Hate it when my family is stomping or making loud noise when I’m in my room.

Do you need help making dinner? Did you drop something? Are you leading a fucking elephant through the house what’s going on

Yeah, I'll come, that seems cool, let me just stew in dread for a week, contemplate retracting my statement and making an excuse to not go, and then spend the first 30 minute to 1 hour period there going through the anxiety and overstimulation and awkwardness and uncomfortableness and slight crying before I'm in the moment and ready to do the thing I agreed to

Morning.

Today is starting off.......great. Making a read more cause well, you know the drill.

I guess my moment of weakness from my anxiety last night was great timing for someone cause guess what I woke up to.

How fun.

Normally, I'd be a bit sassy or snap back cause I usually don't let shit like this bother me. But knowing that I got this cause my anxiety was already getting the worst of me makes it feel different.

So yeah.

I deleted the ask/blocked the user, but thanks for that, whoever this anon is. Fucking great timing./sarc

I'm going to try and go along with my day. If anyone else send any more anons like this I'm just going to delete them. I'm not in the mood today.

Re: prev anon

You definitely can have both an anxiety disorder and AvPD. I've been diagnosed with both Social Anxiety Disorder and AvPD since I was 17. It's definitely a thing that happens. (It's also a reeeally fun combination /sarc)

Research is your best friend when it comes to an educated self-dx. Always check multiple sources, make sure your info isn't outdated, etc etc.

For a diagnosis of AvPD one must have at least four of the diagnostic criteria, and yeah, some of it is very very similar to anxiety disorders, so there's no surprise really if you think you may have both!!

/gen /pos

^^!!

So im in the process of juggling multiple fics at once (im not going to overload myself trying to upload, im just trying to get individual ones going)

So far, we have:

-Heirloom, the James and Louisa prequel

-Before The Dawn, the story that kicks off the solver bound series

-The Starfield Program

And Reprise, my KRZ fic that centers around Junebug and Johnny!

...most of these are currently drafts cluttering up my inbox and will have no specific upload schedule despite my doomsday brain saying that the universe is going to end before i get them done.

Trauma is-

Trauma and anxiety is fun. /sarc

CONNECTIONS

Best friend [senior only] - This is a person who has been friends with Ashton since their freshman year. They don't have to be nerdy like him at all. They became friends their freshman year at orientation, and have been friends ever since. This person has met Ashton's grandparents, and has even been to Ashton's house on some weekends (maybe even holidays). Ashton's grandparents even send this person gifts on their birthday and holidays. The best friend knows Ashton for who he really is, and doesn't hesitate to call him out. Ashton tells this person everything, and is one of the few people that know his back story. - open

Shell Buster - This individual has for some reason taken on the role of getting Ashton to truly live the college experience he's avoided for all of these years. Most of Ashton's time in college had been dedicated to his studies, video games, his few organizations and his job. He'd never been interested in parties, larger scale events, etc. Ashton drunkenly opened up to this person at a random party (one of the few times he actually drinks), and this person noticed that Ashton is a lot more fun when he's actually living in the moment. - open

Crush - Someone that Ashton is genuinely nervous to communicate with. He hasn't been the best when it comes to expressing his feelings, as a majority of his interactions are far from it. Ashton usually beats around the bush, but finds himself wanting to make excuses to hang out with this person. This can involve super smash bros nights on his switch, invites to the campus cafeteria, offering to help with an assignment, etc. Ashton has hardly ever dated someone because he's afraid to put himself out there as he struggles with abandonment issues. This connection can be a crush on someone straight as well. - open

Tutoring - Ashton is a part time tutor in many math, science, and engineering courses. This is how he makes a majority of his money, so he has a variety of people he tutors. When he tutors, he is known for being one of the more serious tutors who genuinely wants to see results with his jobs. He expects the other students to arrive on time and at least somewhat attempt to try. Your character(s) can react accordingly! - open for many

Video game partner - This is someone who enjoys videos as much as Ashton, and is just as good as him in a variety of the games that they play. They are constantly on discord playing matches with their other friends and are known for spending hours upon hours playing new games. The two can be completely different (can even hardly see one another in person) but online they come off as the best of friends. The two random get tidbits about one another's lives as its easier to speak through a microphone than in person. - closed @ keys

The Almost Could've - This is a person who Ashton nearly dated, but pushed them away when his anxiety got the best of them. This person saw Ashton for who he truly was, and the two of them were presumed dating by their friends and the people around them. Ashton, struggling with abandonment issues, was allowing the voice in the back of his head to scare him into backing out to prevent any potential hurt. Ashton has been avoiding this person, not wanting to have to dive into the deep depths that are his true emotions. He's never been in a relationship before, and the fear of heartbreak is not something he wants to put himself through. - open (asher is homosexual/homoromantic).

New friend - This is someone who Ashton has encountered on campus that he hasn't disliked being around. They aren't the closest, but haven't hated one another's company. Often times they find themselves in the same areas (whether that be the library, dining area, common rooms, etc.) and though they may not have the same interests - they have interesting conversations. - open to many

Do we have a problem? - Ashton and this person have never gotten along for their own reasons (ones that we can plot). This is a person who sees the more sarcastic/apathetic side of Ashton. They'd been paired on several group projects together in previous classes, with the work always getting done with words being said. On campus they make speak to one another, but often times its out of respect rather than will. They had one bad interaction and its lasted since with both of them being too stubborn to talk out their problems. - closed @ matty

OTHER; Side notes: I'm genuinely open to a majority of plots ranging from romantic, platonic, negative, etc! Please don't hesitate to name any ideas you have for this character and we can go from there. These are connections I thought of off the top of my head!

(not to a character, just to you/sharing thoughts) I feel like we (the people who send asks and tell the characters stuff) want the characters to be happy, but we also want Stuff to happen, so might cause a little chaos on purpose.

Cryptic warnings, maybe increasing anxiety but also trying to help characters? Couldn't possibly be us /sarc

Telling Oz that Salem will be here in two weeks, so he knows she's coming but is caught off guard, thinking he has a week to prepare? Hehehe

I foresee many Hurt/Comfort CloqWork interactions in the future. Without angst, there can never be true fluff in comparison.

ASjdfakjshdkfjhalks there wasn't enough Stuff happening last week???? Oz getting bulldozed by Adam wasn't angsty enough??? 😂

I'm just kidding, I love when you guys Make Stuff Happen, (shout out to that one anon who decided to retraumatize Oz on their own and caused me to write a whole fic that wasn't supposed to exist) it's part of the fun!

Whether you guys decide to give him the correct info or not, I promise you there will be plenty of hurt/comfort Cloqwork content in the future because [points to myself] This Bitch is writing it afksjdfkajaklsj. So will Oz be caught off guard, or will he be completely prepared? That's up to you guys 👀

okay so the lovely @imbicilite​ / @whitrph​ and i were talking and it gave me the idea and we thought it was a great idea to spread it around so here’s how it goes: when talking with someone about pretty much anything tbh, but especially for something that could potentially be triggering, communicate with color codes based on city traffic lights ! GREEN means it’s good to talk about these things and you’re not feeling triggered by the topic, YELLOW means to slow down or stop talking about the topic at for now while RED means to stop the conversation about the topic immediately until green again where the conversation can divert into another topic or they feel safe to talk about it again !! this is EXTREMELY important, because it’s a way to alert others that you’re going to be talking about something that could possibly upset someone because of the subject matter, especially for those who may get triggered by a certain topic - even without you realizing it because squicks and triggers can honestly be anything, it could be different words or phrases or certain topics - and can cause severe anxiety in those affected, even panic attacks or flashbacks, and because we want to be considerate and respectful towards one another, it’s important that we use these to help our friends and fellow rpers know that we’re going to be posting or talking about something they might not want to see or talk about, and it’s of utmost importance to make them feel safe, it’s best to use this to be a more supportive friend and a member of the rpc!!

on a sidenote, i’m also here to tell you about tone indicators !! keep in mind that i didn’t come up with nor invent the concept of tone tags itself, but it was being spread around for a while now and i’d figured i’d talk about it !! essentially, tone indicators are used to indicate if the person is joking, being serious, etc., neurodivergent people often have trouble conveying and understanding emotion and tone through written text, using tone indicators is really helpful for neurodivergent people to make it easier for them to read/convey, it is also very helpful for people with anxiety. i encourage anyone who reads this to also type the meaning of the tone tag ( i.e: i love you !! /p for platonic ), so it is more accessible for neurodivergent and disabled people, like those who use screen readers.

“why should we use tone tags?” one might ask, but as an autistic, disabled and otherwise neurodivergent person myself, sometimes i don’t always get my friends and fellow mutual’s tones by their message but when they use tone indicators, it helps me understand and, not to mention that it can be really helpful and avoid misunderstandings. i would also like to note that NOT ALL neurodivergent people want you to use tone indicators on them, so if they don’t want you to use tone tags on them, please respect their wishes.

“i don’t like tone tags!” one might add, well, okay... but don’t make fun of the people that use them, it’s not a big deal, and if you’re a neurotypical who insists on not using tone tags when a neurodivergent person clearly asked you to, get your head out of your ass.

“using /j at the end of a joke ruins it!!” one might bitch, and okay but... it might be ruined for you, but it still makes me laugh, personally, so please try and get used to it, and not to mention, what’s more important: making sure you’re clear with your tone so that there’s no misunderstandings or throwing a fit just because the joke’s ruined for you?

additionally, some other things to keep in mind !! please do not mock the use of tone tags, you may not need them but some people do, not everyone can tell when something is a joke, when someone’s either being platonic, romantic or sexual in intentions, etc.,, especially when there’s no visual cues or tones of voice to help us, just be nice about it, it’s... really not hard, man. if you don’t use a tone tag and someone reads the tone of your statement incorrectly, do not get upset with them or laugh at them for not getting it - that is perpetuating ableism and/or sanism, whether you intentionally intend it or not. just kindly clarify and next time, keep in mind that tone tags are very helpful for neurodivergent, disabled and people with anxiety disorders. using a tone tag isn’t an excuse to be mean either, you can’t just say something mean or not cool and then put /j ( “joking” ) after it to get away with it, don’t be an ass. if you’re saying something that could be anxiety inducing for others, i would highly recommend putting the tone tags at not only the end but also the beginning of that post. do not intentionally use tone tags incorrectly “as a joke”, to confuse people, etc., the entire point of tone tags is to clarify, not confuse people, if you intentionally use them incorrectly, you’re an ass. keep in mind that no one has to use all the tone tags, use what you’d like, respect others who use what they would like, use them however feels rights to you. for me personally, sometimes i use multiple, sometimes only one, or sometimes none at all, just do what feels right, depending on who i’m talking to and how long i’ve known this person or group of people i’m speaking to, it’ll be fine, and if someone asks for clarification on what you mean, that’s okay, kindly clarify for them. additionally, please be patient if people don’t know what tone tags are, someone might not even be aware of what they are and that’s not their fault, just patiently explain it to them or link them to a source !! education always helps !! please don’t use “/srs or serious” as a joke, some neurodivergent and/or disabled people don’t need you to use three tone tags, and in my case, i’m presuming you’re neurotypical if you’re doing that when conversing with me, but what i’m trying to say is it looks like you’re babying us neurodivergents / disabled folx, so try to use only two tags ( that is, if that person is okay with it !! ), because some people don’t need you to use three tags.

please note that the following aren’t every single example out there and there are different terminologies in different languages, but they are important, a few examples of these are: 

“/j = joking / used when saying something in a joking manner, “so im pretty much the president of oreos /j”, 

“/hj = half joking / used when saying something that’s kind of a joke but kind of serious / “well,,,,, im usually right /hj” / 

“/s or /sarc / refers to the opposite of what you really want to say / “i just [clenches fists] love...... being sad..... /s”, 

“/srs / used when saying something you really mean / “i really appreciate you /srs””, 

“/nsrs = not serious / used when saying something not too seriously / “you’re the worst /nsrs”, 

“/lh = lighthearted = used when something’s said lightheartedly / “hEY LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS /lh” / i’d say something like this when me and my friends would get into a silly argument and they’re trying to ask my opinion on a topic”, 

“/ij = referring to something that’s only understood by people with special knowledge about something, typically only a small group of friends or a group of people would be aware of, those outside of the group would most likely be confused by it or not find it funny in the same way people within in the group would / “aAAAAAAAAA MY NUGGIES!!!!! /ij””, 

“/ref = a reference to media, usually movies, tv, music, etc., “yOU SHALL NOT PAAAAAAAASSSSSSS /ref”, 

“/t = teasing, use when teasing someone or provoking someone, often playfully, “aiight sure mx idk wtf im doin /t”, 

“nm = not mad, to indicate you’re not actually mad or upset about something / “ow... i felt that /nm”, 

“lu = a little upset / used when about about something or someone, but not too upset / “oh... that sucks /lu”, 

“/nbh = “nobody here” = often used when talking about something vague to ensure your friends it’s not indirectly to or about them / “sometimes i just wanna..... tell someone to shut the fuck up /nbh”, 

“/nay = not at you / used when saying something but not meaning it at the person you’re responding to / “god i can’t stand lame people /nay”, 

“/ay = “at you”, make the person aware you’re addressing them”, 

“/g or /gen = used when saying or asking something for real / “i’m proud of you /g” or “have you watched the news?? /gen”, 

“/th = threat, used when giving a genuine threat / “if you don’t stop, i’ll block you /th”, 

“/p = platonic, a friendship type of love, used when saying something with platonic intentions / “i love you /p”, 

“/r = romantic intentions, typically of partners when saying something with romantic intentions / “i love you /r””, 

“/a = alterous, an attraction best described as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being at all or entirely platonic and/or romantic, used when saying with alterous intentions / “i love you /a””

“/m = metaphor / used when saying something metaphorically / “god you’re a shining star /m””

“/li = literal / used when saying something literally / “i hate pears /li””

“/rh = rhetorical / a question asked in order to create a dramatic effect or to make a point rather than to get an answer / used when saying or asking something rhetorically / “who cares? /rh””

“/hyp = hyperbole, exaggerated statements or claims not meant to be taken literally ; “i have a million things to do today”

“/sx = sexual intent, used when meaning something in a sexual way”, 

“/nsx = nonsexual intent, used when meaning something in a not sexual way”, 

“/pos = positive / used when saying something and meaning it in a positive way / “omg im gonna cry /pos”, implied they’re crying for a happy reason”, 

“/neg = negative / used when saying something and meaning it in a negative way / “omg im gonna cry /neg”, implied they’re crying for an upsetting reason”, and 

“/neu = neutral / used to show that what you’re saying is neutral or that you feel indifferent about it / “yeah i don’t care man do what you want /neu”, you don’t care about something but not in a mean or a negative way, you’re just indifferent”.

on a final note, HERE is a list of tone tags both in english and in other languages ( namely italian, spanish, portuguese, french, polish, german, lithuanian, serbian, dutch, indonesian, romanian, bulgarian, russian, hebrew, japanese, mandarin and korean !! ) and HERE are the list of sources about the content of tone tags !! i wish everyone reading this a lovely day !!