#at around 17 he feels angry and hopeless and doesn’t know why he’s alive and his parents aren't when they were so good and he feels useless | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

scullysexual · 4 years

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hunger games au (with mulder and scully)

purely for my own self indulgence.

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Chapter Two

The walk to the Square is always solemn. Everyone is quiet. There’s an sombre energy that buzzes around. No one wants to talk. No one even wants to be there.

Dana keeps hold of Melissa’s hand. That is, until they reach the cordoned areas. Squares blocked off with rope. They are pulled apart, directed to their appropriate squares. Dana watches as Melissa follows the crowd of 17 to 18 years olds to the front. When she looks behind, she spies Charlie on the other side of the Square and not too far away. She can’t see Bill or her mother. They’re somewhere around the edges, on-lookers now, on standby, unable to say or do anything.

Cameras are everywhere, multiple. Pointed at the stage, at them, at the audience. Ready to catch any reactions.

On the stage stand two glass balls, one filled with girls’ names, the other filled with boys’. Dana thinks of how many times her name is in that ball. How many times Melissa’s is in it, how many times Ethan’s.

But how many times are other names in that ball? Dana looks around at the people she can see. There just as underfed as she is, just as hungry as she is, if not worse. Their names have to be in there just as many, if not more times, than the people she’s worried about.

She watches Ethan’s eye and he smiles reassuringly, a hidden thumbs up towards her. Dana smiles back, a bit more optimistic.

“Welcome!” a happy shrill sounds from the speakers around them. Dana turns back to the stage to where District 12’s Capitol escort Monica Reyes stands at a microphone between the two podiums. As far as Capitol people go she’s the most normal Dana’s ever seen; her hair is a natural dark brown colour and even her clothes could pass as plain. She has the accent, however, and the mannerisms.

Monica is new, only having became an escort two or three years ago. She always sounds happy whenever she comes here but Dana knows she’s itching to go to a better district.

Behind her is the Mayor and on the other seat sits 12’s only surviving winner, and mentor, Walter Skinner. It’s the only time Dana ever sees him. On this stage, looking lost, not paying much attention to what’s going on.

Monica is saying something but Dana doesn’t quite catch it, not until the end where she says her signature May the odds be ever in your favour and makes her way over to the left podium. The girl’s podium. Always the girls first.

Everyone holds their breath. That anxiety that Dana tried to keep at bay creeps back in. Her stomach clenching uncomfortably. She wants Monica to hurry up, to stop with the act and just read the damn name but she also wants the whole thing to slow down, the whole thing to never happen.

A repetitive thought enters her head as Monica reaches into the ball.

Please don’t be me. Please don’t be me. Please don’t be me.

Dana doesn’t want to watch. She wants to shut her eyes but instead opts for clenching her fist, her nails digging into her palm, breath unsteady.

The name slip is pulled out and Monica makes a show of walking back to the mic, of holding the paper out before her and slowly opening it up.

Please don’t be me. Please don’t be me.

The name is read. Loud and clear so everyone and the cameras can pick it up.

“Melissa Scully.”

.:.:.:.:.:.

Dana and Billy had a fight once when they were younger. It had ended with the much bigger and stronger Bill kicking Dana off the bed. She’d landed with a thump on the bedroom floor. As their parents had rushed in, Dana had struggled to breathe. She had been winded, her chest tight and constricting.

She feels that now, that same feeling as when she had landed on the floor. Winded. Struggling to breathe.

The Square is silent. Families grateful there children have been spared once more. All except one family. No one will stop this.

The sight of Melissa approaching the steps up onto the stage kickstarts something in Dana. She ducks beneath the ropes separating them, shouting words she doesn’t hear herself saying but the look on Melissa’s face, her eyes widening as she stops dead with a single foot on the step, Dana doesn’t need to hear her own words.

I volunteer.

The Peacekeepers Dana had dodged catch up to her. They grip her by her arm intending on dragging her back in place.

“Well…” begins Monica. “Up you come then.”

The Peacekeepers release her arms and the reality of what Dana’s just done hits her. The adrenaline gone, she slowly begins walking to the steps, passing Missy on the way. Her sister manages to grasp hold of her hand on the way back, gives it a squeeze then goes back to her square.

As she stands on the stage, Dana can feel herself shaking. She looks down towards her hand, sees it jittering limping. She grips the edge of her dress to still herself.

“Now the boys!” cries Monica. She does the same thing as she did with the girls. Walks to the podium, takes out a name, stands back at the mic.

As Dana surveys the faces of the audience, her eyes lock with Ethan’s. He looks sad, shaking his head. Is he disappointed?

Lost in thought, she almost misses the name of the boy called out. Her fellow tribute. Someone she’s about the spend next week with.

“Fox Mulder.”

The name doesn’t spark much recognition with Dana. When she sees him approaching the stage, she thinks she’s saw him around school. He’s in the same class as Melissa, she thinks.

There’s no one to volunteer for him. Maybe no brother or sister to take his place. There’s no hesitation from him either. He leaves his spot near the front without a second thought, without waiting.

“How about a round of applause for our tributes!” says Monica, her voice forever happy and cheery.

But there is no round of applause. This isn’t entertainment for these people. This is murder.

With no luck from the crowd, they hurry along, playing the anthem and when it finishes Dana and the boy are taken by the Peacekeepers into the Justice Building behind them. As she’s taken away, Dana tries to find her family but chances are they’re already being ushered to the side, preparing to talk to her one last time.

That thought sends a chill through Dana’s body. This could be the last time they speak to me, she thinks.

Once inside, another Peacekeeper leads her to a room on her own. It’s tiny but still one of the richest places she’s ever stepped foot in, thick carpet, velvet chairs. It’s even nicer than the first house she lived in.

The Peacekeeper leaves and Dana sits on one of the chairs. She tries to occupy herself, cement herself in the present and not think of the future by running her hands against the fabric. It doesn’t really work.

What had she done?

Of course, she had done the right thing. Melissa may be older but Dana has more of a chance of surviving.

Melissa couldn’t even kill an animal. How would she ever kill a person?

A person.

If you commit murder here, you get executed. You commit murder in the Games, you’re praised. She’ll have to kill people. Real people. Not for food but for fun. Another chill runs through her body at that. At least she’s got the argument of survival.

The door opens and it’s her family, Missy leading the way. As soon as the door is wide enough, her sister bursts in, pulling her up from the chair and hugging her tightly.

“Why did you do that?” she asks still hugging her.

“I had to,” Dana answers calmly.

She pulls out of her sister’s embrace and sits back on the chair. Missy sits on the other. Everyone else stands.

“You shouldn’t of,” Melissa says. “You’re useful. Me…”

Dana looks towards her mother and sees the agreeing look in her eyes. Dana gets them food. Dana keeps them alive. It makes Dana angry at her mother, that if her mother had a choice, she would put Melissa in the arena.

“You’ll be fine,” Dana cuts in. She looks towards Bill who stands a bit away near the door. “The money Bill gets should be enough.” They all know it isn’t but there isn’t anything they can do about that.

“I could try to hunt,” suggests Melissa.

Dana shakes her head. “Don’t worry about that,” she tells her.

“Are you gonna die?”

It’s Charlie who asks. Dana hears her mother gasp quietly and shut her eyes.

“She isn’t,” says Melissa, her voice firm and certain. “Promise me you’ll do everything you can to win.”

Everything means killing but Dana knows Missy knows that.

“I’ll try,” Dana promises. It’s in that moment that she means it. She will try. She’ll try until she can’t.

She turns to her mother then.

“No matter what you see, you can’t leave them,” Dana tells her. It doesn’t matter if Bill and Missy are now adults. It took an eleven year old to fetch the bread for this family the first time. Now that eleven year old isn’t there.

“That goes for all of you,” she directs to all family members. “Nothing stops because I’m dead.”

Maggie nods. As does Bill and she thinks she sees Charlie do it, too.

They talk a bit more until it’s time to leave. Dana thinks that’s all the visitors she’s getting before the door opens again and Ethan appears.

“You’re an idiot,” he says upon greeting.

“Rather me than Missy,” Dana says.

Ethan nods. He knows how hopeless Melissa is.

“It was really brave what you did,” he tells her. “I don’t think anyone else would have done that. Even if it was their sibling that got called up.”

He moves from the door to sit beside her, the same seat Missy sat in.

“Are you scared?”

She throws him a look as if to say what do you think? then nods.

“Just think you’re in the woods,” he suggests. “You’re hunting.”

Dana pulls a face. “Only problem is, they hunt back. More importantly, they think. Like people think.” She looks away. The belief in herself from earlier evaporating away as she’s just left with fear and hopeless.

“Besides, there’s no guarantee it’s even going to be a woods or a forest. It could be water or even a desert.”

“I doubt it,” says Ethan. “They tried a desert a couple of years ago. Wasn’t very…entertaining.”

That was true. Too many tributes died to the elements; dehydration and even sunburn. It didn’t make for good entertainment.

“Still though…” she says with nothing more to add.

She wants to pull the conversation away from this and begins to talk of other things.

“I told my family they would get by with Billy’s wage but—”

“I’m already on it,” Ethan buts in. “I’ll make sure they’re eating.”

She wants to jump up and hug him but they’ve never had that kind of relationship before.

It’s not friendship really more companionship. Somebody to make the hours hunting a little more fun. It’s easier to focus on you’re prey knowing someone’s got your back, someone’s looking out. Maybe ally is a better word for Dana and Ethan.

A Peacekeeper is coming to tell them there time is up. She wants to grab Ethan, keep him on the seat. If he stays on the seat it means she can’t go anywhere.

But they don’t want any trouble so Ethan goes with one last thing for her.

“Stay alive, Dana.”

Dana smiles and nods really hoping she can.

#txf #hunger games au #for myself #i write

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demicorpse · 5 years

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My qualms with the Animorphs ending. (Spoilers, duh)

So. Around a week ago I finished all 54 of the core Animorphs books, and like many, I was pretty disappointed by the ending. I’d even go as far as to say I was angry about it. Not angry enough to write a rant tweet at the main author, but angry enough to rant about it on a tumblr post where 10 people might see it and agree with me. I’m going to list some of the main issues regarding the last few books, as well as the final book itself. Let’s take it from the top.

The Auxiliary Animorphs.

On paper? This doesn’t seem like a bad idea. Writing in a bunch of handicapped kids and giving them cool powers, while also slowly developing them and not focusing on just their disabilities? Sounds great! Only Applegate didn’t exactly understand what that meant. The Aux. Animorphs are introduced in book 50, The Ultimate, and after a big battle, they’re almost immediately moved to the sidelines. They’re mentioned in passing as ‘James and his group’ when they’re needed to provide a distraction or maybe fight some kind of battle, but other than that, and maybe some characterization of the kids in book 50, we don’t learn a whole lot about ‘James and his group’. I get it. Balancing so many new faces is hard, especially when your series in ending in 4 books, but maybe you could’ve... I don’t know... lessened the scope of the group? Or maybe you could’ve introduced them earlier, so that we can, at the very least, gain a glimpse towards what they’re like? We know so much about the main Animorphs, but when it comes down to the Aux. Animorphs, all I remember is that James wanted Pedro, his best friend forever, to get a morph of his own (which never really developed into anything? Or maybe Applegate forgot to explicitly state he’s part of the group, but, whatever.), and that in the end, they all die namelessly. Again, as part of a distraction tactic. A bunch of handicapped kids who were told the world is being taken over by aliens are introduced, and all they do is die at the end. No mention of them whatsoever in the ending book, after the war was ended. Not even a single page regarding how brave they were, to just trust the Animorphs despite how crazy they sound, and fight by their side, even LOSE one of their own before they all die a book later.

It’s stupid. The Aux. Animorphs could’ve been so much cooler had Applegate wasn’t so deeply invested in her ‘these books tell a war story!’ thing. They had potential to be memorable, and yet, I don’t even remember the names of the main kids that were intro’d in their book. Just James. By the way, James was a way better leader than Jake by the end. Actually, let’s talk about Jake.

Jake’s character was brutally murdered and replaced with an evil clone. So was Rachel’s.

Reading the last few books was, honestly, a festival of awkward and head-shaking moments for me. You mean to tell me that this is where Jake breaks? Jake, the leader of the Animorphs, the one who’s kept the alive, the one who’s brought them together when they thought they wouldn’t be able to make it, Jake, Marco’s best friend, Cassie’s boyfriend, Rachel’s cousin, JAKE, breaks at the end and sacrifices everything. His cousin? A sacrifice. The Aux. Animorphs and one of the only military officials willing to listen to him and his men? A sacrifice.

I can’t put it into words how disappointed I am over both Jake and Rachel. Jake turned into a monster. He turned into someone he vowed he never would turn into. Remember when he said, like, two books before the end: “Defeat the Yeerks. Don’t become them.” What the hell happened to that when you flushed down 17 thousand Yeerks into space and let them freeze to death?

Don’t get me started on his hatred towards Cassie by the end (which is 100% totally fixed when she has a mental breakdown don’t worry guys ahahaha fuck I fucked up their relationship and now I can’t really fix it well enough ok they hugged and they’re ok now). Like, I get it. I get it, Jake. You lost the morphing cube and Tom because Cassie thought she’d do something good. But is he seriously daft enough to just disregard any reasoning for what she did and go around acting like a child who got his toy taken away? Isn’t he the one that’s supposed to move on from things quickly? Just... Jake isn’t the same character by the end, but it’s not even a fluid change. It’s so drastic that when you’re reading it, it’s like a completely different character was introduced into the Animorphs with no explanation whatsoever. Yeah, war changes people, but Marco stayed the same. Tobias, more or less, stayed the same. Ax changed, but that was after the war, and it was for the better. Cassie stayed the same.

Jake should’ve been written better. Because if he was, he wouldn’t have gotten so many people killed, including himself right at the end.

And, oh God, Rachel... what have they done to you? Rachel went from someone who likes the thrill of the fight (admittedly, maybe a little too much) and is capable of making smart decisions, to someone who’s willing to drive over a military general even though he’s simply asking her to stop (in a truck full of EXPLOSIVES no less), as well attempt to hit Cassie in anger (good thing Tobias is her moral compass) after she confesses that she let Tom go on purpose. Hey, while we’re at it, let’s talk about her death.

Rachel’s death is stupid.

Let’s get one thing out of the way: Rachel is my favourite character in Animorphs, second close being Ax. I’m obviously upset about her death, so I’m sorry if I sound a little biased.

Rachel’s death is plain dumb and stupid and shouldn’t have happened. It wouldn’t have happened had Applegate not convinced herself that all of her character deserve to suffer and die by the end, leaving a hopeless pit in my stomach after I closed the .PDF to the final book. You’re telling me that one of the most fierce human warriors I’ve read about in my entire life just gives up at the end. She spits out Tom’s body, demorphs, and that’s it. She gives up. Doesn’t even attempt to go down fighting. She just says some cliche line to Tobias and dies. I will give Applegate credit for creating one of the best post-death scenes I’ve ever read (”You mattered.” is so good), but that doesn’t redeem her death in my eyes. She’s killed off because Applegate claims Animorphs is a ‘war story’. A war story in which kids turn into animals, alien slugs crawl into people’s ears and control them, time travel happens on more than one occasion, and Ax is Tobias’ uncle. Sure. War story. Since it’s a war story, there’s no hope for any of the characters. But I’ll get to that at the end.

Anyway, Rachel shouldn’t have died. No amount of convincing will have me think otherwise. I don’t care how reckless she was described as, she’s not reckless enough to go on a suicide mission and die to make the reader feel upset. Plus, if Jake was SO hellbent on winning, why couldn’t he have sent James up there to deal with Tom? It’s not like he cared about the fates of the Aux. Animorphs by that point, so why not have one less trauma on your head and send in someone you see as disposable? At least let Jake retain some of his intelligence, Applegate.

Oh, yeah, the ending.

The ending is hopeless, and if you thought your characters’ struggles will pay off, fuck you.

“Ram the Blade Ship”, Jake says with Rachel’s smile, and seconds later, he and his friends die in a horrible explosion in space, limbs either blown apart or frozen. Oh, and Ax has been assimilated into some omnipotent entity that comes quite literally out of nowhere, so it’s safe to say that he’s classified as ‘dead’. The only one left on Earth is Cassie, who has to live with the fact that she’s the last Animorph left alive. Thinking about it, it’s pretty funny that the only one who lives in the end is Cassie, who always advocated for a more peaceful approach, if possible. Great irony, Applegate. 10/10.

Anyway, this whole thing stinks. Applegate claims the ending is up to interpretation (I think, from what I’ve read in her epilogue it certainly seems that way), but I think it’s bullshit. She claims there’s no happy endings in war. That’s bullshit. I can’t express how... just bullshit the ending is.

These kids who have fought for 3 years, these kids who have shed blood, sweat, and multiple tears across 54 books and several spin-offs, these kids who went through so much and where a ‘win’ barely counted as that, these kids get... nothing. No one is happy. Even Marco, who was relatively happy with his post-war life is dragged into Jake’s suicide mission, only to die alongside him, because poor Jake couldn’t get over the fact that he didn’t think of a better plan to save both his cousin and his brother.

No, thinking on it, they DO get something! They get death and an ‘open’ ending, which is just as open as Chick-fil-A on a Sunday. When you make a reader constantly read through HEAPS of books about how depressed these kids are, about their struggles and their failures and how they never really win anything, they mostly react to their enemies’ movements, it just makes the reader feel hopeless. And so by the end, when you just kill off everyone but a single character that knew better, the reader feels sad, and angry, and upset. And maybe Applegate wanted to go for that.

Conclusion. Jesus Christ, Applegate.

The job of a writer is to string words together well enough to make people feel an emotion, whether negative or positive. And admittedly, she achieved that. But in my opinion, I’d rather close Animorphs knowing that these kids know at least some form of peace. That Jake rescues his brother and he can live out his life alongside him. That Rachel survives and that she can attend high-end fashion shows. That Tobias and his mother (who isn’t mentioned at all at the end, by the way? Guess she wasn’t important enough to the plot!) make up all the time they’ve lost when Tobias didn’t know she actually cared about him. That Marco does his thing, being a comedian, in peace, and visits Jake and his friends whenever he wants to. That Cassie pursues her own career and yeah, maybe she’s not together with Jake anymore, but at the very least, they’re happy to see one another. That Ax avenges his brother by killing Visser Three/One, and becomes a War Hero in his world, as well as a very good War Prince, and that he doesn’t forget to visit his second home.

Whether you liked the ending or not, this is the kind of ending I was hoping for. Something to ease me at the end. Something that would make me feel good after reading so much about the lives of 4 human kids, a half-bird half-boy, and an alien. But no. I get despair. I get death and I get sadness and I get an empty feeling in my heart that will always remain so as long as I remember Animorphs. Because no matter how much I’ll try and rewrite the ending, it’ll always stick with me, this one thought: Everybody dies and no one is happy.

Animorphs has war, but it’s not a war story. Animorphs has tactics, strategy, guerilla warfare, espionage, but it’s not a war story. And even if I’m wrong, even if it is a war story, why can’t the characters be happy? Why can’t the characters get the one bit of compensation for their struggles?

Maybe I’m just too much of an optimist, and none of this matters. Maybe I should get used to bad endings, because let’s face it, this isn’t a good ending, or even a neutral one. This is as bad as it gets. Maybe I should suck it up and grow some thick skin.

But God damn, the ending to Animorphs sucked.

#animorphs #animorphs rant #rant #long post #ive had this sitting for a week #tldr: what a joke.

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