#and at first he is just like the winner of tickets to a local water park or makes song requests | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fleckcmscott · 4 years

Text

Fun and Only

Summary: During a night out, Y/N and Arthur bump into someone from Arthur’s past. Y/N tries to decipher him.

Warnings: Swearing

Words: 4,088

A/N: This was a request from the sweet, kind @imdeaddear2! I hope you like it! Thank you for making the request, because I never would have written this scenario without it. 😀 Special thanks to @arthurflecc for the beautiful intro pic! Also, thanks to @hhandley80 for reviewing the exchange in the middle section!

If you have any thoughts or questions, please comment, feel free to message me, or send me an ask. Requests for Arthur and WWH are open!

"Y/N, it's little league season. Know what that means?"

Needing to finish the paragraph she was reading, Y/N raised a finger. The dense case on her desk was a tough assignment; she'd been toiling at it most of the morning. She liked her new position. Truly. But the pace at which she prepared files was slower than she would have preferred. The particulars of labor laws were, well...laborious. Reviewing evidence types she wasn't familiar with took time. It made her impatient. Anxious to soak up all the information she could get her hands on.

But, she supposed, no longer being plagued by guilt for indirectly supporting the Waynes was worth the learning curve.

Leaning back in her chair, she crossed her ankles, swinging her foot back and forth as she regarded Terry. While he was incredibly friendly, chatting with everyone and anyone, they remained acquaintances. Periodically, she conferred with him over a motion or sought to get his opinion about the upcoming mayoral election. ("I've seen Wayne's legal bullshit. He's not getting my vote.") Those discussions didn't go far. Usually, he tried to bond over parental matters - she and Arthur didn't even have a plant.

She could tell this was going to be another attempt. "You're doing a fundraiser and I should buy chocolate bars?" she asked.

"Even better." Digging into his too-tight pants pocket, he retrieved a checkbook-sized pamphlet. "The Gotham Squires are selling these to charter a bus for the All-Stars tournament. They're the number two team in the state!" He shoved a photo of his kid at her.

She murmured a polite, "He's all grown-up." He spoke of the team's new uniforms and his nine-year-old's batting average. Half-listening, she flipped through the booklet. It was a coupon collection, mostly two-for-one sales at various restaurants and vouchers for discounted movie tickets, good on weekdays only. They were quite pricey at fifteen dollars apiece. But she was inclined to buy one. The savings might help Arthur practice letting go of his wallet. Allow him to stop worrying about money and indulge a little, the way he deserved.

What made the cash fly from her purse to Terry's palm was the certificate in the back: a half-off deal for Amusement Mile. Satisfaction was written all over her face as she studied the yellow cardstock's terms and conditions, the outline of a circus tent, the faded ink encouraging her to "Enjoy the Ride!" Coming from a rural area, she'd never gone to an amusement park. One had been four or so hours east, but her father had preferred to stay close to home, fearing he might be needed in an emergency.

The annual county fair had been a must. Everyone had worn his or her Sunday Best, the occasional breeze kicking up dirt as they toured the fairground. The rides had been creaky, unsound, and should have been reported to the local safety commission. She'd gone on the Tilt-A-Whirl and the giant slide, waving at her parents and hanging onto her burlap sack. One year, Mabel had screamed and cried until Y/N grabbed her hand and led them out of the house of mirrors.

Swinging the mallet as hard as he could, her father had impressed her mother with the strongman game. The puck wouldn't hit the bell. Doily and needlework competitions had been her mother's purview, crafts Y/N had practiced but quickly tired of. She'd preferred the pie contest. Her mouth had watered, hankering for a taste of the first-place winner. The agricultural exhibits had been the largest section, with its prized horses, pigs, and chickens. She'd broken the rules and stuck her fingers in the rabbit cages to feel their soft fur; she'd been bitten once.

Wistfulness wasn't the only reason the theme park appealed to her. There was Arthur's history with it. He kept a postcard of the Ferris wheel pinned to the divider in his writing nook. And he'd described some of the odd jobs he'd done. Carrying boxes of merchandise, filling in for other clowns, picking up litter (and keeping the returnables). It hadn't been steady, merely hours offered to him if he'd inquired. But it'd given him pocket change. Enough to buy cigarettes and keep the utilities on for another month.

The week had been warm up till now, and the good weather was expected to continue. He loved taking her to new corners of the city, had ever since their first date. Introducing her to his old stomping ground wouldn't take a lot of convincing.

When she got home, he was perched on the sofa, clad in a thermal shirt and a pair of her too-short pajama bottoms. (A funny combination that meant their laundry was in the machine.) Elbows on his knees, journal on the coffee table, and pen at the ready, his concentration was plain to see. The discipline he had to pursue his dreams, the way he studied comedy specials on TV was admirable. She got a glass of water and smiled at his ill-timed laughter. That he didn't understand the host's humor was logical. Roasts were usually unkind. While Arthur's jokes weren't always funny, they weren't mean-spirited.

She crouched next to him, peppered kisses along his shoulder. His damp curls brushed her cheek, and she breathed in the zesty musk of his shampoo. "I wouldn't waste too much effort on this guy," she said. Her caress followed the freckles on his bare forearm, feeling the muscle flutter under her fingertips. "He's kind of an asshole."

"The audience helps me figure out the timing." He muted the television, lips quirking. "You like some of his songs."

"He makes a better singer than comedian," she rebutted with a peck.

They went over their respective days, how his earlier appointment went, the paperwork she'd done. Tuna casserole was their choice for dinner, and Arthur put on an LP while they cooked. Once the dish was in the oven, she hugged him close. "I have an idea for Thursday night." She went over the Amusement Mile discount, enthused about his expertise, reveled in how her praise softened his features and brightened his eyes. "I'd love it if you took me around. Taught me all the magic behind the scenes. And I'm dying to see where you do your street performances." She massaged the nape of his neck. "Maybe I'll stop by and give you a tip."

Crooked tooth peeking out, he nodded. Then he grasped the counter on either side of her hips and pressed his forehead to hers. "That sounds great."

~~~~~

A small memorial flowerbed, filled with alternating swirls of white gardenias, purple pansies, and yellow daffodils, was situated just beyond the park's main entrance. The marble fountain bubbling in the center reminded Y/N of a bird bath. It was modest, from a bygone era in which the wealthy hadn't dared to flaunt their fortunes for fear of strikes. The bronze plaque declared the city's thanks to Benjamin Wayne for funding Amusement Mile's construction during the height of Gotham's industrial boom. Before most of the factories had fled. Before times had become tough for the majority Gothamites. It was annoying, how the Waynes had their fingers in everything. She hoped not one nickel of what they spent tonight went into their bank accounts.

Arthur paid it no mind. His head was tipped back a degree or two, his clear green eyes darting from attraction to attraction. Smoking was one of his habits she disapproved of. But she couldn't dispute how attractive he was, puffing the cigarette dangling from his puckered lips. The chestnut tones of his brown hair were brought to the fore by the grounds' multi-color lighting, and a lock or two fell over his temples. The loose curls at his neck bounced with each step, a boyish buoyancy to his gait.

Her stomach growled as soon as the aroma of fair food hit her. They picked a booth that claimed it sold Gotham's original franks. He asked to order for her. She let him, watching as his grin widened and he stated, "Four hot dogs for my girlfriend and me, please. With relish and mustard." Then they shared a candy apple, taking turns nibbling at the fruit's hard, sugary shell. Its juice dribbled onto her pale pink top, staining the embroidered neckline. Her groan of disapproval became giggling as he stole chaste kisses, wiping her off as she chewed.

His palm at the small of her back, guiding her as they walked down the midway, fanned a glow in her heart. He'd made headway when it came to displaying his affection in public, though he still tended towards timidity. Early on, she'd concluded his reticence had nothing to do with her - he never pulled away if she grabbed at him. He was simply a gentleman.

Most examples he followed were from an older era, one lost to the bluntness of the eighties. Those moments he'd let himself go, when he'd make it clear they were a couple, lifted her spirit. Not only due to the pride she felt at being on his arm, but also because it meant he was finding his own way. Arthur wasn't a shy suitor or a contemporary romantic hero. Rather, he was somewhere in the middle. Old fashioned, through and through, with threads of modernity woven into his fibers.

As they strolled, they stumbled onto a black and white photo booth. She sat on its cracked wooden stool and tried to tug him inside. But he wanted a picture of her, he said. To put in his wallet. To look at if he was having a bad day and wasn't at home. Her response was to snag his collar and yank him to her lips. Snorting, he shut the nylon curtain. At the clink of quarters in the coin slot, she straightened her puffed, cap sleeves and fixed her hair in the scratched featherweight mirror. The camera's flashes blinded her, but she thought she'd managed to smile naturally enough.

Before she had a chance to stand, he whipped open the drape and showed her the strip of portraits. "I knew I was dating the prettiest woman in the city. Maybe even the sweetest."

She cupped his cheeks as she stepped out. Rubbed the tip of her nose to his. He was unfailingly generous. Too generous. While she was fine with her appearance, she wouldn't win a beauty pageant. Hell, she wouldn't even be a runner-up. Or a contestant. And sweet was one of the last words she'd use to describe herself. But she wasn't going to correct him. "And I found the handsomest, funniest man." His stare was wide-eyed. After releasing a stuttering breath, he pulled her along.

Upon entering the gaming area, he slung his arm around her waist. Mischief laced his whisper as he spilled secrets. The darts for the balloon pop were dull, the balloons underinflated. He advised her to stay clear of the baseball and milk bottle stand, saying, "The bottom bottles have lead in them. You'll never knock them over."

Then he warned her off the ring toss, saying the rings were too small to win the best prizes. She decided to take her chances, regardless, and paid the attendant. Arthur tutted gently as she gave him the last ring, having already wasted four. A step to the side, then he paused to line up his throw. A short clap announced his victory. The prize options included a dinky toy car and a rubber snake. She picked a plastic, red keychain, embossed with "I was Amused in 1982" and the silhouette of a coaster. It was an improvement over her old car dealership tag. "I'll think of tonight whenever I see it."

Gaze fixed on her mouth, he sighed happily. He began to reach towards her, his arm raised ever so slightly-

"Art!" a rich baritone called. "Hey, Art!"

Arthur flinched. She moved to peer behind him. The approaching man was tall, his balding head half a foot higher than Arthur's. A blue and red flannel shirt with gray trousers covered his portly physique. Confidence oozed from him with every stride, a pleasantly surprised smirk on his round face.

Y/N's interest was piqued. Unless it was someone who remembered Arthur from Live! with Murray Franklin, no one ever approached him on the street. And she hadn't heard him be referred to by anything other than his proper name (besides Penny's terrible "Happy.").

But his reactions concerned her. Arthur's back tensed as the man closed in, stopping a yard away. "Hi, Randall."

"How's my boy been?" Randall asked jovially, hands at his sides. "Gary told us about your mom. Could you use a little cheering up?"

Arthur blinked faster than usual. "No. She's okay. And I feel a lot better now."

"Oh. Well, good for you," Randall said.

Going back and forth between them, she tried to puzzle out their dynamic. Their familiarity was obvious. Randall seemed caring enough, although she found it odd he'd referred to her thirty-five-year-old partner as "boy." Arthur had mentioned Gary was a former colleague. It would make sense Randall was, too.

He threw her a glance. "Hey, you have family visiting. Is this your cousin?"

She brushed off the assumption and extended her hand. "I'm Y/N L/N. His girlfriend."

"Oh, yeah. The paralegal." He shook it firmly before addressing Arthur again. "Gary said you finally got a date."

The pat to Arthur's bicep was a little too hard, jolting his stiff frame. The set of his jaw and flaring of his nostrils betrayed a turmoil she hadn't initially picked up on. She touched his hand but he shoved it in his pocket.

All right. She had to get to the bottom of this. It was hard to ascertain if his current reaction was due to his social challenges (which could cause discomfort) or Randall's words. She didn't want to jump to conclusions. After all, she and Patricia teased each other whenever they met for lunch or chatted on the phone. A good ribbing was needed every once in a while.

Starting a cross-examination in front of Arthur would contribute to his unease. After a moment's deliberation, she nudged him. It took a couple of tries to get his attention. "Would you please get us a large lemonade?" His brows rose, anxiety in the wrinkles of his forehead. She stretched to kiss his temple. His eyes narrowed but he got the hint, scuffing his shoe and glowering at Randall as he walked off.

When Arthur rounded a corner by the water pistol race, she lounged on one of the booth's metal poles. "Have you known Arthur long?"

Randall nodded in the direction Arthur had gone. "We worked at HaHa's. I'm a clown, too. We did parties, the children's hospital, store openings."

"Arthur loved that job." She crossed her arms over her chest. "It's too bad the slow season hit. But he's doing pretty well on his own."

Confusion crossed the big man's visage. "Uh, yeah. The slow season." He chuckled, then. "Anyway, you and Art, huh?"

Smiling broadly, she folded her arms over her chest. "Yes, me and Art."

"Pretty serious, huh?"

If he wanted gossip to bring back to the workplace, she'd gladly give him some. Especially if it reflected well on Arthur. "We live together. It's been great."

"No kidding." With a sardonic grin, he shook his head. "A woman like you. I didn't know he had it in him. It was always just him and his mom. Talked about stand-up sometimes. Mostly kept to himself, though. Never really talked much." Randall shrugged lightly. "But we liked him. He did all the shitty jobs no one wanted and never complained."

Arching a brow, Y/N felt her suspicions grow. While Arthur was learning to disagree and contradict her without hesitation, he nevertheless had the inclination to go along. It was plausible he hadn't argued about gigs. Had they taken his preferences into account?

Then Randall confirmed her skepticism, saying in a jokey tone, "That laugh really got everyone going, too. And his laminated cards. We had a pool on whether it was part of his act. I mean, him being in Arkham and all, who knows what the fuck he could have come up with?"

Deciphering what kind of man stood in front of her was suddenly uncomplicated. She'd run into his type all too often. They lurked in garages and offices. Diners and restaurants. Courtrooms on both sides of the bench. People with no real power who walked on others. Persons who threw their weight around to feel in charge. Bullies who hid behind a veneer of kindness.

She understood why he'd called Arthur "boy."

What she said had to be chosen carefully. Randall and Arthur worked in the same field, likely competed for clients. If her big mouth came back on Arthur, she wouldn't forgive herself. She straightened, squared her shoulders, and forced her voice to stay professional. "If you liked him, wouldn't you have split the less desirable jobs with him? I'm sure he didn't like being taken advantage of."

His looked at her in disbelief. "Hey, he was paid fair and square, like all of us."

"And he understands how to speak to a 'woman like me' more than you ever will." A sharp exhale as her cheeks burned. "From what Arthur has said, you could learn a lot from Gary. Please tell him hello from us and have a good evening." With that, she headed off to find Arthur, ignoring Randall's lame attempts to call her back.

Arthur was in line when she spotted him. He stepped forward and pointed to the menu. As she approached, she noticed how he fidgeted with his cigarette, tapping it repeatedly though there was no ash. The subtle tremble in his knee. If he continued to carry himself so tightly, his muscles would cramp.

Clearing her throat, she slipped behind him and hugged his back. "Did you have to deal with that insufferable know-it-all every day?"

He grabbed the proffered cup from the clerk and headed to a nearby table. Plunked himself down and took a drag off his smoke. Stress poured off him, clear in every flex of his fingers. His palm went to his stomach as he practiced controlling his breathing. "What- What did he tell you? That everyone thought I was a freak? How much I fucked up?" His voice lowered then, barely above a whisper. She could tell he was talking to himself. "The hospital?"

"Enough to know he was a jerk. I'm glad you're not there anymore." She put her chin on his shoulder. Watched him take a sip of lemonade. "Nothing he said matters, but I told him how important you are to me." She tucked a hair behind his ear, and he leaned into her touch. Their gazes met, his shining in the dim light. The evening had been fantastic so far. She wasn't going to let some asshole ruin it. "Come on," she urged, jutting her hip towards him. "We still have half the park to explore."

~~~~~

About a third of the way through their ride on the Mad Hatter, Amusement Mile's famous coaster, Y/N realized eating had been a mistake. A big one. Thrown to a fro in the sharp curves, she could nearly taste the bile in the throat. She pressed the back of her hand to her mouth, willing her nausea to pass. For his part, Arthur appeared exhilarated, laughing with every peak and valley. Seeing that happiness was a gift, one that gratified and partially distracted from her queasiness.

Fortunately, the enclosed cabins on the Ferris wheel were a respite. They waited an extra turn to board the outer wheel, which rotated at a leisurely pace and allowed her stomach to settle. The view from the top was beautiful, Gotham Cathedral's lit spires and the Westward Bridge prominent against the night sky. Wayne Tower was also visible, but she did her best to ignore the high-rise and its gaudy "W." He pointed in the direction of Burnley and said, "There's our home." She was unexpectedly moved. Then he kissed her soundly, which quickly advanced to mild necking when the wheel paused.

The carousel was antique, according to the sign. The only original attraction left in the park. A massive wooden structure with a mirrored center, it had three rows of horses, broken up by the occasional bench. He stepped onto the gray platform and picked one, painted red and yellow, roses etched along its back. But she climbed a nearby leaping horse instead, its black mane and tan body faded by years of sunlight.

He quirked a dark brow until she beckoned him with a nod. Cheeks pink, countenance tender in the lingering blinks of the incandescent bulbs, he followed suit. "Hang onto me," she instructed. As the calliope's whistles began their jaunty tune, he cupped her hips and pressed into her. A flutter tickled her stomach. She reclined against him, let her eyes fall shut as his warmth surrounded her. Round and round they went, chuckling airily. Not at any jokes or amusements, but at the joy of one another.

Arthur picked the last ride, an old mill called Romantic River Caves. She had to stop herself from snickering at the idea of a middle-aged woman and her nearly-middle-aged boyfriend cruising along in something built for teenagers. But he delighted in cliches and corniness, a preference she attributed to his inexperience and kind nature. Though such gestures hadn't thrilled her since she was a girl, she appreciated them with him.

The boats were short and narrow, just wide enough for the two of them to sit side-by-side. Curved backrests encouraged cuddling. Off-key versions of old standards played through tinny speakers. Myriad displays were inside, a mix of plaster dioramas and paintings. Two swans swimming, their beaks touching. A couple on a picnic under a tree. Bouquets and hearts galore. There were five or so seconds of darkness between each one. He took advantage of those breaks, kissing her again and again until she was breathless.

She scanned the starry painting above them, the comets' trails stretched across the tunnel's ceiling. "It's been a long time since I've done anything like this. Twenty-five? Thirty years?"

"Me, too. I snuck in when I was a kid. To see the circus and the merry-go-round." He smoothed his hair back, pressed his legs tighter together. "When I moonlighted here, I could've gone on the rides and to the shows. I- I didn't want to alone."

He paused and she put her palm on his thigh. Gave him an encouraging squeeze. "That postcard I have?" he said. "By my desk? It was in my locker at HaHa's." His fingers covered hers, tips tracing her knuckles. "It's good to have a person to have fun with. To have you."

She beamed at that sentiment, for she felt it, too. Yes, she'd been complete on her own. No, she hadn't been lonely. But he added to her existence. Introduced her to activities and experiences she hadn't previously considered or realized she'd needed. Going to a comedy club. Dancing despite her lack of skill. Or enjoying vulnerability during quiet conversations in their bedroom rather than fearing it. He'd broadened her life in ways she was still discovering. And he regularly told her she'd bettered his. "You're my favorite ride," she said.

A sharp snort left him, followed by a bashful chuckle. He shook his head. "You're crazy."

"I didn't mean that." She batted his chest playfully. Tried to cross her legs under the safety bar. "This relationship we've started." Light appeared at the end of the tunnel, the shallow pool's grimy floor coming into view as the water level fell. Soon they'd be amongst the crowd. "Remember when I said we'd never be perfect? I like our imperfections. They fit. Like..." She contemplated. "A pen and paper. They're good on their own but they're best together." Cringing, she covered her face. "God, that didn't even make sense. A pen needs paper."

"Didn't you say you needed me?" he teased, pulling her hand from her brow to place it on his sternum. "I don't mind being your paper." Blushing, Y/N turned to him when he cupped her jaw. Ran his thumbs over her cheeks. She joined him in ignoring the attendant's instruction to disembark. Arthur kissed her, a delicate graze to her mouth before he drew her bottom lip between his. "You're the best ride, too."

~~~~~

Tag list (Let me know if you want to be added!): @harmonioussolve, @howdylilflower, @sweet-nothings04, @stephieraptorr, @rommies, @fallenstarsabyss, @gruffle1, @octopus-plasma, @tsukiakarinobara, @arthur-flecks-lovely-smile, @another-day-in-chuckletown, @hhandley80, @jokerownsmysoul, @64-crayon

#arthur fleck #arthur fleck fanfic #arthur fleck x reader #arthur fleck x ofc #arthur fleck x female reader #joker 2019 #watchwhathappens

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cecilspeaks · 4 years

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158 - The Battle for Time

Kasper Rhodes:

The future wants you. The future needs you. The future will have you, whether you want to or not. Welcome to Night Vale.

Kasper Rhodes here, hello. There’s a lot of talk generally and in particular about the future. Everyone’s going on about this or that, rocketships and spires, eternal life and AI, but the future is also soil and leaves. It’s a hand holding a hand, it’s clouds and it’s water and it’s salt. The future is organic as anything. There is still sweat in the future, [chuckles] I’m sweating right now! It’s hot where I am. And I am Kasper Rhodes, president of the Quality Cyborg Corporation, and I can take you away from all this, in the name of the Smiling God. The God that grins down at us all, grinning through our pain and grinning through our joy, just always grinning, just always the smile.

Do any of you believe in anything? I do. I believe in anything at all, I just believe. What a powerful thing it is to believe, to let doubt (--) [0:02:27] off you, [chuckles] just like the sweat.

I have a proposition and it’s also a promise. I will take your brain, and how much were you using it anyway, and I will put it in a robot. And that robot will do wonderful things. That is my promise. And it’s also a proposition. [chuckles] Anyway, we’ll talk more in person, I’m on my way. I’ll see you soon.

[whoosh]

Cecil: (-) am I through? Am I, am I on the air? Am I on the air? I come to you in a time of emergency and panic. We thought we could cheat death. Kasper Rhodes promised to take our brains and freeze them into the future where we could be reawakened into life eternal. But it was all a lie. Kasper is a time traveler here to collect the brains of the past, to power robots of servitude in the future. We were being tricked into an eternal life of manual labor, and now we know the truth and stand against them.

Unfortunately, he has called in reinforcements from the future, and they are those very robots with our brains inside of them. They cannot fight against their programming, and they weep as they crush us, but still they crush us. There are robots patrolling outside of the abandoned grain silo and every other spot in town where the Quality Cryogenics Corporation is storing brains, so we cannot save our fellow citizens from the terror of the future.

(-) [0:04:01]. Kasper worships a Smiling God. I thought we had escaped that cosmic terror but it has returned, and it has come for our minds. Night Vale, I call for resistance. I call for a stand against the future. I muster the present to destroy every moment that comes after. We will never stop fighting, we will never surrender.

Oh, um, ahem, but first. Tickets are going on sale for the Lions Club charity raffle. All proceeds from the raffle will be going of weapons and barricades to be used against the endless onslaught of the future robots piloted by our own brains. So that’s just a great cause. Let’s have a look at the prizes. There’s a package tour to somewhere called Nash-vile. That’s exciting. Uh, the package includes a map showing where Nash-vile is, and a pad of paper on which is scrolled: “You should probably get a hotel room when you get there.” Everything you need for a fun vacation. There are ten free piano lessons from Louie Blasko. He says that piano is a great way to exercise your mind and your creativity, and he promises much fewer injuries this time around. There’s a free haircut and style consultation from Telly the Barber. Uuuuuuuuuugh! Ugh, that vile Telly! Meh, I shouldn’t say that. Carlos has forgiven Telly for cutting his – beautiful hair all those years ago, and so I should too. There are lots of things I should do, and I’m sure I’ll get to them eventually. In the meantime, though: ugh! Vile Telly! Finally, there is the grand prize, which is an all expenses paid trip into the bottomless hole betwixt the dunes, that inexplicable dark pit that appeared a few years ago out in the Sand Wastes. We’re not sure who donated this prize, it just showed up at the Lions Club in a basket that smelled of mud and wet dog. But the winners will have the opportunity, in fact they will be compelled whether they want to or not, to leap into the bottomless hole betwixt the dunes. This is all expenses paid. I’m not sure what expenses there are to jumping into a bottomless hole but in any case, they’re covered. Raffle tickets are only 5 dollars and can be purchased at the Lions Club or by whispering into any crack in any wall. And again, proceeds go to saving us from the robot army, so please do buy a few.

[whoosh]

Kasper Rhodes: There’s a lot of talk generally an in particular about pain. “Oh, I’m in pain,” many say, “Oh, this pain is the worst I’ve ever felt,” many say. Many just scream and that’s understandable, I’d scream too if I could, but you can’t scream with a smile. That’s one of the laws of the Smiling God. I believe in laws. But then, I believe in anything.

Have you ever had rock candy? Who even thought up something so useless as these crystalline sugar lumps? What point is there to any of this, when rock candy is the kind of thing that we as humans apparently are up to? Generally, also in particular. But what I’m talking about is, what point is there to rock candy? And what I’m also asking is, what point is there to you? But I can provide a point, at you anyway. Wouldn’t that be nice for once? And don’t we want it to be nice for once, just once before we go? I’m talking here about purpose, and I have more purpose than I need. You have less purpose than you want. Let’s meet in the middle, and there in the middle, I will take your brain. Believe in the Smiling God and why not? I do.

[whoosh, high-pitched noises]

Cecil: [distorted] Night Vale, we will fight! [normal] Night Vale, we will win! The night may be long, but inevitably comes the dawn. Especially now that time works correctly here. Tamika Flynn has gathered her militia, who have aged to the point where they are no longer teenagers. It was kind of cute, a local friendly teenage militia, but now they’re just a militia, which is less cute. But definitely good to have on our side in this struggle. They are currently pelting the robots with stones but – ah, the robots’ metal frames are impervious to such attacks. Oh, this is so worrying! Josh Crayton, local shapeshifter, has resumed the form of a waterfall in an attempt to short out the electronics of the robot army. Unfortunately it appears that their bodies are water resistant and perhaps even waterproof, and so they are simply walking past him like he isn’t there. Josh, maybe some other form? Oh, OK, OK, Josh has panicked and accidentally taken the form of a 1970’s style avocado green galley kitchen. Oh, Josh, this will not be helpful at all.

“We’re going about this fight all wrong!” said Lenny Butler, who has no official bona fides on military tactics, but considered himself an aficionado of rowdy boys really taking it to each other on the battlefield. Lenny continued: “What we want to do is fight them!” When asked what that meant, he shrugged and (-) [0:09:47] irritably. “I know what it means!” he said. “I’m not gonna waste time explaining it to you, just like, flank them!”

Other towns have been forced to join the fight, as the robots are sweeping through the entire area. The ghosts of Pine Cliff have enthusiastically entered the fray. Unfortunately, of course, ghosts cannot physically affect our world, and so they are just hovering back and forth through the robots. But good hussle out there!

Citizens of the Whispering Forest muttered warm compliments to the robots in an attempt to simulate them into their tree forms, but robots are immune to compliments, as they’re only able to think as highly of themselves as they are programmed to do. Oh no, nothing is working! Ugh. Well, this seems like as good a time as any to talk about survival tips. The first thing to consider is your water source. Now, your body is 60 per cent water, so that seems like enough, let’s move on. Next, you will want to consider food. Stuck up on essentials like canned peas, easily stored grains, and those little bags of baby carrots which are just big carrots carved into small spaces and called babies. Which his not how babies are made. This is not what the word “baby” means. Anyway, if you find yourself in an emergency situation without enough food, consider expanding your definition of the word “food”. For instance, theoretically, you could eat a desk if you tried hard enough. Maybe the problem isn’t a lack of food, but lack of motivation on your part. Finally ,look for shelter. This one is easy, there are houses and buildings everywhere and you can just go into them. Some of them will be locked, they might even have people inside who say things like: “What are you doing in my house?” and: “You can’t be in here, this is the stock room of an Arby’s!” But don’t let naysayers like that get you down. This has been, survival tips.

[whoosh]

Kasper: There is a lot of talk generally and in particular about triumph. “We are winning,” a person might say. “We will defeat you,” a person might crow as the town falls in supplication around him. “You will all be taken to the future!” that person might continue. “You will be made useful.” And isn’t that wonderful? To be made useful? Isn’t that the best thing a person can be? I think so. It doesn’t matter what you think, [chuckles] it turns out you never did. It’s so impersonal chatting over the phone, es-especially since you haven’t been picking up. It seems rude, your refusal to listen to me, but-but I don’t mind. After all, it’s hard to begrudge you your last minutes of human freedom. Tell you what, tell you what, I’ll head over and collect you myself. Wouldn’t that be nice? For me, I mean, again it doesn’t matter what it is for you, it turns out it never did. OK, [distorted] see you soon, bye bye!

[whoosh]

Cecil: Give me back my radio frequency! Oh, I… Am I, I think I’m back on. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Well, I’ll talk whether you can hear me or not. More robots are pouring out of the time vortexes. The vorteces, vortes.. vorces.. vort-vortex-eses. Whatever they are. Thousands of robots are coming out and this is too much, we can never defeat all of them! The robots are marching to Kasper Rhodes’ army that was already here and they are… Listeners, they are fighting them. These new robots are fighting on our side. At their head is the one I recognize as containing the brain of Charlie Bair, the dayshift manager at the Ralphs, and he’s [huffing] he is announcing that some of the robots have broken free of their programming, that they have found a way to manipulate the metal body they were trapped in, and they have come back to help us prevent this all from happening. And the present day human Charlie Bair is running up to join his future metal counterpart. Night Vale, out on that battlefield is a robot which contains your brain! Find that robot and help it fight, or fight it, depending o n which side it’s on. Together, with ourselves, we can win this. There is still hope. There is always hope. There is also always The weather.

[“Sugar Neighbors” by Dane Terry https://www.thedaneterry.com]

Together, us and us, our own selves and our robot selves, we rushed against Kasper Rhodes, more and more of his robots broke free of their programming and joined us. Tamika and her militia were now Tamikas and their militias, and the intimidation factor was through the roof. This whole time, we just had to trust ourselves. [chuckles] And also have versions of ourselves that were embedded in super strong metal bodies. That was all it took this whole time to be victorious. Charlie Bair the human stood shoulder to shoulder with Charlie Bair the robot, and both fought valiantly. Josh Crayton took the form of a chainsaw, which was then wielded by Josh Crayton’s brain in a robot body to glorious and gory effect. It did not take long for the tides to turn. Sometimes, once the balance shifts, it shifts as quickly and definitively as a broken elevator plunging down a shaft. And then, Kasper Rhodes himself finally fell. Whether it was the stones cast by the Tamikas, or the fists of the Charlies, or Josh the chainsaw wielded by Josh the robot, I cannot say. In the chaos of battle, individual human action becomes indistinct, but the fact of Kasper’s death is indisputable. And in that moment he fell, every robot slumped into stillness, because time had changed. Kasper never took our brains when we died and used them in robots of the future, and because of that, every one of those robots no longer had a brain in them. They were empty shells. We carried those empty shelves with affection and care to Grove Park, where they would be sorted for parts and the resulting scrap metal used to fix the massive amount of damage done to town by this battle.

We kept one robot, though, just one. The scrawniest one with the most rusted joints and Pamela Winchell, who has been reading books on hobbyist surgery, removed Kasper’s brain from his still warm body and placed it in that robot, and the robot came to life in a panic. “Don’t worry,” we told Kasper the robot, “we’re not going to hurt you! We’re just putting you to work for the Miriam McDonald memorial fund. You will clean up the sand from the Sand Wastes until all the sand is gone. We don’t know how long that will take, it may take forever. Good luck!” And even now, a lone robot with a broom sweeps sand out of the desert. Hm. A fitting end for an unfit man.

[sighs in relief] Now there is only us, and the returned reality of our aging. And our death. I have come to think that Carlos was right. There is nothing more scientific than death. We fear it, reasonably, because it is a thing we can never know, perhaps not even when we experience it. But it is not worth perverting our lives, changing everything about ourselves just to avoid our natural ends. New generations will come. New people will live. And like everyone before us, we will gracefully exit to make room for those coming after. As the old saying goes: “Death is only the end if you assume the story is about you.” [laughs] This is not a story about you! And you were glad, because it would be boring if every story was.

Good night, Night Vale, Good night.

Today’s proverb: Every friend group has a joyful chasm. If you do not know who the joyful chasm is, then I have news for you: you are the joyful chasm.

[post credits segment]

Kasper: There’s a lot of talk generally and in particular. So many words. Oh man. Oooh maannn. Ugh, oh! [chuckles] This is not how. It isn’t. Was it? But it’s what’s left of me. Oh, it’s quiet in here at least. I can’t feel the smile anymore. (--) [0:25:49] that smile. In here, it is quiet and dark. My metal body moves, but my brain is still. I like it in here. [shivers] Nooo-oooo! That smile! The- the smile has appeared. Oh, oh God, y- you don’t understand! The smile is in here with me. [distorted noise, discordant music rises, then fades out]

#welcome to night vale #wtnv transcripts #episode 158 #the battle for time

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invisibletinkerer · 5 years

Text

Fic: The Secret Journal of 'Stanford' Pines

Size: ~3000 words AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20864183

Stan Pines keeps a journal of brief daily notes during the summer of 2012.

Note: We all know that the Gravity Falls timeline makes no sense whatsoever. Therefore this is based on a headcanon timeline I made a year or so ago, trying to incorporate as many of the canon dates (in show and published J3) as possible, but ignoring the ones that were contradictory or made no sense. This still means some episodes did not happen in a strictly chronological order.

June 1

Kids are here. I have no idea what to do. Why did I agree to this.

Boy is a grump and girl made macaroni art in the kitchen. Did I even have macaroni?

June 2 Sunday

I think boy got spooked in the forest. He seems fine, though. Good taste in gold chains.

Girl is now dating some punk kid.

June 3

Kids looked like they’d been run over by the golf cart when they got back tonight. Not good.

Gave them some free gifts from the shop to cheer em up. Yes I know

Boy got a new hat. Should get him to wear a Mystery Shack shirt next. Girl found a grappling hook that was not in my inventory. Bold choice.

What would they say if they knew about me?

June 4

Fishing Season Opening Day – took the kids fishing.

Of course, they got excited about monster hunting instead. They’re listening to reason about as well as I and Fo did as a kid.

But. They came back to me in the end. We had fun.

I love those kids.

June 5

Soos found those cursed old wax statues I sealed up some ten years ago. Don’t seem all that cursed now. One had melted.

Mabel’s gonna make a new one for the wax museum. Meaning I’ll have to figure out how to make suckers pay to look at wax statues again.

June 6

Mabel’s wax creation nearly gave me a heart attack. It looks just like my twin me.

She’s crazy talented.

June 7

I’d say the wax museum reopening went well. Assuming “well” means “profit”.

Did anyone actually think I’d hand out free pizza?

June 8

Hanging out with my wax twin Stan, and the moment I turned my back he was murdered.

June 9 Sunday

Tried to hold a funeral for Wax Stan. Failed to keep it tounge-in-cheek.

Face it, Ford is long gone

June 10

Guess the wax people were still as cursed as I remembered. Kids killed them with fire – I should have done that long ago.

Dipper crawled in the vents all day looking for a wax head that got away.

If I keep telling him he’s delusional, he’s got to stop looking for trouble eventually, right?

June 11

Mabel decided I should date Lazy Susan. Couldn’t stop her. Now Susan and her cats keep calling me.

This was a bad idea. (I will never tell Mabel that.)

June 12

Went on a date with Lazy Susan to shut her up. That ended just as well as expected.

Need to figure out some more specific excuses.

June 13

The worst thing is, the Portal should work now. It’s functional. I just can’t get it to start.

Maybe I’ve been doing it wrong all along

I did fix that old copier. Don’t know if it still makes copies of people, but at least it makes copies of paper again.

Caught Dipper making oogly eyes at Wendy. I smell drama.

June 14

Did not expect “The Duchess Approves” to be that good.

June 15

The traditional Mystery Shack party that has nothing to do with any birthdays.

Mabel is a great singer, and that Northwest brat cheated.

Happy birthday, Sixer.

June 16 Sunday

Gideon Gleeful’s running TV ads again.

Of course my family goes to his show just to spite me.

June 17

Mabel played with Gideon today. Did not see that one coming.

As long as she’s happy, I guess.

June 18

I hate Pioneer Day.

Stupid people acting even stupider than normal, nothing works, then someone (me) ends up in the stocks.

June 19

Gideon and Mabel are dating!?

Seemed like a horrible idea, but Bud Gleeful has a point on the moneymaking opportunities if we play it right.

June 20

So if Mabel marries Gideon, his business will be incorporated into mine. I sure like the sound of that.

Bud is already making t-shirts.

June 21

June 22

OK, no. No deals with the Gleefuls. Not now or ever.

Mabel broke up with the little pest. Good riddance.

Got me a nice painting from Bud’s house, though.

June 23 Sunday

The Mystery Fair! It may look cheap, but it brings in the money.

Though someone broke all safety protocols and brought a futuristic laser gun to Dunkle the Grunkle. That’s unfair.

Mabel has a pig now.

June 24

Got roped into the gaming arcade with the kids.

Maybe get one of those games for the Shack?

June 25

Mabel decided to fix my fear of heights.

I can say this – being on top of a water tower about to fall over was unpleasant. Compared to that, a high but stable ground isn’t so bad.

Dipper got into a fistfight with Wendy’s boyfriend over teenage drama, but good on him for standing up for himself.

June 26

For some reason Gideon has gotten it into himself that he wants the Mystery Shack now.

Good luck, kid. I’m a better conman than you’ll ever be.

June 27

Mabel is slightly taller than Dipper. This is funny.

Gideon Gleeful trying to be threatening while throwing a hysterical fit after breaking my new mirror maze – mostly confusing. Wish I knew what went on in that kid’s head.

June 28

Kids made me wear the golden teeth. Guess they think I’m a dishonest man.

Fortunately, I’m good at bullshitting even when telling the truth. Think I scandalized the poor things. Hilarious.

Could have been disaster, though. Could have easily made them hate me.

June 29

Spent half the day falling down the Bottomless Pit.

June 30 Sunday

Summerween, now that’s a respectable local holiday.

Scaring children for fun and profit. Celebrating true evil together with family.

July 1

Hottest day of the year. Wax Stan was permanently murdered by the weather.

Closed the Shack and went to the municipal pool with the kids.

Gideon stole my perfect pool chair. It’s on.

July 2

Broke into the pool area at night to get the chair to myself. Which was a good plan, until I wanted to get up later in the day. The pest had coated it with glue.

The kids broke into the pool at night, too. Didn’t ask.

July 3

Opened the Shack again.

Can’t be too lazy. Tourists to fleece and all that.

July 4

July 5

Mabel bet she could run the Shack better than I can. Well. I’m nothing if not a gambler.

So, three days of vacation, in which I will make more money than she will make running the Shack. Winner takes the Shack, loser sings a silly song.

Best case scenario, she learns something about business and stops complaining. Worst case, she actually makes money and then runs the Shack for me the rest of the summer. Not bad.

July 6

Made it past the line to be a contestant on Cash Wheel, using my Old Man powers and lack of common decency.

Why is it so hard to sleep

July 7 Sunday

Well. I lost at Cash Wheel.

Guess that means I lost the bet with Mabel, too. Unless I go rob a bank or something in the time I have left. Hm.

July 8

Turns out Mabel barely broke even when running the Shack. She did win the bet, but she didn’t want my job, no surprise there.

I’m proud of her for learning something.

She still made me sing that song. On video tape. It’s kinda catchy.

July 9

Mabel’s friends came for a sleepover. They make a lot of noice.

July 10

Soos managed to uncover the door to Ford’s that old study I sealed thirty years ago the very moment the kids demanded separate bedrooms.

I never wanted to see that room again. His glasses were still there

Guess they didn’t want the room in the end, but now it’s open. Can’t re-seal it.

I think they messed around with the freaky carpet. Took it away at the end of the day just in case.

July 11

I fucked up, but I fixed it.

I got Mabel’s pig back, even when I had to punch a pterodactyl in the face for it.

She doesn’t hate me.

I love that kid so much.

July 12

That weird egg I pocketed from the dino-cave hatched. Dipper says it’s a compo-whatnot.

I call him Compy. He’s now my Mystery Pet.

July 13

Soos’ birthday. The kids tried to throw a party, which is. Bad idea.

Think he appreciated laser tag, though. And the magic pizza they got him. Never seen him so happy on a birthday.

July 14 Sunday

Turns out Compy is a very tiny dragon. Hoards stuff, mostly cash. In places I can’t reach.

It’s no good. Gonna hand the chicken-lizard over to farmer Sprott first thing in the morning before he bankrupts me.

July 15

Mabel and her friends went to some boy band concert. Got back late with a large pack of spoils. Probably robbed someone.

Wendy’s boyfriend is charming her with homemade music. Dipper suspects magic. Can’t rule that out.

July 16

There was a hypnotic message in the music, but telling Wendy about it only made the teenage drama worse.

Went bowling with Dipper afterwards to cheer him up. Should have a chat with Wendy, too.

July 17

Gideon I’m How could

Didn’t know Gideon was that serious.

As if half-lucid dreams about that yellow triangle wasn’t bad enough. (The kids know something. Not asking. I want them to stay away from that stuff.)

We’re staying with Soos as I panic figure out how to fix this.

July 18

I can’t fix this.

Gideon’s got the whole town eating out of his hand and I’m just a grouchy old man.

Doing the responsible thing. Got bus tickets to send the kids home tomorrow.

Whatever I do next, don’t want them to watch.

July 19

GIDEON IS A LITTLE SHIT AND I AM AWESOME.

Figured out his trick, proved it in public and now he’s in jail.

Got the Shack back. Got the kids back.

And. Get this. Gideon had one of Ford’s missing journals. I have it now.

July 20

I can’t believe it. Dipper. Had the third journal all summer.

All three of the dumb books are right here in front of me.

I activated the Portal. Simple as anything.

It’s scanning for Ford right now.

I’m actually bringing him back.

July 21 Sunday

Grand reopening of the Mystery Shack turned into a zombie-fest.

Kids could’ve died because I was too busy with the Portal to pay attention. That won’t happen again.

Should have talked to them about weirdness sooner. Hope they believed me when I said I have no more secrets.

A little worried that government might have picked up signals from the Portal.

July 22

Repairing the Shack. Too much undead slime to attract tourists like this.

July 23

Re-reopened the Shack.

Dipper got himself an old laptop computer from somewhere. Probably stolen. He tried to hide it.

July 24

Went minigolfing with the kids.

Mabel challenged Pacifica Northwest to a duel at midnight. I’m so proud of her.

Letting kids into minigolf courts at night to take a rich snob down a few pegs – finally putting my skills to good use.

July 25

I still can’t believe the Portal works.

It keeps scanning.

July 26

Tried to bring old Goldie back to the gift shop but apparently he’s unhip and scary. Had to throw him away before the parents sued me.

What I do need is a singing animatronic robot badger. That’s what kids like these days.

July 27

Soos missed work for the first time ever. Seems to be girl trouble, but the kids are handling it.

Would’ve stolen myself a robot badger if it hadn’t tried to kill me. Saved by old Goldie. No way I’m not keeping him now.

July 28 Sunday

Went for a Vegas vacation because I deserve it.

Not because I’m nervous.

Brought Goldie, might have gotten slightly drunk. And slightly married.

July 29

Mabel found herself a new obsession with hand puppets.

She’ll throw a big show on Friday. Made me rent Gravity Falls theatre for her. (Can’t believe I did that.)

July 30

The Shack is full of sock puppets and kids and Mabel keeps singing.

Guess this is my life now.

July 31

August 1

Soos went to his cousin’s wedding with his new girlfriend. Good on him.

Mabel’s still obsessing about puppets.

Dipper looks like he hasn’t slept in days. Can’t blame him with all this ruckus.

August 2

Play was good! Think it paid for the costs, too. Mabel’s got showmanship.

Don’t get the ending, though.

I mean. Children fighting always makes for good footage, but was it necessary to beat Dipper up that bad? I swear Mabel don’t know how strong she is.

A little worried about Dipper. He seemed high as a kite all day. Probably sleep deprivation. At least he’s sleeping now.

August 3

August 4 Sunday

Gravity’s going more crazy around the Portal the longer it’s on, but I don’t care.

It hasn’t found Ford yet.

It won’t find him if he’s dead

August 5

The Portal ate my notebook.

Got a nasty cut on the back of my hand from some debris, too. Could have been worse.

August 6

Tried to advertise the Mystery Shack for the kids at the Woodstick Festival. Hilarious disaster.

Being feared is worth more than being loved anyway.

August 7

August 8

IT FOUND HIM.

He’s alive. There’s a lock on his position.

Fuck I don’t I have to

I know how it works. It needs to calibrate for a while. It needs to be fueled for the big moment.

I’ll go rob a government facility right now.

(So glad the kids are off at the Northwest party tonight.)

27 hours and then I’ll see him again.

August 9

Ford is back.

I had to run from the feds and the kids found out everything the wrong way but it worked and he’s back.

But he doesn’t He still hates me.

Why would I expect anything else.

Don’t know what I’d do with myself if the kids weren’t here.

It’s fine. I fucked up everything, but. Mabel trusts me. Dipper forgives me. I’m fine.

not crying

August 10 Sunday

The Shack needs repairs again.

Spent most of the day making Duck-tective finale preparations with Mabel. We had fun.

Told the kids to stay away from Ford.

August 11

Dipper has predictably decided to be nerd friends with my brother.

Can’t stop him. He looks happy. Both of them do.

Still can’t figure out why Ford would have reality altering dice lying around in his sci-fi pouch.

Anyway. I knew Duck-tective had an evil twin.

August 12

I hate everything.

Ford will take my his place here soon enough, does he have to undercut me while I’m still here?

I’m running for mayor now.

August 13

Kids are helping me with a political campaign. Apparently I know nothing about politics and have unpalatable opinions. Bah.

August 14

The Stump Speech went great! I relax, words happen, people cheer.

Dipper got a lucky tie for me. Think it really works.

August 15

Should’ve tried being a politician before. Almost feels like people like me.

August 16

Nope. Politics is not for me. Too much mind control.

Should’ve known it wasn’t me making those speeches.

(The kids shouldn’t get into politics either. Can’t always be there to save them from murder.)

Turns out I’m not mayor material, but I’m a HERO.

Take that, Ford.

August 17

Rented an RV and took Soos and the kids and Mabel’s friends on a road trip.

Pranking the tourist traps. Good old Mystery Shack tradition for the last time.

Dipper’s practising flirting like a pro.

August 18 Sunday

Almost got eaten by a spider-woman. That could have gone better.

Have to admit, the kids are heroes too.

Don’t think Ford noticed we were gone.

August 19

Opened the Mystery Shack for the final stretch.

Two more weeks, then I’m gone for good.

August 20

Made a good deal on illegal pugs. Still got it.

Ford and Dipper put some magic mojo on the Shack. Not gonna ask.

Might have something to do with how badly Ford is sleeping.

August 21

Ten days left until the kids’s birthday and the end of summer.

Guess I’m doing a countdown now.

August 22

Nine days left.

August 23

Eight days left.

I’m gonna order a ponytail kit.

August 24

HELL NO I DON’T NEED THIS.

It’s the literal end of the world and the kids are missing.

Suddenly orange skies, goats turning into monsters, the whole shebang. I thought I had enough troubles.

That magic on the Shack seems to be protecting it, but. THE KIDS ARE MISSING. So is Ford.

??? 1

Day and night are replaced by eternal glowing orange and every single clock is busted, so no more dates.

Went out looking for the kids, but all I find is other people. Also demons. No sign of Soos or Wendy, either.

Been taking people to the Shack. Safest place on Earth for all I know. I have enough brown meat and elected myself Chief.

The kids are fine. Probably with Ford. That’s the ticket.

??? 2

Went out looking again. Found the Northwest girl dressed in nothing but a potato sack. She was crying and I don’t want to know, but she didn’t deserve it.

Been told the head honcho is the yellow triangle. He calls this Weirdmageddon.

Old McGucket showed up more coherent than usual, herding a whole flock of forest creatures into the Shack. Starting to get crowded here.

The kids are fine. Of course they are.

??? 3

There’s still people alive out there. I heard cars over at Gleeful’s place.

Didn’t see anyone else.

I’ve lost I couldn’t even

Mabel and Dipper are definitely still alive. So is Soos and Wendy. And Ford better be.

??? 4

They’re alive!

All four of my kids, bursting through the door like cops doing a raid but they’re alive!

Now all I want is for them to stay here and be safe. Why can’t they see that?

I’m done saving my brother’s skin and getting nothing but scorn for it.

Ford made his own bed with that demon. Forget it.

??? 5

Did I mention, the plan concocted by five kids, Soos, and a known madman is utterly insane?

They’re rebuilding the Shack. I just had it repaired, too.

It’s my house, but no one’s listening to me.

??? 6

I keep having this bad feeling about Ford.

It’s dumb. My brother has made it perfectly clear how he feels about being saved.

??? 7

Well then.

Not letting the kids lead an apocalypse rebellion against a demonic triangle without me.

August 25 Sunday

August 26

August 27

August 28

Huh. I can’t remember writing this, but it does ring a few bells.

It’s like I

I need to talk to Ford.

August 29

So. The apocalypse is over, and we’re all fine.

We killed the demon by burning my mind out when he was inside, pretty much.

My mind’s still there, but it’s kinda. Well. In need of repair.

Spent a few days reliving good memories.

Turns out there’s more than a few bad ones, too. But.

Everyone is so good to me

I don’t deserve this

August 30

I remember how Ford looked at me after I brought him back.

Now he acts like he likes to he thinks I’m

Now it’s like he’s my brother again.

He said. “Thank you.”

August 31

The kids have left. I’ll miss them, but I’ll see them again.

Until then, my brother and I are going sailing.

#gravity falls #fanfic #stanley pines #i still have feels about this old conman #it writes #unconventional writing

105 notes · View notes

jeanjauthor · 3 years

Link

Here's the example he gives: K = 1, T = 2, J =3, and B = 4.

If none of those got a clear majority... let's say, T= 350, B = 350, K =160, J = 140, out of 1,000 voters ...then the ballots are checked for whoever got the lowest number of votes. Let's say it was J, because only 140 votes.

In the above example, the #1 choice was K, so that particular ballot remains untouched, but all the ones who put J for #1, they ignore all that #1 for J, and look to see who they voted #2 (which would be T, B, or K). Taking all those #2 slots, they add THOSE votes to the respective vote pool, T, K, or B. Let's say the shuffle of all those 140 votes ends up redistributed like this: T = 400, B = 400, K = 200.

If none of THOSE candidates have a clear winner (as in the example just above)...then they go to the 3rd round.

K was least number of votes in this 3rd round. THIS is when the first person's vote for K would no longer count as written AND anyone's vote for J as #1 and K as #2 wouldn't count as written, but they would instead look at whoever was the next highest on their list. Still following along...? Good.

In the first person's case, that would be T would get their votes because T was #2 on their list. In the second person's case, since their first choice (J) AND their second choice (K) were not enough to win either candidate the votes...it would be whoever was #3 on that list. But if their second choice was T or B? Those votes were already added to T or B respectively in the *previous* round, so those ballots remain as-is.

The votes for K and J are switched to either T or B...and by that point there SHOULD be a clear winner. In the above example, it's no longer T = 400 and B = 400 and K = 200.

Instead, we'll say that 5 people voted for T and the rest voted for B in either their #2 or #3 "if my top picks cannot be chosen because they had the least number of votes" slot. So that's T= 405 and B = 595.

Or if B got 65 of those 200 votes and T got the rest, that'd be T = 535 and B = 465.

...And yes, you CAN refuse to rank a particular candidate, giving them in effect zero (0) votes no matter which round of voting you were in. So let's say this 3rd round, 100 voted for B...but only 65 voted for T...and 35 did not put down either T *or* B for either their #3 OR their #4 vote spot...

That would mean the votes are now B = 500 and T = 465...and T does NOT get any of the votes from the people who refused to rank T as a choice, just as B does not get those votes. By this stage, it's not 1,000 full votes; it's shy by 35. But it's still 965 people whose vote choices genuinely *counted,* rather than being all-or-nothing and thus fully wasted if they picked only K or only J.

Ranked-Choice Voting systems usually have a certain % range of votes wherein they don't count as a win, but instead force a recount of the second-ranked folks, third-ranked folks, etc, to reach a clear majority. The difference between 500 and 465 could be considered a clear majority, or it could be considered a hung vote, and everyone has to vote *again*...at which point the candidates have a second round chance of swaying voters with political ads, etc.

However...if the first round of votes come back with a different tally, let's say K = 735, T = 220, B = 25, J = 20 ...then K *clearly* wins, and there's no need for a 2nd round of tossing out all the J voters' votes to look to see who their #2 choice was, because the vast majority of voters clearly want K in charge...and we suddenly have Kanye in office, idefk...but that's how it would work with those particular vote-count numbers.

Another example, it doesn't have to be the final vote. It can be a primary race.

I REALLY wanted Warren on the Democrat's presidential candidate ticket. She'd have been my #1, Sanders my #2 (don't @ me) and Biden my #3, since he at least HAS experience with the Executive Branch, even if he's nowhere near as progressive as my first two choices. Let's be honest, his stance on Fracking = Okiedokie is NOT my #1 or #2 choice for environmental issues & clean energy stances. (Not to mention I live in an area where we're overdue for the next Big One earthquake, and fracking is DIRECTLY responsible for multiple Unexpected Earthquakes, plus the whole oil fracked through the bedrock into the local water supplies, which is like HELLA NOPE.)

Let's say Sanders didn't get enough votes. All of his votes would either have gone to Warren or to Biden (or any other candidate). This last election primary, we had, what, 6-8 candidates who were making a serious bid? Maybe Biden would've gotten more votes than the others in the first round of ballot counting...but if he didn't get a solid majority, then the whittling down of all the other votes, sorted by their 2nd or lower choices... could've placed Warren as our presidential candidate...or Sanders, or O'Rourke or whoever. Because more people still favored Sanders over Biden even if it was their 2nd choice. Or Warren. Or any other candidate.

It's like you're saying, "I absolutely LOVE mac'n'cheese, LIKE the way you do pot roast, am Okay with quiche, and I do not EVER want to have dry overcooked pork chops again!" Pork chops doesn't get on the table unless it gets overwhelmingly high votes from the others voting for dinner choice, and THAT means you've got a higher choice of NOT having to choke down dry overcooked pork chops...because even if enough people picked pot roast to outweigh your mac'n'cheese choice preference...pot roast is something you'd STILL be fine having even if it's not your absolute favorite.

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rudemaidenswrite · 5 years

Text

Can I Join You?

BY: @pusantheamazonian

Fandom: Stranger Things Jim Hopper x Reader

Based on that tiny clip of season 3 trailer where Hopper is sitting alone at a restaurant.

It's been fifteen minutes waiting outside the restaurant alone and your brother still hasn't shown up yet. You had actually dressed up nice, in your favorite Y/F/C dress.

Not waiting anymore you head inside to the hostess stand. Before you can speak you see something that hurts your own heart. The man you saw entering the restaurant when you pulled in. Is sitting alone in the middle of the restaurant. It's obvious that whoever the other seat was reserved for is a no show. As if they've stood him up. He's not bad looking or anything, he's actually kind of adorable. In his peach and mint colored shirt and khaki jacket.

But it's when he angrily lights a cigarette you ignore the hostess and make a straight line to him. It's a sadness that you know too well.

"Hi. Um do you mind if I join you?" Nervously you point at the empty chair.

"What?" He looks up startled.

"Can I join you for dinner? I'm alone and it looks like you're alone. I thought you might like some company."

"Yeah.. sure." Fumbling he quickly straightens in the chair. "My name's Jim."

"Y/N." You give him a smile as you sit down.

"You from Hawkins?"

"No, I live just outside Upland."

"Ah Upland the fighting Rams. Hawkins and Upland were the biggest rivals."

"They still are for some reason." Nodding you awkwardly place the napkin in your lap.

"What brings you here?"

"My brother is here for work so I decided to come visit. He's the one who stood me up for dinner."

"Well… as you can see my date never showed." He gives an I'm definitely not stressed smile.

"Sorry about that." He instantly waves off your apology.

"It's not your fault but it's the last time I let a coworker set me up."

"See that's where you went wrong. Cause now it's going to be awkward at work."

"Yeah well that's how it goes."

The waiter appears and you both just radle off the first thing you see. Before this night becomes a disaster you might as well break the ice.

"Well do you live by yourself or have children?"

"A daughter."

"How old?"

"Thirteen."

"Oh I remember those days. Hormones and hating everyone." Nodding you take a sip of water.

Chuckling he pulls out a photo from his wallet.

"My daughter Jane." He shows you a picture of him and a brown haired girl. When he leans in you notice how his eyes soften when talking about her. She must be his whole world.

"Awe she's adorable! I'm loving the outfit." She is wearing a black romper with colored dinosaurs on it. "Is she relaxing at home tonight?"

"She's with her friends. Every Friday night they play DnD or whatever it is." Shrugging he doesn't really remember the name.

"It's called Dungeons and Dragons, but most people call it DnD for short."

"You know what that is?" He's shocked, obvious by the way his eyes widened.

"Yeah I used to play it back in highschool. My character was a Ranger Changeling named Sirx. Who liked to pretend they were an elf." He gives you a confused look. "Older brothers."

"Older brothers can be a dangerous thing."

"Dangerous to some." Smiling you visibly see him relax. Which relaxes you.

The night goes on and the awkwardness goes away. You're chatting as if you haven't seen each other in years. Ignoring the time and looks from the staff as it gets late. It's not until the server puts the check down do you both look at the time. It's almost time for them to close.

You both reach for the check but you pull it away first. "No I got it. I intruded and asked you about dinner."

"I was already here. I can't let you do that." Shaking his head he reaches for it again.

"I said no." Giving him a stern look he finally backs off.

"You have a mean look. But I get the check next time."

"Next time?" Surprised you double check that he really just said that.

"Well yeah… if you want." Shrugging he avoids eye contact.

"I would love to."

After paying for the check and having him accompany you to the car. You swap numbers and hope he does call you next week. All the while trying to resist hungrily staring at his body.

Hopper is barely able to open the door.

"You're late." El states from the couch. Flipping through the TV channels. "Johnathan dropped me off."

"I know. Sorry that I didn't call." Taking off the jacket, he moves to grab a beer.

"How was the date?"

"Uh..they didn't show up." Shrugging he tossed the lid on the counter.

"Why are you late?" Ignoring the TV El turns around.

"Well that's the thing. I was going to leave when someone asked if they could have dinner with me. I said yes and that's why I'm late."

"You like them?"

"Yeah she seems nice and all but I don't know. The original date was just to get Flo off my back."

"Friends don't lie." El puts him on the receiving end of an angry stare.

"Yes…" Internally groaning he hates it when she pulls that card. "She's cute and I had fun. But I don't think now's the time for dating. We just got you enrolled in school and have to make sure you keep up."

"Everyone else has a Dad and Mom. But that's okay this is still home." With a huff and a little bit of a cold shoulder

"Seriously? You're starting a fight because you want someone else here?"

"Everyone has two parents except me and Will."

"Sorry, but I haven't been in a stable relationship for years."

"Why?"

".... After Sara… I-I blamed myself. I pushed everyone away and my wife divorced me."

"Divorce?"

"Uh to permanently leave, a government legal word meaning to stay away after two people don't want to be married anymore."

"Oh. Sorry."

"It's fine. Come on time for bed." Hop points.

"It's not a school night."

"Bed."

Groaning El sluggishly heads to bed grumbling about it being the weekend.

"Ah home sweet home." With a sigh he chugs the beer ready to hit the hay.

Unable to sleep Hop is up early making breakfast.

"Dad."

"What?"

"Mike and the rest are going to Crazy Pete's carnival tonight. Can I go?"

"How much? How long?"

"$10 for the ride pass. I don't know how long, but I figured I could stay with Max tonight. And you could call your date." Jim groans at the last comment. "What?"

"I'll make you a deal." El perks up when he turns. "You don't do anything dangerous or comment on my lack of dating. I will call her to see about another date after I drop you off."

"Deal."

"What's her name?"

"Y/N. Why?"

"Just wondering." El smiles sitting down at the table.

You're wandering around the carnival when you see Jim surrounded by a bunch of kids. Excited, you didn't expect to see him so soon. You notice one of the girls is his daughter. Approaching him you hear the conversation.

"Dude I'm a dollar short." The brown curly hair one says.

"Dustin!" Everyone groans.

"Well what do we have here? Six hoodlums whose low on funds and a grumpy father." You sneak up right beside Jim.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?" He about jumps out of his skin.

"Um it's a carnival? Why wouldn't I be here?" Holding back laughter you try to remain serious.

"See she gets it." Dustin sasses.

"What are you short a dollar for?" Nodding at the pile of coins.

"The unlimited ride pass." Another one says.

"Thought so, I'll be right back." Quickly walking to the ticket booth.

"Y/N? Is that her?" El now pesters.

"Yes."

"Who's Y/N?" Mike asks.

"My date last night." Hop grumbles.

Returning you hear the ooooooo's from the kids.

"Now let's see I have six wristbands and oh! Look there's six children here. How about we make a deal?"

"What kind of deal?" The redhead girl asks.

"How about you tell me your favorite color and you can have them."

"Blue." El blurts.

"And we have our first winner of the evening!" Smiling you hand a wrist band over. Once the others saw how serious you are. They couldn't say the color fast enough. Then like lightning they all bolt leaving you alone with Jim. One shouted later chief as they ran.

"You really got to stop that. You're going to make me look bad." Teasing you with a smile.

"Stop what?"

"Paying for everything."

"Eh don't worry about that, they're on the house."

"On the house? You work here?" Now he's confused.

"No. I work as a school secretary."

"Wait, does your brother work here?"

"Close. My brother owns the carnival."

"Owns the carnival? Crazy Pete is your brother?" He motions to the whole carnival.

"No. Crazy Pete is my uncle. My younger brother took over when he retired."

"You're not crazy. Good, just your brother and uncle." Hop is a little jumbled at this news. You laugh at his response.

"No I'm not crazy… So what's with the whole Chief thing?"

"Oh I'm the chief of police here." Shrugging it off he starts walking waiting for you to catch up.

"Ah, so that's why people were staring even more when I sat down at dinner. Becoming the local gossip."

"Something like that. The old ladies say I don't play well with others and smoke too much, drink too much. Too much baggage."

"The normal reasons of gossip for any single people over twenty five."

"Yeah well I'm not twenty five." Huffing with a dissatisfied look. Obvious that he finds himself too old for this.

"Well what do you say? Want to take a walk around? Maybe hit the ferris wheel?" Eyebrows wiggling you hold up two more wristbands. Trying your best to instigate another date and just maybe some other less appropriate things. Cause he is still adorable as hell and the scruffy dad bod does things to you.

"Only if you win me a stuffed animal."

#stranger things #season 3 #david harbour #jim hopper #reader insert #reader #jim hopper x reader #elven #jane hopper #stood up #blind date #single parents #dad hopper

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shefanispeculator · 4 years

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Ghost – Ray Fulcher

If you haven’t caught him on the Ole Red stage, you’ve probably listened to a few of his songs. That’s right – Ray is an artist-songwriter and has co-wrote eight songs on Luke Combs platinum debut album “This Ones For You,” including the #1 single “When It Rains It Pours.” He is our current Neon Light Feature Artist, and “Ghost” is his most recent single.

Going Going Gone – Ryan Griffin

Fun Fact: Blake Shelton and Ryan are “label mates,” both are signed with Warner Music Nashville. Ryan has played at both Ole Red Gatlinburg and Ole Red Nashville before as a Neon Light Feature Artist. This song is his most recent single inspired by his wife. Don’t you just love, love?

The Ground – Anna Vaus

This talented young female artist was asked to make her Grand Ole Opry Debut on the Ole Red Nashville stage last summer. As a singer-songwriter, Anna brings the heart and soul back to Country Music. This is one of our favorite tracks off her EP “The California Kid.”

Stoned Age – Hannah Dasher

As another former Neon Light Featured Artist, we’ve been lucky enough to have Hannah grace the stages of both Ole Red Nashville and Ole Red Gatlinburg. If you’re a big fan of 90s country, her music has a way of bringing it back to 2020. Hannah received an invitation to make her Grand Ole Opry debut on the Ole Red stage.

Nobody But You (Acoustic) – Blake Shelton & Gwen Stefani

What’s a country playlist without Blake Shelton? Check out the boss man’s newest release!

Pushing Up Daisies – Mikayla Lane

You can catch this 16-year-old Oklahoma native rockin’ the Ole Red Tishomingo stage on any given Saturday night. Don’t let her age fool you, this girl’s got the heart, sass, and pipes to be the next Carrie Underwood.

Ghost – Sara Collins

Sara has been a long time Ole Red Gatlinburg artist, and one that we’re lucky to have. We had to share her with The Voice this season, but we don’t mind. Until it’s safe to come back in and see her at Ole Red, we recommend replaying her Voice performances. We know we are.

Undefeated – Zach Ray

There must be something in the Oklahoma water. Originally an Okie like Blake himself, Zach plays the stage at both Ole Red Nashville and Ole Red Gatlinburg. Raised on Country Music and Jesus, there’s a little something for everyone in Zach’s music. Check out this special tune from his most recent self-titled EP. Here’s to staying undefeated y’all.

Tailgate Town – Matt Rogers

Here at Ole Red, we know a little something about Tailgate Towns, and Matt knows a little something about writing a hit song. If Matt’s not playing at Ole Red Nashville, he’s out writing, and it shows.

My Love – Nick Hickman

Authentic is one of the best words to describe Nick, as an artist and as a person. Formerly an artist of the month at Ole Red Nashville, Nick brings energy and personality to every performance he makes. We bet you’ll have this tune stuck in your head for days.

How Lucky – Rachel Horter

Rachel is at Ole Red Nashville on a nearly weekly basis. Her smooth vocals are unforgettable and showcased at their best in her single “How Lucky.” If you love it, be sure to check out the music video she just released to go along with it.

Straight from Kentucky – JD Shelburne

You’ll know when JD is in the house at Ole Red Nashville. People travel from far and wide to see this super star, and if you listen to his songs, you’ll understand why. Meet us and JD at the Ole Red Nashville stage when all is safe, you hear?

Dear Love – Johnny Cochran

This guy opened up for Blake Shelton at Ole Red Nashville, and man was it killer! “Dear Love” is his most recent single and showcases his strong vocals and electric guitar riffs.

Night Things – Shaun Abbott

We’re always ecstatic to have Shaun at Ole Red Gatlinburg. This song seemed fitting for right now… stuck in self-isolation, there are no rules. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want. We’ll leave the interpretation up to you.

Goodbye Caroline – Monroeville

Monroeville is truly an Ole Red Gatlinburg favorite. Providing the perfect balance between country and bluegrass, this band sets the mood in the Smokies. Let ‘em set the mood in your living room tonight. Turn on some “Goodbye Caroline” and grab that special someone for a slow dance or two.

Shaking Hands – Cole Sitzlar

Cole’s outlaw country attitude cuts through in every one of his lyrics and guitar licks in this song. You could walk into Ole Red Gatlinburg on any given week, and almost guarantee catchin’ a performance from Cole.

Leave Her Wild – Sundance Head

One of the best parts of having your own venue, is getting your friends to play it. One of Blake’s favorites to invite back to the Ole Red Tishomingo stage is Sundance Head. As Season 11 winner of The Voice, Sundance Head brings big time talent to our small town venue.

Game Over – Gracee Shriver

Blake stole this Okie from Kelly Clarkson on the most recent season of The Voice, and boy are we happy he did. If you haven’t already listened to Gracee, it’s “game over” when you do. We can’t wait to bring this talented local and national talent to Ole Red Tishomingo soon.

Mystery – Jesse Labelle

Opening up for artists like Keith Urban, Brad Paisley, Eric Church, and Big & Rich, we’re lucky to have Jesse on the stage at Ole Red Nashville. Originally from Canada, Jesse made the trek to Nashville to pursue his dream of becoming a country artist. We think he’s doing pretty darn good so far, but we’ll let his music do the talking.

Daddy’s Money – Ricochet

Anytime we have this classic 90s group at Ole Red Tishomingo, y’all are grabbing your daddy’s money to buy a ticket to see them. No judgement, we understand. But really, this song is a country hit, you probably already know it.

Keep Up – Rae Lynn

A longtime friend of Blake’s, Rae frequents Ole Reds to play her newest tunes and hang out with the boss. You can always count on Rae to bring the sass and energy to the dullest of times. Her newest single “Keep Up” will bring some excitement to your self-isolation.

Country as Cornbread – Red Marlow

As another member of Team Blake alum, Red has been around for many Ole Red “firsts.” Red is Blake’s buddy and performed this song back at Ole Red Nashville in November 2019. We loved it so much we had to share it. Plus, we know a little something about good country music and cornbread.

Out of Love’s Way – Aly Cutter

It’s truly crazy how small the world is. Aly wrote a few songs for Blake’s good friend Trace Adkins, so it only made sense to have her on the Ole Red Nashville Stage. You know how it is, a friend of a friend of a friend. Now we’re all friends.

There Goes My Heart – Lance and Lea

Y’all know the saying that two is better than one? It’s true. Lance goes with Lea like biscuits go with gravy. You can’t have one without the other. This duo was the Ole Red Nashville artist of the month back in February 2020, and “There Goes My Heart” is one of our favorites from them.

Rockin’ Chair – Craig Wayne Boyd

Blake won season 7 of The Voice with Craig, so at this point you already know it’s a no-brainer that he rocks the stage at Ole Red. We’re proud #Yallers! (That’s a hardcore Craig fan.)

Recycled – Mae Estes

New to the Ole Red family, but you wouldn’t know it. Mae says “I write songs and sing ‘em and that’s about all I’ve got figured out.” Let’s just say, she could have fooled us. Her newest single “Recycle” brings you back home within the first 15 seconds.

Down in Nogales – Shannon Raines

We owe a lot the weekend rug cuttin’ at Ole Red Tishomingo to Shannon Raines and his band. There’s not a lot of current artists who can make classic country sound this good.

Travelin’ On – The Swon Brothers, Vince Gill

Here at Ole Red, we have some of our own holiday traditions. One of them is bringing The Swon Brothers to Tishomingo right around thanksgiving. It’s really hard not to be thankful when you’re listening to this duo. Teaming up with country legend Vince Gill on this track is just icing on the cake.

Burnin’ Gas – Tim Cote

Part time security guard, full-time artist. We like to joke that we’re not sure if Tim actually ever leaves Ole Red Nashville. When this guy isn’t jumping around on stage, he’s at the door keeping y’all safe. This is his newest single, “Burnin’ Gas.”

How The Car’s Running – Emily Ann Roberts

As an East Tennessee native, Emily Ann is close to Ole Red Gatlinburg, but even closer to our hearts. Too sappy? We’ll stop, but it’s a treat any time this one stops by Ole Red. Another one of Blake’s friends we’re lucky to have.

Off My Chest – Stephen Paul

Stephen is rising quickly in the Nashville music scene and “Off My Chest” is the title track on his latest EP release. We just started having him at Ole Red Nashville, and maybe it’s too soon… but Stephen, we love you. Sorry, we had something to get off our chests too.

Good Guy – Alex Smith

Good guy. Incredible and authentic artist. Just listen.

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chicagocryptid · 5 years

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'I WATCHED YOU WIN AN EATING CONTEST THEN THROW UP' THAT'S SO HORRIBLE I'M LAUGHING

County Fair // Maple x Chug

Warnings: None!

Summer in Nockfell was hot, but Maple and Ash would have braved hot coals every year to make it to the county fair. The week it was in town was always the most exciting for the entire gang, who all spent their allowance on tickets and fried oreos, but especially for the girls, who could get a free ride or two by winking at the operators, and who loved the excuse to beat the boys at every game they encountered along the dusty path.

It was just them that afternoon. Sal and Larry had been especially sore losers about a game of Balloon Darts, and had declined their invitation for a rematch, so Ash and Maple were walking arm in arm through the crowd, sharing a lemonade shake up and a handspun cotton candy the size of Maple's head. They were both windblown from the tilt-a-whirl, sweaty and a little smelly, but both of their faces hurt from smiling, and if you had asked either one of them, there would have been nowhere else they'd've preferred to be.

Maple groaned and pulled Ash to the side of the path so she could rub a blister forming under the strap of her flip flop. "I feel like we've already done everything," she said when she straightened up again. "We've done all the rides once and I promised myself I would wait to have a funnel cake until after we get dinner."

Ash hummed and tore a piece of cotton candy from the stick, popping it into her mouth. "We could try to break Larry's record on Zero Gravity?"

Maple's stomach lurched at the idea, and she leaned back against one of the makeshift buildings to hide her disgust. "Nah, if we did break it he'd say it was invalid 'cause he wasn't here. We'd just have to do it all over again."

"You're right," Ash sighed, joining Maple against the building. They were quiet for a stretch, watching people from all the over County pass them by. It was another reason they liked fair time so much; It was the only time Nockfell felt like a real town.

"Isn't there a show or something?" Maple asked, soothing closer to lean her head on Ash's bare shoulder. She could feel the heat that meant Ash would be calling her later to complain about not putting sunscreen on, though Maple had reminded her twice before they left. Ash craned her neck to try to get a view of one of the various events signs staked in front of booths and on corners.

"Looks like the only thing going on is an eating contest. It started at 2."

"What time is it now?"

Ash pulled her pager from her pocket and squinted to see it in the light. "2:04. I bet we can catch the end of it at least."

Maple shrugged off the wall and twisted her pinky finger around Ash's, pulling them back into the path. "Great, that means we'll get to see if anyone throws up."

To both of the girls' surprise, the eating contest seemed to be a hot commodity. Still, they were small enough to slip through the throng of people, and somehow, Maple figured out a way to get the two of them pressed against the platform. The sickly sweet smell of pie wafted over them, crusty and warm, and even though she was stuffed to the seams on fried foods, Maple's mouth watered. Most of the contestants were older, some in their twenties, some her dad's age, but there was one young boy second from the left she thought looked familiar.

Maple tapped Ash on the shoulder and gestured towards the boy, a round faced, green haired cherub, with his hat on backwards to keep the strays out of his eyes. "Do we know him?"

Ash used her free hand to shield her eyes against the sun. "Oh! We go to school with him. I think his name is... Chip? No. Ch... Chuck..." She rolled a few names around on her tongue, and then her face lit up. "Chug! That's it . I'm pretty sure he lives in the Apartments with the guys."

"Huh." Maple watched as he dove hands first into another pie, his fingers stained purple with blueberry ink. The pile next to him was smaller than the others, and she felt a little spark at the thought that he might win. Even Ash appeared to be interested, if her wide eyed gaze was any indication. He finished that pie, and then another, and then the crowd around them started to cheer louder. Maple realized Chug only had two pies left, and so she started to cheer too.

She hadn't been looking at anyone else's pile, but it must have been a close race, because as Chug took his last bite, a loud groan rippled through the audience. Chug had won, and although she hadn't meant to, Maple was screaming, jumping up and down on the hard dirt. Ash was right alongside her, caught up in the excitement. The judge came to Chug's side, lifted his hand above his head, and declared him the winner.

And then Chug's hair wasn't the only thing that was green. Maple must have been the only one who saw it, and it made her stop dead in her tracks. It flashed across his face for just a moment, and then Chug pushed back his chair, leaned over the side of the stage, and puked.

And puked.

A rainbow of pie, every color imaginable. The crowd, in disgust, had begun to disappear, while the judge was standing behind Chug, looking horrified. A woman rushed on stage to rub the small of his back. When he regained his composure, only Ash and Maple remained.

"Should we go?" Ash asked, leaning close to Maple's ear and looking a little nauseous herself. But Maple's feet wouldn't let her move, although Chug was heading off the back of the stage into the other side of the fair.

"Uh..." His green head was threatening to disappear into the masses. "Why don't you grab us another lemonade and meet me at the Yo-yo?" She was already headed in Chug's direction, Ash calling after her.

"Okay, but you get the next one!"

She caught up with him a little ways away from the stage, in line for a shwarma stand. The woman, who Maple had assumed to be his mom, was no where in sight.

"Hey, Chug!" He turned, and looked rightfully surprised to see her moving in his direction. He had a chunk of thrown up pie on his t-shirt. She pretended not to notice.

"Maple, hi." He smiled when he saw her, kind of crooked and goofy. She liked it.

"I just uh... I just wanted to make sure you were..." The person in front of him stepped aside, and he moved into the window with two fingers up. "Are you really about to eat again?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah." He laughed a little."I wait all year for this truck. I'm not missing out."

"You literally just threw up 15 pies."

Chug blanched a little as he took his order. "You saw that huh?"

Maple flushed. "Unfortunately. I was actually trying to make sure you were feeling alright but... Well." She gestured at the paper boat in his hand. "Curried meat speaks for itself."

Chug laughed again, longer this time, and picked up one of the skewers. He held the other one out to Maple, and after a moment, she took it. Chug touched the end of their sticks together and made a clunking sound, and then took a bite.

"I see you around at school a lot, you know. I noticed your paintings at the art show last spring." Maple blushed again, busied herself with finding a good angle to bite her shwarma.

"They're okay."

"What?! They're amazing. I know Mrs. Doyle hung that one in the art room. I go in there to look at it sometimes." The sun shifted overhead, and Chug turned his hat forward. "You know sometimes they show off local work at The Bean. You should submit something."

Maple was so surprised that she nearly choked, and spent a good thirty seconds trying to dislodge the food in her throat. When she felt she could breathe again, she tried to wave him off. "Oh no. I'd be so intimated and I wouldn't even know what to paint..." Chug frowned, and then took another bite and lit up again.

"Why don't you come with me the next time they have one? Then you can see what you'd be up against." Maple heard her name cut through the air like a knife, but from further away. Ash just have gotten tired of waiting and was on the move. Maybe it was a blessing though, because her face was so warm she thought she might be getting a sunburn too.

"Okay, sure." Chug smiled wide, even more crooked, and knocked their skewers together again.

"Cool. It's a date."

Maple heard her name again, closer.

"I gotta go." She turned slightly in the direction of Ash's voice, then paused. "Oh, and Chug?"

He lifted his gaze toward her, taking another bite.

"When you ask me on our second date, make sure you don't still have vomit on your shirt?"

#chug x maple #sally face maple #chug cohen #sally face chug #Chug sally face #maple sally face #sally face oneshot #answered #anonymous #sally face

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