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pixieungerstories · 5 years

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Housemates 16

Vinny rushed in from her homework session at the library, she pounded up the stairs to drop off her books then back down to Bazur’s office to get the grocery money for the day. He always had cash in an envelope waiting for her.

Today, he was on the phone. He waved her over to the couch. Vinny sat but bounced nervously, she was cutting it close to catch the bus.

After a while, she heard the bus go past and she stopped bouncing. Bazur was explaining the history of a property. He finally just referenced the local history room, said good day and hung up.

The phone had barely clicked off when he said, “I’m ordering in Thai for supper and I want you to quit your job.”

Vinny was floored. “What? I… Have there been complaints?”

Bazur frowned at her, “Your other job. I closed a six million dollar real estate sale last week. I make three per cent commission. I will give you a raise so that you can afford to just work here.”

Vinny blinked.

Bazur continued, “My calculations say that you are working three, three hour shifts and two eight hour shifts a week at the cafe. That’s twenty five hours, call it ten dollars an hour. I will give you an extra four hundred dollars a week to quit.”

Vinny was stunned, “Why?”

Bazur grinned, his stone teeth were both pointy and slightly coated in black. “You are one of us now and we take care of each other. Plus, you keep Kevin in line. That is no small job.”

“I-” she stopped. She wanted to say, ‘you don’t have to do that,’ or ‘I’m fine,’ but really the only thing she could say was, “Thank you, Bazur.”

“You are welcome, Vinny,” he said seriously. Then he grinned again, “Plus, you will make an excellent tax deduction.”

The thai was quite good. Vinny was happy to have the night off.

Derick walked her to class before heading off to work. She told him about Bazur’s offer. He was pleased. “Please tell me you are going to quit at the cafe. No more rude customers. No more frantic running back and forth. Just… let us help, please.”

“I’ll give my notice at my shift tomorrow,” she promised.

Derick relaxed a little, “Good. How is the lab going?”

“It’s ok. The prof is kind of a jerk, but I’m learning a lot. I’m hoping to get a job as a research assistant next year, so this kind of practical experience is great.”

“I’m surprised you only have one lab to be honest.”

Vinny shrugged, “I will have two next term.”

Derick nodded, “Think you will go for your masters degree?”

Vinny considered this, “Someday, maybe.”

----

The lab just made Vinny tired. She was surprised to see Tristan waiting for her when she finally got out. Tristan and Stuart. Great. This time she didn’t even try to engage Stu. “Hey! Tristan! Let’s go home. I’m tired.”

Stuart opened his mouth to say something, but Vinny had already turned toward the park and started walking. Tristan hurried to catch up. It was a dark and misty night. Walking through the abandoned, unlit park full of trees gave the walk a horror movie vibe. Vinny was ignoring it. Tristan was vaguely uneasy.

“He’s an asshole, isn’t he,” the minotaur whispered, more for something to say than anything else.

“Yes, he is,” Vinny agreed.

They walked in silence for a while.

“Vinny?” Tristan waited until she was looking at him before he continued. “Um… If you aren’t working this Saturday, would you come to a trade show with me? It works better if I have a human along.” He hesitated for a moment, “I could pay you-”

“Nope. I’m good. I would love to. I’m scheduled to work, but I’m sure I can get someone to cover for me.”

“Thank you,” the relief pouring off of Tristan was palpable.

“That bad?” Vinny asked.

“So much worse than the grocery store,” he agreed. “They all assume I’m the hired muscle. No one believes I own a business.”

“Ugh. Don’t worry. I’ll set them straight.”

“Uh… actually, I was hoping we could good cop/bad cop them into better wholesale deals.”

Vinny froze. Then she laughed. “That sounds like fun.”

It turned out work didn’t want any notice. In fact as soon as Barry saw her letter of resignation, he fired her on the spot. Vinny then dug in her heels and wanted that in writing. He got pissy, scribbled ‘your fired!!!’ on a napkin and threw it at her. Vinny snickered at his spelling and gave it back to him to sign. Once he did, she left.

Of course the bus had just been. She sent out a group text explaining what had just happened and to warn the guys that she would be home as soon as she could catch the next bus home. Then she sent a smirk emoji and the single word ‘pants’ to Bazur.

He texted back as a blushing emoji.

Kogan also texted back that he was in the neighbourhood and would pick her up in five minutes. Vinny sat down on the park bench in front of the cafe to wait. She wasn’t there very long when Barry came out and threatened to call the cops because she was loitering. Kogan pulling up, climbing off his noisy oversized bike and coming to loom next to them put a crimp in Barry’s temper tantrum.

Kogan’s insistence that, since Vinny was fired, she get severance was not well received. Nor was his offer to have his lawyer call corporate headquarters to get that arranged. Vinny gave his arm a tug. “We should just go,” she insisted.

Kogan narrowed his eyes at Barry. “Sure. But I’m not letting this guy take advantage of you. Only fair to let him know that and give him a chance to do the right thing.”

Kogan, however didn’t take her home. No. He took her to a bar.

“What’s up, big guy?”

“I need to talk to you, but I’m so inherently shy and demur that I need a shot of courage first,” Kogan answered.

Vinny just laughed. That was not how she would have described him. It was an orc bar. That was… unusual. Vinny hadn’t very been to one and from the looks on the patrons faces, they didn’t get many humans in here either. It was dark and old, but had beautiful Edwardian high ceilings and millwork. It was just that everything was slightly yellowing. You could tell that this place had been in operation since well before the indoor smoking ban. Kogan put his hand gently in the small of her back and led her to a table near the bricked up fireplace.

An orcess came over to the table and completely ignored Vinny. “What can I get you Kogan?”

“A pint of Guinness and a glass of Heineken. Thanks, Maxine.”

Vinny was curious that the waitress knew Kogan by name but couldn’t figure out how to ask about that without it sounding like she was implying either that all orcs knew each other or that he had a drinking problem. She knew that neither was true so she just let that go. She was sipping her beer when Kogan finally said, “I have a good pension.”

She blinked, “Um… congratulations?”

He shook his head, “I know how hard you work. I’m really sorry you got fired. I could top up your salary at the house.”

Vinny wasn’t sure what to say to that. “Um…” She would have thought that Bazur would have told the guys about his offer. Maybe he hadn’t. Maybe he didn’t want them to know. “I made other arrangements, Kogan. I wouldn’t feel right about taking your money.”

“We take care of each other, Vinny. Please let me do this,” he was so ernest and worried that Vinny got a little choked up.

“Thank you, Kogan. I think you should talk to Bazur before you do anything. I will be fine.”

He fumbled in his shirt pocket and pulled out something that he handed to her. It was a credit card with her name on it. “I added a second card to my account for you. For emergencies. In case you are ever stuck somewhere and need a cab or you have unexpected expenses. Or anything. It had a thousand dollar limit on your card, so you won’t accidentally bankrupt me, but if you need it, use it. I’ll take care of the payments and you won’t have to pay be back.”

Vinny was flabbergasted. “I.. I don’t know what to say. I can’t-”

“It’s for emergencies,” Kogan stressed. “Don’t say you can’t accept it. Take it. If you don’t use it, that’s fine. But if you are ever stuck, I want you to have a way out. Orcs are tribal. We are used to large family groups. I think of you as family. I want to make sure you are safe. Please let me do this,” he repeated that last line with a look of intense pleading in his eyes.

Vinny nodded. “Thank you.”

Kogan nodded, “Good.” Then he finished his beer. He nodded at her again, “Don’t rush. I need a moment with the owner before we go.”

Vinny took a sip of her beer. Kogan headed over to the bar. Maxine came over to clear his glass and wipe the table.

This time she looked at Vinny. “Kogan’s pretty old school. I’m not sure you understand that he is treating you like one of his spouses here.”

“What?”

Maxine just shrugged. “Orcs have group marriages. Not like humans where one guy takes a few wives. Actual group marriages. Several males, several females, no one knows (or cares) who fathered the children, group marriages. Look. This is me telling you don’t fuck this up. Kogan is well liked in the orc community. He’s going to ask us to keep an eye on you. If you are leading him on, just break it off now. If not, well, you found a good one.”

“Um… Thank you?” Vinny really had no idea what to say to that.

Supper was already in the slow cooker, so she didn’t have much to do when she got home, so Vinny headed up to her room to research orc group marriages. She was barely settled in when Derick knocked on her door.

“I hear it didn’t go so well. I’m so sorry.”

Vinny waved him into her room, looked to see if Kevin was in the hallway then closed the door. “I had the weirdest conversation with Kogan.”

“Oh?” Derick asked. If Vinny had been paying attention, she would have noticed the look on his face as he said that.

“Yeah! Um… He gave me an emergency credit card. Then the waitress at the bar said Kogan was treating me like one of his wives.”

“Huh. He finally worked up the nerve, huh? He’s been carrying that thing around in his pocket for a couple of weeks already.”

“Derick! She said I was like his wife!”

Derick considered that. “I doubt it. Orcs don’t have a word for wife. They have a word for spouse, but it translates to ‘adult I live with and may sometime have casual sex with,’ so I have a hard time believing he would have called you his wife. As for the spouse part, everyone else in this house fits the definition, so I don’t see why-”

“But I’m dating you! I can’t have sex with Kogan!”

Derick just looked puzzled. “I would never insist on that! I mean, I would much prefer you didn’t sleep with anyone outside of the family, but -”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes.” He looked at her shocked face and sighed. “I completely understand that monogamy is great for preventing the spread of disease and knowing who the father is. But those are human concerns. None of us are going to be able to get you pregnant. If you turn up pregnant, we would all come together to raise the baby. And really, as long as no one is playing favourites, there are a lot of advantages to living in a pack.”

Vinny stared at him and then sat heavily down on the bed.

“I… I don’t know what to say.”

Derick just shrugged. “You don’t have to say anything. It’s your decision. I’m not going to pressure you into anything. But if the thing holding you back is some catholic idea that I want you to be faithful, well, you need to understand that doesn’t really apply to these guys.”

“Derick? Are you sleeping with them?”

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I was, before you got here. Since we’ve been together… well, I’ve been off limits because we weren’t sure how you would feel about sharing.”

Vinny felt like her brain just shorted out. “I don’t know how I feel about sharing!” She was quiet for a moment. “I never even considered that it would be an option.”

Shrugging, Derick replied, “It’s up to you. No one was expecting to even like whoever we got in here. Turns out we all love you in our own way. If this is going to make it weird, or make you want to leave, then don’t. I’ll never bring it up again.”

“I… need some time to process,” Vinny admitted.

“That’s fair,” Derick replied. “Anyway, if you are OK, I’m going to go set the table. Dinner smells amazing.”

Vinny nodded absentmindedly as he left. Yeah, she was going to need some time to think.

------

The landscaping trade show was interesting. Tristan had given her the heads up on what he was shopping for. Then, as it turned out, all he needed to do was step back and let Vinny take care of it. He didn’t even need to bad cop. She would smile and flirt and put her hand on the sales guy’s arm. She would put up with them talking to her like she was as idiot. They would give her a ‘special deal, little lady’ then offer her 10-30% less than Tristan was used to paying. In the end, she got contracts for everything on his list for the year at a substantially lower amount than he had been hoping for.

It was dark and raining by the time they ran out to his truck as the show was shutting down. Tristan held open his coat to try to cover them both until he lifted her into the cab. He climbed into the driver’s side and reached around to the back seat to grab a towel. He scrubbed off his face where his hair was longest, then turned to look at Vinny. “You were amazing. Thank you.”

She smiled at him and reached out to push his hair out of his face. Then she stopped and looked horrified. Tristan tried to ignore how much that stung.

“I am so sorry! I just became another woman touching you without asking.”

Tristan paused, “You aren’t some woman touching me. You are my friend, VJ touching me. It’s different.”

Vinny blushed. “Can I borrow the towel?”

He handed it over silently. She tried to dry her hair a bit. Despite their best efforts her t-shirt was soaked and sticking to her in places. “I was going to take you out for dinner to say thank you, but maybe we should go home and dry off first.”

Vinny nodded and did up her seat belt. Neither one of them said much on the ride home, but when Tristan parked in the garage, Vinny caught his arm before he got out of the truck. “Is it true this whole house is one big open relationship?”

Tristan coughed, “Sort of. I mean, I don’t trust my dick around Derick’s teeth and I’m pretty sure Bazur is ace, but.. Um.. I guess. Sometimes.”

Vinny chewed thoughtfully on her lip for a moment, “I would be OK with my friend Tristan touching me too. I know you don’t. Except for helping me in and out of the truck, you don’t ever… Anyway. You don’t have to be careful with me, and I promise not to try to take advantage of you. If friendly touching is ok, I mean.”

Tristan smiled softly. “I’d like that. It was really nice have cuddles after a bad day. It would be great to even just curl up and watch a movie sometime.”

“We can still get take out and do that, if you want.”

Tristan grinned, “I’d like that.”

----

Vinny was comfortably dozing on Derrick’s chest. She had her hand in his shorts and was cupping his dick. He liked that and over the last few weeks it became their default sleeping together position. It was extra nice that Derick was spooned up behind her with a hard on pressed against her back. She wasn’t awake enough to understand the incongruity there.

Derick looked up at Tristan, who was sitting up in bed enough to watch Vinny’s hand in his shorts, and whispered, “Sorry. It’s kind of our thing.”

Tristan grinned, “I can understand why.”

#werewolf #orc #drider #Minotaur #slime #gargoyle #mimic #terato #exophilia

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funnythingshere0-blog · 6 years

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Why can we smell the rain before it actually arrives? A weather expert explains

New Post has been published on http://funnythingshere.xyz/why-can-we-smell-the-rain-before-it-actually-arrives-a-weather-expert-explains/

Why can we smell the rain before it actually arrives? A weather expert explains

Some say it’s a stony smell, others say sweet. But we all know what it is: That distinctive earthy scent in the air just before and after fresh rain.

It’s a phenomenon called petrichor, and we’re instinctually programmed to love it, MetService meteorologist Georgina Griffiths told TVNZ1’s Breakfast today as she answered a question from a viewer.

“A lot of people can’t describe it but they actually really like it,” she said. “And it’s historical, we have an affection for this smell because originally it was survival. We relied on rain to live.”

The smell, which is especially distinctive when the rain is just about to break a dry spell, is the result of oil in rocks that becomes an aerosol when humidity in the atmosphere reaches just about the same point that causes rain, she said.

The term petrichor, a reference to the blood of Greek gods, was coined by Australian scientists in 1964 who did a series of studies about what caused the smell.

“Basically, they tested in the lab — they steamed distilled rocks from the Australian outback or somewhere nice and dry to see what would happen,” she said. “And they identified what the smell was. It was actually a yellow oil that came out of the rocks.”

Since then, some enterprising amateur geologists have tried to bottle the oil in attempts to make money off our natural affinity for the smell, Ms Griffiths said.

“I’m not sure if they were successful,” she said.

The Government’s new Crown Māori portfolio ran the risk of looking tokenistic when it was first announced, and now the released detail of its scope all but confirms this.

Kelvin Davis spent months travelling the breadth of the country on a consultation roadshow.

He labelled it the start of a “new way of working” and promised not to repeat past mistakes when it came to the Crown-Māori relationship.

But it seems there was one person the minister forgot to consult with, Winston Peters.

The NZ First leader forced both Kelvin Davis and Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern to pull back on announcing detail of the portfolio at a media event last week.

The stage was set – the 10th floor of the Beehive, no less – and included a raft of notable Māori dotted around the Cabinet table.

“We are no longer at the negotiating table,” Ms Ardern said.

“We now sit at the cabinet table.”

It was a symbolic gesture aimed at creating a picture of true partnership.

The problem?

Mr Peters has always maintained the Crown never agreed to a “partnership” with Māori when both signed the Treaty of Waitangi in 1840.

“I’ve never believed that, and I said so back in 1986 when Justice Cooke made that claim,” he said.

And so, while a bunch of journalists waited at ground level of the Beehive, and the media event regarding the portfolio was delayed by around 45 minutes, Cabinet ministers on level 10 debated the scope of the role with NZ First vehemently opposed.

What unfolded a short time later was nothing more than a photo opportunity and a chance to hear “one last submission” from the group of Māori sitting around the Cabinet table – or so the rhetoric went.

It was a public blunder and an embarrassment for the Government.

The coalition can attempt to double down on the facade there’s “nothing to see here” – but they’ll be going blue in the face before they convince anyone paying attention.

When 1 NEWS asked Mr Peters if he had vetoed the announcement, he requested the question be submitted in writing.

Is there trouble in coalition paradise? The Inside Parliament reporters discuss the developments. Source: 1 NEWS

“I can’t answer that question because I don’t have any recall of that,” he claimed.

The irony was baffling.

A deputy prime minister who could not recall what took place only two days earlier in Cabinet but could state categorically his position on Crown Māori partnership – in 1986 – when Justice Cooke made “that claim”.

A day later and the NZ First leader was happy to report “we’ve fixed it” and “it’s all solved”.

The detail though – as has been the case on this portfolio – was not forthcoming.

The end result saw the scope of the role announced a week later featuring a watered-down rebrand of units already in action now amalgamating as one.

Meanwhile, key themes to emerge from submissions were ignored completely.

One of those was a plea to reform New Zealand’s constitution.

Several submitters – including the Human Rights Commission – said constitutional reform was necessary and pointed to the need for particular emphasis on the Treaty of Waitangi.

But the idea of any such reform would never have gone down well with NZ First and it seems they made their view crystal clear.

1 NEWS asked if NZ First would support the new portfolio looking at constitutional reform, to which Mr Peters’ replied, “that is not going to be its focus”.

When stated it was one of the bullet points in a press release on the matter, he responded “yes, but not in the way that it originally was”.

This means the original intent around constitutional reform was shelved.

Mr Davis also confirmed it was part of the draft discussions but claimed it was “not a priority” at this stage.

What was signed off was a vague commitment for “constitutional arrangements” supporting partnerships between the Crown and Māori into the future.

That does not go anywhere near constitutional reform.

So much for a symbol of finally taking the relationship seriously – Maiki Sherman

Another key theme in submissions was the placement of the Crown Māori portfolio with many suggesting it be a standalone agency to reflect the importance of the partnership.

The reality though will see it sit within the Ministry of Justice with Kelvin Davis saying it was a “cheaper” option.

So much for a symbol of finally taking the relationship seriously.

One thing’s for sure there is no new money allocated to the portfolio, with the budget coming from within current baselines.

In fact, the minister couldn’t even say how many staff the agency would have, only to say it would start off “relatively small”.

What the Government was keen to boast about though was the name had changed – proudly pointing to the fact the word ‘Māori’ would now be placed before the word ‘Crown’.

Thus, revealing the Māori Crown Relations – Te Arawhiti (The Bridge) portfolio.

While the name is all good and well – the substance within the role falls short of anything particularly meaningful.

It looks like a tokenistic toothless taniwha – as is so often the case with Māori legislative attempts heralded as the next best thing.

However, it’s been gutted as a result of a strong-headed coalition partner and a minister who failed to fight for what was meant to be the dawn of a new era in the Crown Māori relationship – or make that, Māori Crown relationship.

Mr Davis has spoken of the need for a business case to be put forward to establish the office with the hope of completing that by the end of the year.

While this has the potential to create further headaches for the minister, it could also be a lifeline of redemption.

The challenge is whether he can bring in a bit more weight behind the new portfolio.

A word of advice though – don’t forget to run it past Mr Peters.

Christchurch’s St Bede’s College will appoint an independent reviewer to look into its handling of a child sex abuse complaint in 2011.

St Bede’s College, Christchurch. (Phil Pennington) Source: rnz.co.nz

This follows Christchurch man Peter Boock demanding the school’s rector Justin Boyle be sacked.

Mr Boyle allowed a teacher, Robin Pettit, to continue teaching until he retired, even after he admitted to abusing Mr Boock several decades ago.

The school’s board said its inquiry would run alongside one the Education Council was running into the matter.

It would not make any more comment, adding that media coverage had been unhelpful because of a lack of due process and respect for privacy.

Earlier, Mr Boyle wrote to the school’s parents, defending the investigation in 2011.

“Mr Pettit has had a long and distinguished teaching career and there have been no complaints about his conduct during his time at St Bede’s College, or at other schools he has worked,” he wrote.

“I want to assure you that our priority is always to provide a safe environment for our students and staff.

“As we have in the past, we will always ensure that any complaint of misconduct is thoroughly and promptly investigated and appropriately addressed, while respecting people’s right to privacy and proper process.”

But the rector’s letter was “appalling”, the Network of Survivors of Abuse in Faith-based Institutions and Their Supporters said in a statement.

“Nowhere in this message does the school condemn Mr Pettit or his actions,” the network’s Murray Heasley said.

“On the contrary it praises him and, in failing to acknowledge the lifelong trauma and damage he has caused, encourages parents to think of him as the victim.”

– Reporting by RNZ’s Phil Pennington

www.rnz.co.nz

New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern’s partner has told an audience about former US President Barack Obama’s “lovely, soft nose” and an invitation he’s received from Melania Trump.

Ms Ardern is this week leaving for New York to speak at the United Nations General Assembly, with her schedule including high-profile appearances on the Late Show with Stephen Colbert, the Today Show and a lengthy interview with CNN’s Christiane Amanpour.

The trip will also be the first overseas outing for daughter Neve, who was born in June.

Partner Clarke Gayford – who has taken on a full-time fathering role – will also attend.

Speaking at an event on Thursday night, Mr Gayford, a television and radio presenter, reportedly told an Auckland audience he had received an invite to a reception for leaders’ partners from President Donald Trump’s wife, describing it as “tea and scones with Melania”.

“It’s pretty funny. I sent it to a few friends and said, ‘You will not believe this invite I just got’,” the 40-year-old said, pulling out his phone to read the message, according to Stuff.co.nz.

During a question-and-answer session, Mr Gayford also recounted meeting Mr Obama, including a hongi – a traditional Maori greeting which involves the touching of noses.

“I was one of the first ones up and I was pretty nervous – and he’d only done one before either. Lovely, soft nose,” Mr Gayford said.

He was also reported to have described as former Australian PM Malcolm Turnbull as “actually, really quite personable”.

While Ms Ardern is expected to receive an enthusiastic welcome in the US, her trip ends a rough month in domestic politics for her Labour Party, following the firing of one government minister this week and the resignation of another just weeks ago, both amid scandals.

Police today chastised students who opted not to intervene or call for help this week as a bullying incident was filmed at a Canterbury school.

Two students at Darfield High School are expected to appear before the school board today after school officials reviewed the video, which emerged yesterday on social media. In it, a boy lay on the ground as two others kicked and pummelled him.

“Police are particularly concerned that other students who saw what was happening, didn’t intervene or get help from a teacher,” Senior Sergeant Kelly Larsen said in a statement released to 1 NEWS. “Instead, they watched and took videos.”

Darfield principal James Morris has described the incident as assault.

Police said they were alerted about the incident Tuesday afternoon, shortly after it happened.

“Bullying behaviour is not OK and has serious consequences,” police said. “Rather than being a bystander, Police encourage anyone who witnesses an assault, or knows about other bullying behaviour to become someone who stands up against bullying, and does something about it.

“Bullying is wrong. We all have a responsibility to do something to stop it.”

An outcome of the school board hearing is expected on Monday.

Source: https://www.tvnz.co.nz/one-news/new-zealand/why-can-we-smell-rain-before-actually-arrives-weather-expert-explains

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jmhevents-blog · 6 years

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WHAT TO DO WHEN A TECH SCAMMER TRIES TO SCAM YOU

There’s a tech scam making the rounds this month. Chances are an attempt to trick you has already been made. Even so, you’ll want to read on and see how one friend of the JMH Events tech team handled the scammers who tried it on him.

Hint: the scammers were not amused.

First, the background. The scam employs a spoof of an actual tech company’s phone number.

The scammers dial your number from a boiler room outside the U.S., but the number that displays on your caller ID screen appears to be of domestic origin, so everything looks completely legit to you.

In this case, the spoofed number shown is that of an Apple computer outlet in Atlantic City, New Jersey.

When you answer your phone, you’re greeted by a recording from a no-nonsense-sounding woman named “Molly” who intones a warning that your Apple iCloud account has been hacked.

You’re then urged to contact Apple support for help re-securing your iCloud account. Conveniently enough, “Molly” offers to let you immediately talk to an “Apple” representative. All you need do is press the 1 key.

From there, your call is handed off to a guy with a thick accent who directs you to open a browser on your computer. He then reels off a web address for you to type into the browser.

Unfortunately, when you subsequently hit “enter,” a gateway is opened through which the scammers seize control of your computer and steal all your confidential files or send you a bunch of malware.

The question asked by many is how to avoid becoming their next victim?

Tech wizards and law-enforcement experts alike say that you should unapologetically hang up the instant an unsolicited caller requests access to your computer.

But what if, after you hang up, the scammers keep calling you back every hour on the hour, as they did this week to our JMH Events tech-team friend?

Let him describe the diabolical way he handled it:

“At first, I tried the usual civil and temperate things you’re supposed to do, like telling them to please take me off your call list, then warning them that they’ll be reported to the Federal Communications Commission if they don’t stop calling, and so forth. They just laughed at me and kept ringing my number.

“So I decided to play dirty. The next time they called, I pretended to be totally credulous and desperate for their help, so that they would think they had an easy mark on the line. They didn’t realize until too late that they were the marks.

“The idea was to keep the representative talking to me for as long as possible. I knew that, for every minute I kept him on the line, he would be unable to call any other unsuspecting soul who might fall for his scam.

“I also knew it would get him in trouble with his ringleader. Like all boiler room workers, these con-artists have to meet quotas. But this particular boiler room is the sort where, if you don’t make quota, you get kneecapped, maybe worse.

“So he comes on the line and greets me.”

“ME: Hi, I’m so glad you called. How can I help you?

“HIM: Wait. You want to help me? What help can you give me?

“ME: I don’t know. You called me, remember?

“After about 10 minutes of this “Who’s On First” nonsense, he came to the point:

“HIM: Are you near a computer?

“ME: Why, yes. As a matter of fact I am.

“HIM: Good. Open your browser and type in this address.

“ME: OK. I will. How do you spell that address?

“He spelled it out. It went something like, ‘a-p-p-l-e-s-u-p-p-o-r-t-c-o-n-n-e-c-t.’

“ME: Was that ‘a-l-p-c-n-t-t?’

“He spelled it again. I purposely screwed it up again. Flustered, he tried again.

“ME: “Could you do that one more time, but slower?’

“It took him another five minutes to lay it out, especially because I keep sounding out the ‘s’ like an ‘f’ and the ‘p’ and ‘t’ like a ‘b’ when I repeated the address back to him.

“Finally, I assured the scammer that I now had all the letters of the address correct and wanted to know what I should do next.

“HIM: Go ahead and hit enter. OK, you should now see on your screen ‘Welcome to Apple Support.’

“ME: Oh. Wait. I probably should have turned the computer on first before typing in the address. Alright, here, the computer is booting up now. Tell me, what was that address again? And spell it really slowly this time.

“At this point, he realized he’d been had. After a minute or two of listening to him spew much colorful language to describe what he wished to do to me if only he could get his hands on me, the ‘Apple’ representative abruptly ended the call. That was the last I heard from him and his co-scammers.

“Not only did I feel empowered by getting the better of this miserable scumbag, but I had a rollicking good time in the process.”

Our JMH Events tech-team friend cautions that, if you try this on the scammers who attempt to victimize you, be very careful to not reveal any personal details about yourself — where you live, where you work, how much money you make, et cetera.

Other than that, have at it and have fun, he says.

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