#and frankly i still kinda hate it its not how my brain pictured this stuff gghhhghg
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Agartha!Sonic ref!!! this took way longer than it should’ve!! + some doods
Feral little boy! Well, kinda.
He still behaves like a typical Sonic; cocky and arrogant, loving and kind; but now his confidence often falters, he’s less sure of himself overall, and it far easier for his temper to get out of control.
He still knows how to be civil, but tends to forget to be on occassion. While before it was natural of him, now it’s more like walking in high heels. Due to the events that transpired, he sadly forgets he’s even a person sometimes. Thankfully he’s in a safe place now, and his friends are helping him overcome this.
You can change the gloves and shoes I don’t like em that much...
Story:
The first post in the Agartha AU tag talks about the circumstances of his childhood, but this story continues.
Agartha Labs has made a comeback, kidnapped him, and activated some of the mods they left in him long ago, hence why his fur darkened and his energy levels went out of wack. He’s handling those, well, okay, but it’s his mind that suffered the most. Not only did he have to even remember his childhood, but live through it again. Being an adult didn’t help at all. He was still treated like an animal, abused and hurt. Just hurt so much, because all resistence was met with pain.
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic#sth#sonic au#my art#agartha au#you may be thinking how did they menage to kidnap him!#well u see they chipped him and the chip has a built in taser so#not much he couldve done to resist that#thats also how theyd punish him for misbehavior later and as a kid#or theyd kick him etc. whatevers more convienient#his fullbody is naked bc i drew it first bc i didnt feel like designing the clothes#cuz i didnt know what to go with#and frankly i still kinda hate it its not how my brain pictured this stuff gghhhghg#anyway give my boy some love simply bc this is like#the best ive ever drawn a mobian tbh#except the face#completely forgot he was suppoused to have a nick after an ear tag <3
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Heyyyy, it’s been fucking ages! I just realised I totally forgot to check in and see what you thought about the ending of izombie! 
Oh hiiiiiiiii Jade!!! It has been ages, thank you for checking in, how are you, love?
So, fun fact, while I watched 95% of iZombie about a year ago, I only watched the final ~3 episodes or so fairly recently, I think partly because I wasn't ready to say goodbye to the show and characters, but also because by the end of season 5 I found that the plotlines tended to be a bit repetitive and everyone had been turned back and into a zombie so many times it was getting tiresome.
Anyway, the short answer is that I kinda hated the ending. Details under the cut for spoilers and also because it got a bit long lol.
So the thing is, I didn't expect the show to go for anything else than a happy ending, obviously. It has always been a fun, quirky show, and even though it got a bit plagued with heavier, heartwrenching drama in later seasons (Isobel... 💔), it was still greatly balanced with comedy. But my problem with the ending is that I found it overly simplistic, to the point of dumbness and naivety to be honest, and way too cheesy. This whole "everything and everyone is fine, the good ones were rewarded and the bad ones died" felt artificial, especially given the moral complexity that the show had managed to explore over the seasons.
Like, this is a show that started as a weird crime show, developed a whole universe of its own based on extremely believable premises (people starting a business by scratching people and them brain-food blackmailing them, etc), and switched its genre mid-show to explore a socio-political dystopia that while not necessarily avoiding all the clichés of the genre managed to be brilliant and disturbingly accurate in the way it portrayed the variety of human (and zombie lol) reactions to the publicity of the zombie outbreak.
Obviously, the parallels and metaphors with past and present real events were sometimes a bit too on-the-nose, with references to nazism, civil war(s), military dictatorships, predicators, racism (the parodic bit about the whiteface and zombies’ cultural appropriation was perfect in its delightful absurdity) etc, but for the most part it was handled pretty cleverly and entertainingly in my opinion.
All this long introduction to say that the show explored a certain kind of complexity that forced it to introduce some nuances. While the goods and the bads were clearly identified in early seasons, the characters started becoming more morally grey as the story progressed, the most spectacular example being the evolution of Major through the show. Not to mention the bigger picture of a humans vs. zombies society with extremists and idealists on both sides.
So for me, the simplistic conclusion of the ending felt like an insult to the show’s brilliance at delving into more nuanced statements. Some stuff also didn’t really add up (like, I read the interview of Rose McIver where she explains that zombi-ism had become a metaphor for minorities which is the reason why Liv decided to remain that way even in a post-cure world, but this feels like a character alteration mid-show since early Liv was begging for a cure and frankly eating brains didn’t sound so fun), and oh boy, must they be bored to hell on their island!
I also felt deeply betrayed by the fate of Blaine and Don E. Obviously, they were the villains of the story, but they were also audience-favourites, especially Blaine (just look at the fanfic section lol), and they both had quite interesting redemption/humanity arcs. So to just have them ending up in that well for eternity, after we’ve been extensively shown what happens to unfed zombies after a while, this was just a tragedy to me. Especially when Blaine’s last action was showing a bit of redemption by saving Peyton’s life, you know? I would have enjoyed SO MUCH to learn in the finale scene that Blaine was Liv and Major’s neighbour on zombies island and that they all spent their eternity time pranking against each other for instance.
Speaking of, the whole Zombie Island was so DUMB! Who would want to spend eternity isolated from all humanity with kindred brain-eaters? And to think that this would magically solve the problem of humans vs. zombies is borderline stupid. I expected a smarter statement from a show that indeed built this world where there is so much anger, resentment, disgust, predation, and fascination between both factions.
And pardon me but if zombi-ism was some kind of metaphor for minorities struggles, as the show claimed, then the segregation as ultimate solution is ironically the saddest ending that anyone could have come up with. I would have preferred a more realistic conclusion where both populations try to coexist more or less pacifically and a little teasing on the tensions/challenges/difficulties still at play. The ending as it is felt rushed and definitive, and wildly unrealistic.
tl;dr. There was absolutely no surprise to this ending, but I would have liked something more open and bittersweet and in one word, complex than this.
#ask#jade-marie#izombie#sorry this got a bit side-tracked lol#but I have the deepest love for this show#and to see it kinda ruined by the ending was a bit sad#and I didn't even speak of how much Liv x Major is a boring ship and why the show needed them together#and how the two of them sobbing bc they think the other is dead in the finale was ooc and ridiculous from the both ot them#or how fanfiction 100% sold me on Liv x Blaine instead lol#or on how my love for Ravi goes beyond anything I have ever felt for any character ever#but also can we talk about Blaine?#he's literally the most interesting character on this show and they got him REALLY dirty in that finale#😭😭😭😭😭😭
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There’s a lot more info on Pokemon coming out. “Pokemon sword and shield spoilers” for anyone blocking the tag.
Let’s start with this: the fossils are an incredibly cool concept, but I don’t know how much I like the designs. It’s a really, really interesting idea, but...I dunno, they’ve yet to grow on me. Basically, there are four fossil Pokemon, none of them evolve. Instead, you basically mix and match halves of fossils to create a whole thing. Now, it’s unclear how this works, but it kinda seems like there’s two top halves, and two bottom halves, for four combinations you can make. I love this. Being fossils, they might all be part-Rock, but looking at their designs, elements suggest that we might get dual-types without Rock included. So that’s really unique.
By comparison, the pseudo-legend is another fucking Dragon, and that’s lame as all hell. It’s also not Duraludon. Who...I expected to evolve into the pseudo-legend. But no, instead there’s a Dragon/Ghost thing. It looks kinda cool, I don’t hate it, but I am severely disappointed that pseudo-legends aren’t changing things up. Seems that, despite Metagross and Tyranitar existing in the early games, they’re determined to keep up this new and forced “pattern” of “Every pseudo-legend must be dragon type.” Boring.
Speaking of dragons, I can’t decide if I love or hate the apple. On the one hand, its base form is...just an apple. On the flip side, it’s evolution reveals the apple is apparently an egg and there’s a dragon thing that hatches out of it, and it’s a pretty neat concept. Plus, it means we’re continuing the incredibly dopey trend of new dragons looking like goons.
Alcremie’s pre-evolution is adorable, and there’s a pretty doofy pre-evolution for Dreadmaw too. It’s at this point, however, that I must note something important. All my worries about single-stage Pokemon getting Gigantamax forms and then being useless after this gen? Gone. Apparently, a good number of them are at least two-stage. Which is a lot more promising. Granted, this increases the potential success rate from the like 20% among single-stage Pokemon to about 50% for dual-stage, but still, it counts.
There’s, uh...there’s Galarian Corsola and its evo, which...yeah. Listen, Pokemon Company...what do you have against Corsola? Last Gen you introduced its incredibly violent predator in Toxapex, and this generation you give it an alternate form based on bleached coral, a byproduct of global warming and pollution, and make it a Ghost type. That’s...really fucked up. What did Corsola ever do to you? I wanted it to have an evolution, but not like this.
We got confirmation that the foxes are Dark type, which (1) isn’t perfect because Zoroark, so there’s still type overlap, but (2) explains why Mightyena isn’t in the game. A previous post on the Twitter accounts stated this was a really early game Pokemon (so it sucks), and no sense having Mightyena present to compete for the title of early-game Dark type.
There’s the elephants, which...the base form’s cute, the final form looks cool, I’m satisfied but not super invested. There’s also the Electric/Poison creature’s evolution, which...doesn’t quite look right? I dunno, kinda like how Salandit evolved into Salazzle and you’re like “Well, there’s the furry bait.” Like that.
There’s...Falkins? I have no idea how to describe it. Looks like a little bug thing, kinda like a fatter, pressed together Wiggler enemy from Mario. Not bad, not too invested.
There’s some little...imp thing. Indeedee. It looks cute. I kinda like it.
There’s the pre-evolution for Polteageist, and it is also cute. Nothing to update, it’s a great evolutionary line.
Fire Centipede has a pre-evolution and it’s the funniest thing, man. It’s just a smaller version of its evolution, still just as angry, but with like a little mustache. I love it. Fire/Bug Centipede is great, I adore this thing.
And then...the highlight of all things. Hatterene is revealed in a less blurry form, and my god it’s wonderful. A three-stage evolutionary line. The first stage is a Kirby enemy. The mid-stage is unbelievably cute, as all good Psychic-type evolutionary lines must be. And the final form is just gorgeous. When they first revealed it, I couldn’t tell what was going on, but my brain auto-filled it as if there were a mannequin head at its base and just a tower of wig and hats. It looked cool in its Gigantamax form, but those can look wildly different from their base so I wasn’t sure what to expect. But now that I can tell what it is and what it’s doing...best Pokemon. I still adore Alcremie, but Hatterene might take the favorite spot.
But wait, there’s one more thing! Presumably the tertiary legend: Eternatus! “What is it?” The fuck if I know. I’m looking at the pictures and can’t even comprehend it. Frankly, I’m a bit annoyed at it. It doesn’t seem to be an Ultra Beast, but goddamn it should be. There’s two forms: one that’s kinda draconian, and one that’s distinctly alien. There’s even an image suggesting its likeness was made in the form of a crop circle, so like...no idea what that’s about. As far as legends go, I like it a hell of a lot better than Sif and Shield Pupper.
Outside of the Pokemon, there’s an announcement that the dex is 405 for the main story, and that there’s allegedly a bigger post-game focus, including an expanded dex that goes to around 650. Which is pretty good, all things considered. I actually adore the idea of a main game dex, and a post-game dex, provided the main game dex has all the brand new stuff, barring maybe a legendary. Gen 5 it up, son.
Anyway, that’s all we’ll be getting. Turns out, there was some mixup and the leaker’s identity was accidentally revealed with one of the posts that went around. Now, in a hilarious twist, the various twitters and discord serves are in absolute chaos as the main people sharing out the leaks are accusing one another of this accident, and...god, it’d be hilarious if this hadn’t happened before the reveal of version exclusives.
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shania twain vc: let’s go girls!
PREFERRED NAME — bri
PRONOUNS — she/they
AGE — 21 bt i’m turning 22 on sunday baybee!
PINTEREST — bada bing bada boom
DISCORD — bri#0458
TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — yeehaw!
MYER-BRIGGS — istp
HP HOUSE — slytherin
ASTROLOGY — gemini
DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — my only current tattoo is the gemini symbol not to sound like a total white girl but yes. yes i believe in astrology.
HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — honestly im not sure probably 13?? wipes sweat from my brow
WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — i think that makes it 07??? fcking hell
NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — i was in this harry potter next gen rp i’m not kidding all of high school like the entire 4 years it was a wild ride
WITHOUT GOOGLING IT FIRST, WHAT DO YOU THINK SIR ELTON JOHN’S NET WORTH IS? — i think like $500 million tbh Big Mans Got Money
NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — if only i was a poet by staffan carlen
NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — tbh i think my fave was brave new world
NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — maybe great gatsby?? i just thought it was so dull..................
WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — im rewatching the office for the 4th time rn lawl but other than that i watched the society in like less than 24 hours
FAVOURITE QUOTE — “if you live to be a hundred, i want to live to be a hundred minus one day so i never have to live without you.” - winnie the pooh baby!
LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — x
DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — i used to write novels and stuff but i haven’t in a long time i should probably start again
THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — tiny meat gang, kurtis conner, drew gooden/danny gonzalez (i couldn’t decide between them)
A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — harry styles i would die for him
EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i literally just met kurtis conner at the 1975 concert this monday that was truly wild
WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — frankly probably drinking and doing something fun with my friends
A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — mandela effect is REAL!!!!!!!!!!
ARE ALIENS REAL? — yes
GHOSTS — yes ofc i’ve had so many experiences w them they are OUT THERE
BIG FOOT — honestly maybe but also? mostly doubt it
THE LOCHNESS MONSTER? — the ocean’s so big it’s impossible to imagine it’s not real and out there also some pics? quite convincing................
WHAT WAS THE GENRE OF YOUR LAST DREAM? — i honestly can’t remember the last dream that i had i’ve been on so many meds fr back issues it’s like fritzed my brain and made it impossible to dream i think
DO YOU STILL PLAY POKEMON GO? — no i kinda miss it i might start it up again tbh
WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — i haven’t watched a lot of movies from when i was young recently i won’t lie also i’m not hard to please i would probably still love it
DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — i have like 1000 lipsticks also lots of notes and memorabilia from high school?? and hearts haha xP
WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — guitar tbh i took a class freshman year of high school but never got actual lessons
THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — french, spanish, and latin
A GUILTY PLEASURE MOVIE — land of the lost it’s literally one of my fave movies even tho i kno its trash
A GUILTY PLEASURE MUSICAL ARTIST — 5sos even tho i’m not guilty........... they’re good.
TELEVISION SHOW — i watch riverdale and i do feel guilty about it it’s not good but i can’t stop.
NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — probably kelly from the office i’m not gonna fuck around
DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — i have and never will willingly sit through a sports game any day of my life and you can take that to my grave.
HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — idk spending time with my friends, drinking lawl, reading, used to take vocal lessons??, rotting away on netflix
PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — um?? i feel like the show dark is really underrated but it slaps Dumb Hard
WOULD YOU EAT A STRANGER’S FINGER FOR A MILLION DOLLARS? — who am i to deny myself a tasty snack for a truck load of money
TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? honestly i was a bit of both but ig edward in the end idk team jasper if anything /:
LIVE-ACTION DISNEY MOVIES, YAY OR NAY? — ya i like them i don’t even give a hoot and holler i love disney........ there. i said it.
ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – like 6 i don’t even know who i am
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Concerning my post from the other day:
TL;DR: Sorry for pissing you all off and assuming you had no idea what you were getting yourselves into.
That being said, I do have more to say, but if you were just looking for my apology and wanna bow out, I’m putting it under a read more so you can skip it more easily.
I’m not gonna lie, I was really ticked off by a bit of the response to what I had to say. My point of view was that Thomas was attempting to turn a stereotype on its head, a ‘don’t judge a book by it’s cover’ kind of deal and y’all blew it out of the water. Before you call me an idiot for thinking that, here’s what I saw:
me: *opens new ml comic*
me: *immediately closes ml comic*
What went through my head was “...you didn’t even read the comic? You saw this and got pissed off? I mean, I can get it, but sheesh, not even a chance at seeing what he was trying to do or if this was intentional...”
Next reblog was an image that said Fucking Yikes in pretty font
What went through my head was “...aaaand now it’s a bandwagon. Great. Oh well, mob mentality... I don’t think they’ll take it too far.”
Next was a gif of a woman who looked utterly disgusted.
Which, fine. I kind of got the idea that based on these three images, everyone was immediately choosing to boycott the whole comic without seeing where he was going with it. Which, hello, screams kinda dumb to me, but whatever. It’s your cause and you’ll fight for it how you want. Maybe some of you even read the comic, who knows. Best not deal with it since my opinion’s probably gonna get people pissed off at me.
hold up… this is the OFFICIAL comic book?
????????????
what in the actual racist hell?? i saw a thumbnail of this on youtube and just assumed it was some alt-right trolling nonsense, not that it was aN ACTUAL SANCTIONED RELEASE????
who would i go to if i wanted to complain about this?
My thoughts: Hey, look, someone’s questioning this and deciding to take matters into their own hands. Maybe they’ll read the comic and if they find something they still dissent with, they’ll take it up with the right people. If not, then cool. Either way, hope this ends up ok.
Next comes a snapshot of the infamous conversation between fan and Thomas Austruc
My thoughts: ...what the hell did you just do. You just completely messed up any credibility/validity you ever had! Did you go in there for a debate at all? Did you think about his side of events before expressing your own? Did you have a defense, an offense, or even anything to defend against this very obvious question!!?
Simultaneously: Thomas has a point. If they haven’t read it, they don’t know the context, don’t know what he was going for, and they kind of landed themselves flat on their face with their ignorance.
Also: ...*face palms* You guys... just lost.... everything...
“good to know he really cares” I say as I roll my eyes
My thoughts: You guys cannot be freaking serious.
This is the same guy who wanted to include all sorts of diversity in ML, who worked hard for that and you guys were all for that, but after this and his (very freaking PREDICTABLE!!!) question, y’all instantly turn your burners on high and flame the hell outta him. I mean, what the hell?
But it doesn’t end there.
Because I made a stand for what I thought--something I just don’t do because I know people hate my way of thinking because it’s different and I still work through it myself sometimes--I got mixed feedback.
I’ll start with the good stuff. I got a single solitary ask, telling me that I was being unfair to the people who were offended. That they had valid concerns, but I wasn’t told what those were. I thought that those valid concerns were more of the same of what I had been talking about, so that’s what I went with. Spoiler: without clarification, people will just keep going on the same branch.
So that happened, and to the questioner’s credit, she was extremely straightforward and polite. A combo I rarely see, so good on her.
I actually didn’t see her response until my 15 minute break at work (which happened a few hours later), so I didn’t have the chance to respond, and I’m quite frankly glad I was. Because it ticked me off. It ticked me off because there were pieces of information that I didn’t know, and Thomas sure as hell wouldn’t know based on the fact that someone with NO BACKGROUND KNOWLEDGE OF THE COMIC went to argue with him about it.
Instead of “Hey, I haven’t read this comic, but I saw these pictures and am super offended!”, we could have had a discourse like “Hey, I read your comic and while I get your intention, your execution of this idea came off as really offensive.” It’s a night and day difference! We have one who is about to be schooled and we have one who is ready to do schooling! Like.. what the heck, guys!? Debate teams don’t just wake up and debate, debate teams gear up for a fight, anticipate counter arguments, and then employ them! And that’s how they win a freaking debate!
Another thing that ticked me off was the complete disregard of one of my own points (the “wait and see” tactic), because she thought it was kinda stupid, citing an adult literally beating a child as an example. Yeah, that would be instantaneous, but I’ve been in too many situations where I’ve been burned, burned others, or set literally everything on fire because I didn’t ‘wait and see’. I’ve gotten in trouble, accidentally ruined relationships, and burned bridges so fast because of it that now it’s just common sense to wait and see. So that was more of a personal (yet unintentional, I’m sure) insult. That argument just went out the window for me based on recent events and personal experience.
The only objective argument I found was the explanation of “Ghetto Blaster” (which I’d assumed to be another stereotype to be subverted) as well as the addition of the beanie and dollar sign necklace, neither of which I’d placed as out-of-place. I’d figured it was part of a warm welcome, like ‘make her feel like she’s at home’ kinda thing. But the objective points made about those, how they were out of place and too much, were valid points towards their argument. And that is the ONLY reason why I was able to take a breath and try to see it from a perspective I literally knew nothing about.
The slap about Thomas failing the test, though, ticked me off. Because in terms of debate, so did the fans. His question was valid from the point of view I was coming from, as well as his response. Once you arm yourself with more information and context, then argue with him on a level playing field. Doing so before is just an insult. You’re assuming that you hold all the cards and that you know everything when you obviously don’t. You don’t have all the evidence, you don’t have the shots. All you’ve got is three images you saw online that you initially assumed were fake and your righteous anger. Lemme tell you from experience that emotion is a poor ally in a debate. It has more holes than swiss cheese.
Another fan expanded on the points of clothing, which also helped me to see it more from that angle. So thank you to them as well.
But I didn’t get any of this until someone STOPPED TO EXPLAIN! Even if they were taking shots at my belief system and how I view and interact with the world, an explanation is better than just saying ‘you’re wrong hurr durr you stupid white girl’, which does happen sometimes.
Additionally, one of my friends who shall remain unnamed came and talked with me for about fifteen minutes while I was still in my raging zone. She assured me that no one was actually attacking me or how I thought and that they were simply trying to express their point of view. While it still doesn’t feel like it, it is with her help that I have taken this period of time to calm down and attempt to convey my side of the story (which, if you’ve even read to this point, good on you! Have a cookie! *gives cookie*)
Now, if you did click this thing and decided it was waaaaay too long, here’s the gist of it:
Y’all did not make it seem as though you knew what you were talking about at all, faced off with the literal head of ML with zero preparation, and only when I made my stand did you guys actually pull up evidence, explanations (both objective and seriously subjective), and make a solid argument. While I know my ideas were not what ticked you guys off, I’m still seriously disappointed in the whole execution of this. You guys could have made a serious impact and difference if you had argued this out with him rationally like how you’ve been trying to convince me.
Now, make no mistake, I am sorry that I pissed you guys off and I’m sorry that I made the assumption that you guys were flying off the handle on the basis of three images (which I had thought were promotional). But please, for the love of all things holy and divine, think before you talk to someone with power about it. Prepare your offense, your defense, and your points. Make sure they’re valid and as objective as possible so that way you're making a difference and not just making noise that people will ignore all over again.
Also, to the person who told me I was ‘still confused’, that’s actually a really sucky thing to say. More like ‘does this help clear up any questions’ or ‘is there anything else that we can clear up?’ would work, but telling me that I’m still confused is just calling me an idiot and I do take slight offense to that. I am trying, but you don’t get to tell me when I stop being confused. That’s my call since it’s my brain. And these are my opinions, which I have reasons for and have just explained to all of you. Just because they are different to yours does not mean that I’m ‘still confused’.
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It's all there if you want it
That's the name I've given to this instrumental jazz song I'm listening to in my favourite pub. I’m calling it that because it's literally the most "deep" name I could think of on an empty stomach. I guess it's more than that though . I've been thinking a lot lately about how people name songs , and recently when I had to come up with titles for some old songs that I had written , it really got me thinking about a few things ...
Concept versus lyrics
This is my first stumbling block to be honest. Do I pick a few lyrics that have a particular weight attached to them , or do I try and extract the entire feeling or theme of the song and derive my title from that ? There are certainly good examples of both. I can't , for the life of me, picture Love Me Do being called anything other than exactly that. I mean have you ever even heard the song ? It's a perfect synopsis of what you're in for to be frank , and it is a perfect pop song (harmonica 4 lyfe!). However, the Beatles do all sorts of things that the rest of us, simply just can't or shouldn't pull off. This version of the band, may have written the best pop songs of our life time (and thus it's a high water mark for that reggae metal "experiment" you’ve been working on in your basement) simply put, you can’t pull this off very often unless your the Beatles.
And let's be honest , when it's done in a lazy way, it kinda sucks , kinda sucks big time bud. Your honor, members of the jury, please consider exhibit b.... Roxanne. First off, let me say, Sting can slap the bass better than most people on this planet not Sir Paul of course, but most . Secondly, his name is Sting, and that in itself is hard to stomach. But imagine, long before drinking games helped us through this 3 minuted and 13 second “song”, sitting in the POLICE studio, take upon take, after literally saying "Roxanne" thousands of times, and wracking your brains about what to call your new "creation". I propose , like me , you'd advocate for anything other than the laziest thing you could think of.
“What should we call it fellas?”
“Just joking, clearly it will be Roxanne. Anyone have any cocaine?” - Sting
In this case , redundant seems like a compliment, and I'd suggest, it actually makes the song worse . I hate it .
On the other side of proverbial coin, consider how fucking good something like Blackalicious' Alphabet Aerobics is. If you have never heard the song (you need to ! ) , It's basically an amazing feat of rhyming in which the beat slowly speeds up as the lyrics start flowing , phonetically , from a to z , coming to a crescendo at z. Not once do they mention either "alphabet" or "aerobics" at any point of the song, but hearing the title once lets you know exactly what you're in for... and it's clever enough that if you don't get it right away, you will by the time they get to at least "e" or "f". This is some good shit all around .
On the other hand , you ever heard "break stuff" by limp Bizkit ? Yeah exactly.
So I guess the conclusion to draw here is, both are valid , but I will say, I think that there is a certain charm and extra thought put in to having to conceptually come up with a title , as opposed to just extracting lyrics from the song (I'm looking at you "For Those About to Rock.... We Salute You")
Heartbreaker is my favourite song
I’d like to magically whisk you back to a simpler time, if I could. The year is 1998, and lets just say things are a little different than you're probably used to. Internet service providers measured your usage not by Gigabytes, but instead by time used on the internet. Download speeds being what they were,a person was lucky to get 3 songs downloaded a night, and that’s provided no one interrupted the download by picking up the phone mid file transfer.
So picture it, you’ve got Lime wire all fired up, you’ve searched your song out, and in a measly two hours, you are going to rock the fuck out to “HEartbrEeaker.MP3″.
Two hours later, and a couple refreshes of IGN64,com and you’re almost there.
98% “Wow...modern technology is really something” you think to yourself “couple more days, I’ll have enough to burn a CD”
99% “For the love of fuck Dad, don’t pick up the phone... we’re almost there ....”
100% “Alright, best get Winamp booted up so i can listen to this tune RIGHT AWAY”
You turn your Sound Blaster speakers to a 7, and whambasco......
DIONNE FUCKING WARWICK!!??
Yeah that’s right of course we were all hoping for the sweet sounds of Led Zeppelin, but unbeknownst to 16 year old you and I, there is a Dionne Warwick song of the same name..... and Pat Benatar, and Mariah Carey. And you’re not getting your 2 hours of download time back... it’s gone... forever.
So really, just about all we can take from this is, be fucking original with your song name! You don’t want to be the asshole at the party explaining to every second person there that you “also wrote a song called trapped in the closet” and that it’s “art”. You’re ruining the party and bumming everyone out.
Be Serious, or don’t , but for the love of all things sacred, don’t be too precious
This is a tough one, to be frank. Like most of what I’m talking about in this blog, it really comes down to personal opinion and or taste. So to each their own, and all that.
I think one thing we could all agree on (or at least will for the sake of making this easier to write) is that there is a fine line between deliciously clever, and steaming pile of horse shit. There is an art to making a title clever, but also not making it cringeworthingly cheesy and embarassing. Take for example the Built to Spill song Carry the Zero. The song is brilliant and lazy all at the same time. It is clever because in math, you can’t carry a zero, and the song is about failing, so it all kind of makes sense in a cute kinda way. It’s pretty perfect.
In the trash heap directly in opposition to the brilliance that is one Mr. Doug Marstch, is Skater Boi by Avril Lagvigne. Its completely unfair to compare the titles of a pop artist’s songs (which were mostly written for her), to one of the best indie rock bands of all time, but here we are, doing it. One can only assume the “Boi” is skateboard talk for “boy” and maybe I’m grasping at straws here, but I think it’s probably supposed to be edgy. Maybe, time has been unkind to Mrs. Lavigne but the title was never edgy (we made fun of it as the “target audience”, 16 year old kids that rode skateboards),
On the other hand, there’s another pitfall I think we’ve all seen made here and there. Taking yourself a little too seriously. Remember that song “ I Just died in your arms tonight” ? I can guarantee no one has ever seen that title without having heard it and not thought “oh would you just fuck off with that shit you knob”. Literally no one, ever.
If it wasn’t so bad it would be funny, but it is, and it’s not.
At some point Cutting Crew (of course I googled it) thought this was a song about feelings, and just putting it all out there, an artistic statement. Can you imagine?
Throw a bunch of shit at the wall and see what sticks
I don’t know what I’ve accomplished here. Quite frankly, I don’t think much. I was thinking of my favourite artist of all time Elliott Smith today. He has a variety of songs that he didn’t even bother to name. No. Name #1, No. Name #4, Waltz #2. etc. Whoa dude what are you doing, trying to make this blog irrelevant or something??!! Maybe he just got sick of thinking about all these friggin factors when he was writing his songs. Maybe that’s the whole point... who actually cares what a song is called. Just name it something and write the next one.
Still though... Skater Boi is so chuddy right?
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