I’m not a stone butch myself, though am the type of service top that can happily go without. Generally if I want to be touched it’s once in a while, very gently, in between the four or so times I’m giving. Regardless, I just want to say as someone who isn’t stone that that the way you are is complete and perfect and good. I love and appreciate and know stone butches and I love and appreciate and know how important high femmes are to them. Everyone who gets all fucked about pillow princesses can’t get past their own limited perspective and understand what a relief it is for stone butches to find a high femme, to find a sexual partner that doesn’t pressure them into something they don’t really want or very very rarely want, who takes it personally, etc. I’ve seen that look of relief over beers at the bar, when a friend finally finds that genuinely liberating sex. Even for me, who isn’t stone, sex with high femmes has helped me figure out who I am and has been complete and perfect and good (so good).

I want to say that sometimes this negativity towards high femmes comes from a place of trauma. Some of us came out in small towns or otherwise stifling circumstances where our only encounters were with ostensibly straight women who found us good enough to fuck them but not good enough to fuck back. Although that’s no excuse for turning your hurt into an attack on stone identities, I also understand that hurt and I hope those people can heal.

Mostly I think it’s just entitlement. Jealousy that they find someone hot and they aren’t available to them because they don’t have sex the way they want to have sex. Too fucking bad.

I really need more people to pick up a book or look up some old zines and learn our history.

Anyway. You don’t need anyone to validate you but I really wanted to say don’t listen to those idiots.

-🧰 (this is the barbecue anon btw 😉)

oh man i’m getting kinda emotional about this…🥺 thank you so so much for reaching out, i can’t tell you how much it means to me.

the way you spoke about the relief on your stone butch friends’ faces 🥹💕 god, that’s everything. i hope i can help give someone that sense of relief and safety someday. thank you for speaking so kindly about your experiences with stone femmes, it’s validating to hear that sex with us can be complete and good in its own right.

also there’s a lot of diversity within stone and the ways we like to receive and give. for example, i have touched a partner, both directly and indirectly, to give them pleasure, and would again. i have eaten out a partner and would again. there are stone femmes who wouldn’t do those things, and they’re wonderful and sexy and skilled, but it’s weird when ppl automatically assume a stone femme won’t touch a partner below the belt in any way bc some of us do! we just do it very carefully and on our own terms. the only thing i really can’t do is penetrating a partner. dysphoria is the best word to describe the feeling it gives me. once i put on the harness as a joke and looked in the mirror and it made me nauseous lol.

and thank you so much for providing insight into the other perspective, of bad experiences with “straight” women leading to pain around lack of reciprocity in the bedroom. i know how true that is. almost every queer person i’ve ever had a deep conversation with has a story like that. it helps me to understand where this disdain comes from and to hold compassion. 💞