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iwadori · 3 years

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Hey! I really liked that atsumu x reader fic where reader's Kita's sister. Could we get a similar fic but instead it's Kuroo dating kenma's equally as socially awkward sister/team manager?

Dating your Brothers teammate PT 2 (Kuroo)

Part One Part Two Part Three

Word count: 1.8K

Genre: angst, fluff

You were a first year in Nekoma high school

You kept to yourself, since you found it hard to make friends

You spent your time in your classes, the library or joining your old brother’s (kenma) practices, although when you did attend you didn’t socialize with all your brother teammates you either sat with a book on in your hand or (if you were lucky) played on Kenma’s nintendo swtich.

When Kuroo first saw you, he thought you were the prettiest girl that he ever laid his eyes on. He was speechless, to say the least. Kenma introduced him and you first as when you started in your first year, since he knew that you two should at least be acquainted with each other as you were all going to be walking to school together.

You found Kuroo very annoying (and that was an understatement) his debonair smirk, his wild wild bedhead and all of his continuous chemistry puns were things you found attractive annoying about him.

Sometimes when you attend practice, you could tell that Kuroo was trying extra hard in an attempt to ‘show off’ to you, but you took no notice since you knew what type of guy Kuroo was (well you thought). Kuroo was a heavy flirt (well everyone he laid eyes on) he also was a giant dick. To you, he was a your average stereotypical teenage boy.

One day, Kenma fell ill with a cold so it just left you alone to walk to school. However, when you left your house, you see the last person you want to see.

“Kenma’s not coming today” you whisper softly, but loud enough for him to hear.

“Yeah I know” he smiled

“So then why are you here?” you ask

“Well I’ll have you know Y/N, I’m here to see you.” he said as you start walking

On your route to school, you don’t say much just letting Kuroo talk about things or asking you questions to which you just nodded or shook your head in reply. As much as you’d like too, you didn’t know how to properly talk to someone like Kuroo, knowing the types of conversations he’s used to having with people, especially other girls.

Reaching the gates of Nekoma, before you could step inside Kuroo pulls you to side and puts his hands on your shoulders “Y/N” he says,

“Yes Kuroo?” you look up at him

“I just want to say I like you..” he says waiting for a response from you

“I-I ...umm” You didn’t really know what to say, although you did find him annoying beyond relief there were some redeeming qualities about Kuroo that you could think of. But would two even work properly?

From your lack of response Kuroo continued, “I’m sure you don’t trust me right now, but Y/N don’t worry I’ll make sure I’ll prove to you that I’m a good guy for you.”

You couldn’t do anything but nod, since you didn’t really know what to say to that. Just then, the bell rings and you were still frozen in place, only snapping out of your trance when you hear Kuroo shout from afar “Don’t worry Y/N im going to do my best to woo you!”

Over the next month, Kuroo is doing his extra best to get you to fall in love with him doing things like: walking you to your lessons, carrying your books for you, bringing you lunch and spending everyday complimenting you to your face and to his friends.

His actions made you swoon, you did feel more comfortable around him, although you haven't confessed your feelings yet, you were planning on to at the date that you reluctantly accepted to go on. You were going to have dinner first at this nice restaurant that you showed interest in ages ago and you were planning to watch a sequel to *insert favourite movie here* since he knew that you really liked the first one.

Before leaving out to the date you looked in the mirror giving yourself a once over. ‘Wow I look hot’ you thought smiling, you were kind of excited to see Kuroo and hear what he had to say about how you looked today. When you were leaving you were startled by Kenma who said

“Where are you going Y/N?” he asked with his eyes focused on his game

“Oh, to the library” you lied your cheeks heating up.

“Sure, you are...” he said

“Bye Kenma” you say putting your hand on the door knob

“Oh Y/N” he calls

“Mhm”

“You look nice today” making you smile wide giving your brother a ‘Thank you’ before finally leaving.

On the way to the restaurant, you had a pep in your step, you felt the happiest you’ve ever been in a while. You stood outside the restaurant and took a few deep breaths to calm the sudden surge of nerves that washed over you. You counted to 10 and walked in the resturaunt freezing at what you saw, there was Kuroo looking as handsome as ever but next to him was a beautiful girl who was tall and had long hair, pretty eyes and a great body who also reminded you of someone you knew (but you just couldn’t put your finger on it.)

She exclaimed “Tetsu!” and pulling into a hug, her boobs pushing against his chest making you cringe. You didn’t know what to do, you couldn’t compete with this European-looking supermodel, especially she already looks really friendly with ‘Tetsu.’

You storm out the restaurant a bit too aggressively, causing attention to yourself making Kuroo look at over to you, cursing himself for knowing how the situation looks to you. He chases after you, but sadly you were already gone.

When you got home, you rushed upstairs to your room with tears in your eyes. You knew this was stupid in the first place ‘Trusting a guy like Kuroo Testurou, how stupid can you be.’

Kenma came into your room, never asking or caring to know what happened as he knew that once you were ready to tell him you would. You and Kenma have always been close, as you’re both as quiet as each other you never felt the need to be surrounded by a bunch of people since both of you were just what each of you needed.

You managed to forget the awfulness of your ‘date’ getting distracted by trying to win in a game of Murder Mystery on roblox and also having fun trolling 6 year olds with your brother. The night was basically ended and before you dozed off to sleep and Kenma went to his own bedroom he said “At least talk to him Y/N” leaving your room not waiting for a response.

As you slept, you thought about what Kenma said ‘what more is their to say to Kuroo?’ You did think about all the possibilites of what could’ve really happened with Kuroo and that girl. Maybe they’re just friends? You didn’t want to think about the possibility of you being wrong. You were never wrong. So you just slept with the assumption of Kuroo being who you thought he was in the first place. A womanizing dick.

As lonely it was, you didn’t tag along with Kenma to the gym and you made sure to wake up earlier so you didn’t have to walk to school with your brother and your boyfriend his best friend.

Kuroo really wanted to talk to you again but you were heavy on the ignoring him. He even asked Kenma for help, but even though your brother was definitely always going to be on your side no matter what, he didn’t want to be in between his bestfriend and his little sister.

When you were walking home from school one day, you were stopped by the pretty girl that was with Kuroo on your ‘date.’ “Hi, my name is Alisa Haiba” she said smiling

‘Haiba’ you thought ‘Where do I know that surname?’ until you realised, “Oh your L-”

“Lev’s sister, that knucklehead is my brother” she laughed

“So what do you need me for?” you ask

“Me and Kuroo are just friends, I know you probably won’t believe me but me and him are NOT dating or anything romantic, he’s as much as a little brother too me then Lev is” she said

“Oh ok, thanks” you didn’t have any more to say and with this newfound information, you did feel more inclined to give Kuroo a chance, and that is if he even wanted one after all the ignoring and avoiding you’ve been doing. Now you feel stupid.

You thought back to all your times with Kuroo, making you smile. You knew what you had to do, you couldn’t shy away from this anymore, you thought about the scenario of him completely rejecting you and to be honest you were content with that as if ‘you don’t ask you don’t get’ or whatever the saying is. Since it was Friday, you knew that Kuroo would be at Kenmas playing smash bros on their switches (and that’s when you would usually spend extra time at the library to avoid him.)

So, you rushed to your house, dramatically opening the door exasperated. “Kuroo!” you shout, not even looking to see if he was there, to your horror there was the whole team over tonight who were quite humored by your shout.

You went red and then shyly whispered “May I speak to Kuroo please?” looking up at him “that’s if you wanted”

“Umm...sure” he said getting up to follow you into your room.

Kenma gave you a reassuring smile that read ‘Everything's going to be ok.’ You led Kuroo to your bedroom and sat on your bed fidgeting.

“I’m sorry”

You both say at the same time, making each other laugh he waits for you to speak, “Kuroo, I’m sorry for misreading the situation and ignoring you and making you out to be a complete dick, I know I’m probably a bit too late but I’d love to ask you on a proper date... one that I won’t run away on this time”

“Y/N, it’s fine. I’m sorry for not actually explaining the situation as I know what it looked like. And yes, I will definitely take you up on that date... that’s if you’ll have a ‘dick’ like me” he jokes

You playfully shove his arm, making you both laugh. You spend the rest of the night with Kuroo in your room catching up on all the things you’ve both missed out on in the time when you were ignoring him.

The date you went on was better than you imagined, Kuroo was definitely a great guy (making you feel even more stupid for assuming differently in the first place.) You developed an amazing relationship with Kuroo, which lead you to eventually become mrs Y/N Kuroo and having Kenma and Kuroo be able to officially call themselves ‘real brothers’

AN: I really actually enjoyed this one, so I hope you do too. <3

#haikyuu x reader comfort #haikyu angst #haikyu x reader #haikyu scenarios #haikyuu fluff #haikyu fluff #haikyu headcanons #kuroo x reader #kuroo headcanons #kuroo scenarios #kuroo angst #kuroo fluff #kenma x reader #kozume kenma #signedwithane😌

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sanktagenyas · 3 years

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alrighty so i guess coherent thoughts about this book might be a very generous estimate of what i’m about to write here but i’ll write down my thoughts anyway ‘cause i wanna share and possibly hear yours like for real interactions with my posts are not just welcomed they’re encouraged.

ok so to start our protagonists are alina and mal and our antagonist is the darkling and i pretty much related to alina right away because i love a hero with insecurities and doubts, i love an underdog so of course i was always meant to fall in love with alina starkov on sight. now the darkling... should be that i and everyone else would be beyond tired of the dark, tall, handsome and mysterious/scary men in fiction especially when they whisk our hero away for even more mysterious and/or nefarious purposes that they leave them completely in the dark about BUT the charisma fucking jump off of the pages i don’t know what else to tell you. and i am deeply intrigued about him and his backstory and also him and how he feels about our protagonist because when you catch the attention of a centuries old immortal being that says something about you but it says more about said immortal imo.

we come to learn that the darkling is beyond ruthless and yet he still a capacity for love after all this time even if it’s quite out of use to say the least. and just the fact that out of the thousands of people who have crossed his path there’s this one girl he saw and he was like well look at that someone who’s not unremarkable for once. and i know that’s not exactly a romantic sentiment but that’s how it starts, folks.

but anyway to cap my little ramble here despite the fact that i’ve seen that kind of villain before i do still really love the darkling. i like that we don’t have all the facts yet about what led him to become who he is so there’s just the right amount of mystery around him to keep you wanting to discover more and he is just human enough that he is not this caricature monstrous villainous figure (alina would beg to differ but i don’t listen to what alina yells at people when she’s angry)

now onto mal. i’m trying to word this in a way that doesn’t make me come off as a raging anti because the truth is that would require me to be invested in mal enough to hate him and as of now i’m just not. with book one being told entirely in alina’s perspective it’s pretty in your face that we should care about mal. our hero loves him and we want her to be happy, right? plus we really shouldn’t ship her with the villain there are so many wrong aspects about that dynamic just to name one aspect the deceit and the lies. the foundation of darklina is so fucked we should not ship it, right? well see that’s where i would argue that my biggest issue with darklina as a ship is the darkling in the final act all but saying fuck alina’s agency i’m going to make her my puppet for eternity not because that is necessary to accomplish my plan but because i’m jealous and resentful that she left me behind and didn’t embrace my plans for ravka and therefore embrace me.

and you might think wait i’ve lost the plot we were talking about mal and now we’re talking about darklina and the darkling but rewind back a little i said my issue with darklina in the final act of the book is the darkling pissing all over alina’s agency. and he might do that in more extreme ways than mal but mal certainly does seem to view alina as property at times and that implies him not respecting her agency. i could point to the fact that saying “don’t tell me we don’t belong together” is only framed as romantic statement because it comes out of the mouth of one of our protagonists and not our antagonist but that’s a cheap shot, it’s easy. instead i’ll echo my thoughts i shared about that malina reunion in chapter fourteen. mal was not one bit concerned about alina there and even though he says later on that not one hour was spent not thinking about her and wondering about her wellbeing all that flies out of the window the second he sees her with the darkling during the fete and here’s the thing if he had caught them mid makeout session i could understand him letting jealousy completely overtake him to the point that he doesn’t ask if she’s ok or how she’s been treated here and just assumes based on appearances (let’s not forget before she unlocked her powers alina was well and truly miserable regardless of the luxury afforded to her by her new grisha status so appearances don’t mean shit malyen) that she must be hunky dory and then tiptoes the line around slutshaming her but definitely crosses the line over into making her feel like shit for circumstances beyond her control territory and all that over seeing her do magic trickery at a party with another guy.

alina is allowed to be attracted to another man, she’s allowed to have feelings for another man. they’re both guilty of miscommunication as they obviously both feel the same way about each other but alina has the decency to keep her jealousy to herself and not have outbursts about mal getting close to other girls like she owns his ass or something. that put me off and then i was hoping there would be a talk that would clarify things and he would apologize and that happened but it also came with the revelation that mal was upset to see her happy with the darkling. so he’d rather see the woman he loves miserable and alone rather than happy and belonging? and that’s the romantic lead i’m meant to be fawning over? i’m just not seeing it right now and that’s why even as he so generously offers her absolution (idk if you can read my sarcasm but just to be clear it’s sarcasm) for having loved the darkling and tells her he loves all of her even the part that loved the darkling i’m like..... i don’t believe you boy.

i guess in summary my thoughts about mal as a love interest is i need some consistency you cannot have him throw a jealous fit over seeing alina standing with another man (that’s literally all they were doing for real) and looking happy about it and then have him be like i don’t care i love you anyway. you cannot have him act as though he owns alina and in the same breath throw in her face that the darkling owns her (i hate this foreshadowing thank you very much) and you cannot have him get cold or angry at so much of a mention of a life she might have that doesn’t include him and then expect me to believe he’s made peace with her having feelings for more than just him. he’s not even able to accept a scenario where she goes off and does shit that doesn’t involve him as he shows no interest in her life in the little palace for the longest time. meanwhile you can literally read all about alina wondering what happened to him and what he went through trying to get to her. and for the love of saints i would love it if alina would stop acting like she needs to be forgiven for these feelings i absolutely get that she feels conned and ashamed about it but you do not need to ask anyone for absolution for falling someone who made you feel seen for the first time in your life. fuck that noise.

i just know trust issues are gonna arise and i know he doesn’t feel that way truly. if alina turned around and at some point decided to show mercy to the darkling mal wouldn’t understand or accept it and i’d fully expect a guilt trip to ensue.

now that’s my thoughts on mal as a romantic lead and that’s about the biggest aspect of him we’re focusing on but i do think he is a brave man who genuinely cared for his friends and genuinely cares for alina as that whole journey to hunt morozova’s herd definitely proved. he loves her i don’t doubt that but one grand gesture doesn’t excuse the way he treats her earlier in the books is my point and as been pointed out by others i don’t like how much alina relies on him even when he isn’t here. her refusal to let go of him was directly affecting her happiness and overall health as she couldn’t come into her powers before she thought he was lost to her. if i’m not liking who the hero becomes when she’s with the love interest it’s a big indicator i’m not gonna love said love interest as much as i’m clearly expected to by the author. i like mal just fine, he’s not without redeeming qualities, i just don’t love him yet and i may never do and that’s ok.

now i wanna take a moment and a couple sentences (it won’t be a novel i swear, pinky promise!) to talk about the twist that i should have seen coming miles away and i already know once my sister watches the show or reads the book whatever comes first i will be mercilessly teased about not seeing it coming. but when i found out the black heretic and the darkling are one of the same my jaw dropped. as memers might say i took that personally. and even though we have a lot of grounds to covers still and unanswered questions such as is the darkling still alive? if he is what is he up to now? is baghra dead in a ditch somewhere or worse? will alina and genya ever see each other again? why was zoya so standoffish and violent with alina, what’s her story? the question in my mind most prominent is what happened to the darkling? what happened for him to become who he is. i love the quote monsters are not born they’re made and i much prefer to see a villain who wasn’t always one than one who is just evil for the evulz. so i want a backstory and i also wanna learn about baghra while we’re at it.

it’s all fun and well for her to denounce her son’s actions but and i hate to break it to her but YOU RAISED HIM LADY. so yeah baghra’s whole speech to alina is missing parts for sure because she’s not just gonna admit her hands are covered in blood as much as the darkling’s are. not without some pressing at least.

sooo to cap off all this i guess i would have just two throwaway remarks and that is that i am getting a lot of gay vibes from alina and if i took a shot every time she remarks on genya’s beauty or just gushes about genya in general i’d be drunk by now and i hope we get an actual queer romance somewhere in these books even just between side characters. second remark would be ivan i’m waiting for you to find some redeeming qualities my dude, i was rooting for you! at first he is a raging dickhead about it but seemed to mellow some and then near the end it’s right back to square one and i am really sorry about his brothers dying but having lost family members is not actually a get out of jail free card that gives you free range to mistreat people just because you can.

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone book spoilers #i'm not putting anti malina tags on here because i'm not interested in engaging in disc-horse #that's why i'm also not tagging characters or ships but if it wasn't clear i am darklina trash yes hello #this is a) a mess and b) far too long but it's what it says on the tin aka my incoherent garbage thoughts

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og-danny-dorito · 4 years

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Hellboy Headcanons

it's MY blog and I get to choose the hyperfixation (also it’s yearning hours)

S F W :

- big man big man big man big man big man b

- i love big man v much, and let me tell u smthn it's not for no reason

- so, let's just get a few things straight, the dude is canonically 7 feet tall, meaning that he towers over pretty much anyone. on top of that's he's got horns, a tail, a big ass rock hand thing, and on top of it all a fiery temper. at this you may be asking yourself “danny, if the man hasn't like no redeemable qualities why do you like him so much?” unless you're here because you ALSO like him and know he has a lot of them. let me explain

- so let me start off with some simple facts; he LOVES cats. he loves cats so much so that he actually has a fuckton of them, as seen in the first and second movies (not the one directed by david harbor because i'm not even going to look in that general direction)

- in fact, he loves cats so much that he probably wants to go to a cat café. the issue is that his hulking figure would probably scare away any other patrons at the cafés, so sadly he can't go. as an alternative he just has a whole lot of cats. a lot of the time he'll find himself taking pity on the cats on the street and thus leaving out cans of tuna or cat food in places he might frequent

- he also has a pajama set with cats printed on them but NEVER tell him that it's cute or he may not make eye contact with you for a week

- ah, on that subject matter, he actually gets flustered pretty easily. the only issue is that it's not easy to tell when he does, and when he allows himself to feel like that. it's usually when he's sitting in his room and not really thinking about much of anything (aka: relaxed)

- you can tell by how his face somehow turns a slightly darker shade of red, and the frown and gruff grunt he gives as a response imply an almost evasive nature. he doesn't get how you can say something so innocent about him of all people, but regardless it makes him feel a little bit a somethin

- i know he LOOKS like he will crush your skull, but he's a huge softie. yeah, he comes back to the BPRD base looking like he just fought god bare handed and butt ass naked, but that doesn't mean he's a huge meanie. in FACT, if he really does like you that much he's probably going to treat you like the exact opposite of his stereotype

- he tends to be attracted to anyone who can make him laugh, which is pretty easy considering his biggest weakness is puns. yes, you read that correctly, puns

- catch this dude loosing his shit because you walked in to his room, saw his cats piled up on his torso to absorb his body heat, and said “Wow, looks like you've got a MEOWntain on you, Red.” seriously he won't be able to breathe for a good few seconds

- his laugh is pretty hearty and rumbles in his chest like a washing machine on spin cycle, ending with a dry heave. if you've cracked him up that much he will snort. tiny little piggy snort. and then deny it directly afterwards like a big baby

- he himself is a pretty funny dude, the only issue is that he's selectively funny. usually when he's relaxed and just chillin out he finds himself cracking more jokes than he normally would. making someone he likes laugh motivates him to make more jokes, especially if their laughter is contagious. seriously, he's weak against funny laughs he can't MAKE himself NOT laugh if you sound like a dying horse when you laugh

- he's also pretty affected by other people’s moods even though like 90% of the time he feels shitty. if you're in a good mood then he can't help but feel a little bit better. the positiivty is contagious and not even hellboy can resist it

- thus why he can't for the life of him resist any ounce of cuteness or innocence or impenetrable positivity. like, he just can't help but feel the immediate need to protect

- yeah he likes goth chicks (have you SEEN liz) but have you ever walked around with a literal ray of sunshine glued to your hip? cause big man can't handle the amount of joy it brings him to have someone so happy all the time next to him. it just,,, makes him weak

- that and he's a huge dummy for anyone who's smaller than average but also tends to be fiery and hotheaded like him

- like he doesn't even have a “type” appearance wise but catch him falling head over heels for a positive, firey, and outright goofy person to match his dry and dull attitude towards most things

- he tries to act like he's above it, but the man likes cute stuff. even when he gets caught red-handed petting a litter of kittens he'll just be like “what? never seen a demon before?” and continue with his activities

- if you do end up being his s/o you may very well be the person who has to take care of his wounds because he barely trusts anyone in the med bay to take care of him without trying to experiment or take weird samples without his knowing. that said, he really hates going to the doctor

- you'd be susprized how uncomfortable it makes him, really. so you're probably the one to actually make sure he doesn't fucking die

- it's rare he'll come from work unscathed. in fact, a good portion of the time there's a new scar to add to the count. when asked he'll play it off with some dry humor, barely addressing the fact that his muscles ache like hell and his joints are killing him. you'll have to pressure him into letting you take care of him, which results in a pout and grumbles of protest as he removes his shirt. if he has any injuries near his thighs he'll probably be really hesitant to let you take care of them until you've been with each other for like a month or so

- that and he lowkey would die of embarrassment if you were trying to tend to his thigh wounds and just saw how HUNG he is but i'm gonna save that content for possible NSFW headcanons in the future

- mans super gentle with his s/o, like SUPER gentle. he doesn't want to hurt them, honestly, and just leaving a small bruise from getting frisky or play fighting makes him feel like a fucking monster. in fact, it makes his self-esteem issues worse. he might not touch you for a while if you happen to get a particularly bad injury, on or off the field (implying that you work at the BPRD- if you don't he still feels like shit)

- which means that he probably would like some validation if he does start to feel like complete shit. his skin is thick from his experience over the years, but shit still happens and it always will. he's reminded every day that he doesn't deserve you just by seeing your visual differences. he knows he's a danger to you and the people around him, and it makes him want to avoid everyone. but some gentle words of affirmation and kisses all over make him feel 10x better. it isn't hard to get him out of a funk if he knows you love him too much to find disgust in him

- he doesn't seem very affectionate, but once he knows it's okay to touch up on his s/o like it's no tomorrow he will most definitely release all his touch-starved cravings and be attatched to you all the fucking time

- he's pretty much always holding your hand (although his hands are pretty big so he might just resort to having your and in his without linking fingers) or got his arm around you or, his favorite, having you sit in his lap. he tends to be pretty up close and personal with you if you're all about it

- the only real problems i can see with this are personal distaste or maybe the fact that he's a walking space heater. seriously, hellboy is quite literally hot as hell regardless of the environment, and turns his heater up crazy high. he thrives best in the heat and remains pretty much unaffected by all temperatures. he hates the cold because it makes the tips of his tail and ears cold, but that's pretty much all it does

- you could be in a freezer and the most discomfort he'll feel is that his ears are like a little 👌🏼 bit cold

- so yes, space heater, and it's great if you live in heat like he does. sleeping with him means you'll never get cold again, and since he takes up a lot of space in his bed it's very likely that you'll be sleeping on top of him or at least somewhat touching him. so win win for him, obviously

- he also likes to crank the heater up because it causes you to shed more clothes, probably leaving you in a tank top and shorts while a sheen of sweat forms on your skin and your hair sticks to your face. and if that ain't hot, he doesn't know what is (pun intended). he'll put it down if you ask him to though, begrudgingly. he just likes seeing you breathless is all- ow, don't punch his arm like that

- god forbid anyone look at you like that though. you're wearing something mildly revealing? hell no. there are some bad people out there with even worse intentions and he is not letting some asshole look at you like you're a piece of meat at a butcher's shop

- so obviously he's a bit jealous. well, he's actually a lot jealous, but he won't admit it. just like he won't admit that he was about to kill the guy that catcalled you while you were walking down the street. or that he glared down at the person chatting casually to you about your dress. or that he- you get the picture. he's very protective of you and wants everyone else to know, although it may be because of an inherent self-doubt that says you might leave him

- maybe one day you'll see that you've been dating a demon all this time and be horrified and scared of him, leaving him in the dust for good. it's probably best for you, he thinks, but you'd never do that...right?

- regardless, he's protective of you and thus gets jealous easily. one way to tell is that he tends to become somehow even more attached to you with the person in question nearby. if it gets bad enough he'll just scoop you up and leave, no questions asked. maybe for the sake of your pride and protecting your embarrassment he'll make up some excuse, but as soon as you can tell that he's following you around like a lost puppy it's clear to see that something is up

- if he's getting particularly annoyed though or just wants to tease you, he'll slide his tail up your leg and watch you squeak and jump until pretending he did nothing wrong. the only real way to one-up this is to pinch the head of his tail softly and watch him tense up and give you a look of betrayal because he's crazy sensitive there and gets super unscrewed if you mess with him like that

- of course, looking at him innocently and letting him go once he finally retaliates is always entertaining enough to do again. it may even become a competition between you two to see who looses it and gives out the quickest (spoiler: you're probably going to loose if your relationship is sexual- dude knows his way around the human body and WILL use it against you)

- but it's kind of cute how much he craves your attention, considering it seems he'll do anything to get you to stay by him most of the time. he hates being apart from you and hates knowing you could get hurt at the same time, so it's very likely that you'll have protection wherever you go (if you're in his line of work though he may consider making you his partner, but when he brings this up to Abe the fish man automatically is baffled that a person could bring this kind of reaction out of his stoic and dry-humored friend)

- now for my FAVORITE part; Miscellaneous Headcanons :

he finds it hot as fuck when you wield weapons of any kind. like yeah you might be his soft precious angel and no one is allowed to touch you but him, but seeing you with a weapon of any sort makes him think about things he's guilty to even know to have though

oh i forgot to add that he's probably pansexual but is more attracted to feminine body types. doesn't mean he won't fuck someone with a dick, but it does mean that he's a big dom and he likes tiny feminine figures so he's more well-rounded and comfortable with women

calls you pet names all the time, including Doll, Kitten, Darlin, Sweet-cheeks, and maybe a shorter version of your name or a play at one of your defining traits (for instance, if your hair is red he might call you Little Red as a joke cause he's Big Red ahaha size joke funnyyyy). calling him a nickname in turn that isn't one of the usual like Sweetheart or Honey Bunches gets him blushing like he's got a fever. don't mention that to him though, or he'll get even more flustered (or do, your choice)

tends to be super flirty with you for shits and giggles, but gets a little riled up if you hit him with an equally witty and flirtatious remark. a little bite never hurt anyone, and he enjoys it more than most

he really likes spicy stuff, and is currently the champion of "The BPRD Fire-Eating Contest" which didn't involve actual fire from hell (opposed to popular belief) but rather various spicy foods from all over the place and even some from different realms. he won when he ate a concoction Abe made that involved multiple peppers that probably would kill a normal human if eaten all at once but just made Hellboy tear up a little bit and have a runny nose. anything else doesn't affect him at all, and thus why he puts insane amounts of hot sauce in food just to get a tiny sting from it

his love language is physical contact

- and that's all! hellboy is an affectionate dude with a slew of insecurities. under those scars and rough exterior he can't help but feel his whole day brightened when he sees his s/o and/or best bud, regardless of his mood that day. as a goofball at heart and dad of a thousand cats, the guy is really just misunderstood. take a few minutes out of your day to get to know him over a beer or two and maybe you'll even get a new friend till the end of the line. once he likes you though, there's no way you're getting rid of this big teddy bear

#hellboy #hellboy the golden army #hellboy (2004)#hellboy comics #hellboy headcanon #hellboy headcanons #hellboy imagine #hellboy imagines #dark horse comics #abe sapien

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shirtlesssammy · 4 years

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5x05: Fallen Idols

Hey all! Welcome to Hate Watch Week! We’ve picked the best of the worst and are recapping them all week. These are our personal choices, and I’m sure they all (*but one*) have redeeming qualities, we just see the bad more than the good. Enjoy our snark --and join in if you want :) (And if you’re still trying to guess our hiatus theme, this episode doesn’t count.)

Then:

Angst-a-thon!

Now:

We meet Jimmy and his pal, Cal, both race car enthusiasts. Well, enthusiasts for one sports car: James Dean’s Porsche 550 Spyder. While Jimmy runs to get the camera, Cal sits in the car, ready to start the “Little Bastard”. Only, the air gets frosty and the car radio flickers on. We hear a crash and Jimmy heads back to the garage to find Cal’s head smashed into the jagged edge of the convertible’s windshield.

Sam and Dean are on the case! Sam wants to know why this case is so important --what with the devil and apocalypse and all. “This is what we’re doing, okay?” Dean insists. Dean highlights that they’ve been away from each other for a while (*Ahem* maybe I don’t like this episode as much because the last two episodes were just Dean and Cas having fun times together? IDK. 5x03 and 5x04 were a wild ride that I watch over and over again.)

THE HORROR:

They arrive at the local cop shop as FBI agents Bonham and Copeland. The local sheriff shows them the video “evidence” that Cal’s good buddy Jim killed him. The brothers are less than convinced.

The sheriff applied Occam's Razor, and done and done.

The brothers want to interview Jim anyway. He tells them what he heard from the house: tires squealing, glass breaking. The car killed Cal. It’s cursed. Jim mentions that it was “Little Bastard” that did it, and Dean’s eyes light up like a little boy at Christmas. OoooohhhHHHHooo. Dean and cars and, well, don’t tell me he never had a crush on James Dean. We all have had a crush on James Dean. Sam “I can’t be any more straight” Winchester has no flippin’ clue what’s going on. Dean insists they check out the car. Bby boy.

They head to the car, and Dean takes a moment. Sam asks for some exposition. Dean explains that after James Dean died, the mechanic bought the wreckage and fixed the car.

The car fell on him, and death continues to follow the car wherever it goes (Ugh, I just went down a rabbit hole of what happened to the car and am now in a weird spiral of remembering how much I loved James Dean as a teen and how much Rebel Without A Cause meant to me. I’m not 90 years old. What a weird flex for a 1990’s kid to experience. But also not, since Dean’s right there with me, right?)

Anyway, to really confirm if the car was James Dean’s, they’ve got to match the engine number. Dean heads under the car to confirm, begging the car to not hurt him first. Dean takes his sweet ass time being nervous and writing down the engine number, but he makes it out alive. He tasks Sam with tracking down all the owners.

While Dean hangs at a bar, Sam discovers the car is a fake.

Meanwhile, a nerdy man reflects on his day at his desk when the air gets frosty and he hears a creaking behind him. He turns and utters, “Oh my god, it’s you. You’re dead. You’re supposed to be dead.” Is it a long lost wife? An old rival? Nope. It’s a growling Abraham Lincoln. He chokes the nerd man until he becomes a victim of the blood cannon. Better angels of our nature, my ass.

The agents meet the sheriff at the crime scene. They remark that there’s nothing strange about the victim dying of a gunshot wound where there’s no gun, no gunpowder, no bullet. Awkward. The brothers demand a reasonable explanation from the sheriff. He hunkers down and whispers, “Professional killer.” He’s thinking this is a Michael Clayton-type thing. And I love it because that’s the limit of his imagination. Sam and Dean know better but only because they live in the fringe of this world where monsters are real.

Sam and Dean head to interview the victim’s maid, Consuela Alvarez. She’s very distressed, and can only speak Spanish.

Sam pulls out his freshman Spanish to save the day. I only remember “Donde esta el baño?” Good job, Sam! The killer was a tall man with a long black coat and a beard. And he wore a hat. A tall hat. Dean cracks the code: A stovepipe hat like Abraham Lincoln. DEAN BEAN, so street smart he doesn’t even realize how book smart he is. Sigh. “Abraham Lincoln killed Mr. Hill,” Consuela confirms.

The brothers continue to research. Dean watches the car video frame by frame until he finds one frame of a blurred red coated figure ---and INSTANTLY guesses that it’s James Dean ---but like Jim Stark James Dean. It’s not like James Dean wore the damn red coat outside of that movie role, lol. (Sidenote: Fun fact: Fry from Futurama’s coat is modeled after that red coat.)

Sam realizes that they’re dealing with famous ghosts that are killing their fans. (Sidenote: I hope Misha Collins never dies.) The brothers wonder why these ghosts are haunting Canton, Ohio. They do more research.

The brothers head to the Canton Wax Museum. They marvel at all the random wax figurines (and Sam is taller than Lincoln? Hmmm. They’re the same height. #Borisisanerd) Dean makes fun of Gandhi and Sam defends him, but uh, nope, Sam, nope.

The museum curator shows up and the brothers introduce themselves as reporters for Travel Magazine. They’re writing an article on “how totally non-sucky wax museums are.” The curator points out that this place is unique. He points to Lincoln and tells the boys that’s actually Lincoln’s hat. Yep, he’s got real items from all the dead guys.

He’s going to make wax museums hip again. And OMG Sam’s little thumbs up in response. STOP.

Later, Sam loads up on salt rounds and walks in on Dean talking to Bobby about him. Dean gets off the phone fast and dismisses Sam’s questioning about the call. Dean’s not 100% with Sam yet. They head out to finish the case.

At the wax museum Dean starts poking around. Let the tomfoolery begin!

Sam hauls out a metal trash can which they can use to torch all the priceless, one of a kind objects. (History-fan me cringes.) While he’s doing an ultra-close-up examination of Lincoln, the doors slam shut. Suddenly, Gandhi is on him! Gandhi is strong, he’s fast, and he’s out to kill. Dean torches Gandhi's watch and Sam’s attacker winks out.

The next day, Sam mulls over the case in the motel room. Ghost Gandhi's quick disappearance has him troubled. He didn’t flame out like most ghosts, and he seemed almost zombie hungry. Sam thinks the hunger is uncharacteristic given Gandhi's tendency towards fruitarianism. (WWMGD? What would monster Gandhi do?) Dean dismisses Sam’s concerns, and Sam tells him that hunting together isn’t working. Dean doesn’t trust him. More than that, Dean’s trying to stick to their old patterns with the older brother telling the younger brother what to do.

“Before didn’t work,” Sam tells him. That old dynamic chased Sam off into Ruby’s arms. “You’re gonna have to let me grow up.”

Dean’s phone rings. It’s the local cops, calling about another terrible incident.

The Sheriff is…utterly at a loss with this next one. Dean and Sam head into the station to interview two teen girls. They tearfully recount the “horrible” “way horrible” disappearance of their friend who was kidnapped earlier by…Paris Hilton.

Dean and Sam tick the obvious boxes. Paris Hilton isn’t dead, so they’re not after a ghost. Sam suits up in scrubs to do a detailed autopsy of one of the prior corpses. He pulls out two strange seeds from one of the victim’s stomachs.

Sam fills Dean in on the excessive blood loss he discovered (something was feeding) and the seeds. The seeds are unusual, and he takes them back to the motel. There, he discovers that the seeds were indigenous to a forest in Europe, and the forest was ruled over by a god, Leshi. Leshi can take on any form and feeds on his followers. Dean hand waves the shapeshifting explanation for the audience by asking, “So how's he doing it? What, he touches James Dean's keychain and then morphs into James Dean?” Thank you, Exposition Dean!

The Winchesters arrive back at the Wax Museum, this time bearing a nice sharp axe. In a creepy closed exhibit they find the victim and…Paris Hilton. She (He?) takes out Dean and Sam quickly. When they wake a little while later, they’re tied to the fake trees in the exhibit.

Leshi sharpens a blade slowly, excited to do the sacrificial ritual correctly this time. He explains that he’s settled in this town to stuff his face full of worshippers arriving at the wax museum. With the apocalypse nigh, there’s no reason to diet!

Leshi grouses about the poor quality of worshippers these days. Dean fights whining with snark, and Leshi tells him that he worships somebody - his dad. “Poor little Dean. All you ever wanted was to be loved by your idol.” They fight and Sam breaks free and hacks off Leshi’s head.

The next day, we learn that the victim they rescued is going to recover. And even better? The bumbling Sheriff is putting out an APB on Paris Hilton.

At the car, Dean admits his own culpability in bringing about the apocalypse, when he broke the first seal. He apologizes for being preoccupied with the wrong things. Sam responds with the hero speech with which we’re so familiar. “We gotta just grab onto whatever's in front of us, kick its ass, and go down fighting.” Dean’s on board. Hell, he’s more than ready to move forward. He hands Sam the keys to Baby and they roll off to the sweet sounds of Jeff Beck's “Superstition." D’awwww.

These Quotes are Hot:

We’re not your typical cops

Death follows this car around like exhaust

Christine is fiction, this is real

I'm gonna make wax museums hip again

Four score and seven years ago, I had a funny hat

You’re not the first god we've met, but you are the nuttiest

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spn recp #spn rewatch #spn 5x05 #fallen idols #dean winchester #sam winchester #hate watch week #supernatural season 5

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junker-town · 4 years

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Mekhi Becton isn’t a finished product, but his NFL potential is massive

Mekhi Becton will be one of the first tackles taken in the 2020 NFL Draft.

Retired defensive end Stephen White is excited about what kind of OL Mekhi Becton can be in the NFL.

There are some memories that just pop up into my head for no apparent reason. In particular, when I watch tape to do these draft breakdowns, I often look at these young prospects and see older players who came before them. The problem is I can’t always place who exactly is their on-the-field doppelgänger.

But sometimes I can.

Such was the case when I was watching Louisville left tackle Mekhi Becton’s tape. I am not sure what the correct word to use when discussing a man who is 6’7 and over 360 pounds, but I’m going to go with “massive” for the moment, although that doesn’t quite do his stature justice. But believe me, if his size was Becton’s only redeeming quality, I probably wouldn’t be writing this breakdown about him.

It is almost impossible to describe some of the things Becton did on the field. I could try to stuff this column full of plays instead, and it still wouldn’t be enough to give you an accurate feel for how he dominated other young men as if he were that kid in little league everybody was sure had a fake birth certificate.

As I sat there watching with my mouth open in amazement, I kept thinking I don’t remember ever seeing an offensive lineman completely obliterate his opposition on such a regular basis since I have been doing these breakdowns. Mind you, these were four games against top-notch competition — including the Clemson Tigers, who were the defending national champions at the time and made it back to the title game later in the season.

Notice I am not talking about him being the ”best” offensive lineman I have ever seen. Becton still has some work to do technique-wise, which I will get to later. But for now, I’m talking about physically driving DI football players off the ball and down the field in every single one of those games.

This guy was consistently knocking edge players off the ball with just his initial punch — with arms over 35.5 inches long. And then it finally came to me who Becton reminded me of, at least based on gossip: Hall of Fame left tackle Willie Roaf.

As far as I can recall, I never actually watched Roaf’s Louisiana Tech tape. However, the game he had against a stacked Alabama team that ended up winning the national championship in 1992 became a thing of legend. That Crimson Tide team had two standout defensive linemen in John Copeland and Eric Curry (whom I eventually played with in Tampa). I actually googled to make sure I wasn’t remembering this wrong, and sure enough there are a bunch of articles about how Roaf kicked both of their asses that day on the way to vaulting himself up draft boards.

To put into context, just ask yourself when has any other offensive lineman ever had a game so memorable that people could recall it almost 30 years later?

Becton didn’t quite have a game quite that outstanding of the four I watched. But what I saw him do, the way cats went flying backward on contact, was also the stuff people will be remembering for years down the road.

What Becton does well: Drive defenders back

I had to come up with a new stat for Becton in the middle of watching his tape. He was so good at getting up on the second level, I started counting how many times he was able to drive linebackers far enough downfield that they ended up off the screen.

Five times.

That number doesn’t even include the plays where he didn’t quite get them off the screen. Believe me, there were plenty of those as well!

What was funny to me about Becton’s tape is half the time he looked like Baby Huey out there, just dumping guys on the ground as if he didn’t know his own strength. He was mashing dudes out simply because he could, but he rarely even looked like he was playing with an edge. And I say that because I did see him appear to get visibly pissed off a couple of times, and the blocks that followed ... let’s just say there was a marked difference in those pancakes versus the rest of them.

To be clear, I’m not saying that as a knock on Becton. He is plenty dominant enough without having to go overboard with it, which is impressive in its own right. I just want to note that if he ever did start playing with a little more of a salty demeanor regularly, they might have to end up scraping his opponent up off the field.

Where Becton can improve: Pass protection

Having said all that, I also have to acknowledge that if a team plans on playing Becton at tackle, he has some real issues as a pass protector right now. He wasn’t “bad” at it, mostly because he’s so big it looked like he intimidated some of the guys he was going against into not really making moves.

However, when the edge rushers didn’t fear him and tried to beat him with some kind of rush around the edge, for instance, Becton would bail out of his back pedal in a way that allowed him to keep them from getting to the edge. That would also leave him vulnerable to an inside counter move.

Losing on an inside counter after trying to catch up to a speed rusher happened a few too many times for me to believe it won’t be an issue for him in the NFL. And the truth is trying to carry his weight on a frame that tall might fundamentally make it hard for him to react to those counter moves no matter how much better he gets technique-wise. If he can’t fix it, then it’s very likely Becton will either have to lose some weight or have to move inside.

If he can keep most, if not all, of his strength and power at a little lower weight, I don’t see a downside to him dropping a few pounds anyway. At the same time, losing weight isn’t a guarantee his lateral change of direction will improve enough for him to be trusted at left tackle, either.

On another note, for as big and as strong as Becton is, he got pushed back on a few power rushes more than I expected to see. That, too, is probably a technique issue, but it’s something worth keeping in mind. He definitely looks a lot more comfortable coming forward to run block than he does going back to pass set. He also doesn’t switch up his punch, which makes it easy to time. That is another reason why I would have concerns about throwing him out there at left tackle right off the bat.

Personally, I’d put Becton on that Larry Allen program right off the bat anyway and stick him inside at guard, at least initially. That would help to hide some of his pass protection issues and also allow him to be more aggressive at the line of scrimmage. I’m having visions of Becton jump-setting a three-technique on play action and pancaking him.

You would be too if you had already seen his tape.

I would have more confidence in Becton playing right away inside as well because you can always have the center slide his way a little more than usual if he needs help in pass protection. Teams don’t seem to send chip blocks to help offensive tackles nearly as much as they used to (or need to), though. Becton is also as wide as a damn tractor trailer, so just trying to get around him on the interior would be one hell of a chore for most interior pass rushers, whether his technique improved dramatically or not.

I didn’t get to see Becton pull at all in four games, but considering the athleticism, quickness, and speed he showed blocking downfield on screens, I have every confidence pulling wouldn’t be a problem for him at all. In fact, I could see him crushing fools on all manner of counter plays like it’s nothing.

I did see Becton whiff a few times when he had to run a little too far down the field before he made contact, but I’m not sure some smaller offensive linemen could’ve made those blocks either. His incredible day at the combine and his tape says he is more than athletic enough to do anything you could want a guard to do. It’s just a matter of sticking him in there and letting him take his lumps for a while until he gets it. I don’t think it will take too long.

Once Becton gets used to the speed of the game, and if his technique improves enough, then maybe I stick him out at left or right tackle and see what he can do. Or maybe you find out he is such an asset inside that you just keep him there and let him tee off and destroy people at guard for the next decade. Think a bigger, stronger, not quite as technically sound Quenton Nelson. I don’t know if Becton will ever be the pass protector Nelson is, but I’d love to see him try.

Becton’s NFL future: Pro Bowler, at least

He is far from a finished product, but the talent Becton showed on tape is enough to see he can be a special player with a little bit of work. If you have a coaching staff that can’t get him to play up to a Pro Bowl level at least, you probably just need a new coaching staff, or at minimum a new offensive line coach.

I mean, even when his technique isn’t great, Becton can still rock bottom his guy to the ground. If you aren’t willing to take a chance on a guy like that, then you and I are not the same.

I’m not usually one to get goofy over potential, but Becton is such a singular prospect that it’s hard not to become enamored with who he could become. I don’t know that he will end up wearing a gold jacket like Roaf ultimately did, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened.

All things being equal, he looks like a top-10 pick in the draft would look to me, and I’m not even sure he would last that long. We will see if NFL teams agree whenever the draft rolls around.

Be sure to check out my other scouting reports on Chase Young, Jerry Jeudy, Derrick Brown, Jedrick Wills Jr., A.J. Epenesa, CeeDee Lamb, and Javon Kinlaw.

For the purposes of this breakdown, I watched Becton play against Notre Dame, Boston College, Clemson, and Kentucky.

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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Hoops Review (Spoiler-Free)

https://ift.tt/2Q8ZlNe

Coronavirus has halted production on many projects in Hollywood, but not animation. Animated series have been largely unaffected by shutdowns, with animators and voice artists alike being able to perform their duties from home. Though Netflix claims that their 2020 slate will go ahead uninhibited, it’s fair to assume many other networks and streaming services will be turning toward animated projects to fill programing schedules. Many animated pilots that would have had an uphill battle to be picked up by a network may just find themselves in luck.

It’s amazing that Hoops isn’t one of those last-minute replacement animated series. The new adult cartoon from Netflix and creator Ben Hoffman (The Ben Show) is a low-brow, unfunny airball from the streaming service that typically delivers high-quality animated fare like Bojack Horseman and Big Mouth. A lazy, basketball rehash of The Bad News Bears, Hoops centers on Ben Hopkins (Jake Johnson), the loud-mouth, jerk-off coach of a Kentucky high school basketball team that’s as bad as the comedy on display here. Ben is the son of a former NBA player (Rob Riggle) and desperate to get out of his shadow. He’s also reeling from a pending divorce with his wife Shannon (Natasha Leggero) and the fact that she’s been dating his best friend and assistant coach Ron (Ron Funches). The only hope for Ben is Matty (A.D. Miles), a 7-foot-tall high school student whom Ben tries to recruit to the team, get ready for this gut-buster, by using a prostitute.

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“It’s a comedy for comedy’s sake. There’s not a big message to this. I don’t think you’ll learn anything from watching this,” is what star Jake Johnson said during the Comic-Con@Home 2020 panel to promote Hoops, and boy, was he not lying. Except for the comedy part. Hoops has absolutely zero to offer in terms of themes, messages, creativity or laughs. It is devoid of value. It’s fitting that the show takes place in a school, because it drops the f-bomb like a sixth grader that just learned a new swear word.

Anyone unfortunate enough to fire up Hoops on a whim will be met with an unpleasant torrent of vulgarity and crass dick jokes. It’s not that dick jokes can’t be funny! Fellow Netflix series like the before-mentioned Big Mouth and American Vandal have shown that with the right intention and effort, crass material can be award-worthy. Hell, even Ben Hoffman has shown he can navigate “offensive” comedy to some chuckle-worthy results while inhabiting his country music persona Wheeler Walker Jr. Hoops just feels like warmed-over attempts to be shocking from South Park’s early seasons. The only episode of worth is “Death,” a late-season episode that uses a decent flashback device, but that should be considered faint praise.

If there’s any kudos to be given, it’s to the voice cast. Cleo King makes the most of her material as horned-up principal Opal and A.D. Miles adds a touch of authenticity and pathos to Matty. Sam Richardson, who once upon a time starred on Veep, a show that knew how to spin gold out of profanity, perhaps gets the only laughs as one of the few redeemable characters, a benchwarmer on Ben’s team. New Girl fans will also get a brief spark of joy hearing Johnson interact with old castmates Max Greenfield, Hannah Simone, and Damon Wayans Jr., but trust, that joy is fleeting.

There’s no character development, interesting plot decisions, or late-season revelations. Ben starts as a narcissistic shithead and ends that way. It’s unclear why any of the characters, or audience for that matter, would put up with this guy. The best metaphor for the Hoops viewing experience is one of its recurring jokes. Ben is obsessed with the film Little Man Tate, Jodie Foster’s schmaltzy directorial debut. The joke isn’t very funny the first time we hear it, and becomes more grating and annoying the more that it reappears. Just like Hoops.

The post Hoops Review (Spoiler-Free) appeared first on Den of Geek.

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flauntpage · 5 years

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If Philadelphia Sports Figures were Game of Thrones Characters

(Caution: this post contains spoilers, so if you aren’t caught up on GOT, you’ve got less than 72 hours to binge)

Ah yes.

Fire and blood. Incest and dragons and whatnot.

Game of Thrones returns this weekend.

I’ll be 100% honest with you; I’m not as hyped as I thought I would be. Maybe the two-year break dulled my senses, or maybe some of the story arcs lost me when the show writers moved past George R.R. Martin’s book material. It took Arya Stark five seasons to cross the sea, for example, then she came back and started killing everybody in five seconds, with laughable ease.

It felt like some plot lines were taking forever to develop, then they put the characters in a DeLorean time machine and stuffed four years worth of material into one season, like a high fantasy burrito. We had to endure the Sand Snakes and redundant Ramsey Bolton behavior along the way. Every sadistic move delivered diminishing returns, in my opinion.

But I’m still ready to roll. Jon and Daenerys are on the same side. Cersei can’t be trusted. The Hound is still out there, ready to eat every chicken in Westeros.

Here’s how we imagined Philadelphia sports figures as GOT characters:

Markelle Fultz as Jaime Lannister

Both were excellent at their craft, then they suffered arm issues and were never the same.

What role will they play in 2019?

-Kinkead

any Sixers 1st round draft pick as Bran Stark

We see great things in their future, then they get hurt, can’t use their legs, and just watch things happen.

-Coggin

Domonic Brown as Brother Ray

Big Ian McShane fan right here, dating back to his days on the criminally underrated Deadwood.

Similar to Dom Brown, I had high hopes for Brother Ray, but then he was killed off after something like three scenes and that was pretty much it.

-Kinkead

Kendall Jenner as Cersei Lannister

They are the queens, whether we want to accept it or not.

-Kinkead, h/t Investor Jeff

Howie Roseman as Jon Snow

Both were forsaken/murdered by their own men, but found their way back to the top. Jon became Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch and Lord of Winterfell. Howie Roseman reclaimed his general manager gig and constructed the team that won Philadelphia its first Super Bowl. Take that, Chip Kelly and Olly.

-Kinkead

Sam Hinkie as Ned Stark

Both men tried to steer the kingdom in the right direction.

Then they were betrayed from within and replaced with puppet leaders.

-Kinkead

Anti-Hinkie people as the Sons of the Harpy

They just did not like how the new leader was doing things. They preferred the old methods.

-Kinkead

(photo credit: HBO)

Eagles fans as the Dothraki

Uncouth barbarian hordes who throw batteries, boo injured players, and mistreat North Dakota radio hosts. They make crude jokes and show a lack of patience.

-Kinkead

Flyers fans as the Wildlings

We have to guard our borders from these Delaware County savages.

-Kinkead

Boban Marjanovic as Wun Wun the Giant

A couple of fan-favorite front court players. One can dunk without leaving the ground and the other smashed down Winterfell’s gate to end The Battle of the Bastards.

-Kinkead

Gritty as Tormund Giantsbane

Two more fan-favorite characters with great personalities and orange hair.

-Kinkead

(photo credit: USA Today Sports/HBO)

The Eagles’ offensive line as Hodor

Protecting the more vulnerable folks out there, whether they’re quarterbacks or omniscient cripples.

-Kinkead

Dario Saric as Khal Drogo

You might’ve thought, “Hmm… Dario Saric… Daario Naharis?” No, you fool. Dario Saric, just like Khal Drogo, is a revered and feared warrior from another continent who is never going to cross the sea. If he did, he’d likely get attacked by warriors with better lateral quickness.

-Russ

Phil Martelli as Ser Barristan Selmy

He served admirably for many years, then he was ousted by his superiors and didn’t take it very well.

-Kinkead

Andrew Bynum as the entire Dorne storyline

Just two terrible experiences overall.

-Kinkead

(photo credit: Sixers/HBO)

T.J. McConnell as Tyrion Lannister

Full disclosure: I have only watched two scenes from this entire show’s run. I watched the Red Wedding. And I watched the Viper get killed by the Mountain for no good reason. Anyway, this comparison is a little bit on the nose, but so what? TJ is kind of a mascot on the Sixers and in the NBA. He’s not really good enough to be in the league, but no one has told him to go away, so here he is. That’s sort of where we are with Peter Dinklage’s character. What can he really do among all this gore and violence and evil? For obvious physical reasons, he’s not much use. Because I don’t watch the show, I don’t care what happens to Tyrion Lannister. But I imagine TJ will be out of the league soon, and if that’s what happens to Tyrion on GOT, that’s fine with me.

-Phil

Andy Reid as Mance Rayder

Well liked by their followers, they were so close to getting the job done. They just couldn’t get over the hump and their lieutenants took over instead.

-Kinkead

El Wingador as The Hound

They will eat every fucking chicken in here.

-Kinkead

youtube

CrossingBroad.com as The Citadel

Endless sources of knowledge, wisdom, and sometimes satire.

-Kinkead

Chip Kelly as Euron Greyjoy

Chip Kelly came from a land that was mocked and looked down upon in NFL circles. He ran a gimmicky offense while crowning himself with a cute visor while chasing a duck. He looked like a fool. However, upon entering the NFL, his team began to take the league by storm.

“Build me a thousand ships and I shall give you the world!”

Then, much like Euron’s GQ model entrance to season 7, Chip arrived boldly, having cast aside his enemy Howie Roseman, practically cut out the tongues of his players (no one could criticize him), hunted down DeSean Jackson and Shady McCoy, handed them over to be locked in the Washington and Buffalo dungeons and watch one another decompose. Also like Euron in Season 7, when confronted with the reality that his players hated him and the league had learned his system, he fled.

-Russ

Alshon Jeffery as Daario Naharis

Both sell swords brought in to teams on the rise but not at their peaks on “prove it” deals. Alshon proved it in the playoffs and the Super Bowl while playing with a torn rotator cuff, Daario proved it by killing all of his colleagues for the Mother of Dragons.

Same thing.

-Coggin

DeSean Jackson as Jorah Mormont

They never asked to leave. They were exiled, then returned.

-somebody in Slack, can’t recall

Ray Didinger as Ser Davos Seaworth, the Onion Night

I haven’t found a person who dislikes either of these guys.

-Kinkead

(via NBC Sports Philadelphia/HBO)

Ben Simmons as Grey Worm

Neither has a lot to say. They’re more about action than words. And they’re dating high profile women in Kendall Jenner and Missandei.

-Kinkead

Angelo Cataldi as Lord Petyr Baelish, aka Littlefinger

They created legions of followers just by saying a bunch of shit. Everybody else can see through the mirage, but you begrudgingly tip your hat to their expertise in the art of self-preservation.

-Kinkead

Howard Eskin as Lord Varys

Both worked their way up from the bottom to hold court with some big names. No one is really sure what they do exactly at this point, what their end game is, or why anyone trusts them. Varys and Eskin both make bold fashion statements even though neither has the balls to back them.

-Craig

Bryan Colangelo as Jaqen H’ghar, The Faceless Man

You just didn’t know if you could trust him.

-someone in Slack

Barbara Bottini as The Waif

Minor female characters who ended up becoming universally disliked. Both just had a huge chip on their shoulder, for whatever reason.

-Kinkead

Dallas Cowboy fans who live in this region as King Joffrey

Just totally repulsive and vile. Ridiculous individuals with no redeeming qualities.

-Kinkead

Jason Peters as Beric Dondarrion

Every time you think he’s dead, he returns to life.

-Kinkead

Mo’Ne Davis as Lyanna Mormont of Bear Island

Small but formidable, these ladies came out of nowhere to become popular figures.

-Kinkead

youtube

Nick Foles as Podrick Payne

A couple of crowd favorites with legendary private parts.

-Kinkead/Coggin

Agent Raymond Brothers as Mirri Maz Duur

Both suggested alternative medical treatments for their respective clients.

-Kinkead

Bronn as Bryce Harper

A sell sword who used to be a bad guy. Then we ended up becoming the highest bidder, so he’s one of ours and everybody loves him.

-Kinkead

The Phillie Phanatic as the Night King

No one knows who or what they really are.

-Kinkead

Any member of the 1993 Phillies as King Robert Baratheon

A lot of drinking and whoring going on here. *Allegedly.*

-Kinkead

Carli Lloyd as Daenerys Targaryen

A world cup winner and a possible world conqueror.

-Kinkead

Elena Delle Donne as Brienne of Tarth

A couple of tall blondes who have found much success in their respective crafts.

-Kinkead

Jerry Colangelo as Olenna Tyrell

Tried to insert her less than bright relative into a position of power and it got everyone killed.

-someone in Slack

(photo credit: USA Today Sports/HBO)

That’s it. That’s the story. Thanks for reading.

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