interaction and modding.

I was very excited when asked to be beta testing and it fulfilled a childhood dream of being in video game credits.

Despite only getting into Beta a month before release, I stacked up 90 hours before the game came out. Lots of 9 hour playtime days. It was massive fun.

I bought almost all of the merch...got most signed by Tim & Dion too. I went to the Netherlands twice to meet TR. It was fun, they are cool people. Watching Dion doing a live dance off was pretty rad ngl.

I brought self made cheesecake the second time, but Tim had to get it into the building since they check your bags for normal visitors and it wasn't allowed to bring food.

I'll never forget the sight of Tim with his big bag looking like he's smuggling a bomb into a convention.

Who are your main/side/counter character picks?

Everything. So yes random, it's random.

However I most enjoy playing Nitro because of all the dumb things he can do. Especially flying, cuff storage (specifically for down angle on the ground, to just pull a little bit forward) and half pull.

Doombox is also very fun. Special>bunt>smash>parry>special>repeat can chain pretty often on some opponents and is hilarious.

The only characters I "despise" playing are Toxic and Sonata. But only because I'm really bad with them.

What are your favourite character outfits?

Dust and Ashes. Just their whole design.

For real tho. There's not really skins that stick out to me since I use my own modded ones.

Can you share your favourite/most used custom outfit?

Hm I missed that that's not "outfits"...well take a load of skins! In order

Mothyman Jeviman Spacetor Golden Switch Drop Palette Sonata Supercharged Latch PaDice-a the Rapper Skull Grunt Supercharged Grid Supercharged Doombox Dropbox FYouBox Nitro with a blue, white and mint color scheme I made for every character and lastly my Toxic skin with that same color scheme

What are your stage preferences?

Idc. I play random so who really cares. I guess insert the usual "Paradise field eclipse succs!!!"

What input method do you use?

PS4 Controller Dpad for movement L1 Bunt R1 Swing R2 Grab

I used to play LL on a cheap SNES controller using only face buttons. When I was over at Dutch Comic Con with Serchiot I played a couple games of Blaze with his PS4 controller and really liked his layout and the feel of the controller. So I just sneakily stole his layout and got myself a PS4 controller.

Coming from all face buttons, I needed some time to get used to it. But in my opinion it's just superior this way.

How do you make your character montage videos?

I have two ways of recording clips. Just consciously recording with OBS or putting Shadowplay on and saving every time something cool happens. I usually just boot up Blaze and jump into ranked to get some games in. With the Toxic montage it was a bit different since I now have a 4K monitor but 4K can hardly be recorded at 60fps and setting the output resolution in OBS to 1080p got me weird screen effects. So every time I went to record, I put the resolution of my monitor to 1080p in order to at least get that in good quality. Then I just cut all the good clips out of the recordings and mix ‘n’ match ‘em. What's usually the hardest decision is what music to use. There's been a couple of songs that I'd like to use, but they either don't fit over Blaze gameplay, don't fit my playstyle or were just the wrong length.

My two favourite Montages are definitely for Candyman and Nitro. Candyman took a long way to develop, because I just wanted to show off so much. It's one of the few montages where I actually asked higher skill players for games instead of jumping into ranked. Picking the song was really hard, I was only sure I wanted a Klaus Veen track, but OD V2 was too mainstream and most others were too short. So in the end I opted for two songs with a break in between the montage. Splitting the clips into two sets, each song one. With the second part containing what I considered the more hype bursts.

And for Nitro I actually had the montage pretty much done, but I wasn't too happy with it. Still planned to just upload it like that tho. However when I saw the Nitro voice actor interact with a community member in a way that could only be described as "incredibly wholesome", I was inspired to redo most, if not all, of the clips and do the best I could. For the first time actually going into training mode to lab some combos (mostly corpse juggles tbf) and eventually learning Flying Cuff™ too. Watching JawDrops Blazin' Combo video and taking a slice off the Nitro plays there. Which resulted in a montage I am very happy with.

What other games do you play?

It differs from time to time.

The only games I always come back to are retro games like SMW, CTR or something like Mario Kart 8D. Which I always enjoy playing at local tournaments and pretty successfully so even. People just can't handle it when someone plays with one hand.

Atm I also like playing TBoI Rebirth.

Will you come to Stunfest?

Probably not. Driving/Flying over to France is just very expensive. I would love to meet all my Baguettes (Lusked, Jawdrop, Aru and Lalou, who stated he can't make it due to exams, yes I know). But exams and the neer-ing end of my apprenticeship is leaving a lot of work to be done.

So it probably won't fit into my schedule. However never say no! Trips to Blaze events aren't uncommon for me.

Is there anything else you’d like to say to the community?

Play the game for fun, not for glory.

Stop rubbing yourself for an imaginary title that doesn't mean anything as there's not even any competition for it.

I can't stress enough how great Soda City Funk by Tim Legend is. Go listen to it right now.

And for my last words. Be more like Kota. And remember, We love Ramkat <3

Homura’s Flash Reviews: Spring Season Open 2018

Okay so the spring season started a long ass time ago, but it took me a bit to get caught up!  Here are the anime I started for this season and what I thought about them/if I plan to continue watching them this season! (not including anything I already watched the first cour for, so I won’t talk anymore about Clear Card here for example.  My list is once again based on what TFS is watching for the spring season of Anime FMK, plus one or two things that i just personally wanted to watch.

this ended up being really long and i hate cluttering dashes so it’s going under a cut

lostorage conflated WIXOSS

The fourth season of WIXOSS, conflated follows the quest of Kiyoi, a former LRIG desperate to atone for her sins by bringing a final end to the curse of the Selector battles. To achieve this, she approaches multiple former Selectors for their help, even as a darker force brings about the battles once again, with a far more determined focus.

Okay, this is absolutely already the BEST WIXOSS ever.  Kiyoi is an amazing protagonist, and I am such a fucking sucker for shows that bring back the old characters.  I screamed when I saw Ruko appear in the trailers.  The LRIG designs and the animation are up a notch even from incited, and I’m so so so excited to see where this rollercoaster ride takes us, especially since it feels like this could very well be the conclusion of the WIXOSS anime universe.

verdict: I absolutely intend to finish this one and enjoy it every step of the way!!

Comic Girls

Kaos, a young, brand new mangaka, has been struggling to come up with a storyboard that her editor will accept. To help her improve her skills, her editor suggests she move into a dedicated dorm for fellow young mangaka, so that she can learn from them and her experiences.

Okay this is 100% anime bullshit, but it’s pretty tame in comparison to others and honestly...it’s just a fun time, okay?  I’m not gonna act like I didn’t enjoy it.  It was hilarious, the art jokes are relatable as fuck, and yes, okay, i love the cutesy art style.  Meeting all the characters and watching them make different kinds of manga together is adorable and fun and it’s just a lighthearted, funny show.  It reminds me a HECK of a lot of Sunshine Sketch, one of my absolute favorite 4koma, and since that anime adaptation disappointed the heck out of me, this anime is a good substitute! 

verdict: I’m gonna keep up with this one as long as I keep laughing!

Wotakoi: Love Is Hard For Otaku

Narumi had to leave her last job after her ex found out she was an otaku, and now that she’s starting a new job, she’s determined to keep her secret forever--that is, until she finds out her childhood otaku friend works at the same company, and the two of the suddenly begin dating.

This one is fucking hilarious holy shit, and I can’t believe how many real world references to real brands they can make without having to bleep them out.  It’s a little slow in places, but absolutely I’m gonna keep up with this one just because god i need some relatable gag anime sometimes ya know

verdict: gonna keep watching!

Space Battleship Tiramisu

Subaru is Tiramisu’s ace pilot in the great space wars but he’s actually just a fucking nerd who wants to sit in his cockpit all the time

wow okay there’s a lot of gag anime on this list, this one has only 7 minute long episodes which is a blessing because in the end even that was too long.  the jokes were only funny in the first episode and by the third episode with the fucking sexualization and sexism i was just bored out of my fucking skull.

verdict: i’m already dropping it lol

Gegege no Kitaro (2018)

When people start turning into trees in the middle of Shibuya, Mana Inuyama assists a neighborhood friend in sending a letter to Gegege no Kitaro, a yokai who helps humans defend themselves from other yokai. Though she doesn’t believe in yokai herself, Kitaro soon appears and introduces her to the mysterious and dangerous world of yokai.

Okay so apparently this is a HUGE franchise of like, YuYu Hakusho proportions, and this seems to be some kind of reboot.  I had never heard of it in my life although Kitaro looks somewhat familiar, I might have seen him somewhere?  Anyway, this is absolutely still not something I would haved picked up on my own and....it’s....good?????  It’s really good???  The animation is incredible, the character designs are adorable, even the body horror elements are tame enough for me to handle, and I actually really love yokai stories so I’m really loving this take on Japanese myths and legends.  The character interactions and plot honestly aren’t super in depth, but I don’t think it needs to be!  It’s a sweet and cute little kid’s show and I even think the eyeball is cute lol.  

verdict: definitely giving this one this season’s shot!  Looks like it could be looong though so we’ll see how far I go haha

Lupin III: Part V

I guess it’s about the world’s greatest thief and stuff idk, this is a big franchise isn’t it?

I watched one episode and like it didn’t do anything super offensive, it just...bored me.  Animation was good, I guess the characters were likable even though I’d never watched a Lupin III property before, but the episode felt like kind of a chore to get through tbh.  Not to mention I’m kinda bored of the whole...rogueish flirt and all the girls are super sexual and shit.  Like I’m queer and I don’t really mind seeing boobs sometimes, but when it’s clearly made just for the rogueish flirt and thus the male audience to enjoy, i get bored. the femme fatale thing in old detective-like shows is just not my thing.  I probably would like it more if i had actually seen previous Lupin shows.

verdict: I have enough to watch already so I’m just dropping it now

Hinamatsuri

A successful yakuza’s life goes haywire when a strange metal cocoon containing a small girl appears in his apartment, and he finds that the girl, Hina, is actually a powerful psychic. Somehow, the girl ends up living with him and he ends up becoming a dad.

This show is so fucking cute oh my GOD.  It’s hilarious, the timing is great, the animation is so adorable and well done, Hina is a cutie and I want to adopt her, and I’m such a sucker for dudes who accidentally adopt children.  His relationship with Hina is so cute and there’s absolutely no weird anime shit going on between them, they’re just a dad and daughter in the most unlikely family unit ever and I love it.

verdict: this is the first one since WIXOSS on this list that I’ve been super hyped for so hell yes I’m finishing this one

Golden Kamuy

A former soldier from the Russo-Japanese war, “Immortal” Sugimoto is desperate to find some cash to fulfill a last wish for a friend he lost during the war. When he stumbles across a conspiracy hiding a large amount of gold in the tattoos of several dozen prisoners, he and an Ainu girl Asirpa work together to retrieve the stolen Ainu gold in the harsh Hokkaido wilderness.

I did not expect to enjoy this one as much as I did so far, and it’s really, really interesting.  For starters, the front and center of the Ainu culture is super interesting, something that, to my knowledge, little to no other anime have ever represented. The relationship between Sugimoto and Asirpa is lovely and they’re always treated as being on even footing, and I love hearing Asirpa explain and share her culture with Sugimoto, like their food and hunting techniques.  The overarching story has yet to really hit full force, but that’s okay because these characters are charming as all get out and I’m loving the exchanges between them.  I am a little bit squeamish over some of the blood and guts that show up, but none of it is unrealistically gory, so I can handle it.

verdict: at this point definitely going to watch this one through to the end!

Legend of the Galactic Heroes: Die Neue These

basically it’s star wars i really don’t know what the plot is besides that, there’s some L/Light dynamic between two of the commanders but other than that it’s star wars

I think this is also a remake of some kind, seems like there’s a lot of remakes on my list this season.  well, 3 episodes in and i’m not sure how i feel about this; i think the space battles are cool and i like tactics and shit, but idk, not really feeling much for the characters atm.

verdict: I think I’ll continue for the time being, but i’ll drop it soon if it doesn’t engage me more within a couple episodes

Megalo Box

I want to make a serious plot summary but it’s so much faster and funnier to just say that it’s 5Ds the Boxing AU, because that is exactly what it is

Anyway idk I don’t love it, i’m not a fan of the muted color palettes and the shonen must-get-stronger-to-punch-and-have-thrill-of-fight thing isn’t always my speed, and also there’s exactly (1) female character which does not endear me to it, but idk i guess there’s something engaging about it.  kinda slow and i just wanna see some more punchiness, there’s a lot of training and technical shiz going on atm.

verdict: I’ll give it a few more episodes but I’m not committed to this one

Return to Yamacon

For my second year in a row, I have made the Appalachian anime fanatic’s pilgrimage to Gatlinburg in the first week of December for Yamacon, in what has become a significant yearly attraction for the city. It again was a wonderful celebration of anime, games, and fellowship. I had a marvelous time exponentiated by the presence and antics by my friends along the way.

The event was even more packed with big names from anime than the last year’s and sported a significant portion of the Cowboy Bebop mainstays in Steve Blum (Spike), Wendee Lee (Faye), Beau Billingsly (Jet), and Paul St. Peter (Punch from the Big Shot show). I know many of my friends and coworkers from the Beneath the Tangles’ Discord are fans of Bebop, so I wanted to say hello to them on their behalf. Also featured were Michael Tatum, Caitlin Glass, and Johnny Young Bosh, as well as a few famous cosplayers and creators from the world of American comics.

I had foreseen that this year was going to be a special one. I was interested in having a better cosplay this year that was more in theme with my group. My entire team was going as characters from the Mario-verse: Mario, Luigi, Wario, Waluigi, Bowsette, Kamek, Daisy, Queen Boo, and Chain-Chompette, and they all did an absolutely marvelous job on their costumes. I am not as big a fan of Mario as them, but I wanted to at least be relatively related with another Nintendo entity in Pit from “Kid Icarus: Uprising” on the 3DS and a prominent character in Smash Brothers. I wanted to invest a little bit of finance and elbow grease into Pit’s bow and his wings, but I did not expect it would take me nearly three months to gather all of the supplies and see the final product assembled. It is imperative that I thank my wonderful wife here as she has done a lioness’s share of the work in the designing, crafting, painting, and logistics of the costume. My work is scant relative to the generous effort she invested into the costume, and in my opinion (as well as many of the convention goers), the hard work paid off in spades. It’s a shame someone better looking couldn’t have worn the costume. I would have entered into the cosplay competition, but the slots filled up before I could submit my entry. Sadly my wife could not attend the convention due to limiting circumstances. C’est la vie, perhaps next year.

On my first day, my good friend Ryan offered to drive us down all the way from Lebanon, Virginia to the convention, which went smoothly save for an incident with a semi-truck almost running us off the road. It was a close call, but Ryan’s vigilance and solid reaction time kept us safe. Our group rented out a rather posh log cabin at a resort: It had three bedrooms, a hot tub, arcade cabinet, pool table, and a gorgeous view out over the valley into the great Smokey Mountains. We had a joyous time settling in and going out to eat.

On day two, the first actual day of the convention, I was a bit worried for my costume. Without my wife to help me get suited up, I felt a bit lost, but everything seemed to go on okay until I arrived at the convention when I realized I forgot my wig, but some of my colleagues who were still at the house brought it along later. I had a rough time keeping my lower angelic toga up over my belt until I figured out how to loop the hem through my belt. In spite of this, I was absolutely thrilled to be at the convention center. There was an innumerable amount of things to do, shops to peruse, games to play, experts to learn from, and people to meet. I was blessed beyond measure my whole time there. People consistently approached me to compliment my costume and ask for my picture. My wife was able to take my swords and attach magnets to their hilts so that it could be easily held together as a bow, just like in Super Smash Brothers. This brought a smile to a fair number of faces which made me quite happy as well. Spike Spiegel himself, Steve Blum, even mentioned that he really liked my costume in the autograph session as well as his panel.

I spent most of the early first day acquiring autographs from the voice actors since they were the biggest priority on my list. I am glad I got to express my gratitude for the volume of work of all of the actors and the beneficial effects they’ve had on the anime industry in America. I am thankful they felt comfortable enough to share their own thoughts with me as well. I was able to ask one of the actors if they had anything I could pray for for them, and they provided me with a request, so I am happy to have that task ahead of me, and hopefully God will continue to bless them and their goal will be attained.

All of the actors were extremely friendly and patient in the face of immense pressure to greet the tsunami of fans over three days, much like last year. All of the panels were informative and pleasant to attend. The stand-out panel was with Steve Blum, Wendee Lee, Beau Billingsly, and Paul St. Peter. It conjured up many pleasant emotions and memories hearing the voices from Bebop just talking in normal conversation. Most of the questions were the standard ones of “what’s your favorite X, can you recite one of the lines from the show, where did you get your big break?” One or two questions were novel, asking about how their roles have changed perception of anime in society, and I appreciated that. One of the takeaways I found quite heartwarming was that Steve Blum mentioned that he recently became engaged to the voice actress for Julia from the same show, which seems to dovetail very nicely as Spike and Julia’s romantic relationship was the ultimate arc of Bebop.

The next day was jam-packed with tasks to do and people to meet. Sadly, I had spent all of my dollars on getting the signed 8″ x 10″s the previous day, so all that I could do was look. There was an ATM, but unfortunately my card was not accepted. Even still, I wanted to say hello and let them know I appreciated their work. I got a chance to play as Pit dressed as Pit in Smash Brothers with some high caliber competitors. We had the chance for our entire team to take a group picture with all eleven of us, and it went great. Many of the people in my group are far more photogenic than me, but the most awe-striking part was that it was right next to Steve Blum’s booth, and he decided on his own volition to come over to take a picture of our entire group as well. We were all fanboying out internally over this knowing our pictures are on Steve Blum’s own phone.

After I had calmed down, I made a sad discovery that though I had signed up for the costume contest weeks before the convention, there was a secondary signup for with only about 30 slots available for pre-judging. I couldn’t sign up to that in time. Alas, as a result, myself and many others couldn’t even walk on their stage to show off the costume to have judged. It was a significant disappointment for me because my wife and I worked for weeks on that costume. However, I still got to spend time with my friends at the Meme Jeopardy competition. My Waluigi masquerading friend decided to play the part and cheat by pooling his points with the team to attain the grand prize…a glass bottle of the finest, rarest, 100% authentic gamer-boy bath water. He gave the bottle to Luigi to safeguard and see what other prizes he might abscond with, but to the shock and terror of everyone in the room, he turned around to discover Luigi chugging the entire half pint container in one gulp. Somehow he is still alive and well and didn’t even get tremendously sick. Suffice is to say that it’s highly unlikely this prize will ever be offered again. We were blessed to eat out at a lovely buffet in the area with another friend on the way before heading back where much of the crew enjoyed the hot tub. A few of us however decided to draft the most recent Unstable set of the card game Magic the Gathering. I drafted a Rules Lawyer early, and that’s probably all I have to say about that beyond that I did win. Everyone I had good time.

On the last day, we all ate a hearty meal at the Apple Mill. Everything was mostly wrapping up at the convention though. Lines early were long as Wendee Lee and Michael Tatum were only around briefly, but my good friends Chelsea and Kris allowed me to borrow a few dollars to acquire Wendee’s autograph. I immensely appreciated their generosity as well as Wendee’s patience and kindness with me. Round two of Jeopardy was focused on video games. I didn’t get to run the table on any categories like last year as the audience was too large and the categories too easy. Regardless of this, it was still a great time. Being out of money meant I couldn’t easily pick up anything from the dealers, but I got to meet with other cosplayers, booth runners, and hang out with my team until the auction and final ceremonies.

I was blessed with a copious amount of free time in the apartment which I got to spend playing games with my friends, but I was also happy to get time to focus on prayers for my friends, the people at the convention, and the people back home, as well as other important interests and importantly gratitude to God for all of the wonderful unwarranted blessings and joyful experiences he’s been granting me over the last couple days.

Let me know what you all think of my costume or my friends’ in the comments or in Discord or just stop by to say “Hi” or let me know if you were able to attend as well. I’d love to say hello to you again if I got to meet you there. I would be delinquent in my duties if I were to forget to thank all of the actors who came to Yamacon to spend time with us, all of the staff, the owners, my wife for her perpetual love, support, and efforts on my costume, my good friends whom I got to know more closely including one specific friend who opened up and indulged me in discussing matters of internal struggle, beliefs, and theology; Chelsea and Kris for inviting me and helping me with my costume; Ryan for his driving; everyone who wanted to take a picture of my costume because I really wanted a way to convey to my wife that he work was loved and appreciated by a wide audience; and of most importantly God for literally without whom, no thing would be possible. Given real life circumstances, it’s up in the air if I will ever get to attend again, but whichever way the wind blows, I had a great time and would love to be back each year.

so, yoi creator appreciation day went down earlier and... i didn’t manage to tag all the people i wanted to. not by a long shot. i’ve met so many wonderful and amazing people in this fandom, and the idea of calling out how awesome my friends are has been in my mind for a while now, so: 

@iceprinceofbelair adrian. you might not remember this, but really early on my days in the vwc chat, you helped me out. a lot. i was in a bad place then, it was the start of summer and suddenly i couldn't do anything but think, and you helped me out talked to me gave me options and encouraged my plans. thank you, truly, thank you. not only that but i just noticed you have fics too?? what??? i’m checking them out as soon as i’m done with this. 

@where-his-towel-is omg, you guys. ellen is everything. you helped me out so so much when i was just starting with my superhero fic, i was barely 5k in and yet you cared enough in my idea and actually liked it and you became my beta, and more importantly, a friend. a wonderful beta, with a quick mind and amazing skills, an even more amazing friend with such creative ideas who always supports me and the best wifey ever<333 thank you <3333

@yoyoplisetsky cary, holy shit, i can’t stress this enough, you’ve always been there when i feel unvalidated or unimportant or whatever. that time when you hacked lily’s account particularly stands out right now, but you’ve always been such a beacon of positivity in my fandom life, so thank you <333

@queenofaburiedkingdom lily!! the ultimate admin. no one tops you. no one tops anocily. you’ve always been there for me, always participated in stupid drama with me and doc, always been such a wonderful and amazingly positive person who’s always ready to be positive. thank you <333

@reddyonice red’s always been there!!! red’s always been there for me to bond with, to share my sorrows with, red always gets me no matter what and you’re so so kind and thoughtful and also an amazing writer and ahem gorgeous as heCKITY HECK UHMMM??? you might need to tone down how cool you are. just for the rest of us <3333

@kasumi-chou kas!! has who deserves it all, such a worthy and wonderful person who’s talented and hard working and has given so much to the fandom and honestly kinda needs a break!! you’re always there as big sis, a shoulder i can lean on, so thank <333

@rayrayswimusic ray ray was possibly the first friend i made on the vwc. i barely knew anyone there i was terrified being surrounded by all of these amazingly talented people with actual purposes in the fandom, and i remember talking with ray ray during my first few days there, such a sweet person who was always kind, so thank you. thank you for talking to me <333

@katsukifatale mac!! mac’s so full of positivity (references: immmm positivelyyoi??) and put up with all of our mistakes in the yurionicebigbang, can’t believe what a calm and patient person they are!! amazing <333

@roseus-jaeger rose wow... rose is always there in the chat, i just see rose pop up all the time. answering his messages on #general is like second nature by now. wouldn’t be vwc without rose, i don't even know if i can call you my friend because you’re undeniably The Cool One, but it’s so nice seeing you on the chat<333

@silencedfalcon NOC. HOLY SHIT. holy shit, not you guys. doc is The Popular. honestly how tf did i end up her friend???? hmm no one knows. in so many servers, knows so many people, she’s like the fandom black market, always has blackmail, always has the best and most amazingly refreshing angst and au ideas, i can't even believe. so glad you’re my friend doc, seeing your messages every morning brightens my whole day<33333

@sinkingorswimming dommi, ok wow, what do i say about dommi? um, first of all, her fic, cause I'm a taker bLEW MY MIND ALRIGHT? best version of a inside look at canon, everything feels so real and her writing is gorgeous. we’ve talked sometimes in vwc, not too much but you deserve to be here because you complimented my eyeliner once which, is honestly all i care about in life so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@n3rdlif343va SAM!! ok, listen, sam, you made my day a WHOLE LOT better during one of my horrible times. i’d been hating my writing for ages and then sam goes “oh yeah you wrote that fic so i *had* to read that one” ummMMM I DIED OK THAT S TOP LEVEL TIER OF COMPLIMENTS I DONT THNK I’LL EVER BE ABLE TO REPAY YOU IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM, THANK YOU <333

@fallsintograce grace is wonderful. grace is amazingly strong and such a fighter. you’re going through a rough time, and you deserve better, so much better. it’s always so lovely seeing you pop up in the sws, i’m so glad i met you, take care and thank you <333

@domokunrainbowkinz DOMO!!!! domo, holy shit you guys, doom has some of the very best writing i was so amazed from the first time i read her harry potter au, i knew that she would be a wonderful wonderful person and you are!!! i’m always so happy to talk to you <333

@red-heather chloe’s always talking about her au in the chat its so so amazing seeing everyone pitch in trying to help her out with picking designs from photos and listening to what she has planned, a wonderful person in the chat who i’’m super glad to see all the time <333

@phoenixrei MEG!!! meg ok we haven't talked in FOREVER but meg was one of the people i was really close to at the beginning of the vwc, always there to talk about her au (WHICH IS GORGEOUS BTW UMMM WHO ARE YOU IF YOU HAVENT READ IT CHECK HER AO3 @ FullmetalChords PLEASE LORD SHES WRITTEN THE MOST AMAZING ACE!YUURI YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE) and always there when i ask her dumb questions about video editing software, I'm so glad to call you my friend <3333

@teekettle ok i can't tag her wtf anyway i LOVE seeing you in the group chat such an amazing presence here, always helpful with fic info always super nice and kind, i helped her out with a fic idea once and it was BOMB ANGST like it was amazing angst, a wonderful person over all!!! <333

@dramaticmari MARI!!!!! mari we bonded right from the start, you were such a positive and lovely person so helpful and a wonderfully talented artist who didn't fail to make me feel so welcome in this new chat filled with cool people, thank you so much for being a friend, for listening to me, for everything <3333

@krizariel kris has... kris has been there for me. A LOT. even today ifs omg i wouldn’t have been able to do the admin form correctly without you and sasu!!! not to mention what a lovely supportive and uplifting message you left in my inbox when i felt bad about myself. you’re such a positive influence, I'm glad you're my friend <3333

@iced-sass SASU ok literally the only other person within my timezone rip, you're always a wonderful friend who’s there to talk to, to share a laugh with, you never fail to be a talented wonderful human being who’s also hilarious um??? thats how we met i legit complimented you on a joke you said that doc showed me and thats how i got onto the sws, so really thank you so so much for bringing all these new friends and opportunities into my life <33333

@katsuki-skates bas, wow, bas or bass, whatever, is always there to listen, ever present on the vc and no matter what will support you and be super kind and lovely, i can't believe I'm friends with such a wonderful and amazing person. fun fact: i’ve been following you for forever and i kid you not i’ve been low-key stanning you for a good chunk of time. i was slightly terrified when i figured out your tumblr because i loved you so much. <33333

@thehibiscusthief sara, i barely know you, but for the whole short time i;ve known you i have also been low-key standing you. UHM ANOTHER DANCER WHOS APPARENTLY GOING PROFESSIONAL HOLY SHIT AHHHH i’m so so glad you’re going to a dance school, and you’ll definitely be accepted because you’re a talented wonderful person who’s not only a great dancer but also a great writer!!! um what!!!

extra shout outs to people who’s tumblr idk:

kuma, who is the meme dealer of the sis chat. i think we can all agree that kuma’s fucking hilarious, no matter what you might say puma, you're funny as hell and own that please

anna!!! who idrk that well atm, but i always see you on the sws and you're always a hilarious person, i’d say you and kuma are tormenting us with two trucks but i enjoy your humor so much that it would be a lie <333

sammie!!! sammie pls, sammie’s always been such ana amazing person to talk to, a bomb music taste, such a funny and wonderful person I'm so glad i see you in the chat<333

The Electric Pickle

The first time that I ever heard about the Electric Pickle was in the middle of a conversation with Luis Nieves, a co-worker with whom I shared the two things that link me to any person: the abiding thrall of retail and a taste for nightlife. At the time I only had eyes for Bardot -the exquisite club that would eventually get dragged to Club Space and become Floyd- and so did he, we would hit those Slap and Tickle parties every tuesday on a weekly basis and talk about them at work. Every now and then Luis would mention how absurd this place Electric Pickle was: “I heard that there are people doing cocaine on the tables”, he’d say. It wasn’t true, but he did mess with my imagination and introduced me to the idea of a darker Bardot going down south on North Miami Avenue. I’m ashamed to admit that I got to enjoy the Pickle at a really late stage of its run, It took Terry’s birthday to finally take me there for the first time. It was september of 2016, a tuesday night, The Love Below party. I fell in love with the design of that club, it was like nothing I had seen before, it didn’t have sofas and tables arranged to look like a hotel lobby, It didn’t have a line of unfriendly yuppies by the bar, it wasn’t glamorous... It was indeed a darker club, but a masterpiece as well, starting by a mellow bouncer that never acted like the most important part of his job was to make people implore, then you’d climb the most erotic steel steps in Miami - a feeling as intense as walking to an execution- emanating a rising energy that foreshadowed the merciless fence of a crowd that never noticed your arrival; and finally a small room, dark enough, hot enough, loud enough; embellished by an amber glow and the sparks coming out of borrowed lighters and deep drags of Marlboro Lights. Everything was in the right place: The bar, the DJ booth, the tables, even the ATM in between the bathrooms was where it fucking needed to be. When the music got loud, there was no chance of telling people about your problems, the strobes went on, arms up, and the infamous disco ball -that acted as if it had a life of its own- exploded in colors as a drunken rant in the front seat of an Uber... And everybody was dancing... There really was no better place to be. Many times I headed there with only $60 in my pocket and a screenshot of the RSVP, and inside I’d act like a host, offering cigarretes and asking randos if they were having fun. Sometimes those same randos would ask me to keep drinking with them in a hotel room or in a condo at Midtown 2, because meeting people at The Pickle was the closest thing to a 9 year old making friends in a public pool. The Pickle’s booking was very diverse -They would book someone like Avalon Emerson and then book Omar S months later- it could give you a heavy dose of techno -courtesy of visionary promoter Diego Martinelli- or you could just go there for Love/Hate Classic Sundays and listen to an entire hour of Mary J Blige.  That club was whatever the fuck you wanted it to be for you. To me, It was a romantic place. I even remember telling owner Will Renuart how grateful I was for that, “Hey, listen to this guy! He takes all his Tinder dates here”. And I did, girls loved it. I remember dancing with Lis to Lovefool by The Cardigans on a New Year’s Eve party, and I don’t know if that kind of feminine fantasy could have happened somewhere else. The Pickle was the first nightclub that Estefania ever stepped into and Kourtney’s favorite spot for an entire summer. But what really made the Pickle a great nightclub? Why do people continue to refer to it as “intimate”? That overplayed word that sounds like an easy way of describing any room that happens to be somber. Well, there was this one night. All Vinyl, september of 2018. Will Renuart is DJing and around 6:oo am there are just about 20 of us randos inside. The place is dead, no one is buying drinks and people are leaving. After 7:00 am, Sino -Will’s wife- starts passing out cans of Modelo and a bottle of mezcal, complimentary drinks. Will is doing that thing where he holds each vinyl as if it was a handheld fan. Like it’s too hot, like maybe he thinks “get ready cause this record is fire”, I don’t know, ask him. And then it’s 8:00 am and no one wants this thing to keep going but him and maybe the part of myself that never wants to go back home. It’s not a business anymore, so what’s the point of keeping the music so loud? It’s not a private party. At this point Will Renuart is DJing in an empty club, for a handful of friends and strangers, some kind of Denis Lavant in the last scene of Beau Travail. And I think to myself, this dude must really love this. And now it’s all over.  

talking about someone’s idea here, had an interesting idea for a sort of interconnected skyscraper grid concept that i thought i’d post as it’s own topic, for people to maybe talk about and puzzle out.

talking about someone’s idea here, had an interesting idea for a sort of interconnected skyscraper grid concept that i thought i’d post as it’s own topic, for people to maybe talk about and puzzle out.

TLDR: the basic idea is an interconnected grid of skyscrapers, maybe only a 3X? pattern only three blocks wide, but miles long, situated oblong north/south, to try and maximize solar panelish glass outsides on these skyscrapers, maybe top floor's exposed, and is an agricultural thing, with a wind turbine at the top to generate wind power on each building, bottom floor's mostly access to the street and roads, more for commercial resupply than most other things, attached to one another via sky bridges every ten stories or so, able to move people easily, as well as share some resources among the buildings, like the electrical grid, water, etc, emergency units being situated not within every building, but possibly staggered somewhat on the 50th floor (if 100 floors high), something like the middle row being hospitals, police, fire department, and the 50th floors having skybridges intended solely for emergency uses, designed with indoors vehicles that can travel in the building's hallways (also presumably the hallways have enough room for one of these vehicles and people moving around still, commercial and emergency elevators able to handle them, something like a golf cart able to carry several people, nexus points being wider than just the hallways to enable turning better), different elevators for pedestrian, commercial, and emergency uses, residential and commercial floors pretty well mixed tier wise, so you might not have to travel much past a few floors even within your building for the general day to day, the land 'east' and 'west' to the sides of the column of buildings maybe used for more general stuff that isn't a good fit for being in a skyscraper to begin with, like receiving mail, shipping in general, water, power stations, and utilities in general, maybe longer term jails, if they really didn't want the jails within the towers, though, a block sized floor devoted to police, every 3X3 square of blocks feels like it'd be significant, it might not be able to handle all the criminals, given we're also talking about this 3X3 blocks of people living in 100 floor skyscrapers, with presumably at least 1/4th of the space being used for residential. those 1 floor (doesn't need to be just one floor, though, maybe it's two to three blocks), it's like 225 blocks of residential apartments for 1 block of police.

​

(was talking about sky bridges on skyscrapers, making a web like city, essentially made such a in depth answer, at least i feel like, that i kinda wanted to make it it's own topic. sorry. )these skyscrapers that are like a block unto themselves, even if they went like 80 floors up, they'd still be presumably something like not too much the difference between the buildings at ground level. (with tube style skyscrapers, OP from the other post mentioned the burj kalifa specifically.)

afaik, it'd essentially need to be flexible rather than rigid higher up, as i think the skyscrapers give at least slightly. and while i do sorta like the idea for maybe a second-third floor style one of these, to be able to just travel through the lobbies of these buildings rather than crossing the street, i don't think it'd be that useful really, i mean, how many times do you REALLY need to go from the 36th floor in the building you're currently in to the 36th floor of the building next to yours?

———————

(start talking about the new city style concept) though i do sorta like it as a potential future style building planning sort of thing, something like a 'commuter' floor every ten floors in these buildings, that's in an interconnected web, and maybe has stores and food locales, whereas the other floors might be businesses or residential places. we could use this system to transport water, electric, small amounts of goods, etc, potentially, it'd be great if the outside were toxic or something, and we could have hundreds of buildings in a wide net where you'd never need to step outside. like an acre of bundled frame tube skyscrapers, each their own block, able to go up like 100 floors, interconnected at every couple of floors, the bottommost floor maybe being access for vehicles/parking, something like emergency services being within a 3X3 grid of each of these blocks, small/large hospital, firefighting, police, whatever units staggered every 4 buildings in a row/column, maybe staggered for rows, too, so one row/column might have hospitals, one row up, one column over might have firefighters, one row up, column over might have police, another with a fourth thing, then repeating, and alternating major and more minor installments, something like:

h=hospital, p=police, f=firefighter, b=other stuff, given every building doesn't need it's own hospital, police, firefighter, etc. lower case smaller installations, upper case larger installations (this was kinda the grid concept when it was gonna be more than just 3x? strips, it'd repeat hospital row, police row, firefigher row, over and over in i guess an almost damn near country wide city, or at least, however wide you wanted it.)

b h b b H b b h b b H b b h b b H

b b P b b p b b P b b p b b P b b

F b b f b b F b b f b b F b b f b

emergency services aren't ever more than a building and a few floors away, even for one without a hospital, police, or firefighting section inside it, 3/4 buildings right next to it do have those resources. another idea is several types of elevator – one for commercial use, bringing up stuff to certain floors, one for pedestrian use, one for emergency services, in a couple locations, so medical units coming from another building, police coming from another, and firefighters coming from a third building won't have to fight over the same elevator usage, they could be directed to say, elevator area a, b, or d depending on which area they came from, and make their way to the right floor. that floor being one of the 'ten' that has it's own walkways, presumably less used than some other walkways because they're intended for emergency services personnel. if the buildings are all 100 floors, presumably would make them be around floor 50 – the bigger installations might want something more like floors 49-51 or whatever, for like major hospitals, but always being able to, at minimum, be one building away and 50 floors away from anyone in this grid concept would presumably be good. there could also be like indoors vehicles that are more like motorized carts than cars, usable within the hallways and whatnot, able to use the elevators, the medic version having some basic medical stuff and able to keep someone alive (hopefully) while they travel to the hospital areas, the police one being able to restrain several people, the firefighter one carrying some gear and the people, of course, the buildings having both sprinkler systems as well as potentially access to lots of water, sorta like a hydrant, at a few places every floor, like 4 major firefighting pipes in roughly the center of the 4 quadrants of each building.

different styles of commuter floor would be good, too. maybe floor 10 is like a strip mall ish thing – minimize the commercial elevator use to higher floors for something like this, floor 20's like an almost indoors park, 30's maybe more tech focused/internet cafe ish, whatever. also thinking lower floors should be more residential, given it's got a bigger demand for water, waste disposal, etc and presumably it'll be easier to deal with that at lower floors, higher floors more commercial, offices, labs, whatnot.

there'd also be different styles of residential floors, not all apartments made alike: some for more single people/couples, that have living room, dining room, kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, some that might have 3-4 bedrooms, multiple baths, etc.

top floor might be exposed to the elements, and growing food/trees. it also might be angled sorta diagonally with the rising and setting of the sun, with solar paneled sides, so the entire city could be harvesting and sharing energy, though in the early morn/late afternoon, it'll mostly just be some of the outer buildings, as well as the tops of buildings, so maybe 3X3 along a longer length, to potentially try and maximize sunlight gained, with a wind turbine on top of each building, floor below is the stuff needed to actually use the wind turbine energy, as well as the agricultural tools to take care of the floor above's gardens, trees, etc.

i think it'd be a very economical, functional, useful method of doing it like a whole sorta enclosed in buildings city concept. would decrease some of the need of commuting, i think, if you lived in the building in which you worked, as well as were able to eat there, and see a doctor at most a 2 block walk away. might need to stagger residential somewhat, considering everyone living on floors like 5-30 or something, that'd be a lot of people potentially trying to get to floor like 70 in the morning, being able to live like within 5 floors of your work would be better for commuting purposes, if it's like within 2-3 floors you can presumably just use the stairs, moving near your work might be a more palatable idea, having a bunch of personal public transport vehicles if you're going to a building that's like 10 buildings away to visit a friend or something, or if you really don't want to move out of building X floor Y because you really like the combo of people, businesses, or whatnot you live nearby atm, but got work in building Z which isn't really local.

i'm imagining cities kinda being built in roughly oblique north/south strips, roughly 3 of these megastructures deep, potentially, but maybe miles long, whereas the area to the east/west of these structures is sorta basic stuff that's not well translated to being in a megastructure, like, receiving shipping to ship to specific locales in the city, like the mail or amazon/ups shit, assuming amazon doesn't just have drones delivering it to your window or something, major utility connections to these megastructures, lots of wide road space for the trucks and whatnot, some semi dropping of mcdonald patties would just basically pull into the bottom of whatever building has mcdonalds, they'd unload their restocking into the services elevators, that'd go up to the floor that has mcdonalds, the truck would then go to the other buildings with mcdonalds, repeat.

Submitted August 02, 2019 at 11:04PM by leeman27534 via reddit https://ift.tt/2ZDe5at

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hey jude!!! just read ur last anon abt being nb and wondered if u could talk abt ur own gender experience?

well basically i didnt grow up in a very open household, like rly Zero discussion of gender, so i know i Experienced gender entirely but i played almost exclusively with the boys in my class until probably grade 6 or 7, & at puberty, even tho i was a better athlete than most boys in my class still, i started hanging out with girls more, at recess, etc. i was always into androgyny, even if i had no idea (& i didn’t) what that was—i liked some femme things, absolutely, but i wanted nothing to do w skirts or pretty shoes. i wanted to be in adidas running sneakers 24/7 if i could help it, & i wore a uniform to school w the option of a skirt/pants, & im p sure i always wore pants. at the time this, to me, seemed more functional, & it was, but it was also, as i can understand now, something that made me feel Less like a girl, although not at all like a boy.

when i was older, 12, 13, 14, my parents wanted me to dress nicer, & i was v much into like american eagle shit, although by mid hs i was into some vintage stuff. one rly big odd style influence for me was mia wasikowksa in this weird movie called restless bc it was this v soft femme androgyny & i think for me this kind of gender expression became very important to see & understand. it wasn’t that she didn’t look like a girl, or that she wasn’t a girl, but she also sometimes looked like a boy, or wore boys clothes, but she wasn’t butch. idk this movie sent me for a loop honestly lol. 

& obviously my understanding of gender expression didn’t correlate (& doesn’t correlate!) w so many gender identities, & “passing” is extremely harmful as a notion, etc. but when i was younger my understanding of gender & sexuality was very limited & began to expand when i saw very femme but still andro ppl, even tho i couldn’t articulate it at the time. 

when i was a teenager i knew i didnt want to rly have a single thing to do w any boy, which made me sure i was a lesbian bc thats the only narrative i’d rly known abt queerness, or queer women, or even queer ppl who presented as femme. there werent any out lesbians at my school (no fucking way), & the only out queer kid at all was a white gay guy a year older than me, who was popular in the way white gay boys can be popular in high school. but i read voraciously, was fascinated by the crossdressing in shakespeare (paris in the merchant of venice was a particular fixation of mine?) & anyway. i knew i was queer, i knew i liked girls, & i knew i was outrageously uncomfortable w my body, particularly my breasts. for a long time i thought this was because i was ashamed of my sexuality, when i came to sort of understand that, but ofc now i know abt dysmorphia & dysphoria, so yknow. knowledge.

when i went to college i came out big time, & it became very important to me to both be queer & look sort of queer but not queer enough to be Queer—i wanted ppl to be like ‘maybe into girls, but maybe straight.’ as im sure many of us know, this was a lot of internalized shame abt a lot of things, so that sucks. however, i cut my hair which was like the first comfortable thing i had done for my appearance in a v long time, & also smth which my parents hated & i did anyway. i wore a Lot of rly femme stuff bc they hated it tho? so this was all v confusing for me bc my parents are v homophobic, & here i was in college starting to read queer theory & gender theory & falling in love w like. the most beautiful, brilliant girl, & also spiraling into a mixed episode after i got diagnosed w bipolar I, which sort of put everything else on the backburner for a year. 

eventually tho i sorted that out (as much as u can sort smth like that out) & i started to rly pay attention to androgyny. i went to europe & i think theres a whole bunch of nuances to fashion that exist there that certainly arent here, & i spent a winter in warsaw so there were aspects to fashion & expression there that were entirely abt functionality, which i was v attracted to. in college, as well, & especially after college, gender became smth i was v much invested in bc i was (& absolutely am) a feminist, so my place in the canon & zeitgeist was one as a queer female writer. it was so so central to who i was, & what i was writing abt. every single thing i wrote in college was in some way a balm, some sort of piece abt myself, learning abt trauma & the body. sorting through a lot of hurt. i could write a theory piece abt elizabeth bishop & reading it back now i know it was also abt me, that kinda stuff.

when i went to toronto i rly rly started being invested in looking critically at gender & my experience of it bc being read as a woman was smth that was grating on me, even tho i had identified as woman for so long, & had no desire at all to transition. i know 100% i am not a trans man, so that was confusing for a long time because i sort of knew there was a space between but it was very hard to conceptualize. eventually i sort of came to understand gender is a color wheel where cis boys are blue & cis women are pink & then theres literally a ton of other colors out there, so yknow. lots of different experiences of gender. some days i feel much more strongly like i identify w women (in mostly political situations, it matters to me to be read as “female” sometimes bc rights for ppl w vaginas AND trans women are FUCKED UP in so many places). some days i hate the idea of identifying as a woman. i also never want to identify as a man. so when i was in toronto i rly started to know a LOT of queer ppl w so many different expressions of gender. & we were all young & lovely & open & fucked up & we would get fucked up but we would also go read together in the park & wander around alleys in the snow & like. there’s a Muchness to toronto that i experienced that helped me, personally, understand these intersections between my own sexuality & gender & expression as much more than just a gay woman who isn’t butch & isn’t femme. i was rly lucky to become part of a community that identified as Queer, & so i became v much understanding of these different aspects of my own identity that fell outside of binary—my sexuality, my gender. Queerness is a vital & profound thing to me & i was rly able (& so fortunate) to have a close friend group of mostly queer ppl & then a few of the actual literally most incredible allies i’ve ever known & will ever know. 

so then from there i just rly kinda thought abt things & like i got a binder & stuff in TO but rly started to evaluate my dysmorphia & dysphoria (i had struggled really badly w an eating disorder in/post college) & was able to sort out that so much of it had to do w feeling uncomfortable in the way my body was read in the world. & that will always happen bc i LOVE makeup & i have a “feminine” voice & sometimes i love skirts & i shave my legs bc i like how it feels sometimes & i dont ever want to go on T—none of these things make anyone ANY gender, but ofc theyre coded as “female.” but i’m learning to just yknow educate where i can & take a lot of solace in the community of ppl i have fostered who support & understand my Being. i’ve also allowed myself to be invested in aesthetics & fashion & how much a role that plays bc like. yah fuck Yah i look cool shit bc my friends love it & absolutely i wanna wear the same vans maia mitchell has & i want a melodrama hoodie & i LOVE local toronto designers & their angsty patches abt sad songs & whiskey but i love fashion born out of histories that is connected to smth i can understand, like queer punk movements, or smth my friends & i share, like blundstones (which are gender neutral, which is cool). i’m fascinated in how ppl express their Selves, & we are so unfortunately Finite in our bodies in the sense that that’s rly how the world, in our day to day interactions, processes who & what we are. so i invest in the care of mine by trying to listen to it, trying to make it comfortable—& clothing is a huge thing that can do that. also its fun so anyone who thinks loving (ethical, cool) fashion is vain can eat my ass

anyway lmao now i have a p decent sense, atm at least, of what makes my body its most comfortable (even if that is v far from Comfortable at times). i love my tattoos, & i basically never rly want long hair again i’m p sure, & i love makeup, & if i could wear vans or blundstones every day for the entirety of my life at this point that would be incredible. those are easy things, & i try to allow my body, in its cultural place, to have access to them as much as possible, which is so important to me in a sense of having access to a physical space that matches my mental space of gender identity. politically sometimes i feel v v much a “woman” in terms of my lived experience, & i allow that of myself as well. sometimes when i write it’s important to me that my poetry be read as a queer person but also someone who is culturally coded as a woman, bc those are still always central concerns of my work—the trauma, the power there. but day to day i’m mostly happy spending my time obsessing over other things, like what to call this new genre of music halsey & lorde are making, or why my dog stevie is a Fanatic when it comes to ice cubes. ive come to enough terms w my gender, & my sexuality—& the expression thereof—that unless someone is talking abt gender, or someone asks me a question, it’s not smth that is constantly on my mind, which is. Nice. its so nice lol. 

also i would like to point out that i know my experience being non binary is rly rly white & western in so many ways & i get that. my cultural experience of non binary gender is also v much this like. ive felt frustrated before but never in my life have i felt scared to be non-binary while i was like out & abt in the world, bc i still pass as a cis white woman literally everywhere all the time (which has its pros & cons but like, still, a lot of privilege). so i do try to keep all of that in mind as well when i try to center myself & all that jazz

& who tf knows where all of that will take me. i feel like, bc ive learned to listen to my body & my brain so much better than i did when i was younger—even when they might hate themselves—i am so much better at filling up a space in the world that occupies smth healthy. which is not smth i take lightly, & i’m also so open to changes, as long as they feel good & beneficial & true. which is sort of new for me. who knows man ur mid twenties are a wild ride 

Do all of the emoji asks!!

omg that are so many /o\

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

Idk I don’t think there is anything and even if there was Im pretty sure I wouldn’t want to post in on the internet?

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

This is probably about someone I wouldn’t normally hug but it’d just be someone I adore like a good friend or my boyfriend. Maybe someone I haven’t seen/hugged in a while like Resa or Isi or Bekki? Idrk I actually do hug almost anyone when I get the chance.

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

My only Pokémon experience has been playing Pokémon GO for a few weeks tbh but I thought Evoli were pretty cute and I liked Glumanda and Bisasam I think? Oh and Shiggy!

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

A mess. I shouldn’t be in charge of anything, I’d just make it worse :’D

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

Uhm…idk I thik I had one a couple months back but I don’t remeber what it was but when I was a kid I dreamt there wuld be a huge police car in our flat and it took me like three years to be sure it was just a dream.

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?

That she always just wants good and that she always cares for other people

😘 talk about your crush or partner

He’s super adorable and he gives the best kisses. He is very consistent in his opinions, he can draw, he actually manages to make me feel good enough for him, he is kinda obsessed with some things including fob and Harvest Moon. When he talks about drawing or colours or pecils or something like that his whole face lights up and he gets really happy and excited, that’s super cute. He makes fun of me for everything but never in a way I would feel bad about. He’s super emo but also a literal sunshine, you just have to be happy when you’re around him. Also he radiates so much energy I don’t even know why. He has the best hair ever and super warm eyes (like…they look warm. Colour-wise. Not the temperature, you know? :’D) and he has freckles which looks ridiculously good. And he has the best smile ever.

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

yes

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

I think I like my voice, like when I hear it in voice notes or something? Also my eyebrows and that I hug people a lot.

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

That it doesn’t matter whether i’m there or not, whenever I feel like people don’t care when or even if I’m there it is the worst to me. But tbh I don’t know how to overcome it, I mostly just cry a lot and try to convince myself it’s not true.

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

Baking or dying my hair. Both stress me out a lot sometimes, especially when it doesn’t turn out the way I want it to but in the end the process makes me happy even if the outcome doesn’t. Also being in the sunshine.

💙 what annoys you about some people?

That they think they can get away with anything.

😤 do you get angry easily?

Depends on the topic. On some things I’ll explode immediately, with others it will take a lot.

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

I don’t actually daydream that much but i think about my boyfriend so much it’s kinda ridiculous, so if that counts as well…

And when I daydream it’s mostly about sunshine or something atm because it’s winter and I really want it to be light and warm again

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

I would make people care more. About other people, animals, the environment etc

I would also make it easier for people to be open about the things they want to but are too afraid to.

And I would make everyone have basic human rights and necessities

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

I can’t really do tha bc you didn’t send any names

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

I don’t know, I really like big cities in general, for the atmosphere and the vibe they give off, I’d like to visit as many as possible in my life, as well in Germany as in the rest of the world. But I can’t imagine to go away from cologne forever, I’d always come back here I think.

☕️ talk about your ideal day

I don’t really have one ideal version of a day, I love days I spend with my friends walking around cologne or sitting in a park, I love days I spend with my best friend in her bed, watching something or being on Tumblr, I love days I spend with my boyfriend, sitting in a cafe and have breakfast or drink coffee or sitting at home cuddling and watching something, sometimes I like days I spend baking a cake that is way to complicated for my baking skills…tbh there’s a ton of things that make a day ‘ideal’

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

Ambivert I guess

💧 when was the last time you cried?

two hours ago

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

Sparks Fly - Taylor Swift

Summertime - My Chemical Romance

In Between - Linkin Park

In Pieces - Linkin Park

The Only Hope For Me Is You - My Chemical Romance

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

Making people see how it really is, because on the one hand it’s so sad when people beat themselves up about something they misinterpreted and stuff like that and on the other hand I hate it when people act so careless because they don’t see what they’re doing

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

Stand up for yourself and what you care about! You don’t always have to hide. Also who cares about ‘friends’ who only make you feel bad? You don’t need them.

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

People who are able to propely interact with other people without always feeling weird or wrong

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

I’m not sure whether this is about what I would want to have more of, compared to the amount I have now or comapared to each other so I’m going to answer it compared to how it is now.

I’d really like to be more brave, I’m such a chicken for literally anything even though I’m trying to work on that. Also I don’t really want wealth in like, being wealthy but if neither of my parents would have to be worried about money ever again that’d be great.

🙊 what are you ashamed of?

I don’t really have one thing that I could name, sometimes there’ll be a thing I’m ashamed of and then I’ll try to forget about it :’D

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

I speak German and English and I’m learing Latin in school. I’d like to be fluent in English and I also want to learn Dutch someday.

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

I think I’d like to be Luna Lovegood’s friend. Or Tonks‘.

☁️ talk about your dream universe.

I do’t think I understand the question :o I like stars and planets and stuff a lot and I love to read (nonfiction) about space if that’s what you mean :D

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

I always try to randomly compliment people, hoping it will brighten up their day. Also I’ll buy some flowers for a friend of mine later.

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

Maybe a angel because they have wings? idk, I like to be human actually

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike

I don’t wana talk bad about people like that

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

I’d rather not actually because more people could read that than I’d be comfortable with

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

I wanted to be a teacher and an interior designer and a princess and a doctor and a lawyer….it changed a lot :’‘D right now I’m not really sure but I’d like to study social pedagogy or psychology or something  and work with children

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

Cotton Candy and every kind of cake

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

Nothing at the moment, which is quite weird because I haven’t been obsessed with nothing for years. Maybe baking but not really

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?

I get easily annoyed and I cry a lot

😪 what are you sick of?

idk nothing in particular I think. It happens that I can’t stand something atm tho

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

Ususally not, even though I like it a lot.

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

I don’t even know which opinions are popular, I just see/read something and either agree or not

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?

Well I wouldn’t consider myself a bad person but I’m rying to become a better person

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

Reading, sometimes I try to draw but it’s never good, I like singing a lot…

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

Puhh I don’t remember, I do that pretty much all the time.Mabe Mr Brightside by The Killers?

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

I forget sometimes that other people are a person each on their own as well, I tend to generalize them (especially when I don’t know them that well/don’t talk to them that often) by accident and I try to consciously think about them as indivuals with feelings and stuff

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

hearts, stars, boxes, people…pretty much anything

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

nothing

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?

I had to google what this is and I just made a test and tbh, I don’t know :’D Apparentliy I’m ISFP-T, whatever that means

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

you didn’t send any people :(

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?

Gerard Way, Carrie Fisher and Gronkh because they have all created/been part of things I love a lot and have loved for a long time and all of them are actually good people

🐴 opinion on __?

again you didn’t send anything, sorry xD

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?

I can be quite emotional but I am not necessarily. That really depends on the situation.

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

Loveletters to the Dead by Ava Dellaira

The Bookthief by Markus Zusak

Ein kalter Strom by Val McDermid

but I don’t know any quotes, I’m sorry :’D

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

I mostly cry, that helps sometimes and if that doesn’t help I try to distract myself. That helps most of the time.

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

That it is never as bad as it seems or at least it will be over soon

🌍 which country do you live in?

Germany

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

kind, affectionate, stubborn

🐵 which quotes changed you?

I don’t think there’s any quote that changed me as a person

💭 do you keep a diary?

I treid a few times but it never worked

💫 who inspires you?

Valerie inspires me to work on becoming the best version of myself

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

Yes, why not?

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

Pretty much everything black plus a lot of oastel things/things with lace/squares

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

I don’t really like films but Deadpool was nice, I like Star Wars, Pirates of the Carribean, Alice in Wonderland, Charlie and the chocolate factory and I recently started watching xmen with my boyfriend, they were good as well

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?

being at my grandma’s and going outside with my sister to play that game we always played when we were there and going to the funfair with my grandma…tbh pretty much anything related to my grandma, she was the person who was most important to me as a child

🐱 what’s your dream pet like?

Either a cat or a dog but definetly very cuddely :D

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be?

I’d love to meet The Doctor tbh, not to be his companion or anything, just meet him :D

The Oscar Goes to Jail

The lineup at the 109th was my first real gig. I could tell right away it was going to be different from anything I’d done before. For starters, the auditions were held at a police station and not at some university or playhouse or community center. The setting had excellent art design, really got you in the mood. The script only had one line (“Gimme your phone, bitch!”), superbly written and easy to remember. And the audience was concealed behind a two-way mirror, which was great for me, since I’d always felt that having an audience compromised the quality of my craft. I was discovered three hours earlier on a sidewalk outside the Flushing Jewish Community Council soup kitchen in Queens. Mr. Ed Weston, talent scout for the 109th, spotted me by the bulletin boards, where I stood scanning the postings for audition calls. Like most boards, this one was a bust, nothing but notices for food donations. Not that I wasn’t hungry—I was a starving young artist, after all—but my real hankering wasn’t for canned beans. I craved a meaty role I could sink my acting chops into. Luckily, I lingered long enough to catch Weston’s eye. He looked me over and said those five magic words: “Yeah, you look the part.” They called five of us in at once, far more efficient than any other audition I’d ever been to. We sat on stools, wore Yankees caps and delivered the line. They had the guy next to me repeat it several times. If he’d asked me for pointers, I would’ve gladly helped him out, but it was probably for the best that I didn’t, because when I got out of the room, Ed grinned and told me that I was picked out of the five. I think back to that moment whenever I’m feeling down. There’s nothing quite like being the audience favorite—it’s better than sex, better than bacon, better than that dream where you’re flying over green hills and telephone poles. And that was before I learned what the other guys already knew: this wasn’t an audition at all. It was a real show. I was getting paid to act. We each got five bucks and all the free coffee we could drink. I didn’t like coffee but I drank five cups anyway, because drinking free coffee was exactly the kind of thing that struggling New York actors did. I gave Ed my number and asked him to call me back if they had more parts I could use to beef up my resume. He told me the cops rarely needed white guys, but I showed him my Hispanic headshot and he agreed that I could pass for Latino with enough special effects makeup and the right attitude. I called my dad that night with the good news. My dad is my rock, and the lifelong president of my online fan club. My mom left us before I was born, and my dad raised me as an only father. When he got mad at me for normal kid stuff, like leaving the freezer door open or forgetting to fill the waterbed, he never yelled. Instead he would bite down on his fist and growl, and then calmly say, “You better mention me in your Oscar speech, Oscar… that’s all I got to say.” Then he would launch into the story of how, when the doctor handed him the scalpel, pointed to my umbilical cord and said “Cut!” I stopped crying, because there was no point wasting any tears between takes. See, I was born an actor. My dad paid my rent on a room in a run-down walk-up in the Bronx. The walls were flimsy and painted a depressing mold green, and the floor was scratched-up bathroom tiles, except for the bathroom, which had a hardwood floor warped by the humidity. The place smelled like two-week-old grapefruit juice left out in the sun. It motivated me to get out of there, hit the streets and pursue my dream. I kept my head down and my chin up. I answered every audition call in the city. I heard the words “Thank you for coming, we’ll be in touch” in my sleep. I acted my heart out for those bastards behind their desks and camcorders. Someday my break would come. Ed Weston was just around the corner. Ed knew I was a star, and he took me on as his pet project. We started with the free coffee, made our way to beer, shared a few tacos, then burritos, then we branched out to foods that came on plates. Finally, he said to me, “Oscar, you telling me you wanna do this shit full time? Be a professional lineup filler?” He was laughing. I was not. Sure, the 109th was way-way-off-Broadway, but it was a chance to practice my art in front of an (invisible) audience, and for a good cause. Weston coughed up some kimchi dog and then turned serious, and maybe a little sad. Complicated fellow, that Ed. I based a few of my characters on him over the years to come, though I never told him that. He had a past he worked hard to bury, and he was touchy about being thought of as a criminal. “Hey, Oscar, buddy, as long as they keep calling me, I’ll keep calling you, you know that. But come on, man. This ain’t no way to make a living.” “It’s acting,” I said. He pushed the kimchi from his lip into his mouth and said, “Whatever you say, buddy. Whatever you say.” Before long, I was doing up to five shows a week. Most shows were silent. This allowed me to engage in the purest form of acting. I’d even invented a name for it: “body language.” My posture felt different when I was a pickpocket, a purse-snatcher, a convenience store robber or a public urinator. One show had a whopping twelve words in the script. I called my dad back home and ran my line with him until every word was a part of me. “Get down on the floor and put your wallet in the bag!” “Get down on the floor and put your wallet in the bag!” “Get down on the floor and put your wallet in the bag!” I used my first month’s pay to buy fake facial hair and colored contact lenses so that I could extend my repertoire to include brown-eyed gangbangers and mustachioed molesters. I told Ed that I was fine with nudity as long as it was essential to the story. “Man Accused of Indecent Proposal” was one of the most demanding and gratifying roles I ever played. I was growing as an artist. Sometimes Ed sent me on the road. I played the 64th, the 88th, and the 141st. I performed some shows on stools, others standing up. My colleagues were dependable actors, for the most part, though I never encountered another leading man like myself, who wasn’t afraid of electrifying the room. Ed bought me a beer every time I got picked. This was our new tradition. It got so he didn’t even have to tell me I’d been picked anymore. All he had to say was, “Come on, Shenker, wipe that dumbass tattoo off your face and let me buy you a beer.” Those were the good times. I still went on auditions now and then—for bit parts in locally shot crime shows, experimental underground theater companies, wet wipe commercials, or artsy student films about tortured men who took long walks and stared out of bus windows—but I found them tiresome. Their scripts came with way too many words, which got in the way of my acting. I preferred it when they asked me to prepare a monologue of my choosing, and I’d do my “Gimme your phone, bitch!” But too often, the silence that followed my performance was heavy with confusion. How I hated watching everyone in the room shift uncomfortably and exchange glances. How I hated hearing “Go on” or “Is that it?” or “What the hell was that?!” Ed gave me a raise, seven bucks a show, but even then, I could barely afford to feed myself on days that he didn’t treat me to a cranberry-lamb skewer from the halal cart outside the precinct. I needed money, which meant I had to refine my art and become the best actor the city of New York had ever seen. If I put in the hard work, eventually someone would take notice, and success was sure to follow. It was like my dad always said, “The world keeps turning, so make sure you shine all the times.” I took my rehearsals to the streets. Like my characters, I stalked defenseless women down dark alleyways. My eyes were peeled and trained to spot an unsupervised cellphone. My stride slowed whenever I passed an occupied ATM. When a subway train roared by, I screamed “Who the fuck you looking at?!” under the cover of its rumble, to exercise my throat. The method worked. My dad noticed the change right away when he drove up to visit for the first time that summer. “My god, Oscar,” he said. “Tell me you lost all this weight for a part.” “Yeah,” I smiled. “More than one part.” “Well, isn’t that something. Come here, give your old man a hug.” There wasn’t much I could tell my dad about my career that he didn’t already know from reading my acting blog. He filled me in on our hometown. Uncle Regis had finally retired from directing the middle school’s Thanksgiving play, after giving up on finding an actor who could fill my turkey shoes. Everybody was asking about me. Then he sighed and said, “Son, I came here for a reason. I’m so sorry to put you in this position, but I’m going to have to cut back on your provisions.” “What do you mean?” Sometimes Ed sent me on the road. I played the 64th, the 88th, and the 141st. I performed some shows on stools, others standing up. My colleagues were dependable actors, for the most part, though I never encountered another leading man like myself, who wasn’t afraid of electrifying the room. Ed bought me a beer every time I got picked. This was our new tradition. It got so he didn’t even have to tell me I’d been picked anymore. All he had to say was, “Come on, Shenker, wipe that dumbass tattoo off your face and let me buy you a beer.” Those were the good times. I still went on auditions now and then—for bit parts in locally shot crime shows, experimental underground theater companies, wet wipe commercials, or artsy student films about tortured men who took long walks and stared out of bus windows—but I found them tiresome. Their scripts came with way too many words, which got in the way of my acting. I preferred it when they asked me to prepare a monologue of my choosing, and I’d do my “Gimme your phone, bitch!” But too often, the silence that followed my performance was heavy with confusion. How I hated watching everyone in the room shift uncomfortably and exchange glances. How I hated hearing “Go on” or “Is that it?” or “What the hell was that?!” Ed gave me a raise, seven bucks a show, but even then, I could barely afford to feed myself on days that he didn’t treat me to a cranberry-lamb skewer from the halal cart outside the precinct. I needed money, which meant I had to refine my art and become the best actor the city of New York had ever seen. If I put in the hard work, eventually someone would take notice, and success was sure to follow. It was like my dad always said, “The world keeps turning, so make sure you shine all the times.” I took my rehearsals to the streets. Like my characters, I stalked defenseless women down dark alleyways. My eyes were peeled and trained to spot an unsupervised cellphone. My stride slowed whenever I passed an occupied ATM. When a subway train roared by, I screamed “Who the fuck you looking at?!” under the cover of its rumble, to exercise my throat. The method worked. My dad noticed the change right away when he drove up to visit for the first time that summer. “My god, Oscar,” he said. “Tell me you lost all this weight for a part.” “Yeah,” I smiled. “More than one part.” “Well, isn’t that something. Come here, give your old man a hug.” There wasn’t much I could tell my dad about my career that he didn’t already know from reading my acting blog. He filled me in on our hometown. Uncle Regis had finally retired from directing the middle school’s Thanksgiving play, after giving up on finding an actor who could fill my turkey shoes. Everybody was asking about me. Then he sighed and said, “Son, I came here for a reason. I’m so sorry to put you in this position, but I’m going to have to cut back on your provisions.” “What do you mean?” from my time at the 109th. She had two hundred and three dollars in her wallet, and five of the most delicious cough drops I ever tasted in my life. Was I ashamed of my crime? Of course. Was I proud of my fearless performance? You bet I was. Was I happy to eat three times in a single day? The happiest man on earth. Was I terrified when, a few days later, I was called in by Ed and handed a script that read “Hey lady! I am a real-life mugger! I’m here to rob you! Give me your purse!”? I don’t know if “terrified” is the word I’d choose, but I was worried, yes. Ed was waiting for me in the hallway after the lineup was over, as always. I was sweating so hard, I must’ve left a trail of makeup behind me like a slug. “Everything okay, Ed?” I asked. My teeth were chattering. “Everything’s great, if you like Mondays,” Ed said. “Come on, I know a good schnitzel place nearby, we can start the week off right.” “Does that mean… she picked me?” “Yeah, she picked you, buddy. You did great. Let’s go get our schnitzel on.” With a mouth full of breaded cutlet, I realized I had nothing to worry about. Naturally, the old lady had remembered me—I was on fire the night of the mugging. But that just made her another in a long line of victims who’d singled me out in a lineup. I imagined the officers on the other side of that two-way mirror nodding to each other. “Guys, we got ourselves another Shenker fan on our hands,” they probably said, annoyed but hardly surprised. She was old, and it was dark, and she _ picked their best man, their marquee headliner. She was your classic unreliable eye witness. And thanks to good old Oscar Shenker, lineup filler extraordinaire, the police would not waste another cent of hard-earned taxpayer dollars on her wild accusations. If I’d had a day job—and I was often on the brink of stooping to normal, non-acting work, such as masseur or assistant florist—–I would’ve tendered my resignation that day. The time had come to make a living off of my talent. The way I saw it, the only difference between my work and that of a Broadway actor was a matter of time and place. The city was my stage, its citizens (especially the weak and the elderly) my audience. I never charged more than the price of a ticket to a fine Broadway show, and all the seats to see me were front row. I gave the audience a thrill and got their hearts pounding. They were sure to remember my act and speak of it for weeks to come. I knew for a fact that they often did, since they came into the precinct the next day to do just that. Happiness is the absolute knowledge that you are fulfilling your promise to the world. And for a while there, I knew happiness. I performed nightly to the adoring shrieks of an audience who never knew what hit them, and I returned for encores daily. I even paid for Ed Weston’s lunch one day, a steaming bowl of Tom Yum Koong. Ed caught a glimpse of my plump wallet and whistled into his soup. “Looking good there, Oscar. You finally get yourself a job?” “Yep.” “Yeah? Where’s it at? Hook a brother up.” “I’m an actor.” “Shit, Oscar, I know that. But what’s your job?” “That is my job. I’m an actor.” “For real? Where you acting?” “Around here, actually.” “So, like, local stuff? Community theater?” “Sort of, yeah. But more street-based.” “Damn. If I knew acting paid that much, I would’ve been an actor too. But I’m too old now.” “It’s never too late to follow your dream, Ed.” “Oscar, buddy, it’s always too late. From the day you’re born, it’s too late.” “No,” I said. “That’s not true.” Ed looked up at me mid-slurp. “Hey, relax,” he said, and reached out and squeezed my shoulder. “I’m just messing with you. I’m happy for you, buddy.” I loved that man like a second father. Like a first mother. The next time I saw him would be the last. I was in high spirits. The night before, I’d put on my most elaborate, accomplished show yet. Make ‘em laugh, make ‘em cry, make ‘em wait, said the great actor Charles Dickens, and I did all three that night. I brought my audience to his knees and, while he was on the ground, tickled him until he howled with laughter. I pinned him down and told him that after this night’s show I was giving up on my acting career (a lie), packing my bags and going home to live with my aging father (more lies). I cried in his face and my sadness hit him like a fifty pound onion, flooding his cheeks with tears. And then I tied him up and forced him to wait until someone found him there, stunned by the magnificence of my show. I still had his money in my pocket, all seventy-eight dollars of it, when Ed called me down to the precinct. I sat on my stool, ready to deliver my line. But they never asked me to. For some odd reason which I could not comprehend, their attention was focused entirely on an uninspired regular from my supporting cast: suspect number five. He was told to step forward and kneel. He was ordered to make a tickling motion in the air. He was asked to grimace and pretend to cry. He complied reluctantly, playing my character as a deflated man, dead on the inside. He was doing it all wrong. A voice crackled over the loudspeaker, “Thank you, gentlemen, you’re free to go. If we need you again, we’ll be in touch.” I’d heard those words enough times in my career to know that no one would be in touch with any of us. And yet my fellow actors turned to file out. “Wait a second, excuse me,” I said. “Excuse me, hold on. Hold on. This isn’t right.” Suspect number five shuffled by, and I grabbed his sleeve. He shook me off and skulked away. “I said hold on! Stay here!” “Clear the room, gentlemen,” the disembodied voice said. “Wait!” I said. “Cut! Cut! Back to one! Wait!” Ed popped his head into the room. “Oscar, you okay there, buddy? They told me you were shouting something.” “Wait!” I cried over Ed’s shoulder. “Don’t let him go! There’s been a mistake! The guy’s remembering it all wrong! Look, I’ve got it all here! I’ve got his money, and his credit cards, and his ID!” I called out to a room full of officers behind Ed’s back. I pulled my wallet out to show them the evidence, but no one seemed to care. Ed said, “Shit.” “Officers!” I shouted. “Officers! It wasn’t number five, it was me!” “Oscar, tone it down,” Ed said. He grabbed me and forced me up against the wall. “It wasn’t that other guy, Ed. It was me. That guy can’t act. This is bullshit!” “Oscar, Oscar, listen to me,” Ed said. He pushed my wallet out of sight. He crowded me into the corner and spoke in a strangely hushed tone. “Calm down. Look at me. Oscar. It’s going to be okay, buddy. Nothing bad has to happen. Put the wallet away. Put it away. Put it away. Alright? Now listen to me, Oscar. You and me, we’re going to sit down, we’re gonna clear our heads, we’re gonna figure this out. You’re okay, Oscar. Breathe. I’ll call your dad, I’ll let him know you’re staying with me, and we’ll talk it through. It’s okay. It’s okay. Listen to me, Oscar. Eyes over here. You with me? Breathe in. Breathe out. You’re alright. You’re calm. Are you calm? Are you going to stop shouting? We’re going to walk out of here like it’s a normal day, like it’s any other day. I’ll take you over to my place, we’ll order in, get you a nice bowl of pho and a cold beer, and we’ll talk, okay? We’ll have a nice talk, just you and me. And we’re going to make sure that everything works out. As long as you stop doing what you’re doing, as long as this is the last time, it’s going to be fine. But I’m going to need you to calm down. Can you do that for me, Oscar? What do you say?” He was making absolutely no sense, and his oddly monotonous tone was insanely grating. I rammed through him like a football player. My last memory of Ed Weston is of him on his back on the floor of the lineup room, the wind knocked out of him. I scrambled around the bend and into the audience chamber. Thankfully, my audience was still there, sitting with an officer and another man in a suit and filling out paperwork. “It’s me!” I said. All three of them looked up. “From last night! It was me!” “The fuck is this?” the man in the suit said. “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to calm down and take a step back,” the officer said. I was sick of being told to calm down. Has that ever even worked, in the history of mankind? Has anyone ever been calmed by the words “Calm down?” Has anyone ever given up on their dreams just because someone told them to “Be realistic?” Has anyone ever stopped trying just because they were told “You’re no good?” “You have no talent?” “You stink?” No. I didn’t think so. I kneeled before my audience and looked the man in the eye. “This is it,” I said, lip quivering, chin quivering, eyelids quivering, cheeks quivering, nostrils flaring—the works. “After tonight, I don’t think I can afford to do this anymore. My dream is dead. I have to go home.” My audience stared at me in disbelief. A tear ran down my cheek. And a tear ran down his. “Do you remember me?” I asked. It took him a long while, but at last he swallowed hard and nodded. “Then tell them,” I said. He kept on nodding. I took his hand in mine. “Tell the world. Tell them how I changed your life.”