i went up to 61.2 for a day but it was just water weight woooo!

safe foods list!

pre-packaged smoothies they sell at my grocery store: 153 kcals

high protein quark: 138 kcals

1 egg: 78 kcals

1 cup pineapple: 82 kcals

1 cucumber: 30 kcals

1 head of lettuce: 50 kcals

1 large zucchini: 54 kcals

1 large apple: 116 kcals

1 kiwi: 42 kcals

1 orange: 62 kcals

1 eggplant: 114 kcals

1 large tomato: 33 kcals

1 large carrot: 30 kcals

1 cup chopped celery: 14 kcals

1 cup spinach: 7 kcals

1 rice cake: 35 kcals

1 pickle: 14 kcals

1 chicken breast: 284 kcals

1/2 tofu block: 176 kcals

cauliflower: 66 kcals

broccoli: 31 kcals

1 cup popcorn (airpopped): 31 kcals

948 cals today :)

starting tomorrow i’ll try to stay under 500 cals for a week because apparently you can drop abt 2kgs and i desperately want to see the scale go down to 59kg. i’ve got school so it’ll be easy to skip lunch, i’ll only have a hardboiled egg each morning and eat dinner with my parents, its very much doable :)

i’m so excited for my weigh in tomorrow

yaaasss 682 cals total today, going to the movies with a couple of friends and i’m planning to only have a diet coke or just mineral water. its 6pm now so i’ll eat after 10am tomorrow to ensure a 16hr fast. i’m so hyped ahhhh

30.04.2022 saturday

morning weigh in: 61.9kg

total cals: 912

stopped eating at 4:45pm

i hated dinner today. my sister is a volleyball player and she’s tall nd skinny and she asked me if i was as tall as her at her age. then my parents started to talk abt how my body changed throughout the years and they were dancing around the subject of my weight gain. i was like “yup that’s the reason i wanna starve myself” in my head. i’m never going back to the food loving version of my life because i honestly feel so disgusted by it. gonna stick to max 1200 kcals a day and nothing more.

my friend postponed our plans for tomorrow and honestly im excited bc that means i don’t have to eat out :)))))

day 10: what was the hardest thing you gave up during this weight loss?

probably a healthy relationship with food. even though i eat like a normal person most of the time, it affects me drastically when it comes to my mental health. no matter how normal i eat, it isn’t normal in my mind at all. i miss eating without feeling bad.

daily intake: 712 but i feel like i ate a lot so i’m gonna count today as 800. 16h fast tomorrow!

new promises all the time

i'm so confused lately. some days my body image is better even though i haven't lost any weight, and i find myself wanting to keep my mindset normal too. i think less about calories and forget about high-calorie meals quickly. plans with friends that include dining out or getting drinks don't sound as scary as they used to. i think that i'm finally getting better. other days, especially on the ones i want to look pretty or put in more effort to my appearance, i feel completely wrecked and feel like i'm running out of time. my idea of 'health' has shifted so much with social media, that i keep going back in between my two toxic mentalities: one of them is calling me back to ana and the other one is telling me to eat whatever i want bc 'that girl' on insta is doing so. as toxic as it sounds, i want my old relationship with food back. it was so much easier for me bc right now i just feel like i keep lying to myself. each time i end up here, i end up telling myself i'll stick to it this time but idk what i'm supposed to be sticking to!!!!!!! my sense of food, exercise and health relies way too much on other people i see online that might be lying about how much/little they're eating. that's why i think i might unfollow fitness/food influencers bc i wanna rebuild my own relationship with it? i want whatever my eating plan is to be sustainable and therefore enjoyable, but blindly following another person's eating habits is wrong and doesn't help me with the weight loss.

i think i'm going to try to fast when my parents are away and find a project t focus on that will take my mind off things. i want food to be less of a priority in my life. i hope this isn't another false promise i'm making for myself.