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#also posted during the grand prix figure skating comp!!
doobea · 6 months
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BORN TO MAKE HISTORY - RIN ITOSHI
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synopsis: After his brother takes a nasty fall and calls out before the new season starts, Rin has to step up as your new figure skating partner.
✰ ✰ ✰જ⁀➴ PLAYLIST.
contents: an ice skating au fic (very much yuri on ice inspired), fem!reader, ice skating terms and irl figures thrown around but not that super important, lmao probably inaccurate depictions of figure skating, sfw, kinda enemies to lovers but its really just rin being anti-social and cold, sae is a decent brother in here, characters are in their early-mid 20s, talks about ISU grand prix, mentions of mental health (depression, anxiety, burn out, imposter syndrome), heavy narration, rin centric, multiple parts will be added but no set scheduling of course word count: 4.3K (sigh there will be more) a/n: you know... whenever i feel like i hit a writer's block... thinking about rin always helps me break out of it so thank u...
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For as long as Rin can remember, he's always followed in his brother's footsteps. 
Whatever that meant being interested in the same shows, books, and sometimes even hobbies, Rin would always be one step behind. It was a long-time habit that he picked up ever since he was little. There was a small running joke that if you wanted to find Rin, all you needed to do was find Sae. If anyone were to ask him why, he would probably shrug and refuse to answer, though his parents would gush on about how much he looks up to his older brother, and… it’s not a complete tall tale. 
His brother is talented and not in a ‘he can totally balance a stack of rocks in one try’ type of talented—though Rin is pretty sure that Sae can do that—but in a ‘he’s born with a natural gift to be absolutely perfect at everything he touches’ type of talented. So, regardless if Rin is always one step behind his brother, he knows deep down that it will always be Sae standing on the very top of the podium with a gold medal around his neck. 
Sae delved into figure skating at the age of eight, and Rin quickly followed suit. It began on a family night in, the brothers gathered around their small, worn-out television, fixated on the Winter Olympics in muted colors. Although ice skating initially served as mere background noise while their mother knitted, they both felt an undeniable pull.
Rin was only thirteen when he first won silver at his junior debut competition. In that same year, Sae also moved up to the senior-level groups and gave his first professional appearance during the Japan Figure Skating Championships. Unsurprisingly to no one, Sae effortlessly won gold, putting the whole world on notice and overtaking the competition by over 40 points. From that moment forward, Sae was recruited by an international coach and was sent aboard to different training facilities. 
It burned in Rin’s memories of all the irregular Facetime calls they would have of Sae giving him a walking tour of the cities he stayed in. New York was too loud and bright. Chongqing felt like something out of a fairytale and a cyberpunk city at the same time. Saint Petersburg was too cold but Sae liked grabbing pirozhki from a street food vendor before practice every morning. Despite being only two years older, he sometimes felt like he was worlds away from his brother’s place. 
Still, after everything, Rin looks up to him. It doesn’t bother Rin that he’s always ‘second best’—according to those poorly written sports magazines—because this is something they can bond over, something that only they can understand.
And maybe this is Rin’s motivation to eventually surpass him.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t go exactly how he imagines it. 
“You’re going to sub in for me.” 
Sae is sitting up on his bed, his right leg bandaged tightly all the way up to his knee, and he’s saying this with his usual straight-laced expression. Their mother has always complained about being unable to read Sae’s emotions and Rin always thought it was pretty amusing growing up. But now, he finally understands what his mother was talking about.
Rin straightens his back in his seat, a colorful plastic chair from their childhood that’s now too small for a person his size, and almost drops his phone. “Did you hit your head too?”
His brother rolls his eyes and continues, “I know you’re taking a break this season but I promised one of my juniors that I would compete with them. Luckily,” and he points to his injured leg, “this isn’t a permanent issue but I think it’ll also be good for you.”
Sae’s injury happened during practice overseas at a training facility in Madrid. It’s a mild ankle and knee sprain from overexertion and stress factors from jumping too often. He was treated briefly before their parents suggested flying back to Japan to fully recover. It’s not uncommon for skaters to suffer from these types of injuries but why does Sae feel the need to bring Rin into this? 
During last year’s Grand Prix Final, Rin had barely finished in the top ten. He fumbled with his short program and free skate, failed to land his quad jumps three times, and had a sloppy step sequence, both of which were supposed to be his strong suits. That day, he didn’t bother joining his coach at the kiss and tell, ignored all the swarming paparazzi self-proclaimed journalists, and uninstalled every social media app on his phone. His fans, coaches, and his family were all concerned as to how someone like him was able to fall that low compared to his higher-than-average stats. Rin had blamed it on something he can’t even remember, maybe a stomach bug, he thinks. 
Obviously, that wasn’t the case, everyone could see right through the lie but not entirely the truth of it. News outlets flooded the market with headlines shaming him for not living up to his older brother’s standards, not being a good representative for his nation, and that it was all karma for having an ‘unbearable’ personality to work with. His coaches retired after his flimsy performance and all but two of his sponsorships dropped him. Rin hasn’t officially given out a statement regarding anything. 
Depression is a hell of a thing to deal with. Rin’s dealt with it in the past when Sae first moved aboard. Luckily, Sae is perceptive to this kind of thing. The daily calls helped, despite the harsh timezone differences, and eventually Rin was able to move past it. The reality of it though, is that depression never really fades away, it’s almost like an addiction. Sometimes it takes hold in a moment of weakness, one that Rin doesn’t even realize he has until it’s too late. Maybe it’s all the rigorous training, all the comparisons to his brother—he tries not to think too much about it.
He didn’t know when the feeling hit him or why it decided to affect him that day. 
For the past several months, he’s been spending time gliding around their local ice rink, teaching some kids on the side to keep his mind preoccupied because, if not that, then he’ll probably end up laying in his bed all day. It works and it’s at least a healthy distraction but, at the same time, he can’t shake the gnawing feeling in his chest every time someone mentions his last performance. 
Rin feels like he’s hit a wall. A thick, towering, uninviting wall. And he doesn’t know if he’s ready to face his baggage yet.
“I’m not going to do that.” He finally answers and watches as his brother’s face stays unfazed.
“I need you to.” Sae presses on. “You need to get out of whatever rut you’re in. You’re not happy and going back might help. Forget about competing in singles and join pairs.”
Sae might be talented in everything else but, like Rin, he’s bad at choosing his words and comforting. Rin knows what he means though and he can’t exactly blame him. He’s lost weight, most of it being muscle, and whenever he does get back from work, Rin holes up in his room playing horror games all night long. Rinse and repeat. 
At least there’s a level of concern and sincerity behind Sae’s tone, unlike the vulture-like glee from the tabloid reporters.
“I’m…” Rin’s throat feels heavy all of a sudden and he struggles to find an excuse. 
Instead of answering, he fixates his attention back to his phone, it’s a news article about Sae’s injury and his withdrawal from the skating season. The article also has a photo of you posing next to his brother, elbow resting on his shoulder while your other hand raises a peace sign towards the camera. Rin hasn’t heard much about you, not that he actively keeps up with any of his competitors, but Sae has mentioned your name here and there before since you both share the same coach.
From what Rin knows, you started skating around the same age as him. You won a few local competitions and managed a bronze medal in the women’s singles category during the Japan Skating Championships. Supposedly, this year you’re attempting to take a shot at qualifying for the Grand Prix Final for pairs. With Sae out of the picture, Rin really hopes the responsibility doesn’t fall on him.
The look that Sae is currently shooting at him is making him backtrack his thoughts.
“It’ll be good for you,” his brother reiterates. Sae scoots closer to the edge and plucks the phone out of Rin’s grasp. “Plus, I already told her that you would do it.”
Rin’s eyes widen. “You did what?”
Sae hums, and taps his fingers away at the screen, before handing it back to him with your contact information placed in. “She’s actually on her way over here.”
“I haven’t even—”
Sae throws a hand up. “No, you don’t get a choice, Rin.”
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Despite being three years younger than Sae, you had no issues barging into his room, suitcase in hand and hair in a frenzy. Rin is still seated, having to process his brother’s ridiculous request and now having to make himself semi-presentable to you. He also eyes the suitcase because… there’s no way that you’re actually staying with them right?
“Hope the flight here wasn’t too rough,” His brother starts casually.
Your cheeks are puffed out, eyes slightly baggy from the presumably restless flight, and you let out an exasperated sigh. “I hope you know that I didn’t tell coach about any of this.”
“Any of what?” Sae asks slowly. Now Rin is internally panicking.
Your eyes fall on him and they sparkle in recognition for a brief moment before you turn your attention back to his brother. “Um, that I flew all the way from Madrid to Tokyo?”
“I thought you said he approved of it.” Sae looks visibly annoyed.
You give a sheepish shrug and try to smile. “Yeah, I might’ve lied a bit.” It looks like you can’t decide if you want to be embarrassed by this fact or want to burst into tears.
Now it’s Sae’s turn to sigh. “Well, you’re already here so there’s no point. I’ll come up with something if Ego asks.”
You’ve made yourself practically at home within the next hour. Sae had told you that you could transform their home office space into your bedroom for the next several months in preparation for the competition, much to Rin’s protests. Right now, your makeshift living space composes of a shitty air mattress that Rin had in his closet since childhood and one of Sae’s extra pillows and blankets. You still need an actual mattress and a bedframe, and Rin doesn’t know if he wants to suggest the local hardware shop down the street. Because, if he does do that, it’ll mean he’ll be accepting his fate for the next upcoming year.
“Are you guys both hungry for dinner? I can whip up something real quick!” You’re saying this as if you’ve been living with them forever. It throws Rin off but Sae is unphased by your informality. 
“Pork katsu curry sounds nice.” Sae muses from the living room couch. He’s streaming a figure skating compilation video from the previous Winter Olympics on the TV while jotting down some notes on his phone. “Why don’t you help her out, Rin?”
“Do I have to?” 
“Yeah,” and Sae lifts his eyes away from the screen to give him a knowing look. “You have to.”
Three protein shakes. A pack of half-eaten grapes. And two boxes of forgotten leftovers from god knows how long ago. There’s not much in Rin’s fridge. His parents have been traveling around the world ever since he got back and usually, Rin would just get himself takeout to save some time. When he rummages through his pantry, he almost feels embarrassed by how barren it feels. A box of cup ramen, some curry cubes, and a small bag of rice on the bottom. It would honestly be better just to order takeout than to bother cooking up something less satisfying. 
“We should—”
“Let’s go to the store!” Of course, you offer that up. Rin can feel his shoulders immediately tensing when he sees you grabbing your jacket and wallet.
Sae throws him another penetrating gaze and Rin recedes. “Give me a second.” And maybe a drink or two.
You’re the complete opposite of what Rin expected. 
Bright, bubbly, and almost downright annoying. It reminds him of how he used to act when he was younger.
The first few minutes of the walk are silent not because Rin doesn’t know what to say but because he doesn’t want to say anything. His mind drifts off to an MMO he’s been currently playing with two of his ‘friends’ that he made during his last competition — if you count only exchanging numbers for the sake of playing games and talking about nothing else. That’s what friends do, right? It’s evening and, if it weren’t for Sae and you, he could be online right now, clearing a dungeon with them. This week is a double drop event and he’s going to miss out on it because you want to buy katsu curry ingredients. 
After passing the third block in the neighborhood, you start to see a few local shops and grocery stores lined up down an alleyway. There are more locals around, some are walking their dogs, others sweeping the sides of their house entrances. You decide to take this time to finally talk to him.
“Who’s your favorite skater?” It comes out as a blurt like you’ve been holding it in.
Rin blinks. “What kind of question is that?”
“A normal one,” You pick up a small shopping cart by the entrance and make a beeline towards the produce section. “Plus it can tell you a lot about a person.”
Can it really? “You first then,” Rin tells you.
You answer without much thought, throwing a couple of apples and potatoes into the cart. “Has to be Nathan Chen! He’s super bold and flashy with his programs.” He’s heard of him before, Rin thinks he’s around the same age as his brother. 
“Yuzuru Hanyu.” He answers right after.
You make a noise, and Rin assumes it’s a good one by the way you’re smiling. “I can definitely see that, he’s really elegant when he skates.”
The two of you fall silent again but it’s a bit bearable. You finish off by buying pork, onions, and a few soft drinks before heading over to the self-checkout. Rin pays for the entirety of the grocery run since it’s mainly his fault for having an empty fridge. If he had kept up with a healthier lifestyle then maybe he wouldn’t be in this current mess.
Dinner, for all things considered, doesn’t go horribly. It’s been months since Rin has picked up a knife, let alone use his cutting board, and you’re nice enough to show him how to properly score meat. And yeah, he just learned what scoring meant outside of sports. He’s learning a lot today. 
Adding apple chunks to the curry really made an immense difference. Tastes a lot sweeter but also comforting. The pork comes out crispy and tender enough for him to easily bite through and practically melts on his tongue. Maybe he should get back into cooking soon.
Sae wipes his mouth before setting down his utensils. “I’ve also taken the liberty to coach you guys too, so don’t let me down.” 
You blink. Rin looks like he’s going to drop his fork on his plate. He seems to catch himself though, and for just a moment. Your heads both tip to the side, and there’s a strange moment of eye contact, one where you are nervously glancing at Sae, and Sae is caught in a strange back-and-forth with Rin.
Yeah, Rin is learning more today compared to the average person.
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The next day at the ice rink is a surreal experience for Rin. A year ago, when he did skate professionally, he was used to practicing alone or occasionally sharing the rink with a few other skaters, but now there's a new dynamic—a pair dynamic. You and him. The thought alone sends shivers down his spine, and not the good kind.
Sae is sitting on the side, his injured leg propped up on a chair, and he's observing with a critical eye. Rin can feel the pressure, not just from the expectation of his brother, but also from the fact that you're now involved. His comfort zone has been invaded.
“Let's start with some basic warm-up moves,” Sae suggests, and Rin reluctantly nods. 
The two of you glide on the ice, trying to synchronize your movements to a random classical tune that his brother placed on shuffle. Claire de Lune—he’s warmed up to this song plenty of times before. It's awkward at first, the pacing and speed is off, and you’re both too tensed to initiate physical contact. 
“You need to trust each other,” Sae instructs, his voice echoing in the cold rink. 
Rin shoots him a dirty glare. Trust has never been his strong suit, especially not with someone new.
You decide to break the ice, quite literally, by attempting a lift. Rin braces himself as you come at him with speed, and then, in a moment that feels like slow motion, he lifts you off the ground. Success. You're now spinning in the air, and Rin is holding his breath, hoping he doesn't drop you.
“That was good, Rin!” you exclaim when you land back on the ice.
He's slightly out of breath, both from the physical exertion and the anxiety that came with it. “Yeah, great,” he mutters, avoiding eye contact.
After what seems like an eternity, Rin begins to find a rhythm. It's still not perfect, he’s not used to skinship so he can tell his grip around you is either too firm or barely there. Sae’s a rough teacher and quite possibly the king at micromanaging, the two of you bond quietly over the fact. Rin also learns that you’re pretty good at hydroblading and the Biellmann spin. Well, you’re pretty good at a lot of things. He’s surprised that you haven’t tried out for more international competitions prior.  
By the end of the day, both of you are exhausted—well, you look fine, it’s more like Rin feels like his quads are about to burn off. This is the most he’s done physically and with his career in the last several months. Sae, with his usual unreadable expression, nods approvingly.
“You’ve got potential,” he comments, and Rin is unsure if it's a compliment or just a statement of fact. “So, what’s the theme?”
Right. They need to figure out that first before deciding on anything else. Rin has always struggled with coming up with themes and settles with essentially the same one every year since he feels comfortable with it. The past years he’s played around with ‘solitude’, ‘dormant’, and ‘night’—and all of his programs contained dark, moody instrumentals that went along with it. 
You’re shuffling awkwardly by the benches, fiddling with your gym bag, and raise a hesitant hand. “How do we feel about ‘love’?”
Rin tightens his lips. “Isn’t that kind of vague?”
“Weren’t all of your themes the same?” Sae shoots back and it makes him quiet. “What songs did you have in mind?”
You’re quick to pull out your phone, a playlist pops up with songs that you’ve either wanted to skate or skated to. The song choices aren’t bad, most of them being soundtracks from musicals and pop artists.
“This Love.”
Rin lets out a loud scoff. “Guess you’re into that sappy stuff.” He remembers one of his skating colleagues was floating around the idea of skating to that song when they first jumped into a relationship but decided to shelve it once they found another person.
“It’s a good song,” You say with a huff, to which Rin only rolls his eyes.
“Guys,” Sae claps his hands three times, a signal that Rin recognizes from his earlier childhood days of basically saying ‘shut the fuck up’. “I need you to work together.”
Your index finger jabs into Rin’s ribcage. He manages to hold back every fiber in his body to not yell at you, especially not when Sae is staring right at him. “If you’re going to make a comeback, I think maybe you should get back on social media again to promote!”
“I’ll sleep on it.” He says with a clenched jaw and furrowed brow.
“We’ll see you later back home, gonna do a couple of laps around the neighborhood before we end the night.” You’re lacing up your sneakers while Sae grabs his car keys. Rin assumes his brother is just going to be ‘encouraging you’ from the driver’s seat. Classic big brother move. 
“Sure thing,” It’s the tone that says he’s decided. He’s done. End of discussion. Rin just really wants to lay in his bed right now.
As he walks home, Rin mulls over your suggestion and decides to reinstall some of his social media apps. Surprisingly enough, he still remembers his passwords (he definitely does not have the same password for everything, nope) and immediately logs onto Instagram, fighting back the weird twists and turns in his stomach as the app slowly loads.
There are maybe over a hundred notifications in his DMs, most of which are from random strangers giving half-assed ‘advice’ on how he can be a better skater and some messages from people he’s skated against asking how he was doing. He starts from the bottom of his inbox and recognizes a few of their usernames.
itsyoiboi — sent ten months ago are you doing alright? let me know if you need anything
hyo.chigiri — sent nine months ago Just checking up on you. Coach told me that you left.
megugu_skates— sent nine months ago (。┰ω┰。) rinrinrin!!  dont tell me ur quitting for good?? =͟͟͞͞ =͟͟͞͞ ヘ ( ´ Д `)ノ (⋟﹏⋞) u have to come back!!
baroushouei — sent eight months ago Hey, get your head out of your ass. We’re all worried about you.
Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Rin semi-appericates the sentiment but he didn’t ask for it. He doesn’t need any of them checking up on him for the sake of it. None of them were ever close to him so why bother?
He eventually reaches back to the top of his inbox. What Rin didn’t expect was to see a message from you.
yn.is.here — sent a week ago um  hi there!! sorry we haven’t officially met before but your brother said you’ll be able to help me compete in skate pairs?? he told me that you’re thinking about coming back this season.  sorry if this comes off as weird!
Ugh, of course, his brother would plan this whole thing behind his back. It doesn’t surprise him, and it explains why any of this is happening. 
When he finally gets back home, he kicks off his shoes and heads straight to his bedroom. Rin plops and eases his back into the mattress, thumb rummaging through his photo album and trying to find a dumb professional photo to post on his page for stupid promotion purposes. He’s about to pick out an old photo from nearly two years ago when your text notification pops up. You sent over ten attachments—guess Sae took photos and videos from today’s practice run.
Rin shifts through the options before settling on a photo with the two of you in it. You’re both gliding side by side, hands barely touching. He looks scruffy, well he looks scruffy in all of them, the smile he tried to make came out more like a scowl, while you look like a complete natural—what’s new? On top of his skating, Rin needs to work on smiling and his skincare routine next.
Rin uploads the picture with a simple caption, ‘im back’, and turns off his notifications. He’ll worry about the lousy reporters tomorrow morning.
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[DISCUSSION THREAD] Rin Itoshi's Icy Resurgence, Unraveling the Mystery Girl, and the Journey Without His Brother by [MOD] Dooby
In the world of figure skating, Rin Itoshi is no stranger to both triumphs and challenges. The seasoned skater, known for his graceful performances and technical prowess, recently made headlines by returning to the ice after a brief hiatus. Taking the place of his brother in the figure skating pairs category, Rin has partnered with the talented and rising star, Y/N, to form an unexpected yet promising duo.
[yurio.fan.cl0b] - 17 minutes ago he’s going to make an embarrassment out of himself AGAIN just go back into hiding  [VICChan] - 15 minutes ago Lololol he thinks that piggybacking off another skater it’ll guarantee a gold medal lolol who is even y/n anyway… never heard of her???? [porkkatsu] - 14 minutes ago shes a nobody just like rin *shrugs*  [ISAGINUMBERONE] - 12 minutes ago ^ been a rin itoshi fan since day one — i believe that he’ll make a great comeback!! rin if you’re reading this please ignore the haters!  [itsJJStyleX0X0] - 9 minutes ago are you actually an idiot? there’s no way that they’re going to take gold, not at the level he’s currently at. compared to his brother, rin’s past performance was sloppy and weak. if he’s going to win gold then he’ll probably end up doping himself [SaeItoshisWIFE] - 7 minutes ago Can we please refrain from spreading rumors like this? Doping is a serious accusation to make…
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next rink!
a/n: ok... i meant to keep this in my drafts until i finish it but then i realized it would've been like... way too long with the number of scenes i wanted to write.... so here's some content until the next part bleh >:(( i need to fixate on one project at a time but at the same time i love sharing stuff w you guys haha
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wakabahiguchi · 6 years
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gpf recap aka. what gpf? there was no gpf, it was canceled
in which literally all my favorites are actually disasters and a reminder that the Olympic season of figure skating is literally the WORST
Is this actually a real GPF recap? or is this a place for me to vent about how demoralizing this event was? Olympic seasons are actually the worst, it’s like you get a glimmer of hope for your faves until it all gets taken away. I knew I was being sent a message when my DVR refused to record the televised GPF this weekend, and with good measure because I would’ve just deleted it anyways, just like how I’m deleting this entire event from my existence :)
Fair warning, this is basically an excuse for me to get extremely emo about my faves who all pretty much made mistakes or just flat out bombed their events. And a time for me to pointlessly complain about why the judges never get behind my faves. Oh, and lots of me stressing out about the Olympics. So, the usual.
First of all, I’m so glad we’ll be having a 1+ month break before anymore international competitions. Nats will happen of course, but the GPF has been too much in terms of stress. All my faves are tired and didn’t perform well at all. Literally all my faves. Every single one of them. I honestly need a break from this sport, thanks skating schedule. 
Ladies
So I basically wrote a soliloquy on how much I love Satoko’s skating and how much her haterz annoy me so here it is:
I'm getting tired of all the negativity that comes in every thread of a competition that Satoko competes in. That's one part I didn't miss about Satoko's hiatus. I'm not so knowledgeable or invested in the rhetoric of jumping techniques or ISU rulings, etc. so I don't have much to say about the heated debate going on about pre-rotations or URs. What I do know, however, is that Satoko has addressed her jumps countless times in interviews and to me, has visibly worked hard on improving it over the years. We've all read the practice reports; everyone knows that she drills those jumps over and over again and doesn't settle for any less. Even so much so that she's injured herself. The accusations that Satoko is purposefully cheating the judging system is perplexing to me, and the argument that she is being overscored doesn't make that much sense to me either. In fact, Satoko's had to work the hardest in order for her PCS and scores to gradually inflate like other skater's scores seem to naturally do. I don't understand why she is getting so much hate; sure, there can be critiques towards the judging system as to the coherency and enforcement of their rules, but for now, judging is how it is. Satoko's job isn't to judge and make calls on her own jumps. Her job, and the only thing she has control over, is her own performance. And to me, she's one of the most elegant and nuanced skaters in that regard. I think it's pointless to blame the skater and to go as far as accuse her of being lazy and knowingly cheating the system when all evidence points otherwise. I've anticipated Satoko's comeback for months and have been so impressed with how she's shown up these past two competitions. While I am also a fan of younger, more powerful skaters, I realized while watching her over the years that it's the skaters that tell a story and really interpret the music that move me the most. It's disheartening as a fan to see all this vitriol thrown at her, but it's also easy for me to just ignore the noise and watch her skate   I'm so excited for the Ladies FS and I hope Satoko continues her streak of good performances at the Grand Prix Final! 
TLDR; I’m used to reading negative things about Satoko; it’s almost like a tradition at this point with her, but it was at this GPF when it hit me the most. For the first time, I really felt kind of miserable about it all and I wanted to write something in support for her, because I truly truly do love her skating so much. 
The qualities that I love the most in Satoko’s skating are never rewarded what they deserve in competition which is why she’ll never win all the things that she deserves. But watching the junior event and some of her competitors right before watching her really hit me with how under appreciated she is. Like I said in my emo post, I love skaters that move me and listen to their music and actually perform. Satoko does all of that and more. I truly love her skating, I always have. But seeing everyone trying to tear her to shreds honestly just made me love her more. Keep thriving Satoko!
Her FS was a disaster in terms of scoring, thanks to the sudden attitude shift by the tech panel, I suppose. I just don’t like playing this guessing game with her scores waiting to see if she’ll be deducted or not. I hate seeing her reactions to the low scores and I hate that her PCS are underscored. Idk, it’s been like this, the same problem over and over for the past two years. At this point, waiting for her scores is like russian roulette and I’d rather just ignore it and enjoy her performances. 
Now onto a bigger mess. Here’s a smaller passage I wrote about my girl Wakaba concerning her constant underscoring:
I'm still puzzled why Wakaba's scores aren't going through the typical inflation a skater's scores usually goes through when they start performing consistently. Her scores have been great compared to her junior years, but they've pretty much been stagnant from the beginning of the season (compared to her competitors) despite consistent showings  She could trade the 3F for a 3Lo but that lowers her BV and she's already not being rewarded for consistency. 
I'm always puzzled about why Wakaba isn't benefitting from higher scores due to her consistency this season  It seems like other skaters are enjoying a meteoric rise in their PCS especially, and their scores have been gradually rising even w/o clean programs. But besides the scoring, Wakaba performed amazing at her first GPF! 
LOL at me trying to be positive at the end but tbh I just don’t get it. Why do So many skaters see such a meteoric rise in PCS but Wakaba doesn’t, despite being consistent and always skating well? Her popularity has skyrocketed this season thanks to her fabulous programs alone, so what’s taking the judges so long to finally get behind her? I shouldn’t be surprised, it took Satoko like 2 years longer to finally get the average PCS scores she’s getting now, but Wakaba is so much like EuroAmerican skaters who seem to be benefiting the most from gradual score increases. Why not her? 
And another disaster FS. But like, it was really a disaster this time. Something wasn’t right, I could tell even before she took the ice that she was more nervous than usual and something jus didn’t click with the program. What went wrong? Wakaba has never been one to crack under pressure, in fact, she usually rises to the occasion. Was the pressure of the GPF too much? Was she overworked? Just tired? Just having an off day? She looked so defeated ever since she missed that first jump, as if she knew she would already lose because she doesn’t benefit from a PCS cushion. It was so upsetting to see, especially because I could notice it affecting her performance. It lost a bit of its spark. I’m a little more concerned for her Olympic spot which she seemed to have locked down before this performance. Now it really depends on nationals. Wakaba has never failed to deliver during Nationals, and now is absolutely not the right time to start. I’m worried for her, this free skate was easily the worst she’s skated all season, and we’ve seen how good she can be with her amazing programs this season. I don’t know what’s in store for her next, I hope she can just be proud of qualifying for her first GPF and take the disappoint to fuel for Nationals.
Pairs
y i k e s. Said in the preview that this would either be the best or the worst competition based on results. based on what I had said, this should be the worst competition. but instead, I’m kind of just lowkey shook that Sui/Han didn’t win, but I’m not that surprised, honestly. As I stated earlier, I never thought they were the judges favorites and despite winning PCS with the fall in the SP they skated basically a WR skate and still didn’t win the FS or the TSS. Shook. I can find the pros in this situation, as I think it’s a reminder that they can’t afford any mistakes. That mistake (from Cong!!) in the SP cost them at least 5-6 points that could’ve won them the entire event. the fact that they lose the PCS element isn’t something I can think of a solution for, honestly, but like?? like I said, they aren’t the judges favorites (no one I like is :^)). Additionally, being back in the underdog situation might be the firing up they need for the Olympics. They’ve already won in the stadium in Korea :) But they’re showing amazing consistency with their FS, especially with the SBS 3S! They’re still the only pair to crack 80 in the SP (a common feat for them). Also, the GPF doesn’t have the best track record when predicting olympic podiums. Also they have tons of time to prepare for Feb because they most likely won’t go to Chinese nats or 4CC. however, I’m equally just as nervous. Even with a clean FS, they didn’t win TES or PCS. Their streak of being undefeated just got broken meaning that they're not as invincible anymore. They no longer hold the WR (which I hope they get back @ the olympics), and now they’re starting to lose out on PCS which is a big WTF for me, but again, not surprising. There’s talk of the 4S coming back which makes me SO nervous because their track record with the 4S has not been great in the past (witnessed it with my own eyes). Before this comp I thought they could go w/o it and still win, now I’m not so sure, since the judges aren’t as eager to give them the win in the FS as they are for the SP. 
I think the only reason why I’m so shook is because I go so hard for winners. I remember back when C/B were in contention for winning things I got so hyped because I’m so desperate to really root for skaters who actually win things and are liked by the judges (probably due to me liking skating after watching YunaMao). Once S/H started winning EVERYTHING last year it was so wonderful. And the GP series this year with the WR and amazing performances were so great. It felt so good to be a fan of skaters who won all the time and came so far from when I first saw them. And now it’s so strange to see them not win something. Even though I knew they weren’t the favorites, it’s so weird to feel like I’m back in 2016 when S/H got silver so many times, got underscored in PCS, and got ignored and looked over. It’s nostalgic in a way. I’m absolutely stressed for them at the Olympics the most, probably because they’re the only ones that have a real likely chance of winning out of everyone else I stan hard for. And that’s what’s kind of scary; because up until now, they were pretty much being hailed as guaranteed locks. And that’s why I have so many thoughts and why I’m so invested. They’ve been on the most uphill climb I’ve ever followed a skater through and somehow, it still doesn’t feel like it’s reached the peak. They’re still going for 2022 but 4 years is SO MUCH for skating and even looking at the pairs field this quad, there’s been so much changing around in positions. This isn’t at all to say that I’ve ruled them out or lost faith. I’m concerned that others will, but S/H have always been underestimated, (although pretty much universally liked by the public thank god). I think I’m just trying to process their situation going forward. It would be a lot clearer had they won, but I can still see some positives from here. The only thing I’m feeling a bit disheartened about is their PCS gap, and the fact that they don’t have the WR anymore. Had they skated a clean SP, would the have won? If they skated last, would they have won? Every time S/H skated last in major competitions recently they won, and when they skated first in the group they didn’t. IDK it’s so so so important for them to get good start orders for the olympics, that’s what may stress me the most lol. Because I know they can deliver; that’s what they’ve proven over the last year. 
I’ve already written WAY too much about this but I tend to overthink and I’m still processing this situation. What I’m worried about the most is probably if they’ll go for the quad throw. I’m so nervous because they shouldn’t need to have it tbh but then again, if they’re no longer winning while skating clean, then what? How will they get the judges back on their side? Were the judges even on their side in the first place? Am I wrong to be doubting everything right now? I wanted to know how they’d score while skating first in a group, and I can see that the judges still like to leave room for scores coming in later. This makes me so apprehensive because basically it means that S/H really NEED to skate last in the FS at the olympics if they even want to win. They might not even be in the last group for the SP due to their lack of competitions during their hiatus. Skating first is a death sentence, as witnessed at Boston Worlds 2016. It’s also wise for them to most likely skip the team event. They don’t need the extra event when lbr china has no chance of medaling at the team event. I think I’m just shook the most from this because I’m not used to them not winning, and it’s weird to be back in this place again. I’m definitely overthinking this whole thing but I needed some way to process my thoughts! They always seem to be in good spirits after competitions regardless of results, but I could tell they seemed kind of pissed. I’m anxiously awaiting what they’ll do to prepare for the olympics, and you bet I’ll probably be dying when the pairs event happens in Pyeongchang. The one consolation I have that will save me from the devastation of 2014 olympics is the fact that they’ll still be continuing for 2022, but like I said, so many things can change. I’m stressed because I know that they have a real solid chance to win. They aren’t locks, like people have claimed (I never thought they were), but IMO they have such a good chance. and THATs why I’m so invested. and THAT’s why I’m so stressed. Because they CAN win and I want them to so bad. And it looked so good up until now where it’s not looking bad, but it’s just not as clear anymore. Still letting my thoughts mull over but IDK how to feel. I’m just really uncertain right now, and that’s an ickier feeling than being outright angry or happy at the moment. I'll be holding my breath and lighting ALL the candles for them from now until February. Obviously, they can still do it. But of course, I’m still worried. I’m always so worried. I really am. Shook, but not shaken. 
Ice Dancing
a disaster! Shibutanis messed up on their twizzles not once, but twice in both the SD and the FS, which honestly does not compute with me. I just don’t get it, they came out so strong in the GP series a la S/H, but somehow just made uncharacteristic mistakes a la S/H. Barely made it by with a bronze, but that’s definitely not how anyone wanted to see them win it. I’m not that worried about Nationals unless they repeat this hot mess performance again. They were so bummed, you could really tell because usually they always just smile and wave regardless of their scores. Not this time. They’ve truly had rotten luck at the GPF maybe they should just skip it next time LOL (don’t think that works in ice dancing but whatever). I hope this was just a fluke competition and they go back to being strong. C/B at least won the FS and the PCS but they still got 3rd overall among the 3 US teams which hella worries me for nationals but they’re not definitely last, I just have no clue what the hell will happen at US nationals and that worries me kind of.
Mens
I’m okay with this podium but not with their performances. Shoma losing 1st place and Japan’s streak of GPF men titles with a time violation? A time violation?! Nathan messing up in the FS again? It says something that mens had the most acceptable result for me in this entire event. I’m less invested in the results of the mens because it’s so unpredictable that I have 0 expectations of anyone. That’s what makes it the most easygoing competition for me, but somehow it still managed to be disappointing :^)
This competition must be a new record for the sheer amount of all my favorites bombing or making mistakes. All of them, all at this competition. kings and queens of solidarity I suppose. Usually at least one of my faves pulls through to make the event bearable, but not even a shoma-nathan podium can make up for what a disaster this event was. The optimist in me hopes that this is a good sign for my faves; that they’re letting their mistakes go before the Olys. The other part of me wants to ignore the numbers/placements and just enjoy their skating. The other part of me is worried that their reputation judging/pcs is going to be affected by their performances here. The other part of me is just sad that nobody really pulled through, not even those who I thought were dependable. The final part of me wants to skip this season, and every olympic season that follows from hereon out. Nothing good comes out of an olympic season, not since Maosus retired! I’ll enjoy my break from skating after Japanese nationals, and once the Olympics comes back around, my death will be imminent. 
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