#and really it’s always Charlotte doing the heavy lifting Cordelia’s just there to get in a few quirky little moments | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rosyjuly · 2 years

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oh no i just read your prince george tag he’s so sad noooo - i really really hope they get together but i do have to admit i really love it when poor george is suffering, what is your favourite sad prince george thought?

“Hey,” Alex says, fussing with the pots at the sink. He’s putting them to soak, probably: he’s been turning down George’s offers to get a dishwasher since he – they – moved in. “You remember Emily from work?”

George frowns and picks at his napkin. There’s Nicky and Zhou and Naomi in Alex’s team, Salome, his supervisor who Alex actually likes and then Christian who he really, really doesn’t. Emily, he can’t remember.

“I’m sorry, not really,” he admits. It feels like a failure, somehow. Maybe she’s new, maybe Alex has started talking about her recently: George has been distracted with trying to memorize every last detail of him.

Alex waves his concerns away. “No biggie.” He sits down and lifts his fork, nudges around a swirl of noodles on his plate. “I hope the eggplant is okay, not sure if it had enough time to caramelize,” he sighs. George scoops up a piece and pops it into his mouth: it’s perfect, of course, like everything Alex makes for them, rich and sweet and creamy.

“I love it,” he says, stupid and earnest as always. Alex’s face finally loses some of the tension, rewards George’s honesty with a smile. It’s been ages since they were able to sit down like this and have dinner together at a normal hour that didn’t come in boxes. George has missed it terribly.

“So I was just talking to Salome the other day, and she mentioned that Emily – she works in comms, does our social media I guess? Anyway, she said that Emily has always had a crush on you.”

George’s stomach does a weird little flip. Alex isn’t eating; George carefully chews and swallows his bite. It’s interesting that he was trained out of squirming before he even reached puberty, yet Alex’s gaze is enough to have his legs shaking.

“Okay?” he asks when it becomes clear that Alex is waiting for a response. George doesn’t know what else to say, he has no recollection of any Emilies from the donor event he went to. Between hyperventilating in the bathroom stall with Jenson standing guard and trying to flash his best smile, he didn’t have much time nor energy to memorize anybody.

“I’m just saying because,” Alex takes a deep breath, “because Salome thinks she looks just like the girl you’ve been seen with in Balmoral.”

Most of the corridors in the palace are covered by long drapes of carpet: blue where only the family and the closest staff can enter, red in the public areas. It’d scrape your knee if you fell. But if you tumble down outside of the safe passage of the carpets, the impact rattles your teeth, the heavy thud echoing in your bones.

The heavy, cold marble just hit George’s chin.

George puts his cutlery down.

“The pics with the blonde girl? Charlotte, I think? That’s just the usual, right?” Alex asks, still pushing his food around his plate, laser focused on the pieces of eggplant and chickpeas blending into the sauce.

George knew that this was coming, one way or another. Foolishly, he thought he’d have more time; he’d been pretending, telling himself that he’d tell Alex the next day, he only needed one more night of curling up with him. He should’ve known that it’d never have been enough. It’s – it’s not good that Alex has heard it from someone else.

“Right?” Alex repeats, finally looking up from his plate.

He doesn’t have any more space to retreat into. Omitting telling Alex has been one thing, but George never wanted to lie.

George swallows and takes a deep breath. He owes this to Alex.

“She’s a marquess.”

It’s a simple statement. Four words. But it’s three more than what Alex deserved to hear. And it’s miles away from an immediate denial. Fuck. He really should have sat Alex down weeks ago to tell him about his father’s plan and Cordelia’s strategies and his own complicity in them.

Alex’s face is tight, but he only asks, in a flat, slow voice, “Okay, so why are there pictures of you with your arm around the marquess?”

George has been trained to answer uncomfortable questions basically all his life. It’s easy to slip on the mask, now, to slip into the Prince that stands in front of the cameras and explain that he needs to marry, soon: he’s getting to that age. He needs to be seen with someone. Someone female, he doesn’t say, because the Prince that reporters love is diplomatic and courteous. The Crown wouldn’t want people to think that he’s gay.

“But you are gay,” Alex says, his voice furious, tight; his eyebrows are knit together.

George almost flinches, manages to keep upright only barely. He doesn’t say anything. The Prince wouldn’t react. But his stomach is clenching down on nothing: he doesn’t think of this stuff, he can’t. Alex is Alex and George is–

It’s Alex. That’s what he knows. When the King asked him if he would want the people to get the wrong idea, George said, of course not. It didn’t feel like a lie. So.

“You need to go,” Alex tells him quietly.

It’s worse than the marble, now: Alex has never told him to leave, not even during their worst fights. Now he’s pushed back his chair, the horrible sound piercing through the sunset. Alex is standing as far away as he can get, furiously cleaning up the dinner he’s cooked for them, the dinner George ruined with his web of lies.

George hesitates, then reaches out, “Alex, I’m–” But Alex almost jumps, furiously wrenching his arm back, out of George’s reach.

“Do not touch me,” Alex hisses, barely looking at him. “I mean it. You need to leave.”

George gives a shaky little exhale – it feels like his lungs have collapsed in on themselves, he can barely breathe. He nods, even though Alex’s already turned his back on him, is wiping down the counter now.

If Alex needs him to leave, he will.

His head is empty: there’s no space for thought over the fog of panic that’s set in. On autopilot, he goes to put on his shoes, ties the laces methodically. George takes his coat from the coatrack that’s overflowing with Alex’s collection of jackets and stands with his hand on the door handle for a minute. What can he say? What could make this better? If he says goodbye, he thinks with his teeth clattering just a little, is this it?

“I really am so sorry,” he says, because it’s important that Alex knows this, that if George had any other choice, he wouldn’t have done it. “I don’t want her, I want you.” After a shaky breath, he adds, “I– I love you, Alex.”

It isn’t how he wanted this to happen. He hasn’t been actively planning on how to confess, but he thought Alex might just suspected it, even if he didn’t return George’s feelings on the matter. He’s never said it before and now he’s throwing it out there like it’s going to change something, anything.

Alex just laughs: a horrible, brittle noise.

And then it’s silence, just the clatter of plates and cutlery in the sink.

George bites the bullet. He opens the door and leaves.

#idk if this is THE saddest or more favorite but we just realized that we never actually wrote this scene #which predates like almost all other bits so... maybe we should #also for the record gabby sends me new Thoughts to agonize over every day and god bless her for it #prince au #sorry anon this is late as always ILY please take a seat on the torment train we'll be serving refreshments soon #george/alex #my fic #rosy.ask #i wrote this in one sitting at midnight and i'm going to zzzzz now good night everyone enjoy the sad

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sitinthelight · 5 years

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Zach’s gone for a few days!

I have the day off today :D I’m in a cheerful let’s get shit done mood!

The reason Zach is gone is pretty sad. He left to see his grandmother who is really sick as her stage 4 cancer is progressing and they don’t know how much time she has left.

Even with everything going on between us, I kind of wish I could have gone with him to see his family and give them my best wishes. I love his family. I will miss them, even if they hate me. They’ve been the closest thing I’ve ever had to a big family and they’ve shown me so much love and adoration. His grandmother who is sick gave me a sewing machine that I finally just learned how to use and it’s a really nice one. She was going to teach me quilting but I’ll probably have to take classes at a hobby shop for that eventually.

So that’s pretty sad but honestly, with him out of the apartment, the sad and negative atmosphere has lifted. It’s just me and the pets (: I’ve already worked on cleaning the kitchen and while realistically, I know I can’t get the whole apartment cleaned in one day, I can fucking try. I’ve been listening to a ton of Kevin Abstract. Like, Brockhampton is really great and I love listening to them but sometimes they can be either tooooo slow (with the newest album) or too heavy. Kevin Abstract is just perfect for what I’m feeling right now and I’m really enjoying it. I don’t know how I got into rap and hip hop and some r&b but like, when I’m in the mood, it’s great. Lizzo has also been my favorite artist to do my morning workouts to.

I do want to make this day off count. Because my next day off is literally next Wednesday. My shifts are mostly 6 hour shifts so they don’t take up so much of my day but like, I never want to do much except relax after work. Zach left his PS4 so I can play Persona 5 (:

Scott got me into it and I’ve been slacking at playing (along with let’s go Eevee) so I may play a bit after I get off work tomorrow.

Zach has been reassuring me that he’ll be fine if I break up with him and it’s been, comforting. Really weird. But comforting. I know most break ups are premeditated to a degree, but this is a little weird to go through. I don’t think he will be fine, but him saying that does make me feel a little better and does show he is being more mature than I thought he would be about the situation. He doesn’t know for sure that I’m breaking up. Honestly, I am having doubts about it myself but like, I need the space to grow. I want to focus on myself and what it takes to make me a better person mentally and physically.

Physically, I’m doing pretty well. I’m having a lot of fun switching up my diet. I slipped up and ate like 3 donuts yesterday because Zach bought a dozen from Krispy Kreme. Like, we have the Original Krispy Kreme location in this city! A lot of things originated from here! Krispy Kreme is one of them.

I should have stuck to just one. I woke up feeling kind of sick and like a sugary bile wanted to escape by going up my throat. I feel better now but I did skip breakfast because of it and just have been drinking a lot of water and a cold brew.

I’ve been experimenting with meat alternatives. Meatless meats and tofu. It’s been an interesting journey and honestly, I feel like I could go vegetarian or even vegan one day. Maybe not full fledged vegetarian. I think I’d still want meat like once or twice a month but I’ve never been that big of a meat eater so I think I could manage. But I found a brand that makes meatless meatballs and ground beef and I’m blown away by how good it is. I also found a way to prepare tofu so that I actually enjoy it rather than forcing myself to eat it so that’s been pretty cool too.

Part of me is pretty excited to share these things with my mom and sister. My sister is doing better with healthy eating. My mom slips constantly. I get my lack of self control from her. She’s diabetic so it’s problematic so hopefully living with me for a little while can help them get into better eating habits.

I’m honestly already looking forward to this period of just going to work and taking classes. I’ll still feel stressed on multiple levels but I won’t have to deal with the negativity that Zach creates and it’ll take a load off of me. I also am already looking forward to moving to Charlotte. I don’t know what kind of job I’ll be able to land over there so I know I won’t be able to immediately get an apartment for a good price in the perfect location or anything. But all I need is a generally safe place to live (being a young female with only mace to protect myself with). I’m already planning on redoing my room design. I have a color scheme in mind. There is a chance that I might already have a roommate but it’s way too soon to know because both of our lives are constantly changing and that’s a-okay.

Charlotte is a cool place. Always things to do. Interesting bars to go to (God, I miss bar hopping and dancing). Temples to visit because I want to learn Vietnamese and more about the culture in general. They have an airport because I do want to travel more. Tons of community groups and clubs and chances to volunteer for things I believe in and want to support. So many opportunities to see my favorite bands and musicals. Lots of places to go shopping. It’s not too far from a lot of cities in NC where I want to go gem mining (I want to join a rockhounding group). I also want to take dance classes or martial arts once I’ve established a stable career and have finished school. Charlotte is hella expensive but I totally see why a ton of people are still moving there.

That’s my current longish term goal. Short term goal right now is to make the transition to moving to Wilson and saving money for Charlotte.

I’m almost done paying off one of my medical bills! That means I’ll have finished paying off two :D and that’s so exciting because then I’ll just have to focus on the credit card debt (most of it is medical too, the irony). All to prepare for student loan debt which intimidates me but I’ll survive. So many people have it worse. I know someone who owes like $70,000 and omg will we please elect an presidential candidate who wants to help eliminate or soften the blow of student loans and just high tuition prices in general.

Like, Biden right now is ranking highest on the list of favorable Democrats who are officially in the running. But I’m just not feeling him. He hasn’t come out with a lot of specific stances yet and is just kind of coasting off his general likability and popularity. I’m kind of disappointed to see him topping the list when there are so many good candidates out there right now! All have their flaws but I’m more focused on how they can change the overall election climate and how this country functions. Because this current president sucks. I’ve given up keeping up with news stories. So maybe I’m a few days late on learning about the newest school shooting or revolutions and riots happening in other countries. Not seeing all of that at once on my newsfeed keeps me from feeling hopeless and overwhelmed and honestly has really helped me mentally. I deleted facebook for like a month and now that I have it back, I honestly have barely opened it.I didn't miss it.

Also, in regards to my last post, I don’t think I’m a bad person. I make unwise decisions but I’m human. I can’t help the emotions I feel, just how I react to them so I’m just going to try being better. My head feels clearer now and like there are still concerns that I have and a lot of hard things to get through, but I’ll get through them! I’ll be fine no matter what direction I end up in or what happens! If the thing with my ex doesn’t work out for whatever reason then so be it! I’ll get over it! I’m pretty, I’m smart, someone out there will find me super interesting and once I start going to therapy, I can learn how to talk to people and make more friends and I’ll be fine in the long run. I just want to focus more on what I want and be selfish for a little bit. I think that’s okay. I think I deserve that.

Cordelia is napping next to me and she’s laying on her back and making funny little snoring noises. Her foot is twitching. Omg, she’s so cute. I’m kind of excited that I probably get to keep her even though she is a little menace. I’m hoping that she’ll grow out of it once she’s past her kitten/young cat stage. So it may be a few years but heres to hoping she’ll become a chill cat.

#personal

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