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idkwhatimdoinghere1655 · 2 months

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Bahrain GP 2024!

Mads' Race Recap!

Right, so, I'll do this in teams (in standings order) so that I'm not just waffling until the world caves in.

Red Bull - Not much to say really, if I'm honest. Simply lovely from Max, Checo did what was expected, so good job there. Good race from them, and getting to see a smiling Max at the end of the day is always nice.

Ferrari - Well well well Mr Carlos Sainz what was that you cheeky thing! DOTD truly deserved there by our one and only smoothest of operators, and (my Charles heart hurts to say this) that overtake on Charles was really lovely... so was the one on George. I reckon he could've gotten to Checo for the P2 if there was more time, but hey. I was getting Monza flashbacks during the Charlos battle, since I was absolutely terrified they were going to kill each other off. And Charles must be the single unluckiest man on this goddamn planet. I know he's partial to a lock up every now and then, but that car was trying to kill him. How does he always have some sort of problem? And why do they always reply with 'We are checking'?! Infuriating. How can he go from having a perfectly good car less than 24 hours ago, to suddenly having brake problems during the first race of the bloody season!?Very nice with fighting George though, that was lovely. This man's quali pace is absolutely mental, as well. A 1.29.165 compared to Max's 1.29.190 might not sound like a lot, but pushing that Ferrari past the rocket ships fastest quali laps is mental. It's so impressive. Hoping for some more poles we can turn into wins. Overall, very impressed with the Scuderia today, if they keep it up and Checo crashes and burns like he did last season, we might have some fights for some more podiums... and hopefully another win. Oh yeah and fastest pit stop. Good job guys.

Mercedes - Can someone please tell me what was going on there? George started off really nicely, but then the pace just dropped and dropped and dropped and Charles overtook him pretty easily, even with brake problems, although George did lock up. And then he dropped back off Charles even more once he was in front. Lewis had battery problems, but then there weren't any problems, he had just used it too much, but then he did have problems so I don't have a scooby doo about what that was about. And his seat broke... I kinda laughed at that, I can't lie. Pretty average performance from both, expected more from Lewis, especially since he was predicted pole-sitter.

McLaren - They were definitely the team I heard the least of this race. I think the overtakes on Fernando were very nice, but I don't really have much to comment on because I never really saw much from Lando or Oscar. They were kinda just... there. They aren't quite where they were at the end of last season, but I think they can come back to fighting for the top spots pretty quickly.

Aston Martin - Fernando just let people go past him, and I understand it since he didn't want to push and get his engine to overheat. But, I don't really think Fernando Alonso is a 9th place driver, if I'm being totally honest. The Aston is either really good, or below where it should be, and it can change on a whim. It's a very strange car. I do feel bad for Lance though. That collision with Nico at the start wasn't his fault, but I think the lack of pace would have hindered him anyway. I don't really think that it mattered that he finished behind Fernando, since I think Lance had less pace overall from the Nico incident, even if it wasn't by much. But I would like to know why he had such a nice lap at the start of Q2, then by the end it was elimination worthy times. Like I said, the Aston changes on a whim.

Kick Sauber - Right, I'll start off with Valtteri. What the hell was that pitstop can someone please help that poor man and the wheel nuts! That was a travesty. I guess he just likes his really long pistops, but it also definitely screwed up his race. Ending up 40 seconds behind the rest of the pack is far from ideal, but it wasn't as bad as someone's technical issue (see Williams section for more detail ☠). Honestly, I think Valtteri is just pulling a Kimi. Drive until you want to, if you do shit it's OK, if you do well, great job. Not complaining though. Now, Guanyu Zhou, that was a very lovely drive. The car isn't where the top teams are, and they make up the top 10 anyway, so P11 is a very good, and he had a very nice race over all.

Haas - Kevin was just... Kevin, you know? He completed the backmarkers bench, and had a lovely time while doing it. Lucky not to get overtaken by Daniel at the end, but I really can't think of a time where Kevin has really stood out apart from the wonder of Brazil Qualis 2022. Oh, and the shaved legs. Now, onto the man himself, Nico Hulkenberg. There was no way he was doing any better than 10th in Q3, so props to him for even getting there to begin with. The collision with Lance was uncalled for, and then from there he kinda screwed himself over. He could've easily kept 10th, maybe 11th with Stroll in a faster car and stayed there, but no. He did a Nico thing. I don't even know how to explain what that is, but dying his hair blonde for the Barbie movie fits into that category.

VCARB/RB/REDBULLSHITTYEDITION - Here I was thinking that the RB would be a best of the rest car. Boy was I wrong. Again, I didn't really see much of Yuki or Daniel, apart from that horrendous shit show at the end. Yuki was fuming, Daniel didn't sound overly enamoured, and he didn't have time to overtake Kevin anyway, so it was pointless. Didn't do anything in regards to points, so that is helpful. I feel like RB will favour Daniel because he is the more experienced of the two, but whatever they did today was a bad call, in my opinion. It should have been earlier so that Daniel (and then maybe Yuki) could have overtaken Kevin. Yuki is very funny, yet scary when he's mad though.

Williams - Deary me that was not a good start to the season. The new steering wheels were a bad idea, and Logan's just decided it didn't want to play racing car today and sent the poor guy five years behind the rest of the pack. I can't really comment on his racing this week, since he wasn't really doing much racing... he just had to let the front runners past, which isn't his fault at all. Pulled some nice quali laps, in Q1, even if he was eliminated. On a good day, Alex Albon is a points scoring, very very good driver, even in a car that is definitely not supposed to get him there. Today was not that day. One minute he was there, the next he was P15. Poor guy, honestly. This week just wasn't his week.

Alpine - Right, don't yell at me, but this is funny as hell. Alpine being so shit is just so funny to me I don't know why. Nothing against Pierre and Estie Bestie, but it just sends me. Are they going to pull a McLaren? I don't think so, but they can give it a good go. I don't know why the car is so shit, but it just is and there is nothing anyone can do for next week, and the guys at the factory are probably scrambling to try and fix it. I do like the pink writing on their graphics, it's very nice. And at least they occupy 2 slots in the Q1 elimination zone so that my boys can probably get through, even if they do shit in qualis (please not another S-pain incident I beg).

I think next time I'll do a quali recap and a race recap, so that I don't have bits of each sprinkles throughout. And here is to the first of our 2024 season! 🍾🎇

#f1 #formula 1 #bahrain gp 2024 #bahrain grand prix #ferrari #ferrari f1 #mercedes #red bull #red bull f1 #mclaren #mclaren f1 #aston martin #kick sauber #haas f1 team #visa cashapp racing bulls #vcarb #rb #williams racing #alpine f1

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inkheart01 · 3 years

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The Crossover conundrum

Or the DOOM x EFTS crossover nobody but I was interested in

Alternative title: Someone builds a dimensional hole puncher and the first one thru is Doomguy

I'll edit when I have enough brainpower to make words do the pretty thing. Bonapitete. Enjoy. Here's my disaster. adios

The day started like any other, though Calle didn’t know whether to call it day, night, dawn or dusk, or everything and anything in between considering she was floating around in a giant warship in some sector of the galaxy that she had no possible way to pronounce. She took pride in knowing that she was the furthest human away from Earth. No, that was a lie. Last she had checked, Jade was on the other side of the ship. But still, the sentiment was valid.

A rough blow to her shin spurred the young woman out of her stupor. She whipped towards the culprit, who was buried half under a giant ring, deep in the guts of the mechanism. Calle didn’t know what it was and didn’t want to.

Jemma pushed herself out from the behemoth, signing for a helping hand before clambering back under, pale face stained with dirt and mousy hair slick from sweat.

Calle reached towards the nearby mess of supply’s, handing Jemma exactly what she had asked for.

Which meant that moments later, she had front row seats to watch as the girl channelled her inner high schooler and rocket out from under the ring, tossing the literal hand with all the strength and speed of a professional pitcher.

And then she came for Calle, going straight for the talkers ankles as she ran, laughing and crying in mad glee.

Almost lost in the cacophony of joy, the machine beeped loudly, once, twice, three times.

Then it screamed.

Bathing the room in a violent red glow, it sprung to life, gears and cogs churning as it wailed, beeping and flashing in a wild symphony of horror.

The two girls sprung to action, Calle slamming the button to the intercom, screaming over the chaos as Jemma lunged towards the beast, twisting knobs and levers in a mad attempt to silence it. Time seemed to drag on ph so slowly as the two battled against the towering ring, desperate to quell it before the ship tore in half from its quakes.

They almost missed the door shuddering open like a camera, an influx of children and aliens pouring into the room and into action.

Jade was still in her flight suit, and Calle briefly realised that she would have to apologise again. The self-proclaimed pilot never got to fly.

Ian raced to help Jemma with the controls alongside Rochelle and Hunter, the towering aliens orange complexion drowned out by the violent red.

The only one who seemed to sink deeper into the glow was Max, who, alongside Hayley and Bayley and Adam, took up defensive positions around the machine, guns drawn and ready for anything that emerged.

The rest, Calle, Jade, Eviee and Maeve rushed to tear into the machine but were forced back by another shudder.

Which meant that the whole of the Lazarus’ VIP crew had first-class access to the portal swirling with a sickening green, and a metal giant emerging.

Towering and frightening, the human emerged from the portal, shotgun at the ready and so impossibly imposing.

Clad in green armour, the man was a sight.

And then he charged. Far too fast for anything human, he barrelled past Jade, past Ian and Adam. Straight for the triplets standing guard.

Calle cried out a warning, unable to help as the siblings leapt aside, followed closely by the man.

And then, almost in slow motion, the door opened again, revealing the tiny shape of Emily, bathed in light. She stood with her bear clutched tight, eyes wide and searching. “Teddy?”

And the man froze, turning to the six-year-old in shock.

Taking the moment of opportunity, Max lunged, all 11feet and 4inches of alien crashing into the man like a freight train.

But the man was quicker, spinning out of the Rashikk’s way. But he didn’t account for the aliens head-tail.

Quick as a whip, the length shot forward, desperately trying to wrap around his armoured neck, but with little luck. And so Max lunged again, dodging the arm blade and pulling the man to the floor with a strength that anyone who had seen a Rashikk fight, would know was a mere fraction of their might.

And anyone who knew Max, also knew that he was just waiting for an opportunity to unleash hell.

And that presented itself in the armoured man on the floor, who, with startling strength, pushed the alien off and lunged for his Shotgun, the weapon having been knocked aside in the calamity.

But Adam was faster, nimble and quick, he scrabbled for the gun, tossing his rifle to Calle who easily slid into his place, gun aimed at the man and finger on the trigger. Adam slid under the man's arm, gun in hand as the warship lurched.

The armoured man slid, unaccustomed to Vivaane’s piloting, or the alarming nimbleness of the Lazarus, and Max took the opportunity to force the man's helmet off and knocking him out in the process.

Hours later, after the crews buzzing had died down, Captain Kalishnamara strode was not the medical wing, intent on finding out what the incident was this time.

But nothing could prepare her for what she saw when the doors opened.

Eight humans flitted around the room, Emily was perched on Max’s bed, bear in her lap as she laughed at her adopted father's antics. Eviee and Jemma, ever the scientists, were drilling into the half armoured man confined to the room, a dark robot at his side, translating. Jade, Rochelle and Ian were watching, transfixed as the Rashikk triplets tried and failed to beat Adams score for the fastest time to take apart and re-assemble a gun.

And then there was the Askiir, Maeve, the one she trusted the least, who was hovering nervously around Eviee. She had nothing against him personally, but when one gas the ability to manipulate emotions, there will always be a slight distrust, at least in her experience, Eviee seemed fine with the lanky bug.

Jade was the first to notice Kalishnamara and snapped to attention seconds before everyone else, bare the two newcomers, and Emily who was using the wrong hand, but no one held that against her, and if they did, the Lazarus fleet was always ready for a hunt.

“At ease. Alright, I’ll keep it simple. Someone’s already given me the incident report and I’ll get around to it when I have the patience”, Eviee made quick work of translating the Rashikk’s odd symphony of clicks and whistles that made up their spoken language. “All I want to know is if there is a body count”

“Not today”, Bayley answered cheekily, earning a laugh from those in the room that could understand, and leaving the last two to Waugh’s for Eviee translation.

“Good. Let’s keep it that way a little longer”, finally moving from the doorway, she stalked towards the newest members of her VIP crew, noting something peculiar in the way they communicated.

Leaning down as not to be overheard, she motioned to Jemma. “You both speak in the language of hands, yet you cannot understand each other without translations. Why is this?”. Though she was still not fluent in Jemma’s hand language, she understood enough of the basics to cobble together a sentence.

‘Different hand language. Different Home’

“I see. Thank you”. The captain rose to her full height, and the man glared, unknowingly annoyed at feeling oddly small not once, nor twice, but three times since coming through the portal. Was this what everyone else felt when he walked past?

Eviee dutifully translated the aliens oddly melodic language, a strange sound to come from creatures so adept at war.

“On behalf of the Crew and Residents, I welcome you aboard the Lazarus” the robot thanked her, introducing himself and the man. Flynn and Vega. Odd names, but who was she to judge. “I am Captain and Fleet Commander Kalishnamara. But you may call me Lisa. It is a nickname, as I am told.

“You will be regarded as VIP guests while aboard, much like everyone in this room. Please, referring from breaking any of my men why we try to get you home. Now, any questions?”

“Just one actually”, Vega spoke up, “how can you understand them?”

It took Lisa an embarrassingly long time to realise that the robot had been talking to Eviee, who was desperately hiding her laughter from the confused Captain. But still, she managed to pull her source up and reveal the thick golden band around her bicep. “Universal translator. It hurt like hell but is incredibly useful. The downside, both speaking parties have to have one to be able to communicate.”

Flynn turned to look towards Emily, who was squealing as Max and Rochelle bickered.

“What’s the diagnosis doc?”

“You want my diagnosis? Your gonna fuckin die!”

“Don’t worry about her”, Eviee waved off the giants concern. “She doesn’t have one. We’re working on an alternative”

At that same moment, Lisa turned towards Max. “I was told that no major injuries were sustained. Why are you in Ned at?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. The beds are just comfortable”

Lisa sighed as she left the room, muttering about needing a drink. Followed by Jade, Calle, Ian and Adam, the rest of the Chaos club, two aliens, a robot and a confused mountain of a man and a six-year-old and her stuffed bear.

The day ended like any other, in that the Days without Incident board was wiped clean, five new reports were written up, and the crew was abuzz. The only new thing being that the armoury was now locked, indefinitely.

#EFTS #DOOM #God these kids #its a wonder there still fucking alive #Doomguy: Sees child #Also Doomguy: The fuck is you?#G/T #If you squint #Minigiants maybe #my writing #FUCK YEAH EFTS #Escape From The Stars

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