Ahsoka Episode 4 Spoilers/Thoughts

This was...a big one, to say the least.

Also note to self do NOT open tumblr while in the middle of watching an episode or you will be spoiled for that epic ending *sobs* oh well...

SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

2/2 Star Wars characters repairing ship wiring on their back...v nice

Sabine, you realize none of you would be in this position if you hadn't squirreled away with the map in your tower...jus sayin...

"Can I count on you?" Yeah I'm gonna say that's a no...

Sabine loading her blasters is super cool but also giving me flashbacks to trying to reload staple gun or nail gun cartridges and hoping you don't launch them into your face in the process

Natasha plays Sabine's nervous energy very well and Rosario is showing Ahsoka's own unease, reserve, but also very caring concern, extremely well. I really wish we could see the history between these two--animated in between series anyone??

I wonder why Dave doesn't bring up the fact that Ahsoka owes Ezra her life. It's only focused on what Ezra means to Sabine, but he means a lot to Ahsoka too.

Huyang's lil hands on hips...you can tell he's a full practical build here.

Speaking of...I REALLY want to know if the practical robot was used for this fight scene, or if they switched to someone in a costume/CGI. It seems like the HK droids are people/CGI but I could be wrong about that. Either way, go Huyang go!

It's always a treat to see Mandos and Jedi fighting styles together. And Sabine's Wonder Woman vambrace block was great.

Ahsoka's white lightsabers are so stunning in live action.

"May I make one request of you both?" LISTEN TO HUYANG. HE KNOWS WHAT'S UP. "Stay together." And WHAT ARE THEY NOT GONNA DO SMH

"Mom, how come I have to do what I'm told and you don't" lmao

Jacen is so spunky and I'm so glad Dave is having him be a full part of the series.

Carson Teva my man! And Brendan!

BUT WHERE ARE ZEB AND KALLUS. WHERE ARE OUR MARRIED BOIS

"Faith? I lost that a long time ago" Baylon's backstory pleaseeeee. Who was his master. How far did he get in training. Was he knighted? Did he have a padawan pre-order 66? Where was he during the war? Where was he during Order 66? When did he walk away, and what did he walk away to? What are his goals now? How did he find Shin/why did he want to train her? We desperately need a comic or a book here Lucasfilm

The graphics for the countdown clock (and the droids manning them) are super cool

Shin dear lord can you be any more dramatic

Sabine and Shin running off like rabid wolves while Ahsoka is just like, oh please, do I really have to deal with this right now

Ahsoka > any inquisitor, dead or alive, magic or real, anytime, any place, any age LOL

Ugh the parallels to Obi-Wan and Maul are impeccable.

So I totally knew Marrok would be a nobody/throwaway character but a nightsister necromancer ghost??? Did not see that coming at all. Eerie

Shin seems honestly disturbed by seeing Marrok fall. I wonder if the body that was used was someone she knew or had a connection to.

The lightsaber usage in this show is so interesting and such a unique blend of samurai techniques, OT trilogy techniques, and more realistic stabbing and swiping and slicing motions. I love the choreography and cinematography of Shin and Sabine going at it as well as how the trees and landscape are used in their fight.

Looks like Shin got her dramatics from her master. Sitting there with his hood up for effect lol

Definitely getting flashbacks to Ahsoka's sass in her fight with Maul in TCW.

Baylon's textured armor is so incredible. I want to see him leading a 13th century cavalcade

Can he read people's minds? Or does he do in depth research like Thrawn does so he knows the weak points of his opponents?

“One must destroy in order to create.” No. You are incorrect sir. One must die. One must morph, must change, in order to create. But that is different than destroying.

Again with the one saber. It's such an odd choice for Ahsoka to do that, and it honestly feels like an excuse for Baylon to be able to overpower her later. I don't quite like it.

It is very interesting how Baylon views Ahsoka, and tells her that her legacy is death and broken promises. What exactly does he think her legacy is? Because that is Anakin's legacy, not hers (at least through Rebels). What has happened since then?

He looks so sad, honestly.

There's way too much leaving oneself open to attack in this episode.

The fight scene definitely looks slowed down a little, and it's a little clunky, but man Baylon is brutal with his saber. Again why is Ahsoka not using both of hers to combat is strength??

Either there's a trailer shot that never made it into this fight, or Baylon and Ahsoka fight again. I'm missing where she kicks back against one of those tall rocks and flips over. That was such a cool shot.

I honestly can't believe Shin was able to block the whistling birds lol. That would be an intense hit to the face. Also I love how much of the shots and sparks in these shows are practical. It makes it feel so much more real.

The map burning Ahsoka is wild. It makes sense but very unfortunate.

Hot damn Ahsoka! She definitely was tapping into some anger there. In real life that hit to the back of the head should have seriously injured Shin. Filoni is really being gritty and brutal with the fights in this show, they're raw and dirty in ways that the trilogies were not.

Aaaaaand while I know Ahsoka isn't dead yet (there's no way Filoni would kill off the title character halfway through a first season) holy cow that was heartwrenching

Baylon is a master manipulator. He makes Maul look like a babbling teenager. And yet he doesn't seem to derive any twisted pleasure from it. He just is doing what he thinks he needs to do.

I'm sorry Ahsoka had WHAT to do with Sabine's family dying???? In the Purge??? Ugh geez that's awful.

Gah DAMN it Sabine!! C'mon girl!! Bad decision, bad decision!

WHAT IS THIS GREATER GOOD BAYLON

I would have loved to see Obi-Wan face off against Baylon. The quiet patience and calm strength...too much for one room

He is just not done digging at Ahsoka is he. Again, master manipulator, but why?

Huyang's little magnifying glass!

Dave definitely nailed the lighting in this show. Even if the volume is still apparent in some shots, the lighting is finally dialed in and soft and realistic and atmospheric. That shot of Baylon after decimating the map is epic.

Yeahhh, Hera, ya'll might want to skedaddle right quick before you get....oh, too late....

"Mom? I've got a bad feeling." Me too kid, me too.

"Lady Wren, Lady Tano" *sobbing* Hera make sure Huyang makes it back pls

This transition.

Oh boy

I know what's coming bc I got on tumblr too early but OH MAN

ahhhh it's so gorgeous

it's here, it's finally here and it's BEAUTIFUL (The World Between Worlds, who did you think I was talking about, Anakin? ;)

I'm KIDDING ANAKIN IS BEAUTIFUL TOO OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES

"Hello Snips" I can't I truly can't

"I didn't expect to see you so soon" so is she dead? Dying? Disassociating while drowning? Dave if you kill Ahsoka off in this show I will never forgive you

She is in shock omg look at him she is reunited with her brother, her master, her friend!!

We think--DAVE WHAT DOES VADER THEME MEAN. DAVE, SIR, HOW DARE YOU KNOW HOW TO LEAVE US ON SUCH A CLIFFHANGER IT IS UNFAIR.

Welp I have no idea what to do with myself until next week and we find out what's going on here. I swear if that's not the real Anakin I will be beside myself.

Let's get ready for flashbacks folks. What an episode.

i am faced with the unfortunate truth that if i want to do everything i want to in this game, im gonna have to bite the bullet and do group stuff

The Master KOTFE Adventure

My latest project has been playing through KotFE on master mode.

Why ever would you want to do that? you may ask, and I have asked myself the same thing. In short, it was a mix of having a light sided empire toon that I didn't want the autocompletes on, and the fact that he is also the best geared character I've ever had and the discipline I've had most experience playing. And I've run through KotFE quite a few times so, freshening it up I guess? 

So this is how it went. This isn't a guide - more, a record of my experiences as I went through. As ever, some things I found easy others might find hard, and (more likely, lbr) vice versa. 

The gamer:

I play a Rage Jugg, wear Descent of the Fearless set, gear level 306 with a full set of 286 augments. So - very well geared, but not fully optimised stats wise. Experience wise for this - I'd done a few chapters on vet mode before with a Guardian (Focus) and Powertech (Pyrotech) though not always at max gear (probably in the 290s when I first gave it a go), and I like trying to solo group content like vet fps (master for Red Reaper only) because I don't love myself, I guess. A smidge of ops experience. I'm reasonably competent as a player but also prone to stupid, I don't claim to be great by any means.

Chapter I

All went smoothly, died on the last fight against the BD-148 elite skytrooper - but that was just because I forgot about heroic moments existing, given that half the chapter is spent without a companion. Used my enraged defence a few times but never really felt at risk of dying. Apart from the one time when I did, obviously. Marr goes up to 28 influence automatically. Lots of mobs can be skipped as they're already engaged in fights.

Chapter II

Quite a few mobs you can skip around. Valkorion heals you though he's not a companion so no heroic moment. Last monolith did get me close to death sometimes, so there was a bit of running away so I could heal up a bit more, and making good use of defensive abilities. But no deaths on this one!

Chapter III

I died twice on this one, both were easily preventable. The first was against the Ground Assault Walker (massive droid before the bridge) and pretty much because I hadn't raised Lana's influence yet, so I upped it to 20 before starting the fight again and cleared it very quickly. Sidenote: a while back I bought a bunch of Spiced Aric Tongue from the Jawa scrap peddlers as I didn't know what else to do with all that, Lana accepts it so it's a nice quick way to up her level (Koth likes it too, a lot, which is handy). Second death was against like, a handful of skytroopers when I was shutting down the reactor and really it was mostly because I wasn't paying attention properly, though Lana died both times at this point. There's another fight where these prototype skytroopers keep swarming and I was a bit nervous because there were kolto stations there and I couldn't entirely remember how intense it got. The answer was...not intense at all and I definitely didn't need them. The final fight on this one is the two Zakuul knights but they didn't cause me any problems. All in all I'd say the deaths I've had so far have all been my own fault.

Chapter IV

This...did not go as well. And I'm not entirely sure why, just bad play on my part I think mostly, sometimes there are days when I just play like trash *shrug*. Not timing things like enraged defence, heroic moments and so on very well which meant I died a few times to wildlife - twice the larger bosses, twice mobs of normal/strong ones. Yeah... Kept upping my companion influence so all three (Lana, Koth and HK by this point) got up to 27 but I think even higher than that may be needed as they just didn't seem to be healing well. 

Chap V

I was a bit wary heading into this one, as it was one I'd run before on vet mode and remembered having trouble with the skytrooper waves. I was less geared then though, and had less companion influence doing that, having now taken everyone up to about 32. I didn't record any deaths on this though had a near miss - but I had saved my enraged defence/heroic moment and so on and hit them at the right time. Hey, I'm playing smarter! 

Chapter VI

I found this chapter easy when I'd run it on veteran not long before, but that was not the case on master. Died the first time against Oggo, that was my own fault though, although he does have one particular ability that hits very hard. Then came the Scions. Ohhh boy. The first two you face killed me, fair enough I hadn't had a chance to raise Senya's influence yet. The second two, Venat and Berusal, caused me pain. The good thing is that when fighting the pairs and you take one down, if you die the other doesn't respawn. The other good thing is that Venat and Berusal can be pulled separately, the bad news is I found this out after a few attempts. And Berusal still killed me on his own the first time. I was not having a fun time. And then you face Heskal without a companion. It takes a bit of tactics. I tried to damage him whilst he was doing Debris Storm, though still had to avoid the red circles. Turbulence gives a lot of damage, so had to hastily get out the way/interrupt it. He also stuns you which isn't fun. Valky pops up and offers you an out after the first phase, unfortunately I decided to stay true to character and not take it. Bad times were had. I went to lunch. I asked a friend to help. My internet got switched off before that could happen. I found out I was able to summon a companion...I know I'm not supposed to story wise, and I'm not sure if you can normally (there's a lot of times when companion summon buttons are greyed out due to story restrictions) or if this was only because I'd previously logged out...but suddenly the fight became a lot easier. Funny that. Sigh. Moving on...

Chapter VII

Honestly not much to say about this one, nothing that caused me trouble. A lot of it is in the open world so regular difficulty rather than scaled to master. 

Chapter VIII

This one wasn't much trouble either, did die once when stuff was on cooldown, once in the final Arcann fight. Kiting him over and hitting the conduits there is a big help as they stun him, that is probably very obvious but I've literally never bothered with them on story or vet mode. We're halfway there!

Chapter X

This one also gave me a Time. The problem I had was when you come up against Faedral and Zaamsk. My first thought was the difficulty was because I hadn't raised Kaliyo's influence (oops, but you get her on the spot and I didn't have gifts handy...or at least the ones I thought she liked she didn't actually) (this is how I found out that agent!Kaliyo and alliance!Kaliyo have different preferences, apparently this will also apply to other - but not all - returning companions). But I raised her to 28 and still kept dying. It's a bit of a nasty fight honestly, and the guide I looked at said that juggs...aren’t ideal for it. Crowd control and interrupts are very handy. I kept getting really close to getting one of them down and dying just before I could, super annoying because it's another of those where if you take one down and die, you only have to face the other one. I took a break and read the guide more closely, watched some videos, and ultimately just decided to bring someone along to avoid the pain, or maybe share in it. I still died but we got through them. The fight against Tayvor Slen, the boss fight of the chapter, took a couple of tries with two of us - the first time I got stuck in a red circle and pretty much insta-killed. There was a bit of a close call on the second attempt but it was under control really. The achievement then comes through for chapter completion, all you have to do then is get out of the Overwatch, all things rosy right? Oh how wrong they were. A bunch of Zakuul Knights came along and literally just slaughtered us, full on, one-shotting us both - it was hilarious and extremely confusing because why?? how?? Did the bonus mission to get the prisoners to escape (look out for the glowing terminal, it says 'Overwatch Prison Logs' when you hover over it) - they one-shot a few Knights but then disappeared on us too. Who knows. But we got through it.

Chapter XI

A much nicer one though still had a handful of deaths. Where you meet up with Havoc Squad there's ambush of Skytroopers, followed by a couple of walkers - and the walkers beat me. They cast circles that I just couldn't get out of in time to save my health, even with my defensives. I'm not sure if they were the type to follow you or a sort of stamp move (I should have looked at the cast bar, come to think of it) - I suspect though it was the latter and so it wouldn't be an issue on a ranged character. The fight though does continue around you if you die so you don't lose the progress you make, just use the med probe, revive and rejoin. I only took Jorgan to level 7 because that was all the gifts I had, but most of the mobs were just regular trash, typically 3 at a time, which was no worry. When you attack the base the Knights are a bit harder - there's one round the back that does stealth strikes and that's a difficult one to face. I died - the respawn to medbay actually puts you inside the part with the forcefield you're supposed to take down, and then you can't get out of it...I maintain that I did find a way past the forcefield but it doesn't work as a cheesing method. Use your med probe, otherwise it's quick travel out and re-enter your phase. The final battle is a big droid (I forgot the name of it). It spawns a bunch of smaller droids, just ignore those and go for the boss - I didn't the first time and that's why I died - I lost Jorgan, I had two Knights chasing me whilst the droid put up shields, it didn't go well - second time I did it in less than a minute whilst using a heroic moment.

Chapter XII

This one you don't have a companion for, though it's not a big deal - for the most part my main enemy, as tends to be the case on this chapter, was the map. I think the regular mobs are scaled down a bit for playing without a companion. You can pick up an animal to help you as well, which you may as well do as things just die quicker. It runs off in caves. Valkorion does take your health down a fair chunk before he gives you his beat down but it wasn't so bad. Vaylin though took quite a few attempts. You can't interrupt her so you have to be on the ball with your defensives and timing them all, which includes the shield and medpac given in your temporary bar for the chapter. Really the medpac isn't that effective so don't count on it. There's a lot of running around as she casts red circles. Probably easier with a character with more self heals. I got through it after a few efforts, after getting close a few times, though even then I was still low on health by the end.

Chapter XIII

Yeah, this one was no trouble really, and that was with Gault at only level 4 influence. If things get hairy whack a bit more on him, there's no real mechanics to pose problems. As ever, good practice to stay out of circles on the boss fight, you have Vette there as well so a bit of extra damage going and yeah. Nothing to worry about.

Chapter XIV

Another that was nice and simple, I didn't even have any gifts to give Torian so was wandering around with him on level 1. Just a matter of timing defensives and heroic moments in that case. Lots is open world, too. Final boss fight was no problem at all.

Chapter XV

Reading guides for this put the fear of god into me, so I was pleasantly surprised to find it better than expected. The bosses were the toughest parts. The first is the Skytrooper Constructor, that one does spawn adds after a while as well. It killed me a couple of times but really I'm not sure what the best strategy was so I just went for the classic, burn it as fast as I possibly can and making use of heroic moment/defensives as well. The GEMINI droid at the end had me worried. That took 3 attempts (maybe 4, I think it was just 3 though), one of those my heroic moment was still on cooldown and Senya died quickly on it too. It was really just about managing defensives effectively as well, running away when she has the red cone in front of you, using the heroic moment for extra speedy damage. It was a close call in the end but my enraged defence came off cooldown at the perfect moment, thank you Grit Teeth. I wouldn't say this was an easy chapter by any means so quite proud of myself for getting through it on my own! The other thing I would say is watch out for the lasers - they don't do lots of damage on story mode, but on master they one-shot you if you get caught in them! The other various traps I probably got through easier than I have on the lower difficulties which may just be a testament to this being like, my fifth complete kotfe run at this stage haha.

Chapter XVI

The final chapter...and the one I was the most scared of. Took Lana up to lvl 50 in preparation...she duly died early on in the first boss anyway. KJ-931 is the first boss - I say first boss, there's still a high rank enemy immediately before that I died to a few times anyway and needed a heroic moment to beat. First attempt against KJ I actually came really close. Stay out of the aoes - there's a white circle and a yellow cone, as well as a big red laser thing where you have to rush to the corner and if you can - micromanage Lana well enough that she doesn't get caught up in them too. So I learnt that I am not good at micromanaging companions like that. Take the turrets rather than the shields, definitely - apparently the shields also have limited use, the turrets pull aggro as well as giving you damage so they're very handy. Sometimes on this fight I got one-shotted very quickly, others I managed to hold on a bit - but it was the first attempt that was my best run until I actually did it. Honestly I can't say what the trick was to finally getting it right...just a lot of blind panic and luck. Second boss is Dara Nadal - I found it easier to just go for the intense burn on her - put down the turrets, use a heroic moment, set Lana to damage as well and burn. Still took a few attempts on her but each time I was getting very close so I knew I would get there.

And then came Arcann. Ooooh boy. I'd been reading guides and watching videos in preparation but there's still a lot to keep on top of. I decided to use the Marr & Satele Special Saber rather than my usual one - having the benefit of being able to run around quickly was handy, and the other ability reflects damage from his saber attack. This took many attempts - some that went very quickly, some that got him to his final phase. Rather than going into specifics I'm going to link to this video as it probably explains what to do best (it’s handy for all the bosses). You really have to watch for the moment he gets to ~25% and stands in one spot - if you aren't able to do the shield whacky he will kill you straight up. My first time running towards him with the shield in that very last phase I died on the way up. It took me a long time and a lot on repair bills but this is another one I was very proud of for getting through on my own as there were times I didn't think I would.

General stuff:

I would say doing this is not for the light-hearted but it’s certainly possible! Apart from one chapter where I grabbed a friend I got through them all on my own

Some classes fair better in certain chapters than others. I went with my Jugg all the way through, but if you have the characters geared and you know them well enough - and you're doing this for the cheevos rather than going through the storyline - you're likely better off mixing and matching as you go. There were many occasions I wished I had range.

You will die to trash mobs. It is a fact of life. It feels embarrassing in the early chapters, you come to accept this and move on.

Companion influence helps a lot. Koth, Lana, and Senya all like delicacies (especially Koth, that man can eat) - you can grab these from the Jawa vendors in the cartel bazaar on fleet.

Med droids are also a booming industry thanks to the amount I've spent on repairs in the course of this.

There are more mechanics compared to story mode, and some that exist in story mode that you just notice more on master. But apparently the difference between vet and master is just artificial - more health and hitting harder. 

Going Commando is another good resource for their experiences playing through.

tell me all about the mandalorian please and thank you~

The first character I first fell in love with: More like just “loved first” and not “in love” but Kuill. For the sole reason that he was Fun and it actually took me moooosssstttt of the first season to warm up to Din. 

 The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Going off of that last one, Din. But also just to appease the discord conversation: Cobb bc initially, I was like “Oh cool, Timothy Olyphant’s gonna be in the next season”, forgot about it, then he showed up and I was !!!!! and then the Non-Joss-Whedon Space Cowboy aesthetic/vibe/whole presence hit and I was just “Oh. OH. Sorry Mal Reynolds, move over, you have to share the pedestal now.”

 The character everyone else loves that I don’t: I don’t think I have many differing opinions. All I can think of is that at least a smaller handful of people adored Mayfield from his first appearance but I had to see his Moment at the... guard post?? to be like “alright I guess he can stay.” 

 The character I love that everyone else hates: Does ANYBODY hate any character from The Mandalorian??? Cara not withstanding but considering that’s primarily Gina’s fault now...  Also there are those three people that hate Cobb because everybody loved him just so they could say how Different and special they were, I guess?

 The character I used to love but don’t any longer: Show isn’t long enough for me to fall outta love with anybody.

The character I would totally smooch: All of them. 

 The character I’d want to be like: Cara. Badass, confident, etc.

 The character I’d slap: Mayfield, I guess??? Also every one of the HK Assassin Droids that weren’t my son HK-47 that wouldn’t be around by then anyway

 A pairing that I love: DinCobb, Din/Omera, Kuiil/Better. In theory I’d probably adore Din/Luke too but I haven’t read much with them yet. 

A pairing that I despise: Cobb/Not Being Part of Grogu’s Rescue Squad

"loneliness is a slow and cruel poison." or "you see the good in everything. that’s why i like it when you look at me." characters are your choice.

hfbhsjd sorry this took so long! thank you for the request! decided to go for a bit of Jareff and Myriad, since they live in my head rent-free. i also adjusted the wording slightly to fit the Vibe better, hope you don’t mind!

spoilers for chapter 8 of KOTFE, please don’t tag as any kind of ship

The more times he encounters Arcann, the more Jareff’s hatred grows.

At first, it had only been because of loyalty to Valkorion. Then, the betrayal. Being locked in carbonite for five years wasn’t exactly fun, and being hunted like an animal is not an experience Jareff enjoys.

And now, to add onto the ever-growing list of hatred, Arcann has stabbed one of the few people Jareff has ever considered being “close” to.

Jareff is already planning dozens of ways to kill the so-called “Emperor”, but first, they need to actually get somewhere safe. It’s easier said than done, but Lana keeps assuring him that she has it handled, and Manuzil refuses to keep an eye on her progress for him, so the best he can do is wait.

He’s never been very good at that.

Jareff knows he’s likely infuriating everybody on The Gravestone, some more vocal about it than others, so, in a rare act of grace-- and perhaps a smidgen of worry-- he finds himself sitting in the medbay after almost a full day has passed with Myriad not waking up.

He’s done his best to not drift their, almost outright avoiding the room, but when it’s the middle of the sleep cycle, and the only other people awake are a droid, Lana, and Manuzil, he feels there’s enough safety for him to go in there without being cooed at for it.

So, he sits in the dimly lit medbay, staring down at one of the most unlikely allies-- no, friends-- he’s made yet. Her presence in the Force is her own, but he can feel wisps of Valkorion at the edges of it. He suspects the ghost has something to do not only with her survival, but with her prolonged sleep.

He sits a small distance away, just within arm’s reach, but not close enough to get into her personal space. Just in case. At first, the only sound in the medbay is the soft beeping and whirring of machinery alongside the various creaks and groans of the Gravestone.

It begins to grate on Jareff’s already fraying nerves, so he whispers, just enough for only the two of them to hear, “You’re an idiot.”

He internally cringes at himself, backpedals, “What you did back there... it was foolish. I know you wanted me at the Gravestone to defend it, but we both knew-- know-- how dangerous Arcann is. You should’ve known HK wouldn’t be enough to defend you alone, and now he’s gone, and you... You’re here. Asleep. In the medical bay.”

Jareff sighs. He’s talking to a comatose woman who very nearly died and, under most other circumstances, would be considered an enemy to him. He should just get up and leave, talk to Lana or Manuzil or-- Force forbid it-- even Koth. He shouldn’t be doing this, it’s unseemly for a sith with such a high position as him.

“Why is it harder to talk to you while you’re asleep than when you’re awake?” Jareff wonders aloud, “I know conversation is usually easier when there are two parties involved but... I don’t know. I struggle to find my words, though from what I’ve seen and heard, you have that effect on people.”

He can almost imagine Myriad laughing at that, shoving him playfully and telling him to shut up, as if he were just a normal drinking buddy instead of Darth Nox, a man who has killed hundreds, if not thousands, of people time and time again. Sometimes he’s not even sure if she just ignores it, or if she genuinely forgets that’s who Jareff is.

“My grandfather was the first to tell me that there is darkness in everything. Whether it was a warning or him attempting to prepare me for a potential future as a sith, I don’t know, but it’s how I’ve always operated. Hurt them before they hurt you, or at least have a plan to. Betrayal and deceit is the way of the sith, and I am a very good sith.”

But...

“But then... I met you. You, Lana, Theron, even Jakarro. Trust came slowly from both sides, but you... Somehow, I always knew I could trust you. That you wouldn’t stab me in the back. Perhaps it was because of how open you always were-- are-- or maybe it was simply because you didn’t shoot me in the back at any chance you got, but after we first met, even if I never showed it, I... I trusted you. I still trust you. And for a long time, I wondered why you ended up trusting me as well.”

It had clawed at the back of Jareff’s mind for weeks after Rakata Prime, persisted all throughout their time on Rishi and most of the Yavin truce, but at the very end, as they boarded their separate ships, it had hit him.

“Despite your career, at the end of the day, you believe in the light. You believe that, so long as we work together, trust each other, there’s nothing we can’t do. You believe that compassion, love, and mercy are just as strong, if not stronger than a good blaster. It was-- is-- the antithesis to everything I’ve ever known, both as a slave and a sith.”

And yet, Jareff couldn’t help but feel fond of her. As close to her as he had been his crew, his grandfather. That took him even longer to figure out, but he did.

“You see the good in everything. Even me,” Jareff lets out a slight laugh. It’s wet, as if he’s on the verge of crying. He ignores it. “Perhaps that’s why I like it when you look at me.”

Several moments of silence pass, before Jareff finally pulls himself together, wiping away any and all rogue tears from his cheeks. He takes a deep, steadying breath, and stands.

He hesitantly places a single gloved hand over her arm, keeping it hovering, not actually touching the comatose smuggler. He wants to, he thinks. He wants to pat her arm awkwardly and gently in an attempt to show his platonic affection, but at the same time, he can’t help but pull his hand back from her.

Old habits, he supposes. 

He leaves without another word.

2, 8, and 10 for the swtor

Oh whoa thanks so much for asking! I thought no-one would!

Lets see

2. What is your favorite class and why? And/or list the player classes in order of most -> least favorite

Sith Warrior - > Imperial Agent - > Jedi Consular - > Bounty Hunter - > Sith Inquisitor - > Republic Trooper - > Jedi Knight

Sith Warrior is my favorite class in pretty much everything - the gameplay, the story, the character behavior and dialogue options, companions, how it fits in the expansions, and overall badassery. Imperial Agent is now a close second if not sharing the first place. I think the only reason why SW is #1 is because of lightsabers, but I do enjoy playing with a sniper rifle.

8. Name your top favorite companions (feel free to include reasons why).

Lana, Theron obviously - because they are interesting, well developed, and have a lot of content. 

Blizz - you know Jawas for life

T7 - also little droids for life + legacy from Kotor 1 and 2

HK (all of them) - also legacy of Kotor 1 and 2

Vette - she is a baby sister to my SW and a family basically

Doc - he is annoying slimeball but I love him

Kaliyo - she’s gone from most hated to one of most favorite, and that’s because she actually does develop quite a heartwarming friendship with the agent.

Vector - sexy and hurr durr bugs jokes aside, he is an extremely interesting and well-written character

Nadia - she’s like your daughter

Bowdaar - because you know... no Smuggler is complete without a Wookie

Xalek - I know he barely speaks, but for some reason I love him. I was very happy to dump Ashara for him the moment he joined.

Dr Lokin - kindly old monster... nuff said

Quinn - I thoroughly dislike him as a romance, but as a character and a companion he is great. Slimy and hilarious at certain points. I can totally see how a young brash Sith Warrior tried to seduce him since he is so pretty.

Torian - I liked his story and the Mandalorians are cool ofc. How can you not include a Mando.

Jorgan - grumpy cats are the best.

10. Favorite love interest?

In the larger scope of base game plus expansions, definitely Theron. My main SW romances him.

In the origin stories:

Vector - his romance is one of the healthiest I’ve seen in a computer game to date. Agent and Vector don’t dump their problems on each other, there is only support and understanding. Also there is no “fixing” or “saving” anyone from either sides, even though there are so many reasons for fixing. The whole romance is built on the premise that they love each other as they are. Vector doesn’t want the agent to become a joiner, even though it would have been better for him. And the agent can express that even during moments of intimacy she does not mind black eyes and hive mind, because well its what makes him “him”. To me that’s the epitome of a healthy relationship irl (if we discount all the other creepy star wars stuff). Not that I dislike others, it was just really nice to see.

Doc - well, he is a slimeball, but I think he is great for emotional and rash Jedi Knight. To me JK as the character comes across as self-righteous and stubborn, and imo the potential LI needs to be super persistent to break through that. Also I actually do like when NPCs hit on the main character. I’d like the option to put them down gently if I don’t like the romance, but its better than your PC harassing everyone. Also Doc as a character is actually charming, smart, funny, and a generally good guy who is trying to save everyone, getting into all sorts of stupid trouble as he does. 

Torian - also an extremely healthy relationship. I don’t remember much about it since I played it a long time ago, but I remember I loved him to bits.

Once again thank you so much for the ask! I def wrote a lot, but looks like I thought wayy too much about it. Thank you!

Who’s your favorite companion for each Swtor class?

Omg I love so many but I do have definite faves.  I hope you like long posts lol.

Impside:

Sith Inquisitor:  KHEM VAL IS MY MOST FAVORITE COMPANION IN THE WHOLE GAME.  There’s none of this ~misunderstood~ or ~a villain is a hero whose story hasn’t been told~ bullshit.  No, he friggin’ eats people and he is evil af.  He is a delightful ham and has great one-liners.  He also has a soft spot for the Inquisitor - but (depending how you play it, but Illi is full DS) it’s still evil.  Friends who murder together stay together.  He is everything I want in a bad guy character.  10/10 ilu Khem you’re the best

Sith Warrior:  Can’t go wrong with Vette.  Love her sarcasm and wittiness and how she never loses her cheerfulness and defiance and kindness even in the very dark situations she ends up in.  I also think Quinn is a pretty fascinating character, both in-universe and out.  In-game he’s a man of duty caught between two masters and there’s so much you can do with that, depending how you play it.  (Though it could’ve been so much more - I think the aftermath of the Quinncident is criminally underwritten.  That should’ve had huge repercussions in the story, and with the Warrior’s relationship with Quinn.)  Out-of-universe I just find it fascinating how half the fandom thinks he’s a dashing romantic hero and the other half thinks he’s a sniveling backstabber.  It’s just kinda fun to observe.

Imperial Agent:  Honestly I don’t really like any of them.  Kaliyo is pretty cool but an awful person, so she’s somewhat enjoyable in a cringey way, and Raina is very sweet with an interesting backstory.  But none of them really shine for me.  (And Vector is my least favorite companion in the entire game.)

Bounty Hunter:  I LOVE ALL OF THEM (except Skadge, but who even likes Skadge?)  Mako is sweet and adorable but tough as nails and is the little sister Vae’ra never had and would protect with her life (and also what made me to play Vae as LS instead of DS).  Gault is an asshole but charming enough to make you enjoy it, and I feel like he has a bit of a soft spot for the crew which redeems him a bit (ymmv on that), and he has the best quips.  Torian is quiet but there’s so much depth with his fascinating backstory and his voice actor is really good at hinting that there’s so much more going on beneath the stoic surface.  But if I had to pick a top fave it would have to be Blizz.  Blizz is perfect, too precious for this world, if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this game and then Vae herself.

Pubside:

Jedi Knight:  I don’t like any of them except T7, the Actual Purest of Cinnamon Rolls.  T7 + Blizz = spinoff show plz.

Jedi Consular:  Felix the Underrated.  He’s kind and sensible and straightforward, which doesn’t make him the most interesting character on his own (imo) but in context of all the political stuff really makes him stand out in the Consular storyline as a continuous point of strength and reliability for the Consular, especially if you romance him.  Also his [spoiler] holocron in the head thing is an incredible cool story idea and there should’ve been an entire storyline arc about that imo.  Also Nadia is adorable and Qyzen is a badass, and his arc of shame to becoming a leader of his people is really cool.

Smuggler:  I LOVE ALL OF THEM SO MUCH.  Risha my snarky queen who doesn’t actually like you or want to be your friend except she’s so lonely and she so, so does, and reaches a point where she’s able to trust someone and be there friend after so long of not doing that.  Bowdaar, who’s a total badass and yet totally chill at the same time.  Goofy Guss the failed Jedi, who chooses to help you instead of his big bad boss just because he likes you.  (And one of the very few highlights of KotFE was seeing him all grown up as a Jedi!  SO PROUD OF MY FISH SON.)  Akaavi loses everything she loves and could’ve been consumed by vengeance but decides to make a new family with the ragtag smuggler crew instead.  And I’m sure none of you are surprised if I say Corso is my fave of the faves (and my 2nd fave in the whole game after Khem).  I love that he’s loyal and kind and that he makes a conscious decision to always be loyal and kind, even if he gets screwed over or screws it up himself, just because it’s the right thing to do (even after having his birth and found family murdered, something that would be enough to send someone without as strong a moral core down a dark side path).  Also the whole farmboy schtick reminds me of my grandparents’ farm and happy childhood memories.  And he has my favorite NPC voice in the game.

Trooper:  Honestly I can’t get into anything about the trooper, including companions, but Forex is the exception.  I crack up every time he speaks and I decided Tesh’s ship is named the Durasteel Eagle after his “WE WILL RIDE THIS DURASTEEL EAGLE TO VICTORY” line.  I salute you, patriotbot.

Bonus KotFE Edition:  I liked HK-55 the best but now that I’ve actually played Kotor it’s kind of obvious he’s just a watered-down version of the Original HK Droid, who cannot be beat.  I also like Koth and think he’s underrated, but he’s completely wasted by the writing (though who or what isn’t in KotFE?).  The perspective of a Zakuulan could be fascinating and also useful and he should’ve been way better utilized by the story.  Theron’s cool too.

I've been doing nothing but consuming all of you Quinn content and love it. Don't know why ppl hate him so much. So I don't know if you still take prompts or not but now that he's back, I wonder how he reacted to SW scar where Arcann ran her through with his lightsaber that is if you choose to refuse valkorians offer. I'm sure he would have noticed.

I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed my writing! And yeah, I can’t really account for the Quinn hate. I can understand his betrayal being a relationship-ending event; I can see people wanting him off their crew/ship as a result; and I can understand DS warriors wanting to be vindictive edgelords. But he’s such a fascinating character… I don’t understand the hate he gets.

I’m always a sucker for prompts and asks, even if it takes me awhile to get to them. This takes place the morning after this post that describes their first night together on Odessen.

True to Mara’s word, Quinn foundhimself lying in a pool of sunlight. If he were honest, he’d confess to notbeing terribly fond of sunlight for its own sake - growing up on overcastDromund Kaas and spending the majority of his life in space or otherwise indoorshad not hardened him to the effects of heat or sunburn - but six years inImperial prison had changed that. Among other things.

Mara stirred and whimpered softly in her sleep, anxietyradiating through their bond. He rolled over and slipped his arm around herwaist, pulling her into the curve of his body, his mind brushing herssoothingly as he did so. She sighed and relaxed against him.

He idly brushed his hand over her stomach, re-committing tomemory the feeling of her skin and muscles under his fingertips. He frownedwhen his fingertips found raised scar tissue. He knew she would have acquirednew healed injuries during his absence, but this… low on her abdomen, only abit smaller than his palm…

Mara’s hand grabbed his wrist and she lurched awake, herbreathing shallow.

“I’m here,” he said softly. “Forgiveme.”

Her fingers relaxed around his wrist.

“I’m sorry, no one has,” she took a shudderingbreath. “No one has touched that since it happened.”

He frowned.

“Not even to treat it?”

“After that,” she amended.

“What happened?”

“Arcann. His lightsaber,” she swallowed noisily,and rolled away from him enough to curl into a fetal position.

“It went through and through,” he gasped, his eyesfixated on a roughly circular scar on her back, similar to the one he’d felt onher stomach.

“Yes.”

“Did no one put kolto on this?” he demanded,knowing full well he was ignoring the more pressing question surrounding such an injury.

“As much as we could. We hadn’t finished resupplyingthe Gravestone and half the crew was wounded in the battle.”

She rolled onto her back and met his gaze. She waited.

“How did you survive at all?”

“Valkorion.”

She spat the name like it tasted foul in her mouth. Quinn’sstomach lurched; he knew at least some of the details of the former Emperor’sinvasion of Mara’s mind. That she was alone through that ordeal, along withthis injury and the full war against Zakuul…

“I should have been there,” he mused bitterly.“I could have helped. I could have minimized the scarring at least,”he brushed his fingertips across her abdomen again.

“I wanted you so,” she replied, “But I’m notsorry you missed the fall of Asylum. Arcann killed the droid I had with me; I’dmuch rather it have been HK than you.”

Her hand covered his over the scar.

“If this was the tradeoff for finding you alive, I willtake it, gladly.” It was her turn for her tone to grow bitter. “I’msorry it took me so long. I should have gone looking for you myself, instead oftrusting Lana and her agents to do it for me. I knew it felt wrong that youwere impossible to find.”

The guilt he felt from her dissolved into a cold rage.

“Someone, beyond Lorman, kept us apart,” she said.“He kept you in prison, and I regret the swift death I gave him before Iknew that fact, but someone else fed my agents bad intel. There is a traitor inmy alliance, Malavai, and I will have them rooted out and punished.Publicly.”

She had been a benevolent Empress so far, from the reportsQuinn had read. Not beloved by the people of Zakuul, but a measured enoughruler to earn cautious optimism from a population weary of regime changes.Whomever this traitor, or traitors, was, they would meet with no such mercy,Quinn knew.

She locked eyes with him, the rage fading a bit as a nearlyinvoluntary smile lit up her face. His heart leapt. Stars, he had forgottenwhat it was to be looked at with so much love.

“Find them for me,” she said. “You are theonly person on this base I can trust, both with my life and to root out thebastard without shattering what I have built here.”

“As my empress commands,” he replied solemnly.

“Everyone else calls me that,” she teased.

“Myempress,” he repeated, emphasizing the first word.

Her little gasp piqued his desire.

“I see the difference now,” she said breathily.“You say it so much better than the others do.”

Questions Close to the Skin

"The ship was quiet when she returned from the Enclave." The Exile and Kreia discuss the ruined Enclave, what the Exile found there, and the past.

--

I wrote this is a sort of ‘missing scene’, something that fleshes out the character interactions in the game, and yet could also have fit in as a conversation between the Exile and Kreia in-game.

------------------------

The ship was quiet when Kalani returned from making arrangements for Kaevee at Khoonda. The party that had accompanied her to the Enclave had scattered, each heading to different sections of the settlement, to different ends—Visas to find a quiet spot to meditate on the disturbances in the Force on Dantooine; Bao-Dur, for repair parts; Mira, to wheedle gossip out of the settlers. HK-47 had shut himself down, Atton was… somewhere, G0-T0 was thoroughly uninterested in what she had been doing, and T3 had only asked Kalani if she had seen any good droid merchants around.

The ship was quiet, and Kalani was glad of that. She was glad that Kaevee still had family off-world, glad that the girl wasn’t intent on spending the rest of her life eking a meager survival in the ruins of her old home. But that, and everything about this place…

“You used to live here?”

“…Yes. I lived here.”

It would seem that in her absence, the pervasive heaviness outside had filtered into the ship. Each breath Kalani took seemed thick with echoing death and the weight that had worn the settlers down into bitterness. She made her way slowly to the port dormitory, where she knew that at least one person would be waiting for her.

Indeed, Kreia was there—she so rarely ventured from the ship without first being asked to that there weren’t really many other places she could have been. Her back was turned, and if Kalani had to guess, she would say that the old woman was deep in meditation.

Bad news can wait this time. One of the first rules of etiquette Kalani had been taught at the now-ruined Enclave came back to her as recently as though she had learned it yesterday. I shouldn’t interrupt her meditation, except for something life-threatening. She went and sat down opposite Kreia, and waited.

After a few minutes in which the only sound was a faint shot of sparks from a nearby conduit, Kreia lifted her head slightly, opened her milky eyes. “You did not find Master Vrook in the Enclave.” It was not a question. Kreia rarely asked questions, Kalani had noticed, unless she was trying to persuade someone (usually Kalani herself) to reveal more about themselves than they had willingly volunteered.

Kalani shook her head. “No. I found dead mercenaries, and a datapad containing instructions to capture Master Vrook.” And a very lost Jedi Padawan, and one strange historian. “He may have left Dantooine.”

Not that that would have made Kalani shed too many tears. Answers were desired, and difficult to come by if her talk with Zez-Kai Ell was supposed to be indicative of anything. Vrook might know more. But the chances of him being willing to share were slim to none—Kalani had barely known Zez-Kai Ell, but she had known his reputation as being exceptionally easy to get information out of; Vrook, meanwhile, was significantly more tight-lipped, and if Zez-Kai Ell couldn’t be persuaded to tell her the whole story, Vrook would be nearly impossible. Besides, Kalani had vivid memories of Vrook from her time at the Enclave, and hadn’t really been looking forward to the possibility of reliving some of those memories…

“No. I sense that he is still on the planet, and may indeed be close by.”

Oh. Of course.

Kreia’s lips thinned as she looked Kalani over. “Though you did not find Master Vrook in the Enclave, it would appear that you found someone else.”

Kaevee and Mical, then. “What, do you mean all the salvagers crawling over the ruins of the Enclave like carrion flies?” Kalani felt her shoulders tense. “I found plenty of those, both living and dead.” And one corpse in particular that was going to have to be reported to the head of the militia, if only to avoid the salvagers getting into a fight that could wind up spilling over into the Khoonda settlement.

“No, Exile, that is not what I meant.” Kreia’s voice sharpened until it was as keen as mullinine, and just as piercing. “What you found in the Enclave were living relics, vestiges of the Jedi Order.”

Plural? Why—Oh, never mind. “I found a young girl, one who had been apprenticed here when the Sith came.”

Kalani told her the whole story, of how Kaevee had been struggling to survive in a community now hostile to Jedi, of the Sith holocron she had found and thrown away, of the laigreks she had suborned and made “guards” of the Enclave. If Kreia had sensed Kaevee’s presence on her own, and Kaevee really was leaving Dantooine for good, it made little sense to conceal it from her. Why bother?

When Kalani was done telling her tale, Kreia asked her, “And do you think it wise to simply let the child go free? If what you say is true, she could pose a grave danger to those around her.” There was an edge to her voice, but there was genuine curiosity there, and detached enough that it sounded as though Kreia was treating this more as a hypothetical situation than like something that could actually occur.

Kalani shifted her weight on the cold, unyielding durasteel floor. “I don’t really think it a matter of wisdom, Kreia,” she argued, struggling to keep her voice level. Forcefulness was not easy to come by when one’s voice was as soft as hers, but Kalani was relearning where to find it, relearning how to control it, and had no desire to let it control the flow of this conversation. “If you think her a danger to others, then you must not think it a good idea to take her with us. She didn’t want to fight, anyways, not after what she went through during the Sith occupation. And I certainly didn’t think it would be a good idea to leave her here.” This isn’t any kind of place for Jedi anymore. No kind of place for not-Jedi. “Sending her back to her family was the only thing to do, if you’re trying to actually help her.”

Twenty years ago, if a child of the Enclave had been in the sort of situation Kaevee had been in, Kalani had no doubt that the settlers would have sheltered her, helped her. When Kalani was a child, she knew the settlers would have aided her. But that was twenty years ago. This was now.

At least she had family to return to, a voice in the back of Kalani’s mind piped up, sharp and knowing. You could have spent the rest of your life trying to track people down, and found nothing. But that matters when you do not wish to return to them, does it?

Kalani pushed the voice back into nothingness, and told herself to focus on ‘now.’ She had to stay rooted.

For instance, if she had been rooted as she ought to have been, she would have taken a larger party into the Enclave when she had first heard reports of the local fauna having become more aggressive. Kinrath venturing out from the caves during the day was hardly a herald of good things to come. A larger party would have been significantly more practical.

Not Atton. He had wanted to go, but Kalani was still trying to figure out what to do about…

“That is the name he gave us, true enough. But he is no soldier, as he might have told you. He is a killer, tried and true.”

…what to do about that. But Kalani could have at least overcome her dislike of assassin droids long enough to let HK-47 go hunting the local wildlife. She was off-balance here. It was the heaviness in the air, the craters marring the landscape, the hostility in the eyes and the minds of the settlers. She couldn’t center herself here.

“And what of the other?” Kreia’s voice was sharper now than it had been when asking after Kaevee. If Kalani concentrated hard enough, she could almost feel the whisper of a touch on her mind—trying to gauge mood rather than thoughts, but the fact that she could feel it at all was significant.

I’ve missed this. She hated the pain of relearning as much as she hated having ever forgotten in the first place. It hurts, but I…

“Mical?” Kalani leaned forward, hunching over slightly as a small frown stole over her lips. “I found him in the Archives. He says he’s a Republic historian, on an assignment to gather and preserve whatever he can find of the Jedi’s history.”

“You have misgivings.”

“I… I’m not sure, to be honest.” It had first struck her on their way out of the Enclave, when Mical was explaining about the other sites he had visited, and how they too had been pilfered of things that were relevant to his interests, and yet were not the sort of items salvagers typically went after. They had found him alone, armed only with a Republic blaster pistol. Mical had made his way across the kinrath and kath hound-infested plains, alone, into the laigreks-infested Enclave sublevel, alone, and all the way into the Archives, all without getting a scratch on him, or even a speck of dirt on his clothes. “I don’t think he’s lied to me, so much as he isn’t telling me everything. That’s hardly a crime, and I don’t think he means us any harm. I don’t sense malice from him.”

If there was anything truly strange, it had originated with Kalani. When she had opened the door to the Archives, and there he was, something had started tugging on memory, a distant shout whose words were lost over so great a distance. There was just something… natural about finding Mical in the Enclave, and Kalani hadn’t even first assumed him a salvager.

That nagging sense of familiarity had grown with each passing hour, stronger and stronger the more she spoke to him, until at last, when they had nearly gotten all the way back to Khoonda, Kalani had asked him if they had ever met before. Mical denied it airily, and for some unfathomable reason, Mira spent the rest of the trip snickering from her spot at the back of the line, but Kalani still had to wonder.

Most surprising of all was that she wanted to like Mical, in spite of her misgivings. That strange sense of familiarity probably had something to do with it. His obvious devotion to the Republic probably had something to do with it, too. Oh, but Kalani wanted… Well. She had wanted many things, once. Nowadays, it would be wiser to keep her mind focused on her objective, and the threat the Sith posed to the galaxy.

“When we leave Dantooine, Mical will likely be joining us,” Kalani said, watching Kreia’s lined face closely for any hint of a reaction. “He’s staying in Khoonda for now, but he’s offered his services as a medic on the Ebon Hawk.”

But Kreia only nodded firmly. “I have no objections, provided that you remain mindful, and you heed my advice that you not allow yourself to be ruled by your affection for others. If he wishes to make himself useful, so much the better.”

They were going to go out tomorrow, Kalani and Mical, to look for the Sith holocron Kaevee had thrown away. Apparently, the Republic had a Sith holocron in custody, and Mical had once been allowed to study it briefly, which would make him the only member of the crew asides from Kalani herself (at least as far as she knew), capable of identifying the holocron on sight. Kalani had dealt with Sith holocrons during the war; the old temple on Dxun Revan had claimed as a base had been crawling with them. While Revan and Malak were elsewhere, it had fallen to Kalani and her men to hold the base, and the holocrons… Kalani knew better, now, and knew that it would be best for everyone nearby if the holocron was found and destroyed. Finding Vrook could wait; the holocron had to take priority.

I suspect Mical might object to its destruction, though. Apparently, the Republic hadn’t given him nearly as much time to study the holocron as he would have liked, because he was taking the expedition as a potential opportunity for him to study the blasted thing. When Kalani thought about it, Mical reminded her a little of Atris, when Atris was young. When Atris was young, she likely would have leapt at the chance to study a blasted Sith holocron. Maybe that had something to do with why Kalani wanted to like Mical, too.

Kreia closed her eyes and was silent, and after a while, Kalani began to wonder if she had been dismissed. Kreia didn’t always bother telling her to leave; sometimes, she would just return to her meditation, and ignore the woman sitting opposite her.

But then, Kreia spoke, and not to utter a dismissal. “The Enclave…” Her voice was much softer than usual, almost hesitant. “…How was it?”

Kalani blinked. “You didn’t want to see it before.”

“Humor me.”

As a short, shallow breath tore from her throat, Kalani found herself leaning against one of the low bunks, fighting the urge to let fingernails bite into skin.

The Enclave had still been under construction when she was brought there, what felt like an eternity ago. The youngest of the initiates’ favorite game was to see how high they could climb on the construction scaffolding before an adult came along and caught them, and Kalani had enjoyed the game as much as any of the others. Well, almost any of the others. The only time Atris had ever climbed up onto the scaffolding had been to try to persuade Kalani to come down—and indeed, they had both come down, when Atris’s tugging on the younger, smaller girl’s shirt had caused them both to lose their balance and fall. A tongue-lashing from the healer who patched them up had put a moratorium on any further climbing expeditions.

Here, Kalani had been initiated into the ways of the Jedi, and the mysteries of the Force. She could remember construction her first lightsaber—“Steady, child; this isn’t the work of a day”—and in the expedition into the crystal cave to find a focusing crystal. Her first master, the one who had died, rather than cast her off like dead weight, had begun teaching her the forms; later, Kavar had continued those lessons, whenever Kalani was between masters again.

Here, they taught her history, science, had tried teaching her languages, though Kalani had never been as gifted with languages as had certain others. Horticulture classes had brought her out to the gardens, digging her hands in the dirt as the warm, damp smell of earth filled her nostrils.

Not all her memories of this place were good ones, and when she was older, Kalani had often been shuttled back and forth between Dantooine and Coruscant, but this place had been home for her, once.

“It… It took heavy damage during the Sith bombardment.” Things had gotten a little touch-and-go when they actually found an unexploded mortar shell in a pile of rubble in the sublevel, but thankfully, Mira knew how to disarm that type of shell. “It’s… It’s not what it was,” Kalani choked out.

She had not come expecting to find it intact. Even past the Outer Rim, rumors had reached her of Dantooine’s bombardment; upon returning to Republic space, those rumors had been confirmed by the captain of the Harbinger. Kalani had been braced for the sight of her childhood home in ruins, but somehow, the broken shell of the Jedi Enclave had still paralyzed her, until at last Mira’s jostling her shoulder and Visas and Bao-Dur’s murmured, worried questions had brought her back to herself.

Where once there had been a place that was home to living Jedi, now there was a tomb, and a den of monsters. The ceiling of the sublevel had collapsed in several places, leaving the cool floors littered with dirt and loose stone and metal beams. The classrooms sat empty, forlorn desks coated with dust. Skeletons laid in bed, sightless eye sockets turned to the ceiling, jaws transfixed in silent screams. Lights flickered on and off, electrical conduits sputtered as they walked by. The irritation system for the sublevel’s center garden was the only thing that still worked properly, feeding water through the channels to the clay flowerpots. Violet flowers bloomed under empty sky, water flowed cold and cheerless in the artificial pond, and the gardener’s remains could be found on the dais, clothing clinging to his bones in rags. Where once there was life, Kalani found silence, and dry bones.

(Perhaps that was truly why she had been so eager to get Kaevee out of the Enclave, and had accepted Mical’s offer to join her crew so readily. The living had no place with the dead, and never would.)

Kreia sighed heavily. “I had expected as much. Malak was the blunt bludgeon to Revan’s honed knife.” She curled her lip. “He thought that wanton destruction and colossal collateral damage made for an acceptable demonstration of his strength, rather than simply being proof of why he was unfit for any role but that of Revan’s attack dog.”

“And he turned his wrath on Dantooine, when he couldn’t get to her,” Kalani supplied. She knew Revan had been taken here—Zez-Kai Ell had let it slip, and Kreia had told her as much when they first landed. It seems as though every last thing that’s gone wrong in the galaxy that isn’t my fault can be traced back to Revan. Wonderful. “And bombed the Enclave straight to hell.”

“That is a rather nebulous term,” Kreia remarked, in the sort of tone that sounded as though she didn’t know whether to be lecturing or just amused. “I wonder what you mean by it.”

Kalani’s brow furrowed. Please tell me she doesn’t think this is funny. “The Enclave is uninhabitable now,” she explained, very deliberately. “The lighting only works once in a while, and the central heating and cooling is completely gone. The only part of the plumbing that still works is the irrigation system to the central gardens. Bao-Dur took a look at the wiring while we were in the sublevel, and he thinks the wiring would have to be completely ripped out and replaced before anything electrical could be repaired or replaced.” She looked away, her jaw set. “I can’t imagine how Kaevee managed to survive in the sublevel for so long. Or why Master Vrook would return here at all.”

“Can’t you?” This time, there could be no mistaking the amusement in Kreia’s voice, but it was tempered with a strange, gentle sadness. “Vrook taught at the Enclave since its inception; indeed, after the destruction of Ossus, it was he who came to Dantooine and negotiated and oversaw the Enclave’s construction. He poured his life’s blood into this place. I cannot imagine how he could ever bring himself to abandon it.”

Kalani looked up into Kreia’s face, frowning slightly, her stomach starting to churn. The call of home was strong, indeed. Perhaps she shouldn’t have been surprised that someone else wound up answering it, too. Perhaps… “Did you know him?” she asked quietly.

Kreia’s mouth twisted in a grimace. “Not well. After the loss of the Great Library, our paths crossed from time to time, but our relationship was not a friendly one.”

Kalani spent enough time lost in fellow-feeling that Kreia’s mention of the Great Library did not truly register with her at first. But inevitably, it had to, and she stared at Kreia incredulously. “You lived on Ossus?! What was it like?”

It would be well-nigh impossible to find a Jedi who had not heard of Ossus. The history—and loss—of Ossus was on every curriculum, and Kalani had had Atris for a companion, too. Any time Atris discussed history with her, there was a roughly eighty-five percent chance that the topic would veer into a lament for all the knowledge that had been lost when Ossus was destroyed, and a diatribe against Ulic Qel-Droma and Exar Kun for orchestrating its destruction.

Ossus had been a sanctuary for Jedi, a paradise where they kept all of the knowledge and teachings they had accumulated over the millennia. With the collapse of the Cron Cluster, hundreds of Jedi were killed, a sanctuary world was lost, and every last book and scroll that couldn’t be evacuated in time went up in flames.

Even having no memory of the planet’s destruction, Kalani had felt the effects; everyone had. It was difficult to find someone who had known Ossus, and yet wished to speak of it. So for Kreia to imply that she had been to Ossus…

The admission would seem to be more of a slip. Kreia paused for a long moment, her mouth slightly open. “If,” she said finally, her voice almost creaking, “you wish to learn of Ossus, I would ask the historian you found in the Enclave for answers. If he has studied the Jedi, as he claims, he will likely know much.” She drew a deep, shuddering breath, and a change came over her, likely just as much a slip as the mention of the Great Library. There wasn’t anything tangible, nothing physical, but suddenly, as old as Kreia was, she seemed much, much older. “My words are unequal to the task of describing it. Now leave me. I must rest.”

Their conversations had ended this way more than once, and always when Kalani asked Kreia a question about her own history. She considered pressing further. She had always considered that. But she looked at Kreia, who showed every one of her years in the weight of age that bowed her shoulders now, and thought better of it. “Another time, then,” she murmured.

“Yes, another time,” Kreia said, as someone might look forward to an appointment with an old nightmare. Kalani pretended not to hear. They both needed to center themselves, it seemed.

DS!Comment: I Sense the Good In Him

Honestly, more negative than I thought it would be. Some day, I will heal. I want to put this up and at some point put it somewhere BWA may actually see it. Not that I think it will get them to do better, but we can but try.

Dear Bioware: “I sense the good in him” is a perfectly fine bit for saving someone that, to all appearances, cannot or should not be saved. Good job. “I don’t sense any good in her”, however, especially from a despairing mother, is a terrible way to indicate that someone cannot be saved. Especially someone that I can’t at this point accept as actually worse than the one you did save.

I’m also still getting over “more brutal”, “deranged”, the party planner who never stood up when Arcann ordered the bombing of five worlds but stands against her (realistic, but I think you were just going for “see how much worse she is!” rather than a nuanced character), the “she killed my buddy” but ignoring him killing HK (is that why you brought him back? because I don’t buy it, who he was is still supposed to be GONE), the thinking dominating the Gemini droids counts against her but HK doesn’t count against him (to be fair, that’s more the fandom), etc. etc. But using her own mother to argue how she needs to die, without the ability to respond in a compassionate way to it, tops them all.

And to be clear: I wanted to save or at least be allowed to attempt to save both characters. I may not think she is actually worse, but I don’t buy that she is better, either.

@rrevan tagged me to do this character meme! I’m tagging uhh @fettjango @decoysabe @violasarecool and anyone else that wants to do these for any of your ocs.

I’m gonna do this for my Revan because. Predictable. 

GENERAL

NAME: Revanna Lin

ALIAS(ES): Merith Concort

GENDER: Nonbinary woman

AGE: 33 at the start of KotOR 1

PLACE OF BIRTH: Deralia 

SPOKEN LANGUAGES: A lot.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual

OCCUPATION: Jedi, Jedi guardian, Republic soldier, war general, Sith, Sith lord, smuggler, Republic soldier, Jedi....

APPEARANCE

EYE COLOR: Grey-blue

HAIR COLOR: Black

HEIGHT: 5′3

SCARS: Lots, most prominently one on her forehead, one on her arm over her tattoo, one on her cheek, and several on her leg above her prosthetic. 

FAVORITE

COLOR: Black, purple, red.

HAIR COLOR: Dark

EYE COLOR: Blue or brown

ENTERTAINMENT: She usually entertains herself by reading or training. As a smuggler she’s a little more ‘nights out at the cantina’. 

PASTIME: Reading, studying, training, meditating, sparring, tinkering, hanging out with her friends, looking for trouble or making it.

FOOD: Never really been a big deal to her. She likes chocolate, soup, pasta. Not super big on meat. Doesn’t really mind eating rations most of the time.

DRINK: Caff, tea, alcohol.

BOOKS: History, philosophy, force theory, stolen Sith texts

HAVE THEY

PASSED UNIVERSITY: No. She passed Jedi trials but never went to any formal academic school...ever. No real military academy anyway. Just Jedi training and a self-taught degree in Sith shit.

HAD SEX: Yep.

HAD SEX IN PUBLIC: I wouldn’t be surprised at all.

GOTTEN PREGNANT: No.

KISSED A MAN: Yes.

KISSED A WOMAN: Yes.

GOTTEN TATTOOS: Yes, I think at least three. Something on the inside of her left arm, probably a small lily; her name (Revan) in a stylized band on her upper arm after the JCW is over; and a silhouette of the Ebon Hawk on the base of her neck. 

GOTTEN PIERCINGS: Yeah, a few. I think she got them while on Deralia, and I think she has some in her ears, lips, and brow.

HAD A BROKEN HEART: Yes.

BEEN IN LOVE: More than once.

STAYED UP FOR MORE THAN 24 HOURS: Oh yeah.

ARE THEY

A VIRGIN: Nope

A CUDDLER: Sometimes. More often than you might think.

A KISSER: Yesssssss

A SMOKER: For a while.

SCARED EASILY: Yes.

JEALOUS EASILY: She used to be.

TRUSTWORTHY: Not unless you’re Bastila Shan...

DOMINANT: In some contexts, like socially and taking leadership. 

SUBMISSIVE: Anddd in those other contexts, yes. Sexually, yes. 

SINGLE: No - she’s with Carth, and also while Bastila’s not her romantic partner, I don’t really think you can call either of them single as long as the other is alive.

RANDOM QUESTIONS

WANTED TO KILL SOMEONE: Many many times.

ACTUALLY KILLED SOMEONE:  Ditto.

RIDDEN A BEAST: Idk probably...maybe?

HAVE/HAD A JOB: A lot but not any very good ones.

HAVE ANY FEARS: Yeah, a lot of them. 

FAMILY

SIBLING(S): A younger sister (I believe about 6 years younger) named Lia. They didn’t meet until adulthood, post KotOR 1.

PARENTS: Ayanna and Geoffrey. They live on Coruscant now

CHILDREN: Just her adult step-son Dustil and her cranky murder droid son HK.

PETS: The gizka now reside on Lehon and the crew probably wouldn’t let her keep one anyway.

Fic Update: Pragmatic Dreams (7/??)

Fandom: swtor

Chapter Title: Where the Heart is (Read on Ao3!)

Pairing: Lana/Beniko/female Jedi Knight

Rating: Teen

Summary: When Darth Marr’s flagship is destroyed, the galaxy mourns the loss of a leader of the Jedi Order. And Lana Beniko mourns the loss of her lover. But when secrets are uncovered, Lana realizes that the only way to save the galaxy might just be to tear it apart, all for the woman she loves.

#

“Mother, what is this?” Lana asked, staring at what seemed to be an HK droid in her mother’s kitchen.

Her mother sat at the kitchen table, legs crossed at the knee as they sat back in their chair. “You did say I needed protection, did you not? Well, consider this protection.”

Lana tried not to roll her eyes. What was it about this person who made her feel like she was a sullen teenager instead of a woman in her late thirties? “I had hoped you would leave Dromund Kaas,” Lana started, but her mother simply swatted a hand a hand towards her. “Mother-”

“Don’t mother me,” they said, crossing their arms over their chest. “I understood what we were in for once we realized you were Sith. I didn’t leave my home then, and I sure as stars am not going to leave my home now. HK-55 will protect me.”

“Sincerely: My duty is to keep Nala Beniko alive at all costs,” the droid said.

Lana looked over the droid. She had worked with HK units before, but not often. They were top of the line security and her mother must have paid a ridiculous amount of credits in order to procure one. “Please do a perimeter patrol. I don’t believe anyone saw me enter the house, but it would be go to double check.”

“Agreeably: Yes, master.”

Once the droid had left the kitchen, Lana took her mother’s hand. Nala Beniko would be eighty-two years old soon. While they might not get around as they did, there was no denying that their mind was as sharp as ever. They had to be, essentially running the family business single-handedly since Lana’s father had died six years ago at the age of one hundred and one.

Lana always knew growing up that she was a result of birth control gone wrong. Nala and Goeff Beniko had been married for seventeen years before Lana arrived on the scene. The thought never bothered her, not really. But sometimes she had wondered if her parents might have been happier without her. Of course, by age eleven Lana was training at the Sith Academy, so surely a decade of having a child didn’t inconvenience them too much.

“I don’t understand why you’re being so stubborn,” Lana said, squeezing her mother’s hand. “You can run the business from anywhere.”

For close to a year and a half, Lana had been trying to get Nala to leave the planet. And her mother had always refused. Even Lana going so far as not to meet with her mother in person in all that time didn’t help. Lana knew she probably shouldn’t even be here now, but after months and months on the run, never staying in the same sector for more than three days, she could admit that she was tired.

So she gave herself a break. A week on Dromund Kaas, staying with her mother. While she hoped at the end she would feel relaxed and refreshed, Lana somehow couldn’t imagine that ever feeling like that again.

“And I choose to run it from my home,” they said, placing their hand on top of Lana’s. “Child, I know you want to protect me, but I’ve been living on Dromund Kaas, surrounded by Sith for eighty-one years. I know how to play the game.” They pulled back their hands, and folded them on the table. “Besides, ten months have passed since they kicked you out of Intelligence and we’re still both alive.”

Ten months. Ten months since Maebry had disappeared and the war raged around them. Planet after planet had fallen to the might of Zakuul and no one had yet come even close to stopping them. Half a dozen of her agents hadn’t been heard from in the last two months alone. From her contacts in Sith Intelligence, a new minister was in place, one easily ignored, who had no real authority. One development in Lana’s favor, at least. Much less of a chance to be discovered that way.

The Sith were in no better shape. There was the usual bluster of taking the fight to Zakuul, but with what fleet? Moff Pryon, along with any destroyer equipped with the Silencer superweapon had disappeared. As much as it angered her, the Sith would not win this war. Not by themselves. But not even the combined power of the Sith and the Imperial Empire’s military would be enough.

Yet not one single Sith broached the subject of an alliance with the Republic. And Lana knew thanks to Theron that the Republic felt the same way. Theron might now officially be an independent agent, but his contacts were invaluable.

And most importantly, more depressingly really, there had been no sign of Maebry. If Zakuul had taken her prisoner, they certainly weren’t telling anyone. Which simply didn’t make sense. After watching them conduct themselves on the battlefield for almost a year, if Lana learned anything, it was that Emperor Arcann liked to boast about his victories. He made sure the galaxy knew about the worlds he conquered and the ships he destroyed. Lane would have assumed that the new Emperor would be quick to spread the tale of his victory over Maebry.

Those were the worst nights. The nights when Lana tried not to lose hope, fickle as that feeling was. There were nights when Lana would lay in bed, convinced that Maebry was dead, and that Arcann would soon overrun the galaxy. Thankfully those nights did not come often, but they were there.

“True,” Lana admitted. If they had anything, they had their lives. And if they had their lives, they had work to be done. An uncomfortable truth settled onto Lana’s shoulders, and instead of burying it down deep, which would be her most normal course of action, she decided to speak. “I thought the Empire stronger than this.”

Saying the words out loud almost felt like a relief. The Empire she had worked so long for should be better than this. The infighting she kept hearing about was infuriating. The moffs all tried to outmaneuver each other for political gain while the Sith seemed determined to kill each other off in hopes of a Dark Council seat. Ten months and the Council was still only at half strength. Why the Dark Lords refused to act, she simply didn’t know.

“I’ve lived a long time,” her mother said. “And I can tell you in all this time, the Empire has never been strong.” Lana looked up, trying to keep the shock off her face. Her mother never once spoke like that, especially after Lana became Sith. “Oh, I know all the right words to say. ‘Hail to the Emperor’ and not to ever make eye contact with a Sith.” Nala reached out and placed their hand on Lana’s cheek. “Unless it’s your own daughter, of course.”

“But I thought…” Lana trailed off, looking out the nearby kitchen window. Out of all the rooms in her parent’s house, it was always the kitchen she loved the most. Unlike the rest of the house, which had a modern, contemporary feel, the kitchen almost felt cozy.

“Because you’ve been taught to believe that you are better than the rest of us,” her mother said, leaning back in their chair. “Perhaps you are. But even all the Sith in the galaxy doesn’t make the Empire strong. What does the Dark Council care for the colonies, for the regular people just trying to live their lives? We both know the answer is not at all.”

Lana stood up and walked to the sink. In her parent’s home, she wore no armor, just a simple grey dress. The color washed out her skin, made her look almost ghastly, but her options were limited. More and more stores refused to deliver and Lana dared not go out into the city, in case someone recognized her, and sounded the alarm.

“I care,” Lana said, disgusted with herself, that she couldn’t even sound convincing. Maebry would care. Maebry did care. Even back on Rishi, she had taken the time to heal the sick and feed the poor, all while Lana rolled her eyes, thinking that the Jedi wasted her time. So many more important things had been at stake. Even now, Lana focused on the bigger picture, instead of the tiny details Maebry would have noticed.

Perhaps it was time to change that.

Her mother had the decency not to call Lana out on the lie. Nala walked over and stood next to Lana at the sink. With a shock, Lana realized she was now taller than her mother. Old age and a slightly bent back had taken its toll. Lana stood a little straighter, knowing full well in forty-five years, she could look the same.

Nala looked like they wanted to say something, but then their holocom beeped. “That’s the office. They know not to disturb me this week unless it’s an emergency.”

As they left the room, HK-55 marched back in. “Reporting: There is no cause for alarm at this time.”

“HK-55, could you inform me of the security precautions you have in place for Nala?” Lana asked, curious about the lengths her mother might be willing to go.

“Enthusiastically: Of course. I will be happy to share the plan I have in place to protect Master Nala and Beniko Industries.”

Twenty minutes later, Lana sincerely regretted asking that question.

#

The moment Lana’s holopad came alive with a shrill beep, she sat up in bed and shook herself awake. Precious seconds passed while she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, trying to get her bearings. Her old bedroom, in her parent’s house. Once this room had walls painted lavender, Lana’s favorite color growing up. A rainbow colored rag rug had covered wooden floors. She had posters of her favorite animated characters, along with maps. She always did love maps, even as a little girl. Of course, once Lana had been sent to the Sith Temple, Nala redecorated. Now the walls were a light grey and lush black carpet covered the floors. Tasteful modern artwork adorned the walls.

 Lana missed her old room, missed the safety it represented. Back when she had been a regular child whose goal was to serve in the military for twelve years, then take her place in the family business. Back then her life had stretched out before her, everything accounted for. But then one morning, all at once, the Force had manifested itself. And Lana lost her lavender room and the future she had thought she wanted.

The beeping became more persistent. A priority call from her network. Not bothering to run a hand through her hair, Lana answered the call.

My lord, Darmas here. I apologize for the timing; I know it’s the middle of the night in Kaas City.

“It’s fine, Darmas. I know you wouldn’t message like this unless it was important,” Lana said, sounding far more alert than she felt. “What is the matter?”

I was playing a game of sabaac with a military man, here on Zakuul. He might have been over-served, just a tad. I will have to discuss the matter with the barkeep when I have a chance.

Lana wanted to scream, to tell Darmas to get to the point. But she knew better than to rush the man, being in love with the sound of his voice as he was. Instead, she stood up, grateful she wore a simple set of cotton pajamas to bed tonight, instead of her usual tank top and underwear. Crossing her arms, she waited for Darmas to tell his tale.

The good man informed me that the Emperor of Zakuul has decided to switch tactics. They’ve had enough of outright force and plan to attack economically. This means-

“A blockade,” Lana whispered. Arcann was crafty, far more devious than she had given him credit for. The capital planets of the Imperial Empire and the Republic relied on trade. Vibrant trade. Without trade, the planets would be weakened considerably. And if the Eternal Fleet was on the way to Dromund Kaas… “Darmas, as always, your information is exactly what is needed. I will contact you again once I’m off Dromund Kaas.”

I have a social arrangement that simply can’t be rescheduled, my lord. Miss Temple will be able to provide further details. She’s been absolutely invaluable. 

“Of course,” Lana said, grabbing her duffel bag. She had never unpacked, exactly for this very purpose, just on the off chance she would need to leave in the middle of the night. “I’ll be in touch.”

For the Empire.

Lana shut off her holopad and started changing. A list of a million things she needed to accomplish crossed her mind. She had at least three agents on Dromund Kaas at this time. Two of them she would like to get off planet. Having mobility would be absolutely vital. Again, Lana thanked the stars that Sith Intelligence upgraded her personal shuttle to an Isotope-5 engine back when she had been Minister. Without that, she would never be able to outrun the Eternal Fleet.

Less than five minutes passed before Lana was in her armor, duffel bag on her shoulder. Once in the hallway, she debated whether or not to wake Nala, whether the extra time was worth the hurt feelings her mother would surely have.

Her mother was a light sleeper. They might have already heard the commotion in Lana’s room. Decision made, Lana knocked on Nala’s door. “Mother?” she said softly.

“Hmm?” Nala said, sitting up at once, eyes alert.

“Mother, I need to leave Dromund Kaas, this very instance, but I wanted to say goodbye first,” Lana said. “And thank you.”

Nala took a risk, letting Lana stay in their house, no doubt about it. Being back in a place where Lana was welcome, where she was loved, meant more to her than she could ever express through words. Actions would have to be enough, and getting off of Dromund Kaas before a blockade was set, might just be the best thing she could ever do for her mother. But then she thought of one more thing.

“Very shortly, very shortly, the Eternal Empire will begin a blockade of Dromund Kaas. I’m assuming the business has contingency plans for such an event?” At her mother’s careful, slow nod, Lana continued. “Now is the time to put those contingency plans into motion.”

Her mother all but jumped out of bed, with far more energy than Lana thought possible. They grabbed their holopad off their nightstand - like mother, like daughter - but stopped. Lana stayed still while they walked over to her, and took her hands. They never had a relationship where hugs and kisses were traded freely, put a simple mother’s touch made Lana relax, allowing her to stop and breathe.

“This person you love, they’re good to you?” Nala asked.

Lana blinked back her surprised. “How did…”

“I’ve known you for thirty-seven years, Lana. You don’t think I wouldn’t recognize when my own daughter was in love for the first time?” Nala asked, a brow arched. “Are they good to you?”

“She was, yes,” Lana said softly, thinking of Maebry’s smile. “But it’s quite complicated.”

“It always is,” her mother said with a smile, making them look younger than their eighty-one years. “It wouldn’t be you if it there weren’t complications.” Lana stilled while her mother stood on tip toes to kiss her on the forehead. “I’ve wasted enough of your time. Now go save the galaxy.”

Lana let out a laugh, one she didn’t cover up with a hand. “I’ll do my best,” she said.

Nala stood back with a satisfied look on their face. “You’re my daughter. I would expect nothing less.”

#

No moon shined down on her tonight. A boon, Lana decided as she walked into the private hangar for Beniko Industries. The security guards on patrol all knew her, knew to look the other way when she approached. She only had to hope that the salary the company paid them was more than any bounty on her head.

Even in the middle of the night, the humidity of the planet clung to her skin, seeping deep inside her pores. She pushed her hair out of her face - she really should grow it out - and stopped at a railing overlooking Kaas City.

There was a sense of finality settling over Lana. She had the strangest feeling that she would not see Dromund Kaas again. At least not any time soon. The prospect saddened her. For thirty-seven years, no matter where she lived, whether Hoth or Korriban or the Vaiken Spacedock, Kaas City was her home.

And now she was leaving.

This sentimentality slowed her down. Foolish to indulge in such impractically. Lana needed to be off of the planet yesterday, not mooning of what would be. Hoisting her duffel bag over her shoulder, she turned and headed towards her shuttle, wondering if she could somehow make the shuttle into a home instead of simply a place to stay. The portside door opened and Lana took one more breath of the muggy jungle air. For the next days, weeks, months, years, a lifetime, she would be on her ship, breathing recycled air and drinking recycled water.

But it wasn’t a place she wanted as a home at all, was it? She wanted Maebry, she wanted Maebry to be her home, not a shuttle nor a city. Almost a year had passed since Lana had seen Maebry, since she somehow had managed to fall in love with a Jedi of all people.

A Jedi who might only be alive in Lana’s dreams. She had not been able to find that spark again. And even with Darmas and Raina making discreet inquiries, there had been no sign of Maebry anywhere. That wouldn’t do, not at all. Lana needed to know if Maebry was still alive. If she wasn’t…

Lana would just have to go to Zakuul and see for herself.

Since the wonderful and inimitable @ladyzolstice is currently ALSO complaining about Rogue One (which is quite possibly my least favorite blockbuster moviegoing experience since Maleficent) I’m going to jump on the dog pile. Spoilers and negativity below the cut, nerds!

Rogue One is my exhibit A for the easiest trap for modern storytelling to get into - conflating big watercooler moments and crazy deaths for depth. Game of Thrones at its worst is the main offender here, but at its best it earns these moments by building to them slowly and fleshing out its characters via political drama. In lieu of flesh and momentum, Rogue One has given its characters the thinnest of character development and tries to ride on poorly implemented modern war metaphor and fanservice. It fails at both. The movie opens with Mad Mikkelsen arguing about Mediocre Empire Dude who wants him to build the Death Star or something so baby Jyn runs to hide in a hole in the ground until she’s fetched by Forrest Whitaker, who’s apparently friends with Mads. CUE PRESENT where Diego Luna kills a guy so we know the Death Star exists and he’s willing to do whatever it takes and Jyn is now a young adult in a prison train for some reason. Diego and slightly less violent HK-47 bust her out. I’m not going to talk about the droid anymore because Groot did a better job of making you care about it and Vin Diesel literally only had one repeated line and was a fucking tree. Now they’re on desert planet and we enter the second act of the movie, where it’s entirely clear now that someone on the movie team really, really wanted to make a serious modern war metaphor for the first time. How do we know this? Well! Forrest Whitaker is now with an extremist branch of the rebels and is barely kept alive by machines for some reason. It’s not really implied why this happens or anything, I guess the machines are supposed to indicate he got fucked up or something. Diego is taking Jyn to go see Forrest because they caught Imperial Pilot Defector who has a message from Mads about the Death Star and the fact he hid a weakness in it. They go to Desert City for reasons I would have remembered in a better movie but don’t remember in this one and meet Donnie Yen and his bro/queerbait Mandalorian Bolt Thrower. Yen’s been upgraded from “flower vase” to “Jedi stand-in” and generally does a pretty solid job with the tripe he’s given, and Mandalorian Bolt Thrower is a cool straight cop for his craziness. They both deserve a better movie than this one. They’re the best characters and get no development, although it’s possible they’re the best characters because they get no development. Anyway, after a chance run-in where Yen notices Jyn’s force crystal (aside - this is where I’d nail them for casting him as MYSTICAL MARTIAL ARTS MENTOR, but A. it’s not really my fight and B. the idea of force sensitives kinda just floating about and not knowing what the fuck but randomly pulling off crazy shit makes sense for the time period in-universe) Whitaker’s Islamic extremist metaphor attack an occupying Imperial force because this is a serious war metaphor guys and it’s been too long since we had an action sequence and the movie’s starting to get boring (it doesn’t really stop btw). Like seriously, it’s a desert town, they’re wearing robes, they’re using improvised explosives and assault weapons, there’s the token dude with the rocket launcher that’s in every Middle Eastern conflict-era war movie ever made. You could swap the guns and take out the little alien dude and stick this exact scene in an Iraq war movie and everyone’s none the wiser. So this begs the question - does this metaphor/plot thread go anywhere? Nah, not really. Yen and Bolt Thrower save the heroes from the Imperials and Whitaker’s second-in-command takes them to jail cause they killed a few rebels while caught in the crossfire. Around this point Whitaker interrogates Defector with a fucking tentacle monster with mind powers? For some reason? And this plot thread is resolved like five minutes later when Luna talks to him in the next cell and he’s suddenly fine! Who the fuck knows why that scene’s in the movie. Anyway Jyn’s like, basically cribbing from Finn’s plotline in Episode 7 the whole time except her motivations are stated less effectively and she decides to stick around cause Dad or something. Forrest Whitaker dies when the Death Star fires at desert land but it’s only about as effective as a conventional nuclear weapon because plot. I don’t remember if it’s stated why the Empire blows up their source of force crystals for shooting shit with the Death Star but that seems like a plot hole appropriate for this movie.  Mediocre Imperial Man and I Don't Know His Rank at This Point but I Know Him as Grand Moff Tarkin So Let's Go With That have a conversation at this point and everyone gets weird uncanny valley feelings about Tarkin’s face. I thought it was okay, whatever. Anyway, Diego Luna has orders to kill Mads Mikkelsen for some reason even though a trained German Shepard knows it would make more sense to kidnap and torture him for info if he’s gone bad (I mean shit, there are fuckin magical mindreading tentacle monsters in canon!) so he’s awkwardly trying to sneak off to snipe Mads but OH SNAP MEDIOCRE IMPERIAL MAN IS HERE. Jyn runs off to find her dad and Yen/Bolt Thrower team up to provide fire support. Yen has a laser bow for some reason even though a gun has to be easier to aim but it looks cool so who cares. The creators have assumed you’ve gotten bored again so they shoehorned in another action scene around plot development where Mads dies because reasons. So Vader has a conversation around here and he chokes out Mediocre Imperial Man and has a punny quip about choking on your ambitions. A punny quip that’s fanservice to rehabilitate the image of an OG villian is the best part of this movie. Anyway, Diego and Jyn have an argument because character development needs to happen somehow. I guess. Idk. And they take their info about Mads back to the Rebel Base, who needs to know about the crazy thing the imperials are building now. They have an argument and like any good progressives decide to do nothing, so Jyn gives a speech and they remain good progressives and keep up the slacktivism. Diego indicates that he’s changed by rounding up a few dozen soldiers with a death wish who decide to do a poorly planned suicide mission on a major Imperial stronghold to get the Death Star plans. I assume it’s major, I mean I’d probably protect my main data center pretty heavily if I was a dictator. So they fly down to Vietnam and implement their plan - Diego and Jyn attack the data center while everyone else provides a distraction. This amounts to planting bombs everywhere and killing a few patrols to get everyone’s attention. Now, when they were planning this scene, I bet they had great expectations. We’re going to do sci-fi beach landing! This is our Saving Private Ryan! So I had to stifle a laugh when the first area of the main battle in this fucking movie is a Literal Fucking Third Person Shooter Combat Zone, complete with Completely Arbitrary Cargo Crates Conveniently Placed as Cover Points. It’s basically Virmire from Mass Effect, minus Geth. Were Geth on Virmire, I forget? Anyway, once the Rebellion figures out that a few dozen soldiers decides to commit suicide on  Vietnam Virmire this INSPIRES THEM TO ACT and they...send in a bunch of their fleet to assist in the suicide mission. After deciding it was a bad idea like, a few minutes before. Completely arbitrarily. Okay. Anyway, the Game of Thrones bloodbath begins here. The Imperials close the warp gate off the planet and Pilot Defector dies plugging in a radio to let the Rebels know. Donnie Yen and Mandalorian Bolt Thrower both die after arbitrarily moving from Third Person Shooter land to a beach for reasons unexplained. Diego Luna dies TWICE: first in an Assassin’s Creed climbing sequence in the world’s most unwieldy storage room (why the fuck don’t the Imperials have like, servers?) and saves Jyn when Mediocre Imperial Man jumps her on top of the tower that holds The Inexplicable Library of Hard Drives. HK-47 dies as any good HK droid should, by killing a bunch of motherfuckers. Jyn trusts him with a pistol before this happens and in a better movie this would be touching but I never really felt like he was a threat to anybody so I didn’t care. Anyway, Jyn watches an arbitrary countdown happen and Admiral Ackbar senior gets the Death Star plans on his corvette (which fucks up two Star Destroyers by ramming into them, I admit that’s pretty cool) and the Death Star shows up to cut their losses because somehow this dumbass attack that was planned in five minutes was successful and Diego and Jyn die in a nuclear bomb’s glow, hugging. That’s actually a decent ending! Roll credits. Except nah, we totally had to arbitrarily see Vader be a horror villain and fuck shit up for thirty seconds before seeing CG Princess Leia (RIP) so Star Wars nerds get to go HA! THEY RETCONNED SHIT! and normal people don’t care. That should have been a credits stinger. Like, grow a pair and just gun for the coolest credits stinger of all time. The movie is better for it. This quickly devolved into Summary Word Vomit but Rogue One is a bad movie because it’s all bad plot and poorly executed war metaphor over character development. Episode 7 primarily worked because they did the exact opposite. We explicitly know Finn’s reasons for doing what he does, Poe’s, Rey’s. Their actions make sense, and as such their development is earned. Even Kylo Ren stares creepily at a fucked up Vader helmet for thirty seconds. I’m not saying a s serious Star Wars movie can’t work, but if you’re going to attempt it, the characters needed to interact to make the events actually matter. People like Donnie Yen and Diego Luna and Jyn because, in spite of the dour material, they’re good enough actors to get some charm to slip through. In the end, Rogue One is a movie that tells its story via a checklist rather than organically. They wanted X seriousness and Y war metaphor and Z watercooler depths, but forgot that these things work because they’re earned via character development, not in spite of it. I fucking hate this movie.

Breaking the Silence

Title: Breaking the Silence Fandom: Knights of the Old Republic, Knights of the Old Republic 2: the Sith Lords Chapter: 2/? Words: 1715 Status: unfinished - abandoned Relationships: female Revan & female Exile, past female Revan/female Exile Characters: female Exile, female Revan, Carth Onasi, Canderous Ordo, Bastila Shan, Mission Vao, Zalbaar, Jolee Bindo, HK-47 Warnings: alcohol abuse, canon typical violence, PTSD, depression, mental health issues

chapter 1 │ chapter 2  │ chapter 3

The Jedi Exile has spent a long time imagining what she’d say if she ever saw Revan again.

When she gets the chance, it’s not quite what she expected.

-

The first thing she notices when she boards the Ebon Hawk is a swoop bike. It looks recently polished - red and shiny and cared for - and she wonders if it belongs to this Ceeira person that Revan has become. Rea had liked speeders, but she’d never gotten to race properly - she’d had too much resting on her shoulders to ever indulge herself when it came to hobbies. It had broken Senna’s heart back then, watching Rea ignore her dreams. Sometimes thinking about it still does. She’d talked Senna’s ear off about how much she wanted to several times, though. The idea of her doing so now almost brings a smile to Senna’s face.

(It’s odd, feeling a wave of genuine affection for Revan. Or the woman Revan had been before she fell - full of dreams and idea and good intentions that she never managed to achieve.

She’s not sure that she likes it.)

The second thing that greets her is the twi’lek girl from the other day seemingly very concentrated on a game of Pazaak against a T3 utility droid. Senna watches as she puts down a minus four card, making her total a nineteen, as opposed to the droid’s total of eighteen. She then turns and offers Senna a wide smile.

“Mission, this is General Keyis. She’ll be travelling with us.” Bastila doesn’t offer any other explanation than that, but if Mission minds, she hides it very well.

“Please just call me Senna.” She offers the girl what’s supposed to be a friendly smile, but she doubts that it comes across as such. Still, she makes an attempt, which is more than she’s done for years now. She thinks that has to count for something.

“Awesome! Welcome onboard, General Senna.” Senna almost corrects Mission’s use of her former title, but then she notices the grin on her face and realizes that she’s teasing. “If you ever wanna play a game of Pazaak, come find me! I guess you could play Ceeira too, but she’s terrible.”

The droid lets out a series of offended beeps. “I’m sorry, T3. You can play him too. Ceeira keeps insisting that he cheats, but she’s just mad that she can’t beat him.”

Some things never change, it would seem.

The next person she’s introduced to is the grumpy veteran from the cantina the other day. She learns that his name is Carth, and Carth - well, he doesn’t seem to quite know how to react to her presence.

“I don’t think we’ve met before.” He says as he watches her with what looks like suspicion. “But I’ve certainly heard of you. You fought in the Mandalorian Wars, right? We used to call you Revan’s left hand.”

“Yes.” She confirms. “That’s me. I’m guessing you served too?”

“I did. Under Admiral Karath, before he turned traitor. So if you were one of Revan’s jedi, where’s your lightsaber?” How she hates that question.

“You know, I thought I needed a challenge so I decided to start using blasters instead.” She lifts her chin and looks into his eyes, unblinking, silently challenging him.

“Well, we already have a Mandalorian onboard. I guess one of Revan’s friends was the next logical choice.” He sounds just about as tired as she feels. He sends Bastila a look that she cannot decipher, but she’s fairly sure that she knows what the eye roll Bastila responds with means.

“I’m not one of Revan’s friends, and if this is going to be a problem -”

“It’s not. Welcome to the Ebon Hawk, General Keyis.”

“Please, just - my name is Senna. I’m not a general. Not anymore.

She walks in on a Cathar jedi meditating later that day. Juhani seems a lot more pleased to have her on board than Carth.

The wookie from the cantina joins them on the ship the next day with fresh supplies, and Mission seems overjoyed to have her friend back.

Senna spends most of the time making the cargo bay habitable and doing maintenance on the T3 unit which is long overdue. She’s pretty sure that she spends more time than strictly necessary on it, but she needs to calm her nerves before Revan’s return, and the droid seems almost excited to help her.

When she’s not with T3, she spends time with Juhani. Senna tells her stories about the lesser battles of the Mandalorian Wars. About nights spent at camp drinking and laughing with her troops. About singing and laughing and hoping for a better tomorrow.

(It’s surprisingly nice to talk about. She purposely avoids the subject of Revan, but even so it’s been forever since she’s gotten to think about the Wars without choking on her own guilt.

It’s nice to remember the early days, before everything turned bad.)

Juhani in turn tells her about what Dantooine is like these days. She tells her about the council, and about her brief fall to the dark side, and about Ceeira’s sudden arrival.

It’s odd, thinking about Revan saving someone from the darkness that she had so readily embraced years ago.

She doesn’t sleep much, though she hasn’t in ages. The ship is full of noises that are foreign to her. The snoring of a wookie. The sound of military boots pacing. The light whirring of the engines.

She doesn’t even pretend that they don’t startle her.

She doesn’t know the others well enough to go talk to them at night, so instead she sits in her makeshift bunk, hugging her knees and trying to steady her breathing.

At least she can’t have nightmares if she doesn’t sleep.

Her relative peace of mind is over the moment Revan returns to the ship with a loud, unashamed laugh.

“I’m telling you, Candy, the only reason I survived is because of my winning smile and infamous charm. I could have been dead right now.” She wraps an arm around a muscular, scarred man’s shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah. Keep calling me that and I’ll send you back to the Selkath.” He grins back at Revan which only makes her laugh more.

“Query: Who is the new meatbag?” a droid – Senna would have assumed protocol, had it not just referred to her as a meat bag. She really should not be surprised to find Revan in such company. She always did have an odd sense of humor.

“What do you – Oh. Hi.” Revan’s arm leaves the man’s shoulder instantly. “Bastila didn’t mention that you would um… Join us.”

“It’s a recent development.” She replies neutrally. “She thought I could help with your mission, seeing as I knew Revan and Malak.”

“That makes sense.” Revan looks relieved when Senna doesn’t reveal her identity in front of her friends. “Um… This is HK-47. He’s an assassin droid.”

“Ah. That explains his rather… Colorful language.” Senna nods and turns to the man. “I’m Senna. I, um… I served under Revan in the Mandalorian Wars.”

“Canderous of clan Ordo. I served against Revan in the war.” He was the Mandalorian Carth had mentioned, then.

“Well, I guess we’ll both be serving the same side this time around.” It’s supposed to be a joke, but she doesn’t laugh or even look at him. She cannot move her eyes away from Revan.

“Guess so.”

Having a Mandalorian on board doesn’t do anything to improve her sleep.

“We’ve found the maps on Dantooine, Tatooine and Manaan.” Bastila points to each of the three planets on the holomap behind her. “Which leaves Korriban and Kashyyk. I suggest that we go to Kashyyk first.”

Senna wonders how they’re going to approach Korriban without anyone recognizing Revan - or without anyone recognizing her, for that matter. It’s a gamble, and not the fun kind. She doesn’t say anything.

“Czerka Cooperation practically owns Kashyyk these days, so if we’re going there we’re gonna have to be careful.” Carth points out, and the wookie – Zalbaar - Senna’s been informed that his name is - roars in agreement.

“I think Kashyyk is the logical place to start too. Three jedi, a Republic soldier, a Mandalorian, a kid and a Wookie walking around Korriban doesn’t seem like a brilliant idea.” She points out.

“Yeah, and you. The Sith would know your face, right?” Carth massages his temples.

“They might. I’m more worried that they’ll recognize the jedi that killed Revan, though.” She looks directly at Revan as she says it.

They run into each other in the main hold one night. Revan (Rea, Ceeira, whoever she is these days) is holding an empty mug, staring at nothing in particular. Senna has a bottle of whiskey in one hand and her pillow in the other.

“Couldn’t sleep?” She asks Revan, to fill the silence if nothing else.

“Something like that.” Revan replies with a shrug.

“Me neither.” She sits down and opens her bottle. Revan sits down next to her but doesn’t says anything. She thinks she might have preferred talking.

“I keep having these dreams.” Revan explains after a bit. “About lying on a field on Dantooine and watching the sky and I’m so happy. And then I wake up and it feels so far away.”

She pours some whiskey into Revan’s mug before drinking straight out of the bottle herself. She’s much too sober to be having this conversation.

“We used to hide there when we were in trouble. You and me and A- Malak, I mean.” She closes her eyes and takes another drink.

“I knew you before the war?” Revan’s voice is full of genuine surprise and she feels her heart breaking all over again.

“We were friends.” Senna confirms before getting up. “I’m gonna try to get some sleep again. You should too.”

She doesn’t sleep at all that night. Instead, she lets her mind wander to sitting with Rea’s head on her lap on a Dantooine field, laughing at Alek’s impression of Vrook.

It’s strange, how all three of them are still alive and dead at the same time. Alek, now Malak, so consumed by his own hatred that there’s nothing left of him. Rea, a jedi again, but one without any recollection of who she is. And herself, dead in the force and wandering the galaxy hoping that she might some day find a way to justify her existence.

The force certainly had a sense of humor.

On Vaylin

I am re-posting this, my rough draft of a post that I wrote to my main blog when I found that my annoyance with certain game events aggravated me so badly I needed a place to publicly vent. I tried to move it here and broke the whole thing, so lost some of the edits and other information (I’m still learning the ropes). I still want to have it up, but I am also not putting in the tags it used to have. I am trying to be more positive, now, though I will have one more negative, but somewhat calmer, post on the subject in the near future, because even after a month and a half it still gets to me.

I am going on a rant about the SWTOR expansion, Knights of the Eternal Throne. I don’t think anyone is likely to see this that, 1. Cares about SWTOR, 2. Cares about my opinion of SWTOR, 3. Doesn’t already know the plot of KOTET. If I’m wrong, note that there are spoilers ahead.

Too long, didn’t read: Vaylin’s fate is for crap, a badly told mess even if the basic plot of “man and woman enter, only man can leave” wasn’t already a problem.

Note: I’m not really looking for debate. I’m just venting. But, if you must, keep it civil. My ire is meant for Bioware and for the people who have approached disagreements on this subject rudely.

Now, my therapy will begin.

I will be up front about my core bias: I have seen enough stories where a man and a woman fulfill similar roles in the story, have similar experiences, and, in this case, commit similar crimes (of type if not of scale), but the man survives and the woman doesn’t. I was never, ever going to like this plotline. Give us the choice to save both, give us the choice of which one can be saved (Bioware loves that), or don’t let us save either. All would be better, though I prefer the first two.

I fully understand that she was written without those little moments of remorse that he was. I do understand what Bioware was going for. It’s not difficult to see, it was unsubtle. It was also hamfisted and obnoxious. So don’t tell me how obvious it was that she was too far gone and like that: I’m well aware. I just don’t find it to be a good story, especially with so much of how it was handled. They chose to make her that way, they did not have to, and even in making that choice they could have done better.

Finally, I recognize this is a game. It is also, however, a story, and how we tell and share stories is important to me, and this one was awful. Bioware tried to tell a tale of tragedy and familial abuse and mental illness and brainwashing, in an action game with a trinary response, and the lack of nuance didn’t do them any favors. If they couldn’t tell the story with care and sensitivity, they shouldn’t have told it at all.

Vaylin irredeemable. Why? Because mummy and brother can’t find any good in her with their Detect Good spell? Please. Because daddy says she is like a wild animal? Please squared. They should get no say whatsoever.

I swear, whether or not Vaylin ultimately must die I wanted the option to tell them all off. When they say something like that, I want to say, <point to Senya> “You feared her and abandoned her.” <point to Arcann> “You neglected her and killed her brother. Out of everyone living outside of my head, you two are the most responsible for what she has become. Neither of you have any say in how we are going to handle this. And we’re going to do what we can to save her. Period. And if you want any more reason than she’s your family, or the horrible things you both allowed to happen to her, or your own empathy, Valkorian is telling me she has to die, and I refuse to do what that monster says. Are we clear?”

Oh, and that bit where you get the option to tell her that Valkorian wants you to kill her? To try to talk her down? That’s the Light option, Bioware. You’re irredeemable is the neutral option. How hard is that to figure out?

Because she’s a threat to your troops? No. The moment you tell them that Valkorian wants her dead, they should be changing their blasters to stun settings. Well, if those exist in TOR, if they haven’t been invented yet, someone should get on that (and if they do every single light side character should carry one, even if they are clumsy and random, for situations like this). But your troops know what he is, and should be willing to help you out here.

Because she killed a lot of people, including your buddy (speaking of hamfisted story telling)? Arcann killed HK-55 (but, you know, droid, and anti-droid bigotry is certainly a thing in Star Wars, even with otherwise light-side types) and almost certainly many times as many people. I do hope you don’t have him with you if your reason to kill her is because of her crimes (and if you executed him for his, congratulations, you are more consistent with your actions than the game company known for its awesome stories. I say, without irony, good job).

Because she’s killed your buddy and you want revenge? Point. I have no rebuttal, but then, I don’t really have a problem you being able to choose to kill her, here (aside from my “Bioware created an awful and poorly told story of familial abuse where you have to/get to kill the victims” thing), my problem is that you have to kill her but you can save Arcann.

Because she slaughtered her troops with her force powers when they annoyed her or just to show off? Again, hope you haven’t saved Arcann after halving his own forces. Just because she does it herself doesn’t mean he’s less heinous, and magical force powers healed him.

Because she’s too broken to live? That’s really the crux of what Bioware was going for: her mind was crippled by Valkorian and can never be gotten back to what it was. Her sanity can never be restored so we have to kill her because of the combination of her powers and her madness. Well, even if I fully accepted this, I want to be allowed to show sympathy within the game. Yeah, I can pretend that’s what the Outlander is really doing, but some things I’d like explicitly stated, and this is one of those. Just say you’re sorry you have to do this before stabbing or shooting her. I wouldn’t like it, as I said, but it’s a small step up, anyway. And they couldn’t give us that option.

Mock her like a villain? You can. Ask her to surrender? You can. Show sympathy and offer help? No, not really. Not use the command phrase, or even show a shred of sorrow or even embarrassment over its use? Nope, and you’re going to expose it to the galaxy, her shame, her lack of control, the awfulness of her parents! I can’t imagine why she hates you so much, especially with her awful family around you, but you did that to her

This is an abuse victim. Further, she had directed attempts to break her mind, body, and spirit to make her into something else. These things happened. The fact that you walk up to her, close enough to touch, with what sounds like whimpering and fear being the only sounds she’s making, and stab or shoot her is disgusting. If she’s supposed to be just Pure Evil, at least let her be ranting at the end. If she’s supposed to be Irredeemably Broken, pretty much the same. That bit of whimpering both makes her seem like someone not really all that dangerous and someone that I want to save. She made the same noises when you most recently defeat her, while she’s on her hands and knees before you, too. Shame you couldn’t have acted before she bubbled up, hero. Perhaps irrational, but there it is.

Because she doesn’t ask? Because she doesn’t want to be saved? Uhm, and? Bioware tried very hard to present her as completely gone, and why. She doesn’t get to choose whether the people around her are going to at least try to help her. Does that take away her agency as a character? Maybe, but I’d argue that her agency was already taken away by her father (and, by extension, the writers) a long time ago. In fact, note in Chapter 9: “Choice. I could get used to that.” At that point, after death, she has agency. Shame she couldn’t have gained some before that, like, by the Outlander trying to save her.

I actually think she was borderline suicidal. She fought beyond what was reasonable when already defeated, there at the end. When, after you continued her abuse by using her command phrase, she retreated and tortured herself, she shouts out not that she doesn’t want to die, but that she doesn’t want to die “in this place”. Scant evidence, since “not like this” is something people that don’t seem otherwise to want to die sometimes say. But, combined with what she has been through and her constant control by others (I’m looking at you, Outlander), it seems at least plausible. I don’t think it’s what the writers were going for, but I can’t unthink it, and it makes “she didn’t ask to be saved” take on a very different, and much worse, meaning.

Because she’s too dangerous? Maybe. There are some signs of it. She’s certainly been defeated often enough, but, yeah, her power is unlocked! Oh, wait, you beat her again. But, now she has that bubble thing, maybe it’s just going to keep going, burning her out and blowing up your base, if she’s not killed. Maybe her rage would drive her troops forward, even if she was unconscious or, say, in carbonite. It would be nice to have one of those explicitly stated before killing her, because at that point the decision to do that rather than try to take her alive makes more sense.

You had to kill the suicidal woman because she was going to kill everyone around you and it was the only way to stop her? Fine. Show some remorse that it came to that, lightsider. Show some empathy. Really all I want given the choice has already been made by the writers that she must die.

Honestly, there’s an episode of Justice League Unlimited where Batman sits down with Ace while she is dying and just stays with her. A moment like that would have been so much better for the nice characters. Instead, “You’re irredeemable!” stab/shot in the gut.

Maybe you just don’t have a non-lethal weapon. Maybe you should get one, we have them on Earth and can’t even break the speed of light or form light into a solid cutting tool.

Because it’s too risky to try to save her, long term? If you wanted the easy way, you’d have used the Emperor’s power every time he offered it, but you didn’t do that, even to save Lana, did you? But, then, accepting his advice and help is probably a bad idea. What did he tell you to do with his daughter and other family members, again?

Because she was always evil? Many of the things I’ve griped about are open to interpretation, this one included. There were moments when she could be interpreted to have a vicious streak as a little girl. She smiled when the guards died (I still believe that the guards should be hurt, not dead, because Senya should have talked about this instead of the crippled guard if Vaylin killed her sparring partners, but I digress). I interpret that as her happiness in showing off her power, and the moment after that as her guilt realizing what had happened. But, sure, the Dark Side could be interpreted as there, even then.

But that bubbly little girl, bouncing up and down with excitement while her big brothers spar? She’s evil? No. Just no. I fear I have no cogent argument to give on this subject, but I don’t accept it, anyway. They can’t all be gems. My entire diatribe is about how the Outlander should have been portrayed as more emotional, if the player so chooses, and I’m not immune myself.

Conclusion: I’m not happy that you are forced to kill an abuse victim, a mentally disturbed woman who, yes, has committed heinous crimes. This isn’t the right venue for such a story, if any venue is. I am doubly disgusted by the way it was approached, with the hero of the story mocking her and taking advantage of her weakness forced on her by the villain for tactical reasons. You don’t use the command phrase to capture her, or even really to save people nearby: it was always your plan to reveal the results of her abuse to the galaxy. I don’t like that you don’t appear to try to help her until after she’s dead, and are unable to choose to show any kind of remorse for what you must do. They took a story that would have annoyed me and made it into something really grotesque. Good job, Bioware.

�