#also sorry for the cliffhanger again but I really don‘t know what is going happen next | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

91percentpynch · 3 years

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lonely heart - kevaaron au pt 4

oh look it‘s me, coming out of my dark hole to make you suffer with a super sad chapter with a nasty cliffhanger:) so get your tissues ready and enjoy!! okay first of all sorry that i didn‘t update this in a g e s and that it‘s rather short and for the cliffhanger, but i‘ll try to update it more regularly now:)

check this out for the other parts:)

trigger warnings: drug abuse, mention of suicide, mention of mental health issues, very sad aaron, mention of blood

“You were too good for me”, Aaron whispered into the void. “You were way too fucking good for me. You made me a better man. And I fucked up”

Aaron got up as he felt the tears burning in his eyes. He knew he wouldn‘t be able to sleep alone tonight. Like every single goddamn night since he left Kevin. Like every single goddamn night since he made the biggest mistake of his life.

„Taylor?“, the blonde haired boy murmered, „You up?“

„Babe, you know I‘m up. My girlfriend lives three states away, we talk every single day at the same time as you call your man. Not that I would be able to sleep when you call him, cause a) i love Day and b) you‘re always sad and high and end up in my room anygays, so did he take the phone darling?“

Taylor was Aaron‘s roommate and the closest thing he had to a best friend. She had been there for him every single day, cuddled him, held him while he cried and dried his tears afterwards. And Aaron did the same when she misssed her girlfriend too much.

„You do realize he is not my man anymore, I fucked that up. Big time. He did actually take the phone just to tell me to fuck off and stop calling“

„You could always go over there and say it in his pretty face. Didn’t say you can’t come over did he?Pro point: Might lead to making out“, Taylor said while taking him in her arms. „Plus another pro point: you‘d get sober again. And you‘re less moody. No offense but a Kevin-less Aaron is hardly managable, like you‘re either a whiny little bitch or you‘ll give me the death glare of the cenutry. Legit worse than Andrew‘s and I called him a cute little baby boo once when I was drunk and he almost stabbed me right there with a look on his face like I just murdered Neil in front of him“

„Tay, I take that as a compliment. And we both know Kevin’s a bit of a dumbass so he did not exactly tell me Not To Come over just stopp calling. Anyways I don‘t even know where he lives. And stop talking about me getting high, you do the same shit“

„Yeah but I know my limits and I have not the same history as you. And for the i DoN‘t EvEn KnOwS wHeRe He LiVeS, phone number. Now“

„O- okay“, Aaron said and told her Kevin‘s phone number while Taylor calmingly stroked his back.

„Neat, got him“, Taylor said after a while. „He‘s with the scary big dude and his adorable little boyfriend I think? I have their address right here, I think we‘re gonna visit them tomorrow cause it‘s like 4 am right now and we don‘t wanna rob him his beauty sleep plus we don‘t want to wake the scary big dude. And I‘m pretty sure the adorable small golden retriver boy could and would stab us“

„Did you just stalk my ex and located his phone at 4 am like fucking Garcias in Criminal Minds?“, Aaron said confused.

„Anything for you big guy. And as I said I miss Day‘s pretty face, preferably in your pretty face so you shut the fuck up about how stressed and depressed and lonely you are.“, Taylor chuckled as Aaron looked at her shocked.

„Well I miss Casey, preferable in your face so YOU shut up“, Aaron was never as good in witty remarks as his brother. Especially high Aaron.

„Babe I think it‘s time for you to go to bed, you‘re not fun when you‘re sad, high and tired. Come here, let me cuddle you, while you whiney little bitch sleep“

Aaron slowly went over to Taylor and into her loving arms, laying down, trying to fall asleep.

After a long while aaron drifted into sleep, just to be greeted by familiar smaragd eyes. In his dream Kevin and he never broke up. Kevin was on top of him, his hands gently discovered Aaron‘s body, touching him as if he was sacred, something to worship. Kevin‘s lips were at Aaron‘s ear whispering sweet nothingness. Aaron‘s hips moved against Kevin‘s loving touch. „Stress release“ Kevin called these holy moments in dawn. „Highlight of my day“ Aaron called them.

The dream was as beautiful as it was cruel. It was as if his body, his mind were as much refusing as able to believe that Kevin was gone. It was his own fault, Aaron knew it. But the ever present voice of his mother, disapproving and disgusting, in his head was just too much for him to handle. He thought - foolish as Aaron was - that the pain of living without Kevin would be better, less cruel, less painful. But he never knew real love and therefore never experienced its lost. Until that faitful day. Until Kevin took his bags and left.

Aaron was used to pain. The hot one after an extraordinarily vicious hit. The cold one when his mother died. The numbing one when the hunger was growing more and more unbareable. But nothing was even slightly as hard to handle as the loss of Kevin in his life.

Kevin was the first good thing Aaron had. He gave him a will to stay, to try, to give this stupid sport everything he got. And Exy turned into more mundane things like getting his eating routine under control or getting a more or less acceptable sleeping schedule. The dark days were still there, for both of them, and they would probably never leave them completely alone, but they got less. And when they did happen they would hold each other together.

Ever since he fucked up things with Kevin, Aaron had more and more dark days. The voice of his mother telling him he‘s a failure, the bored stare of his brother and Aaron convincing himself Andrew wouldn‘t even bet an eye if he died, the voice telling him the world would be a better place without him growing louder and lourder every passing day.

Logically he could say that the death of a single person wouldn‘t change much for the over all world population, expect maybe it‘s some kind of insane mademan dicator or someone important, but still. It made sense. All he did after all was fucking up, being a failure, never good enough, never perfect.

His lonely heart only screamed Kevin‘s name and he knew if Kevin didn‘t take him back, his life wouldn‘t make much sense anymore. Well he would definetly not tell Kevin that. He would not manipulate Kevin into loving him, because that wouldn‘t be much better than not having him at all.

Aaron woke up the next day around noon. He didn‘t really feel like getting up, like getting up was simply too much. But Aaron knew he had to. He didn‘t want to worry Taylor more than he already did. And it would end today. One way or the other.

So he got up, put on the first pair of black jeans he could find and the first sweater his hands could find. Ironically it was one of the sweaters Kevin gave him, on the third of december last year. It was one of Aaron‘s favourites as well.

„Ready for the big Day, small guy?“, Taylor said winking at him.

„Not really? What the fuck am I supposed to do there anyways?“, Aaron replied on his way to the coffee maker.

„Talk to him? Deliver one of those borderline cringe big speeches. Get im flowers. Break into his bedroom and say ‚Draw me like one of your french girls‘, naked of course“, Taylor laughed at the face Aaron made, listening to her suggestions.

„I think I like the big speech. I mean I‘m shit with words, but I‘m sure you want to help your boy getting ‚his man‘ back, right? Also what kind of flowers would you give someone you dumped cause the voice of your dead mother told you it was wrong and disgusting, which you never told him for obvious reasons?“

„Honey, you‘re so fucked up sometimes, I love you but you should go to a therapist or something. Also I‘d say sunflowers or roses? I don‘t speak flowers man, I‘m the tech nerd. Not the romantic one, the nerd. But we‘re gonna make a snazzy speech and you‘re gonna get your man back“

After their typical breakfast - if Aaron didn‘t forget to eat again - they sat down together on the living room floor, paper and pen ready, trying to write the world changing speech.

„Why is this so fucking hard? Why can I only tell him how much I love and miss him when I‘m high off my ass“, Aaron complained.

„What about you don‘t think about him that much. Just tell me what you love about him and then we write that down?“, Taylor suggested.

Aaron took a deep breathe and closed his eyes. „I loved him because he was the first one who saw me. Aaron Minyard. And not just the other Minyard, the lesser twin, the shadow of Andrew. He looked at me and somehow chose me. Even if he could have had everyone else. He chose me, even though I‘m not special. Kevin chose the failure when he could have had the first prize. He looked at me and saw something worth loving, worth keeping around. Hardly anyone could tell Andrew and me apart. But it took him less than a day to do so. Kevin is strong, so so strong and somehow chose the most fragile thing he could find, took it and made it worth soemthing. Kevin made me feel something. Not numbness. Not pain. Something warm and beautiful and living. He gave me a reason to stay alive. Kevin made my life bearable, he made my life beautiful. We were both broken and we would probably still be broken if we were together but we softened each other‘s edges. Kevin believed in me when no one else would. He knew how I felt, knew what I needed and when I needed it. Kev gave me love and safety and I kicked it with my feet. This man is like a god who fell for whatever reasons for a homeless man. And I know I don‘t deserve him but I also know I cannot live without him. And I know that I must tell him that before it‘s too late. If it‘s not too late already“

Taylor wipped a tear out of her eyes. „That‘s it. You tell him that and we‘ll get him back“, she said. „Can I hug you?“

„Sure you loser“

„Ah there is my boy“

They spent the rest of the afternoon writing down the speech, making edits here and there. In the end Aaron collected the pages and went to his room to change. He replaced Kevin‘s sweater with a simple black jumper, put on his Docs, got his keys and left.

Aaro did feel a little uncomfortable, stalking Kevin like that. But he knew this was his chance to fix things. This was his chance to get Kevin back, to make his life worth living again. Which to be fair was a bit selfish, but you are allowed to be a little selfish sometimes, aren‘t you?

Jean and Jeremy‘s apartment complex was a 15 minute drive away from the flat Aaron shared with his three roommates. Theirs was fanzier, obviously. After all Jeremy was a professional Exy player and Jean was some kind of semi famous artist or fashion maker or whatever. They could give Kevin the world. They could give him what he desereved. All Aaron had to offer was an apology and his love. No money. Not yet anyway. Just anxiety, depression and stress.

But if Kevin was willing to take his love, to give Aaron one more chance, he promised himself Aaron would make it count. He will tell Kevin how much he loves Kevin every single god damn day. Aaron will get therapy and work on his issues. Sober up and this time for good. He will do anything to be worth of god‘s love. Just that god in his case was a twenty two year old boy with black hair, forming soft waves at the end and a smile that will make the sun jealous. Eyes made out of smaragd. Lips so sinful and kissable.

Aaron sat down in front of the door, waiting for his courage to come back to him. He could do this. He would get his man back.

Hours passed, or maybe it were only minutes or seconds after all before someone came closer. Ever so slowly Aaron lifted his head, just to look in the ever so familiar green eyes, big with shock.

„You said to stop calling. You never mentioned face to face conversations“, Aaron said, his voice hoarse.

Kevin stared at him as if he was a ghost, a reminder of his past life, something he rather wanted to forget.

„Look I know I fucked up. I know I‘m not good enough for you. I know you deserve the world and I cannot give it to you. And when you look me in the eyes and tell me you don‘t feel anything for me anymore, no love or hate or affection or whatever humans feel, I will turn away right now and go and never come back. Never bother you again. But if you allow me to apologize, if you however decide to gieve me one last chance, I prepared this whole ass speech for you“

Aaron was sure they could hear his heart beating against his chest, roaring, screaming to return home. To return to Kevin where it belonged.

Kevin‘s eyes wandered to the floor, his fingers automatically closed around his left wrist. A nervous habit. Just another little part that makes Aaron‘s heart ache.

Slowly, almost painfully slowly, he lifted those unbelieveable beautiful eyes and met Aaron‘s golden ones. Kevin studied him and the world around them stopped.

Out of the corner of Aaron‘s eyes he could see Jean going still, his breathing too calm, too even. It‘s the same thing Andrew does when someone fucks with Josten. At least his death would be fast. Or slow. Whatever. Aaron didn‘t really care, without Kevin it wasn‘t worth anygthing anyway.

„Why“, Kevin said after what feels like forever, „Why would I forgive you? Why would I give you another chance? Why would you think you can come back here just to fuck me over again? Aaron I loved you, I really did. I always will. You were my first love and maybe, yeah maybe, my last one. But right now I can‘t. I just, I just can‘t. Please leave. Please leave me alone. For now. Maybe, one day we can talk about it. But right now I cannot handle the thought of you to leave me. To tell me all these beautiful lies, to cut me open and leave me to bleed out. I love you“, tears were running down Kevin‘s cheek. Tears Aaron one day, a long time ago, promised himself he would never let Kevin feel again. Pain. Sadness. Everything because of his failure, because of his weakness, because he‘s a fucking piece of shit.

„Thank you for giving me a reason to stay. Jusst remember that you were my light, my warmth, my happiness and I never stopped loving you. Never will. Please just be happy“, Aaron replied as he turned around to walk to his cars.

When he was sure he was out of ear shot, he let himself feel. Feel the pain. Feel the loneliness. Feel the numbness and the cold and the hatred. It was in that moment, that moment where he was alone and nothing more to lose, that he decided that it was enough. He would end it. End it tonight.

„Thank you“, he texted Taylor. „I‘m glad I didn‘t eat you in the womb“, he texted Andrew. „You were not so bad after all“, he sent to Neil. And lastly „Thank you for taking me under your wing“, to Nicky. They would understand. It would take them some time but in the end they would feel better. They would be happier without them. Because at the end of the day he caused them pain and wasn‘t really worth a thing.

So when he got in his car, tears running uncontrallably down his cheeks, he knew what he had to do.

#all for the game #the foxhole court #the raven king #the king’s men #kevin day #aaron minyard #ship: kevaaron #kevaaron

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hey-its-nonny · 3 years

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Chapter Seven

soooo before you try and murder me for that cliffhanger, know i’m sorry for that ending (not really lol) 😅 also, a note, there’s a bit of a “recap” at the beginning. it’ll be in italics

warnings: this chapter starts off with (in my opinion) pretty heavy angst, has like one(?) swear word, and will probably end with a bit of spice? not nsfw tho, we don’t do that here.

UGH i talk a lot. sorry.

enjoy!!

~~~~~~ You were both panting, faces nearly inches apart as the crowd roared with applause. You both laughed, smiles bright. Careful not to spoil the moment, you leaned in, Legolas doing the same until your lips just barely brushed.

You let your eyes start to flutter shut until you felt Legolas hesitate.

In his deep blue eyes, you saw that same pain and sorrow in his eyes in replacement on the joy in them seconds ago. He pulled back, lifting you up to stand up straight. You stared at him, searching for an explanation as to what just happened.

He shook his head, turning around to leave you alone, deserted on the dance floor.

You stood there, watching Legolas leave you alone with no explanation. Though, you had a feeling you knew why he left you there. Still panting, everyone watched in shock while the elf walked away.

For one thing, you were a little angry. You didn’t understand the point of leading someone on, only to deny them affections when the time came. Maybe you just read into it too much and dreamt up a false romance. But then, why did Legolas lean in? People thought men were complicated.

Finally, you shook yourself from your thoughts, running from the celebration to find Legolas. You hiked up your skirt and chased after the elf, wondering where on earth he could’ve gone. Then, it clicked. With a shiver, you ran against the breeze, heading for the frost-bitten hills.

———

You took a breath, the chill of the wind biting at the nape of your neck. Tugging at the cloak Legolas had given you, you kept on hiking up the icy hill. You were determined to find Legolas and sort this out, whatever it may be.

You shivered, the wind blowing the cloak from it’s warm position around your torso, much to your frustration. “Legolas?” You called, voice trembling as you shook in the bitter and unforgiving cold.

You huffed in slight exhaustion, watching the almost completely transparent cloud of your breath dissipate into the dark sky. “Legolas, I’m being serious! We need to talk.” You called out, the hooded figure you’d been searching for coming into view.

While relieved to see him, the weight of what had just happened came down on your shoulders all at once. You’d almost kissed Legolas. On the lips. You could blame it on the heat of the moment and forget everything that had just happened, but you knew you’d be lying to Legolas. You had a feeling he’d know it too.

Trudging through the mushy snow, you sighed in exasperation. Just as you turned around and gave up, you heard a silent breath behind you. “You’re right, Y/n.” He said, voice deep and cautious while he placed a hand on your shoulder, sending shivers down your spine.

You spun around to meet those cerulean blue eyes, your breath hitching in your throat. “We need to talk.” He finished, earning a quiet nod from you.

———

You sat on your small bed with a huff, suddenly very interested in the way your blanket felt between your fingertips. Legolas stood still, brows creased in deep thought.

You stood, shaking off your nerves as best you could. ”Alright,“ You breathed, forcing yourself to look at Legolas.

“Why did you walk away?” You asked, your expression conveying slight hurt.

The elf sighed, slightly slumping his shoulders in defeat. “I don’t know.” He replied, his eyes betraying him. He wasn’t being honest.

You frowned, taking a bold step toward Legolas. “Really?“ Your voice was quiet, conveying your concerns and sadness. “That’s the best you’ve got?“ You asked, releasing a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

He turned his back to you. “Please.” He quietly pleaded, clearly unwilling to share his true feelings.

You weren’t having it.

If he left you alone of the dance floor to be pitied by others, then he would give you a damn good reason why.

“Legolas,” You replied, taking another step towards him. “please just tell me why.”

He sighed, shoulders tensing up. “Y/n.” He warned, already irritated with the situation he’d placed himself in.

You snapped. “Just tell me why! I don’t understand!” You pushed, taking a final step towards the elf.

With a grunt, Legolas turned around, his face red. “Because I was afraid!” He shouted, immediately causing you to jump away from him.

You’d never heard him shout before. At least, not at you. Either way, you didn’t like it.

He saw your reaction and took a breath, his eyes conveying fear and remorse. “I still am.” He breathed out, voice low and broken.

You straightened your back, taking a small step towards him. “Of what?” You boldly inquired, placing a hand on your chest.

No reply.

So, you asked again. Except this time, you spoke as gently as you could, all while placing the hand once on your chest on Legolas’ shoulder.

“Legolas, what are you afraid of?” You asked, your voice soft and honeyed.

Finally, Legolas replied. “Getting my heart broken again.” He sighed, his blue eyes boring into you.

You felt a sharp pain in your chest, using your other hand to gently touch the elf’s cheek. “Legolas,” You breathed, only growing more confident as you spoke. ”you know I would never do anything to hurt you, don‘t you?”

With the way Legolas looked at you, you couldn’t help but continue. “And if I’m being purely and completely honest,” You huffed, closing your eyes. “I think I just might love you.” You stated, cheeks burning.

And as if the whole situation had changed, something in Legolas’ eyes told you to kiss him. Fortunately, he beat you to it. He leaned in and pressed his lips to yours, gentle and caring with each touch.

It was incredible. You leaned against Legolas’ chest, completely lost in the feeling of his lips against your own. You allowed yourself a sweet little hum, trailing your hand up Legolas’ cheek and into his surprisingly soft hair.

In response, Legolas snaked an arm around your waist, gently pushing you against the wall. You grinned into the kiss, unable to stop yourself from laughing.

You kissed him! After all these months of pining and tip-toeing around each other, it finally happened.

Unfortunately, at some point, you both would have to breathe.

Legolas pulled away, suddenly very interested in the dirty floor, cheeks undeniably red. He panted, pressing his forehead against yours.

”So,” you grinned, panting as well. “what now?” You hummed, nearly beaming at the flustered elf before you.

The elf simply hummed, eyes swirling with mischief. He leaned in to kiss you again, his warm breath tickling your skin.

Your lips connected again, moving perfectly in sync. This time, however, it was somehow different; more passionate. You hummed again, earning a satisfied groan from Legolas.

That was new.

You allowed the elf to pick you up, walking towards the small bed to set you down. Had Legolas not lost his footing and dropped you on the bed, (thankfully) you might have gone a little bit further.

Instead, you both laughed, faces undeniably lit aflame at the silly interruption. The fits of giggles rang in the comfortable silence until you both settled down, rather tired from earlier’s events.

You smiled at the elf, scooting over. “Lie with me?”

With cheeks redder than a tomato, he nodded, lying beside you with an idiotic grin.

Legolas beckoned for you to lie on his chest, already fighting to keep his eyes open.

You obliged, nuzzling into his chest with a soft, content hum.

And in that moment, it seemed like everything would be okay.

~~~~~~ this was short and crappy but i guess go off lol

what do you think is gonna happen next? i love hearing conspiracy theories :)

tags: @eru-vande @thewhiteladyofrohan @from-patroclus-with-love @elvish-sky @entishramblings @iwenttomordor @wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse @redheadedfaye @ophieles @raven-exmralds @ahs0katan

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