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mdhwrites · 1 year

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Okay, Let’s Eviscerate Luz’s Nightmare

I REALLY like dream sequences and false reality. I think there’s a lot that can be done with it that creatively is admittedly hard to do. It’s why I wanted to do a Jumbled Thoughts on it. The format for Jumbled Thoughts is to be approachable to those who aren’t familiar with the work being used as an example though and genuinely are just for teaching.

I am still genuinely upset though that the show had such little of a fucking clue what to do about wrapping itself up that it wastes the FIRST SEVEN MINUTES OF ITS FINALE. So this is just going to be me ranting more about why this sequence is bad but with more specifics to TOH. Specifically starting with: Even if it were good... It’d be rendering the two specials before it pointless. As far as characters go, especially ones the writers care about, the last two specials have been entirely about Luz’s self hate. I don’t think it’s done well mind you, it leads to character assassination for her and a finish that is laughable at best in context with the rest of the show, but that is the point of the two specials. Luz’s guilt over Belos. In special 1, it’s about how deep her self hate runs and the ‘sacrifices’ she’s willing to make to ‘make up for it’. As anyone familiar with this blog knows, I see what Luz does much more as “Oh, I can’t easily fix this? Fuck it then. Let them all burn.” But the writers think otherwise despite Luz’s actions. Special 2 is about Luz finally coming to terms with this and realizing she doesn’t have to give a fuck because she is the most special thing on the planet and everyone should understand that.

So we had a resolution. It led directly to Stringbean existing because she suddenly had clarity of purpose and shed that which was holding her back. But... This sequence HINGES on the idea that Luz isn’t past that stuff. Frankly, it would have made a MUCH better opener to the second episode where the Collector grabs them IMMEDIATELY. Not only would the transition be less awkward because... Oh my god the finale starts in just a terrible fucking way that despite following up literally where the last episode left off, feels like a “Here’s what you missed on the last episode of The Owl House!” That may be because I still haven’t watched the majority of S3. You can thank my Discord for me watching these seven minutes.

Anyways, not only would the portal act as a good, disorienting transition to make the audience think something went wrong with it instead of everyone immediately just knowing it’s a dream because... Duh, it also would have meant that Luz would be attacked by her friends when emotionally she was the most vulnerable. She doesn’t think her going back is a good idea after all. If the first thing she remembers post going through the portal is this nightmare where the whole is vacant and dead except for those she just brought to it... That would have actually had literally any reason to work. The words would cut much deeper because they are genuinely what she’s thinking. Instead... It feels like the main character’s character arc gets unearthed again for a shitty dream sequence. WHAT!?

And I want to make this clear: It’s BAD. It’s bad even compared to other bad dream sequences. At least most have the dignity to be like Zuko’s fever dream where it’s literally just a shocking moment and move on. But like... How shocking is anything in this sequence? Amity and Willow get out attacks I guess but otherwise the imagery is REALLY tame and the impossible space stuff is as basic as it comes. Otherwise, everyone is saying really blunt, obviously not them lines so you can’t really invest in what they’re saying. It only cuts (because I’ll admit it got an emotional rise out of me) because what is being said is so cruel. They’re lines that if they were true to the characters’ views AT ALL, then they’d be really powerful.

But they’re not. Most of them are just based on “YOU DESTROYED OUR WORLD!” a concept all of them immediately forgave, or just ignored, the second it was brought up to them. None of them care and have made that clear to Luz and Luz isn’t in a part of even her grief cycle to still be telling herself lies about this being the real truth that her friends are just hiding from her. It’s not helped by the fact that it’s the same bullshit we’ve been hearing from Luz already so even if it were actually Luz, it wouldn’t be new insight, just like how “Willow represses anger” isn’t a new insight in Understanding Willow (another really boring episode in terms of a mentalscape frankly.) The only person who MAYBE has their real feelings here is Hunter but he’s just stating a problem I have in general with Flapjack’s death. Why DID Luz get a palisman while Hunter’s had to die? What was the point? You know, besides cheap shock and giving Hunter magic so you didn’t have to worry about him having a staff anymore.

The resolution is also dogshit to me and way more twee than The Owl House ever does which makes what would be groan worthy in a different kid’s cartoon just pure cringe in the worst ways here. “What do you do after a bad dream? Turn on a light.” So... If Luz had cast a light spell while fighting them, would the whole thing have vanished regardless? Usually the fight for getting out of a dreamscape is one of the most compelling elements. What makes the hero hesitate, what sets them off for this being wrong, etc. like that. It’s part of what makes Superman still comforting his dream son so powerful because despite him not existing... Superman still cares. Because that is the core of Superman. ALL living beings matter to him.

This says fuck and all about Luz except that she’s a gatekeeping bitch of a nerd. Despite being in tears, for almost no reasons since the show does not sell that she actually thinks this is real (and again, from a narrative standpoint it makes the second special feel even more pointless if these words still effect her. NARRATIVE PAYOFF! LEARN WHAT IT IS!), she still immediately catches the mistake and bounces back to 100%. It’s... Honestly embarrassing from a writing standpoint. It says so many terrible things about Luz while also not saying much interesting. Yeah, Azura apparently really is that big to her that even during a breakdown with her friends, all it takes is her gatekeeper and continuity senses to go off to get her to write them all off. What would happen if Amity had to just admit it’d been a year since she read the book and just got the reference wrong?

As a note, the moment of Luz touching Amity’s face was the only clip of this sequence I’d seen before last night. Even then, I knew something was fucked here. Luz playing with Amity’s face feels like when a player character in a story about a game suddenly gains sentience. The other NPCs literally can’t process what they’re doing so Luz gets to just play with this Amity toy who should ostensibly be trying to kill her but has enough honor to wait for Luz to arm herself apparently.

Then the REST OF THEM WAKE UP. WHY!? WHY ARE THEY ACTUALLY ABLE TO EFFECT THIS!? Also... Does that mean Amity just got the reference wrong? Or did she do it on purpose? Why could she give Luz a glyph to cast? Why do they have that much power here? It’s just such a dumb twist that exists only to get the stupid line out of Hunter while he still sounds like he’s under mind control because of how unnatural the delivery of the advice is.

And this also of course means that Luz gets out without effort. Without anything. I’ve seen people call this trailer bait and I really just can’t blame them for it. It’s seven minutes of trailer bait though. Of an episode that’s only 52 minutes long and has two villains to actually take out still. That... Why? Why is that how you decided to start your finale.

It also brings the comparisons people would make between Marcy and Luz right to the forefront. Marcy had a dream sequence after all. Its imagery was more fun though and had more of a point and was HEARTBREAKING in that by being so idealic... That’s how Marcy knew it was fake. That one moment tells us SO MUCH of how she saw her role in the trio that we didn’t really know before. And the fact that she stayed trapped, having to hope others, others she thinks don’t care about her, will come save her makes it all a fucking tragedy. It’s really powerful and would not have been half as effective without being a dream sequence of sorts.

And as always... When TOH does something like Amphibia, it copies the really shallow, loud parts without understanding why Amphibia was doing it the way it did it. It makes the show look like a joke in comparison.

Which is why I’m not actually surprised people haven’t asked me about this sequence. It’s bad. It’s REALLY bad, which is probably why most people even on Twitter don’t talk about it. Not when you have the deux ex machina to gush over close to it. It’s bad in all the ways that you expect a dream sequence to be bad. It’s there for shock, it says very little about the characters and you could cut it and lose almost nothing, if just nothing. If I didn’t like dream sequences, I wouldn’t have anything to talk about here.

It makes it ‘of a kind’ which is why I used it to teach. And... Being ‘of a kind’ for being bad, especially when it actively goes against the character growth you’ve been doing... Well, it’s one of the few times I would say “I could have written this better.” Mostly because as a director I would have looked at whoever pitched the idea and gone “We have a godlike child who likes to play games. Come up with an actual fucking GAME instead of this cheating bullshit.”

Because like Luz looking beat up at the beginning of Yesterday’s Lie, it’s all just writing cheats and excuses. Just this time no one bought because why would they? Most audiences expect a dream sequence to be bad so seeing it was all a lie for baiting the audience... Well, at least for once TOH didn’t try to subvert a fantasy trope, did they?

*sigh*

==========

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

#the owl house criticism #TOH Critical #toh finale #Luz Noceda

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onlyhereforangst · 3 years

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WWR

The Talk™️

lololol just kidding sorry Laura I love you here’s the real thing just in time 😘😘

We start with Ellie being veeeeery sus 👀 checking out Eastern Europe and the various countries, I mean yes there are plenty of nice, beautiful places there but this is a procedural aka obviously that area can only be shady. I also love that Nick came up silently and waited, watched what she was doing very intently, before announcing his presence. Almost like he’s been suspecting something is up with her for a little while now and seized on this perfect opportunity to do a little digging. But at the same time he doesn’t let it go on too long, and he almost gives her an out- he doesn’t accuse her of being shady AF, instead he’s like oh clearly she’s planning a trip because she’s always talked about loving Eastern Europe not the Bahamas like we’d just gotten jealous over a year ago…right, Ellie? A trip? And then her response ooo girl. She starts to get uber defensive and then realizes that oh wait, he handed me an out on a silver platter so yeah let me take it real quick. AND HE DOESN’T CALL HER ON IT. That’s the real good stuff in this scene- he’s a trained federal agent with years of undercover work, he can tell when someone is outright lying *especially* when that someone is Ellie. So he takes her defensive hesitation and than blatant lie and rolls with it. Beeeecause he trusts her. He trusts her to tell him when she’s ready. He saw how hurt she got when he kept bothering her after the kidnapping, and also saw her tell him once she was ready to. So yeah, he gets it now. He may be seriously concerned for her underneath that joking exterior, but he trusts her to tell him when the time is right, and also likely feels she wouldn’t keep anything huge huge from him. *cue getting ready for heartbreak in the finale it’s fine everything is fine*

Of course we move on to the flirty stuff because we avoid serious talk here 🙄 Ellie still sus though don’t get it wrong, shutting that laptop real quick when he rounds the corner taking no further chances. And her crossing her arms while he offends her choice of “vacation” hahaha she’s so obvious, honey you got the hots for him it’s ok. Little middle school flirting like oh yeah you can do better? Prove it jerk. And Niiiiiick 🥵 I wish you could see the screenshot I’m paused on right now after he says it depends on who he’s going with before he asks her who she’s going with because DAMN that look. He can think of one (1) person and one person only who he’d go on a trip with. Her little smirk back before she decides to throw all pretense to the wayside and says fuck it I don’t care that we’re in the bullpen out in the open lemme flirt with you ~*Agent Torres*~ AND HE’S LIKE TWO CAN PLAY AGENT BISHOP PLEASE INVITE ME ON YOUR TRIP THAT I KNOW DOESN’T EXIST BUT I’D LIKE TO KNOW I’D BE INVITED IF IT DID. And please her giddy smile afterwards and then she goes from leaning back in her chair to leaning forward towards him because these two are absolutely drawn to each other bitches and I can’t get enough of them and their little playful smiles and body language. AND NEITHER CAN JIMMY.

Jimmy is the ellick fandom. Because yes, keep going this is ✨just delightful✨ and I never want it to stop unless you’re kissing. Thank you. And pleeeeease them stumbling over their words when they realized they’ve been caught I CANT. They both look *so* uncomfortable and it’s hilarious, and then Ellie can’t help but laugh at Nick’s dumb joke making fun of Jimmy because it’s her man and he’s so *funny*.

Bring us to Jimmy redeeming himself. But also yes this just confirms to me that he told Nick what he needed to hear back when he said zero chemistry. And now Jimmy’s observed silently, see where Nick has come in the last year and everything the two have been through and knows he ready to hear it for real. Well Jimmy was ready a while ago for them to move it along so yeah he’s like where’s my spoon I’m gonna STIR THIS POT. And then it is born, the slogan of the episode, the point of the WWR (please don’t have PTSD Laura), The Talk™️. Nick’s face oooo man, he initially tries to deflect like no we aren’t talking about that cozy scene nuh uh and then it turns into his worst nightmare- being called out by James Palmer of all people with Ellie literally five feet away. (ALSO MCGEE IS LITERALLY A FOOT BEHIND THEM. He 1000% heard this entire conversation if Ellie heard it. Bro better not try to deny a single thing later I’m watching you sir 👀) Nick’s expression is screaming what the fuck shut UP Jimmy this can’t possibly be happening so let me try to joke and deflect again (small smile because it was still a little funny) and then back to what the fuck he’s undeterred shit shit shit oh thank god McGee has started talking yes we have a goddamn huge problem autopsy gremlin won’t take the damn hint.

And woooooow the first time I’ve seen Nick at his desk in a while 👀👀 he said shit people are on to me let me put ✨space✨ in between us for like five seconds while we still shoot each other cute smiles.

Oooooooh now we here for the evisceration. The Here Lies James Palmer moment of the episode. Catch me dYING in the club, not crying. Because holy shit Ellie this was not only brutal and Brian absolutely killed it during this scene with his reactions to Ellie ripping him apart. His “oh…Oh…oooh.” Had me cackling. And Ellie you are the poster child of defensive, pulling out all the stops. Let me deny everything, let me then be a slight hypocrite because people shouldn’t be talking about me (because I’m terrified about considering broaching that topic too) but I can talk about Gibbs and Sloane previously, and then also like sort of admitting to it by asking Jimmy what people think is going on because that’s the question she would *love* to know the answer to but hasn’t gotten yet. All the while cue me laughing hysterically at jimmy, top tier scene right here lets be honest. Because then Kasie comes in and it’s just perfect 🤣🤣🤣 this was his sister, Painful. Couldn’t have said it better myself Kasie 😭💀

Lol at McGee telling Ellie not to tell Nick he was right about it being a coincidence 😂

HOW CLOSE DO WE NEED TO STAND TOGETHER Y’ALL. HOW CLOSE. THERE’S A WHOLE GODDAMN BULLPEN. Remember when I said Nick wanted space for 5 whole seconds, yeah this is why. They’re straight magnets - drawn together indubitably 👀

Quick detour for the continued storyline of sus!Ellie and it makes me even more and more excited for the finaleeeeee. Because honey why do you know it takes 10 pounds of pressure to rip a trachea out and yes we all know it’s Odette and I can’t wait for the aaaaaangst. Also Kasie always coming in clutch with the humor, I live for it. “No you right I got nothing” 🤣🤣

Once again, Nick forgot about his desk, it was short-lived wasn’t it? 😅

Now to another fun scene, and I feel like there’s a little double meaning to when Nick talks to Ellie about Phineas going through a lot this year, “more than most of us, which is saying a lot this year” - obviously covid but also maybe a callback to the kidnapping/jail cell stuff they dealt with?? Maybe?? Anyways, them being so awkward cute together because there’s a slight lull in the case so they revert back to their middle school selves, “so” “so…” I can’t with them omg. And then, and THEN of the two to bring it up, it’s Nick!!!! Yes!!! The GROWTH. This man used to be so emotionally closed off and now he, HE is bringing up The Talk™️ and he almost chickens out, he almost says haha you’re right we don’t have to have The Talk™️ after Ellie has a minor freakout because good god this girl is on *edge*. Her mind has probably been going a mile a minute the second she heard Jimmy call them out at the crime scene because she’s been living in blissful ignorance the past months/year whatever and now everything is smacking her in the face. But Nick, ugh I love the growth. He brushes it off and then has a moment where his face is like, no, no I’m not a wuss and he admits that yes he’s thought about it (the way he pauses when he says “not that it hasn’t been on my mind…us…” and I’m like yeah you two as a couple has been on your mind hasn’t it Nick 👀) and yes I want to have The Talk™️ with you Ellie Bishop. And not only does he admit this he’s also the one that’s like ok yeah cool BUT WHEN. Let’s nail this down please, I need it in my planner asap. And then she gets all giggly again “I don’t know when do *you* think?” Like omg I’m literally in middle school again. They’re so fucking cute and awkward it’s precious. Especially when they have to end their conversation and suddenly act normal when talking to McGee 😅😍 then they go separate ways and the look Ellie shoots Nick ahhhhhhh it’s almost like a let’s table this but also shit we really did half open that can of worms in the middle of a work day. Nick sighs and looks briefly to the sky like shit what did I do in a good way and bad way haha.

Back to Kasie with the ✨iconic✨ lines I love herrrr. Ellie being sus again with being resistant to change. I can’t decide if she’s not only talking about the possibility of dating Nick (once again defensive because Kasie about came for her throat hahahah) but also maybe about whatever is going to go down with Odette 👀👀

HERE WE ARE. THE MOMENT WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR. Back to being cute little awkward idiots in love that need to have The Talk™️. I mean come on they’re trying so hard to avoid the actual talk and just dancing around it “so” “so” “talk a roo” “talk a reeno” excuse me what the fuck are you saying just SAY IT. And Nick is still ready and rearing to go but also wants to respect Ellie and give her space if needed so he offers to just agree The Talk™️ needs to be had. And of course she counters with “need is a strong word” because damn this girl is spiraling. She’s so terrified of the outcome of this talk she wants to deny it needs to exist but still she can’t help it at the end of the day. And Nick is still like ok BUT WHEN. I WANT TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU AFTER YOU TELL ME YOU LOVE ME. SO LIKE WHEN ELLIE WHEN. And he once again plays off her deflection (a theme of this episode) with yeah yeah they’re super tired not at all wired just thinking about this talk that is at the tip of his tongue. At least Ellie is finally seeing the light and realizes that they should promise to have The Talk™️ but as she sits there staring at the elevator in front of her she’s like oh fuck, it can’t be soon can it. Fuck fuck fuck I can’t hold this in longer, we can’t keep dancing around it. fuck. So when Nick once again tries to press her to nail down a time she’s like well fuck it let’s do this shit now. Then she can’t realized that shit I actually said it, I actually said that. I said we should have The Talk™️ now. And Nick’s genuine surprise mirrors hers because she’s been the one half-denying The Talk™️ all day and now she wants to do this right here right now??? But at the same time he’s got a little smile to his face because he loves the idea of her being on board and finally getting this done. Finally getting to hear how she feels.

So they walk into the elevator with a MUCH better vibe than the last time they walked in all serious at night (looking at you dumb Nick with Elena) but I guess the Elena Elevator Talk walked so the Ellie Elevator Talk could run 👀

And Nick while yes he’s ready for this shit to finally happen he’s still vulnerable, still terrified of opening himself up because he’s seen his dad (recently) and how commitment and relationships run in the family 🙄 plus this is all very new to him outside of Sofia and this is definitely not new to Ellie (Jake, qasim). He needs to hear she’s all-in too, needs to know he hasn’t built something up in his head for something serious when she views it as just a flirtation between friends. So he nervously says ladies first and while Ellie gives him a look of protest and wtf man, I think deep down she knows this is all so difficult for him despite how much he’s pushed it over the course of the day plus SHE is ready to get this out in the open. The moment she decided to stop denying and spiraling she went full force head on let’s talk about us. She hedges for a second and Nick continues to be nervous as she’s clearly building up her own nerve. Then she says probably the exact same moment he’s thinking of- or at least one of them- the jail cell. The defining, triggering moment that set this thing at full speed. He can’t believe she’s really saying the words, about to hear what he hopes is his feeling of that jail cell reciprocated in her words and his head turns quickly to look at her, unable to believe his ears that what he’s been dying for all along is going to happen. The Talk™️ is happening and damn it seems like it’s happening in the right direction.

Of course we have no damn clue what was said and I’m jaded and don’t think they’ll ever tell us- RIP the note. BUT I’m so glad it actually happened (and the cinematographic parallels of course), a STEP towards canon!Ellick I’m fine.

Now to see where they take this from here in the last two episodes and I can only hope an angst filled canon!Ellick because duh.

#ellick #ncis #torres x bishop #wwr #hopefully laura doesn't hate me #also this may be less in depth than previous because i was rushing whoops 😬#18x14

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avixthic · 3 years

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alright i just took a test and my brain is MUSH and here i am bout to delve into all your observable traits and insecurities to ship you with a mohawk wearin emotionally stunted dude LESGETITT!!!!

okay so im sure your personality off the internet is completely different so im gonna have to jump a lot of gaps, but its like that john mulaney meme of “no one look at me or ill kill myself,” but you can still interact well with others because youre very accommodating and passive and that allows you to have some friendships here and there but not too many that youre put on any radars

which is wild cause even tho i know next to nothing about hawk ik he’s like the opposite, the biggest loudest fuck you to everyone around him and only earning relationships based on respect and intimidation factor, but, like the sweet sweet sub you are, you think thats hot as hell and fantasize about him from the outskirts of his rampages, staying out of his way and avoiding eye contact while your panties get soaked

not only out of fear of getting in his way, but he’s a textbook delinquent, and you cant have yourself associated with that now can you!! noooo youre on the academic team!! you have to be in the top ten of your class!! you have to have perfect grades to live up to your family’s expectations because thats what youre supposed to do!! youve never known anything else!!

so hawk excites you, youre jealous cause you want to act out so bad, maybe not in the exact way but you know deep down that you dont deserve this even though you dont want to admit it to yourself and your community makes you think suffering is all there is in store for you

now as much of a smug bitch sigmund freud mightve been he was right about parental influences being the stem of our attraction and,,,,, im just gonna say it hawk matches that aggression you get from your dad HHSFGDAGJDKD in the sense that like youre scared but its familiar so youre okay with it and you simultaneously want to fix him because you know you have it in you, and hey at least hawk doesnt hate your existence just yet 🥴

anyway well get back to you in a bit, im gonna be honest hawk wouldnt really notice yourself at first until you make yourself noticeable, cause he can smell that insecurity from a mile away (being all to stenchy of it himself) and thinks you need to toughen up like he did, which is true but maybe not to his extreme

ACTUALLY you guys have a really good dichotomy wait....... passive vs agressive....... hating yourself vs hating everyone else before they can hate you........ wait i see where this is going the vision is taking place in my mind

i dont know what would cause you guys to eventually start interacting, maybe your friends push you into it? maybe you stay after school to pick up your grades and run into him from detention¿ ionno but you guys are just kindred spirits, in the sense that you both have that deep seeded self hatred, but youre a lot more affectionate and readily accepting and excusing of others faults which is a fuckin head scratcher for him lmao cause all hes known is ridicule

so yknow he keeps you around, he doesnt know why (yes he does) but he secretly enjoys the affirmation, and at the same time CONSTANTLY tells you to fight back against your constrictive authority because its eating you from the inside out when it has absolutely no right to

and owo whats this?? someone who actually enjoys your presence well you gotta attach to them immediately!! he’s gonna bat off your clinginess especially in the view of others, but he’d just purse his lips and focus on other things when you guys are along so at least you got that

i cant remember where i was going with this but essentially you guys get into a slow crawl of encouraging the other and unknowingly fulfilling each other’s need for validation in some way until BOOM youre on each others mouths in the back of the school and you have a secret relationship cause your parents would fucking eviscerate you if they found you around such a horrible ungodly influence thats probably the reason why your grades are so shit :D

but little by little you start having your own little rebellions every day, which you likely wouldve had in your own time as you got older but he certainly speeds up the process, and oh my god someones attracted to you, maybe now youll finally see some of your good qualities and have some semblance of self worth cause if not hawks gonna either beat it or kiss it into you he hasnt decided yet 🤗 but he does think youre a dumbass for thinking so lowly of yourself cause you have all this stuff going for you and he has nothing but his karate skills, then you assure that thats not true hes just a product of his circumstances, well guess what bitch its the same for YOU!! so you guys keep insisting that the other isnt as shitty as they think they are and wow you can base a relationship off of that? why yes, yes you can

not me crying

not me actually having tear stains on my shirt

you

mmmmmmmhmmmm

#big sis britt!#jesus fuck #i #the way i can imagine this

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thesoloists · 4 years

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Out of the Shadows (Into the Light) - A Grant Ward Redemption Fic

AN: Just a snippet of what I’ve been working on—a long fic (M-rated) dedicated to helping Grant Ward find redemption alongside his former S.H.I.E.L.D. partner, the live wire Inhuman Olivia Murphy (OC), as they set out on a new mission: bringing an end to HYDRA and finally getting themselves some closure. They are the relationship equivalent of a shaken up can of soda and a bag of funyuns (Guess which is which, it’s won’t be hard.) This fic is primarily set post season 1, and maintains most of the season’s canon up until 1x22: “Beginning of the End”.

“Olivia," Ward says more firmly.

Murphy's eyes carry a tempestuous gleam as she shrugs exasperatedly. “I don't know what you want me to say, Ward—that I deal with my trauma just fine? That I crack jokes to keep things light and funny, even though all I see when I close my eyes is a highlight reel of the horror shit show that happened at the Asylum?"

She steps up in front of him, nearly toe-to-toe, and tilts her head to look up at him. Storm clouds swirl before her eyes flash with indignance. "At least I don't deal with my trauma like a washed-up, emotionally-inept high school quarterback who thinks his coach's dream of seeing him make it in the big league is all he could have ever hoped to achieve in life.”

The room would be suffocatingly quiet without a bottled natural disaster like Olivia Murphy to keep things lively, and if the rickety old air conditioner weren't buzzing besiegely like a mechanical beehive held together by good old F&D—A whole lot of faith and duct tape.

When Ward opens his mouth, Murphy clamps it down with a sharply raised brow. She backs off, but her razor gaze never wavers.

It's a blessing in disguise, her silencing him. Gives him the opportunity to think, stay logical. Collect himself rather than act on what he'd rationalize as self-defense. Murphy's only lashing out because she feels backed into a corner. It's not him, it's her.

Ward has to be careful of his word choice because he feels like he's tightrope-walking on a power line, and if he so much as slips fourteen thousand volts could burn right through him. A pissed off Murphy is not one he's seen enough to familiarize himself with, even before she was taken by HYDRA, and the way she is now is like the hair-raising static charge in the air right before a lightning strike.

It would be easy, how deeply Ward could cut her. He's certain she knows it, too.

Despite how long it's been since Murphy’s death, Ward never threw out what he learned about her over the years. He's a bit of a packrat in that respect. His greatest weapon is his memory, though more specifically, all his little observances. When he picks up on something, he just can't seem to let it go. What he did know about Murphy he compartmentalized. Whether out of grief, shame, or mere sentimentality—or just for the sake of cleaning up the space—he can't say. He knows her ticks, her tricks, and most everything that would make her bleed. All he would have to do is dust off the folder with her name, and turn to the first page.

He could do it. He could absolutely eviscerate her.

There has only ever been one time when Ward has done it—torn into Murphy with everything he had. It was back at the S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy. When he had panicked about his attachment, about ruining his mission, about disappointing Garrett, about wanting a real friend. All because a young woman named Olivia Murphy decided to devastate his life.

He was vicious. He was cruel. He threw the whole damn book at her and laughed.

Garrett would have been proud.

It was fucked up that she even came back to him after that, though he did admittedly find a semblance of comfort in knowing she was almost as messed as he was. He's not sure Murphy would do that again today, not after everything she's been through. Not after learning all the things he's done. Not after learning the Ward she knew as her best friend for almost a decade was just HYDRA’s puppet. He was more real with her than anyone if he’s to be completely honest with himself. He's trying to make himself better for her, make himself good and real enough to her that she stays, and enough to convince himself that he feels worthy of it.

If he does that to Murphy now, verbally slaughters her, he's certain she'd never look twice at him again.

Her file is twice at thick now compared to what it was then. Even considering that makes him sick. Without another thought, Ward takes his file on Olivia Murphy and hurls it into the deepest, darkest depths of his mind—right where he keeps his worst memories. Because fuck that part of him to hell.

He hates it. He hates it. He—

Shame washes over him, humbling him like a day spent in a pillory.

God. He can’t ever do that to her. She’s all he has.

Hold a gun to his head, he doesn't care. He'll tell whoever is behind it to pull the trigger because he’d rather die than lose Olivia Murphy again.

#agents of shield #Grant Ward #aos fanfic #aos #grant ward redemption fic #Olivia Murphy #OC #otp: a shaken up can of soda and a bag of funyuns #Grant Ward x Oliva Murphy #Werpy #Olivard #Olivard of broken dreams #Out of the Shadows (Into the Light)

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woolishlygrim · 4 years

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Winter Weebwatch #3

I feel a little bad for giving out so many two and three star scores, so I should probably clarify that three stars is meant to be ‘generally pretty good’ and two stars is meant to be ‘watchable but very flawed.’ We’re not working on IGN metrics here.

Also, this week is the week I finally drop a show! What could it be, what could it -- it’s Plunderer. Of course it’s Plunderer. I couldn’t get all the way through this week’s episode and life’s too short to bother watching any more of it.

Also also, while In/Spectre hasn’t been dropped, it gets subbed so late that I’m skipping it this week and rolling this week’s episode over to next week’s post.

ID: Invaded.

★★★★☆

God, why was this show relegated to the Death Season, Where Anime Goes To Die? For three weeks running now, ID: Invaded has stood head and shoulders over all of its competitors, and while there’s always the possibility it could collapse in under its own weight, it so far seems to be going pretty strong.

So episode four (again, see remarks about how one and two aired in the same week) sees Sakaido and the team in a race against the clock to catch the Gravedigger, a serial killer who traps people into enclosed spaces with just a few oxygen canisters and livestreams their struggles, showing the world their final moments and even continuing the livestreams to show their bodies decaying. The Gravedigger has kidnapped a new victim, and for the first time left enough cognition particles behind for Sakaido to dive into his mental world.

Whereas previous episodes have focused heavily on the mystery angle, this episode largely focuses on the stress the case puts on Sakaido and the team. The Gravedigger’s world is a uniquely dangerous mess of fire, explosions, and shifting architecture, and Sakaido dies again and again as he struggles to find any evidence of the Gravedigger’s identity.

Much like the last episode, this would sit at a solid three stars, being a fairly engaging and somewhat harrowing story of Sakaido and the team putting themselves under immense stress to save a victim. What boosts it up to four stars is the moment where the writers pull the rug out from under the characters and the audience: The Gravedigger they’re hunting is only a copycat of the real Gravedigger, and his victim has been dead for days, the ‘livestream’ actually a recording.

The episode also hints at a bigger role for the Perforator in future, as the team attempts to use him as a back-up detective, Akaido, only to find out he’s ill-suited for the role.

Pet.

★★★☆☆

Pet was so close to a four star rating this week. So close.

So, this week’s episode continues an unclear amount of time after the last week’s episode, with Hiroki and Tsubasa having bought a fish store (as in a pet store that sells live fish and naught else, not a fishmonger’s), which Hiroki believes means they can stop doing work for the shady Committee -- only for Tsubasa to inform him that the Committee paid for the store in the first place, but not to worry, he’ll do all their jobs, and Hiroki doesn’t have to do any of them.

So this episode is … moderately upsetting, actually. Intentionally so.

The bulk of the storyline, in which Tsubasa alters a bodyguard’s memory so that he’s compelled to murder one of his boss’ friends, isn’t what’s upsetting about it, although it does deal with some sensitive subjects, namely domestic abuse and the objectification of vulnerable people. No, what’s upsetting is that, like with last week’s story about Hiroki and Tsubasa altering the memories of a couple, this one also harks back to Hiroki and Tsubasa’s relationship -- specifically, that Tsubasa is emotionally abusing Hiroki.

We get hints of this early on, when Tsubasa is deliberately vague about whether he’ll psychically synchronise with Satoru, another character who, at least in Hiroki’s mind (although evidently not in Satoru’s), is something of a romantic rival. As the episode wears on, Tsubasa goes about his work, while Hiroki, left alone at the fish store, begins showing his immaturity by acting out with his powers before eventually becoming sullen and unresponsive. All of that wouldn’t be enough to indict Tsubasa as being abusive, except in the final scene, as Katsuragi snidely remarks that their new store will never be successful and Hiroki will have to return to a life of crime, Tsubasa mildly returns that he knows it won’t be successful, and he knows it will hurt Hiroki, but that’s just part of ‘taking care of a pet.’

Aaaand we get our title, with all of the unpleasant implications of how Tsubasa views the much more immature and emotionally vulnerable Hiroki.

This episode would have scraped a four star score, but the early parts of the story are a bit too fast paced and a bit incoherent. That really was the only thing holding this absolute gutpunch of an episode back.

Bonus points to the episode that the thing that prompts Hiroki to act out with his powers is seeing a woman’s domineering and callous boyfriend, implying that he is at least somewhat aware of what Tsubasa is like.

Honestly, when this show started I was not expecting a meditation on the subject of abusive relationships, but here we are, and I’m down for it.

Darwin’s Game.

★☆☆☆☆

Oh my god, I just watched it. I just watched it, guys, and I don’t remember even the tiniest bit of it. Am I crazy? Is this what crazy feels like? It’s like I’m blotting the show out of my memory.

I remember something to do with plants and that’s … that’s actually the only thing I remember about this episode.

I don’t even think Darwin’s Game is bad (although let’s be honest, how would I know), it’s just not really anything. It has somehow hit that sweet spot between good and bad where it just fails to make any kind of impact at all, and my brain just interprets it as background noise and proceeds to flush all data pertaining to it.

I might drop it just because this has got to be getting boring for anyone reading these reviews by now. Watching this show is like a sneak peek of suffering from dementia.

And yet, I still know for a fact it’s better than Plunderer, so it gets one star.

Plunderer.

☆☆☆☆☆ (DROPPED)

Aaand I’m out.

Look, after the shitshow that was the first episode, I should have dropped it straight away. I gave it a chance, and the second episode convinced me that, hey, maybe this wouldn’t be so terrible, maybe the first episode was just an outlier.

The first episode was not an outlier. Episode three isn’t entirely sexual assault and sexual harassment, but about twelve minutes in it does segue into an extended sequence of exactly those things, getting worse with each passing minute. I got up to fourteen minutes, the point at which a supporting character was cheering on the protagonist to sexually assault someone, before I just couldn’t stomach watching anymore.

This show could be the most interesting, engaging, thought-provoking thing on television, and the constant sexual assault would still make me drop it. Luckily, even if you take out all the sex crimes, all you’d get is a show that was basically okay at best.

So zero stars for Plunderer, and I’m dropping the show. To be perfectly honest, I should have dropped it after episode one.

Sorcerous Stabber Orphen.

★★★☆☆

Onto more pleasant news, man, I just don’t know what’s up with Sorcerous Stabber Orphen’s pacing. Having proceeded at a truly glacial pace for the first two episodes, this episode caps off the entire current story arc, bringing it to an abrupt close.

Now in the company of his old mentor Childman and a task force of sorcerers, Orphen tracks down the dragon-ified Azalie, attempting to reason with her, only for Childman to stab him and eviscerate Azalie. In the aftermath, however, Orphen realises that he’s been played: The dragon he thought was Azalie was actually Childman, and the person he’s been thinking of as Childman is actually Azalie.

So, that was a weird twist. It’s not, in fact, completely out of the left field. The episode sets up early on that Azalie was skilled not only in elemental Black Sorcery, but also in telepathic White Sorcery, and that she should have access to those spells even as a dragon, something which is cause for concern because nobody in the task force has White Sorcery, including Childman. Later on, the confrontation with Dragon-Azalie (Drazalie, if you will), has a character call attention to how she hasn’t used any White Sorcery since the battle started. So when it’s eventually revealed that Azalie did, in fact, use White Sorcery, secretly swapping her mind with Childman’s and letting him die in her place, it actually fits together in quite a neat fashion.

The episode ends without any real hint as to where the story is going to go next: Azalie escapes in Childman’s body, and Orphen is still an exile from the Tower of Fangs, and there aren’t any other pressing story threads, so I guess we’ll see.

Infinite Dendrogram.

★★☆☆☆

This is the second week in a row that I’m giving Infinite Dendrogram two stars, and it actually physically pains me to do so, because I really like this series. I think apart from ID: Invaded, it’s my favourite anime this season, by quite a significant margin.

But nothing at all happens in this episode.

Okay, that’s only half true. The episode opens with the Player-Killers roaming around Altar having all been killed, which journalist (that’s literally her character class, which I kind of love as a concept) Marie Adler says was the work of just the four ranked players. One by one, she shows the main cast a video of each one taking out a clan of Player-Killers in their own unique way: Arena gladiator Figaro takes his targets out one by one, sadistically toying with them before striking the killing blow; cult priestess Tsukuyo uses magic to immobilise her targets, before letting her cult skewer them one by one; martial artist Lei Lei takes them out in a surprisingly friendly and sporting fashion; and the King of Destruction, whose identity is unknown and definitely not Ray’s big brother, definitely, absolutely, just levels the entire forest his targets are hiding in.

I … do see the necessity of introducing them. The Superiors are basically this show’s Gotei 13, or Gold Saints, or Hashira, or <Insert Group Of Loosely Allied Big Tough People That Are In Every Post-Saint Seiya Shounen Anime> here. There are, however, more interesting ways this could have been done than having the characters watching four videos of fights they already know the outcome to.

For example, what if, instead, you had an episode setting up the characters all getting trapped in different areas, pursued by higher level Player Killers, only for them each to be saved by a Superior. That would actually have some tension and dramatic stakes, and it’d be a much more dynamic way of introducing them.

#plunderer #id invaded #infinite dendrogram #sorcerous stabber orphen #darwins game #winter weebwatch

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myvoicenottheoneyougiveme · 4 years

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The fuss, the fuss...

As said by many others concerning this show, “art-house”. The shift from TV14-PG-13+ to very hard R in the theatrical realization of the ending we didn’t get initially. The End of Evangelion ~ ->Armageddon: the end of all things in the same levels of bizarre and otherworldness. We move from the more action oriented Godzilla-esque battles in the very beginning on to art-house explorations of the mind and character driven drama to a time when it all comes crashing down when it’s time to find out what the characters are really made of. Asuka resolves her funk--her lifetime struggle with what’s been inside of her. Misato shows us what “tough-love” is. Rei discovers the breadth and depth of her origins--her true identity. Gendo is revealed for the murderous and manipulative bastard he is. Shinji goes on an acid trip....

Seele plays the UN/JSDF against Nerv because Gendo has his own plans for the Human Instrumentality Project (the evolution or rather devolution of humanity out of its present individuated form into one being--a return to the womb for all intents and purposes). This “salvation” of the human race is their ultimate goal even if the military forces they leveraged against Nerv believe they are trying to stop it from happening. The all out slaughter of Nerv and it’s personnel, everyone and everything that the audience has become familiar with and connected to, the slaughter that ensues... it’s a massacre.

Unit-01 is the vehicle to the realization of The Human Instrumentality project. The culmination of the world ending transformation happens within the mind of the pilot, Shinji. Heart and mind synchronization with the Eva means a strange blurring between what happens to the Eva and what happens to the pilot. After the 9 production model Evas are defeated by Asuka, they get up like zombies and eviscerate her. They descend on Shinji next. In a bizarre twist of events the Lance of Longinus is miraculously recalled from lunar orbit immobilizing Unit-01 and setting the stage for a literal crucifixion. Through the “dissolution of the pilot’s ego” something something incantation-like bullshit from visor man head of Seele and cue acid trip.

“Destrudo”, the opposite of “libido”, is another word used earlier in the series after Shinji is dissolved in a similar fashion to what’s about to happen here. Let’s just dissolve your brain and see what comes out. Let’s just stab stab stab stab stab and jab our way to the end of the world. If we break you down enough, eventually you’re going to snap.

Cue dream like sequence: the most regressive and childlike and desperate the character has ever been. The author’s would-be spouse standing, looming large over top of him,

Shinji: “Somebody! Anybody!”

Asuka: “No.”

Snap... Destrudo. A surrealist dreamlike sequence symbolizing “destrudo”. All in his head, then manifested out in the world as the culmination of an end to the suffering of humanity by returning all to nothingness. But the introspective journey is only beginning.

“Acid trip” (for much of the leading up to and thereafter), is probably the best analogy, and a quick search of the term “ego dissolution” in my search engine actually has a headline that juxtaposes psychedelics and ego dissolution. Whatever it is about acid as they’re discovering that kicks the doors down between the different parts of the brain, you can seem to either have deeply insightful revelations about yourself and life or you can have... a very bad trip--terrifying hallucinations, panic, etc. I guess it depends on the circumstances and your mental state.

I must admit that I don’t fully understand the term ego dissolution as it seems a rather large concept, but destrudo is manifested into the world as a result. He was used as a vehicle to its realization, this end of all things. ...But he had the power to choose a different outcome. He had a choice. He could choose a different destiny for himself and subsequently the world. The moral of the story is one of hope. The moral of the story is, the future is unwritten.

At the end then... after said introspective journey and the choice for a different fate, Shinji and Asuka are washed up on the shore of consciousness side by side. Cue symbolic reiteration of world ending trip so we can make a point--a summary in the most concise and powerful way possible. The future is unwritten. In an absolute reversal of roles, the future is unwritten. There’s so much packed in and around all of this, what her appearance echoes, what her gesture echoes, the apparition of Rei levitating above the water--one blink and she’s gone. The layers, so many god damned layers of meaning packed in. ...The road goes off in several different tangential directions, context all asking for exposes of their own. The message, if I can leave all of the rest packed in aside, it’s the exact opposite message to him of the one that precipitated the snap in the dream. And she’s not angry, and she’s not judgemental, critical, condescending, or belligerent per usual (or physically aggressive/abusive as the first time around). She’s not putting up a fight in the least... but she does one better than all that in an absolute reversal of roles. I feel like every phrase of words I could attach to this gesture would fail somehow to capture it.

It’s meaningful BECAUSE it’s in the face of it. It’s fucking powerful BECAUSE by all rights, by every definition, by every right measure, the action IS horrifying.

In contrast, her body language to match the gesture, isn’t of someone in fear. Her gesture isn’t of someone just trying to appease.

A single touch that could move mountains,

I know.... ....and I love you.

I think it’s amazing... but not because the action isn’t horrifying. If it weren’t horrifying, her response wouldn’t mean, wouldn’t carry all of the weight that it does. You don’t have to have ever felt or experienced or imagined to understand how powerful the image is.

It’s a symbolic reiteration because it recaps the whole meaning. He’s already come to the place, to the hopeful place and made a different choice. It’s as if to say “rewind” and replay it from the top. The single touch echoes the single touch in the ghost of his mother that concluded in his return to the land of the living. The entire how many seconds there at the end that this exchange between Shinji and Asuka happens, is blown up and expounded upon in the whole last half of the movie right before this scene.

Introduction paragraph: “destrudo”.

Body paragraphs, the world of nothing you wished for and all the subsequent revelations and realizations about life and existence and why life is worth living.

Conclusion/Summary from the top: This journey in its most distilled and powerful form. Say you went there, say you decided to end everything, end her, end yourself, end life, end everything. ...She completely, completely defied all of it.

I would point you to the play Trifles for all your gripes about the concepts painted here. One of those required readings in school you know, in English, in the very English class(es) I took in the last couple of years no less. The abusive spouse, the husband that absolutely choked the life out of his wife emotionally. The whole plot is people trying to cover up for this poor woman that just lost it one day and ended him. My description won’t do justice, but we all empathize with that woman. We are made to, meant to. We feel for her, despite the literal act of murder. The whole thing is tragic. ...But you begrudge me an affinity for a series that ends artfully in a similar scenario explored but in the hypothetical ...and with the genders reversed. Explored, despair explored fully. Light found in the darkness. Meaning. Hope. The moral of the story, hope. The future is unwritten. This isn’t the end, it’s the beginning. Battered and broken, this isn’t the end. You wanna end it all? But this isn’t the end. Defying all expectations in a total and complete role reversal, the future is unwritten.

In the face of his pain now directed outward, a single touch that could move mountains,

I know....

....and I love you.

Edit: It was a mind-blowing finale of a film that no one saw coming. It defied all expectations by turning everything up to 11, EVERYTHING. Everyone’s first viewing, my own included, was, HOLY SHIT and WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST WATCH? Someone explain this shit.

First viewing of the series in a decade was 5 years ago, I’ve had a long time since to come to the insights I have, only now getting back to a re-viewing. It’s something of a never ending trip down the rabbit hole as I come to realizations about the meanings, things in places I never expected and my own discoveries about psychology and my own self and why these characters all resonated with me.

The thread, the threads throughout that are weaved into it, it’s made of real things. It’s a puzzle that has real answers, real parallels to real things in life, disguised and weaved allegorically in ways only a “high-context” culture could produce.

I took it for what it was, even if I didn’t understand it then. But the more I understand it now as an adult, the deeper it gets. There aren’t many stories out there with as much depth. And certainly not many in essentially YA fiction. There aren’t many stories out there that punch you in the gut the way this one does.

I’ve spoken for it, represented it on the whole, and now gone into detail about your shock and awe cuts that you use as ammunition.

I’ve spoken for it, and I’ve spoken for myself. There isn’t anything else to say.

Edit 2: Are we talking about "help" this morning?

I'll say it again if we are. I was in therapy/counseling when I arrived in Arizona. That ended when "you" got involved. He had better sense than any of you and wasn't about to be a part of "this" or caught in the middle or in violation of the ethics he was obligated to uphold.

Perhaps without knowing the full extent of your reach, he attempted to send me off on the right foot here in a new state, new life. Leaving all of "this" behind was the main idea. The message was that despite my attempts to get to the meat of anything and me wondering why he's not leading the conversation anywhere, that I was in a better place and just needed to focus on putting one foot in front of the other and focus on what was ahead of me and not behind me.

You have actively sabotaged every bit of that attempt to start over for the last 3 - 4 years. And now having seen the extent of your reach, I haven’t dared set one foot back into the therapy setting. Every step of the way, you’ve been there behind every person. Not everyone is so given or so eager to play a part. Some just avoid me entirely. Others, usually classmates, have gotten real keen on going to bat for you having been indoctrinated before ever meeting me.

You are the end of everything that ever can be or ever will be again.

Cease and desist, psycho stalker.

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tokidokifish · 7 years

Text

speaking of terrible things i’ve read, i was talking to @mum-feather about an awful, awful, awful series of fanfics i had read through in morbid curiosity, but i only vaguely remembered the finer details of the horribleness, so i went back and found a conversation i had with @audrey-scorne about it and decided to post it if anyone else wants to go on the wild fucking ride. i’m putting it behind a cut because it is LONG. i go into DETAIL. pls enjoy.

tokidokifish I'M STILL ALL SALTY ABOUT THIS FANFIC I READ

audreyscorne how dare they honestly

tokidokifish you don't underSTAND

audreyscorne how bad are we talking here

tokidokifish i'd say "acceptably written" but i feel like the author's idea of steve rogers is DEEPLY flawed and it was almost entirely about him so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ like the premise of the whole thing is that steve and tony were married but had gotten divorced

audreyscorne oh great

tokidokifish so i figured it was going to be all about them learning to bridge their differences and fall back in love, right? it was fucking not about that

audreyscorne Bitter Gay Superhero Divorce Settlement a good time for all

tokidokifish like first of all, there's no fucking indication steve considered going to counselling or fucking ANYTHING for his broken marriage

tokidokifish he just springs it on tony to the point he fucking *has sex* with him, knowing that tony is thinking of it as something more than he is, because he's already decided to divorce him but isn't going to deny himself one last roll in the hay with tony stark

tokidokifish which is like fifteen fucking kinds of gross

audreyscorne eeeeuuuuuugh totally a cap move Steve "One Last Hatefuck" Rogers

tokidokifish and like a spur-of-the-moment sort of divorce would work in a story that was going to work to a sort of "oh we really can make this work" sort of conclusion, but in this it was like what?? the fuck?? and it's got peter parker as their son biologically tony's through a surrogate

audreyscorne oh let me guess nasty gay custody battle

tokidokifish in the past, apparently

tokidokifish SORT OF?

tokidokifish it's indicated that tony's lawyers eviscerated cap, but they also end up with a joint custody agreement that tony indicates he MADE his lawyers give to steve, so the only way it could've gotten that serious is if steve was trying for sole custody or something? fuck if i know honestly that's one of the least of this series' problems it gets SO MUCH FUCKING WORSE so the whole reason steve divorced tony is because he didn't want to have peter deal with them fighting (again, with no indication he ever even considered counselling or anything before going straight to divorce)

audreyscorne that is... uh

tokidokifish and they end up with the aforementioned joint custody agreement, which is an every other week thing and apparently when he doesn't have peter steve just completely shuts the fuck down and spends all his time moping about not having his kid

audreyscorne UM

tokidokifish and i guess feeling righteous that even though he still has feelings for tony and he knows tony still has feelings for him (mostly because tony keeps desperately trying to rekindle their relationship to the point he still wears his ring), he refuses to even consider getting back together because it's "better for peter" that they're divorced

audreyscorne this is really giving me "my understanding of divorce and parenthood is entirely based on tv" vibes for the sake of the gay angst, no doubt

tokidokifish god, it's so awful

audreyscorne Bad Job

tokidokifish and it's made pretty obvious that cap is depressed/struggling with ptsd (somewhat, at first, VERY MUCH at the end, i still haven't gotten to the really bad part), but like... the idea that he isn't surrounded by people that would help him is insane? like fucking sam wilson alone does this shit FOR A LIVING. and he gets emotionally manipulative in really disgusting ways - not on purpose, obviously, but it reminded me so much of my mother at her worst that it makes my skin crawl like one summer peter has an internship and wants to just stay with tony because it would be more convenient

tokidokifish and he ends up getting in a fight with cap and saying some mean shit and cap (god, i'm closing my eyes just typing this) starts crying and runs to his bedroom until he can get himself under control he cries a lot

tokidokifish like i'm all for dudes showing emotion but he cries like i cry which is to say: fucking immediately and at the smallest shit anyhow, steve throws himself DIRECTLY into this fic's staple which is what i will call Martyr Mode because he's now convinced himself that peter will never come back and even after peter comes to apologize for the things he says, he goes full on "no, no, i understand, it's okay, you don't want to see me anymore, whatever makes you happy" mode

tokidokifish even after tony realizes something went wrong and goes up to comfort steve because he is like the only fucking sensible adult in this situation, steve continues acting this way until peter rescinds his decision this is when they convince him to see a therapist, and a new cycle of bullshit begins

audreyscorne fuckin YIKES What a shitshow

tokidokifish he gets a therapy dog and moves to maine and seems to actually start having a life of his own, holy shit this is the point where i thought "okay, he's gonna get better and he and tony are gonna work shit out" i was incredibly wrong

tokidokifish once he moved out of the city, tony finally moved on with his life and started seeing another dude this is fifteen years after they got divorced, by the way

tokidokifish and they come up to drop peter off at steve's house and tony and steve end up alone together and tony has finally just had enough and tells steve that he's going to marry his new boyfriend and he's going to cut off contact with steve as well, which like... i entirely endorse but even in this situation, with what is obviously a great boyfriend, tony says he'll drop it all and come back to steve in a fucking HEARTBEAT if he asks cue Martyr Mode tony does not come back more fucking power to him, really

audreyscorne truly terrible

tokidokifish believe it or not, i still haven't gotten to what i consider the worst part of this mess

audreyscorne GOD

tokidokifish other things happen, and it becomes obvious that peter has grown up to resent steve despite the earlier closeness - i mean the author calls him a douche when he finally snaps and rips steve a new one, but i can't really blame him for being upset when he had to watch one of his dads pine for FIFTEEN YEARS while the other one pretended nothing affected him and moped pretty much constantly and clearly did not pay any particular attention to his son's interests, because they were technology based and he clearly thought that was Tony's Job - one of peter's complaints when he was younger was that cap kept making him do things he wasn't interested in doing and cap acknowledges that he had noticed signs that peter wasn't enjoying himself but just assumed they were some teenage thing fucking nice, cap

tokidokifish anyhow, the worst part of all of this is that steve eventually just goes back into the army and gets drafted into a super black ops program and goes around killing supposedly bad people and even after it's pointed out they have no real way of knowing that these people are actually bad, indicates he doesn't care the penultimate chapter sees him both doing drugs to operate somewhat normally in a civilian environment, because his ptsd is fucking through the fucking roof at this point. and contemplating suicide the last chapter is tagged with steve rogers/tony stark despite the fact the first line is about tony fucking dying

tokidokifish a letter is sent to steve after his death, which one of steve's black ops friends burns without steve actually reading, which he's fine with

tokidokifish and then he runs into peter, who doesn't recognize him, but still has a shitload of resentment for steve and then it ends fuck me

audreyscorne Bad Bad Bad Bad

tokidokifish i had to tell SOMEONE i could not keep the resentment within me

tokidokifish fucking DON'T TAG THE SHIP if they're gonna spend the entire series broken up and miserable until one of them FUCKING DIES while the other one disappears into black ops anonymity because apparently none of the multiple friends that would and HAD follow him into fucking battle were willing to make enough of an effort to help him before he disappeared up his own martyr asshole

tokidokifish like it mentions natasha maybe TWICE

tokidokifish fuck me this person wrote this after winter soldier!

audreyscorne yeah like literally everything with cap seems pretty Wrong

tokidokifish the point is: how does someone watch winter soldier and think "wow, this is a group of friends that would totally let cap just disappear into depression?" jfc they wanted to write steve rogers being miserable and they weren't gonna let anything stop them

tokidokifish which, fine, you do you, but don't fucking drag tony into this and then fucking tag it with the ship

audreyscorne a very ugly exercise

tokidokifish thank you for allowing me to rant about this awful fanfic

audreyscorne but of course this is one of our friendship's foundational activities

#fish reads bad fanfiction

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