#and i’ve been crying like every fucking day
Note
could you write stressed college gf headcanons for chris too 👉👈 matt's are so damn cute
chris x stressed college!gf headcanons:
-something about chris you’ve noticed since you’ve been together is that he has a habit of feeding off peoples energies, but possibly in the worst way
-so when finals come around and you’re an anxious, stressed mess, so is he
-and because of that, he’s constantly looking up the material you have to study and telling you random facts about it in hopes that it helps in anyway
-“hey babe,” he says while you sit as his computer desk, highlighting things in your notes. “yeah?” you say, not tearing your gaze away from your notebook. “did you know that 95% of the ocean is still unexplored?” you do glance at him that time, eyebrows furrowed. “yes i did. why do you mention it?” “well i’ve just been reading about marine science for a couple hours and that’s just fucking insane to me”
-it never really adds anything to your review, but it makes you smile regardless at how hard he’s trying
-his support is absolutely unwavering, so as soon as you start to doubt yourself or talk down to yourself, he’s there to put a full stop to that shit
-“i’m never gonna fucking pass,” you flop back in his bed, blowing a frustrated breath out. “i can’t remember any of this shit and it won’t matter how long i spent studying because i’m gonna get in the exam room and absolutely choke-”
-“stop talking about yourself like that.” he’d cut you off. “you’ve been working nonstop to pass this test and you’re like the smart person i’ve ever met. i don’t wanna hear any of that. the more you say it, the more you’ll believe it and it’s just not fucking true. understood?”
-it makes your heart do backflips
-i think he’d be the type to pack you a big of snacks or a meal for days he knows you’re gonna be in the library all day studying
-you’d come up to the living room with your bag slung over your shoulder and your hair still wet from the shower and place a kiss on his cheek as you leave. “i’m going to study, baby. i’ll probably be back late.”
-“thats fine, ma. don’t stress yourself out too much.” he’d pause the show he was watching and turn in his seat on the couch slightly. “i made you some food to take with you. make sure you eat it, i worked hard on that.”
-“chris, this is so sweet. you’d didn’t have to do this.”
-he’d give you a strange look. “why wouldn’t i? i need my girl to be taken care of. plus i knew you would ignore me if i told you to eat. shit is so annoying.” he’d roll his eyes while you shrug.
-“oh fuck off. sometimes i just forget.”
-he would also help you study, using all the guides you’ve done. he’s soooo the type of bf to give a kiss for every right answer too. it keeps you motivated and keeps him happy. kissing you is his favorite thing to do after all.
-when you would get so stressed and anxious about failing you would cry, his heart would actually break
-you would be on like hour six straight with no breaks and he would close your books, starting to put everything away
-“chris, what the fuck are you doing! i have so much more to do.”
-“no. you’re driving yourself crazy and it’s not good for you. you’re done for tonight. i’m gonna run you a bath and then we’ll watch a movie.”
-you’d pretend to be mad but actually be so grateful he could see you were close to breaking down. to be loved is to be known
-chris goes with you in the morning and waits for you in the car while you take your test
-he’s waiting for you outside on the hood of your car when you come out, wringing his hands nervously to hear how you did
-when he sees the sad look on your face he instantly goes to grab you and make you feel better
-but when you told him that you passed w flying colors he is so proud of you he nearly cried.
-“yes! that’s my girl! i knew you could do it, baby. my girlfriend, the scholar.” and he’s peppering kisses all over your face while hugging you tightly
-you soak in the moment with a warm heart because you have the best boyfriend in the world and it baffles you just how much he believes in you. you are so in love with him
-and he loves you exactly the same
TAGS:
@sturnioloco @peachmels @sugrhigh @tastesousweet @rootbeerworshiper @hollandsangel @sturnolio-luvs @mattsobvimyfav @misscocodiorsblog @ilovechrisssturniolo @pepsiboyy @braindead4l @mxqdii @fawnchives @hearts4chriss @certifiednatelover @nmegamett20 @imaslut4kehlani @dominicfikue @wovenribbons @streamermattsgf @pr1ncessmatt @pinksturniolo @yourfavoritefangirl @nickmillersn1gf @freshxsturniolo @sturniolobltch @mattspolitank @lookingformyromeo @alorsxsturn @imwetforyourmom @kiarastromboli @sleepysturnss @mattscoquette @sturncakez @inkyray @simply-a-simper @lanas-doll @wh0resstuff @hypnotizedsturn @riowritesitall @kitaysworld @h3arts4harry @fikefries @conspiracy-ash @matty-bear @always-reading @thehighgrounds
#matt sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#christopher sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#nick sturniolo#chris sturniolo#sturniolo edit#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo imagine#chris sturniolo texts#chris sturniolo headcanon#chris sturniolo fanfic#christopher sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo headcanon#matt sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo imagine#matthew sturniolo#sturniolo x reader
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Her innocence is gone
Pairing: Azriel x reader
Plot: Azriel takes your virginity.
Warning: don’t read if you’re under the age of 18, smut, Degration, loss of virginity, blowjob
The day Azriel finally found you was the happiest day of his life. He had waited five hundred years for you and the moment you met, he did not want to leave your side. You were everything he ever wanted in a mate but there was one problem. You have yet to have sex.
He knew sex wasn’t everything, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t want to have sex at least once to really solidify your union. He was about to ask you if something was wrong with him when you confessed: “I’ve never had sex with anyone before.”
Azriel felt his cock hardening at your confession. You were a virgin. You have yet to be touched by another male. He would be the first and only male you’re going to be with. That part terrified him since you’ve never been with anyone; he had to ensure that your first time was memorable.
After several deep discussions, you and Azriel decided you would have sex for the first time on your one-year anniversary. He wanted it to be special for you and couldn’t think of a better opportunity than on your anniversary.
When that day finally arrived, Azriel planned the entire day, and you enjoyed every minute of it. By the end of the night, Azriel had you pinned on his bed with his hands disappearing under your dress, “Azriel wait.” You removed Azriel’s hand when you felt them slipping into your underwear.
“Is everything alright? Do you want to stop?” Azriel asked, concerned. Part of him was disappointed you stopped him, but he also didn’t want to pressure you into doing something you weren’t comfortable doing yet.
“Gods no,” you sat up and cupped his face, “I just wanted to show off what I’ve been hiding under here.”
Before Azriel had the chance to ask any questions, you got up and started undoing your dress. Azriel felt as if time had stopped when your dress fell and revealed that you were wearing a white lace bra with matching panties.
You looked so pure and innocent, and Azriel couldn’t wait to taint you, “Cauldron boil me. You look ravishing. Come here, my love,” Azriel beckoned, his cock growing hard at you swaying your hips as you walked towards him.
Azriel’s hands were immediately on your covered breasts and started massaging them. “Happy anniversary, my love,” you whispered as you settled on his lap. Azriel leaned in and kissed one of your breasts while the other one was continuing to be massaged by Azriel’s hand.
You whimpered at Azriel’s action and leaned into his touch. You enjoyed the feeling of his shadows swirling around your body. “They think you are gorgeous as well,” Azriel smirked as his shadows explored your body.
“I think they’re gorgeous,” you breathed out while his shadows started to caress your face.
“Is this ok?” Azriel asked as he reached around and was ready to undo your bra. You eagerly nodded your head and gasped when, in one swift motion, Azriel undid your bra and tossed it to the ground. “They’re fucking perfect,” Azriel groaned before burying his face between your breast and started decorating your breasts with love bites.
You let out a soft whimper at Azriel’s action and started rolling your hips against him, causing him to bite a little too hard and earn a cry from you. “I’m sorry, my love,” Azriel apologized and soon licked the spot where he bit you a little too hard, “Better?”
“Yes,” you replied.
Not wanting to waste any time, Azriel laid you on the bed and started leaving a trail of kisses down your body until he landed on your covered pussy. “I've fantasized about how you taste since the moment we first met,” Azriel moaned before licking your covered core.
“Azriel!” you breathed out at Azriel’s action.
“Say my name like that again. I love it when you say it like that,” Azriel removed your panties and let out a growl as he took in your naked form, “Fucking beautiful, you’re fucking beautiful, my love.”
“Az- oh Azriel !” you shut your eyes when you felt Azriel’s tongue against your clit before disappearing deep inside you.
Azriel smiled as he looked up at you. You were already a whimpering mess, and he hadn’t even done anything to you yet. “Let me know if you need me to stop,” as much as it would pain him, Azriel would stop if what he was doing was too much for you.
To Azriel’s surprise, you began to beg for him to keep going, “Please don’t stop. This feels really good.”
Azriel replaced his tongue with his fingers and skillfully moved them inside you while his mouth was on your clit. With every minute that passed, you became more vocal about the pleasure Azriel was bringing you.
Soon, you felt your orgasm wash over you, “Azriel!” you began grinding yourself against Azriel’s fingers. Azriel continued to move his fingers deep inside you until you physically removed them, “No more. I want to please you now.”
Azriel was about to protest. He wanted to be the one who would be doing all the pleasing, but as soon as he watched the desperation in your eyes, he pulled away and started to get undressed.
A smirk appeared on Azriel's face when he noticed your eyes widened at the size of his cock. “You still have time to back out. I won’t blame you if you did,” Azriel reminded you as he started stoking himself.
“I want to,” you all but shouted and earned a dry laugh from Azriel, “I just don’t know if I’m going to be good at it.”
“Don’t worry, my love,” Azriel held his hand out for you to help you off of his bed, “I will tell you what to do. First, get on your knees for me.”
You felt yourself getting turned on by Azriel’s instructions and did it without a second thought. Your heart started racing, being a few inches away from his erect cock. “Grab it,” Azriel ordered.
Carefully you reached over and took his cock in your hands. Since he was very well endowed, you had to wrap both hands around it and start pumping it. “That’s it. Keep doing that-” Azriel shut his eyes as you began to move your hands, “Once you’re ready, stick the tip in your mouth and- Fuck,” Azriel looked down and noticed you took a third of his cock in your mouth and started sucking on him.
“Fuck, are you sure you’ve never done this before?” Azriel asked, his hands were resting on your head.
All you could do was moan as you tried to take more of him in your mouth, but you felt yourself gagging, “Relax your throat-oh fuck.” Azriel's eyes rolled to the back of his head as he felt the tip of his cock hit the back of your throat and involuntary thrust, causing you to gag.
Azriel was about to pull away to see if you were ok when you held him in place and shook your head no, “Are you sure?”
“Mhm,” you moaned around him and started bobbing your head faster, finally feeling confident in your actions.
“Good girl. Fuck, I’m almost there,” Azriel fisted your hair tighter as he fucked your throat rougher and got off on the sound of you gagging around his cock.
His shadows, in the meantime, were swirling around your breast and pussy. They wanted to please you just as bad as their master, and they were succeeding. You were wet from both their and Azriel’s actions. “Mmm,” you moaned out when you felt Azriel’s shadows against your clit.
“Come here,” Azriel picked you up and smashed his lips against you. Moaning when he tasted himself, “I love you.”
Azriel moved so that his back was against his headboard and called for you when he was situated. “Go slow so you don’t hurt yourself,” Azriel warned as you made your way over to him, slowly sinking onto his cock.
“Fuck!” you cried out as Azriel’s cock stretched you out. Azriel was tempted to stop you when he noticed the pained expression on your face. Almost as if you could read his mind, you spoke, “No, it’s ok. I’m almost there.”
Knowing there were only a few more inches to go, you decided to sink entirely onto him and let out a cry. “It’s ok. You’re ok. Don’t move until you’re ready.” Azriel tried to calm you down as he wiped away the tears that had cascaded down your cheeks.
You did as you were told and stayed still until the pain subsided. Once you felt comfortable enough, you started to move. While it still hurt a bit, you pushed past it, and soon that pain turned to pleasure.“You’re doing a good job. Gods, you feel so good,” Azriel reassured you while peppering your breasts with kisses.
Just like when you were giving Azriel a blow job, you grew more confident in what you were doing with every minute past. Soon, Azriel had you gripping the headboard as he thrusts into you relentlessly from behind.
“Look at you. My once innocent mate has turned into a filthy whore,” Azriel bit your shoulder blade as he reached around and started squeezing your breast.
All you could do was cry out of pleasure, enjoying all of the derogatory names Azriel was calling you. You knew he didn’t mean them, but for some reason, you felt confident being called a whore or a slut. “Harder, please fuck me harder,” you begged Azriel.
“You’re my dirty little whore,” Azriel repeated, “Mine and no one else’s.”
Your eyes rolled to the back of your head at Azriel’s words, “Only yours. I’m your dirty little whore.”
Needing to see your face again, Azriel pulled out and rolled you over before placing your legs over his shoulder and thrusting back inside.
“I love you,” Azriel chanted as he watched your facial expression, enjoying the fact that he was the one bringing you so much pleasure. “Touch my wings,” Azriel requested and caused you to look at him in shock.
You knew how protective Illyrians were about their wing, so you asked, “Are you sure?”
After letting out a muffled yes, you reached over and grazed over the sensitive part of his wings. “Oh gods, FUCK,” Azriel found himself cumming inside you and caused you to orgasm as well.
Heavy breathing filled the room as Azriel continued to move inside you until his cock finally softened. “That was amazing.” You had a smile plastered on your face, but that quickly turned into a frown when Azriel pulled out and collapsed beside you, “Why did you pull out? I loved having you inside me.”
“I’m sorry, my love,” Azriel moved you so you were lying on top of him and buried his cock back inside you, “Better?”
“Much better,” you smiled down at him, “I love you, Azriel.”
“I love you too, my love,” Azriel replied while running his fingers up and down your spine, “Happy anniversary.”
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Sevika takes care of you bc you’re working too hard 🥹 + squirting
‧̍̊˙˚˙ᵕ꒳ᵕ˙˚˙‧̍̊˙˚˙ᵕ꒳ᵕ˙˚˙‧̍̊˙˚˙ᵕ꒳ᵕ˙˚˙‧̍̊˙˚˙ᵕ꒳ᵕ˙˚˙‧̍̊˙˚˙ᵕ꒳ᵕ˙˚˙‧̍̊˙˚˙ᵕ꒳ᵕ˙˚˙‧̍̊˙˚˙ᵕ꒳ᵕ˙˚˙‧̍̊˙˚˙ᵕ꒳ᵕ˙˚˙
you’d been working like a mad man. every day was 12 to 14 hours of work. it was safe for sevika to say you were a worse workaholic than she was and this week was particularly rough.
“honey, come to bed,” you whine as sevika starts to massage your shoulders. they’d risen to your cheeks while your eyes trained on the video you edited, trying to get the perfect L cut but the sound refused to sync.
“jesus fuck! are you serious ?” you near yell when your machine starts to buffer and then shuts down. “I’m about to scream or cry,” you bite your lip, your face in your hands, wondering whether your work has saved while sev was thinking about other ways she could make you scream and cry.
“okay, that’s enough for today yeah? even the computer’s tired, come on honey. It’s time for a break,” sev cooes gently into your ear, easing you up from your chair with encouragement and rubbing your lower back. “s’okay baby, we’ll sort it out tomorrow,” she reassures you as you press your forehead against her chest. “I’m just so tired,” you relent, letting her arms engulf you, her fingers scratching your scalp.
“I know honey, that’s why you need a break,” sevika kisses your forehead, “let me take care of you yeah?” you finally nod and let sevika lead you to the bathroom where she had a hot bath waiting for you. “I’m so glad we invested in this stupid, giant tub” you moan as you sink into the hot water, sevika behind you. her hands immediately massaging your body, the soapy water glittered with essential oils relaxing you.
you sigh, leaning back against sev, and letting her caress your body, until her hands and massaging your breasts. your breath hitches as she gently tugs your nipples, you turn your face into her neck and press firm kisses there as she plays with your tits.
“that’s it baby just relax for me,” she says so sweetly your body complies, melting into her as her fingers trail down your stomach, warm rough fingers circling your clit softly until you’re whining. “that feel good honey?” you girlfriend asks as she lets her fingers play with your clit, your back arching “yes sev, so good baby,” you sigh, your hand coming to rest of her wrist. you hadn’t realised how pent up you were, how much you’d neglected the bedroom and sevika recently.
“m’sorry I’ve been so busy babe,” you whine as her fingers dip down to your hole, “should be taking care of you,” you stutter as her thick finger fills you and curls. “nuh-uh, how many late night have I had?” she asks rhetorically. “you work hard and I’m proud of you,” she sighs against your temple, starting to fuck you slow. your head falls back on Sev’s shoulder, her cool arm holding your tits, playing with your nipples.
sev works you at a rhythm that has your hips bucking, riding her fingers as they fuck you deep and soft, “fuck, another, please another finger sev,” your girlfriend groans, “so perfect, asking for what you need,” she groans, feeling your pussy stretch around her fingers, pulling her in. the wetness of your walls the feeling of them soft against her makes her mouth salivate. she brings her bionic fingers to rest heavy on your clit, rubbing soft while her fingers hasten in pace. “so precious sweetpea,” sev smiles against your temple as you arch your back, “let me take good care of ya,”
she sets you off, the constant rubbing on your gspot and your clit. your legs are shaking and she has to carry you out of the bath. she dries you both off, kissing every bit of exposed skin as she does so. then lays on you the bed, rubbing her hands in coconut oil she presses them into your back. massaging out every kink and knot she can find, you don’t notice her wicked smirk as she slips your bulbous vibrator into you, making you whimper. you cannot move as sev sits on your ass, moaning quietly as she humps you, her hands still rubbing and massaging your back. your clit bumping the mattress as you feel her wetness spread against your ass. fuck you could lie like this with her forever.
you squeak at the pressure and sevika massages your shoulders, squeezes and pulls her hands down to your hips, leaning over you to kiss your face. “you’re fucking perfect you know that?” sev asks as she tightens her grip on your hips, grinding so you both feel that delicious pressure on your clits and the vibrator presses against your gspot. “love you so much,” she whines, kissing and licking your earlobe. grinding until you’re both huffing and sighing, Sev’s wetness making a mess on you, “and you’re so fuckin’ soft sweet pea,” she moans feeling her clit rub over your oiled ass and fuck when you turn your head more to capture her mouth, bite her lip as her brows furrow — she cums embarrassingly fast, gasping and groaning, her hips falter against your soft, plush ass.
sevika turns you over getting her legs over her torso and shoulders as she kisses down from your mouth so your wet lips, kisses your clit so sweetly. slowly licking and lapping in contrast to how she turns the vibrator up. “fuck, sev!” you have to grab for her hands, intertwining them as she laps and suckles at your clit, shaking her head from side to side. eating you as though she were ravenous. she releases one of your hands, guiding it to her hair and using her free hand to rub over your clit, watching your pussy clench around the vibe and your back arches as her fingers rub and swipe across your clit.
“so pretty under me, so fucking — god you make me so wet,” she groans, feeling her lips swollen and sticky as she licks over your whole pussy. sevika pulls at the vibrator, pushing it in the out against your gspot, sucking at your clit, her head bobbing with the movement of the vibe. sevika moans around your clit and it has you cumming, grinding up against your face your broken moans riling her up.
“god you’re so good to me, look at this pretty leaky cunt,” she moans, pulling the vibrator from you and lapping at your wet hole, sliding her fingers in in its place and curling them, holding them against your gspot, rubbing and grazing as she presses down on your belly. “oh god sev!” you’re squirming, “trying” to push her away, the pleasure overwhelming, “take it honey, want you to feel good for me,” sev groans when you clench down around her, “that’s it just take it,” her thrusts shallow and deep “feel so good pea, slippery pussys’ just pulling me in,”
you can feel her fingers grazing every part inside of you, she’s sucking on your clit and pulling off with a pop as you pant, your chest tightening. “sev, please please m’close,” you whine and sevika slows her pace slightly. grinding soft just barely grazing you until you’re trying to fuck yourself on her face and fingers. “okay baby cum for me yeah, want you to feel really good and make a mess on my face,”
sev moans, licking your clit and suckling again, her fingers curling and fucking you deep and hard her pace never faltering until you’re pent up, your body tensing with immense pleasure and warming as you spurt into her mouth. sevika whimpers as she tastes you, licking and swallowing and swiping her face back and forth across your cunt until her face is dewy with your mess.
Tags @archangeldyke-all @sexysapphicshopowner @sevsbaby @iamaboringrattat @sapphicsgirl @bimboprincezz
#sevika x you#sevika x reader#sevika x reader smut#sevika arcane smut#sevika arcane#lesbian#lesbian smut#sevika smut#Sevika arcane x reader smut#sevika x you smut
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Dialogue Lines: Whumpee/Whumper/Caretaker Variations
(TWs: torture, cursing, collars, implied murder, drugging, nightmares)
~~~
Whumpee
Classic Whumpee Lines
1. “Touch me and it’s fucking over for you.”
2. “Please, please, I-I didn’t mean to—I didn’t mean to mess up, please don’t hurt me!”
3. “What’s the point of trying? I’m never getting out of here.”
4. “I-It hurts…it h-hurts so bad…why won’t it g-go away…?”
5. “Keep me chained up here all you want. You’re never gonna hear shit from me, buddy.”
~
Whumpee turned Caretaker
1. “Hey, I know, I know how much it hurts. Just breathe. Think of something else. That’s what helped me.”
2. “They got you too? That bastard. I’m so sorry.”
3. “Yes, I do! I do fucking understand, because I lived it! Now let me help you!”
4. “I didn’t get someone to help me through this when I was there. I want to be that person for you.”
5. “You remind me of myself…back then. Before they broke me.”
~
Whumpee turned Whumper
1. “Payback, bitch.”
2. “No. You don’t get to complain. Don’t you remember the rules against speaking out?”
3. “This collar…oh yeah, you remember it, huh? You always liked it on the tightest setting, didn’t you? Let’s start with that.”
4. “Back then, before you, I always thought every person deserved mercy. But no. You’re not even a person.”
5. “Wait, you’re crying? Come on, Whumper, are you kidding?! It took you weeks to make me cry for the first time, and you’re giving up on the first day?”
~~~
Caretaker
Classic Caretaker Lines
1. “This is gonna hurt. It’ll be over soon.”
2. “You think a little nightmare’s gonna hurt you? Nah. I’m here now. I’ll fight it off.”
3. “Just let them down for a second—Let me at least give them some water, it’s been almost two days!”
4. “I don’t know how you were even able to go through something like that…you’re stronger than I’ll ever be.”
5. “Come on, get up. Fresh bandage time—no, I don’t have to clean them today. That’s tomorrow.”
~
Caretaker turned Whumpee
1. “How…h-how did Whumpee do this?”
2. “Anything. I’ll be anything you fucking want me to be—just let them go.”
3. “Sorry, friend, I’m not gonna break as easily as they did. Bummer.”
4. “Wait, y-you didn’t…you didn’t tell me you did this to them…no, k-keep that away from me!”
5. “Whumpee, when they hurt me, just look away. Please.”
~
Caretaker turned Whumper
1. “Who else could have slipped those drugs into your food? Come on now, think a little quicker than that, Whumpee.”
2. “It feels kinda wrong, but…when you’d have nightmares, I…I kinda liked to listen.”
3. “I’m sick of taking care of everyone all the damn time. Well, guess what? Now you have no one.”
4. “Yeah, I’ve got them where you want them. They think they’re safe, but they won’t know what hit them.”
5. “Crazy how I used to patch these scars up…now, I get to make more.”
~~~
Whumper
Classic Whumper Lines
1. “Good morning. Come on, get up. I have so much planned for you today.”
2. “You’re so cute when you try to fight back. It’s like you’re not even trying.”
3. “Aw, you had a nightmare? Was it about me? I hope it was about me.”
4. “Don’t try and be a fucking actor. You and I both know you’re terrified.”
5. “Found you.”
~
Whumper turned Whumpee
1. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry for what I did, just…p-please, have mercy…”
2. “That all you’ve got? I used to hit you three times as hard.”
3. “No. I’m not apologizing. No matter how much you torture me. I regret nothing.”
4. “H-Hey, come on, we can be friends, right? You know I didn’t really mean all those things…h-hey, wait, get away from me!”
5. “No…maybe I deserve this. Maybe this is what I’m getting in return for all the things I did to you.”
~
Whumper turned Caretaker
1. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s just me! …Oh.”
2. “The nightmare…it was about me, wasn’t it?”
3. “I know you can’t ever forgive me…but let me at least do this one thing for you.”
4. “Okay, okay, yes, I did make that scar, but I’m the only one who knows how to make it better, so would you stop moving?!”
5. “Fuck, I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…”
#whump#whump blog#whump community#whump writing#whump scenario#dialogue lines#whump lines#whump dialogue#Whumper lines#caretaker lines#Whumpee lines#Whumper to caretaker#Whumper to Whumpee#caretaker to Whumper#caretaker to whumpee#Whumpee to Whumper#Whumpee to caretaker#tw torture#tw cursing#tw drugging#tw collar#tw implied murder#tw nightmares
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i have not fucked around ONCE since 2024 started and i’ve only been finding out
#LIKE CMON#ALL IVE BEEN DOING#IS SLEEPING & WORKING#my motivation for everything is goneeee this year omfg i haven’t even been able to write fic#and i’ve been crying like every fucking day#bc my brain is going thru the most rapid manic hughs and devastating lies of my life#like what is this#why#leave me tf alone fr im t i R E D#apple babble 🍎#non fandom#sorry for the double shot depresso fam but like#jfc p l e a s e#just want one day that’s good or ok at the most#fuck fuck fuckkkk#highs not hughs LOL#manic hughs#same diff probably#OMFG LOWS NOT LIES JFC AUTOCORRECT CMON#CANT EVEN HAVE SPELLING#WOW#WOWOWOWOWOOW
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ya know what I’m deciding not to give a shit if my job doesn’t like me missing work bcuz I’m in agonizing pain
#txt#it is what it is#fuck it we ball#like idk what else to do#and it really erks me that my boss thinks she has the right to tell me I need to go to the doctor#because bitch I’ve been all my life I’ve been misdiagnosed with stomach viruses utis and it’s never that#I’m not risking being misdiagnosed again. I’m waiting for my gyno appointment bcuz it has fucking everything to do with my period/reproduct#REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS#like hire more people if it’s such a loss when I’m gone ??????#don’t fucking text me telling me that “As a mom I’d tell my kid to go to the doctor😇 as if my parents aren’t fully aware of the pain I’m in#and have been fully aware since I was 10 years old#I know what’s going on bitch I don’t need to waste money at a walk in clinic for them to tell me I have a uti or my stomach is just hurting#u think jus fucking about with this shit. no I plan for this every month. usually it’s not terrible. this month has been hell#there’s nothing I can do to avoid it. I take meds and they barely do anything#i deserve to rest bcuz I’ve been busting my ass this year and last through this pain#i can afford to miss a few days off work. sorry yall can’t#I’m sorry for ranting this had jus been an issue my whole life. they used to grill me as a kid at school for missing#and it reminds me of that so much and it makes me feel like a child again#being told It’s JuSt period CrAmpS just TakE medicine#meanwhile I’m literally puking from pain#meanwhile my insides feel like they are blistering and on fire and my lower body is being yanked to the floor#ok sowwy I’m gonna go cry about it now
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kinda crazy but…
im gay for you
:o no way i’m also gay for u <3
#also i’m fucking exhausted it was a long ass day of robot#i broke down crying for no reason in the middle of my last tech interview for drama#because i was so fucking stressed abt hosting the robotics comp this weekend and waiting on college decisions#and also two of my friends were like in the hospital at the time#one bc they hadn’t eaten in like a week because of an ed and we’re doing really badly#and the other because they had to get stitches bc of sh#but i couldn’t really explain alllll of that to my drama teacher#anyway#i did hear back from one of the schools tho!!!!! and i got in!!!!!!#but they didn’t give me as much money as i would have needed to commit there#so like i probably won’t end up going even tho i really loved the school and it’s kinda my top choice#and also the accepted students days all conflict and i ended up signing up for one that would mean id miss the end of district champs#for robotics if we qualify#which my hopes are vaguely high this year#but now i’m gonna have to miss part of it if we do ://///#and the other more competitive one i’m waiting on hearing from some time this weekend i’ve been checking the portal like every twenty minute#it’s really bad#anyway i’m gonna go take a shower and then go to sleep before i drive myself to another breakdown#idk why the tags of this ask was my place to say all of this but it sure was
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oh i am on the Brink of a mental breakdown. and like a real one. i am going to feel so so fucking terrible and guilty if i don’t go to the first week of mac rehearsal bc i need to recover but i am also getting the sense that i Need to recover. i have never been this burnt out or genuinely terrified of starting a new semester in my life.
#we go back to campus a week early for mac. to be clear#and god they’ll be long days and they’ll be physically emotionally and mentally draining and i genuinely dont know if i can take that#but i am also going to be missing SO much time. and i won’t be there to support the people who i need to#i have also. been thinking a lot about how i’m scared that i think so much abt death bc i’m gonna be one of those people#who seem even more than everyone else like they have a finite time and then they die young#and then my mom compared me to jonathan larson tonight#so maybe that’s some sort of sign that i need to slow the fuck down#i am crying rn. for myself. which happens about three times a year#and yeah one is usually during winter break so we’re on schedule#i don’t know. idk!! i don’t know what to do here#and i still have to do my fucking scene prep for tomorrow#bc i was talking my mom about it and i really needed support which she was giving and then she has to leave for five seconds#and when she came back the entire conversation was just about her own problems again which we’ve already talked about every fucking night bc#- you can’t leave conversations with her and i hate when she fucking drunks i hate it i hate it#i am Not Well. i’ve sort of been avoiding admitting to myself just how badly#but man. i can push through anything until i drop but when i start wishing that i’ll drop so i have an excuse for a break….. not good#ted talks#the west wing
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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Hello! List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox of the last ten people that reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers :D /nf
not dying
not fainting
not being completely incapacitated while conscious
not not even being able to recognize the person walking me to the nurse
not having the nurse think that you faked ACTUALLY PASSING OUT and nearly puking despite apparently being completely pale and shaking just because if you didn’t get better by the end of school she’d have to stay after with you and god forbid she actually care about the kids she is supposed to protect
#I fainted today#It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced#I’ve been hurt and sick in just about every way possible#But this was DIFFERENT.#I could barely find my way to the nurse in the building I’ve been going to every day for most of my life without somebody else’s hand on my#Back leading me there#And my vision went all sparkling#I saw myself in a bathroom mirror and it looked like I was a photograph being burned from behind#their voices were like I was hearing through cotton balls shoved in my ears#The reason I refused to go home on the bus is because my walk home from my stop is almost a mile long#And I broke down crying in the nurse because I didn’t wanna die I didn’t wanna go home on the bus and pass out on the walk home and not hav#Anyone there to help#And honestly it was fucking traumatic#Because I’ve GOTTEN hurt before.#I fell off a fucking icy waterfall and scraped off half the skin on the right side of my leg just last week!#I’ve fallen from several stories high before#But the thing that was different about this is that the person supposed to be helping me didn’t fucking care#And was actively trying to harm me.#I got home and passed out#I just woke up from sleeping for four hours#And I’m still nauseous and trying to hold down the three chips I ate for lunch#This shit was SO scary.#Sorry I used this as a vent#But I needed to talk about this because I know my dad won’t believe me even though he’s gonna ask#Oh yeah my mum came and picked me up btw I didn’t have to walk home in the end and Mrs asshole had to stay after for fifteen minutes
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fucking crying i managed to run genshin again FINALLY only for it to crASH FIVE MINUTES IN BECAUSE I WAS ROTATING THE CAMERA. and now i am back at square one with not being able to go past the element loading screen. i fucking hate my life
#look i would have laughed abt this if it’d been two or three days since it’s last run nicely#bUT IT WAS DURING THE FUCKING LYNEY BANNER.#ever since i have not managed to make genshin run for more than 30 minutes#and i’ve only managed to make it run for that long once#AND i’ve only managed to make it run FOUR FUCKING TIMES since that day it crashed while we were in the middle of the lyney banner#i am suffering#i usually cope my ignoring genshin exists but FUCK I WANNA PLAY GENSHIN AGAIN. FUCK. FUUUCKKKKKK#like i’ve taken a few breaks before too etc but those were all out of FREE WILL#and this is NOT#rant#sorry i just. i am so fucking done#genshin is one of the things i look forward to every day and not having been able to play it in like two months just. fucking sucks#i am sad i am mad i am frustrated and i am crying rn#fml#☆—`elys rambles
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#had a VERY difficult day emotionally and physically and just have zero capacity for anything rn :(#it’s truly just the autism like i’ve been due for a meltdown HRKSHFKS i’m just so overstimulated i need a LONG nap#every little thing has been upsetting and today has been so full of big things :((( i want to fucking CRY!!!!#kaylah if you see this bestie i love u i’m sorry i’m not responding much today i’ll probs better in the morning :)#love and miss u!!!#also this reaction image is garbage but i have no effort left the fact that i’m even typing this is a miracle lmao#shut up allie
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I could be aloof and whimsical. I am however scared and close to tears
#what the fuck is wrong with me I’ve been crying every day over NOTHING for like a month#my best friend calls it my ‘in the trenches’ era#anyway im going to sleep like a normal person would#emmys thoughts
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vent post. do not read the tags if you don’t want to see personal shit and sentences that make no sense
#qnnekfkfkwkenjddkdjekdjdjskwjdjdjwkskjddjsjwjkdjdjskkskdkdkskskskskskskskksk#ajsjskkdkdksk#ajwkkdkxkdkaksjfjksisidkcjeisjxjdiwijdjdjd#anwkdkkxkxkakwkskkckdkaiskdkdksksjsjsjjsdjdj#having one of those days where i feel like everyone hates me/will hate me#like i have a good reason but i think i’m catastrophizing#obviously not going to reveal the reason on here#but yeah i just feel like a shit human#and most days i know i’ve become a better person but today i just feel like i’m a horrible person#and my anxiety is through the roof#i just hate feeling like this bc i’ve put effort into not being a terrible person#and i know that i’m not one#but every mistake i’ve made is just rising to the surface#i just feel this guilt#and i also feel guilt over ghosting that one person. like we weren’t close and we just talked about fandom shit but#i feel like they depended on me and i let them down#and i can’t apologize bc it’s been too long and i just hate myself for it#i really want to cry rn but i can’t because i can never fucking get myself to cry#and that sucks bc crying helps a lot#i feel like i’m this close to having a panic attack but i’m probably just exaggerating#idfk i exaggerate everything#do you ever just want to scream like i’d really like to scream rn
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Today was a supremely crappy day, so I ordered myself an early birthday present (by like two weeks but still) and it should come right around my actual birthday, and I was going to do it anyways after I got birthday money but you know
Kind of just been a crappy little while, I’ve been working on my gender playlist to help and since I have a feeling I’ll be under my weighted blanket most of tomorrow maybe I’ll post the current version of it. Might even explain some of the songs if I feel up to it.
Anyways doctors fucking suck and I already knew this but being told over and over there’s nothing actually wrong really fucking wears on me. Maybe if we just stopped trying to diagnose me for something I don’t fit and look at the whole picture… but that would make sense wouldn’t it?
#ravenpuff rambles#I simply do not think anyone should have to fight to get a diagnosis for literally anything#it’s so tiring#for like 2 years non stop I’ve been dealing with this shit#first at the dermatologist with my eczema being dismissed over and over again as nothing#and also having to fight that man to give me a rosacea diagnosis when I had all the very clear symptoms of it#(but what do I know not like I live here)#and now#now I’m in this fight over my pain#which is leading into a fight to all my other issues#you know maybe my pain my memory issues my constant brain fog and insomnia#you know maybe they’re all fucking connected#I know it’s possible!! I even know that’s it’s probably likely#but no let’s again try treatments for the same thing that it was already determined I don’t have just because I’m young#and my pain fluctuates every day (which is normal btw. pain isn’t always consistent)#when I once again prove to another doctor it’s not carpal tunnel syndrome or arthritis which means they actually have to look for an answer#I don’t know if I’m going to laugh or cry about being right#I do know I left the doctor pissed about not being taken seriously#but I know that’s how it goes so at least I kept my cool inside
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Internal monologue at getting rejected for a job that I was sure I was the perfect fit for and did three interviews for when I don’t have interviews scheduled for any other jobs for which I’ve applied
#like I KNOW it’s not me but also I’m spiraling#I have applied to almost 150 jobs that I’m eminently qualified for and have only had interviews 3 places#and even the jobs that I’ve been referred to by specific people which is supposed to help have all rejected me#I don’t know what to do now. I really thought I had this one#every interview went so well and I thought I knocked it out of the park#so I’m like if I can’t get this job am I even employable#please don’t reply with like ‘you’ll get something eventually don’t worry’ I don’t want to hear it right now#you can send hugs or whatever but not that#and also of course this happened on a day I’m on campus. I’ve just been crying in my office all day and my makeup is fucked#I taught one class and have no idea if it was noticeable but I tried my best#personal //
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