#and life in general I guess... seems like Brandon really went through a few things while writing this in secret.
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Sense and Sensibility Readthrough Part 20
Chapter 23, Pages 119-126
Previously, poor Elinor... four years... poor Elinor... four years...
Having given it a little thought, it occured to me that the twist from last chapter worked extremely well for something that I would have expected to occur narratively anyway. And I have complete certainty that it's because the twist went completely overboard by a shocking, twisty margin. Four years!
That's definitely something I'm keeping very close in consideration. Noted, circled and underlined. Just because the basic element of your narrative twist may be heavily foreshadowed or just predictable, doesn't mean the whole part of it has to be. There can and probably should be more than one layer of twist to your twist.
In fact, isn't this a form of misdirection in itself? Put people at ease with something that could be interpreted as simple, then throw something else out from behind it. Wait, now I'm just describing the basic element of a twist... a general principle of playing with expectations... Hmm, anyway!
Readthrough below.
Chapter 23
HOWEVER SMALL Elinor's general dependence on Lucy's veracity might be, it was impossible for her on serious reflection to suspect it in the present case,
IN THE PRESENT CASE? WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN MS. AUSTEN? Is this just a general statement about her unwillingness to question anything right in this moment? Or is it also a foreboding statement that Lucy's word will not be trustworthy in the future? Ms. Austen are you deliberately toying with me? D:
Elinor embarks aboard a long train of thought. The facts as presently established are thus:
There is altogether too much evidence of Lucy's claims being truthful; ergo they are engaged and all evidence presented is true.
She wasn't alone in believing Edward held feelings for her. Her family (supportive) and his sister (unsupportive) both acknowledged the case, so it's not any personal delusion or her own, or positive bias on the part of her family.
Trying to reconcile those two premises, she can draw various possible solutions that might satisfy both:
Eddie has been deliberately playing with her heart. :(
Eddie has unintentionally and hopelessly succumbed to Elinor's affection. :?
Eddie's engagement with Lucy was going nowhere to begin with. :/
I'm personally gonna float a fourth possibility, that Edward forgot Lucy Steele existed until she returned to his life recently to get him to fulfill his engagement promise, and now he's in a pickle. Not going easy on him though, the only scenario in which he doesn’t bear a significant burden of responsibility in this mess is the one where, iunno, Lucy’s been blackmailing him the whole time or something.
The youthful infatuation of nineteen would naturally blind him to everything but her beauty and good nature; but the four succeeding years [...] must have opened his eyes to her defects
Oh, so is this why Mr. Palmer was introduced with the following (lemme dig it up) line?
His temper might perhaps be a little soured by finding, like many of others of his sex, that through some unaccountable bias towards beauty, he was the husband of a very silly woman - but she knew this kind of blunder was too common for any sensible man to be lastingly hurt by it.
When I was reading it I thought it was coming uncharacteristically close to laying a man's responsbility over his own emotions at the feet of his wife instead (even if Mr. Palmer was immediately following diagnosed with class angst instead). I suppose the real purpose of this line would be to prep the reader, so that the possibility of hasty engagements on Edward's part seem reasonably expected, and also to, well, suggest at the possible result of such a hasty, valueless engagement being followed through?
I know there’s a Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, is there a Sense and Sensibility and Alternate Timelines?
Well, either way, I'm given to conclude that the Palmer chapter really does a lot more to set up pacing and expectations than I give it credit for. Though I still don’t think I like these particular expectations very much.
Also, Elinor, as mature as you project yourself to be, you think these thoughts of foolhardy youth as though you're not also presently nineteen right now. :'D
Also geez, you're really picking on Lucy hard for her lack of education, which has so far been presented much more a lack of opportunity than anything else. I noticed while reading the Other Stories in Susan and Stories that many of the protagonists were definitely a little on the not-like-other-girls side of the spectrum. I always love when education is valued, but it does make me uncomfortable when I see it presented as though a virtue in itself, rather than the product of opportunity and environment.
I'm still holding out on general judgement of Lucy as I haven't really felt like I've been introduced to her outside of Elinor's lens. There's a sort of tell vs. show element to reliability of information in the narrative voice I've been sitting on; one where I've been told a lot about Lucy from Elinor's feelings and thoughts (that she's artful or selfish), but I haven't actually seen Lucy behave in any way I would interpret as more than some level of insensitive.
It's really hard for me to get a read on Lucy or Edward. Unlike with Willoughby or Brandon, their actions as depicted do not immediately align with evaluations of their character made by the Dashwood sisters. Lucy has been very little shown to have done anything to earn Elinor's harsher assessments of her character (except insensitivity). Edward, I don't even know what about him I can take at any sort of face value except that he's ambitionless.
As these considerations occured to her in painful succession, she wept for him, more than for herself.
Oh, Elinor... She's worried about how Edward must feel, that his family could possibly support his engagement to Lucy when she is in a worse position than Elinor in every regard.
Supported by the conviction of having done nothing to merit her present unhappiness,
Oh, Elinor... she's rationalised away her natural freedom to be unhappy for unhappiness' sake. And she puts the mask back on. No telling her family. She will take this burden on very alone indeed.
It'll have to be up to Marianne to save her, on the day that Marianne finally throws a fit over Edward's mysterious lack of flirting. Oh, and what about their little moment chapters back where they shared a joke over Willoughby? Oh it will hurt if they ever have a real confrontation... :(
and that Marianne was internally dwelling on the perfections of a man, of whose whole heart she felt thoroughly possessed,
oH NO! Well if you're going to say that! If Edward was four years engaged then what's Willoughby going to have been? Secretly married ten years?? I forgot Marianne is still pining hard. Wait what's even going to happen when Edward and Willoughby meet as promised?
"Hi, I'm not marrying a Dashwood sister."
"Hi, it turns out I'm also not marrying a Dashwood sister."
"What was the purpose of our meeting again?"
"Breaking Dashwood hearts solidarity?"
What is even happening? Please come back Brandon, at least your secret daughter can't break hearts. Also because you can't break hearts in general because noone loves you. Wait, ouch. Sorry. Also because your daughter might become friends with Margaret!
Oh Elinor, she's also justifiably disinclined to tell her family anything anyway because she knows they'll make a gigantic deal out of it, and probably Say Things that she doesn't want to hear. I mean, almost certainly Eddie has done you dirty here Elinor, if at bare minimum through negligence in communication. He's gonna deserve some of that tongue lashing.
Well, now that Elinor has come to terms with her situation, she has new objectives. To talk to Lucy again, and in doing so:
Discover the true depth of Lucy's feelings for Edward
Estimate Edward's regard for herself by gauging Lucy's jealousy towards her (HA!)
Convince Lucy somehow that no, she was never interested in Edward, haha, what a funny joke, I am not hurt or in pain at all. Didn't have a minor breakdown in front of you yesterday, nope. Perfectly fine, no feelings here.
Ah yes, the "What doesn't kill me NEVER HAPPENED" approach. Maybe in a couple of years she might even manage to convince herself she had never loved Edward at all, or indeed, anyone ever?
Apparently for all of Sir Middleton's parties, it can be surprisingly hard to get one-on-one time. Yeah, I get that. It takes Elinor some time before she can speak to Lucy privately again: at a party Sir Middleton arranged but is not attending. Heh.
"Insipidity." That was a word I wanted for the past few days but could only remember "vapid." Also wow, the narrative is pulling no punches over how insipid, boring and generally valueless this gathering and it's conversations are. Elinor's usually polite about things but internally she has no patience anymore. She needs to talk to Lucy and everything about this party is very much Getting In The Way.
So some party shenanigans happen and Lady Middleton is very easily manipulated as usual through appeals to her motherhood, to provide space for Lucy and Elinor to talk. Lucy is trying so hard to finish a basket for little Annamaria before tomorrow you see, and Oh! It is so much work, surely Elinor needs to help her! Works like a charm, Lady Middleton lets them out of card games and leaves them right alone to chat at a worktable.
Marianne just up and ditches Lady Middleton for the piano haha, with all the grace and tact of... iunno, Marianne I guess. Zero subtlety. "I hate cards, piano time starts now." Narrative says she's lost in her own thoughts and emotions while playing, I choose to interpret that as "angrily and noisily."
But it provides the appropriate background noise cover for Elinor and Lucy to talk with some approximation of privacy, which seems to follow directly in the next chapter.
Well, this has been a chapter devoted to Elinor's processing of... last chapter. Considering the weight of some such revelations, yeah, there was a lot for Elinor to process.
I feel as though I could go on to make some observations on the differences between Elinor and Marianne's approaches to processing heartbreak, but, they're just so... comically and wholly contrastive I wouldn't know where to begin except in broad terms. Marianne lets it all out, expressing her internal turmoil to almost performative levels and with complete emotional conviction. Elinor suppresses everything she can't rationalise away, and she tries to rationalise away everything, up to and including her own personal right to be upset.
Also it seems unusual to have a chapter immediately succeed from the events of the previous chapter as the next one does, so I imagine the hits aren't slowing yet. No idea what else could come out right now though.
#1800 words#what doesn't kill elinor never happened#brandon come back#Jane Austen#Sense and Sensibility#readthrough#novels
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Happiest Day of Your Life- Chapter 1
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, AO3 (if you prefer there)
Before you start reading this series, I wanted to put a bit of a disclaimer ahead.
First of all, the idea for this series came to me at the summer prior to the 2017-2018 season, that's why at the base of it, it is a future fic. Due to its long writing process I took inspiration from the current season.
Second of all, as you may concluded from my first point, this series was a long time in the making. And for a few months my dead-line for the upload of the first chapter was at the end of the regular season. Meaning, that it was all before Covid-19 and the stoppage of the current season. That's why for the sake of the story let's just ignore the epidamic that is going on right now.
For your information, I am planning on updating a new chapter every two months. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and the series. I worked very hard on it, and I'm quite proud of it. Enjoy!
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Welcome back all the viewers from home, I'm Josh Bogorad and with me here is Brent Severyn. You are watching the SECOND OVERTIME OF GAME SIX OF THE STANLEY CUP FINALS with the traveling crew of Fox Sports Southwest. We are right here at Air Canada Center, seconds away from puck drop.
For those who are joining us right now let me just inform you that from the first second of this game the Dallas Stars and the Toronto Maple Leafs had been at each other's neck. Each team came to this game with the knowledge that tonight the Dallas Stars may potentially become the 2020 Stanley Cup Champions. This game so far had been a terrific eighty minutes of hockey, from both teams.
And now the players get positioned for the faceoff of DOUBLE OVERTIME. Each team sent their top line, and the score is two-two. Remember, if Dallas win this game they would win the series. Seguin and Matthews are at the faceoff circle aaand we're underway.
+++
Welcome back from the the T.V. break, we are at the eleven minutes mark. So far the two teams kept their consisted defensive game which we saw all throughout the game. In general Dallas had kept that consistency all season long, and just took it to the next level during the playoffs!
The referee just dropped the puck at Toronto's endzone, and Toronto won the draw easily. Matthews sent it to Hyman who sent it to Nylander. And it is one on one with only Heiskanen at the diffense. Nylander still with the puck, Trying to keep the puck tucked away. He just fired a shot, top shelf, BUT BISHOP READ THE PLAY EASILY. And the puck is now at the board and there is a little battle going on. Hintz was able to take the puck along the boards, to the center line. Reilly is after him, trying to steal the puck away. OH AND JUST NOW Reilly tripped Hintz and Hintz went flying.
The play is blown dead and it seems like Dallas will have a powerplay. This game was fairly clean up until now, and this is the second powerplay of Dallas so far this game. The first penalty was at the first period which back then Toronto was able to kill. Let's see if they will once again succeed.
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Dallas first powerplay unit is on the ice. Seguin won the faceoff, sent it to Benn AND WITH THE QUICK RELEASE, SHOT THE PUCK HARD ONTO THE NET. Andersen was able to save it, and he covered it. OH BOY, I have a feeling it's going to be an interesting shift.
Once again Seguin won the draw and Benn with the puck, searching for an opening. Now Radulov with the puck skating along the boards. He passed it to Klingberg who faked a pass to Seguin, and now is alone in front of the net. He rocketed a shot, HOWEVER ANDERSEN IS ON FIRE AND MADE THE SAVE!
Andersen sent the puck all the way to the other end where Bishop went to play the puck. Meanwhile the two teams took this opportunity to have a partial change. Bishop passed the puck to Heiskanen and let's see what they are going to do at the lasting forty two seconds.
The puck is now with Pavelski who tries to find an opening. He seemed to find none, so he sent the puck along the boards to Gurianov. Gurianov sent it to Johns who is at the blue line. OH AND HE SENT A BEAUTIFUL PASS TO PAVELSKI WHO'S WIDE OPEN. Two of Toronto's players just double teamed him in mere seconds and any good chance he might had, was gone.
There are still four seconds left for the man advantage, and it seem that also this powerplay was killed.
Holl sent the puck flying to the other end and with that end the powerplay arrived. HOWEVER DALLAS ISN'T FAST ENOUGH AND REILLY FRESH OUT OFF THE BOX IS RACING TOWARDS THE PUCK. He won the race and it's him and Marner on Bishop. Reilly still got the puck, and he's getting closer to the crease. Meanwhile the closest player of Dallas is catching up to them and he's almost at arm's reach to Marner. Reilly shot the puck, but Bishop stopped it and sent it quickly to Gurianov at the faceoff dot. Gurianov and Seguin are the players further back out of Dallas, and they are off to their own two on one against Andersen. Gurianov have a shot at the net, and Andersen saved it. BUT HE DIDN'T RECOVER FAST ENOUGH AND SEGUIN WAS ABLE TO BARRY THE PUCK TO THE END OF THE NET!!!
AND THIS IS OVER, WITH SEVEN AND A HALF MINUTES LEFT TO DOUBLE OT. THE DALLAS STARS HAD WON THE STANLEY CUP!!! IT HAS BEEN TWENTY ONE YEARS SINCE THE LAST TIME, AND TWENTY YEARS SINCE THEIR LAST APPEARANCE AT THE FINALS. YET THIS TEAM WAS ABLE TO WIN AGAINST THE TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS IN SIX GAMES TO END THE SERIES.
☆☆☆
After double-shifting (and a little more) Tyler was too exhausted to register that this goal which he just had, had ended the game. But more importantly, that they won the game and the series. That they did it! That they went all the way and won the Cup!
It really registered two seconds afterwards, when all of his team formed a ever-growing pile of white and green players. After the initial embrace he started to get pulled to one hundred and one different directions from verious teammates, all with the same goal of thanking him and to show their effection. He of course took part at the ritual like the others.
Yet, he wasn't really present in the moment. Pretty much like the rest of the playoffs, once the game had ended and his presence wasn't necessery anymore, his brain allowed itself to be occupied with different matters, much more alarming matters. Like the fact that his grandfather had been since like two weeks prior to the start of the playoffs at the hospital. About the fact that his condition hadn't improved much since then, and it became clearer and clearer that his days were counted.
During the duration of the playoffs he would fly to Toronto and drive the fifty minute drive to the hospital when he was able to. However it was always for a day at most, so it never felt enough. The organization knew about the situation, so they were understanding and accomodating. The media found out about the situation halfway through the second round, against the Blues. He was pleasently surprised to see that the majority of the players chose to respect him and not to adress it on the ice. That was honestly the only way he was able to keep his sanity during this stressful time.
During his distracted daze he kind of resurfaced as they all stood at the side, mere seconds before Bettman would announce the Conn Smythe winner and the team as the Stanley Cup Champions. He let himself be present at that moment, enjoy it. The team knew beforehand that even if the were to win this game, he would go immidiately afterwards to see his grandpa. Just like he did following every other away game of this series. When Jamie was finally awarded the Cup, he and the rest of the team were ecstatic. Jamie took a second to calm himself, and then he hoisted the Cup and took off with it.
Tyler didn't really let himself imagine before hand what it would be like if they won the Cup, out of some absord superstition. Yet everytime that he had thought about it, he didn't guess that after Jamie's lap he would be the second out of the team to hoist the Cup above his head. That's why he was a bit surprised when Jamie handed him the Cup.
During his surprise he still instinctively reached for the Cup. However he searched for many of the older guys who hadn't had the chance to touch the Cup beforehand. He was able to catch Cameu's eyes. He wasn't sure what he expected to see exactly, but when Cameu's only reaction was a "Go on" motion with his hand while having a face splitting grin, he felt relaxed and happily hoisted the Cup above his head.
It may had been his second opportunity to have a victory lap with the Cup, however this time he felt like he trully diserved it. This run was so different from the run with Boston as a rookie in the legue. That was why every emotion and sensation felt so much stronger than last time. The feeling of the ice beneath his skates, the crowd screaming with so many fans who got there all the way from Dallas just to show their support, the wind which ruffled his hair, and the most intoxicating loop of his his and his teammates (who were basically family at that point) screaming and cheering.
The only similarity was the fact that it still was hands down the lightest fifteen pounds he ever held above his hand. At least up until the point where he saw his uncle, Brandon, standing at the end of the tunnel near a police officer. In mere seconds he felt like he was holding a ton of bricks above his head. Then he was curious about how he was able to do so if all his blood left his body. It took him a few calming breaths to gather himself enough for the impanding news. The daze once again took over as he gave the Cup to the next player (he honestly couldn't tell you who it was) and skated towards his uncle.
On his way over numerous reporters tried to stop him for an interview. He didn't care and just blantantly ignored them. Once he reached Brandon the first thing out of his mouth was "Grandpa died. Didn't he?"
He watched as his uncle's throat worked on nothing, while looking genuanly moments away from crying. It was unsetteling, so Tyler gave him free range as calling the shots. Brandon then just looked questionably at the officer. Only after getting whatever answer he was waiting for, he reached forward and put a reassuring hand on Tyler's back and said "Let's go to some place quiet ".
Tyler understood why it was hard on Brandon this all situation, especially with his mission. But Tyler still kind of wanted to rip the band-aid off, and not delay it any further. Eventually Tyler did step off the ice, slipping away from the mayhem towards the locker room. During the quiet walk he tried to appreciate the last few ignorant seconds before hearing how his grandpa passed away.
Inside the locker room all the noise from the ice felt like a million yards away. The only noise still aavailable was heard as a gentle barely there echo. Tyler sat down in his stall, taking how his uncle took the neighboring stall of his and the officer mirrored his action and took the stall on the other side of him. As they sendwiched him in he tried to ignore the chills that ran down his spine. Their seriousness let his anxious mind come up with much more tragic situations than the most likely reality. At that moment he really wanted to rip the Band-Aid. So he tilted his body to the right, in the direction of his uncle and practically bagged him to tell him what happened. After a whole minutes where he was met with maddening silence he half-shouted "Brandon, come on I'm a big boy, you can tell me what happened. I can deal with the bad news".
And that was when his uncle lost it completly. Brandon just started to cry histerically. Brandon was never really emotional guy so it really effected Tyler to see him like that. Instinctively he reached over to hug his uncle. Generally all throughout that stressful time Tyler hadn't really reached out to his extensive family. It was out of selfish reasons and his wishes to not fuck up with the team playoff's run. However, during the hug he felt bad for not realizing how badly the whole family was coping for the past few months.
Usually, Brandon was about an inch taller than Tyler, but currently with Tyler still dressed in full gear and skates he was taller and could feel the tears soaking up the collar of his jersey. At some point during the embrace Brandon opened his mouth and tried to tell Tyler the news. After three attempts of him never getting past the first two words, Tyler realized the simple fact-something else had happened.
With that realization a tsunami of encompassing dread washed all over his body. After a few deep breaths he turned to the officer and asked politely for what happened. Up until that moment he hadn't really paid much attention to the officer, his uncle was the main attention grabber. But now he was able to focus on the officer. The officer was a large tall man who wore a sad face and fidgeted with his wedding ring, a nervous tick Tyler recognized from various past and present teammates. Tyler looked closely to the way the officer rose to his full frame and nervously coughed two times before actually opening his mouth.
"Hello, I'm Officer Thompson and I'm sorry to inform you that earlier this evening there had been an accident. A fatal car accident I might had, which sadly left no survivors from both involved vehicles…"
Officer Thompson paused after that, obviously waiting for Tyler's reaction. However Tyler hadn't reacted in the way Officer Thompson expected. His initial reaction was to start taking deep breaths. He thought that maybe it would calm him down. Although it didn't really help in calming him down, he kept taking them. Well until he litterally felt like he was on the cusp of hyperventilation. Then and only then he turned to Brandon, who during Officer Thompson speech detached himself from Tyler's front. He studied Brandon closely and then stated more than asked "All of them died on the way to the hospital?"
Tyler was present to catch the affirmative nod to his mind blowing question, but since then he wasn't really conscious to the surrounding of his. He just spaced out and tried to grasp the idea that his mother, father and sisters, whom he all saw a few hours prior, before he had to go to the arena and them to grandpa, were all gone. At the time he was a little bummed that none of them would be present at the game, yet he tried to remind himself that they were going to watch the game with grandpa and the rest of the family. But now he just felt numb with the realization that he would never get to see them again.
He resurfaced partially when Brandon started to talk about what happened, from their perspective. By the end of the story he also learned that grandpa passed away as well.
Hearing about grandpa's passing was the last straw and before he registered it he had started crying. At first mildly until it developed into full-body sobs. Following that, Brandon manhandled him into a bone crushing hug while whispering encouraging words directly into his ear. Yet, Tyler couldn't hear a thing past the deafening ringing in his ears.
He stayed in Brandon's embrace even after his full-body shudders stopped. It was comforting and safe, so he stayed like that up until they heard the locker room's doors getting opened. Once he indeed heard foreign footsteps inside of the room he quickly raised his head from Brandon's shoulder, actually fast enough for him to get a head rush. It was a mild side affect in his rush to hide what he was doing. Yet, it didn't help him with understanding what Miro wanted out of him. It took him awhile, but at last he understood what was expected out of him. So he just rose to his feet, absent mindedly glad that it hadn't occurred to him to get out of the uniform. He shot a quick "Be right back" to his uncle and followed Miro through the locker-room back to the ice.
In his clarification to the team about his action after the game he did say that he would stick around for the team picture. So he didn't blame Miro for taking him back to the chaos. Miro, the wonderfull human being that he was, sensed his lack of social ability and left him to his own thoughts. And that was how they got to the team, who pretty much arranged itself for the photo. Jamie was in the front, and called him over for an open spot right next to him. However, Tyler just ignored him and stood at the outskirt of the group. He didn't want to ruin thar day for the team. So he tried to play it cool, while putting his best effort of a smile (it was a grimace) and waited for the pictures to end. At the end he could feel himself beginning to tear up again, yet he couldn't stop himself. From the happiest day of his life it just turned to living hell.
On his way back to the tunnel Coach caught up to him and followed him back to the locker room. Tyler wasn't in the mood to speak, so he just waited for Coach Bowness to speak. That's why they remained silent up until the locker room's door. Once inside, Coach started talking.
"I'm sorry for just now, we were lining up for the picture when some of the guys noticed your absence and insisted on calling you, despite my best efforts."
Coach paused while Tyler mumbled something that resembled "It's fine", yet he wasn't too sure. Afterwards Coach just looked at Tyler for a long moment until he pulled him into a tight hug. Still at the embrace Tyler heard him talk.
"Your uncle told me what happened. It's awful to hear about it, and the organization is there for you with whatever you need".
To that Tyler mumbled a silent "Thanks".
Coach seemed satisfied with his speech, because from there he went on to some logistical points. Tyler didn't really care, yet he appreciated Coach directness. They agreed that they would let the team celebrate uninterrupted tonight, and tomorrow Coach would gather them together and tell them the news.
After that it wasn't long until Coach left and Tyler was once again alone with Brandon and Officer Thompson. He headed to his stall and midway through Brandon got up and said "We'll wait for you outside, at the hallway. Shower fast and then Officer Thompson will drive us to the hospital".
It was for sure the quickest shower of his entire life, yet he didn't care. Ten minutes later he was in the hallway, dressed in street clothes with only the essential stuff on him. The rest he left for someone else to deal with.
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Throughout the drive Tyler stubbornly looked out the window, focusing on the ever changing landscape (during the day at least) and keeping his mind as blank as possible. He fairly succeeded once they got out of Toronto and continued through the province. Yet with every passing kilometer the realization that they were one kilometer closer to the destination started to haunt him.
Their arrival to the hospital would mark the finality of the situation- five family members dead in one day. And Tyler didn't think he would ever be ready for that. His breathing once again picked up within the 500 meters mark from the hospital.
In the dead silence of the car he felt like the others knew what was up with him, however no one addressed his uneven breathing. Then at last, they arrived to the hospital. With his descent from the vehicle he kind of took a stumble, not a serious one. In other situation it would be nothing at all, but now he was too dizzy to righten himself in time, resulting in his fall. It wasn't a hard fall, however Brandon within seconds lifted him from the ground. He also did a once over to make sure that Tyler was fine.
Tyler was kind of occupied with being dizzy and light headed to care about whether or not he hurt himself with that fall and on whether or not he hurt himself. Apparently he right palm was bleeding a bit and Brandon tried to make a fuss out of it. However Tyler couldn't care less about a little bit of blood so he just said "It's just a cut, it will stop bleed in a minute".
It seemed to satisfy Brandon to not worry about the hand, but then he found something else to fixate on.
"Ty, are you alright? You look unwell".
And to that Tyler didn't have an answer, so he just shrugged and replied with one word "Dizzy". In response Brandon led him to a bench by the hospital's entrance. Once Tyler sat down Brandon repositioned Tyler's head between his legs and coached him through his breathing until he felt better. When he was aware of himself, Tyler just sat there for a few minutes, content to just postpone his entrance as long as he could. Brandon sat next to him, resting a reassuring hand around his shoulders.
After what felt like ages Brandon just nudged him and said "Come on, time to face the music".
Tyler wanted to disagree, however he resignedly stood up and headed for the entrance.
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Fic-Mas Bonus Round: Hybrid, Again
Yeah, I lied XD Christmas Eve bonus round! And because everyone seemed really enthusiastic about this fic, I picked two chunks of Hybrid for you all. (And if I were to consider Fic-Mas: NYE Edition, I’d definitely like to know what you would all like more of - your choices are more Hybrid, any of the Unexpected Second Life fics, All These Broken Things, or seeing if I can dig up something from Memento Mori.)
Onwards!
(This happens before Jasper bites Alice, after Alice’s first day at Forks High.)
Dinner that night was quiet – Dad and Simon seemed worried about my first day of school when I hadn’t reported making loads of friends, and loving everything about Forks High; I had chosen to omit my interactions with Edward Cullen and Rosalie Hale when they asked.
Cynthia did most of the talking during the meal, and was slowly painting me a picture of her life – she was a good student, very popular, and loved any sort of club or co-curricular. Definitely a joiner. And absolutely bursting with excitement to start ninth grade next year, and finally be in high school.
“So, who did you hang out with today?” Cynthia finally turned to me. Her dinner plate was barely touched – she’d been talking too much to eat – whilst I was on my second helping.
“I didn’t,” I said, stabbing a piece of carrot.
“Really?” Cynthia frowned. “Who did you sit with at lunch?”
I wanted to smile at her middle-school view of the world. As if there was nothing more horrifying than sitting alone at lunch. And then I wanted to punch something because in a town this small, Cynthia probably had more friends at Forks High than I would ever have, and she was only fourteen.
“I went to the library. I need to catch up in a few subjects,” I shrugged. “And the cafeteria food was really bad.”
“It’s nice to know that things don’t change,” Simon chuckled. “Forks High always made the worst mac and cheese known to man. That stuff was a hate crime.”
“You said you weren’t behind in your classes,” Dad said to me, frowning. I guess as a teacher himself, the idea of his own daughter failing her classes was a pretty bad one, though I was a little curious why Cynthia and I attended a local public school when Dad taught at a fancy private school.
“Just a chapter or two in Algebra, and I think a little in Biology,” I said. “Nothing that I can’t get caught up in.”
“Okay, but if you find yourself overwhelmed or really behind, we can get you a tutor over the summer,” Dad said. “I looked over your transcripts, there are some gaps in your schoolwork we’ll have to address at some point.”
That was a polite way of putting it. There weren’t gaps in my schoolwork, there were great gaping holes. Even from before Mom died. But afterwards, there was foster care, time on the streets, my time at the hospital – I don’t think I ever technically attended sixth or eighth grade.
“You have your doctor’s appointment in the morning, Alice,” Simon jumped in. “I had an in with the best doctor in town, and he agreed to see you tomorrow first thing. Just so we can get your medications sorted.”
“Great,” I said unenthusiastically. Another doctor, paging through my endless file claiming I was completely bat-shit nuts. I knew I’d been living on borrowed time as far as medical intervention went. There was an entire pharmacy of psychiatric meds locked up in Dad and Simon’s room that the hospital had sent with me.
Simon had been overwhelmed by the sheer number of them, and the three pages of contradictory instructions, that he’d decided not to drug me until we spoke to a doctor in Forks. Which was definitely a good thing, since the medications the hospital had me on left me drooling into my pillow most of the time.
Or screaming for help.
“Carlisle is a really good doctor,” Simon said kindly, obviously seeing the look on my face. “Actually, an amazing doctor. Way better than we should be able to get out in the sticks. And he’s a good person – he won’t do anything that doesn’t sound right to him, and you’re comfortable with. I promise.”
“Everyone says that,” I said, suddenly full and wishing I hadn’t eaten quite so much. “They say, ‘We just want what’s best for you, Mary-Alice’. Then they find out I stabbed a doctor and they can’t sedate me fast enough.”
Rice fell out of Cynthia’s mouth when I said that. “You stabbed someone?” she said, her eyes wide.
“Cynthia,” Dad warned, but all eyes were on me.
Cynthia ignored him. “Why?” she asked, leaning forward. And I felt it, like something physical that wrapped itself around me. The memories; the fear and complete hopelessness. It was like I was being smothered. As if my ghosts weren’t already carved into my skin permanently, where everybody could see.
“Cynthia, enough,” Simon said sternly.
“No one ever cares about the why,” I said softly, looking at the placemats, a swirling pattern of orange and red. I remembered doing it, grabbing the little plastic scalpel, slashing from his ear to his chin, and being dragged away. Being drugged, strapped down and ignored, like some kind of animal; nobody ever asked me why I’d done such a thing, just assuming that it was my fault. “Can I be excused?”
“Certainly,” Dad said, looking worried. “Do you want us to bring you up some dessert?”
“Key-lime pie,” Simon offered. “My mom made it, so not quite as good as mine, but still worthy.”
I shook my head. “No thanks.”
I slipped out of the dining room and upstairs, pausing on the stairwell to hear Dad and Simon lecturing Cynthia about pushing too hard and asking too many questions. That I had had a very hard life, whilst hers had been comfortable and happy.
Sometimes, everything that had happened hit me like a truck, and I just… I kind of just went through the motions. Locked every emotion down so that I didn’t have to deal with any of it. The pain, the terror, the complete misery. It was easier just to feel nothing.
I showered and climbed into bed, the scent of flowers wrapping around me. I thought about asking Simon for one of my sleeping pills, but that required energy and interaction, neither were things that I was up for.
Instead, I just curled into a ball and pretended to sleep when Dad and Simon checked on me, separately, later. I didn’t manage to fall asleep until much later, after everyone else had gone to bed, slipping into soupy dreams of white rooms and not being able to move.
And then the dreamscape changed, clicking into place.
A vision.
There was no specific way I could tell the difference between a dream and a vision of the future, but I always knew the difference. I had no control over them – some nights, it would be an unending string of visions to wade through, and then nothing for weeks at a time. Mom had tried everything, but there was no way to instigate them, or to choose who or what I would see. Whatever my gift was, it did what it wanted.
I was in a living room with fancy art on the walls, and a piano in the entry way.
The vampires were gathered there – Rosalie Hale and curly haired bear-man were seated on the couch, though she looked agitated enough to jump up and pace at any second. A slightly older woman with light brown hair was seated at a small writing desk, tapping away at a laptop absently, with her attention on the group; Edward Cullen was standing with a light-haired man in front of an actual marble fireplace. And the blonde-boy was sitting in the window, staring out into the night.
“Does she know?” the man asked the red-headed boy with a gentle, patient manner that I wanted to like immediately.
“I don’t know,” Edward said, looking frustrated. “Her thoughts jumped around a lot. She never thought ‘vampire’. But she was alarmed by us.”
“What did you hear?” the woman asked, closing the laptop.
“At lunch, she hated the food, wasn’t particularly impressed with Forks in general, happier to be with her father and his family that she’d admit to herself. Then it was alarm bells, her trying to work out an escape plan. She was very, very concerned about Bella and her safety.”
“She warned Bella, verbally,” Rosalie pointed out. “To be careful.”
“Hm. And you had a class with her? Was she well then?” the man asked Edward.
“Distressed. She had scars that were seen by others when she was changing. Bella said that they were ‘bad’, over her back and her thighs. The other girls were focusing on a particularly nasty one on the back of her leg, so I don’t know the extent. I heard something about a hospital, and when I mentioned hospitals in passing, she became agitated.”
“I spoke with her step-father, and he expressed concern over her psychological state. Apparently, she’s had a history of mental illness and abuse, and he wanted someone he trusted to see her and work out how to help,” the man said. “From her records, she’s quite disturbed, though he repeatedly assured me that her behavior has been absolutely normal since she arrived.” The man looked over at the boy in the window. “Jasper, did you notice anything?”
He looked over. “Curiosity, agitation, worry, depression – the usual teenage maelstrom,” he said slowly, disinterestedly.
“If she’s mentally unbalanced, it wouldn’t be hard to stage an ‘accident’,” Rosalie said archly. “We wouldn’t even have to move; it could just be one of those things. She wouldn’t be much of a loss.”
“Would be pretty rough on her family,” the big guy murmured, holding his hands up when Rosalie shot him a look. “Just sayin’, Rose. She only just got here.”
“I don’t think we need to worry about her that much, just yet,” the man said finally. “It’s always a possibility, but Edward, you didn’t hear her identify us; some humans are just more in-tune to their instincts. And there’s a possibility that her medical status can be used to our advantage if she becomes a problem.”
“What about Bella?” Edward asked immediately.
“If Bella could befriend her, that would allow you more access to what she’s thinking. That would be enough for the time being,” he concluded. “At a rough guess, I doubt Mary-Alice Brandon is going to pose much of a problem.”
Edward spun around to Jasper, a glare on his face. “Really?” he snapped.
“What?” the woman stood up, looking worried. I wondered if that was her default state of being.
“He thinks she smelt delicious,” Edward spat.
“Another singer?” the man stepped forward, looking downright alarmed.
Jasper heaved a sigh and shook his head. “No, nothing like that,” he said, in that slow, dull manner. “Just a stray thought. Nothing will happen, I promise.”
“Maybe Bella should stay away for a few days,” Edward said grouchily, still giving Jasper a filthy look.
“Leave him alone, Edward,” Rosalie snapped.
“Please, like you wouldn’t break him into little pieces if he slipped up again,” Edward snapped back, and Jasper rolled his eyes and stood up to leave.
“Are we done?” he asked, and when the man nodded, he left the room, leaving the others to bicker in peace; everyone slowly faded away as my vision turned back into my dreams.
//
(This scene is far in the future - like Ch 13. This thing is The Slowest Burn.)
My pitching was clearly stronger than they anticipated; at least, the surprise on Emmett’s face as the ball smacked into the palm of his hand implied so. It obviously wasn’t as impressive as the pitches thrown by Rosalie or Jasper, but still better than they expected.
Of course, once all the Cullens acquiesced to my participation in the baseball game, Edward vocally encouraged Bella to join in as well.
“If Alice is playing, Bella can play,” was his argument, whilst Bella stood at his side, looking uncomfortable. Hell, she always looked uncomfortable. I wondered if anyone had ever introduced her to the concept of sweatpants and ice cream.
“Alice is less likely to drop dead if she takes a fastball to the face,” Rosalie scowled. I eyeballed the blonde; that statement felt very much like Rosalie was trying to work out how to dispose of me.
“Fractured skull at best,” I agreed serenely.
“Bella is still rehabbing her leg, Edward,” Carlisle said gently.
--
It happened in a second; the ball sailed from Edward’s hands, and Bella swung. She swung too early, and the ball flew past and cracked her across the face. I heard her gasp of pain, of the blood that seeped from her nose instantly, the sound of the bat hitting the soft ground.
And I looked around to see five hungry vampires staring at the blood that was pouring from her nose, Bella’s hands cupped over her face.
Esme and Rosalie were backing away; Esme’s face was concerned but strained, whilst Rosalie’s was blank – her attention was on Emmett, who had taken two steps forward before retreating, his eyes completely black.
Edward and Carlisle were focused on Bella – a broken nose was one of the few injuries I hadn’t sustained over the years, but I could tell from Bella’s reaction that it was excruciatingly painful. The smell of blood was beginning to affect me, I couldn’t imagine how hard it would be for…
For Jasper.
I looked over and he was still standing there, completely still.
If I had thought that he had looked feral the night that he attacked me, I was mistaken. He had still looked human then – sinister, terrifying and dangerous but still essentially human.
Now I was glimpsing the monster behind the man.
His eyes were, somehow, blacker than Emmett’s, and dull. His face was completely devoid of any kind of emotion, his gaze focused on Bella. I could picture his muscles tensing for the attack, and with a sick feeling, realized that Bella probably wouldn’t be the only one hurt today. No one else had picked up on Jasper’s intentions yet, and I was incredibly aware that I couldn’t stop him.
But I could certainly slow him down.
I darted across the field, my hair whipping across my face, and flung myself at Jasper, my arms wrapping around his waist. It didn’t escape my notice that this was the closest we had gotten physically, and I was trying to stop him committing murder.
“Please don’t, please don’t,” I chanted to myself. “Jasper! Stop it!” I finally cried out as he began to move forward, dragging me with him, and Edward finally looked up at the sound of my voice.
Jasper shook me off fairly easily, without looking down, and I knew I had to go into full fight-mode; it didn’t matter who or what Jasper was to me, I had to pull him back from killing Bella.
My leg shot out, and whilst Jasper stumbled for a second, but righted himself. I could hear Emmett and Rosalie yelling in the background, and when I looked around, Jasper’s fist came out of nowhere and caught me in the side of the head. For a second, I was seeing stars, and then I was back – Jasper had managed to get Emmett and Edward tangled in each other, Rosalie and Esme were hovering between where Carlisle stood with Bella.
#TwilightFicMas2019#twilight fic#twilight#alice cullen#jasper hale#cullen family#my writing#my fic: hybrid#surprise bonus round#jalice#alicexjasper
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Classic Josh: The Best Thank-You Note EVER
Originally posted in December 2003
Small note - So, I had I few problems with an order at work. I actually wrote this and sent this in to the supervisor of the three poor, unsuspecting service representatives that were force to deal with me. I'm told it had been passed around the whole office within three days of sending it, and was printed out on a poster and mounted on the wall of their customer service center.
To Whom it May Concern:
My name is Josh, and I'm the Purchasing Agent at the <Workplace>.
Almost a month ago, I purchased your 46" Lane Bi-fold Executive desk and hanging Keyboard tray from Staples National Business Advantage. When it arrived, I had a tray. I had the top of the Desk. I was missing four legs for said table.
No problem, I thought...these things happen. I alerted their Customer Service, explained my problem, and they agreed to pick up the limbless desk and bring me a new one.
I waited, again, and soon enough, the new desk arrived. Guess what? Still no legs.
After what I felt was an extremely warranted session of cursing, I got back on the phone with Staples and attempted to reason with them without crying, whining, or otherwise throwing a hissy fit. I was successful with controlling my behavior, but not with finding any kind of solution...they told me they had done all they could, gave me your company's phone number, and told me I would have to take it up with your people.
So, I called on July 17th, timid and fearful, hoping that I would meet with kind and useful souls who could help me with my tragic lack of desk legs. I talked with Brandon, who, in a matter of minutes, had everything in hand, told me that an order had been placed, and that I would see my new legs in 5 business days.
I was relieved, and proceeded to move on with my life, which is usually far less wrapped up in concern over table legs.
Cut forward to yesterday. Author's note - Monday was 7 business days later.
I start receiving calls from the Director of our Marketing department, curious as to why her people have no legs for the desk of their brand-new multimedia center. She expressed even louder curiosity in what my proposed response would be to this dilemma. This distressed me greatly, as I am a simple, peaceful soul, who goes to great lengths to keep such exalted individuals such as Department Directors from taking personal interests in his affairs.
Once again, I flew to the phone and spoke to your representative Justin. He agreed that the delay did seem a bit odd, and promptly supplied me with the UPS tracking number for the package containing to legs.
Filled with gratitude, I thanked him, and flew to the UPS website to find the package's location. I then discovered UPS had no idea where the package was. They knew who they were supposed to bill for the package, and had already done so, but they didn't seem to see how taking money to deliver something in any way obliged them to know the item's location, or, indeed, even deliver it.
At this point, panic began to bloom at the root of my soul. I called your people back immediately and spoke to Nate. He was as surprised as I was in hearing of UPS's Zen-like "non-delivery" deliver policy, promised me that he would attempt to get to the bottom of the issue, and would call me back.
Somewhat pacified, I left for the day, feeling confident that my problems were over, that Nate would call me back, assuaging all my worries by telling me the package did, indeed, exist somewhere, and was not stuck in some forgotten delivery Limbo.
I came in today to a phone message from Nate, informing me that UPS had never picked up the package, and that it was looking like he would have to order me a new one.
This was a regrettable situation.
What made the situation MORE regrettable was the selfsame Director of Marketing from earlier in this Saga calling me roughly 43 seconds after I had finished listening to this message, demanding an update. I (reluctantly) informed her of all the current facts of the situation.
What followed was an inelegant and barbaric dance of bureaucracy, finger-pointing, and generally throwing me under the bus. My call sheet now included not just said Director, but my boss, my boss's boss, the Vice President of Marketing, and our General Manager. Apparently, they all felt that the most vital thing they could do to speed up the process of my acquisition of their needed table legs was requesting explanations, full reports, and status updates for two hours.
At this point, the aforementioned panic in my soul was in full blossom, and I was seriously considering taking holy orders in a quiet, remote monastery where people take oaths of silence, and vow to never trouble themselves with earthly matters, such as wealth and desk legs.
Now, my soul wounded and my heart heavy, I could only pick up the phone and once again cast my voice, weak and tremulous, across the digital divide of phone cable and electrical pulse to your operatives' waiting ears. The ears waiting this time belonged to Nate again, who listened with what I felt was saint-like patience and angelic compassion to my heavy tale of sorrow, Vice Presidents, and woe.
I, in unmanly fashion, actually broke down and implored Nate to show mercy on my wretched self, and send the legs as swiftly as he could, whether by plane, costumed superhero, cartoon Roadrunner, or possibly even sub-atomic light speed transmission, if he had it available.
"Damn the expense," I proclaimed, "I'll pay it and more to conclude this matter."
Nate not only agreed to expedite the shipping, but he even volunteered to investigate your warehouse and see if he could lay physical hand upon the accursed legs in question, so he could verify with his own two eyes that they were packed up, picked up, and shipped, ensuring I would get them with no further delays. He told me he would call me back as soon as he had it all set.
Confident at last, I hung up the phone a new man...relieved, calm, at peace. Your representative had proven to be a balm to my soul.
"Surely," I thought to myself, "this must conclude this matter...he seems to be so sure, so dedicated to his goal of the acquisition and shipping of desk legs. Why, it would take an act of God to keep my legs from me now."
Alas... I was proven correct.
I was preparing myself to leave around 5pm (here in Tampa, so around 2pm your time, Author’s Note – the customer service center/table leg repository was in California.) when it suddenly occurred to me that I had not heard back from Nate. So calmed I had grown that I foolishly went about all the other varied and demanding business of my day, giving the savagely crucial business of the chair legs nary a further thought.
But now... now, doubt had begun to creep in, and I thought to myself, "Why, I'm sure everything fine. But wouldn't it be remiss of me if I didn't check? Can I endure another day of being the object of attention for such godlike and influential beings as Vice Presidents? No, no... I am a simple man, and long only for peace and harmony when completing my duties. Let's give Nate a call, and make sure all is well."
Resolved, I picked up the phone, waited for an answer, certain that all was well and that I would suffer not further disappointment. My call was answered, and I was once more vocally reunited with Brandon, who informed me that Nate had left for the day.
Now, I will at this point admit, not proudly, mind you, that in my heart of heart, I cursed your employees, wondering what selfish, callow excuse they could offer for not ensuring the safe and speedy delivery of my legs.
"What!?!" I demanded. "Why?" I felt keenly that if his reason for leaving early was anything less drastic than the earth itself opening, I would start screaming.
"There's been an earthquake," came Brandon's reply.
Ah. Well.
At this point, I was devastated. At this point, despair rushed back into my soul, and I hoped that the earth would crack under ME, and swallow me whole, because I was a cursed man, burdened with a figurative albatross around my neck, and that even God himself was arrayed against the delivery of these desk legs, and thus, arrayed against my salvation.
I sighed, and offered my condolences, and asked Brandon (because, really, at this point, what did I have left to lose?) if Nate had mentioned anything about shipping out my desk legs. Though Staples, UPS, and the Almighty Himself had turned against me, I still obviously held onto the smallest sliver of hope.
At this point, however, a miracle occurred.
Your gentleman told me that no, no mention had been made, but he would check. What followed, gentle reader, was amazing. Brandon could find no mention of my order having been shipped, and could not locate the legs.
However, he did not stop there - he went and looked for them personally, and when THAT failed, he even contacted Nate by his cell, and they collaborated to see if any progress could be made. I begged Brandon not to trouble his co-worker with such trivial business in the wake of such a disaster, but he assured me that there were no fiery homes, deceased relatives, missing pets, or severed limbs at the other end of Nate's phone that he was attempting to deal with, and that I shouldn't worry.
Finally, in the end, no legs could be located, and I thought that my luck had finally run empty...but no. Brandon girded his loins, picked up the phone, and returned to do battle with my original sparring partner in this office furniture train wreck, the Staples National Business Advantage Customer Service Department. He asked for me to please be patient, and to stay on the line. As if, by this point, I was even CAPABLE of hanging up with seeing this through to its resolution.
I waited, breathless with anticipation, the minutes seeming like hours as I waited on the phone, with Brandon returning occasionally to ask me for some clarifying point or miscellaneous ordering info. In the end, he uncovered the gross error the Staples people had made with my initial order, negotiated a price 66% of the original, and arranged for free overnight shipping to ensure that I would not have to wait one second longer for my order.
It was done...Madam (or miss, I intend no disrespect,) your three customer service representatives had, at last, proven successful.
In an order I did not even directly place with your company, they had fixed an error made by several people a continent away, battled through the incompetence and confusion of two major megacorporations, and even overcame obstacles sent by God Himself to get me my desk legs.
They did so while displaying panache, tact, courtesy, patience, and undeserved compassion to a poor, broken man who had been driven beyond reason by what are, essentially, glorified metal sticks.
I sincerely appreciate all there hard work and dedication, and can unreservedly say that I have need had such excellent service, never been treated so well, by any company in the history of my (admittedly young) life. You are lucky to have them in your employ, and I wish them nothing but success in whatever field they choose to follow.
Thank you, and more importantly, thank them.
All that being said, I hope that for the rest of my (hopefully long) life, I am never forced to become so deeply emotionally and spiritually invested in furniture components ever again. I think we can all agreed that this would be for the best.
Thank you, and good day.
#funny#funny post#Conversationswithcoworkers#ClassicJosh#workplacehumor#thank you notes#ettiquette#Conversations With Coworkers#Classic Josh#Workplace humor#legs#office supplies#customer service#customer service win#good business practices#earthquake#vice presidents#table#table legs
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New Look Sabres: 2019 Free Agency
The wise words of noted NHL insider Elliotte Friedman go “When you’re drowning in this league other teams don’t throw you a life jacket, they throw you an anchor.” In spite of a handful of decent to great players getting traded in the last few weeks for peanuts, generally speaking it’s very hard to pull off a trade that is a lopsided win for your team. Free Agency is worse. Free Agency is like opening a septic tank looking for a diamond ring and jumping in expecting not to get covered in shit. The last big Free Agency signing the Sabres pulled off was Kyle Okposo. All the off-ice stuff you want to say about the Sex Man aside: that contract sucks ass. It was bad the moment it was signed. That’s what most free agency signings are like. Jason Botterill approaches this offseason publicly saying he wants to focus more on the trade avenue. That’s smart. I’d prefer he not give out too much money in free agency like his predecessor did with Okposo. However we are a fanbase that has run out of patience eight years out of the playoffs. Significant roster moves are paramount right now. How we got here is actually pretty simple. The tank worked (let’s not relitigate it) and rebuild 1.0 was accelerated by Tim Murray with the Ryan O’Reilly and Evander Kane signings at the cost of a wave of prospects and picks. Rebuild 1.0 failed. That failed initial rebuild was what brought Kyle Okposo here as a free agent. He’s now our very own salary cap albatross circling in the skies above the nearly dead Buffalo Sabres that were so stripped down in the tank they’re aimless even with some talent on the roster. We’ve all run out of patience. Rebuild 2.0 under Jason Botterill has gone better but, and this is a big but, the second half collapse of last season was decisive. It ended Phil Housley’s coaching career in Buffalo, and it burned a lot of the fan goodwill Jason Botterill had held onto through the legendarily bad season that earned us Rasmus Dahlin. Another bad season probably costs Botterill his job. This is the situation that gave birth to the buzzword of Sabres twitter: “Roster Surgery”. Bill Schake analyzed it best. Chad DeDominicis’ right hand man essentially said roster surgery is a great way to put it because there is so few tradeable assets left on this team it will take some cunning, creative moves to make real change. It’s truly surgery of the roster because its hard. It’s going to be harder than it’s ever been in the Eichel Era this summer to make this team look competitive past Valentine’s Day. So what changes do we have to talk about as we enter the long, dull portion of the NHL hockey calendar?
Well… Rasmus Ristolainen was the one big tradeable asset I was alluding to… and this past weekend… the Sabres signed Marcus Johansson. Ok so, the trade we’ve been waiting for didn’t happen before the posting of this article. Lord knows it will after this goes up and I’ll have to wait until the Offseason Retrospective to write about it. But let’s not poo-poo a great signing just because it’s not a trade we want. In fact, this specific blog is called 2019 Free Agency so let’s talk about Free Agents for a bit. Marcus Johansson, apart from adding yet another Swede to one of the most swede-heavy rosters in the National Hockey League, adds much needed left-wing depth to the top six. He’s considered a veteran at 28 and has only gotten to twenty goals twice in his nine seasons in the NHL. Nonetheless he was kind of the best guy left to add to the wing for the Sabres once July 1st came and went with pretty much only AHL-level moves. Johansson is defensively responsible and gets those zone entries which is something this team needs guys not named Jack Eichel to do better. Also he is apparently known for his versatility. He hasn’t played at center in recent seasons but that is a trick in the hat knowing Casey Mittelstadt may still not be ready for that 2C slot. That is the topic of some Sabres twitter debate but it seems rather immaterial right now to me with so much offseason left to go. The natural next topic of conversation here feels like it should be Jimmy Vesey and Colin Miller. However, those are technically trades although they were so well extracted they almost feel like signings. As I said earlier, I’m all for not giving up too much money in free agency, particularly if the team isn’t exactly “going for it” right now. So how about I rattle off the free agent signings Jason Botterill did make on July 1st in spite of most of them being long shots for the NHL roster: Goalie Andrew Hammond, Center Curtis Lazar, defenseman John Gilmour, Jean-Sebastien Dea and sorta Dalton Smith (Smith was an Amerk this past season and was resigning technically). Those first two guys are the ones you’re thinking of. Andrew Hammond was the “Hamburgler” in Ottawa a few seasons ago and Curtis Lazar was the guy who ate a hamburger off the ice during that same craze. Just like the Ottawa Senators both guys have not been all that good since. Hammond is the better of the two and is probably going to platoon it in net with Ukko Pekka-Lukkonen in Rochester this coming season. Lazar… is worth a shot I guess. John Gilmour was one of the better AHL defensemen for the Hartford Wolfpack last season and I’m told has the best chance of the group to make the big club. The other two guys I just don’t feel any need to talk about. That feeling is not because they’re minor league moves: you dipsticks complaining about the Front Office making moves mostly helping Rochester need to cool your jets and count your blessings! Take a good hard long look at that Okposo contract and then shut up!
I spent most of last year’s Free Agency article ranting about the Ryan O’Reilly trade. After how his season ended this year that whole conversation turned into a toxic waste dump a la your local minor league baseball franchise announcing a Pride Night on Facebook to absolutely terrible comments from the most bigoted boomers on the internet. I won’t be addressing O’Reilly because I feel we’ve done that to death. This is Buffalo Hockey though so of course there is another retread conversation fraught with potential toxicity to talk about: Jimmy Vesey. First things first, don’t hold three years ago against him. That move for his negotiating rights was the kind of stupid but exciting move that Tim Murray specialized in. That saga doesn’t matter now because Vesey is an established pro now and if we’re being totally real here the players don’t care. Jack Eichel is just happy to have another BU guy, I’m sure! Bury those bad takes next to your Leino jerseys. Nothing screams top line about Vesey’s game so don’t pencil him in right next to Eichel as if it’s a sure thing. I’ve heard him called a middle six acquisition which I think is a great way to put it. We’ll see what Training Camp holds for him. Colin Miller on the other hand you can definitely pencil in as a top four pairing defenseman. He isn’t clearly the best line mate for Rasmus Dahlin but he’s a strong candidate. His trade to Buffalo for a 2021 second round pick and a 2022 fifth round pick is Botts picking on a team in cap jail more than what you might call highway robbery. It’s kinda funny that team in cap jail is the Vegas Golden Knights but after the 2018-2019 St. Louis Blues happened I’m sure they’ll be back in the Final next year. On this team Miller is second only to Rasmus Dahlin on the defensive depth chart and top of the right-handed side of that chart. There are four right-handed defenseman who are NHL likely now beyond Miller: Brandon Montour, Zach Bogosian and Rasmus Ristolainen. The talk about a Ristolainen trade went up naturally after the Miller trade and yes, I’m still on the fence about it. I don’t need him gone, especially with a new coach coming in, but I don’t want 2022 to get here and everyone in the league know he’s ass and end up trading him for a couple of late round picks. If we’re going to get a king’s ransom for Ristolainen, it’s probably this summer or the 2020 trade deadline at the absolute latest. By the time you’re reading this the deal may already be done. Oh, I forgot to mention the Miller trade pissed off Leafs fans! I love pissing off Leafs fans. Fuck them, right?
So there it is: New Look Sabres 2019 Free Agency! Well… how about some fun signings not related to the Sabres? Even after the Leafs traded away Nazem Kadri for a decent to good defenseman there are still smart folks up there saying the Leafs are worse man-for-man compared to last year. Delicious! Robin Lehner openly declared his displeasure for how the Islanders let him go before signing with the Chicago Blackhawks. That’s interesting on two levels because the Isles probably aren’t done this offseason in a big way and Lehner now goes from a great defensive team on Long Island to a very porous defensive system in Chicago. We’ll see how it works out for him; I kinda want him to succeed still but one way or another we’ll see if last season was a fluke or not. Tyler Ennis singed with the Ottawa Senators. That maybe the one weirder jersey to see him in then Toronto. Finally Mike Smith goes from Flames to Oilers while Cam Talbot goes from Oilers to Flames. Should we call that Albertan Roulette? Bringing back home to Buffalo please like, share and comment on this blog. Get that hype going for the new season. I won’t be writing much on this blog until late August, but I think that’s okay because we all could use a break from Hockey. Also if you really want my Sabres takes you can always get them @UttaroSports on twitter. In the meantime, enjoy the summer! Let’s Go Buffalo!
Thanks for reading.
P.S. Linus Ullmark was among the Sabres who filed for salary arbitration. I could’ve used this PS to talk about Remi Elie electing for arbitration which is much more humorous but Ullmark is my boy, so I hope everything goes over well for him come these hearings in… August. Huh. Let the long summer begin!
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06.12 - 06.18: How I Ruined My Life In Under a Week
This was by far my busiest week socially (this says a lot about how uneventful my life has been in my 21 years of life). Regardless, it was very enjoyable and provided a much needed change of pace.
Breakdown:
6/12: Had a celebratory dinner for the end of finals for Baery’s ass. We ate at The Boiler, which was really good, so much so that I am going again with my family soon. Then my friend imploded on both of us and left an unsettling mood for a bit. Condolences.
6/13: Another dinner plan but this time with Francis and Andy in OC. We ate from one of those random local taco trucks, the food was decent. After, we got boba and watched Avengers, which they both really liked (I already saw it prior and it was extremely difficult not to spoil).
6/14: After work, I headed to Riverside for Jackie’s party. Caught up with AJ and Royce at Tiff’s apartment (haven’t seen them in over a year and surprisingly it was still natural talking with them). Once we were at Jackie’s, holy shit it was so hot and musty. All these sweaty ass Asians cramped on one floor, half already gone, while the other half are in awkward cliques. After a few shots, an L in beer pong and some small talk with random drunks we left that sausage fest (thank god).
6/15: My first time at a company party, and I had a lot of fun. The event was much more organized than I expected. They had casino games, two djs and plenty of food/drinks. It was my first time gambling (although it was with fake money) and my luck was the best of the night. I drank about 5 shots and two cups of some mixed drink (personal record so far) and surprisingly I was still functional by the end of the night. I never really believed/understood the social aspect of drinking with your bosses, but this night proved to me that it is a very real thing. Overall the night was filled with many memories that I will cherish.
6/16: Lione’s show at The Union was on Saturday. To be honest, I only knew one of his songs, but Francis was super excited to see him and the tickets were only $13 (I’m guessing Ami was there for the same reason as me). We made our way to KTown for food and to kill time before the show. I told them we shouldn’t go on time because only losers go to events right on time (Shout out to Barry for teaching me that). We got boba at Tan-Cha and I must say their matcha was one of the highest quality I’ve ever had from a boba place. For some odd reason they were playing strictly Taylor Swift in the store even though majority of people in the store were fobs. I tried to make small talk with a cute worker at an ice cream store where we were getting dessert at. She was not having it LOL. Around 10:00 we made our way to the venue, struggled a bit, but got that free parking. The setting was very similar to Jackie’s party situation, a bunch of sweaty Asians, but this time in a dark room with loud EDM blasting. Although we only went for Lione, the opening acts were all really great. There is something so surreal about live performances, I felt so immersed in the music. I was DD so I bought rounds for Ami and Francis (an early graduation gift for them) because they were literally walking hours after the event. In attempt to get out of my comfort zone again, I asked a girl if she wanted to get closer to the stage (I really was trying to dance with her) but she declined it LOL. To make matters worse, some rude white bitch yelled at me to get away from her friend when I was asking her if she wanted to get past me. This bitch really thought I wanted her beanpole friend who was flailing around on the dance floor. Lione’s performance was really amazing, the energy of the crowd was unreal. We left the event with two new friends, who were nice enough to walk us all the way to our car. Francis was really into one of them (Nicole), too bad she has a bf. Once I got home, I had trouble going to sleep because I was overwhelmed with emotions from the whole experience. The whole day was a great time, I am really happy I decided on a whim to go.
6/17: Sunday was a necessary break from all the hectic events. All I did the whole day was hw and worked on my new business venture. I also reflected on how I could be a better person for myself, my family and friends/loved ones. The most productive day out of the last 6 for sure lol.
6/18: This was the most important day out of whole week of events. My bestie Barry was finally graduating after all the years (I’d like to believe Tiffany and I played a big role in convincing him to walk). I freed up my whole day in honor of his dumb ass. I couldn’t sleep the night before I’m not sure why. I was a little anxious about the ceremony because I thought I was going to be watching alone, but luckily Jenna spotted me and we all sat together. We all bonded through our jokes about Barry and the ceremony seemed to fly by. His family was super cute and supportive with their print outs of his many expressions. It was wholesome af! I was the first person to make it to Parkway Grill besides Barry’s family and I was awkwardly engaging in small talk with them. Despite the large party, lunch went smoothly. I didn’t feel out of place at all and we all shared food and laughs. But the celebration was far from over, our next location was at Barry’s family’s house. We played a few drinking games (some Chinese game that I still don’t understand and beer pong) before hopping into the pool to play volleyball. Huy and I won both games, even though they don’t want to admit. Sherry and the others started barbecuing while the rest of us proceeded to dry off. My second bestie, Tiffany, finally showed up and the legendary trio was at last complete! Around 7-8pm is where mistakes started to be made (lol *facepalm*). Succumbing to many opportunities of peer pressure I kept taking shots with everyone. I was feeling good and thought this time around I’d be okay because I ate before, but almost all at once the alcohol hit my system. By 10pm I was clearly drunk, flushed face, sloppy motor functions and touchiness. Thanks Sherry for letting me lay on you and keeping me warm (; (sorry Tiffany). Courtney and Mark dragged me off her and brought me inside to rest on the couch. The whole time I’m having an internal struggle between my body’s desire to vomit and my desire to keep it down. Eventually my body gave in and I threw up 4 times with most of it going into the bag (sorry once again Tiffany LOL). Immediately after my violent vomit session I felt much better, but I was still dazing in and out of consciousness. Many people were coming in to say bye (Sherry, Courtney, Mark, Brandon, Tiffany are the only ones I remember). Although I planned on driving home and going to work on Tuesday, I ended up crashing at Barry’s parent’s house in the guest room. Huge shoutout to Barry and his family for having unrivaled hospitality. That was my first time ever having to stay the night due to intoxication, it was lit as this generation would put it. To end this insanely long post, I want to extend my congratulations again to Barry and Tiffany for graduating. They’re my bbs and I always wish the best for them. Looking forward to more days/weeks/years with memories as sweet as these.
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new years day | alex & brandon
Who: @alexandramontague and @brandonriley
When: January 1st
Where: The beach and then a fancy brunch restaurant
Summary: Brandon surprises Alex for the start of 2018, ft. a polar plunge into the ocean and a definitely-not-a-date brunch
Alex: Alex had no idea what Brandon was planning for the day, after all, what kind of plans included a nice dress and a bathing suit? In January no less? Still, come that morning she grabbed the bag she'd packed the day before, a pretty navy blue dress and a pair of heeled booties inside. Under her jeans and sweater she was wearing right now was one of the few suits she owned. The bag had a warm, thick scarf and leather gloves inside as well, new things she'd bought the money Oz had so generously given her and come noon she checked everything over once more and grabbed her jacket, thoughts running rampant as she waited for him to arrive.
Brandon: Brandon had wanted to do something special for Alex. After all, she was one of his closest friends, and that's what friends did for friends, or that was what he kept telling himself over and over. He was knocking on her door at noon sharp, shivering a bit as he'd only worn his swimming trunks and layered with a long sleeve shirt and jacket. He grinned when he answered the door, even as his teeth chattered. "You ready to go?"
Alex: Alex smiled when she heard the knock, surprised by how punctual he was and she immediately went to the door, her grin turning into an incredulous one as she huffed out a laugh, "Are you nuts, it's freezing out!" She shook her head as he looked him over, noting the trunks and the chill even in the hallway. Still, she grabbed her bag, throwing her wallet and keys into it as well and throwing it over her shoulder, "Is your plan for us to get hypothermia together?"
Brandon: Brandon laughed, shrugging as his body shivered. "I guess you could say that, but there is a reason to all of this. A way to start the New Year off right." He winked at Alex, starting to walk back down the hallway. "Are you a good swimmer? Guess I should've asked that first before all of this..."
Alex: "I hate to break it to you, but you lost a few sexy points with the shivering." She teased, smiling up at him as she nodded and walked along with him down the hall and to the exit of the tower. She rose a brow at the question, biting her lip, "I'm alright. I'm still wondering just what you have up your sleeve though. With swimming in /winter/..."
Brandon: Brandon nudged her gently, smirking as they walked back out into the cold. "Please. You know I'm sexy whether I'm shivering or not." He winked as he pushed the door open, letting her through first. "Ever heard of a famous little event called the Polar Bear Plunge? They hold events all day on New Year's Day. A way to start off the new year... refreshed."
Alex: Alex laughed softly, nudging him back and unable to resist it as the urge came over her and she leaned up enough to kiss his cheek, "Maybe." She conceded, walking outside when he opened the door and immediately feeling a shiver run down her spine at the chill in the air. She paused as he spoke though, eyes widening as she whipped back at him, "Wait..--/seriously/?" She looked up at him like he was crazy even as her lips tugged up a bit into a smile, "You....you want to start the new year off by jumping into the freezing ocean?"
Brandon: Brandon laughed as well, freezing when she stopped to kiss his cheek. That level of affection was foreign to him, make his gut twist. But he was determined to push past it - they were just friends, after all. Friends that liked fucking each other. "Yes, seriously," He replied, making a beeline toward his car. "It's a thing people do on New Year's. Then we're going to put on regular clothes and go get lunch."
Alex: "You're ridiculous." She replied, but she didn't say no. It was crazy.../insane/, but it could be fun. Besides, no better way to wash off the last year and start fresh than literally diving into the ocean. She climbed into his car, shivering and letting out a breath as she settled, all the while listening as he spoke. Now things were making sense, the bathing suit and then the dress. Still, he'd told her to wear a /nice/ dress.. She immediately halted those thoughts, biting the inside of her cheek. It was just lunch. Two friends going to get lunch and beginning the year together, that was /it/. "That's if we don't get pneumonia first."
Brandon: "Now who's being ridiculous? You don't get pneumonia from the cold. I would know." Brandon smirked a bit as he started the ignition, turning the heat on full blast to get them warmed up before the plunge. "At least not me or you, who are relatively healthy people. We could get a slight case of hypothermia, but who needs fingers and toes, right?" His elbow nudged her gently as he put the car in drive. "The place we're going to after has fancy hot chocolate to warm up with, if it's any consolation. They have a good brunch."
Alex: "Whatever you say, Doctor." Alex teased back, smiling still. She let out a content little sigh as the heat kicked on almost immediately, turning the vents a bit towards her more as she rolled her eyes, "As long as you're prepared to write me a note to get out of work if I catch a cold or lose any extremities." she warned, nudging him back. She listened as he spoke about where they were going after, smiling at the mention of brunch and hot chocolate, "That sounds a lot more up my alley ..Even if I'm going to look a mess after all this, nice dress or not." She laughed, shaking her head and just dropping it back as she groaned a bit, "I can't believe I'm letting you have me do this."
Brandon: "You won't catch a cold, I promise. And I wouldn't let you lose your extremities. If you do, then you have my full permission to kick my ass for it. Sound like a deal?" Brandon chuckled, popping on the radio for some background noise though he kept it down low. "You won't look a hot mess, you'll look just fine. Better than most of the others who go in there anyway. Besides, I'll be just as messed as you. Hair all damp and wet. I think they can deal with it."
Alex: Alex laughed again, looking him over before finally nodding, "Okay, okay, deal. This is still..pretty crazy though." Her smile softened as he continued, figuring it wouldn't be too bad if they both looked like drowned rats. Besides, his was really the only opinion she really cared about given she probably wouldn't see any of the other people there again after today. She was quiet for a few minutes as he drove, enjoying the easy feeling between them. The air wasn't awkward, she didn't feel the need to fill the silence with mindless conversation. It was easy with him. Still, a question kept prickling in the back of her head and she looked over, "Why'd you want to do all this with /me/?"
Brandon: Brandon wasn't quite sure how to answer her, if only because he wasn't sure what answer she was looking for. Truthfully, this isn't something he'd usually do with a woman he'd slept with. He'd always been very consistent with his hit-it-and-quit-it ideology. But with Alex, he couldn't just drop her. She had become too good of a friend, and he wanted to look out for her and protect her. Brandon sighed slightly, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel absently. "You're my friend, Alex," he said simply, not wanting to dive in deeper. "One of my best friends, perhaps even my best now that Tristan seems to have fucked off into the ninth dimension. I like doing things with you."
Alex: "He did just up and vanish, huh." She mumbled in agreement; Tristan had become a good friend of hers too and she didn't know how she felt about him disappearing. Maybe it was all the more reason she should try to be better at not letting people get too close. Before coming to Verona, she never really had friends, and the only family she had was her mother.. she'd basically spent her whole life alone. And it was better that way. Less painful when she lost someone. Her thoughts fell to her mother for a moment but she pushed those away too. She wasn't going to start off the new year with a break down. Nope. "Good answer. Especially since being my best friend is the only reason I'm agreeing to this insanity." She replied, wanting to keep the air between them light as he got them closer to the ocean.
Brandon: "Yeah. I need to call Diana, ask if she's heard from it. It worries me, y'know?" Brandon was sure everything was fine - Tristan had a way of turning up eventually, but still. He shook off the thought, determined not to let it interfere with the day he had planned with Alex. "Oh really? You wouldn't go polar bear plunging with me otherwise? I'm almost hurt." Brandon smirked at her, taking the exit to the shore. Cars were already lined up in some of the beach parking lots, full of other people choosing to do the same thing. "We won't be there long. Just run in, get soaked, run back out and quickly change in the car."
Alex: "I..I'm sure he's fine. He'll turn up eventually." She huffed as he continued, playfully rolling her eyes even as she grinned, "I plead the fifth." She looked out the windshield as they got closer, feeling her heart skip a bit because this was /insane/... but she also felt the beginning of nervous-excitement bubble up inside her. She saw people laughing and cheering excitedly outside, stripping off outer layers and looking a bit ridiculous in swimsuits and hats, but it just all made her smile, made that nervousness turn into pure excitement. "You ever done this before?"
Brandon: "I hope so..." Brandon murmured, shaking his head a bit. He watched as she looked out the window excitedly, grin spreading across his features. It was crazy, but that was par for the course for Brandon. "Only once before when I was still in medical school. I'd been wasted the night before, a guy in my class suggested we get up and go do it for a 'cleanse'. A way to get ourselves ready for the next night." He found a place a park, then looked over at her, grin still on his face. "You might want to get undressed to your swimsuit here. Give you a few extra minutes in the warmth."
Alex: Alex nodded as he spoke, watching the people still, and when he finally parked she huffed, pursing her lips a bit, "Had I known just what you'd been planning I probably would've dressed a bit more appropriately. Like a wetsuit or something.." As it was, she was wearing one of the few she owned, a simple black and white two piece that didn't really cover much...especially not when she was about to dive into freezing cold water. Oh well. She let out an exaggerated sigh as she unbuckled her seatbelt and pushed the seat back, giving her enough room to tug her sweater up and off ad she bit her lip, looking over at him, "I can't just half-ass it and keep my jeans on?" She asked hopefully.
Brandon: "No, it's not fun to be prepared for things." Brandon tsked, shaking his head. "This way, you'll get to experience the full, bitter cold. It'll be awesome. Think of all the life experience you're gaining from this magical trip to the ocean." He winked at her, shedding his own jackets and shirts until he was down to his swim trunks. "Of course you can't half ass it. We whole ass everything."
Alex: "You're being a whole ass right now." Alex replied with a rather petulant pout and another sigh as she toed off her boots and socks and lifted her hips as she tugged her jeans off now too, a shiver already rippling through her even with the heat on in the car. A group of people ran by the car screaming excitedly and she looked over, shaking her head even as a smile started pulling at her lips, "Alright, alright....I guess we better get this /life experience/ going."
Brandon: Brandon turned off the ignition, casting a grin over at Alex. "Alright - the plan is to run like hell into the ocean, then run like hell back before anyone steals my car." He put his hand on the doorhandle, starting to countdown. "Alright, this is it. Three... two... one..." He pushed open the door quickly and started a full run down the beach mimicking the other polar bear plungers. "C'mon, Alex, this is it!" He hollered, grinning over at her as they ran.
Alex: Alex looked at him incredulously for a second. She didn't think it was literally run in and out, that he'd leave the car on and everything.. But next thing she knew he was making his way out of the car and she scrambled to follow, her heart pounding but a smile on her face as she climbed out of the car, adrenaline pumping so hard that she hardly registered the frigid air around them, "Wait up!" She called out, running to catch up to him and grabbing for his arm to run the rest of the way with him along with dozens of other people are rushing and screaming excitedly around them.
Brandon: Brandon reached for her, taking her hand as they started running through the sand, laughing with her. As soon as his foot stepped into the frigid water, he hollered, though he kept pressing forward. A swell met them halfway, crashing over them, and Brandon hollered again, huge smile on his face despite the freezing cold. "This is awesome, right?" He asked, wrapping his arms around Alex to dunk them both under the water one good time.
Alex: Alex gripped his hand tightly as she ran with him, letting out her own scream the moment she felt the water hit her feet. Next thing she knew though a wave washed over them and she screamed even as she laughed "This is cra--!" She didn't even get the words out before Brandon was wrapping his arms around her and tugging her down, making her yelp as she was dunked under the water.
Brandon: Once they popped back up, Brandon kept his arm around her, keeping a hold on her as they fought the rough water and streams of other stupid people. "You alright?" he asked once they were out of the water, huge grin on his face even as he shivered. "Come on! Let's get back to the car. There's towels to dry off with and we can put real clothes on!"
Alex: Alex gasped for breath even as she laughed, her hands shaking as she tried to push her wet hair out of her face ad she nodded, "O-Other than being /completely/ numb right now, sure!" She told him through her laughter. Her adrenaline was still pumping through, making her heart race even as her body trembled and she let him hold her up, keeping close to him so she wouldn't fall over with how rough the water was. It was definitely a memorable way to ring in the new year. She nodded and started trudging through the water, letting out another yelp as a wave crashed over their backs, soaking them even more.
Brandon: Once they were back on the beach, Brandon let go of her waist, taking her hand instead. "C'mon, run! It's too fucking cold out here!" He laughed, taking off in a sprint. He grabbed towels from the backseat, tossing a couple to Alex before all but diving into the front seat, back into the heat. "Fuck, that was colder than I remembered..."
Alex: Her whole body was trembling once they reached the beach, almost reluctant for him to move away since it was at least some semblance of warmth but she immediately took his hand and ran off with him back to the car. Dozens of others had done the same, now wrapped in towels and laughing around their cars and Alex happily took the towel given to her, wrapping it around her shoulders like a blanket and rushing back into her seat. She just started laughing as she settled in, curled up on the seat even as she shivered and shook her head, in disbelief that she'd actually done that.
Brandon: Brandon turned on the heat as high as it'd go, then reached over to turn on the seat warmers for them both as well. He turned his head to face her, smile on his face. "Something for the bucket list?" He asked, pulling the towel tighter around his shoulders. "We can find more crazy shit to do - make it a tradition for the new year."
Alex: Alex sighed happily as he turned on the seat warmers too, still trembling but she was at least starting to get feeling in her fingertips again. She angled towards him, running her fingers through her wet hair to get it away from her face as she laughed and nodded, "Something I never knew was /on it/ but..yeah, definitely." She smiled even wider at the thought of doing something like crazy like this yearly, at the thought of having someone in her life on a long term enough basis to /plan/ things like this and she nodded, "Deal. Although I should be allowed veto rights, otherwise you might have me going cliff jumping next." she teased, smiling at him still as she shifted to lay her head against the seat, "That was..pretty incredible though. Definitely not something I don't think I'll ever forget."
Brandon: "What's wrong with cliff jumping?" Brandon asked, grin on his face. "We'd wait until the summer though. There's a spot just outside of Verona known for the cliff jumping. Hell, by that time, you'll already have a semester in the books. We'll be celebrating straight A's." Brandon chuckled, feeling his body stop shivering as he finally started to warm up. "Good. I wanted to do something you wouldn't forget easily."
Alex: "Didn't I just say /veto/ in the same sentence as cliff jumping?" She replied even as she didn't quite say no.... the thought of capping off her first semester with him and doing something crazy like that /was/ pretty appealing. She'd just need a few drinks in her system beforehand if that was the case. She let the towel fall from her shoulders then, leaning forward more to be closer to the vents to warm up her mostly-dried body and she looked back at him, smiling softly at him, "Mission accomplished then."
Brandon: "Oh, c'mon - you can't veto cliff jumping. Veto something really stupid, like free climbing or eating sushi from gas stations." Brandon winked at Alex, reaching in the back for his bag stuffed with clothes. He ran the towel through his hair, finishing getting dried off, then reached in for his sweater, pulling it over his head. "You should make a list. Fun shit to do. Every milestone, we'll do it."
Brandon: "Oh, c'mon - you can't veto cliff jumping. Veto something really stupid, like free climbing or eating sushi from gas stations." Brandon winked at Alex, reaching in the back for his bag stuffed with clothes. He ran the towel through his hair, finishing getting dried off, then reached in for his sweater, pulling it over his head. "You should make a list. Fun shit to do. Every milestone, we'll do it."
Alex: "I don't like sushi /period/, so that'd definitely get a veto." Alex piped back with a roll of her eyes. "And as a doctor, should you even be condoning those two things as viable options?" She tacked on, smiling ruefully at him. She looked back to her own bag, biting her lip before grabbing her sweater that she'd come wearing, "Can I get changed again once we're wherever this place is?" The dress was nice,per his request, and she didn't want to just throw it on without even looking into a mirror.
Brandon: "Technically, I'm not a doctor, so there's that," Brandon replied, grinning. He grabbed some boxers out of his bag, shoving off his wet swim trunks before putting them on. "You can, if you want. Or if you're really cold, you can just wear that. The place is nice, but they won't care too much if you choose not to wear a dress. Whatever you want, sweetheart." He reached in the bag again, grabbing his pants to slide them on next.
Alex: "Technicalities." She rolled her eyes, smiling still. She couldn't help but watch him, feeling a blush coloring her cheeks that was probably clear as day considering how pale and cold the rest of her body still was. She kept her back to the door's window as she undid the ties to her bikini top to take it off and moved to pull the sweater on before she shook her head, her blush just darkening no matter how much she tried to stop it, "I um....I bought the dress for today, so I wanna wear it." Tru had taken her out for her Gala gown and when Alex had told the other woman about today she'd helped her pick another dress for today too, so she wasn't about to let it go to waste.
Brandon: Brandon couldn't help but smile as she changed, enjoying the view more than he knew he should. "Alright, then I'm sure it'll be no problem for you to bring your dress in and change. I can get our drink orders going, some appetizers while you change. How would that sound?" He asked, biting his bottom lip.
Alex: Alex smiled happily when he agreed, moving her hair out of her face again as she nodded, "That sounds perfect." She agreed, reaching behind them again to grab her jeans and she took a minute to put them on, needing to wriggle into the tighter material since her legs were still a bit wet but she managed and nodded, "Okay, let's go."
Brandon: Once they were acceptably clothed, Brandon started toward the restaurant. It was a new, sort-of hipster place that specialized in brunch. He relaxed in the driver's seat now that the heat was flowing, finally feeling fully warm. When they arrived, Brandon finished putting on his socks and shoes, then headed inside with Alex. "Bathroom's through there if you want to get changed while I check in with our reservation."
Alex: Alex felt more like a human again with the heat on and she settled in for the rest of the trip. Once they were there she bit her lip, looking out the window. The place definitely looked nice and she was really glad she bought the new dress. She grabbed her bag from the back, double checking it before getting up and out with him. She quickly walked inside with him, ducking away from the cold and once inside she nodded "Okay, I'll be back soon." She gave him a smile and then headed that way, going into the bigger stall and the got to work. She put on an actual bra and changed out into the dress she bought, a pretty navy one with A cute collar on it and a pair of heels Tru all helped her get. Her hair was still damp so she picked it up, managing to put it in a messy bun with a few tendrils around her face. All in all she thought she looked okay and she steeled herself before heading back out, the hostess directing her to the table Brandon was at and she headed over, smiling bashfully as she got there "Do I look more presentable now?"
Brandon: Brandon had a seat at their table, ordering mimosas for both of them and a couple of different tapas for appetizers. Even though he was dried off and in warm clothes, he still felt a bit of a chill, figured it would go away soon enough. He'd gotten a bit lost in reading the menu when Alex came back, looking up when he heard her voice. He grinned at her, eyes shamelessly raking her up and down. "You look really great," he replied, nodding toward her seat. "I ordered mimosas for us, couple of appetizers I thought you might like."
Alex: Alex put her bag under the table for now, grinning as he spoke "Thank you." She replied, definitely noticing as he looked her over. She moved to sit across from him, settling in and nodding "that sounds perfect. I passed a table and someone was eating an amazing looking omelette, so I think I'm already set without looking at the menu." She joked even as she grabbed the menu to look through it.
Brandon: "Oh, I know you can do better than an omelette," Brandon chuckled, eyeing the menu himself. He sipped on his mimosa, sort of wishing there was a bit more to it, but didn't say anything. "There's chicken and waffles - I think that's what I'm going for. Something substantial. Going to need it to work off last night's hangover."
Alex: Alex bit her lip but shrugged, smiling a bit as she glanced at the breakfast options, "I mean, in that case I could get the big breakfast with french toast, bacon, /and/ eggs.." it actually sounded delicious and her stomach grumbled at the thought, making her blush as she reached for her own drink and took a sip, "I think I got away relatively unscathed, just a minor hangover when I woke up, but I think jumping into the ocean cured that."
Brandon: "Go for it," Brandon winked, his eyes raking over the menu one last time, just in case he spotted something he'd rather have. "Yeah... lucky you. I don't even think I drank that much, just had a pounding headache when I woke up. Oh well, such is life." Truthfully, Brandon was used to the headaches. He was pretty sure it was a case of dehydration - an IV bag would most likely fix his throbbing head. "I'll drop by my office later. Fix it once and for all."
Alex: "If you keep letting me have a free for all every time we go out to eat you're gonna give me a complex. Pretty soon I'll stop sticking to just the appetizers menu." She teased lightly, trying not to focus on prices for once and just ordering the things she thought sounded good. "Maybe you should start keeping a pack of water bottles by your bed, make your life easier even when you're drunk." She advised, knowing from experience to always keep water by her when she went to sleep after drinking. She settled on what she wanted to eat and looked back over to him, smiling, "Either way though, I'm glad I went last night. I had a lot of fun. And it was nice....wearing a fancy gown and getting all dressed up. It's no wonder it's everyone's favorite party of the year."
Brandon: "You shouldn't stick to the appetizers menu," Brandon half-heartedly admonished. "Get what you want, I mean it. I'll never spend all of the money I've earned since joining this family. Might as well shower some of it on someone else." Brandon shrugged, smiling at her before taking a drink of his mimosa. "And, nah, drinking too much water directly makes me feel sick. Would must rather just give myself a quick IV after particularly heinous nights..." Or days when he couldn't quite shake bad headaches. "Yeah - glad you went too. You know there will be more parties like that through the year? Plenty of time to play dress up and get into trouble."
Alex: "How about whenever I come out with /you/ I won't. Fair deal? I'll let you spoil me all you want." She replied teasingly, smirking at him from over the rim of her glass as she took another sip. The waitress came by then with the various appetizers Brandon had ordered and Alex smiled, ordering her meal and letting him do the same before continuing, "I've thankfully never had to do something like that and I'm hoping I never do. Needles and IVs and hospital stuff..." She shook her head, pursing her lips a bit and taking another sip. "Looks like I'll need to start caving and buying more dresses then. And /trouble/, hmm?" She asked, quirking a brow at him.
Brandon: "Fair enough. I'm sure you'll find ways to pay me back, after all," Brandon smirked. He picked up one of the little puff pastries stuffed with sausage, popped it in his mouth. "Oh, needles only hurt for a minute. Get some who's good and experienced, you won't hardly feel it all. We're nothing but big ol' blood bags anyway - nothing to be scared of." He finished off his first mimosa, deciding to stick to water afterward - no need in getting drunk so early in the day. "Of course, trouble. What's the point of living if you aren't getting into trouble?"
Alex: "I'm sure." She kept the same teasing smirk on her lips, knowing she had a few ideas in mind if she ever needed a bargaining chip. She ate one of the pastries as well and picked at a few pieces of fruit on a platter as well, smiling at how good everything tasted before she laughed, rolling her eyes, "I'll keep it in mind next time I need a shot or something. I'll just go to you since I'm not afraid to swat you away if it hurts." She wasn't quite yet done with her drink but as the waitress came by she nodded for another, figuring why not- with all the food they'd be eating, she figured she'd be fine. "You're a bad influence on me, Mr. Riley."
Brandon: "Better not swat me away. It'd only make it hurt worse if you did," Brandon chuckled, popping another pastry into his mouth. He was a bit surprised Alex took another drink, especially when he'd turned down his, but he didn't say anything. He'd be driving, after all. "I see that I am," he chuckled. "Just know I'm a hypocrite, so if you start going down the path of alcoholism after me, I'll put a stop to it." He winked. "Not /that/ bad of an influence."
Alex: "Again, I'll keep that in mind. I might need to like, do a physical for school or something and I think I'd trust you more than a random doctor." She saw the look of surprise on his face when she ordered another drink and she rolled her eyes, giving him a little smile, "I like fruity drinks, remember? Besides, it's not that strong /and/ I thought we were celebrating a new year?" She shrugged as she popped a grape into her mouth, rolling her eyes even as she smiled, "Is that your way of sayig you plan on watching out for me?"
Brandon: Brandon shook his head, small smile on his face. "Afraid if you needed something official for the school, nothing I did would hold count. I'm a doctor, but I'm an unlicensed doctor. But, if you need to go see someone, you can go to Drew Capulet. I studied under him. I'd trust him." Whatever their history, Drew was a good doctor, someone Brandon had wanted to be like at one point in his life, even if he didn't care to admit it. "Yes, yes - celebrate all you want, sweetheart. I am watching out for you and would never let your habits get as bad as mine." He winked.
Alex: She nodded, figuring he had a point. She knew that while he had the knowledge, he didn't have the licensing..but still, if she found herself getting sick at any point in the future, she'd go to him first. She was surprised when he gave her a name though and she tilted her head, thinking about it. "Drew Capulet...okay. If I need to go to a /licensed/ doctor, then I guess I'll go seek him out. But again, I'm not a big fan of hospitals so..hopefully I won't need to go visit him any time soon." She spent far too much time in hospitals with her mom, too much time sleeping in uncomfortable positions on hard chairs, inhaling sterile air, breathing in sync with the beeping of monitors. She had to watch her mom waste away. She'd rather not set foot in another hospital for a long, /long/ time if she had any say in it. "See? I'm in good hands. Ones I trust." The waitress came by moments later with her second mimosa and a glass of water with lemon for Brandon and she smiled, playfully clinking her glass against him.
Brandon: "No, hopefully you won't," Brandon agreed, nodding. He offered her a smile, clinking their glasses together when the waitress came by with another refill. "That's what it means to be apart the family, you know. Being around people you trust. We all want to see each other succeed, want to see you succeed."
Alex: Alex nodded along, sipping at her drink. "I guess I missed out on all that growing up, having a big family and having a lot of people looking out for you and wanting you to succeed. It's nice to have it now. And for the record? I want you to succeed too." She nudged him with her foot, smiling at him til their food came by a moment later and she grinned, eyes widening slightly at the /amount/ of food, "there's enough food here for my next three meals."
Brandon: "I'm succeeding just fine," Brandon protested, though he knew that wasn't quite the truth. He was getting by just fine financially, sure. But his personal life was a mess all over the place. Alex had already had too many glimpses into it that he wasn't sure he was wholly comfortable with. Luckily, the waitress brought out their food before he could dwell on it much longer. He rubbed his stomach with a grin. "Exactly - that's the point. Leftovers." Brandon winked.
Alex: "Mhm." She hummed, clearly not completely agreeing with him. She couldn't say much else on the subject though as the food was served and she thanked the waitress before grinning and grabbing a piece of bacon from her plate, humming happily at how good it tasted and she offered him the other half as she nodded, "Guess the money spent is worth it if you consider it's food for multiple meals." She conceded as she grabbed the syrup to basically douse her food in it.
Brandon: Brandon happily took the other half of the bacon, popping it into his mouth as he waited for his turn for the syrup. He doused his chicken and waffles in it as well, fully anticipating a sugar high as a result. "It's money well spent if it's enjoyable." Brandon shrugged, cutting a piece of chicken and waffle together. He set the neatly cut bite on her plate before making another cut for himself. "We'll get you there one day, sweetheart - enjoying things for reasons other than their practicality."
Alex: Alex's favorite meal of the day had always been breakfast, always loved that it was totally acceptable to eat sweet, sugary foods and it was considered okay. She swiped some of the powered sugar on her french toast with her finger, letting out another happy noise as she finally grabbed her fork and knife, laughing as she watched him equally dive into his own food-- even if she'd never quite understood eating chicken for breakfast with a waffle. But oh well, as long as he was enjoying it.. "I have no doubt you'll keep working on it. And til then...you said for yourself you need someone to spoil, so.." She gave him a happy, teasing grin, finding it starting to get a bit easier about even just joking about money being spent.
Brandon: "Yeah, well, I would've spoiled Tristan, but he's too much of an asshole. Plus, he's a professional gambler. Dude probably has more money than I do," Brandon chuckled. "Lucio's really the next person I'd consider a friend, and why I don't know. Always insulting me and shit." He made a face, rolling his eyes even as his mouth curled into a fond little grin. "But I'd never spoil him. Asshole number two. You're my only friend that also happens to sweet and deserving of my spoiling."
Alex: "He's another who's stolen my coffee just like you, so I don't blame you." She replied lightly in between bites of food. She cut off a decent piece of french toast with extra powdered sugar on it and swiped it through the syrup before passing it to him for him to try. "Maybe the insults come from a loving place. At least it means you're comfortable with each other." She tried, shrugging. She smiled as he spoke, her expression soft, "If I'm the only one then I'll have to work doubly hard to make it worth it." She nudged him gently again under the table, smiling still, "And I think I can get used to it too- being spoiled. Lord knows you're not gonna relent on it any time soon."
Brandon: Brandon took the bite of french toast from her, popping it into his mouth with a satisfied hum. "No, Lucio just likes to bust my balls. And I like to annoy him, so, we're even." Brandon winked. "You don't have to work doubly hard, sweetheart. Trust me. And it won't be too long before you'll be able to spoil yourself with your fancy degree."
Alex: "I guess that works then." She agreed with a laugh. She was vaguely aware that to the outside eye, anyone passing by the two of them would assume it was a date or something, and she quickly banished that thought away in favor of taking a sip of her drink. "I'll take your word for it then. Although it's gonna take more than a degree for me to feel okay with 'spoiling myself'. I've practically doubled my wardrobe already since moving here so...for now I think that's good." Granted, she barely owned five or six articles of clothing when she moved here, but still. Baby steps. "Any plans for later today?"
Brandon: "You'll get there. Wait until you buy your first pair of Louboutin's," Brandon winked, reaching for his glass of water. "Other than dropping by my office to hang an IV for a bit? Not really. Might sleep off last night. It was crazy."
Alex: Alex rose a brow at that, tilting her head, "I don't think the first crazy thing I'll want to get is /shoes/." She wrinkled her nose up a bit. She loved how pretty a lot of them looked, and would be lying if she said she didn't sometimes think about wearing gorgeous designer things, but she was always too practical for it. "Maybe like...buy a car one day. ..After I learn and get my license." She shrugged a bit, a little bit of pink on her face at admitting she didn't know how to drive yet. "You did go pretty hard last night from what I saw, so maybe that'd be best."
Brandon: Brandon raised his brow a bit, grin on his face. "Don't know how to drive? Hell, you should go ahead and learn. You can borrow my car to learn with. I'm sure others will let you borrow theirs too if I'm not around." Brandon wasn't going to give her too much crap over not knowing how to drive; cars were expensive, after all. But he did figure she needed to learn. "Yeah... guess you saw everything then, huh?" He asked, a bit quieter. He didn't know why he felt a twinge of guilt thinking about fucking Lola in the coat check room. He and Alex were just friends who happened to like having sex with each other. Nothing more.
Alex: "Not really. I wanted to learn but...classes where I lived were easily like..a hundred bucks, and then having to pay for the actual written test and the lessons...." She shrugged, "Paying my mom's medication was more of a priority." Another little glimpse into Chapter Two of her life. She was surprised as he offered to lend his car though, brows raising but a little smile on her face, "Yeah? You're not like...worried I'll crash it?" She teased lightly. She might take him up on it though, it'd be nice to learn. Her smile fell slightly as he spoke, eyes dropping for a moment as she hummed. She had no right to be jealous. He wasn't her boyfriend, he wasn't /hers/ to be jealous of. ...She just needed her heart to get on track along with her brain, "It was the biggest party of the year, everyone should be having fun, having a great time- which you did." She smiled at him, hoping it reached her eyes.
Brandon: Brandon could see how her smile faded a bit. His stomach churned slightly, wondering if he was letting this go too far. He liked Alex a lot, liked hanging out with her, liked fucking her, liked having her around. But it was clear that her words were half-hearted and her smile never quite made it to her eyes. Brandon had known she was likely to get attached and he'd been an asshole for continuing anyway. "I hope you had fun too," Brandon said carefully, reaching for his water again. "You should be out having a good time too. Plenty of Capulet doms that might catch your eye." He winked.
Alex: "I did." She told him immediately, genuinely, because she /did/. "Miss Tru picked the dress and...I really liked it. It might've been the first time I actually felt..beautiful, I guess." She blushed as she said it, a bashful smile on her face as she looked down and shrugged, taking another bite of food. She rolled her eyes as he replied again, humming a bit, "Maybe. For now, with school around the corner, I think I might just focus on that for now. Besides, if it comes down to it, remember I told you...I told Lord Oz I'd be okay with an arranged claim if needed in the end.."
Brandon: "You did look beautiful," Brandon said truthfully, small smile on his face. "And I can't believe that's truly the first time you've felt beautiful. Have you seen yourself?" He winked at her, wondering if maybe that was something he shouldn't have said. He was encouraging something he couldn't really give her. "Makes sense to focus on school, but you'd be foolish to enter into an arranged claim. You should meet someone you actually like..." It stung to think of her getting claimed by someone she might not hardly know, someone who might give a damn about seeing her succeed. But Brandon knew he wasn't good for her, couldn't be the one to claim her, and it was wrong to keep giving her bad ideas.
Alex: Alex rose a brow slightly but just smiled down at the table for a moment before back up at him, "I guess I'll just have to take your word for it." She replied softly. She took another bite of her food, already getting full so she slowed down a bit, just sipping at her drink as she hummed, "Right now school is the priority. as for meeting someone...I guess I'll just see where the cards lay. A claim isn't a priority for me right now." And it was true. She could practically feel him tensing up and she wanted to divert the conversation, not make things awkward. "Is it sad I'm already getting full?" She asked, trying to casually change the subject as she sat back in her seat a bit more, just sipping her drink.
Brandon: "A little bit sad," Brandon replied, grateful for the subject change. He finished off his glass of water, set it aside for a refill. "But if it makes you feel any better, I'm almost done too." He'd finished about half of his food, which was a lot considering. He was finally starting to feel a bit better, less queasy than before. Maybe he'd skip the IV, save it for a worse hangover. "At any rate, I feel better, don't you? Once you get home, you should get all nice and bundled up. Knock off the chill."
Alex: Alex gave him a smile, nodding, "It does- especially since I know just how much you can eat." She teased lightly, glad he took the subject change. She didn't want to think about claims and relationships anymore than knowig she'd seen Brandon hook up with someone else--because knowing was one thing, but /seeing/? That stung in a way she knew she shouldn't let it. This was just about hooking up and having needs met, that's it. That's all it could be. "I do feel a lot better." She hummed softly, nodding, "I'm not frozen anymore, but putting on sweatpants does sound like a good idea. Plus, I have to finalize my list for classes to register tomorrow. Are...you still okay with tagging along?"
Brandon: "Yeah, of course. I'm free in the morning. After that, I should really probably spend time at my office. I've been kind of neglecting it for a minute." Not that many patients had been coming in. After Lilith's kidnapping, the family seemed to be dotting their i's and crossing their t's, making sure that violence was hold at least until all the claims had been finalized. Still, he'd been lax with his little clinic and needed to focus on what was most important.
Alex: "Okay, great. The office opens at seven so...maybe around eight? Or do you need your beauty sleep first?" Alex asked with a grin, still wanting to keep things lighter and easier. The waitress came by again and took the plates so it could be put into take-out containers and promised to come back with the bill. "And it shouldn't take too long, so yeah, after I can take the bus back home or something so you can go straight to work."
Brandon: "No, no - I'll pick you up about seven-thirty so we can be there at eight. Sound like a deal?" Brandon asked, smile on his face. "We can take the rest of the day to get our beauty sleep in, yeah?" He asked. Surprisingly, the thought of going out again was utterly exhausting. Brandon wasn't much of a home body, but that was exactly where he wanted to go. "I can still take you to work. I don't see any mishaps happening, especially with Lord Montague's claim ceremony days away - but still. Better safe than sorry."
Alex: Alex thought about it before finally nodding, "Okay, sounds like a deal." She echoed in agreement, smiling at the thought, "That's another thing I'm getting used to, having days to just...lounge around, sleep in. It's nice." For the quickest of seconds she was about to ask if he just wanted to come over and watch movies or something, but she held it back and just finished off the rest of her mimosa, smiling over at him, "That's a good point. Everyone seems to want to be on their best behavior, even if things are calm now since there's been three claims...and that the whole Adriana thing was been solved." It felt so odd to talk about a murder so casually, but she hadn't known the woman, so it hadn't outright affected her. "Hopefully things all around are just calm now."
Brandon: "With any luck, we'll get through these ceremonies without any more headaches," Brandon said, though his voice was unsure. When had anything ever worked out the way it should in Verona? "I suspect if anything happens, the Prince will want even more claims submitted. Or he might make do on his promise..." Brandon hoped not. He didn't know anything else but Verona, didn't want to know anywhere else. "The violence has been worse though, in the past. Surely the quiet has to count for something."
Alex: "Here's to hoping." She nodded, leaning back more in her chair as she hummed, giving him a tiny little smile, "Hey, weren't you the one that was telling me you thought the decree was a bluff? That he wouldn't throw us out? ..You need to keep that hope alive for the both of us." She told him softly, going quiet for a second, "If we had to leave here....I don't even know where I'd go. I grew up in Florence but..I don't know if I'd want to go back. Too many memories.." she bit her lip, shrugging a bit, "This is the first place that's actually felt like /home/ since I left there.." She blinked back up at him, nodding and taking his word for it, "I hope so.
Brandon: Brandon shrugged. "I know... I still don't think he'd go through with it. But with Lilith getting kidnapped, the Commander getting shot - it's a lot of high profile violence. No one cares about the violence that happens to the little people..." he scoffed. "The claims are a good start at making sure it doesn't happen at least." For a moment, he paused to consider where he would go. "Florence, huh? Makes sense you're a Florentine girl." He smiled, shrugging his shoulders again. "Rome, I guess, is where I'd go. Where I imagine a lot of people would go."
Alex: Alex nodded again, only pausing for a second as the waitress stopped by with their leftovers and the little folder with the bill. "Maybe they should start caring. The little are who make up most of the population anyways. Without us there's not much left." She shrugged, giving him a smile and a roll of her eyes at his comment, "What's that supposed to mean?" She asked teasingly as she reached over to grab his water to take a sip and then nodding again, "I've never been there. Actually...that was next on my list. After leaving Florence I spent time in Milan and some time in Venice. Little towns with motels and places in between. I was planning on going to Rome after Verona, but clearly plans changed."
Brandon: "They should," Brandon agreed, pulling out his wallet for his card. He slipped his card inside the folder, leaving on the edge of the table. "Mm, just means you're a girl with refined tastes, of course." Brandon winked before shrugging his shoulders. "I haven't either - I just imagine that's where everyone would fit in best. Somewhere huge where Montagues and Capulets don't make up so much of the population. I figured if that didn't work out, I could always go to Naples. Maybe further south to Palermo where there's more sun." He grinned. "I'm glad you made a pitstop here instead of continuing on..."
Alex: Alex stopped herself from looking at the bill, from offering to at least pay half- stopped herself from feeling guilty over having a meal that she didn't even know the price of. It was a new year now...time to start learning new things and trying to kick old habits from her old life. "Refined, huh?" She grinned, tilting her head slightly, "I'll take the compliment." She thought about that, everyone going to a big city, and he made a fair point. The families dominated the population here, but in a place like Rome they'd be outnumbered. "Still, imagine Oz trying to carve out his own little corner of the city. He'd probably try and have it all under his control in months." She laughed at the thought, shaking her head ruefully at herself. "Palermo looks beautiful. Oh, and Amalfi..." She practically sighed it out, a smile on her lips as she thought about how beautiful it looked in pictures. Traveling had always been a pipe dream when she was younger, but now it could actually happen.. She blinked back up at him, the same smile on her face as she met his eyes, "I am too."
Brandon: Brandon chuckled, figuring that even outnumbered, Oz could make a dent in a huge city like Rome in no time. His family would no doubt choose to follow him wherever he went and it wouldn't take long for them to build something for themselves again. "Yeah, no doubt about that. Oz is nothing if not resourceful in that regard..." he agreed. "Well, beautiful as they sound, I hope I'm never forced to go there. Only by choice. Something to look forward to though." The waitress came to pick up the little folder, pay their bill. "Maybe that's something you can do your second or third year in college - study abroad. That could be fun."
Alex: Alex laughed softly, nodding "He'll definitely make it work. And who knows...maybe I'll just follow wherever he goes, then at least I won't end up completely alone again." She meant it jokingly but her smile held a bit of sadness in it as she shrugged. Once everything was paid for she took another sip of his water and passed it back, smiling as she nodded "Maybe. That could definitely be fun, I never thought about it....or at least a vacation. ..never had one of those either."
Brandon: "You should. You know Oz would pay for it since it relates to your education. And it would be a good thing for you to do. We need more worldly Montagues, tell us what the outside world is like. Sometimes it's easy to forget there is a whole wide world outside of this city..." Or at least for Brandon it was. He'd stubbornly refused to continue his education outside of Verona, felt too entrenched in the city to ever leave. It was foolish and even he could admit that, but he couldn't imagine living somewhere else. "I had friends in college who travelled studied somewhere completely foreign. Like, New York. Or Buenos Aires. Tokyo. Places like those almost seem made up, y'know?"
Alex: "I'll think about it..for now I think I wanna just at least get my foot in the door with college and start my first semester before I start thinking about going abroad." She teased lightly, nodding "Whej I was little I used to have a list of places to go. New York is on there, and Vegas. But then other countries like Greece, France... itd just be nice to travel. But baby steps. I think I've travelled enough in the last few months for a while." She smiled at him, letting out a breath and shifting "So..we ready to head out?"
Brandon: "I can definitely understand," Brandon replied, nodding. "Just, something to think about. And yeah, I think I'm ready to head back. We've had our share of excitement for the day." He winked at her, finishing off the last of his water. "I'll take you home. Then tomorrow, we'll get your classes sorted. Sound good?"
Alex: "Yeah, sounds perfect." She was excited to get a start on her classes, getting everything finalized to /finally/ get the ball rolling on potentially being a teacher one day. Alex moved to stand then, tugging her jacket on to mentally preparing herself to brave the new wave of cold in her dress after finally being fully warmed up. "Let's go."
Brandon: Brandon tugged on his jacket as well, heading out Alex. "Race you to the car?" he asked, grinning at her before opening up the door. "Three, two, one..." To the chagrin of the wait staff, he tore open the door, racing out through the parking lot with a grin on his face. He unlocked the car door, sliding into the driver's seat before looking over at the passenger side. "Oooh, too slow."
Alex: "Wait, wha--" Before she could really process it he was off, yanking at the door and she laughed, giving the staff a (not so) apologetic grin and ran off after him, laughing as she rolled her eyes because she couldn't exactly match him while in heels. Still, she got there a few seconds later, a bit flushed from the cold but a grin on her face, "Jerk." She told him in between laughter.
Brandon: "Yeah, yeah - but see? We got out of the cold so much faster that way." Brandon chuckled, turning on the car to get some heat rolling. "Always a method to my madness." He turned the radio down low as he started toward Alex's place. The drive to the Montague Tower didn't take too long, especially with most citizens in Verona at home nursing their hangovers. He pulled up as close as he could, then unlocked the doors. "Alright, sweetheart - tomorrow, 7:30?"
Alex: "Sure, we'll go with that." She deadpanned, rolling her eyes fondly at him as she settled into her seat and soon enough they were off, the ride seeming much quicker than usual and before she knew it he was pulling up in front of the tower, their day together coming to an end. She undid her seatbelt, making sure she had all her things before she looked back at him, "Yes Sir." She told him with a grin, the title more teasing than serious. She hesitated for a second, pausing, before just leaning over and pressing a kiss to his cheek, "Thank you for today. I can safely say it was a morning I'll never forget."
Brandon: Brandon let her kiss his cheek, offered her a smile in return. He was too worried he was encouraging something in her to do anything else. "You're welcome, sweetheart. Go on and get some rest, alright? I'll see you tomorrow bright and early. Good night." Brandon waited until he could see she was through the doors of the tower before he finally pulled off.
Alex: Alex rolled her eyes at him but smiled and nodded, "I will. And you too. Get some rest and you won't need that IV drip." She moved to open the door then and climb out, turning to him once more, "Bye Brandon." She smiled, closing the door behind her and then headed inside, refusing to let her thoughts go to places she knew they couldn't when it came to him. Brandon was just her friend, and that's all he'd ever be.
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B for Bollocks (1/2)
Hello! I’ve been lurking at the edges of the MMFD fic tag for much too long, so I’ve finally decided to leave my shadowy corner and venture out into the light. The blinding, extremely intimidating light. Every emu I’ve encountered has been nothing but lovely, but that doesn’t stop the doubt from creeping in and unpacking it’s bullshit. Especially as of late, since there has been a plethora of amazing stories gracing my dashboard (looking at you @how-ardently @slitherouter @rinnship @kneekeyta @madfatty @hey1tskat1e @crystalgiddings1993 @emmatationsforall (and that’s not even everyone!)).
This is my first dabble in writing and if I’m being generous I am about 27% confident in it, so I am basically throwing this out there and running away. Story is a season 1-esque AU and will be a two parter. @mmfdfanfic
Finn shuffles past the green doors of The Swan with a heavy sigh. Keeping his eyes trained on his boots, he makes a beeline for the bar, completely unaware of the greedy stares from a table of girls in the corner. Waiting for his pint, he finally moves his eyes to the table near the jukebox, where he knew the gang would be sat. Well, the gang minus one. Rae.
Finn was well aware that she had a shift at the record shop which meant she would be last to arrive, which in turn meant he wasn’t in any hurry. He’d been antsy to get down there all day to see her but his dad had been on his back about yard work; even going as far as to threaten to play his 70s soft rock tunes at top volume next time Rae was over if Finn didn’t get it done. He shuddered at the thought, then bit his lip to stop the grin that came with the image of Rae’s likely reaction: furrowed brows, turned up nose, slightly parted kissable lips. He could practically see the fire dancing in her eyes and hear her cheeky comment of how he’d “definitely inherited his dad’s taste in crap music”. Another feeling, this time in his stomach, came to him when he thought about how he would drag her upstairs where they’d lie side by side on his bed listening to records.
Finn glanced at his watch, contemplating if he still had time to sprint down to the shop. He could just look around in the last few minutes of her shift and then walk her back to the pub. But it was five to and by the time he ran there he would probably be a sweaty mess. No, not a good idea. He did not need her to see him like that. Rae made him nervous enough without the added worry of BO.
“Oi, Finn!” Chop’s voice broke through the pub and Finn looked over to see him waving both arms like some blimmin’ air traffic conductor. Finn nodded in his direction, taking another sip of his pint before ambling over. “Took yas long enough, knobhead! Need another lad to outnumber these two and their girly talk” Chop jerked a thumb in Chloe and Izzy’s direction. Finn chuckled, taking out his tobacco tin and papers. If the girls were on about something, he definitely needed a rollie.
“Oh please, Chop. You talk about girls in front of us all the time!” Chloe huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Hearing you lot go on about how blue a bloke’s eyes are is not drinking talk, alrigh’?” Chop grumbled, his eyes shooting to Izzy for a second before he knocked back the rest of his beer.
“You know, all blue eyed people can be traced back to one caveman” Archie said matter of factly, pushing his glasses higher up the bridge of his nose.
“So you and Chop are related then?” Izzy asked seriously.
“For fucks sake! Boys and history! Finn mate, save me” Chop begged. Finn just shook his head and laughed while he lit up his smoke. “Jesus. Where the hell is Raemundo when you need her? I swear she’s the only fun one ‘round here.”
Rae. Now that is a subject Finn was willing to chime in on. “She’ll be here soon, mate. Her shift just ended.” He couldn’t help but smile.
“I wonder if she’ll bring Brandon with her” Izzy said to the whole table. Finn immediately scowled. Brandon? Who the fuck is Brandon? And why the hell would Rae be bringing him?
“Oh God, I hope so Iz. They seemed pretty chummy earlier” Chloe said excitedly, flicking her hair over her shoulder. Earlier? Chummy? Finn had definitely missed something.
“I’ll shout the next round. Give us a hand, Arch” Finn got up and Archie followed him to the bar. Finn glanced back at the table to make sure that the others couldn’t hear before leaning closer to Archie. Giving the room a glance to seem nonchalant, he asked “Who’s Brandon?”
Archie looked over his shoulder at the table then back to Finn. “Just a bloke who started working at the record shop. The girls went to see Rae earlier and she was training him.” Finn just nodded, knocking the bar a few times with a fist he hadn’t realized he’d made. Archie gave Finn a tight lipped smile. “I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about, mate”
“Worry? Why would I worry? Means nowt to me” Finn shrugged and pulled at his ear lobe. Archie gave him a knowing look but didn’t say anything else.
They had been sat at the table for almost an hour, Finn silently counting the minutes and nursing his pint. He kept glancing up every time the doors swung open, waiting for a flash of dark hair and pale skin. Rae was late, which was odd, and Finn couldn’t help but wonder why. He was beginning to worry when he heard the latch on the door and his head snapped up for what felt like the hundredth time that afternoon. Finally. Rae. Fear creased her brows for a second until she spotted them and smiled. Finn felt that all too familiar tug of happy nerves in first his stomach and then his chest; which was punctuated further by the fact that she was alone. He moved down on the bench, making a spot for her right next to him. Finn opened his mouth to greet her but was cut off by Chop’s boisterous exclamation.
“About time, baby girl! I was about to send out a sexy search party!”
“Hiya” Rae gave the table a small wave and slid in next to Finn, leaving a sizable gap between them which he immediately closed. He pressed his thigh against hers which made her look up at him and he gave her a sheepish grin as a hello.
“Where ya been, Rae?” Izzy asked as she chewed on the straw of her alcopop.
“Yeah your shift ended ages ago” Chloe added.
“Soz, mum! I had to stay a bit later to show the new guy how to close”
Finn hid his smile behind his pint glass. New guy. Didn’t even call him by his name. Mr. Blue eyes may be memorable to some, but not Rae.
“God, I’d show him how to close any day” Chloe offered suggestively, moving her brows up and down quickly.
“Yeah you said as much earlier, Chlo. Right in earshot of him too” Rae rolled her eyes and scoffed.
“So did he ask about me then?” It was Finn’s turn to roll his eyes. Chloe always thought every guy was after her.
“Er…we didn’t really speak about anything but work”
“Did you ask him to the pub?” Izzy asked, which earned her a confused look from Chop.
“Nah. He mentioned earlier that he had footy after his shift”
“Well did you ask where he plays, babe? Maybe we could go watch” Chloe practically bounced in her seat.
“Nope” Rae shrugged, and Finn had to suppress a relieved sigh before taking a gulp of his drink. “But he walked me over here, so probably close by.”
Finn choked on his beer. He spluttered and coughed, and when Rae reached to pat him on the back he knew he was beet red. “M'fine” he mumbled at the concerned faces of the table. He glanced at Archie who gave him a grimace.
“So what do you think of him then?” Chloe pressed on.
“I don’t know! He’s alright, I guess. We literally just met” Rae’s voice was laced with frustration at Chloe’s questioning, but her cheeks seemed slightly pinker. Finn would know, he spent enough time staring at her to notice any minute change.
“Enough o’ this talk,” Chop interrupted, pounding on the table with a fist. “We have better things to discuss!”
Thank you, Chopper Finn thought. As Chop went on about driving out to Rutlands at the weekend, Finn moved his finger to Rae’s thigh. B-A-R? She smiled softly at him and nodded, and they both slipped off the bench. He followed behind her, admiring the swish of her hair across her back as she walked, shoving his hands in his pocket so he wouldn’t reach out and stroke it. Rae leaned against the wall, facing the table while Finn hunched over the counter.
“How was work?”
“Okay. Thought you were gonna stop by?”
“I wanted to, but my dad was on it about chores”
“Too bad. We got some new reggae in. I know how much you like that toss” Rae smirked at him and Finn had to grip the wood top to stop from kissing it off her stupid pretty face. He ordered their drinks from the bar man and nodded his head to the tune coming from the jukebox. The silence between them that was usually so comfortable felt heavy, and Finn knew he had to ask.
“So…new guy at the shop?”
“God you’re not interested in him too, are you?” Rae teased, throwing her hands up in the air. Finn laughed and shook his head. “He’s just a guy. Don’t know why those two are on about it so much.” She shrugged and turned so she was shoulder to shoulder with him. After a pause she leaned into him slightly, which made him look to her. Their eyes met before she said “he’s just a coworker” and in those four words Finn thought maybe she knew; knew how much he liked her, knew how little he liked the idea of another guy in her life, knew about that skin tingling spark he felt whenever she was close. He was staring at her lips until his view was obstructed by her snakebite, and as he followed her back to the table he made a vow to himself to make a goddamned move.
As it turned out, making a move was impossible when Rae was literally never alone. If it wasn’t Chloe or Izzy giggling away in her ear, it was Chop making her laugh with his crude jokes, or bloody Archie hauling her off to a dark corner to talk about whatever the hell they always had to talk about in private. Rae hadn’t even been over to his in ages – okay, six days but who’s counting – because if they weren’t with the gang she was working at the record shop. He’d visit her as much as he could, but even then she was distracted. The commercial music store on the high street was closed for renovations which meant Town was busier than ever. Much to Finn’s annoyance that meant Rae was either busy with a customer or restocking shelves. He couldn’t even enjoy looking around with the throngs of twittering girls searching fruitlessly for the latest boy band album.
It was a Thursday afternoon and Finn hadn’t seen her in a day and a half and it was doing his head in. He was sitting with Archie in the park, trying to pay attention to his mate’s ramblings, but after the third time Archie had to repeat himself Finn knew the only way his mind would focus was if it was on Rae.
“Fancy going down to the record store?”
“I guess. Rae’s working, yeah?”
“Dunno. Maybe.” She was, and he definitely knew.
Pushing the glass door open, Finn was pleased to find the shop was relatively dull for once. There were only a handful of customers milling about, and it was quiet enough he could make out Parklife playing overhead. He heard a familiar laugh and his head shot up to find it. Rae. She was standing behind the counter price marking CDs. A tall dark haired lad was standing next to her (too close in Finn’s opinion) and Little Al was leaning against the counter talking to them both.
“Alright, lads?” Al yelled across the shop.
Archie waved and Finn merely nodded in greeting, his eyes never leaving Rae. “Alright, girl?” he said as they reached the group.
“Hiya Finn, Arch” she replied, a small smile on her lips. The tall bloke cleared his throat and Rae looked away from Finn and at him. “Guys, this is Brandon. Brandon this is Finn and Archie.”
So this is Brandon. Finn barely acknowledged the lad, while Archie went to shake his hand. Wanker.
“Nice to meet you” Brandon said politely.
“This here is Rae’s ex” Little Al piped up, clapping Archie on the shoulder. The entire group turned their heads to Al, in a collective ‘what the fuck?’ “Just getting the skeletons out the closet now!” Al laughed, hands up in surrender. Finn looked to Rae to find her eyes back down to the CDs, cheeks crimson.
“Ex boyfriend, eh?” Brandon directed at Archie and Finn could swear he saw him bristle, stand a little taller, as he looked Archie over.
“Er..yeah, but we’re just best mates now” Archie shot Rae a supportive smile, which she returned.
Brandon turned his eyes to Finn and Finn had to bite his cheek to not burst out with ‘And I’m her future boyfriend, ya prick’.
“Right, I’m off. Brandon, swing round mine on Saturday, yeah? Big party” Little Al slapped the counter for emphasis.
Brandon shrugged and turned to Rae, “You going?”
“Uh…yeah, we all are”
“If Rae’s going, I’m there” Brandon declared, a big grin on his face, as he swung his arm over Rae’s shoulders. Finn’s hackles rose, hands clenching into fists at his sides. In his mind’s eye he was ripping Brandon’s arm out of it’s socket, but in reality he stood there stunned. Rae rolled her eyes and shook her head, but blushed nonetheless.
“RAE” Finn hadn’t even realized he spoke out, loudly at that, until everyone was looking at him. He cleared his throat and said in a quieter voice, “you said you were gonna show me some new stuff?” He motioned with his head towards the other side of the shop.
“Right! This way, sir” she did a little bow to direct him which caused Brandon’s arm to drop from it’s perch and Finn couldn’t help but smirk at him.
“You won’t believe what came in the other day. Don’t tell anyone but I misfiled it so no one would find it” Rae chuckled as she fingered through a box of vinyl.
“Come to mine tonight” Finn blurted. Apparently he had no control over his mouth today. Rae looked stunned at his practical demand; her mouth popped open, eyes searching his face. Finn demurred a bit at her hesitance. He looked down at the random record he’d grabbed and then back at her through his lashes. Once when he looked at her like that she blushed and looked away like maybe it affected her somehow and since then Finn held it in his ‘ways to get to Rae’ arsenal. It must still be a powerful weapon because her apprehensive look morphed into a cheeky smile.
“Why, you miss me Finnley?” Rae leaned over the crate between them and Finn automatically matched her movement, his arms resting centimeters from her hands.
Yes. So much. “Nah, not at all. In fact it was my dad that asked me to get you over” Finn shrugged, feigning nonchalance.
“That right? I guess Gary never did finish telling me about that time you put on your cousin Gemma’s princess outfit. Think he was about to break out the photo album” she replied, a mischievous glint in her eye. Finn glanced down to her lips and wondered for maybe the millionth time what they’d taste like. Whatever the flavour he knew her seeing his awkward childhood photos would be worth it. He opened his mouth to keep the banter going but suddenly Archie was at his side.
“Finn, you about ready? We’re meant to meet Chop soon” Fuck. He had totally forgotten about the stupid action film he’d agreed to see with Chop and the other footy lads.
“Guess I’ll have to bear witness to your embarrassment another time, eh?” Rae nudged his arm. Finn couldn’t help how his face fell.
“Tomorrow?” he asked hopefully.
“Eager for me to shame you then?” She chuckled. “But I’m working all day and then I have to do some stuff for my mum. I’ll see you Saturday at Al’s?”
“Yeah I guess” he replied glumly.
Finn hadn’t noticed Brandon standing on the other side of Rae until he spoke up. “So you’re free tonight then, Rae?”
Three pairs of eyes looked over at Brandon; one surprised, one wary, and one throwing daggers. “Um, yeah. I guess so”
“Maybe we should do something then”
Now all eyes were on Rae. She looked extremely uncomfortable and shuffled in place a bit before finally saying “Erm..okay. If you want to,” she shrugged.
Brandon beamed and nodded before saying “I really do.”
Finn felt his stomach drop to somewhere around his ankles. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to vomit or scream but he knew for certain the urge to rip any and all limbs off Brandon was in the forefront. His face must have betrayed his violent thoughts because he felt a conciliatory hand on his shoulder and turned to see Archie looking at him sympathetically.
“We better go. Rae I’ll ring you later, yeah?” Archie broke the palpable tension.
“Sure, Arch. Have fun at the cinema.”
Finn wouldn’t let himself read into the disappointed lilt in her voice. Instead he gave her a tight smile and turned to leave. Pausing by the shop window he allowed himself one glance back only to see Brandon standing in the spot he just vacated, body leaned towards Rae as she laughed at something he’d said.
They weren’t dating. Finn had heard so enough times from a scoffing Chloe, but they could have fooled him. Since the party three weeks ago, Brandon was always around. Specifically around Rae. That meant that Finn’s time with her had significantly decreased, along with his mood. It was blindingly clear that Brandon fancied her, and Finn was starting to worry that Rae felt the same. They’d show up at the pub together after work, or leave early if they both had a morning shift the next day. And if they weren’t off working together, they were talking about work; about the awful album someone bought, or the creepy bloke with the equally creepy mustache who only bought a CD if it had a half naked woman on the cover. It didn’t help that Chop, the pillock, kept making sly remarks about the two of them “sneaking off to do naughty things”; while Archie, the know it all, kept giving Finn apologetic looks. Not to mention Izzy and Chloe finding Brandon exceedingly charming, inviting him to every party and outing. Traitors, the lot of them.
Numerous times Finn caught Brandon ogling Rae’s chest when she wasn’t looking, or clocked him touching the ends of her hair as his arm rested on the back of her seat. It made Finn queasy, especially since it gave him a glimpse of what he probably looked like to an outsider; some eager puppy pawing for attention.
But when Rae walked into the pub, alone for once, everything inside Finn said fuck it, be whatever you have to be. He practically ran back to the table to pull out a chair for her. She greeted the gang and sat down next to him and he actually sighed when their arms touched. Chloe and Izzy were already babbling away to her about their dance class, so Finn reached out and rested his hand on Rae’s thigh. She twitched at the contact but he felt her relax almost immediately. He didn’t actually know what to write, just jumped at the chance to touch her again, so he drummed his fingers absently as he thought. After a few seconds her hand grasped his fingers, halting their movement.
She released her grip and wrote T-I-C-K-L-E-S on the back of his hand and he literally watched the goosebumps rise on his skin.
S-O-R-R-Y he traced.
I-T-S-O-K her finger replied, this time on his leg.
M-I-N-E, he paused. He had half a mind to end it there, but kept going. L-A-T-E-R-? He looked at her face and she was looking back at him confused. He reached over to explain, T-E-A-+-R-E-C-O-R-D-S
Her whole body seemed to breathe a relaxed sigh before she wrote S-U-P-P-O-S-E. Finn noticed her lips quirk at the corners and he had to fight off his own face breaking grin.
S-N-A-K-E-B-I-T-E-? He could have easily just written ‘drink’ but four more letters meant four more reasons to feel her beneath his fingertip.
P-L-E-A-S-E
He gave her thigh a quick squeeze before getting up to grab her order.
As he made his way back, pints in hand, he looked up to see the girls leaned over the table. Chloe had her hand at Rae’s neck, while Izzy looked on with bright eyes. Finn sat down to see they were fawning over a necklace.
“This is what you were telling me about, babe?” Chloe asked excitedly.
Rae tried to nod, but the hold Chloe had on her stopped her from moving too far. “It’s thoughtful, right?”
“Thoughtful? Rae this is mint!” Chloe exclaimed, examining it closer.
“Yeah Rae, that is dead nice. Like proper jewelry” Izzy added.
Rae blushed and leaned away so the necklace fell from Chloe’s grasp, and that’s when Finn saw it. It was a fine chain with a round pendant. Definitely real gold, like Izzy said. But it’s what was engraved on it that made his mouth go dry and his stomach twist. B. A fucking capital initial B. B for Bollocks. B for Bastard. B for fucking Brandon. Finn just knew it was from him.
“What’s this all about then?” Chop asked from the end of the table, craning his head to try to see the necklace.
“It’s nothing” Rae said, quickly tucking the necklace back under her shirt.
“That is definitely not nothing, Rae! Something like that must have cost him a fortune!” Chloe explained.
“Wait, what are we talking about?” Archie questioned, placing his arms on the table.
“Nothing! Just a gift. Can we move on?” Rae turned red at all the attention, while Finn went ghostly white.
This can’t be fucking happening. They’re not together. Everyone says they’re not together. Chloe. Archie. But now she’s walking around with a necklace that practically brands her? Finn thought he might spew the three pints he had swimming in his belly. His mind was drowning in a volatile mix of anger, disappointment, hurt, and regret. He practically saw the months he’d spent pining for her crumble away, along with the wasted worry over building up the courage to stop spelling out drink orders and write what he really wanted to say: I-LIKE-YOU-AN-ALMOST-UNHEALTHY-AMOUNT. He had stupidly been imagining this elaborate romantic story line for them in his head; best mates turned lovers who can’t help but pounce on each other as their favourite band played a soundtrack in the background just for them. 50% of the time he thought she knew, while another 50% of him was sure there was some kind of hope. Clearly he was 100% wrong. And now she was wearing another bloke’s necklace.
He hadn’t realized that he stood up from the table until the rough scrape of the chair on the floor brought all eyes to him. “I-I gotta go.”
“Wait, Finn…” Archie started to stand.
“I’ll just see you later, Arch.”
“Oi! Your pint’s still full!” Chop gestured with his own glass.
“Finn?” Rae placed a hand on his forearm, concern etched into all her features. But he couldn’t take her sympathy, couldn’t fall for the frown on the lips she’s probably been using to snog Brandon, so he shook her off and grabbed for his jacket. “But I thought we-”
“Another time” Finn cut her off and without another glance stormed out of the pub.
#mmfd#mmfdfanfic#Rinn#my mad fat diary#my mad fat fandom#b for bollocks#mmfd fanfic#mmfd fan fiction#mmfd fanfiction#i wrote this
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Ten Questions To Ask Post UFC 215
Joey
September 14th
1- Is the women's bantamweight division dead?
Allow for the hyperbole for a second. The UFC's bantamweight division in 2015 was a vibrant popping scene buoyed by one of the best rivalries in Miesha Tate vs Ronda Rousey. Even when the two weren't fighting, they were in competition with one another seemingly at all times. Throw in a rising Holly Holm, the "at least she's amusing" Bethe Correia, a surging Amanda Nunes, some prospects trying to make some waves, aging pros like Marion Reneau and Sara McMann and you had a something. Maybe not a GREAT class but it's a something! Fast forward to 2017 and you have an unpopular Amanda Nunes, Valentina Shevchenko in limbo, an inconsistent Holly Holm (if not in performance than at least in weight), no Ronda, no Miesha, a missing Cat Zingano and Rocky Pennington and the likes of Marion Reneau, Sara McMann, Jessica Eye and Bethe Corriea all essentially doing a whole lot of nothing as it pertains towards career advancement. Leslie Smith may be your "breakout player" but she's a prelim creature if she's going to espouse unions on your programming.
This fight between Nunes and Shevchenko was supposed to either give us a dominant champion or set the stage for an epic rubber match in a rivalry. It ultimately did neither. It gave us more questions, seemingly at a time where an impatient fanbase is adamant about simply not wanting any more questions. After pulling out in July and giving us more time to indulge in their bad blood rivalry, we got a good fight with no real defining moments. It was a fine technical affair but one that lacked in the excitement factor and most importantly left everyone wondering who really won. The division is no better off now than it was and if anything, it's worse. Nunes is an unpopular champion (of all of Ronda's heirs, she's the one who has the most apparent "She's not Ronda!" backlash to her name), her largest threats are moving to new weight classes (Holm, Zingano and Shevchenko are all going to try their hands elsewhere) and Nunes seems to be buckling under the burden of being the adopted face of WMMA. It all makes you wonder what the future of 135 lbs. 145 lbs is a gimmick title but if Cyborg proves to be the star some think she could be then it may step over bantamweight, gimmick or not. The same I guess could be said for 125 lbs which will start with the weakest UFC champion in history BUT will likely have Valentina Shevchenko, Paige Van Zant, Joanna Champion and Katlyn Chookagian all in the division by the midway point of next year. 135 has a far less exciting path layed out for it, a million plotholes on a dirt covered road with an endless amount of deer and other wildlife darting in and out to derail it.
So is 135 lbs dead? I dunno. All I know is the UFC needs to figure it out before Nunes and company wind up with numbers that would make Mighty Mouse blush and cringe.
2- When is the best time to do Mighty Mouse vs Ray Borg?
Easy enough I guess. If Ray Borg is going to get the title shot still, when is the right time? The general consensus is UFC 216 which would probably be a not half bad set up. UFC 216's main card as of right now judging by the UFC.com line up would be:
Tony Ferguson vs Kevin Lee
Derrick Lewis vs Fabricio Werdum
PVZ vs Jessica Eye
Walt Harris vs Mark Godbeer
Beneil Dariush vs Evan Dunham
With Will Brooks vs Nik Lentz as your big FS1 headliner.
Not awful but surely not the best offering we're going to get this year. Throw in the fight with Borg vs Mighty Mouse as the main event and that's a pretty darned good fight. Now having said that, would Mighty Mouse vs Borg be better suited elsewhere? Fox in December? Icing on the cake of UFC 217? Do you kinda just punt on 216? Alvarez vs Gaethje needs five rounds so let's not think about that finale.
3- How do you prevent the seemingly unpreventable?
Fighters get hurt. That much is simply a fact of life. Nothing new nor is there much to do for major prevention. Fighters getting sick the week of from bad weight cuts? Maybe it's not a new concept but now it's exposed to the eyes of the public. The UFC has had a fight fall through either AT weigh ins or the day of the fights on all but three of their PPVs (210, 211 and 214) and at least three of those fights were main or co-main events. So how do you fix this? Fighters moving to their natural weight classes to prevent the intense weight cuts is a starter but you can't force guys to move weight classes. Stiffer punishments for fighters who pull out? Well I mean for the bloodthirsty among us you'd get a nod of approval BUT you're still essentially taxing people for having the audacity to miss weight. Probably not the best look either. So how do you prevent the unpreventable?
4- Is Henry Cejudo vs Sergio Pettis a more attractive fight than Mighty Mouse vs Ray Borg?
There's simply no doubting that Henry Cejudo was the star of UFC 215. He went out and finished Wilson Reis via strikes, something that hasn't happened since 2011 when Reis was fighting guys at 145 lbs. He finished him in less time than it took Mighty Mouse and his hands continue to take big steps forward. Cejudo is the sort of guy who at times will flash the skills and talent that reminds you why he's been such a highly regarded yet downright frustrating prospect. So all of this leads into seemingly a fight with fellow streaking 125er Sergio Pettis. Pettis' resume was wafer thin until he handled Brandon Moreno over five rounds in a pretty damn good fight. Now it looks like we're about to get a Cejudo vs Pettis rebooking and if so, is it a more appealing fight to fans than Ray Borg vs Mighty Mouse?
5- Okay Canada, NOW what?
Gavin Tucker, arguably your top prospect, just got swamped by Rick Glenn. You seem to be lacking an exciting fight finisher of note and most of your top prospects are either losing (Elias Theodorou) or boring no buys fighters (Jeremy Kennedy and Olivier Aubin-Mercier). So....what's the plan then? There's some damn good fighters from Canada on the regional circuit but the search for the next star from Canada seems to be once again ongoing. Perhaps it's a losing battle fought by only the most desperate of us.
6- How far can this RDA at 170 lbs experiment go?
If there's one thing I've learned during this flock of lightweights moving up to 170 lbs, it's that 165 lbs is going to be one hell of a weight class when it gets opened up. The latest guy to join Donald Cerrone, Benson Henderson and Jorge Masvidal is Rafael Dos Anjos with a borderline dominant submission win over Neil Magny at UFC 215. RDA left 155 lbs after two losses, both relatively dominant losses I might add, and walked into 170 lbs with a few guys (myself included) not giving him much of a chance. He's beaten a tough stylistic challenge in Tarec Saffiedine and then walked through Neil Magny. There isn't a lot of fresh matchups at the top of 170 lbs as it stands given how Wonderboy/Woodley and Maia have faced EVERYONE but it'll be interesting to see if the UFC exercises patience re: Rafael Dos Anjos or if this performance can get him to leapfrog Robbie Lawler in the rankings.
7- Is Gil Melendez the biggest bust in UFC history?
Relatively self explanatory. The UFC has had some big signings but perhaps none have faltered as poorly as Melendez has. Hector Lombard could be argued is worse (or at the very least more expensive) but it felt like most folks acknowledged Lombard was more or less a desperate attempt at finding somebody who could eventually generate interest at 185 lbs. Cro Cop? Maybe I guess.
8- How will history look back at Sara McMann in the UFC?
McMann's UFC resume is relatively paper thin if one truly wishes to be critical about it. Sheila Gaff, Jessica Eye, Gina Mazany, Lauren Murphy and Alexis Davis mark her positives. Her losses on the other hand are pretty stellar; Ronda Rousey, Amanda Nunes, Kelten Vieira and Miesha Tate are the elite of the elites if you follow WMMA. McMann entered the UFC with a lot of fanfare but thus far hasn't made much good on it BUT at the same time, pick any women and ask her to face THAT same line up and see how they look at the end of it.
9- Is Kajan Johnson a UFC problem?
Well this is sort of dramatic I suppose. Kajan Johnson is a "problem" in a very loose borderline flimsy meaning of the word. He's an activist for fighter's rights and whether you agree or disagree with his views, it's probably better than not to have a guy looking out for fighters. Like Leslie Smith, he strikes me as a guy the UFC can just keep on prelims---but guys who win at 155 lbs will always get attention, especially if they finish tough fighters like Adriano Martins. So problem? Or no problem?
10- Did we learn something about Tyson Pedro or did we learn all we need to learn?
The general rule of thumb when it comes to prospects is that you should never trust a prospect until his wrestling is tested---repeatedly. While Paul Craig had no luck taking Tyson Pedro down, Ilir Latifi was able to find a way to drag him down again and again en route to a decision loss for the Aussie. So what did we learn? Is Tyson Pedro's wrestling always going to be a problem or was the typical strong man Ilir Latifi just a touch TOO strong for Pedro at this point in his career?
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My Journey of Faith and Self-Discovery
I don’t exactly know where to begin, so I guess the beginning is probably the best place to start. When I was young (4 or 5 maybe?) my mom and I went to church, but stopped going a few years later. I started going to church again the summer before my freshman year in high school. My friend, Annie, invited me to go with her and so I did. I started going regularly and getting really involved. I went to church on Sundays and youth group on Wednesdays. I went to a youth bible study. I eventually joined the worship team and became a youth leader. I got more and more involved, “committed” as I would’ve put it. Youth group and church were non-negotiables. I bought into and abided by all of the rules.
I’m a rule-follower at heart, so give me some rules and I’ll follow them. But if I broke one, dare say I watched an R-rated movie or made out with a boy (because hormones and he’s cute 🤷🏻♀️), I confessed it to my youth pastors because that’s what you did/had to do to be absolved of the guilt (that church culture creates, but I digress.) But those “sinful” incidents were few and far between; most of the time I didn’t even think about watching R-rated movies or swearing or drinking. (I did think about making out with boys because I was a teenage girl, duh.) I believed what I was told. I trusted my youth pastors, pastors, and leaders. I followed the rules. I toed the line.
This lasted 10 years. Through high school and into adulthood. Through singleness, dating Brandon, and getting married. A lot happens in 10 years. But one thing that didn’t really change (or change much) was my mindset on what being a Christian, a “good” Christian, entailed. Church was my life; it was all-consuming. I became more and more entrenched. And towards the end of those 10 years, I was exhausted, burnt out. I was working a full-time job. Brandon and I were newly married, and we were at the church building easily 4-5 days and/or nights of the week. We were essentially working two full-time jobs (one paid, one as volunteers). It was soul-sucking.
I remember the one-day-at-a-time-ness of it. We’d wake up, work, do churchy things, and fall into bed at night thinking, “Welp, we made it. Now to sleep and then wake up and more or less do it all over again.” I don’t remember where I heard it or who said it, but this saying stuck with me: “Jesus died for the church; you don’t have to, too.” Yet, here I was (we were) running myself (ourselves) ragged and fully being taken advantage of. Boundaries didn’t exist; they were inconvenient. And I wasn’t self-aware or self-confident enough to know that I could say “no”.
See, my value was so wrapped up in what I did and how much I was contributing. As a perfectionist, I understood that and bought in without question. Maybe I was naive. Maybe I was too-trusting. No one around me said, “Maybe you should take some time to rest; this seems unhealthy and unsustainable.” And I didn’t even think to ask for time to breathe so I could enjoy life again.
Brandon and I had been married about a year and we were both burnt out. We were both doing so much: youth group leaders, running the college group, worship team members, Brandon and I worked in the cafe making coffee drinks before service, and I led the “tween ministry” (5-8 grades). We were in church (the building) a lot, but we were rarely in church (the service/a part of the community). Brandon floated the idea of leaving one day and I wasn’t super receptive. Change is hard for me, even leaving sucky situations that I don’t like (because what if what’s next is worse?!). But I think I knew deep down that it was the right thing to do. And “stepping back” or “taking a break” wasn’t an option; we knew we sucked at saying “no” and would just get pulled back in.
So we decided to leave. It was a really difficult decision. Leaving felt like a really nasty divorce. I had spent my formative years there. So much of my identity was wrapped up in my churchy titles and roles; I really didn’t know who I was without it all. And it became more and more apparent that the people I looked up to and trusted believed my worth and value was in how useful I was to them and how much I served.
I’m sure that was always right underneath the surface, I just couldn’t see it. My proximity to them and position, which I viewed as a great honor and privilege, were because I was willing to do and listen and follow and obey without question. Leaving knocked the rose-colored glasses off of my face. It took time, but I began to see things, so many things, in a different way. And it caused me to second-guess and ask a lot of questions.
I’d heard it so many times as a teenager and as an adult. Hell, I’ve probably even said it. “You have to make your faith your own; there are no 2nd-generation Christians.” And I believed that I’d done that. But I hadn’t, not even close. I had literally taken what my youth pastors (mainly, as I interacted with them most) told me was right and just believed the same thing. My thought process was all of, “Well, they said it so it’s obviously true, so that’s my belief/stance on that.”
When we left the church we’d been so heavily involved with and in which so much of our sense of self, our identity, was wrapped up in, the doubts and questions started to arise. I felt like the youth pastors at the church didn’t have our best interests at heart (although I don’t think they were consciously making decisions to hurt us), and I trusted and believed in them so what else wasn’t as it seemed? I, in a way, wiped the slate clean of my beliefs, as much as I could of course, and evaluated them almost as if for the first time. Why did I believe what I believed? What did I even believe; did I know?
I realized I had become this person that I didn’t really like; I apologized to a couple friends for being a bad friend because I was so consumed with being a “good leader” (which I now don’t think is possible, to be a good leader and a bad friend, I mean). I started reading books and listening to podcasts by people who were blacklisted by many pastors I knew. And I had a lot of conversations with Brandon as he was going on a similar journey and was a bit ahead of me (and still is, I feel). My approach was and has always been “whatever is true is true” so if I “get rid of” a belief that’s true, I will find my way back to it after my searching and discovery. But this approach isn’t really championed or even encouraged.
Luckily, I haven’t had too many messages from “concerned” pastors and Christian friends who are worried about me, but maybe this blog post will cause me to receive more. Many Christians get nervous and uncomfortable when someone believes something unorthodox; I’ll admit I did. I’ve been there on the other side feeling like I’m watching someone make bad decisions, changing their beliefs, but my sadness was coated in a thick layer condescension. I had it all figured out until I didn’t. I was told that I needed to make my faith my own, but when I actually did that I was met with a lot of “Well, not like that.” I was told that I needed to make my faith my own, but what that meant was to end up at the same conclusions as my pastors and youth pastors did and have the same beliefs as everyone else in church. And surprisingly, my rule-following, line-toeing self wasn’t having it.
I had been on this journey and had uncovered so many new, beautiful, healthy, and healing things. Sure, there were still some things I believed that were the same as before, but I also believed some different things as well. And I’d discovered so much about myself in the process. I realized I was acting; I was who I thought I was supposed to be, playing a role, and I hadn’t even known I wasn’t actually that person. I’m way more introverted than I thought. I’m compassionate and I feel things deeply, so many things. I love to read. I enjoy intellectual, philosophical, and theological conversations. I’m really into the news. And I’m better at self-care now. I’m still a perfectionist. I’m still funny; I still love to laugh. I’m still me. But I’m a me-er me.
I definitely don’t write all of this to say that I’ve gone on this journey of deconstructing and reconstructing my faith and now I have everything all figured out. This isn’t about right and wrong beliefs or who’s in and who’s out; it’s not about keeping score at all. I also don’t write all of this to place blame. I have taken time to heal, forgive, grow, and discover. And I’ve come to realize that the dysfunction I’ve experienced is indicative of Western Church culture, especially in the U.S.; the more I share my story, the more I find that others have similar experiences. I write this to say I’m in a healthier (for me) place than I was 5 years ago. I’m an adult and have a pretty solid intuition. I’ve learned to listen to myself and trust myself. I’ve been through hard things, but they’ve helped shape me like the Colorado River shaped the Grand Canyon. It was a process that was difficult and took time, but the results are beautiful.
Mary Oliver wrote in her poem “The Uses of Sorrow”:
(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)
Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.
This has been the story of one of my boxes of darkness, which I’ve come to see as a gift. I’ve come to know disappointment, suffering, grief, and all shades of darkness are parts of life. We are all on our own journeys. We all have boxes of darkness, some we’ve been given and some we’ve found on our own. I think we should allow people to go on their own journey, to be in process as we all are, without judgment.
We might not understand or agree, but we can still support and love one another along the way. And if big feelings come up about someone else’s journey, may we stop and ask ourselves why before chastising them, questioning their actions, or sending a condescending message. May we remember that the darkness we see in our own life and the “darkness” we perceive in someone else’s life are gifts. Without them we would not be the people we are.
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Wednesday Roundup 28.6.2017
First off, I’m going to pump myself up some because I just read an incredible number of comics within one day or so in order to get this review out on time and for once I actually managed it so hoora for me. Second off, holy crap a lot of my comics came out this week and I was kinda slammed and didn’t really realize it until it was happening and suddenly it was a whole lot of “uh oh” but that’s just me, my ridiculousness, and talking about sheer volume.
The real question here is, how did everything shape up this week? And if everything was good what was the best? And at this point do you all even trust my judgment to say what best is anymore lol
Guess there’s one way to find out!
DC’s Batman Beyond, Image’s Black Magick, DC’s Detective Comics, IDW’s Ghostbusters 101, Marvel’s Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur, DC’s New Super-Man, Kodansha’s Princess Jellyfish, Image’s Saga, IDW’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, IDW’s Transformers: Lost Light, DC’s Wonder Woman
DC’s Batman Beyond (2016-present) #9
Dan Jurgens, Bernard Chang, Marcelo Maiolo
*long sobbing sighs are heard from the south of Alabama*
Okay, look. I have always prided myself on the fact that I’m not one of those comic fans that will buy just anything because my favorite characters showed up for three seconds one time in a splash page. I never consider myself someone who reads comics the way people read newspapers — just casually interested in the newest updates on this fictional world I follow at a distance. I come for the story and the characterizations and if they’re not there I won’t waste time and money. I mean there’s a lot of Dick Grayson comics I’ve flat-out ignored over the years and he’s one of my favorite fictional characters. Period!
But there’s… exceptions I can’t stop myself from.
Cassandra Cain, obviously. I make a point of owning everything with Cass in it. But the other is… I can’t avoid Batman Beyond. There is no part of me that can give up on Terry McGinnis, there’s a child in me who will always think of him first as Batman, who will always owe that cartoon for getting me even remotely interested in comics outside of Spider-Man and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I am a sucker for Terry McGinnis and I can’t help it.
which makes it suck that much more that he’s had basically no good comics featuring him since… 2008? 2009ish? And what’s decent ends up irritating me or making me have to turn against it because of the shit treatment other characters I like get.
Before it was Dick and Barbara I was up in arms for.
Now it’s Damian.
The more they try to retroactively shove the main DCU continuity into the DCAU Batman Beyond universe, the less sense it all makes and the more they have to warp characters we love. This Damian might as well have walked right off the pages of Batman and Son because he apparently has lacked all growth and humanity that Damian has achieved — has earned — in the last several years of comics, preboot and DEFINITELY post-New52 and Rebirth.
So that bears the question of what’s the point.
My “what ifs” from last issue of wondering if Damian is somehow controlled by his spinal implants again, that maybe Ra’s al Ghul took over his body the way DCAU Ra’s had Talia — those that I was fearful of now seem more respectful of his character than what seems to be the answer we have instead.
I have a feeling this conclusion is going to get me raging.
But because I am a sucker, because I am a ridiculous fangirl, I’m going to keep buying the things that hurt me. gdi Batman Beyond, can you be good again
Image’s Black Magick (2015-present) #6
Greg Rucka, Nicola Scott
Okay but like…
Goddamn there’s no comic like a Greg Rucka comic oh my god.
Alright so I’ve always been a fan of Rucka’s creator owned works and I think they’re easily some of his best works which, as a fan, is really saying something on my part, but I have been utterly amazed by how good Black Magick has been and how Rucka just has this incredibly unique way of making every issue feel complete even while it’s part of a longer storyline. Every issue counts and I feel that in this issue almost as pure as I’ve ever felt it before.
Greg Rucka: he just gets comics.
In all seriousness, this interesting take on how magick works and how Rowan’s life specifically has been affected by her introduction to her long lineage’s powers — especially in light of what we know about present day Rowan Black and how she has not lived up to her potential as a witch just yet — comes together so well here. And I say that as someone who doesn’t really like flashbacks all that much in storytelling.
That being said, I’m so glad that this storyline is all in flashback and doesn’t have us whipping back and forth across timelines because I’ve gotten a lot of flashback fatigue from comics and movies lately. This is a nice, solid ground to stand on if we’re going into backstory territory.
DC’s Detective Comics (2016-present) #959
James Tynion IV, Alvaro Martinez, Raul Fernandez, Brad Anderson
Alright, so I’m beginning to question about how the continuity of the various Bat titles are lining up anymore because, as we just went over a week? Two weeks ago? Bruce had just proposed to Selina. But now we’re getting some heavy flirtations with Zatanna here. Now, I’m all for threesomes and I actually multiship Bruce quite a bit and that includes shipping him with both Selina and with Zatanna, but this is kinda… stepping on the toes of whatever King’s doing. Which fine whatever. I’ll be honest, I’ve had a soft spot for longtime friendship and childhood crosshairs between Bruce and Zatanna thanks to how much I still just adore Paul Dini’s run on Detective Comics (1938-2011). So this pleases me almost despite myself.
That being said, there’s still a lot of unevenness in this story at the moment. Even with the cast diminishing through deaths and quitting and whatever, we have a lot of characters factoring in and out of the storylines from one to the next. It feels like we very barely have time to establish what everyone’s relationships are before we start hinting at even more shakeups. Are Jean Paul and Luke’s friendship going to be busted up after only a few issues of contact between them? Is Clayface considering taking up the doctor’s idea of a cure so soon after I still haven’t figured out why he’s even here? Is Tim’s not-death ever going to be brought up again before Bruce does something truly stupid?
And then there’s just that… looming threat of the summer event I just know is going to come up at some point.
There’s a lot of good in this issue, and I don’t want to knock it, it’s actually one of the more decent mid-story issues that Tynion’s produced so far. And I’ve been harping on him for that from the beginning so that’s saying something from me. And I thought the art this issue was actually very consistent and well done overall, even if I have to wonder how many times has everyone in the Batfamily stood in a perfect pose with a Batfan on them for the computer to scan and give a perfectly COOL holographic image of themselves. But that’s me being silly and questioning superhero world logic. A truly terrible road to go down.
A very interesting issue and I’m curious to see how the storyline with Bruce ties into the storyline about Jean Paul’s struggles with his religion and how his past has warped it. Not that… as a Catholic those… struggles ring true… or anything.
Anyway, seal of approval and waiting for the story to continue on!
DC’s Ghostbusters 101 (2017-present) #4
Erik Burnham, Dan Schoening, Luis Antonio Delgado
Alright, so IDW is just kicking ass with their properties this week and I honestly think that there’s nothing better to combat the absolute bile and grossness that was the internet fanboys of the Ghostbusters circles more than seeing just how amazing and interesting Burnham and Schoening have made this team up with all generations of Ghostbusters at once.
Erin and Holtzy definitely take the cake this issue and there’s a lot of fun, especially with how the Ghostbusters of different universes compare equipment, ghosts, and methodologies as they address one thing about the 2016 movie that actually did bother me quite a bit which was that the ladies just kept… dispersing ghosts and not capturing them where all incarnations before had made a point of the “conservation of ghost matter” or whatever before — establishing that ghosts would just reappear en masse if not absorbed and captured. The explanation was actually rather witty and made perfect sense with the narrative of the 2016 movie, actually.
One of my favorite aspects, though, has to be how many in-jokes they manage. Erin’s neuroses and figuring out how the various cameos in their universe fits into the original’s universe, the joke about Caddy Shack, and just so much more.
It was a really fun issue and I hope people are picking this up and giving it a chance, especially if you enjoyed the 2016 movie, and especially especially if you didn’t but are willing to see the potential that team had all along.
Marvel’s Moon Girls and Devil Dinosaurs (2015-present) #20
Brandon Montclare, Natacha Bustos, Tamra Bonvillian
It’s amazing that Marvel is ruining properties by turning them into evil Nazi stand-ins and warping everything good to come out of Marvel’s initial inception while, in the meantime, they have such good and pure creators making a story like Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur who give us fantastic all-age stories with beautiful art, a lovable and flawed main heroine, and an honestly rather mature and disquieting storyline.
A kids comic where she learns she can’t save everyone. And it’s still poignant and beautiful. It’s still powerful and speaks on a child’s level.
But it sets up for the first time that Lunella, wonderful and smart and brave as she might be, is imperfect. She can’t save the world (or, in this case, the moon) by herself and she can’t always appreciate people’s feelings and their deserving of her empathy until she works on it. She’s been trying so hard to prove herself and show how good she is at everything, she’s allowed herself to stop thinking of everyone as her equal.
So much so that her replacement with an unfeeling robot only gets mild suspicions from her friends at school.
who hilariously know about Lunella’s super identity and her powers because fourth graders can’t keep secrets and i love that.
It’s just such a good story and it’s remarkable that we live in a time where Lunella Lafayette gets to be kids’ introduction to comic books.
DC’s New Super-Man (2016-present) Vol. 1: Made in China
Gene Luen Yang, Viktor Bogdanovic, Richard Friend
Kong Kenan is the New Super-Man of China and he could not be more of a change from the status quo of the American superhero archetype of Superman if he tried! Now, that’s not completely fair, obviously there’s quite a bit of convention bending to the genre in this story right from the start, but honestly it felt from the start like a very honest look at just what superheroes would mean for the world outside of America once the Justice League appeared and changed everything. And why wouldn’t other countries be scrambling to make sure that they could compete with not just the rising threat of super villains, but with the potential firepower that would be superheroes representing and being beholden to other countries.
DC and Marvel both have made varying attempts to answer those questions themselves over the years, and Kenan doesn’t serve as the first Chinese superhero in the DCU, but this is definitely the first time I as a reader felt like I was reading an experience and perspective outside of my own. Usually there’s a lens or veneer to these attempts to expand superheroes outside of the US that’s pretty transparent — they’re either very rarely seen or explored and so lend themselves to vague understandings of other cultures (such as The Great Ten in the preboot) or they’re Americanized in some way, usually by having them join a team of characters that are from the American perspective (Bushido from Super Friends) or having them come to move to America and have the whole experience of being an immigrant or student work visa (Ryan Choi’s The Atom).
For me, it felt like New Super-Man is taking the very notable effort of examining a purely Chinese character and setting from that perspective and building off of the uniqueness inherently built in that, but also showing how Chinese people’s views of the West and of American superheroes would reflect in their own attempts to make a superhero for themselves. And why Kenan, while initially seeming to be unfit to be a Super-Man given a history of being rather haphazard and a bully, could actually bridge that gap and provide a really interesting story of learning what being a superhero means for a culture so different from America’s own.
At least, that’s my take on it. While I’m happy to boast about the fact that I’m from a family of immigrants in America myself, I’m still a product of the West and Europe, and I’m reading the New Super-Man with that perspective, and assumedly a lot of other readers are, too. So it’s hard for me to tell how accurate my takeaway is here.
I’m only fleetingly familiar with previous works by Gene Luen Yang, but I have to give him major props here. I’m more familiar with his work with the Avatar: The Last Airbender comics than I am with his more acclaimed work (American Born Chinese and Boxers & Saints) which I desperately need to fix, but I have no doubt in his abilities to portray characters which are good but fundamentally flawed. That was a trademark of his works that I have read, and he really brings that to life in New Super-Man with Kenan. He is a very flawed, very human character that relates to readers based on personality before the differences between America and China can even be brought up in the narrative. And that’s what really made this a fantastic read by the end.
I’m very interested to see where this story continues with Vol. 2 and hope that the reader base for this story grows along with Kenan’s character.
After all, right now the world could use a Flawed But Good Super-Man almost as much as it could use a Chinese Super-Man.
Kodansha’s Princess Jellyfish (2008-present) Chapter 82
Akiko Higashimura
I believe that it’s pretty obvious, the further we go along with my comics reading and these reviews, that I had a pretty large variety of comic tastes. And really that just has to be indicative of my feelings about narratives in general. There’s a lot of things I appreciate about media’s ability to tell stories, and good stories and good characters, for me, almost always trump genres at the end of the day.
And I have loved Princess Jellyfish since the 12 episode anime adaptation of the first arc aired back when I was in college and @red-dye-number-five and I squealingly watched it as it came out.
The series is very soothing for me to read and this chapter was no different in that way. I have no interest in fashion, but the story of this found-family of adult women blundering their way through the world of fashion to save their community and home speaks to me. I really hate love triangles, but the complexities of the relationships between Tuskimi, Shu, and Kuronosuke has made for some of the most interesting and fascinating dynamics I’ve seen in a romance drama. And while I don’t usually go for coming-out stories anymore, the difficulties and self doubt and guilt we see with Kuronosuke over and over again as he tries to find his personal comfort with his gender and sexuality is honestly heart wrenching and I’m fully invested with.
I enjoy this series so much and as usual we have another chapter that fully delivers on its continued promises. This isn’t a perfect series, but for me it is a bit of chicken soup in the middle of the difficulties of life.
Image’s Saga (2011-present) #44
Brian K. Vaughan, Fiona Staples
I think in twenty, thirty years, we’re going to look back and find that the generation of comics that have come about in the 2010s have changed the medium to a diverse haven of storytelling that comics hasn’t honestly enjoyed since the Comics Code and so on. And thank god for it because we get to read Saga as it’s being published and experience it as the true game changer that it is.
We are experiencing a storyline, from the perspective of a woman, who has to undergo a medical abortion, is being sent on a trial of Jobe for it because of the regressive tendencies and behaviors of her own people, and getting to see how much that burden is adding onto her own torment. We rarely get stories about abortion let alone ones where it’s from the woman’s prospective, is pro-abortion but also honest about its difficulties, and clearly shows avid anti-abortion rhetoric and laws as being crippling and more hurtful to those going through the ordeal than helpful.
It is… unfortunately very relevant to our times.
As is all of Saga’s storytelling. People see the nudity and violence and sex and gore every issue and what I love about Saga is that those things are so average, so unremarkable, that the actual mature content like addiction, prejudice, racism, homophobia, transphobia, infidelity, parenthood, and everything else in between is given the gravitas and exceptionalism it deserves outside of the seedy details that too often help the important points get lost in other lotted “mature” content.
In other words, there’s so much peeing on beds that we don’t lose track of the intrigue of money laundering and collusion as the real stories.
IDW’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2011-present) #71
Kevin Eastman, Tom Waltz, Dave Wachter, Ronda Pattison
There’s not a whole lot to say about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles usually because, as with the best comics with the most consistent quality, they just are great and just should be read and there’s hardly much else I can say about why if you haven’t been sold on it already. It’s like me trying to explain to people why they should read Usagi Yojimbo. If you’re not reading it already I don’t know what I can say to make it understandable how much you need to read it.
That being said, this is a slow issue compared to TMNT’s usual action packed fare. And I think that’s for good reason. We need buffer time between stories, this is part one of a two-parter which provides just that, and it spends its entire time building on the lore and mythology of the world of TMNT as it has been realized by IDW. And it’s fascinating and complex and meaningful.
And of course as a mythology junkie I adored every second of it — learning about the Pantheon and the gods of this universe was fascinating and knowing how various previous canons of TMNT are being incorporated to provide it is amazing (I especially love Jagwar’s new self I’m in love). It was fascinating, as has been the amount of love Eastman and Waltz have shown TMNT overall.
It’s a good comic, a slow comic, but good. And I really enjoyed the read. Definitely something different added to today’s pretty sizable pot.
IDW’s Transformers: Lost Light (2016-present) #7
James Roberts, John Wycough, Jack Lawrence, Joana Lafuente
You know that vin diagram that’s things that are okay and then this over waaaaayyyyyy on the outside? Okay. Good. Because that’s what this issue is for me. Holy shit. My emotions have been played like a fiddle and I am sick and engrossed and devastated and uplifted and there are things that I cannot say or do or what. WHAT.
Okay so I wasn’t entirely sold on this recent storyline opening up the Lost Light, if I’m completely honest. I share a lot of the concerns I’ve seen other fans show with regards to just how much retconning of a pretty unforgivable past Megatron has been shown to have in canon prior to 2011 and how he’s being handled now. And this storyline in a lot of ways was both a redirection to what Transformers should always be about — the fighting of fascism — but also felt like we were going a step too far into the department of “see! Megatron wasn’t the REAL evil fascist, here’s what cartoonishly evil fascists REALLY look like” so as much as I enjoyed this story and as much as I really admire James Roberts’ writing in general, I was on the fence about what to feel about everything that had gone down.
Which made the fact that he took the time to dedicate an entire issue to the aftermath, gauging all the different reactions to the plots that had emerged, giving me a new lesbian couple and bypassing the gross route of having one remember and the other not, and then hammering in the Cygate romance to a conclusion I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT WANT OR NEED BUT AM TOTALLY INVESTED IN…. it’s not just cathartic. For the first time I genuinely feel like the sharpness, wit, depth of character, and real solid execution is back to the standards of what I still consider to be my favorite work of JRo’s which was MTMTE Season 1.
This was just… so much to take in, and so fast, and I swear not an inch of panel was wasted. I’m hoping that this means the pace is picked back up, the course is put back on track, and we return to what was making the characters so fantastic and loving and… oh yeah
TOTAL FRIDGE HORROR FOR THOSE OF US WITH CLAUSTROPHOBIA
I really liked this issue. It’s definitely my favorite of Lost Light so far and has me looking super forward to what happens next. Which is something I desperately needed since I learned Till All Are One, which has honestly been my favorite TF comic for the past year, is ending soon.
DC’s Wonder Woman (2016-present) #25
Greg Rucka, Bilquis Evely, Liam Sharp, Romulo Fajardo Jr.
I have been curious since the announcement of Rucka’s departure from the title just how he was going to pull together his past and present storylines, how things were going to end up. And I have been met with the answers which are large, satisfying, and a bit saddening in knowing that we’re quickly approaching the end.
The idea that, without the lasso, something is simply missing from Diana and her life feels like a great commentary on Wonder Woman herself, and what not only embracing her history and iconography means for the character but what it means for her personality itself. Without the lasso, without her faith, without the support of the Amazons at her back, Diana is shorter with her temper, more quick to anger, more brutal. And it’s not her, it the her that people have tried for decades to turn her into to suit their interpretation of what a Wonder Woman should be. And it’s concerning to the people who love her — here exemplified in Steve, Etta, Bruce, and Clark — and unhelpful to the enemies who require her sense of compassion and understanding, which is what nearly all of Diana’s enemies have been constructed to show — here Cheetah and Veronica Cale.
She’s simply not Wonder Woman without those things, and it’s such a relief to have a modern writer with the caliber of Greg Rucka portraying that in a deft and almost poetic way as it has been in this title and especially in this wrap up issue. It makes me happy to have the character of Wonder Woman brought back to herself on the terms of someone who has as much love and respect for her as Rucka does.
It was a good issue, and while I will be the first to say that this run hasn’t been perfect and that Rucka’s shown some genuine problems in his writing through it, I am sad to see it all coming toward its end.
So if I had to sum up this week’s comics as a whole I would just say that I was smacked with a whole lot of emotions all across the spectrum. But as I consider it tonight and really think about what has stuck with me the most in the aftermath of getting through them all, I really can’t understate how much Transformers: Lost Light threw me through about twenty different loops -- I mean the subplot of Cyclonus and Tailgate’s romance alone would earn that spot of just WOW but literally every character, every development, every scene blew me away this week and it really uplifted me to enjoy the read as much as I did again.
But that’s just my opinion. What are your thoughts? Agree? Disagree? Think I missed something this week I should’ve picked up? I’d love to hear from you on it.
Until then, here’s to another Wednesday full of comics!
#Rena Roundups#SPOILERS#Wednesday Spoilers#Princess Jellyfish#New Superman (2016 )#Wonder Woman (2016 )#Detective Comics (2016 )#Batman Beyond (2016 )#Transformers: Lost Light#Ghostbusters 101#Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur (2015 )#Black Magick#Saga
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2016 Reflections + 2017 Commitments
January
The month of doubt - where I discovered the depths of my fear of death
I got the IOE peer advisor job… which turned into nothing because no one ever came in
Started discipling Matt
Wow.. I fasted from social media and it was so fruitful. What happened to that? I think I’m going to try to stave off of social media again. If nothing else, it’s such a time sink, I could be doing so many other things
Now I remember - I basically knew every girl the guys in Radicle liked. That’s a level of trust that I can’t overlook when I have this position of LG leader
The start of the comparison game with peers. Looking back and even now, I can’t say I’m “cured” of this struggle, but I think it goes more than just straight comparison. The reason being that I compared for a goal: am I “good” enough? Am I doing a “good” job? There are no metrics to this following Jesus thing, and that is hard for someone like me. Also, besides that, there’s a misconception in my mind that I have to reach a certain level of spirituality or resume to earn a girl’s affections, especially if that girl seems “out of my league.” But then, what is the “league” in reference to anyways? Isn’t it insecurities that Satan places into our hearts?
Mere Christianity was a really good book… it strengthened my faith, exposed my pride and envy
Not sure if it was the start, but my affections for her started to rise and get more and more confused
God’s “fairness” - it’s up to Him, it’s not something I can control or should complain about
I did read over Mere Christianity and talked to Chris and looking back, I can’t say that the fear “disappeared” but it’s more like… what do you do in response to the fears? Just give up? Keep doubting? Stay awake all night? No you keep moving forward in the faith that God is trustworthy.
I mean, I think this comes from my upbringing of comparing during high school and I still need the Gospel truth to free me of this
February
Read Meaning of Marriage - really changed my perspective about marriage
The start of CSMP!
I remember now, the sermon about Doubting Thomas. It was a really good sermon that helped my doubts as well.
The start of having to prepare for people to leave - Peter and Terry
I was also frustrated at the lack of fruit from Radicle, so far. But now I see where some of these guys are at, and I think they’re different. Maybe not super different, but some of the dreams we had for people, is only now starting to come through. If that is the case for Radicle, how can that not be the case for Highlight?
I had a big argument this month. I do regret the form of communication, but I don’t regret the intention of it. I think we both made up, though, and they appreciate me for the confrontation.
March
Circumstantially, I wouldn’t say much happened during this month, but rather learning a few things here and there. Vocationally, I was trying to take steps to move forward. Dr Liker found an opportunity with Dunning Subaru and I definitely think that helped me get experience in preparation for a job in the future.
On a younger brother note, I do think Matt has grown up a little. It’s been a long time coming since Trademark; fruit comes in time.
I thought that living with Ben would allow me to learn more from him, but I barely see him, it’s hard to get that life-on-life mentoring from him. But this was also the start of getting discipled by Sam and I think that was pretty great.
I totally forgot we did men’s ministry in Radicle. I hope there is fruit from that specific time. I can’t say we have to right now from our current men’s groupme.
This month was the start of another round of struggling with titles in the church, this time with ET. I think the spark/catalyst was suspecting someone else was invited and I wasn’t. And then… it went back to the comparison game. Yea I definitely want to grow out of this.
I think a good part of this, though, was God was showing me that, ultimately, I want to be on the frontlines, in people’s lives.
April
Continued struggles with ET and dating and how they how twisted into a muddled jumble
I was able to reflect about how I’m just as weak as other people. Second semester was filled with more struggles than I thought, but even as 2016 ends, I think I grew a little bit out of these struggles. I don’t feel lonely as much anymore because I know people have my back, the doubts and fear are still there from time to time, but I’m responding better, I’m taking steps to not put myself in a position to compare to others, and I definitely feel like I know a little bit more about the direction of my life compared to April
The start of my relationship with Samee. Did not expect him to confess his sins to me so early, but I’m blessed
Now that I have a job, things with Mom have calmed down. But it definitely was rough throughout the year when it comes to talking about the future.
It’s not about “who is good” but “who is it good for”
Just reminded that God does not forget me, just as He does not forget sparrows. So what if I didn’t go through “interesting” things during April, the grass is always going to be greener no matter what happens
But I learned that she’s not necessarily like my grandma in that she’s going to be stubborn to her opinions. She’s going to present an opinion, because she’s my mom, and whether I listen or not is up to me - I’m an adult now, after all.
May
Started ramping up CSMP planning and it was great. It helped me cultivate my calling for church planting
Career wise, definitely did not want to help companies increase in their profit
Said good-bye to Peter. It was more emotional than I thought. Well I guess it’s not good-bye, but see you later
Probably one of the first times I had financial troubles, actually. I was too prideful to ask Mom, but eventually swallowed my pride and asked her
My conviction from Ignite was to actually stay right here in AA indefinitely, to take ownership of what I have right now, church plant my Lg right now, to learn these lessons now so that if I plant a church, I’ll be trained up. It might be Detroit
For CSMP, I saw how important and rewarding it was to be the hands and feet and try to service the needs of the community - that’s what the church is meant to do
CSMP, not even field work yet, was already a vision of what partnership for the Gospel could really look like and it was awesome
I think CSMP was the start of me trying to cultivate evangelistic and apostolic gifting
But my conviction, also, is that once we start the church plant, you have to stick around, but the church is an institution that God ordained for a reason
The ultimate reason for a church plant is to bring light to the darkness, there’s not enough churches in places that really need the Gospel
But I still need to grow in this
June
In response to my financial troubles, people gathered a love offering for, started by Robby. Wow, best prayer partner
This was the month Brandon came to know Christ
The beginning of the “what next, Lord?” This was a very fruitful time of my life
Got a GSI appointment
Invited to stewardship
Terry left
Another tough moment with Mom because she got eye surgery and it challenged my priorities especially as I was doing missions
Still need to grow in closeness to her, but I wonder if part of this isn’t the culture we’ve grown up in?
I saw the value of prayer walking
July
CSMP was a time of flourishing - when compared to other people who struggle bussed hard. I didn’t want it to end, but all seasons come to an end. And it’s ok, because I was able to take the things I learned into the next season of ministry
Again, still learning about cross-gender friendships
Actually, there was one fearful moment, when I got locked out and felt this overwhelming fear that I got locked out
Learning how to be in people’s corners
Ultimately, wanted to live out the life of Philip the evangelist
I learned that I was fearful of getting left behind, or that people’s care for me was only structural of “because they have to.” This was a lie and the Gospel is proof that Jesus didn’t have to do anything, but he chose to go out of his way to love me
August
The start of a new wardrobe, I can receive from younger brothers in this way
Forming convictions for the school year: presence, meeting the needs of the campus
Drove with Terry to Denver
It is hard to plant a church in a big city like New York compared to a college town like AA
I was convicted to count the cost of ministry - it’s really through my mom who has worked hard to financially support me throughout all this time all while paying off her mortgage. She’s the real MVP, part of me wishes I worked somewhere else where more family was, but I feel called here and I just have to be ok with that cost. The only way this is worth it is one day she accepts Christ, so I have to relentlessly pray for her.
September
The start of LG, thankful for the OCR partnership and small fruits like Catherine signing up
It’s funny and maybe a little weird, but I started relating more to army officers in the field. I enjoy leading the charge with people instead of playing the general, and I think upper levels of leadership become more like generals, and I don’t know if I like that or desire it
Frustrated at the way our upper levels of leadership does things, but glad things are now changing in weeks and months to come
Started serving for the stewardship team. Definitely still need a lot of grace for that
Had some anxiety with if I could graduate after finding out something came up with my credits, but by the grace of God I graduated
Some seeds planted for growing my gifting of teaching
October
Retreat was ok, I’m wondering if I heard God correctly during that time
Started doing this thing where I reflect everyday before my devotions and, usually, it’s really refreshing and needed to know where I’m at with God
Having to continually fight this lie about not being good enough for people’s approval
Jer 12 was a convicting passage
From then on, just had to persevere
It’s a promise, I believe, that God has bigger plans in store for me and to just persevere through this season(s) of waiting on many things
November
Thankful for opportunities in class to teach
Missions Week was personally great for me. It inspired me to live a life for the Gospel, even if it has to be in a big city. Really encouraged by Doc Fuder’s life and just learning from him
Started the job application process thanks to Jonah, but it’s just more waiting
Had to navigate election results for both myself and other people in our church. We have to be a voice to the voiceless because in the next 4 years, there’s going to be a lotttt of hardship for a lot of people out there who don’t get a chance to be a voice
Had some relational conflict throughout this month which was discouraging but it got resolved and I learned from it, so praise God.
Was convicted by 1 Peter 1 to step up in my servanthood and responsibilities in the church - although I don’t want more titles and responsibilities per se, I think God is calling me to do bigger things than just my own tiny ministry, just as the prophets of old were called to more than their own sphere of influence. I’m going from captain to general whether I prefer to or not.
Need to read the book he wrote about Neighborhood Mapping
December
Got the job the Jonah referred me to! It was definitely a slow interview process, but I’m thankful for the connection and God’s provision - He always comes through
There’s going to be a lot of changes starting in January and rolling on throughout the rest of 2017 - personally, in our church, and even in our country.
One of those changes is graduating. Thankful for the past 1.5 years of grad school, I learned a lot about engineering and culture and people and want to continue in developing my vocation. No more studying!
There was a string of days of emotional struggle - realizing how not surrendered I am to the future and also just my identity in Christ
Even as I take on my church responsibility, I was encouraged by the gospel - 5 years ago, I would not have imagined myself in the position that I am in now, but by God’s grace I am who I am and God’s plan is always the best plan
2017 Thoughts
The most important decision I need to make this year… I suppose it’s the one about church planting. When will God call me to a church plant?
The habit I’d like to most establish this year is fitness. As I’m transition into working life, I think having more energy throughout the day is important. Plus every year I’m getting older, health is always important.
My most important financial goal is to be debt free. I think just through working I should be free of student loans this year. After that, I’d like to pay Mom’s bills, too.
One way I can be a blessing to my pastor is just ask how he’s doing. Many people don’t do that for their pastors anymore, and it’s sad.
There are multiple books in the docket right now I want to read: Neighborhood Mapping, Reason for God, and at least one book on social justice
The one thing I regret from last year… living in fear of different things. What will I do about it? Follow God, and do the right thing even in the midst of it.
This year, I’m definitely going to try to do more evangelism and outreach to the broken and needy in AA. I think this is what the church is meant to do, and I want to get my feet wet.
If those who knew me best gave me advice, I think they would say… don’t be discouraged or feel lonely, those aren’t true. I think they would be right, too. What will I do about this? Well it’s hard to control my feelings in the moment, but I’d say battle it with the truth so that it won’t take over my ministry.
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What do you do for work?
I work as a church administrator / secretary.
What would you ideally like to do for work?
I don’t know. I think I’m pretty content where I am. Content enough that I’m not thinking of a way out. I almost wish I could say something like “wildlife photographer” lol
What are you doing in order to achieve this?
Oh, this is going to be one of those surveys. Maybe it will keep my attention then.
What is the meaning of your life? What is it that you really live for?
I don’t know what the meaning of my life is, but I really live for helping people through their day to day or their hard times.
Have you ever REALLY thought what it means to have children?
It seems to me you bring a life into this world as an attempt to keep a legacy going, usually. I always think of the across the universe thing and it’s a little true. It’s a bit narcissistic.
Are you planning to have children anyway?
Probably.
What is the most awful thing about the world today?
I think the most awful thing is the growing apathy towards everything. I think we thought making fun of stoner kids who seemed disinterested would make them go away but they seem to be all of us now, whether we choose to smoke or not.
What do you think is the worst being on the planet?
Like, as an animal? I don’t know.
Have you ever been arrested? If so, what for?
No.
Have you ever been in court? If so, in which role?
No.
Which do you think is a more valuable being, a human or an animal?
I think that humans are more valuable, if I had to choose.
What, in your opinion, will cause the end of the world?
The end of the world will be probably a few generations off from mine. I feel like everyone my age is already reading into everyone’s subtext so highly. I don’t think we can mentally heal in time to heal our next generations and I think they will be so overwhelmed with trying to help us that they’ll end up going crazy.
Ok, I’ll try and get a bit more upbeat now.
Thanks for those interesting questions though.
What does your mother do for work?
She’s a school secretary.
^If she’s a homemaker, any specific reason for this?
“—”
What about your father? What does he do?
my stepdad does some sort of sales for computers in cars. I think.
How do you like your coffee?
either a lil bit of milk and two sweet and lows or a bit of creamer.
If you’re of age, what’s your favourite alcoholic drink?
I love fireball lemonade.
If you’re under-aged, what is your favourite soft drink?
Cherry vanilla coke zero.
Do you smoke?
No
^If so, did you start when you were 18 or were you younger?
~
Did your parents approve of your smoking/alcohol use before you turned 18?
I think they would have been outwardly disappointed but on some level it would have validated them.
Do you have siblings? If not, skip the next few questions.
I do.
Are you eldest, in the middle or youngest?
oldest
How big an age gap is between you and your siblings?
5 years.
Do/did your siblings cause trouble?
When I was younger my sister used to fake cry a lot and get me in trouble.
If your siblings are old enough, what do they do for work?
party host at a local amusement place? (idk what you would call it)
Have you ever been jealous of your siblings?
yes
^If so, why?
let’s see. prettier, has both parents still living, was the favorite for awhile... smarter.. right now she has more of a social life than I do.
Do you still live with your parent/s or do you live alone/with a partner?
I live with a roommate.
What do you think about growing up?
I think it sucks. I’m turning 26 but I still feel so much like a kid and I feel like I’m feeling things I should have felt when I was a kid.
What about having responsibilities?
Most of the time I actually really enjoy having responsibilities. I think it’s important to be responsible for something.
Do you know how to cook?
Sort of. Not really.
^If so, what’s your favourite thing to cook?
I like making tacos because they are quick and yummy.
What about baking?
I haven’t baked in awhile but it’s kind of on the same par as cooking. I can do some things well.
Do you ever drink tea?
yeah, every now and then.
Have you ever followed any of these fad diets that go around?
No.
What do you usually order at your favourite restaurant?
Lately I’ve been ordering quesadillas to have a second meal the next day. But I do enjoy the chicken salad that comes in a tortilla bowl.
Do you prefer a proper restaurant to a fast food place?
It depends on which fast food place. Normally I say yes, just because unless you get a 4 for 4 it’s usually just as expensive if you wanna get all the sides and fixings as a proper restaraunt and you don’t get any leftovers
Is there an arcade anywhere near where you live?
I would guess where my sister works kind of counts as an arcade. The restaraunt I went to with Brandon and Nick’s family had an arcade in it.
^If so, have you ever been there?
Yes.
^If you have, what’s the game/s you usually play?
I enjoy skeeebball.
Have you ever played pinball?
I have.
^If so, an actual machine or on a computer?
Both.
Have you ever taken part in a pinball tournament?
I wonder if there is anyone in my generation who is interested in that.
^If so, what has been your highest position?
-
What’s your dream vehicle?
I think I’d like a jeep of some sort.
What about your dream house?
I really don’t allow myself to dream of such things.
What is the biggest dream of your life?
Brandon moving back here would be nice.
If you could travel to another country right now, where would you go?
A beach. I need to relax. Lol.
What is a country you’d never ever visit?
Uhm. I’m sure if I thought about it I could come up with something but right now there are a lot of places I do want to visit.
Are you good at taking care of your finances?
Somewhat. I’m sure if I was better I would be actually saving more.
Have you ever had any trouble paying your bills?
no.
What about your rent?
no.
What do you think is the best thing about being an adult?
I think the best thing is being in charge of what you get to eat.
What about the worst?
Being in charge and responsible for everything. Lol.
Is there a person in your life, who wastes their life somehow?
Probably me.
^If so, how are they wasting their life?
I just feel like I am by not doing things all the time. Any time my mom or my boss ask what my big weekend plans are I feel like I’m losing out on things. Though, I’m not sure if anyone else is doing anything grandiose either.
What is something you need to do, but you keep postponing it?
Read this book I bought out of peer pressure.
Do you think life should just hand things to you?
I don’t think so but I think the government could afford to.
Or should you earn the things you want and need with hard work?
I think that hard work does deserve a reward, maybe things you want. Not necessarily things you need.
Would you rather live off government benefits or earn your own money?
I’d rather earn my own money.
When you take a survey, do you skip questions?
If I don’t like a question I throw the whole survey.
^If so, what kinds of questions?
Usually questions that don’t apply or are weirdly worded.
What type of a survey do you skip altogether?
themed ones, ones that are name / age / sex / favorites etc or bolded ones.
Why, do you think, people write lyrics as the title for a survey?
They’re usually personal?
If you have a Facebook, what do you use it for?
Mostly to chat with friends. Sometimes to market my work.
If you have a Twitter, what do you use it for?
To state the thoughts I feel worthy enough to share with the world.
If you have a Tumblr, what do you use it for?
Mostly to track my progress.
If you have an iPhone, why?
“—”
If you have an iPad, why?
“—”
If you have the latest electronic gadgets, did you pay for them yourself?
I don’t have the latest..
^If not, then who did?
“—”
Do you always put your litter in a trashcan?
Uh.. yes?
^If not, why not?
I don’t think I should just throw things on the ground and hope someone is going to clean it up.
When you walk/ride your bike/drive your car, are you careful?
When I walk, I’m a little careless as I’m usually playing Pokemon go. When I drive I’m a lot more careful because of the accident I got into.
^If not, why not?
“—”
What is the rudest thing a person could do or say to you?
What’s wrong with your eye?
Have you ever been that rude to someone else?
I don’t think I ever commented on someone’s outward appearance like that. But I have said some rude things about peoples internal things
Do you think your parents are proud of you and what you do with your life?
I don’t know.
Which would you rather be, famous or a “nobody”? Why?
I don’t really want to be famous but I guess I don’t wanna be a nobody, but if I had to choose I’d say a nobody. which is pretty close to how I feel now
Do you need to have the latest fashion in clothes and accessories?
not at all.
If you have a job, do you get along with your co-workers?
yes.
What kind of hobbies do you have?
uhm. lol. Reading and writing every now and then. going for walks. Pokemon Go, I guess is a hobby.
Would anything in the whole world make you give up any of those hobbies?
If someone gave me like... a million dollars to never touch pokemon go again I probably would.
Have you had/do you have any pets?
I had pets.
Do you even like animals?
of course!
If you aren’t already, would you ever get married?
I plan on it.
^If so, what for?
To spend my life with the one person who never gave up on me.
If you are already married, what was the ultimate reason for the marriage?
“—”
As a child, did you do anything really bad?
When I was younger I did a lot of questionable things.
^If so, what was it? What were the consequences?
My main consequence was talking to my pastor.
As a teenager, did you do anything really bad?
Not really. I guess being with my boyfriend in public. Or dating a youth pastor. Woops.
^If so, what was it? What were the consequences?
None really.
Do you have a problem with authority?
I guess. I usually want to please the ones i view in authority and rebel against the ones I don’t respect.
What’s your favourite comic strip?
I used to like them all.
Is there a piece of clothing you absolutely must wear every day?
Uh... no.
Has a doctor ever told you to lose weight?
yes.
Have you ever been diagnosed with a lifelong disease?
I think my bronchitis is recurring but come to think of it I didn’t get it this year.
What is something you absolutely hate?
when people don’t take accountability for their actions :)
What about something you absolutely love?
not feeling like a burden on anyone :)
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My Journey of Faith and Self-Discovery
I don’t exactly know where to begin, so I guess the beginning is probably the best place to start. When I was young (4 or 5 maybe?) my mom and I went to church, but stopped going a few years later. I started going to church again the summer before my freshman year in high school. My friend, Annie, invited me to go with her and so I did. I started going regularly and getting really involved. I went to church on Sundays and youth group on Wednesdays. I went to a youth bible study. I eventually joined the worship team and became a youth leader. I got more and more involved, “committed” as I would’ve put it. Youth group and church were non-negotiables. I bought into and abided by all of the rules.
I’m a rule-follower at heart, so give me some rules and I’ll follow them. But if I broke one, dare say I watched an R-rated movie or made out with a boy (because hormones and he’s cute 🤷🏻♀️), I confessed it to my youth pastors because that’s what you did/had to do to be absolved of the guilt (that church culture creates, but I digress.) But those “sinful” incidents were few and far between; most of the time I didn’t even think about watching R-rated movies or swearing or drinking. (I did think about making out with boys because I was a teenage girl, duh.) I believed what I was told. I trusted my youth pastors, pastors, and leaders. I followed the rules. I toed the line.
This lasted 10 years. Through high school and into adulthood. Through singleness, dating Brandon, and getting married. A lot happens in 10 years. But one thing that didn’t really change (or change much) was my mindset on what being a Christian, a “good” Christian, entailed. Church was my life; it was all-consuming. I became more and more entrenched. And towards the end of those 10 years, I was exhausted, burnt out. I was working a full-time job. Brandon and I were newly married, and we were at the church building easily 4-5 days and/or nights of the week. We were essentially working two full-time jobs (one paid, one as volunteers). It was soul-sucking.
I remember the one-day-at-a-time-ness of it. We’d wake up, work, do churchy things, and fall into bed at night thinking, “Welp, we made it. Now to sleep and then wake up and more or less do it all over again.” I don’t remember where I heard it or who said it, but this saying stuck with me: “Jesus died for the church; you don’t have to, too.” Yet, here I was (we were) running myself (ourselves) ragged and fully being taken advantage of. Boundaries didn’t exist; they were inconvenient. And I wasn’t self-aware or self-confident enough to know that I could say “no”.
See, my value was so wrapped up in what I did and how much I was contributing. As a perfectionist, I understood that and bought in without question. Maybe I was naive. Maybe I was too-trusting. No one around me said, “Maybe you should take some time to rest; this seems unhealthy and unsustainable.” And I didn’t even think to ask for time to breathe so I could enjoy life again.
Brandon and I had been married about a year and we were both burnt out. We were both doing so much: youth group leaders, running the college group, worship team members, Brandon and I worked in the cafe making coffee drinks before service, and I led the “tween ministry” (5-8 grades). We were in church (the building) a lot, but we were rarely in church (the service/a part of the community). Brandon floated the idea of leaving one day and I wasn’t super receptive. Change is hard for me, even leaving sucky situations that I don’t like (because what if what’s next is worse?!). But I think I knew deep down that it was the right thing to do. And “stepping back” or “taking a break” wasn’t an option; we knew we sucked at saying “no” and would just get pulled back in.
So we decided to leave. It was a really difficult decision. Leaving felt like a really nasty divorce. I had spent my formative years there. So much of my identity was wrapped up in my churchy titles and roles; I really didn’t know who I was without it all. And it became more and more apparent that the people I looked up to and trusted believed my worth and value was in how useful I was to them and how much I served.
I’m sure that was always right underneath the surface, I just couldn’t see it. My proximity to them and position, which I viewed as a great honor and privilege, were because I was willing to do and listen and follow and obey without question. Leaving knocked the rose-colored glasses off of my face. It took time, but I began to see things, so many things, in a different way. And it caused me to second-guess and ask a lot of questions.
I’d heard it so many times as a teenager and as an adult. Hell, I’ve probably even said it. “You have to make your faith your own; there are no 2nd-generation Christians.” And I believed that I’d done that. But I hadn’t, not even close. I had literally taken what my youth pastors (mainly, as I interacted with them most) told me was right and just believed the same thing. My thought process was all of, “Well, they said it so it’s obviously true, so that’s my belief/stance on that.”
When we left the church we’d been so heavily involved with and in which so much of our sense of self, our identity, was wrapped up in, the doubts and questions started to arise. I felt like the youth pastors at the church didn’t have our best interests at heart (although I don’t think they were consciously making decisions to hurt us), and I trusted and believed in them so what else wasn’t as it seemed? I, in a way, wiped the slate clean of my beliefs, as much as I could of course, and evaluated them almost as if for the first time. Why did I believe what I believed? What did I even believe; did I know?
I realized I had become this person that I didn’t really like; I apologized to a couple friends for being a bad friend because I was so consumed with being a “good leader” (which I now don’t think is possible, to be a good leader and a bad friend, I mean). I started reading books and listening to podcasts by people who were blacklisted by many pastors I knew. And I had a lot of conversations with Brandon as he was going on a similar journey and was a bit ahead of me (and still is, I feel). My approach was and has always been “whatever is true is true” so if I “get rid of” a belief that’s true, I will find my way back to it after my searching and discovery. But this approach isn’t really championed or even encouraged.
Luckily, I haven’t had too many messages from “concerned” pastors and Christian friends who are worried about me, but maybe this blog post will cause me to receive more. Many Christians get nervous and uncomfortable when someone believes something unorthodox; I’ll admit I did. I’ve been there on the other side feeling like I’m watching someone make bad decisions, changing their beliefs, but my sadness was coated in a thick layer condescension. I had it all figured out until I didn’t. I was told that I needed to make my faith my own, but when I actually did that I was met with a lot of “Well, not like that.” I was told that I needed to make my faith my own, but what that meant was to end up at the same conclusions as my pastors and youth pastors did and have the same beliefs as everyone else in church. And surprisingly, my rule-following, line-toeing self wasn’t having it.
I had been on this journey and had uncovered so many new, beautiful, healthy, and healing things. Sure, there were still some things I believed that were the same as before, but I also believed some different things as well. And I’d discovered so much about myself in the process. I realized I was acting; I was who I thought I was supposed to be, playing a role, and I hadn’t even known I wasn’t actually that person. I’m way more introverted than I thought. I’m compassionate and I feel things deeply, so many things. I love to read. I enjoy intellectual, philosophical, and theological conversations. I’m really into the news. And I’m better at self-care now. I’m still a perfectionist. I’m still funny; I still love to laugh. I’m still me. But I’m a me-er me.
I definitely don’t write all of this to say that I’ve gone on this journey of deconstructing and reconstructing my faith and now I have everything all figured out. This isn’t about right and wrong beliefs or who’s in and who’s out; it’s not about keeping score at all. I also don’t write all of this to place blame. I have taken time to heal, forgive, grow, and discover. And I’ve come to realize that the disfunction I’ve experienced is indicative of Western Church culture, especially in the U.S.; the more I share my story, the more I find that others have similar experiences. I write this to say I’m in a healthier (for me) place than I was 5 years ago. I’m an adult and have a pretty solid intuition. I’ve learned to listen to myself and trust myself. I’ve been through hard things, but they’ve helped shape me like the Colorado River shaped the Grand Canyon. It was a process that was difficult and took time, but the results are beautiful.
Mary Oliver wrote in her poem “The Uses of Sorrow”:
(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)
Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.
This has been the story of one of my boxes of darkness, which I’ve come to see as a gift. I’ve come to know disappointment, suffering, grief, and all shades of darkness are parts of life. We are all on our own journeys. We all have boxes of darkness, some we’ve been given and some we’ve found on our own. I think we should allow people to go on their own journey, to be in process as we all are, without judgment.
We might not understand or agree, but we can still support and love one another along the way. And if big feelings come up about someone else’s journey, may we stop and ask ourselves why before chastising them, questioning their actions, or sending a condescending message. May we remember that the darkness we see in our own life and the “darkness” we perceive in someone else’s life are gifts. Without them we would not be the people we are.
- Amanda
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Turn It Up: New Music Releases for September 2017
Um, excuse me, but where did summer go? Where is this (albeit gorgeous) colder weather coming from? A sure sign it’s fall: new music is abound, as everyone gets those fall releases in. I could venture to guess it’s because Grammy nominations are coming (the most wonderful time of the year, in my opinion), or maybe to promote for some great Christmas presents. Maybe it’s because we’re all heading back inside on these colder-to-come days and will be streaming so much more. Whatever the reason – I’m not complaining. You guys know me by now – there can never be enough music. Let’s check out who’s serving up new albums this month.
Thomas Rhett – Life Changes
Release date: 9/8
I remember being so confused when Sam Hunt said he was only going to do singles, not full-length albums anymore. This, coming from a country artist (in a genre where consumers are still buying physical product – despite the three concerts I went to this summer where there were no CDs for sale…), was surprising. I had hopes that this wasn’t going to start a trend, considering what a top guy Sam is in the industry.
Thankfully, Thomas Rhett has calmed my fears. As one of probably the biggest names in country music today with, easily, one of the most hectic schedules and lives (congrats on the new baby!), he still made a full-length album for our enjoyment. He could have rode on “Craving You” (featuring my girl-crush, Maren Morris) for a little longer, then hopped onto another song. Instead, we’ve gotten a taste of the new songs through steady unofficial single releases via Spotify, and are amped up for the whole thing to drop.
Thomas is “new country” – borderline Bro, incorporates a little rap, but generally is there for the good, sweet backroad times that we honestly look for in this genre. “Unforgettable” (the official second single) is closer to pop, but there’s no denying that little country bump in the backing. I still don’t understand why so many people mention Coldplay these days in their lyrics, but whatever. I want a campfire stat for this one.
The other songs? Well, “Sixteen” will have you all kinds of nostalgic and wishful at once (who knew Thomas was old enough to have this kind of nostalgia, by the way?). We get a surprising love song in the one called “Grave” to melt a bit, and you have to believe that between an adoption and new baby, that one’s for his wife (think the “Die A Happy Man” feels all over again). “Life Changes” is personal and sums up that smile this man carries around.
Oh, and he duets with his poppa, Rhett Akins. Yeah, this is going to be a good ol’ boys record and I can’t wait to hear it from start to finish.
Other 9/8 releases:
Jack Johnson – All The Light Above It Too
Tori Almos – Native Invaders
Ringo Starr – Give More Love
Release date: 9/15
Don’t worry – the backstory I’m about to share with y’all isn’t meant to make you feel bad. I promise I can look back on these memories with some kind of wistful smile.
My mom was the Beatles fan. I mean, I assumed they were the end-all-be-all of music until I discovered Hanson when I was 8 (literally – I assumed every song was written by them, and performed by either them, Frank Sinatra, Elvis, or Celine Dion). We had every album (except the elusive Fan Club Christmas one… someday). We listed to Anthology until even I knew every word and the tapes about wore out.
Ringo was my favorite. Even from an early age, I had to go against the norm and love the drummer (I believe that’s what led me to an odd attraction to good arms, but that’s another article for another time). I also thought he looked to be having the most fun, and the Ringo-written tracks obviously appealed to my only-child colorful imagination. Plus, the man later showed an affinity for Country Music – clearly, the best Beatle.
So when I was… gosh, 10 or so, and the Internet was at my fingertips and we found out he would be touring through Atlantic City with the All Starr Band, it was a no-brainer. We were there. And we were there every other year, when he’d tour again, for 10+ years. I got older and appreciated all of the other songs so much more, and my mom was…. Well, she was 16 again during each show. This made for a weird argument about who he was singing about during “You’re Sixteen” that makes me giggle a little to this day.
I haven’t seen Ringo live since I lost my mother over two years ago (despite his shows in Brooklyn and birthday celebrations in Central Park), but regardless, seeing him continue to release music surrounding all I’ve ever hoped for through music – Peace and Love – never fails to make me smile. If you’re reading this to get an idea of the sounds to come – know that it’s gentle, wonderful, and every bit as Beatles-esque as you could ever want from this living legend (plus the many, many living legends that accompany him on it – seriously, Google it – I’ll give you one name… Paul).
It took me a year to listen to Beatles music again, and even hearing this new music is tough, but worth it. Thank you – both Mom and Ringo – for this musical gift.
Other 9/15 releases:
Foo Fighters – Concrete & Gold
Wyclef Jean – Carnival III: The Rise And Fall Of A Refugee
The Killers – Wonderful Wonderful
Release date: 9/22
The Killers have always mildly fascinated me for some reason, and this fifth album just keeps that interest going. Maybe it’s Brandon Boyd’s drive to make so many projects work and the fact that, in a unique way, he does it. I mean, have you ever heard someone say they don’t like The Killers?
“The Man” takes things to a disco area that takes some time to appreciate – in that, you remember it’s not disco, just the sound of this band bringing those elements into our odd-ball new millennium culture. And on further investigation, perhaps the Kool & The Gang sample in the song may have something to do with it. I dare you not to literally strut down the street to this one.
We mellow out on that sound with “Run For Cover” (which is not really more mellow, but I feel justified by the Bob Marley sample that’s included). It’s quick paced, but more rock based, and there seems to be a general toss-up out there on which of the first two singles were better. This one’s my pick, but I never was a fan of the 70’s sound.
By the way, Ryan Tedder helped produce some of this album. My concept of Indie Pop has completely been shattered, and that’s 100% okay.
The title track is the latest song we’ve gotten to sample, and to be honest the thing that’s starting to interest me most about this album is how all the songs will fit together. These three don’t tie out aside from Boyd’s familiar voice and vocal effects on it. “Wonderful Wonderful” is set to be the opening track, and it does seem to march in and create the same anticipation as I’m starting to have for this late-September release.
Other 9/22 releases:
Circa Survive – The Amulet
Haley Reinhart – What’s That Sound?
Miley Cyrus – Younger Now
Release date: 9/29
I know, I’m as surprised as y’all probably are that I’m choosing this one to write about, especially with Demi dropping an album on the same day (which, um, timing is weird). But Miley has been intriguing me lately. Obviously, girl lost her dang mind for a few years there, at least by “normal” standards. She did things that were in no way socially acceptable, but definitely owned it.
There’s something about her attitude in recent months though, that seems to show a maturity. Granted, I’m basing this entirely on her music, since I really haven’t kept up with the latest gossip. “Malibu” just has such a, well, nice sound to it. It’s relaxing but there’s something really honest in there about life, so I have to believe Miley is coming around to making adult decisions and, maybe more importantly, realizations.
“Inspired” wasn’t an official single, but it is available to stream in promotion of the new album. It’s sweet and light, and I’ll go ahead and say this – I feel Tennessee in here (there are even moments that you can tell her Godmother, Dolly Parton, really did play a huge role in this girl’s life). Her voice is even slightly crisper (her laziness in enunciation is one of my few vocal complaints about Miley), and the title and feel just all fit together.
The second single is the title track, “Younger Now,” and I guess of the three this is the closest to her persona over the past few years. Even in saying that, the opening line plays: feels like I just woke up, and I have to believe this is Miley finding her way back all while looking ahead. Did anyone expect her to go legitimately deep on us? Did you expect to care this much and want this album in its entirety? Me either. But I do.
Other 9/29 releases:
Demi Lovato – Tell Me You Love Me
Echosmith – Inside A Dream
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