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ryin-silverfish · 1 day

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One nerd's musing about Chinese religion and "respect"

-I try to stay away from fandom discourse, but, much like how you can smell the stench from a dumpster fire without walking into said dumpster fire, I've noticed something that seemed to come up a lot in western JTTW + adjacent fandoms: "respect Chinese religion".

-Usually as a reason for why you shouldn't ship a character, because of fucking course it's shipping discourse too.

-And my first reaction is "Man, you are taking Chinese religion too darn seriously, more than people who are born and raised in China."

-My second reaction is "I mean, most of us are atheist/agnostic by default anyways, with a good number of what I'd call 'atheist/agnostics with superstitions': people who said they were not religious, yet believed in Fengshui or divinations and burnt incense at temples for good luck."

-My third reaction: "But why do I get the feeling that when you mention 'Respect', you are thinking about something completely different?"

-Then I reread an essay from Anthony C. Yu, "Religion and Literature in China: The "Obscure Way" of Journey to the West", and the metaphorical lightbulb just lit up over my head.

(Everything below applies more to Daoism + associated folk religions, but by the time most classic Chinese vernacular novels were written, the blending of the three religions had become well and truly mainstream.)

(The conception of gods differs from dynasty to dynasty. What I'm describing here is mostly based on Ming and Qing ones; if you went back to Han or pre-Qin times, most of these would not apply.)

(I am one of the "atheist/agnostic by default" people. I just have an interest in this kind of stuff. I am also just one Chinese person, and an actual Daoist/Buddhist/Religion Studies researcher would probably have a lot more valuable information and perspective to offer when it comes to contemporary practices and worship. Like any people on the internet: take my words with a grain of salt.)

-Even in the past, when society was far less secularized, Chinese gods are not omniscient, perfect beings whose worship is a solemn, humorless affair. Some's worship are Serious Business, but that has more to do with the sort of gods they are and the patronage they enjoy, not godhood in and of itself.

-And even the ones that you are supposed to "treat seriously" are still very human. To use an analogy I've used plenty of times before: you respect and fear them in the same way you'd respect and fear an emperor's official, or the emperor himself, because if you don't, you are not gonna like the consequences.

-However, unlike Jesus, the emperor & his officials were capable of being temperamental, flawed, or an outright asshole, divine or not. Ideally, they wouldn't be, and if you were one of the "serious" believers——people who actually got an official permit, became ordained clergy, and went to live in a temple, you were unlikely to think of your gods in that manner.

-But it wasn't a complete, utter impossibility. The lower you go in the pantheon, the closer you get to popular religion, the less "serious" the gods and their worship become. By that, I mean general attitude, not sincerity of faith. You still shouldn't be rude to them, but, well, they are more likely to take a joke in stride, or participate in the "vulgar" pleasures of commoners because they weren't as bound to Confucian moral standards or religious disciplines.

-To stretch the same analogy further: you should still respect your village head, they could still give your ass a good spanking for being a disrespectful brat, but you were not obligated to get on your knees and kowtow to them like you would do in front of a provincial magistrate, the emperor's minister, or the emperor himself, nor did they have the power to chop your head off just because you were rude.

-On the other hand, the emperor would never visit a random peasant just to help them fix their broken plow or treat them to a nice meal, but your village head could, and your relationship would probably be warmer and a lot more personal as a result.

-Your respect for them was more likely to stem from the things they actually did for you and the village as a whole, instead of something owed to this distant, powerful authority you might never get to see in your lifetime, but could change its course with a single stroke of a brush.

-Now exchange "village head" for your run-of-the-mill Tudis and Chenghuangs and friendly neighborhood spirits (because yes, people worshipped yaoguais for the exact same reasons), emperor + his officials for the Celestial Bureaucracy, and you'd have a basic idea of how Chinese religions worked on the ground level.

-This is far from absolute: maybe your village head was a spiteful old bastard who loved bullying his juniors, maybe your regional magistrate was an honest, upright man who could enjoy a good drink and a good laugh, maybe the emperor was a lenient one and wouldn't chop your head off for petty offenses. But their general degree of power over you and the closeness of your relationships still apply.

-Complicating the matter further, some folk gods (like Wutong) were worshipped not because they brought blessings, but because they were the divine equivalent of gangsters running a protection racket: you basically bribed them with offerings so they'd leave you alone and not wreck your shit. Famous people who died violently and were posthumously deified often fell into this category——shockingly enough, Guan Yu used to be one such god!

-Yeah, kinda like how your average guy could become an official through the imperial examinations, so could humans become gods through posthumous worship, or cultivate themselves into immortals and Enlightened beings.

-Some immortals aren't qualified for, or interested in a position in the Celestial Bureaucracy——they are the equivalent of your hermits, your cloistered Daoist priests, your common literati who kept trying and failing the exams. But some do get a job offer and gladly take it.

-Anyways, back to my original point: that's why it's so absurd when people pull the "Respect Chinese Religion1!!1!" card and immediately follow up with "Would you do X to Jesus?"

-Um, there are a lot of things you can do with Chinese gods that I'm pretty sure you can't do with Jesus. Like worshipping him side by side with Buddha and Confucius (Lao Tzu). Or inviting him to possess you and drink copious amount of alcohol (Tang-ki mediums in SEA). Or genderbend him into a woman over the course of several centuries because folks just like that version of Jesus better (Guan Yin/Avalokitesvara).

-But most importantly, Chinese religions are kinda a "free market" where you could pick and choose between gods, based on their vicinity to you and how efficient they were at answering prayers. You respect them because they'll help you out, you aren't an asshole and know your manners, and pissing them off is a bad idea in general, not because they are some omnipotent, perfect beings who demand exclusive and total reverence.

-A lot of the worship was also, well, very "practical" and almost transactional in nature: leave offerings to Great Immortal Hu, and he doesn't steal your imperial seal while you aren't looking. Perform the rites right and meditate on a Thunder General's visage, and you can temporarily channel said deity's power. Get this talisman for your kids at Bixia Yuanjun's temple, and they'll be protected from smallpox.

-"Faith alone" or "Scripture alone" is seldom the reason people worship popular deities. Even the obsession with afterlife wasn't about the eternal destination of your soul, and more about reducing the potential duration of the prison sentence for you and your loved ones so you can move on faster and reincarnate into a better life.

-Also, there isn't a single "canon" of scriptures. Many popular gods don't show up in Daoist literature until much later. Daoist scriptures often came up with their own gigantic pantheons, full of gods no one had heard of prior to said book, or enjoyed no worship in temples whatsoever.

-In the same way famous dead people could become gods via worship, famous fictional characters could, too, become gods of folk religion——FSYY's pantheon was very influential on popular worship, but that doesn't mean you should take the novels as actual scriptures.

-Like, God-Demon novels are to orthodox Daoism/Buddhism what the Divine Comedy is to medieval Christian doctrines, except no priests had actually built a Church of Saint Beatrice, while Daoists did put FSYY characters into their temples. By their very nature, the worship that stemmed from these books is not on the same level of "seriousness" as, say, the Tiantai school of Buddhism and their veneration of the Lotus Sutra.

-At the risk of being guilty of the same insertion of Abrahamic religion where it doesn't belong: You don't cite Dante's Inferno in a theological debate, nor would any self-respecting pastor preach it to churchgoers on a Sunday.

-Similarly, you don't use JTTW or FSYY as your sole evidence for why something is "disrespectful to Chinese religion/tradition" when many practitioners of said religions won't treat them as anything more than fantasy novels.

-In fact, let's use Tripitaka as an example. The historical Xuanzang was an extraordinarily talented, faithful, and determined monk. In JTTW, he was a caricature of a Confucian scholar in a Buddhist kasaya and served the same narrative function as Princess Peach in a Mario game.

-Does the presence of satire alone make JTTW anti-Buddhist, or its religious allegories less poignant? I'd say no. Should you take it as seriously as actual Buddhist sutras, when the book didn't even take itself 100% seriously? Also no.

-To expand further on the idea of "seriousness": even outside of vernacular novels, practitioners are not beholden to a universal set of strict religious laws and taboos.

-Both Daoism and Buddhism had what we called "cloistered" and "non-cloistered" adherents; only the former needed to follow their religious laws and (usually) took a vow of celibacy.

-Certain paths of Daoist cultivation allow for alcohol and sexual activities (thanks @ruibaozha for the info), and some immortals, like Lv Dongbin, had a well-established "playboy" reputation in folklore.

-Though it was rarer for Buddhism and very misunderstood, esoteric variants of it did utilize sexual imageries and sex. And, again, most of the above would not apply if you weren't among the cloistered and ordained clergy.

-Furthermore, not even the worship of gods is mandatory! You could just be a Daoist who was really into internal alchemy, cultivating your body and mind in order to prolong your lifespan and, ideally, attain immortality.

-This idea of "respect" as…for a lack of better words, No Fun & R18 Stuff Allowed, you must treat all divinity with fearful reverence and put yourself completely at their mercy, is NOT the norm in Chinese religious traditions.

-There are different degrees and types of respect, and not every god is supposed to be treated like the Supreme Heavenly Emperor himself during an imperial ceremony; the gods are capable of cracking a joke, and so are we!

TL;DR: Religions are complicated, and you aren't respecting Chinese religions by acting like a stereotypical Puritan over popular Chinese deities and their fictional portrayals.

#chinese religion #chinese mythology #chinese folklore #fandom discourse #journey to the west #xiyouji #investiture of the gods #fengshen yanyi

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yuurivoice · 3 days

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Hi Yuuri, I love how your work is written for all genders.

Have you ever considered the age range of your audience? In some stream, you had explained your boys don't aging and also you said they don't have certain age. I'm 45 years old. I imagine I'm same generation of Derek.lol In fact, many of your fans are much younger than me, (well, only just never seen someone like my age though) I want to think that it would be okay for any person to enjoy any work. Don't you think so, too? (please say yes🥺)

Thank you.

It is absolutely okay and more than welcome! A whole lot of folks I know who are long-time listeners are in the 30+ club and higher, and that also includes me! I'm grown grown, and while the demographics are strongest in the 18-24 range, I think the core of my community has a much larger percentage of folks older than that.

I also carry myself a certain way, which I think cultivates a more mature base and sets the expectations of the way folks tend to interact with me.

Specifically in reference to the boys and their listeners, in most scenarios it's almost entirely ambiguous. They might make some references to jokes or pop culture that could break immersion, but in the broader sense...yeah! Them boys love their listener regardless, and I certainly am not going to be like oh NO don't do that!

They're here for good vibes, comfort or otherwise, as well as wish fulfillment and telling stories! If the listener is comfortable, so are the boys. 💖

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negobeauriva · 2 days

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The Windows95manifesto: In defense of Finland's performance for 2024

Happy first rehearsal week everyone!

The first wave of rehearsals is done, and with it, we have gotten a wave of comments about the performances. Some filled with praise and approval, but some others completely hateful and rude. And today I'm going to talk to you about this second kind of comments about one of this year's controversial entry: Finland's "No Rules!" by Windows95man (Teemu Keisteri) ft. Henri Piispanen.

Many people have said that this entry is a joke, or that it doesn't deserve to be in Eurovision because it's distasteful. But here I am, in defense of uniqueness and weirdness, not only because this entry is in my top 5 this year, but also because it's important to understand what "art" is about. Here's to all the "weird" Eurovision entries that have been called unworthy of stepping on stage because they've been misunderstood.

A special shoutout to @/tottakaibi on Twitter/X because she gave me one of the pointers for this article in particular! And she's constantly in the lookout for Teemu and Henri's projects.

Without further ado, step in and enjoy the read.

No Rules! is, undoubtedly, the most distruptive entry this year - the nudity, fast-paced music and unique mise-en-scene, all make for an entry that many have deemed nonpalatable or not artistic. But behind every art display, there is a story, and I'm here to tell you a little bit more about it.

To start, the staging of No Rules! refers to the Kalevala, a book of finnish folk poetry from the 19th century that contains the myth of creation: Earth was born from an egg, with the shells forming both sky and land. Goddess Ilmatar, mother of nature and creation, soon realized that whatever she touched would grow and her every move was an act of creation itself. And so, she gave birth to Väinämönen, the first man to ever walk upon Earth.

Teemu arising from an egg is a clear reference to the Kalevala myth of creation, and he's even referred to it in some way in a video recently posted by UMK, in which he tells the tale of how Windows95man was born and Henri, in the figure of an eagle, becomes his friend so he can walk on the rule-burdened Earth without caring much for the impositions. It's both a mythical reference and a song of liberation: to not care about what others think and what others say to live freely and happily. To disregard societal "rules" in order to pursue happiness (this, of course, in the sense that you shouldn't care about "neat" or "appropriate", and not about the lack of order).

This song has also been called an anthem of liberation for LGBTQ+ members: No Rules! refers to the absence of gender norms ("Quiet, as I speak / I am the king, I am the queen" // "Is there something wrong with the way I look? / Is there something wrong with who I am?") and to live your life expressing yourself in the way you deem the best fit for you. As an agender person who's constantly told what to wear, what to say and how to act, this song is very meaningful and close to me. It makes me feel a bit better about my identity.

Now, to the point that interests you the most - how can No Rules! be considered an artistic performance, with the disruptive elements that make many shriek in disgust?

Let's begin with this - art is subjective and it's meant to make you feel something, whether good or bad. Art is meant to move something inside you, to make you question things. Have not many artists in the past made paintings about poor people's lives to protest poor living conditions or to showcase how hard it was to get on by? To many, art forms like paintings and sculptures that we now consider artistic were once considered scandalous or distasteful. This is the exact point of this performance.

In a recent documentary called "No Shame", Teemu referred to this - the point of his art is to appeal to disgust, to weirdness and to what makes you question what's tasteful or not. Shock factor also plays an important part in modern art performances. It's about going into the raw parts of your psyche and make you uncomfortable.

Teemu has been a visual artist since 2008, under the name Ukkeli. Vibrant colors, strange outfits and drawings, uncovered butts as part of his art installations and the message "No Rules" as one of his oldest mottos (not surprising, considering that in an interview he said he grew up with hippie parents that were very permissive) are the main features of his work. It's reminiscent of early 2000's adult animation shows, who also had a big shock factor and were frowned upon back then.

In this appeal to weirdness resides the charm of Windows95man's performance - in making you feel uncomfortable and weird, you're proving the exact point of the song. You will be bitter about how Finland could've "sent something better", but that won't change the fact that Teemu and Henri were chosen by his people because they understood the art beyond the shocking display. They understood what living with no rules means, to embrace weirdness, to embrace unique, and not care about what others say. If it makes you feel happy, who says that you're not allowed to like or pursue it?

Let's take a look back - Go_A's Shum, who was also catalogued as weird due to Kateryna's bewitching voice and vocalizations, made it to 5th place with no problem in 2021. Zdob si Zdub & Advahov Brothers' Trenulețul 2022 got to number 7 in 2022, after being called disruptive noise, and Konstrakta's In Corpore Sano made it to 5th place even when it was called creepy by some. Mama ŠČ! by Let3 made it to an impressive 12th place last year, and 3rd place in Dora this year with their strange Baba Roga.

If every country sent the same cookie-cutter type of "safe" song to Eurovision, the contest would be very repetitive and monotone. Let's face it, the public loves unique, loves something that will blow your hats off for three minutes and wondering what happened. They love songs that go off the "normal" standard because it takes you for a trip and makes you jump off your seat. It's no wonder that, in contrast with No Rules! getting so much hate, along with Doomsday Blue (another of the misunderstood entries, reduced only to its wrongly called "satanistic" character), 5Miinust and Puulup seem to be favorites this year, along with Joost Klein, who is rumored to win. People either love or hate weird and unique. Sadly, Finland got the worst end of the stick, and I think that's very unfair.

There's also the double standard, many think that it's inappropriate for Teemu to show up in nude-colored underwear, but they had no problem with female contestants in revealing outfits in previous years. Here's the thing - it's either okay for everyone to wear revealing outfits, or it's not. The argument that 2022's Chanel is given a pass to wearing revealing clothes because "she's a sexy girl speaking about being sexy" is invalid. Beauty, much like art, is subjective. And I do think that Teemu is very beautiful. He is allowed to wear what he wants (of course, according to EBU's standards, and they seem to have approved of the performance as is) and you don't get to say what's tasteful or not based off an aesthetic standard settled in sexism.

To finish this off, let me sum up the most important points of my mini-essay: No Rules! is an artistic performance because it's disruptive, it has elements that refer to Finnish myths and it's a liberation anthem that is meant to reach all those who feel like being themselves is wrong, to make them forget about this world's standards for three minutes and remember that the only person they need to please is themselves. As such, this song accomplishes its goal perfectly and beautifully. To call Teemu and Henri's performance a joke is to bypass every element of its artistry and to insult the artist standing on stage. Finland chose them, and so we must respect their decision and refrain from sending hateful comments.

I do think that we need to keep high hopes for this performance. I know that the two of them will go beyond everything we know and expect and will blow us all away when the Semifinal 1 comes in May 7th. After all, Henri's vocal skills have improved greatly since UMK, and Teemu's charisma can only grow by the second. These two have everything to go far and to show everyone that sometimes, all you need is to not listen to your surroundings and act as your heart commands.

Sometimes, the only rule is no rules.

#eurovision #eurovision 2024 #esc 2024 #esc24 #no rules #windows95man #teemu keisteri #henri piispanen #get this guys to top 5 asap #finland #umk

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shikai-the-storyteller · 3 months

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I'm so bad at actually remembering to recommend fics I like, but I was just reminded of "You And Me Were Built for Violence" and I wanted to take a moment and recommend it to folks if they haven't had a chance to take a look at it yet! It's a Fuga Impossivel + 2b2t crossover fic where Tazercraft are washed up on 2b2t shortly after their escape from Alcatraz and are found by none other than FitMC. It's got some great Fit/Pac content and some really good Tazercraft content. 10/10 fic! There's only two chapters so far, but they're both very satisfying and well written.

#i talk #fic recs #qsmp talk #I've got a ton of fics I need to recommend ahhhhhhhhh #I'm so burnt out I used to be so good at leaving giant paragraphs of comments on people's fics and making giant lists of fanfic recs #:(#ah well #anyways the author is on tumblr @ wsdanon if you'd like to follow them!#they just posted a bit about the fic and I was like OH YEAH I haven't recommended that yet #I'm sure most people in the Hideduo community have read it by now but if you haven't. you should #I like that Pac AND Mike were both stranded #I know a lot of people focus on ''what if Pac was stranded on 2b2t???'' but no. Tazercraft are a package. Do not separate them and all that #pftt #very well written Tazercraft (and Fit too ofc)#speaking of Fit - I'm taking some notes from his Egg event VOD because there are a lot of interesting tidbits in there #and I think folks will enjoy it as much as I am

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starflungwaddledee · 3 months

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been working on answering a prompt i received in an ask the other day, and so i'm back thinking about... the Thing... 💖🎀 and thought maybe prompt doodles might help me work through this a little?

so uhhh.... if by any wild chance anyone has any ship suggestions for starstruck...??? feel free to send them through!

#this is *only* for starstruck and is not general requests! i'm just trying to figure out how i feel about this 😳#obviously no guarantees that i will be confident enough to draw any of these or that i'll enjoy them all but i just... am considering it?#idk idk idk is this stupid....#hope i won't regret this or won't get genuinely weirdass things.#just to be transparent this is sfw exclusively tho implied flirting is a-okay. please don't be weird....? i'm trusting folks to be nice!!#i would also happily take little prompts if you have thoughts about how it would work or whichever! like if you're a character Understander #if you have an idea how it would Work or what it might Be Like that would also help me to get a concept on how i feel about it!!#also i would.. consider ocs (only from their creator) if you... wanna??? character+artist *must* be an adult. starstruck is in her early 30 #also with ocs preferably from folks who i've at least interacted with before and like.. not just bc u want art ;;;#like... do u geniunely think they could have a cute dynamic? i'm just wondering if she could be Cute w someone. AUUghhGHHHH #again no promises and also for now i need this all done on the assumption it's just for fun!! just funsies. i'm just... thinking i guess!#want to try and figure out what it might be like if she WAS involved in a little ship/romo space...? as a treat? auughghhggghGHGLLG #also fair warning i may just get super embarrassed/nervous about this all and delete!! but i'm.. yknow. trying!#also i figure you can kind of tell my faves and who i hardly know much about. might not have lots of feelings about most side chars!#delete later #probably #wheeeeeEEEEeeahahahah okay;;; just post it. just post it starflung. just do it. hit the button hit the button hit the b

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gunstellations · 11 months

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rk800 💙 rk900

#ok hear me out #i think they are blorbo shaped #if nines got a hug. he can be fixed. i know this. give him a chance. give him some connor #rk1700 #????#i said theyre cute as platonic but i feel the tendrils of shipping lens activation slowly creeping up to my feet....#nobody asked me to give nines a lil blush there....but i did it anyway......software instability moment.....#its funny how i started out hating his guts i just called him an ugly bitch when he showed up and now i am becoming so soft for him #i just didnt understand why he was so popular then found out yall just want that love hate dynamic with the asshole cop which #i agree is valid and i do dabble in a little now #regardless #i looked at nines and connor for too long and something is stirring in me #i am afraid #hankcon going strong tho i just want connor to be loved by every single person in the game #mark my words one of these days im going to make some terrible decisions with kamski...#on another note im glad for the dbh obsession because its giving me a much needed push to learning a bit of form and rendering with art #usually i wing it and never colour but this is progress im kind of proud of :}#enjoy folks #my art #detroit become human #dbh #i forgot to tag for myself #id apologise for always rambling on in tags but you can choose not to read it #and whenever i see anyone mentioning getting a chuckle out of it it makes my day #you pressed that see all button. youre seeing it all man

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dummerjan · 2 months

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i just came across ai covers on youtube and people are requesting songs in the comments instead of getting enraged and i am further losing hope in humanity and turning to misanthropy

#meins #for a minute i got really excited about henning may singing take me to church :(#i hate people #have you no appreciation for or understanding of art? clearly not.#why would you want to listen to an ai generated song? even if it sounds like your favourite singer it's not them #it has no feelings to meaning to intention. it is empty and soulless #reading the booklet for sinéad o'connor's album of traditional irish and folk songs gave me so much appreciation for her #she wrote a little bit about each song. why she chose it or what it means to her.#it has added so much to my enjoyment of those songs and i think of it whenver i listen to it #they were chosen with intention with love with a deep appreciation for the music and lyrics and there is a story behind it all #it is art and love and human #i see aboslutely no appeal in ai generated 'music' or 'art'#and i hate that i fell for it for a minute #i was sceptical because i had never heard of henning may covering hozier and since it wasn't just 20-60 sec i am certain #i would have heard about it by now #and something was just a little bit... unsatisfying? something was missing which does apply to a lot of cover songs #(i could go on hour long rants about why people fuck up danny boy (and sinéad o'connor does it best (because she actually takes her time)#or trash madonna's version of don't cry for me argentina (again a song ruined for by everybody else but sinéad - once she has sung somethin #i have a hard time enjoying it by anybody else. the parting glass is an exception. hozier's version is phenomenal))#but! henning may not giving it his all for a cover? unlikely. very unlikely.#anyway this concludes my tuesday night rant. rather here in the tags than some poor person's inbox.#or i would have kept fuming by myself for another hour or two

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shallowrambles · 3 months

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So I've been thinking. It's funny how enjoying meta is somewhat embedded with trust.

Like, if you're "friends" and have followed a person for a long time, you have more a sense of their values, and it's easier to read their difficult meta because you trust more that they're being charitable/nuanced.

If you don't know them, it's harder to trust that they're not funneling difficult topics into rationalization of liking/supporting gross shit.

#meta thoughts #case in point - so much of the wincest community still comes off super classist to me and it sorts of...leaks into their meta #you'll be going alone with an interesting character study and then you read stuff that just BOOM classism about family ties #then you go to their page and you find that yes they're into that shit and there's typically a desert of thoughtful cas military angels etc #they tend to like benny cause benny is an idealized brother substitute / sam parallel and it's given the most uncharitable reading #just because you choose a partner than is familiar and like your fam members does not mean you're into your family members oh my god #and sure there's tons of visual and overt racism in SPN in general but to me that at least gets discussed #the classism inherent to narrative fangirl obsessions with incest? not as dissected #familism and community are seen as Weird (TM) to them and they kind of tell on themselves with that imho #and like with racism there are just some things you can't overlook to enjoy a series if you're black because that's your day to day life an #with classism it's hard too bc sometimes you can't escape the reminders of day to day life #and when ppl in the fandom see the villain's monologues as TRUTH you just wanna shake your head but know it's not worth arguing #communal living is more normal than america wants you to think...rich folks want it labelled *weird* bc they want you separated and drained #i am begging us to deconstruct suburbia instead of defaulting to TEEHEE incest bc shitting on pooled resources is paramount in a rigged gam #I find the inherent isolation of american living-to-work without any time to visit each other VERY isolating indeed...also...#like how did we get here #where we're so afraid of labels like*cults* and *helicopter parenting* and *enmeshment* than we isolate as a form of hallowed independence #american success culture has a dark side too #and separating low class families is the aim #get them to spend more $$$ and go for lofty ideals in pursuit of american dream instead of pooling their resources and meeting their needs #meanwhile rich folks do so much respectable nepotism and pretend they're *self-made*#to me that's what the symbol of zachariah is ALLLL about #and if you're blind to what his taunts ACTUALLY mean...i'm very suspicious of your worldview #if resource sharing and co-living becomes shameful and *incestuous* for lower classes then they won't pool their power at all #american exceptionalism #spn + class #class #class warfare #giving up college dreams to be a caretaker seems way more common in poor families too #i suspect we see the incest reading less from brown families / hispanic fams...cause familism is more common

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13eyond13 · 1 year

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Sometimes I still think about how sweet it was when that anon checked on me last year when I was posting overly dark jokes. Thank you whoever you were, that was kind

#i am so much better now but last year was a bad one for me #there was a time in the fall where i literally couldn't get out of bed just because it felt pointless #anyway my mom also forced me to make a doctors appointment and luckily my doctor is super kind and got me on a good medication #but it also was just from stuff like losing my job struggling in school and going through the hurricane etc #im just so glad that i was pushed through that by concerned folks because im enjoying life much better now and that wasnt that long ago #anyway if you're struggling badly right now pls know its not hopeless #reach out for the help youre given and try to see yourself as worth it to fight for #take it little steps at a time #celebrate the small victories like having a shower or taking a walk or answering a call #the best thing for me other than the doctor was just finding ways to be around other people more #instead of feeling defeated i had to think of ways i could fix the loneliness that was affecting me so much #i had to get proactive like i started volunteering and started a book club etc #also i just made myself be very honest with the friends i already had about my struggles and it helps with feeling closer to them #and less alone in it all #because its not that uncommon to have those kinds of struggles and it helps other people open up about their own or just know how you are #the hardest things to do were the most rewarding things in the end #volunteering gave me a reason to get out of the house meeting new people and trying new things and feeling good about myself and #i had to remind myself that i was able to offer things of value and that other people like having me around actually #like the book club is something my friend group looks forward to so much and made new friends through and i started that!#even though i was nervous about it and didnt know if theyd like it at all #other people need you just as much as you need them and thats the truth bby #p

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fellhellion · 7 months

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🚬….

#am going to exhibit mental illness in the tags as heads up shdhdjfjf also dw none of what I say is #abt or concerns folks here but #yeah. as a tldr very Gabrielcore of me haha but yeah #I wondered for a long time how I could go years without #when a crumb here awakens a voracious hunger in me for affection and approval #and there is simply an element of ego to it - to enjoying the idea that those I admire like what i say #but I think the larger part is simply that I’m myself here #in a way I’m not irl. I’m not…I can’t be vulnerable to people. I can’t let them see me. I don’t want to be rejected I think #but here I am simply. unaware to people who don’t click with me. no one interacts w me unless they’d like to #and there’s a certainty to that which just isn’t quite present irl #so I think the reason I get so easily attached IS because it’s me. because it’s my true self. and I don’t. I don’t know how to not want that #approval and affection beyond just letting the feeling fade with time. beyond removing myself from spaces where it occurs #because it’s not. it’s not fair to foist that onto people who didn’t enter that knowingly. I don’t #I don’t want to be too much. I always feel like I’m too much. too serious too intense feeling too deeply and on and on #I m want to be just enough. not too little or too much.#and yet that’s not healthy nor is honest to those you want to connect w #and people aren’t obligated to connect w you - it’s egotistical to simply think you can correct social step your way into someone’s regard!#but ah I don’t know. it’s been a night. I just wanted to say it plain and honest and finally get it out #but this isn’t like shdhdj asking for pity and such. I’ll be okay it’s all just part of it #vent.txt

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ghostzzy · 1 year

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anyway it kinda sorta feels like my life is just now starting.

#i'm 25 and for the first time i'm not wondering what's wrong with me.#now i KNOW what's wrong with me and that means i can HANDLE IT.#and look at me. i'm handling it!!!!#i can't believe i spent my entire life thinking i was weak and lazy.#i am. perhaps. very strong and brave for spending my entire adult life so far advocating for myself #in the face of family and professionals who all tried to convince me i just needed to try harder.#like. maybe actually i'm a bad bitch for being the only one out here fighting for answers #even when the answers were fucking scary and nobody else believed in my experiences!!#i've had irl folks cringe at how open i am about my diagnoses. but like.#i'm autistic i've got adhd and bipolar ii and i'm disabled with hEDS and associated neuroimmune conditions #and i'm going to be SO annoying about it because I WORKED HARD TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT.#SORRY IF IT MAKES YOU RE-EVALUATE YOUR ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME. ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE ME.#because i've re-evaluated my assumptions about me. and i feel so much fucking peace.#because i'm finally learning how to take care of myself properly.#and for the first time since i was 18 years old. i feel genuinely hopeful that i might actually get to enjoy my life.#ANYWAY Uhh i gotta go to bed. GOODNIGHT.#izzy.txt

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ofcowardiceandkings · 8 months

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idk man maybe thats why i have WAY less beef with BotW/TotK's direction than my other superfan pals lol those games literally draw hard on my 3 all time favourite movies (plus other top tiers) and their themes and i adore that and the direction so much

#i know a few folks ive talked to in various communities are kinda salty about the plot not really involving Link or something ??#but like ... they do lol ?? like he's right there engaging in the current active plot #but equally i dont think the game is ABOUT Link as much yknow ... its not NOT about him but its as much about Zelda and thats sick ad fuck #[sits on the floor] i just like them yknow #the 'ma' aspect is soooo .. its so key to the feeling as well i think #idk man IDK i just like it and am fine with the series' direction lol theres only so many times you can avoid exploring the space #we have the tech and the power to play around so why not even if you run some of that back right ??#i dont think theyre flawless at all lol but i dont jive with most of the overbearing criticisms #ive been recommended SO many hours-long self-professed 'negative' reviews of totk and i literally dont GIVE a shit KEKW get it away from me #im just vibing here enjoying the game lol #rory's ramblings

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argiopi · 1 year

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got the cops called on me for the most hilariously sensible reason last night

So i have a new industrial piercing (my first piercing..! i love it •w•), and it got infected because of course it did, it's a cartilage piercing and i live outside. Context i've been living in my car for the past few weeks, which has been pretty good but one of the tradeoffs is i do not have a bathroom. The piercer told me if the piercing got infected I could soak it in saltwater, so i needed a source of 1. salt, 2. water that is warm or at least not the below-freezing ambient temperature i currently exist in.

Gas stations have both these things. (I have yet to purchase salt for my occasional propane stove cooking). Only problem is it was past midnight in a rural area, so I didn't find a 24 hour convenience store until around 100 miles into my route for the evening.

At 3 AM local time the store was inhabited by just One stern-looking employee who was mopping the floor. My grungy ass walks in carrying a small collapsible bowl and immediately begins casing the place like the world's shittiest thief, looking for those little free salt packets. I looked around the (empty, no hot food at 3 AM) hot dog stand and saw only wet condiments so i circled back around to the grocery section in case they were selling salt shakers I could buy. No luck so i desperately returned to the hot dog counter in case I missed the salt, and noticed a cabinet labeled CONDIMENTS below the dog cooker, which did conceal salt packets. I stuffed a handful of them in my pocket and hoped the mopping woman wouldn't ask, then pivoted to the bathroom where I locked myself for the next fifteen minutes.

I filled my bowl with hot water which was actually cool water but at least it wasn't frigid, and mixed salt into it and held it to my ear. After a few minutes the staff, who had been understandably watching me from around corners the entire time I was searching for salt, knocked on the door. I replied "hello?" and she didn't respond, so I assumed she was just checking if anyone was in there before she tried entering to continue mopping. I finished cleaning my sad little ear and bought a bag of yogurt pretzels as a gesture of good will because I felt bad for taking her salt and taking too much time in the bathroom when she needed to clean.

Enter The Pig. I had returned to my car and grabbed my first aid kit to apply antiobiotic ointment, when an officer entered the store. Trepidation when he arrived since I knew I was being a freak, but then i thought he was just doing his own shopping, then he came back out and approached my vehicle.

Rolled down my window and he asks what was going on in the bathroom. (What if i had been just taking a long shit??). So I showed him my ear and my bowl and explained, as Alertly, Calmly, and Soberly as i could after driving for multiple hours after midnight, to the face of someone who can ruin my life with a penstroke, that I was on the road and had to soak this infected piercing. Luckily it was a confused young cop who was too bewildered to inquire much further, not an old hardass who might start asking more challenging questions such as "where are you going" or "where are you staying tonight and why are you washing your ear at the gas station and not there." He clearly barely even looked at my car - asked if i was a local when my license plate is from two timezones away - and let me go without even collecting my information.

That was the sixth time that police have confronted me for acting outside social norms. The first time was because I was plucking an invasive plant species from the side of the road and he thought I was falling when I walked up & down the slope. The second time I was walking home alone at night, and maybe someone called because I had a backpack on and they thought I was trying to rob a house. I was just walking home from the train. The third time I had been biking home in the dark without a headlight, and i fell on my face and didn't know I was bleeding until a bastard pulled up and told me someone called because they thought I got hit by a car. The fourth time was when I fell in the river last winter and i was knocking on random doors asking for directions home to minimize my risk of hypothermia, and I suppose the woman who drove me home called to send someone to make sure i was okay? The fifth time was the first time I slept in my car, which ironically was before I started serially sleeping in my car. I was falling asleep on the highway after an all-nighter so I took the next exit and took a nap in my driver's seat at the end of a random residential street before I ended up on the news, and that's how I learned suburbanites are paranoid as all hell about anything out of the ordinary because a cop knocked on my window and asked me if I was drunk (who would say yes to that question?). Now I select my sleeping sites very carefully, which is probably the most annoying thing about hashtag vanlife, but I haven't gotten The Knock again yet and sometimes when I pull into random public lands after dark I wake up to mountains I've never seen before and that fuels my soul.

Lesson learned is that if you need to snort sodium chloride in a gas station bathroom at 3 AM, just have an ear piercing and dampen the hair around it and carry a bowl around, and you've got a story that's Too Weird To Be Making Shit Up.

#seriously how do y'all stay out of trouble #I Am Just Living My Life why does that incite so much suspicion.#this time was fair though i 1000% looked like a criminal who was about to drive home under an influence #blogging #FOLKS WHO FOLLOWED FOR ART I HOPE YOU ENJOY STORYTIME TOO LOL.#I saw THIRTEEN!!!! shooting stars while driving last night #i think that is a new personal record. was there a meteor shower? surely there was.#Two of them were bright enough to leave a dust trail.. ⭐︎つ⭐︎#mountain roads are so scary lol what do you Mean there is no guard rail on this narrow winding road that drops off into Death Zone #not to mention when there is snow on the road..?#my tires spun out the other night because i was clinging too close to the uphill side of the mountain and went off the road #in my defense i could not see the lines on the road on account of they were covered by snow #anyway i sunk deep but luckily i have 4WD so i could wiggle out without help #but the snow gripped my tires and pulled them in the opposite direction i was trying to go..#what if i was driving on the side facing downhill and slipped off the road and the snow gripped me.#best case scenario: car is Funked. worst case scenario Death #anyway i think my ear is slightly less painful & inflamed this morning..? i am going to go wash it at a much less sussy hour #the sky is so clear and bright here...#madly in love with the milky way.#i wonder how often ppl assume ppl are sneaking hard drugs when they actually have a completely legal reason to be acting strange.#not that i'm not living on the fringes of the law rn with the whole car thing and that's the only reason i had to be weird at a gas station #but like... lives be strange and complex and human behavior is rarely as simple as it seems there is always a story!

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