Coincidentally, I booked the movers for November 19th which is exactly 1 month after I started paying rent at the new place, October 19th. Means nothing really but it's interesting to me that's the day I had to book. It could have been a month plus or minus a few days. But it wasn't.

This time next week all my furniture and belongings are going to be loaded into an 800 sq ft apartment and I'm going to be ignoring all of it, watching TV in person together with my best friend instead of online over discord for a change.

Today we went to Toronto and when we got back to the carpool lot where we meet up when I'm in my old town, they gave me a hug. I don't know why, other than that they know I love when they hug me and probably because today I was more tired and withdrawn than usual from packing/stressing and I think they just wanted to cheer me up.

I love them more than words can describe and it's absolutely crazy to me that a mere year and a half after meeting them, I'm putting my whole trust in them and moving to their property. They are the centre of my world after being so lost and alone for the last 3 and a half years. They are the only light I've had in some real dark moments. I hope I can meet new people out there and not rely on them for everything soon like I've had to this past year because I'm scared to saddle them with this burden for any longer than need to. They met me at such a low point in my life and for some reason they have loved me through it all, despite having just met me, and they have done more for me than anyone else has ever been able to. They had a unique opportunity to help and they jumped at it when they could have just... not.

Packing up this house that was supposed to be home for my kid and me is so scary and emotional. Moving to a place where my friend and their family are the only people I know, and living on their property, being entirely vulnerable and dependent on them is so scary and emotional. But here I am. Alive because of this chance to leave where I am and escape so many of the things that haunt me. Going somewhere where I'm loved. Somewhere where my flaws are all very known and yet not once has my friend revoked their love and care or told me I'm being dramatic or that I'm too much.

It's so hard to wrap my head around.