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#and 3. idk do other marginalized people get that advice?? that actually they should try dating chasers??
corvidcall · 2 years
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i saw a good post abt how fatphobia comes up in fat peoples sex/dating lives (which I'll probably reblog later, when i have time to add stuff to the tags) but hooooooh boy it did dredge up some stuff for me!!! and now im upset!!!!
#anime life#ive been fat my whole life and it's!!! its been rough!!!!!!#its been traumatic!!!!!#and the fact that it really feels like no one has ever truly desired me and nobody ever will is. ugh.#i wish it werent part of it bc it feels soooo pathetic#and when ive asked ppl for advice about it what ive gotten in response has been almost insulting#thin ppl spending a lot of time telling me how bad they feel for me. how sad hearing about my personal life made them.#a lot of 'have you tried dating a fat fetishist?'#which like. 1. no they dont want me either 2. theres a good chunk of ppl who fetishize fat bodies but still hate fat people#and 3. idk do other marginalized people get that advice?? that actually they should try dating chasers??#i feel like i havent seen it#or i get told i should try dating fat men. like i wouldnt if given the chance????#i love fat men. they just also. historically. dont like me#ive known a lot of fat men who view dating a fat woman (or whatever i am) as disgusting and demeaning!!! at best its 'settling'!!!#god. one bit of advice i got was i should try dating nerdy guys. incredible#once again: they don't want me either!!!!! im TOO nerdy to the point it's off-putting!!!!#YES im a nerd. NO i dont watch mcu stuff. or dcu. or lotr. or star wars. or got. i dont like any of the big things#my main fandom was and always will be a 12 year old free browser game#im wildly unrelatable and i hate most really big tentpole nerd properties. except dnd that ones ok. but ive also written ttrpgs so like.#idk i think im disqualified from being the nerdy gf* people would actually want lol#anyway. its not a big deal i guess#just the kind of advice that makes you feel even more hopeless.#when i think abt it i cant help but laugh..bc i mean. what else can i do lol
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writingwithcolor · 3 years
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What Does Our "Motivations” PSA Mean?
@luminalalumini said:
I've been on your blog a lot and it has a lot of really insightful information, but I notice a theme with some of your answers where you ask the writer reaching out what their 'motivation for making a character a certain [race/religion/ethnicity/nationality] is' and it's discouraging to see, because it seems like you're automatically assigning the writer some sort of ulterior motive that must be sniffed out and identified before the writer can get any tips or guidance for their question. Can't the 'motive' simply be having/wanting to have diversity in one's work? Must there be an 'ulterior motive'? I can understand that there's a lot of stigma and stereotypes and bad influence that might lead to someone trynna add marginalized groups into their stories for wrong reasons, but people that have those bad intentions certainly won't be asking for advice on how to write good representation in the first place. Idk its just been something that seemed really discouraging to me to reach out myself, knowing i'll automatically be assigned ulterior motives that i don't have and will probably have to justify why i want to add diversity to my story as if i'm comitting some sort of crime. I don't expect you guys to change your blog or respond to this or even care all that much, I'm probably just ranting into a void. I'm just curious if theres any reason to this that I haven't realized exists I suppose. I don't want y'all to take this the wrong way because I do actually love and enjoy your blog's advice in spite of my dumb griping. Cheers :))
We assume this is in reference to the following PSA:
PSA to all of our users - Motivation Matters: This lack of clarity w/r to intent has been a general issue with many recent questions. Please remember that if you don’t explain your motivations and what you intend to communicate to your audience with your plot choices, character attributes, world-building etc., we cannot effectively advise you beyond the information you provide. We Are Not Mind Readers. If, when drafting these questions, you realize you can’t explain your motivations, that is likely a hint that you need to think more on the rationales for your narrative decisions. My recommendation is to read our archives and articles on similar topics for inspiration while you think. I will be attaching this PSA to all asks with similar issues until the volume of such questions declines. 
We have answered this in three parts.
1. Of Paved Roads and Good Intentions
Allow me to give you a personal story, in solidarity towards your feelings:
When I began writing in South Asia as an outsider, specifically in the Kashmir and Lahore areas, I was doing it out of respect for the cultures I had grown up around. I did kathak dance, I grew up on immigrant-cooked North Indian food, my babysitters were Indian. I loved Mughal society, and every detail of learning about it just made me want more. The minute you told me fantasy could be outside of Europe, I hopped into the Mughal world with two feet. I was 13. I am now 28.
And had you asked me, as a teenager, what my motives were in giving my characters’ love interests blue or green eyes, one of them blond hair, my MC having red-tinted brown hair that was very emphasized, and a whole bunch of paler skinned people, I would have told you my motives were “to represent the diversity of the region.” 
I’m sure readers of the blog will spot the really, really toxic and colourist tropes present in my choices. If you’re new here, then the summary is: giving brown people “unique” coloured eyes and hair that lines up with Eurocentric beauty standards is an orientalist trope that needs to be interrogated in your writing. And favouring pale skinned people is colourist, full stop.
Did that make me a bad person with super sneaky ulterior motives who wanted to write bad representation? No.
It made me an ignorant kid from the mostly-white suburbs who grew up with media that said brown people had to “look unique” (read: look as European as possible) to be considered valuable.
And this is where it is important to remember that motives can be pure as you want, but you were still taught all of the terrible stuff that is present in society. Which means you’re going to perpetuate it unless you stop and actually question what is under your conscious motive, and work to unlearn it. Work that will never be complete.
I know it sounds scary and judgemental (and it’s one of the reasons we allow people to ask to be anonymous, for people who are afraid). Honestly, I would’ve reacted much the same as a younger writer, had you told me I was perpetuating bad things. I was trying to do good and my motives were pure, after all! But after a few years, I realized that I had fallen short, and I had a lot more to learn in order for my motives to match my impact. Part of our job at WWC is to attempt to close that gap.
We aren’t giving judgement, when we ask questions about why you want to do certain things. We are asking you to look at the structural underpinnings of your mind and question why those traits felt natural together, and, more specifically, why those traits felt natural to give to a protagonist or other major character.
I still have blond, blue-eyed characters with sandy coloured skin. I still have green-eyed characters. Because teenage me was right, that is part of the region. But by interrogating my motive, I was able to devalue those traits within the narrative, and I stopped making those traits shorthand for “this is the person you should root for.” 
It opened up room for me to be messier with my characters of colour, even the ones who my teenage self would have deemed “extra special.” Because the European-associated traits (pale hair, not-brown-eyes) stopped being special. After years of questioning, they started lining up with my motive of just being part of the diversity of the region.
Motive is important, both in the conscious and the subconscious. It’s not a judgement and it’s not assumed to be evil. It’s simply assumed to be unquestioned, so we ask that you question it and really examine your own biases.
~Mod Lesya
2. Motivations Aren't Always "Ulterior"
You can have a positive motivation or a neutral one or a negative one. Just wanting to have diversity only means your characters aren't all white and straight and cis and able-bodied -- it doesn't explain why you decided to make this specific character specifically bi and specifically Jewish (it me). Yes, sometimes it might be completely random! But it also might be "well, my crush is Costa Rican, so I gave the love interest the same background", or "I set it in X City where the predominant marginalized ethnicity is Y, so they are Y". Neither of these count as ulterior motives. But let's say for a second that you did accidentally catch yourself doing an "ulterior." Isn't that the point of the blog, to help you find those spots and clean them up?
Try thinking of it as “finding things that need adjusting” rather than “things that are bad” and it might get less scary to realize that we all do them, subconsciously. Representation that could use some work is often the product of subconscious bias, not deliberate misrepresentation, so there's every possibility that someone who wants to improve and do better didn't do it perfectly the first time. 
--Shira
3. Dress-Making as a Metaphor
I want to echo Lesya’s sentiments here but also provide a more logistical perspective. If you check the rubber stamp guide here and the “Motivation matters” PSA above, you’ll notice that concerns with respect to asker motivation are for the purposes of providing the most relevant answer possible.
It is a lot like if someone walks into a dressmaker’s shop and asks for a blue dress/ suit (Back when getting custom-made clothes was more of a thing) . The seamstress/ tailor is likely to ask a wide variety of questions:
What material do you want the outfit to be made of?
Where do you plan to wear it?
What do you want to highlight?
How do you want to feel when you wear it?
Let’s say our theoretical customer is in England during the 1920s. A tartan walking dress/ flannel suit for the winter is not the same as a periwinkle, beaded, organza ensemble/ navy pinstripe for formal dress in the summer. When we ask for motivations, we are often asking for exactly that: the specific reasons for your inquiry so we may pinpoint the most pertinent information.
The consistent problem for many of the askers who receive the PSA is they haven’t even done the level of research necessary to know what they want to ask of us. It would be like if our English customer in the 1920s responded, “IDK, some kind of blue thing.” Even worse,  WWC doesn’t have the luxury of the back-and-forth between a dressmaker and their clientele. If our asker doesn’t communicate all the information they need in mind at the time of submission, we can only say, “Well, I’m not sure if this is right, but here’s something. I hope it works, but if you had told us more, we could have done a more thorough job.”
Answering questions without context is hard, and asking for motivations, by which I mean the narratives, themes, character arcs and other literary devices that you are looking to incorporate, is the best way for us to help you, while also helping you to determine if your understanding of the problem will benefit from outside input. Because these asks are published with the goal of helping individuals with similar questions, the PSA also serves to prompt other users.
I note that asking questions is a skill, and we all start by asking the most basic questions (Not stupid questions, because to quote a dear professor, “There are no stupid questions.”). Unfortunately, WWC is not suited for the most basic questions. To this effect, we have a very helpful FAQ and archive as a starting point. Once you have used our website to answer the more basic questions, you are more ready to approach writing with diversity and decide when we can actually be of service. This is why we are so adamant that people read the FAQ. Yes, it helps us, but it also is there to save you time and spare you the ambiguity of not even knowing where to start.
The anxiety in your ask conveys to me a fear of being judged for asking questions. That fear is not something we can help you with, other than to wholeheartedly reassure you that we do not spend our unpaid, free time answering these questions in order to assume motives we can’t confirm or sit in judgment of our users who, as you say, are just trying to do better.
Yes, I am often frustrated when an asker’s question makes it clear they haven’t read the FAQ or archives. I’ve also been upset when uncivil commenters have indicated that my efforts and contributions are not worth their consideration. However, even the most tactless question has never made me think, “Ooh this person is such a naughty racist. Let me laugh at them for being a naughty racist. Let me shame them for being a naughty racist. Mwahaha.”
What kind of sad person has time for that?*
Racism is structural. It takes time to unlearn, especially if you’re in an environment that doesn’t facilitate that process to begin with. Our first priority is to help while also preserving our own boundaries and well-being. Though I am well aware of the levels of toxic gas-lighting and virtue signaling that can be found in various corners of online writing communities in the name of “progressivism*”, WWC is not that kind of space. This space is for discussions held in good faith: for us to understand each other better, rather than for one of us to “win” and another to “lose.”
Just as we have good faith that you are doing your best, we ask that you have faith that we are trying to do our best by you and the BIPOC communities we represent.
- Marika.
*If you are in any writing or social media circles that feed these anxieties or demonstrate these behaviors, I advise you to curtail your time with them and focus on your own growth. You will find, over time, that it is easier to think clearly when you are worrying less about trying to appease people who set the bar of approval so high just for the enjoyment of watching you jump. “Internet hygiene”, as I like to call it, begins with you and the boundaries you set with those you interact with online.
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spnfanficpond · 5 years
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February 2019 Pond LiveChat Recap
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We had a great time chatting today with @impala-dreamer!! Thank you so much, Beka, for joining us!
We talked about self-publishing through Amazon, how to do it, what the benefits are, and the challenges to making a finished product. A rundown of the chat, as well as some general Pond news, is below the cut!
Q: What sort of music do you listen to when you write?
Beka: Oh, uh... Well, Actually, I have a lot of playlists on youtube. So it depends. I have a hardcore smut list that is just music that gets my hips moving... then a romance thing which is feely stuff. A "Deanspiration" list that oddly has zero Zepplin in it, just stuff that reminds me of him or gives me ideas. Sometimes I hear a song and it instantly snaps an idea. I write to music a lot.
Q: For everyone, do you reblog everything you read or do you think likes have the same “power” behind them?
Beka: No. If I read it, I reblog, unless it’s iffy. Iffy means, I read it, but wasn’t up my alley or I think it would be too triggering for people. I avoid those types of fics, anyway.
@mrswhozeewhatsis: There is a very small percentage of things I read that I won't reblog, but then, I haven't really read them, I've noped out for one reason or another. Usually grammar/formatting or content, not writing style, to be clear.
@girl-with-a-fandom-fettish: I guess one reason I suck at reblogging is a lot of the stuff I read has nothing to do with what is currently reblogged on my blog and that just doesn't match in my very matchy brain...is that just me?
@mrswhozeewhatsis: I believe that everyone should be able to put on their blog what they want. Some folks see their blog as a collection like in a museum. Some folks, like me, see it as more of a news feed. Collectors are less likely to reblog because they're carefully curating their blog. My advice to collectors is to then make a side blog where you can reblog the things you don't want to collect.
Q: What’s the biggest challenge you find in writing?
Beka: I think the biggest challenge for me is writing in the moment. I can't write if it's not flowing, and sometimes I try to force myself just to get the story out bc i fear i'm letting people down by not posting enough? But it’s not good when I do that, so I have to let myself go with the story that's with me at the moment. Sometimes it's two at once, like today. lol. Also, Sam is hard. (heheh no really, he is. also he is. but pg13)
Q: There are so many questions to about this process!
Beka: I do really get asked about it a lot, and it's really not that hard once you do it. It's annoying to navigate and decide what you want to do, but it really is awesome and not too frustrating. Amazon is really great because they do have an extensive help section AND message boards so you can ask and talk to other self publishers so it's like having someone with you.
Q: You said you chose to publish through Amazon. Out of curiosity, were there any other ways you heard about or considered before you settled on Amazon, and if so, was there a specific reason you didn't use them?
Beka:  I'm basically a Google fanatic, so when I decided to do this, I had no idea what I was doing so basically I goggled "How to self publish a book" and there were THOUSANDS of sites thrown at me. I honestly can't remember the other sites I looked at, but it basically came down to amazon was a company name I knew, I trusted, and had the best help and resources. And I have a kindle, so I figured that was easiest. I think I only looked into one or two others but I can't remember what they were. Amazon just stood out.  I did read up on like actually doing it yourself like through a book binder and all that and it was SOOOO much work this was just the easiest and most cost effective.
Q: Okay, but with Amazon, do they, like, own part of your content if you publish through them?
Beka: NOPE. I hold copyright to all my works. they just are the people who produce the actual physical book.
Q: What was the time frame, like from start to finish, I guess? Or the process if you don't mind. What did you have to do to get set up with Amazon?
Beka: Ok- so getting set up was easy. if you have an amazon account, you're good. Or you just make one. then there is a website- kdp.amazon.com -and they literally walk you through the entire process.  Someone up there asked how long it took -  I rushed it. my novel started as fanfic, which I wrote in about 2 months, then I took 2 weeks re-editing and changing to non-fanfic, then about a week editing again and formatting and then i had my hard copy. So, all in- maybe 3 months, but the actual amazon stuff takes a few days to get you a book in hand.
@kittenofdoomage: One thing I will say about Amazon, it's very convenient but I struggled with the covers and formatting.
Q: Did you have to use special software to submit your work?
Beka: I write in google docs, but amazon no likey- so I had to move everything over to Microsoft Word. and from there it gets updated. HOWEVER, there is now in beta testing an amazon program which I downloaded for my 3rd book but was too frustrated to figure out so I never used it. it's specifically for Kindle, but kindle didn't like my poetry format so I couldn’t do it.
@kittenofdoomage: They have step by step guides. And I use Google Docs, too, but you can download into a PDF or .doc file from there.
Q: So it's not a copy-paste thing, you upload the completed file then reformat it for amazon?
Beka: well... it's two different things for paperback and kindle. There are specific formatting guidelines for paperback such as margin sizes and gutters and such so when you turn a page it's not all wonky. Kindle formatting is MUCH easier to do. you just upload and it does it for you. The files for paperback need to be formatted with specific things. it's not hard... just annoying.
Q: You mentioned changing your fanfic into non-fanfic. Does that mean you can't have any fan elements in a story to publish it?
Beka: Well... my novel was basically a J2 x Reader BDSM fanfic, and so I changed J2 to original characters, I changed the show, the car, the everything. If you know that I write SPN fic, and you read it, you can see it's clearly SPN, but those who don't know SPN don't know that, because I've asked. lol. Also- someone read it recently and thought the Jared character was Jensen, so I guess I changed it enough.  I personally would not publish anything that actually said SPN or J2 or anything because those are copy-written characters and not mine so it does seem illegal to make money off of them, ya know? 
@mrswhozeewhatsis: It is actually illegal to make money off of fan fiction. The WB owns the characters and the show. If anyone else tries to make money off the characters or identifiable elements of the show, the WB can sue and win.
@kittenofdoomage: Those who use Patreon are covered under fair usage only because Patreon is a donation site.
Q: Were there any parts of the process that surprised you?
Beka:  Honestly, the entire thing surprised me. I went into it like just to see if it was possible and then i realized- I CAN’T publish my work. they WILL sell it. People WILL buy it. and it was all very shocking. It was scary, and I know people are intimidated by it, but it really was simple in the end, and if you want to do it- do it. It's awesome to look over at my bookshelf and see my name on actual, physical books ya know?
@kittenofdoomage: I was the same, Beka. I procrastinated for months. And okay, it wasn't a huge success but I learned from the first time, bettered myself the second time, and now.... I'm procrastinating again but that's not the point lol
Q: How much money do you make per sale?
Beka: It depends on the format and the cost you put. Like, for my short story and poetry book I make PROBABLY a few cents on it. My novel I make around $2 depending on the price I set. You set the selling price, and you can do sales and freebies. 
@kittenofdoomage: You can choose everything. They tell you how much you'll make from each copy sold.
Q: Do they tell you how much other authors sell similar works for, to give you an idea what others think is reasonable?
Beka: Yeah, you can look it up, too. They have a chart that's like, "This is your sale price. This is how much we take to make it. This is how much you get," and you can fiddle with it.
Q: Is there any kind of marketing happening on Amazon’s side, or is it all you?
Beka: They can do promotions, but you have to pay them to promote it.
Q: Did you look into promotion costs through Amazon? What kind of money are we talking, here?
Beka: Honestly, I don’t remember. When I see a fee of any kind I run for the hills because I'm cheap like that. lol. It's prob not too cheap BUT they also have this thing you can sign up for that's like a library kinda deal where your book can go on the free book a month kindle deal- i didn't do it bc you don't get royalties for it. but more people read it? idk what's best. It's all very over my head marketing.
@mrswhozeewhatsis: I guess if you're looking to become a popular selling author, and you have the cash to pay to promote it, then after a few books, it would pay off when you develop an audience.
Q: Do you think self publishing is the way to go long term, or maybe a better in terms of testing the waters? I realize you are still in the latter stage but I'm curious about your opinion...
Beka: Here's my thoughts: I used to be a singer/songwriter. I played in Manhattan. I had paying gigs. I recorded an album. I thought I could make it work. But I didn't go for it. No one handed me a record contract. I let it all go to have my kids and family.  I want to write. I realize no one's gonna stick their hand out and hand me a publishing deal. BUT I might be able to pay some bills with my books. I might be able to write enough, well enough to sell some books. and if i sell enough books, maybe a publisher WILL see me and then I can attempt the next stage.  I think self publishing is great. Why not? Do it if you want to do it. If you want to write, write. If you want to share it, share it. Who's to stop you? And if you can share it through self publishing with people all over the world?? freaking do it, man. 
Q: What is your best piece of writing advice?
Beka: OK, my best writing advice is... See it, feel it, write it. If you don't feel what you're writing, I'm not gonna feel it reading it. I think i'm more of an emotional writer than a descriptive. I can't tell you what the room looks like that they're in, but I can tell you how it feels that Dean just stepped on that Lego. ya know? Idk. Write what you see and feel, and put yourself into it, and it'll be amazing. 
Q: Are you a planner or a pantser?
Beka: Planner? SOMETIMES. It depends. I have plans for series, but shorter things I just go with the flow. I'm constantly messaging Ashley like "DEAN JUST DID X. I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING!" lol
Q: Do you outline at all, or just have a general goal in mind?
Beka: I do outline series. but not... strictly or drastically. Like, right now i'm working on a series for my kink bingo that's alternates between the brothers. I have a general plot line over all to follow, but i've also set it up like c1- flogging. c2- spanking, etc. 
Q: What is something you know now that you wish you knew before you published?
Beka: I think I'd tell myself to not worry and just freaking write what I want.
Q: Do you have a writing schedule or something that keeps you productive?
Beka: No. I try very hard to have a schedule, but I'm a little... slightly... bipolar I think and my writing follows my moods. I can write 20K in a weekend and then nothing for a week. I just literally ride the wave of ideas. Like, currently I'm in a slump. but I wrote 10K this week before the slump hit. It's quite annoying.
Except for some general conversation about the stupid places and times we all get ideas and the incomprehensible notes we’ve all left for ourselves, the chat ended. A good time was had by all, I think!! Thanks to everyone who was there! @littlegreenplasticsoldier @kittenofdoomage @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish @because-imma-lady-assface @canadianspnhunter (And two folks whose URLs I never got: Cassie and Shaila)
General Pond Updates and Reminders
Angel Fish Award nominations are due soon! Click the link for the list of raffle prizes! Remember, every nomination is an entry! So far, we’ve only received three or four nominations. If you have sent in a nomination, but have not received a private message confirming we received it, we didn’t get it. Send it in again! Be sure to use Submit instead of Ask!
Don’t forget to submit your stories to be posted to the blog! When your stories are on the blog, then they are easier to nominate for Angel Fish Awards!
SPNFanFicPond Season 14 Weekly Episode Writing Challenge - New prompts go up after every new episode, and there’s no deadline! Check out the prompts and rules at the link!
Say hi to February’s New Members!
Check the Pond CALENDAR to see when Big Fish will be in the chat room and other Pond and SPN events are happening! Know of something that’s not on the calendar, send us an ask or submission with the deets info details!  The calendar offers a lot of features, such as showing you when things are in your own timezone! Since we’re an international group, that’s a definite plus!!
Next month’s LiveChat details will be published as soon as we know them! Hope to see you there!
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