#andy pull chas as a dare
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Just entering into the joyful spirits of the occasion. (Part 2.1)
Robert is now in the pub well on being inebriated with Zak not helping with checking on Charity’s motor with it’s new dents on it. Robert assures it’ll be sorted. Robert makes snide comments toward Andy which only puzzle him. Danny dares Andy to pull Chas who plays along. Bob next dares Andy to assail the next woman that comes into the pub and give her a passionate kiss!
06-Feb-2004
#classic ED#classic ED Robert’s story#20040206#episode 3655#first half of the second part#classic ED 2004#200402#robert sugden#karl davies#Zak dingle#diane blackstock#chas dingle#danny daggert#andy sugden#syd woolfe#Paul marsden#Bob hope#alan turner#rodney blackstock#robert and snide comments#andy pull chas as a dare#jack cutting off Andy’s money supply#Andy’s so clueless what’s up with Robert’s snide comments
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FIC: Kurt Birthday Drabbles
Earlier this week @elledelajoie left a comment on something I wrote all the way back in 2014. I had genuinely forgotten I ever started it, but the original idea was to write 21 Kurt Hummel birthday drabbles. I had written just 7 of them, but after we chatted about it, I decided to go ahead and finish.
If you’re not familiar, a drabble is a scene of exactly 100 words, not counting title headers. Since Chris Colfer and Kurt Hummel’s co-birthday (May 27) is coming up this Thursday, here they are. This goes definite AU at Birthday #19. Because you know I would never sentence my beloved Kurt to a life of being a doormat to people who did not appreciate and value him.
Never underestimate the power of feedback!
~*~*~*~*~
Birthday #1
Kurt’s blue eyes went wide as a frosted cupcake was set upon his high-chair tray, a single candle ablaze on its surface.
When Mommy, Daddy, Uncle Andy, Grandpa Curtis and Grandma Eileen started singing to him, he smiled and clapped both hands hard around the tempting pile of frosting.
Kurt laughed when the sugary topping went flying and a big splatter of white abruptly decorated Daddy’s surprised face.
Everyone else started laughed too, including the startled father, who retaliated by giving his birthday boy a sticky peck on the cheek and then helped him to blow out a new candle.
Birthday #2
Kurt looked between his presents, confused.
Mommy had given him the pretty dolly he had begged for at the store. Daddy had given him a truck, not big enough to ride but too big to live with the little cars Daddy gave him at Christmas.
His parents seemed to be mad at each other.
Kurt looked at the doll, then at the truck. He smiled and placed Dolly inside the truck and began to drive her around the carpet.
Mommy and Daddy seemed surprised by his actions, but then they laughed, and Kurt knew he had figured out the puzzle.
Birthday #3
His shoes were black and shiny, buckles on the sides and 1-inch heels on the base. He clomped over the hardwood floors, listening to the click-tap-click-tap in delight. They went perfectly with his dove gray coveralls with “Kurt” sewn on the pocket in black sequins. Mommy had made the outfit for him.
Spotting Daddy watching him, Kurt threw himself into waiting arms. Daddy’s smile looked like he had an owie but was trying to be a big boy and not cry.
Kurt hugged him. “It’s okay, Daddy.”
Burt looked surprised but hugged him back. “Yeah, buddy. I think it is.”
Birthday #4
Ballet girls were nice. When they heard it was his birthday today, they threw him a party. Kurt puffed up with pleasure when presented with cookies, a sparkly wand and a tiara that read ‘Happy Birthday’ in shiny letters. He was not as fond of the kisses they gave, but four was very grown up, so he screwed up his face and allowed it. The teacher even let him wear the special puffy pink tutu over his little black leotard!
He saw Mommy and Daddy up in the gallery taking pictures, so he waved.
Kurt hoped today would last forever.
Birthday #5
“Can I have cupcakes?”
Kurt’s mother looked up from her book. “I don’t think we have any, sweetheart.”
“Can we have some Thursday? My birthday is the last day of preschool.”
“It is?” she said, looking surprised. “Is it your birthday already?”
He nodded seriously. “Don’t you remember, Mommy? You were there.”
She laughed. “Well, you have me there. What kind of cupcakes would you like, sweetie? And don’t say cheesecake. Those are two completely different kinds of dessert.”
Kurt’s hopeful expression fell. “Oh,” he said, clearly disappointed. Then his face brightened again. “Chocolate?”
She nodded. “That we can do.”
Birthday #6
“Daddy!”
Burt sat up just in time to catch the little body that launched at him. “What’s wrong, slugger?”
“It’s my birthday!”
Grinning despite the way his heart was hammering at the abrupt awakening, Burt asked, “Yeah? I like birthdays. Do I get a present?”
“No,” the boy scoffed. “I get presents!”
Burt squinted at the clock. 3:15am. “Not until morning, you don’t.”
Kurt pouted and tried, “It’s almost morning.”
“Not close enough, kid. C’mere,” Burt pulled him into the warm bed between himself and his wife.
Kurt snuggled down and went right back to sleep.
Burt was less lucky.
Birthday #7
Kids had started treating him funny this year. He was too fancy, too girly, holding hands was weird.
Nobody was coming.
“I’m sorry, sweetie.”
“Am I too late?”
They jumped as a little black girl with pom-pom hair popped out of nowhere.
“I’m Mercedes,” she greeted. “We just moved here. Mom said you would have invited me if you’d known.”
“I’m Kurt.” He smiled. “Do you like tea parties?”
“Is there cake?”
Mrs. Hummel beamed. “Cake, ice cream, and Kool-Aid.”
Kurt shrugged. “Nobody else came.”
She grabbed his hand like she’d known him forever. “More for us! Happy Birthday, Kurt.”
Birthday #8
Kurt took a deep breath, thought for a moment, and carefully blew out the candles. All but the extra one that his parents always put on his cake.
“Aren’t you gonna finish, bud?”
He looked from Daddy over to his mother, home again, but so frail he was sometimes afraid to hug her, worried she might pop like a fragile soap bubble. He offered her the candle. “Here, Mommy. Blow it out. Maybe you’ll get another year to grow on.”
The eyes of the two adults met, then Mommy nodded. The three of them blew out the final candle together.
Birthday #9
Barely daring to hope, Kurt came down the stairs. Birthday cakes and presents had been Mommy’s specialty. Daddy had forgotten his own birthday and had nearly forgotten Christmas.
Kurt gasped when he saw it, waiting, shining and spectacular against the front door.
“A bike!”
Bright green, sissy bars with foil streamers, and a banana seat. Perfect!
Burt smiled. He had scoffed a such a “girly” bike when Kurt spotted it at the toy store. But now, looking at the all-too-rare joy in his son’s eyes and feeling the approving smile his wife would have given, he nodded. It was perfect.
Birthday #10
Buying gifts was tough when your kid always clammed up on you. A dad had to be observant.
Ten years old. A landmark like that needed something special, but the only thing Kurt seemed into was clothes. He had enough of those for ten kids.
He’d probably like a Barbie he could change in and out of different outfits, but Burt cringed at the thought.
He did doodle pretty good though. Sure, it was mostly pictures of clothes, but that was a start.
A fancy sketchpad with a case and a hundred different colored pencils. Yeah, that was the ticket.
Birthday #11
“Dad, where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
Kurt sighed with exaggerated impatience. He had come home from school to find Dad waiting at the truck, ordering him to get in, then not saying another word. The suspense was killing him.
“Ta-Dahhhh!”
They had pulled up in front of a nondescript brick building. “Columbus Culinary Arts?”
“You like to cook right? Well, we’re gonna fix your birthday dinner this year with the help of a real chef. Lessons are once a week for the next couple months.”
Gourmet cooking lessons!
“Oh wow. Dad, this is amazing!”
Burt grinned. “Happy Birthday, kid.”
Birthday #12
Last year’s surprise had gone so well that Burt had decided on a repeat. But when he saw the excitement on Kurt’s face at finding a pair of tickets inside his birthday card turn to disappointment and horror, quickly masked with a fake smile, he knew he’d goofed.
“I know baseball isn’t your thing,” he said, almost pleading. “But you’ve never seen a live game before. It’s a whole different experience. It’s a home game. We can yell and scream, and cheer our team on with thousands of other fans.”
The stiff not-smile never wavered. “Sounds . . . fun.”
Birthday #13
Dad had bought out one of the partners at the garage this spring and now owned a majority share of the renamed “Hummel Tires & Lube”. Kurt wanted to snicker at that name, but he was proud too.
His birthday this year coincided with Friday Night Dinner. Dad had invited all the mechanics over for a potluck. They’d had Mary’s special fried chicken, Cassius’s homemade cornbread, and Davy’s mac’n’cheese. Now Dad brought out the cake.
Kurt laughed. A sheet-cake with a tow-truck and two little plastic mechanics for decoration.
“You and me kid. Partners.”
The mechanics cheered and everybody dug in.
Birthday #14
Kurt froze when he saw tickets peeping out of his card. Not again. Noise, sunburn, unhealthy food, tacky uniforms, and Dad trying so hard to make a boring sport seem like fun.
He sighed and pasted on a smile, which quickly transformed into shock.
“Wicked?” he squeaked, staring hard at the little papers as if the printing might change if he dared to look away.
“Embassy Theater is giving regional business owners a discount this year,” Burt said apologetically. “It’s just a traveling production, not real Broadway, but I …”
His apology was cut off by a joyful teenaged hug.
Birthday #15
“Don’t worry, son, you got this. Just remember everything I taught you. You got a whole year to get ready for the practical test.”
“I know.”
“And it’s okay if you don’t get it right the first time. Not everybody does.”
“I’m fine, Dad.”
“I’ll be right here waiting for you when you’re through.”
“I know that, Dad. I’ll be okay, really.”
At that moment, Kurt’s name was called and he sprang from his hard green plastic chair. His dad’s repeated reassurances were making him jumpy.
Twenty minutes later, a brightly grinning Kurt was waving his freshly minted driver’s permit.
Birthday #16
Burt patted the giant blue bow the dealership had provided over the hood of the shining black Lincoln Navigator.
Kurt was gonna flip! He’d passed his DMV test with flying colors and was no doubt showing off his shiny new license to all his friends at school.
He paused. Did Kurt have any friends to share this accomplishment with? He always seemed so alone.
Maybe that’s why he had decided to spoil his son with a huge birthday gift.
It wasn’t right for such a good kid to be all alone. Maybe having his own ride would help change that.
Birthday #17
A dozen teens gathered in Kurt’s basement to celebrate the end-of-school, non-disbanding of Glee, and Kurt’s birthday, all in one.
“Not like ten years ago,” Mercedes said to Kurt, as they watched Mike and Brittany dance.
“Ten years?”
“Your seventh? It was just you, me, your mom, and lots of chocolate cake.”
Kurt was astounded. “That was you?”
“You forgot?”
“I remember a little girl who showed up and invited herself to my party.”
“And I remember a little boy who needed a friend as much as I did.”
He squeezed her hand. “Thanks for coming.”
She squeezed back. “Always.”
Birthday #18
Kurt stared at his birthday cake, unable to think of anything to wish for.
He was 18-years-old today, a legal adult. He had new family in Carole and Finn, his dad was on the mend, he would be back at McKinley for senior year, he had made his first visit to New York City, and he had a boyfriend! One who had just told Kurt that he loved him for the very first time.
‘I wish for next year to be as good as this,” he thought, taking a deep breath and blowing.
The flames flickered out, all except one.
Birthday #19
Senior year had been a disaster, and now he had not gotten into NYADA, despite his well-praised audition.
“Blaine wants me to spend another year here,” he whispered. “I just can’t.”
Burt’s callused hand squeezed his neck. “Then don’t. You’re 19 now, a man. You got talents galore, work experience from the garage, enough drive for ten kids, and your mom’s life insurance money to give you a start.”
“But…”
“No buts,” Burt said firmly. “You go on to New York and grab life by the balls.”
Kurt felt his optimism rise. “Help me look for apartments?”
“You got it.”
Birthday #20
What a difference a year made.
He’d dumped Blaine after being cheated on less than a month after leaving Lima. He was enrolled at FIT and sharing a shoebox apartment with a fellow design student and a Broadway hopeful, but both were young gay men from small towns, and they had a lot in common.
“Happy Birthday!” Elliott shouted, tossing a handful of glittery sequins at him.
Adam came in playing the birthday song on a kazoo he had gotten from who-knows-where. “Ready for Callbacks? $20 on who gets the first hot guy’s number!”
“I already have yours. I win!”
Birthday #21
“I have the honor of presenting your first official grown-up drink,” Adam said, smiling lovingly at his grinning boyfriend of nearly a year. He set down a martini glass with a cherry floating on top. “A Manhattan seemed appropriate.”
Kurt beamed and gave him a kiss, then took an experimental sip. “I’ve had alcohol before,” he admitted. “Mostly wine, though. Mm, this is good!”
“I thought you’d like it. Happy Birthday, my love. May the future bring every good thing you wish for, and never more heartache than you can handle.”
Kurt could not have asked for a better sentiment.
THE END
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Because I’m still thinking about that letter.
It’s taken Victoria a while to realise what’s happening, she’ll admit that, but it’s not like Aaron hasn’t turned into even more of a recluse lately. And with the whole letter incident, and then with Liv’s diagnosis as well, she’d thought it best to give him a little extra time. Some space.
And it’s not like she’s not got enough on her plate to keep her busy.
She’s tried reaching out to Robert again, cautiously hopeful that his sending that letter meant she could nudge him towards allowing visitations again. And she’s been nervously preparing for the birth as well, checking and rechecking her hospital bag so she doesn’t have to think about the barrage of unsolicited birthing horror stories offered up by nosy neighbours and overly-friendly expectant women she’s met while waiting for her appointments at the hospital. Wendy’s presence looming over her everywhere she turns hasn’t helped in calming her nerves one bit either.
She pushes through her door quickly and locks it, desperate to avoid run-ins with anymore “Oh, you look ready to pop! It’ll be any day now”s and the intrusive hands that often comes along with it, reaching out to touch her belly like it’s a watermelon in David’s shop. If she has to listen to one more person comment on her size or inform her of how far along she must be, things will turn violent very quickly.
She’s been on her feet for 3 hours now. She feels trapped in her jumper, sweaty and uncomfortable even with the weather app on her phone informing her she shouldn’t be, and all she wants to do is get out of these clothes, wash away the smells of the pub kitchen, and lie starfished out in bed.
That’s the only thought that gets her up the stairs instead of allowing her to fall straight into the sofa like a part of her wants to.
She’s in her room, finally stripped of her jumper that she’s quite defiantly thrown onto the floor—an action she immediately regrets, knowing the awkward bend-squat hybrid of a pose she’ll have to perform to pick it up later—when she catches her reflection in the mirror.
Vic wants to look away. She does, for a few seconds, before screwing her eyes shut a further few seconds and deliberately turning her whole body to face the mirror.
This, it’s her, she thinks shakily. She can handle looking at it- no. At herself.
Vic looks. It’s been a while since she’s considered herself like that. As a whole, instead of isolated sections of organs and muscles and bones and skin, broken down by uses and senses. Of hands (stirring and chopping) and feet (swollen and aching), and even eyelids (wet streak of a brush and a trail of black). Of the taut skin of her belly, the womb on the other side of it (keeping her baby alive).
She looks at her entirety and is hit by just how much she’s changed. She runs a hand through her short fringe, pushing it off where it sticks to her forehead with sweat. Looks at the small transformations of her face: her cheeks, her jaw, the set of her mouth. There’s something about her eyes too, but she’s not sure it’s not just a trick of the light. She looks at the way her arms hang by her side, bridging her shoulders—and the freckles there that fade as they move down—with her wrists. Is surprised by the way she’s subconsciously, perhaps nervously, pressing her palms to her thighs, and watches herself unfurl when she moves to relax them like she’s seeing her body work for the first time.
She wonders how much of this change is due to the pregnancy, wonders how else her life has left its mark on her body. If she looks long enough, will she be able to see it all documented on her skin? The family she’s lost, the joys, the heartache. That night.
She wants to stop looking. Instead, she tamps down on the panic climbing up her chest. She’s changed so much in such a short time and she hasn’t even been looking. What else has she missed? Has she lost more of herself than she knows?
Vic looks away from the mirror then, blinking off the layer of tears that was starting to cloud her view anyway.
No. Whatever she thinks she’s lost, she’ll just have to find it again. She’s got time to look.
As for the family she’s lost, well. Andy’s… No news is good news. Maybe. Or at least she has to believe that, because what’s the alternative?
She doesn’t want to think about Adam right now.
And Robert’s not lost, not when he’s finally reached out. I’ll write again soon, he’d said. Promised, even. So no, he’s not lost. Just hidden. And too much of a stubborn idiot for his own good.
She wants to laugh at finding reassurance in the words of a man stuck in prison for 14 years, who won’t even let his family see him, but it’s something. It’s a lot, actually. It’s Robert. Robert, who knows her. Who she was and who she is. Sure, he’d had his pig-headed moments that made her want to scream and cry in his face, but all she’s thinking about now is the time they’d spent in France, just the two of them, a much needed retreat from everything that was once home.
Much of it was a blur, if she’s honest. She didn’t leave the hotel some days. Couldn’t even leave her bed some mornings. On those days, all she could manage holding on to was the smell of freshly baked bread Robert had bought from the bakery across the street and his warm hand pressed alongside hers as he went on about the shop clerk who he swears thought he was a native speaker, and the security guard downstairs who’s been teaching him new phrases. All in a voice almost too gentle for her to handle.
On the days she did allow him to show her around, he’d played inept tour guide, making up ridiculous, elaborate histories of places and people just to see her exasperated smile.
She thinks about the letter. He’d wanted her to have fun for the both of them, and she decides she’ll have to, won’t she? She’ll live and cry and laugh and look for the both of them, and then she’ll tell him all about it once she’s badgered him into allowing phone calls and visitations. She can be his inept tour guide this time, let him know there’s a whole ridiculous world waiting for him on the other side.
She’ll have to read the letter again, she thinks, as she carries on getting ready for bed.
It’s only when she’s an exhale away from sleep that she remembers she doesn’t actually have it. The letter’s still with Aaron.
Aaron, who she hasn’t seen or heard from in days.
:::
It’s not like they’ve been attached at the hip or anything, but she’s grown used to the odd shared meals and Aaron asking if she’s alright, if she’s been getting anymore grief from you-know-who, while Vic does her own covert checking-in to see if Aaron’s… well not okay, but holding on somehow.
And then Vic’s letter had arrived and Aaron’s hadn’t, and things had gotten a little...
So she’d decided to give him some space.
Now, it’s been days, and she’s wondering if she’s given him too much of it. She’s not gonna have him start hiding away and all.
By the time she makes her way into work the next day, she’s beyond worried.
“Chas, have you seen Aaron about?” she asks, as soon as she walks through the woolpack doors.
“Yeah? Just did, a few minutes ago. Why, has somethin’ happened?”
“No! No, just curious. Haven’t seen him around, that’s all.”
So he’s not been hiding away, then.
She wonders if it’s just her he’s been hiding from, but that’s probably too paranoid a thought. Why would he?
Unless… was this about the letter? Was he angry with her for getting one when he didn’t?
Right, that’s it. She’s not letting this go on any longer, if only so she can get her sanity back.
“Er, I’ll be back in a bit, just got to nip ta the loo, haha, you know how it is,” she says, pointing vaguely at her stomach, before waddling out of there as quickly as she can, away from Chas yelling after her that the loo is that way.
:::
She’s so out of breath by the time she’s beating the Mill’s door down, having decided all sorts by now. What if he hates her, she thinks. And then she thinks, how dare he hate her. Does he think she’s got any control over this?
Once she’s decided no one’s going to answer the door (coincidentally around the time her arms start to tire), she pulls out her phone and sends him a text.
where r u???
It’s only when she’s about to turn back up the street towards the woolpack that she sees him, clearly walking towards his house, his attention trained on his phone screen and his thumb endlessly scrolling.
He must’ve seen the text then, just not wanted to send one back.
“Aaron!”
She’s not prepared for the way he jumps, eyes snapping up and phone being hurriedly pushed into the pocket of his jeans, and it’s almost got her jumping as well. She did come off a bit sharp, she supposes. She blames it on the stress.
She’s also not prepared for the way he’s looking at her like a trapped mouse, sneaking looks past her and around them like he’s searching for a way out. He has actually been avoiding her, then.
“I’ve been looking for ya,” she says, much calmer now.
“Oh?” he says, sounding unsurprised.
Now that she’s actually looking at him, she can’t help but notice the changes in him as well. She knows they’ve been present for a while, she’s not blind, but seeing him anew after having not seen him for a few days seems to have refreshed her view of him, made it more precise.
She looks at how pale his skin has become, at the red rim of his eyes, and the circles under them. His shoulders are slumped around him, matching the downturn of his lips and the sad slope of his eyes. Did he get sadder in the few days she wasn’t looking? Or has he been like this for months?
“Vic, you alright? Did something happen with...” He glances back up the street, and Vic realises he means the Posners.
She hurries to reassure him, not wanting him worrying over that when he’s looking this miserable.
“No,” she flaps away at his worry, “See, I remembered you still had that letter, and,” she doesn’t miss the way his body stiffens at that, “realised I haven’t seen you in a while. That’s all,” she adds, trying to sound casual.
“Letter?” he asks, eyes addressing the air beside Vic’s left ear.
She was hoping they could just skim over that bit. Why did she even mention the letter?
Vic’s not sure why she hasn’t just changed the subject by this point, but it doesn’t stop her from clarifying, “From Robert?” Although Aaron clearly knows which letter she means. His eyes are already wet.
She feels rooted to the ground, waiting for a response she doesn’t need, to a question she didn’t even ask. She can’t remember why she was so adamant about seeing him in the first place.
She watches helplessly as Aaron chews on his lip and continues to avoid her gaze, searching for a way out of the awkward spiral she’s dropped them both in.
“Oh, that,” is what he finally settles on, his voice sounding like it’s being dragged through gravel. He’s looking at the ground in front of her, expression resigned, like she’s about to start marching him towards his execution block.
She wonders if he thinks she’s here to ask for the letter back. Wonders if a part of her had been looking for him for that very reason.
“Anyway, I really need to be heading in to work before Marlon sends out a search party.”
She picks up on the surprise on his face, and it confirms what she’s already accepting. She’s not seeing that letter again.
“Shouldn’t you be resting?” Aaron asks, now with a questioning frown, face growing more expressive knowing there’s no immediate threat of losing his letter.
“Oh don’t start. I’ve already cut back on my hours.” She’s glad they’re back on less tense ground though.
“But you... you’ve been doin’ alright, yeah?”
“Yeah. C’mere,” she says, before moving to hug her arms around him.
“Good,” he says, and she can feel his cheek moving from where it’s pressed against the side of her head. “That’s good, Vic. Sorry I haven’t been around much. Been busy.”
“Don’t worry about it,” she mumbles into his jacket, metal zip pushing uncomfortably against her nose. She doesn’t move away.
She thinks back to when they were both teenagers. She never thought their lives would end up so entangled then. But here they are, having married each other’s brothers and lost each other’s brothers with one or two other shared experiences thrown in. She thinks they probably understand each other in a way not many others do, and she holds on tighter at that thought before stepping back and clearing her throat.
She nods at him, about to be on her way again, but he stops her.
“Meet you at the pub for lunch?”
Vic raises her eyebrows.
Aaron rolls his eyes at her silent question, sighs like this is the biggest struggle of his life. “My shout,” he confirms.
“I could get used to this,” she says, smirking up at him.
“Well, don’t.” He scowls at her in that way he only reserves for people he likes, and she almost sees a shadow of the boy she once knew.
She doesn’t know yet if the man he’d grown to be over the last years, the happy, content one, is entirely lost. She hopes not, because she knows how proud Aaron had been of that man. She’d seen that quiet pride shine out of him.
But she does know that she knew him before all of this and she’ll know him again after. And maybe that could mean he can’t be all lost.
“Okay, I’ve gotta go.”
“Go, then!” Aaron says, affecting exasperation with his widened eyes and gesturing arms.
She’s staring at him, mouth open in shock, barely suppressing the urge to smile. At least he’ll never stop being unbelievably rude. And after she was so nice to him too, the prick.
“Just for that, I’m ordering two deserts.”
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robron (possibly post prison): “You’re shaking.”
sorry not post prison
have some teen AU with Jack
Set in the same universe as this - sorry teen AU anon, I cheated a little.
—
“This is the best day off I’ve had in a long time.” Robert smiled.
The weather was nice, their history teacher was sick so class got cancelled, and he’d just spent the better part of an afternoon lying in the grass and kissing Aaron in the sunshine.
“When you said come back to mine so we can hang out on the farm, I didn’t think this is what you had in mind.” Aaron commented.
“Are you complaining? Would you rather muck out stables? Work in the barn?”
“Well… there are interesting things you can do in barns… all that hay.”
“Ah so that’s why you’re here.” Robert grinned, propping himself up on his elbows. “You just want to roll around in the hay.”
“Isn’t that the only reason anyone ever dates a farm boy?” Aaron grinned back and leaned in for another kiss.
“Oh for god’s sake is this charade still going on?” Jack’s voice boomed across the field and snapped the two boys out of their loved up haze. “Every time I turn around he’s there.” he motioned at Aaron as they both sat up.
“So what?” Robert dared him. “Katie Addyman might as well move in, she’s here that often. But you never say anything about that.”
“That’s different.”
“How? Because she’s a girl?”
“Because she and Andy don’t throw it in my face all the time.”
“Really?” Robert stood up. “She spends the night and you won’t even let Aaron stay for tea.”
“Katie is a nice girl.” Jack settled on. “She’s a good influence on Andy. Not some criminal in training.”
“What?! That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about!” Robert yelled, getting angry.
“I’ve heard the stories. It’s no wonder he’s living with Paddy now. His own mother couldn’t handle him.”
“Since when do you listen to gossip, dad?” Robert asked.
“It’s not gossip when Chas herself told me.”
“So you can talk about us behind our backs with Aaron’s mum but you can’t accept him as my boyfriend?”
Robert was getting angrier by the minute, gearing up for a full on fight with his father.
“Rob… it’s ok… just leave it…” Aaron had gotten up too and grabbed Robert’s arm to get him to focus on him instead of Jack. “It’s ok. I should go. I promised Rhona I’d watch Leo for a bit this afternoon anyway.”
“You don’t have to go because of him.”
“I’m not, I promise. I’ll text you later ok?” Aaron said and turned to leave but Robert stopped him and pulled him into a kiss.
Partly because he wanted to say goodbye to Aaron properly, partly because he wanted to piss off Jack some more.
“Later…” He promised Aaron before he left.
“Are you done with your little performance now?”
“Performance?” Robert felt his anger rise again. Yes they might have started out as a way to wind up Jack, but these days he and Aaron were the real deal. “Like Andy and Katie you mean? The two of them acting like the perfect couple when all they do is cheat on each other.”
“Don’t make things up to make your brother look bad.” Jack said, dismissing him and walking away to the barn.
“I’m not making things up, dad. Everyone at school knows Andy shagged Debbie Dingle in the toilets at the Christmas gala. And Katie tried it on with me! But I turned her down because I have a boyfriend!”
“Will you keep your voice down?” Jack hissed. “It’s bad enough that you’re flaunting your little act all over the village, I don’t need the rest of Yorkshire to hear it.”
Robert laughed.
“That’s it, isn’t it dad? You’re a big homophobe and you don’t want people to know your son is dating another boy.”
“I am not… I have nothing against those people. I just know my own son and I know you’re only doing it to get a rise out of me.”
Robert shook his head.
“You’re wrong. Aaron is my boyfriend and I love him.”
Jack snorted.
“Don’t use words you don’t know the meaning of.”
“I think I know it better than you! Aaron is my boyfriend and I love him!” Robert repeated. “Maybe we’ll even get married one day. Settle down in the village and have a couple of kids. We’ll change our names to Sugden - Dingle or Dingle - Sugden and the kids will call you grandpa Jack.”
“Quiet Robert!” Jack ordered.
Robert shook his head. He’d mostly said those things to get a rise out of his father but he had to admit to himself, he liked the idea of maybe settling down with Aaron one day.
“I have to go.” he said more to himself than to Jack and started running in the general direction of the village.
“You’re not going anywhere, Robert!” Jack yelled. “Where do you think you’re going?!”
“To tell my boyfriend I love him!” Robert yelled back, the look on Jack’s face an added bonus.
He ran all the way to Smithy Cottage and banged on the door. When Aaron opened it, Robert lunged at him and kissed him.
“Hello to you too.” Aaron said and laughed slightly when they broke the kiss. “What was that for? What are you doing here? Are you alright? You’re shaking.”
“I’m ok. I’m great. Perfect.” Robert panted, exhausted from running all the way but the adrenaline keeping him upright.
“Why are you so out of breath? Did you have another fight with your dad?”
“No. Yes. Doesn’t matter.”
Robert took a few deep breaths to try to get his breathing under control and his heart rate back to normal.
“I had to see you. To tell you something.”
Aaron frowned.
“Did you run here or something?” He asked and Robert nodded. “Why didn’t you just text me?”
“Wanted to see your face when I told you.”
“Tell me what?”
Robert smiled, took Aaron’s hand and made him step outside.
“That I love you.” he said and kissed a stunned Aaron.
“You what?”
“I know… I know we started out as a way to piss of my dad, which worked like a charm by the way.” Robert said and laughed. “But… I really like you now. More than that. It’s real. I love you. And maybe one day we’ll get married and have kids and everything… but right now… I just wanted to tell you… that I love you.”
“I… what? Are… are you sure?”
“Never been more sure of anything in my life.”
“Really? Wow… I… don’t really know what to say.” Aaron stammered.
“I love you too, Robert would be nice. Or something along those lines.” Robert offered and Aaron laughed.
“Yeah, you’re right. I suppose I do. I love you too, Robert.” He wrapped his arms around Robert’s neck and kissed him. “But you’re mad for running all the way over here.”
#robandaaronsoulmates#robron#robron fic#aaron dingle#robert sugden#my writing#robert is nothing if not over dramatic
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robron week
Day 5 | Firsts/Beginning:
We were just kids when we fell in love
' "When it happens, you'll have absolutely no say over it Aaron. You'll be helpless in this amazing way and my God you'll be grateful. I promise you that, one day, you'll fall in love.”
~*~
Aaron kicks against the bench with gusto and watches the world go by around him as he sits and waits for something to happen.
He feels it running through his veins and he doesn't know exactly what he's supposed to do about it. It's strange, feels like he's falling off the edge of something he doesn't quite understand.
All he knows is that he's waiting and waiting and his life is absolutely shit.
He's eighteen, should be in Ibiza with all his other mates but apparently he's too much of a live wire to be trusted on a plane and then in another country with booze.
He rolls his eyes against it and then hears the sound of arguing coming from just down the road.
He sees Andy there, and he's clearly ready to fight some blond boy with questionable fashion style.
Aaron shakes off the thought before studying the scene even further and noticing the boxes at the bloke's feet.
He takes it he's moving in to where Andy lives, the farm about a mile away. Only Andy doesn't seem to be having any of it and Aaron watches the bloke get shoved to the ground before he can say anything.
He gets to his feet quick enough, cardboard boxes piled high and this baggy denim jacket on as he stalks up the road with a scowl on his face and Aaron can't help but stare.
Until.
"What you lookin' at?" The boy growls and Aaron can't stop looking at him.
"Nothing." He manages to get out though, seconds later, time ticking on by.
He watches the boy turn and walk up the steps of the pub and Aaron's whole body turns numb against it.
That's when Aaron Dingle first meets Robert Sugden.
~*~
Robert Sugden is a year older than Aaron, and it shows by the way everyone seems to treat him.
He overhears everything from his room about exactly why he's back.
He's run out of money from his travels and expects Andy to take him in.
His mum seems to hate him, for a reason he's not too sure of but by the time the moon is up, Aaron's heard enough about the boy to last a life time.
~*~
Aaron has about one interesting thing going on in his life at the moment.
He's a mechanic and naturally that means he grabs the keys and does donuts with the cars until Cain catches him.
He's not doing that now though, he's got his head stuck in an engine and he can hear the commotion from outside just as he twists at the fuel filter.
It's *his voice again, all booming and heavy and Aaron's sure that people thought the same of his only a few years ago.
He's not much better now, too wild, too frantic and unpredictable according to absolutely everyone.
Robert seems to be getting a hard time of it by Andy still and he almost wishes he could give a toss but then he sights Robert's thick looking leather jacket and he almost cringes.
His fashion style is more than a little questionable at this point and Aaron wants nothing to do with it.
Only Robert comes to the garage and apparently he used to work here and everyone should care about that fact.
"Any jobs going? I need the money considering Andy's not letting me stay at the farm."
There's something almost soft about the way he hangs his head and looks towards Cain who has a face like thunder.
"Why would I give you a job?"
And oh,
Aaron almost forgot the mega Dingle vs Sugden battle that he wasn't around to witness.
It resulted in little Sarah being born and Andy's name being marked by the whole family for daring to getting 'Our Debbie' pregnant.
That was years ago but apparently it's still enough to warrant a straight up decline of Robert's plea without a second thought.
Aaron keeps his head down as Robert sighs hard and can't help but feel a little uncomfortable.
He doesn't even know why but there's something about Robert which just riles him up in this ridiculous way.
"Your family are a bunch of nutters mate."
And Cain can't help but get personal it seems.
"And yours aren't? Your sister's a slapper and -"
And that happens to be Aaron's mum.
To say he flys off the handle is a bit dramatic but Robert is tossed to the ground within seconds so, actually it's debatable.
Robert's head lands against the gravel with an awkward ease and he's probably used to being there by now.
The idiot's been here for a grand total of two days and he's already made an enemy.
"Oi, get off me." Robert says, fists flying up at Aaron's arms to try and get him away.
Aaron keeps a firm hold, eyes hard. "Do one." He says, lets go and Robert gets to his feet, hands in his pockets and this look on this face.
It's almost like a kicked puppy.
"Stick the job." Robert hisses.
Cain raises an eyebrow and is somehow impressed by Aaron's work. Aaron warms under the praise, the smallest tilt of the head and the promise of getting off early and it's nearly more important than the way Robert looks back at him as he leaves.
~*~
His mum is an absolute nightmare at the best of times but when Cain tells her about Robert's words, she literally bars him from entering the pub and Aaron's glad until he watches Andy and Katie laugh about it.
They're older.
Only by a few years but they've set up house and think they're in their thirties and bore Aaron to absolute death.
They love in this ridiculous way and Aaron wishes he's never going to feel that way.
It's a strange place to go but he does think about it when he's bored, or alone, or both. Love is this confusing concept and he's not going to begin to try and wish it upon himself.
"You can't just ban me." Robert says, and Aaron watches from a booth. He's clearly had quite the day of it, hair sticking up and leather jacket firm against his body.
"Think I can." Chas has her arms crossed and all sorts and Aaron smirks a little as Robert castes a look in his direction.
He assumes he's connected dots, realised Chas is his mum and that only earns a scowl from the boy who once again turns away.
~*~
Aaron's a big boy, big enough to know what exactly he can do with a Friday night and so he manages to actually put enough money together to deserve a night out.
He's wearing a white top, a puffer jacket and has his hair slathered in gel too thick for him to actually use properly.
He looks at himself in the mirror and then hears a knock on the door.
It's Paddy, and he's back from whatever sheep meeting he was at.
He waves a hand out awkwardly and smiles. "Where are you going?" He asks and Aaron shrugs.
"Out." He replies, and Paddy tells him to be careful because he knows something is wrong even when his mum and Cain don't.
Aaron's eyes flicker in the mirror and he sees Paddy hanging by his bedroom door.
He just nods his head along until he disappears and then sprays something on his chest.
It smells like earth, it'll do.
~*~
It's just a bar.
Just any old bar and Aaron's almost stunned into just moving in and having a drink.
He's old enough now, feels something tingle through his body as he realises that and the fact that the place makes him feel almost alive.
In a weird way.
Because he doesn't fit in, but he's not supposed to, is he?
"You alright?" He's blonde, blue eyes, all of that jazz and he supposes his mum would call him a dream boat.
But Aaron just scarpers and suddenly he's not old enough for this.
So he heads home, sits on the back row of the bus and then sees someone sloped against the shelter as he steps off.
For a second he moves to just carry on walking but then peers closer and sees that it's the idiot.
Robert.
"The bus just went mate." Aaron shouts a little on purpose and Robert looks up at him.
"How about you piss off back to your Dingle hut." Robert has a sharp tongue and mean eyes when he wants to and Aaron just scowls against it all as he stares at him.
The air isn't nearly as cold as it would be if it was winter and he supposes that it's the silver lining this idiot doesn't even deserve.
"At least I have somewhere to go." Aaron retaliates, and sort of suddenly he feels awful because he knows how it feels not to have a home.
He lives with Paddy now but before that he was tossed back and forth to whoever could put up with him.
And from what he gathers, Robert has absolutely no one left.
Vic seems too polite to want to take sides on whatever is going on and so Robert sleeps in bus shelters?
"I said leave me alone. So get lost Dingle." Robert has venom in his blood and Aaron feels something pull inside him as he hears him speak.
He's paler under the moonlight and his hair is longer than Aaron thought it was and he's still an absolute dick.
"Have a nice night." Aaron says, goes to turn away and Robert scoffs.
"You clearly didn't. Home for ten?"
And Aaron's not sure why it stings but -
Robert Sugden is getting so far under his skin that he wants to flipping scream.
~*~
A few weeks go by and something changes, Aaron's working on a car one day when he feels someone slam against the bonnet.
He shakes against it and then he slides out from underneath the car to see Robert's smarmy face looking at him.
"Show me the ropes would ya?" And Robert has overalls on, a smugness about him that Aaron wants to wipe off.
"You what?" Aaron stands up, squares up to Robert and then watches Cain come between them.
"He's working here. We need the help." Cain doesn't say anything, just stalks towards the desk and Aaron watches Robert with a sudden energy about him because this isn't fair.
But he's also just a kid in everyone's eyes and Robert is that little bit older, that year, and so apparently he doesn't get a say.
~*~
Robert has big hands and a freckled nose and he's almost soft with the way he works, delicate even.
Aaron finds it hard to stop staring at him.
And he knows it's a flipping problem that he'll have to just get over sooner or later.
He prefers it happen sooner.
Because Robert is a cocky, arrogant idiot who his family hate along with his dosy brother.
So he just needs to stop staring at him the way he is. That's all.
~*~
The sun stretches out over the village in an unfamiliar fashion, makes Aaron squint against it and Robert's freckles almost illuminate over his face.
Not that Aaron's looking or anything.
He's fixing an engine when a bloke approaches them with a car and a botched job at repairing a tyre.
"Hey, sorry. Could you squeeze this in?" And the guy looks only a little older than Aaron but his eyes are all suggestive and he's got this smile on his face for absolutely no reason.
Aaron scowls, thinks that will disguise the bubbling in his stomach as he notices Robert staring at what is going on. All this heat rises up towards his head and he quickly takes the keys from the bloke.
"Yeah it's fine. Drop your details down and -"
"Oh what, like his number Aaron?" And there's absolutely no reason for Robert flipping Sugden to open his mouth and then wink.
But he does and Aaron wants to throttle him.
The bloke laughs against it, turns ruby and jots down his number before walking away with a smirk on his face as if Aaron's actually going to call him.
It's ridiculous, the way another man can be that confident and daring. Aaron could have walloped him one for even trying, but he didn't even seem to him.
Aaron feels the same heat rise up through him and it's like everyone is watching him and waiting and everyone just knows exactly who he is and -
Robert laughs, it breaks through the panic Aaron feels and suddenly there's someone to take his anger and confusion out on.
"I didn't know a Dingle was gay."
Aaron doesn't even wait to hear if Robert is sincere or just fucking teasing because he literally tosses his tool aside and launches himself on Robert. He tries to land a punch but Robert is flat out on the floor and something inside Aaron screams 'no' in this unnatural way.
Robert pants hard, and Aaron's literally straddling him and this is *not trying to disprove Robert's thoughts at all is it?
He leans forward though, holds at Robert's hands so that he's pinned down and suddenly all he has to do is deny.
"You ever say that again and -"
"Alright mate. I was only asking. It's not a crime." Robert's eyes are wide and alert and also this murky green colour that Aaron's just realised.
He stares at him for a few seconds and then wills himself to slide off.
When he does, Robert is bright red and still panting a little and clears his throat as he looks at Aaron. "I'll stay out of your way from now on yeah?"
And it's weird to think they're so close in age. What with Robert being this explorer who has returned penniless but with all this experience of the world, and Aaron being ... Aaron.
A Dingle who has nothing going for him at all.
Aaron decides to call what he feels jealousy as Robert gets back to work and he stares at him for a little too long again.
~*~
Robert was right about the whole keeping out of each other's way and it's only increased the way Aaron watches him.
He has nothing else to do considering they work in silence and purposely go on different lunch breaks everyday.
Today though, Aaron's run over his time and is sitting in the cafe with Vic eating a muffin.
"How comes you and my brother aren't ripping each other's hair out?"
She's meant to be back at school too, and Aaron smiles faintly at the way she's attempting to do algebra and gossip.
He shrugs his shoulders and stiffens at the mention of Robert. "We stay out of each other's way."
Vic sighs. "So he doesn't talk to you. About me or Andy or -"
Aaron waves a hand out. "No. We're not mates, we just -"
He can't even finish his sentence because suddenly Robert is coming through the door with oily hands and a frown on his face.
"Will you hurry up! I want a lunch break too you know."
Aaron's eyes flicker as he looks at Robert in his blue overalls drawn down and his grey shirt visible and then he sighs. "Pipe down. I'll be over in a sec."
And Robert nods until he sees Aaron talking to Vic and Aaron realises that he's not best pleased.
It sets something in his stomach as he watches him leave and he finds out ten minutes later why.
"Look. If you're confused or whatever. Don't try and experiment with my little sister alright? She's too young for you and your tricks." And Robert is being deadly serious about it, has this darkness set over him and he's no longer just an idiot, he's a protective one too.
Aaron is all set to set him straight but then decides not to. "I can do what I like mate. So stop going on about me being gay." He says, and it's almost the biggest insult he's ever received.
Robert sniffs, edges closer. "It's your life mate." He says, and with that, he's off down the road and Aaron's probably closing up by himself as well.
~*~
It's not like Robert has been influential or whatever but Aaron's trying again. He's at the bar and he's got a pint and a bag of crisps and sweaty palms because -
It's his life and he isn't going to be pleasing anyone but himself.
On all accounts, it's a grand philosophy to live by and Aaron feels almost at ease in the surrounding.
It's like he's drawn to the place and it's supposed to make him feel like this is okay, like what he feels, what he doesn't feel for girls, is okay.
He drains his pint with gusto and then looks up towards the pool table. He fancies a game, thinks it'll settle something in his chest but when he looks properly -
He sees Robert standing there laughing with some bloke.
And then they're walking out of the bar together and Aaron's mouth is just hanging open in absolute surprise.
Because Robert Sugden, on all accounts, is a ladies man.
But Aaron follows them, and something in his heart twists at the sight of Robert going at it with this stranger whose hands are grabbing his arse for all he can.
It looks odd, it makes Aaron's eyes water and he doesn't even know what to do so he decides to quickly charge passed them in the hope that he won't be seen.
Because if Robert does see him, he'll also see the state of his face for no apparent reason and that'd just be -
"Aaron?" He hears his name and suddenly Robert isn't so far away from him anymore, in fact, he's standing opposite him and the bloke has vanished.
He watches Robert, leather jacket on and ripped jeans and skin pale as he brushes a hand over his mouth and tries to act normal.
"Yeah?" Aaron can hardly even look at him and apparently that gives it away because Robert's eyes flicker and he suddenly looks gutted.
"Aaron, please don't tell anyone."
And Aaron's not the only one with secrets apparently.
The thing is, he owes Robert absolutely nothing after he was a smarmy bastard who took pleasure in treating him like shit a few times.
But something inside him burns as he thinks about blabbing.
"I won't." Aaron says, as the street light flickers brighter and he watches Robert's face relax.
And with that, he's off.
~*~
Robert's unnaturally quiet the next morning, has his head down and concentrated and Aaron knows exactly what it's about but he won't say a word on the matter.
Because clearly, after all of Robert's pushing and prodding, he was the closest case.
He was the one with this giant secret he didn't want anyone to know. And now Aaron knows and something about that makes his insides flip.
"Will you stop staring at me." Robert says, way into the afternoon now and with Cain well and truly gone. Aaron watches him with this nervous energy and stammers out an apology but clearly it's not enough because Robert slams down his tools. "I need a break." He says.
"Don't be soft. Just come back and -"
"Soft? What 'cause of what you saw last night?" And if anyone was walking passed now, things would look dramatic.
Aaron stares into Robert's eyes and shakes his head slowly. "I shouldn't have said that."
"Why not? You wouldn't be the first." Robert kicks at the tyre of the car he's working on and Aaron sees the awful vulnerability about Robert that he despises. "And you won't be the last, not when my family find out."
Aaron scowls. "Well they won't hear it from me will they?" He says, he's attempting to be reassuring but he almost shouts in Robert's face and he's not good with this, comfort.
Robert lifts his head up and goes to speak but clearly he changes his mind because he just disappears down the road and Aaron's left struggling to breathe.
~*~
It's a lucky guess.
But he finds him in one of the old barns, the least stinky one with bounds of hay that no one uses anymore.
He's sitting by himself and Aaron's heart flips at the sight of him. He wills himself to get a grip but it's hard when Robert is around and that's so stupid to admit, but it's true.
"What are you doing here?" Robert says suddenly, wiping at his face and crossing his legs towards his chest.
He looks about ten years old and Aaron climbs up on the bounds of hay to sit with him. "Sitting down, what's it look like?"
Robert stares at him for a few seconds and then sighs. "The last thing I want, is your pity okay?"
And Aaron frowns. "Good. Because that's not what this is."
Only he doesn't even know what this is. He closed up the garage and still had Robert on his mind and so he made it his mission to find him when he should be at him eating fish fingers and hearing Paddy rabbit on about something to do with animals.
Robert shakes his head at him and Aaron keeps staring.
"I'm not gay. I'm bisexual. But it's just as worse if you were to ask my dad." Robert's skin turns pale and there's this confidence in his voice that Aaron wants to steal. "That's why I left, 'cause he found out and - tried to beat it out of me. I thought I could come back and put things right but apparently not. Because he's dead."
And Aaron remembers everyone crying at Jack's funeral, his picture still hangs proudly in the pub.
"Shit." Aaron says, in this almost undignified way about him and he looks at the way Robert is struggling and wants it to stop. "Oi. I'm sorry. He seemed like a top bloke." He says, only that was clearly not the right thing to say because Robert doesn't want to hear about how amazing his father was.
Of course he doesn't.
He watches Robert wipe at his face and climb down off the hay and Aaron jumps off to follow him towards the door.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to -"
"Well, stop trying to. I didn't ask you to come here so just leave me alone!" Robert shouts and there's something about his anger now that makes Aaron's heart feel heavy.
"You better be careful. I could tell them all about your little kisses with -"
Aaron hardly expects to be tackled to the ground but he is and Robert looks so angry and hurt and Aaron is so immediately sorry.
"You jumped up little thug." Robert says, pins Aaron down and their breathes seem to collide between them as they slow down their movements and -
Aaron pounces.
It's like something just breaks within him, this knot is undone and he launches towards Robert's face with a decent amount of gusto and he's kissing him.
It's not his first kiss.
But it's the first one that matters.
He knows that, almost straight away really because the way he kisses Robert is like he's battling for air and Robert is his only source. He feels Robert's surprise against their touch and then feels it melt away into this pile of goo around them as his hands find comfort at the back of Aaron's neck and they're kissing.
He's kissing Robert and everything screams out for him to stop but he *can't and all that he knows is that he's falling.
The thought suddenly reaches his head and he shoves Robert off him hard so that he falls back against the hay and -
He's just had his first proper kiss.
"I need - I need to go." Aaron says suddenly, and there's a hand hovering over his mouth, it's daring him to pull it across and forget what just happened but he can't.
He suddenly realises that his hair is in absolute state from their embrace and he backs towards the door with such haste that he hits his head.
Robert just keeps his head down and -
It was just a blip.
~*~
A blip is usually followed by a high, so Aaron flirts up a storm with anyone girl who comes into the garage the next day and Robert stays absolutely silent.
Aaron's still unable to look anywhere else but at him though and something inside his stomach twists as he sees how confused and sad he looks.
But it's not like he can do anything about it.
"Have you two kissed and made up or what?" Cain's full of jokes and Aaron nearly dislocates his shoulder as he looks up at his uncle.
"You what?" He says gruffly and Cain waves a finger between them both.
"Civil." Cain says, sipping his coffee.
That's when Robert lifts his head up, blonde hair brushed against his forehead. "I'm just here to do my job. Nothing else."
And the last part hurts.
It keeps hurting until it's time to close up and Aaron watches Robert struggle out of his overalls.
"Need any help?" Aaron asks, not even lifting his head up and Robert just ignores him.
So suddenly Aaron feels something in his chest ache and he can't handle it so he moves towards Robert and tries to touch his arm but he ends up slammed against a car.
"Don't touch me." Robert says, and he's still so confused. Aaron can see it in his eyes and he wants it to go away, he doesn't want to hurt Robert, so he should just nod his head and turn to leave but he doesn't.
Instead, he pushes Robert back against the wall and this time he kisses him with more confidence.
And Aaron and Robert are two boys kissing in a garage and no one can tell Aaron he shouldn't want this.
~*~
Robert falls apart underneath a kiss, every single strand of cockiness about him melts away and he's this delicate thing.
Aaron's got used to the feel of Robert's mouth on his and the way they don't speak about it during the day.
It's always the same routine, they work in silence, half smiles across the cars and then Aaron attacks at Robert and sends him a million mixed messages.
It's the same routine two weeks later, only this time Robert changes everything,
"The barn's quieter." And he holds Aaron's hand as they walk there.
Aaron only lets him because it's dark outside and -
Robert has soft hands.
~*~
Robert kisses with a softness about him too, his face melts into Aaron's and he looks at him sometimes in a way that makes Aaron forget to breathe.
Aaron lets his guard down suddenly, when Robert is laying next to him and kissing him gently and running his hands through his hair.
He tells himself this is what it feels like to feel something and then has to stop himself.
"You ever think about leaving this place?" Robert whispers to Aaron, moon stretched out over the sky now.
Aaron's got his hands locked in Robert's and he holds them up a little in between them as he nods.
"I think about that a lot." Aaron mumbles, a softness that only Robert sees.
Only Robert can *afford to see.
~*~
"Remember how I used to hate you?" Aaron says, breathing slowing down as he sips at his beer and has his head against Robert's shoulder.
"Of course." Robert scoffs and Aaron holds at his shirt a little.
"I never did." Aaron admits, and there's something so sincere in his voice.
Robert makes him want to be honest and good and he's not perfect himself, but he's managed to tame this horribleness deep inside Aaron with little difficulty.
And everyone seems to see that. No one more than Paddy, who's had his suspicions for too long now.
"You're happier." He comments, and it's causally said over dinner.
And Aaron is ready to flat out call Paddy a weirdo but then he gets a text.
' I'm bringing pizza to the barn in half an hour. Be there. '
And -
"Yeah, whatever."
~*~
Robert has this wild ability of making Aaron laugh.
And Aaron's easily lost in the happiness that spreads over Robert's face as he kisses him and tickles at his side and makes Aaron this pile of goo.
Robert makes Aaron vulnerable and exposed and -
It scares the absolute life out of him most days.
So he does what he's good at, and he lashes out and he loses it and Robert bares the brunt of how fucked up he is.
"I don't want this to be - just erased from your memory." Robert says one night, beers between them in the barn and the promise of something so much more in between them too.
But Aaron's a dear in headlights as Robert is too good for him.
"You're wasting your time Rob." He says suddenly, and his chin wobbles against the way Robert looks at him. "Because I can't be this person outside of this barn."
And that's the truth behind it all.
"I can help ya. Aaron, you know how I feel." Robert has blonde hair and green eyes and is easily the most beautiful boy Aaron's ever met in his life.
And he doesn't deserve his help either.
"Go find someone who cares."
~*~
Robert doesn't come in to work for a few days, and he doesn't answer Aaron's messages either and Vic is absolutely no help.
"He's probably just gone away for a few days. He does that a lot, when he's got things on his mind." Vic says, sipping the hot chocolate Aaron's forked out for.
Aaron nods a little slowly. "Right." He says, and something clenches in his chest when he realises that he's the reason why Robert has scarpered.
It's not the same until he sees him again, and he can't help the smile on his face as he runs up to him.
"Rob?" He says, hands dug into his overalls and a smile on his face, nervous against the way he left things with Robert so cruelly days ago. "Hey, can we talk, I -"
Robert's skin is paler than it was before, and he's got bags under his eyes. He looks like he's not been doing great and Aaron's suddenly fighting everything inside him not to reach out and hug him.
"Find somebody who cares." Robert says, pushes passed Aaron and -
Well he deserved that.
~*~
Aaron chases after Robert as they lock up, drags him back into the garage with the promise of leaving him alone once he's said sorry.
"Look. I was horrible. I shouldn't have been." And Aaron's absolutely awful at this, especially when Robert isn't even looking at him. "Will you listen to -"
Robert suddenly raises his head and Aaron's heart flips, he still makes him feel like he needs to grab ahold of him before his legs turn to jelly.
"I missed ya, you know." Aaron's biting his lip and suddenly he shuffles towards Robert. "Don't go like that again." He says, and Robert wordlessly wraps his arms around Aaron and -
It's scary how much Aaron finds comfort in the way Robert holds him.
~*~
Andy's a dick who makes Robert nearly cry and Aaron loses his mind against it.
"Oi. Come here." And Aaron's hugging at Robert, a hand flying across his back and rubbing it slowly.
"You're good at this." Robert tells him, holds a hand against Aaron's top and keeps a firm grip on it.
And Aaron freezes. "I am?"
Robert nods his head, leans up and kisses his cheek. "You really are."
And that makes Aaron smile, it also makes him punch Andy the next time he sees him and the breathless set of kisses he gets from Robert is worth the way his knuckles sting for a few days.
~*~
There's always something, and it's usually always Aaron and this time there's no difference to the norm.
He's all black hoodies and dark looks and Robert is clingy today, hands falling across Aaron's face when he kisses him and dares to slip a hand against the buckle of Aaron's jeans.
And it freaks Aaron the fuck out.
"Get off me." Aaron's ruining it, he knows he's ruining it but he can't help it and Robert only tries to help but -
Aaron panics against what it will mean if Robert and him do that.
There's no going back and Robert doesn't seem to get that.
"Aaron, we don't have to do anything like that. I shouldn't have -"
"I'm not like you."
And there it is, the words just flutter in the air and suddenly Aaron is so far removed from the pleasure and happiness Robert feels when they're intimate.
It contrasts the complexity of Aaron's fear and the way he is still trying to fight against it.
Robert looks flipping crestfallen though. "Aaron, you're gay."
And that only makes Aaron lose his mind even more. "Fuck off." He says, suddenly throws Robert's worn down leather jacket towards his face and climbs off the hay.
Just someone saying it makes Aaron's hands shake.
"No. No, I'm not having you do this again." Robert says, and he's mad, he must be mad. "Aaron, I'm *here for you. I'm here and I'll help you but you just have to -"
"What? Be honest? Like you are?" It's laughable, it really is and Aaron's trying not to cry against it. Robert's eyes flicker uncomfortably and Aaron wills himself to stop now but something horrible within him carries on. "You're the one who's too scared to let your family know, your dad's dead and you're still running from him!"
And that's,
That's fucking horrible.
He instantly regrets it, gasps against his words and then the way Robert has a tear rolling down his face.
"Rob -" Aaron's chin wobbles and he fucking hates himself so much that it aches.
"So this isn't real then?" Robert's eyes flicker, his blue jumper loose around his body and the sleeves pulled up across his hands the way Aaron wears it.
And he's asking this question that means too much.
So Aaron lies, because that's obviously the best thing to do.
"You think this is like some - some boyfriend and girlfriend thing? It's not. We're not -"
Robert suddenly walks passed him, "Thanks for letting me know." He whispers and then he's gone and Aaron -
He's crying over a boy for the first time in his life.
~*~
He's still crying when he gets home and Paddy's too observant to ignore it so he knocks on his bedroom door until Aaron lets him in.
"I'm fine. Go away." Aaron's weak with his words and Paddy just tuts a little before sitting on his bed.
"You're clearly not fine." Paddy insists, not even a flicker of doubt in his mind. "Aaron? You can talk to me."
And Aaron's suddenly just this little boy, and Robert means too much for him to even consider and that aches.
"Talking won't do anything." Aaron mumbles, wipes a tear from his face and suddenly Paddy rubs his back gently and he collapses towards him until Paddy is holding him tight.
"I know what this is about Aaron." And it makes Aaron stiffen in his hold, Paddy's probably always known. "Robert Sugden."
Aaron hasn't got it in him to even try and deny anything anymore, because it's so exhausting. But Paddy's trying to understand and it freaks Aaron out.
"I've seen the way you look at each other. The way you look at him in the garage and -"
"I'm not gay. Not like that." And it's scary, how he's sorted things out in his head. "I just - Robert makes me feel things I shouldn't." His chin wobbles and Paddy frowns.
"Says who?" And Aaron looks down. "Aaron, what does he make you feel?"
Aaron sees Robert holding him, kissing him, listening to him talk about rubbish for hours and looking at him like he's the sun and -
"*Everything."
~*~
Robert goes again.
And Aaron waits, and waits, and the feelings in his heart seem to grow without Robert even being close.
He comes back though, and it's nearly been a whole week of Aaron holding his breath every morning as he waits for Robert to show up.
He's here now though, climbing out of a taxi at ten at night and Aaron feels sick as he thinks about what he's supposed to say to him.
He doesn't give himself the chance to think though because he just walks up to Robert and smiles at him a little. "Hi." He says, awkward and pathetic and -
He can smell perfume on Robert.
He's probably had girls chasing after him because he's fucking beautiful and everyone knows it.
Aaron blows out a breath and Robert tries to move passed him but he won't let him.
"Paddy's not in." Aaron whispers, looks towards the cottage. "Just - two minutes."
Robert frowns at him suddenly, and it's not fair how together he is when Aaron feels likes he's falling apart. "I've not got anything to say, you've said all there is Aaron. I'm done wasting my -"
"Please." Aaron whispers, and Robert looks shocked by the way the younger man dares to press a hand on his chest in the middle of the street.
He nods his head and follows Aaron inside.
Suddenly there's nothing to say and Aaron just stares at Robert slowly and walks towards him. "I want to kiss you so badly." Aaron admits, feels his eyes flicker and Robert's mouth hang open a little as the younger boy leans in.
He pulls away though and Aaron bites hard on his gum to stop the rejecting from hurting.
"I'm sorry." Aaron whispers, "But that's all I say isn't it? That I'm sorry, that - that I don't want you go walk away from me." He holds at hoodie and frowns. "My head's a mess."
"And mine isn't?" Robert shouts, and he doesn't shout like this often but Aaron's made him cry before so anything can happen. "You kissed me the first time, and then the time after that. And then you tell me this isn't real, that we don't mean anything and -"
Aaron nods his head. "What do you want me to say?"
"I want you to be honest!" Robert is so much wiser than he is. "You flipping idiot."
And Aaron can literally see what he's doing to Robert, and he doesn't deserve it even slightly.
Aaron's chin wobbles and he doesn't know how to be, he doesn't know who he is.
"I don't -"
"Like me? Feel something for me?" Robert is angry, he's still angry and whatever girl he was with didn't ease that at all. Robert starts pacing like he's thirty and waves his hands about before stopping and looking at Aaron. "And you're not gay right? You're as straight as they come, that's why you kiss me and put your hands on my -"
Aaron can't handle it. He just can't. So he pulls at Robert and slams him against the wall and his eyes water. "'Shut up." He screams, and he has to watch the way Robert winces against the impact his head makes against the wall.
"Rob." Aaron's chin wobbles and suddenly he flattens his hand against Robert's chest and -
"I'm sorry."
He completely unravels against the weight of absolutely everything he feels.
"I'm so - so - sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I couldn't - couldn't hurt you." Aaron's shaking, this deep awful feeling just snakes through his whole body and he's crying.
He's actually crying and he expects Robert to leave but he doesn't. He just holds him up and clings to Aaron's body.
"It's okay." Robert whispers, and he's this constant person in this haziness around Aaron that he cannot even begin to overcome. "I've got you." He kisses Aaron's head and this is the first time he's ever felt like this before in his life.
"Don't go." Aaron whispers, eyes still watering and this look in his eyes suddenly because everything around him has calmed. "I want you."
And Robert's hands start to shake as he holds Aaron.
"Do you want me Robert?" Aaron is almost trembling under this attempt at being confident and strong and -
Robert dives towards him, kisses him gently and scoops him up in his arms as they quicken the pace and Aaron feels everything so suddenly.
"Are - are you sure?" Robert is asking, because Aaron's never been this delicate.
Aaron nods though, holds out his hand and seconds later Robert Sugden is in his room and he's pulling his jacket off, and then his jeans until he's falling onto Aaron, onto the bed and -
Robert is the first person to ever make him feel like that.
~*~
It's late, and Robert is tangled in Aaron as they pull the covers over them.
He's all soft with him, and their bodies are delicately sensitive as Robert kisses at Aaron's cheek and everything is perfect until -
"I'm in love with you Aaron."
Aaron's eyes are closed, and suddenly his heart falls out of his chest and he can't even breathe.
So he forgets it, he forgets everything and pretends he didn't even hear.
And thankfully, Robert doesn't say stupid stuff like that again.
~*~
Aaron's a fool for thinking Robert would forget what he said, he's an absolute fool.
Because as soon as the garage is closed up, Robert touches him with a delicate touch and kisses his neck now and holds his waist closer and softer and all Aaron can thinks is:
He says he loves me.
He doesn't have to love me but he says he loves me.
And then:
I don't know how to love him.
That's why he shuffles out of his hold and he pretends like last night Robert didn't go and complete his whole life and care for him in a way no one will ever be able to again.
Robert knows as well. "Aaron, I meant what I said."
Because they know each other too well, there's no need to pretend anymore.
Aaron shakes his head, "No you didn't." He whispers. "We just had sex and you were being stupid." He moves across to the toolbox and starts stacking things away as Robert stares at him.
"Don't tell me how to feel." And Robert has every right to be on the defence. He does. "I know. And I've felt like this for a while now." Aaron just looks down. "That's why I kept having to leave, because it was too much." He says, "You were hurting me and - it was felt so *bad 'cause -"
Aaron looks up at him and frowns. "Robert, stop talking alright? Please don't ruin this."
"Ruin it?" And Robert's voice just *has to break. "Aaron, I love you and I think you feel the same."
And Aaron feels everything inside him heighten. "I don't." He says, and Robert shudders before he slides down against the car out in front of them and there's this awful pause for what feels like hours.
"I'm leaving." Robert says finally and Aaron's eyes widen. "My friend needs someone to help him run his bar down in London and I said I'd think about it, but I'm going."
And Aaron's suddenly crying. "Because I didn't say I love ya?"
But he knows it's more than that. He knows it because Robert thinks he'll never ever be honest and confident enough to be himself and -
"You know it's not that." Robert whispers, and he suddenly walks up towards Aaron and holds at his face. "You need to - to be happy and it's not with me."
But it is.
"Because you can't be honest with yourself Aaron. And you're not ready. I'm sorry." Robert says.
"Don't go." Aaron's chin wobbles, eyes glossy and sad and Robert keeps shaking his head.
"I need to do this - for me." Robert says, "We're only young, maybe - maybe you're right - maybe we don't - maybe I don't feel what I feel." And the way he frowns and starts to doubt himself makes Aaron's heart ache. "Bye Aaron." And then he goes and presses a kiss to Aaron's forehead and Aaron has to watch him go again.
And it hurts more than Aaron can say.
Especially when he watches him hug Victoria goodbye a few hours later.
He's just leaving and Aaron's just got to let it happen.
"Don't tell me he's going?" Paddy says, and he's a nosy bastard who's just let himself into Aaron's room and stares out the window with him.
"He told me he loved me. He's mad." Aaron's saying, and something in his chest just beats out so suddenly that he can't breathe.
He's thinking of what he heard Cain and his mum joking about in the pub only hours before. They were laughing about Val's son Paul and it was innocent enough but it managed to cripple him back into this mess of a boy.
Paddy sits down on Aaron's bed and gulps. "I didn't realise you were actually -"
Aaron keeps a hand on the glass window and watches as Robert looks up towards him and then disappears into his car.
"We were." Aaron admits, "And I couldn't tell him I love him 'cause I don't know how it's supposed to feel." His skin is prickly and there's something so painfully real about how he speaks.
Paddy is looking at him when Aaron turns around and then he sighs. "Paddy he's gone." He says. "And I'm never going to see him again."
He'd usually lose it. He'd slam things about and kick doors and tried to get as drunk as possible but none of that seems to matter because everything is so cruelly painful and he just wants to hold him.
"Aaron, they'll be other blokes."
Only the thought of that makes him feel sick because he's never going to want anything like this again with anyone else.
Robert's his first everything and now he's his first heartbreak and the thought makes him want to just cry.
"And you'll know you love them. I promise ya." Paddy hovers his hand on Aaron's back and Aaron knows that Paddy and his mum and everyone else can't stand Robert. Not really. So of course they'll want him to find someone else. "But for now, focus on you okay? Focus on - on coming to terms with - with your sexuality and -"
Aaron winces, pulls his knees up towards his chest and shudders. "What does it feel like?" He tilts his head and sniffs. "Tell me what it feels like to love someone?"
Because he's never known it, not someone like Robert, not like that.
Paddy's got this small smile on his face and sighs. "First it's annoying because they make you feel things you don't want to, and then it's like you don't want it to ever go away." Aaron feels something burst in his chest. "When it happens, you'll have absolutely no say over it Aaron. You'll be helpless in this amazing way and my God you'll be grateful. I promise you that, one day, you'll fall in love."
And Aaron,
He suddenly stands. "I need to stop him." He says, pushes at Paddy as he hunts for his purple hoodie.
"Aaron -" Paddy stands as he watches Aaron put his hoodie on. "You said he was going to London?"
Aaron's eyes flicker and he nods his head. "I have to try." He says, chin wobbling and for the first time in his life he's going to get what he wants, fuck how terrifying it all seems.
And Paddy tightens his grip around Aaron and holds him tightly.
"I'm so proud of you." Paddy says sincerely, "And I'll be here whatever happens okay?"
And Aaron's never been so thankful for him in his life.
"Go on, go ask Vic where he's gone." Paddy wipes at his face a little and he's bright red as he watches Aaron run down the stairs.
~*~
The train leaves at half ten and Aaron's an absolute mess as he runs through the station and tries to get to Robert as fast as he can.
He's this sweaty idiot as he tries to remember what platform he had to shake out of a confused Vic and he crosses his fingers against his back as he tries to remember.
"Please." Aaron whispers, and suddenly he sees the sign flick up on the giant board, the train to London is leaving in -
Something almost falls in Aaron's chest as he sees the sign and looks at the time. It's gone and Robert's gone and -
It's this terrible sadness suddenly, and he has to catch his breath against the way he slides down the wall and watches the train keep going out of sight in front of his eyes.
And they water, and he's this mess and it feels like he's lost everything.
He's lost his best mate.
"Aaron?" Robert is standing in front of him though, seconds later and Aaron's mouth hangs open as he struggles to his feet. "What are to doing -"
Aaron wipes at his face. "Your train's just left." He struggles out and Robert holds up his ticket.
Vic's a flipping fool for getting the time wrong.
Aaron could almost chuckle against it if he wasn't so relieved.
"Aaron, please go home." Robert whispers, and he's so clearly hurt that Aaron almost turns away.
But.
"No. Look, Robert, listen to me." He begs suddenly, "I don't want you to go. I don't." Aaron's got tears in his eyes and they water suddenly. "And I'm so sorry, I'm sorry but - I want you to come home with me right now. I do." He tries to hold at Robert's hand and it's stiff and cold in his so he lets go.
"Aaron, we're too young to -"
"To what? Feel this." Aaron slams a hand against his chest and looks at Robert. "I know who I am, I know." He's got tears streaming down his face and Robert makes him cry but it's okay, because he makes him feel so much. "I'm gay."
And the world keeps spinning.
Robert's eyes flicker.
"And when you said what you said, I've never felt that happy before in my *life but - I didn't know why to say back because I'm not used to people giving a damn about me but you do!" Aaron's chin wobbles in this sudden way and he breathes out slowly as Robert looks at him with tears in his eyes. "And I love you for it okay? Robert, I'm in love with you and I know that now. I know I do."
The station is basically deserted as he speaks and his voice seems to race through the building as Robert stares at him.
"You're - you're my first love okay?"
Aaron's whole body tingles and he's this snotty mess of a boy who loves his best friend.
"I love you and - and I know I've got a tonne of stuff to sort out but -"
Robert has tears in his eyes. "I'll - be there for you." He whispers and Aaron catches his breath as he watches Robert blow out a breath and then -
He just breaks into this blinding smile and pressing his lips against Aaron's.
And it's this massive step, kissing in public like this but Aaron's overwhelmed with this feeling because he could have lost Robert. He could have never seen him again and the thought is a crippling one which makes Aaron grip tightly around Robert's body after they kiss.
"I love you too." Robert whispers, and somehow they're this soft couple who just love each other and nothing else matters.
Nothing at all.
Because Robert's bag is dropped against him on the floor and he's holding Aaron in his arms so tightly and Aaron's never felt like this before.
"We'll tell everyone together." Robert says, and Aaron holds at his hand before nodding. "And we'll stay together, no matter what. It's you and me."
Aaron pulls a hand up towards Robert's chest and shudders. "I'll never make you want to go again, I'll - never make you feel like I don't love ya again okay? Because, you know?"
Robert gulps hard. "I know." He says, holds Aaron's face in his hands and kisses his mouth gently.
And they're young and stupid and they're probably going to nearly lose each other a million more times. But they'll always come back to this and Aaron's so startlingly aware of that fact that he almost cries against it.
And then Robert holds his hand, and they walk back to the village, and Aaron's first love gets to be his last.
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Fanfic: in all the worlds, our lights still twinkle:
my secret santa gift for the incredible @vicbartons, have a very merry christmas everyone!
‘and i’ll have a blue, blue christmas.’
The day is ruined.
He didn’t think he’d actually be kicked out on Christmas Day over one comment.
A comment he didn’t really mean to come across as too insulting in the first place, but the next thing he heard was a hard slap, and then he felt a sting, and then his cheek was bright red and he was being hurled up from his seat and out the door.
He should have expected it, because he went for Andy, and dad was sitting only a few feet away from them, and he’d always take his side anyway.
And it was all, “If you can’t behave yourself today then you can sling your hook!”
He’s not even got a coat on, knows that his nose is probably flushed pink and in need of a scarf to warm it up but he can’t possibly go back to the farm now.
So instead, he’s walking towards the village and wondering if anything is open.
When nothing is, he cautiously decides to sit on one of the pub benches and get used to the sleet which is suddenly all over his jeans and cooling him even further.
He manages to think darkly after a few seconds and so his mind jumps to thinking of his mum and how she would have never let this happen to him. She would have pulled him into a hug despite his eighteen years, and kissed his head and told Jack to pipe down and ignore his silly lad.
It makes tears begin to swell in his eyes and then he’s hearing the sound of feet trudging towards him over the snow and suddenly he fucking remembers where he dared to sit.
“You alright?”
Robert looks up and Aaron’s there. Aaron Dingle.
The popular lad with the mates and the football captain badge and the muscles.
Robert can’t help the way he stares at him, because annoyingly it’s become this awful habit of his and he’s loathed to call it a crush on the Dingle, but yeah, it is.
It’s a crush on a boy, and that’s new and different and even stranger but it’s not like he can help it.
Because Aaron, he smiled, and he doesn’t usually smile but when he did -
(“Sorry mate.” He said, voice deep, clear at the same time.
Robert’s eyes widened, this heart flowing through him and he had his mouth hanging open like a fish as he looked at how blue his eyes were and Aaron bent down, started picking up all his nerdy shit.
He shook his head slowly. “It’s alright.” He said after a few seconds. “My fault really.” And then he was standing up and practically running to his next class.
He didn’t even dare to look back.)
He knows it is, has known since he bumped straight into him and Aaron placed his hand on Robert’s shoulder for a flipping second and Robert felt his knees grow weak.
(It’s more than a crush, he knows.)
But he can deal with it, because Aaron doesn’t even know who he is really. He knows Vic of course, because she’s all over his best mate Adam. But Robert’s just the brother who’s awkwardly a year older than them all so it doesn’t matter.
Only now it does, because he’s speaking to him and Robert can’t even think straight.
“Uh - yeah fine.” He says, can’t even bring himself to raise his head and look at the boy with the blue eyes and the soft hair and the -
He comes even closer, shudders as he hugs at his big black jacket. “You want a pint? Because it’s closed today -”
“I’m fine.” Robert snaps, wants to be buried suddenly because Aaron’s just being Aaron, being kind, nice, but he shouldn’t be because it’s only Robert and he doesn’t have to still be here.
So he feels sorry for you, great.
Aaron makes a small sound and then frowns. “You’re Vic’s brother?” He says, all confident, like he doesn’t even need to try and Robert secretly hates him a little.
Robert gulps hard, realises that he has to raise his head and look at him now. Only when he does Aaron’s got a half smile on his face and Robert instantly looks back down towards the snow. “Yeah. You wouldn’t know -”
“Robert?” He says, and something makes Robert’s eyes flicker uncontrollably.
Just hearing him say his name, it’s weird, so strange and inviting and it’s -
“Yeah. The one not into cows and tractors.” Robert admits to, pokes fun at Andy and doesn’t expect Aaron to laugh the way he does. Then he’s noticing the cans in his hands.
Two, almost like he knew Robert was outside and wanted to share a drink with him.
It’s almost too much and then Aaron’s just waving one out towards him and Robert is nodding slowly until they’re sipping beer side by side on the bench with their knees touching and he can’t really breathe.
“Suppose you don’t want to tell me why you’re out here on your own then?” Aaron says, voice heavy with something Robert thinks is concern.
It makes him gulp hard. “Not a fan of Christmas,” he says slowly. “Not the same without my mum.”
And it feels like he’s known this popular stud of Dingle for years and years, and that’s why he’s talking about Sarah, and that’s why he doesn’t mind when Aaron says he’s sorry to hear that.
“You could always help me deal with my lot in there?” And almost on cue there’s a cackle of laughter and Robert knows that it’s Chas.
For a second he wonders what Jack would say about his son being with the Dingles for Christmas, probably something about slumming it with them.
And then he’s watching the softness on Aaron’s face, the lad who barely barely knows him really and he can’t help but wonder -
“Why?” He’s asking, a little blunt, and Aaron’s suddenly all reserved now. He just lets out a shrug and he’s jumping off the bench, playing with the snow and building a ball in his hands.
“Does there have to be a reason?” He replies.
Robert frowns, “There does when - when uh - when you barely know me.” And he’s all shy and ridiculous again. “Why would anyone want me around for -”
He’s feeling sorry for himself one minute and then feeling a snowball land across his face the next.
It makes him gasp and then he’s throwing one back and Aaron’s laughing his head off and it’s the best sound in the entire world.
It makes him feel young, makes him feel like there’s nothing to really hold him down and make him feel sad.
Because Aaron’s fucking noticing him and they’re acting like actual teenagers in the snow until Robert’s loosing his balance and it’s like something out of a movie as Aaron holds his hand out and ends up falling on Robert’s chest instead.
They’re still laughing as they face each other and Robert can’t even believe this gets to be real.
“You coming inside then?” Aaron’s asking, still asking, and it can’t be pity, it must be -
“Yeah.” Robert whispers out, and he gets to have a Christmas.
He gets to have a jumper thrown over him by Chas, a towel to dry himself off first. He gets to play a board game with Aaron’s little sister and his a million and one cousins.
And then he hears -
“That’s Robert.” Liv says, eyes almost sparkly as she nudges at Aaron’s side and Robert can hear them speaking from across the room.
It makes something bubble inside him as he has April on his lap drawing something.
“Yes.” Aaron hisses back, and Robert can hear him over he sound of giggling and music. “Saw him outside, all on his own.” He says, voice all heavy.
“Almost fate that.” Liv teases, “Didn’t have to go over there and wish him Merry Christmas after all.”
Robert’s eyes widen, and he can’t believe what he’s hearing.
Aaron was going to -
Aaron actually -
Robert fights a smile, is suddenly in awe of how well Aaron can play it cool. And when he looks over at him, his cheeks are red and he looks embarrassed because Paddy is teasing him too now and Robert is more than a little overwhelmed.
And then they’re sitting next to each other during a proper rowdy Christmas dinner and Robert’s got a yellow paper hat on.
“Thank you, for letting me in.” Robert whispers to Aaron above the noise of the room.
And Aaron looks towards him and shrugs. “It’s fine.” He says and for the first time Robert can see past the coolness and see a little nervousness behind a smile.
It makes Robert smile too.
And then Aaron’s slowly, so fucking cautiously sliding a hand into Robert’s and it doesn’t matter that it’s clammy and that this room is stuffy.
Because they’ll escape outside soon and he’ll finally kiss Aaron Dingle on Christmas Day.
So he squeezes back and watches Aaron’s face relax into something Robert dares to call something along the lines of love.
And so, the day won’t be too much of a waste after all.
~*~
‘last christmas i gave you my heart’
Vic’s calling it a soiree and it’s ridiculous really considering Adam’s in the corner with his fingers poking into the cheesy nibbles without a care in the world and there’s shitty Christmas music on in the background.
Aaron’s got a hand around a can of beer, it’s cold and he likes how it keeps him awake almost. That as well as the flickering lights which won’t stop making his eyes twitch.
“Oi, you gonna crack a smile tonight?” He hears, and he doesn’t mean to whip his head up as quickly as he does. It makes Ed look at him all concerned and that’s the last thing he needs right now. “Are you alright?” He’s asking and Aaron gulps hard.
He knows he’s hardly said a word, and that’s because this fancy Christmas party hosted by one of his most unfancy best mates isn’t ideal.
Because *he could arrive any second really.
“I’m fine.” Aaron lies, “Just a bit stuffy in here.” He says, and Ed does what he always does, just lets it go. Aaron welcomes it, smiles softly as Ed nods his head.
“We don’t have to stay for long.” Only Ed would stay for hours more, because he’s the chatter box, he’s the life and soul and Aaron’s already sick of hearing about how lucky he is to have bagged a rugby player with a personality.
Only, cruelly it doesn’t feel like that. Because Ed came along when Aaron was in the worst headspace in the world, he was fucking heartbroken and he allowed himself to be wined and dined and before he knew it they were together.
It happened so fast, but Ed was so good, and so nothing else seemed to really matter.
“Yeah.” Aaron drags out, and then Ed’s going on about something.
Only Aaron can’t even hear, because the door is going and Vic is laughing and welcoming someone and he’s there.
The one person who Aaron has avoided all year.
Robert Sugden.
He’s reminded of when he first properly spoke to him, a gobby teenager with an unhealthy habit of messing his sister about.
(“You clearing off then or do I need to get your lot round here to drag you home?”
And Aaron was hit by a sudden feeling, watched Robert with his dark jeans and white top stand in front of him with a frown on his face.
“Uh I - yeah I should be heading home sorry.” He said, almost couldn’t be sarky with him and he knew it meant something bad.
Because then Robert smiled at him for just a second and something inside him turned to jelly. )
The sight of him there in his long grey coat, patterned shirt, expensive shoes and bottle of red, makes Aaron feel like he’s back there again.
Back to last Christmas, back amongst the snow and shouting confessions of feelings and kissing and -
( “I’m not being difficult you prick, I’m in love with ya!”
And that happened meant to come out, but it had.
And they were standing in the middle of the village, snow falling around them and stars twinkling and Aaron had lost it.
Because Robert just didn’t seem to get it.
But then he was turning around slowly and blinking out a shocked expression, one of true disbelief.
“You -”
And Aaron looked away.
“You just said that you -”
“I know!” Aaron shouted, eyes watering.
“Take it back then.” Robert said, like he was a child, like it could fix it.
“I can’t.” Aaron told him and then suddenly Robert was charging up to him and -
They were kissing just like that, hot and passionate and it was heavy with all this feeling and lust.
And Aaron was in heaven. )
Then it was just over, just like that.
One second, Aaron was shouting that he was in love with Robert, the older brother of Vic’s who he had secretly loved since he was sixteen, and Robert was kissing him harshly and passionately and everything was almost okay.
And then the next, Robert wasn’t in his bed anymore, he was gone and Vic was telling him that he had gone back to his fiancé for Christmas instead.
And everything was lost.
He’s still standing there by the time Ed calls Aaron’s name, but he doesn’t even try to hear. He’s just looking at him, and thinking about how much of his heart he gave to the man.
The man who hugged him when he was seventeen and told him that being gay wasn’t that big of deal.
The man who taught him how to drive.
The man who listened for hours as Aaron explained how he had this crush on someone he shouldn’t, gave him advice Aaron knew he couldn’t act on.
The man who was just everything.
And he bolts, he’s out of the house before Vic calls his name and tells him that her stupid brother has arrived to hurt Aaron all over again.
He goes towards the playground and is suddenly thankful that it isn’t snowing this year so he can sit on the swings.
He rocks himself back and forth, eyes looking up towards the velvet sky cluttered with silver specs of beauty. It makes him close his eyes, breathe out slowly and almost pained because it’s all back again and his heart can’t even begin to forget.
When he opens his eyes again, he’s there next to him.
He’s got a dark grey scarf on and he’s just staring straight into Aaron’s fucking soul.
“Hello.” He says, and for the first time, he seems small in Aaron’s eyes. The four years between them is suddenly disappearing and Aaron can’t quite believe it.
He doesn’t know what to do, just digs his feet into the ground to stop himself swinging and huffs out a sigh.
“Didn’t think you’d be here tonight.” Robert says, and Aaron knows what that means. He knows that Robert wasn’t expecting to have to face the awkward situation head on.
“Well I am. Sorry to disappoint.” Aaron says, and he hates it, how cold and distant his voice is.
Because Robert used to make him warm, used to make him feel things he didn’t think were actually possible.
And then he told him, after so many years of being so afraid, and Robert left him anyway.
“You never disappoint me.” Robert whispers, and Aaron watches him edge closer and holds his breath. “Aaron?”
And somehow it makes Aaron explode, he’s standing up and charging away until he’s by the church and he hears the bell’s ringing.
“Leave me alone.” Aaron shouts back, but Robert’s too close and their lips nearly touch.
It makes Aaron’s legs feel funny and he gulps hard.
“Don’t be like this.”
“Like this?” Aaron says, stunned. “What? Cold, distant, hurt?” He doesn’t mean to say the last word but he can’t help it.
Robert looks away. “I never meant to hurt you.” He says, slowly. “Come on Aaron, I’ve known you for years.”
And the way he says it, it’s like they’re nothing but old friends. But it’s not like that, because Robert led them to bed, Robert kissed him and stripped him and they had sex on flipping Christmas Day last year.
“We had sex.” Aaron hisses, cuts to the chase. “You let me think you felt the same.” He whispers, eyes watering. “When we were -” he blinks quickly. “I thought ‘this is amazing because he actually wants me, he actually feels how I do after all this time of worrying he wouldn’t’. And then you were gone.”
It’s clear, the shame written all over Robert’s face and the way it crumbles away.
“I was scared of what was happening okay?” Robert tells him, bites his lip hard and sighs. “Because - you were always - always there and - I shouldn’t have felt the way I did when I first saw you.” Robert looks like he’s thinking back to the moment, all chavvy suits and a bad attitude. “I wanted you to like me.” Robert almost laughs. “How weird is that?”
And Aaron finds himself softening a little, can’t help how he frowns. “Not weird at all.”
Robert shakes his head. “So I realised - I had feelings for ya, feelings that I shouldn’t feel for the bloke who was meant to be chasing my sister.” And that’s how it was. “So I locked it away until that night, and I couldn’t control it anymore.”
Aaron shivers, remembers the passion and how it lasted for hours and hours.
“Because you wanted me too.” Robert says, nose pink from the cold as he speaks.
Aaron gulps hard. “So why didn’t you stick around? We’re both adults now Rob, you could have just spoke to me and -”
“I was petrified.” Robert blurts out. “I hadn’t - you were the first - first guy to make - make me feel weird shit.” He shrugs, a hand through his hair as he speaks. “When we slept together, I’ve never felt like that before.”
And it makes Aaron tingle, almost thaw. “So why - why couldn’t you just -”
“I was with someone.”
“I know!” Aaron snaps, Chrissie entering his mind as he remembers Vic mention her name in passing over the year.
Robert looks ashamed of himself, “I was going to tell her.” He says. “Then she - we - there was a pregnancy scare.” And Aaron’s eyes widen. “She thought she was and - and when she wasn’t I felt like it was my way to you, to have you properly. So I told her the truth.”
There’s this heaviness between them.
“And I was five minutes away before I saw you with him.”
Him, Ed.
Aaron feels something swirl in his chest.
“You were laughing, looked so happy and -” Robert shrugs. “It’s not like you needed me.”
Aaron frowns harshly. “Of course I did.” He whispers, comes closer. “I love you, you stupid, self-centred, idiotic …” Robert looks down to Aaron’s lips and his eyes glisten a little. It makes Aaron’s chin wobble. “Amazing, thoughtful, beautiful twat.” He heaves out, nose touching Robert’s.
They stand so close to each other for seconds and seconds.
“You’ve never spoken so much.” Robert whispers, and then Aaron’s shaking his head, telling him to shut up and then they’re kissing.
Aaron wraps a hand around Roberts back and deepens it instantly as he tugs at the older man’s hair and feels him stroke a hand down Aaron’s wait over and over again.
It’s soft, the space between them sparking out energy which they know means only one thing.
Robert says it, has the balls to now apparently.
“I love you.” All heavy, filled with such sincerity. “Have done for - fucking years.” He says nervously, “And I know I hurt you, but I want ya, properly, finally just us. If you’ll have me?”
And it’s music to Aaron’s ears as he sees the Christmas tree in the village flickering gently.
“Have you?” Aaron says nervously, and Robert looks away.
“You’re - you’re with him aren’t ya?” He says, something twisting in his chest as he backs away. “And I’m just messin’ with your head. I’m sorry, I’ll -”
“He’s not the man I’ve loved since I was sixteen.” Aaron stops him. “He’s - he’s not you.” He whispers, and then he’s holding Robert’s face and smiling. “I’ll have you, I’ll have only you.”
And Robert looks like he can’t believe it. “Really?” He asks, and it’s only getting colder but they don’t really care.
“Really really.” Aaron whispers, “Just don’t hurt me again.” He says, because it was awful, because he couldn’t have it happen again.
Robert looks all serious and nods. “Never.” He says, and then he’s biting his lip.
“Stay for Christmas.” Aaron blurts out, can’t help but want it despite the mess he’ll have to deal with when it comes to Ed.
Robert gulps, “Are you sure?” He’s asking.
And Aaron kisses him softly. “I’m sure.” He says, “Just want ya.” He mumbles as Robert holds him against his chest.
“Well I’m here, always have been really.” Robert says, and all Aaron’s Christmases roll into one.
~*~
‘and i’ll be home for christmas’
Aaron nearly burns himself on the oven and jumps back quickly as he feels the impact of the heat against his skin.
He’s a nervous mess of a man and he’s only really blaming one person.
Robert flipping Sugden.
“Oi, chill out will ya.” He hears, turns around and sees Vic holding Jacob in her arms. “You’ll upset the baby.” She’s saying, "And for absolutely no reason because his dad is coming home for Christmas.“
And he should be, but it’s not that simple.
It never has been has it?
Not when it came to Robert.
They met nearly six whole years ago on a cold November night, Aaron had been out on the town with Adam, mumbled something like 'fuck me’ after nearly being sick in the loos and then there was Robert offering to take him out on a date before they got round to that.
They flirted, and laughed and jumped into bed and -
The rest seemed to be history really.
Aaron likes to think of the good times like that, instead of when he found Robert’s uniform shoved into a battered brown bag the next day and he had to pretend like it didn’t matter.
( "Didn’t I mention that?” Robert had yawned out, “Been in the army since I was nineteen.”
Aaron gulped hard and felt a twist of something inside him, he’d only just spent the night with Robert and yet felt strangely protective and scared for him.
He pulled himself up on the bed and stared at the man with the blonde hair and the mass of freckles covering his back.
“Oh.” He said, “Sounds dangerous.”
But Robert lit up. “Nah, it’s exciting innit?” He said, “Doing something that actually makes a difference, means something.”
Aaron nodded his head, had a hand placed on Robert’s chest and pressing his finger against the soft skin.
“I take it you’re on leave?” Aaron dared to say, minutes later when Robert was talking about having to get back to his flat.
“Yeah. Two more days.” He said, and Aaron frowned instantly, felt used almost, like a quick fix or something. “You up for me taking you out for some dinner or something tomorrow?”
And Aaron somehow didn’t expect that, had his mouth open a little until Robert smiled at him.
“I don’t usually …” He gulped and shook at his hair. “I get it if you’re not up for anything serious considering I’m -”
“Sounds good.” Aaron said, despite everything inside him saying that this would only end in him crying into the bottom of a pint glass.
Robert looked almost surprised, awkwardly fucking so too and then he nodded. “Good.” He said, picking up his jacket and bag and then sliding on his army hat just to make Aaron laugh.
“See you later then soldier.” Aaron said, like it was just all fun and games, like he wasn’t already imagining Robert dead somewhere.
The door clicked shut and Aaron slammed down on his bed, naked with the sheets barely warming him, hating himself for starting something he knew he already had know control over. )
“Is he though?” Aaron snaps, looks towards Annie who’s twirling around on the spot and wearing her best red sparkly dress for the day. “She doesn’t deserve this.” And it’s true, because she’s only three years old and she deserves to have both her dads with her every night.
Vic bites at her lip and Jacob wriggles in her arms, pulls an arm out and Aaron settles him in his arms.
“And neither does he.” Aaron whispers, looks down at how beautiful their baby boy is and he can’t help but want to cry because everything was so perfect only a few months ago.
Because they were this family and then it all came crashing down around them.
Robert wasn’t meant to leave again, they were meant to be passed the tears and the goodbyes and the crying.
( “I wished you didn’t have to go.” Aaron whispered, and yeah he knew the score. It wasn’t like the first time.
Robert had left after the two days, and he’d somehow managed to find Aaron’s address and write to him, and then they couldn’t stop writing to each other and Aaron was waking up to find Robert on his doorstep three weeks later.
Robert gulped hard and pressed a kiss to Aaron’s head. “Me either.” He said, and Aaron frowned.
“You don’t mean that, you love your job.” And Aaron loved that about Robert, didn’t want to ever take that away from him and be that selfish.
“I don’t want you sad.” He said, all serious suddenly and Aaron felt awful.
Because it was clear that the whole no strings attached thing was long forgotten about, because he’d already told Robert things he shouldn’t have, because he was already in love -
“Don’t worry about me.” Aaron lied. “Go, and make sure to write back okay?”
And just like that, Robert was gone, once again. )
“This wasn’t supposed to happen Vic.” Aaron tells her openly. “He wasn’t meant to miss our boy’s first Christmas. I thought -” he tries to hold back tears. “I thought we were passed that.”
Only, one call managed to make everything miserable again.
( “Well what do you mean you’re being called back?” Aaron’s voice was high, this feeling of dread running through him as he waited for Robert to reply.
Robert, who was bent over the desk with a hand covering his face, a hand fucking trembling.
“Six months, same place as usual.” Robert said coldly after a few seconds had passed.
He tried to leave but Aaron pushed at his chest and frowned. “No!” He screamed, only Annie and Jacob on his mind as he blinked quickly. “You can’t, you - you gave it up.” He told Robert.
Robert looked away, almost ashamed. “There was always a chance I could get called again, I just didn’t want to worry you because it was only a small one and -”
“You let us have kids?” Aaron whispered, face red and tears streaming down his face. “You let - let it happen when you knew -”
And Robert just broke down into this mess and Aaron had to hold him up, let the older man cry into his chest.
“You stupid idiot.” Aaron cried into Robert’s shoulder, hugging him close.
“Don’t leave me.” Robert pleaded. “Please don’t take the kids from me.” He said and Aaron lifted his head, promised that wouldn’t happen.
And the world went quiet for a second. )
“He loves you.” Vic shrugs out, “He never came home before because he didn’t have what he has now.”
Aaron thinks about it for a second whilst he rocks Jacob and then he bites his lip and is hit with a memory.
( “I can’t keep doing this.” Aaron had admitted, five months too late really.
Robert frowned at him, untangled himself from the sheets. “What do you mean?”
And Aaron meant this, Robert going off for weeks on end and them having a single passion filled and desperate fuck and sharing stories and then Robert doing a disappearing act again.
“This.” He said heavily, could barely look at Robert as he spoke. “You know I’ve not slept with anyone else since that first night, with you?”
And Robert looked away, almost like he didn’t want to know, almost like it would mean so much to him.
“Aaron -”
“Because - I don’t want anyone else.” He shrugs. “Just you.”
It was massive to actually say and Aaron thought he’d made a mistake. He knew he had.
All he had to do was look at Robert’s face.
He was just silent, just looking towards the sheets with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Say something.” Aaron begged.
Then Robert looked up, “I told you how it’d be.” He said, “I thought you knew.”
Only, a mumbling of 'it’s not like we’re together’ one night didn’t mean they talked about anything.
Aaron tried to hide his face but failed. “So, you’ve slept with other people?” And Robert’s face gave it away, he hadn’t, he actually hadn’t.
“No.” He said slowly, “I -”
“Haven’t had the time.” Aaron said, more hurtful towards himself than anyone else but that’s what he did.
“No.” He said, looked offended. “I don’t want anyone -”
“You don’t want me.” Aaron said, and then he stood up and shuddered because he hadn’t planned on saying this in his boxers. “And that’s why I can’t stay.”
Robert frowned. “Aaron, wait -”
“I can’t! That’s the problem.” Aaron shouted, didn’t mean to but suddenly he had tears in his eyes and he was bright red.
“Wait for what?” Robert asked and Aaron made the mistake of looking at him. He was all soft skin and blonde hair and freckles and plumped lips and -
“I need to go.” He whispered, dragging his jumper towards him and then gulping hard.
“What can’t you fucking wait -”
“You to realise I’m in love with you!” Aaron shouted, threat almost sore from it and a panic in his eyes.
And everything suddenly hurt because Robert was just looking at him with his mouth wide open.
“I’m - I love you.” Aaron whispered, and then he was running towards the door, running from whatever he thought him and Robert had, could be.
And then Robert was reaching out and pulling at his arm and Aaron was falling onto the bed and Robert was kissing him hard on the lips.
Again and again and again and -
“I love you too.”
Big grin and absolute kid at heart really.
And they laughed about how long they’d felt the way they did all night.
Until Aaron had tears in his eyes and bit his lip, “So now what?”
And neither of them knew the answer. )
Vic comes forward. “He’s got his own family. Why wouldn’t he make it home?”
Aaron just shakes his head and rocks Jacob nervously. “We had a row though.” He admits and Vic closes her eyes slowly.
And it had been an ugly one, all raised voices and hissing down the phone and Aaron hadn’t ever cried like that after he threw the phone against the wall.
( “So what? You can’t come home then?” Aaron snapped, walking down the path in the park with Annie running ahead and Jacob in his pram wailing away. “It’s Jacob’s first -”
“I’m fucking aware of that thanks father of the year.” And it was mean, nasty almost and Aaron was taken aback by it.
But then again Robert always seemed on edge whenever they spoke now.
“Well sorry.” Aaron hissed back, “It’s just hard being here on my own looking after two small kids whilst you -”
“Sip champagne on the Eiffel Tower.”
Annie ran out a little too ahead and Aaron swore before calling her name.
“Is she alright?” Robert asked, voice suddenly softer.
Her blonde hair caught Aaron’s eye and he waved at her to come back before scoffing down the phone. “Like you give a toss.”
And it was a horrible thing to say, but they seemed like they were both up for hurting each other as much as they could.
It was scary, how much they could hurt as well as love each other so deeply.
“Of course I do.” Robert said, voice so heavy and filled with a pain Aaron couldn’t ever understand.
“If you did, you’d be here.” Aaron shouted, “You wouldn’t have left us all, you wouldn’t have been able to.”
There was silence for the longest while before Aaron heard Robert sniffling. “So you’re better off without me then.”
And Aaron, heart hammering in his chest and a harshness in his tongue, couldn’t help but say -
“Yeah. Pretty much.”
Before the line went dead and he was hurling his phone towards the floor and Annie was wiping his tears and telling him that it would be okay. )
“Nothing is going to stop him from coming home for Christmas.” Vic is so adamant and Aaron doesn’t even know what to think of it all.
“And then he’s going to go again.” Aaron whispers, hugs at Jacob a little. “He’s growing so fast and - Robert hasn’t seen him grow up Vic.”
And that hurts so much, must haunt Robert daily.
Because he wanted kids, Aaron was scared of the idea but it was Robert who said it all.
( Robert was home for good, or so Aaron thought.
And they were laying on Aaron’s sofa, watching shitty television and eating popcorn.
Robert was looking at Aaron all funny and suddenly just blurted it out.
“Can we have kids?”
And Aaron was stunned into this awkward smile.
“Don’t think biologically it’s really possible but -”
Sweaty palms and all that, Robert grabbed at Aaron’s hands. “I’m serious.”
And it had come out to nowhere really yet seemed a logical step in the Adult World.
They’d had the most dysfunctional wedding, Robert nearly dying and Aaron marrying him at his bedside and Vic crying the whole way through that and then their summer blessing too.
“You are aren’t you?” Aaron said, met with sudden realisation as Robert nodded. “I’d be a shit dad Rob.”
And Robert just kissed him. “I don’t want to have kids with anyone else in the world.” He said, stroking Aaron’s hair. “You’ll be - fucking legendary.”
Aaron’s eyes flickered and his stomach flipped.
He’d seen a future with Robert, kids and all that, never thought it could actually happen.
“So will you.” Aaron told him, and it meant a yes, and then they got down to 'baby making’ all night. )
Vic places a hand on Aaron’s and smiles. “I promise you, he’ll be here in time for Christmas dinner tomorrow.”
Only, the time it rolled round Robert was still a no show.
Annie had ripped through all her presents and was wearing another one of her beautiful dresses and was full of questions about where daddy was.
“He’s - he’s helping people again, remember?” Aaron tells her, rocks Jacob in his arms as he kisses her head.
She pouts. “Can’t he stop helping them for just a little while.”
Aaron smiles sadly at her. “I wish he could.” He says, “But he’s too much of a good man.”
And that’s what it comes down too.
It makes Aaron have a little cry in the corner whilst he deals with the gravy and hears Vic and his mum help the kids pull the crackers.
'He should be here.
It’s what his mind is screaming and then his phone is vibrating and it’s Robert.
“Hello?” Aaron’s breathing out quickly, they haven’t spoke to each other since they argued and Robert blows out a soft breath.
“It’s so good to hear your voice, do you know that?” Robert says, and he sounds like he’s trying not to cry. “I’m sorry for how horrible I was before - I didn’t - I didn’t mean it.”
And Aaron knows he didn’t. “Me too.” He whispers, “Rob -”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t come.” Robert tells him, and Aaron looks towards a picture of him and Robert and Annie and Jacob, all smiles.
It makes him mourn what could have been.
“I know you are.” Aaron whispers hollowly.
“I got something though, look outside.” Robert’s saying, and Aaron frowns before shuffling towards the door.
At first he can’t see anything other than darkness, but then he’s blinking quicker and -
Robert’s standing there in his uniform, a mistletoe over his head and his nose all pink from the cold.
“Alright smiler?” He says and Aaron’s reminded of this ancient nickname he had and -
It takes seconds for Aaron to jump on Robert and wrap his arms around him.
He’s a mess of emotions, crying his eyes out as Robert holds his head and strokes.
“I love you, I love you, I love you.” Aaron tells him, kisses at his lips before pulling away and wiping the tears away from Robert’s face. “You came back?”
Robert nods, tugs at Aaron’s waist. “As if I could stay away.” He says, “Merry Christmas Mr Sugden.” He teases and Aaron kisses him hard before Annie’s pulling the door open and Robert drops to his knees.
She’s running into his arms and screaming about him being home and Vic starts crying near the door too.
“Daddy! Daddy giant! Daddy’s here!” And Aaron’s eyes flutter lovingly before Robert kisses her head.
“I’ve missed you more than you’ll ever know my beautiful girl.” He says, fresh tears falling.
And then Aaron’s passing Jacob over to him and Robert shudders.
“He’s got bigger.” He whispers, strokes at his son’s nose and smiles. “Oh my boy.” He hugs at his little body and Jacob starts gurgling like he’s having a catch up with his father.
And it’s so soft, it’s almost achingly beautiful.
::
“I’m not going back.” Robert tells Aaron, fire burning against the logs in the living room, Christmas dinner long forgotten and the kids asleep over them.
Aaron frowns. “But you said -”
“Six months yeah but -” Robert shrugs. “You’re my family, you’re the only thing that matters to me.” He says, presses his forehead against Aaron’s. “You’re my husband and I let you down.” And Aaron can see him welling up, because it’s so easy for Robert to hate himself.
Aaron shakes his head, “Oi, don’t get upset. Please Rob.”
Robert blows out a breath. “I’m officially retired from the force.” He says, pulls out some crumbled official document which Aaron wants to frame.
He’s waited so long to see it. He’s waited so so long.
“You’re ours now, fully, forever.” Aaron whispers, looks towards a sleepy Annie and Jacob.
Robert looks fucking thrilled by the prospect. “Yours. Forever, I promise.” He tells his husband before holding his hand and resting his head against his shoulder lovingly. “Didn’t even get him a present.” He tuts, “I’m sorry.”
Aaron laughs, all warm and filled with a softness he didn’t know he still had in him.
“What?” Robert asks, suddenly confused.
“You’re here and you’re staying.” He says, “Best present I could ask for Mr Dingle.” He’s got tears in his eyes and he smiles.
Robert kisses him gently. “My present is years and years of boring normality husband dearest.” He says and Aaron looks at the mounds of tinsel and presents and the way Jacob’s little finger is firm around Robert’s pinky and -
“I could get used to that.”
‘and with love in my heart, snow falling gently, and you next to me -
it’s a very merry christmas my love, for now and eternity.’
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April 💖💖💖. I've just noticed your new icon. Gone over to the dark side, I see. And I thought we were friends. ;) In honour of this, I'm going to ask you to choose your top 5 Robert moments (with or without Aaron. Old or new Robert). Love and hugs, as always. 😘
Gemma my darling! How dare you! The dark side? In case you hadn’t noticed the only thing dark over here are the bags under Robert’s eyes caused by lack of sleep from desperately missing his husband so much. This is a tough ask but I’ll do my best.
Honorable mention: Every damn time Robert saves my life with one of his over the top ‘what the hell is wrong with these peasants reactions.’ The over the top hand gestures, eyes rolling so far in the back of his head you fear they might get stuck and the near facial twitch he gets.
5. Andy’s goodbye. I’ve never made a secret of the fact that I don’t really like Andy but there I was bawling as Robert said goodbye to the brother that he struggled with almost his whole life. Yes, he hated him at times but he also loved him as only a brother can. Robert is the prime example of ‘only I can mess with my sibling, anyone else will feel my wrath’.
4. Robert refusing to tell Chas what was wrong with Aaron when she found out he was self harming again. Robert was brilliant during the abuse storyline. I loved Robert as a character so much before this. I thought he was interesting and multifaceted but this is when I well and truly fell in love with Robert Sugden. His constant support of Aaron was everything I had ever wanted but this scene sticks out because even though it was killing Robert to see Aaron like this he still wouldn’t tell Chas. He couldn’t betray Aaron’s trust again. Not after everything that had happened in the past. Aaron had put his trust in Robert in a way no one had before and there was no way Robert was going to let him down this time.
3.The hospital scenes during and after SSW. (Technically it was all one long scene so it counts.) Robert was looked so utterly lost when he entered the hospital and when it gets too much to just sit around waiting for news he runs back to the quarry and dives back in after Aaron’s perfect ring Then he is so completely open and honest when Aaron finally wakes up. The total vulnerability that he shows. Grazing his fingers along Aaron’s scar and telling Aaron that he would rather die with him than live in a world without Aaron. Reassuring Aaron that he’s not the only one who doesn’t feel worthy of love and that they work because they are both messed up. And of course adding that playful levity that Robert loves to tease Aaron with.
2. The goodbye scenes before Aaron leaves for court. My aching bleeding heart. This scene was everything. As always Robert is trying to crack jokes to lighten the mood. Make things easier for Aaron. Teasing him about nicking his underwear and then his shower gel. But then all his defenses come down when Aaron says why he is taking the shower gel. You see the wall he has been building to protect himself just crumble. Robert holding onto Aaron and resting their heads together, reminding Aaron how much he loves him. Then pulling him in, clinging to him, even after Chas says it’s time to go. Aaron has to give him a quick squeeze to get him to let go.
1. Robert coming out as bisexual and the scene in the woods. I really thought I was okay with Robert never actually saying that he was bi. He had said before there was no reason for labels but when he actually said the words I screamed and then cried for the next five hours. Having this character that I love so much say openly that he’s bisexual felt like a type of validation I had never felt before. Then the way Robert fully opens up to Aaron about his past and Jack. The shame he felt. Telling Aaron about this secret he has had to carry around for half his life. My thoughts on that can be found here (lodge reference). Then he tells Aaron that he’s tired of wasting his life trying to be someone he’s not. That he just wants to be himself with Aaron. The only person who has accepted him for all that he is.
Hope this satisfies your evil curiosity. I had to stick with newer stuff because I haven’t seen pre-Ryan Robert. It’s so hard to find. Also, I had to keep reminding myself that you wanted Robert moments and not Ryan because that would be a whole other list. As always all my love and hugs!
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But mum, there's a tear every time that I blink
it’s mother’s day and i couldn't resist xoxo
The first thing he feels when he wakes up is Aaron's arms wrapped tightly around him. He's doing that thing again where he presses his face so far into Robert's back that he's wondering how Aaron can actually breathe.
Robert's eyes flicker and for a second he smiles against him and then he remembers the dream he had.
It was a soft sort of one.
He was younger than he is now, sitting on the steps of this cottage and looking up towards the garden.
His mum was there, just folding away clothes and then putting some more on the washing line as he watched her. He was in absolute awe of her just like he was when he was younger.
This superwoman, this amazing person who came and scooped him up and wouldn't let him go.
Loved him, so much, so dearly.
His heart seems to lodge into place a little and he gulps hard, shuts his eyes and sees the outline of her frame again. It's so sunny, in his dream, that he cannot actually see her face properly. She's standing there, apron on and humming like she used to and she's just soaking up the sun like this beautiful beam of light.
The rays catch her hair, illuminate the tips and his eyes flicker just a little as he opens them again and feels Aaron bury his face even closer towards him.
Robert turns towards his cuddly bear of a husband and then looks towards Aaron's bedside table. There's a card there for Chas, Robert supposes, he can see Aaron's scrawny little writing and the pink envelope. He supposes that he'll have to get her some flowers and want to go over and spend time with her.
Robert thinks about going to see his mum, he knows that Vic will want to and she'll guilt trip him into going for Andy as well.
He clears his throat suddenly, presses a hand on Aaron's shoulder and starts stroking gently. He finds a gentle sort of solace in Aaron. He probably always will because he's Aaron, and he's this soft beefy bloke who won't let go of him even like this.
Aaron won't let go.
He won't.
Robert presses his face down onto Aaron's hair and relishes in its pillow like softness before the younger man is wriggling against him and placing a hand on Robert chest to try and stir him awake.
Once Aaron is up. Everyone else has to be up apparently.
"You alright?" Aaron wipes at his eyes and frowns and it's been approximately five seconds but he already senses something in Robert and then he gulps hard. "Rob?"
Robert just nods his head a little, moves the covers up so that they're covering them both better.
"Want Seb to spend the day with Rebecca." He croaks out, and Aaron's eyes flicker before he nods himself. "He should be with his mum today. So should you."
And he's not meant to be sounding miserable or anything.
But Aaron sits up in the bed a little and then comes towards him, just wraps his arms around Robert and it's so unlike Aaron to be this active when he's first woken up but Robert will take it.
He'll take the way Aaron just can't help but show him comfort and care and attempt to ease his suffering however he can.
When Aaron moves away, his eyes are a little red and Robert knows that he's probably looking paler too.
"I'm fine." Robert half lies.
He's not fine. He's got this gaping hole inside of him which is ripped open today and can't be healed.
It just can't be.
Aaron presses his forehead against Robert's, he's still showing all this tenderness and Robert doesn't deserve it.
"Do you want me to send Seb over? And then we could go visit your mum." The way Robert tenses tells him it's not a good idea. "Or we could just -"
Robert waves a hand out. "Aaron don't pander to me, I'm - I'm just feeling sorry for himself. That's all." He gulps hard. "You were going over for lunch at the pub today weren't you."
Aaron frowns. "We were." He says, hands flying into Robert's and squeezing tight. "If you don't want to then we won't -"
Robert scoffs a little, pulling his hand out of Aaron's so that he can touch his face. "Don't be silly." He whispers. "You go. I've got work to catch up on."
And Aaron doesn't buy that. "On a Sunday?"
Robert's eyes flicker. "On a Sunday." He whispers, and Aaron sighs hard, he mentions how Liv has gone back to visit Sandra for the day despite not really wanting to. It's meant to make Robert realise that he shouldn't be all alone but Robert shrugs against it. "I'll be fine." He says, slides out of Aaron's grip when he hears Seb moaning on the baby monitor. "Probably wants his mum."
Aaron frowns, turns his body around. "Wants you more like." He tries to reassure, but Robert's already walking towards the spare room and shuddering against the cold of the house in nothing but his boxers.
~*~
The house is unnaturally quiet.
Robert's got his laptop open but nothing is being written and the files he has seem to be sorted out just fine. He over analysed everything this morning and now he's got nothing to do.
He sits back against the sofa and dares to look at the message from Vic. She's asking if he's already gone to see mum today and he lies to her. He says he went in the morning and she only texts back 'Okay' - probably pissed at him.
Robert thinks of Seb suddenly and wants him in his arms. He dropped him round Rebecca's and made this massive deal out of it all.
But she didn't know that it was even Sunday let alone Mother's Day. She seemed overwhelmed and dazed and Robert couldn't help but feel disappointed in the lack of happiness in her voice about having Seb with her.
She bounced him up and down in her arms for a few minutes and then he was back in his pram and she was talking about them both having a little nap together.
Robert didn't argue with her.
At least Seb got to be with his mum today. That seemed to trump the state his mum was in.
Robert twists at his wedding ring the way Aaron does usually and then gets a text from him.
'Mum's made some terrible lunch, there's some for you if you have a minute to come down? X'
Robert thinks about going over, he thinks about seeing the flowers Chas got today. Heck even the flowers Charity may have got and he just shakes his head against it, tells Aaron he's got too much work to do.
And then he's standing, pulling his coat on and walking to where he should have gone earlier.
~*~
Her headstone is still one which makes his heart leap a little.
It's beautiful, yet so tainted with so much misery that he can't help but cry when he sees it.
He keeps the tears in, holds them close because the thought of breaking down like this in the middle of the day is something he can't bare.
He's got a bunch of roses, smiles at the headstone before he crouches down and rubs at the dirt forming.
"Hi mum." Robert says, gulps hard. "I - bought you some flowers. Daffodils. You liked them didn't you?"
And it's a horrible sort of question.
It's one that screams, I don't actually remember if you liked them as much as I tell myself you do.
And that aches.
"They're from Andy as well. He'd want to be here but, well you know. He can't be can he?" Robert shuffles a little and leans a hand out to hold the cold stone. "Seb's with Rebecca, I thought today that would be for the best. Aaron's even with his mum. So is Liv. I didn't know if I should come here too but, I couldn't not see you. No matter how much it hurts."
And it hurts.
To see his mother reduced to *this when she was so much more.
He shudders against how awful it feels and then he feels a hand on his shoulder.
And gurgling.
"Tell me to go, and I'll go." It's Aaron's voice, and when he looks up he's got Seb on his hip like some sort of pro.
Robert frowns up at them, eyes reddening against all his emotion. "What are you doing here?"
Aaron bites his lip. "Rebecca was asleep, and he wasn't. Instead of him just laying there I thought he could spend the rest of his day with you. Visiting his nanny I suppose."
Robert tries to smile faintly and then he nods like he's telling Aaron it's okay to sit down beside him.
Aaron passes Seb over slowly and Robert catches him in his arms with ease before turning his little body towards the grave. "This is my mum, she's not here, she can't give you cuddles like me and mummy and Aaron do but - she'd want to."
He feels this wave of something hurt him and he suddenly presses Seb closer towards his chest and holds him tightly.
Aaron just watches from where he is sitting and rubs a hand over Robert's back until the older man looks up.
"Every year, it gets harder. She doesn't see that - that I turned my life around. She doesn't see that I have you back and I've got a son now. She doesn't know him." Robert has a tear falling down his face and Seb reaches towards his face and starts to wriggle.
Aaron sniffs, wipes at his own face and nods. "Of course she knows. She's looking down on ya and she's so proud Rob, I bet."
Robert drops his head again and then Aaron leans closer towards him so that Seb is sort of laying in between the both of them.
"I miss her *so much." Robert says, and of course it's Aaron he's breaking down like this with. There's no one else in the world who seems to listen and comfort him the way Aaron does so willingly.
Aaron pulls Robert closer to him and kisses him gently on the head.
There's not a lot to say, and Seb starts to wriggle so Aaron takes him back and somehow manages to settle him in his arms.
"You're so good with him. She would have loved that. She would have loved you." Robert watches Aaron blush against the praise and then he smiles.
"Tell me more about her." Aaron wills, a hand on Robert's thigh.
He knows some things, he knows the Robert is a credit to her and that she was a good cook, caring mother, loving wife until things went wrong.
Robert sighs. "She was really funny." He squints like he's remembering. "Like, whenever I was sad or getting myself stuck down things or -" Aaron snorts. "She'd always have a joke to tell me, to make me smile again. Always." He smiles faintly and is overwhelmed again that Aaron's managed to make him smile today.
"I was lucky to have her. To have the memories I have." Robert whispers, leans his head against Aaron's and tickles Seb's stomach, hears him giggle.
"Yeah. Today makes me realise how lucky I am to have mum. Despite how annoying she is." Aaron says quickly before sighing. "We're lucky to have you." He looks down at Seb and then back at Robert.
"I'm so in love with you, Mr Sugden." Robert whispers, cups Aaron's face as he speaks.
Aaron seems taken aback and nods slowly. "Mr Dingle." He smiles out and then he's kissing Robert slowly.
Everything miserable seems to die away and the sun comes out suddenly.
It shines directly down onto them, glows the headstone a little and makes Robert's mouth hang open a little because he's taking this as a sign that she's still looking out for them.
"Love you mum." Robert whispers, kisses at the cold stone and Aaron bends Seb a little so that his little hand touches the headstone too. He smiles widely at it as if he knows the meaning behind its significance.
Robert smiles, watches the sun still shine on them as Seb starts babbling to himself and Aaron rubs at his back lovingly the whole way home.
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so a beautiful nonnie of mine asked for more underrated robron moments so here we go:
1)) let’s start with the LEGENDARY yet often forgotten dazzling look on robert’s face when he gets the text from aaron that he’ll meet him at the lodge. it’s INSANE. because if you really think about robert has been a massive dick for a good few months, he’s really fucked up and thinks he’s lost aaron and then suddenly things are going good again and NEWS JUST IN! FOR THE DORK! aaron still wants to rip his clothes off! so he’s ridiculously happy about the fact that he’s managed to get aaron by himself for a few days or whatever and he is radiating !! that single look just sums up everything he feels for aaron, everything he STILL feels for aaron and despite how disastrous the lodge was it still makes me feel all warm and gooey when i think about how EXCITED robert was about going to the lodge with his grumpy grump.
2)) RIGHT NEXT UP, the ridiculously hilarious moment where chas asks robert if he’s seen aaron because he didn’t come home the night before (too busy freezing to death in the woods #poor baby) and robert literally DROPS HIS HEAD and then TENSES HIS JAW before he manages to be all like “good for him” and make out like he’s not just been HAUNTED by pictures of some random having his hands all over HIS AARON. this is all after their ridiculously soft home farm week and robert has broken it all by announcing the immediate arrival of his #drop dead gorgeous wife, and you can see how it feels like a PUNCH IN HIS GUT out of nowhere?? because aaron is single, because aaron is able to do what the hell he likes and he CAN and SHOULD and that’s all he can think about and it’s written all over his face. it’s not worry until chas places it there in his mind, it’s jealousy there and even a little anger too and yeah it’s just everything and ryan kills it in a single look so let’s shout about it more pls.
3)) “YOU DON’T GET TO LIE ABOUT HIM AND WALK AWAY!!!!!” ~ SO … there’s so many ridiculously amazing moments in ssw which we all rant and rave about but this moment literally gives me shivers and it’s not talked about enough! aaron is WORKED UP, like screaming in lachlan’s face (danny kills it as per) and this part just shines through all of it to me. like it’s the crux of the whole thing! lachlan dared to lie about robert? he dared to make up something so horrendous, something so damaging just because — and aaron can’t handle it. he can’t handle the thought of robert being hurt and DESTROYED because of this lie and he CANNOT LET LACHLAN JUST GET AWAY WITH IT. so he does what? he kidnaps the brat and it’s wild and so unlike him in so many ways but it’s all because of the way he feels about robert. he literally doesn’t know what to do with how much he loves robert and so many people genuinely wonder if he does love robert as much as robert loves him and it’s just INSANE because yeah okay robert is more consistent with love declarations and whatever but aaron’s love for him can literally just EXPLODE into something messy and wild like kidnapping a teenager because he cannot risk losing robert. with robert, aaron has this strong sense of justice for the love he feels for him and the fact that it could be STRIPPED from him because of lachlan is not even an option so the creep cannot get to walk away from it all? he has to damn pay for not only trying to scare robert but also fucking up aaron’s heart and making him panic for a second. can we talk about this please? thanks.
4)) THE GIDDY HANDS IN POCKETS ALMOST JUMP THINGY ROBERT DOES IN THE WOOLPACK TOILETS AFTER BEING INTERRUPTED FROM KISSING AARON AND CONFIRMING THAT THEY ARE HAVING #HOME FARM WEEK ~ so like yeah it’s ridiculously soft and it was almost out of nowhere? the whole scene is just madness because aaron goes from this hard angry little dog who is legit fuming that robert is going away to spend the week with his wife because HOW THE FUCK DARE HE? and robert manages to soften him into this gooey marshmallow who just wants to keep kissing his ‘overly decorated in purple’ lover who is literally staying to BE WITH HIM. everything is soft until some random laughs too loudly and they break apart and it’s all this energy whizzing through the air, the chemistry literally sizzles and then robert walks towards the door, listens to aaron say “tomorrow then?” and he sucks in a breath, nods his head and SMILES before saying “tomorrow”!! it’s just wild, and they are just SO EXCITED and it’s mind blowing and yeah … Let’s talk about it Now.
5)) OKAY SO THE AMAZING DOMESTIC “OH HERE WE GO” followed by a roll eye by robert sugden to his soon to be fiancé who is trying to actually initiate deep level shit whilst driving ~ it’s hilarious full stop. it’s just the best and the way robert already KNOWS that aaron is going to get to the whole #deep level shit without even hearing it just literally sums up how well they know each other. it’s honestly sickening how comfortable they are in each other’s company? how rob is like ‘here we go, another lecture by my grumpy gorgeous hopefully fiancé in a few hours boyfriend who wants to discuss stuff i cannot deal with’ it’s just PERFECT and we need to shout about the level of domesticity in the moment!
6)) OKAY SO - the scene where aaron asks liv if she wants to go the theme park with him and robert and she turns him down and his face just drops as he asks “is this because of robert?” like … OH MY JESUS HE WAS SO SCARED THAT HIS SISTER WOULD NEVER LOVE SOMEONE HE LOVES!! he literally starts banging on about him wanting liv to get to know robert and how robert is nervous about it and he is literally rambling because it means so much to him and it’s insane. all my baby wants is a quiet little life with his sexy af little businessman boyfriend and his wayward sister and it isn’t working and he’s trying his damn hardest to just help everyone get along as best they can. like even when she still says no, aaron’s all like “can’t [liv’s plans] it not wait?” because believe it or not back then when it was in the midst of what many referred to as the cold stage, void of any romance, aaron was ATTEMPTING TO BUILD HIS FUTURE AND SET THE BUILDING BLOCKS TOGETHER IN A NEAT PILE, starting with his sister and his boyfriend being close. and it just makes me sob because it’s so soft and aaron is so family entered and has such focus and it’s all about robert and liv and his family and yeah … No one speaks about this moment as much as they should and it’s a crime because it sums up how desperate aaron was to include robert into his family/life.
7)) THE ADORABLE MOMENT OF DOUBT ROBERT FEELS BEFORE HE SHOWS VIC THE ENGAGEMENT RING FOR AARON AND HE SAYS: “WHAT IF HE FREAKS OUT?” - like ??? it’s just ridiculous soft and the way he slouches and looks all torn and almost regretful is so refreshing to see and nearly a little not exactly like robert j sugden. because in all honesty, this is robert, this is COCKY LITTLE 'everyone loves me eventually’ ROBERT SUGDEN and suddenly he’s all unsure and afraid and doubtful over something so big, something he has always deep down struggled to really grasp and that is AARON DINGLE’S LOVE FOR HIM. it manages to knock him down and make him feel small and unsure and it’s just this incredibly brief, incredibly important insight into his mindset and makes him appear so human and works with another layer of his character which isn’t always shown. and yeah, it needs to be shouted about more basically because it can be so easily overlooked but there’s so much behind it.
8)) THE TINEST LITTLE SMILE ON AARON’S FACE WHEN CHAS BASICALLY GIVES HER BLESSING ABOUT AARON GOING OUT FOR A DRINK WITH ROBERT TO “TAKE YOUR MINDS OFF THINGS” ~ like she’s obvs trying not to make it a big deal and failing in the typical mum way by shrugging her shoulders too much and aaron totally clocks onto it and he’s just FLAWED for a few seconds because this is his mum who hates robert flipping sugden with all her heart and soul and now – she’s giving her blessing and actually wanting robert to be around him and it’s wild for him, it’s insane for him to even try and get his head around. so he doesn’t even speak, he just has to nod his head slowly and it melts my whole heart because it means SO MUCH TO HIM and it shouldn’t because … they’re just Mates with a massive capital M but still … you can see the way it makes him feel, this mad blessing from his mum of all people and he allows himself to start believing that maybe this is all going to work out okay and yeah it’s just this soft glimmer of hope amongst such a shit load of drama and it’s perfecto. so let’s scream about it okay?
9)) OKAY SO IT ISN’T THAT BIG OF A DEAL BUT I GROW WEAK WHENEVER I SEE THE SCENE ON CHRISTMAS DAY WHERE THEY ARE GOING TO LEAVE AND ROBERT PASSES AARON HIS COAT BEFORE TAKING HIS OWN ~ shoot me if you think i am being dramatic but is2g there’s something so soft and sensitive and couplely about the moment and it just screams domestic bliss to me and helps add to the canon fact that robert is an absolute GENT and would so do that embarrassing thing where he pulls out aaron’s chair when they go to a restaurant or something like that and he has to then apologise for making aaron blush. anyways it’s just so cute, i can’t get over it and the way it’s just so charming and it’s just a regular occurrence within their relationship (rob does the same with food, like passing it to aaron before eating his own) and yeah … it’s the hight of domestic fiancé bliss and no one can tell me otherwise. let’s scream into the void about it pls.
10)) THE SCEEN AT THE SCRAP YARD AFTER VADAM HAVE GONE OFF TO GET MARRIED AND ROB AND ANDY COME LIKE LITTLE DETECTIVES DEMANDING ANSWERS AND AARON IS BEING HELLA DIFFICULT AND ROBERT LITERALLY SAYS “WELL WE CAN SEE WHERE YOUR LOYALTIES LIE CAN’T WE?” AND AARON IS LITERALLY LIKE … “YOU WHAT?” because holy cow he knows exactly what robert is attempting to talk about, he knows he’s trying to say that somehow because of their sexy time aaron shout rat adam out and he expects aaron to have his back despite treating him like shit, but that is their secret business and he’s hella confused about why robert is so boldly bringing it up in front of andy (who literally doesn’t flinch or question why even after robert looks back at him to almost check if he heard - it’s mad) like the whole thing is just HILARIOUS!!! robert is just so pissed off? because it’s adam who aaron has loyalty to not him, not the guy who he says he LOVES and he can’t get his head around the injustice of it all despite knowing full well it’s not that black and white. he’s just overwhelmed with things starting to get out of his control and the fact that aaron isn’t “dancing” to to his “little tune” and he’s just full on GONE by the whole encounter so has to switch up the game and change the convo real quick because shitttt a little bit of feelings spilled out over the scrapyard gravel and he looked needy and like a little boy who just wanted help with his project from his crush and wasn’t getting any at all and yeah it’s just Gold. the silence after he blurts it out … Gold, the squinty eyed reply from aaron … Gold, robert looking back towards andy to see if he’s even noticed anything … Gold, robert being all awkward and attempting to carry on the conversation … Gold. so can we talk about this a lot more?
there you go, just another ten underrated robron moments we need to scream about a lot more, hmu if you want more from my collection.
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