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lost-spoons · 2 months

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I'm honestly not sure if I've mentioned this on here before, but here we go.

I've been looking into getting a service dog for a few years. What breed would be best for the tasks I need, if I should get a program trained dog or if I should owner train, what it costs to get said service dog and anything they need or would like, how to take care of a dog, what are the laws around service dog prospects and housing, what are the laws for service dogs, etc. etc.

Up until now, it's all been more of a thought experiment than anything else because my father established a "No Dogs Under My Roof" policy a long time ago, and despite a service dog being medical equipment, the answer to if I could get one is a hard "Not Under My Roof"

But! We're finally down to the last year or two of community college before I transfer to a 4 year where I'll be living on my own and can thus get a dog. So I'll be looking into breeders to see what their wait lists are like and check to make sure the breeder I decide to go with is actually an ethical breeder.

I've debated on breeds for a while. Poodles are hypoallergenic but require a lot of hair maintenance and will matte up fairly quickly if I forget to brush them due to a flare-up, so they're a no. Doberman seemed like a good fit as they met most of my requirements. However, I was informed that they're a velcro breed that are very protective, which makes sense since they are breed to be guard dogs, but that doesn't work if i need a strangers help. Goldens and labs are quite similar in most things regarding my list of requirements but didn't end up being my final choice.

I've decided to go with German Shepherds for the breed, as I need mobility, medical alert, and psychiatric tasks. That's quite a bit for one dog, but German Shepherds are breed specifically to be working dogs with varying jobs, so while I'll need to be careful with training to keep them from burning out as a puppy, they're my best bet.

I've decided on owner training supplemented with a professional trainer's support/assistance.

The mobility tasks in question aren't weight bareing, and even if they were, I'm aware that type of training doesn't start before the vet okays it around 2 or so years old. Sometimes, my vision stops working, or I'll get horribe brain fog making me very confused, and I can't bend down to pick things up off the floor unless I'm sitting, so think along those lines for mobility tasks.

The medical alert is for POTS and maybe migraines. I'm not sure how migraine alerts work yet, i still need to look into that one, but I know how to do the POTS ones.

The psychiatric tasks are to tell me if I'm displaying anxious habits cause I don't notice them and can't feel when I am due to a disconnect in my brain from physical reaction and emotional reaction. I react physically but can't emotionally, which means i can have the bodily reaction of a panic attack and all the issues that creates but I think im perfectly fine. Which is oh so fun to deal with (can you hear the sarcasm?) Plus a few other things I don't feel like sharing that I need help with.

If anyone has anything helpful to add, please do. I've looked into things, but research can only get you so far

#chronic illness #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #disabled #ehlers danlos syndrome #chronic pain #hypermobile ehlers danlos #pots syndrome #chronically ill #disability #spoonie #service dog #medical alert dog #psychiatric service dog #mobility service dog

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sery-chan-13 · 3 years

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Burnt Out

Bitches... (1, I love you all very much. 2, .... read 1) it's time for some angst...

And the start of me making poly relationship things-

Request away lol (I'm working on a request and small project chapters :) )

Warnings: Toxic Relationship, mentions scars, burns, Manga spoilers, swearing, emotionally abusive behavior, mentally abusive behavior, gaslighting(?) Let me know if I missed any!

You giggled as both men chased after you through the halls of the hotel. "(Y/N), you're wearing socks! You're going to- shit!" Niragi yelled after you, cursing when he saw you fall. You slipped down the stairs. You landed with a thud at the bottom. Tears filled your eyes at the pain, but you swallowed them back, standing up. You yelped, falling back to the floor. Chishiya stared down at you, kneeling besides you, squeezing your leg. "Ow! Shi-Shi, hurts," you whined, slapping his hand away. He glared up at you. "Maybe don't be stupid next time. I'm just trying to help you," he scoffed, going back to trying to find out what was wrong. "You don't have to be so mean to he-" "Shut up. You're dumber than her, you're the whole reason this happened anyways." He felt people stare, and stopped. "Take her back up to our room. I'll figure out what's wrong there," Chishiya stated, getting up, and walking away. You expected Niragi to yell after him, or repremand him for something, but we're met by silence. "Gi-Gi, you ok?" You whispered as he picked you up softly. He pressed a quick kiss to your forehead nodding.

"Niragi... this isn't the way back to our room," you said, noticing he was taking you the opposite way. "Clever girl," he praised with a smile. You laughed at his words. "I'm taking you to Ann. She has more equipment to help you. I'll get Chishiya after I take you to her though," he explained. You nodded.

_______________________________________

"And then it was like bam, then woosh, and like... wow!!" You exclaimed, trying to find the words to explain your game. Niragi laughed, patting the top of your head. "Sounds fun sweetheart. Tell me all about it after I take a shower," he said. You nodded with a smile, sitting on the edge of your bed. Chishiya had been on the bed, listening to your rambling. "Chishiya, I think it was really cool how you tried to-" you started. "Gods you're loud. Quiet down. And I know. I'm clever, after all. Neither of you would be here without me. Probably dead," he lectured. "But Chishiya, Niragi and I survived without you before we came to the Beach, remember? We were t-" you started, confused at his words. "I get it, he's your favorite out of us both! You make it so fucking obvious. I bet the only reason you wanted both of us is because you're an attention whore who needs multiple men to use her to feel good about herself. Shut up and let me sleep," he shouted. Tears filled your eyes as he turned away from you. Had you really shown favoritism? You didn't try to, if you had. You always made sure you tried to do things with both. Was he feeling left out? Is that why he was being a jerk?

Those were all thoughts running through your mind, not knowing that you weren't the problem. You had spent equal time with both, giving them equal attention. Chishiya just never wanted you around him.

_______________________________________

"(Y/N), come with me. Now," Chishiya ordered. Ten of Hearts. That was tonight's game. And you were terrified. He had pulled you away before anything got to out of hand. You thought that maybe he was trying to be nice. Maybe he had finally come around? Had you given him enough attention? "W-where's Niragi?" You asked, jogging to catch up with him. "Don't worry about him let's go."

You followed him around the whole time, watching as his hands quickly grabbed items. ''What are you making?" You asked, hoping he didn't snap at you. You feared his response. "Something to beat the game with. If you can't bring the witch to the fire, bring the fire to the witch," he said. You sighed in relief. He didn't yell at you, and you were happy about it. "Ok... so... you know who the witch is?" You questioned. "I have a hunch. Now stop asking questions," he stated. "So annoying..." you heard him mutter. You frowned, keeping your lips shut.

Following him up the stairs, you kept to yourself. You knew he wouldn't care about your thoughts. He might yell at you, or call you annoying. You didn't want to make him angry... He was just trying to protect you, right?

"Niragi!" You shouted happily, seeing he was at the rooftop. He wasn't dead. He looked over at you with a smirk. "Ah, so he did keep you safe. Where were you hiding?" He asked, picking up his gun from the floor. "There's many places for me to hide," Chishiya responded. You tried walking towards Niragi, but Chishiya grabbed your sleeve. You tugged at his hand, trying to get away. "Let me go," you said, struggling against him. "No."

The next few minutes went in a blur. All you remember was Chishiya and Niragi arguing a bit back and forth. You were so overwhelmed already, the game getting to you, and now your lovers were fighting. Cards flying, fire, screaming. You couldn't tell if it was your own scream or Niragi's, but it didn't matter.

"C-chishiya what the hell?! W-what?!" You yelled, shaking, stepping back from him. "Hmm... guess he wasn't the witch then,'' he stated, dropping the homemade flamethrower to the ground. He started picking up the cards on the floor. You however tried taking deep breaths, trying to calm yourself. You couldn't. Tears slipped off your face, hands scratching you your arms. You couldn't scream, couldn't talk, couldn't move. It was like you were living in a nightmare.

_______________________________________

There was more instances, of course, but you were so done with everything. Niragi was still alive, to your relief. After all that, he was alive. And that's all that mattered to you. Chishiya had been with you, and still was. Understandably, you were scared of him. Niragi was angry at him, but couldn't do anything about it.

"Look, just tell me I'm right, and we're fine," Chishiya stated bored of the conversation. Both you and Niragi were so tired of this. The constant fighting, gaslighting, and hateful words. Chishiya was just too prideful to admit he was wrong.

It was a relationship between you three. You and Niragi shouldn't be putting in all the work, while he didn't try. At the begin he had. He had tried to be a part of the relationship, giving you both kisses and hugs. Random bouts of energy at 3 am to go to a random room. It had all started slowly going down hill. He pushed you both away, but didn't want to leave. He never left, giving you hope that maybe he really loved you both, and just didn't know how to express it. He had told you about his parents, and you just always tried to excuse his behavior as his trauma, but it just got to a point where you couldn't anymore.

"You're right," you started. You saw him smirk, and continued. "We couldn't fix you," you said. Suddenly he wasn't so sure of where this was going. "You're right, we shouldn't have tried to. Your pride is what you're concerned about?" Niragi said. He was tired of dealing with this as well. All he wanted was to find someone who actually cared about him, and who showed it. He didn't want to be with someone who made him feel alone. You didn't make him feel alone... "I'm still right, he wo-" Chishiya started, getting ready to argue back and forth with you two until you finally gave into him. But that wasn't going to happen today.

"Is "you're right" really all you wanna hear right now?" You whimpered, sitting on your knees next to Niragi.

"Well, you're right, we should've walked away faster... should've know You would only break our hearts after we were already in love," You whispered. You were all hurt. Niragi had severe burns, and bullet wounds, Chishiya had bullet wounds as well. You had burns on your arms and legs, cuts and bruises adorned your (s/c) skin. Most of which Chishiya had caused when he put you in danger at games for his own gain. Or when he needed to test one of the weapons he made, you were his test subject. "Yeah, I guess I'm just not good enough for either of you then. All you two do is act scared of me like I'm the bad guy-"

"You're right, you aren't good enough," Niragi stated angrily, caughing up blood after. He winced in pain at the sudden movement. You felt tears fill your eyes, and shook them away. ''I kissed your scars even after you hurt me, and he held your hand, even when you fucking burned him-" you shouted angrily. "Do you know how embarrassing that was?" Niragi whispered, his voice hoarse and raspy.

"Oh, because it's all my fault?"

"Yeah! That's exactly what we're saying! When was the last time you actually tried acting like you liked us?"

''She's right. You agreed to be with us. This is just fucking embarrassing to be with somebody who hates us, and doesn't even try to hide it."

"I don't hate you two I-"

"Liar."

"We hoped things got better, we hoped that love could turn a monster into a man," you stated, getting angrier by him trying to defend himself. "But it doesn't and it won't

Because you're beyond repair

But there is still someone for her somewhere, who will treat her so nice, you'll wish that you did-" Niragi retorted to his words. He didn't hate you both? He sure did a horrible job at showing it. Niragi knew he would die with his injuries. You would live. You could find someone who would treat you better than either of them could. "For someone so smart you're so fucking stupid to think that we're really that dumb..." you interrupted Niragi. He was losing energy, and anytime he coughed you could tell it was so painful to him. "We love you, but we're done... Pretending this was gonna work... Pretending loving you didn't hurt... Pretending that it doesn't burn when you think you're always right..." Niragi ended. Those words were hard for him to say, and hard for you to realize. You three had just been pretending this was going to work after Chishiya started pushing you two away. You two tried so hard to stay with him, and tried so hard to fit all three of you together, that you didn't realize how much staying fucking hurt.

" 'Cause you're still stuck on your past...You hate him so much but you're just like your dad!!" You screamed, shouting the first thing that came to mind. It hurt him. That was a first. The first time someone's words hurt him. And you, (Y/N), his sweet (Y/N), said them. You could see the shock written all over his face when you said them, and it made you feel a bit bad. Niragi was secretly proud of you, but focused on the situation at hand. Tears feel from your eyes, and you cursed yourself. "(Y/N), I- I'm- I can't... I-" Chishiya stammered. For once, he was at a loss for words. You and Niragi had made him happy. He didn't feel alone with you two, and that scared him. So he tried to push you both away, scared of hurting either of you, but I'm the end, he hurt you more than he meant to. He tried, he really tried at the beginning, the feeling of being together with you two bringing him the feeling of love, understanding, and happiness he'd never felt. But he ruined that. He hurt himself in this instance, he hurt the people he loved, making them scared of him. He realized you were right. He was turning out to be just like his father. He didn't want that. He wanted to wake up, this was surely a nightmare. He would wake up and you would be squished in between him and Niragi. You would be playing with his hair, talking about your dream. You wouldn't be scared of him, and you would all be back at the beach. Like the 10 of hearts never happened. But he knew that was wishful thinking. This was real, and this was happening. Everything he used to laugh about people worrying about was happening to him right now. This was his karma. It had finally caught up to him.

"And I know, that you tried...Gave it all that you had," you whispered through tears. No. He couldn't let the one thing that made him happy slip through his fingers. But... he had to let you go. You wanted to leave. Niragi wanted to leave. It would be cruel to both of you to make you stay. So he stayed quiet. Did you really think he tried? That made him feel a tiny bit better. You thought he tried. That he tried to make things work. "And being a monster doesn't necessarily make you bad..." Niragi added quietly. He was a monster. The words he had said to not only you, but Niragi could back that up. Not just his words either. His actions. He was a horrible person to both of you. Why did he expect both of you to stay with him, when neither of you had anymore energy to put into the relationship.

"But...even if we could staple it back together now... we all know that you can't light a fire that's already burnt out," Chishiya whispered. You both looked up, shocked he was agreeing with you. Was he crying? Neither you nor Niragi had ever seen him cry. Niragi chuckled a bit, not at the fact that Chishiya was crying, but at the fact that this was what it took for him to care. "Fuck... it hurts," Chishiya muttered with a laugh. "My injuries hurt less than losing both of you... fuck... I-"

He was interrupted by a voice. The games were over. "Oh my gods... we can go home! I reject citizenship in the borderlands," you said. "Same. I don't want to stay here. Fuck that," Niragi stated. "I also reject citezenship of the borderlands. This is like a personal hell..." Chishiya muttered. A bright light obstructed your vision.

You walked on crutches into their hospital room with a smile. " 'M back!" You chirped. You had all been in an accident, as a lot of people that were currently in the hospital were. You didn't know why, but the seemed so familiar. You liked being around them, and constantly visited them. "Ah, finally a pleasant noise to hear," the blonde man complemented. You could hear the teasing tone directed towards the other man in the room. "I can't really help it can I? So... shaddup..." the other muttered. "My nurse told me... that my heart stopped... for a minute," you mentioned, sitting in a chair in between their beds careful to not hurt your legs more. They had burns and scars, nothing tho serious. "What a coincidence. Us too," Chishiya said. You nodded, humming in acknowledgement. "I um... I also... get released tomorrow..." you said sadly. "That's great (Y/N). You can head back to your home," Niragi said. You shook your head. "I wanna stay. I don't know why, but you two seem familiar to me. And... I want to know why... it feels like...I don't know how to explain it..." you stated. "I... I've felt that as well," Chishiya admitted. "Ok, good I'm not crazy then," Niragi joked, coughing slightly after. "Well... how about I come visit everyday until you both get released... then we can figure out why? Or get to know each other more? It feels like... I've loved you in a past life kinda thing. Silly of me to say, huh?" You giggled. "I think... we'd both enjoy that... and it's not silly, in fact, we've both been talking about it, and that's how we feel. About you, and each other. It's quite weird, I've never met either of you in my life. You're both rather attractive though," Chishiya said. Niragi snickered and you looked over at Chishiya, who's eats had turned red.

"I said that outloud, didn't I?"

"Yep."

"It's a good thing I find both of you attractive too, blondie."

"Hey, I think you're both cute too! Lemme join in on this!"

"Of course. Join in on it (Y/N)."

I couldn't let you guys be sad, I'm sorry-

Also, I'm going on a trip to Arizona this week, so there will probably not be many (or any) updates. Sorry, but I do hope you enjoy this!

#alice in borderland #niragi #chishiya #×reader #angst :)#i told you i was going to make Chishiya toxic #did i know i was going to take it that far? no #did i like how it turned out? kind of #honestly ive been getting better at angst #also ive been convinced by my friends to write for poly relationships #not that i didnt want to more like i didnt know if people would like that #but im open to writing about them #as you see #and dont worry there will be non toxic healthy relationship ones #yay!#Spotify

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