The stupid animal shelter won’t help (as usual) and we already have too many rescues in our house but someone abandoned a dog in our area, just left him there with his plate and he’s not looking too good. I want to help and take him in but we don’t have space or money for it anymore. Idk if anyone is interested, this is in Houston. He seems very sweet. Idk what else to do y’all, I called and they said they wouldn’t do anything unless he’s injured badly.

Taz

Name: Taz | Gender: Male | Age: Oh god who knows | Species/Race: Darkness (literally, he's just- a pitch black being of pure darkness) | Height: 3 inches tall (he can sizeshift tho, I mean, it seems only natural he can do that) | Appearance: See, he has a human form of his own that he takes on, he can sorta like, its like a copycat situation, any human he sees he could technically take a form of like a doppelganger but he has certain styles and bodies he fancies... BUT his actual human form that he has wears a lot of punk like clothing, leather jackets with spikes on them, pants with chains hanging on them, combat boots, he also has a circle beard, his eyes in his human form are a dull grey-ish kind of color, he also has razor sharp teeth, pointy ears, and claws but he does at least hide the claws with black gloves with spikes on them, oh and his hair is like jet black and p much just flows. His true form is literally just a shadow-y cloud of darkness, nothing too special bout it really except for his eyes, they are a red color (he can shape himself into someone's worst fear or really just whatever he feels like if need be, I mean it IS a cloud of darkness, its like a shapeshifter situation, yeah!) | Personality: Now THIS is a true bastard incarnate, like seriously, even tho he's probably an ancient being of pure darkness, he acts like a toddler when he doesn't get his way, he has somehow successfully managed to annoy even the OTHER beings of darkness, he's more annoying then scary but he can use that to his advantage, he has annoyed a human so badly they moved out and when he followed them, they just... kinda broke.... Which wasn't as fun, now if he puts his mind to it, I'm not saying he CANNOT actually be scary bc he can, oh my god he absolutely can if he puts his mind to it, but he just prefers to be the most annoying lil shit to people to drive them insane that way, its much more fun! (tl;dr: He's a bastard, like usually I joke bout that but nope, he is 100% bastard who will steal your food and drinks and toss them away bc he doesnt actually need to eat then he calls you a bitch, he'll steal anything he wants truth be told, he doesnt care- hell, he'll steal your fucking loved ones away from you if you mess with him too much, he has a short temper and can get angry p easily tbh, honestly he'll just do e v e r y t h i n g in his power to make your life a living hell and your mind? S h a t t e r e d- even tho its not fun anymore when they break but eh it happens every time) | Side Facts: Welp uh, it DOESNT happen every time, he's living with a human right now and they haven't been broken yet, they just seem tired and irritated all the time for no apparent reason, they always look like they haven't gotten a good night's sleep in ages which is probably true, there's also another being of darkness that was assigned to this human so Taz here is ALWAYS trying to one-up him, NO being of darkness is better than him after all! He has a bit of a narcissistic streak in him, I won't deny that- So anything he does to the human, Taz can ALWAYS do better! This other being of darkness, Aldrich- who's description you'll see in a second- Taz just, he doesn't seem to like him too good and for good reason, Aldrich is definitely a higher class than him, a higher rank, top tier even- He is absolutely above Taz, and that's what Taz absolutely cant STAND, nobody should be a higher class than him, anyone above him needs to be put in their place, the way Aldrich talks and just- his attitude towards things doesn't help, he's too classy n clean- So Taz gotta see to it he deals with this human before Aldrich does. Gotta prove that Aldrich isn't above him in any way, nope- not at all! He's actually secretly scared of Aldrich, yep, you heard me- a being of darkness is actually afraid of something, he just acts tough and not scared around him, but, secretly, he is ABSOLUTELY terrified of this being, Taz KNOWS what he's capable of, if he just so wanted he could plunge the world into eternal darkness, and who knows that might be his goals for the future, might not be, Aldrich can be a v e r y unpredictable being, ya never really know what he's gonna do next, but- Taz will NEVER reveal that he's scared, nope- Aldrich CANT find out, or else... Well let's just say something not good will happen... Ya know, there IS a reason Taz is like he is, even if he is a being of darkness, it was when he was... y o u n g, well to the other beings of darkness he was young, to a human his age would have still seemed ancient, but anyways, he actually did have a family, in fact, him and Aldrich both did but, eh, im not gonna reveal a n y t h i n g bout Aldrich's family just yet, for now its time to focus on Taz, his family ehhh well... they weren't the best, they weren't good at all- hell I wouldn't even call it a family, its more like just a gang where everyone fends for themselves, nobody helps each other, the weakest are always left behind to die or fade away. Taz, he was... one of the weakest, I won't say he was the weakest of EVERYONE of them bc he wasn't there was someone else but he doesn't... talk about them, he just sorta repressed his memories bout them, hell, probs for the best- their probably dead now... Or worse, but his family never did care for him, no affection was had for ANYONE, almost everyone was out for blood or something similar to it, if you even THOUGHT about asking for help with anything you were considered weak and affection? What kind of being of pure darkness needs that stupid shit?! That was VERY frowned upon in his "clan" yeah, let's call it a clan, he's pretty much had to fend for himself his entire life, nobody to help him, nobody ever showed him any love or affection, it'd have made him weaker than that other being, or that's his mentality, love, care, help, all of that, it makes you w e a k, pathetic, the only way to get by is to rely on yourself and yourself alone. His "clan" treated him like pure shit, at first when he was "learning" about the consequences of asking for help, it was horrid, he got picked on, called names and even got hit and beat up, by what humans would consider his "parents" even, his father and mother tolerated n o n e of that, no "child" of theirs is going to have any affection, help, etc- It'll make them weak and they. will. NOT. have. a. weak. member. of. the. clan... After Taz grew up, he definitely became stronger, for sure, he also became more.... chaotic, more unstable, and he'd do anything and everything he could to get attention, at this point he just began fucking CRAVING it, he'd act out, do anything he could to piss his "parents" and the rest of his clan off, never in his entire life has he ever gotten any positive attention whatsoever, so whenever he didn't have any attention at all, it.... he just began freaking out and throwing tantrums, he couldn't deal without having any attention on him w h a t s o e v e r. Essentially, like, even tho nobody cared for each other n shit, they did have some kinda mentality to stick around with each other, it was mainly just because, they did AT THE VERY L E A S T need their kids to survive, survive the baby stages, and grow on up so there could be more of their species/race, once they grew up though, they were all on their own, armies were an option of course if need be, but Taz? He didn't need anyone, he d o e s n t need anyone, he can take care of things himself, he can do what he needs to, after all, his mentality p much got fucked up so badly now that he thinks any being who needs an army, help, etc- just any of that is weak- His childhood, fam, its all wack yo- my fingers are tired and I cant think of a better way to describe this, basically, they are the cause of why he's so fucked up like he is, why he's so chaotic, a punk bastard, and just- honestly a fucking asshole in general- bc of the mentality they basically FORCED onto him.

Got it ol in me ded moroz bag, eNJOY THE INFO DUMP, CHILDREN.

1. Andrey Mironov and his Interesting Facts 

Lemme not be original and recite the facts that might just as well be very-well known but I myself constantly forget about these:

The dude suffered from skin boils (furuncles) all over his body: this is one of the reasons he always wore these never-ending turtlenecks, it was just a way to hide the skin horrors. Those fuks also hurt af which bothered Mironov’s stage partners and friends in scenes where he’d have to fall and/or get caught by other people, because that they’d have to grab all his 20359582 sore spots and deliver The Pain. Obvs they’d be like m8 lets just change this scene but Mironov insisted to do it for The Art, so all they were left with was to figure out how to grab him today to lessen the pain. 

The dude got one real daughter and one fake daughter (stepdaughter ok ok), both were named Maria, which never fails to entertain me whenever pics of both of them show up and ppl are like HECK YEA MASHAS!!! WAIT WHICH MASHA IS THIS??? The fake daughter recently split up from Livanov’s murder son which is a shame imo, it really looked like there was something good going on but alas.

Mironov was the epitome of YOLO, in a positive way, all Mironov and His Friends ever cared about is how to make money and have a grand time, bc nobody was ever rich in the USSR and tbh not that happy either. They can and they WILL get across half of Russia on a scooter to make a show for the grandmas of the Meat Processing Factory No. 425 for em sweet sweet 100 roubles, the absolute SLÜTE for the cash and vodka, jump in for the Good Kush and do not look back. The shite they did on their international theater tours is something else entirely, ma dudes, but basically: THEY WILL EAT YOUR CROPS, STEAL THE FOOD FROM SQUIRRELS, BEG STRANGERS FOR MONEY, DO A GROUP PISSING.

The betch was a constant victim of pranks: whether it was from Livanov and his canteen sausages, or his bffs Shirvindt and Derzhavin who packed his bag for his honeymoon with bricks and a portrait of Lenin, but the pranking shitstorm was relentless and neverending and it looks like Mironov took it all with a big ol face of :’)

2. The most dramatic celebrity romance

I think we can agree it’s them fucking Vladimir Vysotsky and Marina Vlady, my gOD how fucknig dramatic and inflated and over-exposed and fucking overrated, the meaning of DRAMA itself. Yall know how much the government LOATHED every single breath Vysotsky took anyways, thenks to his poetry/songs that rightfully shat all over the most prominent aspects of living in the USSR, so the guy was rolling in constant drama 24/7 as it was, bUT THEN! He just HAD to get involved with a French fucking actress and make it serious: cue the absolute shitshow of them trying to get married, then an even bigger shitshow of Vysotsky getting so fearless he wanted visas to visit his wife in France and he gOT THEM in the end, possibly resulting in the government using his cutouts as target practice. So the betch keeps spitting out his Realest Songs despite them being forbidden, gets a free pass to teh fuckin ABROAD!!!!!! to dick his wife down, and gets away with it ol!!!!! The romance is so fucking shite lmao the gal is still trying to make it out as something Special when the motherfucker was quite openly cheating on her left and right, he literally died with his new burd at his bed (i am so sorry yarmolnik’s wife i luv ur husband and i hope yall still happy together). I think I’ve accidentally read a snippet from her book where she fuckien started describing them FUCKING in some cringy terms i was like hELLO???? THE SHIDD??? Basically, every aspect of Vysotsky’s life and their marriage was always some full-blown drama and tragically enough it still is bc all these other fucks are still alive and throbbing for attention i am so tired.

However, I cannot not include a VERY HONOURABLE ADDITION of uuh ~somewhat” celebs because this romance was GOOD, AND VERY GOOD, AND EXTREMELY GOOD!!!!! 

Fucking Brian Grover and Elena Golius in 1938, the absolute mad lads. We have a luv story of an English engineer and some Russian gal who fell in love despite the very real fears in the current regime and all, and despite the gal being woke enough to try and dodge such a potential death sentence on her ass, but Grover’s intentions were good and pure and serious so the otp became canon. The dude was such a sicc engineer he got actually nationwide famous thanks to his sicc good actions during some oil rig explosion disaster, which did make him a celeb I guess. After that the gal felt safe enough to confess her luv and get married but SYKE LOL good luck with that in the fucking 1930s! So Grover came up with a Cunning Plan where he just quit his job, bought an old truck and hid the gal between flour bags, transported her to Moscow and they somehow managed to get married there, bUT SYKE AGAIN!! He had to come back to England one day and when he wanted to return back to Russia TOUGH LUCK LOL THE POLITICAL SITUATION HAS CHANGED UR BLOCKED BETCH BYE. The wife pleads the government and is told to get fuck’d, she applies for a visa and gets fuck’d, the husband accepts a job in Persia and works there for five years in hopes that the country has sum Right People to help him get in Russia, but no luck. Finally, the wife writes to him that’s all lost and rip and they should just forget it all, and this is where Grover goes :) 

One day a nice man shows up at London’s flying school asking for a pilot’s license, to which he obvs gets a rational answer of UH M8 YOU GOTTA COMPLETE THE FLYING COURSE N ALL IT LITERALLY TAKES YEARS TO DO??? and the man says that’s ok :)) i am ready :)) in just under a MONTH he gets his license, and uses his last money to buy an old plane and pay another pilot to accompany him on his Surprise Journey, which was literally FLYING ACROSS THE CONTINENT ILLEGALLY TO RUSSIA TO SEE HIS WIFE. So em fucks buckle up and navigate their way with a help of a fuckigg world map from a high school geography book, it was so cold Grover had to water the fuel meter with hot coffee from his thermos to stop it from freezing, all until they finally ran out of everything and safely crashed SOMEWHERE in Russia. 

So as the shocked as fuck farmers watch an English fucking plane crash in their field, some nice gent crawls out and in broken Russian says something liek Hello I am Brian Grover and I’m Here To See My Wife :)) 

Cue the NKVD prison, the mass coverage from the press, the criminal charges up to 10 years in gulags bc of how many fucking laws he broke, but as it became very clear that his only objective was to see his wife, the court suddenly chilled the fuck out and only ordered him to pay a fine and allowed the luv burds to ~reunite~ while the court cheered. SO BRIAN AND ELENA GOT TOGETHER FOREVA AND HAD TWO KIDS AND LIVED WITH EACH OTHER ALL THEIR LIVES TILL THEY WERE LIKE 90 AND DIED ONE YEAR APART!!!!! 

IF THAT AINT THE MOST DRAMATIC ROMANCE IN THE USSR THEN NOTHING ELSE IS.

3. Goodie actors/Baddie actors

i wallow quite a lot in biographies and autobiographies n all, and from them i certainly learned that no person is just 100% good or evil, like there are always aspects of their lives where they are assholes, but there are always good sides to them as well, so in that conclusive sense of ASSHOLE vs ANGEL, nobody is either. My luv smoktun is a strong power bottom irl but an absolute annoying betch when it comes to The Art, mikhalkov is the fuckin devil child but everybody always praises how good of a director and even a friend he was (NOT ANYMOR HUH), Livanov is always that 50/50 on the pure evil vs goodness good scale, like it’s hard to just pinpoint a BETCH or a UWU. 

But I’ll try and say that on the Bad scale, it’s usually the gals, and Nonna Mordyukova is one of them. Like we have divas, but then there’s this gal where you just never know what she’ll do to you. A nightmare to work with (”mordyuk” the “”swear word””” from the diamond arm is literally Gaidai getting pissed at working with her this much), explosive in life, holding fucking nothing sacred. Varley, her daughter-in-law, was just liek TF 24/7 bc one day the grandson would be her best person ever and then SUDDENLY she’d be like FUCK YOU AND FUCK THIS KID WHO KNOWS WHERE IT CAME FROM!!! despite the kid being a carbon copy of Mordyukova’s son. You’re just constantly at her vague mercy wondering which stars should align today for her to suddenly change your mind about you, like idk what is everybody loving about her but she was a rather heavy and unpleasant person to be around and fuck that. Also, not a good fucking actress. Find me a role where she isn’t playing some Ethnic Slavic Woman. 

As for the Pure Good, we will never have the Pure but the Big Good is Alexander Abdulov. Trust me, this guy sure knows how to tell you to fuck off and push his own self to get something and punch you in the face and even describe how he’s going to dismember you with a straight face (asdfgh it’s a long story), but he was Good. Anything you read about him, all Good, he was a very friendly guy, outgoing, active, kind, made friends with everybody, was an insane workaholic (only managed to work on the wizards during the night bc for the rest of the day he was busy in FOUR OTHER FILMS SIMULTANEOUSLY). I luv his own fake daughter story bc he really did consider Alfyorova’s daughter his own, and he’d fuckin punch you so hard if you tell him otherwise. As he said himself, he knows all her problems, all her interests, all her worries and joys, so she is his 100% no-gmo daughter. aND the fake daughter has an insta n everything and everytime she mentions Dad it’s nothing but love and rainbows and almost a decade later after his death she still cannot bring herself to visit his grave bc she just doesn’t believe that he is truly dead. All of that, mind you, with the fact that abdul and alfyorova split up and he had a family of his own later in life n all, so there was NO obligation for anything at all from either of them and yet still abdul loved her senselessly. She’s ask for a bag of sweets and he’ll get her a fucking truck of these, total mad lads all around. PLUS he was Peltser’s almost fake son she luved him this much, and stories about Peltser indicate that she was One Hell of a woman, and yet even she crumbled before the Good. I’m just never worried when it comes to articles about abdul bc i know it’s either clickbait or something good again. 

THAT’S ALL DED MOROZ HAD IN HIS BAG FOR THESE QUESTIONS, CALL SNEGUROCHKA X3 MORE TIMES TO SUMMON MORE   

oh right i was gonna summarize my thoughts on endgame

i described my overall feelings as “i kept my expectations as low as possible and the movie managed to exceed them somewhat

a lot of individual parts made me really angry but somehow i enjoyed the experience as a whole, or at least a whole lot more than i was expecting to

i also realized that my opinions about the avengers have not changed whatsoever since 2012. literally everything i wanted back then is still what i want now (minus the whole thor eating poptarts thing, i wish i could take that back). i want team bonding, i want stony, i want clintasha, i want MY BOY LOKI

this was the first movie that the avengers actually somewhat felt like a team, despite being decimated and disjointed basically the whole time. but i felt like they actually cared about each other which is a first.

the 5 year time jump felt lazy but oh well

i won’t even touch what they did with thor!!!!!!!!!!! g o d imagine thinking that was in any way okay. literally all his development from ragnarok has been stripped away and for no good reason, i’m gonna rage

thor going back in time and 100% ignoring loki??? what crack were these writers on

NOT ENOUGH LOKI. i’m glad we got a few extra scenes of 2012!loki but it wasn’t enough at all!! i’m also glad that 2012!loki has fucked off and made an alternate reality where he has the tesseract. but confirmation that he’s 100% dead in the main timeline + no acknowledgement of him whatsoever by thor is just unacceptable

i’m ALSO not gonna touch the whole shit ending with steve, except i am very very briefly because others have done so in great detail much better than i can. i’m just pissed that steve who worked so hard to find meaning and a family in the future, who’s development has always centred on the struggle of moving on and living in the present versus living in the past, had his story ended by??? returning to the past?? he tried to help people move on and then 100% refused to do it himself? fuck that noise. he had sam and bucky and a whole team in the present but noooope gotta ignore all that to live in the shitty 1950s with a girl he barely knew. kay.

my other point of rage is that I STILL HATE CLINT’S FAMILY. unpopular opinion, maybe, i don’t know?? but its true. i hated it from the minute it was introduced and i still do. i hate clint, who had nobody but his dark past and natasha, being like lmao yup i’ve had this fam the whole time and all that romantic tension with natasha?? fake, she’s just my kid’s cool aunt. anyways when the narrative wanted you to be sad about them i just wasn’t sad. at all. 

but god 2012 me was hit with those clintasha feelings. i didn’t realize how much i loved them until now??? but i knew what was gonna happen and that it was gonna hurt like hell and it sure did. trust them to literally battle over who gets to die for the other. also i really thought clint was gonna die because, going by the shitty movie canon, i feel like natasha loves him more. even if he’s married with kids i feel like she was still in love with him but refused to do a thing about it because she wanted him happy. so in a way it would be the most tragic thing for her to have to live without him. meanwhile its very sad that clint has to live without natasha, but he has his family and it was glossed over so quick that it didn’t feel as impactful. BUT their love really did shine through in that one scene and even though i’m sad i’m okay with it.

my other ship is stony and we definitely were fed. tony commenting on steve’s ass? excellent. all the emotions finally getting let out? spectacular. steve running out to meet tony after he comes back from space, steve by tony’s side as he dies, steve at the front with family at tony’s funeral?? mfing heartbreaking my dude.

also i’m still torn on tony’s death. overall i guess i’m okay with it. i only cried once during the funeral/listening to tony’s message because morgan was adorable and reminded me of my 3-year old nephew and i got emotional

on a totally different note, my thought process when any female character was on screen was I’M GAY

carol’s butch look added literal YEARS to my life and i’m so so grateful. actually everything about carol was the most important and i want her in everything now please

in general all the women kicked ass and i was so proud of them. peter’s lesbian mom defense squad made my life 

i’m too tired to think of anything else to say

in conclusion i hated a lot of things but somehow i didn’t hate the whole movie itself. its a strange world

71 and 69 hmu w that good pshmirtz content fam ;0 (its okay if theyre separate or joined fics whatever works

“Perrrryyyyyy,” Heinz whined at his companion as he swiped the card to unlock the door to their hotel room. He heard his voice crack and he knew he was pouting, but he was too sore and tired to care. His back felt as if he just slept on a pile of rocks, and his neck like he’d done it standing up. His arms and legs felt like dead, cramped up weights, and in all honesty, he would have stomped his foot at Perry had he been able to lift it high enough. “Perry the Platypus, I’m never going to be able to move again in my life. I’m going to fall right here on this dirty hotel floor and sleep until I die, and it’s all because of you.”

Scoffing and rolling his eyes, Perry opened the door and gestured to the bed. After his mind took a brief trip to the gutter, Heinz groaned and shuffled his feet across the room and over to it, glaring at Perry as he passed. Never before had he been so thankful for the small size of the room they were staying in, taking about six shuffles before flopping down on the bed. He hummed in satisfaction as his back sank into the soft mattress and his head into the cool pillows. The physical relief he felt with finally being able to lay down almost made him forget to continue complaining at Perry. Almost.

Without raising his head to look at Perry, he started up again. “I don’t even see why we had to dance that much anyways right before going to look for clues. What did it do for the mission? Nothing! Maybe I should go back to being an evil scientist and make an -inator that would prevent dancing forever. Yeah, I’ll do that!”

He looked up at Perry, who was used to the empty threats by then and shrugged it off. You’re my fake husband, deal with it. And besides, the dancing was so they would assume we were too tired to do anything other than come back up here and go to sleep, Perry signed to Heinz.

Too tired to come up with a retort, Heinz settled for groaning again, this time louder, until Perry picked up some clothes and disappeared into the cramped bathroom to get ready for bed. Heinz briefly thought of waiting for Perry to get out and doing the same, but really, it wouldn’t have been the first time he slept in his day clothes, and it probably wouldn’t be the last. Besides, unless a fire decided to start up in the hotel, Heinz wasn’t sure he would be able to get out of that bed until after he got some sleep. He settled for kicking off his shoes, removing his belt, and taking off his sweater, tossing everything on the floor next to his bed.

He heard the shower start up in the bathroom, and figured he would be able to drift off to sleep before Perry got back. He hoped so, at least. Working with O.W.C.A. was fun, it really was. It was also fulfilling, it gave him a sense of purpose. If it weren’t for certain things, he probably wouldn’t have a single problem with the job. Certain things including being forced to do this mission, being forced to pretend to be married to Perry, and being forced to share a bed with the man. Certain things that made it harder and harder to hide his feelings.

Sure, he’d always felt something for Perry. Even as his nemesis, Perry made Heinz’s stomach do flips and his throat tighten up. He had thought that when they started to become friends, his affection for Perry would be revealed and ruin things, but it didn’t. Even so, the more time they spent together because of O.W.C.A. and the lack of a nemesis-typical boundary between them, the harder it got for Heinz to hide how he felt.

Then Monogram decides to put him on this mission.

Fake marrying Perry was fine and all. It might have hurt to look at the ring on his left hand and know it wasn’t real, but he could deal with it. But having to be around Perry every second of the day? Going out in public and holding hands, sharing loving looks, light kisses on his face or lips, and arms around his shoulder? Sharing a bed with Perry? It hurt. It hurt more than his back after the hour of dancing he did, more than when he was forced to be a lawn gnome, more than when he and Charlene got divorced. Every kiss, every look, every night spent in a bed too small for personal space with the man he cared about who didn’t feel the same way, it all hurt. What hurt the most, though, was knowing that it would all be gone as soon as they figured out who was behind the recent kidnappings and got them behind bars. It had only been a week of this mission and already he’d forgotten what sleeping alone felt like.

He was screwed.

Covering his face with his hands and letting out a bitter laugh, he turned over in the bed and curled his knees up to his chest. He remembered what Major Monogram had told them before they left to go undercover.

“Now I know acting like a convincing married couple will be pretty hard, especially with your history as nemeses, but you need to remember what’s at stake here. Heinz, you most of all, seeing as Perry has had his training already. Just remember-”

“All you need to do is act like you care about each other a million times more than you do,” Heinz finished out loud, his face scrunching up in anger. Being this tired really wasn’t helping him keep his emotions in check. “Funny, Monogram. I’m a good actor when I need to be, but if you can find a world where I can do that, you let me know. I don’t think I could love him any more than I already do.”

His anger and hurt exhausting him further, he gave in and decided to fall asleep. He pulled a blanket up to his shoulders and turned around to get more comfortable, a flash of teal appearing in front of him as he did so. Closing his eyes, he sunk further into the bed and-

Wait. Fuck.

Reluctantly, he cracked open one eye to confirm his suspicions. Yep. In front of him stood Perry, mouth open and eyes wide. Cringing, he sat up and opened his other eye. Well, he could at least try to salvage their friendship.

“Um, I, you uh, heard that, didn’t you?” He stammered. Shaking his head and blinking, Perry seemed to get it together and nod. Stomping down the urge to pull the comforter over his head and never come out, he continued. “I, um, that wasn’t… wasn’t what it sounded like. I, well you see, I was um…” he rambled off, trying and ultimately failing to come up with an excuse. There went that. “I’m sorry.”

Suddenly, his stomach twisted making him feel sick, his chest squeezed so tight it hurt, and a chill went through his body. His eyes filled up with tears and his throat felt tight. This was it. He finally did it. He screwed up the best thing that had ever happened to him, and all because of some useless mission and his carelessness. He knew as soon as he looked up he would find the same disgust in Perry’s eyes that he had seen countless times before. In his father’s, Charlene’s, his brother’s. Instead, he pressed his palms hard against his eyes and choked back tears. He wouldn’t guilt Perry into feeling sorry for him. Despite his efforts, a sob worked its way up through the knot in his throat and past his lips, spilling out as some sort of watery hiccup.

Immediately, he felt a familiar arm around his shoulders. He instinctively leaned into the attached body as he broke down, feeling hopeless. His eyes burned and his throat was sore by the time he calmed down enough to notice the hands rubbing small circles into his back. Remembering who it belonged to, he pulled back, opening his mouth to stammer out another apology. “I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to… I mean I know you don’t feel the same, the same way and I just don’t-”

He stopped and clamped his mouth shut when Perry held up a hand and gave him a gentle look. Tentatively, he waited for what Perry had to say.

Heinz, he began, a soft smile on his face as he signed, it’s okay. Stop and let me finish, he signed sternly when Heinz looked ready to speak again. The only reason Monogram assigned you to this mission with me was because I told him I wouldn’t do it with anyone else. Nobody else could even act like they know me as much as you do, and… he paused before finishing, there’s nobody else I’d rather be here with anyways, because I love you, too.

Heinz blinked once, twice, then three times. Searching Perry’s face to make sure he heard right, he felt the knots in his chest loosen and form again for completely different reasons.

“You… you love me, too?” he asked. A giddy smile made its way on his face after he received a nod and smile in return. Unable to contain it, he suddenly doubled over giggling.

As he caught his breath and calmed down, he looked back up at Perry, who was giving Heinz a look similar the ones he put on for their mission, but one that felt somewhat more real. Leaning in, he pressed a kiss to Perry’s lips. Pulling back, he let out one final huff of laughter.

“As much as I would love to sit here and talk about this, I’m officially worn out beyond measure. Can we talk in the morning, Perry the Platypus?”

To answer, Perry leaned back down onto the bed and gently pulled Heinz down with him, taking Heinz’s arm and wrapping it around his middle. Heinz hummed and snuggled into the warmth of the smaller man’s body pressed up against his, and fell asleep instantly, feeling lighter than ever before.

The Semi-Quotable 2017 Part The Final

Okay, you bore with us this long. BIG FINISH TIME!

——

"He looks like a rash fucked an even bigger rash." -Another tweet Jennifer saw

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. And now I’m going back to my Chinese food.” -Scott Rogowsky

“*trying to hype my friend up to go talk to some dude she’s been eyeing* If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you can believe in yourself for 5 minutes. Now go press your booty up against his front bump by accident, on purpose. Go get that dick girl!” -Drunk Leslie

"Fuck that "drop the mic" bullshit. Only Prince could throw a yellow guitar in the air, walk away like nothing happened, and the guitar never comes back down. At that point, the venue should just call it, because they have nothing more to show you, ever again. That's right...Prince was Sex Yoda." -Laura

"Why are we pre-empting The Price is Right for Donald Trump saying that Russian Prostitues didn't urinate on him? Can't we just put this on Jerry Springer instead and call it day? ON THE NEXT JERRY SPRINGER: This show has been brought to you by the letter Pee." -Gordon

“That is a sexy women’s scarf.” -C

Sick Jackie: Pray for me to make it through the night.

Q: Are you sure you just don't want for me to pray to God to end your life quickly?

"Is Public Enemy okay for a kids' dance recital?" -Shannon

"FUCK YOU, MARK GATISS. FUCK YOU WITH A PORCUPINE SIDEWAYS." -Laura

"My bishop is going to kill me." -Match Game contestant.

Nick: If they are still here by 2pm I will kill you.

Gordon: If they are still here by 2pm I will kill them first and you will help me dig a trench by the railroad tracks outside and we'll make a blood pact to bury the bodies.

Nick: Deal

"Is there a "fun way" to suck ass?" -Cindy

“The person who tires of watching “Blockbusters” is a person who is tired of life itself.” -Adam

"People in LA are deathly afraid of gluten. I swear to god you could rob a liquor store in this city with a bagel." -Ryan Reynolds

"And Jenny McCarthy just gave her hooker heels...I mean boots to some young kid. Way to pay it forward to the kids." -Jim (RIP)

"I MADE THE QUOTE WALL! EVERYTHING'S COMING UP BRIAN!" -Brian, on SQ2K16QQ

"Like a space bus?" -girl astronaut in TWC commercial

“Because glitter is the herpes of arts & crafts.” -Q

“There needs to be a sex position called the Gruden Grinder.” -Jordan

“Why does Taylor Swift look like an Evangelion reject?” -C

"That is the truthiest truth that ever truthed, Jenni Leigh. #meandjenniwaslikepeasandcarrots." -Molly B

"I kissed a cat at Midnight. Who am I to judge at this point?" -Klaussie

"Hey, its that guy from that thing!" -C

"#GameShowsAreAlive" -Jordan

"TOTALLY.... inappropriate." -Jenna

"I cannot even find the words to express to you how little I care about your problems. Suffice it to say, I don't give a shit. Now go away." -Q

"Ok ABC, we don't need to see Jenny McCarthy laying on the ground with her damn feet up in the air." -Carl

"That only goes on the Quote Wall if you are 12." -Q

"It's the NEW Game show that's Sweeping the Land! Defend Donald Trumps' Tweets! Today's contestant is a $125,000 winner on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire, a 6 time game show winner, and the lone Reupblican Holdout in Brooklyn New York, Mr. Jason Block!" -Gordon

"A fond farewell to thee, Felicia." -Kat

"This is a message to all the parents out there, if you don't let your kids play video games, one day it may cost them $400,000." -Chris Hardwick

C: "Serious Jay is serious."

Jay: "Serious about saving you money on a new-or-used whatever-it-is!"

"Mariah Carey just puttin' a perfect bow on 2016. That shit was performance art and whatnot." -George Wallace

"Aaaaaaaand we've lost Jordan." -Q

"My New Year's resolution is 1366x768." -Jessica

"Mel B > Jenny McCarthy. Take that to the bank." -Coby

"Are we making Ryan Reynolds the patron saint of the Quote Wall now?" -C

“Everybody settle down and keep your clothes on! I MEAN YOU... CHICO!!!” -Q

“GIZMO. IS NOT. A GREMLIN.” -Gordon

“#mogwailivesmatter.” -Jay

"Unless you're Donnie Wahlberg." -Q

“If you’re someone who has left my life, please don’t bother hitting me with that “Merry Christmas” text. You are Feliz Navidead to me.” -Leslie

"Take your broken heart, and make it into art." -Carrie Fisher

".... BITCHES BE SHOPPIN'." -Hannibal Buress

“Quoth Alabama, "Never Moore"” -Chelsea

"1924! 1957! 1982! 1993! 2005! 2009! MAKE ROOM FOR 2017! THE TAR HEELS ARE THE NATIONAL DADGUM CHAMPIONS!!" -Jones Dadgum Angell, the Dadgum Voice of the Tar Heels

"Calling it a night here. Help control the zombie population. Have Negan on speed dial. Good night, everybody." -Doug

“Fuck Gene Kelly, you motherfucker!” -Albert Rosenfield

“Get over it, you’ll be dead soon.” -Shea-Ra

“In Suzy’s defense, that IS how you make Excedrin. Salicylic acid... acetaminophen... caffeine.” -C

“Imagine: At the end of 2017, end of year, everyone is celebrating. Countdown, "...3, 2, 1..." when suddenly we hear a booming, omnipresent voice: “Thank you for playing the 'Earth' open beta. You will be returned to your respective galaxies as the testing phase has now concluded. Please remember to submit your feedback on this experience for your complimentary 25 credits good towards any purchase in the Skymall."” -Chelsea

"Change doesn't come from presidents. Change comes from large groups of angry people. And if Day 1 is any indication, you are part of the largest group of angry people I have ever seen." -Aziz Ansari

“Oh there it is. Silly old universe. The more I save it, the more it needs saving. It's a treadmill. Yes, Yes I know they'll get it all wrong without me. Well I suppose one more lifetime won't kill anyone. Well, except me. You wait a moment, Doctor. Let's get it right. I've got a few things to say to you. Basic stuff first. Never be cruel, never be cowardly, and never ever ever eat pears. Remember, hate is always foolish and love is always wise. Always try to be nice but never fail to be kind, oh and you mustn't tell anyone your name - no-one would understand it anyway. Except children, children can hear it, sometimes if their hearts are in the right place and the stars are too, children can hear your name - but nobody else, nobody else, ever. Laugh hard, run fast, be kind. Doctor, I let you go." -Peter Capaldi’s final words as The Doctor

"Namaste, motherfuckers." -CC

"... does that mean he's not coming on then?" -James May

——

Here’s to 2018, fam.

Come together, just think of tomorrow.

Ep. 6 - “I Had the Wig Snatched from On Top of me” - Duncan

ROB

Eddie did not fucking deserve that, fuck you Sam you piece of shit I've hated you for so long. The newbies can go to hell. Matt fucking Summers I am so glad Jenna Tibby beat you she is a much better person than you, and you don't even host. Bye. 

I'm pissed I wish it was me instead

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158247853246/immunity-6-word-play

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158291809426/immunity-results

RYAN B

I pretty much said nothing this round and did absolutely nothing for the challenge but #noshame cause I'm failing 5 classes so.....

ALI

AHHHHH. I JUST MADE A BIG MOVE! This was my first real tribal (the last one was just an inactive being voted out) and it featured IDOL PLAYS, A SPLIT VOTE and.... ME PLAYING AN ADVANTAGE. little old me!!!! Like I just am in shock. That tribal went amazingly. And I don't feel bad about potentially having betrayed Duncan, as he betrayed me too by lying to me! :) All is fair in love and war, but if they think they can fool little old me, they're mistaken. This sheep has claws :)

ROB

7F

fucking [6:56 PM] Trevor: 

<<< FranklyTrevor, Today 6:56 PM no swear words

fucking

JAY

I haven't done one in a bit I'm sorry!!! But I'm in a fantastic position on my tribe. Scott and Ryan are mostly inactive, so I shouldn't have to worry too much about the first two votes. Also I'm still very close to Owen and RTP. And with Owen comes Trevor, which is fantastic for me. I feel like I'm playing Robin's game from India. Getting close to the couple. But it works. And I'll be close with them while I'm on this tribe.

JD

That tribal was terrifying. I was so stressed... I thought that Logan had the same advantage as Ali did. I was holding my breath, waiting to see a 'and there's one final vote' which never happened. I was buzzing on that for like hours at work. But at yen same time, we might have out smarted them this time but why are still in our tribe. We have to get along and we have to win the next challenge.

I'm not going to lie though, the thought of throwing a challenge did cross my mind. Because me and Ali are in a good place here and if we win then that puts our alliance i. A tight spot and we don't know how they are making over there. We just have to do the challenge and hope that they've had time to make their connections like we did and see what happends.

On another side not, if Sam ever right my name down, I'm going to be a bit bitter, not for long because this is a game but i mean me and Ali saved him, his game was in our hands and we decided we needed him. So Sam, if you voted for me at any time... Give me a day lol

-

Omg i really want to work with Eddie. I really think we could have done really well together. And i feel bad about lying to him because he told me flat out he was voting Sam and he wasn't lying. But i mean shit happens and of we play together again i hope to work with him but i guess we might never see that 

I think this last vote out a target on me and Ali. I think we did a good job at downplaying how close we are but I think everyone is starting to see if. Hopefully not all of it, but they know we're working together... We'll see. 

-

I'm a little bitter that the hosts feel asleep during the endurance challenge. It's 4 am for them and I'm still up and they're​ hadent been a post for 2 hours not. My tribe could have really put themselves a head for when everyone else gets on but now we can't. People need sleep but i don't know, feels a little unfare that my tribe (not just me) sat up late to try and grab the extra points and now we'll be tired tomorrow and the others will get the bonus of sleep. Whatever, that's life. 

-

I can't wait to get back with Trevor and Lydia and see what they think about is being able to vote out Eddie :) thank you Trevor for giving us that little bit of advice baby

RYAN PALMER

Ok so tribe swap, epic. I ended up with most of my allies and this is going to be great. The Fam consisting of me Owen Trevor and Lydia seems like it going to be my strongest alliance rn. I obviously still have David who I want to work with, and Jay seems to think the 4 Othrys are gonna stick together. That leaves a pretty big group of intertwined people to work together and I dont have to expose myself. and as soon as we came over trevor immediately told me about how he wants ryan b out next. idk what happened but he does not like him. we are just gonna ignore scott and hope he just gets med evac'd. we won the music video challenge thanks to muah! jk lydia is the star of the video lmfao i love it. so then eddie leaves? nut. glad i dont have to deal with him in this game. their tribal seemed like a shit show and i want to know everything about it. so then we get this new challenge and trevor is like...oh we can lose its fine....and im like....uh no i dont lose on purpose....and he said not on purpose....but like hes not even trying for this challenge...i know hes trying to throw and i hate that. this is going to bite him in the ass later let me tell you!

DUNCAN

You know the saying "I had the rug swept from under me"? Well I had the wig snatched from Ontop of me

-

I fee like freaking Gina Marie after nick got evicted in bb15. Yesterday really sucked. Eddie is a dear friend and someone who I've been dying to play with for the longest time. I'm so pissed that they took him out. Like? The only reason I voted with those three is because eddie was a part of the three. I could of dealt with being lied to by the other side, by being in the minority, by losing an alliance member. I'm crushed by losing eddie. Now I look like a fucking idiot bc I followed my d*ck and not my head. Now I'm on bottom and I need to make sure I find footing in this fucking tribe to make sure that I'm not the next one to go if we go to tribal.

-

Oh! On top of that! I played my fucking idol and had to give it to someone. So who do I give it to?! It's a hard decision bc I don't trust anyone for shit on this tribe, and I'm probably the next to go, but I have to do something, I can't just roll over and die right? Sooo even though I just tried to help vote him out, I gave it to Samuel. Samuel has all the control over the newbies and is in the power position. I don't want to try and get anyone to flip to Logan rob and I because really? Like I've said, I was only in that alliance for eddie. I'm not going to stay on bottom for the other two. #sorrynotsorry I know I can work well with Samuel if he'll have me, so basically I have to spit shine his ass while trying to play it cool with the newbies. Matt summers? Can cheauxke? I told him I liked eddie and I think he was looking to weaken me if I flipped so that's why they went for him. Also you know what, I didn't feel bad about flipping when I casted my vote. Matt summers lied to me about being in an alliance on our old tribe and that's just frustrating. Then he messaged me back after I messaged him at Tribal like "looks like it's going to be hard for me to trust you now" and I'm like BITXH YOU ALL LIED TO ME ANTYWAYS! So I was on the outs anyways?.......I just feel kind of down. All these great people were cast and I knew it was going be a lot harder than the last two times. I'm still going for that crown, but it looks like the path is going to be paved with blood tears and the corpses of friends 

ROB

I know that now that we're not playing anymore, Eddie is going to stop talking to me again. Fuck Ali, should've just voted Sam and saved your double vote jackass.

ALI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMRRoCmK5eU

OWEN

SO! We lost immunity. I didn't try very hard. I don't think any of the people who actually try on this tribe DID do very well... Oops. We have dead weight in Scott and Ryan B so honestly... I wasn't that concerned. Part of me wants Jay to go because Duncan/Rob/Logan are probably a thing, and Jay would most likely join them. Plus Jay has WON before. But also, Jay does well in challenges and I'm technically working with him.

So my thought now is to go for Ryan B, and maybe Scott will just get expelled for literally not showing up lmao. I'm not really sure who Isaac is... But yikes.

I'm not playing a very good game I don't think, but it's because of the cast. Half of them I have strong relationships outside of the game and I can't really help that. The other half don't bother to show up or try. So there's nobody new for me to get to know. So! I'll lay low and wait for shit to hit the fan when all the people I know merge. I do feel like I have my hand in different baskets and we'll see what happens :~)

JD

So... I got a ring. I don't know own if i like not being able to help direct the vote. Not being able to have a say in what was happening. I might have to pass it off too maybe, I'm not sure. It's cool as hell, i love the idea but i don't know... Control issues maybe.

RYAN B

Welp. At this point it's gonna either be me or Scott. I've accepted my fate either way. We both have been pretty inactive(although Scott has done even less than me so far). If it's not me this time it'll probably be me next time soooo.........

SCOTT

So my Skype officially HATES ME. I literally haven't been active in the chat for what seems like weeks. Hopefully I don't go tonight. 

TREVOR

https://youtu.be/jhuTyOZlEL8

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158332506751/tribal-council-5-olympus