#am fear. fear is the mindkiller. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

optimistredsox · 11 months

Text

2 July, BOS @ TOR, 5-4, win

One of my best friends is a big Blue Jays fan so I am doing him a favour and keeping my mouth fucking shut about the current season record they have against the Red Sox. I think it’s the least I can do. He’s a good guy. His team is pretty good. Except, you know, for when they play us. Today was a little bit more Scrappy Rollercoaster than yesterday, with things not getting off to a great start for our crimson-stocking’d heroes. Garrett Whitlock only managed an inning before needing to leave the game with the genuinely horrifying phrase “elbow tightness” and the Sox once again had to seek many arms to get through nine. But it worked out ok. And even though the Jays took an early lead, we never let it get us down. Smart, speedy base-running, timely homers, relentless pressure on the opposition. They did all of that. It was a great game. I loved it. Let’s look at the bright sides.

Jarren Duran knows that fear is the mindkiller, but apparently he also knows how to hit the shit out of a baseball. He went five-for-five with FOUR doubles and three runs scored. At least one but probably two of the doubles were down to him being impossibly fast. Awesome.

Nick Pivetta was very good in long relief, going 4 innings and giving up one run with six strike outs. Good job Nick Pivetta.

Raffy Devers was 3-for-3 with 2 RBIs and actually managed to steal a base. I saw it with my own eyes.

Dugie had one hit, but it was the game-winning dinger in the top of the ninth that legit saved the day. He then caught the last out of the game.

Justin Turner was also very fast today, turning a throw-out at first into a run by being aggressive and smart and super fast. He was helped by a bad throw but it was very impressive nonetheless. Way to go, Ginger Gandalf.

Joe Jacques, having never pitched in the ninth inning before, went out in the bottom of the 9th and threw a 1-2-3 inning, getting the save and almost making me ok with the fact that he pronounces his surname “Jakes”. That’s some fucked up shit. But way to go, Joe. I think I’ll just avoid having to say your surname.

We won!

We got the sweep!

We’re over .500!

The Yankees lost! What an awesome Sunday!

#Boston Red Sox #Red Sox #Boston

2 notes · View notes

voidinthecosmos · 8 months

Text

the best separation btwn the two, i am so happy

if it werent for the lurking fear

but fear is the mindkiller and i do not fear

#oonoo

0 notes

muffystopheles · 5 years

Photo

Putting this everywhere as a reminder to myself. Nobody is criticizing me harder than I am. Nobody is analyzing my words as hard as I am. I cannot let this fear rule me. It is pervasive in its grasp, has so much control over the things I *don't* say, the things I *don't* do, the things I *don't* try. Fear is the mindkiller. I will face my fear. . . . #fear #fearoflookingstupid #dune #reminderstome https://www.instagram.com/p/B0PJpgkDjMu/?igshid=qqlhnh37oibk

#fear #fearoflookingstupid #dune #reminderstome

5 notes · View notes

keenathered · 3 years

Text

Friday, April 9, 2021

in my feels, as they say - understandable considering the date. is this gonna be a thing for me? crying at the new year and crying on/around my birthday? people cry after sex and here I am crying about something most everyone will experience and no one can avoid. I've been obsessively watching kpop tiktoks; even going so far as watching those compilations on youtube but even the biggest consciousness saw how pathetic that was and stopped. they don't make me feel nice. I'll get a laugh or chuckle but after I don't feel very good - showing me what I could/could have had; that I feel is another mindkiller - second to fear. I was so desperate for a husband naively believing my mother when she said after marriage, everything is how you want it. unlearned that real quick when she got specific on how I make life perfect for the man, not myself. I don't car what her reasoning was - she was setting me up for years and years of internalized misogyny. then I was desperate for a baby thinking I could pour love into something and get that and maybe more love back - that went on for many years when I was a baby myself; couldn't've been more than 14. now I'm desperate for a best friend. just one who can be everything that I am not so that we can become one whole human and who they are doesn't matter. do you see a pattern here? besides the desperation. I don't know how to behave/act in a manner that is not codependent

I had a thought the other day - since I've convinced myself that I have all this love to give - because if it were real life, I wouldn't expect/demand (thanks smother!) anything in return - and no one to love me how I want to be loved, then I should give it all to myself. I don't know if that is healthy - being codependent with yourself. prob isn't because codependency itself is unhealthy. peeps keep recommending that you should have a support system - therapist, chingu, etc - to heal properly but I don't know if I can someone who understands where I'm coming from - unless she's a Shia Saydani

anyway. these are all thoughts I'm having to distract myself from the fact that I haven't told the parents I've moved out - not *that* important - and that I am absolutely, pants-shittingly terrified of being independent with this job as my only means of income. I already think my apartment is shitty and poky/small and I haven't even moved in - that insecurity was telling when I reassured A that I don't need that much space; did she ask?? I'm embarrassed because the smother's voice is saying that I'm too good for this apartment when really, I'm not. there's no too good for/not enough for anything and embarrassment is all in your head - you can never control (shout out to smother!) what other people think about you; they value their opinion more highly than anything you'll ever do/say. it's a protective mechanism and most people have too big/tiny of an ego to see that

also, I don't think a year is long enough to be away from and heal from the trauma of moving back home after nearly a decade of semi-independence. that was me traumatizing myself, lolol. this is why I can't shake the knowledge that I wouldn't be able to even look at apartments had the father not insistedinsistedinsistedinsistedinsistedinsistedinsisted (I got a scar to prove how he manifested his words into proof that he's right; after all those years of living insured and dissociated and only when he won't stop saying something until you give in? that's where I get it from, huh, thinking that's how you convince - let's be real, it's manipulation by exhaustion - someone into do what you want; smother learned that from him. more and more I learn how toxic that marriage is; and how they've convinced themselves that it's normal [or what I would call healthy because there's no such thing as normal] 😱😱 no baby nonono) that I get health insurance - his coward's way of saying I had to get a job; just say it? just say what you mean? why is saying what you mean so hard when you do nothing but talk at people?

have I found it? have I found my peace? is it in self awareness? the thought of explaining it to the racist ww or the father - that you need to step outside yourself and watch yourself without feeling or judgement or bias to see where your flaws are (to acknowledge and hopefully work on but that's waay too much to ask for 🙄🙄)

0 notes

ladyxanatos · 6 years

Text

The Luke Skywalker Post

I pretty much did not sleep last night because I was too busy processing the Last Jedi and believe you me, it’s a LOT to process.

Because it is so much to process, I am prioritizing with the things I care about most, so hopefully anything that I run out of steam for won’t be the stuff I really wanted to talk about. I am also breaking some of my thoughts out into separate posts, because as I began writing I realized that I have way too much to say to reasonably expect it all to fit in one post.

[SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING]

OKAY, LUKE SKYWALKER, Y’ALL.

Luke Skywalker is my favorite SW character. I have made no secret that I had a lot of anxiety over Luke going into this film. I have not been quiet with my crit of Disney Star Wars, particularly over this character and the implications of TFA. As an avid reader of the “Legends” EU, I felt that this departure was going against nearly 30 years of (mostly) on point lore.

So, here’s the thing I realized as the release of TLJ got closer and closer. I have the EU. I have that version of Luke’s character development and arc. It’s not going anywhere; it is safe on my shelves. So, I went in having decided to look at Luke in this film as an alternate take on the character and primarily with the view in mind that I just wanted to see Mark Hamill’s acting skills in action.

So, color me surprised that I ended up being 100% on board with Luke in this film. It’s okay for Luke to wave a wobble (even a big one) of faith, as long as who he is at the core remains and as long as he ends up where he should be. I am pleased to say that, for this fanatical Luke fan, this was the case.

The Jedi criticism is exactly what I wanted. Critical of the old atrophied order and showing that the Force is more than that and the characters need to move beyond it and change. It’s perhaps a bit regressive in that we essentially already covered this in George Lucas’ original six part film saga, but spelling it out very plainly and in a succinct way through actual text instead of subtext is not necessarily awful.

I am ambivalent about the Yoda cameo. I like parts of it, but as a whole I question its necessity and execution. Also why did Yoda need yet another redesign?? Questions, questions.

I love the way the relationship between Rey and Luke builds and plays out. It’s tropey in the best ways and delicious and I am all about it. When I finally manage to get some sleep, I may be able to write more nuanced meta on the subject.

But particularly I loved Luke’s horror at Rey’s lack of horror about the dark side. This encapsulates so much. And although it was Luke’s whole shtick in ROTJ that he incorporated his darkness without fear, factoring in his experiences with Ben, this makes sense. Rey shows the proper (imo) attitude towards the dark; she faces it from a neutral position and lets it pass through her (I could go on a “Fear is the mindkiller...I will let it pass through me” Dune parallel spiel here, but I shall refrain).

SIDE NOTE: I loved, loved, loved all the talk about Force lore and the explanation of what balance in the Force means. Also saying the idea of the Force/balance being dependent on Jedi specifically is vanity is yes good. All my Jedi critical feelings.

The argument that Luke’s development has taken a major step back from ROTJ is perhaps valid, but I feel that Luke having become reactionary and “regressive” in some ways is 100% the point. He messes up so utterly and tragically with Ben and, sidestepping how in line with Luke’s original characterization I feel that is or isn’t, it’s such a blow to his ego (I don’t mean self-importance; I mean, his sense of self, the id) that, similarly to Obi-Wan on Mustafar, it can’t help but cause a kind of fracturing and regression. It’s an understandable and sound psychological response, imo.

Luke does need help recovering from that because in his trauma he forgot the source of his strength; his love for and connection with others. He retreats after Ben turns on him out of a mixture of shame and a shattered view of self. Through Rey, Luke begins to forge a new connection, he begins healing, and this culminates in him reaching out, finally, to Leia. Luke finds himself again, that self that I love so dearly, in the climactic scenes at the end of the film. And I actually found his arc really moving.

Now, let’s talk about Luke at the end of this movie.

I’ve always said that I just need ONE MOMENT, one solid moment on film in a Star Wars movie of Luke Skywalker being the Jedi Grand Master he was born to be. AND I GOT IT.

I cottoned onto what was happening pretty quickly because Luke vs. Kylo was 10000% EU. And I was literally having to stuff my hands in my mouth to muffle my SHRIEKING (my brother can attest to this). It was just everything. Everything everything everything. And all my Legacy of the Force: Inferno feelings. Luke laying some smackdown on his naughty former pupil and showing the enormous gap between them...I am all about it.

Believe it or not, I love that this sequence showed that the Force and Luke do have limits (that was always a problem in the EU). Although Luke passing into the light at the end does muck up the structure a little (the Jedi, singular or plural, typically die in the third film), it would have been awkward to push it into the next film and...let’s be real, now JJ “I hate half of SW” Abrams cannot touch Luke. The most we can get in the next episode is a Force ghost cameo. My baby is safe from about my least favorite filmmaker. So, there’s that.

The actual moment of Luke’s passing was just not fair. It was just Luke Skywalker and John Williams and THAT DAMN SUNSET and I WAS BAWLING. LIKE, UGLY, UGLY SOBBING. It was beautiful and perfect and I can’t think of a better way for Luke to go, honestly. Like, I always knew Luke would die in these movies because of his positioning thematically as the Yoda, so I wasn’t shocked or scandalized. All I ever hoped for re: his passing was it to literally be this beautifully and respectfully done.

RIP Luke Skywalker, apple-cheeked farm boy and wondrously terrifying Jedi Grand Master of my heart.

#star wars movies #the last jedi #luke skywalker #sw spoilers #death tw //

21 notes · View notes