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#and my name? leisure suit larry
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trying to have sex with my point-n-click wife but she keeps saying "hmm...i don't think those two things go together"
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ruakichan · 29 days
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Roo State of Gaming:
Console: Finished FF7: Minigame Compilation. My opinions are mostly not positive, so I'll leave it at that. Started Paranormasight. Waiting for Siete release in Relink.
Gacha: Dropped Aether Gazer. Skipping Fire Tyr was the last straw, especially after I realized I just didn't care about most of the cast and thus most of the story. Hard to take characters and story seriously when it's all filtered through a more and more horny lens.
Slowed down with Onmyoji. Seems like a dead period after the conclusion of TKMGHR. I was hoping they'd go into the missing mysterious fourth clan they've been teasing in lore since forever, but the stories released so far have been very mid for me. Events are lackluster too. Still my main game, but I only log on once a day now for dailies...
GBF anniversary is over so back to mostly seasonal, though Light GW is coming up.
Still playing R1999. The events go on for long and updates are slow, so it's a good side game to slot in between the others. I really do love the characters in this game. I was a bit sad I couldn't roll for 37 cause she seemed so cute (her commentary when you turned in event currency for mats was so charming!), but my next 6* roll was a banner guarantee, and I wanted 6 more.
Life Makeover has taken up a lot of my attention, though I've finally reached the time gating for continuing the story that always happens with these type of games. Makes me sad cause I love how bonkers dressup game plots get. Otherwise I'm having a lot of fun with the community in the game, though it always feels awkward to find someone cooking in your kitchen... I'm not good at socializing, so I just stand there replying with emotes... orz Also, I can't get over the terrible dub, and why would you name one of the boys Larry? That is so deeply unsexy (Leisure Suit Larry...)... I think his original name is Lan Shu? the other guys are ok with their anglicized names, but fr why Larry
I'll probably look into Wuthering Waves and Duet Night Abyss when they release to see if they fill that action gap Aether left.
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starleska · 7 months
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hi sorry for the weird question but are u still into larry laffer ..... ive been watching LSL playthroughs and lookin through the tag yknow as people do... and i saw your art !! it's so cute !! if u are please infodump about anything u want about him/the series/your insert i'd love to read.. have a great day!!! : )
hello there sweetie!!!! hope you're having a great day yourself 🥰🥰 omg thank you so much for being so kind about my silly art!!!! and it's not a weird question at all - i haven't had anyone ask about my beloved Larry Laffer in ages!!!! 🙈🙈🙈 popping in a clip of Larry interacting with Erin for those not in the know - but under the cut, as the series is highly NSFW 😉
as an Austin Powers enthusiast, when my dear pal @iriso-page suggested the amorous, anachronistic dweeb that is Larry Laffer, there was no chance a fixation wasn't gonna happen - specifically the version from Wet Dreams Don't Dry onwards 🙈 he's the absolute perfect combo of soppingly wet and pathetic, licentious, corny, dorky, confident and earnest!!! 🥴 i find his pitiful one-liners, cringefail dance moves and whiny voice all so intensely charming. he's horny to a fault and it's adorable;;;; he's just so up for anything and seems so sweet and supportive...not to mention i think his style is genuinely fantastic 🙈 terrible taste? perhaps, but i think more people should sexualise silly old men who try to sexualise themselves 😖💖 Larry has quite the sordid history throughout the games, and i know it must baffle some people that we enjoy such a little horndog of a character!! but i find his determination and willingness to go to such lengths for intimacy quite attractive :3c it's also a very funny trope to be obsessed with guys who are mentally or literally trapped in a totally different time period...some character recs for you there 😉 ooh you know, i never actually made a proper self-insert for Leisure Suit Larry, as that one bit of art was just How I Draw My Online Self...maybe i ought to make a proper OC? could give them a silly, Bond Girl-esque innuendo name like the other characters 👀 i would also really love to draw Larry again - even though it's been 7 months, i loved drawing this commission for a pal!!! the art style for WDDD and WDDT is sooooo beautiful, especially the colours...💖 is there anything you'd like to see, drawing-wise, of Larry? 🥰 and finally - i want to hear what you like about Larry and the series so much!!! it's always fun to hear what makes other folks happy :3c thank you so much for this wonderful ask, and i hope your week is awesome 🙏🔥
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kawaoneechan · 1 year
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Y'all wanna see a magic trick?
Load up Leisure Suit Larry 3, and type "ascot place". Leave this screen, go right back. Take place in front of the plaque...
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...and press Shift Shift Numpad-Minus. Oh, what could I do with this?
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Now let's see. We can press I to Inspect, and if we know an object's name we can just use that instead of a raw memory location. Which is good. And I happen to know that the player is almost always named "ego". Then we can Edit a selector/property of that object.
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Now watch as I make this door-to-door flight simulator salesman fly! Not one, not two, not four not eight, but sixteen pixels from the ground!
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Behold, a flying loser!
Behind the scenes, Larry's X and Y properties work just the same as always, and he can't walk or fly "over" the plaque. It's just that his sprite is now drawn 16 pixels further up than usual.
All that is just the built-in debugger, and technically I don't need to do the whole "ascot place" thing to get there. That just enables the script-based debugger, a set of interesting little hotkeys like take back control during cutscenes or...
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... do an instant sex change?
One thing that the script-based debugger does offer that would've been amazingly helpful on my previous laptop is that it makes Alt-D pop up the built-in debugger. Very cool and good if you don't have a numpad, like on my previous laptop. As part of the game script this is of course a game-specific thing.
You could use the built-in debugger to turn Larry into Patti the same way I made Larry fly. Just use the object inspector to change the View property. But that's a little bit more involved than you might think:
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Better to find out which global variable number egoIsPatti is supposed to be and change that instead.
A challenge for my followers: which global variable number would that be?
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sparkiekong · 1 year
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List 5 facts about a favorite sim of yours, and send this to 10 simblrs whose sims you adore ♥♥♥
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Wilbur! Even though he's not around on Sparkie's Place as often anymore, he's always going to be my son that I play for fun. He's moved onto his own tumblr... lovelaffers.tumblr.com
It's been a while since we talked about him, so I'll toss some facts about him.
He's got triplet older brothers (William, Wilson, Wiley). He's got one sister (Willow) whom is a part of @helenofsimblr's super soldier program with Bob. His mother (Wilhelmina) ended up marrying George Cahill and had an additional son. His father (Wilfred) found a younger woman Marilyn, who provided him with an additional son. Overly fertile family... and really like the Wil type names.
He gets his name from a popular spicy series game that started in 1987 and is still running in various incarnations today. Leisure Suit Larry Laffer is his great uncle on his father's side. Wilbur inherited his fashion sense from him.
He's modeled after a chimpanzee and Larry Laffer. I know weird combo, but it's one of the many reasons he's lasted longer than any other gameplay character.
Wilbur has to date, 37 children in my various save files... at least 12 of them belong to alternate universe Judith Robinson.
I've attempted a 100 baby challenge with him twice and failed miserably... so I only play that save as gameplay and life is much easier for Wilbur.
Thanks! @sheepiling
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pixelgrotto · 2 years
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Copaganda adventures
I have no particular love for the police. In fact, I frequently make jokes about cops and doughnuts. Working for several years as a breaking news journalist didn’t help me change this point of view, since I watched way more videos classified under the term “officer-involved shooting” than anyone should be subjected to. In general, I think policing - at least in the United States - is a field rife with problems, and I usually steer clear of video games that glorify law enforcement or the military. 
That said, I have a high tolerance for classic point ‘n click games, and Sierra’s Police Quest franchise has long been a blind spot for me. I finally decided to fix this by playing through the first four Police Quest games (plus the remake of Police Quest 1) in release order, and what I found was a very odd franchise. The Police Quest games walk an unexpected line between hardcore procedurals - where you need to follow rules religiously or risk losing your badge - and wacky cop wish fulfillment, with plots and characters that feel like they were whipped up by an officer with a penchant for writing fanfiction about himself while eating Munchkins during his lunch break. I have no idea if this was the method by which Jim Walls developed the first three games in the series, but I like to think that it was. 
Walls, a retired California patrol officer who was recruited by Sierra’s president Ken Williams to spearhead the Police Quest franchise, is an interesting fella. He experienced his fair share of action as a cop, and the Police Quest manuals point out that he was involved in a highway shootout that left him with recurring PTSD. But rather than explore the mental health trauma that officers experience during their careers (an important topic, honestly), Walls’ first game, 1987′s Police Quest: In Pursuit of the Death Angel, focuses on a heroic patrol officer named Sonny Bonds. Sonny is your ideal cop who rises through the ranks, becomes a detective and takes down a burgeoning drug empire while getting smooches from his high school girlfriend-turned-sex worker Marie, who really wants him to rescue her from her life as a scarlet lady by being a cool blue stud. All in all, it’s a plot that screams “this was probably written by a conservative dude in Regan’s America.”
Police Quest 1 is infamous these days for punishing players who don’t follow correct police procedure. If you fail to do a walkaround inspection of your car the first time you take it out of the station, you get into an accident and die. If you don’t handcuff a suspect from the right angle, you die. If you type “remove clothes” at any point in the game, you promptly strip naked and die...presumably from embarrassment. These examples hint at the bizarre dichotomy that exists within the game, which pressures you into doing things “by the book” but also contains a strange undercurrent of silliness, including endless amounts of potty humor. (There are multiple descriptions of what happens when you lead Sonny Bonds to any bathroom. One of my favorites: “Panic fills your heart as you watch the nasty fluid nearly breach the rim, before it slowly subsides.”) I can only assume that this contrast exists because Al Lowe, Sierra’s resident funny guy who also designed the Leisure Suit Larry games, worked on Police Quest 1 behind the scenes.
Police Quest 2: The Vengeance doesn’t have quite the same polarities, but it’s still a goofy game. Sonny Bonds is now a hot-shot detective with a useless partner named Keith Robinson (who spends every second chain smoking and will call you a commie if you tell him to cut the cigs), and the pair are on a mission to recapture Jesse Bains, the drug lord from the first game. Honestly, Police Quest 2 is probably the best entry in the franchise, mostly because it leans hard into “’80s buddy cop movie” territory. The Roland-MT intro music is absolutely badass synth, and Sonny’s investigations veer into the realm of ridiculous spy movie shit, with a scuba diving section and a sewer crawl. He does the sort of stuff that would normally require a whole team of agents, and this is especially noticeable during a bonkers scene where a group of random Middle Eastern terrorists hijack a plane and Sonny’s expected to exit his seat, shoot ‘em dead and unwire a bomb they’ve stuck in the toilet. If you can look past the terrible portrayal of Arabs and accept that you’re playing through Jim Walls’ fanfic, Police Quest 2 is actually good - and hilariously, it’s the only entry in the series that got localized into Japanese, with everyone getting the full anime do-over package of big eyes and outrageous hair. Honestly, I’d love to watch a Police Quest 2 anime in the style of City Hunter. 
Unfortunately, anything resembling anime went out the window with Police Quest 3: The Kindred, a game that veered back towards the realism department. It's the first project in the series to utilize what was at the time Sierra’s brand new engine upgrade - their SCI1 interpreter - and it’s got 256 colors, rotoscoped animations, digitized closeups of actual people for speech boxes, and music composed by Jan Hammer, the guy who did the Miami Vice soundtrack. (You should watch this video of him jamming out to the Miami Vice theme, it’s pretty funny.) Unfortunately, Jim Walls left Sierra before Police Quest 3 was finished, and it shows. What begins as a fairly promising setup where Sonny’s now-wife Marie gets injured by cultists devolves into a nothing burger which...just kinda ends. The last act of the game feels like it’s building to a showdown with the cultists and Sonny’s new partner, a corrupt cop named Pat Morales, but everything concludes in a brief scene where the cult leader just gives up with nary a word. Pat tries to shoot Sonny but gets shot by vice instead. Marie wakes up, announces that Sonny’s gonna be a dad and everything is over in three minutes. Not that the other two Police Quests had fantastic finales, but this one really feels hollow, and despite all his quirks, it probably would’ve been better if Jim Walls had stuck around. (Walls would go on to work for Tsunami Media to produce Blue Force, a game I haven’t played but certainly seems like “Police Quest with the serial numbers filed off.” He also tried to Kickstart a Police Quest successor called Precinct in 2013, but never met his funding goal.) 
After Police Quest 3, Sierra developed a remake of Police Quest 1 using the SCI1 interpreter. It’s a very solid effort, and while not the game in the series I personally liked the most (Police Quest 2 still takes that trophy), it’s probably the most playable by modern standards. Everything has been upgraded to look more in line with Police Quest 3, but while that game suffered from a half-baked story, the Police Quest 1 remake has the original’s framework to fall back on. And the writing is greatly improved. Sonny Bonds’ characterization is way better - he makes banter with his colleagues, groans about how the public cusses him out as a dirty pig and seems to grapple with toxic masculinity on the police force. The game doesn’t do anything really meaningful with his thoughts, but it’s still cool. Marie also gets elevated from a tropey hooker into a conflicted woman who’s more fleshed out, which is good to see.
Following the remake, Sierra was in need of a new direction for Police Quest. Ken Williams wanted a big fish to headline the franchise and stir up sales, and of all the people in the world, he decided to go with Daryl F. Gates, former LAPD chief during the Rodney King riots. Gates was an edgy pick even by Ken’s standards, and it’s worth reading this Vice article from a few years back, or this highly-detailed Digital Antiquarian post detailing how the man who presided over one of the LAPD’s worst moments somehow became a creative consultant on a computer game series.
Even if we ignore Gates’ background, Police Quest: Open Season - commonly referred to as Police Quest 4 - is not a great game. Sonny Bonds was always a little boring, but now he’s been replaced by an utterly forgettable LAPD detective named John Carey. Carey’s mission to stop a serial killer is portrayed via digitized actors and low-res photos of LA that have not aged well and make the entire game look like pixelated mud. The plot is also fiercely out of step with the current era, feeling like a mixture of tastelessness and serial killer kitsch. While Jim Walls’ Police Quests definitely had their fair share of casual racism, the portrayals of people of color in Police Quest 4 are on another level. The Black characters are largely gangbangers, drunks or rappers who spout bad dialogue, and there’s an Asian convenience store owner literally named “Kim Chee.” The game’s vaguely homophobic and transphobic as well, going out of its way to stereotype a male sex worker and show him attempting to steal the tires off Carey’s car. The killer, meanwhile, dresses in women’s clothing and is depicted as aberrant for doing so. His motivations for killing are not explained - rather, the fact that he wears a red dress is all the characterization he needs for his murder sprees, at least according to the minds behind this game. While all of the Police Quests could be classified as copaganda, Police Quest 4 is the only one that explicitly feels harmful. 
There were other entries in the franchise developed in the wake of Police Quest: Open Season, but I didn’t feel like playing them since they veer wildly away from the adventure genre. Gates stuck around to oversee Police Quest: SWAT, an FMV game glorifying the special tactics teams that he elevated during his time as LAPD chief, and he was also there for Police Quest: SWAT 2, a real-time tactics game. Then Gates exited the scene and “SWAT” replaced “Police Quest” as the main title of the series, which gradually morphed into first-person shooters that were about as far of a cry as you could possibly imagine from Sonny Bond’s early adventures. (Sonny did cameo as a SWAT leader in SWAT 4, so at least the original boy in blue did well for himself as he got on in years.)
This brings us to the final question - are the first four Police Quests worth checking out, in spite of their tonal issues? In my opinion, you can skip Police Quest: Open Season, unless you're fascinated by the career of Daryl F. Gates and want to see how something with his name on it managed to be twenty different degrees of insensitive. The entries starring Sonny Bonds, in contrast, might be of interest to old school adventure fans, as well as those who want to see the progenitor of modern law enforcement and special tactics games. Compared to stuff like Rainbow Six: Siege, Police Quest is certainly quaint - and while the series never managed to completely change my attitude toward cops, I will say that there were moments that made me appreciate the regulations that police officers are supposed to abide by. Let me specifically note the fact that if you make Sonny wantonly shoot any suspect in Police Quest 1, you’ll instantly lose and be reprimanded for not following procedure. Considering that we live in a world where police brutality raged up a shitstorm of massive proportions in 2020, it’s pretty heartening to see that in a computer game from 1987.
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askwendyokoopa · 1 year
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I just unlocked a new Larry on that stupid mobile game no sane person would play... unfortunately for me, I’m anything but sane. And I gotta ask, why does Mario Kart Tour love Larry so much?
A variant of Larry with winter attire, named Larry (Wintertime), debuts in the 2022 Holiday Tour, making him the first Koopaling to receive an alternate variant. His special item is the Coin Box. Larry is the only Koopaling whose cup has been featured as a ranked cup at least once.
So, the good news is that I will finally be given an alt one day. Lifeguard Wendy? Lumberjack Wendy (wearing corduroy)? Classic Wendy (dressed as the one from Peter Pan)? Peach Wendy (not a “Bowsette” thing, but her disguise from Mario-kun)? Fabulous Wendy (wearing a kind of Rarity’s Sonic Rainboom outfit knockoff)? No, those are all too interesting. They’ll probably just give me a silly hat, or a new bow. Well, at least they blew it with Larry also. They could have had “Disco Larry” and put him in a leisure suit... would anybody even get that? How old am I?
In other news, tumblr says “FU” to my pink text option for some reason, or they moved it someplace strange...
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polyesterpeacock · 5 months
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Character stats framework
Name: Lawrence Laffer
Nickname(s): Leisure Suit Larry
Age: "Fortysomething" (76)
Birthdate: July 24th, 1947
Species: "Human" (Toon) (Like how Roger is a "Rabbit")
Nationality: American
Gender: Cis Man
Preferred Pronoun(s): he/him
Romantic Orientation: Heteroromantic
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Face Claim: Peter Jacobson
Family: A mess. Dad fucked off when Larry and his brother were very young, leaving their Mom to raise the both of them. Larry's very close with his nephew, but his brother and Lovage's mother think Larry's a terrible influence on him. (And... I mean, they're kinda right.)
Parents: Lawrence (father), Miriam (mother)
Siblings: Lester (Twin brother)
Significant Other(s): LOL
Children: "I sure hope not!"
Eye Color(s): Blue
Hair Color(s): Black, graying at the temples
Height: 4'11
Weight: Real pudgy
Body Build: Like a pear? Narrow shoulders and chest with weight concentrating way more around his tummy and hips
// No one tagged, saw this on my dash and it looked fun! I'm still working on updating Larry's proper bio page, so.. have this for the time being.
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ninwes · 1 year
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Update 22/02/2023
Hey all here i am with a update blog for the first update blog this year actually so let just start.
We start first as in the beginning of the year i had to search for a new blog site as Revue closed down so i tried a couple and found this the most easiest to use from the ones i tried, is a less options available then the others but as everything i need.
Now next is what i do in gaming world well some games i already completed counting February:
Back to the future: The Game
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A Telltale game that's a bit different in meaning your decisions do not affect the game play, but still a enjoyable game that leaves on a cliffhanger.
Kane&Lynch: Dead Men
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A short IO Interactive game just around 5 a 6 hours normally depending if you do not die too much as at some points you will easily, coop makes a little easier.
Now next let's see some of the new collections i got.
Steam:
Stranded Sails - Explorers of the Cursed Island
The Damathos Clan
Unlikely Heroes
Memento Vivere
Ultima Adventum
Impasto (Was free on steam)
Inheritance: Ladeina's Path (Was free on steam)
Heavenly Peaks Cultivation (Was free on steam)
Fanatical:
Leisure Suit Larry - Retro Bundle (was free on Fanatical)
Dusk Driver
Gal*Gun: Double Peace
Gun Gun Pixies
Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls In A Dungeon ? Infinite combat
Nigate Tale
Spirit Hunter: Death Mask
Spirit Hunter: NG
Tears of Avia
White Day: A labyrinth named school
Zengeon
All of these game where in fanatical's Build your own bento bundle still available while i'm making this and here is the magic link.
Also on fanatical i bought:
Monster's Den Collection with 3 games
Monster's Den Chronicles
Monster's Den: Book of Dread
Monster's Den: Godfall
Next on the agenda you all know, i completed my play trough of Alan Wake and already put it up.
Let's see what the next Update holds.
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The Advanced Guide to gelato
Gelato 33 Strain - Weed for Dummies
Table of ContentsGetting My Gelato #33 Weed Strain Information To WorkThe Basic Principles Of Gelato 33 Strain - Larry Bird Strain Info Get This Report about Gelato 33 Weed Strain ReviewThe Ultimate Guide To Gelato 33 (Advanced Seeds) FeminizedSome Of Gelato 33 Marijuana Strain InformationMore About Gelato #33 Strain Review & InformationGelato - Cannabis Strains Fundamentals Explained
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deathcap420 · 3 years
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If we just stopped finding out the names of game developers like when we were kids none of us would ever be disappointed. I found this copy of Leisure Suit Larry Sucks All Night in my toilet and thats all there is to it.
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kawaoneechan · 1 year
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So the good news is, the weird mess that is global names after what would be an array when you decompile?
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That's not part of the weird bullshit that made a fresh template game throw up like that. SCI Companion 3.0.1.7, the version you can get from Phil's site, does that too.
It's not nice that this happens, but at least it's something. It's a completely separate issue.
Especially when you consider this is Leisure Suit Larry 3, not the template game.
The real issue, somehow, doesn't seem to affect the SCI 1.1 Redux template by Eric Oakford either, just as it doesn't affect my game project already started. It only seems to affects the pack-in SCI 1.1 template by Phil Fortier.
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sparkiekong · 1 year
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List 5 facts about a favorite sim of yours, and send this to 10 simblrs whose sims you adore ♥♥♥
Five facts... let's hit someone from the lafferverse... your old pal... Wilbur.
Wilbur was designed with a chimpanzee's face in mind....
His last name and references to his attitude and personality are based off of Leisure Suit Larry. One of the very early sex-based games that I ever saw.
I still play him and I will never allow him to truly be gone.
His sister is Willow! from @helenofsimblr's chronicles stories. Willow is a badass in the KSU.
His cat Mrs. Mustachos is named for Francine Smith's fake name when she went to the spa with Roger.
Bonus - I tried a 100 baby challenge with him two times. He's technically got 30 children... 12 of which are by Ms. Jude! In the current incarnation there are only four children right now and it's not a 100 baby thing. It's just a legacy loosely based off Nerdy Bunny Design's ruleset.
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If you miss Wilbur you can find my gameplay of him on lovelaffers.tumblr.com where he is married to an alternate universe Judith Robinson where she didn't go evil vamp... she fell in love and tamed a silly chimp-faced fellah named Wilbur... (lol... I called him larry... I'm an idiot.) - p.s. none of the lafferverse is canon for the ksu!
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jlf23tumble · 3 years
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God bless Libra season being nigh whatever that means! *cracks knuckles and emits a Niall-worthy cackle of glee* ... *gets very nervous that I will blow this chance and be Up All Night wishing I had asked something different* ... *remembers that the best way to get in a cold pool is to just jump* ... what is the most outrageous piece of Larry Lore that you personally believe to be true?
Question 2: Okay I’m sending two more in quick succession for you to answer, ignore, delete, block, or report at your leisure! What is the particular scene from the RS profile that you vague posted about?
Question 3: Last one, gotta shoot for the moon etc. Which former Larrie’s dramatic went-down-swinging spin-out fandom exit did you most enjoy, and who would you most like to see follow suit 😅
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LMAO, I think these are all from the same person, so I'm gonna group 'em--and if not, my apologies, I've been at my neighbor's pool and got a little sun/"ranch water" blitzed, this'll be a good time!
1. Hate to be this person, but what do you mean by lore, exactly? If you mean anon receipts, I find 100% of them shady as fuck. If you mean out-of-context gifs, I say look at the whole thing (9 times out of 10, the quote unquote lore is diluted). If you mean things like the bears, Dallas, etc., sure, why not! (Some of it is purely of its time and seems silly ten years on, but if you have something you're curious about, lemme know! Doesn't mean it isn't/wasn't valid!)
2. The scene I'm thinking of is at the end, the bit where I personally yell at the wall and say, hey, Rob Sheffield, why are you getting into Harry's emotional breakdown during a Fleetwood Mac song when you're the one who wrote the proverbial book on "larry as whatever the ship name is for stevie/lindsey," complete with Anne comforting him? Feels deeper than the Camille cover story, if you ask me!
3. I'm the WORST on people changing names and me not knowing (or let's be real, caring), but my favorite was an anti/solo harrie I don't know who did this epic exit a year or so ago, a full-on burn book that named names, like, she outed a bunch of larries who were running secret anti-larrie sideblogs, then she said peace out and deleted. LEGENDARY BEHAVIOR. The only other thing I can think of is the fairly typical and generic Sea-style larrie to zouis to rad louis pipeline, which is interesting from a forest level but super boring at the tree level. I shan't name names of who's currently still clinging to the fandom's ass like an errant piece of toilet paper and should just gtfo, but I'll rejoice if I hear about an exit because I think those blogs single-handedly make the fandom experience fucking awful, they amp up the anxious in the complete ABSCENCE of anxiety, but that's more on anyone who thinks they have to follow that kind of horseshit in the year of our lorde 2021. Ditto the purity police blogs, the ones who run people out of a fandom, yet post the most vile shit you will EVER see. Whenever I see randos wondering why they hate fandom or feel anxious about it, I can predict I'll see 'em reblog something from a bullshit blog the next post down, and all I gotta say is, girl, get out, the call's coming from inside the house, run,
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inkinghubris · 3 years
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Hemingway and Other Things You Shouldn't Talk About
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Hemingway Said, You Do Not Talk About Writing
Rule number one: You do not talk about writing. Rule number two: You do NOT talk about writing! I always picture Brad Pitt walking around telling a group of authors all the rules before a furious word slinging writers event, in some dark, seedy basement covered in sweat and coffee stains.
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Hemingway and Fight Club have things in common, such as rules about not talking. Obviously this is not the case. However, as writers we have a series of unwritten laws that we tend to either abide or pretend to be oblivious too. I am Jack's complete lack of interest. Writers Have Heroes, Too As writers, we have authors as heroes just as those school kids look up to athletes. Stephen King, Ernest Hemingway, Henry Miller and Stu Stein, to name a few. These authors broke the first rule of Writing Club: they all have a publication called On Writing. "Throughout Ernest Hemingway's career as a writer," says Larry W. Phillips in his introduction to Ernest Hemingway on Writing, "he maintained that it was bad luck to talk about writing." So what else are we mortal writer's, superstitious or otherwise, not supposed to do or say? There is quite a list, actually. I am Jack's bleeding heart. Rule #1 As we have established, it is bad luck to talk about writing. Thanks, Ernest. Why, though? Basically, as Hemingway explains further, it is better to just write and not speak of it. In his method of removing all the bullshit and leaving behind only the greatness. I disagree with this almost completely. Almost. I feel that we are just glorified campfire story-tellers. It is our duty to tell stories. Written down for others to enjoy at their leisure, obviously, that's why we are "writers". At the core of it all, however, we tell stories. Talking about our stories is just in our nature. I am Jack's gaping mouth. I do agree with the concept that we shouldn't brag, and we also shouldn't try to school or teach every passer-by with our knowledge of the process. Just tell the story, mate. Rule #2 Another no-no myth is that we should write perfect. I am Jack's decaying ego. As the saying goes: practice makes perfect. I disagree. I used to tell my football teams that practice does NOT make perfect, only perfect practice makes perfect. They just looked at me and nodded "yes coach".
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Don't practice writing, practice perfect writing. In writing, this same method applies to an extent. If you practice writing you will get better, but only so far as you write perfect. The problem is that no one just writes perfectly out of the box. If we did, there would be no need for drafts and we would just pump out perfect final drafts day in and day out. James Patterson was said to have written over a million words before he wrote his first novel. Writing makes you write better, but to write better you don't just write words, you write better words. The one issue I have with this is that trying to write every word perfectly distracts from the art. Instead, I suggest that you just write. Worry only about perfection while editing and focus on writing perfectly whilst writing the final draft. Otherwise, just write. Rule #3 Don't write like your idols. Sigh. I have heard this over and over and over and every time it upsets me to no end. Believe it or not, there is a finite number of writing genres. We are drawn towards certain ones and turned off by others. I, for example, love thriller and horror and dislike romance and most young adult. Having authors as idols is not a bad thing and if we aspire to be an author then who should we emulate? Our idols. Exactly. So why are we told not to? The reasons vary from one mouth to another, but the main theme seems to be that we should write our own style in our own voice. I tend to believe, though, that our own style and voice will come out, anyway. We should write like our idols. I don't write romance, and would never try to emulate Nicholas Sparks. However, writing horror I see nothing wrong trying to write in similar styles of King, Koontz or Barker. Will I ever write a book and have a publisher read it and say... "Hey! did Clive Barker write this?" No. That will never happen. However, if I am trying to sell a horror book and someone compares it to Clive Barker, then I should feel overwhelmingly excited about that. Writing like your idols is never a bad thing. Rule #4 You should never ask your mom for feedback. Again, heavy sigh. Friends and family are essential for writers' feedback, especially if you are just starting out. While it is true that mom and dad will have a harder time giving you negative feedback (generally) this is not a bad thing. As a writer, you will experience enough setbacks and hardships and negativity to last five lifetimes. Eventually it will harden you, make you better, make you more fierce. In the beginning though, it's detrimental to your writing career. If you start out with negative feedback, you will eventually believe it. Having mom coo and gush over your first few works will help boost your ego and keep you going. From there, you will begin perfect practice and have thousands more words under your belt. You must seek out your mom and close friends for feedback in the beginning (and again any time you need to return to your happy place of believing you can accomplish this task). It is essential, and helpful. I am Jack's boastful pride. Rule #5
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If you don't know, believe you know. Base it on natural physics or biology and readers will believe it as real, too. Write what you know. This is tricky and I agree with it to a very limited extent. Readers (and publishers alike) know when you are bullshitting them. If you are writing about car mechanics and you know nothing of repairing an engine, you will turn your readers off. Once you lose a reader because you don't know what you are talking about, they will never believe another word you write, if they even finish the book. However, just writing what you know will severely limit what you write about. And what about things that no one knows about? Aliens, vampires, deep space... if we only ever wrote what we knew, then books like Lewis' Narnia or Tolkien's ring quests and hobbits, would never exist. I take the phrase "write what you know" and change it slightly to "write what you believe." A simple change that allows the author to have a slight edge in the truthfulness in the story. I am Jack's cancer-ridden mind. We Don't Know Everything Certainly no one knows about hobbits, but Tolkien believed in them so much that what he said about them was a gospel of truth. No one doubts hobbits because Tolkien didn't doubt them. However, we can't always write absolute fantasy. So you should know your material. You need to know how wounds heal, how radios operate, or how television signals work. Otherwise, if you bull shit these small details, You won't have much success. Roald Dahl wouldn't have such success with Willy Wonka. Sure there is a great deal of fantasy in that chocolate factory, but imagine if Dahl had simply made up how television signals work? We would never believe that it was possible to travel through those television waves and might have put the book down. Believe what you write and learn what you do not know. Don't be afraid of research and get the small details right. Rule #6 Don't write cliche. The main problem I have with this "advice" is that we then have to define what is cliche. Then, further, if we don't write cliche, there wouldn't be cliche to write. The issue there is that cliche works. That is why it is cliche. Now you are asking yourself how many more times can I possibly say that word in one paragraph. The answer is 97. However, I will refrain. Yes, the works can be overworked or even trite. They are important. This is never more obvious than when you get ideas for stories. Just like Hollywood, the literary world goes around in a circle. For example, right now we have an influx of super hero movies that followed a slew of Romance and Romantic comedies. True, too, will be that the literary world will follow suit. Wizards and broom stick games followed by vampires and werewolves. It's all a Cycle Horror is popular when Young Adult is on the decline and Romance blooms when Fantasy fades. Just because you write cliche projects (96) don't worry about it. You may have to put it in a drawer and forget it for a few years, but soon and once again, the time will be right and people will be clamoring for that long-forgotten cliche (95) to be unleashed. Don't be afraid to complete a project, just because the market is currently flooded with a similar style of work doesn't mean it won't get noticed. "It's only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything." Rule #7 You must find your unique voice. Umm. This is such a convoluted piece of advice. Yes, you do, but no, you do not. Confused? You should be. I spent too many wasted hours trying to follow this seemingly simple "fact". Hours I will never get back. Quickly (as I have other posts and pages about voice here that go into deeper detail), voice is not how you talk or the sounds that come from your characters mouths. Voice is, in essence, a style. The catch, however, is that your book's voice is unique to that book. Your voice will change from project to project. Do you need to find it? The real answer is that you will notice the voice emerging as you work. From draft to draft your project's voice will emerge and you can then focus more on it. For now, in the beginning, it isn't such a big worry. It will come and if it doesn't, then that is one tale-tell sign that perhaps that particular project isn't making the finish line. Rule #8 Finally, the old tale to ensure you write every single day. You must write X amount of words, or for X amount of hours every single day if you are going to be successful. There are so many "facts" to support this: King writes 2000 words every day and won't stop until he's done it. Or, Koontz ensures, he writes for a minimum of 2 hours each day. Yes, that method works for some, even a lot of, people. However, these famous authors are paid to write. Are you yet paid to write every day? I know that I am not. I have work, and children and family and friends and shopping to do and places to go. Let's be frank. You need to make the time to write. It does need to be a habit that you can do and get into. If it's ever a chore, then perhaps it isn't for you. It is nice to have goals. However, I will fight to the death against anyone that says I must write a certain amount or for a certain time every single day. We Have Lives I have a life. You do too. While you, like me, want to make a career from writing, you also have other obligations and other spontaneous things that appear that take our time, focus and attention away. Go with it. Get a break. Take a day or even two off. Go outside. Research. Read. Watch a movie. Get some sun on your skin. Go shopping. You do not have to write every single day. Just as long as you don't fall in the hole and make not-writing the habit. I am Jack's exhausted colon. Write. Write often. Get lost in it. Talk about it. Get positive feedback. Enjoy what you do and do it with a fervor and a vigor that rivals pure passion. Read the full article
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myncisworld-2point0 · 4 years
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[NOTE: This article is from 2014.]
According to some people, Mark Harmon is best known to his fans as Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs on CBS’s hit drama series NCIS. Those people are wrong, of course, because he’s always going to be Freddy Shoop, a summer school teacher in over his head in 1987’s appropriately-titled Summer School. Harmon turns the ripe, young age of 63 today, and it’s clearer than ever that this man is in possession of a map that leads to the Fountain of Youth, because Harmon ages with grace, am I right, ladies? In fact, while it’s no wonder why this actor was named People’s Sexiest Man Alive in 1986, it is rather shocking that he never received that accolade again, specifically in 1987, when the most important work of his career was released.
The coke-fueled era of the 1980s in Hollywood was filled with more high school movies about slackers and smartasses than anyone actually needed, especially when it came to featuring students who looked like they were older than the teachers. Summer School was always perhaps the most underrated of the decade’s tributes to slackademics (trademark pending) because what it lacked in the typical star power of, say, a John Hughes film, it more than made up for in creating arguably the most creative collection of “teenage” dipshits than any film of the genre. At the same time, it showed that Harmon, who was probably best known at the time for his role as the HIV-positive Dr. Robert Caldwell on St. Elsewhere, had a strong sense of comedy, while also confirming (along with her debut on Cheers that same year) that Kirstie Alley was much, much more than just a really attractive Vulcan.
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Summer School isn’t just some cult classic that people love to mention whenever someone randomly asks, “Hey, whatever happened to Dean Cameron?” It was actually well-received at the box office, earning $36 million in theaters on what I assume was a budget of a few rolls of nickels and someone’s baseball card collection. Critics, however, were a little more mixed on this mindless comedy, as Roger Ebert gave it one-half star out of four, which sounds a lot better than one star out of eight, so you know what? I’ll take it.
Maybe in the movie business we could coin the term vaporfilm, for movies that zip right through our brains without hitting any memory molecules.
“Summer School” is a movie like that, a comedy so listless, leisurely and unspirited that it was an act of the will for me to care about it, even while I was watching it. This movie has no particular reason for being, other than to supply employment for people whose job possibilities will not be enhanced by it. (Via RogerEbert.com)
Here’s a tip for all of you aspiring film critics out there, courtesy of King Ebert – if you’re watching a movie with a title as lazy as Summer School, and the opening of the film features a school’s teachers trying to haul ass after the bell on the last day of the semester so they don’t get suckered into teaching the titular course, get up and walk out. Leave the movie for those of us who love to watch stupid movies and go to the next theater to watch and analyze La Bamba. Perhaps that’s why the fan reviews of Summer School on Netflix seem to be so glowing, as I only found three that were two stars or less. In fact, here’s the worst of them all:
Nothing but trash. Nothing worth seeing. Degenerate teens in bad need of harsh discipline. It’s depressing to think that so many young people actually enjoy this trash. This movie is immediately available from NF while so many more interesting ones languish in the ‘saved’ section, or in ‘short wait’, ‘long wait’, or ‘very long wait’ status. Just one more nail in the coffin of American culture, or lack thereof.
Thank God Armond White weighed in. The majority of people, myself included, fondly remember Summer School for what it is – a fun, stupid movie that was meant to make us laugh, while perhaps also rubbing our noses in the awesomeness of 80s California if we didn’t live there. But I’ll take this analysis one step further by laying out these 10 very important lessons that I took away from Summer School after watching it this morning, in paying tribute to Harmon, a man who was Kevin Costner before Kevin Costner was Kevin Costner.
Always put sunglasses on your dog.
Fact: 100% of movie posters that have dogs wearing sunglasses on them are movies that I’m willing to at least watch. The movie could be called This Dog Dies from Space AIDS, and I’d still be curious to see why that dog is wearing sunglasses.
Always have an escape plan.
When everybody else is hauling ass from the faculty parking lot at the last second, there’s no reason that you shouldn’t already be packed for your trip to Hawaii. I don’t like to point fingers, but Mr. Shoop’s girlfriend is clearly at fault here. All she had to do was pack the car for him, and he could have jumped in and taken off for the airport. Instead, Kim kicked her man while he was down and not only snatched her ticket to Hawaii from the pocket of his rad flowered shirt, but she also told him to drive her to the airport. I don’t mean to offend anyone who is overprotective of fictional characters, but I hope that Kim was eventually fed to the volcano gods.
Also, let’s consider this a lesson within a lesson – would you walk away from your teaching job right now if someone handed you a winning lottery ticket for $50,000? I say no. Just pass all of the morons while you spend the class time reading up on investment opportunities.
Never be afraid to encourage the creativity of your students.
https://youtu.be/-5Pku48YPFo
The true sign of a teacher’s efforts in a classroom is how far the students are willing to go to show others their appreciation of his work. In Shoop’s case, once he resigned because his students were greedy little pricks, those same students objected to a new teacher taking over the class by staging a gruesome and horrifying murder scene, complete with two of the students wielding chainsaws, declaring themselves psychopaths and thus taking credit for the violence. Of course, I can’t stress this enough, no high school students should ever think about trying to recreate this scene today.
On a side note, and I hate to nitpick true artistic masterpieces, if you’re going to have a severed hand pull a dude’s tongue out of his mouth and slap him with it, it’s really important that he not blink. Damn it, people, we need accuracy.
Being a male teacher in California in 1987 was probably terrifying.
https://youtu.be/farC0cWkpvc
Between Summer School and Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise, 1987 was a huge year for Courtney Thorne-Smith. Hell, both movies came out in the same week in July, when she was just 19 years old and poised to become the next big things in terms of girls that all teen boys wanted to marry. Unfortunately, her movie career never really panned out, as the last live action role she had on the big screen was as Natalie in the Carrot Top hot fart Chairman of the Board. Her TV career was obviously a lot better, but that’s neither here nor there. Having her play a lovelorn surf goddess crushing on Shoop probably lured a lot of guys to the teaching profession, only to have them learn the hard way that prison sucks.
Additionally, there was the foreign exchange student Anna-Maria Mazarelli, who would grow up to win our hearts as Alotta Fagina. Was it standard procedure for foreign exchange students to be shoved into remedial English classes upon arrival? Sure.
It’s important to support fine arts programs.
https://youtu.be/u0kF24ceZMI
When I write about how hilarious it was how Hollywood tried to make us buy that some actors were teenagers when they were clearly at least a decade older, Ken Olandt is really Exhibit A. The guy who played Larry, the sleeping student by day and male stripper by night, was actually 29 when he was portraying a 17-year old, which is pretty hard to pass when very few teenage boys A) look like that and B) are hired to shake their dongs in strip clubs. Still, glaring age gaps and statutory and employment laws aside, it was nice to see that Shoop was so cool about Larry’s awesome after-school job. That is until he was busted by his mom and presumably spent the next decade in therapy.
It’s not lying if the company ripped you off in the first place.
The first time that I ever saw Summer School, I was convinced that the part about writing letters to companies to get free stuff would work every time. I spent a lot of time trying to write letters to the companies that made my favorite toys, so I could convince them that the action figures and especially the vehicles that I couldn’t afford had been broken. But then I realized that I might be called on my BS, and guys in suits might show up to my home demanding to see the broken toys, and then I’d be screwed and sent off to prison for lying. Ultimately, owning Krang’s fortress wasn’t worth a life spent in prison making license plates, which is how TV and movies taught me that license plates were made.
Jail in California looks very scary.
I still don’t know what the guy with the mustache is doing with his hand, but it’s really scary and I don’t want to ever have someone do that to me, so I’ve chosen to lead a life on the straight and narrow. Thank you, Summer School, for teaching us that jail is filled with scary perverts who want to do bad things to shirtless men on roller skates.
No matter the risk, steal your boss’s girlfriend.
https://youtu.be/B7ZTNm5o780
Vice Principal Gills was a pretty big bite in the ass, so we had to cheer for Shoop in pursuit of Robin Bishop, because Shoop was the coolest and his girlfriend had only recently taken off for Hawaii without him. Sure, Robin was kind of stuck up because she questioned the legitimacy of taking students to something as awesome as a petting zoo, which produced adorable moments like this:
And she also wore a denim shirt tucked into a different shade of denim skirt, because it was the 80s, but she had a good heart and she just wanted what was best for all students, even if it meant agreeing to a date with Shoop to get there. Also, Gills looked like a total goober-douche, and there’s no reason he should have been with Robin.
Education can be a compromise.
https://youtu.be/LzdoMQL_jR8
Is Alan Eakien one of the most underrated teen nerds of cinema? I say yes. That kid may have been dumber than rocks compared to his genius brothers, but he negotiated circles around Shoop. In exchange for a slightly-above-half-assed effort from less than half of the original class roster*, Shoop’s couch was set on fire, his goldfish murdered and car wrecked, bookending that whole going to jail for the two D-bags thing. Things could have been considerably worse, too, because Robin could have tried to get him banned from teaching for the rest of his life for allowing a female student to live with him.
But ultimately Shoop sacrificed so much for the sake of helping a few of his students learn some lessons about life, since they didn’t all pass their exams. Is he a good teacher for that or was he just an idiot being taken advantage of by other idiots? Especially idiots who looked like this:
Being an idiot isn’t all that bad, so long as you’re not a total idiot.
https://youtu.be/8fvhchY0UmY
Hey, in the end, some of those kids passed their exams, and the most important of them all was Pam, because that meant she could move on and not try to make it so Shoop returned to jail. This guy went from being just a run-of-the-mill bro’s bro gym teacher to making an impact in the lives of some kids who looked like they were grown adults. Sure, he couldn’t even talk a 17-year old out of stripping, and he allowed some of his students to treat the foreign exchange student like a sex model, but Freddy Shoop probably learned more than anyone.
Also, he totally stole the douchebag Vice Principal’s girlfriend, and Wonder Mutt found Bobby again in the end, so this really was a movie with a beautiful and happy ending.
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