#at least the cold symptoms aren’t as terrible as last time. i can still smoke so thank fuck for that
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pcr test came back positive as well. i‘m ALREADY going nuts in here ahhhhhhhhh
#i‘m too tired to think#netflix bores me#and my back is killing me#also my wrist again for some reason??? i thought we were done with that‚ mate :(#at least the cold symptoms aren’t as terrible as last time. i can still smoke so thank fuck for that#oh AND i‘m gonna try oil painting for the first time???#the canvases i ordered are supposed to get here today!#i‘m scared lol#also i looked at cars again today (as i do when i‘m bored)#and i found a yellow audi oldtimer for 8500€ that i can’t get out of my head now#i want her#shut up kit
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the three of us [request]
pairing: young sam drake/reader (m/f), 28 year old sam drake/reader (m/f)
genre: angst, fluff, found family
warnings: teen pregnancy, child birth, menstruation/period mention
words: 3,337
summary:
An unexpected announcement, a future suddenly so unsure. Your relationship with Sam is tested as you’re at a crossroads between enjoying the last year of your adolescence or taking on responsibility.
note:
this was a request by @profoundapricotclodopera <3 i hope you like it!!
You couldn’t remember the last time you had your period. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for you to miss some months and the school nurse had told you it was normal for an eighteen year old to skip every now and then.
The bathroom tiles were cold as you sat on the floor, waiting for the test tube on the sink counter to give you your result. It wasn’t hard to convince your mom you weren’t feeling well so she could let you stay home. As soon as she left, you took out the pregnancy test you bought after school the day before.
Your heart beat loudly as the timer went off and you shakily stood up. There it was: the solution mixed with your urine had turned a sinister red. Positive.
No, no, no, no. You couldn’t be pregnant, you told yourself. You and Sam did everything right, you were careful, but still…
The test was still red. Maybe it was wrong? It’s not like you had any other symptoms like morning sickness or cravings. You chucked the water into the toilet and threw out the test.
What would you tell Sam? How would he even react? You haven’t even been together for a year, and it frightened you to think that a kid will just scare him off. You didn’t want to think about what your mother would say.
Sam looked exhausted when he climbed through your window that night. He gave you a hug before flopping down on the bed.
“I waited for you at the school,” he mumbled. “Jeanie said you were sick.”
“Sorry, I couldn’t call. I really wasn’t feeling too great,” you sat on the bed next to him and stroked his hair. “I’m feeling better now, though. I promise.”
“I’m glad,” he took your hand in his, sleepily kissing your fingertips.
“Tired?”
Sam simply nodded. He worked two jobs, and sometimes he’d come by to see you just to fall asleep then leave early enough not to get caught by your mother.
“Sam…”
“What is it?” He mumbled into the pillow.
“I haven’t had my period yet.”
He sat up and raised an eyebrow at you. “That’s happened before, though.”
“Yeah, but not for six months.”
“What are you trying to say?” He sat up now, sleep gone from his mind.
“I don’t know, Sam!” You buried your face in your knees.
“You don’t think…?” His voice quivered. “But I was so careful.”
“I took a test, Sam,” you looked up at him, feeling the hot tears stream down your cheeks.
“No.” Sam stood up, backing away from the bed. “No. It’s probably a broken test.”
You started sobbing, maybe a little too loud that Sam moved back to you to calm you down, also worried your mother might wake up.
“Hey, hey, don’t cry,” he wiped your cheeks. “Say, why don’t we go to the clinic tomorrow? I’m sure they can tell you if you actually are…”
“Pregnant?” You sniffed.
Sam pursed his lips and nodded.
“I-I’m here, alright?” He pulled you into his arms and kissed your forehead. You simply buried your face in his chest as he lay you both down on the bed until you fell asleep.
Sam didn’t know how to feel as he took out the money he’s been saving up from the jar he usually hid under his desk to help pay for your check up that day. He didn’t want to believe what you were saying last night, telling himself that the people at the clinic will say otherwise.
Don’t worry. It’s nothing. He was always so careful with you and you swore you were on the pill, so it was probably just a terrible mistake. Unless…
“Sam?” You stood at the doorway of his room. He was still staring at the bills in his hand, unable to speak. “Um, I’m ready to go.”
He held your hand as you walked up to the front desk, where an older woman sympathetically looked at the both of you. You knew what she was thinking. So young…
He held your hand as you sat at the waiting area, glancing at other couples who were much older. They looked happy, but you sat there with Sam wanting to disappear. Time seemed to crawl ever so slowly as you waited for your name to get called, the clock ticking loudly, or was that your heart beating loudly?
You placed a hand on your tummy, wondering if there was an actual baby inside. If there was, would you want to keep it? After all, it was yours and Sam’s.
Sam gave your hand a squeeze, breaking you out of your trance and you looked into his brown eyes, just as nervous as yours.
“They’re calling you,” his voice cracked as he spoke.
“Okay,” you nodded.
You stood up, knees shaking, feeling Sam’s fingers slip from yours as you followed the nurse. He kept his eyes on you as you walked away.
Sam couldn’t take it. He couldn’t sit in a waiting lobby surrounded by happy couples while he felt like he was waiting for a death sentence. No, that was a little too much. Having a kid isn’t the end of the world, is it? Maybe it is when you’ve just turned nineteen.
He went out in the cold Boston air and took out his pack of Lucky Strike’s and smoked a cigarette. Then another. Then another. Why the hell was it taking so long?
A couple came out of the clinic, the woman was rubbing her swollen stomach and happily smiled at the man she was with. For a second, he let himself imagine being that happy with you and it felt nice until he remembered he could barely support himself.
The doctor asked you so many questions: Are you sexually active? When was your last period? When was the last time you had sex? Did you use protection? Have you taken a pregnancy test?
She asked you to get an ultrasound, much to your dismay. You were sure she was wrong. I’m a good kid, you told yourself. This doesn’t happen to good kids.
As soon as the cold gel hit your stomach, you felt like you blacked out. You felt the doctor move the contraption around your stomach, but you could barely hear what she was saying. Something about fingers? Fingers?
You looked at the monitor, and almost as if your soul fell back into your body, you regained your senses. There it was: a whole baby inside your stomach. The doctor pointed out the fingers and the toes said you were six months pregnant.
“Hey, baby,” you whispered, feeling overwhelmed.
“Do you wanna know the sex?” The doctor asked.
You thought to yourself, still unsure if you still wanted to keep the child, but figured it wouldn’t hurt to know what sex it was.
“Sure,” you nodded.
“It’s a girl.”
Sam took your hand as you stepped out of the clinic, still dazed. The bad feeling at the pit of his stomach grew as he watched you reach into your jacket pocket and pull out a photograph.
“Girl,” was simply what you said as you handed it to him.
He felt numb as he looked at the black and white image in his hand. There it was. The end of his life as he knew it. He thought about the three jobs he was working just to make ends meet, then about Nathan who was still in the orphanage. How the fuck was he going to take care of you, his brother, and now a baby?
“Are… Are you keeping it?” He gave you back the photo. “Um, I mean her.”
“I don’t know,” you pocketed it again and pushed past him. “I don’t even know if I’m going to pass my midterms, Sam, what more this?”
“I can’t be a dad yet!” He said out loud, starting after you.
“I can’t be a parent yet either, but here we are!”
You stopped dead in your tracks and sat on the ground, burying your face in your knees. You sniffled again and again as tears rolled down your cheeks.
“Let’s talk about this,” you felt Sam’s hand on your back.
“Take me home,” you muttered.
“Are you sure?”
“Please.”
You decided not to tell your mother until you had decided what you wanted. You went to school the next day as if nothing was wrong, but making sure you got a nurse’s note for phys ed. PMS cramps, you had said. A whole lie.
Sam was respectful when you told him you needed time, just at least for the weekend where you spent a lot of time in bed just thinking. Just a year ago you went to watch For Keeps with your mom, thinking that could never happen to me. After all, you knew what you were doing. What went wrong?
Pills aren't always effective. That's what the doctor said. It made you angry to think no one ever talked to you about the precautions. How were you supposed to know that?
You looked at the ultrasound photo whenever you were alone and let your mind wander, imagining raising the child with Sam. It would be hard, sure, but in your mind, as long as he was by your side, you could do anything. But then…
I can’t be a dad yet!
It was selfish of you to choose for him. After all, it was still his kid too. It hurt to imagine, but even if Sam didn’t stay, you still wanted to keep the child.
Sam smoked more and more. The first few puffs always felt so good, so right, but he felt disgusted whenever he was done with a cigarette. Life has always been rough for him, but this was the most stressful thing he's been through.
He couldn’t imagine being a dad. He’s never had a father figure in his life, not when his own father was never home and when he was, he always came home drunk and barely spoke to his wife and sons. No fucking way he was going to be like that asshole. However...
He thought about you. He didn’t understand what it was, but he’s never felt that way with anyone else before and he’s dated so many others before. It was weird, but the thought of having a kid that was half you, half him tickled him. Was that what you wanted too, he wondered.
“I’m keeping the baby,” you announced the next time you met at an empty playground after Sam’s last shift of the day.
“I had a feeling you were going to say that,” he dug his sneakers into the sand.
“I know…” You sighed. “I know you don’t want to be a parent, but with or without you, I’m raising this child.”
Sam stared at you for a moment, catching you off-guard as he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you in to kiss you. You melted into his arms, realising you haven’t kissed him in a while, and you missed it.
He rested his forehead on yours, cupping your cheek.
“I’m not going anywhere, alright?” He whispered.
“Sam,” you started to cry again, feeling like a tonne of bricks was lifted off your shoulder. You'd expected him to get mad, to run away, but instead he stayed.
He put his hands on your stomach. “It’s going to be hell, but I’m willing to go through it with you.”
Hell was an understatement. Your legs, hips, and your back hurt, and you were just so done with being pregnant. All you wanted was for the baby to pop out already, but the last few weeks just seemed to drag on.
It wasn’t any easier for Sam. He worked longer just to make ends meet despite moving in with you and your mother, he still felt like he was responsible to help pay for your check ups. He only got to see his little brother once since you found out you were pregnant, and even though Nathan was excited to be an uncle, Sam felt a bit different.
Dad. He was going to be a dad and it scared the hell out of him. He didn’t want to be like his old man, but he knew next to nothing about being a parent. He didn’t even feel comfortable with moving in with you until your stomach started swelling larger by the day.
“We haven’t picked out a name,” you mentioned one night as you sat in bed, playing with plastic dinosaurs on your tummy. Sam lay on his stomach, reading a book but he looked up in thought.
“I haven’t really thought about it,” he mumbled. “Did you have anything in mind?”
“Catherine?”
Sam made a face. “That’s a nun’s name.”
“Okay,” you laughed. “What did you have in mind?”
“I think I’ll leave the baby names to you.”
He took your hand and buried his face in the pillow, tired from the day’s work. He sleepily rubbed your hand with his thumb until he fell asleep. You watched him sleep, finally deciding on a name.
You’ve read enough books to know childbirth was painful, and at first, it felt like normal cramps. So far so good, right? You tried to tell yourself it was going to be fine, but as the hours passed and you were staring up at the fluorescent light in your hospital room, the pain just kept getting worse.
Deep breaths, that’s what the nurses, the doctors, your mother said. You didn’t know how many breaths you’ve taken already, but it wasn’t helping at all. Contraction, rest, contraction, you were tired and all you wanted was to be done with the whole ordeal.
Sam wasn’t faring any better, pacing back and forth and constantly asking if you needed anything. He stayed by your side when you started pushing, trying to hold back terrified tears as he heard you cry and scream in pain, meanwhile holding onto his hand so hard that it hurt.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” he softly said as you took deep breaths between pushing.
“Okay?” You looked at him angrily. “I’m in so much fucking pain, Samuel. This isn’t okay.”
“Just a little more,” the doctor announced. “Push!”
You felt like you were gonna black out as you gave one last push, and the first thing you saw was Sam’s relieved face and he smiled softly.
“You did it,” he cupped your cheek, brushing away your tears. “She’s beautiful.”
“What?” You whispered, confused. You heard a baby crying and soon a warm bundle was placed in your arms.
She had Sam’s eyes and nose, and was at a perfect 7 lbs. When she cried, you cried.
“What are you going to name her?” The nurse approached you.
Sam didn’t know how to feel as he stood by, watching you bond with your newborn. He wanted to hold her, but he was scared at the thought of accidentally hurting her. He was officially a parent.
“Sam… Samantha…” He heard you say and he looked up to meet your eyes.
“I want to name her Samantha,” you smiled up at him.
Samantha was more like her father in more ways than one. Not only did she look so much like him, she was just as rambunctious and adventurous as Sam, climbing everything she could even at the young age of ten.
“That’s normal,” Sam would say. “I taught Nathan to climb at that age. She’ll be fine.”
It took a lot of convincing, but you eventually gave in, knowing that she was happy running around looking for treasure that Sam left around the house before going to work.
Sam was terrified when Samantha was born, always so scared about making ends meet. Your mother was more than welcoming to let you all stay with her, but he kept thinking about Nathan, still stuck at the orphanage. It was hard the first few years; a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of fighting, a lot of making up, but ten years down the line, he was just glad it worked out.
His mind lingered to his mother, Cassandra. He’d lost her when he was around Samantha’s age and he always wondered what it would’ve been like if Cassandra had stayed and took him and Nathan on adventures with her. Seeing his own kid have the same spirit that she had made him wonder and it led him to Cassandra’s journal that he kept in a box in his closet for years.
Cassandra’s journal had so many mysteries that were left unsolved, so many that he’d wanted to chase after but were put on hold so he could raise Samantha with you. Maybe it was time…
“Panama?!” You looked at Sam in disbelief when he told you what was on his mind. “And in a prison too. Sam, that’s dangerous!”
“It’ll just be me and Nathan in the prison. And I swear if I can find this treasure, we’d be able to have our own home and everything, Samantha can go to a better school...” he tried to explain but you shook your head.
“And if anything happened to you?”
He took a few steps towards you and took your hands in his. “Look, I’ll come back. We made it this far, nothing bad’s going to happen.”
“What are we going to tell Samantha?” You sighed.
“The truth,” he shrugged.
“I don’t know, Sam,” you turned away. “This might be too much.”
“She’s so smart and adventurous. I know she’s going to understand.”
You sighed again. He made a few points. You needed the money and you didn’t want to lie to Samantha, especially if Sam left for a few months. You hoped and prayed to God it would be just a few months.
“Okay,” you turned back to see Sam looking relieved. “I trust you, Samuel.”
“We’re going to find long lost pirate treasure?” Samantha’s eyes lit up at Sam’s story.
“Sure, kid,” Sam chuckled as he ruffled her hair. “But I have to go find the first clue with Uncle Nathan first, alright?”
“Then you’ll take me?” She pouted.
“As long as you promise you’ll be good while I’m gone.”
“I pinky promise and I cross my heart and hope to die,” Samantha held up her pinky to cross with Sam’s. “Where do you think we’ll go, Sam?”
“Hmm,” he looked up in thought. “I don’t know, but probably somewhere far away.”
“The loot of a thousand worlds!” She dramatically said, flopping down on her pillow. “You’re the coolest.”
“No, you are,” Sam laughed as he tucked her in. He brushed back her curly brown locks, similar to his. He was going to miss her, but he knew he wouldn’t be at peace with himself if he didn’t start looking for Avery’s treasure soon.
“Good night, Sam,” Samantha yawned.
“Good night, peanut,” Sam kissed her forehead. “I love you.”
You were grinning at him as he closed the door to her room, proud of the person he’s become.
“What’s the verdict?” He asked as he placed his hands on your waist and pulled you in. “Are you in on the treasure hunt?”
“Well,” you sighed. “As much as I want to, you know I could never say ‘no’ to you, Sam.”
“Do I know it,” he winked and leaned in to kiss you but you placed a finger on his lips.
“You better come back,” you gave him a stern look.
“Come on, baby, you know I will.”
“Pinky promise,” you held up your pinky and Sam laughed.
“Boy, do I have a lot of promises to keep.”
You held your pinky up higher. “Promise me, Sam.”
He had a smug smirk as he crossed his pinky with yours. “I pinky promise I’ll come home.”
“Or else.”
“Or else,” he chuckled. “Now, can I get a kiss?”
“I could never say no to that” you pulled him in for a kiss
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I'm not sure if you're taking prompts other than the numbered quotes from the list, but could you please consider writing a prompt where Joaquin has to meet up with Kevin because FP's putting more pressure on Joaquin to get details on the case, but Joaquin's got a cold that day so Kevin ends up taking him somewhere to take care of him?
Joaquin was leaning against the wall next to the trash cans behind Pop’s, smoking a cigarette and waiting for Kevin Keller. He coughed and grimaced, throwing his almost unsmoked cigarette to the ground and stubbing it out. He had a cold. This morning he woke up coughing and shaking from cold. But he had work to do of course…and work meant in this case that he had to meet the sheriff’s son and try to get some information out of him concerning his dad’s work. FP had told him yesterday to text Kevin and ask him on a date so Joaquin could learn more details about the Blossom case.Joaquin sighed, he hated this so much and cursed himself every day for not being able to just shut up. FP would have never found out if Joaquin had only been a bit more careful! Joaquin had met this cute guy at the drive-in, had made out with him and really wanted to see him again. And even finding out that this boy was probably the last person Joaquin should date, namely the sheriff’s son, hadn’t been able to stop Joaquin from wanting him. He had gone home, smiling like an idiot and had texted Kevin the same night, telling him how much he had enjoyed their little make-out session and that he wanted to see him again. And Joaquin hadn’t been able to keep his mouth shut. He had talked about Kevin all the time, probably getting on Fangs’ nerves. And that was how FP had found out. He had been furious at first about finding out that Joaquin dated sheriff Kellers son. Joaquin had freaked out and in his shock told FP that there was nothing serious between Kevin and him, that Joaquin had only decided to agree to the dates because he thought they could use that inside line…FP had bought it and decided that it was actually something that could play in their favor and had told Joaquin to keep on meeting Kevin. The only problem was, that what Kevin and Joaquin had, was (despite what Joaquin had told FP) real. And now Joaquin felt terrible about having to do this, spying on Kevin’s dad and on his friends.
He sighed and looked down at his phone, where a text from Kevin appeared. “I’ll be there in 5 minutes, baby!” And a heart emoji…Joaquin smiled and typed a reply, “Can’t wait!” And of course, he added a heart too. He knew that he got it bad…
Joaquin pulled his leather jacket tighter around himself, shivering in the cold wind and sneezed. Great, this damn cold seemed to get worse. He looked up and saw Kevin almost running towards him, obviously very eager to meet Joaquin. Kevin’s gaze met his, and a sweet smile spread across his face. He seemed to be so happy to see Joaquin. Joaquin looked at Kevin: this tall, handsome boy, with his preppy hair and clothes, wearing one of his usual sweaters and expensive jeans and sneakers. He didn’t fit into Joaquin’s world, but somehow Kevin hadn’t gotten the memo and had decided to like Joaquin anyways and call him baby and kiss him all the time.
Joaquin’s heart was beating crazily in his chest, and there was a strange fluttering in his stomach as he looked at Kevin, and he suddenly realized what those symptoms meant..he was in love. He was in love with this cute, preppy boy in front of him, and it shouldn’t have happened, but it had, and now there was no way to undo it.Kevin reached him and pulled Joaquin into his arms, and Joaquin cuddled against him, grateful for the warmth Kevin’s embrace offered. “I missed you,” Kevin whispered into his ear, and Joaquin smiled a bit stupidly. It had been only two days since they had last met, but Kevin had already missed him! “I missed you too, Preppy. I am so glad you are here now.” Kevin smiled at him, this open, heartfelt smile combined with a slightly unbelievable look in his eyes as if he still couldn’t believe that he and Joaquin were boyfriends. And who could blame him? Joaquin also couldn’t believe it, but he knew that it was everything he wanted. He lifted his head a bit to kiss Kevin, but had to pull away again after only a short moment, because he had to sneeze once again. “Sorry.”Kevin chuckled and pulled Joaquin back into his arms. “Do you have a cold?”“Yeah.”“Then you shouldn’t be out here in the cold! Come on, we will go somewhere warm. My dad is at work. If you want you can come to my house. I will make you tea. You look like you are freezing!”Joaquin could only nod weakly. Kevin smiled and took Joaquin’s hand in his, lacing their fingers together and pulled Joaquin along. Joaquin looked down at their entwined hands. He had never held hands before, but it was something Kevin liked to do, and Joaquin liked it too now. It was such a simple gesture, but somehow it meant so much. It was so affectionate, so loving and sweet and it was kind of everything Kevin stood for. And so Joaquin happily held hands with Kevin, whenever he got the chance to.They arrived at the Keller’s house, and Kevin quickly led Joaquin to the couch in the living room and told him to lie down, piling up several fluffy pillows for Joaquin to lean against and collected a warm blanket from his room so Joaquin wouldn’t be cold. “I will make you tea and look if we have some medicine here.”Joaquin smiled at Kevin thankfully and lay down on the couch and sighed. His head was buzzing, and he suspected that he probably had a fever. But at least he was warm now, snuggled comfortably under the soft blanket Kevin had brought him. The blanket smelled faintly of Kevin’s cologne, and Joaquin felt even more comfortable because of that. Kevin returned after a short while, a cup of tea and a little flask with cough syrup in his hands. He set both down on the table and kneeled on the floor next to the couch, to kiss Joaquin’s cheek and place a hand on his forehead to check his temperature. “Hmm, you feel a bit hot. I think you really have a fever. Poor baby.”He gently stroked Joaquin’s hair and looked at him with such affection in his eyes, that it almost made Joaquin cry. Suddenly he was hit by a memory from his childhood: His mom looking after him when he was still a little child and was sick. She had always made a small pillow fort for him on the couch and brought him tea and cookies and read his favorite stories to him. It had been the last time he had felt truly loved and safe. Until now…and suddenly he really had to blink tears away.He looked at Kevin and couldn’t stop himself from saying: “Thank you so much, Preppy. You are so cute. I.. I..” he suddenly realized what he was about to say and panicked, and finished lamely, “…like you so much…”But Kevin smiled at him and leaned forward to kiss him quickly. “You’re welcome, I like taking care of you. Why don’t you rest a bit and I will go to the pharmacy quickly to get some aspirin for you.”Joaquin nodded. “Ok thank you.”Kevin grabbed his jacket and left the house, leaving Joaquin alone. It was the perfect opportunity. He was alone in the sheriff’s house. The door to sheriff Keller’s office was just a few feet away. And Kevin would be away at least twenty minutes. It was everything FP would want. Joaquin could easily go over to the office and look at all the notes…but he didn’t want to do it.He couldn’t bring himself to betray this sweet boy, who apparently liked him so much. He couldn’t rummage around in this house, into which Kevin had invited him so lovingly. He couldn’t do it, and he wouldn’t do it. And so Joaquin just stayed on the couch, under the blanket which smelled like his boyfriend and thought about Kevin’s cute smile and his green eyes and how his hand felt in Joaquin’s. And he hoped that they would somehow get through this and have a chance to stay together and that Joaquin could one day become something other than a small town criminal and give Kevin the life he deserved.He fell asleep before Kevin returned and when he woke up hours later, it was already dark outside, and Kevin had made pasta for them and more tea. He brought everything over to the couch so they could eat there. Later on, they cuddled on the couch, watching tv and when Joaquin had to leave because Kevin’s dad would soon come home, Kevin accompanied him to the door and kissed him and promised that he would check on Joaquin tomorrow.Joaquin walked home with a smile on his face, and when FP asked him if he had made any progress, he didn’t even get what his boss was talking about at first. Until he realized that his mission of the day had been to gain some more information from Kevin. He shook his head and told FP that Kevin knew nothing. And went back to his trailer to get ready for bed, but before he did so, he sent a text to Kevin: “Good night, Preppy. Thank you for taking care of me.” And of course, he added a heart emoji.
Thank you so much for this prompt! Of course you can send me prompts which aren’t on the list. This is great! I had so much fun writing this. I hope you like my little story! ❤
You can find my current Joavin prompt list here. Just send an ask with any combination of numbers. Or send other prompts :)
tag-list: @inspiredbynewt @love-joaquin-and-kevin @rik-raq-jo-gonzo1186 @mebeingateenager
I am really sorry, but I can’t put this under a cut, because Tumblr once again doesn’t work properly. Sorry for the huge post!
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crossover between yugioh and death note? plz?
Oh boy… I’ve been waiting for something like this! *cracks knuckles*
Whipped this up tonight, sorry it’s short and I didn’t do any editing. I’m still writing Part IV of my ongoing story “Vices” right now, so I don’t want to distract myself too much. Also, I’ve never done a crossover before. I hope this wasn’t horrible XD
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“A God You Are Not” - by Atemusluckygal
The tall, slender, sharp-dressedgraduate of To-oh University towered confidently over his adversary—a muchshorter man clothed in some hideous scene-punk leather getup, a wildly colorfuland unkempt hairstyle, and a gaudy pendant dangling over his torso to completethe juvenile picture. The graduate’s irises, burning a bloodthirsty crimson,peered through combed brown bangs to meet the cold stare of the opposite’s pairof regal violet eyes with equal tenacity.
“Do you really think you’rea god, Light?” asked the short man with ridiculous hair. His voice wassurprisingly low for someone of his apparent age and size, perhaps fatherly buthad a judgmental edge to it; his diction was formal and refined, making himsound even more condescending.
Light pondered his nextwords very carefully, spinning the well-oiled gears of his talented mind. Wasit the right time and circumstance to freely admit and acknowledge his secretpersona as Kira? How did this man even know about that? He didn’t know anything about Light, or Kira for thatmatter. Who was he to judge or to lecture? He was a fool—if he really did know who Kira was, he’d be coweringin fear and trying to protect his life at all costs.
After all, a small fragmentof a blank page from the magic notebook waited patiently in the secret latch ofhis rigged wristwatch, ready to serve as a blank easel for his next fatalmasterpiece; it would be too easy. The moron didn’t have the slightest clue howprecariously close he was to a fatal heart attack. Or, perhaps, anunfortunately-timed semi-truck steered by an inattentive driver…
A wide, sinister smile slashedacross his lips. “Of course not.”
Light figured the best wayto conduct himself was to remain soft-spoken and vague to the best of hisability, at least until he had a name to hold for ransom. The less hevolunteered information of himself and his schemes, the better. Although, itmattered little; Light was internally reeling in anticipation of watching thisman exchange his smug grin for an open mouth gasping for air, a still-backedconfident figure crumpling pathetically to the ground, his heart palpitating violentlyuntil his last dying breath. At this point, he didn’t care what this man knew,or even how he knew. He would surely die, and Kira would continue his reignunimpeded.
The spiky-haired teenagerfolded his arms, erecting a pillar of pride that sought to exaggerate his heightand stature. “I know what you are, Light Yagami. Or do you prefer, ‘Kira’?”
Light narrowed his eyes,choosing not to respond. So he didknow.
“You’re a child, Light. Aviolent, immature, greedy child who was given too much power and not enoughguidance. Your twisted sense of ‘justice’ you impose on the world… it’s nothingmore than a self-serving ascension to the highest hilltop, to govern peopleusing fear and threat to cripple them into submission. Does that sound like a‘god of justice’ to you?”
Light scowled outwardlybefore he could contain himself. The arroganceof this man! His blood simmered with hatred growing more intense by the second.The world was rotting from terrible people and their crimes, and he had beenchosen to wield the weapon that would be the end-all solution to the world’stroubles! He, not this imbecileinsulting him so callously!
“You have no idea whatyou’re talking about,” spat Light, “Kira seeks to cleanse the world of crime,to create a new world. A betterworld, where only kind and honest people live! Don’t you understand, you fool?Kira is justice! How dare you tarnish Kira’s dream!” Anger shook his voice andbreath, searing through the polite and composed exterior he normally frontedwith ease.
His opponent simply stoodthere, unmoving without so much as a slightest quirk of his eyebrow, as hepatiently waited for Light to stabilize. For someone who could so easily bewiped from the earth by a few quick pen strokes, he didn’t show any sign offear or regret.
“What a childish way to seethe world,” was the irritatingly calm response. “For someone so intelligent,you are tragically ignorant. You are not creating a new world, Light. What you are creating, however, is an ever-risingdeath toll to serve your horribly misguided concept of right and wrong.” Thoseunblinking purple eyes pierced straight into Light’s. “You are not justice, andyou certainly aren’t any god. You areevil.”
That word… ‘evil’. When usedto describe him, Light hated that word almost as much as he hated the conceptof evil itself. Misguided? On the contrary. Light was the enlightened one, witha clear vision for the world’s future utopia, and anyone who stood in his waywould only meet the same fate as the criminals they defend. His fists clenchedtightly.
“Do you want to die?” spat Light. His rage was becoming harder to control.“Kira is not evil… Kira is getting ridof evil! Kira is justice!”
Light turned to the left,regarding a tall, monster-esque figure only he could see. A Shinigami, a God ofDeath.
“Ryuk, tell me this man’sname!” Light demanded. “I must know! Tell me so I can kill him!” His fiststrembled with fury.
Ryuk remained expressionless,as was his usual nature. He stared back at Light. “I can’t.”
“What? What do you mean you can’t? Is it because you told me you won’tgive me anyone’s name because you’re not my ally?” Light paused to take anexasperated breath. “Listen, there’s a dozen fresh apples in it for you, justgive me his name.” He pointed to the man. “He is an enemy of Kira, an obstructerof justice, and he must die!”
To Light’s surprise, the manspoke first. “So Ryuk is your name. A God of Death, huh? Pleased to meet you,Ryuk. You can call me Yami. As you must know, that is not my real name, but itwill do for now.”
Both Ryuk and Light sharedidentical shocked expressions. “You can see me?!” implored Ryuk.
Yami touched the goldenupside-down pyramid hanging from a silver chain around his neck. It flashed alight so quickly, Light almost thought he imagined it. This was clearly noordinary man.
“You’re not the only onewith a supernatural gift in the human world, Light,” said Yami. “ThisMillennium Puzzle is several thousand years old, forged from ancient Egyptianmagic and sorcery. It is connected with my soul, and it helps me see what otherpeople cannot, amongst other things.”
Yami looked Ryuk in the eye.“No apparition or otherworldly being can hide from me. Nor can the darknessconsuming your heart, Light. Your heart is a glass case, and I can see theblack smoke within it.”
Light sneered. Who was this man? Had he somehow touched aDeath Note? There was no way he had such power otherwise. In any case, he hadto die, and quickly.
“Ryuk! Tell me his name!” Hedrew his left wristwatch a few inches from his chest at the ready. Hisbloodthirst heightened, his stomach sank, at the possibility of meeting anunassailable foe. Hot-boiled blood pumped through his heart and veins.
“I told you, Light,” Ryukresponded coolly, “I can’t.” He peered curiously at Yami, floating a few feetcloser to him. “Normally, my Shinigami Eyes show me the true name and lifespanof any living human, but for Yami… I can’t see anything at all! It’s completelyblank!”
Light’s eyes snapped wideopen in disbelief. “What?”
Yami simply smirked whilebeholding Light’s reaction. He folded his arms again, daring a challenge withhis eyes.
Light couldn’t believe whathe was hearing. He had seen Ryuk’s apple “withdrawal” symptoms firsthand onmultiple occasions. That was a bribe he could always count on. So, if Ryukreally couldn’t see Yami’s real name, or even lifespan…
“What are you?” Lightfinally asked, with a touch of wonder.
“A long-dead, amnesiac spirit in aborrowed body,” Yami answered, holding his smirk in place. “So long as I don’tknow my own name, neither will you. So long as my death date remains a mysteryto me, the death date of this vessel remains a mystery to you. Not even Ryuk, a real god, can end me so easily. Isn’tthat nice?”
Light lowered his wrist. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, but you will die,” he promised through gritted teeth. “I will find a way.”
“Then, let this be your Gameof Darkness.” Yami casually slipped his hands in his pockets, and turned on hisheel to leave. He paused, and looked back at Light and Ryuk one last time. “One morething. If you do indeed find a way to kill me while I’m in this body, before I put an end to yourreign of terror… if you’d be so kind as to tell me what my real name is, I’dreally like to know.”
END
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Thanks for asking, anon! That was a really fun exercise!
xo ALG
#atemusluckygal-fanfiction answers#request fic#yugioh#death note#yami yugi#light yagami#ryuk#crossover
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something personal
about a month ago i found out something terrifying. i noticed i was gaining weight fast and my body was taking tolls left and right. i was in the stall at forever 21 when i decided a walmart trip was needed. i bought what i needed and ran to the bathroom. i took the most life changing test of my life. i was pregnant. naturally being 18 and not even in a full year relationship with my boyfriend, my best friends’ immediate reaction was “don’t worry you can just get an abortion”. i’m sure in their mind it wasn’t too big of a deal. it’s something with a solution and that was that.
i went to my boyfriends house that night. i told him in person and cried in his arms. he’s 20 years old and we both agreed we never wanted kids. but when i looked at him he was smiling. i felt a blanket of relief. we told a close friend of ours and she agreed to take me to the hospital the following day to confirm. she asked me what i wanted to do with it and told me “its okay” when i said i truly didn’t know.
the pricked my finger and made me pee in a cup. in pennsylvania you cant outright say “im pregnant test me” at your local hospital so i complained about typical symptoms of pregnancy. they tested me for all sorts of things that (thankfully) came back negative. the only positive test was that i was for sure pregant.
next came the questions and appointments. i was on birth control that i started about late october. i didnt take the placebos so i hadn’t had a withdrawal bleed (its what your “period” is while on birthcontrol) so honestly there was no telling how far along i was. i was scared and with so much going on i decided it would be best not to keep it. i scheduled an appointment at planned parenthood for the following friday. i was sure i was at least 6 weeks but i doubted i was any further than 13. unfortunately, pennsylvania law requires you watch an educational video about the abortion process, including risks and alternatives like adoption. i was worried it would be conservative propaganda telling me i’m killing my baby and i’m the worst person alive. thankfully that wasn’t the case but the anxiety leading up to it was terrible. the day of my appointment was the worst. it felt more and more real and while i’ve spent my whole life being pro choice and recognizing the difference between a baby and a clump of cells i still felt guilty. i got my finger pricked, peed in a cup, and finally the invasive ultrasound. they shoved the prong up me with little warning. it hurt like hell and gave me triggers to my r*pe as a child. the woman doing my ultrasound was cold and sounded annoyed as she continued. after 10 minutes of reading the screen, without even glancing at me, she said “you’re 17 weeks so we’ll get you a referal to a different clinc. you’re finished here.” i couldn’t breathe. i cried and gasped for air and i was scared and confused. the refunded me most of my money and sent me on my way. protesters shoved their pamphlets in my face as i left the building. i got to the car and called my boyfriend. we spent the rest of the day at the zoo and the local cat shelter. my boyfriend and our friend tried their hardest to comfort me and make sure i was doing okay.
i called a scheduled my appointment at the new clinic. it would be the following friday and since i was so far along the price went from $530 to a whopping $1400. abortion services aren’t covered by insurance in pennsylvania and theres very little funding. i felt trapped and it felt like a sign. it was another obstacle i had to face for a baby i secretly wanted to keep. i told my two best friends about my feelings on the subject and they both simply said “you cant keep a baby youre too young”. i felt crushed and unsupported, even if they were right. my boyfriend held me as i cried and told me every chance he could get that it was my choice and he would support me no matter what.
a few days before my appointment i got a call from the new clinic. my anesthesiologist couldn’t make it in on my scheduled date and they couldn’t find a replacement. i felt myself snap. i was showing at this point and my body was breaking. i could feel the baby moving inside me and it was starting to feel less like a clump of cells and more like a fetus. my heart was breaking and this made me wish further and further to keep it. unfortunately i had gotten drunk and smoked pot and was on birth control for 3 out of the 4 months i was pregnant so even keeping the baby had so many risks. my boyfriend and i are broke and we have a month long trip planned for out of country in august. there were so many obstacles with both deciding to keep it vs an abortion i was feeling more and more trapped. i rescheduled for a different appointment and it would now be a two day process.
the week approching my appointment was strangling me. i relapsed and cried myself to sleep. i wanted to keep it so badly but i knew i couldn’t live with myseld bringing a baby into my world that wasn’t anywhere near functional or ready. my boyfriend was incredibly supportive and held me while i cried. he promised me he would be here and happy if i decided to keep it. i spent every day at his house and he rubbed my belly and brought me water. he helped me around and gave me vitamins and medicine i needed for nausea and pain. my belly was getting bigger and i resorted to baggy tshirts to hid it from friends and family we didn’t feel comfortable telling. my boyfriend researched everything possible about the risks of abortion, the risks it could have of futher pregnancies, and the risks the baby would face if we kept it. he became a medical genius in a very short amount of time so he could offer me comfort in every paranoid thought that crossed my mind.
three days before my appointment i snapped. keeping the baby was the only thought in my mind. i begged my boyfriend to make the decision for me. i know it sounds unusual and probably wrong but i felt like my opinion was jaded. i was carrying the baby and i’m sure feeling it move made me feel more and more guilty. after hours of talking we officially decided we couldn’t keep it. we were going to try in a few years and be more prepared. we’re do everything right and watch my diet and make sure there was no trace of drugs, alcohol, or nicotine in my system. i felt my heart break a little but i knew our decision was the right one.
day one of my appointment: dilation
*trigger warning: sexual abuse description*
i arrived at the clinic at 8:45am. i spent most of the morning in and out of rooms getting my blood taken, peeing in cups, signing papers, etc. i got my second ultrasound (done normally this time, no invasive stick) and i was 19 weeks and 4 days. paying was a hassle. since they predicted i would be 20 weeks i would’ve gotten funding. my entire procedure would’ve been only $960 but i missed the 20 week mark. total came out to $1260 and unfortunately i had to borrow money from my dad’s girlfriend. after paying i was back to the waiting room. next was going to be dilation. no one had told me how exactly it would happen and what they were going to do but i didn’t think it would be terrible. they called my name and i followed them to the procedure room. i undressed and put on a gown. they laid me on a chair and put my legs up on leg rests. the doctor came in and told me he would be putting his fingers inside me. i was terrified but i was ready. he wasn’t gentle and i really wasn’t taking it well. i started crying but i tried my best not to be obnoxious. (the following im about to describe may be inaccurate because i honestly wasnt told what he was doing but i believe i figured it out by what i was feeling.) next he shoved some device inside me and started opening me so he could insert the dilators. i screamed and cried and the nurse had take my finger out of my mouth because i was so close to biting it off. next were the dilators. one by one he clamped them inside me. before each one he would say “here comes another cramp you’ll be okay” and i could feel my whole body go into shock. i screamed in a way i’ve never heard myself do before and my body took me back. flashes of the r*pe i had gone through when i was 9 flooded my head and i couldn’t take it. when he was finished the nurse walked me into the recovery room, gave me antibiotics, gingerale, pretzels, information on the next 24 hours and sent me home. the rest of the day was spent laying in bed. i had diarrhea and vomiting. i was dizzy and experiencing the worst cramps of my entire life. i didn’t think i would make it through the night.
day two of my appointment: the abortion itself
i got to the clinic. i was scared but really all i wanted was the dilators taken out. i signed the last bit of papers acknowledging the risks and the biggest question “is your decision final?”. i sat in the waiting room and they called me back. they stabbed my arm with a needle seven times unable to catch the vein. they needed to hook me up to an iv. i took some medication and sat in the recovery room for two and a half hours. the chair was uncomfortable and i had no heating pad. peeing was painful and i wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything. finally they called me back and i laid back on the table and i couldn’t stop shaking. my whole body was in shock and never felt my body move so much. i was out immediately and woke up later back in the recovery room. the diaper they put on me wasnt on all the way but i was too out of it to care. i bleed all over the chair and my gown and my lega. i cried asking where my cat and my boyfriend were and i was so exhausted i was in and out of sleep. they gave me antibiotics and gingerale and sent me home. i cried the entire ride home and crawled back into bed blood covered and crying.
this experience has no lesson. there is no beautiful outcome or something to be learned. im physically and mentally damaged from everything and guilt is weighing me down day by day. i hate being around anyone aside from my boyfriend and i want to block out the past month’s events. making the decision to abort isn’t easy and neither is the process. keeping a baby isn’t easy especially when you spent most of your pregnancy intoxicated. i don’t think i will ever truly move forward from this.
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Hangovers
Cycle 3, Day 9
Two things learned in the last 24 hours:
1. I really need to shut up whenever discussing how things aren’t too bad, that’s just begging for a smiting.
2. I should probably not write about infusion days on infusion days, because the weird stuff tends to happen right before bed (largely because of my new, “Go to bed immediately if something weird happens policy.”
I had another odd, brief hallucination last night, to go with the crippling pain and limp. I was on Facebook, and the icons suddenly became sand castles, and, in a weird way I was suddenly at the beach, sort of (I can’t really describe it; if that makes any sense to you, kudos). And it is kind of frighteningly amazing how quickly these side-effects can set in. However, if you’re sober at the time (I realize that’s an extremely odd, almost self-negating concept when you’re being pumped full of experimental toxins), it’s not frightening. And my bedtime policy paid off; I didn’t become Timothy Leary.I woke up this morning with an unbelievable hangover. I realize I’m prone to hyperbole and exaggeration, but the one this morning had teeth. Which is one of those sorts of good-news/bad news things - I’ve noticed the faster and harder the serum side-effects hit me, the sooner they go. Also, you know how, when you had to get up early to go to school when you were a child, and Mom, in an act of breathtaking cruelty ripped off your covers off and lied, “I know you’re tired and cold now, but it’ll get better if you get moving.” Which, again, feels like a betrayal of sorts if you finally make it out the door and find out it’s 40 degrees. Well, dear reader, mom may been lying to get you out of the house, but I assure you - based on my own experience - once you get out of bed and a-movin’ (and, more importantly, eating and drinking)(make sure you take your zofran or any other appropriate medications), you’ll start feeling like your old self. Don’t rush that “getting out of bed part,” though, take time as needed (this morning, it felt like I actually had go through several stages of evolution)(side-note; you’re gonna feel much less human and more like a jumbled-together set of human cells at the start of activitiies). I went for an ultra-high fiber and coffee breakfast, which seemed to help - or at least reduce my physical description from “possible 90-year-old amnesia patient” to “nasty but manageable back and shoulder pain.” If all this seems meaninglessly detailed, well, yes, it is. I wish I’d known four months ago that switching to a largely coffee-and-raw-fruit-based diet could save me some pain. Definitely I’m feeling immeasurably better and less-mentally foggy (I successfully recovered my Spotify username and hassled the DMV about my ongoing bureaucratic feud), although I’m still definitely showing signs of sleep deprivation and exhaustion, I’m not too bad. Except for some back pain, which probably isn’t that bad, except it is a novelty for me (sort of, it’s happened to me frequently enough that I know to just grab the Tylenol salt-lick).
So, bad news for you guys, mentally-capable yet too physically sore to anything terribly ambitious is the horrible sweet spot of “might as well sit down and write. Something a friend mentioned on Facebook got me thinking; if I’d been told I’d have to heavily modify my diet (sort of; after six pm I believe I’ve done due diligence), schedule (again, Temodar is very weird, and I’m glad I’ve finished it for this cycle), religiously take lots of various pills, get a lot more cardio exercise, sleep a lot more than I’m used to etc. a year ago, like most of you, my first thought would be, “Oh,God, I’m gonna die.” And, to be fair, the night is young (and I still have that new blip on the MRI); but you’d amazed at what you can adapt to. And after a while, even though you still hate all those things, your body will help keep you on the straight and narrow (mostly because your own body will start actively punishing you if you don’t keep up) Don’t get me wrong, I’m still grumpy and irritable and not going all Tuesday’s with Morrie, but there is a sense that, denied a lot of other of life’s options, I’d double down on the Warlocks, see how far that took me, and leave the black flight box behind for the next folks in line. And now I’m having hallucinations, which, while I can’t claim is something I’m happy about, but it’s definitely not boring,.
Speaking of strange developments, I had some time to think about Ronny Jackson (as it turns out, television news is the perfect thing to watch when you’ve just been pumped full of various suspicious chemicals - there’s no plot, there are no characters, everything lasts 45 seconds, and you don’t lose much of he information) and my constant harping on about finding top-grade professionals when you’re in my situation. Firsoff, I require that level of competence not because of my personal preferences, but because I have a rare, amazingly dangerous disease that’s already behaved unpredictably. If this was standard colo-rectal cancer, I’d probably go to the Local Health Mart. Not to slam anyone, just that different diseases require different levels of management and training (diabetics are allowed to live in society and actually have their own insulin). The common thing you want - from your GP to your neurosurgeon (okay, especially your neurosurgeon) is to be 50th case like yours they’ve seen, not the first (as Dad described it when choosing his orthopedic surgeon)(that’s not the only indicator, but we’ll come to that point briefly). And that doesn’t happen unless the doctor (or nurse) is out there practicing (oddly enough, younger doctors make better doctors because they don’t have the professional pride/investment that would discourage them from getting a consult)(that was in a study I read). Which means that the current physician to the president has had two patients in ten years, one of whom was, by all accounts, quite physically healthy except for a history of smoking (I’ll discuss that some other time), and another who’s not completely healthy, but that would require a neurologist and nutritionist. One middle aged man and an elderly-but-previously healthy man. Most practitioners could get out some folding chairs, grab a six-pack, and let the situation play out until someone had a noticeable complaint (TWISTED SIDE NOTE: I just realized that all of my complaints/symptoms have, so far, not come from any disease process, but from side effects of treatment)(my apologies if any of my doctors or nurses are reading this, you’ve all been great, but that Zen Koan is true . Unless they had some sort of horrific, undisclosed disease. That’s barely qualified and experienced enough to lance a boil. And he got his job through Yelp, basically - Obama liked him and wrote a letter of recommendation, and so did Trump. And, in total honesty, now that I have artificial middle-age aches and pains, I’d like anyone who offered me Percocet, too. Mine are mostly-manageable with Tylenol, but infusion days are vicious, and if that was a daily occurrence, I’d make out with anyone with Percocet,
This isn’t actually about Ronny (it’s about widening the scope of this essay so it’s not another gripe-fest of me neurotically keeping track of symptoms), it’s about finding good clinicians. I’m still trying to figure that out for everyone, and I’m only beginning to sort through that data (also, there’s a good chance I’ll die during he attempt, but that’s also not the point of this piece). Ronny is obviously not a good doctor (he might be a fun one, though), but he does provide some lessons.
First, you don’t have to like your doctor. Yelp doesn’t have to like them. You have to trust them. I realize that’s not always easy to sum up, but all of my physicians (and probably nurses and other folks I’m ignoring or forgetting because there isn’t any data available that I can find) have been driven to be better doctors than they are now - that sometimes takes a bit of research (Mad Scientist has an impressive number of papers on PubMed) to figure out, sometimes a neurosurgeon will discuss some new drillbit he helped design to get through the skull (okay, I’m getting the details of that incident wrong, but it happened)(It’s a little off-putting to hear that described in the same glowing tone as developing a new, experimental bratwurst for the.county fair BBQ. But he’s been my neurosurgeon for two extremely successful surgeries. And I might need to revisit him before the year’s out (I hope not, obviously)
Which also brings up a teachable moment; for years - a few solid decades - the medical industry recruited and adhered to the standard that as long as you were competent, you could be an utter sociopath. Which, according to some sources, Ronny is. It’s not even some medical secret, it’s a common stereotype in the media. I suspect that the medical industry is trying to combat this more actively, but, in my first semester, I met a guy (you go to as many study groups as you possibly can when possible) who probably had a favorite hooker buryin’ spot. I listened for ten minutes (and I don’t know how I lasted that long; I should’ve just conspicuously glanced at the clock and fled, as my smarter classmates did. It was 10 minutes of narcissism and genocide (not exactly, he felt that poor people got plenty of insurance, and put-upon hospitals should be able to kick them out on the street)(which actually happened to me at one hospital, thanks to the insurance companies using an obscure legal loophole) I think that was the point I left Mr. Wonderful’s company (If I die and end up the traditional Judeo Christian afterlife and am made to atone for my sins, I’m sure St. Peter will want to know why I didn’t follow that motherfucker back to his apartment and kill him with a shovel, I know it a dark thought, but no darker than the probability that he got his MD, passed all his boards, and was set loose upon an unsuspecting public. But that’s just one guy amongst thousands of potential doctors, Ronny’s been accused by a few sources of sociopathy, As a patient, it’s almost not even worth worying about them - you will know them when you see them. Or, rather, when you talk to them
Another checklist item: if your doctor enjoys where they live.
I’ll continue this thought tomorrow (or technically today)
Author’s note: I spent 12 hours on this thing (sort of; after starting it in the morning (obviously), there were various distractions and errands and infernal family members demanding my time, So the last hour or two was mostly desperately typing before exhaustion took me. So I edited this thing a bit.
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