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aewriting · 4 years

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I forget where I saw someone say that their Roswell NM OTP is every main character and a good therapist, ha (edited to add - it was @soberqueerinthewild, THANK YOU!) but it’s soooo true, and it got me thinking. Full disclosure - Malex is my end game. I hope they get it together. But once they do, they have so, so much trauma and hurt and issues between the two of them that to have a real, healthy relationship it would take a lot of work. And so this little fic was born.

Warning for relationship strife.

(Also edited to now include a "keep reading" option, which I had NO earthly idea how to put in last night on the tumblr mobile app, ha)

Here’s the AO3 link, if you prefer.

***

Michael stumbles out of the bedroom bleary-eyed, out of sorts.

Trepidatious.

The tension eases, slightly, when he smells the coffee, freshly ground.

He hasn’t left.

Not, not that he thinks he would, really, not that he has for years, now, but he can’t help it if that’s where his mind still goes.

Prosthetic’s not on, and he’s moving stiffly, with the crutches. Michael feels a pang of guilt, then anger. It’s Alex’s own damn fault, stubborn ass that he is. Wouldn’t sleep in the damn bed with Michael, and wouldn’t let Michael take the couch. So yeah, he’s probably feeling it this morning. Boo fucking hoo. Maybe next time he’ll just give in...

Michael should have never let him sleep on the couch.

Should have, could have locked him in the damn bedroom.

Michael knows he can hear him - Alex is always hyperaware of shit like that. He probably heard him the instant his feet hit the floor. So it’s frustrating as hell that he’s made no move to turn toward Michael yet, that there’s been no acknowledgement of his presence.

“Hey,” Michael finally says. Loud. Probably obnoxious. He’s wearing only his boxer briefs (nice ones, an Alex purchase last Christmas), and god dammit he’s gonna use that, knows it’s always been one of the best weapons he’s had against Alex and his moods. He ambles over to the kitchen, overly loose. Casual. Leans back, hands on the counter, body on display.

Alex finally eyes him, swallows hard. “Here,” he says, placing a mug of hot black coffee next to Michael’s hand.

The corner of Michael’s mouth quirks up, almost sly. “Thanks.”

“Mmm hmm,” Alex says. He’s still not looking at Michael, not really.

Michael makes a show out of blowing on the coffee, sipping it. He sniffs the air, frowns. “What am I smelling?”

“We had some bananas going bad. I made banana bread. It’s in the oven now.”

Michael’s frown deepens. “How long you been up?”

A shrug. “A while.”

And Michael can’t help it. “Guess the couch wasn’t too comfortable, then?” He sees the slight shake of Alex’s head, the eye roll. Then the guilt comes back, full force. “Look, I’m sorry. About last night. I should have texted.”

Alex is still just looking down at his own coffee cup, face tense.

Michael heaves a sigh and pushes himself off the counter. Approaches Alex from behind, finds him overly stiff when he finally touches him. “I’m sorry, okay? Real sorry.” Skims his hands down Alex’s arms, to his hips, his thighs. “Come to bed and I’ll show you just how sorry.”

And normally, that would do the trick. Alex would fix Michael with one of those dark, intense looks of his, or maybe roll his eyes, even - bite back a smile. The sex was always good like that, too - a little wild, dirty. An edge to it.

This morning, though, Alex exhales. Shrugs off Michael’s touch. “I...” he starts. Then, “No.”

Michael’s eyes widen and he stumbles back, chastened. Scared, honestly. Because in all the time they’ve lived together, he doesn’t think Alex has ever turned him down, not quite like this.

He suddenly feels overexposed, shrinks back. Alex is wearing sweatpants, a sweatshirt. Michael wishes he would have pulled something on before coming out of the bedroom.

And he’s pragmatic. Cause he’s had to be. Already thinking about next steps, the Airstream. Isobel’s got a condo now, a nice one - same developer that did Kyle’s, though Isobel’s is nicer, of course... there’s no way her Homeowners Association is gonna let her shady brother park his shitty Airstream in the damn parking lot. He’s saved up some money, though, in these past few years, living with Alex. He’ll, he’ll have more options now than he did at 28, at 17.

He looks at Alex warily, watches him sit down heavily at their little kitchen table. He hangs his head, grips his coffee cup. “Are... are we fooling ourselves?”

“What?” Michael folds his arms in front of himself, like a barrier.

Alex isn’t looking him in the eye. “I just... All those years, when things didn’t work with us, it was so easy to blame all the other shit. The big, external things.”

And shit... this, this might really be it, Michael thinks. He, he’s been waiting for this - like, it was always kind of there in the back of his mind, but it... it maybe, really being here is something different. He tracks Alex’s every expression, every movement with wide-eyed alarm.

“My dad. DADT. Just, like, the military in general. You being,” he exhales shakily, “being an alien. Us seeing other people. And everything with Caulfield, Project Shepherd.”

Alex purses his lips. “But... but it’s just us now. And, and what if that’s the common denominator? Like, what if we’re the problem?” He’s shaking his head, looking stricken. “Dad’s dead, Project Shepherd’s shuttered...”

Michael leans his head back, sighs deeply. “What do you want, Alex? Just, what is this about?” Their eyes finally meet, briefly. “This is more than me forgetting to text.”

“Yeah, yeah it is.” Alex’s brow is furrowed. “It’s... it’s all the texts, that you’ve forgotten.” Michael open his mouth to protest, but Alex barrels forward. “And it’s all the times I’ve gotten mad about them. It’s the way we fight about stupid shit, like keeping the cabin clean, or what we should do on the weekends.” He bites his lip. “It’s all the times one of us has slept on the couch. All the times I’ve thought you were out with someone else. Someone easier, less complicated. All the times you’ve thought I was leaving.”

He’s rubbing at his neck. “Like, do we really think we can do this?”

Michael’s whole body feels tight, coiled. “Do you?”

Alex’s shoulders slump. “I... I don’t know, honestly.”

“Fuck,” Michael mutters, looking away.

“And that’s not to do with you.”

“Bullshit it’s not,” Michael grits out. “Don’t give me this ‘it’s not you it’s me’ bullshit.” He shakes his head. “Not with me.”

“Fine,” Alex says. “But it’s both of us. Like, we’ve been through so much shit, Michael. So much. And the way we grew up...” Alex’s eyes narrow. “You know I don’t know a single couple I’d want to be like? Not a single one where I’m like, wow, that’s a great relationship. Maybe I can have that someday.” He gives a disbelieving little laugh. “Not one! And sure as hell not, not a queer one. Or...” There’s another nearly hysterical little laugh. “Or an interspecies one, for fuck’s sake.”

Michael licks his lips. He’s, he’s grasping for ways to talk Alex down. “Is this about the wedding? Like, second thoughts? Are you, are you not ready?” Michael swallows. “Like, if you need time, I’ll give you time.”

Alex is just staring at him, and Michael starts ticking through the boxes of what else Alex could possibly need, want right now. “Is it, is it the idea of being with, with just me?” And god, he hates what he’s about to say, but he says it. “Cause, cause fuck, Alex, I love you. God knows I, I had years to fuck around. And I know you didn’t get that like I did, with the military and your dad and shit, so if you want that -“

“What the actual fuck, Michael?”

“I, I’m just saying -“

“Have you heard anything I’ve just said?”

And now Michael’s hurt. Offended. “Of course I have.”

“And your first thought was, what, maybe he wants to open this up?” Alex is looking at him, incredulous. “Like, do you?”

“No!” Michael exclaims. “I just, I love you Alex. I, I want you however I can have you.”

“And that’s part of the problem!” Alex says, desperate. “You’re so... so damn self-sacrificing sometimes. And let me just put it out there, for the damn record, you have me. You’ve fucking had me since I was 17, and, and I think I have you, but is that enough?” Alex is hunched over the table now. “Like, I want this to be good for us. Healthy. But, but how can we even know what that looks like?” He shakes his head at Michael. “Like, healthy is not volunteering to have a god damn open relationship at the first sign of trouble. Especially when you don’t even want one, my god.” He blows out a breath. Looks down. At his leg. “And it’s also not, not being a stubborn bastard and ignoring your own health just to stick it to your boyfriend and sleep on the couch.” He curses low, under his breath. “We’re both the problem, and I don’t know what to do with that.”

“I...” Michael starts, then stops. Buffy chooses this instant to trot up to him, curl herself against his bare legs, and fuck, he can’t, can’t imagine leaving Alex, leaving her...

“I left a voicemail for Dr. Ling this morning. Told her I want to start up regular sessions again,” Alex says quietly. “And I think, well, it was her suggestion, actually, when I was seeing her before. She said that maybe we should consider couple’s therapy.”

Michael scoffs, at that. Rolls his eyes.

Alex sees, and his jaw tightens. “You know,” he starts. “ I think it’s more than a little - “ he breathes, regroups. “I think it’s telling that you’d sooner suggest that we fuck other people than actually talk to someone about this.”

And fuck if he doesn’t have a point, there.

The truth of it rattles Michael, and he finally sits down across from Alex. Sets the coffee mug on the table, a little too rough. “I don’t want to have to go in there and lie.”

Alex purses his lips. “I... I get that. I know you hate that. But, with this, I think we could still get something out of it. I mean, I have to lie. To Dr. Ling. About you.” He sees Michael’s face. “And I know that’s not the same. It’s definitely not. But, but I think it could help us, Michael. I mean, even if we never even touch the alien stuff, there’s so much else.” He pauses. “And maybe, maybe we could learn. Learn to really talk to each other. So that when we did need to talk, about anything - even the alien stuff, especially the alien stuff - we could.”

And Michael looks at him, really looks. He’s just this side of desperate. Almost pleading, but... but there’s still hope. And the hope does it. Because he wasn’t lying when he said he’d do anything for Alex, and he knows it says something really fucking strange about him that, even after all these years, he’d find it easier to, to take a goddamn hammer for him than to open up like this, in this way. But at his core, he knows he’s right.

He breathes deep and looks right at Alex. “If it’ll keep you off this couch,” he says, pointedly, “then yeah, I’ll go put in my time on a different one.”

And Alex, Alex looks so relieved. Reaches across the table and grasps Michael’s hand with his own, still warm from gripping his coffee mug. “Thank you.”

Michael leans forward, then - cradles Alex’s face with his other hand, and gives him a kiss. A real one. Not urgent. Just... genuine.

And Alex smiles, pulls away and looks down, almost shy.

“What?” Michael asks.

“I, I just...” Alex finally looks at him, quirks an eyebrow. “I told myself I wasn’t gonna do this, this morning, told myself that we were gonna talk, but, well... want to spend a little time on, on our couch, first?”

The invitation is clear, and now it’s Michael’s turn to be relieved.

“Yes.”

#my fic #malex #roswell nm #relationship drama #everyone on this show needs therapy

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commander-rahrah · 5 years

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RESIDENCY (AN OPEN HEART FIC): PART NINE

Pairing: MC (Jordynne Holland) X Ethan Ramsey X Bryce Lahela; MC X Bryce; MC X Ethan

Masterlist: Click Here

Chapter Rating: T (Swearing)

Word Count: 5300+

Description: Jordynne helps Ethan confront Dolores’ family, and she finally finds out the truth about Patient X.

Disclaimer: Characters, storyline, and parts of the dialogue are taken from Pixelberry’s Choices. They fully own the characters, dialogue, backgrounds, etc. MC Jordynne’s background is my own creation, based loosely off of MC in-game’s personality and provided with more details.

Author’s Note: I have been trying to write in more original pieces, but there were a few scenes from in-game that I just loved too much that I wanted to include as part of Jordynne’s story. Also, I skipped Chapter 9 because MC and Ramsey fighting about her thinking he was playing a joke on her with the patient was super out of character to me and I hated it soo I’m pretending like it never happened. As always likes, comments and reblogs are very appreciated! If you would like to be added to the tag list please reply on here or DM me! <3

Update: I was on mobile view and went to fix the tags and it deleted all of the text in the post but not the post?!?! So I readded the text just now. Mobile Tumblr will be the death of me.

Taglist: @drakewalkerfantasy @owleyes374@professorortegasstudent@mindlessdreaminxo @mayar-mahdy @paisleylovergirl @nicquix @emilymay100 @octobereighth @jenp02cutie-blog @llamasgrl @timmagicktoad @lilyofchoices

Previous Updates: Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight

PART NINE

“As usual, Rookie, you’re only half-right. And in medicine, that counts for nothing.” Ethan took a sip of his coffee, using the cup to hide his face. Lonely? Is that what she thought of him? Could she see through him that easily?

The vibrating of his pager on his hip saved him, “Come on, then. My pager is buzzing. We should be getting back.” Ethan finished the rest of his drink in a swallow, tossing the cup into the garbage can.

He watched as Jordynne tried to carefully balance her cup in one hand while trying to put her coat back on with the other. Letting out a chuckle, he watched her struggle for a moment before grabbing onto the loose sleeve she was having trouble with.

Holding it out for her, she gave him a breathless, “Thank you,” before staring down at the ground for a moment after he helped her, her cheeks flushed.

Nodding his head to the door, the pair left the small cafe, their strides falling in pace with each other. The walked in silence for a moment, shoulder to shoulder.

“Are you dating that surgical intern?” Ethan blurted out, not really registering the words coming out of his mouth.

A look of surprise crossed Jordynne’s face, and she turned to look at him. “What?”

He clamped his mouth shut, waiting for her to answer.

“Just trying to figure out the politics of this place?” She raised her eyebrow — repeating herself from when she dug into his relationship with Harper.

He chewed his lip subtly, “Sure.”

Shoving her hands in her pockets, she strode a bit ahead of him — but not before he saw her cheeks flush red again, “I’m not dating anyone, Ethan.”

”I’ve just heard some nurses gossiping. That’s all.” He tried to keep his voice casual.

Her blonde hair flicked wildly as she flashed him a look, “I never took you for a gossip, Dr. Ramsey.”

He stammered, “I’m — I’m not.”

She stopped in front him, making him stop in his tracks, “Then why do you care?” Her arms were crossed over her chest.

Why did he care? Ethan strained to keep his face blank, “I’m making conversation, Rookie,” He said with a shrug, before stepping around her and walking a bit faster. This is the exact opposite of distancing yourself. Stop it. He thought to himself.

He heard her let out a loud sigh, before stretching her legs to keep up with him. “Dolores’ sisters are visiting the NICU again today. Their finalizing everything with the social worker.”

Ethan’s footsteps slowed — allowing Jordynne to catch up. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye — she was watching him, waiting for his reaction.

“Are you ever gonna come meet with them? They’ve been asking for you for weeks now, Ethan.” Her eyebrows were high on her forehead.

“I know.”

She let out a quick breath through her nose, “Dolores named her child after you. His aunts deserve to meet his namesake.”

“I know, Jordynne.” He said abruptly. Shoving his hands into his jacket pocket, he hid his balled up fists. “They’ll look just like her.”

She nodded, her green eyes shining, “Yeah, they do.”

They were standing outside of the hospital now, several feet from the entrance doors. “You just need to do this, Ethan, please. For me.” Her green eyes were big, trying to catch his.

He stood there silent, his mind racing and stomach twisting at the sight of her face. He watched her take the final swig from her paper cup before she placed it in the trash can next to them. “Thanks for the coffee, Dr. Ramsey.” She gave him a sad smile, before heading through the sliding doors back into the hospital.

Ethan stood there on the pavement for a moment — staring at the spot that she had been standing in. There were too many thoughts running through his head — facing Dolores’ family, figuring out what was wrong with Naveen, the competition. How angry he felt when he saw Jordynne and that damn scalpel jockey together. Her lips on that coffee cup — god, he wished he could be that cup. He cut his thoughts off, shaking his head. With another loud sigh, he ran his fingers through his thick hair before heading back into the hospital.

_______________________________________________________________________

The hallway was brightly lit and quiet — the trio spoke in hushed tones, just standing outside of the NICU window. Ethan’s hands were tied behind his back — his fingers intertwined together, keeping them steady. He was focusing on keeping his face normal — be professional.

“We’re so glad Dolores had you. Knowing she had a friend with her — it helps.”

His Adam’s apple moved deeply as he gulped down the building sense of guilt. “I’m sorry. I wish I could have done more.”

“Dolores would just be happy baby Ethan is okay. We’ve made peace with that.” The two sisters were the spitting image of her — just some wrinkles and a few grey hairs setting them apart. They had handled everything so gracefully — he had no idea how they were doing it.

“Dr. Holland has asked to be updated on baby Ethan — for us to send pictures and emails. Would you like that too?” The older of the sisters offered, her eyes soft.

Ethan glanced behind him through the window, spotting the familiar blonde standing in the NICU chatting with an Attending. He hadn’t realized it but she had spent a lot of time in there — even though the case was done, the file handed over to the social worker. She was still working closely with Dolores’ family. Jordynne cared so much — and she was starting to show him it wasn’t the worst thing. “I would. Thank you.”

The sisters gave him a small smile, nodding their heads in agreement. They glanced through the window once more, before fidgeting with the purses on their shoulders. “Well, we should head over to the social worker’s office. Thank you, for speaking with us Dr. Ramsey.” They both took turns placing gentle hands on his elbow.

“I’m sorry it took me so long.” He croaked out, his voice low.

The pair looked at each other knowingly for a moment, before turning back to him. “We know, honey.” Joining hands, the two sisters walked down the long hallway together. Ethan watched them until they disappeared around the corner.

Stepping back into the NICU, Ethan hesitated at the door. The other Attending had left — it was just Jordynne in there now. He felt his heart squeeze as he watched her. She was cradling the baby in her arm, his head pressed up onto her chest as she gently bounced him up and down. She hadn’t noticed him yet — her eyes still low as she stared at the top of the baby’s head, a small smile spread on her pink lips.

Jordynne finally looked up, realizing Ethan was there. “Hey,” She whispered, her smile remaining on her face.

“Hi,” He kept his voice low, walking towards her. He stopped a couple feet away, still trying to keep his distance from her.

Her green eyes studied his face as she continued to cradle the infant, her eyebrows furrowed a little in concern, “You okay?”

He nodded at her, keeping his eyes trained on the baby. His lips curved into a smile when he saw how peaceful he looked nuzzled up to Jordynne. “You’re good with him.”

“This little guy and I are best friends now.” One of her tan fingers grabbed onto his tiny hand, lifting it slightly. “I still can’t believe you don’t want one of these,” She pursed her pink lips, staring down at the tiny fingers.

“I never said I didn’t want children.” He said quickly, before suddenly stumbling on his words, “Just that — that I didn’t think they would be in my future.”

He watched her chew her lip softly, thinking before speaking again, “Things could change.” She said earnestly, offering the baby’s hand for him to take.

Ethan offered the infant his pointer finger, which it eagerly took, wrapping its fist around it. “Two full-time doctors and a baby, do you really think that’s a good mix?”

“Two doctors, hey? So the enigma Dr. Ethan Ramsey only dates doctors. Good to know.”

Ethan scoffed, looking up to roll his eyes at Jordynne when he suddenly realized how close he was to her. His hand was less than an inch from her chest as he held onto the baby’s hand. His face so close he could smell her perfume again and notice the freckles dusting her nose and cheeks. A heat started to spread through his neck and up onto his face. “That’s not what I meant.”

Jordynne’s sly smile only grew wider as she noticed his face redden. “I’m just teasing.” The smile faltered as she looked into his tired, green eyes, “Are you sure you’re okay, Ethan?”

Gently taking his finger back, he took in the image of Jordynne cradling the small infant to her chest once more, his stomach tightening with want and guilt. “I’m fine.” The vibration of his pager saved him again, and he sighed in relief. “Don’t forget your other patients, Rookie.” He said coldly, before turning on his heel and heading out of the NICU quickly.

______________________________________________________________________

The warm glow of the bedside lamp was shining in the room, casting a low glow on everything. Ethan sat in a chair, watching his friend laying in the bed. Naveen’s breath was short and shallow, his eyes fluttering as he fought sleep. Feeling a lump forming in his throat, Ethan put his elbows on his knees, bowing his head into his hands as he blinked away tears.

Sensing someone watching him, he looked up and his eyes met two familiar green ones. He saw the flick of blonde hair as the person started to run away. Anger flared in him at first, then waves of guilt of keeping it from her. He jumped to his feet, rushing past Naveen’s bed and out the door. “Rookie! Stop!”

Jordynne froze in place, her shoulders pushing up into her neck. Spinning on her heel, she gulped as she faced him, “Dr. Ramsey… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean…,” She stood on her tip-toes, glancing over his shoulder, at Naveen’s window. “But… didn’t Dr. Banerji resign? What is he doing here?”

Ethan felt his face fall, realizing what this meant, “Jordynne, you cannot tell anyone what you’ve seen here. Do you understand?” Naveen would never forgive him if the hospital found out because of this.

She nodded profusely, her eyes wide. “I understand.”

“Thank you…,” He let out a sigh of relief. Ethan scratched his stubble roughly — it was getting long, he really needed to go home tonight.

“Dr. Ramsey… what’s going on?” Her eyes were filled with worry, watching his movements intently.

Sucking in a ragged breath, he finally answered her. “He’s dying. Dr. Banerji is dying.” There — he had admitted it out loud. It was out in the universe now.

Her eyes darted back to the window, “What… what does he have?” A worry line formed in the middle of her brow.

Shaking his head, Ethan stared down at the ground as he admitted his defeat, “I’ve been trying to figure that out for the last month.”

Pursing her pink lips, she tried to catch his eyes, “Dr. Ramsey… I’m so sorry. I know how close you two are. This must be incredibly difficult.”

Ethan’s tired green eyes finally met her blue ones. He nodded to her in a silent thanks.

“There must be a reason you’re hiding him here…”

“I…” His pager beeped, interrupting him. A grimace flickered across his face — the one time he didn’t need a save from his pager. Quickly reading the message, he mumbled an apology, “I’m sorry, I have to go. Please, say nothing of this.”

“Dr. Ramsey!” She raised her hand to him like she was going to grab onto him but thought better of it. “You can’t just tell me one of the greatest doctors this country’s ever seen is dying and then… walk away!”

Ethan felt torn, unsure of what to do. He needed to tell her — it felt so good knowing that someone else knew too. He needed to explain this to her but he couldn’t do it here. There was too much to risk. Rubbing his chin again, he let out a sigh. “Come by my house after work tonight. I’ll explain everything, I promise.”

Jordynne nodded, her eyes studying his, “I’ll be there.”

He let out a sigh of relief at her acceptance. “I mean it, Jordynne. Not a word of this to anyone.” Instinctually, he grabbed onto her forearm — his face serious. “Not even Harper Emery. Promise me.”

She swallowed, her eyebrows furrowing. “I promise. You can count on me, Ethan.”

He let go of her arm gently, their touch lingering on his fingertips. “Thank you.” His pager angrily beeped at him again, and he gave her a nod goodbye. Turning on his heel, he passed by Naveen’s window on his way out. His steps faltering as he caught sight of his friend — he looked so small in that bed. The man was everything, so big, so untouchable before — but now. Ethan swallowed the emotion building in his throat, attempting to refocus as he left his friend all alone once more.

_______________________________________________________________________

Wringing his tan hands together excitedly, Bryce had to force himself to slow his pace. He had killed it in his last surgery. Dr. Nguyen had said he was seriously impressed with him and he couldn’t help but continue on his high.

Turning down the hall on floor five, his brown eyes searched for the familiar blonde hair and white coat. He found her, standing in front of the vending machine — her eyes glazed over as she absent-mindedly chewed on her fingernail. He was memorized watching her pink lips — especially after he had experienced what they could do the other night.

“Jordy,” He sidled up next to her, bumping her with his hip gently.

“Huh? Oh, hi.” Jordynne said, her voice quiet. Her eyes didn’t leave the vending machine.

“So, I was thinking,” He grabbed onto her hips playfully, turning her to face him, “We could go somewhere other than Donahue’s tonight?”

A sad smile flickered across her face, “I have plans tonight actually.”

“Oh! What did Sienna plan for the roomies tonight?” He questioned, flashing her a smile.

“Nothing with them,” She glanced over his shoulder, biting her lip. “Look, I gotta run.” She grabbed onto his bicep easily, giving it a quick squeeze. “Tomorrow, Lahela. Okay?”

She had taken off before he could answer, stopping at the nurses’ station quickly before heading into a patient’s room.

Bryce’s dark brow furrowed in confusion, watching as she disappeared from him. Who would she meeting if it wasn’t her roommates or him?

_______________________________________________________________________Holding down the buzzer on the intercom, Ethan’s eyes darted to his reflection in the mirror hanging in his entry way. He looked exhausted — purple bags under his eyes, his stubble dark and rough, the grey sweater he wore wrinkled. Nervously fussing around with his hair, he waited for her knock at the door.

The sound of her knuckles on the other side of his door caused his stomach to tighten nervously. Turning the knob, he took in the sight of Jordynne. She stood in his doorway — blonde hair still in her usual ponytail, but she had changed into a cream cardigan and jeans. Her fingers were curled around her messenger bag nervously, her green eyes taking him in.

Rubbing his eyes wearily, Ethan motions for her to come inside. Jenner was dancing around their ankles excitedly — already trying to sniff her. “Rookie. Come on in.”

He watched her bend down to greet his dog, smiling down at the pet. Her eyes darted around staring his apartment, and her pink mouth opened a little. “Wow. Nice digs.”

Shrugging, Ethan closed the front door quietly before glancing around his apartment. “I’m barely ever here. Wine?” He padded into the kitchen, grabbing onto the already opened bottle sitting on the quartz counter. He had already had a lot of it — on account of his guilt from Naveen and nervousness at Jordynne coming into his apartment. His hand hesitated over the empty glass he had set out for her — waiting for her answer.

“Yes, please.” She said. She was eyeing his books now, still bent over petting the dog, who was now following her every move.

He poured her a glass, matching his already very full one.

“That’s probably enough…,” He heard her say softly.

“Huh?” Realizing, he stopped pouring the wine. “Oh, sorry.” He grabbed onto the glasses, and held it out for her, finally seeing the worry in her eyes.

Their fingers brushed as she grabbed the glass, her eyes not leaving his. He raised his glass in front of him, letting out a sigh, “To the unknown.”

She humored him, clinking her glass to his, “To the unknown.” Her voice was quiet.

Ethan took a long sip as he sat down on his leather couch, feeling defeated. He eyed his furniture — wondering where she would go. The spot next to him, the armchair. He licked his lips as she sat next to him, their legs brushing as she adjusted. Jenner immediately sat in between their legs, his tongue panting as he begged for her attention again.

She ignored the dog for the moment, turning to face Ethan, “Dr. Ramsey… what’s going on? What’s Dr. Banerji’s diagnosis?”

He stared down into his wine glass, his eyebrows furrowed and lines formed in his forehead, “I don’t know.”

Her mouth hung open, “But you’re the best diagnostician in the country!”

A short, mocking laugh escaped him. “The second best.”

Giving up, he watched as Jordynne put down her glass long enough to scoop up Jenner and place him on her lap. She scratched him absent-mindedly, balancing her wine in the other hand, “When did his symptoms start?”

He breathed in through his nose, recalling the memory, “About two months ago. Started out small enough. Cough, fever, confusion. I noticed he was having trouble with his memory. When I confronted him, he said he was just getting old. But there was something in his eyes when he said it. I knew he knew something was wrong.”

Her eyes hadn’t left his face, “What did you do?”

“Whenever I told him to take time off and rest, he laughed and told me to focus on the real patients.” He chewed on the inside of his lip. “It progressed to severe headaches and high fever. He couldn’t keep fluids down.”

“Meningitis? Pneumonia?” Jordynne offered.

Ethan shook his head, grimacing, “I hoped it was just that. But then it got worse. Breathing trouble, organ dysfunction.”

“He’s in sepsis.”

Ethan nodded, keeping his eyes away from her — staring out into his apartment. It was filled with things he never even had the chance to use. He stared at the record player in the corner — if it hadn’t been for his cleaner, dust would be settling on it. It had been months since he had used it.

“I told him I was going to tell Dr. Emery. He chased me down and begged me to keep it to myself. I’ve never seen him beg before. The idea of anyone knowing he was sick… almost seemed to break him.”

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “But… why would he feel that way?”

He took another sip of his wine, “I’ve spent so many nights wondering that myself. Sometimes I think he just can’t stand the idea of being pitied. Other times I wonder if he assumes that anything he can’t diagnose is really hopeless.”

“Ethan…” His name on her lips caused him to grip the wine glass a little tighter.

He continued speaking, “Either way, he won’t tell me.”

“So… he wasn’t seeking treatment? He wasn’t even treating himself?” Her eyes were so big as she listened to him. She was taking in every word, she cared so much. Why? Why did she care so much?

“No, I struck a deal with him. I told him I’d keep his secret if he let me work his case. He said it was a waste of time, but he relented. I began running tests on him under a false name.”

“Patient X.” She answered for him, “Nobody got suspicious?”

A chuckle escaped Ethan. “You mean, besides you?” He took another long sip of his wine, before giving her a small, humorless smile. “People tend not to ask questions when I want something.”

Jordynne licked her pink lips, “But you didn’t tell Chief Emery…,”

He shook his head, “Perhaps the old her would’ve taken my side. But today, she’s the administration. Her duty is to the board of directors now. But it must be done. When there isn’t a path, you make your own.”

She placed her thumb in her finger, chewing on it as she thought, “Alright, but what did the tests show?”

Rage flickered in him, “Nothing. I’ve run every test I can think of and nothing is conclusive. And now his kidneys are failing.”

Her hand lingered on her lip, squeezing the soft, pink skin, “Is that why he resigned?”

“Yes. It was impossible to keep pretending everything was fine. He thought it was the end… he almost booked a flight to lay on a beach and die in the sun.” Ethan looked up at the ceiling, swallowing down the emotion forming in his throat. “It took everything I had to convince him to let me admit him in secret and get him on dialysis.”

Getting up, he strode over to the kitchen counter again, filling up his wine glass. He offered the bottle to Jordynne, who held out her wine glass for a top up in silent agreement. He emptied the bottle into her glass, before settling in front of one of the windows. He leaned up against it, looking out into the dark skyline, “I just don’t understand it. I’ve spent my entire career saving lives and solving problems. It’s always been… easy. And it never… it never really meant anything. It was like a game I’d mastered. A — a competition against death I was winning handily. And now…,” His voice broke, water forming in his eyes, “I lost Dolores, and I’m going to lose Naveen. The two people on Earth I gave a damn about are the two people I couldn’t save.”

“Don’t talk in past tense, Ethan.” Her finger played with the rim of her wine glass, her face turning sad, “Dr. Banerji means a lot to you, huh?”

He stayed quiet for a moment, keeping his eyes on the night-time view outside as he took another large gulp. “He’s my mentor.”

“I think it’s more than that.” She said seriously, twisting so she could look at him better. Her chin resting on the backrest of the sofa.

His green eyes met her blue ones, he couldn’t lie to her. “I’m not close with my parents. I became a doctor without their help or approval. Honestly, I never thought I’d need or want anyone’s approval. When I arrived at Edenbrook, I knew I wanted to learn from the best. And Dr. Banerji was… is…,” He corrected himself, “The best. I expected him to be hard on me. But I didn’t expect him to be so… so kind. He recognized my talent and took me under his wing. But he became more than a teacher. He became…,”

“Family?” She offered, her eyes understanding.

Ethan nodded, his fingers playing with the stem of his wine glass and he blinked fast. “Naveen never married. He doesn’t have any children. I’m all he’s got.” He placed his glass onto the coffee table, crossing over in front of the sofa, staring into Jordynne’s eyes. “I can’t let him die, Jordynne. And I can’t break his trust. If anyone finds out the truth, he’ll fly out to that beach, and I’ll lose any chance I have to save him.” He slumped back down into the sofa, his knee bumping hers. “I don’t know what to do. I’m only one doctor.”

Hunching forward Ethan pushed his head into his hands, covering his face. He started taking big breaths, trying to calm himself down — to stop the water welling in his eyes. His breath faltered for a moment as he felt her warm hand reach out and grabbed onto his knee and massaging his leg. He didn’t move away from the gesture.

“I’m here.” She said quietly, ducking her head so she could look up into his eyes.

He gulped, his eyes flicking to her hand that was still on his leg. “I know.”

“You’ll solve this.” Her voice was serious, her mouth in a hard line.

He chewed the inside of his cheek, “You sound so certain.”

Jordynne nodded at him, “I am. If there’s anyone in this world who can, it’s you.”

Picking his glass back up, Ethan swirled around the last of the red liquid. “I just hope it’s not too late.”

“We’ll figure this out.”

“We?” He questioned, looking over to her. Jenner was still cuddled up onto her lap, his eyes closed happily as she strached his head. Her cheeks were flushed from the wine, and it had stained her lips a little. She looked so comfortable — sitting on this sofa with him.

“Ethan, you’re not alone in this anymore. Let me help you.” She reached out and grabbed him again, her fingers gently grabbing onto his wrist as he went for another sip of wine.

He brought the glass away from his lips, nodding at her. “Okay.”

She pushed some of the hair that had fallen out of her ponytail back behind her ear, biting her lip. “Did you eat? ‘Cause I’m starving and all this wine is going straight to my head.”

“Right,” He got off of the couch quickly, startling Jenner. Taking their now empty glasses, Ethan placed them on the counter and opened up the fridge. He heard the pads of her feet behind him and the familiar jingle of his dog’s collar following her. He looked at the empty fridge, sighing, “I, uh, haven’t been home in a few days. I could order something in…”

Jordynne scoffed at him, “Dr. Ramsey, you need to be more resourceful.” She ducked under his arm holding the fridge open, looking into it. Her back was so close to him, her hair tickled his nose. “All my years as a starving medical student has trained me for this.”

Stepping back, Ethan left her intoxicating scent behind and he gave her room to work. He watched with a smile as she started grabbing jars and a block of cheese out of the fridge — juggling the supplies in her arms. Her hands automatically went to his cabinets and drawers, seemingly finding exactly what she wanted every time she opened one up — almost like she had been here before. A warmth spread through his chest as he watched how comfortable she was in his home, even after spending less than one hour there.

She placed a charcuterie plate in front of them — it was pretty bare, but it had some cheese, pickles, olives, and crackers. Her face twisted into a playful smile, “Better than nothing?”

“Better than anything I would have found in there.” He grabbed onto the plate and placed it onto his bar, sliding out the two stools in front of it for them. He steadied the stool for Jordynne as she sat down, and she looked over her shoulder to smile at him, in a silent thanks. Sitting down at his own stool, he realized how close they were to each other again — their elbows brushing each other. Why were they always so close? It was like she was a magnet.

The pair picked at the charcuterie plate in silence for a moment — the only sound was the occasional whimper of Jenner begging underneath them. Ethan’s eyebrows started furrowing as he got lost in his thoughts again, thinking about Naveen laying in that hospital bed all alone tonight. But when he looked up to Jordynne, it softened a little, the line in his forehead going away. “Why did you become a doctor, Jordynne?”

Her eyebrows lifted a little at the question as she finished chewing her cracker, “Hmm, my mom.”

“She wanted her daughter to be a doctor? Not a lawyer, or accountant?” His mouth went dry, but not from the crackers or wine. He had gone against his parents wishes when he became a doctor, maybe she just followed in line with what was expected with her.

“No, nothing like that. She was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was eleven. Her doctor was amazing — she was intelligent and passionate. I just couldn’t think of anything else I would want to be after that.” There was a small smile on her face as she told the story. It made Ethan’s stomach flutter. “And I’ve always loved science. Medicine just… it felt right. It’s what I meant to do.”

He watched her, studying her again. She was so determined but gentle. Kind but fierce. Both a lion and a lamb. He wasn’t sure how long they sat there for — picking at their food, asking each other questions about their lives — both in and out of the hospital. She skirted around questions about Naveen, giving him some space which Ethan wholly appreciated. He didn’t bring up Lahela again — even though he was dying too. He also wanted to know why she was here with him, why she cared. But he was too afraid of the answer.

Around midnight, he watched as she gathered her things and started placing dishes in the sink for him. “I should probably get going, I didn’t realize how late it was.”

Getting up from his stool, Ethan shoved his hands in his pockets, suddenly feeling awkward. Maybe it was because he didn’t want her to leave. “Thank you for letting me explain.”

“Of course,” She nodded at him. Her fingers were knotted in her messenger bag nervously as she stood near the door.

“I would take you home, but with the wine…,” He motioned back to the empty bottles sitting on his counter. “Can I get you a cab at least?”

“Oh, it’s fine. The subway will be good.”

He looked out at the dark night sky, and his stomach twisted. He could walk with her — would that be crossing a line? “Can you text me then? When you get home? So I know you’re safe.”

Her pink mouth opened in surprise a little, but agreed, “Oh, yeah sure.” She gave Jenner one last scratch behind the ears, and got up and left. “Goodnight, Dr. Ramsey.”

“Night, Rookie.” He noticed the flicker in her eyes as he called her that — a flash of hurt. But then she was gone down the hallway. Waiting for her to disappear from his line of sight, he closed the door softly and padded back to the couch — slumping into it.

Jenner lingered at the door, staring up at it as if he was waiting for her to come back any moment. “Jenner, come here.” He patted the spot next to him, but the dog didn’t budge. “Boy, she’s not coming back.” The dog’s ears drooped a little and he waddled over to the sofa. He sat on the spot Jordynne had used earlier, sniffing it before curling up in a ball on the seat — his eyes sad.

Ethan let out a sigh, noticing his dog’s reaction, “Ugh, not you too.” He reached out and scratched behind his ears. Suddenly, without her presence, his apartment felt emptier than ever.

Part Ten

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peach1337xo · 7 years

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Ooo wow I actually got tagged in one of these things! Thankyou @metatronmanticore! xo THE LAST: 1. Drink: Red cordial 2. Phone call: A lady from my employment services agency. She's cool. 3. Text message: Mum's coming over tomorrow morning to bring me some cold medication. Woot! 4. Song you listened to: Yellow Magic Orchestra - Loom 5. Time you cried: I was having a pretty shit time of it last week but I'm not sure if I actually *cried*.

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: A long period of yes/no/yes/no/yes, but does that really count? 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Oh like lots of times. Plenty. 8. Been cheated on: Oh yeah. 9. Lost someone special: Not in a death sense, but definitely in a they've gone away permanently sense. 10. Been depressed: Uhhhh...only for as long as I can remember? 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: This is basically my favourite thing to do. I need to stop that.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12. Purple 13. Yellow 14. Green (I don’t actually know if these are my favourite colours because limiting a colour to a simple name like this is kind of redundant and not very expressive -- there’s all the shades and hues in the world that don’t have names -- but this’ll do for starters.)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Not really, but certain friendships have grown a lot more. 16. Fallen out of love: I fell out of love with an entire city. 17. Laughed until you cried: Oh ya. I try not to because otherwise my make-up runs and that shit stings. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: I don't think people talk about me. 19. Met someone who has changed you: Have I even met anyone new in the last year? 20. Found out who your friends are: Oh yeah. Definitely. 21. Kissed someone on your facebook list: Apart from the Euro-airkissies, just one. 22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: About 90%. There's a few Bemani heads from around the place I haven't met IRL. 23. Do you have any pets: No! And I'm devastated about it. Once I get my shit a bit more together I'll adopt a pupper. 24. Do you want to change your name: I did for the longest time, because it's so hard to find my name on shit. Also I have to spell it out so it gets written down the right way. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I had an eye injury so all my plans for a shit-hot 30th birthday went out the window. I hung out with Mum and Dad and ate chocolate cake though, and that was really nice. 26. What time did you wake up: Ummm, about 7.30am? 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was asleep! Work today. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Things to get a little easier, for everybody. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Uhhhh, shit I don't know! Couple of weeks ago? 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: You know what this is so don't even ask. 31. What are you listening right now: My own tinnitus and the clack of the keys beneath my fingies. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: AND NUMBER THREE IS NEVER SAY HIS NAME. (Who needs that sentimental bullshit anyway...) 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: The ongoing ritual of trying to escape poverty while mentally ill. 34. Most visited Website: Three-way tie between Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr. I just stay in a refresh loop of those three all day.

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME: 35. Mole/s: I have a few little ones on my arm and one on my back. 36. Mark/s: I have a birthmark on my ass, and one on my leg that looks like a ballet shoe en pointe. 37. Childhood dream: Wear a tailored suit, have a BMW, and have a mobile phone. 38. Hair Colour: The most boring shade of brown ever, and a bit of an auburny reddish brown on the bits that still have dye on them. 39. Long or short hair: Long hair. I wish I could cut it off for management's sake but I look shit with short hair. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: I have girly crushes on a lot of people. This Tumblr is mostly a collage of whichever hot celebrity I happen to have a crush on this week. 41. What do you like about yourself: I still pick myself up and give it a go after life routinely explodes in my face. 42. Piercings: Just my earlobes. 43. Bloodtype: No fucking clue haha. 44. Nickname: Some peoples used to call me Peach. Now I have a real name again and it's sad. 45. Relationship status: Spending a lot of time with someone spesh and going on monthly burger dates and going to record fairs and only ever watching Twin Peaks at the same time and sharing each other's clothes and going for drives and singing to Radiohead together, but it's not a relationship. I don't want to call myself single though because there's nowhere else I'd rather be. 46. Zodiac: Scorpio. 47. Pronouns: She/Her 48. Favourite TV Show: Currently watching Twin Peaks, I'm Dying Up Here, Underbelly 49. Tattoos: Nothing yet. One planned. 50. Right or left hand: Right handed. 51. Surgery: Nah. I should have taken the opportunity to get my ears fixed though. I'm a total wingnut, but I don't want it done for cosmetic reasons anymore though. They just hurt after a few hours in headphones. 52. Hair dyed in different color: I'm not really into abnormal coloured hair, but I do put through a permanent box dye every now and then when I can be bothered. 53. Sport: Not an athlete, but avid sports watcher. Gimme soccer and basketball, mostly. 55. Vacation: I need to spend a good long stretch of time in New York City before I cark it. 56. Pair of trainers: Vans Authentics for me!

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: I just ate a pretty shithouse frozen pizza. That was disappointing. 58. Drinking: Still drinking red cordial. 59. I’m about to: Probably resume flicking through Tumblr for a while longer, and then perhaps get onto working on tomorrow night's radio show. Maybe. 61. Waiting for: My pay to go in so I can buy this wicked-cool faux leather jacket. 62. Want: A better damn pizza because that shit I just ate was disappointing! 63. Get married: Having a party and committing to the best person ever? That sounds like something I want to be a part of. But, only when everyone else can. 64. Career: I'd love to be able to do radio as a full-time paid gig because I like hiding alone in rooms and talking to myself. Also, on the radio no one ever has to know how shit at life you are. The ultimate image job.

WHICH IS BETTER: 65. Hugs or kisses: I can make out for days. I am a makey-outey person. 66. Lips or eyes: I guess if I like someone I'm always looking at their lips because I'm thinking about getting all makey-outey with them. (See #65) 67. Shorter or taller: I like someone I can get makey-outey with without too much effort. 68. Older or younger: The closer in age the better, and generally older than me because I'm old fashioned/ingrained misogyny or something. 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Gimme a set of arms that look great in a tight t-shirt. 71. Sensitive or loud: It's possible to be sensitive *and* loud. I mean, just look at me. I guess I prefer sensitivity though. 72. Hook up or relationship: Hooking up is evil and yet here I am been doing it for a whole year now. 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Give me a bit of trouble, but I'm almost always the troublemaker. I need a bit of trouble so I know I'm not completely terrible when I do it.

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: Loooooads of times. 75. Drank hard liquor: DRINKIN' HARD STUFF. LISTEN TO THE RADIO. FULL BLAST! 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I lost a pair of Prada frames once. They were fucking expensive. I also look back and they were pretty fugly so good riddance I guess. 77. Turned someone down: Yeah. 78. Sex in the first date: I've had sex *before* the first date. 79. Broken someone’s heart: I'm sure I have. In fact, I know I have. 80. Had your heart broken: Ohhhh ya. Aw geez. 81. Been arrested: Not yet! I've done a TONNE of shit worthy of an arrest though. 82. Cried when someone died: Not anyone I've known personally, which is odd. Some of those big celebrity clangers get to me though. Especially the suicides. 83. Fallen for a friend: Several times. It almost always does not turn out well.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: I do! I just don't have many opportunities going for me right now where others can believe in me too. I'm in the business of generating those right now. 85. Miracles: Nah, more just sheer fuckin' luck. 86. Love at first sight: Not so much "love at first sight" but more of a "this person is going to be very important to you someday", because I definitely believe in that. 87. Santa Claus: Nah. I believe in Father Christmas. 88. Kiss on the first date: As I have already established, I am a big ol' fan of making out so yeah I normally go for it. Fuck it. 89. Angels: Sometimes, when I feel very very desperate and alone, I'll have a pray. No harm in it.

OTHER: 90. Current best friends name: He knows who he is. 91. Eyecolour: Blue. 92. Favorite movie: Blade Runner, I think? Yeah. That's a pretty good one. I was supposed to tag people in this but I seriously can’t be arsed at the minute. I kind of picked at some old scabs writing this so I want to go back to flicking through Tumblr and stare at photos of Trent Reznor until I feel better.

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