#and it makes me upset bc then youre just. subjecting ppl it DOES affect to the same thing! bc you cant fucking tag things
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i really Shouldnt use the for you page but sometimes i get bored and this time it was fucking Entirely ed posts mixed in with fanart for stray which fucking sucked and then like 4 posts abt bpd at the end which is not something that even has Anything to do with me so overall bad experience many people blocked
#anyways.#sorry if this sounds harsh but if youre posting abt an eating disorder and not tagging it in the simplest of ways#i hate you#i dont care what argument could possibly be made against me i genuinely hate you#ed tw#<- wow 4 letters! isnt that easy! fuck you#i did NOT like any posts related to eating disorders or bpd nor did i follow anyone new so.#not sure where tumblr pulled that one#on par with wei/ght lo/ss ads#killed the fun sleepy mood i was in.#idk it doesnt even affect me the way it used to its been like. long enough since the peak#that i am okay and every time ive like. idk relapsed or whatever ive recognized it and adjusted in that same day in a way that is healthy#and nothing really drives me to that behavior very easily anymore#but it still fucking Nauseates me i dont want to see it in my stupid tumblr bubble tbh and its as simple as that#and it makes me upset bc then youre just. subjecting ppl it DOES affect to the same thing! bc you cant fucking tag things#speaking
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THE HAUNTING OF VILLA DIODATI/THE ASCENSION OF THE CYBERMEN/THE TIMELESS CHILDREN:
Yaz stumbling over vast piles of emotional detritus, approaching the shining fact of her sexuality off in the distance, testing the waters. Ryan playing "Chopsticks" (popular in the colonies). The scuttling bone hand, 13 licking the bone dust, relics of war from my travels, reminders that we tread on the dust of empires. Fuckboy Byron and Shelley the guardian. The house hidden inside a house, rooms shifting, the labyrinth building and rebuilding itself around its Minotaur. The ghosts of the servants (Graham's magical realist grief has reached its full power). Chibnall makes Eighth Man Bound television canon (?!). You want to sacrifice yourself for this? You want me to sacrifice you? Bill Potts deserved better.
Every empire has its time, and every empire falls, but that which is dead can live again in the hands of a believer. Your mother's memory of you from when you were a man (and she still believes that's who you are) taking residence inside you, crawling up through your throat. The last human settlement, just regular humans, refugees with their fingers in the last hold left at the end of the universe. Don't worry about where we're from, concentrate on how we can help. Ryan, whose worst fear is to be left behind, is left behind; Yaz has her "Flatline" moment; Graham pulled, don't worry about him. Another haunted house, the ship adrift in a sea of bodies. I was not discarded, I was chosen/I am the perfect vessel. You will be reborn on the site of your defeat. The boundary, the gateway, the guardian, the Master.
The Caldera, the Citadel, the Doctor. The Panopticon, or what's left of it anyway. You're not such a bad human yourself either. The Matrix, the memorial of a lived memory. Bodies, importantly. (Another haunted house.) The refugee child found beneath the monument. How family can love you and still hurt you; how colonialism has affection for what it takes, how it will snap in an instant if violence will get it what it wants, no matter the kindness it showed its subjects before. The Master is so obviously, patently, Fisher Price Media Analysis Activity Playset level wrong about the Doctor being special because they were exploited and abused, but also correct that their deaths were what Gallifrey was built on, and that everything the Doctor is, the Master is. (How many times does the script need to use the word 'empire' before u get it. Bc the script uses it a lot lmao and ppl are still out here upset abt how the LORE IS RUINED FOREVER BC NOW THE DR WHO IS TOO IMPORTANT or whatever. shut up <3)
The angriest, shittiest little fight on a shitty little hill. The Shelley quote bumping up against the Oppenheimer quote. The noble creation myth, the shape around what was erased. A gift, a clue, an apology. (The thing about an apology is that you don’t need to accept it.) Agency, again. Explosives are still the answer. Yaz stepping through the boundary first, with no hesitation. Have you ever been limited by who you were before? The importance of asking questions, if not getting to know the answer. Getting the specifics of how the Doctor's concept of family is fucked up right before they insist on doing it alone again, right after the Master's death wish brings him to his knees in front of them (which is such a hot scene, btw, just saying). The Doctor pushing Yaz away, and Ryan calling her gently back. Getting the Fam home, and the TARDIS as family and home, and travel as a state of being, and a boundary as something permanent inside of you.
This episode ending w the Doctor arrested and imprisoned indefinitely is such a pointed choice lmao hello. I can’t believe I didn’t see Flux coming.
🤡🤡🤡nerdlinger bullshit:🤡🤡🤡
The Division is essentially what's been my take on the CIA since season 2 of Gallifrey which makes me a genius and Chibnall the most correct opinion-haver
The fucking...."Brain of Morbius" Doctors. fuck off.
“Any idiot can make themselves into a robot”
Chris Chibnall I haaate yooouuu
#dr who#i believe i will regret not having tagged these w anything that would help me find them#but it is TOO LATE NOW#tecteun's filtered version of the story is so fucked up in every direction jfc
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about this post.
first, even if it was about you, don't pay any mind to it.
sure, some people might have issues with chubby chaser characters lusting after a chubby reader. but you're literally not harming anyone ?? like, there are worse things in this world to worry about.
like, no one has an issue with a non-chubby reader being paired with a character that's obsessed with reader's body or something.
also, i don't get the issue with a character having, like, a fetish for a chubby reader ?? like, fetish is synonymous with kink, right ?? like, characters liking a reader with a bush down there, or with a certain type of boobs or nipples & so on, so on. ya know ??
also, no one's bitching about the way us fanfic writers fetishize the bodies of anime men (except the tiktok children tbh; they bitch a lot). like, no one's mad about me posting about sukuna's big ass tits. or dad bod bakugo or whatever !! like, it's fictional !!
it's not like you're trynna get your fanfics professionally published & put out in the world where it does get critiqued. fanfiction doesn't exist to be critiqued. it's to be horny & sad & happy without some publishing company changing our stuff.
right ??
apologies for the rant. anyways, don't let it bother ya. nanami is a chubby chaser. but he only chases after you bc you're his chubby housewife !!
Aww, thank u for sending me this hun 🥺💕 im not actually upset or anything, i was just thinking about writing and how it affects others. I saw a random post that was critiquing the way ppl wrote chubby reader fics and they said that fetishizing fat people was also fatphobia which yes ig but does that logic still apply when you yourself are fat? If a fat writer writes porn where a character is obsessed with a fat reader's body, is that still fetishization? And if it is, should we really compare it to nonfat ppl in the real world who exclusively target fat ppl to try and have sex with them? Are these comparable? Are my lil fics really perpetuating the trope of a person liking fat ppl just for their bodies or am i just a fanfic writer who is indulging in fantasies so that i can help love myself more? These questions were just kind of stewing in my head and i wanted to get them out.
Realistically, this post was not about me. I don't think I've ever interacted with this account before and i doubt that they've ever read my fics before so it most likely did not apply to me at all. I think they mentioned a word that i use in fics and said it was a fetishist and fatphobic adjective to use so that's when i started thinking about my own fics.
Tbh i don't think there's anything wrong with what im doing. If ppl don't like my writing then they are free to block me or never read my fics again, just like how i do with certain subjects that i don't want to read about. Ppl have their own experiences which shapes their opinions, so it makes sense that i would think differently from another person. Neither of us are right or wrong, we just have different perspectives. I'm not going to stop writing, i enjoy it a lot and i like writing about characters being obsessed with my body, it makes me feel beautiful and desirable which I've never really felt irl before. It makes me happy so i certainly don't plan on stopping anytime soon :)
#ask#also!! the nanami bit made my heart go 💞💞💞#sukuna is a chubby chaser too but he only chases you :3 you're his precious lil bunny and he wants you all to himself 💕
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i know i'm repeating myself but this is my blog and i get to say wtv i want.
i'm a relatively low-maintenance person (read: i've got people-pleaser tendencies with a nervous core and emotional constipation so bad it translates to literal constipation). but i can get very intense emotional responses over seemingly innocuous matters. i've gotten better recently but as a teen i'd go thru numerous episodes of feeling disproportionately sad and hurt and just so affected that i felt like i was going crazy. i've gotten better; thanks to experience or maybe some chemistry in my brain that's finally starting to balance out... but when i enter this extremely vulnerable state of mind, the last thing i need is half-ass support from someone who can't handle what i'm going thru.
so i have this friend, right, and one time i messaged him abt some symptoms i've been dealing with, to which he knows the backstory. (that was following a day of work where i was acting pretty erratic and anyone with eyes could tell that i wasn't doing well.) so anyway he asks me if i have ways to deal with my issue. i say smth along the lines of "not rly" and he goes, "oh." And That's It. he didn't know what else to say so he said Nothing Else.
that whole conversation barely lasted five sentences, i kid you not. and so i was like ok maybe this subject is too heavy for him, i'll avoid it for his sake. but then i txt him again abt smth else that's rly upset me and ykno what he says 😭 NOTHING. like i just wanted somewhere to express myself and his dms is my diary. nigga if you don't say smth right the fuck now 😭 and i don't want nobody telling me this is what i get for being vulnerable w a man bc the first person to do this before him was my childhood best friend who was a girl! so see this is NOT the first time it's happened to me and every time i feel like pulling a 13 reasons why jbgabgab like oh sorry does my pain bother you? wait lemme make it worse sjbajgab ithat's the shortcut to making a villain out of me. incite me to open myself up to vulnerability and ridicule for none of the benefits. mhm love that. but i'm a better person than hannah baker so i'm not doing it but OOUGHH y'all don't make it easy for me!!!! y'all piss me off sometimes oouuughhhh testing me!!!!!
so yeah now i'll do more of this thing where i cultivate the ppl i share my heart with. i will not just confess my deep hurts wounds and weakness to just anybody. i'll only do it to ppl who've shown they have consideration and tact and communication skills. even if it's a friend i rly care for, i won't trust blindly. you can't trust everyone with your emotions, i'm not done learning this lesson it seems but it's ok i'm getting there!
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hi, sorry to bother you but i'm new to the stucky fandom and you seem nice. i feel a little sad right now because a lot of ppl don't seem to care about steve and they also hate on him for his bad ending instead of blaming the megacorporation who send him back in time. i know it's silly to feel this way but it makes me want to leave the fandom and not post the 3 stucky edits i've made bc i'm afraid they will be full of steve slander in the notes. sorry for my bad english.
Hello lovely! Thanks for your message and welcome to the fandom <3 First of all, I'm sorry that this upsets you so much, and that's not silly at all! Seeing Steve hate would seriously upset me too, so I'm very happy I never see any.
I think your problem all depends on which fandom circles you move in, and how well you've curated your own fandom experience (I'm sorry for always using that expression, but it pretty accurately captures what I mean). As you probably know, I'm pretty deep in the Stucky fandom, and I literally never see any Steve hate. I know it's out there, but I just never come across it, thank god. On the few occasions in the past that I've seen any, I've immediately blocked the offending blogs, which means they now can no longer bother me (but honestly, there haven't been all that many).
I also only use tumblr (twitter seems overall more toxic and harder to curate) and only follow people who love Steve as much as I do, so my dash is all Steve-loving and devoid of hate! I also never go into the Steve Rogers tag other than to just quickly scroll through for new content from time to time (and that goes for the Bucky, Sebastian and Chris tags too). I know more often than not, the tags are just a cesspit filled with people with opinions I don't agree with, so rather than subject myself to those, I choose to just stick to my dash, because I trust that the people I've chosen to follow will only show me content that I like.
And outright Steve hate aside, I really don't get the impression that no one cares about Steve in this fandom either. Most of my mutuals clearly consider themselves Steve stans, and there are a few blogs almost exclusively devoted to loving on Steve, too. Moreover, the @steverogersweek is putting on a Steve Rogers centered event soon! The Steve love is still alive and well in this fandom, even if admittedly lot of people let Endgame affect their love and judgement of him (which I personally think is pretty weak and also a sign they probably never understood Steve in the first place).
So what I'm trying to say is: there are LOTS of people in the Captain America fandom who still love Steve, and basically everyone in this corner of the Stucky fandom does, seeing as Stucky is Steve Rogers + Bucky Barnes. I really don't think you need to leave the fandom over this; you just have to learn which spaces and people to avoid, and which ones to surround yourself with, and you'll be totally fine, I promise! Hope that helps, but let me know if you'd like me to elaborate on anything further 💙
#by the way#I frequently tag original posts steve rogers and I never get any steve slander on those for what it's worth#and if I did I'd just block those blogs and move on <3#this is an unapologetically pro steve rogers blog#I love steve just as much as I love bucky#which is more than I love most things in life#steve rogers#stucky#minnie answers
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Kendra! I was wondering your opinion as you’re the tumblr philosopher on these matters and I enjoy and agree with you on your literary critiques. But Lately (past year or so) I’ve seen a lot of comments along the lines of “does this drama have a happy or sad ending” literally any video on Instagram that has a collage of dramas or movies you’ll find comments like this or ones like “this story isn’t going the way I want I’m going to stop watching” I honestly am so confused I swear this is a newer phenomenon where people decide what to watch based on if the ending is happy or if the story comes together the way they want.
Like, I understand —sometimes I am only in the mood for something sad or dark so I can cry, but, I never determine what I’ll watch based on the ending! are people asking about the ending so they can watch in peace knowing it’ll end how they want? They can’t handle the events or the narrative if the happy outcome isn’t there? Is this like a side effect of fan fiction and self-insertism? Or an over-reliance on escapism? I am so confused by this and I see it on such a large scale.i can’t help but be bothered by it when I’d normally just mind my business but I feel like it’s so derivative of the work and feels like it’s enabling people not to be affected by work if it hurts them or is tragic or complicated. Maybe I’m just overthinking this and need to log off Instagram sometimes
oh let's DISCUSS!!!!!!!!!!! i've noticed this phenomenon too nd i mainly think its another fallout from fanfiction 😑 like when ppl say 'does it have a happy ending?' MOST of them are not asking if the story's themes take a turn that's upsetting or if there's heavy triggers (bc when ppl want to know abt triggers they straight up ask abt triggers) they're ACTUALLY asking 'does the story end how i want it?'
it's hard for me to put into words but nowadays ppl start getting into a piece of media not with the intent of enjoying what's there, but actively fighting against what something is to create fandom fodder. FOR EXAMPLE ppl who watched squid game or all of us are dead but get upset when........ppl die? its a fucking death game show and then zombie drama like what do you expect??????????? ppl are LITERALLY fighting against what the narratives are supposed to be.
and like you said there's nothing wrong with wanting to know if a piece of media is super heavy emotionally or super fluffy bc sometimes you want one or the other. nd there's also nothing wrong with wanting to know abt any specific triggers in a piece of media. that makes sense. it even makes sense for something's tone or message being offensive to you so you drop it.
BUT imo there's a difference btwn accepting that you and the narrative of what you're engaging in just aren't compatible and being upset that this piece of media isnt something you can control and make your own. like what even is a happy ending to these ppl? is it everyone living and getting what they want? well is the narrative about people facing consequences for their actions? is it in the horror genre where characters are EXPECTED to die? is the happy ending two characters ending up in a romantic relationship? ok but is the narrative about how the characters need to accept themselves before focusing on an intense romantic relationship??
my point......a lot of times when ppl ask 'does it have a happy/sad ending' theyre bypassing everything abt the possible themes and narratives involved bc a good/bad ending is entirely subjective on what actually goes on in the story. so you asking that BEFORE engaging with it is boiling it all down to your preconceived desires........the cookie cutter approach to media..........being totally detached from what's actually in front of you. that's why ppl are mad that a marvel movie isnt a gay romance movie. or being mad that people die in a show abt a fucking death game
the rise of fanfiction has people sooo adverse to accepting the story put in front of them its crazy like ppl have forgotten that writers (sometimes) actually have a story to tell with specific messages!!!!!! this isn't burger king!
#tl; dr: you can wish an ending was different but just bc its not exactly what you wanted that doesnt make it bad#sometimes it makes it bad but i think ppl forget stories can make u feel emotions#its not just an escape fantasy#if thats what u want watch that#but literally don't watch a tragedy nd get mad when its not structured like a disney movie#oh thats what i forgot to elaborate on ppl totally ignore genres#theyre fucking telling you this is NOT a romance why are u getting mad when its not......a romance#its crazy ppl just see a character they like and want to change everything abt where they come from nd what they go thru#asks
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Occam's razor is the principle that, of two explanations that account for all the facts, the simpler one is more likely to be correct.
this post is going to cover traits specific to the manga and the television drama, since those are the best adaptations to showcase L’s autism. THIS POST is required reading before you read anything i’m about to type, because it explains what kind of character niche L falls into--an unintentionally autistic coded character. i’ll talk more about that at the end.
i’m going to talk about manga L first, since he’s the original version after all. i’m going to go in order of physical traits, to behavioral, to his character writing. also, tumblr eats posts that have outside links, so i’m going to have my non-tumblr sources in a separate post, here.
anyways, more under the cut!
MANGA/ANIME:
sitting with his legs up and spine bent / sitting on the floor
this is such a big one and its extremely common in ppl with autism. sitting in chairs normally is uncomfortable to outright painful w many ppl with these disorders, myself included. L sitting like that (which, to recall, is a blatant homage to sherlock holmes, another character that is so blatantly autistic coded you can find absolutely ridiculous amounts of writing on the topic) and being like "I HAVE TO SIT LIKE THIS TO THINK PROPERLY" is so autistic. like sitting in a certain way to give you specific sensory stimulus/avoid distracting discomfort and pain is a thing. i found this post (1) written by an autistic person on the topic of sitting in chairs being uncomfortable, and it says as much:
“I suspect that seating discomfort is common in autism (though by no means limited to autistic people). Many of us, particularly as children, benefit greatly from chairs designed to be non-stationary: rocking chairs, “fidget” chairs, and so forth. These can improve focus, compensate for proprioceptive hypo-sensitivity, and alleviate restlessness. In short, many “attention issues” can be fixed simply by providing a little motion for the person sitting. Small change, huge results. That's what accommodations do at their best. They make (often minor) adjustments that have profound impacts.”
so when L says that sitting the way he does, for a specific sensory experience, improves his ability to think, it’s perfectly in line with this idea. Also it’s a good pressure stim.
standing with a slouch / shifting his weight around
to begin: yes! it’s very common for autistic people to stand or walk oddly for a number of different reasons, from physical comorbidity to other issues such as dyspraxia (see: movie L). From an article by YAI (2), an I/DD (intellectual and/or developmental disabilities) community program:
“Kyphosis (a curved spine), collapsed chest, dropped shoulders and even scoliosis are observed in many of our patients. These myriad of postural issues may result from reduced strength, decreased biomechanical stability, or from a sensory impairment, such as apraxia.
Depending on the scene, L has mild to severe kyphosis which is very common in autistic individuals. Other things mentioned in that article if you want to click on it is instability in standing, where you sort of shift your weight around a lot between your feet or rest all of your weight on one foot, which L is literally doing the first time we see all of him.
speaking with a monotone voice.
i obviously can’t show a picture for this one and it honestly depends on the voice actor you find for L, but in the anime in particular L has a very flat tone. a lot of this is bc he has a dry sense of humor but. just know that it’s very common for autistic people to have a flat affect (or go the other way into being too loud/emotive).
his eating habits.
a lot (a LOT) of autistic ppl myself included can only eat certain kinds of food for texture and flavor reasons. HOWEVER there’s a term in the autism community called “samefoods” which is really well put by tumblr users candidlyautistic and autism-asks:
“Samefoods or samefooding is a community word to describe the autistic trait of eating the same food over, and over and over . . . It is part sensory, part routine driven in most cases. A lot of times we samefood because we need that particular mouthfeel / texture / taste, and a lot of times even after that need passes, it turns into a need for routine until you actively dislike that food again.”
“Samefooding on the other hand is closer to a special interest. When I have a samefood (chocolate ice cream, currently), I really, really want that food. I could eat that food endlessly and not get tired of it. I will get upset if I’m not able to have the food in a day. For me, it usually is kind of routine based as well. For instance, with my current samefood, I have some in the evenings and it’s become part of how I wind down from my day.”
we don’t know exactly why L specifically desires sweet food or if he considers it part of his routine, but what we do know is that he really wants to eat sweet food and avoids eating anything other than sweet food, so it could either be that he’s a picky eater and can’t handle savory or he’s samefooding on sweets!
wearing the same clothes
L wears the same clothes every single day. It’s also worth noting that what he does wear is baggy, too-big clothing, the kind that wouldn’t be tight and uncomfortable. once again, sensory issues are a huge thing for autistic individuals. one of my favorite aspects is that in no adaptation does he wear socks. even L wears shoes, he wears them like slippers, not putting them on all the way. people comment that he seems like he’s poor, but we know for a fact that he’s very rich and that wearing these clothes is a personal choice he made.
not caring for himself/outsourcing his self-care
i don’t think one day is exactly canon, rather it’s an exaggeration of what might actually happen--i.e. L doesn’t have a huge closet full of the same outfit, but he does have several versions of the same outfit on rotation; L doesn’t use a human washing machine, but Watari might help him/encourage him to bathe regularly. One Day is a parody comic, but it was made by the creators for a reason and that reason is that L pretty obviously relies on a caretaker (Watari) for his personal needs. Watari, in the manga proper, cooks and cleans and does most things for L. we’ll come back to this topic when we get to the drama though.
doing stimming behaviors
if you don’t know what stimming is, it refers to self-stimulating behaviors, usually involving repetitive movements or sounds. everyone stims to some extent, but in autism it tends to be more obvious, go on for longer, and sometimes be more disruptive to others. it’s often used to help deal with sensory overload, or used to express feelings--think of an autistic person being happy and flapping their hands in the air.
there are a LOT of instances of L displaying stimming behavior, from stacking his food or things on his desk, to spinning in his chair, to biting his fingers/using them to press on his lips, to wriggling and tapping his toes. here are some specific instances:
there are a lot more. i’ll talk about more when we get to dramaverse, but if you rewatch/reread death note it’s definitely worth noting whenever L does something like this!
detective work as a special interest
ok, first and foremost i want to establish what a special interest is. Tumblr user cartoon has my favorite explanation of what a special interest is that i’ve seen to date:
“To have a deep, intense, passionate and incredibly focused / narrowed interest in a certain area of study, subject, topic or thing - to the exclusion of other interests. This interest is something that exists for the long-term, most often lasting for multiple months, years, or even you’re entire life “
L says that he only does detective work because it’s a hobby, and he finds it entertaining. We’ve also seen that he’s been at it for quite some time--if you take side content (the wammy’s house comic, LABB) seriously, then he’s been at it since childhood, with unwavering interest. it definitely comes across to me as L having a special interest in detective work, rather than it just being a normal hobby or a job for him, especially since he says it isn’t out of any moral obligation.
germaphobia
Germaphobia is very common for individuals with autism. a lot of the time it’s actually sensory issues associated with “dirty” things, and a lot of the time it’s because features of OCD are heavily comorbid with autism, including contamination OCD and such fears. regardless of the reason, though, L’s aversion to touching Bad Things is a very autistic behavior, and so is his resulting quirk that he tends to hold things in a very odd manner!
muted emotional expression
this is getting more into L’s character, but L tends to feel and express emotions in a very muted way. not to say he doesn’t have them, but for instance in the example above, L doesn’t have a solid grasp on what exactly he’s feeling. he thinks he might be acting irrationally and overemotionally because he logically should be afraid, but he isn’t sure, and none of these emotions present themselves visibly.
i’ve also seen it said that Ukita’s death is another good example of his muted response to emotion--he tells Aizawa to stay rational and his voice doesn’t waver as he tells him as much, but he holds himself tightly. for someone with poor emotional competence, these physical signs of distress can be hard to read in oneself, but Aizawa (a man who is extremely in-tune with his emotions) can tell immediately.
high logic, low empathy
L is also a character who, like many autistic people, lacks a certain degree of empathy. it’s not that he doesn’t have any, but it’s limited enough--and he values logic over it enough--that he’s willing to make extreme decisions and take a “ends justify the means” approach (such as using people as bait.) in the example above, L takes a moment to work through what it must actually feel like, which rings as very autistic.
bluntness/not caring about social convention
there are so many examples of this i honestly could list them all day, but L is a character who is very to-the-point and doesn’t care about mincing his words. he can be outright rude to the people around him, especially if he considers them not worth basic courtesy. see: Matsuda.
DRAMAVERSE
if you all knew me you should have known this section is inevitable. i’m not going to talk about every single adaptation because i do not have the time and the only other adaptation that is meaningful in that regard is the movieverse (i am fairly certain that movie L is dyspraxic) but on account of the fact that i don’t care about them i won’t subject you all to them here.
anyway, drama L shows much the same traits as animanga L above (they are, after all, technically the same character) but he displays them in different ways.
he has a much more advanced degree of germaphobia, with Watari saying he’s sensitive to outside air and spraying everyone who enters his space with disinfectant, but not making them wash their hands or anything like that, so we can kind of tell that his issues are more rooted, again, in a fear of germs rather than any actual medical issue. he wants to feel as though he is clean, not necessarily actually be clean. this is very common in contamination OCD, which has a high comorbidity with autism. (my girlfriend has a very good headcanon post about drama L and OCD that isn’t so much analysis than just plain fun, but it’s worth a read!)
he stims, but he has a different array of stims than animanga L--he chews on his jelly pouch bottles,
he tosses it between his hands,
he kicks his feet,
and he bounces in his chair.
he still sits in an unconventional manner. he still samefoods, this time even more exclusively--he only eats Lucky Charge jelly pouches and nutritional bars. Watari onscreen puts his shirts on for him, as well as cooking, cleaning, and mending his clothes for him.
however, there are a few traits that are drama-exclusive that i think really add to an analysis of his autism!
social scripting
social scripting and echolalic scripting are both commonly described as “scripting,” but are very different! echolalic scripting is like echolalia, but echolalic scripting is the recitation of longer passages of dialogue from things the individual has heard before. but social scripting is when you memorize common conversations so you can rattle it off without worrying too much! this can be very handy, such as exchanging basic pleasantries or ordering food, but it can also backfire if someone responds in a way your script’s not set up for. you can find more information on the difference in this video (3).
now, this relates to L in that there are two separate scenes where L says the same thing, rather inappropriately:
L: When I consider Kira’s personality, could it be that the strong-willed daughter is Kira? Or could that sweet-looking son of yours surprise us by proving to be him? You never know what humans are hiding beneath the surface...
Soichiro: Enough.
L: Sorry. It was just a joke.
-- Episode 2
L: Light-kun. Oh, I’m sorry... If I called you “Yagami-san,” it would be the same as what I call your father.
Light: That’s okay. Call me whatever you want.
L: Then what about Kira?
(silence)
L: It's a joke.
-- Episode 4
one could say that L just has a terrible sense of humor--and, of course, having a poor grasp of humor is common with autistic individuals--but the fact that he says nearly the same thing as a defense twice makes me feel as though he has it rehearsed as a defense when people react poorly to things he’s said, which happens often.
mirroring and echolalia
echolalia was briefly covered in the previous example, but for those unaware, via wikipedia (4):
Echolalia is the unsolicited repetition of vocalizations made by another person (when repeated by the same person, it is called palilalia). In its profound form it is automatic and effortless.
mirroring, on the other hand, is explained as such, also via wikipedia (5):
Mirroring is the behavior in which one person unconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another. Mirroring often occurs in social situations, particularly in the company of close friends or family. The concept often affects other individuals' notions about the individual that is exhibiting mirroring behaviors, which can lead to the individual building rapport with others.
both of these are very common in autism, and they’re exemplified while L’s character is established watching his favorite TV show, Owarai Paradise. On one occasion, he’s watching the show and this dialogue happens:
Hiroshi: Despite never telling her how I felt, I still got dumped. I am Hiroshi.
Watari: Who was this one again?
L: He is Hiroshi.
Hiroshi: I am Hiroshi. I am Hiroshi.
-- Episode 2
it’s important to note that in Japanese, “He is Hiroshi” and “I am Hiroshi” are said, at least in this instance, exactly the same, so L is echoing precisely what he’s heard.
On another occasion, L is again watching the show with a glass of wine (seemingly acquired simply to imitate the characters onscreen, as he never drinks it) and when the characters onscreen toast their glasses, L does the same, mirroring them.
CONCLUSION
I linked a post at the very beginning of this analysis talking about how characters are unintentionally autistic coded, and it’s important to understand how this unintentional coding is different from a headcanon--i didn’t make up these traits. they aren’t something that only exist in my head that i ascribe to L for fun.
i made this analysis both because i wanted to share L’s autistic coding in one cohesive place, because plenty of people have made lists before, but none that i could find that included so many examples with images and explanations--and i also made it because of the old ryuzaki persona “theory.”
for those unaware, the ryuzaki persona headcanon suggests that L faked all of these traits in order to make people uncomfortable, to put them off-guard and better mask his identity. i’ve seen posts about people claiming that nobody could actually behave in these ways, that L would surely be unhappy and uncomfortable sitting like that, or eating like that, or engaging in any of these behaviors. I’ve seen some people outright say that L isn’t autistic, but his persona is--that is, he’s pretending to be autistic.
i named this essay “occam’s razor” because, to me, L being autistic is the simplest answer to account for all of these traits. claiming that an autistic coded character is faking it is ableist and it just doesn’t make sense with anything else we know about his character.
but if you want to know more about that, i recommend reading eyecicles’ first!L tag. it’s debunked it in more ways than i ever could.
anyways, in conclusion
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HEY FAM IT’S WILLOW AGAIN !!! i play xiao from neo ( winwin fc ) and now i bring you silas, orion’s lead vocal and dos’ main vocal and center in mobius entertainment ! your local videography, variety, and vocal king ! his stats / points / plots ; you can read more about him under the cut ~
as usual, his full bio is on this page and i’d recommend reading that instead of the summary below, but if you don’t wanna read all that gunk here’s a summary of his background!!
this is just background stuff so if u read the post above u can just skip down to where the personality info is!!!
his parents died when he was five and he had to go to seoul and live with his grandparents who were really strict and kept him on a very short leash which he was not happy about
they gave him a strict schedule and he had to keep at it, but he did his best bc he didnt want to upset them.
he did really well in school, was really popular with his classmates bc he was very fun loving and energetic. he was even a favorite of his teachers bc he was really smart and excelled in every subject! he smort
when he was ten his grandparents hired a piano instructor so he could take piano lessons between the time he’s finished doing his homework and dinner time, bc they didn’t like him having so much free time. he finished his homework quickly so he cOULD have free time, and they just. tore it away from him. smh.
i can’t word it any better than i already did so i’m gonna copy this next part from his bio:
“his instructor is immediately smitten with him despite the fact that he’s a slow learner, but when she has him sound out the notes he’ll play, his voice melts her heart. it’s high, and untrained, but she can see potential in him.“
so she tells his grandparents that he has a real potential for singing and that she loves his voice and could tutor him with that as well, but they tell her to just do the job they’re paying her for and dont worry about stupid stuff like that. they want him to play the piano, not to sing.
she says fuck it and starts giving him free vocal lessons alongside the piano lessons, and his voice flourishes under her teachings and she tells him that he could be a big star one day with a voice like his
when he’s fifteen someone came along to a lesson of theirs one day, and she told him it’s just a friend of hers. he paid no mind to it and they went on as they usually do, practicing the piano for a bit and then he goes on to sing a few songs for them. at the end, he gets a business card for killjoy creative and is told to give them a call when he wants to audition.
he does end up calling, but unfortunately for him it’s after they claimed bankruptcy and can’t afford to take in any new trainees. to a fifteen year old, it sounds like they’re just making excuses and don’t want him anymore.
from then on out, he stopped picking up his instructor’s calls, and his grandparents stop paying her when shihyun wouldn’t even brother to come out of his room when she came over for their next couple of lessons. he blamed her for them turning him down, even though it wasn’t her fault.
he gave up on his dream for a couple of years, even though he continued playing the piano and singing in his free time.
a couple of months before he graduated, he got a call from an unknown number and it turned out to be his instructor. he hadn’t heard from her in about three years, and he almost hung up on her but for some reason, decided to listen. a friend of a friend of hers was starting a company called mobius entertainment, and she thought of him to go audition for it. she gave him the contact info for the company and the location of the auditions, and he went for it.
he got it, of course, but his grandpa was lessss than thrilled. he wasn’t happy at all about him pursuing singing, and would tell shihyun that he was wasting his time and would amount to nothing and that he should go for something like making his own business instead. why would he throw away all of his smarts just to become a puppet on stage??
he was only a trainee for a year before orion debuted, and he was given the stage name ‘silas’. it wasn’t exactly his choice. the company thought up the name, slapped it on his profile, and told him that was going to be the name he had to go by now.
he was easily loved for his fun personality and became popular in variety shows! he also comes to love directing, and over the years gets a lot of tips from directors he works with and looks up to and starts building up his resume for it by offering tips and ideas every now and then.
he did his military service from 2014-2015 and since he’s been back, has been focusing on dos promotions, variety shows, hosting, and videography / directing.
during his military service, his grandpa died ( late 2015, and he was discharged early for it ), and silas really regrets shoving his fame in his face instead of making amends, but silas was too prideful ( n still kind of hurt ) and his grandpa was too stubborn to admit that he was wrong. he’s been taking care of his grandma since then, even though he can’t see her as often as he’d like to.
WHEW. THERE WE GO. NOW ON TO THE PERSONALITY STUFF
silas is really funny and with how smart and talented he is, too, he’s majorly adored by the public and i’m gonna try and get ahold of the nation’s husband title bc. that’s what he is ok. he’s prime hubby material.
he doesn’t get incredibly close to people. ever since losing his parents as a kid, he keeps most people at arm’s length because he doesn’t want to deal with loss again.
you have to be reallllllllyyyyyyyy important for him to want to get close to you. he has to like you a lot to want to get over his fear of abandonment to get to know you deeper than surface level and actually care. that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have friends, of course he has friends. he actually has tons of friends and acquaintances, but. a hundred pennies is nothing like four quarters, yknow?
your muse could consider silas to be a really close friend of theirs, he knows everything about them and more, and yet with him they’ve barely scratched the surface and while he’s really fun and funny with them, he never gets any deeper than that. he’s kind of like a dark tinted window, where he can see out but you can’t see in. people will only know what he wants them to know.
he shows affection and remorse and most feelings by buying ppl things. if he hurt your feelings he doesn’t really care that much bc he’s not that close to you to care, but here’s a rolex or here’s a versace dress. material things and money don’t really matter to him at all, but he knows it’s important to most other ppl so that’s why he does it.
he’s kind of annoying and loud and a bit egotistical?? he sorta expects everyone to know him and fall at his feet bc he’s been around for so long and knows what it’s like to be on top of the world w orion/dos
oh yeah he has two cats. they’re his life. one is named cinna and the other is monnie. yes it’s a pun on cinnamon. he knows conversational english and it’s one of his favorite words. he just thinks it’s neat.
for my astrology hoes: he’s aquarius sun, gemini moon, and capricorn rising. yikes.
SO. there we go! he’s very attention seeking and always cracks jokes and tries to be hip like all the cool kids these days but he’s rly just an annoying old man so im sorry for him
BLEASE hit me up on discord to plot!!!! ( warfaire#3147 ) i would love to plot w everyone!!
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RE people taking what you say so seriously. IA people shouldn’t let your opinions, or anons that agree w/ you affect them, regardless what those opinions are. but I know it’s more than just you having an opinion that they don’t agree w/ &/or you being loud with your opinions. And maybe this part you don’t even realize about yourself (which isn’t bad you don’t realize it) but you do have a big following still, even if it’s only a fraction of what it was before. And I’d say your number of followers on your current blog doesn’t accurately reflect the number of people who actually read your blog either. You have a MUCH bigger impact than you think! And what you say carries a lot more weight than what you think! It’s much bigger than just your opinions or the few anons you answer. There are A LOT of people who come to your blog to see your opinions when various situations arise. Some of these people know of the situation & haven’t determined what their opinions on it are, others have no previous knowledge or opinions on the situation, but they both come to you & whatever you say is what they believe. Some make it a point not to ever have an opinion until they see what you say. I’ve even literally seen people share opinions & once they’ve read your blog & seen your opinions are different they change their minds because of what you said. And they’ll even say things like “well I thought this before, but Shanna said….” there are a lot of people that take what you say as bible! as cold hard facts! A lot of people who use your blog as their sole update account or source of Niall info! And that’s not relegated to just young fans either. What you say & believe effects how a lot of people think & act. Of course you can’t control that & it isn’t your fault. Also honestly it can be a good thing or bad thing depending on the situation lol. I’m just pointing out that what you say is much more than 1 fans measly opinions. What you say determines what a lot of other fans say & believe. So when a situation like the current one arises, you share your opinions, and then MANY people go fourth stating your opinions as 100% fact. And some even site you/your blog as their “proof” or “confirmation”. And if it’s something like this where there’s two parties, you kinda become the unofficial leader of whichever party you fall into. Which again can be good, but obviously can also be bad.
A lot of other people freely share their opinions, regardless what those opinions are, without scrutiny. And I’m sure you’ve seen this & it’s maybe even been frustrating for you. So I’m just pointing all this out because I don’t think your realize the true impact you have. Or understand why you/your opinions/your blog are most often the target of rude asks over anyone else. And I’m not condoning any rude or hateful behavior whatsoever, I’m just explaining to you why it happens! And more specifically why it happens to you more than anyone else, or why it happens to you & only you.
im appreciate you saying this, bc tbh i have seen blogs on here that say WAY more controversial things or even stating things that arent true or stating their opinions as fact (both which i never do) and literally NO ONE ever calls them out or says anything to or about them and im like….hold the freaking phone here, why is it that i cant breathe without ppl yelling that its in the wrong direction??? its extremely frustrating and i guess bc my follower count is nothing to what it was before and i dont really think about the “outside” of tumblr in that way, so i guess its almost a shock to me that ppl would even care.
and that again just reiterates what i was saying, ppl SHOULDNT care. im just a fan. like everyone else. i dont know more than anyone else and i dont claim to. what i say is NOT bible, and i make it very clear EVERY TIME that they are just my opinions and not to be taken as fact. i try and give my perspective so that everyone has a open playing field to create their OWN opinion on matters, not to change anyones opinions or claim mine are right. im sharing my thoughts bc well, thats what ppl do on their own blogs, right? im just here trying to have fun and have a good time and enjoy niall and the things i LIKE about niall and his life, just like everyone else. i should not be penalized bc ppl dont agree with some of my thoughts on different aspects of his life. thats not fair at all.
so to those reading or looking or popping in or whatever, just please dont let my views or opinions dictate how you see things or feel. some ppl agree with me and we will continue to discuss things as we see or portray them to be on my blog, but just bc i think one way and talk about it, does not mean you have to. it also does not mean i deserve to be hated on in my inbox and/or bashed on other blogs. that is 100% not okay or right. i do not do it to others so it should not be done to me. we are not in kindergarten here….like lets do better.
thank you for sending me this bit of insight, i guess like you said, i really dont take into account anything outside of my followers but i just really wish ppl would let me have the thoughts i wanna have without them dictating their own or getting upset by them. its OKAY to think differently on subjects pertaining to niall like this. as long as we are all respectful over it.
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