just found an account that like. i really really want to think its bait but also i know for a fact that 13 year olds are just like that. it's so twitter its just SOOOOOO twitter the whole account hell on earth (tumblr dot com)

Misc headcanons for Directator's assistant director yokai sidekicks!

* I think the Nosirs are actually brothers but for these guys i think theyre just a bunch of unrelated employees who share a uniform. Maybe draw them with variations in height and weight and stuff to tell them apart? And they probably have different hair under the hats.

* this yokai species is a water element fishman thing possibly based on The Shadow Over Innsmouth. Cos ive been doing a lot of thinking on why the heck they have those weird face markings and with the bulgy eyes they kinda do match the description of the early stage Deep Ones in that story. Either that or theyre kappas who hide their weak spot under caps. (Cappas?)

* their only power as yokai is super strength. They probably surprise people a lot by being so powerful, cos they never really bother to fight unless their boss is in trouble. Its mostly just an 'ultimate assistant' power that helps them carry lots of stuff for maximum efficiency.

* theres probably variants of this yokai for every type of minor job ever. I feel like its just the thing you turn into when youre a very normal dude who just wants to continue your normal job in the underworld. This trio are 100% content working for Directator and their idea of a peaceful afterlife is just the same as their regular life! No aspirations for bigger superpowers or anything, just gimme that magic ability to be even better at the job i love~

* not sure about names for the trio yet except one of them should be jerome cos thats a nice name. Their origin story is just that theyre unrelated employees who worked under Directator when he was human, and sorta bonded together into The Directator Protection Club. They were his most loyal assistants who stayed with him even as the studio made flop after flop, and even followed him into hell in the end. (Died trying to save him from a studio fire) They were all kind of aimless young adults for one reason or another, who didnt have much good in their life aside from this job and didnt have any positive familial figures except this strange little family they found together. So theyre not blood related but they treat each other like siblings and see Directator as a cool uncle figure that they all look up to. And theyre all roommates together now in the yokai world so basically yeah they got adopted in all senses except the Actually Saying It Out Loud sense

* Aside from their general shared personality of Being Cute And Enthusiastic And Supporting Their Boss i feel like maybe there are some small differences you notice after a while? From the titanic episode it seemed like one of them was kinda dopey innocently hero worshipping the boss and one of them was a sassy trickster who loved a chance to mess with the heroes, just based on the different way they animated them obeying the order to toss the heroes off the bungee jump. And one of them was shown dressing as a lady waitress in one of the scenes in the first episode, so im gonna grab that opportunity and say she's a trans girl. They all dress very similar while on the job just cos its practical clothing for work, but you can tell her apart by a small ponytail at the back of their identical hairstyles. (Probably the cute flame ponytail style like ghoulfather!) Off duty she likes to dress a bit more femme, but her bros still support her as a woman no matter how she dresses. The only way to get these perpetually smiling doofuses to start a fight is to mix them up and misgender her! (Well, that or be mean to the boss also. Theyre just very ride or die for each other!)

* There actually are more of these yokai aside from the main three, Directator has picked up a few more employees over the years since he died. He can probably summon infinate hordes of them like ghoulfather can do with his mafia goons! Its just that these three have the main emotional bond with him so he trusts them to do all the most important jobs.

* they have an ultimate transformation that is just them on each other's shoulders in a trenchcoat. Their acting skill is so good that everyone universally believes this is a new form and they even gain boosted stats!

* in battle maybe their ability would be some sort of adaptability thing to reflect how theyre such multitalented helpers? Like 'all attacks are treated as non elemental' or 'changes elements to match the last hit taken'?

* also probably in battle theyd have combo abilities with directator, like he's able to revive them automatically whenever he gets a critical hit or something. I feel like them having low hp and frequently knocking themselves out in the process of protecting him is very in character

* directator remembers all their birthdays and throws a super theatrical big ol party~! They also celebrate the day each of them got hired and the day they made their first successful film in the yokai world, and then every time they have a new success too. Basically they love excuses to show how much they care for each other! Best buddies cinema club 4ever!!!

* Even though Directator can now poof up illusions of any set and costumes using his powers, he still prefers to let the assistants make all the most important critical stuff for each movie. He just feels sad that his newfound powers would be taking away a fun bonding experience that they used to have. But also obviously working your ass off to make everything on a short deadline ruins the fun of making arts and crafts together, so he's grateful he can take some of the work off their shoulders.

* the shape of directator's powers as a yokai came from not from his egotism but from his dying wish being to ease the burden on his employees who were always so loyal to him. He also likes to use his illusions to help them out with stuff even when theyre not working, though he still has to say lights camera action and etc so its a lil funny. Like 'oh no assistant number 3 is going out on a date and her dress is ruined!' then he runs in with one of those clapboard things and is like CUT! TAKE TWO! *poofs up an illusion dress with a star wipe transition* Keeps pausing the scene and telling her boyfriend to show more emotion, lol. Like overprotective dad cliche but its more 'are you hammy enough to be worthy of my niece?? Show me your best death scene!' Also has an entire orchestra follow them around and do a soundtrack to their date. 'Darling it'll be a sensation! Directator's secret masterpiece: the film only you get to see! Cmon boys this is our most important production yet!' Very well intentioned but predictably he ends up ruining the date by trying so hard to make it perfect for her, and she's like 'aww dont worry boss, if that guy cant handle my family then he's not the right dude for me anyway' *hugs and end of episode* *but also yknow..he still learns his lesson and interferes less in his friends's lives next time*

* maybe two of the trio have the same names? Like "here's my supreme team: Ashley A, Ashley B and Jerome!"

* give them a special attack where they just three hit combo Directator with a big ol wholesome hug of admiration and all his stats go up. 'Boss you really brightened up our lives!' 'And our afterlife!'

really feel like im gonna struggle to ever integrate into society. i struggle to chill w people my own age because a lot of them have careers n shit (i think... i guess? i dont really know actually lmao cause i dont talk to em) or theyre dating people and i cant really tell people what im up to because theyre condescending about it. “oh youre still into the rave thing huh?” yeah i’m “still into” it, sorry. you got two kids and a husband and youre living w your parents still too, that’s not a life i envy. id rather keep my ‘childish’ interests, thanks.

and i dont drink or do drugs so a lot of Adult Outings make me uncomfortable or are not right for me. and any time i want to find sober anything it becomes religious or recovery related, or it is considered exclusively for children. i have no problem being in the vicinity of alcohol but i dont want to hang w people while they’re using controlling substances because it sucks for everybody involved: they cant enjoy themselves because they feel self-conscious around me being the sober one, and then i feel bad for making them self-conscious but am also uncomfortable with them using substances around me. and of course i mean substances for the purpose of getting fucked up, not as medication. except in the case of weed which is a huge monumentally major trigger for me (whether i mentally prepare myself to be around it or not).

raves are the perfect blend for me. people who wanna get fucked up can, people who dont want to dont have to, and everybody is there to have a good time in their own way. they wear what they want, they dance how they want, and they generally dont infringe on anybody else’s good time with weird stuff like sexual advances or whatever. and if something like that is going down (like when RTC strips down and starts fucking on stage basically) you can always go somewhere else without having to sacrifice listening to the music or enjoying yourself otherwise. there’s generally outdoor areas (or people will let you in/out if it’s not the shadiest) to chill or if you need a breather, people are willing to help you, etc. i dunno raves compared to clubs or bars are vastly VASTLY superior. youd think id be able to stand the latter two since i rave all the time but i just cant (also because there is never any good music at clubs).

plus im not dating anybody and being ace is a shit and a half in terms of All of That, it’s another fuckin hang up on my perceived adulthood that im unpalatable or a freak or something is wrong w me if i’ve “gone this long” being single. sorry all the dudes who have been into me have been petulant children or massive abusive jerks and im not open enough about my bi-ness to be visible to women i dont think. either way im entirely de-sexed and this is the age where people are definitely fuckin, and fuckin with a PURPOSE. theyve all had like ten years of practice by this point (whether actually having sex or not, theyre just programmed to understand it) and so most people dont have time for a stiff like me who really doesnt give a shit about sex or ranges to even actively fucking hating it. i also havent developed feelings for anybody in a long time unless you count my tumblr crush (who im pretty sure has a partner anyway lmao and they seem pretty sexual actually so i dont think theyd, among many other reasons, give a shit about my dumb ass) and that can be really alienating too. 

my high school best friend got married yet to me i feel like the only development i’ve had since high school is Trauma and mental illness. like i developed dissociative episodes in the last few years whereas in high school i basically only had the chronic insomnia and hypnagogic hallucinations. i mean i certainly think i’ve developed AS A PERSON in HUMONGOUS strides since high school but i know people i knew then will just be like “oh you still do ‘the rave thing’ and play WoW, huh?”

like yeah, i dunno, FUCK ME for enjoying my interests. i quit wow when i needed to and im glad i did but it’s not WoW’s fault i entered a morass of suicidal depression in the years i wasnt playing. WoW had run its course at that time in my life. and at the latter end of that i was going to raves regularly, making the BEST lifelong friends i have ever had, and generally being part of something greater, part of a community that genuinely cared about me. i was working out further kinks with my ability to socialize and love and be open to people (as i will continue to do until i die) but i feel there is arguably a much larger capacity to love in me than before. so i still wear kandi, so i still wear black clothing, so i still prattle on about orcs and trolls. fuck off. at least now i dont hate myself and let myself get raped every day, at least now im not mindlessly swallowing and regurgitating actively racist rhetoric out of fear of confronting my parents’ hatred or by surrounding myself with the dregs of society, at least now i dont want to “sew up my vagina” because i detest my womanhood and the men who covet(ed) it

currently i play wow honestly like maybe twice a week. i went on a bender with diego my REAL LIFE FRIEND LMFAO (like what, stop enjoying time w your friends, it isnt grown up!) a few days ago and we played for like 6 straight hours which was pretty fuckin wild. i think about wow a LOT like TOO mcuh and all of my art recently has been wow-related but holy shit i am drawing at least 

since playing wow again (almost concurrent with when i had started my job) i did more drawing than i did in probably all 4.5 years of college, assignments or otherwise. i was drawing EVERY DAY, legitimately, even if they were just quick scribbles. and when i wasnt i was writing every single fucking day. and when i wasnt, i was READING. like FUCK me for having warcraft as a motivation to do fucking anything in my goddamn life. youre right, abandoning my interests and adopting ones i hate for the sake of appearing more adult is totally worth the mind-numbing soul-eating depression i crumble into without these silly safety nets.

like that’s all it is. it’s silly. raves are silly. video games are silly. “good luck getting laid” thanks i dont need it. “good luck finding someone who loves you” fuck you i have plenty of people who love me BECAUSE of the things i love, not “in spite” of them, not in some tongue-in-cheek “That’s our Swamp!” fashion. they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE MAKE MORE.” they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE TELL ME MORE.” they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE PLAY MORE.” (that last one is about music, not warcraft lol).

but i mean i do worry about it, worry about being “too insular” as some critical piece of shit idiot put it to the point of being unrelatable. I dont want to alienate myself from people of course, nor do i want to get so wrapped up in fantasy that i lose myself. and that’s something i was tearing myself apart about during my episode earlier, just that “I have to get off the internet” because while i think and do all of this stuff, “Me” is just sitting in my bed rotting. Even when im drawing or up at my tables mixing i know it’s still just me, in my house, sealed off from the world, and i started having panic because i was telling myself “i want to go home” over and over but i am at home, i’m in my bed, but i realized of course that home is not in this house. home is many places for me, but it’s also why im SO enthusiastic about wow again: it is home. and believe me im getting wary of just how fucking much i am eating breathing sleeping dreaming (literally dreaming) warcraft because while i dont know if i was ever “addicted” i, again, dont want to be so swept up that i forget im a person (and with dpdr that shit is way potent). that and uhh i got shit to do, but mostly... it’s not real. and i know im setting myself up for failure and heartbreak again by yearning for something that cannot exist no matter how much i set my mind and hands to create it.

i feel hurt physically by the fact that there are “only humans”. i mean there are infinite different kinds of humans, but it’s more of an existential quandary than a yearning for an orc boyfriend or something. it’s why we dream up fantastic creatures and aliens in the first place: we’re not alone in the universe, are we? are humans really the only sentient beings out there? we can’t be. we can’t be. “they” say either option—that we are, or are not alone—is equally terrifying but i dont think so. sure we might fear violence or eradication from not being alone, but to know that we are? out of everything we’ve charted and studied, that we’re it? that’s... that’s death. and of course there’s going to be heat death or whatever they say in 6 billion whatever i dont know, so whether we’re alone or not is irrelevant because it will destroy our universe and what happens when there is no universe? and so of course all of this was compounding into panic, of course, of course, jumping from a dumbass thought like “i guess im not as into overwatch because it’s sci-fi but also theyre all humans” straight into “INEVITABLE HEAT DEATH”. so like, really, does it matter that i care about wow lore more than i care about marriage?

i mean, i guess i should have a career, but i dont really know what i could be capable of doing. i dont know if it’s mental illness or discipline or what but even if like metzen himself was like “come work at blizzard!” i would still probably just collapse into a heap of worthlessness and fear. 

i dont know what i fear. i guess i fear that im wasting my time, and by spending my time in another world i dont have to worry about how im spending time in this one. and that’s really, really bad. i dont like that.

i have to make this world worth living in. i have been trying. but i havent gotten very far. in fact, i took some steps backward.

from the edge of the cliff, so... i guess that’s forward in some ways.